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Kenny: When you're an
Irish-Catholic family in Chicago,
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00:00:02,978 --> 00:00:05,014
it's sort of illegal to hate the holidays.
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00:00:05,017 --> 00:00:07,282
Kenny: In fact, there wasn't
anything in the world,
4
00:00:07,306 --> 00:00:10,631
that Eileen O'Neal loved
more than Christmas...
5
00:00:10,634 --> 00:00:12,223
Except winning.
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00:00:12,226 --> 00:00:14,258
Stop, stop, stop!
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Everybody stop.
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One of you... is off.
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Would the tone-deaf perpetrator
care to step forward?
10
00:00:25,124 --> 00:00:26,455
No?
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00:00:26,458 --> 00:00:28,257
Okay.
12
00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:31,227
I could be wrong.
13
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:33,262
Hmm.
14
00:00:33,265 --> 00:00:35,231
[Intro to "Hark! The
Herald Angels Sing" plays]
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Hark the herald angels sing
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Glory to the newborn king
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You.
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Here.
19
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Start from the beginning.
20
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[Off-key]
Hark the herald
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00:00:53,652 --> 00:00:54,650
[Squeals]
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Honey...
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you're making God sad.
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00:00:58,290 --> 00:01:01,424
She thought the music teacher in
"Whiplash" was the hero.
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00:01:01,427 --> 00:01:03,359
You know what, just go back to your spot.
26
00:01:03,362 --> 00:01:05,494
I'll deal with you later.
27
00:01:05,497 --> 00:01:07,029
[Sighs] Again!
28
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:09,198
And remember, everybody...
29
00:01:09,201 --> 00:01:10,650
It's Christmas!
30
00:01:10,675 --> 00:01:13,774
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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Don't worry about these first-day kinks.
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We'll get through it.
33
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Remember, every one of you
has a very special place here.
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We need to get rid of Allison.
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What? No! She's my friend.
36
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She's dead weight, Kenny.
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And St. Barklay's is hosting
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the Christmas Choir
Competition this year.
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I, for one, am not gonna lose to
those Episcopalians again.
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As much as I love Allison, I don't
want want her messing up my solo.
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Jodi: Are you two kidding me?
42
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That is not the spirit of Christmas.
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Please let me take Allison under my wing.
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[Piano plays]
45
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I had a piano teacher.
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She disappeared.
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Yeah. Wish me luck.
48
00:01:50,175 --> 00:01:51,407
Hey, Mom.
49
00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:52,575
- I finished the Nativity.
- Oh!
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I think you're really gonna like
what I did with Joseph this year.
51
00:01:54,872 --> 00:01:56,679
Oh, okay, fine, I'll tell you.
52
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I gave him a porkpie hat.
53
00:01:57,983 --> 00:01:59,181
Oh, well, that's better
54
00:01:59,184 --> 00:02:01,217
than the soul patch you
gave him last year.
55
00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:02,418
I have a project for you.
56
00:02:02,421 --> 00:02:04,053
[Bag rustles]
57
00:02:04,056 --> 00:02:06,088
Oh, bro! It's a GoPro!
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00:02:06,091 --> 00:02:07,390
Thanks, Mommy.
59
00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:10,393
No, I want you to do some
recon on the Episcopalians.
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00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:12,061
Their director, Sheila DeMars...
61
00:02:12,064 --> 00:02:13,195
She's always one-upping us.
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00:02:13,198 --> 00:02:15,398
I want you to find out
what they're singing,
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00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:16,565
what robes they're wearing,
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00:02:16,568 --> 00:02:18,434
and if she's had any recent work done.
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I'm on it.
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00:02:19,605 --> 00:02:22,204
Okay, Mom, while
I support this chicanery,
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I don't think it's enough to win.
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00:02:23,163 --> 00:02:24,874
I mean, I'm competition-ready,
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00:02:24,877 --> 00:02:26,409
but the rest of this choir?
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Not up to snuff... Especially
Chronic Bronchitis Bill,
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who stood behind me today and
coughed bits of lung into my hair.
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00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:33,282
Don't worry, Kenny.
I'm one step ahead of you.
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Part two of my plan is to recruit you
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some much-deserved backup.
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You're giving me my own Kelly Rowland?!
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I don't know what that means, but yes!
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78
00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:44,226
Ethan sent me my Christmas gift early.
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00:02:44,229 --> 00:02:45,528
Oh, yeah.
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00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:46,800
You two have been getting
pretty serious, huh?
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00:02:46,824 --> 00:02:48,276
What do you think it is, a journal?
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No, a really big locket.
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[Gasps]
84
00:02:52,356 --> 00:02:55,604
Or a watercolor of a
handsome Princess Di.
85
00:02:55,607 --> 00:02:58,307
Dad, it's Suze Orman circa 1995.
86
00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,643
Oh. So, this is a good gift?
87
00:03:00,646 --> 00:03:03,612
Of course! Ethan knows me.
88
00:03:03,615 --> 00:03:05,414
I have to get him something even better,
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00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:07,249
something you can't buy in a store,
90
00:03:07,252 --> 00:03:09,485
something he can't get
from anyone else but me.
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00:03:09,488 --> 00:03:11,287
Just don't overdo it, sweetheart, okay?
92
00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:12,455
You don't want to smother the guy.
93
00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:14,024
For example, I got Gloria
94
00:03:14,049 --> 00:03:16,344
a gift box from Shari's Berries.
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00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:20,229
I have the vocabulary
of a Harvard scholar...
96
00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:23,132
and yet, there are no words.
97
00:03:23,135 --> 00:03:24,335
- [Organ plays]
- What?
98
00:03:25,265 --> 00:03:27,570
My mom is on a recon mission.
99
00:03:27,573 --> 00:03:30,973
She's basically an orchestral Terminator.
100
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[Dramatic music plays]
101
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[Beeping]
102
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On a cold winter's
night that was so deep
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Noel, noel
104
00:03:50,629 --> 00:03:51,927
Okay, everyone.
105
00:03:51,930 --> 00:03:54,497
Uh, I'd like you to meet Brett.
106
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:57,700
Brett and his family
just moved here from Berlin,
107
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so let's give him a great,
big St. Barklay's willkommen.
108
00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:04,440
Uh, we're from Berlin,
New Jersey, actually.
109
00:04:04,443 --> 00:04:05,474
Oh.
110
00:04:05,477 --> 00:04:07,376
Well, that's still foreign to me.
111
00:04:07,379 --> 00:04:08,377
[Light laughter]
112
00:04:08,380 --> 00:04:10,381
Okay, have fun.
113
00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:13,182
Hi. Kenny.
114
00:04:13,185 --> 00:04:15,951
So excited to be working with you.
115
00:04:15,954 --> 00:04:18,154
It's actually really hard
to meet another baritenor
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who can soar over
the notes, you know?
117
00:04:21,326 --> 00:04:24,193
We're rare, like four-leaf clovers.
118
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And sociopaths.
119
00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:28,266
Actually, sociopaths aren't
as rare as you might think.
120
00:04:29,072 --> 00:04:30,270
Cool.
121
00:04:30,295 --> 00:04:32,802
Anyway, uh, when my
mom calls for "mezzo piano,"
122
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:35,404
what she really means is "mezzo forte,"
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which can be mezza-confusing.
124
00:04:37,183 --> 00:04:39,475
That's really funny.
I don't get it. Who are you?
125
00:04:39,478 --> 00:04:42,545
Um, my... Eileen is my mom.
126
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You talk about your mom a lot.
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128
00:04:48,086 --> 00:04:49,218
Mm.
129
00:04:49,221 --> 00:04:51,811
I'm so sorry about the misunderstanding.
130
00:04:51,836 --> 00:04:54,272
I mean, I just completely
forgot you have diverticulitis.
131
00:04:54,297 --> 00:04:56,992
Oh, it's fine. I mean, it's not
like the first thing I tell people
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is my intestines can't handle small,
hard particles.
133
00:04:59,711 --> 00:05:00,750
I should have listened to Shannon.
134
00:05:00,774 --> 00:05:02,665
She's the expert on gifts.
135
00:05:02,668 --> 00:05:03,871
She's been up in her room for hours
136
00:05:03,895 --> 00:05:05,401
working on Ethan's present.
137
00:05:05,404 --> 00:05:06,402
What's she getting him?
138
00:05:06,405 --> 00:05:07,570
She won't tell me.
139
00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:08,456
But apparently,
140
00:05:08,481 --> 00:05:10,906
it's something he can't get
from anyone else but her.
141
00:05:10,909 --> 00:05:12,608
[Chuckles]
142
00:05:12,611 --> 00:05:13,778
What?
143
00:05:14,663 --> 00:05:16,695
Last time I said that to a guy,
it meant sex.
144
00:05:16,698 --> 00:05:18,697
What?! [Scoffs] No.
145
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:20,199
She's too young.
146
00:05:20,202 --> 00:05:22,001
She's 15. That's old enough.
147
00:05:22,004 --> 00:05:25,404
I mean, for a permit,
maybe a quincea?era.
148
00:05:25,407 --> 00:05:27,539
- I lost my virginity at that age.
- You did?
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00:05:27,542 --> 00:05:29,408
Yeah, and I was a late bloomer.
150
00:05:29,411 --> 00:05:31,377
But I did make up for it in college.
151
00:05:31,380 --> 00:05:33,979
Not that I became a slut,
I just dated a lot of guys.
152
00:05:33,982 --> 00:05:35,714
And a professor, which got weird.
153
00:05:35,717 --> 00:05:37,383
I mean, I deserved the "F,"
154
00:05:37,386 --> 00:05:39,652
but not the restraining order.
155
00:05:39,655 --> 00:05:41,320
God, I miss her.
156
00:05:41,323 --> 00:05:44,056
That is a lot of information.
157
00:05:44,059 --> 00:05:45,257
Jimmy: Hey, Mom.
158
00:05:45,260 --> 00:05:47,193
So, I've been practicing
with the GoPro all day.
159
00:05:47,218 --> 00:05:48,994
I think I'm ready to inseminate Sheila.
160
00:05:48,997 --> 00:05:51,196
I'm gonna assume you mean "infiltrate,"
161
00:05:51,199 --> 00:05:52,231
and that's good.
162
00:05:52,234 --> 00:05:53,787
They post their song list tonight.
163
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,669
I want to find out exactly what it
is they're planning for the contest.
164
00:05:56,672 --> 00:05:57,870
Got it.
165
00:05:57,873 --> 00:05:59,872
Wait, then what
is "artificial infiltration"?
166
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[Sighs]
167
00:06:01,677 --> 00:06:04,043
Okay, people!
168
00:06:04,046 --> 00:06:07,413
Let's start with
"O Come, All Ye Faithful,"
169
00:06:07,416 --> 00:06:10,849
and remember, use your core,
okay, or lip sync.
170
00:06:10,852 --> 00:06:12,251
Your choice.
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00:06:12,254 --> 00:06:13,552
Just choose wisely.
172
00:06:13,555 --> 00:06:15,721
- [Intro plays]
- Let's start with Kenny's solo.
173
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-
Ooo-oo-oo-oooh
-
Come and behold him
174
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-
Ooo-oo-oo-oooh
-
Born the king of angels
175
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-
Oh, come
-
Oh, come, let us adore him
176
00:06:28,937 --> 00:06:29,935
Oh, come...
177
00:06:29,938 --> 00:06:30,938
Come on, Brett!
178
00:06:32,941 --> 00:06:34,640
Brett is completely drowning me out.
179
00:06:34,643 --> 00:06:36,141
He's supposed to be backup.
180
00:06:36,144 --> 00:06:37,543
I don't think he can help it.
181
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[Sighs] It is distracting.
182
00:06:39,081 --> 00:06:40,412
And we do want to win, right?
183
00:06:40,415 --> 00:06:41,880
More than anything.
184
00:06:41,883 --> 00:06:44,383
Well, if we can't make your two
beautiful voices work together,
185
00:06:44,386 --> 00:06:45,384
we have to fix it.
186
00:06:45,387 --> 00:06:47,099
- [Sighs]
- Do what you got to do.
187
00:06:47,124 --> 00:06:48,487
I'm glad you agree.
188
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:51,056
All right, excuse me, everybody.
189
00:06:51,059 --> 00:06:53,726
Uh, slight change of plans...
190
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From here on out, Brett...
191
00:06:56,331 --> 00:06:57,763
will be our soloist.
192
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[All gasp]
193
00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:01,100
What? Where does that leave me?
194
00:07:01,103 --> 00:07:03,802
Uh, you'll be our group
soloist or our groupist.
195
00:07:03,805 --> 00:07:06,472
That's not a thing.
196
00:07:06,475 --> 00:07:08,029
Well, it is now.
197
00:07:12,143 --> 00:07:15,359
Mother, you betrayed your son...
198
00:07:15,384 --> 00:07:18,158
Your only son... who sings.
199
00:07:18,161 --> 00:07:22,062
Look, Brett's not my favorite
person, either.
200
00:07:22,065 --> 00:07:24,298
It is amazing that that sourpuss of his
201
00:07:24,301 --> 00:07:25,832
can emit such sweet sounds,
202
00:07:25,835 --> 00:07:28,602
but it does and we need to win.
203
00:07:28,605 --> 00:07:30,671
So... he gets the solo.
204
00:07:30,674 --> 00:07:31,938
- That's not fair.
- Fine!
205
00:07:31,941 --> 00:07:33,457
Then practice until
you're as good as Brett,
206
00:07:33,481 --> 00:07:34,808
and I'll give you the solo back.
207
00:07:34,811 --> 00:07:35,730
Okay, deal.
208
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:38,645
You know what, this is
like in "Dreamgirls" when Effie,
209
00:07:38,648 --> 00:07:40,747
spurned by Curtis
for choosing Deena over her,
210
00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:42,249
makes her emotional appeal to him
211
00:07:42,252 --> 00:07:45,452
by telling him that she is,
in fact, not going.
212
00:07:45,455 --> 00:07:46,486
Hmm.
213
00:07:46,489 --> 00:07:49,423
Again, I don't know what you mean.
214
00:07:49,426 --> 00:07:50,857
Yet weirdly, I do.
215
00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:52,326
Mm!
216
00:07:52,329 --> 00:07:54,661
217
00:07:54,664 --> 00:07:56,863
[Dog barks in distance]
218
00:07:56,866 --> 00:07:58,031
219
00:07:58,034 --> 00:07:59,800
[Sighs]
220
00:07:59,803 --> 00:08:02,810
Dad, what are you doing?
221
00:08:02,835 --> 00:08:05,706
Oh, uh, nothing.
222
00:08:05,709 --> 00:08:07,374
Nothing.
223
00:08:07,377 --> 00:08:09,676
Um, that was your third shower today.
Is everything all right?
224
00:08:09,679 --> 00:08:11,759
It's fine. I've just been
getting Ethan's gift ready.
225
00:08:13,717 --> 00:08:15,515
Dad, please don't stroke out now.
226
00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:17,419
- I'm in a towel. I'll never recover.
- Oh, no.
227
00:08:17,444 --> 00:08:18,763
I'm fine. I'm fine.
228
00:08:18,788 --> 00:08:20,020
[Clears throat, sniffs]
229
00:08:20,045 --> 00:08:22,022
I just wanted to have a little...
230
00:08:22,025 --> 00:08:24,358
a little talk with you
about, uh, adulthood.
231
00:08:24,361 --> 00:08:28,228
So, you see, adults are big people
232
00:08:28,231 --> 00:08:29,896
that grow from little people.
233
00:08:29,899 --> 00:08:31,198
And, uh...
234
00:08:31,201 --> 00:08:32,833
Well, it's kind of like...
235
00:08:32,836 --> 00:08:34,389
you grew from these shoes.
236
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,002
Those are from my American Girl doll.
237
00:08:36,005 --> 00:08:38,505
My feet were never that size.
I was born 11 pounds.
238
00:08:38,508 --> 00:08:40,807
Yes, well... [Chuckles]
239
00:08:40,810 --> 00:08:43,744
...you were always big for your age.
240
00:08:43,747 --> 00:08:46,682
Well, I'll let you get back
to your preparations.
241
00:08:48,151 --> 00:08:51,485
This is Agent O'Neal reporting
from enemy territory.
242
00:08:51,488 --> 00:08:53,720
It looks like they're
doing some classic numbers,
243
00:08:53,723 --> 00:08:56,089
possibly a medley.
244
00:08:56,092 --> 00:08:57,224
[Sniffs]
245
00:08:57,227 --> 00:08:59,159
Also, there's a strange scent of toast,
246
00:08:59,162 --> 00:09:01,828
which the camera may or
may not be picking up.
247
00:09:01,831 --> 00:09:03,673
I should have saved you a piece.
248
00:09:03,698 --> 00:09:05,866
[British accent] I'm sorry,
249
00:09:05,869 --> 00:09:08,502
as I'm lost because I'm from Britain.
250
00:09:08,505 --> 00:09:10,048
Save it. I know who you are.
251
00:09:10,073 --> 00:09:12,717
I'm just a simple chimney sweep.
252
00:09:12,742 --> 00:09:14,775
I have see your photo in
the St. Barklay's bulletin.
253
00:09:14,778 --> 00:09:16,343
You have ridiculous hair.
254
00:09:16,346 --> 00:09:18,745
You know, I could have
your whole choir disqualified.
255
00:09:18,748 --> 00:09:20,013
[Normal voice] No, don't...
256
00:09:20,016 --> 00:09:21,548
Please don't do that, Sheila DeMars.
257
00:09:21,551 --> 00:09:22,883
I... They've worked really hard.
258
00:09:22,886 --> 00:09:24,418
I'll... I'll destroy the video,
259
00:09:24,421 --> 00:09:26,553
and I'll ta... I'll take all the blame.
260
00:09:26,556 --> 00:09:28,755
No, I have an even better idea.
261
00:09:28,758 --> 00:09:29,990
You keep the footage,
262
00:09:29,993 --> 00:09:33,126
but you have to do
something for me in return.
263
00:09:33,129 --> 00:09:34,928
[Inhales sharply] Okay.
264
00:09:34,931 --> 00:09:36,797
But I'm gonna need some dim lights
265
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,199
and for you to do your voice
like Flo from Progressive.
266
00:09:39,202 --> 00:09:41,568
I don't want to have sex with you!
267
00:09:41,571 --> 00:09:42,969
I mean, your father?
268
00:09:42,972 --> 00:09:43,970
Maybe. [Chuckles]
269
00:09:43,973 --> 00:09:45,138
Oh.
270
00:09:45,141 --> 00:09:46,940
I need you to spy on your mother,
271
00:09:46,943 --> 00:09:48,975
and if you blab about this to anyone,
272
00:09:48,978 --> 00:09:50,744
I will have St. Barklay's blacklisted
273
00:09:50,747 --> 00:09:52,110
from this competition forever.
274
00:09:52,135 --> 00:09:53,780
Fine. I'll do it.
275
00:09:53,783 --> 00:09:55,882
I'll inseminate my mom.
276
00:09:55,885 --> 00:09:59,953
You O'Neals are a funny bunch.
277
00:09:59,956 --> 00:10:02,658
278
00:10:07,664 --> 00:10:10,297
Who died? [Chuckles]
Was it the guy with the cough?
279
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,766
I really want to give you
the business right now,
280
00:10:12,769 --> 00:10:14,468
but I don't have the lung capacity.
281
00:10:14,471 --> 00:10:16,236
Everyone here is fine.
282
00:10:16,239 --> 00:10:18,405
Even our sickly members were on time.
283
00:10:18,408 --> 00:10:19,473
I'm late?
284
00:10:19,476 --> 00:10:20,974
I thought rehearsal started at 9:30.
285
00:10:20,977 --> 00:10:22,576
No.
286
00:10:22,579 --> 00:10:24,284
Guess I was misinformed.
287
00:10:25,448 --> 00:10:26,913
- Okay.
- All right, it was me.
288
00:10:26,916 --> 00:10:29,649
But I figured the only
way to make me better
289
00:10:29,652 --> 00:10:30,917
was to make Brett worse.
290
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:34,421
Bum, bum, bum, bum
291
00:10:34,424 --> 00:10:35,922
Bum, bum, bum
292
00:10:35,925 --> 00:10:37,424
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba bum
293
00:10:37,427 --> 00:10:40,260
Bum, bum, bum-bum,
bum, bum, bum-bum, bum
294
00:10:40,263 --> 00:10:42,195
Bum, bum, bum-bum,
bum, bum, bum-bum, bum
295
00:10:42,198 --> 00:10:45,031
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
296
00:10:45,034 --> 00:10:47,834
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
297
00:10:47,837 --> 00:10:49,611
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
298
00:10:49,636 --> 00:10:52,606
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
299
00:10:52,609 --> 00:10:55,809
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
300
00:10:55,812 --> 00:10:59,145
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
301
00:10:59,148 --> 00:11:00,547
[Coughs, wheezes]
302
00:11:00,550 --> 00:11:02,816
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
303
00:11:02,819 --> 00:11:05,285
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
304
00:11:05,288 --> 00:11:08,388
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
305
00:11:08,391 --> 00:11:11,391
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
306
00:11:11,394 --> 00:11:13,493
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
307
00:11:13,518 --> 00:11:16,418
Bum, bum-bum, bum,
bum, bum-bum, bum, bum
308
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,198
Great job, everyone,
309
00:11:18,201 --> 00:11:20,066
and I want you to rest
those voices at home.
310
00:11:20,069 --> 00:11:22,736
I don't care if your loved one
passes out in front of you.
311
00:11:22,739 --> 00:11:26,406
You are to make to make
that 911 call whispering.
312
00:11:26,409 --> 00:11:30,677
And these are to keep your
pipes lubricated for tomorrow
313
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,046
when my M... mm... Choirmaster O'Neal...
314
00:11:33,049 --> 00:11:34,147
[Laughs]
315
00:11:34,150 --> 00:11:36,182
...gives us her final evaluations.
316
00:11:36,185 --> 00:11:38,585
Jodi... tea.
317
00:11:38,588 --> 00:11:40,487
Allison... tea.
318
00:11:40,490 --> 00:11:41,688
Bill... tea.
319
00:11:41,691 --> 00:11:44,524
Brett... double latte,
whipped cream, extra milk.
320
00:11:44,527 --> 00:11:46,059
Uh, pass on the phlegm-uccino.
321
00:11:46,062 --> 00:11:47,827
Isn't dairy bad for the pipes?
322
00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:49,329
Is it?
323
00:11:49,332 --> 00:11:52,532
I'm not as challenged mentally
as you are vertically.
324
00:11:58,074 --> 00:12:00,440
What is your problem?
325
00:12:00,443 --> 00:12:01,708
Me?
326
00:12:01,711 --> 00:12:03,076
I'm not the one who's been
trying to undermine me
327
00:12:03,079 --> 00:12:04,077
for the past week.
328
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:05,014
And what about you?
329
00:12:05,039 --> 00:12:06,913
I mean, you practically rode
a Harley into the choir room
330
00:12:06,916 --> 00:12:08,448
and didn't laugh at my jokes,
331
00:12:08,451 --> 00:12:10,917
which are amazing and
reflect my unique world view.
332
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,753
And don't forget your unnatural
obsession with the limelight.
333
00:12:13,756 --> 00:12:15,055
Oh, please. You love it, too.
334
00:12:15,058 --> 00:12:17,401
If I'm told to stand in the front,
I stand in the front.
335
00:12:17,426 --> 00:12:19,125
I can't help it if I look good there.
336
00:12:19,128 --> 00:12:22,095
Okay, then what is your thing, Brett?
337
00:12:22,098 --> 00:12:23,530
I mean, you must have a flaw,
338
00:12:23,533 --> 00:12:25,098
otherwise you would have
gone out of your way
339
00:12:25,101 --> 00:12:26,399
to make friends in a new church
340
00:12:26,402 --> 00:12:28,101
as opposed to being an aloof jerk.
341
00:12:28,104 --> 00:12:30,804
I mean, I'm a likeable person!
Why don't you like me?!
342
00:12:30,807 --> 00:12:33,106
That's the problem, you idiot.
343
00:12:33,109 --> 00:12:34,374
I do like you.
344
00:12:34,377 --> 00:12:37,312
345
00:12:42,819 --> 00:12:43,885
Oh.
346
00:12:44,582 --> 00:12:46,233
I had no idea.
347
00:12:46,258 --> 00:12:48,261
Why didn't you tell me you were gay?
348
00:12:48,264 --> 00:12:49,896
Do you like avocados?
349
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:51,531
Obviously. They're good fats.
350
00:12:51,534 --> 00:12:53,567
Why didn't you tell me you like avocados?
351
00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:54,868
[Scoffs] Okay, yeah.
352
00:12:54,871 --> 00:12:56,169
I see your point.
353
00:12:56,172 --> 00:12:58,839
Don't get me wrong,
I'm not closeted or anything,
354
00:12:58,842 --> 00:13:01,842
I just don't go around
announcing that I'm into dudes.
355
00:13:01,845 --> 00:13:03,844
[Scoffs] Yeah, me, neither.
356
00:13:03,847 --> 00:13:05,612
It's so tacky. [Chuckles]
357
00:13:05,615 --> 00:13:06,287
I'm gay!
358
00:13:06,312 --> 00:13:06,947
I'm gay.
359
00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:07,559
I'm gay.
360
00:13:07,584 --> 00:13:08,338
I'm gay.
361
00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:09,121
I'm gay.
362
00:13:09,146 --> 00:13:10,517
I'm gay, I'm not European.
363
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,221
Yeah, sometimes the moment calls for it.
364
00:13:13,246 --> 00:13:14,921
I'm sorry I was so standoffish.
365
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:18,091
I was crushing on you,
and I totally overcompensated.
366
00:13:18,094 --> 00:13:21,928
Well, we all have ways of
protecting ourselves, right?
367
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:25,866
Look, the only reason I joined
the choir was to meet you.
368
00:13:25,869 --> 00:13:27,801
And I didn't plan on getting the solo,
369
00:13:27,804 --> 00:13:30,804
and I certainly didn't intend to
come between you and your mom,
370
00:13:30,807 --> 00:13:32,239
who you do talk about a lot.
371
00:13:32,242 --> 00:13:34,941
- Yeah.
- So, I'll quit.
372
00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:36,543
[Insincerely] What? No.
373
00:13:36,546 --> 00:13:37,711
Yes.
374
00:13:37,714 --> 00:13:39,646
This competition clearly
means more to you
375
00:13:39,649 --> 00:13:40,747
than it does to me.
376
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:43,550
And I'd like to stick around.
377
00:13:43,575 --> 00:13:46,348
So I get the solo and the guy.
378
00:13:46,373 --> 00:13:47,921
It really is a Christmas miracle!
379
00:13:47,924 --> 00:13:49,423
Don't get on that bus!
380
00:13:49,426 --> 00:13:50,557
[Panting]
381
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:51,825
It's eight minutes away.
382
00:13:51,828 --> 00:13:53,393
Dad, what are you doing here?
383
00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:54,961
[Breathing heavily] I... I...
384
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,830
I can't let you have sex with Ethan.
385
00:13:56,833 --> 00:13:58,231
I mean, sex is awesome,
386
00:13:58,234 --> 00:14:00,131
and I know you probably don't
want to hear that right now...
387
00:14:00,155 --> 00:14:01,466
- I don't.
- But you need to.
388
00:14:01,491 --> 00:14:03,403
And look, I can't stop
you from having sex,
389
00:14:03,406 --> 00:14:06,239
but I can ll you that it
will affect the rest of your life.
390
00:14:06,242 --> 00:14:07,674
And if you decide to wait,
391
00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:09,910
I promise you will not
regret moving too slow.
392
00:14:09,913 --> 00:14:11,311
But if you go too far too fast,
393
00:14:11,314 --> 00:14:12,779
you can't go back in time.
394
00:14:12,782 --> 00:14:14,014
Okay, take a breath.
395
00:14:14,017 --> 00:14:15,048
[Panting]
396
00:14:15,051 --> 00:14:16,850
I'm not having sex with Ethan.
397
00:14:16,853 --> 00:14:18,085
Oh, thank God. [Sighs]
398
00:14:18,088 --> 00:14:19,920
Well, then, what are you doing?!
399
00:14:19,923 --> 00:14:21,688
I'm going to his house
to give him his present.
400
00:14:21,691 --> 00:14:22,989
Which is sex!
401
00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:24,791
Or...
402
00:14:24,794 --> 00:14:27,296
a diorama of us...
403
00:14:29,332 --> 00:14:31,298
...at the Natural History Museum.
404
00:14:31,301 --> 00:14:33,834
My is hero Suze Orman,
his is Wes Anderson.
405
00:14:33,837 --> 00:14:37,219
So I created a milieu of us
looking at us looking at us.
406
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,940
And that's why he couldn't get
it from anyone else but you.
407
00:14:39,943 --> 00:14:41,808
But then why all the showers?
408
00:14:41,811 --> 00:14:44,344
I got glue in my hair from
making the miniatures.
409
00:14:44,347 --> 00:14:46,847
So whatever you thought
I was doing... gross.
410
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:48,048
Sorry, honey.
411
00:14:48,051 --> 00:14:51,551
W-Why didn't you stop me
from saying all of that?
412
00:14:51,554 --> 00:14:52,886
You were on a roll.
413
00:14:52,889 --> 00:14:53,858
[Scoffs]
414
00:14:53,883 --> 00:14:56,523
I figured you were just
working something out.
415
00:14:56,526 --> 00:14:58,024
[Scoffs]
416
00:14:58,027 --> 00:15:00,393
Why would you even think that?
417
00:15:00,396 --> 00:15:01,862
Oh, it was Gloria.
418
00:15:01,865 --> 00:15:03,897
She told me all these crazy things
419
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:05,898
that I had to look up
in the Urban Dictionary.
420
00:15:06,736 --> 00:15:08,969
You definitely are Jimmy's dad.
421
00:15:08,972 --> 00:15:12,072
422
00:15:12,762 --> 00:15:14,262
Jimmy.
423
00:15:14,711 --> 00:15:16,343
Mom?
424
00:15:16,346 --> 00:15:19,078
Whoa, what's... What's up?
425
00:15:19,103 --> 00:15:21,081
I me... Wha-wha... What are...
What are you doing here?
426
00:15:21,084 --> 00:15:23,350
- Why were you just filming me?
- I wasn't.
427
00:15:23,353 --> 00:15:24,551
Hmm.
428
00:15:24,554 --> 00:15:27,154
[British accent] I'm a chimney sweep!
429
00:15:27,157 --> 00:15:31,035
Y-You're giving me collywobbles,
Dame Helen Mirren...
430
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,494
Ow! [Exhales sharply]
431
00:15:33,592 --> 00:15:34,995
It was Sheila DeMars!
432
00:15:34,998 --> 00:15:36,229
Okay, I offered her terrible things
433
00:15:36,232 --> 00:15:38,231
in exchange for my silence,
434
00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:40,267
but she made me film you.
435
00:15:40,270 --> 00:15:41,890
By the way, you sleep with your eyes open.
436
00:15:41,914 --> 00:15:43,370
I don't think that's normal.
437
00:15:43,373 --> 00:15:46,106
You taped everything with the
camera facing the wrong way.
438
00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:47,340
There's nothing on here
439
00:15:47,343 --> 00:15:49,242
but hours and hours of your nostrils.
440
00:15:49,245 --> 00:15:51,077
Oh, this is the best news ever!
441
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,546
- [Chuckles]
- Mm.
442
00:15:52,549 --> 00:15:54,414
I am sorry I wronged you, Mom.
443
00:15:54,417 --> 00:15:56,516
- Mm-hmm.
- And you are right...
444
00:15:56,519 --> 00:16:00,120
Episcopalians are wily and highly sexual.
445
00:16:00,123 --> 00:16:01,721
Well, you're not done with them yet.
446
00:16:01,724 --> 00:16:03,590
I want you to go back to Sheila DeMars
447
00:16:03,593 --> 00:16:06,193
and tell her that we are doing
"The Little Drummer Boy."
448
00:16:06,196 --> 00:16:07,594
- But you're not.
- Exactly.
449
00:16:07,597 --> 00:16:09,029
I want to throw her off.
450
00:16:09,032 --> 00:16:11,131
Now, is there anything
else I need to know
451
00:16:11,134 --> 00:16:12,599
before I lead our choir to victory?
452
00:16:12,602 --> 00:16:13,600
Um...
453
00:16:13,603 --> 00:16:15,671
Oh, did you hear Brett quit?
454
00:16:17,807 --> 00:16:19,206
No.
455
00:16:19,209 --> 00:16:21,677
No, I did not hear that.
456
00:16:23,046 --> 00:16:24,911
[Door closes]
457
00:16:24,914 --> 00:16:28,815
Kenny... just who I wanted to see.
458
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,375
Will you hold this nail for me?
459
00:16:32,222 --> 00:16:34,120
I'd rather not.
460
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,722
You made Brett quit the choir,
461
00:16:35,725 --> 00:16:37,757
and now we have zero chance of winning.
462
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,292
Gee, thanks for that vote of confidence.
463
00:16:39,295 --> 00:16:41,127
Maybe if you believed in
me from the beginning,
464
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:42,629
none of this would have happened.
465
00:16:42,632 --> 00:16:44,965
You wanted him to join
just as much as I did.
466
00:16:44,968 --> 00:16:47,634
Right, but you care more about
winning than your family.
467
00:16:47,637 --> 00:16:49,970
Jimmy is out there spying for you...
468
00:16:49,973 --> 00:16:51,771
Sweet, sweet, simple Jimmy.
469
00:16:51,774 --> 00:16:53,440
That's how low you stoop.
470
00:16:53,443 --> 00:16:56,977
Oh, excuse me, you wanted
to give someone bronchitis.
471
00:16:56,980 --> 00:16:58,812
You wanted to kick Allison out!
472
00:16:58,815 --> 00:17:00,146
And you agreed with me!
473
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,915
Remember, when we were on the same page?
474
00:17:01,918 --> 00:17:03,016
[Sighs]
475
00:17:03,019 --> 00:17:04,905
[Sighs]
476
00:17:04,930 --> 00:17:06,595
You know what, I admit it.
477
00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:08,121
I don't think this contest
478
00:17:08,124 --> 00:17:09,718
has brought out the best in either of us.
479
00:17:09,742 --> 00:17:10,724
I know.
480
00:17:10,727 --> 00:17:12,659
I'm gonna need like a month
of Confession after this.
481
00:17:12,662 --> 00:17:15,295
Well, you know, I guess
we'll just get what we deserve...
482
00:17:15,298 --> 00:17:18,031
A loser's plaque and a
coupon for Applebee's.
483
00:17:18,034 --> 00:17:20,467
Maybe we could write another ending.
484
00:17:20,470 --> 00:17:22,202
[Drum playing]
485
00:17:22,205 --> 00:17:24,304
Bum, bum, ba-da, ba-da, ba-dum
486
00:17:24,307 --> 00:17:30,277
Shall I play for you,
pa rum pum pum pum
487
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,956
On my drum?
488
00:17:35,051 --> 00:17:39,119
I can't believe she got an
Iraq vet to be the drummer boy.
489
00:17:39,122 --> 00:17:41,821
Remember, Mom... We have a plan.
490
00:17:41,824 --> 00:17:43,023
Bum, bum, bum
491
00:17:43,026 --> 00:17:45,458
What? Why are you taking off your robe?
492
00:17:45,461 --> 00:17:47,160
I can't do it. I quit.
493
00:17:47,163 --> 00:17:48,695
I appreciate all your help,
494
00:17:48,698 --> 00:17:50,363
but I'm just not cut out to sing.
495
00:17:50,366 --> 00:17:51,531
No, you are not.
496
00:17:51,534 --> 00:17:54,067
You sound like a seal
in its death throes.
497
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:57,137
However, God only said you
had to make a joyful noise.
498
00:17:57,140 --> 00:17:59,873
He didn't say you had to use your mouth.
499
00:17:59,876 --> 00:18:01,376
Bitchin'.
500
00:18:03,721 --> 00:18:07,024
[Applause]
501
00:18:07,350 --> 00:18:10,216
Good luck topping Sergeant Rodriguez.
502
00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:12,752
Oh, you know what? And by the way...
503
00:18:12,755 --> 00:18:15,088
He's handing out gifts to
homeless children later
504
00:18:15,091 --> 00:18:16,222
dressed as Santa.
505
00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:17,390
So suck on that.
506
00:18:17,393 --> 00:18:19,092
I'm not threatened by
your cheap theatrics,
507
00:18:19,095 --> 00:18:20,694
but it's nice to see you
508
00:18:20,719 --> 00:18:22,582
and the fourth version of your face.
509
00:18:22,607 --> 00:18:24,775
[Chatter]
510
00:18:28,738 --> 00:18:31,237
Now for our final singers of the night.
511
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,273
Let's hear it for St. Barklay's.
512
00:18:33,276 --> 00:18:36,078
[Cheers and applause]
513
00:18:38,641 --> 00:18:47,322
O holy night, the stars
are brightly shining
514
00:18:47,347 --> 00:18:54,461
It is the night of our
dear savior's birth
515
00:18:54,464 --> 00:18:57,263
[Sia's "The Greatest" plays]
516
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,865
[Rapping]
Hey, I am the truth
517
00:18:58,868 --> 00:19:00,233
Hey, I am the wisdom of the fallen
518
00:19:00,236 --> 00:19:01,397
I'm the youth
519
00:19:01,422 --> 00:19:03,870
Hey, I am the greatest,
hey, this is the proof
520
00:19:03,873 --> 00:19:06,806
Hey, I work hard,
pray hard, pay dues, hey
521
00:19:06,809 --> 00:19:09,209
Don't give up, I won't give up
522
00:19:09,212 --> 00:19:12,078
Don't give up, no, no, no
523
00:19:12,081 --> 00:19:13,113
Don't give up
524
00:19:13,116 --> 00:19:14,547
I won't give up
525
00:19:14,550 --> 00:19:15,882
Don't give up
526
00:19:15,885 --> 00:19:16,916
No, no, no
527
00:19:16,919 --> 00:19:20,120
-
Fall on your knees
-
Don't give up, I won't give up
528
00:19:20,123 --> 00:19:21,921
Don't give up, no, no, no
529
00:19:21,924 --> 00:19:24,991
-
Oh, hear the angel voices
-
Don't give up, I won't give up
530
00:19:24,994 --> 00:19:26,893
Don't give up, no, no, no
531
00:19:26,896 --> 00:19:29,329
I'm free to be the
greatest, I'm alive
532
00:19:29,332 --> 00:19:31,898
I'm free to be the greatest
533
00:19:31,901 --> 00:19:35,268
I'm free to be the
greatest here tonight
534
00:19:35,271 --> 00:19:36,677
-
Free
-
The greatest
535
00:19:36,702 --> 00:19:41,019
Oh, night divine
536
00:19:41,044 --> 00:19:44,978
-
Oh, don't give up, I won't give up
-
Oh, night when Christ was born
537
00:19:44,981 --> 00:19:47,080
-
Don't give up, no, no, no
-
The greatest
538
00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:49,516
-
Don't give up, I won't give up
-
Oh, night
539
00:19:49,519 --> 00:19:51,017
-
Don't give up, no, no, no
-
Divine
540
00:19:51,020 --> 00:19:52,852
Oh, night
541
00:19:52,855 --> 00:20:01,361
The greatest night
542
00:20:01,364 --> 00:20:04,366
[Cheers and applause]
543
00:20:12,175 --> 00:20:15,475
[Indistinct conversations]
544
00:20:15,478 --> 00:20:19,924
And the winner of the 2016
Christmas Choir Competition is...
545
00:20:19,949 --> 00:20:22,715
Universal Life Church.
546
00:20:22,740 --> 00:20:25,842
- [Cheers and applause]
- Mm. We forgot about the gays.
547
00:20:29,325 --> 00:20:31,624
548
00:20:31,627 --> 00:20:33,293
[Sighs] You okay, Mom?
549
00:20:33,296 --> 00:20:34,360
Are you kidding?
550
00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:35,862
The Episcopalians lost.
551
00:20:35,865 --> 00:20:37,630
I'm ecstatic! [Chuckles]
552
00:20:37,633 --> 00:20:39,085
What about you?
553
00:20:39,110 --> 00:20:40,678
554
00:20:41,471 --> 00:20:43,355
I'm great.
555
00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:47,306
Oh, this thing is idiot-proof.
556
00:20:47,331 --> 00:20:49,741
[Scoffs] Instructions are for losers.
557
00:20:49,744 --> 00:20:50,842
[Sniffs]
558
00:20:50,845 --> 00:20:52,543
There's also a strange scent of toast,
559
00:20:52,546 --> 00:20:55,213
which the camera may or
may not be picking up.
560
00:20:55,216 --> 00:20:56,222
[Eileen snoring]
561
00:20:56,247 --> 00:20:59,450
Everywhere I go, her eyes follow.
562
00:20:59,453 --> 00:21:01,988
Oh, she's like a creepy painting.
563
00:21:03,624 --> 00:21:05,423
What is that light in the sky?
564
00:21:05,426 --> 00:21:08,593
That's too close to be a star. [Scoffs]
565
00:21:08,596 --> 00:21:10,261
[Sleigh bells jingling]
566
00:21:10,264 --> 00:21:11,529
Oh, my God.
567
00:21:11,532 --> 00:21:13,031
It's Santa.
568
00:21:13,034 --> 00:21:14,465
Santa!
569
00:21:14,468 --> 00:21:16,434
Santa!!
570
00:21:16,437 --> 00:21:18,405
I've been real good this year!
571
00:21:18,430 --> 00:21:21,351
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
572
00:21:21,401 --> 00:21:25,951
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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