Original subtitles

once upon a time there was a girl

...who made the tiniest mistake

On the way to "happily ever after."

Yeah. um, hi, todd. it's, uh, me again.

You know, um, in some countries it's actually considered rude

To ignore messages after someone has left 20 or 30 of them.

Maybe not as rude as pretending

That you and I had sex to get rid of your girlfriend,

But it's close.

Trust me, the new girlfriend's no prize either.

Anywho...

Um, if you call me back, maybe we can work this out.

Anyway, bye.

Good morning, mr. chapman.

oh, is it? is it, really? my mistake,

because I thought this was the morning that Funk decided

To drop in from the heavens for his twice-yearly visit.

-Funk? -Funk.

Oh. right, the other name on the sign.

Yes, the other name, but you see? mine's first.

Oh. why? because one of us devotes every minute to this place

While the other travels around the world

To attend to his little billion-dollar empire.

Oh. that's funny. I just...

-I just always thought it was alphabetical. -yeah, alph--

-Okay, you know what? the point is, it's first. -okay.

-Okay? -yeah.

Now he wants all of us in the conference room,

-So let's do it. -let's do it

-let's do it. -let's do it.

Um, "the wall street journal" says that Winston Funk

Needs no introduction,

Yet here I am, once again, introducing him, so here he is.

Good morning, everyone. it's a pleasure to see you all.

First, I wanna apologize for the dust

My helicopter kicked up this morning.

-Chase. -and what the hell is that?

No one here is hearing-impaired.

Yet. the soul of success is anticipation.

Yes! yes it is.

Someone's in love with Funk.

-Oh, please, don't be ridiculous. -someone's in love with Funk.

Is he not the most adorable billionaire ever?

Good morning, ladies.

Scurbee.

-What were you even trying to say? -I have no idea!

-Do you see what he does to me? -yes.

Oh, god, he is everything I have ever wanted in a man,

And it's not the money. I swear it is not the money.

I would love him even if he was just a millionaire.

Oh, and he's getting divorced. should I go for it?

Andrea, he is charming,

Good-looking, rich and available.

-If you don't go for him, i -I will tear you apart.

I was kidding!

Yeah, me, too.

Hello, sam.

Hey... you.

Samantha newly?

Mr. Funk.

The day we've been waiting for has finally arrived.

Marry me?

Scurbee.

No. no, I shouldn't. I can't.

Maybe just for a second.

Whoa. that's-- that's heavy.

It's flawless, like you.

Think you can just propose and then touch me?

what's wrong? Georgette and I are through.

Are you still with that boyfriend of yours--ted? fred

fraud. todd. no.

Then there's nothing in our way.

Yeah, yeah, there is a small thing.

Um... I don't remember you.

Is this about my haircut? because I thought you'd like it.

No!

You wanna touch it?

No! look, i...

I haven't told anyone around here about this,

But i-i think that maybe you should know since, uh,

The rest of our lives is hanging in the balance and all,

But I was hit by a car, and I went into a coma,

-And now I have amnesia. -ring's not big enough. that it?

No, no, that's not-- wait. they make them bigger?

Yoare never an easy sell.

-I've always liked that about you. -look, it's the truth.

I was out for eight days, and when I woke up,

I couldn't remember my name or my friends

Or... liquid soap.

I'm still a little fuzzy on what an r.e.o. speedwagon is.

Oh, my god. you're serious.

Yeah. I just don't remember us, which i--is a shame,

Because, um, I'm guessing it was good.

It wasn't r.e.o. speedwagon, but yeah.

So I'm--i'm sorry. I just can't.

Well...

Oh! hey, you know,

But if you're in the marrying mood,

I can refer you to a dynamite brunette--

No. it's cool.

I should go.

I should probably give this back to you.

Don't want to, but there you go.

And if andrea finds out that I had

A relationship with this guy, she is gonna kill me.

I mean, I accidentally ate her yogurt the other day,

And she bent back all my fingers.

Ooh, a woman scored. that's such a great antagonist.

Antagonist for what?

Ah, I'm taking an online romance novel writing class.

Really?

My heroine is a beautiful blonde amnesiac

With a dark past and an uncertain future.

My nom de plume is Dena devereaux.

Well, don't base your novel on my romantic life,

Because Todd won't even return my phone calls.

Oh! ooh, so... what happens next?

I don't know. flip ahead, and you tell me.

Well, are you a heroine

Who's willing to risk everything she has

To win the stableboy she loves

Or your heroine who just gives up

And throws herself on some rocks?

Todd won't return my phone calls.

There's nothing that I can do.

Rocks.

Fetch.

They've had a hard day.

Oh, Todd, I just wanted to say that you know what?

You can ignore me all you want,

But just keep in mind that by now, I do know your routine.

I know when you get your coffee

And those big, fat cinnamon rolls

That you just love so much,

But then you feel so guilty for eating them that you go

And run off the calories in the park like a girl.

Anywho, I'm just checking in, because--

Okay, Sam, you win. what?

One second. um, I have to go.

It's you.

Cinnamon roll for Todd.

I need you to know why I did what did to you and Chloe. I don't care.

Look, it's because i-i have these feelings--

It doesn't matter. don't say it.

You--you don't even know what I was gonna say.

I-i think I do.

Oh, really? well, maybe I was gonna say

That I am having feelings...

About... the situation in the middle east,

And now you are never going to hear them.

It doesn't matter, because I'm with chloe now,

Annothing you can say is gonna do anything

But make everybody feel bad, and those are my feelings.

Oh, yeah? well, how is that gonna... help the troops?

And so, her yearning

...for the stableboy unrequited,

Our heroine headed through the dark of night,

Seeking comfort at the warm hearth

Of her kindly but addled parents.

There she is, our beautiful, intelligent, sweet

And naturally blonde daughter.

Hello again, sam.

Hi. well, you're just not used

To hearing the word "no," are ya?

I hear it all the time.

It's that little noise right before "yes."

He's gonna teach me how to fly his helicopter.

So, um... what are you doing here?

Or, "hello. so nice to see you again"

Is what we sometimes say to company.

Samantha, nston just dropped by to--

He said we could call him "Winston."

I came by to ask your father for your hand in marriage.

And I said yes!

I di't even think about it!

Oh, congratulations, honey.

Wait, wait. no! no, no, no. mother--

-Samantha? -what?

Could you help me in the kitchen for just a moment? excuse us.

Little nervous.

What?

When were you going to let me know

-That a billionaire was in love with you? -oh, god.

He used to date the girl from "x-men"!

Mom, I don't even know him. how can I love him?

Plus andrea is in love with him.

Oh, andrea--she just loves him for his money.

Yeah, so do you.

Yes, but I'm not the one marrying him.

And neither am i.

Why not?

Any girl in the world would jump at the chance

To marry Winston Funk.

He's been on magazine covers. he flies jets.

I meanthe man could snap his fingers

And have every winw in this house weather-stripped!

I said I'll get to it.

You know, Winston was telling me about his jet,

So I wanted to show him mine.

It was nice of your mother

To give me the extra potatoes to take home.

Yeah. she's gonna want the container back, though.

Yeah, whatever you do, please don't lose the lid,

Because she really hates that.

i hope my coming here tonight wasn't too much.

-It was. -I know.

But when I buy a business,

I also like to buy the parent company.

So, um...

It's cold.

We could be in barbados by morning.

You know who likes the tropics

And also bossing around people from third world countries?

Is my friend andrea.

I want you.

Just because you can't remember my feelings for you

Doesn't make 'em go away.

I know, but that little sound after "no"--

It's--it's still "no."

Since your accident, have you seen snow?

No, and I'm not gonna go to aspen with you either.

Oh, my god.

How did you... just do that?

Never underestimate the power of a man in love.

Plus I could see it starting to fall against the streetlight.

It's my first snow.

Ye.

Look at mr. fancy.

You're welcome. you...

Hmm?

You have a little...

Mom!

Okay, okay, now you take a picture of me and your dad

With the car!

They say that a diverse portfolio will protect you

In a bumpy real tate market,

But this company thrives on risk.

And if the market goes south, we'll go north. trust me.

I can sell snow to an eskimo.

-What the hell was that? -what?

-That giggle. -nothing.

No, it's nothing. it was the joke, 'cause you know,

Cause, you know, an eskimo wouldn't have to buy snow.

What is going on with you and Funk?

Nothing! nothing!

I-i even kept mentioning your name last night.

You spent the night with him?

-No... crazy. it was just dinner. -you had dinner with him?

Yeah, but we weren't alone. we were with my parents.

he met your parents?

But it doesn't matter, okay?

-Because I told him that I not gonna marry him. -he proposed?!

Just a little. aah!

Yeah, but he proposed to the old me, not to the new me,

Look, I didn't even that we had a relationship.

But you knew I liked him back when you did have one,

And you just kept seeing him?!

I know, I know! but you cannot blame me

For something I don't remember doing.

So are you telling me that you have no feelings for him now?

Now? um...

"um"? "um"? see? I knew it. I knew it.

That's it. y know what? I'm done. I'm done with you,

And I'm done with Funk.

-If he doesn't want me, it is his loss. -yes, exactly!

Wait a minute. you're done with me, too?

Yes, I am. I have been patiently waiting

For my old Sam to come back,

But I better be careful what I wish for,

Because you-- you're definitely back.

Oh, oh, fine!

I hate you, and I don't like your shoes today.

And if you fell off the face of the earth,

-I wouldn't even care. -good!

There is more billionaires for me.

Andrea stormed out of the bathroom

She even had a little piece of toilet paper on her shoe,

And I didn't tell her.

I really think that this lationship is completely over.

Oh, pish posh.

Contretemps and discord are always to be expected

Between friends with fiery natures.

You are gonna stop talking like this

When you're finished with your book, right?

one does hope so.

Uh, excuse my interruption.

Are you miss Newly?

Yes, it is i. ah...

Yes, I am.

Mr. Funk is outside in his car and was wondering

If you'd care to join him.

Well... tell him thank you very much,

But the answer is no, I would not care to join him.

I would care for him to leave me alone...

And that's what i... would care for.

-As you wish. -thank you.

Madam.

"abandoning all chance of happiness,

"the heroine rebuffed the advances

"of the mysterious prince,

"even though there was no hope with the stableboy,

"and her evil friend, androgyna,

Had been trampled by oxen."

You know what?

Forget Todd.

Screw Andrea.

You know what? I can do whatever the hell I want.

And with that, the heroine ran like the wind

To the prince's chariot.

Please don't write what I do before I do it.

-It's just creepy. -and still she ran!

Stop it!

Okay.

Okay what?

Okay. I mean, you seem nice enough,

So... why not?

Are you saying you'll marry me?

No, I'm-- no, I'm saying that,

You know, maybe, uh, you can buy me coffee sometime--

A cup, not a franchise.

I smell cupcakes.

Are you so rich that you smell like cupcakes?

Yes, I am. no.

Roger's wife bakes cupcakes...

And someone's bad at sharing.

Anyway, here's what I'm thinking.

We should go...

Are you going to see chapman?

I am not gonna take stonehouse's workload

Just because his baby came early, and it's not my fault.

I didn't ask his wife to do a 10k for cancer.

Listen, do me a favor when you're in there.

Tell him I am the perfect person for the job in new york. yeah,

but then you'll be gone,

And I'm gonna be left here alone.

No! you'll come visit. it's new york. it'll be fun.

Come on.

All right.

Get 'em! ooh!

Now I know why you're here, Newly.

What--what do you want me to do?

The stonehouse kid weighs, like, 2 pounds.

don't give Andrea the promotion.

Wow. did not see that coming.

You girls--you see?

That's why kittens can't share the same ball of yarn.

And I like it.

I just think that she's too valuable...

To the company, I mean.

Done.

Thanks.

What'd he say?

i... I tried my best,

But he just-- he doesn't wanna lose you.

That is so not fair!

He is so selfish!

I know. I know you're bummed.

But, I know someone who needs a trip

To the sweet sugar bake shop, huh?

-Let's get you a cupcake. -there's a soccer game in madrid

This weekend which you might enjoy.

I've only owned the team a year.

I thought if I bought a team, I might not find soccer so dull.

But no! i, um, can't do this right now.

-What? -I gotta go.

Wait, forget the soccer.

We'll just go get a hot dog or somethin'.

No. i... I just have to take care of something. rain check?

yeah, s-sure.

Thanks.

I can walk from here.

Roger will take you wherever you wanna go.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Hey, roger, do you know someplace

Called the sweet sugar bake shop?

I, uh, remembered that we would--

We would come here when we wanted to feel better.

Uh... I don't remember why,

But...

Look, I don't care if you hate me.

No, no. you know what? I do care.

Because best friends aren't supped to hate each other.

I mean, best haters? who wants that, right?

I know that I should've told you earlier about Winston,

But it--it just means that I was so scared to lose you...

Kind of like how you lost me when I came out of the coma--

A completely different person.

I'm sorry that I never--

I never thought about how hard that must be on you.

But, you know... I'm not gone.

I'm here, I guess,

If you want... me.

We sit here to smell the cupcakes.

It's like eating them but with none of the calories.

Um, one more thing. kinda funny, actually.

Uh, do you remember that job

That you wanted in new york so badly?

Yeah.

Yeah. I kinda sabotaged it.

You did?

But it was only because I didn't wanna lose you.

I-i'm really sorry.

Yeah, well, i...

I sort of killed a job for you in l.a.

Really?

Yeah.

You did that for me?

We really do care about each other.

And our heroine realize

...that even as she waited for "happily ever after,"

Her friends would keep her company during the wait--

Friends--

And also a ration of the sweet cakes

That came in the cups.

And so the beautiful, beautiful amnesiac

Decided to sit out for a chapter

And let the other characters do whatever the hell they want.

She was tired.

"snap, then shake."

Todd.

What are you doing here?

Who is this guy?

Huh? are you kidding?

Oh. nice shot, mom.

Maybe next time you can give me two more chins.

So who is he

Just some billionaire who wants to marry me. no biggie.

I mean, look at this. unbelievable.

I mean, just yesterday, you wanted me back in your life,

And now you're all over town with this guy.

Um, you said that you never wanted to see me again.

I mean, what do you want me to do,

sit around and not get married?

The fire in his heart.

Shine but smouldering stable boy

Healed it the stunning blond amnesiac

She was his destiny.

Well, now look what you made me do.

Damn it Sam.

He was just too dunce to know it yet.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0