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1
00:00:08,139 --> 00:00:11,258
So you've had your Labour,
reclassifying skunk,
2
00:00:11,259 --> 00:00:14,498
sending prices sky-high,
literally... literally!...
3
00:00:14,499 --> 00:00:17,578
taking the grass
from its own roots.
4
00:00:17,579 --> 00:00:19,738
And now you've got
your "ConDem nation"...
5
00:00:19,739 --> 00:00:23,498
Liberals noshing Tories
like altar boys picking dimps up!
6
00:00:23,499 --> 00:00:25,938
Have we had a national
fucking stroke,
7
00:00:25,939 --> 00:00:26,978
or what?
8
00:00:26,979 --> 00:00:30,858
Is revolution a word,
or was it never?
9
00:00:30,859 --> 00:00:33,378
Anybody watching needs to know,
10
00:00:33,379 --> 00:00:36,818
we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.
11
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:40,138
Well, for fuck's sake,
we live in Manchester,
12
00:00:40,139 --> 00:00:42,898
and they charge us for water!
13
00:00:42,899 --> 00:00:46,898
I wandered lonely as a clown,
necking mushrooms rarely found.
14
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:50,938
This green and pleasant land
in ancient times...
15
00:00:50,939 --> 00:00:54,018
Yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak-yak!
16
00:00:54,019 --> 00:00:57,298
It's not theirs any more.
17
00:00:57,299 --> 00:00:59,778
This is our England now!
18
00:00:59,779 --> 00:01:03,778
Paaaarty!
19
00:01:03,803 --> 00:01:09,103
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru
20
00:01:10,934 --> 00:01:14,653
'There was a lad in our school,
called Deano.
21
00:01:14,654 --> 00:01:18,653
'Hard little bastard, from a
long line of hard little bastards.
22
00:01:18,774 --> 00:01:22,253
'One day at school assembly,
we were told he'd been knocked over
23
00:01:22,254 --> 00:01:25,013
'and was in a coma.
24
00:01:25,014 --> 00:01:29,013
'And we cheered. Everyone cheered.
25
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:32,893
'And the teachers said nothing.
26
00:01:32,894 --> 00:01:36,893
'They hated the fucker
just as much as we did.
27
00:01:38,254 --> 00:01:42,253
'But when he eventually
came back to school, he'd changed.
28
00:01:42,614 --> 00:01:46,613
'Within two years, he'd
sat his GCSEs and passed the lot.
29
00:01:47,934 --> 00:01:51,933
'Only one in the school that did.'
30
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:03,053
Hello?
31
00:03:06,814 --> 00:03:09,573
Patty?
32
00:03:09,574 --> 00:03:11,613
What the fuck are you doing?
33
00:03:11,614 --> 00:03:15,613
What the fuck are YOU doing?
34
00:03:16,334 --> 00:03:18,653
Ask what?
35
00:03:18,654 --> 00:03:20,453
I don't like this.
36
00:03:20,454 --> 00:03:24,013
That's not a question... try again.
37
00:03:24,014 --> 00:03:26,333
I don't want this... why am I here?
38
00:03:26,334 --> 00:03:28,773
I've already given your answer.
39
00:03:28,774 --> 00:03:30,653
No, you haven't.
40
00:03:30,654 --> 00:03:34,653
What the fuck are you doing?
41
00:03:39,414 --> 00:03:40,214
Fuck!
42
00:03:45,894 --> 00:03:47,453
I work here!
43
00:03:47,454 --> 00:03:48,573
No, you don't!
44
00:03:48,574 --> 00:03:51,693
I think you'll find I do...
what's left of it.
45
00:03:51,694 --> 00:03:53,053
Oh, fuck!
46
00:03:53,054 --> 00:03:56,013
All right, Cuz...
good to see you back on your feet.
47
00:03:56,014 --> 00:03:59,453
Where am I supposed to live?
Where's Uzma?
48
00:03:59,454 --> 00:04:01,493
Glasgow. Sends her love.
49
00:04:01,494 --> 00:04:03,333
Everything's gonna be all right.
50
00:04:03,334 --> 00:04:07,333
We're decorating the spare room
at Granddad's for you... got a little job lined up, too.
51
00:04:07,494 --> 00:04:10,573
All that time I was in hospital,
you've been planning this...
52
00:04:10,574 --> 00:04:13,333
no wonder I didn't get
any fucking visitors!
53
00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:15,733
Sorry, mate...
I was gonna drop in tonight.
54
00:04:15,734 --> 00:04:16,573
Been mad busy getting
this place on the market.
55
00:04:16,574 --> 00:04:18,733
Doesn't Granddad usually
take care of that?
56
00:04:18,734 --> 00:04:22,213
He's in Pakistan.
57
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:30,733
Hiya, Granddad. How was the wedding?
58
00:04:30,734 --> 00:04:33,053
Oh, lovely, that.
59
00:04:33,054 --> 00:04:36,173
Try not to think of this
as something ending...
60
00:04:36,174 --> 00:04:40,173
think of it as something
just about to begin!
61
00:04:45,014 --> 00:04:49,013
If I were shipwrecked on a
desert island with him, I would.
62
00:04:50,854 --> 00:04:54,853
Well, I think he's nice for his age...
he's a good-looking man.
63
00:04:54,854 --> 00:04:56,813
He's a good-looking ex-priest.
64
00:04:56,814 --> 00:05:00,573
He'd smell of incense and communion
wine... the guilt'd dry me up.
65
00:05:00,574 --> 00:05:04,293
What do you think, Karen? Dom.
66
00:05:04,294 --> 00:05:08,293
Only one man for me... he's the
best-looking man on the Chatsworth.
67
00:05:08,454 --> 00:05:09,533
What d'you think, G?
68
00:05:09,534 --> 00:05:13,413
He's too pretty for my taste.
69
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:14,813
He's embarrassed!
70
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:18,813
Eh, that's a sight I've never
seen before, Mr Maguire!
71
00:05:19,374 --> 00:05:20,933
Go 'ed, son!
72
00:05:20,934 --> 00:05:24,933
White wine?
73
00:05:26,054 --> 00:05:27,893
Mad busy.
74
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:30,613
I've had to service a couple meself.
75
00:05:30,614 --> 00:05:32,853
The kid with the granny fixation,
76
00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,693
the bloke with the runny eyes
and the labrador.
77
00:05:34,694 --> 00:05:37,253
What was it you wanted
to see me about?
78
00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:39,653
I need you to come back, Kel,
we're run off us feet.
79
00:05:39,654 --> 00:05:41,933
Business doing well, then?
80
00:05:41,934 --> 00:05:45,613
Yeah, but the hours go against
the European Work/Time Directive.
81
00:05:45,614 --> 00:05:47,973
We still need help.
82
00:05:47,974 --> 00:05:50,213
We need some new recruits!
83
00:05:50,214 --> 00:05:53,133
You can't advertise for 'em
in the evening news...
84
00:05:53,134 --> 00:05:55,253
you'll be arrested!
It's soliciting!
85
00:05:55,254 --> 00:05:56,453
Says "massage services".
86
00:05:56,454 --> 00:06:00,453
"Back-door experience essential,
girl-on-girl required as and when."
87
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:05,373
We need staff and we need 'em now.
88
00:06:05,374 --> 00:06:07,333
The girls haven't even
been for a wax.
89
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:11,333
Their fannies are like welcome mats!
90
00:06:15,294 --> 00:06:17,573
Hey... welcome back to
the land of the living, Ches!
91
00:06:19,974 --> 00:06:20,773
On the house!
92
00:06:21,934 --> 00:06:23,973
Just Chesney!
93
00:06:25,534 --> 00:06:28,093
Must've terrified
the life out of you.
94
00:06:28,094 --> 00:06:30,093
Bit of a wake-up call, yeah.
95
00:06:30,094 --> 00:06:32,973
Have to pay out now...
I was doing a book on you.
96
00:06:32,974 --> 00:06:36,493
Jonesy won the lot...
over a hundred quid, as well.
97
00:06:36,494 --> 00:06:37,213
How come?
98
00:06:37,214 --> 00:06:39,653
He was the only one
that thought you'd make it.
99
00:06:39,654 --> 00:06:41,453
Top man, Ches, top man.
100
00:06:41,454 --> 00:06:44,373
Rest of us thought you were
coming home in a box.
101
00:06:44,374 --> 00:06:46,653
Take no notice... his mouth's
wired directly to his arse.
102
00:06:46,654 --> 00:06:49,933
We've been worried about you... run
off our feet with the new business,
103
00:06:49,934 --> 00:06:51,173
or we'd've dropped by the hozzy.
104
00:06:51,174 --> 00:06:54,573
We did call, but cos we weren't
related, wouldn't tell us much.
105
00:06:54,574 --> 00:06:58,093
We miss the shop, Ches,
so we're having to do it online now.
106
00:06:58,094 --> 00:07:01,893
Dom pointed out we were all
paying �5 to have food delivered to each of our houses.
107
00:07:01,894 --> 00:07:05,853
So now we put in one massive order,
delivered to here...
108
00:07:05,854 --> 00:07:08,213
entire drop for a fiver!
109
00:07:08,214 --> 00:07:11,413
You wanna see the points
we collected on the loyalty card!
110
00:07:11,414 --> 00:07:15,253
Loads of messing, though.
Sooner be shopping at yours, Ches.
111
00:07:15,254 --> 00:07:16,413
So when are you opening back up?
112
00:07:16,414 --> 00:07:19,413
I'm just the Paki in the cornershop
to you lot, aren't I?
113
00:07:19,414 --> 00:07:23,413
Don't be daft.
You're hardly even in the shop!
114
00:07:28,854 --> 00:07:30,613
I was wondering
when I'd get you on your own.
115
00:07:30,614 --> 00:07:32,053
Sorry?
116
00:07:32,054 --> 00:07:33,893
Let me finish up,
I'll walk you home.
117
00:07:33,894 --> 00:07:35,653
There's no need.
118
00:07:35,654 --> 00:07:37,253
Give us a chance to talk...
119
00:07:37,254 --> 00:07:40,133
Jamie. Seriously.
120
00:07:40,134 --> 00:07:43,653
Gloria?
121
00:07:43,654 --> 00:07:45,173
C'mon then.
122
00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:49,173
Your carriage awaits.
123
00:08:06,294 --> 00:08:08,093
You selling up?
124
00:08:08,094 --> 00:08:10,773
Granddad.
125
00:08:10,774 --> 00:08:14,773
Yeah. Not like he had
much choice, in my humble.
126
00:08:23,934 --> 00:08:27,493
Come 'ere. You hear that?
127
00:08:27,494 --> 00:08:30,293
A monster approaching.
128
00:08:30,294 --> 00:08:32,253
A supermarket...
129
00:08:32,254 --> 00:08:36,253
dropping its offspring in
every postcode in the country.
130
00:08:37,094 --> 00:08:40,613
Soon, you'll be standing
in its shadow.
131
00:08:40,614 --> 00:08:43,093
Too big for you to fight.
132
00:08:43,094 --> 00:08:46,693
And, having stuffed cash in the
back pocket of every councillor
133
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:50,693
up and down the land, too
well-connected for you to challenge.
134
00:08:51,654 --> 00:08:55,013
And it'll raise its big
monster foot, bring it down,
135
00:08:55,014 --> 00:08:59,013
and you and your shop will be gone.
136
00:08:59,774 --> 00:09:02,653
Just a memory.
137
00:09:02,654 --> 00:09:05,213
I remember when my dad
first bought this place.
138
00:09:05,214 --> 00:09:09,213
Hey, you're not facing
a firing squad! War's over.
139
00:09:10,734 --> 00:09:11,973
Walk.
140
00:09:11,974 --> 00:09:15,693
You're free!
141
00:09:15,694 --> 00:09:19,493
Yeah. I am.
142
00:09:19,494 --> 00:09:23,253
Thanks, Frank!
143
00:09:23,254 --> 00:09:25,773
Ches!
144
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:27,253
Give us a hand.
145
00:09:27,254 --> 00:09:29,056
Knees fuse after a while.
146
00:09:48,027 --> 00:09:50,626
Got viewings organised today, mate.
147
00:09:50,627 --> 00:09:53,306
Won't make too good an impression
with your undies
148
00:09:53,307 --> 00:09:55,146
and jizz mags all over the place.
149
00:09:55,147 --> 00:09:57,026
It's personal stuff!
150
00:09:57,027 --> 00:09:59,866
Removal van's booked.
Need this place empty by Thursday.
151
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:02,506
Gas and leccy'll be cut off
a week Friday.
152
00:10:02,507 --> 00:10:04,426
Asked them to forward
me the bills at base.
153
00:10:04,427 --> 00:10:05,706
Base?
154
00:10:05,707 --> 00:10:09,706
Grandad's. Bradford?
155
00:10:10,107 --> 00:10:14,106
Box what you want,
bin what you don't.
156
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,626
Nice little shop lined
up for you in Bradford.
157
00:10:16,627 --> 00:10:20,106
Loads of old people,
not too much stress.
158
00:10:20,107 --> 00:10:23,786
Keep your head down and you'll
reap the rewards...
159
00:10:23,787 --> 00:10:25,866
Wah! Ya! Ya! Ya!
160
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:29,586
Ahhh!
161
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:33,586
And in a few years time,
if you play your cards right...
162
00:10:35,747 --> 00:10:39,746
So... I'll tell Grandad
you're on your way.
163
00:10:40,747 --> 00:10:43,306
No.
164
00:10:43,307 --> 00:10:47,306
Tell him thanks but no thanks.
165
00:10:55,267 --> 00:10:59,266
Thank you very much, Father.
Bless you too.
166
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,866
The Community centre's all yours.
167
00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:06,866
Not being funny, but why are
you auditioning hookers?
168
00:11:07,147 --> 00:11:08,466
To see if they're right for the job.
169
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:12,466
And surely possessing a fanny
makes them right for the job?
170
00:11:12,707 --> 00:11:14,346
There's a bit more to it than that.
171
00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:16,426
We all know how easy
it is to get a man off.
172
00:11:16,427 --> 00:11:20,426
What you have to ensure, Ruby,
is that you not only get him off
173
00:11:21,107 --> 00:11:23,506
but that you get him back.
Time after time.
174
00:11:23,507 --> 00:11:26,066
Some sort of brand loyalty?
175
00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:29,866
More often than not, you're giving
a man what he doesn't get at home
176
00:11:29,867 --> 00:11:32,146
and that can be a combination
of a million things.
177
00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:33,666
Don't try and pass off what you do
178
00:11:33,667 --> 00:11:35,746
as some sort of psychological
balancing act...
179
00:11:35,747 --> 00:11:39,066
you fuck for money.
180
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:40,786
He might crave intimacy.
181
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:41,826
Give it.
182
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,666
A straightforward, selfish fuck.
183
00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:46,026
Give it.
184
00:11:46,027 --> 00:11:47,426
To talk?
185
00:11:47,427 --> 00:11:48,826
Let him.
186
00:11:48,827 --> 00:11:52,546
He might want you to tell him
he's the best you've ever had
187
00:11:52,547 --> 00:11:54,626
and you've been repulsed
by everything he's done.
188
00:11:54,627 --> 00:11:57,826
Get them in, get their money,
get them out.
189
00:11:57,827 --> 00:11:59,506
It's all about profit.
190
00:11:59,507 --> 00:12:00,786
It's all about the moulah.
191
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:02,386
And not much else.
192
00:12:02,387 --> 00:12:05,306
It's not exactly
skilled labour, is it?
193
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:06,786
Says the voice of experience.
194
00:12:06,787 --> 00:12:09,546
You don't need to be
in your line of work
195
00:12:09,547 --> 00:12:11,586
to know what a man's looking for.
196
00:12:11,587 --> 00:12:15,586
Market research, see who really
knows her arse from her elbow.
197
00:12:19,147 --> 00:12:22,586
Yeah, all right, you're on.
198
00:12:22,587 --> 00:12:25,106
I was having a discussion
with a friend...
199
00:12:25,107 --> 00:12:27,706
Well, I say "discussion",
I mean argument...
200
00:12:27,707 --> 00:12:31,546
and I say "friend", actually she's
just some slapper that I know
201
00:12:31,547 --> 00:12:33,026
but we were just wondering...
202
00:12:33,027 --> 00:12:35,786
exactly what it was men
looked for in a woman..
203
00:12:36,347 --> 00:12:40,346
Experience tells me
men crave tenderness!
204
00:12:40,907 --> 00:12:43,626
A little bit of affection.
205
00:12:43,627 --> 00:12:45,546
After a good spanking.
206
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:47,466
Obviously.
207
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,226
'A man knows exactly
what he's after...'
208
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:52,306
and it ain't chitchat... he can
get that from his ma.
209
00:12:52,307 --> 00:12:53,426
If she wasn't dead.
210
00:12:53,427 --> 00:12:56,546
You see, I think all men
like a spot of courting.
211
00:12:56,547 --> 00:13:00,466
A bit of getting to know you, nice
bit of talk, just to melt the ice...
212
00:13:00,467 --> 00:13:04,386
Men are ruled directly
by their baser instincts.
213
00:13:04,387 --> 00:13:07,786
Evolution's taught them
you get in quick, you drop your DNA
214
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,906
and get off to the next egg
to be fertilised ASAP.
215
00:13:10,907 --> 00:13:12,266
It's a bit of a cliche, isn't it?
216
00:13:12,267 --> 00:13:14,466
Well, cliches are rooted in truth.
217
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:16,866
Well, does that truth apply
to the Madonna-whore argument?
218
00:13:16,867 --> 00:13:19,466
No, because that
is a bit simplistic.
219
00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:20,786
That's just obvious.
220
00:13:20,787 --> 00:13:22,946
What do you reckon, Mimi?
221
00:13:22,947 --> 00:13:25,266
Are all women mothers
or scrubbers?
222
00:13:25,267 --> 00:13:29,266
I like to think I'm a bit of both!
223
00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:34,146
I can get a ton-20 online.
224
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:37,026
Then go online.
225
00:13:37,027 --> 00:13:39,746
All right, 30 it is. Class traitor.
226
00:13:39,747 --> 00:13:41,186
Capitalising on the misery of folk
227
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:43,746
forced to sell their possessions
to make ends meet.
228
00:13:43,747 --> 00:13:45,986
Stop nicking my stuff!
229
00:13:45,987 --> 00:13:49,946
Get off!
230
00:13:49,947 --> 00:13:50,466
Is me SIM in?
231
00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:53,626
The fuck's a SIM?
232
00:13:53,627 --> 00:13:57,186
Oh, you're never getting rid
of poor old Larry, are you?
233
00:13:57,187 --> 00:13:59,506
Colin, how many more times?
234
00:13:59,507 --> 00:14:01,946
We can't take livestock.
235
00:14:01,947 --> 00:14:05,826
We simply don't have the facilities.
236
00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:09,826
Oh! Sorry, Larry.
237
00:14:22,547 --> 00:14:25,146
Just a little list of things
I wanted to do, not mad things,
238
00:14:25,147 --> 00:14:27,106
little dreams I had
when I was a kid.
239
00:14:27,107 --> 00:14:29,106
I've always dreamed
of having a threesome.
240
00:14:29,107 --> 00:14:30,146
Been there.
241
00:14:30,147 --> 00:14:31,386
Done that.
242
00:14:31,387 --> 00:14:34,746
Twosomes, threesomes,
young women, old women...
243
00:14:34,747 --> 00:14:35,186
Mum and daughter...
244
00:14:35,187 --> 00:14:36,226
Mile high...
245
00:14:36,227 --> 00:14:37,266
Pissed up, drugged up, fucked up...
246
00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,546
Tied up, indoor, outdoor...
247
00:14:38,547 --> 00:14:40,426
Front door, back door...
248
00:14:40,427 --> 00:14:43,626
Oh, back door!
249
00:14:43,627 --> 00:14:46,746
Eh, I can help you with that
one easy enough.
250
00:14:46,747 --> 00:14:47,866
And I could cover that one, mate.
251
00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:48,906
Yeah?
252
00:14:48,907 --> 00:14:50,906
Ches, you're up!
253
00:14:50,907 --> 00:14:52,146
Singing?!
254
00:14:52,147 --> 00:14:56,146
First time for everything, mate.
255
00:14:56,187 --> 00:15:00,186
I've gotta see this!
256
00:15:01,187 --> 00:15:02,666
One, two, three, ugh!
257
00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:05,906
? My baby don't mess around
Because she loves me so
258
00:15:05,907 --> 00:15:09,906
? And this I know for suuuure
259
00:15:09,907 --> 00:15:10,946
Ugh!
260
00:15:10,947 --> 00:15:14,786
? But does she really want to
But can't stand to see me
261
00:15:14,787 --> 00:15:18,786
? Walk out the dooor
262
00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:21,146
? Don't try to fight the feelin'
263
00:15:21,147 --> 00:15:24,986
? Cos the thought alone
Is killing me right nooow... ?
264
00:15:24,987 --> 00:15:26,266
Sing with me now!
265
00:15:28,787 --> 00:15:30,746
Yeah!
266
00:15:30,747 --> 00:15:33,026
Top of the world!
267
00:15:33,027 --> 00:15:37,026
Stick your helmet on,
you mad bastard!
268
00:15:41,787 --> 00:15:45,786
Oi! What the fuck are you doing?!
269
00:16:01,587 --> 00:16:05,586
Ah!
270
00:16:21,347 --> 00:16:24,986
? Hey yaaaa. ?
271
00:16:28,707 --> 00:16:30,946
I did not know you had
that in you, mate!
272
00:16:30,947 --> 00:16:31,986
Neither did I!
273
00:16:31,987 --> 00:16:34,946
Got me thinking about stuff
I'd like to do as well.
274
00:16:34,947 --> 00:16:36,106
Go on.
275
00:16:36,107 --> 00:16:39,346
Well, like swimming with dolphins.
That'd be cool, wouldn't it?
276
00:16:39,347 --> 00:16:41,186
Or jump out of a plane.
277
00:16:41,187 --> 00:16:42,226
That could be arranged.
278
00:16:42,227 --> 00:16:43,986
I think he means with a parachute.
279
00:16:43,987 --> 00:16:46,146
We're talking dreams, aren't we?
280
00:16:46,147 --> 00:16:48,666
Things you'd like to do if other
things in our way.
281
00:16:48,667 --> 00:16:52,666
Exactly! Like getting a bit
of back door action off Mimi.
282
00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:53,826
Same again, lads?
283
00:16:53,827 --> 00:16:55,506
Yes, mate.
284
00:16:55,507 --> 00:16:59,506
Can I just have... ugh! Ah!
285
00:16:59,987 --> 00:17:02,146
Shit!
286
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,466
Me purse has gone.
287
00:17:03,467 --> 00:17:04,826
You're kidding?
288
00:17:04,827 --> 00:17:08,106
My purse has gone!
289
00:17:08,107 --> 00:17:10,346
Is there a tealeaf in here?!
290
00:17:10,347 --> 00:17:11,986
Yeah.
291
00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:15,986
You know what I mean,
you gang of smart arses!
292
00:17:17,107 --> 00:17:19,786
Fuck!
293
00:17:19,787 --> 00:17:21,346
Good day?
294
00:17:21,347 --> 00:17:23,346
Fucking blinding, as it goes.
295
00:17:23,347 --> 00:17:25,666
Think I've got, maybe,
half a dozen people
296
00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:28,426
that take their pleasure serious.
297
00:17:28,427 --> 00:17:30,866
Yeah, spoke to a few myself...
298
00:17:30,867 --> 00:17:33,466
you know, the young and limber ones?
299
00:17:33,467 --> 00:17:35,866
I have clients I've known 10 years.
300
00:17:35,867 --> 00:17:38,066
I wasn't even in high school
10 years ago.
301
00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:42,066
Bet you still gave
a good blow-job, though.
302
00:17:57,547 --> 00:18:01,546
You are joking, Jamie?
303
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,986
Drinks are on me next time I'm in.
304
00:18:03,987 --> 00:18:06,266
I owe you an apology.
305
00:18:06,267 --> 00:18:08,826
For not calling.
306
00:18:08,827 --> 00:18:12,826
If your application's successful,
I'll supply the condoms and lube.
307
00:18:14,187 --> 00:18:17,026
'Then all you do is lie back
and think of Lytham St Annes.'
308
00:18:17,027 --> 00:18:21,026
Look... it was just a fuck,
nothing more and nothing less.
309
00:18:27,667 --> 00:18:28,746
It's Dom.
310
00:20:04,907 --> 00:20:07,386
See, I'm not bothered
about a job just yet.
311
00:20:07,387 --> 00:20:10,986
I want to enjoy myself for a bit.
312
00:20:10,987 --> 00:20:13,266
What's that?
313
00:20:13,267 --> 00:20:15,586
Oh, please, don't Karen.
314
00:20:15,587 --> 00:20:19,506
Where did you get the photo?
It's ancient.
315
00:20:19,507 --> 00:20:22,506
Lip gave it me. Years back.
316
00:20:22,507 --> 00:20:26,066
Who for? Me... or Wendy?
317
00:20:26,067 --> 00:20:28,546
Both. Look, I was 12.
318
00:20:28,547 --> 00:20:31,866
God, I was young.
319
00:20:31,867 --> 00:20:34,826
Can I borrow this?
320
00:20:34,827 --> 00:20:37,066
Me and Carl used to say we'd
ask the both of you out.
321
00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:39,666
Cinema, pizza...
322
00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:40,546
Hey, Wendy'd still be up for that.
I'll give her a bell.
323
00:20:40,547 --> 00:20:44,546
No!
324
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:48,066
Fuck it! Yeah, yeah. Call her.
325
00:20:48,067 --> 00:20:49,706
That'd be brilliant.
326
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:53,706
What you stuck this in with, Ches?
327
00:20:59,947 --> 00:21:02,106
What you doing having
a shower at this time?
328
00:21:02,107 --> 00:21:03,426
Spilt a load of ale over
myself in the cellar.
329
00:21:03,427 --> 00:21:05,226
I'll put your clothes in the wash.
330
00:21:05,227 --> 00:21:06,506
I've done it.
331
00:21:06,507 --> 00:21:10,066
Getting very domesticated
in your old age.
332
00:21:10,067 --> 00:21:13,386
Yeah well, I'm in my prime, me.
333
00:21:13,387 --> 00:21:16,786
Thinking about getting my haircut.
What do you reckon?
334
00:21:16,787 --> 00:21:19,906
D'you approve?
335
00:21:19,907 --> 00:21:21,706
Yeah, blonde's good.
336
00:21:21,707 --> 00:21:25,706
Hmm.
337
00:21:30,507 --> 00:21:31,917
I'll take that as a "yes".
338
00:21:48,564 --> 00:21:49,603
Hey!
339
00:21:49,604 --> 00:21:50,643
Hey!
340
00:21:51,196 --> 00:21:52,075
Nice, Ches. What's that?
341
00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:54,549
I'm sensing
there's a woman involved.
342
00:21:54,550 --> 00:21:55,909
Not just a woman.
343
00:21:55,910 --> 00:21:57,189
Woman of his dreams.
344
00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:58,269
Wet dreams!
345
00:21:59,410 --> 00:22:00,729
A girl I had a crush on, years back.
346
00:22:00,730 --> 00:22:03,009
Been carrying
a bit of a torch for her.
347
00:22:03,025 --> 00:22:06,544
Well, she's agreed to accompany me
on a date. Wine, dine...
348
00:22:06,545 --> 00:22:08,264
69!
349
00:22:08,377 --> 00:22:12,376
Nah, I want to do this properly.
Nice meal...
350
00:22:12,577 --> 00:22:14,136
Candlelight, bit of a chat.
351
00:22:14,137 --> 00:22:17,536
Exactly. Last time we
seen each other we were kids.
352
00:22:17,537 --> 00:22:20,056
Now you're all grown up.
353
00:22:20,057 --> 00:22:24,056
Quick one before she turns up, Ches?
354
00:22:27,017 --> 00:22:29,456
Bit of fluff there...
355
00:22:29,457 --> 00:22:31,736
Cheers, mate.
356
00:22:31,737 --> 00:22:33,016
So...
357
00:22:33,017 --> 00:22:35,456
Hope she's worth all this effort.
358
00:22:35,457 --> 00:22:38,136
Yeah, man, she's lovely.
359
00:22:38,137 --> 00:22:40,216
I just can't believe she said yes!
360
00:22:40,217 --> 00:22:42,056
That why you're so nervous, eh?
361
00:22:42,057 --> 00:22:45,416
It's a big deal.
Just want to get it right.
362
00:22:45,417 --> 00:22:47,816
Course you do.
363
00:22:47,817 --> 00:22:49,336
I've waited years for this.
364
00:22:49,337 --> 00:22:53,336
All my fuckin' life.
365
00:22:54,097 --> 00:22:58,096
Aye, aye.
366
00:23:13,737 --> 00:23:17,736
Father Craig
said they were waiting in here.
367
00:23:23,257 --> 00:23:26,536
Bloody hell!
368
00:23:26,537 --> 00:23:30,096
I knew jobs were thin on the ground
but this is ridiculous!
369
00:23:30,097 --> 00:23:32,016
You sure
everyone's in the right room?
370
00:23:32,017 --> 00:23:35,536
Can I just ask, is everyone here
to see Lillian Tyler?
371
00:23:35,537 --> 00:23:37,976
Is that for the auditions
for the whoring?
372
00:23:37,977 --> 00:23:40,336
Don't knock it
if you haven't tried it!
373
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,016
Big market for GILFs.
374
00:23:42,267 --> 00:23:43,386
You'll be old one day.
375
00:23:43,387 --> 00:23:46,386
Let's get down to business.
376
00:23:46,387 --> 00:23:49,786
Can everyone under 25
go to the right, please?
377
00:23:49,787 --> 00:23:52,586
Everybody over 25 to your left.
378
00:23:52,587 --> 00:23:56,586
Bus passes, Zimmers
and arthritics to the back.
379
00:24:08,067 --> 00:24:11,666
Hi, mate.
380
00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:13,586
Look, I don't know
what's going on here, but...
381
00:24:13,587 --> 00:24:14,706
Nothing's going on.
382
00:24:14,707 --> 00:24:18,066
We can't do this, it was a mistake.
383
00:24:18,067 --> 00:24:19,666
That happened twice.
384
00:24:19,667 --> 00:24:23,146
That won't happen again.
385
00:24:23,147 --> 00:24:27,146
Do you know what, Gloria?
I'm not that fuckin' desperate.
386
00:24:27,747 --> 00:24:30,826
'Not even a ham shank
on the way home?'
387
00:24:30,827 --> 00:24:34,826
Wasn't about that.
This was about romance. Right, Ches?
388
00:24:39,307 --> 00:24:41,746
You know how to do things properly,
Ches.
389
00:24:41,747 --> 00:24:43,866
You've grown up
into a lovely little gent.
390
00:24:43,867 --> 00:24:46,586
It was about getting
to know each other.
391
00:24:46,587 --> 00:24:49,826
Seeing if you've got more in common
than physical attraction.
392
00:24:49,827 --> 00:24:50,866
Small talk.
393
00:24:50,867 --> 00:24:54,866
That one should never have been
allowed within ten feet of a school!
394
00:24:54,987 --> 00:24:56,866
He were a fuckin' letch.
395
00:24:56,867 --> 00:25:00,866
Knicker sniffer!
396
00:25:00,947 --> 00:25:04,746
So you forked out for a three-course
meal, wine, and a cab?
397
00:25:04,747 --> 00:25:07,266
If I'd laid that amount of cash out,
398
00:25:07,267 --> 00:25:08,786
I'd want something in return.
399
00:25:08,787 --> 00:25:10,826
Wasn't really that kind of night.
400
00:25:10,827 --> 00:25:13,906
You're the fittest guy
I've been with all month!
401
00:25:13,907 --> 00:25:16,706
Month?!
402
00:25:16,707 --> 00:25:18,146
We need to get you home.
403
00:25:18,147 --> 00:25:20,146
No! Me dad's in, we can't.
404
00:25:20,147 --> 00:25:24,146
It's OK, here'll do.
405
00:25:30,827 --> 00:25:34,706
Must have been a dodgy prawn.
406
00:25:34,707 --> 00:25:36,746
Know what?
407
00:25:36,747 --> 00:25:39,586
I dreamt of being with that girl
so many times.
408
00:25:39,587 --> 00:25:41,986
It could never live up
to your expectations.
409
00:25:41,987 --> 00:25:43,826
Happens to us all.
410
00:25:43,827 --> 00:25:46,026
Bad timing.
411
00:25:46,027 --> 00:25:49,186
Thought I'd find you here
with your drinking cronies.
412
00:25:49,187 --> 00:25:51,306
You left that in the shop.
413
00:25:51,307 --> 00:25:55,306
It looked important.
414
00:25:59,707 --> 00:26:03,386
I'm done with this.
415
00:26:03,387 --> 00:26:04,866
Same again, chaps?
416
00:26:04,867 --> 00:26:08,866
Yeah.
417
00:26:31,827 --> 00:26:33,386
Fuck me!
418
00:26:33,387 --> 00:26:37,186
I won't fuck you
if it's all the same.
419
00:26:37,187 --> 00:26:39,506
I haven't got a question.
420
00:26:39,507 --> 00:26:41,426
No, but I have.
421
00:26:41,427 --> 00:26:44,666
What kind of man
are you going to be?
422
00:26:44,667 --> 00:26:48,666
One who squeaks, or one who roars?
423
00:26:55,267 --> 00:26:59,266
Hiya.
424
00:27:15,187 --> 00:27:17,746
Well, it was certainly entertaining.
425
00:27:17,747 --> 00:27:20,346
Can you tell me a bit
about yourself, sweetheart?
426
00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:23,346
Well, I'm a community policeman
during the day.
427
00:27:23,347 --> 00:27:25,906
Trying to earn a few extra bob
at night, really.
428
00:27:25,907 --> 00:27:27,306
It'd be great for the locals
429
00:27:27,307 --> 00:27:30,226
but would it appeal
to the international market?
430
00:27:30,227 --> 00:27:34,226
Have you got anything else
that you can show us?
431
00:27:46,427 --> 00:27:49,106
Looks nice, Karen.
432
00:27:49,107 --> 00:27:50,346
Don't you think, Jamie?
433
00:27:50,347 --> 00:27:51,506
Yeah, lovely.
434
00:27:51,507 --> 00:27:55,506
You haven't even looked.
435
00:27:56,987 --> 00:28:00,266
Why didn't you tell her
she looked lovely, soft lad?
436
00:28:00,267 --> 00:28:01,626
Cos I'd be lying.
437
00:28:01,627 --> 00:28:04,746
Well, if you can't lie to your wife,
who can you lie to?
438
00:28:04,747 --> 00:28:08,746
Flowers. One fuck-off bunch
of roses, and a big fat apology.
439
00:28:09,627 --> 00:28:13,626
Heartless bastard!
440
00:28:17,627 --> 00:28:21,626
The living accommodation will give
a good return on your investment.
441
00:28:22,067 --> 00:28:25,266
And there's masses
of potential for the shop.
442
00:28:25,267 --> 00:28:29,266
I'm thinking wall-to-wall sunbeds,
maybe a spray tan machine.
443
00:28:29,747 --> 00:28:33,746
Plenty round here in need of a tan
and not just the fellas!
444
00:28:39,547 --> 00:28:42,386
Not a clue.
445
00:28:42,387 --> 00:28:45,066
Unlike you.
446
00:28:45,067 --> 00:28:47,706
People just need a little shop
selling basics.
447
00:28:47,707 --> 00:28:48,946
Stuff you've run out of.
448
00:28:48,947 --> 00:28:50,266
Essentials.
449
00:28:50,267 --> 00:28:52,266
And who needs more than that?
450
00:28:52,267 --> 00:28:55,666
Life's too short.
451
00:28:55,667 --> 00:28:58,746
Exactly.
452
00:28:58,747 --> 00:29:00,506
I look like I've been hang-gliding.
453
00:29:00,507 --> 00:29:03,386
Seriously, Karen,
you need to go back to the salon.
454
00:29:03,387 --> 00:29:07,106
Especially what they charged you,
they should put it right.
455
00:29:07,107 --> 00:29:09,426
I didn't pay 'em. I refused to.
456
00:29:09,427 --> 00:29:12,346
Tried to force me. I said my fella
would torch the place
457
00:29:12,347 --> 00:29:14,626
if they gave me any more hassle.
458
00:29:14,627 --> 00:29:15,706
Is that what he said?
459
00:29:15,707 --> 00:29:16,746
He's not bothered.
460
00:29:16,747 --> 00:29:20,186
Mardy-arsed bastard's got his
Calvins in a twist for some reason.
461
00:29:21,627 --> 00:29:23,226
I'll get it.
462
00:29:23,227 --> 00:29:26,146
Oh, God, I don't want him
to see me like this!
463
00:29:26,147 --> 00:29:29,066
I don't want anybody
to see me like this!
464
00:29:29,067 --> 00:29:33,066
Please, G. Can't you get me back
to some sort of normality?
465
00:29:34,547 --> 00:29:36,026
Thank you.
466
00:29:36,027 --> 00:29:39,786
Gloria... These are for you.
467
00:29:39,787 --> 00:29:43,786
New fella? Never said.
468
00:29:44,427 --> 00:29:45,946
Nothing special.
469
00:29:45,947 --> 00:29:49,546
You've obviously made an impression.
470
00:29:49,547 --> 00:29:52,346
Cheers.
471
00:29:52,347 --> 00:29:54,466
Him upstairs has given you
a second chance
472
00:29:54,467 --> 00:29:55,986
and what are you doing with it?
473
00:29:55,987 --> 00:29:58,866
Propping up the bar with someone
old enough to be your dad.
474
00:29:58,867 --> 00:30:00,146
Oh, thanks, Mimi!
475
00:30:00,147 --> 00:30:03,026
I'm not knocking it.
If you're going to go, go happy,
476
00:30:03,027 --> 00:30:04,346
that's what I'm saying!
477
00:30:04,347 --> 00:30:06,506
I am going to do something, Mimi.
478
00:30:06,507 --> 00:30:10,186
The plans I've heard from fellas
sat where you are, Ches...
479
00:30:10,187 --> 00:30:11,986
going to conquer the world!
480
00:30:11,987 --> 00:30:15,986
Not one of them even got as far
as the end of the M62!
481
00:30:17,667 --> 00:30:18,906
Who's paying?
482
00:30:18,907 --> 00:30:22,906
Here, I'll get this.
483
00:30:23,627 --> 00:30:24,826
There we go. Ta.
484
00:30:24,827 --> 00:30:26,706
I need to...
485
00:30:26,707 --> 00:30:30,706
I need to go,
I've got to do something.
486
00:30:33,947 --> 00:30:36,506
Stunning! Absolutely stunning!
487
00:30:36,507 --> 00:30:37,986
Give us a twirl!
488
00:30:37,987 --> 00:30:39,066
Looks good.
489
00:30:39,067 --> 00:30:40,546
Beautiful.
490
00:30:40,547 --> 00:30:42,186
Yeah, thanks to Gloria.
491
00:30:42,187 --> 00:30:44,066
Now that's what I call an apology.
492
00:30:44,067 --> 00:30:46,306
They're off G. Some shag she's had.
493
00:30:46,307 --> 00:30:50,026
Banged him twice and it's red roses
and, "When can I see you again?"
494
00:30:50,027 --> 00:30:54,026
How pathetic are some fellas?
495
00:30:54,947 --> 00:30:57,786
I'll contact the family's solicitors
and get the contracts drawn up.
496
00:30:57,787 --> 00:31:00,346
Forget your tanning shop idea,
won't work.
497
00:31:00,347 --> 00:31:02,746
No-one's got the cash for sunbeds.
498
00:31:02,747 --> 00:31:04,826
Only reason
he's telling you otherwise
499
00:31:04,827 --> 00:31:07,266
is to get shot of this place
and back to Bradford.
500
00:31:07,987 --> 00:31:09,506
What's it to you?
501
00:31:09,507 --> 00:31:13,506
You're getting this all wrong, Ches.
It's not about us and you!
502
00:31:14,227 --> 00:31:16,386
That's how it's coming over, Toof!
503
00:31:16,387 --> 00:31:19,026
I want you to come home with me.
504
00:31:19,027 --> 00:31:23,026
I need you to see something.
505
00:31:27,387 --> 00:31:28,746
First place we had...
506
00:31:28,747 --> 00:31:30,826
flat over a chippy.
507
00:31:30,827 --> 00:31:34,826
Stunk of fish and grease,
know what I mean?
508
00:31:36,667 --> 00:31:40,466
Then one day, Grandad picks us up
from the shop, brings us here,
509
00:31:40,467 --> 00:31:43,466
hands us the keys.
510
00:31:43,467 --> 00:31:46,186
He were that pleased
with the graft we'd put in,
511
00:31:46,187 --> 00:31:50,186
rewarded us with this.
512
00:31:50,267 --> 00:31:52,506
I know he can be a pain in the arse.
513
00:31:52,507 --> 00:31:55,306
Work him to your advantage, Ches.
514
00:31:55,307 --> 00:31:57,586
I dream of somewhere like this.
515
00:31:57,587 --> 00:32:01,586
Could be yours.
516
00:32:01,867 --> 00:32:03,986
That's the point, really, Toof...
517
00:32:03,987 --> 00:32:06,106
it couldn't.
518
00:32:06,107 --> 00:32:08,186
Just like it'll never be yours.
519
00:32:08,187 --> 00:32:09,226
Step out of line,
520
00:32:09,227 --> 00:32:10,746
you'll be back in the flat over
the chippy in no time.
521
00:32:10,747 --> 00:32:11,826
No.
522
00:32:11,827 --> 00:32:14,426
I saw how he treated Dad
when he wasn't doing as he was told.
523
00:32:14,427 --> 00:32:16,306
There's always going to be a boss,
524
00:32:16,307 --> 00:32:19,546
always someone telling you
what to do and how to do it.
525
00:32:19,547 --> 00:32:21,106
Not for me there isn't.
526
00:32:21,107 --> 00:32:23,666
I'm going to buy the shop.
527
00:32:23,667 --> 00:32:25,266
You can't do it on your own!
528
00:32:25,267 --> 00:32:29,266
No?
529
00:32:29,267 --> 00:32:31,539
Well, I'll die trying.
530
00:33:04,836 --> 00:33:08,835
Go on, fuck off!
531
00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:21,364
'Please leave your
message after the tone.'
532
00:33:21,365 --> 00:33:24,284
It's me. I need to see you.
533
00:33:24,285 --> 00:33:27,124
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend.
534
00:33:27,125 --> 00:33:31,124
This sort of thing... It's not
my usual bag, it's confusing.
535
00:33:34,285 --> 00:33:36,564
Just... call me.
536
00:33:36,565 --> 00:33:40,444
Please.
537
00:33:40,445 --> 00:33:42,284
What the fuck are you looking at?
538
00:33:42,285 --> 00:33:46,284
Oh! Oh.
539
00:33:54,485 --> 00:33:58,484
Miaow.
540
00:34:01,885 --> 00:34:04,484
I'll tell you something odd,
and this will sound weird,
541
00:34:04,485 --> 00:34:07,004
but I had this dream last night,
and you came in here
542
00:34:07,005 --> 00:34:09,084
and played out this dream.
543
00:34:09,085 --> 00:34:11,644
It's unbelievable.
It's totally unbelievable.
544
00:34:11,645 --> 00:34:12,964
Fuck!
545
00:34:12,965 --> 00:34:14,284
We want to live that dream.
546
00:34:14,285 --> 00:34:16,244
We're doing this for us family.
547
00:34:16,245 --> 00:34:20,244
We want to give them a better life,
a decent home, a future.
548
00:34:21,285 --> 00:34:25,284
We've got four kids. We're saving
for college fees for the brightest.
549
00:34:25,605 --> 00:34:27,604
It's a speciality act,
and a good one.
550
00:34:27,605 --> 00:34:29,804
I see a bright future for you two.
551
00:34:29,805 --> 00:34:33,284
Fuck! Where's the art, eh?
552
00:34:33,285 --> 00:34:35,724
Where's the originality?
553
00:34:35,725 --> 00:34:38,564
Says she who thinks "legs akimbo?
Is in the Kama Sutra.
554
00:34:38,565 --> 00:34:40,124
This is my game, kid.
555
00:34:40,125 --> 00:34:44,124
You might've had a few knee tremblers
along the way... but I am an artiste!
556
00:34:45,005 --> 00:34:47,124
You are stuck in your ways,
been at it too long.
557
00:34:47,125 --> 00:34:48,844
You've not been at it long enough.
558
00:34:48,845 --> 00:34:52,564
You know what?
You've past your sell-by date, love.
559
00:34:59,285 --> 00:35:01,524
Suits you.
560
00:35:01,525 --> 00:35:05,084
You look lovely.
561
00:35:05,085 --> 00:35:06,564
I'm sorry.
562
00:35:06,565 --> 00:35:09,164
Are you gonna tell me what's up?
563
00:35:09,165 --> 00:35:11,964
I'm just bored.
564
00:35:11,965 --> 00:35:15,284
Of me? Us?
565
00:35:15,285 --> 00:35:18,604
Of this place.
566
00:35:18,605 --> 00:35:22,604
I wake up here, I work here,
eat here, sleep here.
567
00:35:24,165 --> 00:35:26,324
I'll live and fucking die here.
568
00:35:26,325 --> 00:35:30,324
The same four walls'd drive
anyone round the bend.
569
00:35:32,485 --> 00:35:36,484
You are more important
than any of this.
570
00:35:40,725 --> 00:35:44,724
Now, let's get a smile
back on that face.
571
00:35:48,125 --> 00:35:52,124
I love you.
572
00:36:02,245 --> 00:36:06,084
I managed to convince her
to come back.
573
00:36:06,085 --> 00:36:08,404
I miss the funny accent,
if I'm honest.
574
00:36:08,405 --> 00:36:10,084
Fuckin' skin her!
575
00:36:10,085 --> 00:36:12,284
Can we not aim for a bit of decorum?
576
00:36:12,285 --> 00:36:16,284
We've people's futures in us hands.
Hopes, dreams, ambitions.
577
00:36:18,765 --> 00:36:21,244
Decision time.
578
00:36:21,245 --> 00:36:23,004
I think lose "woman with cock".
579
00:36:23,005 --> 00:36:24,684
It's a man with tits.
580
00:36:24,685 --> 00:36:26,844
It's just confusing.
581
00:36:26,845 --> 00:36:29,124
RSPCA'll kick off.
582
00:36:29,125 --> 00:36:30,564
Vacuum man were interesting.
583
00:36:30,565 --> 00:36:33,244
Perfect, if you want a good ramming.
584
00:36:33,245 --> 00:36:35,964
A looker but a bit obvious.
585
00:36:35,965 --> 00:36:39,964
Yeah, when you pay good money,
"obvious" is what you want.
586
00:36:41,245 --> 00:36:42,404
Our final four.
587
00:36:42,405 --> 00:36:44,284
The librarian from Burnley?
588
00:36:44,285 --> 00:36:46,484
This went on a vote, Lillian.
589
00:36:46,485 --> 00:36:49,804
Who told you this were a democracy?
I want him and all.
590
00:36:49,805 --> 00:36:50,964
Why?
591
00:36:50,965 --> 00:36:52,804
Reminds me of little Bobby Davro.
592
00:36:52,805 --> 00:36:56,804
Bobby only has to smile
to get me wet.
593
00:37:04,325 --> 00:37:08,324
You must have savings or money put
aside for you by the family?
594
00:37:08,325 --> 00:37:11,524
Nope! Every penny I've got
went on buying the fittings back.
595
00:37:11,525 --> 00:37:13,724
My fittings, my shop.
596
00:37:13,725 --> 00:37:17,284
All that matters is,
I'm gonna do it.
597
00:37:17,285 --> 00:37:21,284
Well, determination for its own
sake can be very admirable, but...
598
00:37:22,045 --> 00:37:25,524
Like that Japanese guy who kept
fighting World War II till,
599
00:37:25,525 --> 00:37:29,324
like, 1976 or summat.
600
00:37:29,325 --> 00:37:33,324
What?
It finished in... ages before that.
601
00:37:39,445 --> 00:37:42,404
It's my cousin.
Wants to know the plan.
602
00:37:42,405 --> 00:37:43,884
What is the plan?
603
00:37:43,885 --> 00:37:47,644
That failure is not an option.
604
00:37:47,645 --> 00:37:49,004
I could have a word?
605
00:37:49,005 --> 00:37:51,764
I mean, I could have a word with
the family, about money.
606
00:37:51,765 --> 00:37:55,764
Your cousin could come
if he's worried.
607
00:37:57,245 --> 00:37:59,724
You never gave a toss about
the shop in the past,
608
00:37:59,725 --> 00:38:02,604
so why would we believe that you
do now?
609
00:38:02,605 --> 00:38:04,364
Things are different now.
610
00:38:04,365 --> 00:38:06,844
I'm different.
611
00:38:06,845 --> 00:38:10,844
What I need, and what I don't,
all different.
612
00:38:10,925 --> 00:38:12,644
We've got a pub to run.
613
00:38:12,645 --> 00:38:15,244
I could get that place
back in profit in three months.
614
00:38:15,245 --> 00:38:17,284
How?
615
00:38:17,285 --> 00:38:20,604
I'll stay open day and night,
work my fingers to the bone.
616
00:38:20,605 --> 00:38:23,364
I won't take a wage
till we're in profit.
617
00:38:23,365 --> 00:38:27,364
You'd have access to the books 24/7,
and if he fucks up...
618
00:38:27,605 --> 00:38:30,324
I won't...fuck up.
619
00:38:30,325 --> 00:38:33,044
All right. One condition.
620
00:38:33,045 --> 00:38:37,044
You call it Paddy's Market...
after my dad.
621
00:38:38,525 --> 00:38:41,724
No. It's my shop.
622
00:38:41,725 --> 00:38:44,684
I'm in there in the bricks
and mortar, and you're not.
623
00:38:44,685 --> 00:38:45,764
Neither is your dad.
624
00:38:45,765 --> 00:38:48,004
Come on. What's in a name?
625
00:38:48,005 --> 00:38:52,004
You're a Maguire. Would you let
anyone take that away?
626
00:39:26,405 --> 00:39:28,164
What the fuck are you doing?
627
00:39:28,165 --> 00:39:30,444
My own little routine, mate.
628
00:39:30,445 --> 00:39:34,444
Oh, shit, yeah, how did it go?
629
00:39:34,765 --> 00:39:36,644
I don't need them.
630
00:39:36,645 --> 00:39:38,204
You're right. Do it on your own.
631
00:39:38,205 --> 00:39:42,204
Mortgage, gas, lecky, council tax,
VAT, no credit.
632
00:39:42,565 --> 00:39:44,844
All that shit'd get a lesser man
down, mate, but not you.
633
00:39:44,845 --> 00:39:47,884
You're a fucking superhero!
634
00:39:47,885 --> 00:39:50,604
Do Asian people have superheroes
or is it just Gods
635
00:39:50,605 --> 00:39:52,484
wi' loads of arms and stuff?
636
00:39:52,485 --> 00:39:55,044
That's Hindu. I'm Muslim. Duhhh!
637
00:39:55,045 --> 00:39:59,044
Fuck off! Hindus are only
in fucking comics and that.
638
00:39:59,805 --> 00:40:03,804
I've got work, mate.
639
00:40:05,445 --> 00:40:08,884
I've never seen one with a bend
like that. Is it 90 degrees?
640
00:40:08,885 --> 00:40:11,404
It varies. Acute and obtuse.
641
00:40:11,405 --> 00:40:15,084
Can fuck round corners.
That's got to be an advantage.
642
00:40:15,085 --> 00:40:17,804
Kelly's right.
No substitute for experience.
643
00:40:17,805 --> 00:40:19,724
Ruby has got a point, though.
644
00:40:19,725 --> 00:40:23,524
Gudrun has got all the enthusiasm
of a beginner.
645
00:40:23,525 --> 00:40:24,924
Amongst other advantages.
646
00:40:24,925 --> 00:40:25,684
Hindenberg.
647
00:40:25,685 --> 00:40:26,764
Bless you.
648
00:40:26,765 --> 00:40:30,324
She does make me laugh, that Ruby.
I can't understand a word she says,
649
00:40:30,325 --> 00:40:32,124
but I just smile and nod.
650
00:40:32,125 --> 00:40:34,404
I thought at least one of them
would be here for induction.
651
00:40:34,405 --> 00:40:36,164
I've sent 'em out.
652
00:40:36,165 --> 00:40:38,164
Medical's my bag.
653
00:40:38,165 --> 00:40:42,164
Speaking of which...
would you bend over?
654
00:40:50,765 --> 00:40:54,764
I have to admit that some of your
young and virile team were...
655
00:40:55,085 --> 00:40:59,084
fucking knock-out.
656
00:40:59,365 --> 00:41:02,524
I can see why punters keep
returning to some of your...
657
00:41:02,525 --> 00:41:06,524
more experienced heads.
658
00:41:07,045 --> 00:41:11,044
Don't poverty make people do
kinky shit?
659
00:41:21,925 --> 00:41:24,324
There's been an offer made
on the shop.
660
00:41:24,325 --> 00:41:27,964
Shit!
661
00:41:27,965 --> 00:41:31,964
A bit of luck, I could've made
something of this place.
662
00:41:32,605 --> 00:41:34,604
I'm sorry.
663
00:41:34,605 --> 00:41:36,924
I'll grab my stuff.
664
00:41:36,925 --> 00:41:40,924
I turned the offer down.
665
00:41:41,645 --> 00:41:44,524
We'll have the deeds transferred
first thing tomorrow.
666
00:41:44,525 --> 00:41:47,404
Grandad'll fuckin' kill you!
667
00:41:47,405 --> 00:41:50,964
Don't let me down, Ches.
668
00:41:50,965 --> 00:41:53,924
I will not let you down!
No way will I let you down!
669
00:41:53,925 --> 00:41:56,364
Thank you so fucking much!
670
00:41:56,365 --> 00:41:58,684
Hey! Love-in?
671
00:41:58,685 --> 00:42:00,324
I'm sorry to interrupt.
672
00:42:00,325 --> 00:42:03,044
So you're gonna try
and make a go of this place?
673
00:42:03,045 --> 00:42:04,084
Yeah.
674
00:42:04,085 --> 00:42:06,924
In that case,
you're gonna need these.
675
00:42:06,925 --> 00:42:08,124
For...?
676
00:42:08,125 --> 00:42:09,164
Them.
677
00:42:09,165 --> 00:42:12,284
We've gone with magnolia.
678
00:42:12,285 --> 00:42:14,244
They only had magnolia.
679
00:42:14,245 --> 00:42:16,084
I like magnolia. I love magnolia!
680
00:42:16,085 --> 00:42:18,924
Could do with a few more rollers
and brushes.
681
00:42:18,925 --> 00:42:21,444
Jamie, go on, some in our loft.
682
00:42:21,445 --> 00:42:25,444
I'll give you a hand.
683
00:42:28,445 --> 00:42:30,644
No need to stand on ceremony.
684
00:42:30,645 --> 00:42:34,644
I've checked on the internet,
and this is all kosher.
685
00:42:35,085 --> 00:42:36,764
That's Jewish, Mimi.
686
00:42:36,765 --> 00:42:38,324
Lamb's Jewish?
687
00:42:38,325 --> 00:42:39,884
Kosher's Jewish.
688
00:42:39,885 --> 00:42:41,124
Then what's lamb?
689
00:42:41,125 --> 00:42:42,244
New Zealand?
690
00:42:42,245 --> 00:42:43,604
Thought they were Welsh.
691
00:42:43,605 --> 00:42:46,364
Look, can I ask
what this is all about?
692
00:42:46,365 --> 00:42:49,604
Never thought I'd say this, Ches,
but you impressed me here, mate.
693
00:42:49,605 --> 00:42:53,044
You showed commitment...
can't buy that.
694
00:42:53,045 --> 00:42:55,484
Fuck knows, we've tried! Turnip?
695
00:42:55,485 --> 00:42:58,444
We wanna help you get back
on your feet, mate.
696
00:42:58,445 --> 00:42:59,924
Go on.
697
00:42:59,925 --> 00:43:02,684
Mam?
698
00:43:02,685 --> 00:43:04,924
We sell dope from your place.
699
00:43:04,925 --> 00:43:08,564
Maybe a bit of coke,
and the money goes through the till.
700
00:43:08,565 --> 00:43:09,604
Laundering?
701
00:43:09,605 --> 00:43:13,604
We stay silent partners.
Take 10% of your profits.
702
00:43:13,845 --> 00:43:16,844
And discount at the till.
A little one.
703
00:43:16,845 --> 00:43:19,004
What's the catch?
704
00:43:19,005 --> 00:43:20,804
There isn't one.
705
00:43:20,805 --> 00:43:22,924
You've no family around here, Ches.
706
00:43:22,925 --> 00:43:26,084
So from now on, you're one of us.
707
00:43:26,085 --> 00:43:27,524
An honorary Maguire.
708
00:43:27,525 --> 00:43:31,524
And that offer's not extended
to many.
709
00:43:31,645 --> 00:43:34,644
So, are you in?
710
00:43:34,645 --> 00:43:36,644
Too fuckin' right!
711
00:43:36,645 --> 00:43:39,604
Welcome to the clan.
712
00:43:39,605 --> 00:43:43,604
Cheers.
713
00:43:57,765 --> 00:44:01,764
I suppose you're pleased
with yourself?
714
00:44:02,005 --> 00:44:03,084
Yeah.
715
00:44:03,085 --> 00:44:05,764
I always knew you had it in you.
716
00:44:05,765 --> 00:44:09,324
No, you didn't. But I did.
717
00:44:09,325 --> 00:44:13,324
That makes no sense.
I'm a figment of your imagination.
718
00:44:13,885 --> 00:44:17,884
I'm after a better quality
of hallucination.
719
00:44:22,445 --> 00:44:25,244
All right?
720
00:44:25,245 --> 00:44:29,244
I'll put a curse on you!
721
00:44:37,125 --> 00:44:40,564
'On reflection, I don't believe
there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
722
00:44:40,565 --> 00:44:44,484
'No voice telling you to go back.
723
00:44:44,485 --> 00:44:47,044
'Once your number's up, it's up.'
724
00:44:53,685 --> 00:44:56,404
'So take a good look around.
725
00:44:56,405 --> 00:45:00,404
'Like what you see? Great, enjoy.
726
00:45:02,045 --> 00:45:06,044
'But if you don't,
move on and move on now.
727
00:45:06,525 --> 00:45:09,084
'No use settling for second best.
728
00:45:09,085 --> 00:45:12,684
'This ain't no rehearsal.
729
00:45:12,685 --> 00:45:16,684
'This is the real deal.'
730
00:45:29,085 --> 00:45:30,564
Where are you off to?
731
00:45:30,565 --> 00:45:32,044
The less I tell you, the better.
732
00:45:32,045 --> 00:45:32,884
It's a big job.
733
00:45:32,885 --> 00:45:34,404
I want you to know, that's all.
734
00:45:34,405 --> 00:45:36,684
All right, strictly 30 minutes.
735
00:45:36,685 --> 00:45:39,444
We only take what we can carry.
No more than 11 rolls a man.
736
00:45:39,445 --> 00:45:41,804
He didn't come home.
Maybe he's seeing someone.
737
00:45:41,805 --> 00:45:42,884
Stop sticking your tits out.
738
00:45:42,885 --> 00:45:43,924
I'm not.
739
00:45:43,925 --> 00:45:45,164
Manchester's next gift
to the world.
740
00:45:45,165 --> 00:45:46,364
I've got a semi here.
741
00:45:46,365 --> 00:45:47,324
Is that a penis?
742
00:45:47,325 --> 00:45:48,684
Somebody's doctored it.
743
00:45:48,685 --> 00:45:50,404
They're all missing. All of them.
744
00:45:50,405 --> 00:45:53,004
So if he hasn't told you,
then we are fucked.
745
00:45:53,005 --> 00:45:57,004
Oh...!
746
00:46:34,085 --> 00:46:36,324
It's my bike.
I'm the bloke... clearly.
747
00:46:36,325 --> 00:46:39,124
Winslet in front... DiCaprio behind.
748
00:46:39,125 --> 00:46:40,164
I'm the bloke.
749
00:46:40,165 --> 00:46:41,364
Fuck off!
I am the bloke.
750
00:46:41,365 --> 00:46:43,964
How the fuck are you the bloke?!
751
00:46:45,445 --> 00:46:46,484
Hold on, Ches!
752
00:46:46,485 --> 00:46:47,524
Yeah!
753
00:46:47,525 --> 00:46:49,524
I am the bloke!
754
00:46:49,525 --> 00:46:51,322
Fuck off!
I'm the bloke!
755
00:46:51,369 --> 00:46:54,768
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