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1
00:00:02,404 --> 00:00:05,407
Albert pujols, que te pasa?
2
00:00:05,407 --> 00:00:06,541
No tengo mucha energia.
3
00:00:06,541 --> 00:00:08,088
Ay, toma eso!
4
00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:11,938
Ay, la energia!
5
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:17,893
Ay, la energia!
6
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:20,422
La energia.
7
00:00:20,422 --> 00:00:21,563
It's a home run.
8
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:25,126
Look at you, sitting here
9
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,461
on a saturday night
10
00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:27,945
watching yourself on tv.
11
00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:31,599
I was enjoying myself.
12
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,440
Can I tell you something
and you won't get mad?
13
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:35,661
You're fat, boring, and stupid.
14
00:00:38,073 --> 00:00:39,581
Yeah, why would I get mad
at that?
15
00:00:40,008 --> 00:00:43,001
Ay, por dios, that's why you
don't have a woman in your life.
16
00:00:43,398 --> 00:00:45,547
I'm not interested
in dating, okay?
17
00:00:45,547 --> 00:00:47,415
I'm putting all my energy
into my work.
18
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:48,090
Work?
19
00:00:48,664 --> 00:00:51,473
Work is when you
get calluses and Backaches
20
00:00:51,473 --> 00:00:53,955
digging ditches, laying bricks,
21
00:00:53,955 --> 00:00:55,138
picking lettuce.
22
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:56,431
What do you do?
23
00:00:56,674 --> 00:00:58,267
Sit on your ass
and play with juice.
24
00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,463
For your information, la energia
25
00:01:01,463 --> 00:01:03,855
is now the fifth-largest
energy drink.
26
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:05,774
That cat pee?
27
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,368
All you did was combine
some cactus juice
28
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:10,237
with enough caffeine
to shut down your organs.
29
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:12,864
Genius.
30
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,611
Well, whatever it is,
it's working, okay?
31
00:01:16,611 --> 00:01:18,179
I'm expanding
into three new markets,
32
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,548
and now into the Philippines.
33
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:21,456
Beautiful.
34
00:01:22,245 --> 00:01:23,485
Now they got something to drink
35
00:01:23,485 --> 00:01:25,046
while they make baskets
with their feet.
36
00:01:27,066 --> 00:01:28,026
Baskets with their feet?
37
00:01:28,026 --> 00:01:30,358
Mom, the philippines
is one of the oldest
38
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:31,717
and richest cultures
in the world.
39
00:01:32,140 --> 00:01:33,461
They make baskets
with their feet.
40
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:34,741
What do you want me to tell you?
41
00:01:35,997 --> 00:01:37,118
Now they'll make 'em faster.
42
00:01:47,242 --> 00:01:48,082
There you go, Harper.
43
00:01:48,165 --> 00:01:50,205
Don't tell your mom you're
playing without a helmet.
44
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,148
Yo, Georgie!
45
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,700
Hey, junior was helping me
find my blood pressure medicine,
46
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,152
and we found these old pictures.
47
00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,036
Yeah, and some Candy.
48
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,789
Hey, Georgie,
I'm keeping this one.
49
00:02:03,012 --> 00:02:04,526
Oh, which one?
Which one? Which one?
50
00:02:04,526 --> 00:02:05,026
Let me see.
51
00:02:05,614 --> 00:02:08,003
Oh, yeah, daddy, you gotta take that one
to the bar and show all the people.
52
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,547
Hey, they'll all be laughing,
giving us free drinks.
53
00:02:11,933 --> 00:02:13,167
Harper, honey, come on.
54
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,536
It's time for your music lesson.
55
00:02:14,536 --> 00:02:14,967
Okay, mom.
56
00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:16,637
Oh, lady Mac.
57
00:02:17,005 --> 00:02:19,639
You are a beautiful ray
of sunscreen.
58
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,309
Thank you, Tio.
59
00:02:22,826 --> 00:02:25,346
That is the nicest thing anyone's
ever said to me in this house.
60
00:02:26,648 --> 00:02:27,314
Who's this?
61
00:02:27,559 --> 00:02:29,384
That's a picture
of the Brown M&M
62
00:02:29,384 --> 00:02:30,692
when he was a preteen.
63
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:35,489
Oh, look!
He's so chubby and cute!
64
00:02:35,909 --> 00:02:37,491
His face is all scrunched up.
65
00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:40,028
He looks like
a little mexican bulldog.
66
00:02:41,396 --> 00:02:42,931
He's got, like,
a little under-bite.
67
00:02:42,931 --> 00:02:44,299
He's like, wah, wah, wah, wah.
68
00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:46,625
Okay, all right.
69
00:02:47,402 --> 00:02:49,537
Enough with the compliments,
I can't take it!
70
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,455
Oh, my God, look!
71
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,882
It's our wedding photo.
72
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,434
Oh, my God, look at us.
73
00:02:55,986 --> 00:02:57,957
We are so young and naive.
74
00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:00,722
Yeah, I wish I knew then
what it was gonna cost me now.
75
00:03:03,314 --> 00:03:05,353
I'm ready to go, mom.
Okay, honey.
76
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:09,324
Harper, remember, the chiropractor said
don't carry the bassoon on your back.
77
00:03:09,324 --> 00:03:10,482
I still look the same.
78
00:03:10,801 --> 00:03:12,026
How long has it been, Georgie?
79
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:12,984
Like, what, a year?
80
00:03:13,428 --> 00:03:14,277
13 months, junior.
81
00:03:14,552 --> 00:03:15,529
13 months?
82
00:03:16,019 --> 00:03:18,490
Without any personal,
like, intercourse?
83
00:03:20,015 --> 00:03:21,937
Georgie, you need
to get out there more, man.
84
00:03:21,937 --> 00:03:23,524
You're not getting no younger!
85
00:03:23,524 --> 00:03:24,679
Whoa, whoa,
look at his hair, daddy.
86
00:03:24,679 --> 00:03:25,670
It's getting all gray.
87
00:03:25,982 --> 00:03:27,833
You should see my friend Larry.
Jet-black hair.
88
00:03:28,106 --> 00:03:30,387
He's out there every night--
Sassa-Sass-- Knocking it out.
89
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,514
Larry told me,
"Tell your fat cousin,
90
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,554
when he's ready to start dating,
I can hook him up."
91
00:03:37,185 --> 00:03:38,962
That's nice.
Right? Yeah.
92
00:03:38,962 --> 00:03:39,678
All right.
93
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,457
Hey, thursday.
94
00:03:42,457 --> 00:03:44,266
You make it Harder
when you don't study.
95
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,296
Oh, you wanted to see me?
96
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,564
Undressed.
97
00:03:49,564 --> 00:03:50,230
What?
98
00:03:51,466 --> 00:03:55,927
Ay, jorjito, I love
this little touch of gray.
99
00:03:55,927 --> 00:03:57,279
Does the carpet
match the drapes?
100
00:03:59,474 --> 00:04:00,657
I don't have carpet.
101
00:04:00,965 --> 00:04:02,242
I'm more hardwood floor.
102
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:06,948
Right now,
I'm the opposite of hard wood.
103
00:04:06,948 --> 00:04:07,747
Hmm.
104
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:11,019
I need to speak to you
in my office.
105
00:04:11,019 --> 00:04:11,626
Okay.
106
00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:14,004
Come in.
Shut the door.
107
00:04:14,489 --> 00:04:15,380
Oh.
108
00:04:16,024 --> 00:04:16,673
I'd rather not.
109
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:17,507
Have a seat.
110
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,384
Uh, you know,
I'd prefer to stand.
111
00:04:20,070 --> 00:04:23,430
You know, um, every time
you see me, you hit on me.
112
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,683
Then let me hit it,
and I'll quit hitting on you.
113
00:04:27,235 --> 00:04:28,351
Um...
114
00:04:28,603 --> 00:04:30,083
You know,
I'm at this school to teach.
115
00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:30,921
Okay.
116
00:04:32,226 --> 00:04:32,937
Hmm.
117
00:04:33,671 --> 00:04:35,317
Right.
118
00:04:36,399 --> 00:04:38,779
In case you're wondering,
I'm wearing a thong.
119
00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:44,367
Yeah, I was kinda
guessing big-girl panties.
120
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:46,411
I know you, George.
121
00:04:46,477 --> 00:04:48,939
I know you've undressed me
with your eyes.
122
00:04:48,939 --> 00:04:50,632
I've done a lot of things
with my eyes,
123
00:04:50,632 --> 00:04:52,876
and right now, I'm thinking
about sewing 'em shut.
124
00:04:54,519 --> 00:04:55,058
Okay.
125
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,265
All right. Okay.
Okay.
126
00:04:57,265 --> 00:05:00,168
I can tell, it's too soon
after your divorce.
127
00:05:00,168 --> 00:05:02,036
I see.
You're not ready.
128
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,905
You're not ready to enjoy.
No.
129
00:05:03,905 --> 00:05:05,847
To indulge.
It's okay, I'll wait.
130
00:05:06,068 --> 00:05:08,309
You better not, you know?
I'm on a lot of heart medicine.
131
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:09,309
And I could go like that.
132
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,354
You're so bad!
Ay!
133
00:05:17,689 --> 00:05:18,777
Yo, Georgie.
Hey.
134
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:21,366
We're gonna put you back
in the dating world.
135
00:05:21,366 --> 00:05:22,030
Here.
136
00:05:23,995 --> 00:05:24,824
Toma.
137
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,160
What are you doing
with my phone?
138
00:05:26,224 --> 00:05:27,827
I'm bringing you
to the 21st dimension.
139
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:28,912
You ever heard of sexting?
140
00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:30,288
Whoa, hey.
141
00:05:32,004 --> 00:05:34,125
I'm not ready to date
with my penis or yours.
142
00:05:35,214 --> 00:05:36,414
No, all the kids are doing it.
143
00:05:36,414 --> 00:05:38,814
Everybody's throwing pictures
of their shillelaghs out there.
144
00:05:39,744 --> 00:05:41,744
Oh, junior, come on.
It's touching the screen, man!
145
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,385
Shut up!
Let him do his work!
146
00:05:43,715 --> 00:05:44,381
There you go.
147
00:05:44,381 --> 00:05:45,108
Oh...
148
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,889
Feast your eyes on this.
149
00:05:50,385 --> 00:05:51,265
Let me see that, mijo.
150
00:05:51,646 --> 00:05:54,396
Damn!
That's my boy!
151
00:05:54,889 --> 00:05:55,474
Hey.
152
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:56,979
And that's without notice.
153
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,317
Is that supposed to be me?
154
00:05:59,898 --> 00:06:01,236
You wish it was you.
155
00:06:03,231 --> 00:06:04,948
I'm gonna text it
to a few people.
156
00:06:05,337 --> 00:06:07,457
The worm is on the hook.
Let's see what you can catch.
157
00:06:08,819 --> 00:06:10,739
I'm gonna text it to this dude
at the market too.
158
00:06:10,764 --> 00:06:11,454
Well, why?
159
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:12,914
He's a good dude.
160
00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:15,834
Eh?
161
00:06:16,449 --> 00:06:17,878
Okay, delete that, now!
162
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:21,172
Easy. Just one push of the button.
Boom, it's erased. See?
163
00:06:21,326 --> 00:06:22,846
Yeah, but it's not erased
from my mind.
164
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:25,010
Like a flaccid tootsie roll.
165
00:06:27,759 --> 00:06:30,056
Yo, fool, tonight
we're going to el sueno.
166
00:06:30,671 --> 00:06:31,631
I have to teach tonight.
167
00:06:31,631 --> 00:06:32,809
"I have to teach tonight."
168
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,452
After class, ese, it's on,
169
00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:35,851
because el Sueno is jumping.
170
00:06:35,851 --> 00:06:37,435
All kinds of chicks,
right, daddy?
171
00:06:37,435 --> 00:06:38,231
Hey, most of them,
172
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,608
we're old enough
to be their dads.
173
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,527
All right, that's disgusting.
174
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,279
I know, George!
That's why we should go!
175
00:06:45,132 --> 00:06:46,493
Hey! Give them
something to regret!
176
00:06:47,312 --> 00:06:49,826
Look, I haven't dated
out of respect for Mackenzie.
177
00:06:49,933 --> 00:06:52,684
You do realize that
the only two women in your life
178
00:06:52,684 --> 00:06:53,788
is your mom and ex-wife?
179
00:06:53,898 --> 00:06:55,707
Georgie, what kind of mexican are you?
180
00:06:55,924 --> 00:06:58,752
You should have all kinds of
kids showing up out of nowhere!
181
00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,794
With luggage!
182
00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:02,344
What do I want
all kinds of kids for?
183
00:07:02,344 --> 00:07:04,680
To help you move,
to help you do the yard work,
184
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,929
to answer the door,
to get you a cigarette.
185
00:07:06,929 --> 00:07:08,845
Yeah, that's what I do
for daddy. Here you go.
186
00:07:09,634 --> 00:07:11,765
If I dated, it would be
embarrassing for Mackenzie.
187
00:07:11,885 --> 00:07:14,166
I mean, you saw the way she
looked at the wedding picture.
188
00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:15,435
Man, she's still all in love.
189
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,562
Ay, Georgie.
Dile, dile. Dile!
190
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:19,397
Tell him now.
191
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,149
I don't think so, bro.
192
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,568
I've seen her out
with some dudes.
193
00:07:25,025 --> 00:07:26,518
What, you mean
in a group, right?
194
00:07:26,518 --> 00:07:28,062
No, man.
One on one.
195
00:07:28,062 --> 00:07:29,449
With hors D'oeuvres.
196
00:07:30,971 --> 00:07:32,691
And if the dude's paying
For hors d'oeuvres,
197
00:07:32,691 --> 00:07:34,211
he's trying to get
to the bottom of it.
198
00:07:35,226 --> 00:07:36,956
The fine print, Georgie.
199
00:07:38,818 --> 00:07:40,098
Come on, junior, you don't think
200
00:07:40,098 --> 00:07:40,919
you should've
told me this before?
201
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,367
I am telling you now.
202
00:07:42,367 --> 00:07:43,668
Look, she's out there,
203
00:07:43,668 --> 00:07:45,037
living it up, getting it on,
204
00:07:45,037 --> 00:07:46,638
talking low, sitting outside.
205
00:07:46,638 --> 00:07:48,437
And if they're already
sitting outside,
206
00:07:48,437 --> 00:07:49,341
they're getting it on.
207
00:07:49,341 --> 00:07:50,778
Daddy always says,
if I can get 'em outside,
208
00:07:50,778 --> 00:07:52,472
I can get it on.
That's right!
209
00:07:54,646 --> 00:07:56,184
Showing her toes.
210
00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:57,749
Showing her toes?
211
00:07:57,749 --> 00:07:58,728
Ah, this guy.
212
00:07:59,250 --> 00:08:01,086
You don't know nothing,
do you, Georgie?
213
00:08:01,086 --> 00:08:02,487
If they're showing
their toes--If they're showing
214
00:08:02,487 --> 00:08:04,207
their toes, it means
they're letting it out!
215
00:08:04,422 --> 00:08:07,359
Letting everybody know
they got no corns, bunions,
216
00:08:07,359 --> 00:08:08,905
inhibitions, all ten nails!
217
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,496
Sometimes, on the little toe,
218
00:08:11,496 --> 00:08:12,662
if the nail falls off--
219
00:08:13,565 --> 00:08:14,565
they just paint the skin.
220
00:08:16,267 --> 00:08:18,037
Okay, have you two guys
been painting cars
221
00:08:18,037 --> 00:08:19,833
with the garage door
closed again?
222
00:08:21,639 --> 00:08:23,545
Georgie, you're
a very rigid individual.
223
00:08:24,072 --> 00:08:26,089
You have to stop
thinking about everything.
224
00:08:26,559 --> 00:08:28,279
You have to get out there
and have some fun!
225
00:08:28,279 --> 00:08:30,415
Look, Mac is out there,
having fun.
226
00:08:30,415 --> 00:08:31,553
Showing toes.
227
00:08:34,085 --> 00:08:35,022
You're right.
228
00:08:35,022 --> 00:08:37,222
I mean, Mackenzie's dating
229
00:08:37,222 --> 00:08:40,492
and I'm here at home,
being insulted by my mom.
230
00:08:40,492 --> 00:08:41,726
That's what I'm talking about!
231
00:08:41,726 --> 00:08:43,028
We're gonna get out there,
232
00:08:43,028 --> 00:08:44,062
and we're gonna attack it!
233
00:08:44,062 --> 00:08:45,463
George!
234
00:08:45,463 --> 00:08:47,465
Like a bull in a doughnut shop!
235
00:08:47,465 --> 00:08:48,653
Yo!
236
00:08:55,024 --> 00:08:56,578
Dad, have you seen my inhaler?
237
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,643
Uh, yeah.
Here it is.
238
00:08:58,643 --> 00:09:00,707
Hey, why don't you
go breathe over there?
239
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,542
Are you dying your hair?
240
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,295
I'm trying a new shampoo.
241
00:09:05,517 --> 00:09:06,917
Shouldn't you be
in the shower then?
242
00:09:07,388 --> 00:09:09,468
Shouldn't you be on the other
side of that door then?
243
00:09:09,654 --> 00:09:11,756
Harper, honey,
did you find your inhaler?
244
00:09:11,756 --> 00:09:13,124
Yeah.
245
00:09:13,124 --> 00:09:14,304
Are you dying your hair?
246
00:09:15,126 --> 00:09:16,528
That's funny to you, huh?
247
00:09:16,528 --> 00:09:18,063
Hey, Harper, honey,
go downstairs.
248
00:09:18,063 --> 00:09:19,063
I'll be down in a minute.
249
00:09:20,245 --> 00:09:22,005
You know, I'm just
a little prematurely gray.
250
00:09:22,005 --> 00:09:24,397
At your age, it's not premature.
251
00:09:25,539 --> 00:09:26,900
Do you even know
what you're doing?
252
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,473
Did you read the directions?
253
00:09:28,473 --> 00:09:30,108
I never read the instructions.
254
00:09:30,108 --> 00:09:31,196
What's so hard?
255
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,977
You put it on,
and when it stops burning,
256
00:09:32,977 --> 00:09:34,112
you rinse it out.
257
00:09:34,112 --> 00:09:36,242
Oh, my God.
Let me help.
258
00:09:37,715 --> 00:09:41,252
So, you're trying
to look younger.
259
00:09:42,052 --> 00:09:43,917
You got a hot date or something?
260
00:09:44,255 --> 00:09:45,752
No, I don't have a hot date.
261
00:09:46,124 --> 00:09:47,837
Why?
Do you have a hot date?
262
00:09:48,346 --> 00:09:49,506
What's that supposed to mean?
263
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,013
Junior told me, Mac,
that you started dating.
264
00:09:52,013 --> 00:09:54,511
Hold on.
You're not jealous, are you?
265
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,601
Of what?
Of you dating?
266
00:09:56,601 --> 00:09:58,807
Come on, I'm a man.
Men don't get jealous.
267
00:09:59,104 --> 00:09:59,604
Oh.
268
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,184
So has anybody--
269
00:10:03,308 --> 00:10:04,270
that's disgusting.
270
00:10:05,043 --> 00:10:07,398
And also it's really none
of your business.
271
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,048
So what do you do with Harper?
272
00:10:10,048 --> 00:10:10,652
You leave him with me
273
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:12,253
while you're out there
showing your toes?
274
00:10:14,232 --> 00:10:15,240
Showing my toes?
275
00:10:15,436 --> 00:10:16,991
You really don't know
anything, do you?
276
00:10:18,472 --> 00:10:20,191
You know what?
Forget this.
277
00:10:20,191 --> 00:10:21,259
You can do it yourself.
278
00:10:21,259 --> 00:10:22,066
Well, fine.
279
00:10:22,066 --> 00:10:24,529
Well, I'm glad
you're dating again.
280
00:10:24,529 --> 00:10:25,997
Oh?
I'm thrilled.
281
00:10:25,997 --> 00:10:27,471
In fact, I think it's healthy.
282
00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:31,422
Tonight, me, junior, and Tio,
we're all going to el sueno.
283
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,371
Good for you.
Yeah.
284
00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:35,034
And I'll probably go out
the next night,
285
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,442
the night after that,
the night after that.
286
00:10:37,442 --> 00:10:39,077
Then I'll probably take a night
off, then I'll probably
287
00:10:39,077 --> 00:10:40,438
go out, like,
four nights in a row.
288
00:10:42,046 --> 00:10:44,516
George, do not turn this
into a competition.
289
00:10:44,516 --> 00:10:45,645
I'm not competing.
290
00:10:46,922 --> 00:10:49,482
But as soon as my scalp
stops burning, it's on.
291
00:10:56,675 --> 00:10:58,449
All right.
I hope you're ready.
292
00:10:59,036 --> 00:11:01,153
You have 20 minutes--
there you go--
293
00:11:01,153 --> 00:11:03,246
to complete this test.
294
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,126
Is that your Porsche Cayenne
in the parking lot?
295
00:11:05,396 --> 00:11:06,852
Yeah.
You know what it is?
296
00:11:06,852 --> 00:11:08,186
So what did you do?
297
00:11:08,186 --> 00:11:09,688
I mean, this teaching
thing's gotta be
298
00:11:09,688 --> 00:11:11,567
some court-ordered
community service.
299
00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:13,589
Oh, really? You don't
think I'm here because
300
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,383
maybe I possibly
want to be here?
301
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,468
No.
Come on, what was it?
302
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:18,721
Is it cocaine?
Weed?
303
00:11:19,705 --> 00:11:21,266
How'd you get
that fine new car, ese?
304
00:11:21,266 --> 00:11:23,558
I beat a white kid to death.
305
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,663
Good luck tonight, Mr. L.
What are you talking about?
306
00:11:29,707 --> 00:11:31,576
I can smell your cologne
from the back of the room.
307
00:11:31,576 --> 00:11:33,678
Expensive suit,
shoes all shined,
308
00:11:33,678 --> 00:11:35,413
new hair--
You look hot.
309
00:11:35,413 --> 00:11:36,863
That's inappropriate,
young lady.
310
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:42,204
Ay, papi!
311
00:11:42,754 --> 00:11:44,856
There is something
about you tonight.
312
00:11:44,856 --> 00:11:46,624
I think it's in the air.
313
00:11:46,624 --> 00:11:48,583
Or it could be me.
I'm very hormonal right now.
314
00:11:49,861 --> 00:11:51,329
Georgie, hey!
315
00:11:51,329 --> 00:11:53,531
Let's go.
El sueno time!
316
00:11:53,531 --> 00:11:54,699
Oh, I've never been to el sueno.
317
00:11:54,699 --> 00:11:55,965
I've always wanted to go.
318
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,202
It's a wonderful
dining experience.
319
00:11:58,202 --> 00:11:59,937
Ay, dios mio!
320
00:11:59,937 --> 00:12:01,639
I'm George's uncle.
321
00:12:01,639 --> 00:12:03,641
I'm George's boss, Concepcion.
322
00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,801
I never realized
such beauty walked the halls
323
00:12:05,801 --> 00:12:07,912
of this particular institution.
324
00:12:07,912 --> 00:12:09,542
Yeah, well, you went
to the pet shop once
325
00:12:09,542 --> 00:12:10,887
and tried to buy Mickey Mouse.
326
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:14,192
Please, tell me
if I'm being too gallant.
327
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:14,882
You're being too gallant.
328
00:12:14,882 --> 00:12:15,683
Not you, stupid.
Her!
329
00:12:17,288 --> 00:12:19,223
Come on. Excuse us.
Come on, man, let's go.
330
00:12:19,223 --> 00:12:20,591
What is wrong with you?
331
00:12:20,591 --> 00:12:22,825
Man, look at homegirl's wearing
the hell out of that dress.
332
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:23,428
She sure is.
333
00:12:23,428 --> 00:12:25,296
That's a lot
to ask spandex to do.
334
00:12:25,296 --> 00:12:26,697
Ay, I'm so bad!
335
00:12:26,697 --> 00:12:27,789
Come on, let's go.
336
00:12:32,136 --> 00:12:33,671
Tio, you were right,
337
00:12:33,671 --> 00:12:35,171
There are some fine women
here tonight.
338
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,341
And they're all
waiting for you, Georgie,
339
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,133
because you look
so "Capitating."
340
00:12:41,045 --> 00:12:43,471
George. Vodka rocks
with a lemon twist.
341
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:46,557
Tio and junior, amaretto sour.
342
00:12:46,971 --> 00:12:47,728
Thanks, Chloe.
343
00:12:49,253 --> 00:12:51,437
Okay, look around
the room, Georgie.
344
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:52,814
Set the bar.
345
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:54,315
All right, set the bar.
346
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,178
Oh, how about that one
right there?
347
00:12:57,928 --> 00:12:59,696
Uh, set the bar lower, Georgie.
348
00:13:01,298 --> 00:13:02,115
Oh...
349
00:13:05,069 --> 00:13:05,702
That one.
350
00:13:05,957 --> 00:13:06,703
Lower.
351
00:13:09,052 --> 00:13:10,394
There's your girl right there.
352
00:13:11,873 --> 00:13:13,042
Her?
Yeah.
353
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,879
All you have to do
is walk up to her and say,
354
00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:17,348
"Hello."
355
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:18,965
Buy her a drink.
356
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,508
Hey, hey, and if she
don't want a drink,
357
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,553
buy her something deep-fried,
like potato skins.
358
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,637
She'll be all flattered.
359
00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:26,848
You guys really think
I'm that sad?
360
00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:28,766
Yeah. Go on.
Come on, Georgie.
361
00:13:29,093 --> 00:13:29,892
Go on, go on.
362
00:13:30,361 --> 00:13:31,662
Georgie, she's waiting for you.
363
00:13:31,662 --> 00:13:32,696
She's waiting.
Shh!
364
00:13:32,696 --> 00:13:33,646
Good luck.
365
00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:44,866
What happened?
You got shot down already?
366
00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:47,452
I didn't even get
to the potato skin part.
367
00:13:48,623 --> 00:13:50,391
Okay, let's all try one
together.
368
00:13:50,391 --> 00:13:51,205
All right?
369
00:13:52,493 --> 00:13:54,013
How about those three girls
over there?
370
00:13:54,528 --> 00:13:56,697
No, man, they're so young.
Exactly!
371
00:13:56,697 --> 00:13:58,421
We're going in.
Relax.
372
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:01,302
And don't talk.
Let daddy do all the talking.
373
00:14:01,302 --> 00:14:02,303
Now, look, Georgie.
374
00:14:02,303 --> 00:14:03,838
Look mysterious
375
00:14:03,838 --> 00:14:05,864
and remotely confused, like this.
Watch out.
376
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:08,709
All right.
And walk like a man!
377
00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:09,260
Come on.
378
00:14:16,325 --> 00:14:17,565
Not interested.
379
00:14:18,319 --> 00:14:19,954
Not interested
in spending the evening
380
00:14:19,954 --> 00:14:22,399
with three fascinating
individuals?
381
00:14:23,191 --> 00:14:25,656
You guys are, like,
old enough to be our dads.
382
00:14:27,261 --> 00:14:29,160
If they bother you too much,
use this.
383
00:14:29,664 --> 00:14:30,578
Pepper spray.
384
00:14:31,465 --> 00:14:33,434
That pepper spray,
that won't stop me.
385
00:14:33,434 --> 00:14:34,869
I love hot Food.
386
00:14:34,869 --> 00:14:36,404
For my daddy,
that's more of a condiment
387
00:14:36,404 --> 00:14:37,251
than a deterrent.
388
00:14:37,938 --> 00:14:39,974
What are you talking about?
This stuff burns.
389
00:14:39,974 --> 00:14:42,309
Pepper spray
doesn't work on you?
390
00:14:42,309 --> 00:14:43,844
My daddy doesn't succumb
to pain.
391
00:14:45,156 --> 00:14:47,220
How can it affect
everyone else but you?
392
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,472
Fortunately, I was born
without tear ducts.
393
00:14:50,885 --> 00:14:52,553
Spray me right between the eyes.
394
00:14:52,553 --> 00:14:54,455
Oh, okay, listen, Tio.
Don't get too crazy, okay?
395
00:14:54,455 --> 00:14:55,623
Nobody's gonna get sprayed.
396
00:14:55,623 --> 00:14:56,924
Spray him!
Do it!
397
00:14:56,924 --> 00:14:57,772
No, no.
398
00:14:58,659 --> 00:15:00,261
Look at this, ladies.
Oh...
399
00:15:00,261 --> 00:15:02,819
Have you ever seen
a mexican bulldog?
400
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:05,266
Okay.
Put that thing away.
401
00:15:05,266 --> 00:15:06,239
Look at the boobies!
402
00:15:07,462 --> 00:15:09,537
They're fantastic.
Wow.
403
00:15:09,537 --> 00:15:11,160
Aren't they divine?
That's enough.
404
00:15:12,406 --> 00:15:14,375
They never even jiggled
when he ran.
405
00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:16,311
That's enough.
406
00:15:16,311 --> 00:15:18,412
That's why this fool
hasn't had a woman in--
407
00:15:18,412 --> 00:15:19,814
Aah!
408
00:15:19,814 --> 00:15:21,682
My eyes!
Oh, my eyes!
409
00:15:21,682 --> 00:15:24,018
Ay, god damn, my eyes!
410
00:15:24,018 --> 00:15:25,419
Oh, you son of a bitch!
411
00:15:25,419 --> 00:15:26,676
Daddy, don't leave me!
412
00:15:37,335 --> 00:15:38,521
Oh, hi.
Are you alone?
413
00:15:40,338 --> 00:15:42,066
No, I'm by myself.
414
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:43,734
That's different.
415
00:15:43,936 --> 00:15:45,257
There's no shame
in sitting alone.
416
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:46,745
Did you come down here
to check up on me?
417
00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:47,746
What?
Are you jealous?
418
00:15:47,746 --> 00:15:49,008
Jealous?
419
00:15:49,008 --> 00:15:50,415
I'm the one already dating.
420
00:15:50,415 --> 00:15:51,683
I thought this wasn't
a competition.
421
00:15:51,683 --> 00:15:52,923
But if it was, you'd be losing.
422
00:15:54,123 --> 00:15:54,797
Nice.
423
00:15:55,253 --> 00:15:55,955
What's this?
424
00:15:56,521 --> 00:15:59,542
Aww, your cute little picture.
425
00:16:00,358 --> 00:16:01,919
God, great boobs, by the way.
426
00:16:03,328 --> 00:16:05,363
Tio and junior
trying to get free drinks?
427
00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:07,265
Tio got pepper sprayed.
428
00:16:07,265 --> 00:16:08,634
He's in the men's room crying.
429
00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:10,845
Pepper sprayed?
Again?
430
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:13,931
So...
431
00:16:15,289 --> 00:16:16,675
did you hit on any women yet?
432
00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:19,011
Excuse me,
I'm a gentleman, okay?
433
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:20,745
I don't hit on women.
Oh.
434
00:16:20,745 --> 00:16:23,399
Those three right there,
I bought them potato skins.
435
00:16:26,284 --> 00:16:28,760
It's been 15 years since
I've been out looking for women,
436
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,049
and I wasn't good at it
15 years ago.
437
00:16:31,049 --> 00:16:32,074
That's True.
438
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,280
We never would've met
if I hadn't talked to you first.
439
00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,964
I saw you coming over to me,
and I was like,
440
00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:41,566
"Oh, my god, please, don't
come over here and talk to me.
441
00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:43,167
I'm gonna pretend
I don't speak english."
442
00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:45,505
Really?
Why did you think that?
443
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:48,257
Well, to be honest, look at you.
444
00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:50,259
You were way out of my league.
445
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:52,803
I still am.
446
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:55,765
George, listen.
447
00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:58,726
If you're gonna be dating,
just promise me one thing.
448
00:16:59,217 --> 00:17:01,186
When you approach a woman-
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
449
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,754
You're gonna tell me
how to approach a woman?
450
00:17:02,754 --> 00:17:03,522
Yes.
451
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,157
Listen, the reason
you're so awkward around women
452
00:17:06,157 --> 00:17:07,662
is that you still
feel like this:
453
00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:10,262
A shy, 10-year-old
mexican boy.
454
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:12,531
You know, women, they pick up
on this stuff, George.
455
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,033
Yeah, can women
pick up when a man
456
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,753
doesn't want to have
a conversation anymore?
457
00:17:17,097 --> 00:17:18,537
You're not Alma's
little boy anymore.
458
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,238
Come on, you're
a successful businessman
459
00:17:20,238 --> 00:17:23,241
who created the sixth-most
popular energy drink.
460
00:17:23,241 --> 00:17:24,576
Fifth.
461
00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:25,169
See?
462
00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:27,479
So show women that side, huh?
463
00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:28,631
The confident you.
464
00:17:29,029 --> 00:17:30,749
You know, and then
if you're not too scared,
465
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:32,025
you can show 'em
some of that tenderness
466
00:17:32,025 --> 00:17:33,636
you like to hide from everybody.
467
00:17:35,297 --> 00:17:36,668
That's what I fell in love with.
468
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,312
Who knows, maybe you'll
fool 'em long enough to--
469
00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:43,896
Hee-Hoo, Hee-Hoo.
470
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:45,982
Sa-Sass!
471
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,025
Twice? Forget it.
472
00:17:49,575 --> 00:17:51,736
Why don't you come have a drink
with me and my friends?
473
00:17:51,736 --> 00:17:54,606
No, you go have fun
with your friends.
474
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:56,492
I'm okay.
All right.
475
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:03,499
Hey, Chloe.
476
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,587
I want to buy that lady
right there a drink.
477
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,339
All right, old man.
478
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:13,718
Oh, hey.
479
00:18:14,124 --> 00:18:16,461
He's on the bathroom floor
with his eyes swollen shut.
480
00:18:16,461 --> 00:18:18,501
You can't miss him.
He's the one without tear ducts.
481
00:18:24,469 --> 00:18:25,938
Hi.
Are you alone?
482
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,034
I am alone.
Would you care to join me?
483
00:18:28,034 --> 00:18:30,026
Thank you for the drink.
You're welcome.
484
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:33,078
That's a--
That's a beautiful dress.
485
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:35,213
Thank you.
It's new.
486
00:18:36,087 --> 00:18:36,991
My hair's new.
487
00:18:37,315 --> 00:18:38,595
It was a lot grayer
this morning.
488
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:41,270
I think it looks great.
489
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:42,747
Cheers.
490
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:44,915
Cheers.
491
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:47,872
Beat it, bitch.
492
00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:51,547
I'm right here,
and I've been drinking.
493
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,378
Why don't you go over there
before you get hurt, huh?
494
00:19:02,004 --> 00:19:03,308
What the hell are you doing?
495
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,744
Oh, you so bad, papi!
496
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:08,647
I got your picture!
You sexted me, tigre!
497
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,281
What?
I didn't sext you.
498
00:19:10,281 --> 00:19:12,617
Liar. I was charging my phone,
and look what popped up.
499
00:19:12,617 --> 00:19:14,119
Bam! Whoo!
500
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:15,363
Okay, that's not me.
501
00:19:15,835 --> 00:19:17,355
Well, there's only one way
to prove it.
502
00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:18,949
Like Cinderella, see if it fits.
503
00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:22,164
And if it doesn't fit...
better.
504
00:19:22,164 --> 00:19:22,953
Ay...
505
00:19:24,295 --> 00:19:26,666
Mijo! Mijo, don't lose me, mijo.
506
00:19:27,732 --> 00:19:29,460
You're the wind beneath my arms.
507
00:19:29,984 --> 00:19:33,089
Georgie, they're taking
my daddy to the cedars.
508
00:19:36,169 --> 00:19:37,609
You know what?
I better go with them.
509
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:39,410
You know, they're family.
They don't have I.D.
510
00:19:40,378 --> 00:19:41,972
One of them is undocumented.
511
00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:43,808
I'm gonna take my drink, though.
512
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:45,035
Hello, ladies.
513
00:19:45,035 --> 00:19:46,396
Is everything
to your satisfaction?
514
00:19:51,022 --> 00:19:52,525
Ay, you so bad.
515
00:19:53,324 --> 00:19:55,326
Ooh, it grows.
Oy.
516
00:19:55,326 --> 00:19:56,445
Whoo.
517
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:02,079
What are you watching?
518
00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:06,004
You came home alone?
Figures.
519
00:20:06,004 --> 00:20:07,998
You gotta tell them
you got money.
520
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,584
That's how old guys like you
get girls.
521
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,446
Listen, I am a successful
latino businessman, okay?
522
00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:16,147
There are lots of girls
that would love
523
00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:17,427
to be in a relationship with me.
524
00:20:18,216 --> 00:20:20,418
Can I tell you something
and you won't get mad?
525
00:20:20,418 --> 00:20:21,512
Probably not.
526
00:20:21,894 --> 00:20:23,455
The longest relationship
you've ever had
527
00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:24,175
is with your hand.
528
00:20:24,622 --> 00:20:26,091
Wha--
529
00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:26,892
The other hand.
530
00:20:28,214 --> 00:20:29,575
Not that it's any
of your business,
531
00:20:29,575 --> 00:20:31,230
but I do think
I'm gonna start dating again.
532
00:20:31,286 --> 00:20:32,106
Perfecto.
533
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:34,199
That's what
the dating world needs,
534
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:35,693
another fat-ass out there.
535
00:20:36,701 --> 00:20:38,047
You know what?
I'll be all right.
536
00:20:38,047 --> 00:20:39,864
You can look everywhere,
537
00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:42,014
but you'll never find
another woman.
538
00:20:42,014 --> 00:20:43,117
Better than your mother.
539
00:20:46,603 --> 00:20:48,048
Oh, my god, you almost had me.
540
00:20:48,048 --> 00:20:49,915
You--
Don't touch me with that hand!
541
00:20:52,016 --> 00:20:52,793
Cochino!
542
00:20:53,218 --> 00:20:54,795
Are these yours? Mira!
543
00:20:54,845 --> 00:20:59,395
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