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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,039
Anyone watching thinking we know
fuck all about knowing fuck all
2
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,759
about owt, needs to watch
their back...
3
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,959
So you've had your Labour,
reclassifying skunk,
4
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,639
sending prices sky-high,
5
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:17,279
literally, literally taking
the grass from its own roots!
6
00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:19,360
And now you've got
your ConDemNation,
7
00:00:19,361 --> 00:00:22,759
Liberals noshing Tories like
altar boys picking dimps up!
8
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:27,519
Have we had a national
fucking stroke... or what?
9
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,919
Is revolution a word
or was it never?
10
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,719
Anybody watching, needs to know,
we cope better than average
11
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,479
with irony in Chatsworth.
12
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:41,519
Well, for fuck's sake, we live
in Manchester and they charge us
13
00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,479
for water!
14
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:47,839
I wandered lonely as a clown,
necking mushrooms rarely found...
15
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:51,039
This green and pleasant land
in ancient times...
16
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,599
Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak,
yak, yak, yak!
17
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,879
It's not theirs any more.
18
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,359
This is our England now!
19
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,919
Paaaarty!
20
00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:06,840
Contains strong language, scenes of
a sexual nature and some violence.
21
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,760
The first throes of love
are all about passion.
22
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,999
Eyes, hands, lips, limbs, kisses,
23
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:22,359
I love yous and promises
of never-ending devotion.
24
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:27,519
Burning to memory every nook
and cranny of that face,
25
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:31,119
that body, drowning in each other,
getting your fill,
26
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,559
getting more than your fill,
that thirst
27
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,919
you can never really quench,
no matter how much you try.
28
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,399
And fuck knows we try, don't we?
29
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:44,119
'I read in some mag,
in a waiting room years back, that...
30
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:47,759
'if you put a coin in a jar every
time you made love in the first
31
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:51,039
'three years of your relationship,
then took one out every time
32
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,519
'you did it after three years... '
33
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,159
Yeah, yeah!
34
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,719
'..you'd never ever, ever, ever... '
35
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,999
Yeah, yeah!
36
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,200
'..be able to empty it.'
37
00:02:01,201 --> 00:02:02,600
Oh!
38
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,759
Cum again and soon.
39
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,159
Not too soon though, eh, Tiger?
40
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,800
Give me some time to recover.
41
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,359
Dickhead.
42
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:34,798
He's tipped you?
43
00:02:34,799 --> 00:02:35,918
He thinks he made me cum.
44
00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:37,600
Screams were almost convincing.
45
00:02:37,601 --> 00:02:39,279
The yelps helped.
46
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,399
I had cramp. Came in handy.
47
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:42,720
I can spot a fake a mile off.
48
00:02:42,721 --> 00:02:45,039
Well, I guess you've pulled
a few in your time.
49
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,839
Didn't need to.
50
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,998
My Brendan were gifted
in the trouser department.
51
00:02:48,999 --> 00:02:51,280
When he stripped off
put me in mind of a tripod.
52
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,240
Any chance of you finishing early?
53
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:58,119
We've got a stag do in any minute
now. I'd leave the girls to it
54
00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,279
but we need all hands on deck
for this one.
55
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,479
Lillian just took a call
and the lads've been chewing Viagra
56
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,039
since they left Burnley.
57
00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,719
They won't walk in,
they'll be pole vaulting.
58
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,840
No worries. I'll catch
you later then, OK?
59
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:14,399
He knows... that you're lying.
60
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,159
Orgasms aren't the only thing
I'm good at faking.
61
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:18,680
He hasn't got a clue.
62
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:21,560
Don't know what's wrong
with her lately.
63
00:03:21,561 --> 00:03:23,360
I do.
64
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:29,518
It's too small.
65
00:03:29,519 --> 00:03:31,440
It'll keep the wind off your back.
66
00:03:31,441 --> 00:03:35,399
Yeah and give me twatting frostbite
at the front.
67
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,279
I'll look like a fucking nutter.
68
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,600
But you are a fucking nutter.
69
00:03:39,601 --> 00:03:41,439
Take no notice.
70
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,679
Beggars can't be choosers.
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00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,639
As soon as you get a few bob
rolling in, it's me and you
72
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:49,319
straight down to Primani
for a proper makeover.
73
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,320
But until then,
it's our Shane's cast-offs.
74
00:03:51,321 --> 00:03:52,479
It suits you.
75
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,159
Yeah, it looks... nice.
76
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,120
It's pink and it smells of perfume.
77
00:03:56,121 --> 00:03:58,879
Only real men can wear pink.
And it's aftershave that.
78
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,559
This is a bird's fluffy jumper.
79
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,318
Angora. He's allergic to manmade.
80
00:04:03,319 --> 00:04:04,680
It's got tit shapes in it.
81
00:04:04,681 --> 00:04:06,719
Must've been me mam's.
82
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,840
You need to try it on.
83
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,319
You look lovely.
84
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,919
None of it fits! Right?
85
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,519
I can't survive much longer
86
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,439
on two pairs of socks, three
T-shirts and a pair of undies.
87
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,679
Just one pair?
88
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,759
Oh, I wish I'd known that sooner.
89
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:33,679
I'm only on a tea break.
90
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,120
Laters.
91
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:41,079
Look, just go commando
whilst they wash and dry.
92
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,440
Eh... ready for action.
93
00:04:42,441 --> 00:04:44,159
Homo! Sorry.
94
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,520
I can't, I'll chafe.
95
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,560
It was only going go on a bottle
of baby oil and some poppers.
96
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,480
You've been a pal to me, Micky.
97
00:05:01,481 --> 00:05:04,039
And if I were queer,
I'd bum you here and now.
98
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,040
Thanks, Marty.
99
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:10,839
You're going to make someone
a lovely wife... partner one day.
100
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,320
But I've got to stand up
on my own two feet.
101
00:05:13,321 --> 00:05:16,120
I need cash,
so I'll have to do a job.
102
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,720
Get a job.
103
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,120
Everybody get down!
104
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,479
Shut up. Shut your...
105
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:27,918
This is a fuck up!
106
00:05:27,919 --> 00:05:29,880
Shut the fuck up...
this is a stick up!
107
00:05:29,881 --> 00:05:32,120
Rectal prolapse!
108
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,520
Gimme the money, gimme the money!
109
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:40,679
Evil...!
110
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:41,800
Fuck off!
111
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,799
Sit down, wait till you see this.
It's class!
112
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,720
Come on, you're in my seat.
113
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,080
Soon have you smiling again, girl!
114
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,439
Isn't that the shittest...
115
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,079
crappest robber
you have ever seen?
116
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,999
How much did he get away with?
117
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,559
Enough for some chips and a taxi
home!
118
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:13,760
Fucking shame of it!
119
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,360
You know who that was?
120
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,319
You know.
121
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,799
I don't know.
122
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,079
So... why don't you tell me?
123
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:36,960
Marty.
124
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,439
How'd you know?
125
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,760
He was wearing my old coat.
126
00:06:39,761 --> 00:06:42,439
Not his style, is it?
Armed robbery, not the coat.
127
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,319
I don't his fucking style.
128
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,439
It's only a matter of time before
the filth get their shit together
129
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,919
and clock it's him.
130
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,079
And? Arrest him.
131
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,120
You're not arsed?
132
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,959
He's a punter, Shane.
133
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:58,559
Offering ten-grand reward
for somebody to grass him up.
134
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,239
If he's daft enough to threaten
people with a gun,
135
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,039
he deserves grassing up.
136
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,480
It's deposit on a house that,
you know, ten grand.
137
00:07:04,481 --> 00:07:07,680
Maguires don't grass.
138
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,239
Fucking stupid though, weren't it?
139
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,999
He is fucking stupid.
140
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,959
Aren't you?!
141
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,359
I said aren't you!?
142
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,679
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
143
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:25,319
I'm here, skint, I can't work,
I can't sign on.
144
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,359
What, in case the police catch you
145
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,679
for non-payment of maintenance,
you mean?
146
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:33,639
As opposed to armed fucking robbery,
you gormless twat!
147
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,080
I needed money!
148
00:07:35,081 --> 00:07:36,639
Then ask!
149
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:40,439
Don't go holding up Post Offices
with fucking guns!
150
00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,119
You could've killed someone,
151
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,919
some poor bastard
collecting their pension.
152
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:48,200
You could've got killed yourself
and then what would I have done?!
153
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,039
I mean, how would I have explained
that to Sue?
154
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,320
Where'd you get the gun?
155
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,439
They're stashed here! It's family
stuff, you know the score, Kel!
156
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,159
You keep him away from guns, you got
that? Guns and fucking matches!
157
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:07,559
Sorry!
158
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,159
It could bring a load
of trouble and...
159
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,639
We've had enough... That... that gun,
160
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,320
could be linked to Shane,
maybe and they'll...
161
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,720
You're looking lovely.
162
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,319
You do, you look dead nice, like.
Nice.
163
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,799
Proper like... glowing,
164
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,200
healthily.
165
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,879
I was thinking... do you want me
to make tea tonight?
166
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:43,878
What's going on?
167
00:08:43,879 --> 00:08:45,840
Why would anything be going on?
168
00:08:45,841 --> 00:08:48,479
I was married longer
than you've been alive.
169
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:51,559
And I know that when a man's
buttering you up
170
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:54,039
with a string of compliments,
he's about to do
171
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,159
one of two things -
confess or request.
172
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,959
Which is it?
173
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,080
Er...
174
00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:02,599
Don't lie! If you've got
something to say, say it.
175
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,000
I've just...
176
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,319
Speak!
177
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:09,239
Well, now it's out in the open,
who Cilla's dad is,
178
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,280
I was thinking if like...
if we could...
179
00:09:11,281 --> 00:09:14,719
well, when she's Christened,
if we could give her a second name?
180
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,920
You know, cos her mam
gave her her first name,
181
00:09:16,921 --> 00:09:18,920
her dad can give her her second.
182
00:09:18,921 --> 00:09:20,919
What were you thinking of?
183
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:21,558
Maureen.
184
00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:22,318
Fuck off.
185
00:09:22,319 --> 00:09:23,400
What, it's me mam's name.
186
00:09:23,401 --> 00:09:25,159
She can keep it.
187
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,999
It's not fair, Mimi.
You get to do everything
188
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,360
and I just get shit on by you,
Shane, Jamie and Micky.
189
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,599
OK.
190
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,800
Always taking the piss out of...
out of me.
191
00:09:33,801 --> 00:09:35,400
Did you just say OK then?
192
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,439
On one condition.
193
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,159
That you convert,
come over to our side.
194
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:46,159
You mean support Liverpool?
195
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,319
I mean become a Catholic,
you knobhead.
196
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:52,520
Oh... oh, right. Yeah, yeah.
197
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:08,719
You've been named, Marty boy.
Armed robber at the Post Office.
198
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,879
Cuddly little Marty
with his funny little ways.
199
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,239
Wouldn't harm a fly, eh?
200
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,640
F... f... fuck off.
201
00:10:15,641 --> 00:10:18,799
Terrify a gang of pensioners half to
death in a Post Office queue, yes,
202
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,000
but wouldn't harm a fly.
203
00:10:20,001 --> 00:10:21,519
Fuck off, Shane.
204
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,199
Come on, I'm fucking with you.
205
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:26,399
You know what, I've been doing
a bit of research, mate.
206
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:31,039
All you have to do is type in
'Arson' and 'Fuengerola'
207
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,880
and it's fucking amazing
what pops up.
208
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,519
You know, it's funny you never
mentioned that your wife and kids
209
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,919
died in a house fire.
210
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:45,199
Anyone'd think you had
something to hide, mate.
211
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,239
Save your breath, Marty,
you're going to need it.
212
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,759
I just called the filth.
213
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,679
I've told them where you were.
214
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,279
SIREN
215
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,160
Run.
216
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:58,480
Run!
217
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:16,599
I've got a few more
cast-offs for Marty...
218
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:20,999
I was dr... dragged
out of bed last night
219
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,399
by an armed copper
220
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,959
with his gun shoved half-way
up my fucking nostril!
221
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:26,880
What, family stuff?
222
00:11:26,881 --> 00:11:28,959
They were asking me where Marty was.
223
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:33,079
I said, "I don't know",
and spent the next...
224
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:37,639
nine hours helping the police
with their enquiries.
225
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,280
Someone must've grassed.
226
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,280
That'd be me.
227
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,919
And since when did you develop
a conscience?
228
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:51,559
When I found out Marty's wife
and kids died in an arson attack.
229
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:56,079
Spate of fires across Fuengerola.
Culprit never found.
230
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,559
But you got a fucking nutter
out there
231
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:03,359
with a history of that sort of stuff
and, well, one and one... is two.
232
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:04,518
He killed them?
233
00:12:04,519 --> 00:12:06,000
Yep. Seems that way.
234
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,279
I was thinking of a trip into town.
235
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,639
Get you some new gear,
something to eat, eh?
236
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:16,999
That ten grand you got for grassing
him up burning a hole in your pocket?
237
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,680
It were anonymous.
238
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,159
I'm booked solid all morning.
239
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,039
Who wants a fuck at this hour?
240
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:27,600
You... Once upon a time.
241
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:33,799
The thing is, I don't know anything
about God or religion, Father.
242
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:37,239
He's C of E. Is he allowed
to change sides, Father?
243
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,719
We don't really think of it
as sides, now, do we, Mimi?
244
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,679
It'll be a lot of hard work
on your part, Billy.
245
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,999
You'll have to research the faith,
attend classes.
246
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,318
He's not afraid
of a bit of hard work.
247
00:12:49,319 --> 00:12:50,760
It's for my daughter.
248
00:12:50,761 --> 00:12:52,079
And for you, too.
249
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,040
Front of the queue
at the Pearly Gates
250
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:57,039
if you're a Catholic, eh, Father?
251
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,959
We'll keep it informal
for the time being.
252
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:00,998
Yeah.
253
00:13:00,999 --> 00:13:03,400
Look forward to getting to know you
as well as the rest of the family.
254
00:13:03,401 --> 00:13:06,199
Lovely seeing you, Father.
255
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:06,960
And you, Mimi.
256
00:13:06,961 --> 00:13:08,399
Take care.
257
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,199
I will.
258
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,799
See ya.
259
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,279
Micky. Father.
260
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,680
Bye now!
261
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,838
What's he doing here?
Has someone died?
262
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:20,240
Billy's going to be a Catholic.
263
00:13:20,241 --> 00:13:22,319
What the fuck for? It's shit!
264
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,799
Thou shall not do this,
that and the other. And the guilt.
265
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,599
Takes you about a week
to get over spilling your seed.
266
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,119
Stay Proddy, man, much more fun.
267
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,198
I'm doing it for Cilla.
268
00:13:32,199 --> 00:13:33,718
You're doing it to get in
with me mam.
269
00:13:33,719 --> 00:13:35,518
It's for my daughter, your sister.
270
00:13:35,519 --> 00:13:36,640
She won't thank you.
271
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:39,199
If I was going to change,
I'd go Muslim.
272
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,919
Food's better and all you've
got to do is grow a beard.
273
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,998
You won't even pass the exams,
you, anyway.
274
00:13:43,999 --> 00:13:45,238
Why's that, then?
275
00:13:45,239 --> 00:13:46,560
Cos you're a thick cunt.
276
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,879
Mam!
277
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,120
Mam!
278
00:13:56,121 --> 00:13:58,599
You, living room, now!
279
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,719
It wasn't me!
280
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,840
Don't have me saying it twice!
281
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,439
No matter how hard I try,
282
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,399
your lads are just going to keep
throwing it back in my face.
283
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,600
Nothing I do'll ever be
good enough for them.
284
00:14:16,601 --> 00:14:21,199
It's a lot for them to take on,
you being here. Going to take time.
285
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,479
You can handle this.
You're a tough lad.
286
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,799
Made of sterner stuff
than they know. Aren't you?
287
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,040
Yeah.
288
00:14:29,041 --> 00:14:32,040
Now, these spuds aren't going to
peel themselves, are they?
289
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:44,439
Shane's here.
290
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,439
I told you. Tell him I'm occupied.
291
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,679
I did but he said he'd wait.
292
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,560
Look, if you and him's
got a problem, sort it!
293
00:14:50,561 --> 00:14:52,641
Cos punters don't like
looking at a face like
294
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,720
a smacked arse.
They can get that at home.
295
00:14:55,840 --> 00:15:01,040
Give me a minute. Tell him I'm just
tidying, then send him up.
296
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,839
The only time I see anything floral
is weddings, funerals
297
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,879
and when you're trying to keep me
sweet after a fuck-up.
298
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,040
By way of an apology?
299
00:15:22,041 --> 00:15:23,119
A fuck-up.
300
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,519
Yeah. A monumental fuck-up.
301
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:31,119
You know, I've been that busy,
my mind's been preoccupied
302
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,480
with a million and one
different things,
303
00:15:33,481 --> 00:15:37,360
and I... I've neglected
the one thing that I value most.
304
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,759
I said thing, I don't...
305
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,279
I mean you.
306
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,680
And I'm sorry.
307
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,639
I know you've been
distracted as well.
308
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,719
Hang on a minute...
I don't blame you.
309
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,240
I forced you away.
310
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:07,000
It takes two to tango... badly.
311
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,319
We are good, us, y'know.
312
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,879
We used to be.
313
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:12,680
We still are.
314
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,280
Let's make a bit of time.
315
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,040
Get away from here.
316
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,760
I want to be your husband again.
317
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:27,879
I love you, Kelly Maguire.
318
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,319
Yeah?
319
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,319
Yeah.
320
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,519
Yeah?
321
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:34,920
Yes.
322
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,719
Yeah?
323
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,760
Yes!
324
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,439
Yeah! Let's go!
325
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,359
He's lovely, isn't he?
326
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:01,039
Wouldn't think that if you had to
spend as long as me looking at him.
327
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,759
I meant Father Craig.
So did I.
328
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,399
Ever since Billy
started his conversion classes,
329
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,159
we can't get rid of him.
330
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:13,240
♪ Your own personal Jesus
331
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:21,160
♪ Someone to hear your prayers
someone who cares
332
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:29,639
♪ Your own personal Jesus
333
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:34,519
♪ Someone to hear your prayers
someone who's there
334
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,520
(ALL CHEER)
335
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,600
♪ Reach out and touch faith... ♪
336
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:50,199
Well, he can convert me any time.
337
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,959
Oi! I heard that.
338
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,000
What?
339
00:17:53,001 --> 00:17:56,439
♪ DEPECHE MODE:
Personal Jesus
340
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,159
What's got you smiling?
341
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,079
Wouldn't you like to know!
342
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,800
The look of love, little twinkle
in the eye I can detect?
343
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,559
Sorted your differences, then?
344
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:12,400
Never heard it called that before
but... we talked.
345
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,119
Toilets.
346
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,360
Now!
347
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,439
Look, I'm tired, that's all this is.
348
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,600
I'm relieved your marriage
is back on track.
349
00:18:26,601 --> 00:18:28,399
I appreciate the concern...
350
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,959
but we've never been close
and I'm not the sister type.
351
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,840
I just wish I'd had
someone to talk to when
352
00:18:32,841 --> 00:18:34,719
me and Jamie were
fucking ourselves over.
353
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,919
We've had a rough few months. Like I
said, we've talked and we're OK.
354
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:41,239
Good, I'm glad. Cos it'd be all too
easy to get hung up on someone
355
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,759
who might let you down, wouldn't it?
356
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:47,759
You know, someone who might offer
a bit of excitement short-term...
357
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,919
But long-term?
358
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,359
You wouldn't back him if he was a
horse at the National, would you?
359
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,439
No, I don't think I would.
360
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:56,080
TOILET DOOR OPENS
361
00:18:56,081 --> 00:18:57,640
Use the men's!
362
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:04,639
Sometimes we can get distracted.
Things can seem a bit mundane.
363
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:08,159
We think the grass is always greener
but before long we've...
364
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,080
I lost everything.
365
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:13,279
This isn't a bollocking, Kel.
366
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:17,239
I just don't want you
to make the same mistake I did.
367
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:17,918
Joe?
368
00:19:17,919 --> 00:19:18,958
TOILET DOOR OPENS AGAIN
369
00:19:18,959 --> 00:19:20,398
There's no bog roll.
370
00:19:20,399 --> 00:19:21,480
Well, drip dry.
371
00:19:21,481 --> 00:19:25,279
Without going into detail, that
approach won't have much effect.
372
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,600
Fine.
373
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:35,200
You can talk to me, you know,
when it comes to stuff like this.
374
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,999
You can trust me.
375
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,240
(WOMEN ENTER CHATTERING)
376
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:53,399
Jamie, usual, double and whatever
those boring bastards are having.
377
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,279
With a cyanide-fucking-chaser
for each of them.
378
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,119
You not enjoying it?
379
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,879
He's everywhere I turn.
Never shuts the fuck up!
380
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,199
God this, God that, God the other.
381
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,678
He's got a bleeding
parable for everything.
382
00:20:06,679 --> 00:20:09,080
Can't even wipe your arse
without him turning it
383
00:20:09,081 --> 00:20:11,839
into some kind of a lesson.
384
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,280
Hello, Father Craig!
385
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,039
Hiya, Father. Going already?
386
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,879
Service in the morning, Mimi.
Billy says you'll be there.
387
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,520
Not going to miss out, am I?
388
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,678
Stop this now.
389
00:20:32,679 --> 00:20:33,360
Gone!
390
00:20:33,361 --> 00:20:35,360
I-I just wanted to impress you.
391
00:20:35,361 --> 00:20:40,000
Get rid of that boring bastard,
then I'll be impressed.
392
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,759
She obviously wants
something extreme.
393
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,680
Y'know,
a declaration of your intentions.
394
00:20:57,681 --> 00:20:59,839
Reckon?
395
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,279
Think big, Billy. It's obviously the
way to her heart. If not her heart,
396
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,359
might get you into her knickers.
397
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,479
What d'you think she'd really,
really like?
398
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:13,640
What d'you reckon'd make her happy?
Her and the boys?
399
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,999
What's going on?
400
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,320
Well, I just want you to be happy,
that's all.
401
00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:22,839
So...
402
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,160
I did something
that'd make you happy.
403
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,159
So you robbed my car?
404
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:40,479
Borrowed.
405
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:41,558
Then what the fuck did you give him?
406
00:21:41,559 --> 00:21:44,000
Just a load of ale.
Bottle of whisky.
407
00:21:44,001 --> 00:21:47,799
And? Some pills I found in Micky's
sock drawer.
408
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:48,240
The blue ones?
409
00:21:48,241 --> 00:21:49,599
Orange?
410
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,079
Not the yellow ones.
411
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,599
One of them'd floor all the Happy
Mondays! How many d'you slip him?
412
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:55,959
Four.
413
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,839
Oh! Well no wonder he's dead!
414
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,279
They're meant for horses
of a nervous disposition!
415
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,718
What in the name of God
did you think you were doing?
416
00:22:03,719 --> 00:22:06,120
You said you'd be impressed
if I got rid of him!
417
00:22:06,121 --> 00:22:09,119
I didn't mean kill him,
you thick twat!
418
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:12,319
I meant out of my line of vision
for a split second!
419
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,999
Out of my range of hearing,
not bleeding dead!
420
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,960
So what we going to do?
421
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,479
Pray for forgiveness.
He's killed a Priest.
422
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:25,599
Well, let him fucking pray then.
It's nowt to do with us.
423
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,000
I'm going to hell.
And I'm not even Catholic!
424
00:22:28,001 --> 00:22:30,959
Oh, and you think God's going
to turn a blind eye to the fact
425
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:35,839
that we're sitting round discussing
how to get shot of the body!?
426
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,880
Er, excuse me, I
just came up with a
427
00:22:37,881 --> 00:22:39,919
solution that went down
like a lead balloon.
428
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,999
The solution being that we take him
to your mate's sausage factory?!
429
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,639
You've never objected before.
430
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,400
I've never turned a priest
into a sausage before!
431
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,879
We'll be excommunicated.
432
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:56,079
We're already excommunicated.
433
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,959
Call your mate.
Make the arrangements.
434
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,919
Hang on...
435
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,679
You're not actually going
to go through with this?
436
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,919
Have you got a better solution?
437
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:10,560
Remarkable. Just when I thought
you'd never be able to shock me...
438
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:16,879
OK, if we're going ahead with this,
you need to make yourself scarce.
439
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:21,079
No way! He got us into this shit,
he's going to help get us out!
440
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,220
They'll get a fair few
sausages out of him,
441
00:23:23,221 --> 00:23:25,359
though, won't they?
He was a big lad, wasn't he?
442
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,720
Fucking arse!
443
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:50,360
Kelly!
444
00:23:50,361 --> 00:23:52,840
What d'you want?
445
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,519
Played me for a fool, didn't you?
446
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,199
No.
447
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:03,399
Not that I blame you. I am a fucking
idiot... falling for you... your lies.
448
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,959
If you think I lied,
why did you come?
449
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,799
To tell you to get out my life,
to keep on running.
450
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,080
Fuck off so far away from me
and never come back!
451
00:24:13,081 --> 00:24:15,719
Sue left me.
452
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,479
She walked out and took the kids.
453
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,279
She wanted stuff I couldn't give her
and...
454
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:22,879
She found someone who could.
455
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,439
And I begged her...
456
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,680
I begged her to come back,
but she said, "To what?"
457
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:31,640
To what.
458
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,199
I was on my own.
459
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,919
And I was getting pissed most nights
cos...
460
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:42,520
And I lost my job cos I couldn't
get out of bed for the hangovers.
461
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,879
I ended up on the street.
462
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,999
And I was angry with myself,
I was so angry.
463
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,720
I'd lost my wife, my kids...
My job, my flat.
464
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:56,920
So you set fire to them?
465
00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:06,840
Took a while,
but here he is at last, eh?
466
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,559
Will the real Marty Fisher
please stand up.
467
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,239
Look...
The lying, murdering Marty Fisher.
468
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:14,160
No, no, I-I-I...
469
00:25:14,161 --> 00:25:15,679
Save it.
470
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,880
I thought you were different.
471
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,319
Fucking cliche alert!
472
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,399
I hope they find you, Marty.
473
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:31,360
I hope the filth drag you in
and I hope you go down for life.
474
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,400
Sue didn't deserve that.
475
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,280
And your kids...
476
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,280
K-K-Kelly...
477
00:25:41,281 --> 00:25:42,879
Fuck off.
478
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:44,280
I love you!
479
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,240
And I love Shane.
480
00:26:08,700 --> 00:26:09,740
Shit!
481
00:26:09,741 --> 00:26:11,740
They're still looking for Marty.
482
00:26:11,741 --> 00:26:15,179
Right, Father Craig's pissed
after an all-night wake.
483
00:26:15,180 --> 00:26:17,779
We're taking him back to church.
Everyone stay calm.
484
00:26:17,780 --> 00:26:19,138
Can I ask where you're going, lads?
485
00:26:19,139 --> 00:26:21,540
Just bringing a mate home.
Bit worse for wear.
486
00:26:21,541 --> 00:26:24,699
Hope you sober up for Sunday,
Father! Me daughter's christening.
487
00:26:24,700 --> 00:26:26,499
He's going to puke!
488
00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:28,220
Do you want to get out, Father?
489
00:26:28,221 --> 00:26:29,819
No! He's just rat-arsed.
490
00:26:29,820 --> 00:26:31,178
Don't tell the Pope(!)
491
00:26:31,179 --> 00:26:33,180
(LAUGHS) D'you want to open the boot
for us, please?
492
00:26:33,181 --> 00:26:34,499
(WHIMPERS)
493
00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:35,299
Shh!
494
00:26:35,300 --> 00:26:37,339
I can't...
495
00:26:37,340 --> 00:26:38,860
Shut the fuck up!
496
00:26:41,420 --> 00:26:42,298
Yeah, that's great, mate.
497
00:26:42,299 --> 00:26:43,578
Cheers.
498
00:26:43,579 --> 00:26:45,300
Your other mate looks bad, too.
499
00:26:45,301 --> 00:26:49,179
He can't handle his booze. Think it
was the punch what finished him off!
500
00:26:49,180 --> 00:26:51,260
That'll teach him. Cheers, lads.
501
00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:57,140
See you, Father!
502
00:27:00,540 --> 00:27:01,619
Vodka.
503
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:02,619
Double.
504
00:27:02,620 --> 00:27:04,098
And one for yourself, Mimi.
505
00:27:04,099 --> 00:27:06,498
Fuck knows you could do with one.
What you having?
506
00:27:06,499 --> 00:27:07,500
Bit early for me.
507
00:27:12,260 --> 00:27:16,179
To the useless, lying,
two-faced, manipulative,
508
00:27:16,180 --> 00:27:19,219
deceitful gang of total
bastardry that is men!
509
00:27:19,220 --> 00:27:21,499
Fuck knows I'll drink to that.
510
00:27:21,500 --> 00:27:24,819
Unless it's our Shane
you're talking about?
511
00:27:24,820 --> 00:27:28,180
A punter.
Finally revealed his true colours.
512
00:27:31,220 --> 00:27:32,460
Same again please, Mimi.
513
00:27:32,461 --> 00:27:35,979
You're working in ten minutes.
The barbershop quartet's in.
514
00:27:35,980 --> 00:27:38,418
You fuck 'em. Turn the light off,
they'd never know the difference.
515
00:27:38,419 --> 00:27:39,620
Course they would!
516
00:27:39,621 --> 00:27:43,179
This is the male of the species
we're talking about, brains in cocks.
517
00:27:43,180 --> 00:27:45,739
And there's not much room in there
for a brain.
518
00:27:45,740 --> 00:27:49,259
Fuck 'em yourself, or better still,
tell 'em to go fuck themselves.
519
00:27:49,260 --> 00:27:52,139
You've had two verbal warnings,
Kelly.
520
00:27:52,140 --> 00:27:53,260
Third written.
521
00:27:53,261 --> 00:27:55,339
What - you're going to dismiss me?
522
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:59,859
Then I take you to a tribunal and...
Oh, no, that's right I can't!
523
00:27:59,860 --> 00:28:02,099
On account of your business
being illegal
524
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:04,339
and you'd end up in nick
for being a madam!
525
00:28:04,340 --> 00:28:06,180
Madame!
526
00:28:09,780 --> 00:28:11,659
All you need do sometimes,
527
00:28:11,660 --> 00:28:14,779
is take a step back
to get a good perspective, isn't it?
528
00:28:14,780 --> 00:28:16,459
Where's all this coming from?
529
00:28:16,460 --> 00:28:19,259
From me being let down
once too often. That's where from.
530
00:28:19,260 --> 00:28:20,379
Shane?
531
00:28:20,380 --> 00:28:21,420
No, we're good.
532
00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:23,460
Yeah?
533
00:28:24,820 --> 00:28:25,780
Yeah.
534
00:28:45,300 --> 00:28:46,420
Y'all right, kidda?
535
00:28:47,540 --> 00:28:48,578
All right, mate?
536
00:28:48,579 --> 00:28:49,218
Not bad, mate?
537
00:28:49,219 --> 00:28:50,220
Yeah, good-good.
538
00:28:51,340 --> 00:28:52,420
Nice one.
539
00:28:56,220 --> 00:28:57,420
All right, boys.
540
00:28:57,421 --> 00:28:59,459
All right, mate.
541
00:28:59,460 --> 00:29:01,539
Right, we need to get him in here,
yeah?
542
00:29:01,540 --> 00:29:03,619
And then get him
to the processing room.
543
00:29:03,620 --> 00:29:06,219
There'll be a tea break
in ten minutes. It'll be empty.
544
00:29:06,220 --> 00:29:07,260
I'll need a hand stripping him.
545
00:29:07,261 --> 00:29:08,379
I'll do it.
546
00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:10,900
You want to bring him over here,
Mickey?
547
00:29:19,780 --> 00:29:20,780
Oof!
548
00:29:27,780 --> 00:29:29,020
Shit!
549
00:29:38,060 --> 00:29:42,340
Mam... you need to be here,
and quick.
550
00:30:00,180 --> 00:30:01,259
Eh!
551
00:30:01,260 --> 00:30:03,420
You said you'd checked he was dead!
552
00:30:04,700 --> 00:30:05,938
I did!
553
00:30:05,939 --> 00:30:08,100
Well, you obviously
didn't check properly!
554
00:30:20,060 --> 00:30:21,740
(SIGHS)
555
00:30:27,180 --> 00:30:30,139
It's a miracle.
I'm telling you, it's a miracle!
556
00:30:30,140 --> 00:30:31,820
Go! Leave the talking to me.
557
00:30:38,660 --> 00:30:42,219
And I prayed and prayed to God
558
00:30:42,220 --> 00:30:45,860
to find a solution and he did.
559
00:30:47,620 --> 00:30:48,860
You OK, Father?
560
00:30:50,340 --> 00:30:52,339
I, er...
561
00:30:52,340 --> 00:30:53,700
I don't know.
562
00:30:55,220 --> 00:30:57,899
I'm sorry, Mimi,
I'm not feeling 100%.
563
00:30:57,900 --> 00:31:00,060
Must've nodded off.
564
00:31:04,220 --> 00:31:06,780
Had the weirdest dream.
565
00:31:08,380 --> 00:31:11,500
And the Lord said to me...
566
00:31:15,380 --> 00:31:18,659
Next time you want to impress me,
try a bunch of roses,
567
00:31:18,660 --> 00:31:20,140
a box of chocolates.
568
00:31:20,141 --> 00:31:22,339
We were lucky this time, Billy.
569
00:31:22,340 --> 00:31:23,738
Make sure there isn't a next time.
570
00:31:23,739 --> 00:31:26,138
You said he was a problem.
Thought you wanted rid.
571
00:31:26,139 --> 00:31:27,660
Why'd she go to you if she did?
572
00:31:27,661 --> 00:31:29,979
Cos... cos I'm the father
of her child.
573
00:31:29,980 --> 00:31:31,180
That was a biological accident.
574
00:31:31,181 --> 00:31:33,139
A happy one!
575
00:31:33,140 --> 00:31:35,020
Yeah, but an accident
none the less, Mum.
576
00:31:35,021 --> 00:31:36,659
Get this straight, Billy.
577
00:31:36,660 --> 00:31:39,499
If there's a problem in this family
that needs solving,
578
00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:41,859
this family will solve it,
you got that?
579
00:31:41,860 --> 00:31:43,820
We don't need you. Don't want you.
580
00:31:45,020 --> 00:31:47,020
By the way, you've pissed yourself.
581
00:31:48,620 --> 00:31:49,820
Oh!
582
00:31:54,420 --> 00:31:56,819
RADIO PLAYS
583
00:31:56,820 --> 00:31:58,899
Oh, that hit the spot.
584
00:31:58,900 --> 00:32:00,620
It was lovely, that.
585
00:32:00,621 --> 00:32:02,059
Thought you'd like it.
586
00:32:02,060 --> 00:32:03,460
Liked it? I loved it.
587
00:32:03,461 --> 00:32:06,339
You don't have to overdo it, Shane.
588
00:32:06,340 --> 00:32:08,180
No, it was nice that!
589
00:32:08,181 --> 00:32:09,779
It was chips, bacon and egg.
590
00:32:09,780 --> 00:32:12,219
It was great!
591
00:32:12,220 --> 00:32:13,780
I'll do washing up.
592
00:32:13,781 --> 00:32:14,939
No.
593
00:32:14,940 --> 00:32:17,220
Come on, I said...
I know, and I said I'll do it!
594
00:32:18,580 --> 00:32:19,820
Sorry.
595
00:32:19,821 --> 00:32:21,019
No, it's me.
596
00:32:21,020 --> 00:32:23,019
No, I'm probably trying a bit...
597
00:32:23,020 --> 00:32:24,140
Don't. It's not you.
598
00:32:24,141 --> 00:32:25,579
This.
599
00:32:25,580 --> 00:32:27,259
It's not you. It's me, Shane.
600
00:32:27,260 --> 00:32:28,980
Just, em...
601
00:32:30,420 --> 00:32:32,059
(SIGHS)
602
00:32:32,060 --> 00:32:33,220
it's just me.
603
00:32:35,820 --> 00:32:39,020
That mean I can go watch the footy
that I recorded?
604
00:32:44,060 --> 00:32:46,420
I love you, Kelly Maguire.
605
00:32:50,340 --> 00:32:52,180
Yeah, you said.
606
00:32:58,540 --> 00:33:01,020
Thank you, Carmel.
607
00:33:17,820 --> 00:33:20,100
Just thought we'd give you this,
Father.
608
00:33:20,101 --> 00:33:22,699
Our contribution
to the new roof for the vestry.
609
00:33:22,700 --> 00:33:25,459
Oh, that's very kind. Thank you.
610
00:33:25,460 --> 00:33:27,100
So, ten minutes, yeah?
611
00:33:27,101 --> 00:33:29,059
For?
612
00:33:29,060 --> 00:33:31,259
(LAUGHS) Nice one.
613
00:33:31,260 --> 00:33:32,700
Making out he's forgot.
614
00:33:32,701 --> 00:33:34,419
You!
615
00:33:34,420 --> 00:33:35,978
Cilla's christening.
616
00:33:35,979 --> 00:33:37,940
Two o'clock.
617
00:33:37,941 --> 00:33:39,499
You did say two?
618
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:44,419
Course I didn't forget,
how could I forget a thing like that.
619
00:33:44,420 --> 00:33:46,660
And Billy is proper excited, yeah.
620
00:33:48,020 --> 00:33:50,819
About getting christened,
the same time as his daughter!
621
00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:53,179
Very kind of you to fast-track him.
622
00:33:53,180 --> 00:33:54,899
He's welling up.
623
00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:57,100
You know, he's so proud.
624
00:33:58,660 --> 00:33:59,138
I'm going myself.
625
00:33:59,139 --> 00:34:00,220
I'll just prepare.
626
00:34:04,420 --> 00:34:06,020
(WHISPERS) I'm sorry.
627
00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:15,259
MUSIC PLAYS
628
00:34:15,260 --> 00:34:18,340
CHATTERING
629
00:34:21,140 --> 00:34:22,620
What the fuck's going on?!
630
00:34:22,621 --> 00:34:23,739
Baptism.
631
00:34:23,740 --> 00:34:26,139
Cilla's. And you're godparents.
632
00:34:26,140 --> 00:34:28,339
Lovely.
633
00:34:28,340 --> 00:34:28,658
When?
634
00:34:28,659 --> 00:34:29,860
Now.
635
00:34:29,861 --> 00:34:30,899
Nice one.
636
00:34:30,900 --> 00:34:33,619
If I snuff it, soft arse'd
get custody of Cilla.
637
00:34:33,620 --> 00:34:36,539
That's not going to happen.
638
00:34:36,540 --> 00:34:38,300
Look at him.
639
00:34:38,301 --> 00:34:39,899
He's a lovely lad,
640
00:34:39,900 --> 00:34:42,859
but a few bricks short
of a full hod, know what I mean?
641
00:34:42,860 --> 00:34:45,019
Mimi, I don't actually believe in...
642
00:34:45,020 --> 00:34:48,619
We've heard it all before, Kelly.
You don't believe in God, we know.
643
00:34:48,620 --> 00:34:51,819
Half the congregation'll
be in the same boat.
644
00:34:51,820 --> 00:34:54,739
I just want you to nod
when you're supposed to,
645
00:34:54,740 --> 00:34:57,299
light a candle, renounce the devil,
646
00:34:57,300 --> 00:35:00,219
then get back to the pub
and get pissed with the rest of us.
647
00:35:00,220 --> 00:35:01,460
Got that?
648
00:35:01,461 --> 00:35:03,100
Come on, soft lad.
649
00:35:04,620 --> 00:35:06,339
Did that just happen?
650
00:35:06,340 --> 00:35:07,859
Who does she think she is?
651
00:35:07,860 --> 00:35:10,180
Oh, geez. Come on, Kel,
she's always like that.
652
00:35:10,181 --> 00:35:11,659
Well, she can fuck off!
653
00:35:11,660 --> 00:35:13,739
You know what?
You're always like that.
654
00:35:13,740 --> 00:35:16,659
And you're always like that.
Sitting on the fucking fence.
655
00:35:16,660 --> 00:35:19,739
What's it going to take for you
to back me up, mummy's boy?
656
00:35:19,740 --> 00:35:21,060
(LAUGHS)
657
00:35:22,460 --> 00:35:25,060
You knew what you were getting into
when you took me on.
658
00:35:31,620 --> 00:35:32,620
(LAUGHS)
659
00:35:35,820 --> 00:35:37,899
Hang on, wait for me!
660
00:35:37,900 --> 00:35:41,620
MOBILE RINGS
661
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,159
Barbara Castle? In her day.
662
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,039
Edwina Currie? Posh Scouser.
663
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,159
A contradiction in terms.
664
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,239
See, I'd have slotted
Thatcher one in her heyday.
665
00:36:07,240 --> 00:36:09,999
From behind, obviously.
Show her who's boss.
666
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,359
"Ooh, not for turning?"
667
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,879
Well, you fucking will be
after this, Maggie.
668
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:17,439
One up the mineshaft
in memory of Scargill.
669
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:18,839
But Widdecombe?
670
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:22,719
Wouldn't really be an angle
that would satisfy, would there?
671
00:36:22,720 --> 00:36:26,119
It's not as if you could half
close your eyes, so they're all fuzzy
672
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,999
and convince yourself
it's somebody else.
673
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:32,519
Fucking Churchill would be
a more attractive proposition.
674
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:34,759
Miliband's got a pretty face.
675
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:39,039
I think your mistake was going
for someone with such a low profile.
676
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:40,320
What do you mean?
677
00:36:40,321 --> 00:36:43,919
A priest? If you want to impress
the Maguires, aim high.
678
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:48,159
Take out some gangster
and you'd be quids in. Telling you.
679
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:51,079
You want to reach puberty,
keep your trap shut.
680
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:52,200
Bin. Now.
681
00:36:57,240 --> 00:37:00,399
If I'd wanted a gangster,
I wouldn't have gotten rid of Paddy.
682
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,639
I like you because you're you, OK?
683
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,440
Just be you.
684
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,560
A toast!
685
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:15,159
To Cilla Maureen Tutton-Maguire.
Welcome to the family.
686
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:19,199
(ALL) Welcome to the family!
687
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,719
And to Billy Tutton.
Welcome to the family.
688
00:37:21,720 --> 00:37:23,600
(ALL) Welcome to the family!
689
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:26,200
You're one of us, now.
690
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:32,000
She means Catholic, by the way.
Not one of them.
691
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:35,960
Oh, for fuck's sake!
692
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,119
What the fuck's done that?
693
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:50,760
Rats.
694
00:37:50,761 --> 00:37:52,440
Big fucking rat!
695
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,639
Excuse I for queue jumping.
I've got a turtle's head.
696
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:20,838
They're all occupied and I'm next.
697
00:38:20,839 --> 00:38:22,278
I'm touching cloth!
698
00:38:22,279 --> 00:38:23,280
Gents!
699
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:28,119
I'm...
700
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:29,639
Sorry?
701
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:33,319
Going to do the decent thing?
Hand yourself in?
702
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:37,399
Admit you're a fucking scumbag
for killing your wife and kids?
703
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,519
A pathological liar
704
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:42,039
for making me believe
we had some kind of future?
705
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:43,440
Wasn't supposed to happen this way.
706
00:38:43,441 --> 00:38:45,559
Too right!
707
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,679
I wasn't supposed
to fall for the nutter
708
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:51,479
with fuck all to offer but a
criminal record and an empty wallet.
709
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:55,919
I wanted the white charger and
the shining armour and I get you!
710
00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:59,280
Fucking you!
711
00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:02,438
Lights will be back on any minute.
712
00:39:02,439 --> 00:39:03,440
Great.
713
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,559
Making sure no-one's fallen over,
broken their neck.
714
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,400
Home soon, eh?
715
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:24,759
You never asked. That's what
fucking hurt. After what we'd said.
716
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,359
What you said you felt.
You never asked.
717
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:28,479
Never!
718
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:29,918
What did I never ask, eh?
719
00:39:29,919 --> 00:39:30,680
You fucking lunatic!
720
00:39:30,681 --> 00:39:33,999
I wanted to tell you,
but I wanted you to know me first.
721
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:38,199
You wanted me to fall for you first!
722
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:42,439
I didn't do it.
If you need me to, I can prove it.
723
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,360
I didn't do it, Kel.
724
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:46,840
I couldn't...
725
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,000
But even you thought I could.
726
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:54,000
Even you.
727
00:39:59,960 --> 00:40:01,600
I'll be at the bus stop.
728
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,159
Corner of Muirfield Avenue
729
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:09,200
and Lytton Street - nine o'clock.
730
00:40:10,720 --> 00:40:12,519
I want to start again.
731
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:13,920
New life...
732
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,839
with someone I love.
733
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:23,279
Someone I never thought
I'd have the luck to come across.
734
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,039
It's a lot to think about, I know,
735
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,480
and I would've done it sooner if
all this hadn't have happened, but...
736
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,239
I love you
737
00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:35,600
and I want you with me.
738
00:40:44,720 --> 00:40:47,680
(SOBS)
739
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,560
CHEERING
740
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,240
Well, maybe you'll get one
if you're lucky.
741
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,320
One, two, three, go!
742
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,800
♪ Oh, you
743
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:47,600
♪ All right
744
00:41:53,240 --> 00:41:58,119
♪ Just because
745
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:01,760
♪ I fell in love
746
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:13,719
♪ Do you still become a less man...
747
00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:19,520
♪ And what about the love
you said was real?
748
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:27,320
♪ Now that you're falling
from my eyes
749
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,560
♪ That's the truth... ♪
750
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,360
I've not seen you.
751
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:11,600
♪ Why tell me that you care?
752
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:19,959
♪ Why tell me about anything?
753
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:27,199
♪ You're just waiting
to hurt my heart
754
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:31,519
♪ You're just waiting to hurt... ♪
755
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:32,839
Fuck!
756
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:36,519
'I used to wonder how I'd know
if it was love and not lust.
757
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:38,039
'How you could tell?
758
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:41,199
'Because in the past, I thought
it was there and it wasn't.
759
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:42,918
'It was nice, don't get me wrong,
760
00:43:42,919 --> 00:43:45,360
'but it wasn't what
it should've been.
761
00:43:45,361 --> 00:43:48,399
'It didn't feel like
it should've felt.
762
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:51,039
'If just the thought of them
doesn't warm you,
763
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:54,199
'if being with them at the end
of the day isn't all you need,
764
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:58,079
'if you're not counting the hours
until you see them again,
765
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,839
'if you don't keep
their old messages on your phone,
766
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:02,800
'just so you can hear that voice,
767
00:44:02,801 --> 00:44:05,439
'then, it's not love.'
768
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:08,960
PHONE RINGS
769
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,319
I need every single one of you
770
00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,799
to start pulling in
some serious money!
771
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:01,240
I've got me community service.
772
00:45:01,241 --> 00:45:04,439
He's doing drama and plays and that.
773
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,519
I think there's been a mistake.
774
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:08,719
Been years since I did a burglary.
775
00:45:08,720 --> 00:45:10,558
It was always a bit
of a turn-on for me.
776
00:45:10,559 --> 00:45:11,640
Oh, you're gay!
777
00:45:11,641 --> 00:45:14,439
Don't say 'owt, will you?
778
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,999
We won't say a word either.
779
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,200
You never go bareback.
780
00:45:18,201 --> 00:45:20,879
It wasn't business, it was Marty.
781
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,719
Going to have to do a bit more
than kissing to make him sweet.
782
00:45:23,720 --> 00:45:27,759
Mary's giving Joseph a blow job?
783
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:29,638
I kind of liked
having you by me side.
784
00:45:29,639 --> 00:45:30,678
We should make it more permanent.
785
00:45:30,679 --> 00:45:31,798
You having a laugh?
786
00:45:31,799 --> 00:45:33,120
Will you marry me?
787
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:14,160
Subtitles by
Red Bee Media and APOLLO
788
00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:22,520
(GROANS)
789
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,879
Oh, for fuck's sake, Mam!
790
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:33,280
Is that gastric band
playing up again?
791
00:46:33,330 --> 00:46:37,880
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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