All language subtitles for Rules of Engagement s04e13 They Do.eng

Jenna, we should get going.

Why do dresses never look as good
at home as they do in the store.

Well it's a fact mannequins
have such great bodies.

Yeah, I-I-i mean not that

Forget it.

Wait, are you
eating ice cream?

Uh-huh.

Adam, we're going out
to a nice dinner.

Put it back.

All right, mom.

Hey honey, are you okay?

I mean, are you sure
you wanna do this tonight?

Of course I do.

There's nothing
I want more than to marry you.

I'm just nervous.

I know.
I'm nervous too.

That's why
I need the ice cream.

Come here.

It's your wedding day.

If you want ice cream,
go nuts.

Oh, do we have nuts?

Don't make me
rethink tonight.

Jeff and Audrey
are gonna be surprised, huh?

Ah, that's the point
of doing it this way.

Did Russell ask why you were
leaving work early?

No, I told him I was sick.

And he said the gay guy Mel from
accounting was sick, too,

and he jumped to some pretty
graphic conclusions.

Where is my dry cleaning?

I don't know.

Here it is.
Where's my purse?

I don't know.

Here it is.

Oh, God,
where's my cell phone?

I don't know.

Oh, here it is.

Hey--
hey, where's my gun?

What?

Nothing, I'm just tired
of the old frantic routine

trying to get ready
to go out.

Well, I'm sorry.

I do a little bit more
than throw on a sport coat

and forget
to reapply deodorant.

Listen, this restaurant
Adam and Jen are

taking us to is very fancy,

and they don't have a lot
of money, okay?

So I don't want you ordering
anything pricey.

I got a hankerin'
for free lobster.

No lobster.

Fine. I'll eat that
box of pop tarts,

that'll save 'em
the price of an appetizer.

No, no.
We'll just--

well, we can split a salad.

Oh, can we?

All right,
how do I look?

You know.

Why do I bother?

Yeah, why do you?

♪ How many ways
to say I love you? ♪

♪ how many ways to say
that I'm not scared ♪

♪ with you by my side ♪

♪ there is no denying ♪

♪ that I can't wait
for me and you ♪

Hey, uh, Jen
wanted me to check to see

if you guys were ready.

I am,
Audrey's not.

Well, can you
push her along?

Can I push her along.

It's just that tonight
is kind of important,

and we sort of
have a schedule.

All right, you want to try?
Go ahead.

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Dude, dude, dude.
She's wearing her underwear.

Why the hell
did you send him in there?

You were just dressed,
what happened?

I decided to change.

Can you ever for once in your
whole life ever just be helpful?

You want helpful?
Okay, how's this?

You look the same in everything.
I'm hungry, hurry up.

You are such an ass.

Maybe we just
shouldn't even go.

Oh no, then I wouldn't
get to not have lobster

and half a salad.

Dude, why don't you
go without us.

Um, she's about to turn green
and bust out of her clothes.

She's the Hulk.

Look, you have to come
with us tonight.

Why?

Well, there's
a special secret reason.

I don't care.

Okay! Okay, okay...

Only if you promise
not to tell Audrey.

I promise.

Okay.

Tonight, before we go
to the restaurant

we are going to City Hall.

Jen and I
are getting married.

Oh, good for you, buddy!

Oh, yeah, all right!

Oh, Jesus.

We're holding hands now.

Yeah.

Anyway, that's why
I wanted you to go.

Why did you guys
decide to do it now?

Well, Jen's parents
have been pressuring her

to have this big wedding.

And, well, you tell Jen
to do one thing,

she's gonna do the other.

Huh, didn't know Audrey
was selling franchises.

Count us in.

Great.

Oh, remember...
don't tell Audrey.

You got it.

They're getting married?

Tonight?
Yes.

And we're the witnesses but
we're not supposed to know?

Excellent repeating
of everything I just said.

Oh, my God.

I don't know what to say,
I didn't expect this.

You didn't
win an Oscar, Audrey.

Well, I have to change
into something nicer.

I mean,
I am the maid of honor.

You're married...

So actually, you are
the matron of honor.

You need to change, too.

Why?

Because it's just us,
so you're like the best man.

Well, that's crazy ironic.

Hello, there.

One large chicken noodle soup
to go, please.

Anything else?

No, no. Just the soup
today, thank you.

My friend's not
feeling well, see.

Hmm! Chicken soup won't cure
what he's spreading around.

Oh, no, no.
It's for Adam.

Uh, F.Y.I. I'm on
some experimental pills

from Mexico,
and so far, so bueno.

Dude, do you
have to do this?

We're gonna be late
for the movie.

I don't have to do this,
I want to do this.

Mr. Rhodes left work
feeling sick.

Some nice hot soup
will do him well, sir.

I mean, I can
understand if you wanna

have sex with the guy, but-

wait, do you want
to have sex with the guy?

I'm just being a good friend.

If you were a better friend,

maybe people would
invite you out more often.

Hmm? You ever consider that?
Hmm?

I get invited out plenty.

Being asked to leave doesn't
count as being invited out.

Okay, everything's on track.

Jeff and Audrey
are just about ready.

Does this dress
look good on me?

Yeah, it looks great.

No, it doesn't.
You're insane.

Okay, it doesn't look great.

Oh, don't bother.
Your opinion is useless.

I'm gonna go ask Audrey.

Yay, I get that forever.

Where's Audrey?

I want to ask her how I look
in this dress.

You look fine.
Shut up.

Audrey is definitely
selling franchises.

Hey.
Oh...

You changed.
You look nice.

Oh, how gay
of you to notice.

Hey, Jen. I am so
excited about tonight.

Me too. What do you think
of this dress?

Uh...not great on the boobs.
Even worse on the arms.

Thank you.

Couldn't just do that,
could you?

Fine.
You're legs look weird, too.

But I said-
just go.

I was trying to say--
just...go.

Give me the key.

Oh, hold on.
I left it inside.

He locked us out.

Oh, these are the times I wish
I learned magic.

Oh, my God!

So now I have no boobs,
giant arms, weird legs--

I can't go out like this!

People will think
I am a transvestite.

That will not
reflect well on me.

All right,
calm down.

You can borrow
something of mine.

Thank you.

So, you've been
dealing with this

"getting ready to go out" drama
for like 14 years.

Oh, yeah.
How do you handle it?

I have developed
a pretty effective method.

I'll show you.

Want me
to show you again?

Nah, it's okay,
I got it.

Let me
show you again.

Oh, hey, uh...didn't
we give you a spare key

that time we went out of town
a while back?

Oh, you sure did.

I never told you this,
but, uh, that week,

Audrey had me
use your toilet.

Anyway, I can't remember
if it was

before or after
we changed our lock,

but could you get the key?
I'll give it a try.

Yeah, uh...you still have
that, uh, bottle of scotch

that I gave you
for your birthday?

Yeah, yeah.
All right.

If this key works,
bring it back.

But that was a gift.

Look, you've had it
for three weeks,

it's public domain.

Stupid key.

This dumb door.

Mr. Rhodes?

Oh, hey, Timmy.
Russell.

I thought you were sick.

I am.

Why are you
all dressed up?

Okay, Russell.
You were right.

I'm going out
with Mel from accounting.

All right, worst liar ever,
what's going on?

I can't tell you.

Really? What if I
stare at you like this?

Okay, okay, okay.

I'll tell you the truth.

Jen and I are going out
with Jeff and Audrey.

Hm, doesn't
seem that clandestine.

Yeah, if clandestine
means not boring.

What's the big cover-up?

Well, before dinner...

Um, we are having
an intervention

for Jeff's drinking.

Makes sense.
No surprise there.

all right,
what about this one?

Ooh, I don't know.
It's a little dated.

Oh...yeah, that one's been
in there a while.

The tags are still on.

Yeah, I bought it years ago,
never wore it.

This store
opened last month.

Okay. Would you
just pick a dress?

Well, I don't know
about any of these.

Well, then, stick
with what you have on.

It looks great.

We can hide it with a shawl.

No, no. I can't.
Tonight's just too important.

I know.
I mean, it's dinner.

It's a very important meal.

I guess.

Oh, there is
actually one dress

that I think
would work for me.

Okay, good.
Which one?

Well, actually.
It's the one you're wearing.

I've always loved it.

Oh, but I--
no, you're right.

Forget it.
It's way too much to ask.

No, you know what?
It isn't.

Here.
Unzip me.

Yes.

Unzip her.

What are you doing?

I was on my way
to the bathroom

when I stumbled upon
this delightful tableau.

Big surprise
we weren't invited

to Mr. Bingham's
intervention.

Thank you very much.

Why do you want to go
to an intervention, anyway?

Are they serving
chicken tikka masala?

No.

Lamb?

No, I would want to do it
to help a friend.

But thanks to
my association with you,

I've been excluded
from doing something of value,

and instead I'm going to see-

what film did you choose again?
Stewardess School Blues.

Oh, Stewardess School Blues.

Sounds in keeping with your,
"no boobie, no watchie" policy.

Yeah, I guess it's
about a bunch of chicks

who are studying
to be stewardesses

and then they
get sad about something.

But you gotta figure
they get cheered up, right?

I don't care.
I don't want to see it.

In fact,
we're not going to see a movie.

We're going back
to help our friends.

Aw, come on.

It got three stars
from boing.com.

They're tough.

All right, I think we're
all ready.

Whoa, look at you,
you look smokin' hot.

I mean, really gorgeous.

Um, that's my dress, Jeff.

Not anymore.

All right,
how do I look in this one?

You know.

That was really rude, Jeff.

But thank you.

What did you say, beer?

Why, yes,
I will come and drink you.

What are you guys
doing here?

I don't know.
Ask the Indian Mr. Rogers.

Mr. Rhodes...

Now, I realize
we weren't invited,

but I'd like to offer
my help as a friend.

With the intervention.

With the what?

The intervention?

Oh, yeah, that.

Yes, I'll have you know,

I do have experience
in these matters.

In fact, I facilitated
an intervention

back in my days
at the University.

Man, you have
a sick vocabulary.

Yeah, yeah.

I bet you're great
at that, um...

what's that game
with all the words?

Scrabble?

Hey, you're the word guy.

Hey.

Hey, what are
you doing here?

Uh, me and Timmy
just stopped by,

you know,
as friends will do.

So...going to dinner?

Well, it's not really
just dinner.

Oh, you know.
Yeah.

Yeah. Do you?

Yeah.

You're cool with it?

To the extent
that I give a crap.

Hey, we all knew it was gonna
happen sooner or later.

Ah, well, think
it will make a difference?

Nah,
nothing's gonna change.

It'll be a big to-do,
Audrey will cry.

Then it's back
to the same old, same old.

Jeff, wait.

Do you really think
you should be drinking-

ooh, pop tarts.

All right.

Oh, great.
We are all finally ready.

Let's hit it.

Yeah.
But first, a toast.

A toast?

Yeah, Jeff do
we have some champagne?

I may have a bottle hidden
away somewhere.

I bet you do.

Go get it.

Mrs. Bingham,
are you sure this is wise?

Wise?
Who cares about wise?

Let's get our drink on, Timmy.

Mrs. Bingham,
you're enabling him.

Um, actually
I'm enabling all of us

to have a really good time.

Jeff gets really grouchy
if he loses his buzz.

Found a bottle.

Well, what's everybody else
gonna drink?

Mr. Rhodes, I don't understand
what's happening here.

Oh, he's saying he's gonna
drink the whole bottle himself.

No, what I meant was--
okay, look, nevermind.

All right,
listen up.

We all know what's really
happening tonight.

They do?
Adam did you tell them?

Yes, he did.

And it's a good thing I came

because you're all
shockingly bad at this.

So if I may...

Mr. Bingham,
this is an intervention.

Your drinking
is destroying your life.

You're hurting yourself, you're
hurting those closest to you.

And I want you to know,
we're all here tonight

to confront you
with love and compassion.

Everyone!

Everyone.

Still just me?

Okay, what the hell
is going on?

Okay, okay.
Here's what happened.

Timmy, get off Jeff.

I ran into Russell and Timmy,
and in order to not tell them

we're getting married tonight,
I told them that we're having

an intervention
for Jeff's drinking.

Oh, I'd buy that.
Good thinking.

Wait, you're
getting married tonight?

Yeah,
I'm the maid of honor.

Matron.
How about widow?

You told Audrey?
No, I only told Jeff.

I told Audrey.

You weren't supposed
to tell her.

You weren't supposed
to tell me.

You weren't supposed
to tell anybody.

Congrats, though.

So what are you
going to wear?

Okay, that's it.

This was supposed
to be a fun surprise,

but the night's
turning into a disaster.

I'm not wearing my own dress.

Adam has ice cream on his tie.

Not from tonight, though,
just to defend myself.

And if you think about it,

why do we even have
to do this at all?

What do you mean?

Well, we love each other,
we have a great thing.

Why do we have to go through
all the trouble

to make it official?
Who cares?

I know I don't.

Are you sure?

I'm 100% sure
I do not care.

Let's just go home.

Okay.

Well, I guess we're
just gonna call it a night.

No, no, no,
hold on a second here.

We're not just gonna
call it a night.

You wanna have
the intervention?

No. Look.

Maybe this is the scotch
talking, or possibly the beer,

or that wine cooler I found in
my sports bag this morning,

guys, are we sure we don't
wanna have this intervention?

Look, I think you guys
should get married tonight.

Maybe I'm old fashioned,
but I think people

who are living together
should be married.

You feel different, you know?
You become a team.

Working together.

He's right, it's like--
Audrey, not now, please.

You guys both know
what a pain in the ass it is

to meet somebody
and get them to like you.

You guys are lucky
that you found each other.

So let's just lock this in,
and do it, and stop annoying me.

I'm kind of on Jeff's side--
you know what Audrey, please.

Can we still make it
to City Hall in time?

Well it's gonna be tight,
but we can make it.

Let's go.

Ay, ay, ay.

See, sir?

Doesn't helping friends feel
better than watching

jiggly flight attendants
bounce up and down?

I feel I've answered
my own question.

To Adam and Jen.

Hear, hear! Cheers!

And I want to thank Jeff for
making the great speech

that pushed us to follow through
with our plan

to get married tonight.
It's ironic.

If he hadn't taken so much time
with his speech,

we might have made it
to City Hall in time.

But, if he hadn't
made the speech

you wouldn't have
even tried to--

never mind.

Well, I'm happy.

This just buys Adam more time
to bail.

Not gonna happen, buddy.

Well, that's what my dad said
when I asked him

if he was gonna
bail on my mom

and sure enough--

Maybe next time you'll decide
to have a real wedding.

That was a good day.

Oh.

This one here,
she looked like a movie star.

Aww.
Hmm-hmm!

You see?

All of you
who constantly ask me why?

Every so often he steps up.

I didn't say
what movie star.

That's okay, Jeff.

Ernest Borgnine's
a movie star.

Shut up.

Okay, I've got four
diet cokes, one lemonade,

and a scotch rocks.

Scotch?

Who knew the diner
served booze?

I did.

But we didn't even
get married.

I know, I just want
to practice carrying you

across the threshold.

Good thing the super
had another key.

All right, here it goes.
Okay.

Oof!
Come on.

All right, it's not working.
Hold on.

Ow!

Ow!

Okay, stop it!
Put me down!

Okay!

--

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