Original subtitles

You'd think living in a tree house

would be fun, right?

How do you find the area of a circle?

You'd be wrong.

Is there any way we can get

those eaglets to shut up?

Don't worry about the eaglets. Area of a circle.

Pi R-squared.

Good. Here's your granola.

Oh, come on, why can't we get

some of that chocolate cake Steve always has out

so he can feel good about not eating chocolate cake?

If you eat sugary breakfasts,

you will crash in the middle of class.

And you didn't get much sleep anyway.

Yeah, I wonder why.

Honey, the eagles made their home

in the eaves of this tree house first.

We are the visitors.

We need to respect...

Oh, my God. Shut up!

I think the tree house

was wearing a little thin

on my mom too.

Now as soon as you get home,

we'll do the Cuba research

for your international fair project.

We want to stay on the honor roll, don't we?

Yeah, but I could do it

without you being so uptight.

I'm not uptight.

Would you look at this woman

racing through here at nine miles an hour!

It's eight!

Mom, that's Megan's mom.

Don't embarrass me, okay?

So sorry, Emmy.

Our power went out,

and we couldn't get past our main gates today.

But I guess that's a problem

you don't have living in a fort in a tree.

Bye.

Do people tease you about that?

I think it's been a great bonding thing for the class.

And that's when my mother decided

that maybe it was time for a change.

Migo, what are you doing?

Don't worry. It's just a tranquilizer dart.

So I'm to believe that squirrel's just gonna pull

a dart out of its head and walk this one off?

Yes.

Why, did you find his head?

I was just on my way actually to take Steve up on his offer

to move into the house.

I can't live there anyway.

He's been really great and trying to show us

how responsible he is.

You know, right now's probably not the best time

to see Steve. Don't be silly.

I think if Migo really did have

a tranquilizer dart,

he would have used it on my mom just then.

Steve.

Steve?

But only to stop her from seeing this.

You have got to be kidding.

Hey, beautiful.

Hi, Steve.

Emmy's here.

Sync by alex28 / corrected by honeybunny www.Addic7ed.Com

oh, please, don't get up.

I'm sure it was hard enough falling asleep

at the bottom of the stairs.

Well, I probably passed out

at the top of the stairs,

but I do toss and turn.

Oh, yeah, great.

You really do bounce back quickly.

Well, you have to. It's fashion week.

You know, it's nonstop parties,

and if you don't keep up,

you fall off the a-list.

So there really is a list?

Well, not exactly.

But page six is kind of our scorecard.

How'd we do? A mention and a picture.

Dropkicking a paparazzo's camera

into central park lake.

This is ironic.

There's no picture of her beating me up afterwards.

I'll tell you what else is ironic.

I was actually coming in here to talk to you

about moving into the house

'cause I thought you were becoming

a more responsible person.

More responsible?

I was working all last night.

Oh, it's work now, this lifestyle?

Yeah. You think it's easy

being the sole representative of the wilde family

at every social function?

My family counts on me to be

the public face of wilde oil.

I'm on page six so that people forget

what my family did on page one.

No, nobody works harder than I do.

Except Fa'ad.

Fa'ad is a hard worker.

Don't worry.

I got Steve safely to bed and...

Oh, Steve!

How do you guys just pop up

like that? How did I do?

You didn't make it, buddy.

Oh, no. I need to be on that ah-list.

A-list.

My brother Fazoul, the younger Fazoul,

is lobbying to replace me as the American face of my family.

Last night, I even tinkled in the fountain

at Lincoln center.

Surely that's newsworthy.

We weren't anywhere near Lincoln center last night.

Well, this was fun.

But I have some apartments to look into.

Wait, why? Because I've been working late?

Okay, even if I did buy that being on the a-list

was somewhat important, I can't believe

that the only way to get there

is with this kind of reckless drunken behavior.

There are people on page six

who do good for the world,

who use their a-list status

to enact social change.

Oh, well, yeah, but that's super advanced.

I don't think you could handle it.

Handle it?

I lived in the Amazon.

Your little party scene

would be like a vacation for me.

And I promise you,

I could do it without giving up my dignity.

Okay. Let's say we make a little wager then.

I'm sorry?

Come out with us tonight.

I'll introduce you to some people.

Let's see if you can handle one evening of my lifestyle

without giving up your dignity.

Easy bet. You're on.

And if I win, you move in

and accept my lifestyle.

And if I win, you accept it's not a lifestyle.

Deal. Deal.

I'm warning you, just because I'm going

to this a-list party doesn't mean

I'm gonna totally change who I am.

Mind if I tag along?

The three of us could limo-pool.

Uh, maybe.

We cannot be seen with him.

I know. He'll totally drag us down.

See you at 8:00?

My mom had bet Steve

that she could live his life without changing her ways.

Oh, yeah! We're right here.

We moved places.

All right, so rule number one,

every drink that goes by is the drink you ordered.

Otherwise, you'll never get a drink.

Are you actually teaching me how to do nothing?

'Cause that sounds pretty advanced.

Maybe we should start me off with doing very little.

And then I could work my way down to doing nothing.

I'm teaching you how to fit in.

You might want to come up with a character or a look

or a signature laugh or phrase.

That's Rachel Zoe's.

Oh, well, I got a free drink,

so you might as well take me home.

That's Lindsay Lohan's.

Try bragging. Talk about your access

or your money or your stuff or your home.

I have none of those things.

I know.

I'm suggesting that you lie.

It's like saying I love you

to somebody that you barely know.

I get it. That's why these parties

are such hard work for you.

Because you act so superficial and you're obsessed

with celebrity... Oh, my God, that's Anna Lowry.

Yeah, the editor of Vouve magazine.

She's also a huge philanthropist.

She's starting this whole foundation in south America,

and that is someone I would really like to get to know.

Yeah, Anna Lowry is a little advanced for you.

You might want to start with the coat check girl.

Steve, I got this.

Does my eye deceive me?

Is that Emmy walking straight up to Anna Lowry?

Does she even have a signature laugh yet?

Are you kidding? It's her first day at work.

Then I suppose we'll soon find out

if she has a signature cry.

Where'd you get the eye patch from?

From Steve jobs.

Ba-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ba-ha-ha. Ba-ha-ha. Ba-ha.

What do you think?

The eye patch, the joke, or the mutton chops?

The laugh. I'm putting a b at the beginning.

B-he-he-he.

Got to say, it seems kind of desperate.

Oh, well, I am desperate.

My brother Fazoul has been walking around my property

with an architect and a minaret team.

More minarets?

Great. We're gonna get drones.

Oh, there she goes.

I better go help her. Anna Lowry,

I so respect what you're about to do.

I mean, not eat that shrimp.

My name is Emmy Kadubic.

I should have opened with that.

And now you've closed with it.

Anna.

Steve.

Love the new boobs. Steve.

No, I'm talking about her two new assistants.

Who I'd love to bury my face between.

Oh, Steven, you are wicked.

Well, coming from a witch like you,

that really means something.

Ba-ha-ha-ha. Ba-ha.

I love this man.

Well, surely not for his laughable laugh.

Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa.

My eye fell out.

Coming.

Do you know him?

I only know a-listers.

Oh, and this is Emmy Kadubic

of the Amazonian Kadubics.

Love the hair.

Forgive the shoes.

You're on your own.

Meanwhile, I was with Mr. Lunt,

who turned out to be sort of a human tranquilizer dart.

Oh, and here's a pressed shamrock

from an angry Irish tough I met in hell's kitchen.

Oh, but he could sing.

Please, can I go to bed now, Mr. Lunt?

Well, if you didn't want to see these,

why did you ask, "were you ever my age?"

But my mom was just waking up.

These are ours. We moved.

Wonderful place called Moyobamba

in the highland jungle, and they really need help.

Incredible.

We should talk about that.

We are.

We really should.

Maybe at the Stella McCartney.

I'm dying to sneak a look

at the new gaucho line. Me too.

Meet us there.

How'd it go with Anna?

Anna Lowry just asked me to meet her

at the Stella McCartney party to see the new groucho line.

She's probably gonna end up appointing me

to a position in her charity or something.

Your lifestyle, but responsible.

I won this bet. Won the bet?

You haven't even done anything yet.

Talk to me in six hours. Well, I'm obviously

not going to stay here for six hours.

I have to wake my daughter up in the morning.

I'll take care of that for you.

I don't think so.

No, seriously, I could use the break from work,

and it kind of seems like a vacation for me.

Really?

Raising a child is like a vacation?

I could take care of that child

without becoming super uptight

and turning the kid into a basket case.

You have no idea what's involved.

It is a constant juggling act.

I'm either helping her with her homework

or making lunches or volunteering in the classroom.

She's a straight-a student, yes, but she needs to be pushed.

This week, she has her Cuba booth due.

We have to bring it home. We have to work on it.

We have to make empanadas. It is endless.

Easy.

Easy? E-z.

Well, you know what, Puddle doesn't seem

to think I need to be pushing her either.

So why don't we make a counter-wager?

For real?

I'm already living your life.

So let's add a few days to it

and you try to live mine.

Whoa, whoa, listen.

When I said it was gonna be e-z,

maybe I oversimplified.

That's what I thought.

It's gonna be e-zay.

And if you lose, you have to sleep with me.

No, I did not shake on that.

It's always implied. You should know that.

And the next morning,

Steve was taking to his new job

as a parent.

Somebody earned another piece of breakfast.

I can't believe you're letting me have this.

My mom would go crazy.

Well, your mom's not in charge.

And we're not doing it the uptight way.

Yeah, she'd be all freaked out right now

about how she'd want to help with the empanadas.

Oh, your mom and her tribes.

Oh, no, actually,

it's for my Cuba project.

You and I are supposed to make them.

Tell you what, how about we fly down to Cuba,

and we'll make them do whatever we want.

Cool, but we should probably get going.

Do you think they'll let me eat this on the school bus?

Oh, they'll definitely let you eat that on the school bus,

but you're not going on the school bus.

You're going in my corvette.

Yeah, and you can't eat in the corvette.

Oh, yeah, America still builds rockets.

There's never been a better time.

I'd never been in a car

driving this fast before.

It was like being in a car commercial.

So now what do you want to do?

I think maybe I should go to school.

You're right. Time to go to school...

In a rocket.

I'm feeling okay

this morning

Unfortunately, speed wasn't what we needed.

Wait, so you have no idea where your school is?

Well, I'm usually looking down at my homework.

Can't you call my mom or something?

No.

But don't worry.

I know just the man who will know.

The man he knew

was a private investigator.

So I ran a check on the little girl,

and I got it down to two schools.

Neverwood Junior High

on east sycamore... That's it!

Rocket time.

And I was only an hour and 40 minutes late

when we got to school.

But that still put Steve back at the house

before my mom walked in.

Are you just getting in?

Out partying all night?

Well, I wouldn't describe it as partying.

I was socializing.

And I was making contacts.

And obviously there was dancing because that's what they do

at those places, but it was all very responsible.

Really? 'Cause you seem kind of tipsy.

I had a drink, because that's what you do at those places.

But I behaved very responsibly.

Nobody kicked any cars or crashed any cameras.

I'm a little tired.

How did it go being Mr. mom?

Did you even remember to feed her?

Oh, piece of cake.

Did you remember to feed her anything other than cake?

Ba-hoo-hoo.

That laugh is so last night.

Why can't I make myself a cup of coffee?

Did she work on her Cuba booth?

Because she was supposed to do her homework.

Oh, would you chillax?

It was easy. I did my job.

It was actually the most fun I've had in ages.

Me too.

I had a ball. Anna just hit me up.

She wants me to roll with her again tonight.

Unless you want me to skip it

because you can't handle Puddle

another day. No, no.

Are you kidding? It'll be e-zay.

I'm just trying to think

about where I'm gonna have my nap

when she goes to school.

Yeah, that never really worked for me.

I mean, something usually comes up,

but I can nap now.

Oh!

Oh, no, I hope this is not somebody calling to say

how you lost control last night.

'Cause that would mean that you lost the bet.

Do you know somebody

named junior high... No, never mind.

It's my friend's son junior.

Hi.

And that's when Steve found out

that I had fallen asleep

in the middle of a math test.

I'll be there right away.

What's the address again?

Man, that principal's more uptight

than your mom.

Yeah, I guess I'm not as used

to a sugary breakfast as I thought.

I just passed out.

Yeah, there's probably a lot of sugar

in a double-dipped chocolate rum cake.

They're gonna make me take the math test over again.

But I should probably get started

on my international fair booth.

That's great, but, look,

I don't mean to be a pushy parent

like your mom, because I'm not,

but I think you should try

to get a really good grade on it.

Because otherwise it's gonna look

like I'm not pushing you.

What's in it for me?

How would you like another piece

of that double-dipped chocolate rum cake?

Wow, this is your Cuba booth?

What are you trying to say?

Cubans don't know how to build booths?

Sorry, I forgot to tell you,

we were supposed to bring them home

and work on them there.

So that's what your mom meant by "don't forget to bring

Puddle's Cuba booth home to work on."

You know what, actually, I think

it looks pretty good for what it is.

Especially compared to some of the...

Oh, my God, the Taj Mahal.

St. basil's cathedral.

I know. It's St. basil's cathedral.

A lot of people call it the Taj Mahal of Russia.

But I like yours. What are you trying to say?

That Cubans don't know how to build booths?

Ba-ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God, it hit the suburbs.

And wait until you see the food my daughter made.

Food. The empanadas.

And so Steve and I set to work.

We were at it for several hours.

Cuba!

Ba-ba-ba.

Good. That's good.

And great. Well, one.

So how many do we need?

70 to 100.

Squeasy.

As Steve was finding it hard

to not get uptight during the day,

my mom was finding it hard

to stay responsible later that night.

Emmy, your place is divine.

I love the little gothic touches.

Oh, thanks.

I haven't been here that long, but...

Well, you've done an amazing job.

And I have to say, Emmy,

I liked you for yourself,

but now that I see this place,

I like you a whole lot more.

Hey, guys, look what I found.

Mexican sandwiches.

They're so good when you're drunk.

Is it cool to have these?

Yeah, dig in.

Have whatever you want.

So anyway I did

such an amazing job hyping the new Val Kihms runway show,

that now tomorrow the tent's gonna be too small.

I have to find a new venue.

Would somebody please explain to me what's going on here?

Do you have any idea what time it is?

Hey, girls.

I mean, I have a child upstairs

who's trying to sleep who has a very big math test

tomorrow and the international fair,

and you're down here carousing and...

Are you eating my empanadas?

Are you kidding me?

Is that Steve wilde?

Steve, what are you doing?

You're embarrassing me in front of my friends.

We should leave.

If you want to invite people like this over here,

you got to check with me first.

Are you being serious right now?

My mansion, my rules.

Anna, wait.

You didn't tell me where the thing is tomorrow.

I wouldn't trouble yourself with it.

Wait, Anna, why don't we have it here

with the gothic touches?

You can sign off on that?

My mansion, my rules.

Emmy, I love you.

I love you.

Oh!

Oh, fifth kiss.

My mom had been partying

like Steve, while Steve was becoming

worse than my mom.

I'm tired of this.

I don't know why we have to do this again.

Look, Puddle, this is real life, okay?

Models ate our empanadas.

This is so much work.

Listen, this is really setting me back too.

I've still got a lot more varnish

I need to put on the Cuba booth.

And I've got a bunch of math facts

that I need to check.

Oh, God.

I'm so sorry that I'm acting this way.

My friend is visiting.

So, hey, Steve, are you gonna tell me

where this Anna Lowry party is?

I'd love to get on the ah-list.

It's a-list.

She wanted to have it here if you can believe it.

Here? Can I come?

No. She's not gonna have it here.

I put my foot down.

Steve, if you're gonna implode,

then don't take me with you.

You're not doing it right. You put shells in yours.

Do you have to yell?

It's 7:30 in the morning. Mm, those look really good.

Don't you dare touch those. I swear to God if you...

Oh, look who's getting uptight.

I'm not uptight.

Look at you. You're a mess.

You're irresponsible. No, I'm... This is e-zay.

I'm not irresponsible.

I'm just the opposite.

I'm helping Anna Lowry

pull together a whole fashion show

in just six hours.

Well, good luck getting there,

because it's Migo's day off,

and Puddle and I are very busy

with her international fair.

Why would I need Migo?

It's gonna be here...

It's gonna be e-zay.

It's gonna be e-zay squea-zay.

It's gonna be easy squeasy.

And you did your research on Cuba, right?

No. Do you know anything about Cuba?

Don't worry.

I know just the man who will know.

Well, this is a rush job,

but I asked around.

There's this fella Castro.

Dark-complected. 5'9".

Beard. He seems to run the show.

Perfect. We can use this

on the booth.

Also Fa'ad wanted me to track down the location

of this a-list fashion party today.

Turns out it's at your house.

What?

No. She wouldn't.

Oh, yes, she would.

So Steve wanted to get back in time to bust my mom.

But first he had to do my fair.

Empanadas.

Not one person has taken one.

They did come out a little gross.

There it is. Finally. My thank you.

They're gross, is it?

After spending half the night making them

and all day yesterday chasing after you

and letting myself go

and losing touch with my friends

and not doing a single thing for myself...

Would you please just take one?

Steve, that's the gym teacher!

She's one of the judges.

Steve, I think

you're getting too wound up

in this thing.

After all, it's for the children.

Why don't you just butt out

and go on back to jolly old russhie.

Steve, that's the one person I told you

you had to be nice to.

You ruined my project, and now you ruined my life.

I hate you! I hate you, Steve.

That's probably just the rum and sugar talking.

I let her try a cigar.

Meanwhile, my mom went ahead

with her a-list fashion show

despite what Steve said.

But I want to give a special thanks

to someone who was so helpful

in throwing this thing together at the last minute,

my angel backer who made this whole thing possible...

Mr. Fa'ad Shaoulian.

Fa'ad?

I am Fa'ad.

I'm not Fazoul. I'm not Fazoul.

His generous donation made this all possible.

What did he do?

I'm the one who got you this house.

My mom didn't realize

that the reason Steve was so good

at bouncing back from a hangover...

He is a... He's a b-lister.

Was because a-listers are always expected

to act like nothing happened the night before.

I got you drinks.

I got you food. I got you these lights.

This is [Bleep].

Also, it's harder to walk

on those runways than you think.

Emmy. Oh, hey, girls.

Emmy. Emmy.

You okay?

I've been coned.

I don't know what happened.

I did all this work for everyone

without so much as a... Thank you?

Welcome to my world.

And then I demanded a thank you.

Yeah, you're definitely off the a-list

if you did that.

How did the Cuba booth go?

Your daughter may have been knocked off the a-list too.

She's never gotten a b.

I know. It turns out she really needed you.

As much as I hate to admit it,

I don't know how you do it every day.

Well, I don't know how you do this.

Well, the cones help.

They do make you feel cozy and safe.

To be honest, I actually thought it was gonna be eas...

Okay, I'm also sorry for saying e-zay.

Thank you. I know.

It was super annoying, wasn't it?

You know, now with this whole newfound respect

we have for each other, maybe we should give

moving into the house a try.

Honestly, nothing would make me more happ-ay.

Wait, what? No, no, no, don't.

Oh, my gosh, that would make me so happ-ay.

We don't have to start with that.

Everybody's saying that.

I don't think we need to start...

Some of the models on the way out were saying that.

I didn't hear anyone say that.

Oh, we're so happ-ay. Look at us.

Sync by alex28 / corrected by honeybunny www.Addic7ed.Com

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