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When they write a book with my life
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What section will i be in
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Mystery?
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Horror?
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Romance?
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Or just misfile then in the back of the military history
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No,i can't do like this..I can't
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Sure you can
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Just hold on the 'civil war', put your foot on the 'korean conflict'
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What? No, no, you have to break up with chloe
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Alright? You said you were going to...now here we are
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Sneaking around...thank you for helping me
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No,thank you
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I'm serious,alright?
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No more fooling around until you tell her
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-I will,i will do it today,i promise! -Ok
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I want to be with you on your brithday
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I want to start clean with you.
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I'll be part of your life again.
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It's my birthday?!
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So anyway,my mom is going to throw me a birthday party
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And i gonna have a cake,and icecream
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And hats
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No i dont like it cause they sound like bees
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And i want you to be in charge the guests list,ok?
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Me?
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Hey...i've got to invite
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Your mom,and your dad,and andrea
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And me,and...
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Ok,that's it
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What do you want for a gift?
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I don't know,i feel like i have everything i want,you know?
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A new chance in my life,
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Like great friends and family
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And when todd breaks up with chloe
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A new boyfriend.
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Really?Is he gonna break up with her to be with you?
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Yeah,that is because she is a totally loon
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And emotinal,and a little unstable
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You know what?Switch with me,
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I don't want my back to the door
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Yeah
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Move
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I want someone behind me today to look my good hair
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What were you doing?
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My mon is throwing me a brithday party,
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-So just figure out who's coming -No one's coming
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We don't do brithdays
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We go to the spa,we fast all day,
50
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We rap us out in seaweed,we sweat out our toxon
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I want piniauda
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Oh yeah! Oh my god,it's chloe and todd
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Dock get down,get down andrea ,get down
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What are you doing?
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Todd is breaking up with chloe today
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And i'd like to say she's taking it very well.
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Hey,what do you doing here
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Nothing
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Just came by to see how the breakup went
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How chloe takes it
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-Pretty well -Good
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Because i was afraid she has trouble understanding you
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With your tongue in her mouth
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??
You read the crime
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What? Todd!
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You know what...i would not have been fooling around with you
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If you've been breaking up with her already!
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This was supposed to be just a little overlap,
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But now the longer that you keep your girlfriend,
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The longer i am just a boyfriend-Stealing whore.
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You're making me into a whore, todd.
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I was gonna tell her, but her aunt is sick.
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Her aunt is sick?
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Yeah, she just found out her aunt wendy,
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Who practically raised her,
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Was admitted to st. Sofia's hospital.
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But you know what? If you break up with her now,
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She could just meet somebody there.
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I mean, a hospital's kind of like a nightclub.
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You know, they got-- They got cute people
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And skimpy outfits and--And drugs.
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That's not really what she's thinking about.
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Yeah, well, maybe it's because she doesn't know
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That you promised to spend my birthday with me.
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Now you're putting chloe's feelings before mine
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Because she is feeling vulnerable, but you know what?
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You don't think that i'm feeling vulnerable? I am turning one!
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Oh, andrea.
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Honey, do we need any drinking done?!
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Sorry, dear. Check back next week.
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Ha ha ha! Always funny. Yeah!
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Okay, i'm gonna make this quick,
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Then you can get back to your nap.
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Samantha is not having her birthday party here.
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No one is driving a half an hour to the sticks to play twister
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And watch a slide show of your trip to akron.
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That was a great party.
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Samantha's birthday party will be at my place on saturday.
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You can come or not.
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I'd love to,
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But i'm having samantha's birthday party that night.
102
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-It's too bad that you can't make it. -Okay, okay, that's enough.
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Regina, i hate taking sides against you, and i know i'll pay
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For this for years to come,
105
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But, you know, maybe sam would prefer a party in the city--
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You know, something hip, you know, for the kids.
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Are you telling me
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That you didn't like your last birthday party?
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-People loved making their own place mats. -It was great.
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But i'm talking about a real city party,
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You know, like you see in the magazines
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Where--Where celebrities show up,
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Like espn sideline reporter suzy kolber.
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Come on. We'll make a night of it.
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Well, okay. But i do the food. That part's always a hit.
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I mean, who doesn't love ambrosia salad?
117
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So no todd on my birthday because of some sick aunt.
118
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We should get a todd piyata.Like a todd-Yata.
119
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So i've called 21 people, and they all have jury duty.
120
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On a saturday night?
121
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There must be some really big trial or something.
122
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No, there's no trial.
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These people are just making up lies to get out of something
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That they don't wanna do. Oh, my god.
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I do not want to go over to his place.
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He's gonna break up with me. I could tell it.
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-I could tell it in his voice. -Then don't--Don't let him.
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He has no right to break up with you,
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Not when your favorite cousin is in the hospital on his deathbed.
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I don't have a cousin in the hospital.
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-You bet your ass you do. -Oh!
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-Yes. Cousin what's-His-Name. Yeah. -So you go to the hospital,
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You find the name of someone who's actually there,
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Just in case he sends flowers or something.
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Then if he gets suspicious and he goes there,
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Just put a picture of yourself next to the sick guy's bed.
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It's airtight. Bam.
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You just bought yourself a boyfriend through valentine's day.
139
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Oh! Can i train with you, master?
140
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The way of the samurai is a lonely path, darling.
141
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-Here you go, ladies. -Oh!
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From these gentlemen right over there.
143
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But maybe not so lonely tonight.
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Sick aunt.
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Chloe is lying.
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Once i prove that,
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Todd will have no problem breaking up with her,
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And he will be mine... and in time for my birthday.
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-So todd is coming? -Yeah.
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Okay, 'cause this thing is really starting to fill up.
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Gotta stretch it out, you know?
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Help you?
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Oh! Hey there. Um... nurse. Hi. Yeah, i'm just looking
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For my, um, aunt wendy.
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Last name?
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It's just wendy. Always been wendy to me.
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Aunt wendy. She's sick.
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-Don't have a wendy here. -Ha ha!
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Thank you very much. She's lying.
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Ha! I win.
161
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I got a gwendolyn.
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You are a worthy adversary indeed.
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Sorry. Did you need more time?
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No. No.
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Oh, god!
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Yes. Okay.
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Sam?
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Please take this woman safely into the...
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Bosom and grace of your all-Knowing arms. Amen.
170
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Hi, chloe.
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I was just... helping this poor woman off to her reward.
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What are you doing here?
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Oh, chloe. Look, i-I know that we've had our differences,
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But, you know, when i found out about your aunt,
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I just--I just wanted to put all those things aside
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And just-- And just be with you.
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Hi, auntie wendy.
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And there she is-- Your aunt. Ha!
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Well.... congratulations.
180
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No, um, not congratulations. I'm sorry.
181
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Uh, condolences.
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No, that's--No, cause that's not right,
183
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Cause she's not... she's not dead.
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Congratulations! Well, i'm off.
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Hey, frank.
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I was thinking how it must be gratifying,
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Doing your job,
188
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Being such an important part of all these people's lives,
189
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You know, comin' and goin' here.
190
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There's talk of replacing me with a motion-Sensing mat.
191
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You like birthday cake?
192
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Hey, todd, listen, um, i've done a 180
193
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On this whole you breaking up with chloe dealio.
194
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I-I don't think you should break up with her yet. I-I--
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You know, i was thinking about her aunt, and you're right.
196
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You know, she's really, really sick,
197
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So why don't you just call me back
198
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After you do not break up with her? Do not. Okay.
199
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Uh, bye. Hi.
200
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So... i go to get my suit out of the cleaners
201
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For your birthday party,
202
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And the guys there can't stop laughing.
203
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They say they're waiting to see who picks up this suit
204
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So they can see what his time machine looks like.
205
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Well, i'm sorry i don't dress like the internet.
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I know. It's strange that i just showed up here,
207
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But... i found your dress
208
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When i was going through todd's computer last week,
209
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-And i need to talk to you. -Yeah.
210
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-Todd... broke up with me. -Oh?
211
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Yeah. Okay.
212
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-I really... -What?
213
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Need a friend right now.
214
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All right. There, there. There. You know what?
215
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Your hands are a little close to my neck.
216
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Just don't... yeah, all right.
217
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Okay, that's better. There, there. There,here.
218
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Dad?
219
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-That i'm the one that you wanna talk to? -Well, yeah.
220
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Why not? I know you were with todd.
221
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You do? No, i wasn't. When?
222
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For three... years.
223
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Oh, this amnesia thing is really tiring. I'm sorry.
224
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Oh, yeah. No. I know.
225
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When you showed up to the hpital to support me,
226
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That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
227
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I think maybe i misjudged you.
228
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Yeah, well, it happens.
229
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But you know what? You seem okay.
230
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I-I mean, it's probably good
231
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To just get all this just bad news out of the way.
232
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In fact, i'm sure that you're probably more upset
233
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-About your aunt than you are about todd, huh? -No,
234
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I'm more upset about todd.
235
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Are you sure? Cause you know what?
236
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-I saw your aunt,she wasn't looking so great. -Sammy?
237
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Hi. I can't go to this thing tonight looking like a hayseed,
238
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So... i'm off to the suit barn. Bye.
239
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Okay. Yeah. He could come back at any second,
240
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So just so you know.
241
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Oh, my god! Look at this.
242
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Oh, don't have a fit. I'll clean it up.
243
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No, it's not that. I just have never been in here.
244
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I wasn't even sure if the appliances were real. Hmm.
245
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Oh, come on.
246
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You must have cooked breakfast for hundreds of young men.
247
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I can cook, you know. I just usually go out.
248
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That must be nice-- Clubs, restaurants.
249
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Yeah.
250
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Sometimes it's nice to stay in.
251
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I bet you travel a lot, too, don't you?
252
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Yeah, on business.
253
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Where's the--
254
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Where's the farthest you've ever been?
255
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I don't know. Marrakech?
256
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Marrakech. Oh, my god. How exotic. Mm.
257
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,400
Howard and i haven't been
258
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:12,890
Anywhere but pensacola for years.
259
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:14,410
He won't fly.
260
00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:17,400
He hates to take his shoes off in front of people.
261
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,160
But i'm hopeful. I keep bing travel magazines.
262
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:23,700
Okay, do not tell anyone this,
263
00:12:24,180 --> 00:12:26,550
But once a year i buy "good housekeeping"--
264
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,550
The issue with...
265
00:12:27,550 --> 00:12:29,340
100 holiday ideas.
266
00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:30,200
Me, too!
267
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:37,190
You know, andrea, you could make this kitchen fun to use.
268
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,600
You could have everything out in the open.
269
00:12:38,610 --> 00:12:40,910
You could hang a pot rack here over the stove. Oh,
270
00:12:40,910 --> 00:12:42,590
Like i can hang a pot rack.
271
00:12:42,610 --> 00:12:46,720
Well, yeah, my husband does those things for me.
272
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,280
See, i need that.A man with tools-- It's very hot.
273
00:12:50,410 --> 00:12:52,040
I can use a man like that.
274
00:12:54,110 --> 00:12:55,490
Howard has shingles.
275
00:12:59,010 --> 00:13:01,380
So anyway, todd and i were just about to record
276
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:02,840
A new outgoing message--
277
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,340
"Hi. It's the home of todd and chloe.
278
00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:07,760
Leave a message, whether friend or foe-Y."
279
00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:10,820
Yway, so he was supposed to do "friend or foe-Y,"
280
00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:13,600
And all of a sudden,he said, "this isn't working out."
281
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,690
And i knew he meant us,
282
00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:17,790
Cause i've had that message for years.
283
00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:18,920
People love it.
284
00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:24,270
He gave no reason at all?
285
00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:27,570
Nope. But i know he's seeing someone.
286
00:13:27,570 --> 00:13:30,460
You do? How can you? No, you can't.
287
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:32,820
Because he's todd. That's what he does.
288
00:13:32,820 --> 00:13:33,720
What's what he does?
289
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,480
Not leave someone until he has someone else.
290
00:13:36,860 --> 00:13:39,590
You know, like how he was with you before he left
291
00:13:39,590 --> 00:13:40,900
His previous girlfriend,
292
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,880
And he and i were making out for a full two weeks
293
00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:46,060
Before he finally broke it off with you.
294
00:13:49,670 --> 00:13:52,890
So, howard, you enjoying your city party?
295
00:13:53,570 --> 00:13:55,460
Even samantha didn't bother to come.
296
00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:57,880
Oh, the place will fill up. They're just fashionably late.
297
00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,500
You know, some of these people, these glitterati--
298
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,790
They don't roll in until at least 8:30.
299
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:06,440
Look at you. Very nice.
300
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,510
Yes, yes, he knows. Moving along.
301
00:14:09,770 --> 00:14:11,550
Look at me.
302
00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:14,490
My shoes are all wrong. Thankfully, no one will see me
303
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,970
-Since you didn't get anyone here! -I did so!
304
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,340
This is not everyone. Other people are coming!
305
00:14:20,770 --> 00:14:21,570
See?
306
00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:27,780
Hello. I wasn't going to come,
307
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,290
But my wife doesn't want me around
308
00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:31,080
During our daughter's homework time.
309
00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:32,730
She says i get impatient.
310
00:14:33,230 --> 00:14:35,030
It's just decimals, for god sake.
311
00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:36,740
You move it one place for every tenth.
312
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:37,820
How hard is that?
313
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,970
I'm going to want some wine.
314
00:14:42,990 --> 00:14:44,910
Okay. Now...
315
00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:46,490
Everyone's here
316
00:14:46,490 --> 00:14:47,990
Why didn't you tell me?
317
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:52,010
I know 15 eurotrash partiers who can be here in 5 minutes.
318
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,150
It's samantha's birthday party.
319
00:14:53,150 --> 00:14:54,690
You can't fill it with strangers.
320
00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:56,850
-She has amnesia. -Start dialing.
321
00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:00,590
Happy birthday.
322
00:15:00,630 --> 00:15:01,850
Thank you. Um...
323
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:03,570
Before we go to the party,
324
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,840
I-I need to ask, uh, something... quick.
325
00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:08,360
Were you--
326
00:15:08,630 --> 00:15:10,350
Were you fooling around with chloe
327
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,710
Before you broke up with me?
328
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:16,340
You look really pretty.
329
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:18,700
Were you ever gonna tell me about it?
330
00:15:18,790 --> 00:15:20,750
I did... before the accident.
331
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,440
Oh, god, don't. You can't pull it off.
332
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,510
Well, i'm sorry i'm not as good a liar as you.
333
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,490
I mean, you were able to sleep with the french guy
334
00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:29,240
Without me knowing
335
00:15:29,290 --> 00:15:32,260
I can't believth you're gonna bring up ren right now.
336
00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:33,950
Really? You know, because i think it's a perfect time
337
00:15:33,950 --> 00:15:35,020
To bring him up.
338
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:37,350
But you didn't know about that until after we broke up.
339
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,410
Well, you didn't know about chloe until after we broke up.
340
00:15:39,450 --> 00:15:40,720
That is very different.
341
00:15:40,770 --> 00:15:41,580
How?
342
00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:43,870
Because i am not like that anymore.
343
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,210
That was bad sam,
344
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,710
And you're just, you know, same todd.
345
00:15:47,930 --> 00:15:50,540
I don't wanna live like that. I have nothing to hide.
346
00:15:51,590 --> 00:15:52,320
Hide!
347
00:16:02,930 --> 00:16:04,410
You know, to an outside observer,
348
00:16:04,410 --> 00:16:06,390
This might not seem like a very healthy relationship.
349
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,370
You sure? Okay. Anybody?
350
00:16:14,330 --> 00:16:16,420
Oh! Oh, frank, my hands are kinda full.
351
00:16:16,420 --> 00:16:17,560
Could you get that, please?
352
00:16:17,590 --> 00:16:21,190
Nope. I'm off the clock. I don't open doors.
353
00:16:21,290 --> 00:16:23,780
I won't call you a cab, and i won't find you
354
00:16:23,780 --> 00:16:27,140
An escort service. Good ambrosia, though.
355
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:28,270
Oh, thank you.
356
00:16:30,050 --> 00:16:32,340
Would you have broken up with chloe if i hadn't pushed you?
357
00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:34,350
What? You wanna talk about this now?
358
00:16:34,350 --> 00:16:36,350
You got somewhere to be?
359
00:16:36,550 --> 00:16:38,560
Okay. Yes.
360
00:16:38,610 --> 00:16:39,840
No, you would not.
361
00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:42,480
Shh! How do you know about chloe and me?
362
00:16:42,510 --> 00:16:44,270
Because she told me. Oh.
363
00:16:44,330 --> 00:16:46,030
Because this is what you do, right?
364
00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:47,810
Because you can't be alone. You just--
365
00:16:47,810 --> 00:16:50,510
You just swing from girl to girl like monkey bars.
366
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:51,880
Why is chloe talking to you, anyway?
367
00:16:51,890 --> 00:16:55,460
Because that... you know... it's not important.
368
00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:56,870
Well, while you two were sharing,
369
00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:59,360
-Did you tell her you and i have been making out? -No, todd.
370
00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:01,920
I-I think that the girl has been through enough. Don't you?
371
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,120
Bad sam!
372
00:17:03,150 --> 00:17:04,210
Stop that!
373
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,310
-She's coming! -What?
374
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:11,440
She's coming. Move, move out of my way!
375
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:13,240
Get down!
376
00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:17,400
Ohh! Oh, god!
377
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,620
-Oh, god, you scared me. -Oh, yeah, yeah, you scared me, too.
378
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,970
I thought you were-- I thought you were todd.
379
00:17:23,030 --> 00:17:24,250
What are you doin'?
380
00:17:24,430 --> 00:17:26,870
Oh, i was just getting some... shoes
381
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,710
To wear for my birthday party.
382
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,830
You didn't say you were having a party.
383
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,100
Oh, yeah. Well, it was a-- It's a surprise.
384
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,680
But... you already know.
385
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:40,020
-Oh, shoot. I ruined the surprise. -What?
386
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:43,940
I don't know. I can't... i can't do this.
387
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,970
I can't do this. I'm sorry, chloe.
388
00:17:46,370 --> 00:17:48,480
Todd and i are together.
389
00:17:48,740 --> 00:17:50,650
Oh, my god. You're so pathetic.
390
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:53,100
I know you have amnesia and everything,
391
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:56,140
But you tried this already, remember?
392
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:59,600
Where's todd supposed to be this time? Huh? Where is he?
393
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:02,300
Oh, in the bathroom? No, you did that one.
394
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:06,410
Oh, maybe he's in the closet, huh?
395
00:18:06,410 --> 00:18:08,900
Maybe he's in here. That would be devastating.
396
00:18:16,030 --> 00:18:17,680
I thought you were my friend.
397
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,110
You came to the hospital and everything.
398
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,570
Oh, my god. Uh, you two deserve each other.
399
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:26,820
Good luck.
400
00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:35,910
The hospital?
401
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,550
It doesn't matter, okay?
402
00:18:37,630 --> 00:18:39,380
She's right. I mean, look at us.
403
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,800
Yeah, chloe's gone, and i am sitting here,
404
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,060
But maybe i'm sitting here because i'm not her.
405
00:18:44,580 --> 00:18:47,250
Or maybe i'm sitting here because you just can't be alone.
406
00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:49,900
You know, now with you, i don't know if i'm me
407
00:18:49,910 --> 00:18:52,010
Or i'm just not her.
408
00:18:54,580 --> 00:18:57,010
Well, are you saying you don't want us to be together?
409
00:18:57,060 --> 00:18:58,090
No, i'm just saying
410
00:18:58,130 --> 00:19:01,260
That i am so tired of being not someone.
411
00:19:01,620 --> 00:19:03,800
It's time for me to be someone.
412
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,530
Maybe if we were different people or...
413
00:19:07,670 --> 00:19:10,020
And we had never met, then we could have a fresh start,
414
00:19:10,070 --> 00:19:11,150
But we're not.
415
00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:15,240
You still have stuff here, you know.
416
00:19:16,470 --> 00:19:18,910
I'll always have stuff here, todd.
417
00:19:31,730 --> 00:19:33,890
So "the book of sam" is ready for volume two--
418
00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:37,330
A stack of blank pages and no better way to begin
419
00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:38,900
Than celebrating my 1st birthday
420
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:40,450
With my parents, my friends
421
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,660
And my remarkably attractive
422
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,650
And diverse seventh grade class
423
00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:48,220
Make a wish and blow.
424
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:50,120
A good one, make a good one. Ooh.
425
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,080
That was great.
426
00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:02,610
I want that candle when you're done.
427
00:20:07,630 --> 00:20:08,320
Hey.
428
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:09,070
Hey.
429
00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:10,160
What's going on?
430
00:20:10,220 --> 00:20:13,850
Oh, i'm sorry. Uh.. Hi. My name's todd.
431
00:20:15,060 --> 00:20:16,770
Um... samantha.
432
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,480
Yeah. I think i've seen you at the coffee place.
433
00:20:20,270 --> 00:20:23,460
Yeah, i usually don't do this, but, um, here's my number.
434
00:20:24,650 --> 00:20:28,120
Call me... sometime if you wanna get together.
435
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:30,770
Thanks.
436
00:20:30,790 --> 00:20:31,740
Balloons.
437
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:41,880
You--You got 21 people, so you make 20 cuts. Oh.
438
00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:44,930
Give me the knife. Give me--I can do--
439
00:20:44,930 --> 00:20:49,480
Give it. Give it. Thank you. Hold this.
440
00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:52,080
I get to cut the first piece, right? Get cuttin'.
441
00:20:52,430 --> 00:20:54,150
Square plates for a round cake.
442
00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:55,470
Who wants cake?
443
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:58,040
This is amazing, mom. Thank you so much.
444
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:02,640
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