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1
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,417
TED:
Okay, where was I?
2
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,153
You were telling us
how you met Mom.
3
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,448
In excruciating detail.
4
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,589
Right.
5
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:20,653
So, back in 2005,
6
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,291
when I was 27,
7
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,857
my two best friends
got engaged,
8
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:27,355
and it got me thinking,
maybe I should get married.
9
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,658
And then I saw Robin.
10
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,870
She was incredible.
11
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,932
I just knew I had to meet her.
12
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,171
That's where
your Uncle Barney came in.
13
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:37,607
I suggest we play
a little game I like to call
14
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:38,911
"Have you met Ted?"
15
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:40,612
Wait, no, no, no.
We're not playing
"Have you met Ted?"
16
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,214
Hi. Have you met Ted?
17
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,884
So I asked her out.
18
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,245
And I know this sounds crazy,
19
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,584
but after just one date,
I was in love with her
20
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:51,019
which made me say
something stupid.
21
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:52,585
I think I'm in
love with you.
22
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,653
What?!
23
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,091
Oh, Dad.
24
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,956
So then what happened?
25
00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,434
Nothing.
26
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:00,762
I mean, I'd made
a complete fool of myself.
27
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:04,468
So, a week went by,
and I decided not to call her.
28
00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,402
So you're not gonna call her?
29
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:07,937
You went from,
"I think I'm
in love with you"
30
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,241
to "I'm not
gonna call her"?
31
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,703
I wasn't
in love with her, okay?
32
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,011
I was briefly in love
with the abstract concept
33
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,113
of getting married.
34
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,875
It had absolutely
nothing to do with Robin.
35
00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:17,413
Robin.
36
00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,178
Hi.
37
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,506
Look who I ran into.
38
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,080
Since when do you guys
know each other?
39
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:23,279
Oh, since about... here.
40
00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:24,651
Lily recognized me
41
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:25,918
from the news and...
42
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,816
Hello, sailor!
43
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,088
They just got engaged.
44
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:33,588
Well, I should get
back to the station.
45
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:36,061
See you, guys.
46
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,400
Nice seeing you, Ted.
47
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:38,565
Yeah, you, too.
Thanks.
48
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:41,798
What? Damn it!
49
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,539
I'm in love with her.
50
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:44,514
No!
51
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:47,142
As your sponsor,
I will not let you relapse.
52
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,678
You blew it, it's over, move on.
53
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,482
I don't know, I just
have this feeling
54
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,184
she's the future
Mrs. Ted Mosby.
55
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:53,376
( Lily squeaks )
56
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,445
Lily, you squeaked?
57
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:57,987
She said something
about me, didn't she?
58
00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,551
Come on,
spill it, Red!
59
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,920
Fine.
60
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:03,118
So, what do we
think of Ted?
61
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,231
( laughs )
62
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:06,392
Ted's something else.
63
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,330
Huh.
64
00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:09,225
I'm gonna spin that as good.
65
00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:12,167
Lots of guys are something,
I'm something else.
66
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,503
Comes on a little strong.
67
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,167
But, that's part of my charm.
68
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:18,237
But, that's part
of his charm.
69
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,266
Oh, totally. I mean,
he's sweet, he's charming,
70
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,581
he's just
looking for something
71
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,612
a little bit more serious
than I am.
72
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,377
I mean, the most I can handle
right now is something casual.
73
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,781
This just stays
between us, right?
74
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:29,949
Are you kidding?
75
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,847
This flapper?
Fort Knox.
76
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,790
Oops.
77
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,155
She wants casual.
78
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,594
Okay, I'll be casual.
79
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,999
I'm going to be a mushroom cloud
of casual.
80
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,062
You know why?
81
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,900
Cause it's a game--
I want her to skip
82
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,335
to the end and do the whole
happily-ever-after thing.
83
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,671
But you don't get there
unless you play the game.
84
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,137
So, are you going
to ask her out?
85
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,235
Yeah... No!
86
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:53,366
I can't ask her out,
87
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:56,041
because if I ask her
out, I'm asking her out.
88
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,279
So, how do I
89
00:02:57,345 --> 00:03:00,245
ask her out without
asking her out?
90
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,617
Did you guys get high?
91
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,016
I got it.
92
00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:08,557
I don't ask her out.
93
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,062
I invite her
94
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,163
to our party next Friday.
95
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,756
We're having
a party next Friday?
96
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,727
We are now. Casual.
97
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,126
Yeah, cause nothing
says "casual"
98
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,067
like inviting a hundred people
over just to mack on one girl.
99
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,543
Oh, and Lily, that's my leg.
100
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,641
You waited five minutes
to tell me that?
101
00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:29,241
All right,
so call her up.
102
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:30,610
No, calling's not casual.
103
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,648
I just got to bump
into her somewhere.
104
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,283
Now, if only I
knew her schedule,
105
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,518
I could arrange
a chance encounter.
106
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:39,924
That's great, Ted-- you'll be
the most casual stalker ever.
107
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,315
Now, ever since Marshall
108
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,531
put that ring on her finger,
Lily had been,
109
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:49,303
well, extra affectionate.
110
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,933
( chuckling ):
Baby, no.
111
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:54,338
I have a 25-page paper on
constitutional law due Monday.
112
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:55,902
I barely started.
113
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:59,769
Hey, I'm just sitting
here, wearing my ring,
114
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,080
my beautiful ring.
115
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,712
( typing )
116
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:07,047
Kind of makes wearing
other stuff seem wrong.
117
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,824
Like my shirt.
118
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,122
Kind of don't want to
wear my shirt anymore.
119
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,815
Or...
120
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,357
my underwear.
121
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:18,493
That's right, I'm
not wearing any.
122
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,830
( sighs )
123
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,164
No underwear?
124
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:23,399
Not even slightly.
125
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,874
TED:
Guys.
126
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:29,343
Boundaries.
127
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:30,543
There she is.
128
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:31,714
ROBIN ( on TV ):
Thanks, Bill.
129
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,542
I'm reporting from
the Razzle Dazzle Supermarket
130
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,007
on 75th and Columbus...
131
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,276
75th and Columbus.
132
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,477
Game on!
133
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,419
...where four-year-old
Leroy Ellenberg has climbed
134
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:46,824
inside a grab-a-prize machine
and gotten stuck.
135
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:50,117
( panting )
136
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,190
And, all in the pursuit
of a stuffed, purple giraffe.
137
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:56,330
For Metro News 1,
I'm Robin Trubotsky.
138
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:58,327
ENGINEER:
We're clear.
139
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,199
ROBIN:
Thanks, Don.
Whew.
140
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,337
Ted.
141
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,242
Robin, wow!
142
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,043
What are the odds?
143
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,005
What are you doing here?
144
00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:09,183
Oh, you know, just, uh,
shopping for, uh, dip.
145
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,142
I love dip.
146
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,081
I mean, I don't love
dip, I like dip...
147
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,006
as a friend, you know.
148
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,721
( chuckles )
So, uh, hey,
you, uh,
149
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:17,323
reporting a news
story or something?
150
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:19,415
Yeah, kid stuck
in a crane machine.
151
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:21,757
How sweet of you
to call it news.
Wow.
152
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,792
Kid in a crane machine.
Mm-hmm.
153
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,957
You just had to have
that toy, didn't you?
154
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,826
Couldn't play the game
like everyone else.
155
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,795
You're all sweaty!
156
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:30,903
Cute kid.
157
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,404
Um, you know,
158
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,866
it's so funny
I should run into you.
159
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,444
We're, uh, we're having a party
next Friday,
160
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:36,503
if you feel like swinging by.
161
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:39,140
But, you know, whatever.
162
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,536
Oh, I'm going back
home next weekend.
163
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,338
It's too bad
it's not tonight.
164
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:44,140
It is... it's tonight.
165
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,051
This Friday.
Did I say next Friday?
166
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,313
Sorry, I guess
167
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,851
I've been saying
next Friday all week.
168
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,946
But, yeah, it's tonight,
the, uh, the party's tonight.
169
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:54,188
But, you know, whatever.
170
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:58,334
( phone rings )
171
00:05:58,392 --> 00:05:59,532
Hello?
172
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,433
Hey, am I interrupting
anything?
173
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,295
No, no, I'm just
writing my paper.
174
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,703
Hitting the books.
175
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,695
Yeah, well,
you and Lily
176
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,467
might want to put
some clothes on.
177
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:09,996
We're throwing
a party in two hours.
178
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,370
Okay, bye.
179
00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:18,581
So, Gatsby,
180
00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,076
what are you gonna
do when Robin shows up?
181
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,777
Okay, I got it all planned out.
182
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,950
She steps through the door--
and where's Ted?
183
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,819
Not eagerly waiting
by the door.
184
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,218
No, I'm across the room
at my drafting table,
185
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:34,930
showing some foxy young thing
all my cool architect stuff.
186
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,195
So, Robin strolls over, and I
casually give her one of these:
187
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:41,195
"Hey, what's up?"
188
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:45,568
She says, "Hey, nice place,
et cetera, et cetera."
189
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,939
And then, I say,
"Well, make yourself at home."
190
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,008
And, I casually return
to my conversation.
191
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:54,007
Then, an hour later...
192
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,321
"Oh, you're still here?"
193
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:58,293
I say,
like I don't really care,
194
00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,951
but it's a nice surprise.
195
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,490
And then, very casually:
196
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,856
"Want to see the roof?"
197
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,259
BOTH:
The roof!
Get her up to the roof,
198
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,258
and the roof
takes care of the rest.
199
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,070
What's so special
about the roof?
200
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,802
Oh, the moon, the stars,
the shimmering skyline.
201
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:18,608
You can't not fall in love
on that roof.
202
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,342
We do it up
there, sometimes.
203
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,138
Solid plan,
my little friend.
204
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:24,080
We're the same height.
205
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:27,884
But, may I suggest one
little modification.
206
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,818
BARNEY:
That foxy young thing
you were chatting up,
207
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,823
take her up to the roof
and have sex with her.
208
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,615
Crazy monkey style...
That's not the plan.
209
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,287
BARNEY:
Well, it should be the plan.
210
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,485
I mean, look at her.
211
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,087
Ted, look at her.
She's smoking!
212
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,388
Thank you!
Yeah...
213
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,999
But, she's not Robin!
214
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,062
Exactly!
215
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,730
Ted, let's rap.
216
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,528
Statistic: At every
New York party,
217
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,300
there's always a girl
who has no idea
218
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:49,668
whose party she's at.
219
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:50,897
She knows no
one you know,
220
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,611
and you will never
see her again.
221
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:57,413
Do you see where I'm
going with this?
222
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,507
Barney, I don't think so.
( groans )
223
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,209
Scoping.
224
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,280
( imitates sonar beeping )
225
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:02,418
Scoping.
226
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,922
Man, you're a dork.
227
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,254
( accelerates beeping sound )
228
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,548
Target acquired!
229
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,190
Now it's time we
play a little game
230
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:11,315
I like to call
"Have you met Ted?"
Oh, come on, not this.
231
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,361
Hi. Have you met Ted?
No.
232
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:14,356
Hi. Hi.
233
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:15,457
Do you know Marshall? Lily?
234
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:16,859
WOMAN:
No.
235
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,600
Hmm. Do you know
anyone at this party?
236
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,296
I work with Carlos.
237
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,567
Excuse me.
238
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,835
Anyone know a Carlos?
239
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,303
No.
No.
240
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:25,941
On a silver platter.
241
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,076
Bon appétit.
242
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,281
I don't think so.
243
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,482
Your loss, her gain.
244
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:32,545
Excuse me.
245
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:33,783
Can I show you the roof?
246
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,447
It's magical up there.
247
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,575
Sure.
TED:
Wait, wait.
248
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:37,750
Hey, hey, I got
that roof reserved.
249
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:38,748
Dude, Robin's not coming.
250
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:42,219
Hey, she's going
to show up!
251
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:45,594
She'll show up.
252
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,259
TED:
She didn't show up.
253
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:51,058
At least
it was a great party.
254
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,901
I ate, like, four
whole cans of dip.
255
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,397
You always know what to say,
old friend.
256
00:08:56,469 --> 00:09:00,239
( phone ringing )
257
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:01,577
It's Robin.
258
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:02,742
Answer it.
259
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,610
No, no, not right away--
got to seem casual.
260
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,508
( ringing continues )
261
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,050
Hello?
262
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:10,215
I'm so sorry
I missed your party.
263
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,293
Who is this? Meredith?
264
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,352
Robin.
265
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:14,720
Oh, Robin!
266
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:18,458
Hey! Yeah, I, uh, guess
you never showed up, did you?
267
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:19,885
No, I got stuck at work.
268
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,430
But, they finally got that kid
out of the crane machine.
269
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:23,995
Did he get to keep
the purple giraffe?
270
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,234
Yeah, they let him keep
all the toys.
271
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,839
He was in there a long time,
272
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,871
and little kids
have small bladders.
273
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,497
( chuckles )
ROBIN:
I wish your party
274
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,741
was tonight.
275
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:36,275
It is-- the party's tonight.
276
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,447
Yeah, uh...
277
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:40,851
it's a two-day party,
'cause that's just how we roll.
278
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:45,449
Uh, so, if you want to swing by,
you know, it's casual.
279
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,818
See ya.
280
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,428
So, that was Robin.
What are you
281
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:53,492
doing to me, man?!
282
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,330
I got a paper to write!
I know! Sorry!
283
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,655
It's terrible!
284
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:59,530
I'll buy more dip!
Ted! Ted, wait!
285
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,699
Get French onion!
286
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:06,805
Can you believe this guy?
287
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,614
I got a paper to write.
288
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:11,507
Okay, fine.
289
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,408
But, it's got to be,
like, super-quick,
290
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,750
and no cuddling after.
291
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:18,085
I'm the luckiest
girl alive.
292
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,487
You were so right
about the roof!
293
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:27,699
The roof!
294
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:31,001
The roof is
on fire, Ted!
295
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,504
That girl from
last night--
296
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:33,865
I took her back
to my place,
297
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,244
then this morning,
took her outside,
298
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,142
spun her around a
couple times and
sent her walking.
299
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:39,874
She will never find her way
back, and there she is.
300
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,710
How did she get here?
Did you invite her?
301
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:43,836
I have no idea who that is.
302
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,581
She said she works
with Carlos.
Who's Carlos?
303
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,605
I don't know any Carlos.
304
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:47,680
( frustrated groan )
305
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,148
Hi, you!
306
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,416
You're back!
307
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,553
I sure am.
308
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,618
Mmm.
309
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,757
Come on, sweetie,
I need a drink.
310
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,623
"Sweetie"? Really?
311
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,731
( barely audible ):
Help.
312
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:02,103
Whoa! Whoa, rabbits!
313
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,532
Come on,
314
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:04,696
I got that
roof reserved.
315
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,495
All right.
316
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:10,596
So, it's over between me
and works-with-Carlos girl.
317
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:11,910
Whoa! That was fast.
318
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,442
Yeah. I was
trying to think,
319
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:17,006
what's the quickest
way to get rid of a
girl you just met?
320
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,007
I think I'm in love with you.
321
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,449
What?!
322
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,283
Thanks, bro.
Glad I could help.
323
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,691
What the...
No, no, no. Come on.
324
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:28,894
Sorry, Ted.
325
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,460
Great. What am I going to
do when Robin shows up?
326
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,856
She'll show up.
327
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,558
She didn't show up.
328
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,329
All right.
329
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,598
We threw two parties.
330
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,126
Everybody had fun.
331
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:45,111
Everybody wanged,
everybody chunged.
332
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,072
Now, the kid has
got to get to work,
333
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,580
and the kid is not
to be disturbed.
334
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:49,811
Repeat after me.
335
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:52,247
I will not have sex
with Marshall.
336
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:55,622
BOTH:
I will not have sex
with Marshall.
337
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:58,192
( phone ringing )
338
00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:01,151
It's Robin.
339
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,291
Hello?
340
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,055
Hi, Ted.
Amanda?
341
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,164
Oh, Denise!
342
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,385
Sorry, you totally sounded
like Amanda.
343
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,160
It's Robin.
344
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,658
Oh, Robin.
345
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,759
Hi.
346
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,631
I totally wanted to come.
347
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:13,769
I got stuck at work again.
348
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,144
I feel like I live there.
349
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,242
I'm sorry I missed your party,
again.
350
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:20,514
Hey, ain't no thing
but a chicken wing, mamacita.
351
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,913
Who am I?
352
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,443
I guess there's no chance
your two-dayer
353
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:25,781
turned into a three-dayer?
354
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,676
It did, indeed.
355
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,217
The party continues tonight.
356
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,682
Yeah.
357
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,890
Uh, last night,
people were like,
"Keep it going, bro.
358
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,593
Party trifecta."
359
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:35,664
Wow!
360
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,222
Okay, well, I'll be there.
361
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,330
Great!
362
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:39,361
See you tonight.
363
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,358
So, that was Robin.
364
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:48,398
So, I threw a third party
for Robin...
365
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,568
on a Sunday night.
366
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,937
Well, this is lame.
367
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,476
Lame... or casual?
368
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:56,782
Lame.
369
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,984
Or casual?
370
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,680
Hey, law books.
371
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:04,118
Ready for a little
15 minute recess?
372
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,554
Sorry, baby,
I got to work.
373
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,988
I need all my blood up here.
374
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,885
Has anybody seen An
Introduction to Contract Tort
375
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:14,128
and Restitution Statutes
from 1865-1923?
376
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,162
Anybody seen a big-ass book?
377
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,000
ALL ( muttering ):
No.
378
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:21,566
WOMAN:
Hello, Barney.
379
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,304
Of course.
380
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,138
You look well.
381
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,037
Is it weird they invited
both of us?
382
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,809
Who?
383
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,509
Who invited you?
384
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:36,020
No one even knows
who you are!
385
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:41,193
I understand you're hurt,
but you don't have to be cruel.
386
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,294
Carlos was right about you.
387
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:46,226
Who is Carlos?!
388
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:49,133
Hey, where the
hell is my...?
389
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,456
Oh...!
390
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:55,172
Okay...
391
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,195
An Introduction
to Contract Tort
392
00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:01,640
and Restitution Statutes
from 1865-1923
393
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,408
is not a coaster!
394
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:06,676
Ted, I'm jeopardizing my law
career so you can throw not one,
395
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:10,346
not two, but three parties
for some girl that you just met
396
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,017
who's probably not even going
to show up!
397
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,645
I mean, where
is she, Ted, huh?
398
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,460
Where's Robin?
399
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,757
Hi.
400
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,055
Hi, Robin.
401
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,604
Wow.
402
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:31,671
So, you threw all these parties
for me?
403
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:32,908
No.
404
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,713
Oh, you thought that...
no!
405
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:36,214
I... okay, yes.
406
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:37,306
You got me.
407
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,377
One of the reasons
I threw these parties
408
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,506
was so that
I could introduce you
409
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,721
to, um, this guy.
410
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,124
Uh, I figured, you know,
411
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,416
since it didn't work out
between us
412
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,117
and now we can
just laugh about it...
413
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,959
( laughs weakly )
414
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,494
Anyway, Robin,
this is...
415
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,329
Carlos.
416
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,504
Oh!
Oh!
417
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:03,965
She's still talking
to Carlos.
418
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:05,942
I can still win this.
419
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,306
I-it's not over.
420
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,244
Okay, buddy.
421
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,638
Time for
the tough talk.
422
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,949
Robin seems great,
but let's look at the facts.
423
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,383
You want
to get married.
424
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,277
And right now,
425
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,818
there's a million women
in New York
426
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:18,723
looking for exactly you.
427
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,245
But Robin ain't
one of them.
428
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,620
She's not just
one of them.
429
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:22,758
She's the one.
430
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:26,092
Yeah, well, the one
is heading up to the roof.
431
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,259
What are you going to do?
432
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:31,700
Nothing.
433
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,904
It's a game.
434
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:36,536
I got to just keep playing it.
435
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,581
( rock music playing )
436
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,212
Ted...
437
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:18,876
Hey, Carlos, can you
give us a minute?
438
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:20,245
Hey, no sweat, hombre.
439
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,223
See ya.
440
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,922
Robin...
441
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,786
look, I didn't
throw this party
442
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:29,985
to set you up
with Carlos,
443
00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:32,587
or the one before that,
or the one before that.
444
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,797
I threw these parties
because I wanted to see you.
445
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:39,633
Well, here I am.
446
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:43,939
There's something here,
look, unless I'm crazy.
447
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,073
You're not crazy.
448
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,137
I don't know, Ted.
449
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,609
I mean, we barely
know each other
450
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,648
and you're looking at me
with that look.
451
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:54,783
And, it's like...
452
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:55,977
Like, like what?
453
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,619
Like, "Let's fall in love
and get married
454
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,385
and have kids and drive them
to soccer practice."
455
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:02,664
I'm not going
to force sports on them
456
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,192
unless they're interested.
457
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:05,187
( laughing )
458
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,188
It's a great look.
459
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,800
But you're looking
at the wrong girl.
460
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:09,661
No, I'm not.
461
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:10,699
Yes, you are.
462
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:13,803
I don't want to get married
right now, maybe ever.
463
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,136
And, if we got together,
464
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,402
I'd feel like I'd either have
to marry you
465
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,310
or break your heart, and...
466
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:23,737
I just couldn't do
either of those things.
467
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,510
Just like you can't turn off
the way you feel.
468
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:30,816
Click.
469
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,423
Off. Let's make out.
470
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,785
What?
471
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,794
What? That was
the off switch.
472
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,126
And I turned it off.
473
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:40,531
I mean, look,
sure, yes,
474
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:43,003
I want to fall in love, get
married, blah, blah, blah.
475
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,102
But, on the other hand...
476
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:49,765
you, me, the roof.
477
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,306
There's no off switch.
478
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:55,212
There is an off switch.
479
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:56,775
And it's off.
480
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,513
No, it's not.
481
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,479
Yes, it is.
482
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:02,548
No, it's not.
483
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,545
Yes... it is.
484
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:22,026
No, it's not.
485
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,101
You're right.
486
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:26,340
There's no off switch.
487
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:29,136
God, I wish there
was an off switch!
488
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,539
Me, too.
489
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:36,616
( both laughing )
490
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:37,523
So, um...
491
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:38,894
( both muttering nervously )
492
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,721
What do we do now?
493
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:44,363
We could be friends.
494
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:46,834
Oh...
495
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,203
Look,
496
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:51,231
I know it sounds insincere
when people say that,
497
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:54,028
but... we could.
498
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,270
I don't know, Robin.
499
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:57,796
I've made such a jackass
of myself here.
500
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,870
We start hanging out,
every time I see you
501
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,209
it'll be like,
"Oh, that's right.
502
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,844
I'm a jackass."
503
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,139
You're not a jackass.
504
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,711
Look, I'm sorry.
505
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:08,818
I only moved here in April
and I'm always working
506
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:12,621
and I just haven't met
a lot of good people so far.
507
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:17,121
But I understand.
508
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:21,190
Well, uh, maybe
in a few months,
509
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,501
after it's not so fresh,
510
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:26,402
we could all, uh,
you know, get a beer.
511
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,666
Yeah.
512
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,365
That sounds good.
513
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,708
I'll see you, Ted.
514
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:40,510
Or, you know, now.
515
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:47,186
We could all get a beer now.
516
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:50,789
I'd like that.
517
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,300
My friends are going
to love you...
518
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,662
like you, you know,
as a friend.
519
00:19:58,998 --> 00:19:59,928
Jackass.
520
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,002
Unbelievable.
521
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:06,210
That's just a recipe
522
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:07,973
for disaster.
They work together!
523
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:08,940
Are you jealous?
524
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:10,078
Oh, please.
525
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,682
What does Carlos have
that I don't?
526
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:13,745
A date tonight.
527
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:14,513
ALL:
Oh!
528
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:15,821
Stop the tape.
Rewind.
529
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:16,982
Play it again.
530
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,289
( imitates tape rewinding )
A date tonight.
531
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,891
ALL:
Oh!
532
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,292
I'm not sure
I like her.
533
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:23,524
Hey, don't you have a paper
to write?
534
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,830
Dude, you're talking to the kid.
535
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:26,632
I know it.
536
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,193
I'm going to knock back
this beer.
537
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,001
I'm going to knock back
one more beer.
538
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,062
I'm going to go home.
539
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:32,800
I'm going to write
a 25-page paper.
540
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,535
I'm going to hand it in
and I'm going to get an "A."
541
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:38,412
My name is Rufus
and that's the trufus.
542
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,511
( laughter )
543
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:40,742
TED:
He got a B-minus.
544
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:43,277
But still,
25 pages in one night, B-minus?
545
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,383
The kid was good.
546
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,745
At least let me buy you a beer.
547
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:47,553
Come on,
548
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:48,854
I'll buy everyone a beer.
549
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,315
I'll help carry.
550
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,660
You know something,
Ted?
What?
551
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:57,563
You are a catch.
552
00:20:57,624 --> 00:21:00,594
You're going to make
some girl very happy.
553
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,130
And I am going
to help you find her.
554
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:05,665
Well, good luck.
555
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,802
I mean, maybe New York's
just too big a town.
556
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:09,937
I mean, there's millions
of people in this city.
557
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:11,302
How, in all this mess,
558
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,471
is a guy supposed to find
the love of his life?
559
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:15,480
I mean, where
do you even begin?
560
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:18,950
Hi.
561
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:20,551
Have you met Ted?
562
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:26,346
( music rises over dialogue )
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