Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,276 --> 00:00:02,344
[theme music]
2
00:00:02,444 --> 00:00:05,146
NARRATOR: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
3
00:00:05,247 --> 00:00:17,325
starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Matthew, and Mary Tyler Moore.
5
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,532
Hey, fellas.
6
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:26,001
What?
7
00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:27,602
What this sketch needs is a funny entrance for Alan.
8
00:00:27,702 --> 00:00:29,037
- Funny entrance? - Yeah.
9
00:00:29,137 --> 00:00:31,573
How about a door with a sign on it that says, ha-ha?
10
00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:41,182
Hey, how about Alan comes into
the saloon with his guns blazing?
12
00:00:41,283 --> 00:00:42,384
What's funny about that?
13
00:00:42,484 --> 00:00:43,718
They're still in the holster.
14
00:00:46,821 --> 00:00:48,089
I got it! I got the joke.
15
00:00:48,189 --> 00:00:49,057
You ready?
16
00:00:49,157 --> 00:00:51,226
Alan comes in carrying a Colt 45.
17
00:00:51,326 --> 00:00:52,127
A gun?
18
00:00:52,227 --> 00:00:53,595
No, a middle-age horse.
19
00:00:56,698 --> 00:01:01,803
Hey, what if Alan comes in the
saloon-- he comes in the saloon.
21
00:01:01,903 --> 00:01:06,942
He says, bartender, give me a whiskey and ginger ale.
22
00:01:07,042 --> 00:01:07,742
Thanks.
23
00:01:07,842 --> 00:01:10,478
Oh, I'm sorry, fellow.
24
00:01:10,579 --> 00:01:14,149
Give me another one.
25
00:01:14,249 --> 00:01:17,485
[gasps]
26
00:01:17,585 --> 00:01:21,156
[coughs]
27
00:01:21,256 --> 00:01:23,625
Now give me the whiskey.
28
00:01:23,725 --> 00:01:25,160
BUDDY: Beautiful!
29
00:01:25,260 --> 00:01:25,994
Hey, that's good.
30
00:01:26,094 --> 00:01:27,495
Let's get that down on paper.
31
00:01:27,595 --> 00:01:28,763
Rob! Rob!
32
00:01:28,863 --> 00:01:30,098
Oh, this is urgent.
33
00:01:30,198 --> 00:01:32,300
I'm glad I caught you before we went to lunch.
34
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:36,938
I-- what's the matter with It?
35
00:01:37,038 --> 00:01:41,543
I hate to say this, Mel, but I think you're losing your skin.
36
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,345
Maybe it's the molting season.
37
00:01:43,445 --> 00:01:45,046
What's urgent today, Mel?
38
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:48,850
Newstime Magazine is going to do a cover story of Alan.
39
00:01:48,950 --> 00:01:51,286
And as his writers, they want to know what you think of him.
40
00:01:51,386 --> 00:01:54,089
Oh, they can't print that in the family magazine.
41
00:01:54,189 --> 00:01:57,559
Well, you can say anything you want, as long
as you bear in mind that your contracts
43
00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,661
are coming up for renewal.
44
00:01:59,761 --> 00:02:01,863
Well, Mel, we can't go any interviews this week.
45
00:02:01,963 --> 00:02:03,098
We're way, way behind.
46
00:02:03,198 --> 00:02:06,234
Well, now, a Newstime cover
story is very important to Alan.
47
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:07,969
Now, I want you to take the reporter to lunch.
48
00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:13,208
Hey, Mel, if this reporter's my type, I'll buy the lunch.
49
00:02:13,308 --> 00:02:14,242
Tall?
50
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:15,577
Tall.
51
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:16,578
Good looking?
52
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,113
Good looking.
53
00:02:18,213 --> 00:02:18,880
Single?
54
00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:20,215
I think she's single.
55
00:02:20,315 --> 00:02:22,484
[groans]
56
00:02:22,584 --> 00:02:25,387
Now, Rob, I hoped that you would
escort Miss Moseby to lunch.
58
00:02:25,487 --> 00:02:26,788
Well, why me?
59
00:02:26,888 --> 00:02:30,625
Well, it's been my experience that interviewers
are more receptive when handled with charm.
61
00:02:30,725 --> 00:02:31,960
What do you know about charm?
62
00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:33,828
You got all the charm of a sticky doorknob.
63
00:02:36,331 --> 00:02:39,267
Rob, remember, now, this is a very important story.
64
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:41,102
We want it accurate and complimentary.
65
00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:43,772
Well, now, what do you want, Mel, accuracy or complimentary?
66
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,273
You can't have both.
67
00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:47,876
Well, I don't mind going,
except that Laura's downtown today.
69
00:02:47,976 --> 00:02:49,244
I promised to take her to lunch.
70
00:02:49,344 --> 00:02:50,345
Well, no problem.
71
00:02:50,445 --> 00:02:52,380
Just meet Miss Moseby a half hour earlier.
72
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:53,415
Laura can join you.
73
00:02:53,515 --> 00:02:54,616
And Alan will pick up the check.
74
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,717
Well, why can't Buddy go?
75
00:02:55,817 --> 00:02:57,419
Yeah. Why can't Buddy go?
76
00:02:57,519 --> 00:02:58,686
No, Buddy can't go.
77
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:01,890
You go, Rob, because you're the only one that'll
mention there are two other writers on the show.
79
00:03:01,990 --> 00:03:05,694
Yeah, I guess it sounds better if Rob
says all those wonderful things about me.
81
00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:08,863
It's an interview, not a fantasy.
82
00:03:08,963 --> 00:03:15,136
Oh, Rob, remember you're to discuss Alan and his
talent, not Buddy Sorrell and his lack of it.
84
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:16,571
Well, I know what's wrong with you.
85
00:03:16,671 --> 00:03:17,739
Your hair didn't fall out.
86
00:03:17,839 --> 00:03:19,507
It fell in and clogged your brain.
87
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,447
[yells]
88
00:03:25,547 --> 00:03:28,249
He's so touchy.
89
00:03:28,349 --> 00:03:31,252
Well, Rob, I guess it's up to you
to have lunch with Miss Newstime.
91
00:03:31,352 --> 00:03:32,187
Yeah, here.
92
00:03:32,287 --> 00:03:32,954
Use my credit card.
93
00:03:33,054 --> 00:03:34,389
Well, you can use mine.
94
00:03:34,489 --> 00:03:35,390
Wait a minute.
95
00:03:35,490 --> 00:03:36,858
Alan's picking up the check.
96
00:03:36,958 --> 00:03:38,860
We don't want you to pay for it, just want
to make sure you spell our names right.
98
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,261
Buddy Sorrell with two Ls.
99
00:03:40,361 --> 00:03:42,163
Yeah, and don't forget, there's no D in Rogers.
100
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,131
You kidding?
101
00:03:43,231 --> 00:03:44,432
You think I'd forget you guys' names?
102
00:03:44,532 --> 00:03:45,600
Sure.
103
00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:47,735
You know something?
104
00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:49,971
I could feel very hurt by this.
105
00:03:50,071 --> 00:03:54,709
Just because it's a big national publication, you guys
are intimating I'd forget my good friends' names.
107
00:03:54,809 --> 00:03:55,977
Oh, well, now, wait a minute, Rob.
108
00:03:56,077 --> 00:03:57,645
We were only kidding. We're sorry.
109
00:03:57,745 --> 00:03:58,613
It's all right.
110
00:03:58,713 --> 00:03:59,647
Just don't worry about it.
111
00:03:59,747 --> 00:04:00,582
Bye, Betty.
112
00:04:00,682 --> 00:04:02,617
Bye, George.
113
00:04:02,717 --> 00:04:03,718
Bye, George.
114
00:04:03,818 --> 00:04:04,919
Bye, Betty.
115
00:04:09,557 --> 00:04:10,825
No, Miss Moseby.
116
00:04:10,925 --> 00:04:12,360
I didn't discover Alan Brady.
117
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,661
He discovered me.
118
00:04:13,761 --> 00:04:15,730
He loved to encourage new talent, always.
119
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:19,167
As a matter of fact, he saw my show I wrote
locally in Illinois and thought maybe I
121
00:04:19,267 --> 00:04:20,535
could help him write his show.
122
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:21,836
Oh, his show is already on the air?
123
00:04:21,936 --> 00:04:23,338
Oh, yeah.
124
00:04:23,438 --> 00:04:24,873
As a matter of fact, he had two great writers already.
125
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,008
He had Buddy Sorrell and Sally Rogers.
126
00:04:27,108 --> 00:04:29,978
That's two Ls in Sorrell and no D in Rogers.
127
00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:32,046
Yes, you've already told me that.
128
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:35,350
Rob, there's been so much written about Alan Brady.
129
00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:38,019
And, well, I'm looking for a new angle.
130
00:04:38,119 --> 00:04:40,121
You mean something like what's he really like?
131
00:04:40,221 --> 00:04:41,222
Yes.
132
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:42,991
I'm trying to find out what makes him tick.
133
00:04:43,091 --> 00:04:46,227
Oh, well, you write a bad joke,
he gets a terrible tic, you know?
135
00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:48,563
Oh, you mean-- you mean
he's highly nervous?
136
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:49,664
No, I'm just joking.
137
00:04:49,764 --> 00:04:50,999
He's a wonderful guy.
138
00:04:51,099 --> 00:04:51,833
Oh.
139
00:04:51,933 --> 00:04:53,902
Rob, I've done some research.
140
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:59,007
Is it just coincidence that the popularity
of the Alan Brady show rose when you
142
00:04:59,107 --> 00:05:00,575
joined the show as a writer?
143
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:01,776
Oh no, you don't.
144
00:05:01,876 --> 00:05:03,278
I beg your pardon?
145
00:05:03,378 --> 00:05:06,314
You're looking for one of those
man behind the man angles.
146
00:05:06,414 --> 00:05:07,916
I don't want to get involved in an article like that.
147
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,717
Well, then how did you become the head writer?
148
00:05:09,818 --> 00:05:10,785
I don't know.
149
00:05:10,885 --> 00:05:11,886
I guess I'm just the tallest one.
150
00:05:14,489 --> 00:05:16,691
No, but really, the three of us are a team.
151
00:05:16,791 --> 00:05:18,359
I'd like that understood.
152
00:05:18,459 --> 00:05:19,727
Understood.
153
00:05:19,828 --> 00:05:23,097
Are you trying to make my job just a little bit difficult?
154
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:27,368
No, I'm trying to make my job just a little bit safer.
155
00:05:27,468 --> 00:05:28,870
Oh, here comes my wife.
156
00:05:28,970 --> 00:05:29,804
Hi, honey.
157
00:05:29,904 --> 00:05:31,306
Hi.
158
00:05:31,406 --> 00:05:34,375
Oh, I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long, darling.
159
00:05:34,475 --> 00:05:37,178
You just wouldn't believe the traffic on the Parkway.
160
00:05:37,278 --> 00:05:40,014
It was bumper to bumper the whole time.
161
00:05:40,114 --> 00:05:42,517
Honey, I'd like you to meet Miss Diane Moseby.
162
00:05:42,617 --> 00:05:44,252
How do you do?
163
00:05:44,352 --> 00:05:47,155
Miss Moseby is a reporter with Newstime Magazine.
164
00:05:47,255 --> 00:05:47,889
Oh!
165
00:05:47,989 --> 00:05:50,391
Well, how are you?
166
00:05:50,491 --> 00:05:51,426
Newstime?
167
00:05:51,526 --> 00:05:52,760
And you're doing an article about Rob?
168
00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,095
Whoa, honey.
169
00:05:54,195 --> 00:05:55,830
No, she's just getting material on Alan Brady.
170
00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:57,332
They're going to do a cover story on him.
171
00:05:57,432 --> 00:05:58,566
Oh.
172
00:05:58,666 --> 00:06:01,202
Oh, and you're interviewing the man behind the man.
173
00:06:01,302 --> 00:06:03,972
Well, I've been trying to, Mrs. Petrie.
174
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,440
Oh, please, call me Laura.
175
00:06:05,540 --> 00:06:06,641
Oh, if you call me Diane.
176
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:07,675
All right.
177
00:06:07,775 --> 00:06:08,977
Tell me, Laura.
178
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,279
Is this man of yours as modest as he seems?
179
00:06:11,379 --> 00:06:12,247
He's modest-er.
180
00:06:12,347 --> 00:06:13,314
Oh, honey.
181
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:14,449
Well, it's true.
182
00:06:14,549 --> 00:06:16,384
Don't modest men make you just want to scream?
183
00:06:16,484 --> 00:06:17,385
They frustrate me.
184
00:06:17,485 --> 00:06:19,554
Maybe you can help me break him down.
185
00:06:19,654 --> 00:06:20,855
Oh, I'd love to.
186
00:06:20,955 --> 00:06:24,559
Now, Rob, exactly how is the show written?
187
00:06:24,659 --> 00:06:28,429
Well, as I was saying, it's a
collaboration in every sense of the word.
189
00:06:28,529 --> 00:06:32,133
Buddy and Sally-- that's Buddy
and Sally-- Well, who does what?
191
00:06:32,233 --> 00:06:33,568
Well, we-- everything.
192
00:06:33,668 --> 00:06:35,903
We throw lines and jokes back and forth all day long.
193
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,506
As a matter of fact, when the scripts
finish, you don't know who wrote what.
195
00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:39,641
Oh, no, no.
196
00:06:39,741 --> 00:06:41,242
I can always tell what Rob wrote.
197
00:06:41,342 --> 00:06:42,010
She cannot.
198
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,311
Oh, I can too.
199
00:06:43,411 --> 00:06:46,281
I can give you seven lines from last week's--
Honey, would you like a little something to eat?
201
00:06:46,381 --> 00:06:47,749
No, later. Thank you, dear.
202
00:06:47,849 --> 00:06:49,684
But does Alan Brady contribute anything to the script?
203
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:50,618
Oh my, yes.
204
00:06:50,718 --> 00:06:51,753
He's very creative.
205
00:06:51,853 --> 00:06:53,021
One of-- the biggest contributor.
206
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:56,457
Yeah, he signs Rob's checks every week.
207
00:06:56,557 --> 00:06:59,394
That would prejudice you just a bit now, wouldn't it?
208
00:06:59,494 --> 00:07:04,299
No, seriously, Miss Moseby, even at the first
reading of the script, Alan has so many routines.
211
00:07:04,399 --> 00:07:07,669
Yeah, but some of those routines are the ones
that Rob performed when he was in the Army.
213
00:07:07,769 --> 00:07:08,936
Oh, is that true? LAURA: Yes.
214
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:10,104
ROB: No, it's only partly true.
215
00:07:10,204 --> 00:07:11,105
Honey, would you like a roll?
216
00:07:11,205 --> 00:07:12,407
Thank you, dear.
217
00:07:12,507 --> 00:07:15,310
It seems-- Here,
let me butter it for you, honey.
218
00:07:15,410 --> 00:07:20,114
Rob, why are comedians so reluctant
to give credit to their writers?
220
00:07:20,214 --> 00:07:25,753
Well, Miss Moseby, you have to realize
that a comedian is like a bullfighter.
222
00:07:25,853 --> 00:07:29,524
You know, when he faces an audience,
it's a real moment of truth, you know?
224
00:07:29,624 --> 00:07:31,326
And if they don't like the jokes, they blame him.
225
00:07:31,426 --> 00:07:32,527
They don't blame the writers.
226
00:07:32,627 --> 00:07:34,429
Would they really bail on your show?
227
00:07:34,529 --> 00:07:36,431
Well, I think we're just lucky.
228
00:07:36,531 --> 00:07:37,498
Lucky?
229
00:07:37,598 --> 00:07:39,667
Alan Brady is the lucky one if you ask me.
230
00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:41,135
Honey, we didn't ask you.
231
00:07:41,235 --> 00:07:44,205
And I would like to remind you that
Alan Brady is paying for this lunch.
233
00:07:44,305 --> 00:07:45,006
Really?
234
00:07:45,106 --> 00:07:46,607
Oh, why did you say really?
235
00:07:46,708 --> 00:07:47,608
Is he cheap?
236
00:07:47,709 --> 00:07:48,943
- He's not cheap. - Oh.
237
00:07:49,043 --> 00:07:49,944
No, no.
238
00:07:50,044 --> 00:07:51,346
I didn't mean he was cheap.
239
00:07:51,446 --> 00:07:54,882
Well, is it irritating to have Alan
Brady get all the glory and applause?
241
00:07:54,982 --> 00:07:56,451
No, no, absolutely not.
242
00:07:56,551 --> 00:08:00,722
As a matter of fact, Alan Brady is such a great
entertainer, he makes the material look that much better.
244
00:08:00,822 --> 00:08:05,393
I can tell you that the first time I saw him
perform my material on the first show I wrote,
246
00:08:05,493 --> 00:08:06,861
it was the biggest thrill of my life.
247
00:08:06,961 --> 00:08:08,096
And that's the truth. - Yeah.
248
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:11,232
And apparently, the critics recognized it was
Rob's talent that did it, because they gave
250
00:08:11,332 --> 00:08:12,934
the show unqualified raves.
251
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,102
They said they liked it.
252
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,336
They loved it!
253
00:08:15,436 --> 00:08:16,838
In fact, I have the review right here.
254
00:08:16,938 --> 00:08:18,239
Are you still carrying that thing?
255
00:08:18,339 --> 00:08:20,375
I had it plasticized.
256
00:08:20,475 --> 00:08:25,046
Last night, veteran TV viewers were surprised
and delighted-- May I take your order, sir?
258
00:08:25,146 --> 00:08:26,314
Yes, waiter.
259
00:08:26,414 --> 00:08:27,582
Would you get this lady a separate table?
260
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:34,021
--how, at the end of the show, Alan
Brady comes out sits on a swing with his
262
00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:35,490
guest stars and drinks a soda?
263
00:08:35,590 --> 00:08:36,424
Oh yeah.
264
00:08:36,524 --> 00:08:38,159
That was Buddy and Sally's idea.
265
00:08:38,259 --> 00:08:42,263
Well, I've never been too fond of that part of the show.
266
00:08:42,363 --> 00:08:44,732
Well, this has been a most fruitful lunch.
267
00:08:44,832 --> 00:08:45,933
I had fruit for lunch.
268
00:08:46,034 --> 00:08:47,235
[laughs]
269
00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:48,936
He says things like that all the time.
270
00:08:49,036 --> 00:08:49,837
I do not.
271
00:08:49,937 --> 00:08:51,105
Yes, you do.
272
00:08:51,205 --> 00:08:52,774
Well, thank you for a very lovely lunch.
273
00:08:52,874 --> 00:08:53,975
Where are you going?
274
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,309
Oh, I have to get back to my office.
275
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,078
Well, but what about my rebuttal?
276
00:08:57,178 --> 00:08:58,246
Oh, there's no need for that.
277
00:08:58,346 --> 00:09:01,115
I have quite enough material
here for an enlightening article.
279
00:09:01,215 --> 00:09:02,683
About whom?
280
00:09:02,784 --> 00:09:03,751
Mr. Brady.
281
00:09:03,851 --> 00:09:05,052
Good night, all. - Good night.
282
00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:05,987
Good night.
283
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,189
Good night.
284
00:09:08,289 --> 00:09:10,091
Oh, Rob, wasn't that exciting?
285
00:09:10,191 --> 00:09:11,692
It was embarrassing.
286
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:12,894
Oh, Rob.
287
00:09:12,994 --> 00:09:14,796
Did you hear what she said about me?
288
00:09:14,896 --> 00:09:18,599
Behind every great man-- --is
a woman with a big mouth.
289
00:09:23,004 --> 00:09:23,871
[inaudible]
290
00:09:23,971 --> 00:09:24,839
No thanks.
291
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,175
I just had my shoes shine.
292
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,109
Good morning, Buddy.
293
00:09:28,209 --> 00:09:29,877
Good morning, Sally.
294
00:09:29,977 --> 00:09:35,383
Those who feel good in the morning should have the
courtesy not to impose it upon those who do not.
297
00:09:35,483 --> 00:09:37,185
Doesn't anybody know what day this?
298
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,519
It's Wednesday.
299
00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:39,353
Wednesday?
300
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:41,756
We had one of those last week.
301
00:09:41,856 --> 00:09:43,958
But this is not like any other Wednesday.
302
00:09:44,058 --> 00:09:45,259
Look. BUDDY: Hey.
303
00:09:45,359 --> 00:09:46,427
SALLY: Hey, it's out.
304
00:09:46,527 --> 00:09:47,695
Alan Brady is a clown. BUDDY: Yeah.
305
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:49,263
That's right.
306
00:09:49,363 --> 00:09:52,066
Our noble employer has taken his
place alongside Khrushchev and Castro.
308
00:09:52,166 --> 00:09:54,001
And all those other dictators.
309
00:09:54,102 --> 00:09:55,636
Hey, what about the article, Rob?
310
00:09:55,736 --> 00:09:56,571
Can he sue?
311
00:09:56,671 --> 00:09:57,672
I don't think so.
312
00:09:57,772 --> 00:10:00,341
From what I read coming up on the
elevator, he's a smash, thank goodness.
314
00:10:00,441 --> 00:10:01,909
Why thank goodness?
315
00:10:02,009 --> 00:10:03,778
I thought it might come out a little differently than that.
316
00:10:03,878 --> 00:10:05,113
Oh.
317
00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:07,782
If it's all as good as this first
paragraph-- it's right here. - OK, read it.
319
00:10:07,882 --> 00:10:08,716
Here it is.
320
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:09,951
Good morning, staff.
321
00:10:10,051 --> 00:10:11,152
Good morning, stiff.
322
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:18,192
Have you seen the current issue of News--
oh, I see you have it already. - Yeah.
324
00:10:18,292 --> 00:10:19,193
How did Alan like it?
325
00:10:19,293 --> 00:10:21,329
He's delirious about it.
326
00:10:21,429 --> 00:10:24,031
When you get a moment,
Alan would like to see you in his office.
328
00:10:24,132 --> 00:10:25,600
Not where I'd like to see you.
329
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:29,604
I'm gonna go in there right now, because why
should he sit on all that pent-up gratitude?
331
00:10:29,704 --> 00:10:33,608
[music playing]
332
00:10:37,879 --> 00:10:39,146
[knocking on door]
333
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:41,349
Oh, come in.
334
00:10:41,449 --> 00:10:42,683
Good morning, Alan.
335
00:10:42,783 --> 00:10:43,885
Morning, Rob.
336
00:10:43,985 --> 00:10:45,753
Have you seen the magazine yet, read the article?
337
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:46,687
I haven't read it yet.
338
00:10:46,787 --> 00:10:47,889
I hear it is just great.
339
00:10:47,989 --> 00:10:51,058
Yes, it's just wonderful.
340
00:10:51,158 --> 00:10:54,629
What are you going to do, light my pencil?
341
00:10:54,729 --> 00:10:57,598
I thought you were going to smoke-- I'll
let you know when I'm going to smoke.
343
00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,233
Blow it out.
344
00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:01,068
You haven't read it yet, huh? - No, I haven't.
345
00:11:01,169 --> 00:11:02,303
Well, why don't you read it out loud?
346
00:11:02,403 --> 00:11:03,437
What, you want me to read it?
347
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:04,906
Yeah, let's all enjoy it together.
348
00:11:05,006 --> 00:11:06,741
Yeah, let's all enjoy-- Shut
up, Mel.
349
00:11:06,841 --> 00:11:08,042
Yes, sir.
350
00:11:08,142 --> 00:11:08,943
ALAN: Read it, Rob.
351
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:10,411
ROB: OK.
352
00:11:10,511 --> 00:11:14,782
For all the hootin', rootin', tootin' of TV's doctors,
and lawyers, and Indian chiefs, the brightest star
354
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:20,288
on the living room screen is that master confectioner
of comedic fluff, Alan Brady, the top funny
356
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,789
man in the business today.
357
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:22,890
They call it the real me.
358
00:11:22,990 --> 00:11:24,926
I always said you were the top comedian, Alan.
359
00:11:25,026 --> 00:11:25,826
Shut up, Mel.
360
00:11:25,927 --> 00:11:27,261
Yes, sir.
361
00:11:27,361 --> 00:11:28,563
Go on, Rob. Read, read.
362
00:11:28,663 --> 00:11:29,897
OK.
363
00:11:29,997 --> 00:11:32,900
Brady's climb up the TV ladder was cautious and constant.
364
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,469
And he managed to retain his natural humility.
365
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:36,771
That's true, Alan. - Yes.
366
00:11:36,871 --> 00:11:38,205
You haven't read the rest of the article yet.
367
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:40,007
- No, I haven't. - Well, go ahead.
368
00:11:40,107 --> 00:11:40,875
Read it. - Shut up, Mel.
369
00:11:40,975 --> 00:11:41,809
Yes, sir.
370
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,411
Go on. read it.
371
00:11:43,511 --> 00:11:46,280
I think you'll be particularly interested in this
next little section that's coming up. Go on.
373
00:11:46,380 --> 00:11:47,181
Read it, read it, Rob.
374
00:11:47,281 --> 00:11:48,749
Read it, read it.
375
00:11:48,849 --> 00:11:54,689
The chief architect of the merry mimic's mansion
of mirth is unheralded head writer, hardworking--
377
00:11:54,789 --> 00:11:56,290
Now, speak up, Rob. I can't hear you.
378
00:11:56,390 --> 00:11:57,491
What was that?
379
00:11:57,592 --> 00:11:59,060
--hardworking, good-looking Rob Petrie.
380
00:11:59,160 --> 00:11:59,961
ALAN: Good-looking who?
381
00:12:00,061 --> 00:12:01,095
Uh, Rob Petrie.
382
00:12:01,195 --> 00:12:02,063
Rob Petrie. Go on.
383
00:12:02,163 --> 00:12:03,030
Go on. Read.
384
00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:04,465
Read.
385
00:12:04,565 --> 00:12:05,833
- Well, it just goes on and on. - Yeah, I like hear.
386
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:06,634
Go on. Go on.
387
00:12:06,734 --> 00:12:07,234
Go on. Read.
388
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:08,069
Read. Read.
389
00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:09,437
What does it say?
390
00:12:09,537 --> 00:12:12,440
Petrie is truly the genius behind the genius.
391
00:12:12,540 --> 00:12:14,041
Petrie is the what behind the what?
392
00:12:14,141 --> 00:12:17,278
The genius behind the-- The
genius behind the genius, yes.
393
00:12:17,378 --> 00:12:18,212
Very nice.
394
00:12:18,312 --> 00:12:19,513
Continue on, Rob.
395
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:23,351
The swift satirical sword belongs to him.
396
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,987
Brady merely wields it.
397
00:12:26,087 --> 00:12:27,288
Isn't that something?
398
00:12:27,388 --> 00:12:28,623
What do you think of that, Rob?
399
00:12:28,723 --> 00:12:29,724
Isn't that nice?
400
00:12:29,824 --> 00:12:31,192
You'd think I wrote it myself, wouldn't you?
401
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:32,793
Yeah, I thought so when I read it.
402
00:12:32,893 --> 00:12:36,564
It goes on to say that I was practically
a bum before you came to work for me.
404
00:12:36,664 --> 00:12:37,865
I don't know how they got that impression.
405
00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:41,502
Neither do I. You know how many times your name
is mentioned in my article? - No, how many?
407
00:12:41,602 --> 00:12:42,803
- 11. - 11 times?
408
00:12:42,903 --> 00:12:44,905
You know how many times my name is mentioned?
409
00:12:45,006 --> 00:12:45,940
- No. - Ha-ha!
410
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,341
- Uh, seven. - Yeah, seven.
411
00:12:47,441 --> 00:12:48,943
7-11. That's lucky.
412
00:12:49,043 --> 00:12:51,612
Not for you, it isn't.
413
00:12:51,712 --> 00:12:54,015
You know how many times Buddy and Sally are mentioned?
414
00:12:54,115 --> 00:12:59,453
They're mentioned as Buddy Rogers and Sally
Sorrell, your frolicsome fellow workers.
416
00:12:59,553 --> 00:13:01,122
Oh, Buddy-- they mixed up the names.
417
00:13:01,222 --> 00:13:02,690
- Yeah. - They left mine out completely.
418
00:13:02,790 --> 00:13:03,624
Shut up, Mel.
419
00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:04,425
Yes, sir.
420
00:13:04,525 --> 00:13:05,559
Rob, tell me something.
421
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,061
Are you paying for a press agent?
422
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:08,596
No, no.
423
00:13:08,696 --> 00:13:11,365
As a matter of fact, I was having lunch
with a reporter, Alan, and Laura joined us.
425
00:13:11,465 --> 00:13:12,400
Your wife joined you?
426
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:13,834
Now, whose stupid idea was that?
427
00:13:13,934 --> 00:13:15,136
Well, as a matter of fact, we had an appointment.
428
00:13:15,236 --> 00:13:16,203
They said it would be all right.
429
00:13:16,303 --> 00:13:17,138
Who, they said?
430
00:13:17,238 --> 00:13:18,072
Who-- who they?
431
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:19,240
I-- I they.
432
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:24,111
Mel, you have done it again.
433
00:13:24,211 --> 00:13:29,917
It wasn't Mel's fault. Every time I said something
about you, Laura would say something about me.
435
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,620
Next time, I'll talk about me and let Laura talk about you.
436
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,221
What next time are you talking about?
437
00:13:34,321 --> 00:13:35,890
There's not gonna be any next time, Rob.
438
00:13:35,990 --> 00:13:36,857
Now, get out of here!
439
00:13:36,957 --> 00:13:39,694
How far out is-- From now
on, go to your office until I
440
00:13:39,794 --> 00:13:42,697
tell you whether my satirical sword needs any sharpening.
441
00:13:42,797 --> 00:13:45,800
And next time you talk to a reporter,
will try to work my name in?
443
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:47,435
Even if you have to force it into the conversation.
444
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:48,936
I certainly will.
445
00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:50,271
And tell your wife to eat at home next time, will you?
446
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:51,906
- I will. - Yes, very nice.
447
00:13:52,006 --> 00:13:53,207
Yeah.
448
00:13:53,307 --> 00:13:54,241
Where are you going, Mel?
449
00:13:54,341 --> 00:13:55,476
I was just going to my office.
450
00:13:55,576 --> 00:13:56,410
I'm not finished yelling at you yet.
451
00:13:56,510 --> 00:13:57,845
Get back here!
452
00:13:57,945 --> 00:14:01,782
What in heaven's name do you mean, how did I go
to-- And it's the time I want this to happen.
454
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,417
Now, go out and get me some lunch.
455
00:14:03,517 --> 00:14:04,652
MEL: Yes, sir.
456
00:14:14,128 --> 00:14:14,962
Hi, there.
457
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:15,996
You remember us?
458
00:14:16,097 --> 00:14:18,532
Betty and George.
459
00:14:18,632 --> 00:14:20,468
Look, you guys, I'd like to explain about that article.
460
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,669
Oh, what's to explain?
461
00:14:21,769 --> 00:14:24,605
It's all down here in black and blue.
462
00:14:24,705 --> 00:14:25,906
It's a little extra publicity.
463
00:14:26,006 --> 00:14:26,841
So what?
464
00:14:26,941 --> 00:14:27,775
Yeah.
465
00:14:27,875 --> 00:14:29,276
Besides, we're past that article.
466
00:14:29,377 --> 00:14:31,545
We're already up to science and medicine.
467
00:14:31,645 --> 00:14:36,917
See if some guy can come up with
a cure for a stab in the back.
469
00:14:37,017 --> 00:14:38,552
You're not gonna let me explain, are you?
470
00:14:38,652 --> 00:14:39,887
What's to explain?
471
00:14:39,987 --> 00:14:43,224
Already, eight million readers know that
we're your frolicsome fellow workers.
473
00:14:43,324 --> 00:14:47,228
Listen, I feel honored to be a frolicsome fellow worker.
474
00:14:47,328 --> 00:14:50,131
If I mentioned your names once,
I mentioned them 20 times.
475
00:14:50,231 --> 00:14:51,065
Yeah, I believe that.
476
00:14:51,165 --> 00:14:52,233
You do?
477
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:53,367
Yeah, he mentioned our names once.
478
00:14:53,467 --> 00:14:54,769
I never said any of those things.
479
00:14:54,869 --> 00:14:57,171
And I got a notion to sue that magazine for libel.
480
00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:58,406
Yeah, for what?
481
00:14:58,506 --> 00:15:03,210
The nastiest thing they said about
you is that you are charming and tall.
483
00:15:03,310 --> 00:15:04,278
Hey, frolicsome.
484
00:15:04,378 --> 00:15:07,615
What is it, fellow worker?
485
00:15:07,715 --> 00:15:08,983
You want to get back to the sketch?
486
00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:10,317
Yeah.
487
00:15:10,417 --> 00:15:13,120
Here, send this to some of your school chumps in Danville.
488
00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:14,421
Uh, let's see now.
489
00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:16,090
Alan's in the dentist's office, right?
490
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:17,525
Yeah, that's right.
491
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,593
Hey, Alan plays the part of a wealthy Texas oil man.
492
00:15:19,693 --> 00:15:21,328
And the dentist says, which tooth hurts you?
493
00:15:21,428 --> 00:15:22,930
He says, drill anyplace, doc.
494
00:15:23,030 --> 00:15:26,033
I feel lucky today.
495
00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:27,067
Hey, that's very good.
496
00:15:27,168 --> 00:15:28,269
That's a wonderful joke, Buddy.
497
00:15:28,369 --> 00:15:29,403
Oh?
498
00:15:29,503 --> 00:15:30,404
Well, would you mind signing this?
499
00:15:30,504 --> 00:15:31,739
What for?
500
00:15:31,839 --> 00:15:34,642
It's a receipt for the joke, in case
anybody asks me what I do around here.
502
00:15:34,742 --> 00:15:37,044
Oh, Buddy, making him sign a receipt.
503
00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:38,012
I think that's terrible.
504
00:15:38,112 --> 00:15:39,346
Thanks, Sal.
505
00:15:39,446 --> 00:15:42,316
Anything we write, we'll just type our initials to it.
506
00:15:42,416 --> 00:15:45,886
[music playing]
507
00:15:47,588 --> 00:15:49,023
Oh, hi, darling.
508
00:15:49,123 --> 00:15:50,758
Hi, honey.
509
00:15:50,858 --> 00:15:53,194
Oh, Rob, isn't this exciting?
510
00:15:53,294 --> 00:15:54,829
I take it you liked the article.
511
00:15:54,929 --> 00:15:56,630
I loved it!
512
00:15:56,730 --> 00:15:59,600
Well, the phone hasn't stopped ringing all afternoon.
513
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:02,102
Rob, New Rochelle is proud of you.
514
00:16:02,203 --> 00:16:03,437
Swell.
515
00:16:03,537 --> 00:16:06,006
It's just too bad New Rochelle isn't
the hub of the television industry.
517
00:16:06,106 --> 00:16:06,941
What do you mean?
518
00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:08,242
Because downtown, they hate me.
519
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,877
Well, why do they hate you?
520
00:16:09,977 --> 00:16:12,546
Because my name was mentioned more
times in the article than Alan's?
522
00:16:12,646 --> 00:16:14,014
Oh, really?
523
00:16:14,114 --> 00:16:15,816
Oh, yeah, 11 times for me and seven times for Alan.
524
00:16:15,916 --> 00:16:17,284
LAURA: Oh, I never noticed that.
525
00:16:17,384 --> 00:16:18,886
Oh, he did.
526
00:16:18,986 --> 00:16:23,357
Do you mean to tell me that he is so
small and petty that he counted how many
528
00:16:23,457 --> 00:16:24,692
times his name was mentioned?
529
00:16:24,792 --> 00:16:26,694
The bigger they are, the harder they count.
530
00:16:26,794 --> 00:16:27,628
Oh!
531
00:16:27,728 --> 00:16:29,930
Well, that is so petty?
532
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:30,998
He isn't mad.
533
00:16:31,098 --> 00:16:32,600
Well, listen.
534
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,168
Alan may be a little upset with you.
535
00:16:34,268 --> 00:16:36,303
But down at the shopping center, they love you.
536
00:16:36,403 --> 00:16:37,204
Oh boy.
537
00:16:37,304 --> 00:16:38,239
That'll pay off someday.
538
00:16:38,339 --> 00:16:39,406
Oh, it already did.
539
00:16:39,506 --> 00:16:40,975
It did.
540
00:16:41,075 --> 00:16:43,244
They gave me the lamb chops they usually save for Gene Kerr.
541
00:16:43,344 --> 00:16:44,645
Wonderful.
542
00:16:44,745 --> 00:16:48,215
And Mr. Jacobs at the garage would like an
autographed picture, please, to hang up.
544
00:16:48,315 --> 00:16:49,416
Oh, swell.
545
00:16:49,516 --> 00:16:53,587
I'll look great hanging in the
middle of all those nude calendars.
547
00:16:53,687 --> 00:16:56,957
Oh, Rob, I love this part here where
they call you a satirical sword.
549
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:59,560
I never thought of you as a satirical sword.
550
00:16:59,660 --> 00:17:02,796
You know, neither did Buddy and Sally
till I stabbed them in the back.
552
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,265
You didn't stab them in the back.
553
00:17:04,365 --> 00:17:05,399
Well, they think I did.
554
00:17:05,499 --> 00:17:06,700
And they happen to be the stab-ees.
555
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,002
Well, why would they think that?
556
00:17:08,102 --> 00:17:09,003
I don't know.
557
00:17:09,103 --> 00:17:11,672
Maybe it's because their names
aren't mentioned in the article.
559
00:17:11,772 --> 00:17:13,641
Well, they certainly are too.
560
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:14,909
Look, right there.
561
00:17:15,009 --> 00:17:17,745
Mm-hmm, Buddy Rogers and Sally Sorrell.
562
00:17:17,845 --> 00:17:19,413
They mixed their names up.
563
00:17:19,513 --> 00:17:20,314
Gee, I didn't notice that.
564
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,715
They did.
565
00:17:21,815 --> 00:17:22,917
Well, Rob, it's certainly not your fault, darling.
566
00:17:23,017 --> 00:17:25,319
You tried to get Diane to--
No, it's not my fault.
567
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:26,654
It's Diane Moseby's fault.
568
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,089
No, I don't think it's Diane Moseby's fault.
569
00:17:29,189 --> 00:17:33,360
Well, whose, then?
570
00:17:33,460 --> 00:17:36,363
Oh, Rob!
571
00:17:36,463 --> 00:17:38,732
Are you saying it's my fault?
572
00:17:38,832 --> 00:17:40,234
Why would I do that?
573
00:17:40,334 --> 00:17:42,069
I mean, all you did was go on and on about me
574
00:17:42,169 --> 00:17:44,705
like I was a combination of Mark Twain and Leonard "Bern-steen."
575
00:17:44,805 --> 00:17:47,207
"Bern-stein," and I did not!
576
00:17:47,308 --> 00:17:50,377
I merely said the things about you that I sincerely believe.
577
00:17:50,477 --> 00:17:53,581
Now, is there anything wrong in
a wife being absolutely sincere?
579
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:54,882
Obviously.
580
00:17:54,982 --> 00:17:57,718
Rob, these are the same things I've
said behind your back for years.
582
00:17:57,818 --> 00:17:59,920
Now, why shouldn't I say them to Diane Moseby?
583
00:18:00,020 --> 00:18:02,523
Because she can print them in a national magazine.
584
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,892
That's why.
585
00:18:04,992 --> 00:18:09,396
Well, I just don't understand why
you're being so angry with me.
587
00:18:09,496 --> 00:18:13,634
You don't-- you don't understand-- you
embarrass me within an inch of my job,
589
00:18:13,734 --> 00:18:14,969
and you don't understand why?
590
00:18:15,069 --> 00:18:16,537
Well, you could have stopped me, you know.
591
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:17,438
Oh, boy.
592
00:18:17,538 --> 00:18:18,372
I tried.
593
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,040
Halfheartedly.
594
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,275
Halfheartedly?
595
00:18:21,375 --> 00:18:24,278
If you really wanted to shut me up,
you could have, and you know it.
597
00:18:24,378 --> 00:18:25,612
How?
598
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:28,849
You could have given me one of those looks.
599
00:18:28,949 --> 00:18:30,184
What, you mean one of those?
600
00:18:30,284 --> 00:18:31,485
Yes, that.
601
00:18:31,585 --> 00:18:33,620
If you wanted to shut me up, you could have done that.
602
00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:36,290
Well, why didn't you?
603
00:18:36,390 --> 00:18:37,391
You want to know why?
604
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:38,292
Yes.
605
00:18:38,392 --> 00:18:39,760
I will tell you why.
606
00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:41,295
Because even though I was embarrassed by everything
607
00:18:41,395 --> 00:18:43,864
you said, I sat there, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
608
00:18:43,964 --> 00:18:47,167
I guess, down deep in my subconscious,
I was in complete agreement with you.
610
00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:48,102
That's why.
611
00:18:48,202 --> 00:18:49,303
Then why are you shouting at me?
612
00:18:49,403 --> 00:18:50,237
I'm shouting at me.
613
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:53,307
You're just in the way.
614
00:18:53,407 --> 00:18:54,608
Let me tell you this, Rob.
615
00:18:54,708 --> 00:18:58,545
You happen to have a very smart subconscious,
because you are the best one, and I just
617
00:18:58,646 --> 00:19:00,014
like to tell people you are.
618
00:19:00,114 --> 00:19:01,448
Honey, I want to tell you something.
619
00:19:01,548 --> 00:19:04,852
No matter how hard you and I try, we're not
gonna be able to make a fight out of this.
621
00:19:04,952 --> 00:19:06,320
- I don't think so. - That's right.
622
00:19:06,420 --> 00:19:07,655
And you know why?
623
00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:09,356
Because you're the best one, and you know it.
624
00:19:09,456 --> 00:19:10,257
And so do I.
625
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:11,291
Right.
626
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:19,233
Now, what am I gonna do to reestablish
contact with Buddy and Sally?
628
00:19:19,333 --> 00:19:22,202
Rob, I don't know.
629
00:19:22,302 --> 00:19:24,004
Yes, I do know!
630
00:19:24,104 --> 00:19:26,006
I'll write a letter to a Buddy and Sally.
631
00:19:26,106 --> 00:19:28,175
I'll tell them it was all my fault. It was, you know?
632
00:19:28,275 --> 00:19:29,710
You said it-- no.
633
00:19:29,810 --> 00:19:30,944
No, no, no.
634
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:32,346
You write a letter to Buddy and Sally.
635
00:19:32,446 --> 00:19:33,380
You're much better at writing things than I am.
636
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:34,948
No. No, no.
637
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,417
Write a letter to the editor of the magazine and explain it.
638
00:19:36,517 --> 00:19:37,451
No, no.
639
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,620
I'll write-- what are you doing?
640
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,824
I am writing a letter to you.
641
00:19:43,924 --> 00:19:48,262
It says, dear wife, shut up.
642
00:19:48,362 --> 00:19:50,230
I will write the letter to the editor.
643
00:19:50,330 --> 00:19:51,165
OK.
644
00:19:51,265 --> 00:19:54,935
[music playing]
645
00:20:14,321 --> 00:20:16,256
Oh, I'll be right back.
646
00:20:16,356 --> 00:20:17,758
Yeah, well.
647
00:20:20,194 --> 00:20:23,797
Hey, Buddy, maybe we're being a little too tough on Rob, huh?
648
00:20:23,897 --> 00:20:24,732
Are you kidding?
649
00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:25,766
After what he did?
650
00:20:25,866 --> 00:20:27,534
Well, how do we know he did it?
651
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:28,569
Oh, he did it.
652
00:20:28,669 --> 00:20:30,604
Well, how can you be so sure?
653
00:20:30,704 --> 00:20:34,541
Because if it was me, I'd have probably done the same thing.
654
00:20:34,641 --> 00:20:36,143
Well, thanks a lot, George.
655
00:20:36,243 --> 00:20:38,479
From now on, I'll sit with my back to the wall.
656
00:20:38,579 --> 00:20:39,880
Hey, look.
657
00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:43,150
We were writing for Alan Brady long before
anybody ever heard of Robert Petrie.
659
00:20:43,250 --> 00:20:45,919
Yeah, but Alan wasn't getting anyplace until Rob came along.
660
00:20:46,019 --> 00:20:47,020
And neither were we.
661
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:47,754
Yeah.
662
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,056
Well, neither was he.
663
00:20:49,156 --> 00:20:50,390
[inaudible] jazz all over here.
664
00:20:50,491 --> 00:20:51,992
[inaudible] keep things clean around this joint?
665
00:20:52,092 --> 00:20:54,928
Hey, Buddy,
maybe-- maybe he is a genius.
666
00:20:55,028 --> 00:20:56,797
Yeah, yeah, sure.
667
00:20:56,897 --> 00:20:59,333
Maybe we're all geniuses.
668
00:20:59,433 --> 00:21:00,367
What is this?
669
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:02,736
Carbon paper.
670
00:21:02,836 --> 00:21:03,871
Listen to this.
671
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:06,640
To the editor, Newstime Magazine.
672
00:21:06,740 --> 00:21:14,014
As a more than interested spectator, may I compliment
you on the fine cover job you did on Alan Brady?
675
00:21:14,114 --> 00:21:15,349
Oh, you were right.
676
00:21:15,449 --> 00:21:17,317
He's buttering them up for more publicity.
677
00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:18,485
Yeah.
678
00:21:18,585 --> 00:21:24,057
I seem to have been appointed the custodian--
--custodian for a good deal of the show's success.
680
00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:27,995
And I think it only fair to divide it up right now.
681
00:21:28,095 --> 00:21:32,900
Yeah. Most of the-- Most of
the-- Most of the-- Credit.
682
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,102
--credit-- thanks, Rob.
683
00:21:38,105 --> 00:21:44,211
Most of the credit should go to two--
BOTH: --writers who started with Alan Brady
685
00:21:44,311 --> 00:21:47,681
at the beginning, Sally Rogers and Buddy Sorrell.
686
00:21:47,781 --> 00:21:48,582
Two Ls.
687
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:50,017
Yeah.
688
00:21:50,117 --> 00:21:59,359
And to the big man himself, a true creative comedian
who inspires good writers to be better ones.
690
00:21:59,459 --> 00:22:00,928
OK, who first?
691
00:22:04,765 --> 00:22:06,466
I apologize, Rob.
692
00:22:06,567 --> 00:22:07,601
Ditto.
693
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,269
You really didn't have to do it.
694
00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:12,406
Yes, he did.
695
00:22:12,506 --> 00:22:13,807
I'm glad I did.
696
00:22:13,907 --> 00:22:16,410
You think that this letter will
ever get into Newstime Magazine?
698
00:22:16,510 --> 00:22:19,846
Even if they don't put it in the Letters to the
Editors column, it's going to get it anyway.
700
00:22:19,947 --> 00:22:20,981
Well, how can you be so sure?
701
00:22:21,081 --> 00:22:23,717
Well, I just showed it to Alan,
and he wants to take it out as an ad.
703
00:22:23,817 --> 00:22:24,985
You're kidding. You're kidding.
704
00:22:25,085 --> 00:22:26,053
Yeah, as an ad.
705
00:22:26,153 --> 00:22:28,255
You know how the ad's gonna read?
706
00:22:28,355 --> 00:22:32,759
It's gonna say, Alan Brady thanks
Rob Petrie-- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
708
00:22:32,860 --> 00:22:34,695
ROB: --and his two brilliant
cowriters-- Yeah, yeah.
709
00:22:34,795 --> 00:22:35,596
--Betty and George.
710
00:22:35,696 --> 00:22:36,663
Oh, come on.
711
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:40,868
[knocking on door]
712
00:22:40,968 --> 00:22:42,035
ALAN: Come in.
713
00:22:42,135 --> 00:22:42,970
You want to see me, Alan?
714
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:44,438
ALAN: Yeah, come in.
715
00:22:44,538 --> 00:22:45,472
Oh, there you guys are.
716
00:22:45,572 --> 00:22:46,373
I wondered where you were.
717
00:22:46,473 --> 00:22:47,574
Yeah, we're here, Rob.
718
00:22:47,674 --> 00:22:48,809
Advance copy of Newstime.
719
00:22:48,909 --> 00:22:49,776
Oh, hey.
720
00:22:49,877 --> 00:22:50,644
Did they print my letter?
721
00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:51,845
Yeah, it's all there.
722
00:22:51,945 --> 00:22:53,614
Read it. - Well, nobody has to read it.
723
00:22:53,714 --> 00:22:55,148
Everybody knows what's in it.
724
00:22:55,249 --> 00:22:56,817
No, just read what it says after the little black dot.
725
00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:59,219
There's no little black dot in my letter.
726
00:22:59,319 --> 00:23:00,888
Well, that's the editor's note, Rob.
727
00:23:00,988 --> 00:23:01,788
Yes. read it, Rob.
728
00:23:01,889 --> 00:23:02,723
Go ahead.
729
00:23:02,823 --> 00:23:04,057
Oh, the editor's note.
730
00:23:04,157 --> 00:23:11,632
We think Mr. Petrie doth protest too much and
merely confirms our original evaluation.
732
00:23:11,732 --> 00:23:15,602
[laughter]
733
00:23:16,903 --> 00:23:21,742
His humility is just as big as his talent.
734
00:23:21,842 --> 00:23:28,181
One must sympathize with him for the pressures
that must have forced him to write the letter.
736
00:23:30,584 --> 00:23:32,986
Hey, you-- you know what I think probably happened?
737
00:23:33,086 --> 00:23:33,887
No, what happened, Rob?
738
00:23:33,987 --> 00:23:34,821
What, what?
739
00:23:34,921 --> 00:23:36,356
What happened?
740
00:23:36,456 --> 00:23:38,825
I think probably they thought the
letter was too strong, you know?
742
00:23:38,926 --> 00:23:40,360
Too strong?
743
00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:42,396
That's why they figured that you forced me to write it.
744
00:23:42,496 --> 00:23:43,230
Yes.
745
00:23:43,330 --> 00:23:44,264
You know what I'm going to do?
746
00:23:44,364 --> 00:23:45,399
What are you going to do, do?
747
00:23:45,499 --> 00:23:46,867
- I'm going to my office. - Yeah?
748
00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:47,834
Write another letter.
749
00:23:47,935 --> 00:23:48,769
- Another letter. - Good.
750
00:23:48,869 --> 00:23:50,704
And I'll explain what--
Yeah, you will!
751
00:23:54,508 --> 00:23:58,478
[music playing]
752
00:24:02,416 --> 00:24:07,554
[theme music]
48844
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.