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[theme music]
2
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
5
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Hi, Abe.
6
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Oh, boy.
7
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Hey, no wonder he won.
8
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Look at the size of this guy.
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Makes the whole golf course look like a pool table.
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You don't know what the reason for it is, but that's
the most pleasant 18 holes of golf I ever played.
12
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I got to agree with you, Rob.
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When you first invited me to play with you
and Buddy, I got to admit, I had big qualms.
15
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You still got them, but I think if you
zip up your zipper, nobody will notice.
17
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Buddy, you promised to honor the
truce till we got back to the office.
19
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You're right.
20
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Melvin, I apologize.
21
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Accepted.
22
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Would you believe that, Joe?
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That's the first time I ever saw Buddy apologize to Mel.
24
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Well, it's a privilege to be here for the occasion.
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Say, I want to thank you for letting me join you today.
26
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It was our pleasure, Joe.
27
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I think you were the stabilizing influence here.
28
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Best game I ever played in my life.
29
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You want to see something?
30
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Look at that score, 68.
31
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And on the second nine, I did even better.
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Yeah, 51.
33
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When you coming out again, Joe?
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I'm going to try to sneak away
for a couple of hours next Friday.
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I promised my wife I'd be home by 5:00.
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It's almost that now. - Come on, Mel.
38
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I'll drive you home.
39
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I brought my own car.
40
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Then drive me home.
41
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I took a bus.
42
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All right, no cracks about, uh-- I never make remarks
about anybody who's driving a car that contains my body.
45
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Can I make sure of that?
46
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Ask any bald-headed cab driver in New York.
47
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All right, come on.
48
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- Good meeting you, Joe. - Yeah--
- My pleasure. - Enjoyed the game.
50
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Thanks a lot.
51
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See you tomorrow, Rob.
52
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All right.
53
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What is that bit?
54
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Just so you won't be tempted.
55
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See you Monday.
56
00:01:48,083 --> 00:01:50,385
Well, Joe, how about a cup of coffee?
57
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Love one.
58
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You have time?
59
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Well, I am on a five-hour pass.
60
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My wife happens to be a doll.
61
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Can we have a couple of cups of coffee over here?
62
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Your wife doesn't mind you having fun without here, eh?
63
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No, as a matter of fact, getting me out of the house this
morning was more for her enjoyment than it was for mine.
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I was pretty surly.
66
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Golf as a way of relaxing people.
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Yeah, especially when you shoot an 85.
68
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Laura does know me pretty well.
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She seems to want to make me happy.
70
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You're a lucky guy.
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Yeah, I picked me a good one, all right.
72
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Well, here's to your wife.
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Thank you.
74
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Laura, was it?
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Yeah, Laura.
76
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Hey, how about let's drink to your wife?
77
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I'm afraid we can't.
78
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I don't have a wife.
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A handsome dog like you?
80
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Hows come some girl never corralled you?
81
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It's a long story.
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I'll bore you with it next time.
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That's a deal.
84
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I got to warn you though, I'm a writer.
85
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And I'll probably adapt it and make a hit movie out of it.
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It's called "The Life and Love of
Joe"-- I'm sorry, Joe, what's your name?
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Coogan.
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I'll tell you one thing, it's going to be a short movie.
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I've only been in love once, and that was a long time ago.
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As a matter of fact, the girl's name was Laura.
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That's a coincidence.
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Sure is.
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I was in college at the time.
95
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I never knew I could write poetry until then.
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Oh, it really inspired you, huh?
97
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I spent all my time writing
sonnets and sending them to her.
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Oh, boy.
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I wrote some poems to my Laura.
101
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Maybe Shakespeare was wrong.
102
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Maybe there is something in a name.
103
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Have you ever noticed how many heroines in
movies and television and books are named Laura?
105
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That's true, isn't it?
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Yeah.
107
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Did you know that saltine crackers
and coffee together are terrible?
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Thanks.
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I'm so hungry, I don't care.
111
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Whatever happened to your Laura?
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She ran off and got married.
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You mean just like that?
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Well, not exactly.
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She, uh, she joined a USO troop to entertain servicemen.
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She was a dancer.
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A dancer?
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Yeah, last time I heard, she wrote and told me about
this sergeant she met in some camp in Missouri.
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Uh, Camp Crowder?
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I think that was it.
123
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I assume she married him.
124
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I haven't heard from her since.
125
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Well, that's-- that's amazing.
126
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No, not really.
127
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You, uh, well, you're not carrying a
torch for her or anything like that?
129
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No, no, nothing like that.
130
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Would you care for anything else?
131
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No, I, uh, think I got to go.
132
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I have to be running to.
133
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Will you be playing again soon?
134
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Uh, why, I don't know.
135
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I'll be out here Friday afternoon, about 3:30.
136
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3:30, well, if I can, I will.
137
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Good.
138
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Uh, thanks for the coffee, Joe.
139
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:08,790
Well, you're welcome, Rob.
140
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He called you Joe.
141
00:04:13,828 --> 00:04:15,296
Well, that's my name.
142
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I know, but it sounds funny to hear someone call you that.
143
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Some people can't play their regular
game when they know who I am.
145
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:22,937
You mean they can't cheat when they know, huh?
146
00:04:23,037 --> 00:04:26,307
Well, let's say they become inhibited
when they know I'm a priest.
148
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Hi, darling.
149
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How'd you do today?
150
00:04:34,949 --> 00:04:36,518
Well, just-- just fine.
151
00:04:36,618 --> 00:04:37,852
Oh, OK.
152
00:04:37,952 --> 00:04:39,921
Tell me all about the 3-inch putt you missed.
153
00:04:40,021 --> 00:04:42,524
Well, I had a great day, honey.
154
00:04:42,624 --> 00:04:46,094
I shot 85, and I missed a hole-in-one about like that.
155
00:04:46,194 --> 00:04:48,463
Well then, how come you're not twice as happy?
156
00:04:48,563 --> 00:04:49,430
Well, I am, I am.
157
00:04:49,531 --> 00:04:50,665
Where's, uh, where's Rich?
158
00:04:50,765 --> 00:04:52,267
He's at Stuart and Millie's.
159
00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:55,403
I thought maybe you and I would have
just a nice, quiet, fussy dinner tonight.
161
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Oh.
162
00:04:57,071 --> 00:04:58,540
Darling, is something the matter?
163
00:04:58,640 --> 00:04:59,507
Well, no.
164
00:04:59,607 --> 00:05:00,775
Why-- why do you ask that?
165
00:05:00,875 --> 00:05:02,343
Well, you have the strangest attitude.
166
00:05:02,443 --> 00:05:04,579
Well, I'm a little tired I guess.
167
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No, that's not it.
168
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:07,916
What do you mean, that's not it?
169
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I don't know if I'm tired or not?
170
00:05:10,118 --> 00:05:13,054
Darling, are you nervous about something?
171
00:05:13,154 --> 00:05:14,956
What have I got to be nervous about?
172
00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:19,160
I got a bogey and some pars, and I got one birdie.
173
00:05:19,260 --> 00:05:20,695
Well, why don't you change, darling?
174
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I'll put a steak on.
175
00:05:21,729 --> 00:05:22,630
OK.
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Honey.
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Hm?
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How's come you never told me about Joe Coogan?
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What did you say?
180
00:05:33,174 --> 00:05:37,011
I said, how's come you never told me about Joe Coogan?
181
00:05:37,111 --> 00:05:39,547
Rob, you didn't.
182
00:05:39,647 --> 00:05:40,615
I didn't what?
183
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You found the shoe box.
184
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The shoe box?
185
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Don't play innocent with me, Rob.
186
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You found it and you opened it, didn't you?
187
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What do you-- I don't know
what you're talking about.
189
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I don't know about any shoe box.
190
00:05:53,027 --> 00:05:54,362
You weren't down in the basement this morning?
191
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Well, sure, I want to get
my golf-- wait a minute.
193
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Have you got a shoe box full of love sonnets hidden down there?
194
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Ah-ha!
195
00:06:02,303 --> 00:06:03,438
What ah-ha?
196
00:06:03,538 --> 00:06:06,307
So, you didn't know about the shoe box, huh?
197
00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:07,709
No, I didn't.
198
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Uh-huh, well then, how do you know there are sonnets in it?
199
00:06:09,177 --> 00:06:10,645
I didn't know. I just assumed.
200
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:12,180
Oh, really.
201
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:15,116
Do you assume that all shoe boxes have sonnets in them?
202
00:06:15,216 --> 00:06:17,051
Oh, Rob, how could you?
203
00:06:17,151 --> 00:06:18,319
How could I what?
204
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:19,587
You know what.
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00:06:19,687 --> 00:06:24,325
Those are my personal sonnet's in my personal shoe box.
206
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:30,598
Honey, I didn't read your personal sonnets
and I didn't see your personal shoe box.
208
00:06:30,698 --> 00:06:31,833
Then how did you know?
209
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:37,739
I met your personal poet, Joe Coogan.
210
00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:38,907
Where?
211
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On a second tee at the golf course.
212
00:06:41,175 --> 00:06:42,343
I don't believe it.
213
00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:44,212
What's so hard to believe about that?
214
00:06:44,312 --> 00:06:51,286
Well, it's just hard to believe that anyone would go around
telling someone's husband that he wrote love sonnets to his wife.
217
00:06:51,386 --> 00:06:53,955
He didn't happen to know that I was your husband.
218
00:06:54,055 --> 00:06:55,723
Well, who did he think you were?
219
00:06:55,823 --> 00:06:58,159
Just another golfer, that's all.
220
00:06:58,259 --> 00:07:03,531
You mean to tell me he goes around telling
strange golfers that he wrote sonnets to me?
222
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:07,702
I-- I-- I-- I just happened to
mention your name, that's all.
224
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:11,673
If you don't believe me, you can go down there next
Friday afternoon at 3:30 and check for yourself.
226
00:07:11,773 --> 00:07:14,175
You made a date to play golf with him again?
227
00:07:14,275 --> 00:07:15,243
No.
228
00:07:15,343 --> 00:07:22,150
He tried to make one with me, But I just didn't happen to
feel like giving him a progress report on our marriage.
231
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:24,652
Well, I just don't know what to say.
232
00:07:24,752 --> 00:07:27,155
Neither do I.
233
00:07:27,255 --> 00:07:32,060
Rob, I-- I apologize about
the shoe box, Uh-huh.
235
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,029
And just in case you're interested,
he didn't happen to get fat.
237
00:07:35,129 --> 00:07:36,931
He's still pretty charming and handsome.
238
00:07:37,031 --> 00:07:39,967
I don't think it was any coincidence he ran
into me on the second tee this afternoon.
240
00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:44,472
Oh, Rob, you couldn't mean that--
Well, he could easily have arranged it.
242
00:07:44,572 --> 00:07:45,673
For what purpose?
243
00:07:45,773 --> 00:07:49,610
To find out about the stability
of our marriage, that's why.
245
00:07:49,711 --> 00:07:51,479
Oh, darling, you know you don't believe that.
246
00:07:51,579 --> 00:07:55,283
Well, I don't know, I just don't
trust your friend, Mr. Coogan.
248
00:07:55,383 --> 00:07:56,984
Too nice.
249
00:07:57,085 --> 00:08:01,923
Rob, darling, please forgive me for
saying that you read the sonnets.
251
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,358
I forgive you for that.
252
00:08:03,458 --> 00:08:07,128
Well, darling, you have to understand
why I thought you read them.
254
00:08:07,228 --> 00:08:08,463
I understand that.
255
00:08:08,563 --> 00:08:11,632
Well, what don't you understand?
256
00:08:11,733 --> 00:08:18,006
I just don't see why a happily married woman has to keep a box
full of strange love sonnets hidden down in her basement.
259
00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:20,408
They're not hidden in the basement.
260
00:08:20,508 --> 00:08:21,376
They're not?
261
00:08:21,476 --> 00:08:22,810
I didn't see any shoe box down there.
262
00:08:22,910 --> 00:08:25,413
Well, you're just not very observant, that's all.
263
00:08:25,513 --> 00:08:27,882
Because they're lying right there.
264
00:08:27,982 --> 00:08:29,450
Where?
265
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,185
By the furnace.
266
00:08:31,285 --> 00:08:33,588
There's no shoe box by that furnace.
267
00:08:33,688 --> 00:08:34,622
Well, they're there.
268
00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:37,358
They're right behind some loose bricks.
269
00:08:41,796 --> 00:08:43,498
Behind some loose bricks?
270
00:08:43,598 --> 00:08:45,900
Rob, would it make you happy if I burned them?
271
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,335
Is that what you want?
272
00:08:47,435 --> 00:08:48,803
You just say the word, dear, and I will burn them.
273
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:50,238
Burn them.
274
00:08:50,338 --> 00:08:52,540
No, sir, not if you're going to take that attitude.
275
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,586
I should have thrown them away the day I got married.
276
00:09:05,686 --> 00:09:08,790
Laura, you wouldn't mind if I opened this
up and read a couple of them, would you?
278
00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:10,158
I certainly would.
279
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,426
Well, maybe later, huh?
280
00:09:11,526 --> 00:09:12,794
No, never.
281
00:09:12,894 --> 00:09:17,465
Well, all right, but I'm not going to tell
you what Sadie Stein said about your hair.
283
00:09:17,565 --> 00:09:18,566
What'd she say?
284
00:09:18,666 --> 00:09:20,168
She thinks it's a wig.
285
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:26,808
Listen, if these were my love poems and they
made my husband crazy jealous, I'd keep them.
287
00:09:26,908 --> 00:09:28,609
There's nothing worse than a complacent husband.
288
00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:31,479
Oh, Millie, you wouldn't say that if you'd seen Rob.
289
00:09:31,579 --> 00:09:33,080
He was so hurt.
290
00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:35,149
I just was wrong to keep these.
291
00:09:35,249 --> 00:09:36,451
I should have gotten rid of them.
292
00:09:36,551 --> 00:09:39,654
A person should get rid of things
like this when a person gets married.
294
00:09:39,754 --> 00:09:41,089
Oh, come on now.
295
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:44,625
Don't tell me Rob hasn't kept a
memento or two of his early triumphs.
297
00:09:44,725 --> 00:09:46,093
Oh, I know he hasn't.
298
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:47,428
How do you know?
299
00:09:47,528 --> 00:09:49,664
Well, men just aren't as sentimental as women.
300
00:09:49,764 --> 00:09:51,032
Well, I disagree.
301
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:57,171
You never see a woman with a heart tattooed
on her forearm saying mother, do you?
303
00:09:57,271 --> 00:10:01,442
Millie, what's the real reason I've kept these?
304
00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:05,713
I mean, why didn't I just drop them in the trash
outside instead of bringing them in here?
306
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,181
I don't know, why?
307
00:10:07,281 --> 00:10:12,119
Why did I only keep Joe Coogan's sonnets
and not Philip Cabot's or Jim Darling's?
309
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,654
Did they write you sonnets too?
310
00:10:13,754 --> 00:10:14,388
No.
311
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,990
Well, maybe that's why.
312
00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:20,061
Oh, but, they wrote me love letters and things like that.
313
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,829
Now, why didn't I keep theirs?
314
00:10:21,929 --> 00:10:22,964
Because.
315
00:10:23,064 --> 00:10:24,065
Because why?
316
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,299
I don't know.
317
00:10:25,399 --> 00:10:26,734
Well, then why did you say "because"?
318
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,470
Well, I didn't say "because" because I knew what.
319
00:10:29,570 --> 00:10:33,674
I said "because" to give you a
kind of a springboard to finish.
321
00:10:33,774 --> 00:10:42,884
You would even keep writing love letters except Joe Coogan's because--
Because I never really felt this chapter in my life was closed.
325
00:10:42,984 --> 00:10:44,385
I'll accept that.
326
00:10:44,485 --> 00:10:46,053
Or-- Or what?
328
00:10:46,153 --> 00:10:47,188
I didn't know.
329
00:10:47,288 --> 00:10:50,124
I was giving another springboard.
330
00:10:50,224 --> 00:10:58,266
Or-- Or because I was so young, I withheld my true
feelings about him, and now I'm guilty that I did.
333
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,001
I'll accept that too.
334
00:11:00,101 --> 00:11:01,636
That could be it.
335
00:11:01,736 --> 00:11:08,142
He wrote me these beautiful love sonnets, and I answered him
with nice chatty little notes about what movies I'd seen.
338
00:11:08,242 --> 00:11:11,145
I mean, I never even told him I was
leaving the city to join a USO show.
340
00:11:11,245 --> 00:11:12,079
Why?
341
00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:21,389
Because-- Because I was afraid he was going to ask me to marry
him, and-- And, and, and, and-- --and I was afraid I'd say yes.
346
00:11:21,489 --> 00:11:22,790
Oh that, I can't accept.
347
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:23,791
It's true.
348
00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:24,825
Well then, I'll accept it.
349
00:11:24,926 --> 00:11:26,127
No, it's not.
350
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,796
Aw, Millie, I don't know why I kept
them, but what am I going to do?
352
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,264
About what?
353
00:11:30,364 --> 00:11:32,700
Well, the sonnets, Joe Coogan, my husband, my guilt.
354
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:38,573
Well, I'd say, keep the sonnets, keep your husband,
get rid of your guilt, and see Joe Coogan again.
356
00:11:38,673 --> 00:11:41,042
Oh, Millie, this is no joke.
357
00:11:41,142 --> 00:11:42,577
Who's joking?
358
00:11:42,677 --> 00:11:45,880
It's the only way you're going to get
rid of your guilt, by seeing him again.
360
00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:50,184
Then you'll find out all the reasons why you
didn't find him as attractive as your husband.
362
00:11:50,284 --> 00:11:52,219
Millie, that's a terrible idea.
363
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,921
Au contraire.
364
00:11:54,021 --> 00:11:55,489
Oh.
365
00:11:55,590 --> 00:12:02,029
As a matter of fact, after spending an evening with him, you'll probably
wonder why you ever bothered keeping those poems in the first place.
368
00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:03,965
Oh, Millie, you're so wrong.
369
00:12:04,065 --> 00:12:05,633
Oh boy, are you wrong.
370
00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:07,101
But even if you weren't-- which you are.
371
00:12:07,201 --> 00:12:08,069
You are dead wrong.
372
00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:09,337
What am I supposed to do?
373
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:13,207
Just sneak down to the golf course
and then accidentally bump into him?
375
00:12:13,307 --> 00:12:14,108
Yeah.
376
00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:16,410
OK.
377
00:12:16,510 --> 00:12:18,980
Only to show you how wrong you are.
378
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,681
Boy, are you wrong.
379
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:32,793
This is the stupidest idea in the
whole world, and I'm going home.
381
00:12:32,893 --> 00:12:38,165
Without finding out why you kept those sonnets all these
years, and why you didn't burn them when Rob told you to?
384
00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:39,533
I know why I kept them.
385
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,102
I kept them because they're beautiful.
386
00:12:41,202 --> 00:12:45,806
And I didn't burn them because I consider them
literature, and I'm against any form of book burning.
388
00:12:45,906 --> 00:12:46,874
Now, let's go home.
389
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:48,442
Now, wait a minute.
390
00:12:48,542 --> 00:12:52,213
Listen, we're all dressed to play
golf, and we're here on a golf course.
392
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,548
So why don't we just play a little golf?
393
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:57,918
Because I decided I don't want to see Joe Coogan again.
394
00:12:58,019 --> 00:12:59,186
I'm going home.
395
00:12:59,286 --> 00:13:00,521
Oh, I beg your pardon.
396
00:13:00,621 --> 00:13:02,957
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Father, I didn't see--
397
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,195
are you who I think you are?
398
00:13:08,295 --> 00:13:10,097
Well, of course he is.
399
00:13:10,197 --> 00:13:11,232
He's a priest.
400
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:14,835
Who'd you think-- oh my goodness.
401
00:13:14,935 --> 00:13:16,771
Well, Joe?
402
00:13:16,871 --> 00:13:18,139
Laura?
403
00:13:18,239 --> 00:13:19,507
Father Joe!
404
00:13:19,607 --> 00:13:21,642
Joe-- Joe Coogan?
405
00:13:21,742 --> 00:13:24,245
Well, how wonderful to see you again, Laura.
406
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:27,648
Well, it's wonderful to see you too.
407
00:13:27,748 --> 00:13:29,750
Well, what have you been doing?
408
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:32,920
Oh, yes.
409
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,690
Oh, um, I'd like you to meet my friend, Mildred Helper.
410
00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:37,224
Mildred, this is my friend, Joe.
411
00:13:37,324 --> 00:13:38,159
Uh, my father, Joe.
412
00:13:38,259 --> 00:13:41,962
Joe-- Father-- Joe
Coogan, Mildred Helper.
414
00:13:42,063 --> 00:13:43,264
Nice to meet you, Mildred.
415
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,233
I'm fine, fine.
416
00:13:46,334 --> 00:13:47,234
Well, how have you been Laura?
417
00:13:47,334 --> 00:13:48,936
Oh, oh, just fine, fine.
418
00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:50,304
Thank you. And you?
419
00:13:50,404 --> 00:13:51,439
Fine.
420
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,907
I assume you have a family by now?
421
00:13:53,007 --> 00:13:53,908
Oh, yes, yes.
422
00:13:54,008 --> 00:13:55,810
Very happy, very-- Well,
I'm glad to hear it.
424
00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:57,478
Thank you.
425
00:13:57,578 --> 00:13:59,847
Well, would you like to play some golf?
426
00:13:59,947 --> 00:14:01,248
I'm afraid I can't.
427
00:14:01,348 --> 00:14:02,316
I just had a phone call.
428
00:14:02,416 --> 00:14:03,350
Something I have to take care of.
429
00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:05,386
Aw, gee, well, that's a shame.
430
00:14:05,486 --> 00:14:07,254
I'd really like to have chatted with you.
431
00:14:07,354 --> 00:14:09,690
Well, so would I. I'd like to meet your husband, your family.
432
00:14:09,790 --> 00:14:11,158
Oh, well, we'd love that.
433
00:14:11,258 --> 00:14:14,028
Would-- would you like to have
dinner tonight, or-- Tonight?
435
00:14:14,128 --> 00:14:15,096
Well, or the next day.
436
00:14:15,196 --> 00:14:16,163
Any time you say.
437
00:14:16,263 --> 00:14:17,431
I may be free tonight.
438
00:14:17,531 --> 00:14:18,933
Oh, wonderful. Good.
439
00:14:19,033 --> 00:14:20,468
Uh, Millie, do you have a piece of fish?
440
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:23,337
I mean, a piece of paper.
441
00:14:23,437 --> 00:14:25,806
We'll have fish because you're Friday.
442
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,041
Do you? - Yeah.
443
00:14:27,141 --> 00:14:27,775
I'll get-- write it down for you.
444
00:14:27,875 --> 00:14:28,876
Thank you.
445
00:14:28,976 --> 00:14:30,144
Say, you know, this really is a coincidence.
446
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,545
What is?
447
00:14:31,645 --> 00:14:34,782
Well, I was talking about you just the
other day, right here in this room.
449
00:14:34,882 --> 00:14:36,117
Oh, really?
450
00:14:36,217 --> 00:14:38,452
Say, I even mentioned the sonnets I used to write to you.
451
00:14:38,552 --> 00:14:39,387
Do you remember?
452
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:41,956
Uh, the sonnets.
453
00:14:42,056 --> 00:14:43,257
Oh, the sonnets.
454
00:14:43,357 --> 00:14:46,560
Of course I remember the sonnets.
455
00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:48,429
Millie, do you have the-- Yeah.
457
00:14:48,529 --> 00:14:49,396
Thank you.
458
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:50,397
That's the address there.
459
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:51,732
Oh, good.
460
00:14:51,832 --> 00:14:53,134
What time would you like me to come?
461
00:14:53,234 --> 00:14:55,136
Well, 7:00-ish, for dinner.
462
00:14:55,236 --> 00:14:56,437
Good.
463
00:14:56,537 --> 00:15:00,908
Give me a chance to see what kind of a cook you turned out
to be. - Uh-- Laura's a great cook, one of the great cooks.
466
00:15:01,008 --> 00:15:03,611
No, I-- I'm sure she is.
468
00:15:03,711 --> 00:15:05,246
Well, I'll see you tonight. - Oh, fine.
469
00:15:05,346 --> 00:15:06,213
Nice meeting you, Mildred.
470
00:15:06,313 --> 00:15:07,248
My pleasure.
471
00:15:07,348 --> 00:15:08,816
See you later, Laura.
472
00:15:08,916 --> 00:15:09,817
Bye.
473
00:15:12,019 --> 00:15:14,622
Joe Coogan's a priest!
474
00:15:14,722 --> 00:15:17,858
Why didn't Rob tell you that?
475
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,160
He didn't know.
476
00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:20,561
How could he not know?
477
00:15:20,661 --> 00:15:24,098
He's dressed like a real priest.
478
00:15:24,198 --> 00:15:26,167
He is a real priest.
479
00:15:26,267 --> 00:15:28,068
Well, you know what I mean.
480
00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:31,505
Maybe Rob didn't see him in
his clerical-- Of course.
482
00:15:31,605 --> 00:15:34,542
He saw him out on the golf course.
483
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,978
Laura, you know what would be funny.
484
00:15:38,078 --> 00:15:42,550
No, Millie, that wouldn't be funny.
485
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,385
How did you know what I was going to say?
486
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,720
I thought of it to.
487
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:54,128
It's just not fair not to tell Rob that the man
he thinks is my long lost love is a priest.
489
00:15:57,731 --> 00:15:59,066
What did you say?
490
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:02,736
I invited Joe Coogan to have dinner with us tonight.
491
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:06,040
Laura, where did you happen to meet Joe Coogan?
492
00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:08,175
Well, at the golf course.
493
00:16:08,275 --> 00:16:09,343
At the golf course?
494
00:16:09,443 --> 00:16:10,811
Yeah.
495
00:16:10,911 --> 00:16:13,614
You went out there with the hope
of bumping into him, didn't you?
497
00:16:13,714 --> 00:16:17,518
Rob, I must say, you're being very
un-- un-- ROB (ON PHONE): Un what?
500
00:16:17,618 --> 00:16:19,119
Well, un something.
501
00:16:19,220 --> 00:16:20,654
And I object to your tone.
502
00:16:20,754 --> 00:16:25,526
You're going to hear a dial tone in
a minute because I want to hang up.
504
00:16:25,626 --> 00:16:28,596
Well, I can't call it off now, Rob.
505
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,397
You will be home, won't you?
506
00:16:30,497 --> 00:16:32,433
Oh, oh, well I'll be home.
507
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,168
Good.
508
00:16:34,268 --> 00:16:35,069
Goodbye, dear.
509
00:16:35,169 --> 00:16:36,570
Goodbye.
510
00:16:36,670 --> 00:16:39,640
You, uh, didn't tell Rob that Joe was a priest.
511
00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:43,043
Well, he didn't give me a chance to.
512
00:16:43,143 --> 00:16:44,411
Anyway, I'm glad.
513
00:16:44,512 --> 00:16:48,082
Now he'll see how foolish he is to act the way he just did.
514
00:16:48,182 --> 00:16:51,051
Going to tell us what it is,
or is it going to be a staring contest?
516
00:16:53,921 --> 00:16:55,756
Sally, what are you doing tonight?
517
00:16:55,856 --> 00:16:57,958
Nothing, but I think I can get out of it.
518
00:17:01,829 --> 00:17:03,197
How would you like to come to dinner?
519
00:17:03,297 --> 00:17:05,966
What, to sit between Laura and her phantom poet?
520
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:06,800
No.
521
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,469
Well, yeah. How about it?
522
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,170
I don't know whether I like that role or not.
523
00:17:10,271 --> 00:17:11,572
Ah, you'd love it, Sal.
524
00:17:11,672 --> 00:17:13,807
It's the best-looking phantom poet you ever saw.
525
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:17,044
Makes Zorro look like a zero.
526
00:17:17,144 --> 00:17:18,412
He's that good-looking?
527
00:17:18,512 --> 00:17:19,580
What's he look like?
528
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,117
Oh, he's a cross between Gregory
Peck and Stewart Granger.
530
00:17:23,217 --> 00:17:24,184
Hey, that ain't too bad.
531
00:17:24,285 --> 00:17:25,119
What's his name?
532
00:17:25,219 --> 00:17:26,120
Stewart Peck.
533
00:17:31,358 --> 00:17:32,960
His name is Joe Coogan.
534
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:35,162
And you don't have to just sit there between he and Laura.
535
00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:39,199
Oh, you mean maybe I can, uh, flirt a little bit?
536
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:40,568
No, a lot.
537
00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:43,837
Rob, you've got a vengeful streak
in you I've never noticed before.
539
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:45,439
It's been in there for years.
540
00:17:45,539 --> 00:17:47,408
I just keep it under control, that's all.
541
00:17:47,508 --> 00:17:48,876
Well, I don't know.
542
00:17:48,976 --> 00:17:50,444
With all the fish in the ocean.
543
00:17:50,544 --> 00:17:52,680
I don't like to try to hook one that got away from Laura.
544
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:55,149
Sal, don't wait too long.
545
00:17:55,249 --> 00:17:59,153
I had an aunt waited so long for her
ship to come in, her pier collapsed.
547
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:06,060
Look, Sal, it isn't only out of vindictiveness.
548
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,328
I want you to come.
549
00:18:07,428 --> 00:18:08,862
I think you and Joe Coogan might make a nice couple.
550
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,497
OK, good. Then I'll go.
551
00:18:10,598 --> 00:18:11,432
Now, let's see.
552
00:18:11,532 --> 00:18:12,967
What dress shall I wear?
553
00:18:13,067 --> 00:18:17,871
Shall I wear my velvet sheath with the slit on the
side, or shall I wear my lace-neck with the low V?
555
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:22,142
Why don't you wear the top of
one and the bottom of the other?
557
00:18:22,242 --> 00:18:23,711
Well, goodbye, Laura.
558
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:24,712
And good luck. [doorbell]
559
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:25,646
Thank you.
560
00:18:25,746 --> 00:18:26,847
I'll get it.
561
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:30,317
Hello, Father Coogan.
562
00:18:30,417 --> 00:18:31,418
- Hello, Mildred. - Hello.
563
00:18:31,518 --> 00:18:32,419
Father. - Hi, Laura.
564
00:18:32,519 --> 00:18:33,587
- Am I early? - Yes.
565
00:18:33,687 --> 00:18:34,788
I mean, no.
566
00:18:34,888 --> 00:18:36,757
Actually, my husband's a little late.
567
00:18:36,857 --> 00:18:38,258
Bye, Laura. Bye, Father.
568
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:39,326
Bye.
569
00:18:39,426 --> 00:18:40,494
Well, come on in.
570
00:18:40,594 --> 00:18:41,428
Sit down, please.
571
00:18:41,528 --> 00:18:42,463
Thank you.
572
00:18:42,563 --> 00:18:43,464
What a lovely house you have.
573
00:18:43,564 --> 00:18:44,565
Oh, thank you.
574
00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:45,599
Thank you.
575
00:18:45,699 --> 00:18:47,167
My husband should be home soon.
576
00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:48,769
He writes for television, you know.
577
00:18:48,869 --> 00:18:50,204
No, I didn't.
578
00:18:50,304 --> 00:18:51,205
Oh, didn't he tell you?
579
00:18:51,305 --> 00:18:52,006
Well, you didn't.
580
00:18:52,106 --> 00:18:53,140
I haven't met him, remember?
581
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:53,974
Oh!
582
00:18:54,074 --> 00:18:55,676
Well, actually, you have met.
583
00:18:55,776 --> 00:18:56,610
We have?
584
00:18:56,710 --> 00:18:57,645
Yeah.
585
00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:59,413
You see,
my husband was the-- [buzz]
587
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:00,547
Oh, it's the oven.
588
00:19:00,648 --> 00:19:01,548
I have some hors d'oeurves heating.
589
00:19:01,649 --> 00:19:02,683
I hope you're hungry.
590
00:19:02,783 --> 00:19:04,251
I'm hungry enough to eat a shark.
591
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:05,419
A shark?
592
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:06,553
Well, it's Friday.
593
00:19:06,653 --> 00:19:07,488
Oh!
594
00:19:07,588 --> 00:19:09,456
Yes.
595
00:19:09,556 --> 00:19:11,325
Well, I hope you like my cooking.
596
00:19:11,425 --> 00:19:12,559
I'm sure I will.
597
00:19:12,659 --> 00:19:14,728
Well, I certainly hope that you sure--
598
00:19:32,679 --> 00:19:34,348
Well, how's the old duffer today?
599
00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:36,784
Old-- Rob!
600
00:19:40,487 --> 00:19:45,893
Well, well, I didn't-- I didn't mean to--
I didn't mean you're an old duffer, Father.
603
00:19:45,993 --> 00:19:49,329
Father Duffer, I mean Father Duffy.
604
00:19:49,430 --> 00:19:54,768
Why, you're a sly rascal, Rob,
having your wife invite me here to dinner.
606
00:19:54,868 --> 00:19:57,304
Oh, Rob, you came home.
607
00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,506
Yeah, I came home.
608
00:19:59,606 --> 00:20:01,075
I see you two have met.
609
00:20:01,175 --> 00:20:02,876
I see we have.
610
00:20:02,976 --> 00:20:09,249
You know, at the clubhouse, this husband of yours let me go on and
on about you, and never once told me I was talking about his wife.
613
00:20:09,349 --> 00:20:09,983
Ah.
614
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,586
Yeah, well-- well,
I-- I didn't want to embarrass you.
616
00:20:12,686 --> 00:20:17,624
You know, I didn't know you were
a, uh-- Well, that's right.
618
00:20:17,725 --> 00:20:18,525
You didn't, did you?
619
00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:19,593
No, no.
620
00:20:19,693 --> 00:20:20,527
I'm glad you are.
621
00:20:20,627 --> 00:20:21,562
Oh, so am I.
622
00:20:21,662 --> 00:20:22,863
Yes.
623
00:20:22,963 --> 00:20:23,964
And were you surprised when Laura told you?
624
00:20:24,064 --> 00:20:28,602
Yeah, ho ho ho, was I surprised.
625
00:20:28,702 --> 00:20:33,407
Honey, speaking of surprises, I invited Sally over for dinner.
626
00:20:33,507 --> 00:20:35,175
Sally's coming here?
627
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:38,479
Yeah, I wanted her to meet, uh, Father, uh, Coogan.
628
00:20:38,579 --> 00:20:40,180
Oh, oh, Rob, where is she?
629
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,748
Well, she followed me in her car.
630
00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:43,417
She should be here about any minute now.
631
00:20:43,517 --> 00:20:44,384
I'll set another place.
632
00:20:44,485 --> 00:20:45,919
Well, that's all right.
633
00:20:46,019 --> 00:20:48,355
Gee, darling, I sure wish you'd told me Sally was coming.
634
00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,657
I wish you'd tell me something once in a while.
635
00:20:50,757 --> 00:20:52,326
Yes, I know.
636
00:20:52,426 --> 00:20:54,795
I'll try to stop her before she gets in the door.
637
00:20:54,895 --> 00:20:55,729
Would you?
638
00:20:55,829 --> 00:20:56,663
[vigorous knocking]
639
00:20:56,764 --> 00:20:57,731
OK, Sally's here!
640
00:20:57,831 --> 00:20:59,299
- Yeah, well-- - Hi!
641
00:20:59,399 --> 00:21:00,300
Hi, Sally.
642
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,502
Obviously, [inaudible].
643
00:21:01,602 --> 00:21:05,405
Where's this tall, good-looking,
charming priest you wanted me to meet?
645
00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:14,815
Well, I, uh, I'm the only priest
here, so I guess it must be me.
647
00:21:14,915 --> 00:21:16,416
SALLY: Ho ho.
648
00:21:16,517 --> 00:21:19,186
Welp, uh, Sally, I'd like for you to meet the Father Coogan.
649
00:21:19,286 --> 00:21:22,422
And, uh, Father Coogan, I'd like
for you to meet, uh, Sally Rogers.
651
00:21:22,523 --> 00:21:26,793
Sally's-- she's very religious.
652
00:21:26,894 --> 00:21:28,795
How do you do, Father?
653
00:21:28,896 --> 00:21:30,764
Always nice to meet one of the flock.
654
00:21:30,864 --> 00:21:32,666
Thank you.
655
00:21:32,766 --> 00:21:38,105
Well, how-- how about-- yeah,
how about a little, uh, wine for everyone.
657
00:21:38,205 --> 00:21:40,174
Oh, Sally, can I take your coat?
658
00:21:40,274 --> 00:21:41,208
No, no.
659
00:21:44,778 --> 00:21:47,548
It's just-- it's a little chilly in here.
660
00:21:47,648 --> 00:21:48,549
I'll keep it on.
661
00:21:48,649 --> 00:21:49,483
[inaudible]
662
00:21:49,583 --> 00:21:50,817
Well, Father.
663
00:21:50,918 --> 00:21:53,754
I didn't know.
664
00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:54,922
Well, here we are.
665
00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:57,491
Nice warm, uh, friendly, warm wine.
666
00:21:57,591 --> 00:21:58,926
How about a toast?
667
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,694
Oh, yeah, please, please do, Father.
668
00:22:00,794 --> 00:22:03,530
To Laura and Rob, a long and happy life.
669
00:22:03,630 --> 00:22:04,464
Oh, thank you.
670
00:22:04,565 --> 00:22:06,533
Thank you.
671
00:22:06,633 --> 00:22:14,107
And to Sally Rogers, may the next blind date
Rob arranges for you be more, uh, your type.
673
00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:15,209
Oh!
674
00:22:15,309 --> 00:22:16,043
Amen.
675
00:22:16,143 --> 00:22:17,511
I mean, I'll drink to that.
676
00:22:28,488 --> 00:22:32,292
Honey, I thought it was a lovely evening.
677
00:22:32,392 --> 00:22:33,427
I know.
678
00:22:33,527 --> 00:22:35,829
Well, why aren't you happier about it then?
679
00:22:35,929 --> 00:22:38,265
I'm happy.
680
00:22:38,365 --> 00:22:42,102
You still mad at me for being jealous
of the guy that wrote the sonnets?
682
00:22:42,202 --> 00:22:44,938
Rob, I'd really rather not talk about it.
683
00:22:45,038 --> 00:22:50,544
Honey, I'm going to bother you to find out what's upsetting
you, and I'm not going to let up till you tell me.
686
00:22:50,644 --> 00:22:52,045
You really want to know?
687
00:22:52,145 --> 00:22:53,714
Yeah, I really want to know.
688
00:22:53,814 --> 00:22:54,948
All right.
689
00:23:00,787 --> 00:23:02,222
This is what's bothering me.
690
00:23:02,322 --> 00:23:04,891
Oh, what to do with the sonnets, huh?
691
00:23:04,992 --> 00:23:07,561
No, the sonnets themselves.
692
00:23:07,661 --> 00:23:11,331
I read them over last night and I've
been thinking about them all evening.
694
00:23:11,431 --> 00:23:12,532
And?
695
00:23:12,633 --> 00:23:14,835
And, well, read one and see.
696
00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:15,802
[music playing]
697
00:23:15,902 --> 00:23:16,970
You want me to read one?
698
00:23:17,070 --> 00:23:18,839
Yeah, read it.
699
00:23:18,939 --> 00:23:20,073
OK.
700
00:23:23,410 --> 00:23:24,378
[clears throat]
701
00:23:26,146 --> 00:23:31,018
Mine eyes will ne'er behold which
my heart doth see so clearly.
703
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:38,926
Inward stirs this passion, deep, uniting,
leading my path away from all and to my love.
705
00:23:39,026 --> 00:23:42,562
Well, honey,
I think that's-- Read on.
707
00:23:42,663 --> 00:23:47,968
I reach out for thee and pray your
hand be there to welcome mine.
709
00:23:48,068 --> 00:23:54,908
You're light to a loom where my
life be spent, for my soul is sore.
711
00:23:55,008 --> 00:23:55,909
Well, that's beautiful, honey.
712
00:23:56,009 --> 00:23:57,945
Yes, it is beautiful.
713
00:23:58,045 --> 00:24:00,847
And I feel so silly.
714
00:24:00,947 --> 00:24:03,216
I, like an idiot, thought he meant me.
715
00:24:03,317 --> 00:24:05,852
Well, who did he mean?
716
00:24:05,952 --> 00:24:07,754
God.
717
00:24:07,854 --> 00:24:09,056
God?
718
00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:13,660
He was telling me in those sonnets that
he planned to dedicate his life to God.
720
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:15,028
Honey, I think you're right.
721
00:24:15,128 --> 00:24:17,331
I know I'm right.
722
00:24:17,431 --> 00:24:21,535
Well, you don't have to feel so bad about it.
723
00:24:21,635 --> 00:24:22,769
Look at it this way.
724
00:24:22,869 --> 00:24:24,438
You lost him to a better man.
725
00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:35,148
[theme music]
45048
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