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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,395 --> 00:00:19,906 Announcer: For the past few years ricky gervais, 2 00:00:19,972 --> 00:00:21,917 Stephen merchant, and karl pilkington 3 00:00:21,975 --> 00:00:23,749 Have been meeting regularly 4 00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,947 For a series of pointless conversations. 5 00:00:26,007 --> 00:00:28,147 This is one of them. 6 00:00:28,209 --> 00:00:29,712 - Testing. - Is that all right? 7 00:00:29,766 --> 00:00:31,803 ( dings ) 8 00:00:31,863 --> 00:00:35,032 Hello and welcome to "the ricky gervais show" 9 00:00:35,106 --> 00:00:36,877 With me, ricky gervais, stephen merchant... 10 00:00:36,934 --> 00:00:39,978 Hello. -...And the little round-headed buffoon 11 00:00:40,050 --> 00:00:41,519 That is karl pilkington. 12 00:00:41,571 --> 00:00:43,177 Hi. 13 00:00:45,263 --> 00:00:49,142 ( theme music playing ) 14 00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:51,228 Karl, joe from bradford asks, 15 00:00:51,288 --> 00:00:54,363 "what body parts can you live without? " he wants to know. 16 00:00:54,436 --> 00:00:57,210 He's obviously having sleepless nights thinking about this. 17 00:00:57,279 --> 00:00:59,517 - What, so-- - ( both groaning ) 18 00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:02,955 - The brain. - He's coped this far. 19 00:01:03,032 --> 00:01:05,404 I did a bit of an experiment on this. 20 00:01:05,469 --> 00:01:06,504 Brilliant. 21 00:01:06,551 --> 00:01:09,627 It's my job at home to wash up. 22 00:01:09,698 --> 00:01:13,006 Suzanne does-- - she gives you all the really big responsible ones. 23 00:01:13,081 --> 00:01:15,921 She pays the bills and wires the house. 24 00:01:15,991 --> 00:01:17,595 And you go, "what can I do?" 25 00:01:17,649 --> 00:01:20,223 "well, you can go and play with the worms in the garden." 26 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:23,730 Yeah. - So anyway, it's my job to wash up and that. 27 00:01:23,806 --> 00:01:26,747 And I thought to make it interesting and stuff-- 28 00:01:26,817 --> 00:01:29,890 I thought, "I wonder if I can do it 29 00:01:29,963 --> 00:01:31,900 If I didn't have any thumbs." 30 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,063 ( both laughing ) 31 00:01:34,123 --> 00:01:35,993 - And so what did you do? - So I just sort of-- 32 00:01:36,051 --> 00:01:37,052 You sliced off your thumbs. 33 00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:38,970 I just sort of held them in, 34 00:01:39,027 --> 00:01:42,001 And it's amazing how it took me ages 35 00:01:42,071 --> 00:01:44,442 Just having that one thing gone. 36 00:01:44,506 --> 00:01:46,940 Well, it's part of our evolution- the opposable thumb. 37 00:01:47,004 --> 00:01:49,237 Basically, that's when we sought-- 38 00:01:49,298 --> 00:01:52,161 These are milestones in human evolution: 39 00:01:52,231 --> 00:01:53,629 The opposable thumb, 40 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,646 The forward-facing eyes, the upright-- 41 00:01:59,884 --> 00:02:02,447 And one day, karl, you'll walk upright. 42 00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:06,352 What do you mean about eyes facing forward? 43 00:02:06,433 --> 00:02:08,670 You mean before we got here there was people 44 00:02:08,732 --> 00:02:10,401 Whose eyes were looking in their head? 45 00:02:10,455 --> 00:02:13,493 ( both laughing ) 46 00:02:13,565 --> 00:02:16,603 So when you were doing this experiment, washing up, 47 00:02:16,674 --> 00:02:18,577 You say that you found it difficult. 48 00:02:18,635 --> 00:02:20,204 So you didn't just give up 49 00:02:20,257 --> 00:02:22,159 Once you realized how essential thumbs were. 50 00:02:22,218 --> 00:02:23,752 You actually washed up everything. 51 00:02:23,806 --> 00:02:26,276 I just think of suzanne walking in and karl's there 52 00:02:26,341 --> 00:02:30,680 Just covered in water and fairy liquid suds, 53 00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:32,936 Standing on a pile of broken crockery. 54 00:02:32,998 --> 00:02:36,803 Yeah, plunging his face into the sink every 30 seconds 55 00:02:36,885 --> 00:02:38,653 And just swishing his head around. 56 00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:40,846 ( both laughing ) 57 00:02:40,906 --> 00:02:43,376 But we talked about the washing up thing before 58 00:02:43,442 --> 00:02:46,646 When I look out of the window. 59 00:02:46,719 --> 00:02:48,654 So the sink's in front of the window. - Yeah. 60 00:02:48,713 --> 00:02:50,448 And that's why I quite like washing up 61 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,374 Because I can just look out onto the street, see people going past. 62 00:02:53,444 --> 00:02:56,448 There's a local homeless fella called franco. 63 00:02:56,519 --> 00:02:59,056 You know, I look out-- that he's all right and everything. 64 00:02:59,121 --> 00:03:00,556 But I was looking across the way, right? 65 00:03:00,609 --> 00:03:04,346 And there's some- there's some chinese people 66 00:03:04,426 --> 00:03:06,929 Who live on-- in a flat, a really small flat. 67 00:03:06,994 --> 00:03:08,796 And they're up till all hours. 68 00:03:08,852 --> 00:03:10,621 - I don't know what they're doing. - ( stephen laughs ) 69 00:03:10,677 --> 00:03:11,878 But they decide to vac up 70 00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:13,395 At about half 3:00 in the morning 71 00:03:13,447 --> 00:03:14,915 And it was really noisy and that. 72 00:03:14,968 --> 00:03:19,473 But above them there was some woman who-- 73 00:03:19,564 --> 00:03:21,199 The bedroom is on par 74 00:03:21,253 --> 00:03:24,891 - To our kitchen. - Yeah. 75 00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:26,872 - So I'm washing up... - Yeah. 76 00:03:26,930 --> 00:03:30,834 ...And I look across and see this woman 77 00:03:30,917 --> 00:03:34,453 With no pants on and that, 78 00:03:34,531 --> 00:03:36,631 No bra on and that. 79 00:03:36,691 --> 00:03:39,126 Naked. - That's the word you're looking for. 80 00:03:39,190 --> 00:03:41,658 Yeah yeah. She's just wandering about with nothing on. 81 00:03:41,723 --> 00:03:43,223 So I was like, "oh, that's all right." 82 00:03:43,277 --> 00:03:45,845 So I carried on washing up and that 83 00:03:45,910 --> 00:03:47,477 And kept looking. 84 00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:50,967 And then I was looking and she looked at me. 85 00:03:51,044 --> 00:03:53,144 - So we made eye contact. - Stephen: Sure. 86 00:03:53,205 --> 00:03:54,506 So I was like, "oh god." 87 00:03:55,062 --> 00:03:58,697 So what I thought the best thing to do was-- 88 00:03:58,776 --> 00:04:02,478 Was sort of drop my pants a little bit... 89 00:04:02,557 --> 00:04:05,626 ( both laughing ) 90 00:04:05,698 --> 00:04:08,432 Just a little bit. I had boxer shorts on. 91 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,701 I thought if I just show a little bit of-- 92 00:04:10,763 --> 00:04:12,830 A little bit of ass cheek, 93 00:04:12,889 --> 00:04:15,790 Then it's kind of like we're quits. 94 00:04:15,861 --> 00:04:18,395 I don't understand the thinking. 95 00:04:18,461 --> 00:04:21,495 So suzanne's watching the telly. 96 00:04:21,568 --> 00:04:23,868 I think she's watching "sex and the city" or something. 97 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:27,732 She turns around to see how I'm getting on with the washing up. 98 00:04:27,814 --> 00:04:31,449 She sees me with my pants down a little bit with my ass out. 99 00:04:32,236 --> 00:04:33,670 She said, "what are you doing?" 100 00:04:33,723 --> 00:04:35,190 I said, "don't look now, 101 00:04:35,243 --> 00:04:37,511 But there's a woman over the road 102 00:04:37,574 --> 00:04:39,808 With no pants on and that. 103 00:04:39,869 --> 00:04:41,435 She caught me looking. 104 00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,123 I'm just giving her a bit back." 105 00:04:43,177 --> 00:04:45,244 ( stephen, ricky laughing ) 106 00:04:45,305 --> 00:04:47,405 I love the fact that he explains the rules 107 00:04:47,466 --> 00:04:49,900 And suzanne's gonna go, "okay. " - "that makes sense." 108 00:04:49,964 --> 00:04:51,597 But I don't-- so hang on. 109 00:04:51,652 --> 00:04:52,852 You showed a bit of your ass. 110 00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,801 You turned presumably to show the ass. 111 00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:57,160 I had to lift it up a little bit 112 00:04:57,222 --> 00:04:58,622 On the draining board. 113 00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,674 What-- hang on though. 114 00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:02,667 What did she do? Did you register her reaction? 115 00:05:02,725 --> 00:05:05,292 When she saw a bit of your ass, what happened? 116 00:05:05,359 --> 00:05:06,692 - When she saw my ass? - Yeah. 117 00:05:06,742 --> 00:05:08,843 Well, then I wasn't looking because I thought 118 00:05:08,903 --> 00:05:11,837 In a way I don't want ito look like, 119 00:05:11,907 --> 00:05:14,408 "well, I've seen a bit of your stuff. Here's a bit of mine." 120 00:05:14,473 --> 00:05:17,107 Just thought, "at the end of the day I caught a glance of you." 121 00:05:17,175 --> 00:05:19,408 - It's only fair. - "you've had a bit back." 122 00:05:19,470 --> 00:05:21,436 - You know, I'm not-- - you see, I genuinely think 123 00:05:21,496 --> 00:05:24,096 James stewart missed a trick here in "rear window." - yeah. 124 00:05:24,163 --> 00:05:26,930 This would have been a much better film 125 00:05:26,999 --> 00:05:29,432 Had james stewart just popped his pants down. 126 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,364 It would have given a whole new meaning to the title "rear window." 127 00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:34,234 - Yeah, exactly. - It's tricky though. 128 00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:36,757 I seem to be surrounded by people like that. 129 00:05:36,822 --> 00:05:39,756 Remember that film? That "slither" or something. - Okay, right. 130 00:05:39,827 --> 00:05:41,494 The one where they've got video cameras. 131 00:05:41,548 --> 00:05:43,681 I'm just looking onto everybody's world 132 00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:45,343 And just seeing what people are getting up to. 133 00:05:45,397 --> 00:05:47,565 - There's nothing wrong with that. - Ricky: Brilliant. 134 00:05:47,626 --> 00:05:49,261 That's why I like washing up. 135 00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:52,288 ( laughing ) 136 00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:56,566 We were talking about famous mantras 137 00:05:56,621 --> 00:05:58,058 - And sayings and things. - Yeah. 138 00:05:58,109 --> 00:06:00,914 "never has a manc said so much to so many that means so little." 139 00:06:00,983 --> 00:06:03,389 Brilliant. - So you can have that on your headstone. 140 00:06:03,454 --> 00:06:06,024 Stephen: Rupert-- - riy: Your little round headstone. 141 00:06:06,090 --> 00:06:07,089 ( chuckling ) 142 00:06:07,136 --> 00:06:08,269 Rupert's in the isle of man. 143 00:06:08,317 --> 00:06:10,251 He says, "I don't know if you knew this, karl, 144 00:06:10,309 --> 00:06:13,845 But apparently octopuses' testicles are located in their heads." 145 00:06:13,922 --> 00:06:15,222 Yeah. 146 00:06:15,274 --> 00:06:18,742 But then to me that isn't that amazing 147 00:06:18,819 --> 00:06:20,652 Because at the end of the day an octopus-- 148 00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:23,478 Really, all it is is an head, isn't it? 149 00:06:23,546 --> 00:06:27,014 So everything it's got has to be in the head? - It has to be in the head. 150 00:06:27,092 --> 00:06:29,026 It'd look daft if it dangled down below. 151 00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:31,618 - ( ricky laughing ) - karl: Right? 152 00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:34,118 So all it is-- I mean, there's a lot of facts-- - stephen: Hang on. 153 00:06:34,183 --> 00:06:36,917 It'd look daft it they dangled down below? 154 00:06:36,984 --> 00:06:39,486 I'm wondering, but that could almost be the b side to... 155 00:06:39,551 --> 00:06:41,952 ( both ) b side to " I could eat a nob at night." 156 00:06:45,258 --> 00:06:48,526 James round says, "karl, if you could be 157 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:52,136 Anyone in the world, who would it be?" 158 00:06:52,213 --> 00:06:55,248 Uh... 159 00:06:55,321 --> 00:06:57,421 Dead or alive? 160 00:06:57,482 --> 00:07:00,383 Why would you choose to be a dead person? 161 00:07:00,452 --> 00:07:04,487 No, but sometimes there's people who are now dead, 162 00:07:04,572 --> 00:07:06,339 But everybody raves about them. 163 00:07:06,396 --> 00:07:09,898 What I mean is-- - oh, just answer the question. Who would you be and why? 164 00:07:09,976 --> 00:07:12,343 It's someone you admire or you think had a good life. 165 00:07:12,407 --> 00:07:14,240 But what I mean is he's got to be remembered-- 166 00:07:14,298 --> 00:07:17,132 Like winston churchill is remembered as being a decent bloke, 167 00:07:17,202 --> 00:07:19,002 But I wouldn't want the hassle that he had. 168 00:07:19,058 --> 00:07:20,959 So I don't wanna live his life. - Right. 169 00:07:21,016 --> 00:07:23,317 - But he's got to be- - - you'd like to be winston churchill, 170 00:07:23,380 --> 00:07:26,849 But you'd like to have a paper round instead of... - ( glass shatters ) 171 00:07:26,925 --> 00:07:28,225 - Saving the world. - Yeah. 172 00:07:28,277 --> 00:07:29,844 Well, that's what I mean. 173 00:07:29,897 --> 00:07:32,798 But is he saying who uld I wanna- whose job would I take on? 174 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:35,036 - It's not that complicated. - The question is this: 175 00:07:35,098 --> 00:07:37,232 "if he could be anyone in the world, who would karl be?" 176 00:07:37,292 --> 00:07:41,194 That's the question. That's all the information I've got. 177 00:07:41,277 --> 00:07:45,646 Whew, a lot of responsibility on a lot of jobs, isn't there? 178 00:07:45,734 --> 00:07:48,101 Some of the names flowing through your head now? 179 00:07:48,165 --> 00:07:52,301 Um, I was thinking bruce willis. 180 00:07:52,385 --> 00:07:54,953 ( cackling ) 181 00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:59,422 I never expected that. I never expected that. 182 00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:02,478 So what-- so his responsibility in your mind is what? 183 00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:05,283 Saving people who are trapped in a building with terrorists? 184 00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:06,485 Well, yeah, maybe. 185 00:08:06,533 --> 00:08:09,635 You know, his worries are different worries. 186 00:08:09,707 --> 00:08:12,342 With people who have a lot of money 187 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,343 Come other worries. 188 00:08:14,401 --> 00:08:15,835 - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? 189 00:08:15,887 --> 00:08:18,288 So bruce willis, he's always going on these marches, 190 00:08:18,352 --> 00:08:19,818 Saying "stop war" and all that... 191 00:08:19,872 --> 00:08:21,906 ...Mainly because he's got-- 192 00:08:21,965 --> 00:08:24,633 He's got more to lose if there's a war. 193 00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:27,668 He's got loads of houses. One of them's gonna get damaged. 194 00:08:27,739 --> 00:08:29,806 Whereas if you're poor,you'. 195 00:08:29,866 --> 00:08:32,468 If there's a war, it's like, "oh, just hand it off for me then. 196 00:08:32,534 --> 00:08:34,335 I'm sick of it anyway." 197 00:08:34,391 --> 00:08:36,925 - Do you know at I mean? - Whereas bruce-- yeah. 198 00:08:36,991 --> 00:08:39,759 With successful life and happy life, 199 00:08:39,827 --> 00:08:42,328 There's more for you to lose is what I'm saying. - Right. 200 00:08:42,394 --> 00:08:46,463 Like, at the moment, because I've finished the job that's-- 201 00:08:46,547 --> 00:08:49,115 That I've been at for 10 years... 202 00:08:49,181 --> 00:08:51,715 I've finished working there, so suddenly I've got-- 203 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:55,149 My timetable's a bit out and I haven't got enough of a routine. 204 00:08:55,225 --> 00:08:58,893 And I'm a man who likes to know what I'm doing. - Stephen: Yeah. 205 00:08:58,973 --> 00:09:02,775 So now suddenly, I-- - 5 until 7: 00: Washing up with no thumbs. 206 00:09:02,856 --> 00:09:07,159 I like-- I've sort of turned into an old person 207 00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:11,282 Where the little jobs that you shouldn't enjoy are now the main event. 208 00:09:11,365 --> 00:09:12,765 Hold on. How old are you? 209 00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:14,384 - You're 31, aren't you? - 32. 210 00:09:14,438 --> 00:09:17,273 32, and you're pottering around, 211 00:09:17,342 --> 00:09:19,076 Not knowing what to do with yourself? 212 00:09:19,132 --> 00:09:20,532 Well, like yesterday, 213 00:09:20,583 --> 00:09:23,552 Suzanne's shoes needed to go to the cobbler's. 214 00:09:23,623 --> 00:09:25,257 I haven't heard the word "cobbler's"-- 215 00:09:25,311 --> 00:09:27,112 I didn't even know cobblers still existed. 216 00:09:27,168 --> 00:09:30,003 I only ever see that in christmas films made by disney. 217 00:09:30,072 --> 00:09:32,073 Well, I had to go and do that and that suddenly-- 218 00:09:32,133 --> 00:09:34,800 'cause last time you were going to the toffee shop. - Yeah. 219 00:09:34,868 --> 00:09:36,501 And w you're going to the cobbler's. 220 00:09:36,556 --> 00:09:38,690 Next week it's the candlestick maker. 221 00:09:38,750 --> 00:09:41,952 But all I mean is that suddenly is a nice little day out. 222 00:09:42,026 --> 00:09:44,827 So I put my coat on, going, "right, I'm going to the cobbler now." 223 00:09:44,896 --> 00:09:46,363 Tell me about the cobbler. 224 00:09:46,415 --> 00:09:48,682 You didn't come back with three magic beans, did you? 225 00:09:48,745 --> 00:09:50,579 No, the cobbler's- cobbler's all right. 226 00:09:50,636 --> 00:09:53,305 He's-- you know, he's doing- he's fixing shoes and that. 227 00:09:53,372 --> 00:09:54,972 He's cobbling. He's cobbling all day. 228 00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:59,297 Have I told you about my uncle alf who was a cobbler? 229 00:09:59,383 --> 00:10:02,385 No. - I'm sure I told you about him. 230 00:10:02,456 --> 00:10:04,090 He's the one who... 231 00:10:04,144 --> 00:10:07,946 He lived in a bedsit and he had two tellies. 232 00:10:08,028 --> 00:10:13,166 He had one that-- that the sound didn't work on 233 00:10:13,263 --> 00:10:15,161 And one that the picture didn't. 234 00:10:15,218 --> 00:10:18,416 But both together, it worked. 235 00:10:18,490 --> 00:10:21,258 So as long as he was watching the right- the same channel on both, 236 00:10:21,326 --> 00:10:24,127 Sound came out of one tellie and he'd watch the pictu on the other. 237 00:10:24,196 --> 00:10:26,597 Brilliant. - And he slept in a rubber dinghy. 238 00:10:26,661 --> 00:10:29,429 - ( ricky cackling ) - karl: But he was-- 239 00:10:29,497 --> 00:10:30,998 Whoa, you can't just let that slide. 240 00:10:31,051 --> 00:10:33,085 Why did he sleep in a rubber dinghy? 241 00:10:33,144 --> 00:10:35,712 Heust liked boats and stuff and sort of-- 242 00:10:35,778 --> 00:10:38,579 Yeah, I like boats, but they're better on the water. 243 00:10:38,648 --> 00:10:41,850 Beds are better to sleep on. Boats are better to sail on. 244 00:10:41,923 --> 00:10:43,524 Well, he just had it in a- it's a bedsit. 245 00:10:43,578 --> 00:10:45,412 - It was really tight spacing. - Boatsit. 246 00:10:45,469 --> 00:10:47,336 - He's got this-- - he moved into a dinghysit. 247 00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:48,961 He's got this dinghy so he's thinking, 248 00:10:49,014 --> 00:10:50,548 "well, rather than it get in the way, 249 00:10:50,601 --> 00:10:52,168 I might as well use it, right?" 250 00:10:52,222 --> 00:10:54,523 But he was a-- he was a cobbler 251 00:10:54,586 --> 00:10:59,088 And he used to repair my shoes and that, right? - Yeah. 252 00:10:59,179 --> 00:11:01,713 But he'd always sort of overdo them. 253 00:11:01,778 --> 00:11:03,912 ( laughing ) what do you mean? 254 00:11:03,973 --> 00:11:05,907 - Like, uh... - Fancy. 255 00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:08,733 - Karl: Do you know "pimp my ride" on mtv? - Ricky: Yeah. 256 00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:12,003 Because he does up shoes. He'd go mental on them. - What do you mean? 257 00:11:12,077 --> 00:11:14,178 - Ricky: There was the stereo? - Karl: Well, no. 258 00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:15,638 There was horns? 259 00:11:15,690 --> 00:11:17,724 ( imitates trumpets playing "la cucaracha" ) 260 00:11:17,783 --> 00:11:19,617 Stripes down the side. 261 00:11:19,674 --> 00:11:22,609 Here comes mr. Pilkington. He's got the fastest shoes in the land. 262 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,580 No, he'd just make shoes that would last forever. 263 00:11:24,638 --> 00:11:27,272 So instead of putting one sole on, 264 00:11:27,339 --> 00:11:29,507 He'd put about five on. 265 00:11:29,568 --> 00:11:32,270 So it looked like one of them built-up shoes 266 00:11:32,337 --> 00:11:33,804 Thatou never see. 267 00:11:33,856 --> 00:11:36,424 He'd just put loads of stuff- they'd last forever. 268 00:11:36,490 --> 00:11:38,057 But they looked like orthopedic shoes. 269 00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:41,813 Yeah yeah, just like the- suddenly I was 6'7" 270 00:11:41,893 --> 00:11:44,728 Whenever he sorted my shoes out. 271 00:11:44,798 --> 00:11:46,698 But he's a cobbler and it's work 272 00:11:46,756 --> 00:11:49,390 That's always there for you, isn't it? 273 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,525 - I suppose so. - So you went out with-- 274 00:11:51,584 --> 00:11:54,052 To take suzanne's shoes to the cobbler. 275 00:11:54,117 --> 00:11:55,384 Yeah, so that's it. 276 00:11:55,433 --> 00:11:57,334 So I just took them to the cobbler's and that, 277 00:11:57,392 --> 00:12:00,294 And that was a nice little job for the day. 278 00:12:00,364 --> 00:12:02,999 I got a leaflet through the door saying, 279 00:12:03,065 --> 00:12:04,865 "if you wanna a walk a dog, 280 00:12:04,922 --> 00:12:06,455 You know, the- the rates are good." 281 00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:08,176 I don't know what they pay and that 282 00:12:08,231 --> 00:12:09,531 And I thought, "if I do that 283 00:12:09,581 --> 00:12:12,850 And can get a paper round- two in one." 284 00:12:12,925 --> 00:12:16,460 Sorry, you just went from a job, right, 285 00:12:16,538 --> 00:12:20,073 Where you were the head of production 286 00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:22,084 At a radio station, 287 00:12:22,143 --> 00:12:25,911 Dare I say it, on-- can I discuss your-- 288 00:12:25,993 --> 00:12:27,927 - Well, it was all right wage. - It was very good. 289 00:12:27,984 --> 00:12:30,518 - But I wasn't happy, so it's pointless. - No, I know that. 290 00:12:30,585 --> 00:12:32,118 But to go from 291 00:12:32,172 --> 00:12:36,641 The head of a department on a lot of money 292 00:12:36,730 --> 00:12:39,432 To walking dogs and doing a paper round 293 00:12:39,499 --> 00:12:41,133 Are-- I don't know-- 294 00:12:41,187 --> 00:12:42,720 But it's about being happy, isn't it? 295 00:12:42,774 --> 00:12:44,941 I know, but-- that's commendable if that's true. 296 00:12:45,003 --> 00:12:47,871 - But it-- okay. - That makes you happier? 297 00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:49,741 Well, I haven't- I haven't walked the dog yet. 298 00:12:49,798 --> 00:12:52,199 - Karl: But I'm just saying if I do- - - ( thunder rumbling ) 299 00:12:52,263 --> 00:12:54,197 I mean, I'm not taking it if it's raining. 300 00:12:54,255 --> 00:12:57,257 I'm just thinking if it's a nice sunny day and I fancy a potter, 301 00:12:57,328 --> 00:12:59,796 I'll go round to her and say, "well, how much are you paying? 302 00:12:59,861 --> 00:13:01,594 I'll take the dog a walk. " - sure. 303 00:13:01,651 --> 00:13:04,385 But I can't believe some of the words that have cropped up. 304 00:13:04,454 --> 00:13:07,288 "potter," "cobblers, " "toffee shop." 305 00:13:07,358 --> 00:13:10,993 It-- it's very very strange. 306 00:13:11,071 --> 00:13:12,905 Do you live in narnia? 307 00:13:16,441 --> 00:13:21,077 A lot of people are emailing in brainy stuff. - Brilliant. 308 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,835 I'm getting a lot of stuff about philosophy... 309 00:13:23,902 --> 00:13:25,903 - Oh, yeah. - ...And all that. 310 00:13:25,962 --> 00:13:27,462 Um, "discart"-- 311 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,616 That's another one that's mentioned in an email. 312 00:13:29,677 --> 00:13:33,612 Descartes, the french philosopher. - Yeah. 313 00:13:33,694 --> 00:13:35,161 What was-- what's your question? 314 00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:37,281 Well, he cropped up on an email. 315 00:13:37,341 --> 00:13:39,709 Someone said, "what do you think of him?" 316 00:13:39,772 --> 00:13:41,173 And I was like, "oh, I don't know." 317 00:13:41,224 --> 00:13:46,227 He-- famously, he pondered his own existence. 318 00:13:46,324 --> 00:13:49,859 Cogito ergo sum-- "I think, therefore I am." 319 00:13:49,936 --> 00:13:51,669 He was thinking about- he was thinking, 320 00:13:51,726 --> 00:13:54,260 "how do I know all this is true, everything around me?" 321 00:13:54,325 --> 00:13:55,792 And he thought, "well, I can see it 322 00:13:55,844 --> 00:13:57,611 And I can smell it and I can hear it." 323 00:13:57,667 --> 00:14:00,635 And he went, "oh, yeah, my senses can be fooled. I could be dreaming. 324 00:14:00,705 --> 00:14:03,773 But if I'm dreaming, then at least I'm alive. 325 00:14:03,845 --> 00:14:05,779 At least I have some sort of consciousness. 326 00:14:05,837 --> 00:14:10,206 So if I'm even thinking about anything, you know, I am. 327 00:14:10,295 --> 00:14:13,829 I exist. I think, therefore I am. 328 00:14:13,906 --> 00:14:15,341 Cogito ergo sum." 329 00:14:15,393 --> 00:14:17,029 But we don't need to know the latin bit. 330 00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:19,686 Why is everyone always going back to latin? It was ages ago. 331 00:14:19,752 --> 00:14:21,554 ( laughing ) 332 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,012 Why is that language always being-- 333 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,130 And were latin people always in a rush? 334 00:14:25,191 --> 00:14:27,992 'cause there seems to be words for four sentences. 335 00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:29,727 Why couldn't they just set up the time 336 00:14:29,783 --> 00:14:31,683 - And say what they wanna say? - ( laughing ) 337 00:14:31,741 --> 00:14:34,775 - And it's just like what- - - I'd love you to teach that in-- 338 00:14:34,848 --> 00:14:36,882 What about plato? 339 00:14:36,941 --> 00:14:38,608 - Ricky: Right, greek. - Karl: Right? 340 00:14:38,663 --> 00:14:41,497 Now would you say he's a bright bloke? - Yes, I would. 341 00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,401 I'd say he's a very very bright bloke. 342 00:14:43,458 --> 00:14:45,126 Right, let me tell you this. 343 00:14:45,181 --> 00:14:47,616 - If he's that bright- - you know how he got killed? - No. 344 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,114 Got hit on the head by an egg. 345 00:14:49,166 --> 00:14:52,368 ( laughing ) fuckin' hell! 346 00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:54,609 Well, he's not so clever then, is he? 347 00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:56,404 - That's what I'm saying. - Boo! 348 00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:57,727 What's the story with the egg? 349 00:14:57,777 --> 00:15:00,312 He was on holiday or something and... 350 00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:03,412 - ( steven laughing) he was on holiday. - Ricky: In greece probably. 351 00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,051 He was having a walk about 352 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,005 And a bird was flying over the-- 353 00:15:07,063 --> 00:15:09,364 This bird was what? A great ork? 354 00:15:09,426 --> 00:15:12,162 What sized bird killed him with his egg? 355 00:15:12,230 --> 00:15:13,831 - It was a big one, yeah. - Was it? 356 00:15:13,885 --> 00:15:16,753 - And the way they used to-- - an ostrich on a hang-glider? 357 00:15:16,822 --> 00:15:19,457 The way they used to crack the eggs open to let the kids out-- 358 00:15:19,523 --> 00:15:21,724 They used to drop them on rocks. 359 00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:24,054 ( laughing ) what bird is this? 360 00:15:24,117 --> 00:15:26,985 Dropping its egg to let the kids out. 361 00:15:27,054 --> 00:15:29,955 You're a maniac! You are a maniac! 362 00:15:30,026 --> 00:15:32,193 And plato had a little bald head. 363 00:15:32,254 --> 00:15:33,754 - Right. - So from the top, 364 00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:35,741 The bird's there looking down and it goes, 365 00:15:35,799 --> 00:15:37,934 "oh, there's a little rock. I'll drop the egg." 366 00:15:37,994 --> 00:15:40,762 Hits him on the head. Killed him. 367 00:15:40,831 --> 00:15:43,198 Now this is what I was saying before about-- 368 00:15:43,263 --> 00:15:45,463 Well, I'm letting too much go now 369 00:15:45,525 --> 00:15:47,759 'cause I'm so desensitized to his nonsense. 370 00:15:47,820 --> 00:15:50,288 I let him go, "the bird saw plato 371 00:15:50,353 --> 00:15:51,953 And said there's a rock down there." 372 00:15:52,008 --> 00:15:53,408 If these birds are killing people 373 00:15:53,459 --> 00:15:55,260 With bald heads, you've gotta be terrified. 374 00:15:55,316 --> 00:15:57,384 But listen, this is what I'm saying though. 375 00:15:57,444 --> 00:15:59,178 Before, about knowledge and that-- 376 00:15:59,233 --> 00:16:02,035 How knowledge is hassle or success is hassle-- 377 00:16:02,104 --> 00:16:04,472 That's-- now I think 378 00:16:04,536 --> 00:16:07,071 That was newton- "knowledge is hassle." 379 00:16:07,136 --> 00:16:10,172 Now why-- but why has plato's intelligence 380 00:16:10,244 --> 00:16:12,746 Got anything to do with the fact that this bird dropped-- 381 00:16:12,811 --> 00:16:14,913 Because he was intelligent 382 00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:16,974 And he's probably earning a nice few quid 383 00:16:17,032 --> 00:16:20,601 By giving out whatever messages he gave out, 384 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,616 He could afford to go on holiday to exotic places. 385 00:16:24,698 --> 00:16:26,098 If he was working at a factory, 386 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,651 He wouldn't have been on this beach 387 00:16:27,704 --> 00:16:30,473 With big birds dropping eggs is what I'm saying. 388 00:16:30,542 --> 00:16:32,609 So in a way it backfired. 389 00:16:32,668 --> 00:16:35,401 His knowledge killed him. 390 00:16:35,467 --> 00:16:38,999 And that, I think, was kierkegaard-- 391 00:16:39,077 --> 00:16:40,410 "his knowledge killed him." 392 00:16:40,461 --> 00:16:42,128 He shouldn't have been on the beach. 393 00:16:42,183 --> 00:16:45,118 He was only there having a break or whatever from doing what he does. 394 00:16:45,189 --> 00:16:47,690 It wouldn't have happened if he wasn't on holiday. 395 00:16:47,754 --> 00:16:51,490 ( both laughing ) 396 00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,282 This is an email we've had saying, 397 00:16:57,345 --> 00:17:00,546 "karl, what do you take by the orwellian saying 398 00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:02,520 'a stitch in time saves nine'?" 399 00:17:02,578 --> 00:17:05,246 Oh, a stitch in time saves nine. Yeah. 400 00:17:05,312 --> 00:17:07,246 See, it's another one that-- 401 00:17:07,305 --> 00:17:09,539 I don't think I've picked up on a lot of these sayings 402 00:17:09,601 --> 00:17:12,269 That are being thrown about " willy-nillily." 403 00:17:12,336 --> 00:17:14,003 - Willy-nillily. - Willy-nillilily. 404 00:17:14,058 --> 00:17:15,858 - ( laughing ) - okay. 405 00:17:15,916 --> 00:17:17,316 Willy-nillily. 406 00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:20,969 No, but I-- again, it's one of them like-- like last week. 407 00:17:21,048 --> 00:17:23,081 I've heard of it, but-- 408 00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:24,942 But what does "willy-nilly" mean? 409 00:17:24,999 --> 00:17:27,033 It just sort of means, you know, "carefree." 410 00:17:27,092 --> 00:17:28,425 That's right, yeah. 411 00:17:28,477 --> 00:17:30,077 Okay, but what does "a stitch in time"-- 412 00:17:30,131 --> 00:17:32,065 So you understood "willy-nilly." 413 00:17:32,123 --> 00:17:34,323 I mean, you used it- you said it "willy-nillily." 414 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,121 But you've sort of got the gist of it. 415 00:17:37,188 --> 00:17:40,424 So what does "a stitch in time saves nine" mean? - I-- I don't know. 416 00:17:40,498 --> 00:17:42,499 What do you mean, you don't know? 417 00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:44,860 Think about it. A stitch in time saves nine. 418 00:17:44,922 --> 00:17:48,090 - Is it to do with sewing? - Well, yeah, sort of. 419 00:17:48,164 --> 00:17:50,031 Uh, it's not that clear. 420 00:17:50,088 --> 00:17:51,822 So if you've got a jacket... - Yeah. 421 00:17:51,879 --> 00:17:53,679 ...And the seam starts coming undone-- 422 00:17:53,736 --> 00:17:55,937 "oh, there's a little bit of seam. I'll leave it." 423 00:17:55,998 --> 00:17:58,533 It's getting worse and worse. Soon your sleeve falls off. 424 00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,901 So you just need one stitch there. That'd do it. 425 00:18:00,963 --> 00:18:03,698 If you do it now- later you'll need nine stitches. 426 00:18:03,766 --> 00:18:05,801 And that of course 427 00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:08,395 Is an analogy to other things. 428 00:18:08,460 --> 00:18:10,428 But it depends if you're busy at that point 429 00:18:10,486 --> 00:18:13,488 Becae if you've got-- if you've got something else that needs doing, 430 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,361 That means that isn't being done 'cause you're messing about putting-- 431 00:18:16,431 --> 00:18:19,701 Sorting out a hole in your coat is what I mean. 432 00:18:19,775 --> 00:18:21,577 You can't always do stuff straightaway. 433 00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:23,567 So maybe-- I don't know. 434 00:18:23,625 --> 00:18:25,659 I don't know if there's a middle ground 435 00:18:25,718 --> 00:18:27,585 Where you don't have to do it straightaway. 436 00:18:27,644 --> 00:18:29,811 - But stitching-- - a stitch sometime today-- 437 00:18:29,871 --> 00:18:32,005 Say in 15 or whatever, 438 00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:34,368 Meaning you don't have to do it straightaway. 439 00:18:34,430 --> 00:18:37,432 But just do it befe it gets really bad. - Brilliant. 440 00:18:37,504 --> 00:18:39,037 Do you think yours is less poetic 441 00:18:39,091 --> 00:18:40,624 Than "a stitch in time saves nine"? 442 00:18:40,678 --> 00:18:44,213 So yours is-- this what you wanted to be a quote, right? 443 00:18:44,292 --> 00:18:45,692 "well, you could do it now. 444 00:18:45,743 --> 00:18:47,777 But if you're doing something else, then, uh... 445 00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:50,104 You know, look, well-- well, don't do it immediately, 446 00:18:50,166 --> 00:18:52,534 But do it soon so it doesn't get really bad." 447 00:18:52,597 --> 00:18:54,398 - Karl pilkington. - No, but it's the same-- 448 00:18:54,455 --> 00:18:56,656 That's the same way I treat most things in life. 449 00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:59,585 It's like I never go to the doctor's unless it's really-- 450 00:18:59,655 --> 00:19:02,055 That is sensible. That is very good advice. No-- 451 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,154 That's brilliant advice for anyone listening. 452 00:19:04,213 --> 00:19:06,949 - Never go to the doctor's. - Unless it's really bad. 453 00:19:07,017 --> 00:19:09,820 But that's why a lot of people die, 454 00:19:09,888 --> 00:19:11,755 Because they don't wanna bother the doctor 455 00:19:11,812 --> 00:19:15,314 Or they're mildly embarrassed or they don't know symptoms. 456 00:19:15,391 --> 00:19:18,226 Go to the doctor. If you're not sure what something-- 457 00:19:18,296 --> 00:19:21,998 Like you were terrified to go and have your prostate-- 458 00:19:22,079 --> 00:19:24,013 Still not been. Not doing it. - Why not? 459 00:19:24,070 --> 00:19:25,638 I wish you wouldn't talk abouit 460 00:19:25,692 --> 00:19:27,960 'cause now suzanne will listen to this and she'll go, 461 00:19:28,022 --> 00:19:30,390 "yeah, you haven't been, " and start dragging it up again. 462 00:19:30,454 --> 00:19:32,755 But why are you worried about a little-- 463 00:19:32,818 --> 00:19:35,653 A qualified doct-- - I don't know what they're doing up there. 464 00:19:35,722 --> 00:19:37,689 - Well, they just put the-- - what year are we in? 465 00:19:37,749 --> 00:19:39,516 They-- ( laughing ) 466 00:19:39,572 --> 00:19:41,740 What are you talking about? They put their finger up-- 467 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,534 That's what I mean, though. - Why? 468 00:19:43,590 --> 00:19:46,058 Why are they still using the index finger? - ( cackling ) 469 00:19:46,122 --> 00:19:48,157 What, you'd prefer the forefinger or the thumb, 470 00:19:48,217 --> 00:19:50,085 - Would you? - Karl: No. 471 00:19:50,142 --> 00:19:51,543 No, what I mean is we've got-- 472 00:19:51,594 --> 00:19:53,662 Or a thumb on a stick? Some kind of thumb on a stick? 473 00:19:53,723 --> 00:19:55,190 Yeah, would you prefer it to be-- 474 00:19:55,242 --> 00:19:56,843 A mechanical thumb? A robot thumb? 475 00:19:56,898 --> 00:19:58,432 Why isn't it just a little camera? 476 00:19:58,485 --> 00:20:00,686 They put the camera up if they initially discover something. 477 00:20:00,748 --> 00:20:02,615 But just put the camera up straightaway-- 478 00:20:02,673 --> 00:20:04,273 No, they don't need to. 479 00:20:04,327 --> 00:20:06,628 They pop the finger up, feel that the prostate isn't swollen, 480 00:20:06,691 --> 00:20:09,559 Wiggle it around a little bit up- up your back passage. 481 00:20:09,629 --> 00:20:11,229 What are you worried about? 482 00:20:11,284 --> 00:20:12,918 I don't think they need to do that. 483 00:20:12,972 --> 00:20:14,405 Are you embarrassed about being in a room 484 00:20:14,457 --> 00:20:16,622 With your trousers around your ankles, and a little fellow-- 485 00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:18,015 - A little bit. - Why? 486 00:20:18,065 --> 00:20:20,063 And the other thing is it's not just that, it? 487 00:20:20,122 --> 00:20:21,951 So you go in there. They check your heart out, 488 00:20:22,009 --> 00:20:23,638 Which to me is the most important thing 489 00:20:23,693 --> 00:20:25,158 'cause that's what keeps you going, isn't it? 490 00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:27,140 - ( ricky laughs ) yeah. - You've gotta go there. 491 00:20:27,198 --> 00:20:28,727 You're sat on the bus stressing out, thinking, 492 00:20:28,781 --> 00:20:30,212 "o in less than half an hour 493 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,696 I'm gonna have a finger up my ass." 494 00:20:31,748 --> 00:20:33,215 ( cackling ) what is the problem though? 495 00:20:33,267 --> 00:20:34,801 And you go in, they check your heart. 496 00:20:34,854 --> 00:20:36,790 They probably check your testicles and that. 497 00:20:36,848 --> 00:20:38,949 What's up with that? They check testicles, yeah. 498 00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:41,311 Yeah, but it's all building and you've sat there going, 499 00:20:41,372 --> 00:20:42,770 "oh, soon that will be happening." 500 00:20:42,823 --> 00:20:44,686 Yeah. - And that's what puts me off. 501 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,644 So if they just came round when you're asleep, 502 00:20:46,702 --> 00:20:49,203 Suzanne just let them in and goes, "he's over there." 503 00:20:49,268 --> 00:20:51,669 And they crept up and went... ( squishy noise )... Bang. 504 00:20:51,733 --> 00:20:53,401 You go, "what are you doing?" 505 00:20:53,455 --> 00:20:56,122 I don't understand why they don't teach you how to do it yourself. 506 00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:58,758 ( cackling ) how can they- how can they teach-- 507 00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:01,559 Imagine you squatting in a corner 508 00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:03,059 With one hand on your bullocks 509 00:21:03,112 --> 00:21:05,079 And the other finger up the ass going, 510 00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:06,606 "it seems to be all right." 511 00:21:06,658 --> 00:21:08,358 Karl, you don't understand the phrase 512 00:21:08,414 --> 00:21:09,847 "a stitch in time saves nine." 513 00:21:09,899 --> 00:21:11,633 I don't think you should be doing any kind 514 00:21:11,689 --> 00:21:14,323 Of invasive medical research in your own human body. 515 00:21:14,390 --> 00:21:17,125 But-- but then-- - who knows what trouble you're gonna cause? 516 00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,094 - No, but then-- - you would get stuck. 517 00:21:19,151 --> 00:21:21,786 Suzanne would come out and your fist would be up your own ass. 518 00:21:21,852 --> 00:21:25,955 ( cackling ) 519 00:21:27,965 --> 00:21:29,432 Okay, I think it's probably time-- 520 00:21:29,484 --> 00:21:30,784 Let me just check my watch. 521 00:21:30,835 --> 00:21:32,569 Yeah, it's monkey news time. 522 00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:35,626 Oh, chimpanzee that monkey news, you-- 523 00:21:35,697 --> 00:21:38,464 - ( monkey gibbers ) - ( morse code beeping ) 524 00:21:38,532 --> 00:21:40,367 So this week, anyway, it's about-- 525 00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:43,125 It's more about tall buildings and stuff. - Oh, yeah. 526 00:21:43,193 --> 00:21:46,061 There was this bloke who was a builder. - Oh, yeah. 527 00:21:46,130 --> 00:21:47,663 And you know what builders are like. 528 00:21:47,717 --> 00:21:49,217 They sort of move about, don't they, from-- 529 00:21:49,270 --> 00:21:51,771 From building to building, just building. 530 00:21:51,837 --> 00:21:54,037 Well, yeah, once they built it, the building's done 531 00:21:54,099 --> 00:21:56,633 - And they move on to build some more. - Just building, yeah. 532 00:21:56,698 --> 00:21:58,899 So he goes to his next job and that. - The builder? 533 00:21:58,961 --> 00:22:00,227 - The builder. - Yep. 534 00:22:00,278 --> 00:22:02,178 He goes to like the-- 535 00:22:02,236 --> 00:22:04,370 The boss of this building who's building it. 536 00:22:04,431 --> 00:22:08,333 ( laughter ) - stephen: All right. Okay, yeah. 537 00:22:08,416 --> 00:22:10,149 And he says what unto him? 538 00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:11,570 "do you need anything building?" 539 00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:14,087 - ( ricky cackling ) - stephen: Okay. 540 00:22:14,153 --> 00:22:16,319 So anyway, so he says, "yeah yeah, 541 00:22:16,380 --> 00:22:18,213 There's plenty of work and that going about." 542 00:22:18,269 --> 00:22:20,203 He says, "we're working on this one here." 543 00:22:20,261 --> 00:22:22,162 He said, "get going on it. 544 00:22:22,220 --> 00:22:25,356 Like, there's your bricks and your cement and stuff. Get on with it." 545 00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:28,130 Karl: So the-- - ricky: "any plans?" "eh... Just build." 546 00:22:28,198 --> 00:22:30,700 - Stephen: Just start building, yeah. - Ricky: "go up." 547 00:22:30,764 --> 00:22:34,667 They're getting on with it and stuff. It's all going well. 548 00:22:34,750 --> 00:22:37,418 But he notices that there's someone working 549 00:22:37,485 --> 00:22:39,850 High up on the top bit. 550 00:22:39,914 --> 00:22:41,880 So anyway, he's saying the other workers-- 551 00:22:41,939 --> 00:22:43,873 He's going, "what's- who's that up there? 552 00:22:43,931 --> 00:22:44,998 He's working on his own." 553 00:22:45,045 --> 00:22:46,145 "a little fellow, was he?" 554 00:22:46,193 --> 00:22:47,660 "the little hairy fellow up there?" 555 00:22:47,712 --> 00:22:49,613 E's the little fellow up there with the hard hat." 556 00:22:49,671 --> 00:22:52,472 And the other fellows are going, "look, you know, don't ask questions. 557 00:22:52,540 --> 00:22:54,041 The boss decides who he takes on. 558 00:22:54,094 --> 00:22:55,895 We're happy to be getting paid here." 559 00:22:55,951 --> 00:22:58,853 "don't ask questions." "well, I'll see him when he comes down." 560 00:22:58,923 --> 00:23:01,925 So he said, "it's pretty impressive, the work rate he's doing, 561 00:23:01,996 --> 00:23:04,297 The way he's getting from one girder to the other." 562 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:05,760 He's swinging, is he? 563 00:23:05,811 --> 00:23:07,545 "he doesn't seem to be scared of the heights." 564 00:23:07,601 --> 00:23:09,268 He said, "no, just let him get on with it. 565 00:23:09,324 --> 00:23:10,691 We work well as a team." 566 00:23:10,742 --> 00:23:12,876 - Karl: So anyway-- - ricky: What nonsense is this? 567 00:23:12,936 --> 00:23:14,370 He believes all this? 568 00:23:14,423 --> 00:23:15,956 So he sees the boss and he goes, 569 00:23:16,009 --> 00:23:18,911 "who's the fellow up there? He's pretty good." 570 00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:21,216 And he's like, "look, just get on with the job, yeah? 571 00:23:21,277 --> 00:23:23,678 I'll pay you. Let's just all get on with our jobs." 572 00:23:23,742 --> 00:23:26,744 Lunchtime comes. They're all sat there, having their sandwiches. 573 00:23:26,816 --> 00:23:28,349 He's thinking, " he'll come down in a bit." 574 00:23:28,403 --> 00:23:30,070 - He's just carrying on. - Stephen: Is he? 575 00:23:30,125 --> 00:23:31,993 Still going and that, right? 576 00:23:32,050 --> 00:23:35,185 So the fellow says to the boss man, he says, 577 00:23:35,257 --> 00:23:37,325 "isn't that fellow up there 578 00:23:37,385 --> 00:23:39,286 Gonna come down and join us for lunch?" 579 00:23:39,343 --> 00:23:41,277 He said, "like I said, mate, 580 00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:43,069 Don't worry about him, right?" 581 00:23:43,126 --> 00:23:45,394 He's very secretive. I'm suspicious about this fellow. 582 00:23:45,456 --> 00:23:47,424 I don't know why he's working through his lunch, 583 00:23:47,482 --> 00:23:49,216 Why he's swinging from girder to girder. 584 00:23:49,272 --> 00:23:51,206 It's weird. Go on. 585 00:23:51,264 --> 00:23:53,898 So he said, "oh, anyway, you've reminded me that he's up there." 586 00:23:53,965 --> 00:23:56,698 He said, "he's doing a lot of riveting and stuff up there. 587 00:23:56,767 --> 00:23:58,934 He probably needs some more nuts to--" 588 00:23:58,994 --> 00:24:00,861 Right, sure. And what kind of nutss that? 589 00:24:00,919 --> 00:24:02,553 Is that nuts to food or-- 590 00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:04,207 So he said-- well, nuts. 591 00:24:04,262 --> 00:24:06,329 He said, "yeah, there's a bagful of them there. 592 00:24:06,388 --> 00:24:08,422 Just put them on the hook, send them up, 593 00:24:08,481 --> 00:24:10,082 And he can get on with his job." 594 00:24:10,136 --> 00:24:11,803 So anyway, he picks these nuts up, right? 595 00:24:11,858 --> 00:24:14,624 Just hooks them on. They're not that heavy, considering-- 596 00:24:14,693 --> 00:24:16,726 Normally they're pretty heavy, aren't they? 597 00:24:16,785 --> 00:24:18,254 The big bolts and stuff. 598 00:24:18,307 --> 00:24:19,944 So anyway, he has a little glance in. 599 00:24:19,999 --> 00:24:21,801 - Oh, now what's in there? - Nuts. 600 00:24:21,857 --> 00:24:23,462 What, you mean nuts that you can eat? 601 00:24:23,516 --> 00:24:24,685 Nuts that you can eat. 602 00:24:24,735 --> 00:24:26,506 So they send the bag up and he's thinking, 603 00:24:26,562 --> 00:24:27,698 "what's all that about?" 604 00:24:27,746 --> 00:24:29,852 He checks him out, starts to stare. 605 00:24:29,912 --> 00:24:34,221 It works out he can see that it's a little chimp running about. 606 00:24:34,309 --> 00:24:36,675 So he goes, "I'm not happy with this." - why isn't he? 607 00:24:36,738 --> 00:24:39,372 Because he's working for an organization that's-- 608 00:24:39,438 --> 00:24:41,171 There's unions for this sort of stuff. 609 00:24:41,228 --> 00:24:43,961 ( laughing ) yeah, he's not going, "that's amazing. 610 00:24:44,028 --> 00:24:46,367 They've got a chimp riveting this building together." 611 00:24:46,430 --> 00:24:47,863 Yeah, that's not scary. 612 00:24:47,915 --> 00:24:50,282 He's worrying if they're breaking union rules. 613 00:24:50,345 --> 00:24:52,311 So he goes-- - you have talked some shit now. 614 00:24:52,368 --> 00:24:53,867 He goes to the boss and he goes, 615 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,917 "I've worked out what you're playing right here." 616 00:24:55,976 --> 00:24:59,441 Is the boss sitting in a tire? 617 00:24:59,518 --> 00:25:02,953 So he goes, "look, we're just all trying to earn a living here." 618 00:25:03,030 --> 00:25:05,564 He said, "don't get involved in it. 619 00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:07,396 I'm happy to pay you, but I'm paying him. 620 00:25:07,453 --> 00:25:09,720 - Don't interfere." - ricky: He's paying him? 621 00:25:09,783 --> 00:25:12,718 And he's saying, "I'm just not happy with this. It's not allowed." 622 00:25:12,788 --> 00:25:16,223 So the boss was saying-- - ricky: "we pay peanuts, we get monkeys." 623 00:25:16,299 --> 00:25:18,433 He said, "to be honest, mate, 624 00:25:18,495 --> 00:25:20,762 You know, he's a great worker. 625 00:25:20,825 --> 00:25:22,392 He's known for doing what he does. 626 00:25:22,445 --> 00:25:23,545 He's a good grafter. 627 00:25:23,593 --> 00:25:25,727 If one of you is gonna go... " "right." 628 00:25:25,788 --> 00:25:27,722 "I'm afraid I'll have to let you go 'cause..." 629 00:25:27,780 --> 00:25:30,481 - Stephen: Blimey. - Karl: "...He's been here longer." 630 00:25:30,549 --> 00:25:32,182 - He was made-- - none of that happened. 631 00:25:32,237 --> 00:25:34,271 - He was laid off. - None of that happened. 632 00:25:34,331 --> 00:25:35,797 He was laid off and that. 633 00:25:35,850 --> 00:25:37,851 And that's where that saying about 634 00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:40,079 There's a lot of tower blocks and that in america. 635 00:25:40,140 --> 00:25:43,608 It's like-- a chimp off the old block is where-- 636 00:25:43,684 --> 00:25:46,018 ( laughing ) 637 00:25:46,081 --> 00:25:48,349 So that's monkey news. 638 00:25:48,399 --> 00:25:52,949 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 53244

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