All language subtitles for Saint George s01e08 Ht.eng

1x08 - Hot Blooded

Stop playing with your toys.
I need to talk to you.

Okay, mom, listen.
I'm not playing, okay?

I'm sorting out my tees and markers.
It's very relaxing.

You should try it
with your spare change.

See if you have enough
to get your own place.

Look at you, living the white life,

playing the white man's game.

You need some color in your sad life.

Okay, look. I got color.

- There's red, yellow, blue, white.
- But no brown, huh?

I got a brown for you.
A brown woman.

[chuckles]
You got a woman for me?

What's thicker, her
accent or her mustache?

Oh, let me guess.
Her ankles.

She happens to be an amazing individual.

A doctor.
And stylish.

She wears the shoes with
the red on the bottom...

Oh, oh, you mean the
"Christina Louie-Butontes"?

Christian Louboutins.
How do you know about Louboutins?

Your parole officer don't wear none.

- I read people en Espanol.
- The brown people?

Hey, and I also know
that Christina Aguilera

lost 49 pounds simply by eating
sensibly and doing pilates.

The most important thing about
this amazing individual...

- She's Mexican!
- [laughs] Oh.

No, no, no. No way, mom.
I'm never dating a latina again.

They're nuts, including you.

Oh, you prefer that lily-white,

flat-assed, tits-on-a-stick
you were married to?

A Mexican woman can cook
you the things you like.

What did that stick ever cook you?
A bowl of steam?

Mom, latinas are all crazy.

They spend all day
plucking their eyebrows,

then all night,
painting them back in.

Everything makes them mad.

Every guy they meet,
they put a tattoo on their chi-chi.

Then they break up with five guys,

they end up with a
bouquet on their chest.

You don't see crazy people from
Sweden. They keep it all in.

And instead of crying,
they just kill themselves.

That's true.

[doorbell rings]
[gasps]

- She's here.
- What?

Make yourself look thin.

Never mind.

What is she doing here?

Georgie, hey.
I didn't know heaven made house calls.

There's an angel in the living room.

Big chi-chis.

Damn. That's the woman my
mom wants to fix me up with.

You know what, Georgie?
Get... get out of here.

Go on, go on.
[speaking Spanish]

Go on and hide.
Hey, that lady's way out of your league.

- Go hide in the garage.
- What?

Georgie, that lady is a 9.
You're a 2 1/3.

2 1/3? If I'm a 2 1/3,
what the hell are you?

[scoffs] Georgie.

Hey, I'm a 8.5, but
I can play up, homey.

[Alma] George, get your fat
ass in here and say hello!

George.

This is the girl you just told me
you didn't want to meet.

[chuckles]

I never said that, liar.

She really should be in a home.

And I'm not particular what home.
Just another home.

[both laughing]

Hi, I'm George Lopez.

Dr. Claudia Fernandez.
Nice to meet you.

I'm Tio.

A pleasure to make your
sincere acquaintance.

Perhaps you would like to
rendezvou-es in the kitchen

and pursue the rest of my tattoos?

Put that away, cochino!
Your nipples are all hard.

[chuckles]

- George said you'd have a mustache.
- Okay.

Mother, may I speak
to you in the kitchen?

It's of dire importance.
You too, nips.

[groovy rock music]

'Sup, fool?

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

Did you see under her shoes?

Yes, she had on the "Louie-Butontes."

Hey, hey, hey.

How do you know a woman like that?

I told you, stupid, she's a doctor.
Claudia is my gynecologist.

[Tio and George gagging]

- What?
- Oh.

- I went in for dryness.
- Ugh!

- My flower needed water.
- Aah!

The visionaries of that!

Well, your royal dryness,
keep your flower in here

while I'm out there talking to Claudia.

- Okay, you too.
- Didn't I tell you?

You're never gonna do better than her.

Why are you doing this?

If something happened to me,
you would be a lost puppy.

Without a strong Mexican
woman in your life,

- you would die.
- Well, I never thought I would say this,

but, you know what, mom?
Thank you.

Um, you know, what other people do.

Hey, fat-ass.
Don't tell her

you soiled yourself at
the Mariachi festival

in front of Cesar Romero.

Again, I was three!

Sit your ass down right there.

Oh, hey.
Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah. Everything's great.

Hey, Claudia, you wanna get out of here
And get something to eat?

Oh, sure. I'm starving.

Don't let George eat Indian food.

It gives him chorro.

- Show her the underwear in the garage.
- Okay, mom, please.

She's at the age where they
don't make any sense anymore.

She deserves to know you
hide your soiled underwear

- behind the washing machine.
- Mom!

[moaning]

Uh, you know,
I think we should go slow.

Okay, I can do slow.

It's just that the last
time I slept with a woman

on the first date,
I lost 15 years of my life,

half my bank account,

and I got a little white kid
that don't look like me.

Rough divorce?

- Rougher marriage.
- Hmm.

I mean, I never imagined, you know,

starting my life over again at 39.

- Wait, Alma said you were 48.
- [whispers] Bitch.

You see?
I can't even remember how to lie.

It's okay.
I'm a little gun-shy too.

The last guy I dated,
he really screwed me over.

After Rodrigo, I made a vow to myself.

No guy is ever going to hurt me again.

Yeah, after Mackenzie, I
made a vow to myself too.

Prenup.
[both laugh]

So... here's to taking it slow
and getting to know each other.

Thanks for being so understanding.

[door opens]
[Mackenzie] George.

[dramatic music playing on TV]

[both speaking Spanish]

Oh, you're watching PBS again, Alma?

Shut up, stick. The vaquero
just found out his girlfriend

has been injected by
the spirit of el diablo.

- Can I watch?
- If you get me another beer, you can.

- Hurry.
- No. No beer. You get upstairs.

Harper, you have to finish writing
that apology letter to Dakota.

[sighs] Fine.

I need to talk to George.
[turns off TV]

- It is important.
- For your information, he left.

Ah, well, for your information,

Harper's in trouble at school
for using one of your gutter words.

Oh, yeah? Which one?

Spanish is a very rich language.

He called a girl a perra.

Which, correct me if I'm wrong,
means something like a prostitute.

It's more like a slut.

No money is exchanged.
She does it for the joy.

Thank you for the clarification.

You know, I wonder
where an 11-year-old boy

would hear such a word.

I was probably watching
your wedding video.

[laughs] Oh.
Wow, just have George call me.

You don't want to know where he is?

Not particularly.
Is he teaching?

No, he's not teaching.

But he could finally be learning.

Ooh.
Fine, Alma. I'll play along.

Where is George tonight?

Maybe he's with a beautiful latina
with red under her shoes.

Maybe he's not.

What's with the riddles?
You're like a troll without a bridge.

Maybe he's fully clothed,
maybe he's not.

You just have George call me.

Maybe he'll call you, maybe not.

You perra.

Roll your "r"s, stick.
[purrs]

[Claudia crying and
speaking Spanish]

[Alma] Son of a bitch.
Don't cry, mija.

Don't cry. He's not worth it.

Claudia?

I offered myself to
you, and you shamed me.

Okay, that was not my intention.
I'm sorry if I misled you.

You, in the living room. Now.

[crying]

This is why I don't date
latinas because they end

up crying hysterically in
your kitchen for no reason.

For no reason?
You rejected her.

- How did I reject her?
- You didn't give it to her.

You'd rather touch
yourself than touch her.

You disgust me.
[scoffs]

I just met her, mom, I was
trying to do the right thing.

You mean the white thing.

A real Mexican doesn't
walk out on a woman

before he gives her the...
[whistles]

He walks out after,
when she's pregnant.

Go in there and apologize.

- What?
- Now.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You want me to apologize

for not sleeping with
a woman that I just met?

I want you to give her two things...

a ride home and a ride
on the carnita express.

Okay, that's crazy.
I'm gonna go make sure she's okay.

But that's it.
I'm not dating her.

- You need a condom?
- No.

I like it. Keep it real.

Okay.
Here you are.

- I'm gonna take off.
- George.

I'm sorry I got so emotional.

[laughs]

Wow, women usually cry
if I sleep with them.

[laughs]

I feel like I should invite you in.

No, you know, it's okay.
Claudia, I...

Oh, come on, George.
It's just for coffee.

I make a killer cafe con leche.

All right. Okay. Sure.

Here we are.

This won't take long. Hot
cafe con leche coming up.

Hey, do you have an artificial
sweetener of some kind?

Stevia, perhaps?

Hmm.

Huh.

That would be good
for flipping tortillas.

You go to a concert...

Hey, man.
[mimics puffing]

Mm-hmm. He's here.

It's your mom.
She wants to talk to you.

Hello, mother.
How is your day?

We're here, having coffee.

As you said,
she's an amazing individual.

Almita, he'll call you later.

Is this how you like your
cafe con leche, papacito?

I usually don't use whole milk.

- What is that tattoo of?
- It's Aztec.

They're playing an early form of soccer,

except with human heads.

That's a red card.

Dude, I missed everything.

Yo.
You ran away from a naked lady?

If that would have been me,
she'd have been Tio'd right there.

A hole in one. Twice.

Tio, she had a tattoo
of a human sacrifice.

Usually, they have, like,
a dolphin or a butterfly.

She had decapitation
on one of her chi-chis.

- I got the hell outta there.
- She was latina.

It's a good date if
you made it out alive.

Nothing more frightening on
Earth than a crazy latina.

[Mackenzie] George!

Except maybe an angry ex-wife.

Whoa, Mackenzie, you are looking

out of this world in
them Yogi pants, man.

[Tio] Damn.

Tio, why don't you go buy
yourself some nice shorts?

- I got nice shorts.
- Where? In the car?

[Mackenzie] George.

What do I have to do to
get you to return my calls?

Return half my money?

Sure.
When you return my 30s.

Okay, look.

I can't use my cell
phone at the club, okay?

It's inappropriate.

What is inappropriate
is you playing golf

when our son is having
a crisis at school.

What's the crisis this time?
They found gluten in a croissant?

Harper called a girl a perra.

A pair of what?

A perra.

I believe it means "slut"
in Spanish.

- George, I don't want to sound racist...
- Okay, wait a minute.

If there's one place that
you can't sound racist,

it's at a country club.

Couple of Arnold Palmers, guys?

[with Spanish accent] Okay,
give me five minute please.

Okay, you're right, I'll say it.

The Mexican culture objectifies women.

Oh, and those pants that's
showing off your choncho don't?

I don't think my choncho
is the problem here.

George.
I think maybe Harper is acting out

because of how you're dating now.

What are you talking about?

Your mother told me all about
your little one-night stand.

How you gave some latina bimbo
a ride on your tamale trolley.

Not that it's any of your business
who's riding the tamale trolley,

but that woman happens to
be an amazing individual.

Oh, well,
then maybe she can get you

to answer your phone,
because I'm tired of being

the only one who takes
the calls from school.

Okay, all right.
It's a parent thing.

All right, I'll talk to Harper.

Good.
Because Dakota's parents are coming

to your place tomorrow night,
so we can all work

- through this together.
- Oh, my god. How exciting.

Shall I prepare the usual?
An artisan cheese plate?

- Maybe a bottle of Sauvignon blanc?
- George.

Just please be on your best behavior.

And yeah, I do think
theSauvignon blanc...

Mr. Lopez, there's a call
from a Doctora Fernandez?

- Oh, thanks, Martin.
- Okay.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to take this call.

It's the amazing individual.

[Claudia] You don't know me, fool.

You don't know what you're starting.

I will hunt you down like
the perro that you are. Woof.

I can't use my cell phone at the club.
It's inappropriate.

You can run, George,
but you can't hide.

Another solution is to create
a pathway to citizenship,

but one already exists.

It's called the vagina.

He's not available!

I don't care if he's in
the middle of a class.

- I need to talk to him, bitch.
- Who you calling "bitch," bitch?

Okay, and please, don't pretend that
those are real Louboutins, okay?

The red underneath is nail polish.

You've been leaving footprints
all over the hallway.

He's not available!

- Security!
- What the hell?

- Hang on.
- [Claudia] I don't care

if he's in the middle of a class...

- or in the middle of a root canal...
- Claudia?

Oh, excuse me, George.
Do you know this "woman"?

Unfortunately, yes. Excuse me.

Can I talk to you in private?
Listen.

You're frightening the kids.

Hey, everybody, go back in there.
Go google a cat playing the piano.

Listen, this is not
the time nor the place.

You're a very attractive woman.
It's just that I'm not sure that...

Make love to me now, or you
will end up like Rodrigo.

Your ex-boyfriend?
What happened to him?

He's hooked up to a machine with
someone wiping drool off his chin.

Security! Felipe!

Ayudame, por favor!
Oh, Rashawn.

Get her out of here.

- Remember, I know where you live, pendejo!
- Oh, my god.

So when you least expect it, expect it.

- Oh, my god.
- God, George. Are you okay?

I mean, that woman was crazy.

I'm fine. It's just that
my mom tried to set me up...

You're not safe here in the L.A. basin.

You need to come spend the
night with me in Chatsworth.

Okay, nice try.

I think I'll take my
chances in the L.A. basin.

Okay, hey, listen. Who
was that bitch anyway?

She looks a lot like my gynecologist.

Ooh, I gotta schedule my pap smear.

You have to respect women, Harper.

I don't get the big deal.

It's not okay to call a
girl a perra, all right?

I thought "perra" just meant
"hot girl."

What made you think that?

Whenever grandma sees a hot
girl on one of her "telenovas,"

she shouts "perra."

It's telenovelas, Harper.

And don't listen to grandma
when she's yelling at the TV,

especially if it's about black people
or the Dalai Lama.

I already told mom
I would never insult Dakota.

Oh.

- You like this girl.
- No.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

Do your palms get sweaty
when you see her in the cafeteria?

Kind of.

Do you spend hours ironing the
perfect crease in your jeans

and practice kissing in the mirror?

- No!
- Yeah, me neither.

But here's the thing, Harper.
If you like her,

you gotta call her something
romantic. Like, like...

La flor mas bonita toda mundo.

[doorbell rings]

I think I'll stick with Dakota.

Dakota's parents are coming, like, now.

Harper, hon, you should
probably go upstairs

and do some homework.

Whoa, whoa, hold... hold on.

Harper and I were just
talking about what he meant...

Yeah, he likes her.
I know.

I'm his mother.
Can we discuss this later?

Right now, we need to focus on making
a good impression on the Walkers.

Okay. Come on, Harper.
Let's run upstairs.

I think this is gonna go fine.

We were uphold by the word
your son used with our daughter.

- Oh, George.
- Come on. What's the big deal?

Hey, you guys ever been in the mall

and you see a girl by
herself walking through

the food court and you look at her,

you're like, "that bitch is fine!"

Perra is something like that.

Then you follow her to the car,
you're like... [speaking Spanish]

[laughs loudly]

George.
This is Duncan

- and Amanda Walker.
- Oh, hey.

I'm George Lopez.
Harper's dad.

The truth is that Harper likes Dakota.

He just used the wrong word.

But he and I have had a
long talk, and he assured me

that he wouldn't do that again.

Thank you.
We appreciate that.

Obviously, we applaud bilingual speech,
as long as it's not hate speech.

We are definitely not
okay with hate speech,

especially bilingual.
That's twice as bad.

Can I get anybody some coffee or soda?

I got some Sauvignon blanc.

No, thanks.
So this is your house?

Yeah, it is. Why?

No, it's just... we assumed...

because Mackenzie invited us.

[George] Okay.
You assumed it was her house

because somebody who looks
like me couldn't possibly

live in a house like this?
Yeah.

I keep the donkey in the back.
[brays]

Panchito!
Daddy's coming, mijo!

[laughs] No offense.

Obviously, you've come a
long way, which is great.

It's totally understandable that Harper
would have those attitudes.

What attitudes are those, pray tell?

How about I open up that
bottle of Sauvignon blanc?

- How about you sit down and let her talk?
- Okay.

Well, I'm sure, you know, your culture

has different values regarding gender.

[George] Hey, little mermaid,

who the hell do you
think you're talking to?

Wait a minute.
George isn't like that.

Yeah, George is one of the good ones.

But I can see how you can think that

because some chicano
people are, like, so ghetto.

How they always, like, add a lot
of kool-aid with a lot of sugar.

And then they're fighting in he park.

And then they're running,
and the helicopter

- chases them, and then...
- You can't just...

You can't just come in here
and insult him like that.

You have to be married to him first.

[car alarm blares]

George!

Some lady gangbanger is out there
vandalizing a car with her shoe.

[gasps]
Is that a Louboutin?

No, it's okay, everyone,
it's a knock-off.

[alarm blaring]

Is that that crazy perra?

Wait, you know that her?
[gasps]

Is that the woman you're dating?
The amazing individual?

Yes, but... Hang on.

I don't want to stereotype you guys,

but do you guys own a white Prius?

That's our car!

Oh, my god, sweetheart.
Isn't that your gynecologist?

Oh, my gosh.

I hope you're happy.

I had to get a new gynecologist.

Que paso con la crazy nudie?

I took care of Claudia. You
won't be seeing her again.

I thought you liked her.

She lied to me, George.
I don't like liars.

She's not Mexican.
She's Venezuelan!

That bitch is out of your life.

Wait a minute, mom.
What did you do?

What any mother that
loves her son would do.

You told her I wasn't interested.

No, I took her to the garage
and showed her your underwear.

She won't be back.

It looked like you sat
on an almond joy, cochino.

Ay, the visionaries!

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

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