Original subtitles

It's much later than you think.

To Janine

MONEY MONEY MONEY

38,982th sunset in the history of cinema

During its numerous interruptions,

the defense has maintained,

by means of absurd and deceptive argument,

that this case, being tried under criminal law,

is actually a political trial!

Gentlemen of the jury, make no mistake!

These five men are criminals.

I use the term advisedly.

These five common criminals have used

their fertile imaginations in the cause of Evil.

That to use politics as a screen

for their sinister activities.

Look into their eyes, try to detect

the faintest glimmer, the least whiff

of a political ideal or thought!

I ask you, Your Honor...

I ask you, the jury...

I ask you, the people...

what is the common denominator of all their criminal acts?

Money...

nothing but money!

Or, in the language of these gentlemen...

loot.

As for politics, they couldn't care less!

Moreover, psychiatrists have found

that the IQ of these five specimens

is woefully below average.

The medical report on Simon, for example,

states that he displays cyclical symptoms

of neuroses ranging from hysterical depression

to acute paranoia.

I will cite just one fact

about this individual, this Simon...

that fact concerns his activities

near an automobile assembly plant, in 1961.

Simon Duroc and his friends

stole 8,523 tires in 11 months!

It was his first conviction... three years in prison.

From then on, he was lost to society.

WE GIVE AWAY APPLES

- Fill her up, sir? - 25 francs' worth.

There you are, sir! Clean your windshield?

Calling Fox Bravo Hotel, Golf Romeo.

This is T6 Juliet Papa, over.

If you read me, make a 180-degree turn and land.

We know you are transporting weapons.

Fox Bravo Hotel, Golf Romeo, do you read me?

Fill her up, sir?

Fill her up.

There you are, sir! Clean your windshield?

Hey, my money!

I'm being robbed!

My money!

Thus was born the team of Jacques and Charlot.

From 1960 to 1965, they made the headlines regularly.

From 1965 to 1970, they took a vacation... in prison.

But we have no details about that.

With Sabena, you're already there

Come on, over there!

Been to school?

Can you read? What that said

- What? - Stop...

- Did you stop? - No

- Why? - I didn't see it...

- Why? - Ouch...

- Why? - I could not see it.

- Why? - Why... Why...

I tell you why

I didn't see it!

My ear!

Are you hurt?

I'll take you to the hospital.

I'll hospitalize you!

Your car okay?

Take me to the airport! The airport!

- The hospital? - Take me to the airport!

- The hospital? - The airport!

Open the door!

Climb in!

We going or not? Let's go!

Is this your car?

Are you deaf?

- You keep saying "Eh?" - Louder! I can't hear.

Is this your car?

Yes. Why?

Where's the door key?

The key?

I lost it.

- What're you doing? - My eyes hurt.

Well done!

Look, we've got to catch a plane!

Car papers.

License and registration.

This is a stolen car.

A stolen car?

- Impossible! - It's a stolen car!

Wait a minute! Look, I don't know this man.

I just met him...

Open the door.

Can't you open this door?

I've never met him!

- Do you know me? - I don't know him.

Tell them you don't know me!

I don't know him.

Is this your car?

No!

I had an accident two miles from here.

This gentleman... you moron!

Wait a minute.

My car's a wreck!

You have to come with me.

This is a stolen car.

What the hell do I care?

It's not my fault! I'm going to miss my plane!

You can't take me in!

I have to be in Paris in four hours!

You stole the car...

Say something! You got me into this!

- I didn't steal the car. - What the hell do I care!

Tell them what happened!

I found the car and I don't know him.

You can explain at the station.

Let's take it easy...

Sir, you have to understand...

- Do you understand? - Yes, I do...

- I've got to get to Paris. - As soon as we check your story...

Please... You have to help me...

Just routine... a formality.

And you will take the next plane...

A moment please, sir.

- Me? - Yes.

"Incredible escape of Lino Massaro"

"Lino Massaro, head of a gang of art-forgers. "

I don't know him!

So you don't know each other?

I just stole the car!

Lino Massaro got five years,

so did Aldo Maccione, who couldn't explain

that the car and the paintings were two different matters.

Let's come back now, to the years 1971-72...

So that you'll understand, I'll describe in detail

what these men did after prison.

And I say, today, why not us?

PROSTITUTES OF THE WORLD, UNITE

The fact that so many of you answered our call

shows you feel the old order is finished.

We will not be the last French colony!

No more secrecy, no more ghetto.

Come out in broad daylight!

We took to the streets first, 2,000 years ago.

The sidewalks belong to us!

What would men be without us?

Nothing!

Nothing!

We are not their property!

We are the hub of a huge industry

which brings in billions. We will no longer be exploited.

Prostitution is a factory that we can manage by ourselves

since we are the tools!

We are thousands gathered here today.

Tomorrow, together,

we can be millions!

No more bosses!

No more exploitation by men!

I do not wave the red flag of Communism

nor the black flag of anarchy.

I wave the pink flag of love

and of liberty!

We accept our duties,

but we want our rights to be recognized!

And we will win.

We'll win by proving that prostitution is a public service.

I'll go even further. We want to be declared

a public utility!

For our protection,

for social security benefits, for retirement pensions,

for the recognition of our rights and against all the injustices,

I hereby proclaim a general strike of all prostitutes!

For the liberty of prostitution!

What style!

You were sensational...

brilliant!

I didn't know you could talk like that.

You surprised me.

You should be an actress, not a whore.

I never thought of it. Don't be mean.

I'm not. I meant it!

What you don't get is that it's not an act, it's for real.

C'mon, it looked like a church social!

You were all enjoying it.

Sure, but it's still serious.

You'll have to explain it to me

because I still don't get it.

- What? - All that!

What are they after? What are you after?

Can't you see that pimps are finished?

So that's it!

Look at what's happening all around you.

Times have changed.

You, with your pinstriped suit, the Mercedes,

him with his cap. I tell you, you're obsolete.

I'm obsolete?

Let me get it straight.

Today the workers fire the bosses?

You've got it! That's just about it.

I'll never fire you, boss.

You spoke of self-management.

- That's what I said. - All right, say I accept it,

even in the whorehouses.

What then?

But it means there are no more bosses!

- Can't you understand? - Nicole, you of all people,

you can't say I'm a boss.

Never, to anyone!

Aldo, do I treat you like a boss?

No, boss!

You asked for it!

Be serious for two minutes.

What about us?

You girls have had some rough times.

That's right.

And we were always there, ready for anything!

- I'm not arguing. - Summer camps for your kids,

who took care of all that?

You did. But that's not enough.

What do you want?

We want social security, for example.

I told you, boss, you can't argue with Communists!

Hey, cut it out, okay?

- He's a pain! - Talking politics bugs me!

Come on, go, go!

I'll stop the Mercedes and you take the subway!

Good morning! This is a robbery. Don't move.

Stay calm. Thank you!

Please don't move!

The door.

Press the alarm button. Call the police, that's it!

Now call them.

Hello, Mr. Policeman!

The Bank of Paris is being held up. Come right away!

- Everything's okay. - We're on our way.

Goodbye now. The police'll be right here.

Goodbye, Officer.

- Say goodbye! - Goodbye, Officer.

Papa, this time it was worthwhile.

No, listen, Daniel...

we'll talk about it tomorrow.

I've had it up to here for today!

Let's say my day was a little... special.

I feel like I live in weirdo land.

What's gotten into everybody? No! I don't want to go crazy.

I'm in a hurry, so give me a lift...

Papa, I have to explain!

- You must understand. - Well, be quick.

Capitalism's had it, the Fifth Republic has had it!

Communism's had it, the consumer society has had it!

Cars have had it!

You've got to wake up and help us!

Fine, but right now let's go, I'm in a hurry.

Close this thing or I'll get pneumonia.

Pull toward you.

- What's this? - Hide it!

What is it?

1/3 gasoline, 1/3 ether, 1/3 oxygen.

- What do you do with it? - You light it and it explodes.

It explodes!

Come on...

come with me.

- You light it where? - There.

- It'll go off! - You said cars have had it.

Let's see if I've understood you.

See? Now I understand. You just had to explain.

Here, this is for the subway.

Fascist!

3,000 whores at the meeting, and what for?

To go on strike!

- Cut the deck. - Wait a second!

And their slogans, their demands...

Our bellies belong to us, "Sex is money"...

A low blow.

We own the sidewalks, "No more pimps"...

wait... social security!

Don't listen to Communists!

And that's not all, Jacques.

I also had a little run-in with a...

a young jerk with cute ideas, too.

- So poker tonight... - I understand.

If this can comfort you in any way,

I feel the same way.

We pulled a little job today. No big deal, just a little job.

Charlot neutralized the police station... perfect!

I took care of the bank.

Perfect!

10,000 francs!

- Less 6,000 expenses... - It's to be expected, Jacques.

Boys, you've got to understand one thing.

It's vital. We've got to wake up.

We're on the brink!

- Let's get through our heads! - Can I talk?

You said it yourself: Capitalism has had it!

The consumer society has had it.

And cars... cars have had it!

- The Fifth has had it! - What's the Fifth?

- The French Republic, you idiot! - Can I say one thing?

We're obsolete!

Fascist!

Thanks.

- Where's mine? - Coming up.

We're obsolete.

Aldo's right. You are obsolete.

And I'll tell you why.

Because you keep looking for money in banks!

But that's not where it's at.

And your streetwalkers are walking out?

Naturally. All women are taking up politics,

even hookers.

They vote, they hold conferences...

Women's Lib... and why not?

It's natural!

If you want money, Lino, get a job as Treasurer

of Women's Lib!

- What d'you mean? - It seems clear to me.

Al Capone and Company are all finished.

20 years behind.

All you're good at now is making spaghetti...

and Aldo takes care of that, not you.

All right, wise guy...

You talk big, but what do you do?

Me?

I've got so many jobs, I'm getting dizzy.

I wing corporation presidents.

It's pretty funny

because I shoot right-wingers,

the far right pays me,

and the far left gets blamed.

How's that again? I'm a bit deaf.

I said I wing right-wingers,

the far right pays me,

and the far left gets blamed.

- How is it? - Good.

Politics is the only reality today...

a booming business.

Politics is fine, but which party?

No! Above parties. Above!

There's your loot.

The government...

big business...

labor unions!

I get 20,000 francs to wound a corporation president.

A big labor union like the CGT is richer than a bank.

What if you kill one?

I said I wound them.

I don't kill!

Never!

You know what the CGT is?

- No, what is it? - The labor union.

We'll really have to start from zero.

Of course, you don't know the CGT.

But politics can't be improvised.

We should take lessons. We must take lessons.

So, as Simon said, they studied politics

and the nuances of an era based on extortion and hostages.

That's how they'd make money!

Students and experts followed each other for three days and nights,

defining leftists,

Maoists, Communists, fascists, anarchists.

Their "teachers" never dreamed that these were men without ideals,

without a cause.

They'd serve any cause for their own profit.

The UN of disorder doesn't exist.

The UN of anarchy has yet to be created.

It will be born of the defunct Crime, Inc.

On February 13, 1972,

a new chapter in gangsterism was being opened.

Hoodlum imagination is coming into power!

"Stalin, born in 1870, died in 1953.

Took power in the USSR after Lenin died in 1924,

killing millions. "

Imagine a man with no license, driving a Ferrari at 200 mph.

He's bound to kill 10 people a day.

Stalin was the road hog of the Revolution!

For Trotsky, the armed prophet,

Revolution is permanent. Stalin understood it only too well.

He had him killed in Mexico.

That's where he ran him over with the Ferrari!

Weren't we told that?

Aldo, "The road hog of the Revolution"

is a metaphor.

I thought so! Stalin with a Ferrari...

Dialectical materialism

is the basis of all political thought.

Dialectics means you go from analysis to synthesis

like shifting gears.

So that's...

you know how it works?

It allows you to shift

from a specific analysis to a general conclusion.

You can go both ways and not lose sight

of your starting point.

Cars have automatic shifts now.

That was invented by Lenin.

You've heard the experts I called in.

They were very expensive.

I thought you should know.

Now you realize the contradictions

that exist between different ideas, systems,

theories, countries,

and flags.

I hope you're confused.

You mean, you hope we aren't.

Perfect! He's confused.

Because if you know that you understand nothing,

you're above confusion.

And you'll make lots of money!

Our new sphere of action

will utilize the contradictions

of those who say "Love one another," then kill each other!

Our specialty, as I see it,

is to be the specialists of clarity in confusion.

You follow me?

No, it's not clear.

I'll be more precise.

I've a job in mind.

But for this job, we have to merge.

That is, Lino, Jacques and me, with your permission.

Why didn't you say it, instead of confusing us?

That's what they do in show business. And you don't know show business!

- Tremendous - Adventure

- Stupendous - Adventure

- Erotical - Adventure

- Political - Adventure

- Adventure - Adventure...

Shut up.

Johnny, may I get your autograph, please?

For Janine.

- Who's Janine? - His sister.

Hello, everyone.

Today's top news: Johnny Hallyday.

The pop singer is still missing.

We now know he was kidnapped...

the most daring kidnapping in years.

The big question: Why Johnny Hallyday?

Is it political...

- Happy? - Terrific! Great start.

Biggest headlines since the general died.

- What general? - Bugeaud!

Le Monde: "Johnny's fans swear to find him. "

- Find you? - Here!

L'Aurore: "Why Johnny?"

Yes... why?

Combat: "Johnny Hallyday, or the political abduction. "

Terrific!

you have no doubts.

To the cashier!

Cashier... plural, we are 5

A publicity campaign would've cost 10 times more

and 10 years I'm modest.

- it's easier then a bank - yes

- Who got it? - Him.

It is not that cheap.

No but a typical advertising cost more

with no headlines or TV coverage.

How do you like your new career?

I like it, but I need time to get used to it.

The methods are new, and I'm feeling old.

It looks like it's the wave of the future.

Mr. Georges? A call from Mr. Belley.

- Inspector Lamotte. - Inspector Dufour.

- What is it? - We need to talk to your boss.

Do you have an appointment?

No, but tell him it's personal and urgent.

One moment.

The police? What's it about?

It's personal. Yes.

Last door in the hallway.

Come in, gentlemen.

- What's the problem? - Inspector Lamotte.

Inspector Dufour.

We're sorry to bother you,

but we've arrested this man.

He robbed some places near here last night.

He came here, too. What did he take?

- Came here? - Yes, here, last night.

I haven't noticed anything missing.

We're positive.

It can't be!

- It was here? - Yeah, yeah! The safe.

The safe?

I just opened it. Everything's fine!

Perhaps, but...

better make sure, for your security and ours.

Mistakes are so easily made.

Please make sure...

Of course, if you insist.

We're sorry to take up your time, but...

A double-check is better than one, right?

Oftentimes, you think you have...

seen everything, and then you realize

you haven't seen everything.

See? Nothing's missing!

Sit down, please.

- Sit down! - What's this mean?

We'll explain. Put your hands on your head

and look over there.

He was right, nothing's been stolen.

He was absolutely right.

You were right.

Now, he's a little bit less right.

No, no! Look over there.

That's not very nice, sir! Over there, I said.

- Conk him on the head! - That's no place for it.

- You might need it! - On the head!

No, he's very nice.

- Very polite. - Very refined.

He's loaded, too!

It's a pleasure to deal with a man like him.

I mean that!

- A man of distinction... - Stand up, sir.

Go way over there...

and kneel.

Good! Now, don't move. Thank you!

There's some more down there!

So there is!

Stupid of me to forget.

The plane for Asuncion.

You're late! Too bad, it's on the runway.

- It's gone? - It'll take off any second.

When's the next flight?

Tomorrow.

It's gone?

I'm sorry to bother you.

It's about your flight AS 262 for Asuncion.

Quite by accident, I've learned

that there's a bomb in the rear luggage bay.

I called to warn you.

No, I can't give my name. I'm a flight captain and...

No, be reasonable!

I can't give you my name.

At least, I've warned you.

Yes, a bomb.

A bomb.

B... as in boo-boo!

Did you miss the Asuncion flight?

You're lucky. It turned back

because of a technical problem.

Why don't you give me your tickets?

- It turned back? - Technical problem. Is it safe?

- Don't worry, just a check-up. - It's not serious.

Shall I take your luggage?

- Heaven's on our side. - We're lucky.

What's meant to be, will be.

Aldo's really getting fat!

What about the other bag!

First, this one under your arm!

Let's go

- You booked my suite? - What?

You booked my suite?

With bath?

A suite with bath. Stay behind me!

Behind me! Who's the boss?

You, Don Maccione.

- You're ogling! - No.

Cigarette!

Put it in my mouth.

let's go!

Take my coat!

Give me my sun glasses!

Moron! Stay six feet behind me!

Or I'll send you back to Sicily!

Let's Go

Imbecile, Where are your brains?

What are you looking?

- Nothing - At the girls?

- You a permission? - No

Sorry... Ouch

Ouch what?

I'll not no more

Ouch, Who?

Don Maccione

Aldo, Wake up, we're almost there!

What's that look for?

Nothing.

Don't forget that I've met Juarez.

He says the ambassador is a humanist.

He's wonderful and won't give us any trouble.

- Coffee, Aldo! - No coffee.

- No coffee? - I forgot it.

Next time!

Lino, pass the tanning lotion.

You drive me nuts with your tanning lotion.

Why not a bubble bath? Put your shirt on.

- Give me the lotion. - You clown!

Simon Listen.

- I'm fed up with picnics. - Me, too.

Fine! If there's no news tomorrow, we go home.

There will be.

How old is your wife?

She's 25-26.

How old? 25 or 26?

- 26. - Then say so.

- You lucky bastard! - We should've kidnapped her.

- His wife? - Sure.

Any children?

A girl and a boy.

How much do you make?

- Could be interesting. - How much per month?

1,5 million pesos.

- How much? - 1,5 million pesos.

Tell me in dollars.

You divide by four and take away...

- So that's... - $4,000.

- How much? - $4,000.

- He earns more than me! - And lots more than me.

But I get room and board.

Olvidados calling Manou.

Can you hear me?

Hello, this is Manou.

Mike Alpha November, Whisky Oscar Oscar.

I read you loud and clear.

That button.

Calling Manou, can you hear me?

Loud and clear.

The government is convinced the ambassador's already dead.

They refuse to exchange the 30 prisoners.

Send proof he's still alive.

If they don't comply by midnight,

execute the hostage. Out.

Got the message. Out.

Sit down.

Midnight! What about the time difference?

- Midnight here, or where? - Midnight here.

- How do you know? - It's midnight here.

I insist on one thing, Simon.

We've got to send proof that he's alive.

We'll take his picture.

That's what we planned.

And you think that will work!

- How'll you send it? - How about the mule?

Come with me.

Stand over there.

Please, don't move. Aldo! My glasses.

Don't move.

These glasses?

Put your jacket on, Pops.

Ambassadors wear jackets.

Ambassadors wear jackets.

Let's go. Hurry up!

- He needs a shave. - Out of the way!

Come on, be nice, give us a smile.

- The smile makes the man. - That's not original.

No, but I like it.

The mule's gone. Who tied it up last?

- I just saw it. - No mule, no picture.

Cut it out, Jacques!

Now... hold it.

I hate to butt in,

but these ruins are known to everybody,

even dumb cops.

Might as well draw a map!

Want a group shot, with fingerprints? Take it here.

He didn't smile.

I say this one.

The least lousy.

- Okay with you? - Do I have a choice?

Write...

"I the undersigned...

A. Hebert, Swiss Ambassador... "

Herzberg.

Swiss Ambassador,

November 19th...

...at 4:00 PM... - Not so fast.

...I am still alive. - Underline that.

- A good idea. - Still no mule.

The mule's over there!

I have just heard

my husband is still alive.

I hardly dare believe it. I'm so happy.

And now...

I speak to the kidnappers.

I implore you

to return my husband quickly.

I ask you...

in the name of my two children,

Sylvie and Patrick.

They ask for him constantly.

At midnight, your ultimatum expires.

I promise you...

if you return him to me, you'll be free.

You're really a bitch!

Hail Free Switzerland!

Olvidados calling Manou.

Mike Alpha November, Whisky double Oscar.

Prisoners released. Free the hostage.

Thank you!

Are you crazy?

Didn't you hear?

Yes, I heard.

I didn't get my turn.

You have no right!

Hail Free Switzerland!

What's $5,000 in pesos?

I want a return match.

No. A return match!

That's enough!

- Where are the children? - Waiting for us at home.

Thank you for coming.

In the name of the Geneva Convention,

I protest this scandalous deed,

not for myself personally...

Well, there were five... low-class specimens.

- Real nothings! - What language?

French spoken by subhuman dumb brutes!

One was fat and ate spaghetti all the time,

half-blind, with 15 pairs of glasses,

but still took cockeyed photos. Twisted minds!

The second was a tall fanatic who never stopped

gambling with my life at poker. He was deaf!

And Curly, obsessed by mules!

Then there was one who always screwed up... excuse my language...

he kept stroking his...

his gun, like a sexual object.

And the last one was completely gaga, running around naked.

Carried his gun under his armpit.

He was tattooed... I don't know.

It must be an international gang of hoodlums,

of mental defectives. It was like being on Mars!

It was hell! They're a mafia...

a gang of monkeys!

Why'd they pick you?

- Why you? - Probably because...

we're pure, lovely, Swiss and neutral.

- We're from Lake Lucerne! - Will Switzerland take action?

I hope so, and I will demand

the capture of these ruffians!

He said I was fat!

And I'm obsessed by the mule!

He's got to be queer.

All that kissing last night...

no man acts like that.

Obsessed by a mule!

Maybe I'm a little well-developed, but I'm not fat.

You're more than well-developed.

But he's not fat!

Are you peeing or sputtering?

There, we're finished!

Let's go.

You're right, Lino, you're slim.

If we ever find that Swiss again...

The Revolution is no longer me. It's you.

Maybe, General,

but let's get something straight.

You're the Revolution... you are you.

But we are us. And that's another story.

The people see you

as the liberators of Latin America.

We don't want to liberate anything.

- Serve the people? No! - I have big plans for you.

Two hijackings, the kidnapping of a cultural attaches...

Hold on, General.

Simon, we came here to get the money, right?

Absolutely!

Well, General? We got the job done.

Let's have the $200,000!

Jacques, we're among gentlemen.

Ernesto is an honorable man.

Just be patient. Sit down, keep calm.

You hired us to do a job.

We did it and did it well.

We kept our end of the bargain.

Now you keep yours.

It's simple. You pay us, we go, and it's over.

If you have other jobs later...

hijackings and so on, okay.

But as my friend said, first settle this one... now!

We'll take cash.

You're only in for the money?

- Aren't you Marxists? - Yes, Groucho Marxists!

Pay me, and I may become a Marxist-Leninist.

No, thank.

You got any tanning lotion?

Well?

Check, or cash?

I haven't any cash now, but...

You're making us angry.

- I have an idea. - No!

You don't know what it is!

I propose that we get $100,000 in cash right now

- and the rest in two weeks. - No, no...

- It gets us off the hook. - You like to simplify, but not this time.

Sorry, but you'll pay up right now.

Yes, right now.

Gentlemen, I'll be forced to arrest you.

You'll be tried by my revolutionary court.

You have any tanning lotion?

Coconut oil?

If I'd known who I was hiring...

That's what happens when you rely on ads.

Why didn't you stay in show business?

No ear for it.

You'll regret this.

History is with us.

History will speak for itself.

I need men like you.

No work without pay.

A Marxist like you should see that.

You set a bad example.

That's what we fight for. We have nothing.

Why'd the 1871 Paris Commune fail?

They wouldn't attack the Bank of France!

Historians all agree on that.

Work for me, Simon, and I'll pay you well.

Like you did for the ambassador?

You really are just cheap hoodlums.

We must kill you all to have a real Revolution.

Right. All bets are off.

Today's winners are not strong, intelligent men.

Today's winner is the cheap finagler

who handles blackmail like a Winchester,

as well as confusion in clarity!

- Did he behave? - He tried to bribe me.

- A good price, I hope. - The Revolution's broke.

We'll show him how to get rich with a few phone calls.

With late charges, it'll be $300,000.

$200,000 for the ambassador and $100,000 for Juarez.

$200,000 for the ambassador and $100,000 for Juarez?

$300,000 for two kidnappings. A real bargain.

Where's Juarez?

The little house on the top

- I see nobody - A minute

- Allo Charlot, are you listening? - Yes I'm listening

- Let out Ernesto - Ok sure!

Tell Him to say hello... Again

- Ok it is enough get him back in - Ok Sure

You saw, the money now

If I don't give you the money?

Listen young man, Juarez...

...You came to get him alive, So!

A moment please

Thank a lot

Charlot, here they go

- Charlot - I'm listening Jacques

You can bring him out

Tell him to say hello

One more time

- It is good, thank, bring him in - Ok I get him in

If I don't give you the money?

You want Juarez alive, so!

A moment please

Thank

- Let's go - Wait! the picture for the poster

No problem, Lino will take care

Hey, look at

Holy shit

So? It not boring

Politics isn't all bad.

I wondered why people went into it.

- Now I know. - They paid!

- Call that chicken feed? - You too?

Curly's getting mad.

They've got problems up there!

Look at the Yanks.

$1,000 the Yanks get there first.

- $2,000 on mine! - $3,000 on the Yanks.

- I call you. - Three on the Yanks.

- Why the Yanks? - Mine have no style.

5,000 on the Yanks, the capitalists.

Mine look bad right now,

but look at Curly!

10,000 on the Marxists!

- 12 on the capitalists. - 15 on the Yanks!

15 each on the capitalists!

I'll give you boys a break. 30 says I take you both.

Okay?

Damn fools!

- You see that! - $30,000!

The next war will be like that.

One big bang!

No one'll ever know who won.

You know something?

I liked Ernesto. The best man we've met.

A man has to die to be appreciated.

Another thing.

He was straight.

Coming or not?

The money, Lino!

We're rich!

Are you sure you speak English?

To perfection!

- Where did you learn? - High school.

- You went to high school? - Till eighth grade.

Go on.

Stop.

- Was it good? - Fine.

I think you'd better keep that.

Aldo can't speak English, but he has a good accent.

Paris traffic is bad, but so is New York's.

I'm bilingual in English

I speak perfectly

Miss Can we take what we want?

You are very nice

Excuse me miss, do you have a magazine?

Yes

Thank

If you rehearsal to much you will get confuse.

John Davis

Davis

One moment, please

Bilingual?

- Where are we? - Here, that sentence

Relax, Charlot.

Next time we will need an English speaker

We will come with Aldo

It work, not? Sure, very well we will see

Did you see all those chicks

Jacques said every things are on the paper

Wait let me do it

Let's get a seat

- What did you say? - I said, can we wait?

Are you sure it is what you said?

Sure, I'm sure. As proof... we wait

OK! very well

My hat is OK?

My Hat?

Your hat yes. Not sure for anything else

It is true, you know? you are so beautiful

Thank a lot

It is a very nice flight

Do you want drink something?

- Champagne, please. - As you wish

I make 71,000 francs a month.

- Interesting! - Belgian francs.

You're Belgian?

I work soil and beasts.

- You work what? - Soil and beasts.

- I'm an agricult! - Agriculturist.

I'd like five glasses of champagne.

- All for you? - For a small celebration.

Where are the men who fly the plane?

The pilots? Over there.

Over there?

We can't go see them?

No visitors allowed because of the hijackings.

The fifth glass. Better be safe than sorry!

With all these imbeciles...

Anything can happen.

So they're over there, you say.

- Aren't they bored? - Who gets these?

I'll show you.

Make sure no one hijacks the champagne!

- What is it? - A passenger's treat.

Evening, Captain.

Thank miss, it was very nice

Please no panic

We are trained for it

- So are we. Altitude? - 8,000.

Go up to 12,000 and keep circling to the left.

Contact the president of the airline's insurance company.

He has an urgent appointment

with Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson.

Charles, please

You speak French? Great!

Let's go Charles

Here we go sir

we've just heard that one of the planes you insure,

a 747, to be exact, has been hijacked.

It so happens, quite by incidentally,

that we specialize in rescuing such planes.

How much?

Two... Two what?

- Two million. - In what?

Dollars, naturally.

$2 millions? 10% sir

10% of what? The price of the plane

What if, unfortunately, they were to blow it up?

20 million is what you'd owe the airline.

And you want these two million in cash.

For sure Sir

- And for sure right away? - Yes for sure

Where do you want, I found them at this time

Well that it is your problem, the assuror it is you.

It is a lady seat by me and asked

How do they fight in the night

We should Ask the commandant

So the commandant said

Do you see the left green light?

Yes! I do see it

Do you see the right red one?

- yes I see too - So us we fly between

Let suppose, I accept

So in that case, there is no problem

If in one our everything is OK

We will give a password, to pass to your commandant

And the plane will be in N.Y. tonight

"Ginette's striptease isn't as good as Julie's. "

Perfect

And now please, turn off your radio.

Say nothing and take me to Montreal.

If you like, you can then go beddy-bye in New York.

We're rich, you know.

Sure, sure

Reach you know?

Yes!

How'll you spend it?

I can't believe...

I was a car thief,

and now I've got billions!

I don't know how much billions

Millions!

Maybe I don't have the build,

but I have a right to dream,

to have lofty thoughts sometimes.

I always love other men's wives.

- How do you get rid of them? - Get rid of them?

It's easy.

You tell them to go, and they go?

Once I tell them, that's it.

I can't fall in love.

I can't.

Do you know how much a girl costs?

We've got money now!

You never know what can happen.

You've got to stay focused!

He's going to hurt somebody!

Lunge, Lino!

Good.

Ad out! Ad out.

117-love!

Be courteous, gentlemen, or I'll stop the match.

11!

Carrying anything?

A little 38, why?

I've got a fun job.

Here?

The casino cash-box leaves in 10 minutes.

There'll be a driver and a guard. Let's have some fun.

Just us two?

Maybe our friend needs a laugh, too.

Doing all right?

Our nature must always come out.

What're you talking about?

What was the point of starting a new career?

You're going to blow off our vacation

for a lousy $20,000!

It's not for money, it's to have some fun!

To kill time, Simon!

Can't you just relax and do nothing?

There goes our society of leisure!

- You call this fun? - You're challenging the whole theory!

Take Aldo and Charlot. They're enjoying themselves.

Yours, mademoiselle?

Want to knock over the casino cash-box?

Fuck you! We're on vacation! Let me pick up the girl!

In God seek for sure, all of us can pick up some girls

Come here

Look at him

It's N.Y. to L.A. cross walking

That it is walking!

Hurry up come you too!

Yesterday night you was not walking like this

Sure, I always walk like that for the girls.

Yesterday night you walked like this?

Not like that, Simon!

- The leg like that. - Smoother!

You have to see it to believe it!

That really does something for you!

Terrific! That's how you pick up girls.

- He's riding a bike! - Style and class!

- Not like that! - Yes, like that!

I taught him! I'll show you.

Italian-style!

Not like that!

Like this

Smooth!

Simon, watch!

Let yourself go!

Lino, how do you want the pasta?

- What'd he say? - Tomato sauce.

Show me where we are.

We're there.

- Where are we going? - There, to Haknan-Hwahwa.

Is there an airport?

At Haknan-Hwahwa? A small one.

So, to Hakna-whatever.

Aldo, the dog and I will take the plane.

Because I can't stand any more vacation!

But why stop at Haknan-Hwahwa?

Just look at what's become of us!

And look at him!

He's sick!

No, no! Paris, Paris, Paris!

Lino, the tanning lotion!

Charlot, give me a hand!

You must've caught a whale!

Easy!

You nut, I was sunbathing!

A Michelin 42/12.

A Michelin 42/12, a very good snow-tire!

- You've had too much sun! - It's not the sun. I know tires.

Why did we rent a sailboat?

If we had a boat with a motor,

there'd be five girls here.

Why a boat with sails?

What's that?

A friend of mine, a left-winger,

runs a summer holiday camp.

He gives sun tanning lessons.

He told me there's a triangle right there,

that nobody thinks about.

Jacques, ever study sun tanning?

When do we turn in the boat?

Are you being funny?

I told you, Paris!

Aldo! The girls!

What'd I tell you about those girls?

- What'd I tell you? - "Something's fishy. "

And here we are... going where?

I know one thing: They're not cops.

It's not the way they do things!

"Yoo-hoo!

Come have some pasta, come have some spaghetti!"

He's right, you two are morons, animals!

How many times...

how many times have I told you girls mean trouble!

- How many times? - Never!

If we can't get broads, with all our money,

what good is it?

I like men, not so much because they're men,

but because they're not women!

I didn't see you two fighting off those girls!

Who shut the door when you left Ernesto?

- Aldo did. - You're sure?

I was there.

Mr. Ernesto, you know that...

Jacques, you tell him. What'd I say about him?

He said that...

of all the men we'd met...

General, you were the best. He said you were straight.

I even added you were honest.

Yes, that's right.

Thank you very much.

You know the procedure:

One, kidnapping;

two, ransom.

I'll only ask for the $2 million from the plane.

Give me your Swiss bank account number and you're free.

So, what's the number?

Mr. Ernesto, how did you find us?

You're noticeable when you're on vacation.

Your behavior isn't very Marxist.

But you aren't Marxists.

You're cheap hoodlums!

Easy, there!

I'll bet $1,000 he talks.

$2,000, he doesn't.

I'm with you, Jacques.

Well?

$2,000 he doesn't talk.

$3,000, he does.

$5,000.00

$10,000, he misses, and $20,000, he doesn't talk.

Double that.

What about that Swiss account number?

Screw you.

Screw you!

I'm not as good a shot as you are.

Screw you!

Paper tiger!

Paper tiger

What?

Your are Paper tiger!

- Lino - What?

I bet you, I said nothing

OK! say put

What did he say

$10000 he doesn't speak

I buy

Who much?

- $15,000.00 - OK

I won!

- $15,000 he talks. - $15,000 he talks.

I'll cover all three for $50,000, okay?

Well, Mr. Bandit?

The Swiss account.

I don't remember.

We'll see.

Drop your pants.

Drop your pants.

Why should I drop my pants?

You'll see.

It's funny!

Lino, try it!

It's funny!

It's funny, Ernesto!

Does little Poupoune know Switzerland?

- I've got an offer... - No!

UBS in Zurich, 9461.

Ask for Hugo Frichthafen, he'll take care of it.

You are a humanist!

He will be surprise Frichthafen!

- But... - But what?

- Ernesto, can I say... - Shut up!

Go ahead, tell him in Italian!

- Go f... - Very good, Lino.

Juarez!

I thought he was honest, and straight!

He was a bastard!

Know what he did?

I gave him the number,

and he took the $2 million.

But that's not all! He pumped us dry!

Took all the money we had!

And that's not all. He turned us in to the police.

And yes, to the French police!

These men are not innocent, I know.

But they are prophets!

The innocent have full hands and light hearts.

The accused have empty hands

but their hearts are heavy with the threat of death!

Where, Mr. Prosecutor, is their fortune?

Do the accused have sumptuous villas by the sea?

Or mansions in rich suburbs?

No! They own nothing!

They own nothing because they are fighting

against a political system based on property!

With all due respect, Mr. Prosecutor,

the growing unrest in the world today,

the solidarity strikes,

the riots,

add proof, if it's needed,

this is a political trial!

In fact, politics is on trial here!

The real defendant is not sitting here today.

The real defendant

is our immoral modern world,

its electoral chicanery,

its tactical pacts and tactical wars!

These men, the accused,

have simply tried to blow up an unsanitary atoll

called politics!

He's oversimplifying.

The system is not on trial here.

The accused placed it on trial before I did.

Not to oversimplify, but...

The system is on trial here.

Its survival may even depend on the verdict.

We know the political opinions of the accused.

If any doubt still exists,

this revelation should clarify it.

All the money from the hijacked plane

was turned over spontaneously

to Ernesto Juarez

so that the Revolution might triumph in South America.

I assume that the defense has proof?

Of course, Mr. Prosecutor.

A $2 million transfer

from anonymous account UBS Zurich 9461

to equally anonymous account 26578 ZK.

What if they escaped?

What are you saying?

They escape, you're safe. You haven't given in to pressure.

The protesters will stop... protesting.

And you are no longer embarrassed.

An escape! That sounds good, but...

someone will have to be declared responsible!

Of course, I'll assume full responsibility.

The accused will rise.

Everybody stay calm!

This is about those three clowns dressed in red!

Let's go, baby-doll!

This is an escape, and we want no trouble.

So let's all sing "The Marseillaise. "

All together! One, two, three!

Sing, sing!

Sing out!

Louder!

Aldo, the government's with us. Slow down.

Leaving Paris always means trouble!

But this time, they've been very fair!

Fixed us up with an escape.

We have to go to Africa, we promised.

Where's that damn plane! Where the hell is it?

I've got it! I know where it is.

It's behind us. We have to go back.

It's behind a hill back there.

Hang on! I'll make a U-turn!

I've already told you this is a phony escape!

Take your time! You'll kill us.

I'm telling you, nobody is following us!

Slow down, we've got time.

There!

Unbelievable! Stop.

- Stop! - We can make it!

- I said stop. - They can't catch me!

Stop! We'll have to explain.

You missed a stop sign.

A stop sign?

Did you see a stop sign guys?

- No... - Where there is a stop sign?

- 150 yards back. - There's no stop sign.

There's no stop sign.

- Officer... - Tell him!

This car isn't ours, it's a government car.

The plane over there is a government plane!

The plane is taking us to Africa.

We're not wanted here, so we have to go.

Jacques, you try!

Well, it's an African problem.

Above all, it's an African problem.

Because your bosses

made a deal with us. They said, "We'll arrange for it. "

They arranged it.

But you'll go to Africa!

You are blocking us...

and they just unblocked us!

You're making a big mistake.

They asked us to go to Africa.

You heard him. They just unblocked us!

You can't block us when they unblocked us!

He can't explain it. He's a cyclical neuropath.

I'll have to explain it to you.

Silence! This neuropath did plenty for you!

One at a time.

One at a time? We're all together.

It's a question of Africa!

Gentlemen, please, one at a time.

Your establishment is uncoordinated!

You block us when they unblocked us!

Makes no sense.

Your job is to unblock so things flow.

Over that hill. Fast!

Not so fast, take the road!

- Faster! - Not so fast.

- Not so fast! - Not so fast.

- The road's faster! - Watch out!

Stop pushing!

Well, let go!

He's holding me. Let go! He had me by the tie.

That moron!

Come out of there!

A driving neuropath!

- Where is he? - We never should've left Paris!

Let me tell you.

We're going to have a talk, a nice little talk!

- You neuropath! - Imbecile!

What's wrong? There's the plane!

Here's the spectacular climax of the recent trial in Paris

that has attracted so much attention.

The Minister of Justice has resigned.

This news seems directly related

to another item reaching our desk.

Arriving in Africa without hindrance,

the five fugitives who were on trial

have been welcomed like true heroes.

Let's admit that men capable of donating $2 million

to the cause of a Revolution

do not grow on trees, even in Africa!

Citizens!

Comrades!

Brothers!

Hi, everyone!

Ladies and gentlemen!

Thank you for granting us political asylum!

I want to tell you one thing.

I, the cyclical neuropath,

the head of Occidental Paranoia,

say that power is at the end of a gun!

We wanted to be free

and we are free!

Better a good master than a bad servant!

The shortest road

from barbarism to decadence

runs through civilization!

Comrades! Politics is nothing but show business!

We have declared in high places

that all free men should have

neither work, nor family, nor country!

We are paper tigers

but we are live tigers!

And we are against self-management

in whorehouses!

I'm selling a 1971 Mercedes convertible, a one-owner car

with 4,000 miles on it!

Long live Mao!

Long live Mao, who never stole a Ferrari

and never ran over anybody!

And long live Free Switzerland!

The present government is hanging by a thread.

Strikes, unemployment...

socialist ideas... everything's rotten.

Honey, shall we have coffee here or in the living room?

In the living-room. I'll finish my business first.

The President is a puppet.

If you wish, we'll overthrow him

and take power.

- Us? - Is power really profitable?

Very profitable!

But if power is very profitable, General,

why not take it yourself?

What, a military putsch?

No, very unpopular.

But with five idols like you...

General, when it comes to politics,

we know approximately nothing.

Don't oversimplify, we do have a certain grounding.

You are Marxists?

Marx taught us, primarily, the notion of capital.

Excuse me, General,

I have one question.

Once in power, what do we do?

Make money. Lots of money.

- We'd have to live here? - At first.

So, General, when do we take power?

Monday won't be possible. The army is on a mission.

Tuesday, the Pope is arriving on an official visit.

Wednesday! Does that suit you?

After arriving in the East African Republic this morning,

the Pope was kidnapped.

Later on, the kidnappers called, demanding as ransom

one franc from all the Catholics in the world.

Yes, one franc to free the Pope.

That seems surprising,

but the telex was reviewed

before reaching our desk.

It seems authentic

since the Vatican has confirmed it.

Further confirmation is expected from Africa.

Astonishment persists,

since security measures were taken.

How could the Pope disappear,

be kidnapped between the airport and his residence?

It's hard to understand.

Furthermore, one franc per Catholic

makes a large sum.

Alms for gangsters!

Those are all the details we have.

Other reports should be coming in soon.

Please, stay tuned!

We'll interrupt our programs to report the news.

The Pope caper?

We cleared about... I mean net...

$12 million, and no taxes.

None!

The Pope is marvelous!

Everyone knows that, but not to that point.

It sells very well, very well.

So many people love him.

The Pope was just fine.

Just fine!

Yes, I'm very happy about the Pope.

That's adventure.

SHORT-TERM PROJECTS

ABDUCTIONS OF...

The End

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