All language subtitles for The Real ONeals s02e07 The Real Match.eng

Morning.

Another weigh-in for wrestling?

Yep.

- What are you doing?
- [Grunts] We're down a wrestler.

Scotty Butler, our 125,
got mono from his sister,

so, we need a sub, otherwise
we have to forfeit the match.

And, just as I suspected,
you are 125 on the dot.

Okay, first of all,
it's not gonna happen.

Second of all, I'm still
stuck on the mono thing.

- Did he kiss his sister?
- Come on, Kenny.

I'm undefeated this year.

If we forfeit this match,

then I don't get to go to finals.

Jimmy, I would love to help you,

but I am not a wrestler.

Uh, yes, you are.

Don't you remember when we were kids,

I trapped you and held you down,

and I threatened to spit on
your face? That's wrestling.

Okay, well, as appealing
as you make it sound,

I'm still not interested.

Okay, fine.

I'm calling in the favor you owe me.

I thought it was gonna be

you giving me your liver
when I use mine up in college.

I don't owe you a favor.

Three words, Kenny...

"West Side Story"...

sing-along.

Fine. I'll do it.

But, don't pretend that you didn't
love every second of that movie.

- I didn't.
- Oh? Yeah?

So you didn't feel anything

when Tony died in Maria's arms?

- No.
- Okay.

How about when they first met?

You mean the first time they
saw each other at the dance?

And everyone else was out
of focus for some reason,

and they realized they loved each other?

[Voice breaking] In an instant?

Yeah, of course I felt it, Kenny.

[Voice breaking] How could
you not? It's so beautiful.

Their love was doomed from the overture.

- [Normal voice] Maria.
- [Normal voice] Tony.

[Both snap fingers]

God, I wish I didn't live with girls.

Hey, I got your text.
What's the emergency.

[Groans] I'm going on a
business trip with Clive

and I need you to get
down the big suitcase.

That's not an emergency.

And, by business, do you mean
like, the business business?

- No, I'm getting my own room.
- [Laughs]

Besides, it's just a Vice
Principal's conference.

Oh, so no one's getting laid, then.

[Scoffs] I can't believe it.

I haven't stayed in a
hotel in, what, five years?

I'm gonna take a bath and
a shower at the same time.

It'll be a perfect storm of luxury.

I can't believe it's been that
long since we went to the shore.

[Scoffs]

Gosh. Remember, you were so
obsessed with collecting those rocks.

- [Chuckling] Oh, yeah.
- [Laughs]

Did you ever do anything with them?

No, I never found them when we got home.

[Crashes]

I think I found them.

And I just threw out my back.

[Groans]

- Don't touch me!
- Aah!

Great. I need it by Friday.

- Ethan.
- Shannon.

I have a great idea for
an article in the paper.

You've already pitched
"Behind The Mascot:

"Who Really Is The Saint
Barklay's Bulldog?"

I'm convinced it's Joyce the lunch lady.

We've never seen them in
the same room together.

But what I really want
to write is a scathing piece

on the most antiquated, sexist
organization at this school...

Mat Maids.

Yeah, why do wrestlers
get their own cheerleaders?

My mathlete team gets zero
support and several wedgies.

Which is why I am
going to infiltrate them

and take them down from the inside.

- I love you.
- What?

I mean, I love your idea.

Fitzgerald, where is
that political cartoon?

[Crowd cheers, marching band plays]

- [Grunts]
- 2! Take-down, red.

I changed my mind.

You can have my liver.
I don't want to do this.

It looks really painful.

It's only painful if you resist.

Remember, you're not trying
to win, so just go limp...

you know, like when you're
falling off a building.

Jimmy, no one knows how that feels

because those people are dead.

All right, little O'Neal,
you're up after this match.

But, remember, it's like
being mauled by a bear.

Don't resist, and you'll be fine.

Again, so incorrect, but I'll do it.

I just need a second.

I'm gonna go splash some
water on my face backstage.

That's gay for "locker room".

He also calls "halftime,"
"intermission".

[Water runs]

Man: Towel?

Oh, my God.

Gus Kenworthy and Robbie Rogers?

You guys are, like, my
favorite professional athletes.

What are you guys doing here?

We're here to cheer on Saint
Barklay's first out gay athlete.

Well, look at me.

I'm not a wrestler.

I'm the gay kid.

Whoa. You can be both.

I mean, being gay has never stopped me

from strapping on skis and
dropping into a half-pipe.

And, it didn't stop me from becoming
one of the first openly-gay athletes

in major-league sports.

- Humble brag, Robbie.
- I have an MLS Cup.

Nobody knows what that is. I have
a silver medal... from the Olympics.

- Oh, were they out of gold that day?
- [Laughs]

Okay, gay athletes, stop fighting.

I mean, have you seen them out there?

Even if I go limp,

I-I-I'm gonna die in
front of the entire school.

That's why you have to try.

- Don't be a clich?.
- Mm.

What have you really got to lose?

Well, my vision, several teeth,

my short-term memory.

People can lead very
full lives without teeth.

Yeah...

Gus: Make us proud.

[Water running]

Mm. Nope.

This is a horrible indictment of myself,

but this bed still smells like me.

Trust me. I've tried everything.

[Grunts]

Okay, you're all set.

You've got a bucket there by the bed.

I don't have to throw up.

That's in case you need to pee.

Kids'll be home in seven hours.

- Clive: Knockity-knock-knock.
- There's Clive. Got to go.

But, wait, I'm still hurting.

I am not giving up my
Courtyard by Marriott

because of your weak lower back.

Clive: Everything all right in there?

- Permission to enter?
- Hey.

Hey, buddy.

What are you doing in Eileen's bed?

Have... have you guys made up?

Are you back together?

I-I-I'm just kidding.

But, seriously, you can tell me.

He's fine. He just threw out his back.

Oh, buddy. Poor thing.

What can I get for you?
What-what-what can I do?

Well, he's got a bucket.
What else does he need?

Tender, loving care and
a constant companion.

We can't go on our trip.

Eileen, Sheboygan will have to wait.

Well, but, what about your
Vice Principal's conference?

I mean, you're the understudy
for the keynote speaker.

Oh, my understudy will understudy.

Wait...

you weren't planning on leaving
Pat here alone, were you?

[Chuckling] What?

[Chuckles nervously]

Wait, you really gave him a bucket?

I was gonna put soup in it.

Um, it's the Irish way, you see.

That's why we call dying
"kicking the bucket," you see?

Because you run out of soup, so you...

I'm gonna go to the store

and get you some homemade soup.

Diaz: Come on, get him,
Kenny. Let's do this.

Shake hands.

Hi.

Kenny: I don't know if I can do this.

This guy looks like he's
all muscle and no mercy.

I'm just gonna take the fall.

[Yelps]

Damn you, gay athletes.

You filled me with athletic ambition.

I want to win this.

How am I gonna do that?

- What is he doing?
- I know this.

I know these moves. It's...

it's "West Side Story."

It's Riff and Bernardo at the rumble.

Do it for the Jets, Kenny!

- Referee: 2, takedown. 3.
- Oh!

2, reversal red.

[Whistle blows]

- Whoo!
- Diaz: Yeah, Kenny.

[All cheering]

Bulldogs.

Is it done? Did I do it? Did I win?

- Yeah.
- You did it. You're done. You won.

- I won?
- You won!

[Laughing] What?

[Crowd cheering]

Okay, pal, the safest
way to set you down

is to pull you down on top of me,

and then I'm gonna
squirm out from under.

Wait, that's the safest way?

- [Grunts]
- [Moans]

Dad?

You're never gonna believe this.

Kenny won his wrestling match.

He's a natural.

I was supposed to go limp, but I didn't.

I didn't go limp.

- Good, buddy.
- Yeah, that's amazing.

Oh, by the way, that
thing digging into your leg

- is my phone.
- Okay.

- Should we ask about this?
- No, let's leave it a mystery.

Boys, I threw out my back.

Otherwise, I'd be jumping
up and down with you,

hugging you right now.

Kenny, way to go, man.

I didn't even know you
were on the wrestling team.

I'm not, but it felt good.

I mean, I've never
felt this rush before.

I guess this is why
people play the sports.

But, maybe I should just...

you know, maybe I should join the team.

Yeah, well, you should definitely join.

It's kind of late in the... the season.

You'd be more of a sub,
but yeah... but, yeah, sure.

I'm an athlete.

I'm an athlete.

[Chuckles] Less so when you do that,

but yeah, you go get them, champ.

You know what? Get me
up. I want to hug my sons.

All right, but there's
only one way to do it.

[Groans]

Take my hands.

Don't be scared.

- This doesn't feel right.
- [Grunts]

- [Bell rings]
- Oh, God,

I'm gonna be late for class.

Do you think I could use the jock card

to, you know, get the
teacher to go easy on me?

Okay, hold up, hold up.

It takes a long time to earn that.

I have it because I'm undefeated.

- You won one match.
- [Girls giggling]

Oh, okay, here come the Mat Maids.

Uh, they're cheerleaders

who, out of the
goodness of their hearts,

leave us gifts in our lockers.

I get Chloe Perrente,

emphasis on the Perrentes.

I feel like you could
do that with any name.

Oh, no, I can. O'Neals.

Ew.

Hey, Jimmy. Hey, Chloe.

I take it that's for me.

- Actually, it's for Kenny.
- What?

We drew straws, and I won
the chance to be paired with

- Saint Barklay's first gay wrestler.
- [Girls giggling]

Oh, thank you.

But... but, you're mine.

The Perrentes were mine.

Who... who do I get?

Hello, James.

Jimmy: You?

I get the O'Neals.

Oh, my God. You have boobs.

Boobs are ruined. Boobs
are ruined forever.

See you, Kenny. [Giggles]

Since when are you a Mat Maid?

Since when are you a wrestler?

Touch?.

Ta-da!

Here is the bathing suit I promised you.

Clive's gonna love it.

I said I wanted a one piece.

Technically, it is.

It's called a monokini.
It's extremely unforgiving.

Well, I don't need it, because
we had to cancel the trip.

Oh, no. What happened?

Pat threw his back out,

and now Clive wants to stay
home and take care of him.

It's a horrible color on both of them.

Watch it. Coming through.

Excuse me.

Oh, Eileen, how are you?

What is all this?

Oh, it's got crosswords,
beef jerky, Mad Libs,

Anjou pears... the peak of ripeness...

Tiger Bomb, some
jasmine-scented Epsom salts.

It's just the bare-bones basics.

I should really get it to Pat.

It seems a little extreme.

I thought it wasn't enough.

They were out of his
favorite saltwater taffy.

I feel like an ass.

He likes saltwater taffy?

That's his favorite non-chocolate candy.

How do you not know that?

Did you see that look?

He's never looked at
me like that before.

Was he judging me?

Neither one of you is perfect.

Does he think I'm not
a nurturing person?

I'm a nurturing person, aren't I?

Yeah. Totally.

You took care of me after
I had my appendix out.

That's right. I did.

I mean, you made me drive
you to the outlet mall.

[Scoffs]

All right, well, obviously,
I need to show Clive

that I can take care of Pat.

You don't have to prove anything to me.

I scored big time with
that blouse from the mall.

Although, I did ruin it
when my stitches burst.

[Laughter]

Shannon: Chloe, let's chat.

Let me start with an easy question.

Why do you think we have to
wear these super-short skirts?

Uh, well, I guess 'cause
they're easy to move around in.

Okay, sure.

And they show off our legs, right?

- Yeah, that's part of it.
- [Both giggle]

And, I'm just curious...

how long should I be spending
on my hair before a meet?

Uh, I don't know.

- Uh, mine takes... an hour.
- An hour?

Like, however long it takes to get
through a "This American Life" podcast.

- [Chuckles] What?
- Oh, my God.

This morning, when I was
doing my fishtail braid,

there was an incredible piece on NPR

about factory farming.

Riveting. Right, girls?

- Oh, totally.
- Of course.

You all listen to NPR, too?

- Mm-hmm.
- Girl: Yeah.

It all comes down to GMOs.

Until we properly label our food,

it's like putting a
band-aid on an axe wound.

Hey, do you think I could
pull off purple mascara?

What is happening?

Are you smart? Are you dumb?

Are you insightful? Are you vapid?

Who are you girls?

We're fun.

And, we're fluent in five languages.

Allons-y, Mat Maids.

Sacr? bleu.

- Thanks, Joyce.
- Have a great day.

Jimmy: I don't think Shannon is right.

Joyce the lunch lady
could not be our mascot.

She has a bad hip.

Plus, there's no way she could
do a round-off in a 40-pound suit.

Hey, you never know what
people are capable of.

I mean, look at me.

I surprised the world.

It was one match.

So brave, what you're doing.

Keep wrestling for the rainbow.

- What? Pudding?
- Double for wrestlers.

I've never even had a single.

I didn't even know this
school had pudding.

- Play it cool.
- Sorry.

- Thank you.
- Enjoy.

Don't mind him, he's just a sub.

Pudding me, Joyce.

Sorry, Jimmy, those were my last two.

But I'm about to make history

as the only undefeated
wrestler on the team.

I have, um, some loose
mints in my apron.

All right, mint me, Joyce.

Wintergreen?

Do you think I get to
sit with the jocks, too?

It takes a long time to be invited.

Yo, O'Neal.

Pop a squat.

I actually meant little O'Neal.

Really?

- We'll catch you later, Jimmy.
- Okay.

I was wondering if you
could show me that move

at practice today that
you did at the meet.

It's like it was happening,
and then it wasn't happening.

Man, help me get in your mind.

Let me tell you a little story

about a man named
Joseph Hubertus Pilates.

Here's nurse Eileen.

- Oh, wow.
- How you feeling, Pat?

Actually, I'm feeling a
little bit better, thanks.

Oh, good. Let me just get
a pillow for your head.

- Oh, okay.
- There you go.

Oh, okay, I think that's good.

No, I want you to be nice and comfy.

- Clive: Hey, Eileen.
- No, you can never have

- too many pillows.
- Ohh!

I think his feet need to
be higher than his head.

Then all the blood's
gonna rush into his head,

- you see? See?
- No, you know what?

- I am concerned about Pat.
- I'm a little concerned about Pat.

- Fine.
- Ohh!

[Groans]

- That's my phone.
- [Cellphone vibrates]

[Cellphone beeps]

You got a text.

That ponytail looks so cute on you.

You look just like Gloria Steinem

when she infiltrated
the Playboy mansion.

- You are fascinating, Chloe.
- Thank you.

- Shannon.
- Bye, Shannon.

I just read the latest copy
of the school newspaper.

What happened to the big
take down of the Mat Maids?

Turns out I was stereotyping them.

They're great at discussing
different colors of lip gloss

and the merits of NATO.

So, you did a puff piece
on your brother instead?

It's not a puff piece.

He's doing something historic,

something nobody at this
school has ever done.

Yes, I will achieve
an undefeated season.

Finally, some recognition.

It almost makes up for your
locker gift, which is balls.

Sylvia Plath is many things,

but she is not balls.

Also, the article isn't about you.

It's about Kenny.

"Local Gay Wrestler Puts
You In A 'Heartlock'"?

[Laughs] Oh, Stop.

Hey.

- Have you seen this?
- Ugh, yeah.

The way my bangs are curling
in the front, it's not great,

but the piece is actually really nice.

No. You're getting articles
and... and pudding and Chloe.

Why do you have to take over everything?

I'm not taking over anything.

You're the one who asked me to do this.

No, I asked you to take a dive.

And now, we're headed to finals

and all anybody can talk about is you.

What?

Wrestling is my thing.

And you... you waltz in
and you win one match,

and, all of a sudden, you're
a hero because you're gay.

Okay, first of all, that wasn't a waltz.

It was a Jerome
Robbins-inspired dance fight.

And, secondly, I'm
not going to apologize

for being good at a sport

or for being recognized because I'm gay.

Just imagine how you would
feel if I decided to be gay,

and I was really good at it.

And how would you be
"really good" at it?

I don't know.

By, like, anticipating a guy's needs.

I think you're getting
upset over nothing.

The only locker gift I got

was this scrap of paper that says,

"Look behind you."

Sorry I'm late.

I had to get your new

Letterman's jacket.

- Chloe.
- Chloe: [Giggles]

Ooh. [Laughs]

It's just a jacket.

[Tuba plays]

All: Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!

[Tuba continues playing]

And a tuba.

[All cheering]

And confetti.

I'm glad you were strong enough

to go to Jimmy and Kenny's meet.

Yes, me too.

But the pain meds you gave me...

I don't think they're really working.

Well, they're old.

I got them in 2001
after Shannon was born.

Turns out I didn't need them.

After your C-section?

I come from hearty stock. You know that.

Growing up, my mother hated weakness.

Whenever I got sick, she just
put a bucket next to the bed

- and let me tough it out.
- Yes, I remember her saying,

"Starve a cold, ignore a fever."

Well, it works every time.

[Scoffs]

You see?

I don't have a caretaking
bone in my body.

I'm so worried I'm
gonna blow it with Clive.

Can you teach me, Pat?

Teach me to be soft like you.

- Eh, I can probably show you...
- [Horn honks tires squeals]

Searing pain!

[Horn honks]

[Crowd cheering, marching band playing]

Referee: Bulldogs!

All: [Chanting] Bulldogs are great!

Bulldogs, Bulldogs, Bulldogs!

The Bulldogs are great!

Wow. It seems like
there's a lot of tension

between your brothers.

"Titus Andronicus" much?

I don't totally
understand that reference.

Just get it from the context clues.

One, two, three.

- All: Be aggressive,
- Pat: No.

- be, be aggressive.
- It doesn't sound caring at all, okay?

Now, listen, we're gonna try this again.

I'll give you the symptom,
you give me the remedy.

And you can't say, "bucket."

- Throw one at me.
- My tummy hurts.

You're a grown man.
You don't have a tummy.

And I'm sorry, but the
answer for that is "bucket."

Okay.

Uh, I have a headache.

Well, I know you want me to say,

"Do you want an aspirin
and a cold compress?"

But what I really want to say is

"Boo-hoo, walk it off.
Get on with your life."

Well, that is what
you told me to get me here.

- [Whistle blows]
- Mm-hmm.

Diaz: All right, Kenny, you're up.

Just do your thing out there.

You got this, okay?

[Cheers and applause]

Yeah, Kenny!

Shake hands.

I'd like to forfeit.

Uh, no, I'm replacing the kid with mono.

I know. I read the article.

I don't feel comfortable
wrestling someone like you.

Why?

He knows why.

Bulldogs. Eagles forfeit.

[Light cheering]

What's going on? Why
isn't Kenny wrestling?

What happened?

Nothing. It doesn't matter.

Just go win and stay undefeated.

Not until you tell me.

He didn't want to wrestle
me because I'm gay.

It's whatever. I'm not surprised.

This is why I didn't want to
do this in the first place.

- [Scoffs] That's crazy.
- No, it's not that crazy, Jimmy.

Nobody at our school really
cared about me being gay,

but out there, things like
this happen all the time.

Okay, Jimmy, you're up. Let's go.

[Cheers and applause]

- I'm not wrestling.
- What?

If they have a problem with
you, I have a problem with them.

Come on, Jimmy.

I've taken your spotlight
enough. Go have your moment.

Oh, I will.

Hey, guys, the other team
won't wrestle my brother

because he's gay.

Well, it turns out

that they're the ones who are gay.

- Jimmy...
- Not now, I'm having my moment.

I'm gonna forfeit my match.

Now, I know it seems like a small thing,

but it's discrimination.

And I, for one, am
not gonna stand for it.

So you guys can do
whatever you want to do,

but if something happens to Kenny,

it happens to all of us.

If he's gay, then we are all gay.

I'm out.

Now, I'm not gay,

but I'm not gonna wrestle, either.

Kenny: Cool. Yeah, cool.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!

All: Kenny! Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!

Hey, by the way!

Don't flatter yourself.

You're not even his type.

All right, guys, come on. We're out.

Let's go. Come on.

What about your season?

It was great.

I got to wrestle with my brother.

Okay, you smell. Let's go.

Yeah, I know.

I am so proud of him.

You know what?

They're tough because
you didn't baby them.

They get their strength from you.

[Voice breaking] 'Cause
it clearly isn't me.

Clean yourself up.

- I'll meet you at the car.
- [Sniffles] Okay.

[Sighs] Jimmy.

- Whoa!
- You could knock.

You're Barklay the Bulldog?

Do not tell anyone.

You'd break a lot of kids' hearts
if they found out it was me.

I've been leaving clues around
that it's Joyce the lunch lady.

Look, I need to talk
with you about something.

Could you put down the... dog head.

Look, I am not the type of person

who is going to sit at your bedside

and wipe your brow or
any other part of you,

and spoon-feed you soup, and...

I'm not a coddler.

And if that means you can't be with me,

then I understand.

But it's not who I am,

and it's not who I want to be.

It's not who I want you to be, either.

I love how strong and direct you are.

It's a major turn-on.

And I would never want you
to change who you are for me.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

the basketball team has
a game in five minutes.

You never saw me!

Why am I into him?

You sure you wanna do this?

One last time to show
you this was not a fluke.

And then, I'm hanging up my singlet
until I take my first gay cruise.

All right, I finally get
to see my boys wrestle.

If one of you breaks an
arm, don't come crying to me.

I'm warning you, Jimmy.

The last time someone
underestimated me, I...

- [Grunts]
- Aah!

Yeah, that's just how
I thought it would go.

- Well, who's hungry?
- I could eat.

- Kiss it.
- Kenny: [Weakly] I'm an athlete.

I'm an athlete!

Mom, I need a bucket!

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