All language subtitles for Rules of Engagement s05e10 Fun Run.eng

- Hey...
- Hey, whoa.

Snazzy getup, Aud.

Thank you. I've decided
to get back into running.

And buying outfits

that make you look
like you're from the future.

I am from the future.

Guess what.
I'm single.

Fine. I'll be dating
a bunch of sexy robots.

It's a good thing
that you, uh, ripped the tags

off that new outfit.

Wouldn't want
to be able to return it

after you give up.

I'm not gonna give up.

I'm as committed to running

as you are to clogging
your arteries.

I doubt it.

Well...
Well, if you'll excuse me,

I have to, uh, get
to the office.

Now that you're not working,
I have to try.

He's so stressed out
about money,

but, of course,
he's too manly to admit it.

Jennifer is the same way.

Why don't they know
it's okay to open up?

Dopey, bashful, busty.

Sir, isn't that the same
outfit you were wearing--

when you opened
for the Doobie Brothers?

I was going to say,
"last night."

It is indeed the same outfit
I wore last night,

because I had an away game.

Hmm.

Now, is this the end of it,

or should I prepare
for yet another woman

storming into your office
to deliver

a Who's afraid of Virginia
woolf style tirade?

"Virginia woolf"?

No, Timmy,
it's the big, bad wolf.

No, Mr. Rhodes,
I was actually...

Thank you.

Anyway, Heather's great.
She's sweet and funny.

We laugh. We talk.
We kissed on the mouth.

Oh, sounds like
you really like this girl.

I do,
and it's not just physical.

I like hanging out with her.

- How'd you guys leave things?
- I don't know. I snuck out.

Why?

Habit, I guess.

Open eyes,
back of chick's head,

not my apartment,
skedoodle.

- Yeah, you should go back.
- Can you go back, though?

Can you un-skedoodle?

Yeah, yeah, if you
really like her, why not?

Yeah, I do.
All right, I'm going back.

- Good.
- Ugh.

It's like running over
a bunny with your car

and then getting out
and shooting it.

♪ How many ways
to say I love you? ♪

♪ how many ways to say
that I'm not scared ♪

♪ with you by my side ♪

♪ there is no denying ♪

♪ that I can't wait
for me and you ♪

[elevator bell dings]

- Oh, hey, Jeff.
- Hey, Dan, what's up?

I'm collecting
for Janet's baby gift.

Didn't I already
kick in for that?

No, that was
Janet's baby-shower gift.

Ah.

Of course.
Well, I'm surprised

I wasn't asked
to kick in for the booze

her husband used
when he knocked her up.

I mean, why don't you
just bend me over, Janet?

Yeah, maybe don't sign
the card.

Oh, oh, and it's
Todd's birthday today.

I'm collecting for a cake.

Ooh, a cake?

Is Todd turning nine?

Here's a little extra.

Why don't you get him
a bounce house too?

[Knock at door]

- Hey.
- Russell, where did you go?

I ran out to get you this.

It's like you--soft,
delicious, and low in fat.

So I thought we could hang out
this morning.

Oh, that sounds great.
I'd love to.

Wait.
I'm getting a text.

Oh, shoot.
I've got to run into the office.

Oh, I understand.
Want to get lunch?

I wish I could,

but I'm stacked up all day
with work stuff.

Oh, message received.
Dinner?

- Dinner. It's a plan.
- Okay.

Wait, I have a weekly
work meeting Wednesday nights.

Ooh, well,
tonight's Thursday.

Oh, Wednesday and Thursday

are my two worst nights.

I've got work functions
on both of them.

Oh, well, you couldn't have
had one last night,

'cause we were together.
It was before that.

Anyway, I better
go get ready to leave,

but I have your number,

so I'll call you when things
get a little less hectic.

She said
she's gonna call me.

So that's what
you took away from all that.

It's not what I took away.
That's what she said.

She's gonna call me.
I see.

Wow.
Um, the thing is...

I'm not quite sure
how to put this...

I-I-I think what Timmy's
trying to say is...

Congratulations, man.

It sounds like
she's really into you.

That's right.
Yeah.

[Knock at door]
Yo, Jeff.

The raffle tickets are in.

Time to pay the piper.

Which raffle tickets?
What piper?

My lodge's charity raffle,
remember?

50 bucks a ticket--

grand prize
is a Volkswagen Jetta.

You said you'd buy a ticket.

Well, I've changed my mind.

So you don't want
to buy one?

No, Detective, I don't.

Come on.

Everyone else in the office
bought a ticket.

What is this--
socialist Canada?

Actually,
I don't think Canada is...

Look, look, I have just...

I've had enough of having
everyone's hands in my pocket.

In fact, you know what?

That's it.

Excuse me.

Can I have
everyone's attention?

I am sick of you parasites

asking me
to contribute, donate,

or kick in
to every charity raffle

or stupid event
in your pathetic lives.

I'm out!

Happy Birthday, Todd.

Really? Right in the middle
of Todd's party?

Yeah, I just snapped.

Everyone was pretty shocked.

It didn't help when I took
the first piece of cake.

Hey, look, Jeff,

Audrey thinks you're really
stressed out about money.

Why don't you
talk to her about it?

Nah, that's not
how I do things.

I, uh, believe that a man
provides for his woman

without ever complaining
or showing stress,

all the while
silently resenting her for it.

Cool. Cool, cool.

Okay, well,
I should take off.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hey. I just got back
from running with Kate.

Guess what.
I hate this game.

You never appreciate
my guesses.

She's doing
a 10k charity fun run,

and I decided to sign up.

Is it topless?

'Cause that would be
a real fun run.

"Are you sure
you can't do better?"

All my friends said.

Yes, I'm sure.

All right, well,
good for you and Kate.

Tomorrow I'm gonna bring this
pledge sheet to your office

and get all your coworkers
to donate money.

Coworkers?

I don't think
that's a-a good idea.

Why? I'm raising money
for a good cause.

Oh, come on.

Look, if they were gonna find
a cure for this disease,

uh, wouldn't they have found
one already?

It's for an animal shelter.

Still.

Why the sudden
anti-charity stance?

Look, I...

I just don't think
that the people in my office

are very generous.

Well,
it can't hurt to ask.

Fine.

If you're gonna be
stubborn about this,

I'll take care of it.

[Sighs] I can't believe
Heather hasn't called me yet.

I know.

Maybe my phone's broken.
Give me a call.

[Cell phone rings]

Heather?

Babe?

Hello?

No, sir, it's me.

Well, quit tying up the line.
She might be trying to call me.

Man, she--
she must be super busy.

Busy sanding off
her fingerprints

and changing her identity.

Oh, hey, dude,
why don't you just call her?

She forgot
to give me her number.

- Ugh.
- Oh.

But I know where she works.

Sir, I really don't think
calling her is a good idea.

Timmy...

Poor, sweet,
fancy, stupid Timmy.

You're jealous.

Why in the world
would I be jealous?

Because I have
this great relationship

and you just got
your ass dumped

by that squeaky garden rake
from accounting.

She didn't dump me.

She moved to Chicago,

and we're trying to work
things out long distance.

Oh, I hope you do.
She seems like a sweetheart.

Hey, let him call her.

Let him get a taste
of his own sleazy medicine,

like he gives every girl
he blows off.

It makes me sick.

See, Audrey thinks
I should call.

My, you really only hear
what you want to hear.

Thanks.
I've been working out.

Hey, is Heather there?

This is so exciting.

Heather, it's Russell.

Yeah, hey, I was just
thinking this week we could...

Uh...

Uh, what's that?

Really?

Well, yeah,
you should be there for her.

Sure, well, give me a call
when you get back.

Okay.

Shows what you know.

She was just about to call me,

but she had to rush off to visit
her sick aunt in Nova Scotia.

Oh.

Man, you are having
the worst luck with her.

It's crazy.

Really?
Just bad luck?

You see no subtext
in Heather's conveyance?

I don't see subtext
in anything.

This is like
a classic romantic comedy.

- It sure feels that way.
- Yes.

All you have to do now

is get over
some of these obstacles,

and you guys can be together.
It'll be perfect, yes.

It's gonna be amazing.

Here you go. Look who
stepped up for his wife.

Whoa. Everyone in your office
made a pledge.

Oh, and look.

There's even one
from "Holden McGroin."

Yeah, that was me.

Hilarious.

Well, that's great.

And you didn't think
they were generous.

All of them came through.
Thank them for me.

Well, except
for Holden McGroin.

He went away
for the weekend with, uh...

I know.
His wife, Pat.

Pat McGroin.

Hey, man, how'd you get
all those people to pledge?

Did you apologize
for your big speech?

No, I just signed
everybody up myself.

Yeah, well, what happens
when it's time to collect?

I'll just pay
the 150 bucks myself.

[Clears throat]
Um, Mr. Bingham?

Yes, guy who looks like a math
T.A. at every college ever.

These pledges
are per kilometer,

which means that when
Mrs. Bingham completes her 10k,

you'll, in fact, owe $1,500.

Ooh.

Guess it's not surprising
how fast I calculated that.

I'll take care of this.
This is man's work.

Got to get the old
jaws of life

to pry open
that checkbook of yours.

Unless Audrey
never makes it to the race.

I think Jeff's
gonna kill Audrey.

Hey, Timmy, I want you
to make reservations for me

at a romantic restaurant
every night

for the next several weeks.

Oh, I'm so glad to see
that you and Mr. Rhodes

are taking it
to the next level.

It's not for us.

I want to be ready
for when Heather comes back.

Oh, you know what?

Let's make it
a Nova Scotian restaurant.

Sir, you're making
a big mistake.

Uh, he might be right.

After being up there,
Nova Scotian cuisine

may be the last thing
she wants.

- Ah, good call. Smart.
- Thank you. Thank you.

All right, let's just take
a step back, shall we?

You just called
Mr. Rhodes smart.

That's not a red flag

that your judgment
might be impaired?

Listen,
I'm on team Adam here.

I think Heather and I were made
for each other.

Okay, look, I was hoping
you would come to your senses,

but you leave me no choice.

Heather's Facebook page.

Her profile says
she's in a relationship,

and her status says she's at
this New York City restaurant

with this very handsome man
at this very moment.

Do you know what this means?

I do.

She's back in town, dude.

And she's at McSweeney's
with one of her gay buddies.

And she's listed us
as being in a relationship.

All right,
I'm gonna go surprise her.

That is a great idea.

- Come with me.
- I'm coming.

Hey, Jeff, I need to get up
early for the fun run.

Can you set the alarm
for 6:15?

Already did.

Hey, what you got to do
before a big race?

Hydrate.

[Chuckles]
Good idea.

Finish it.

That a girl.

You know,
just to be on the safe side,

[clears throat]
I'm gonna take one of these.

Take one of what?

Your sleeping pills.

Oh, I-I wouldn't.

I already did.

Oh.

This way, I'll be good
and rested for the race.

See you tomorrow.

Or the next day.

Sir, stop.

What are you doing here?

I can't let you go
through with this.

Oh, I know what's going on.

You're worried that if I get
in a serious relationship,

it's gonna hurt
the friendship we have.

Do you have a backup guess?

I implore you to think back.

Everything Heather
has said and done

constitutes
a classic blow-off.

Oh, shoot.

I've got to run
into the office.

She was just
about to call me,

but then she had
to suddenly rush out

and visit her sick aunt
in Nova Scotia.

Wow.
I just called Heather,

and a woman
who sounds just like her

answered and said she found
Heather's phone.

I'm very sorry, sir.

Don't feel sorry for me.
Feel sorry for Heather.

She's the one stuck up
in Nova Scotia with no phone.

Ugh.

These are all
evasive maneuvers

that you yourself
have used on women.

Sir, Heather's
using the technique

that you refer to
as "the old hump and dump."

[Sighs]

I think I've been "Russelled."

[Groans]

You know, on some level,
I think I knew,

but I liked her so much, I just
didn't want to believe it.

We've all been there, sir.

Oh, yeah, you got dumped

by that four-eyed javelin
from accounting.

Anyway, you were right.
I guess I owe you--

Russell?

I'm so glad you're here.

You are?

Of course.

Wow.
I thought you were going--

- to Nova Scotia.
- I was.

But I didn't have to,
because my sick aunt got better.

Oh, well, that's great.

And I wanted to call you,
but I lost my phone.

I was so upset, so my friend
Gordon took me out for a drink.

Hi.

His boyfriend's out of town.

So it's just us gals.

- How did you know to come here?
- Your Facebook page.

Oh. Is it okay I said
we were in a relationship?

Is that dress red?

Look, you two
don't need me chaperoning.

Gordon out...

As if it wasn't obvious.

Um, all right, I'll come over
in one second, all right?

Ah.

Wow, I guess it's me
who owes you an apology.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Timmy, I just hope one day
you won't be so cynical,

and you can open
your heart to romance.

[Whistling]

Hello.

Oh, my gosh.
Oh...

[Softly]
These are so beautiful.

Aud.

Aud.

[Snorts]

[Gasps]

So you slept
through the fun run?

Can you believe it?

Right through my alarm.

But I had the weirdest dream
that I did run it.

It was so real.

But not real enough to collect
money from my coworkers.

Well, anyways, the gang
at the office will be bummed.

They live to give.

Well,
tell them not to worry.

I wrote a check
to cover all their pledges.

Did you, now?

For, uh, all $1,500?

Yeah.
Just 'cause I overslept,

the charity shouldn't suffer.

I'm gonna go mail this.

You're silently resenting her
right now, aren't you?

I am.

[Sighs]

Good morning, Heather.

I have a feeling
that every morning with you

will be a good one.

"Russell,
sorry I had to sneak out,

"but my National Guard unit

"was called into duty
this morning.

"I can't tell you where I'll be
or when I'll be back,

but I'll give you a call
when I return."

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