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1
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,844
MAN:
Kids, I'm gonna tell you
2
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:06,943
an incredible story;
3
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,584
the story of how
4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,279
I met your mother.
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,611
Are we being punished
for something?
6
00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:12,545
No.
7
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:14,420
Yeah, is this gonna
take a while?
8
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:18,348
Yes. 25 years ago,
before I was Dad,
9
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,486
I had this whole other life.
10
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,494
It was way back in 2005.
11
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,457
I was 27, just starting
to make it as an architect
12
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:30,727
and living in New York
with Marshall,
13
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,304
my best friend from college.
14
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,773
My life was good.
15
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:37,001
And then Uncle Marshall went
and screwed the whole thing up.
16
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,467
Will you marry me?
17
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,177
Yes.
18
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:42,979
Perfect!
And then you're engaged.
19
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,910
You pop the champagne.
You drink a toast.
20
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,605
You have sex
on the kitchen floor.
21
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:47,947
Don't have sex
on our kitchen floor.
22
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,081
Got it.
23
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,847
Thanks for helping me
plan this out, Ted.
24
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:51,854
Dude, are you kidding?
25
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,045
It's you and Lilly.
26
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:54,987
I've been there
for all the big moments
of you and Lilly:
27
00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,592
night you met,
28
00:00:56,624 --> 00:01:00,594
your first date,
other first things.
29
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:01,298
Yeah, sorry.
30
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,259
We thought you were asleep.
31
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,697
It's physics, Marshall.
32
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,842
If the bottom bunk moves,
the top bunk moves, too.
33
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:10,438
My God.
34
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,741
You're getting engaged tonight.
35
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,913
Yeah.
36
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,042
What are you doin' tonight?
37
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,646
What was I doing?
38
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,079
Here Uncle Marshall was taking
the biggest step of his life.
39
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,175
And me?
40
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,246
I'm calling up
your Uncle Barney.
41
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,185
Hey, so you know
how I've always had a thing
42
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,320
for half-Asian girls?
43
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:33,429
Well, now I've got
a new favorite-- Lebanese girls.
44
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,631
Lebanese girls
are the new half-Asians.
45
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,433
Hey, you want
to do somethin' tonight?
46
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:40,595
Okay, meet me at the bar
in 15 minutes. And suit up!
47
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,237
Hey.
48
00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:46,742
Where's your suit?
Just once,
49
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,784
when I say suit up,
I wish you'd put on a suit.
50
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,139
I did that one time.
51
00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:52,748
It was a blazer!
52
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,110
You know,
53
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:57,018
ever since college
it's been, Marshall
and Lilly and me.
54
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,150
Now, it's gonna be
Marshall and Lilly...
55
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,587
and me.
56
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,291
They'll get married,
start a family.
57
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:05,093
Before long,
I'm that weird,
middle-aged bachelor
58
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,585
their kids call
Uncle Ted.
59
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,895
I see what this is about.
60
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,630
Have you forgotten
what I said to you
the night we met?
61
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:17,572
Ted, I'm gonna teach
you how to live.
62
00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:20,205
Barney.
We met at the urinal.
63
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,841
Oh, right. Right.
64
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,475
Lesson one:
lose the goatee.
65
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,851
It doesn't go
with your suit.
66
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,208
I'm not wearing a suit.
67
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:27,917
Lesson two: get a suit.
68
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:30,318
Suits are cool.
Exhibit "A."
69
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,021
Lesson three:
don't even think
70
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:35,262
about getting married
till you're 30.
71
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,659
30. Right.
You're right.
72
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,560
I guess it's just,
your best friend
gets engaged,
73
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,693
you start thinking
about that stuff.
74
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,358
I thought I was
your best friend.
75
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,667
Ted, say
I'm your best friend.
76
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,999
You're my best
friend, Barney.
77
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,335
Good. Then,
as your best friend,
78
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:50,700
I suggest we play
a little game
79
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,408
I like to call
"Have you met Ted?"
80
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,140
Wait. No, no, no.
We're not playing
"Have you met Ted?"
81
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,484
Hi, have you met Ted?
82
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,939
Hi,
83
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,677
I'm Ted.
84
00:02:58,712 --> 00:02:59,512
Yasmine.
85
00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:00,877
That's a very pretty name.
86
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,724
Thanks. It's Lebanese.
87
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,119
Hey.
88
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:08,094
( sighs )
89
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:09,191
I'm exhausted.
90
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,533
It was finger-painting day
at school,
91
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:14,899
and a five year-old boy got
to second base with me.
92
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,133
Wow! You're cooking?
93
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:19,965
Yes, I am.
94
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,170
Aw...
95
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,473
Are you sure
that's a good idea?
96
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:28,005
After last time, you looked
really creepy without eyebrows.
97
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,041
I can handle this.
98
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,676
I think you'll
find I'm full of
surprises tonight.
99
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,551
So, there's more surprises?
Likewhat?
100
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:35,280
Marshall was in his second year
of law school,
101
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,886
so he was pretty good
at thinking on his feet.
102
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,948
Boogedyboo!
103
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,457
And that's all of 'em.
104
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,690
I'm gonna go... cook.
105
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:47,857
I'm so happy for Marshall,
I really am.
106
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,655
I just couldn't imagine
settling down right now.
107
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,397
So, do you think
you'll ever get married?
108
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:55,302
Well, maybe eventually...
some fall day,
109
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,436
possibly in Central Park.
110
00:03:57,305 --> 00:04:00,235
Simple ceremony.
We'll write our own vows.
111
00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,114
Band, no DJ.
People will dance!
112
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,442
I'm not gonna worry
about it!
113
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:07,047
Damn it, why did Marshall
have to get engaged?
114
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,180
Yeah, nothing hotter
115
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:11,075
than a guy planning out
his own imaginary wedding, huh?
116
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,088
Actually,
I think it's cute.
117
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,790
Well, you're clearly drunk.
118
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:15,992
One more for the lady!
119
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,455
Oh, hey,
look what I got.
120
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:26,326
Oh, honey! Champagne.
121
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,138
Yeah.
122
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:34,039
No. You are too old to be scared
to open a bottle of champagne.
123
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:35,044
I'm not scared.
124
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:35,875
Then open it.
125
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,009
Fine.
126
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,549
Please open it?
127
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,520
You are unbelievable,
Marshall.
128
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,650
There are two big questions
a man has to ask in life.
129
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,815
One, you plan out for months.
130
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:49,264
The other just slips out when
you're half drunk at some bar.
131
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,519
Will you marry me?
132
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,358
You wanna go out
sometime?
133
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,403
Of course, you idiot!
134
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:58,766
I'm sorry,
Carl's my boyfriend.
135
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:03,497
'Sup, Carl?
136
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,565
( both sigh )
137
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,877
I promised Ted
we wouldn't do that.
138
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:13,080
Did you know
there's a Pop Tart
under your fridge?
139
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,123
No, but dibs.
140
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,188
Where's that champagne?
141
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,188
I wanna drink a toast
with my fiancée.
142
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,920
Oh!
143
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:26,592
I don't know why
I was so scared of this.
144
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,357
It's pretty easy, right?
145
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:29,926
Oh!
( Lilly shrieks )
146
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,373
Why am I freaking out
all of a sudden?
147
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,740
This is crazy.
I'm not ready
to settle down.
148
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,668
How does Carl land
a Lebanese girl?
149
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:38,835
The plan has always been
150
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,812
don't even think about it
until you're 30.
151
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,641
Exactly. The guy doesn't
even own a suit.
152
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,246
Plus, Marshall's found
the love of his life.
153
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,348
Even if I was ready,
which I'm not...
154
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,721
but if I was,
it's, like,
155
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:53,249
"Okay, I'm ready. Where is she?"
156
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:56,586
( romantic music plays )
157
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,694
And there she was.
158
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,099
It was like something
from an old movie,
159
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,274
where the sailor sees the girl
160
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,571
across the crowded dance floor,
161
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:13,513
turns to his buddy and says,
"See that girl?
162
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,211
I'm gonna marry her someday."
163
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,812
Hey, Barney,
see that girl?
164
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:21,205
Oh, yeah. You just know
she likes it dirty.
165
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,578
Go say hi.
166
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,786
I can't just go say hi.
167
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:25,818
I need a plan.
168
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,253
I'm gonna wait
until she goes
to the bathroom,
169
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,257
then I'll strategically place
myself by the jukebox...
170
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,389
Hi, have you met Ted?
171
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:34,831
Hi.
172
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,962
Let me guess...
173
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,167
Ted.
174
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,437
Sorry, Lilly.
I'm so sorry.
175
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:44,471
Take us to the hospital.
176
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,465
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
177
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,606
Did you hit her?
178
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,910
( both laugh )
179
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:49,942
Hit me? Please!
180
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,747
This guy can barely
even spank me in
bed for fun.
181
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:55,650
He's all like, "Oh, honey.
Did that hurt?"
182
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,383
And, I'm like,
"Come on!
183
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,217
Let me have it,
you pansy!"
184
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,252
Wow, a complete stranger.
185
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,258
No, no, no, no! It's okay.
Go on.
186
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,490
So, these,
uh, spankings...
187
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:10,097
you in pajamas
or au naturel?
188
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:10,900
So, what do you do?
189
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,831
I'm a reporter
for Metro News One.
190
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:13,696
Oh.
191
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,304
Well, kind of a reporter.
192
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,165
I do those dumb
little fluff pieces
193
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,344
at the end of the news.
194
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,511
You know, like, um...
monkey who can play
the ukulele.
195
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:24,240
I'm hoping to get
some bigger stories soon.
196
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,407
Bigger, like, uh...
gorilla with an upright bass?
197
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,117
Sorry.
You're really pretty.
198
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,149
( laughs )
199
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,287
Oh, your friends
don't seem to happy.
200
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,122
Yeah, see, the one
in the middle just
got dumped
201
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,487
by her boyfriend.
202
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,126
So, tonight, every guy
is "the enemy."
203
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,830
You know if it'll make
your friend feel better,
204
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,562
you could throw a drink
in my face. I don't mind.
205
00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,467
She would love that!
206
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:48,699
And it does look
fun in the movies.
207
00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:50,396
Hey, you wanna have dinner
with me Saturday night?
208
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:54,707
Oh, I can't.
I'm going to Orlando
for a week on Friday.
209
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,412
Some guy's attempting to make
the world's biggest pancake.
210
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:57,813
Guess who's covering it?
211
00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,375
That's gonna take a week?
212
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,782
Yeah, he's gonna
eat it, too.
213
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,284
It's another record.
214
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,445
Hey! What's takin' so long?
215
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,493
Uh, I know this
is a long shot,
216
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:07,519
but how 'bout tomorrow night?
217
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:10,815
Yeah. What the hell?
218
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,530
Jerk!
219
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:19,726
That was fun.
220
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:23,097
De... wait for it...
221
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,396
nied!
222
00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:26,037
Denied!
223
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:27,683
We're goin' out
tomorrow night.
224
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,908
I thought we were playin'
laser tag tomorrow night.
225
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:33,253
Yeah, I was never gonna
go play laser tag.
226
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:38,654
The next night,
I took her out
227
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:39,946
to this little bistro
in Brooklyn.
228
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:40,917
Wow!
229
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,494
That is one badass
blue French horn.
230
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,063
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
231
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,292
Sort of looks
like a Smurf penis.
232
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:51,057
Son, a piece of advice:
when you go on a first date,
233
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,798
you really don't wanna say
"Smurf penis."
234
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,344
Girls don't
ordinarily like that.
235
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,070
But this was no ordinary girl.
236
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,007
( laughing )
237
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,351
Lilly?
238
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,708
( table clatters )
239
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,117
How long have
you been sitting there?
240
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,649
Stupid eye patch.
241
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,890
Mom, Dad,
242
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,632
I have found
the future Mrs. Ted Mosby.
243
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,388
Marshall, how have I always
244
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:20,256
described my perfect woman?
245
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,703
Now, let's see...
246
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,229
she likes dogs?
247
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,673
I've got five dogs.
248
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:25,628
She drinks scotch?
249
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:26,966
I love a scotch that's old
250
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,770
enough to order its own scotch.
251
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,772
Can quote obscure lines
from Ghostbusters?
252
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:35,814
Ray! When someone asks you
if you're a god, you say "Yes!"
253
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,953
And I'm saving
the best for last.
254
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,508
Do you want these?
I hate olives.
255
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,717
She hates olives! Awesome!
256
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,480
The olive theory.
257
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:47,547
The olive theory
is based on my friends
Marshall and Lilly.
258
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,057
He hates olives,
she loves them.
259
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,489
In a weird way,
that's what makes
them such a great couple.
260
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:52,994
Perfect balance.
261
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,456
You know, I've had
a jar of olives
262
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,925
just sitting
in my fridge forever.
263
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,669
I could take 'em
off your hands.
264
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:04,372
They're all yours.
265
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,114
Oh, it is on!
266
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,779
It is on
267
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,338
( singing ):
till the break of dawn.
268
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,177
But wait.
269
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,052
It's only the break of 10:30.
What happened?
270
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,748
I gotta get one
of those blue
French horns
271
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:17,954
for over my fireplace.
272
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,215
It's gotta be blue.
It's gotta be French.
273
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:21,093
No green clarinet?
274
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,661
Nope.
Come on.
No purple tuba?
275
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,830
It's a Smurf penis
or no dice.
276
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:25,828
( laughs )
277
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,729
WOMAN:
There you are!
278
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:28,831
We got a jumper.
279
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,632
Some crazy guy
on the Manhattan Bridge.
280
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,904
Come on. You're coverin' it!
281
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:35,442
Um... all right.
I'll be right there.
282
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,768
I'm sorry.
283
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,436
I had a really
great time tonight.
284
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,283
Yeah.
285
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,439
So?!
286
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,746
Did you kiss her?
287
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,848
No. The moment wasn't right.
288
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,220
Look, this woman
could actually be
my future wife.
289
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,979
I want our first kiss
to be amazing.
290
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:54,018
Aw, Ted, that is so sweet.
291
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:57,364
So you chickened out
like a little bitch.
292
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,690
What? I did not chicken out.
293
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:00,857
You know what?
294
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,064
I don't need to take
first kiss advice
295
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,626
from some pirate
who hasn't been single
296
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,904
since the first week of college.
297
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,703
Anyone who's single
would tell you
the same thing,
298
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,996
even the dumbest
single person alive.
299
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,638
And if you don't believe me,
call him.
300
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,313
( rock music playing )
301
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,382
Hey, loser.
302
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:18,149
How's not playing laser tag?
303
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,648
Because playing
laser tag is awesome!
304
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,509
Oh, I killed you,
Conner!
305
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:23,218
Don't make me
get your mom!
306
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,850
Hey, listen.
I need your opinion
on something.
307
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,215
Okay, meet me
at the bar in
15 minutes.
308
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,793
And suit up!
309
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,886
So, these guys
think I chickened out.
310
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,264
What do you think?
311
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:37,102
I can't believe you're
still not wearing a suit.
312
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,800
She didn't even
give me the signal.
313
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,102
What, is she gonna, she gonna
314
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,103
bat her eyes at you
in Morse code?
315
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,465
"Ted...
316
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,514
kiss me."
317
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,938
No! You just kiss her!
318
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,444
Not if you don't
get the signal.
319
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,712
Did Marshall
give me the signal?
320
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:54,847
No!
321
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,052
I didn't. I swear.
322
00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,591
But, see,
at least tonight,
323
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,219
I get to sleep knowing
Marshall and me,
324
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,064
never gonna happen.
325
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,089
You should have
kissed her.
326
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,933
Oh, I should have kissed her.
327
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,388
Well, maybe in a week when
she gets back from Orlando.
328
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,957
A week? That's like
a year in hot girl time.
329
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,327
She'll forget all about you.
330
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,404
Mark my words-- you will
never see that one again.
331
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,944
There she is.
332
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:17,970
Ooh! She's cute.
333
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,435
Hey, Carl,
turn it up.
334
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:20,512
...persuaded him to reconsider.
335
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,310
At which point, the man
came down off the ledge,
336
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,853
giving this bizarre story
a happy ending.
337
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,250
Reporting from Metro One News...
Huh.
338
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,521
Guy didn't jump.
339
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,749
I'm gonna go kiss her.
340
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,585
Right now.
341
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:34,820
Look, dude.
It's midnight.
342
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,215
As your future lawyer,
343
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,726
I'm gonna advise you
that's freakin' crazy.
344
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,188
I never do anything crazy.
345
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:41,897
I'm always
waiting for the moment,
346
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,029
planning the moment.
347
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,433
Well, she's leaving tomorrow.
348
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,704
This may be
the only moment I'm gonna get.
349
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,443
I gotta do what
that guy couldn't.
350
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,898
I gotta take the leap!
351
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,207
Okay, not a perfect metaphor,
352
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,569
'cause for me it's fall
in love and get married,
353
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:55,907
and for him it's... death.
354
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:59,083
Actually, that
is a perfect metaphor.
355
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,452
By the way, did I
congratulate you two?
356
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,721
I'm doing this.
357
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,150
Let's go.
358
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,115
Word up.
359
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,553
We're coming
with you.
360
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,617
Barney?
361
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,686
All right,
362
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,794
but under one condition.
363
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,197
Look at you, you
beautiful bastard.
364
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,199
You suited up!
365
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,270
This is totally
going in my blog!
366
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,929
Stop the car.
367
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,438
Uh, pull over
right here.
368
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:25,467
I gotta do something.
369
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,905
Excuse me. Pardon me.
370
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,641
Just a sec'.
Enjoy your coffee.
371
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:30,636
Hey!
372
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:31,637
Hey!
373
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,808
Go! Go! Go!
374
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,289
Everybody
brings flowers.
375
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,426
( exhales )
376
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,530
Okay.
Moment of truth.
377
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:52,032
Wish me luck.
378
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,695
Ted's gonna get it on
with a TV reporter.
379
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:57,444
"This just in." Okay.
380
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:01,740
Kiss her, Ted!
381
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:02,914
Kiss her good!
382
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,083
Kiss the crap
outta that girl!
383
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:06,212
Marshall, remember this night.
384
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,276
When you're the best man
at our wedding
385
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,945
and you give a speech,
you're gonna tell this story.
386
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:15,124
Why does he get
to be the best man?
387
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,085
I'm your
best friend!
388
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,994
As I walked up to that door,
389
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,586
a million thoughts
raced through my mind.
390
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,727
Unfortunately, one particular
thought did not.
391
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,273
I've got five dogs.
392
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,098
( doorbell buzzes, barking )
393
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,474
Not good. Not good.
Not good. Not good. Not good.
394
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:30,542
No!
395
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,540
Get back in there!
396
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:32,671
You're wearing
a suit!
397
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:36,175
( barking continues )
398
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,339
Ted?
399
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,407
Hi.
400
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,584
I was just, uh...
401
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,059
Come on up.
402
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,933
MARSHALL:
He's in.
403
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:54,589
So...
404
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:57,697
Ranjit, you must have done
it with a Lebanese girl?
405
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,070
Okay, that's
my Barney limit.
406
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,800
I'm gonna see if that bodega
has a bathroom.
407
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:05,735
Actually,
I'm from Bangladesh.
408
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,942
The women hot there?
409
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:10,335
Here's a picture
of my wife.
410
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,415
A simple "no" would
have sufficed.
411
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,418
She's lovely.
412
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,091
So, Ted,
413
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,420
what brings you back
to Brooklyn
414
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,864
at 1:00 in the morning
in a suit?
415
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:27,160
I was just hoping to...
416
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:31,104
get those olives...
that you said I could have.
417
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:34,231
Would you like those olives
with some gin and vermouth?
418
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,667
Are you trying to get me drunk?
419
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:42,240
For starters.
420
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,145
( romantic music plays )
421
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,118
So, Marshall,
this olive theory,
422
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,851
based on you and Lilly?
423
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:53,815
Yeah.
424
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,123
You hate olives.
425
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,985
Lilly loves 'em.
You can't stand 'em.
426
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,494
Yeah. Hate olives.
427
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,485
Two weeks ago, Spanish bar
on 79th street,
428
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,397
dish of olives, you had some--
what up?
429
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,466
You have to swear that this
does not leave this cab.
430
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,872
I swear.
431
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,243
I swear.
432
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,307
On our first date,
433
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,612
I ordered a Greek salad.
434
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,053
Lilly asked if she
could have my olives.
435
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,709
I said, "Sure. I hate olives."
436
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,248
But, you like olives.
437
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,893
Well, I was 18, okay?
I was a virgin.
438
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:29,418
Been waitin' my whole life for
a pretty girl to want my olives.
439
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,926
Marshall, I'm gonna give you
an early wedding present.
440
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:35,529
Don't get married.
441
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:43,140
* Baby, since I met you, oh...
442
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,540
I think I like
your olive theory.
443
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:48,812
I think I like
your new French horn.
444
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,351
I think I like your nose.
445
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,749
I think I'm
in love with you.
446
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:55,781
What?!
What?!
What?!
447
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:56,745
What?
What?
448
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,093
What?
449
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,218
Come on, man,
you said
450
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,222
your stomach's been
hurting, right?
451
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,393
You know what that is.
452
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,421
Hunger.
453
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,815
You're hungry for experience.
454
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,526
Hungry for something new.
455
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:08,498
Hungry for olives.
456
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,898
But you're too scared
to do anything about it.
457
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,100
Yeah, I'm scared,
okay?
458
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,243
But, when I think
of spending
459
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,968
the rest of my life
with Lilly--
460
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:20,773
committing, forever,
no other women--
461
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,937
doesn't scare me at all.
462
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,576
I'm marrying that girl.
463
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,647
Lilly.
464
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,752
Lilly, I like olives.
465
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:34,124
We'll make it work.
466
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:39,486
Aw...
467
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,302
So, Orlando.
468
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,244
You gonna
hit Disneyworld?
469
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,073
You love me?!
470
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:54,665
I-I-I can't believe
I said that.
471
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:55,777
Why did I say that?
472
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,108
Who says that?
473
00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:58,854
I should just go.
474
00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,108
Hold on.
475
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,407
Wait a minute.
476
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,224
Promised you these.
477
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,052
Olives.
Yeah.
478
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,886
Thanks. I love you.
479
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,791
What is wrong
with me?
480
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,962
Why are we still
sitting here?
481
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,403
Let's go. We can still
make last call.
482
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,458
What do you say, Lil?
483
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:19,526
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum?
484
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,337
'Cause you're a pirate.
485
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,410
Okay, eye patch, gone.
486
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,378
And we can't just
abandon Ted.
487
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,108
If it doesn't go well up there,
he's gonna need some support.
488
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,954
It's been,
like, 20 minutes.
489
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,509
You think they're doin' it?
490
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,477
You think they're doin' it
in front of the dogs?
491
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:37,476
Doggy style.
( laughing )
492
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:38,947
Hey, there was
a girl in college,
493
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,185
she had this golden
retriever...
494
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,050
Okay, we can go to the bar.
Just stop talking.
495
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,818
Hit it, Ranjit.
496
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,125
So, when you tell
this story to your friends,
497
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,804
could you avoid
the word "psycho?"
498
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,872
I'd prefer... "eccentric."
499
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:58,342
Good night... psycho.
500
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,042
Great.
501
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:05,906
Um, how do I get to the F train?
502
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,415
Oh, um, two blocks
503
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,248
that way and take a right.
504
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,086
You know what?
505
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,661
I'm done being single.
506
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,690
I'm not good at it.
507
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:20,926
Look, obviously,
508
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,630
you can't tell a woman
you just met you love her.
509
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,703
But...
it sucks that you can't.
510
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,370
I'll tell you something, though.
511
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,442
If a woman-- not you, just some
hypothetical woman--
512
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:35,112
were to bear with me
through all this,
513
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,681
I think I'd make
a damn good husband.
514
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:40,350
Because, that's
the stuff I'd be good at,
515
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,350
stuff like making her laugh
and being a good father.
516
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:46,523
And walking her five
hypothetical dogs.
517
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,660
Being a good kisser.
518
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,759
Everyone thinks
they're a good kisser.
519
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,392
Oh, I've got references.
520
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,797
Good night, Ted.
521
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,565
And I'm a good handshaker.
522
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,905
That's a pretty
great handshake.
523
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,314
And that was it.
524
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:16,216
I'll probably
never see her again.
525
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,317
What?
526
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,951
That was the signal.
527
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,046
That long,
lingering handshake?
528
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,488
You should have kissed her.
529
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,257
There's no such thing
as "the signal."
530
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,533
But, yeah,
that was the signal.
531
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,831
Signal.
532
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:32,833
Ah, Carl,
thank you.
533
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,665
Something
I gotta do.
534
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:37,041
By the way,
535
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,469
you should have kissed her.
536
00:20:38,505 --> 00:20:41,005
Carl!
You guys weren't there.
537
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,640
( cork pops )
538
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,035
I am so turned
on right now.
539
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,277
TED:
Guys, trust me.
540
00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:48,354
I've seen the signal.
541
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,651
That was not the signal.
542
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,953
Yeah, Ted, we're
not on you anymore.
543
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:55,085
To my fiancée.
544
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,961
To the future.
545
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,729
To one hell
of a night!
546
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,734
That was not the signal.
547
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:07,434
I asked her
about it years later.
548
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:08,997
And, yeah, that was the signal.
549
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:10,395
I could have kissed her.
550
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,167
But that's the funny
thing about destiny.
551
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,574
It happens
whether you plan it or not.
552
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,707
I mean, I never thought
I'd see that girl again,
553
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,513
but it turns out I was just
too close to the puzzle
554
00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,446
to see the picture
that was forming.
555
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,051
Because, that, kids,
556
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:26,292
is the true story of how
I met your Aunt Robin.
557
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:28,659
Aunt Robin?
558
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:31,118
I thought this was
how you met Mom!
559
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:32,217
Will you relax?
560
00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:33,988
I'm getting to it.
561
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:37,526
Like I said, it's a long story.
35915
