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1
00:00:16,062 --> 00:00:17,244
Seriously?
2
00:00:18,371 --> 00:00:20,720
I'm sorry. It's the women's
beach volleyball finals.
3
00:00:21,463 --> 00:00:25,191
You should watch those girls closely.
You're gonna need to remember them later.
4
00:00:29,894 --> 00:00:31,615
Can I keep this cake in
your fridge until tonight?
5
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,518
- Sure.
- Cake.
6
00:00:34,852 --> 00:00:38,079
Interesting. Cake trumps bouncy boobs.
7
00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:40,582
It's not for you, it's for my party.
8
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:43,293
Oh, right, your little
girls-only sex party.
9
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:46,071
No, it's an adult toy party.
I'm hosting it for my friend.
10
00:00:46,238 --> 00:00:47,881
It's like a tupperware
party, but with sex toys.
11
00:00:48,291 --> 00:00:50,842
I'm not sure those are
gonna keep your leftovers fresh.
12
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,679
- Let me give you a hand with that.
- Na-ha-ha. I will take it.
13
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:58,334
And no stealing a bite and blaming
it on fridge mice again.
14
00:00:58,501 --> 00:01:01,770
I really don't think Jeff's
gonna want to eat that cake.
15
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,670
Please, I've yet to meet the
cake I didn't want to eat.
16
00:01:05,590 --> 00:01:07,102
That's a weird shape.
17
00:01:09,874 --> 00:01:11,248
Oh, come on!
18
00:01:12,736 --> 00:01:13,949
Are you sure you don't want a bite?
19
00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:16,368
I don't want that thing
anywhere near my mouth.
20
00:01:17,045 --> 00:01:18,996
That's an ironic turn of events.
21
00:01:19,783 --> 00:01:22,775
I got it from this erotic dessert
place downtown, Master Bakers.
22
00:01:24,922 --> 00:01:26,629
I'll go put it in the fridge.
23
00:01:27,491 --> 00:01:30,190
Well... Just to warn you,
you might get some shrinkage.
24
00:01:31,095 --> 00:01:33,428
You can't always blame it on the cold.
25
00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:37,514
All right, and I am gonna go try
and drink that image out of my head.
26
00:01:42,148 --> 00:01:44,449
Hey, so you're going to
the big perv party, huh?
27
00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:48,164
Just me, Jen, and a bunch of women
28
00:01:48,507 --> 00:01:51,157
I'm gonna learn way too much about.
29
00:01:52,563 --> 00:01:56,241
Don't judge any of those
ladies for buying that stuff.
30
00:01:56,491 --> 00:02:00,091
Not everybody has access
to their very own sex machine.
31
00:02:04,886 --> 00:02:07,747
If only I could turn off
the talking option.
32
00:02:10,642 --> 00:02:11,934
- Is that a new phone?
- Yeah.
33
00:02:12,968 --> 00:02:15,529
- What's wrong with the old one?
- I've had it, like, three years.
34
00:02:15,696 --> 00:02:18,430
In phone years, that's
two cans and a string.
35
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:22,308
Oh, it's Jen. She wants me
to bring over wine glasses.
36
00:02:22,558 --> 00:02:24,862
You're texting now? What are
you, in high school?
37
00:02:25,584 --> 00:02:26,855
What's the matter with you?
Everybody texts...
38
00:02:28,578 --> 00:02:30,442
I'm imagining you in high school.
39
00:02:32,204 --> 00:02:34,404
Yeah, you just... you hurry along now.
40
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,622
Don't want to be late
for cheerleading practice.
41
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,784
3x13 Sex Toy Story
42
00:02:55,591 --> 00:02:57,343
Transcripted by chamallow35
www.addic7ed.com
43
00:03:05,757 --> 00:03:08,063
Can I get a, uh, tall latte?
44
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:12,074
Single guys are way too much trouble.
45
00:03:12,402 --> 00:03:13,980
That's why I like married guys.
46
00:03:14,147 --> 00:03:17,030
They're easy, and they won'tell anyone
'cause they don't want to get caught.
47
00:03:17,649 --> 00:03:19,783
I'm telling you, it's
only married guys for me.
48
00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:24,223
Hey, honey.
49
00:03:29,394 --> 00:03:31,127
I love being married to you too.
50
00:03:33,896 --> 00:03:35,310
All right, bye.
51
00:03:36,026 --> 00:03:38,468
- Ah, the wife.
- You're married?
52
00:03:39,568 --> 00:03:40,762
That obvious, huh?
53
00:03:41,106 --> 00:03:42,972
Well, you just said you
were talking to your wife.
54
00:03:43,415 --> 00:03:44,849
Oh, yeah, that I was.
55
00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:47,685
I wouldn't have pegged you as married.
56
00:03:48,033 --> 00:03:50,992
- You just don't give off that vibe.
- Oh, that's funny.
57
00:03:51,569 --> 00:03:54,108
Oh, I can't wait to get home
and tell that to the Mrs.
58
00:03:54,724 --> 00:03:56,820
Yeah, the old ball and chain, you know?
59
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:57,987
My better half.
60
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,699
Probably home making casseroles and...
61
00:04:03,817 --> 00:04:05,539
Can I get an eta on that latte?
62
00:04:06,858 --> 00:04:08,004
Yeah, so yeah.
63
00:04:17,016 --> 00:04:18,132
Hello?
64
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,987
God, Audrey!
65
00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:54,294
- What?
- I'm just returning your cake plate and some leftover cake.
66
00:04:56,593 --> 00:04:59,479
Even in cake form, women ignore those.
67
00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,666
- So did Audrey have a good time?
- Maybe.
68
00:05:03,833 --> 00:05:05,722
- Why, what did Jen say?
- Oh, nothing.
69
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,908
She passed out. Too many
penis coladas, you know.
70
00:05:10,827 --> 00:05:12,854
So, uh, did Jen purchase anything?
71
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,729
No, no, she doesn't need to.
72
00:05:14,896 --> 00:05:17,107
She's all taken care
of in that department.
73
00:05:17,274 --> 00:05:18,978
And that department is sex.
74
00:05:20,391 --> 00:05:22,071
Yeah, 'cause you're so good.
75
00:05:22,321 --> 00:05:25,575
Oh, hey, you know the doctor actually
said she need to cut back a little.
76
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,702
To what? Just you?
77
00:05:29,042 --> 00:05:30,496
Well, so what did Audrey buy?
78
00:05:30,848 --> 00:05:32,270
What makes you think
Audrey bought anything?
79
00:05:32,669 --> 00:05:34,918
I don't know. You guys
have been married forever.
80
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,718
Plus you're, like, 90.
81
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,931
I mean, I thought you might need a little help,
like the sexual equivalent of a hearing aid.
82
00:05:43,655 --> 00:05:44,761
Well, I don't, and, uh, she doesn't.
83
00:05:45,183 --> 00:05:47,222
Audrey's totally covered.
84
00:05:48,132 --> 00:05:50,497
With all of her needs and whatnot.
85
00:05:55,953 --> 00:05:57,872
- What's that?
- What?
86
00:05:58,901 --> 00:05:59,734
The buzzing noise.
87
00:06:00,315 --> 00:06:01,437
Cell phone.
88
00:06:02,998 --> 00:06:04,030
Aren't you gonna answer it?
89
00:06:05,112 --> 00:06:08,380
No, that'd be rude. We're right
in the middle of a conversation.
90
00:06:09,523 --> 00:06:10,995
Shouldn't it go to voice mail?
91
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,922
No, I have it set to, um,
92
00:06:14,043 --> 00:06:15,473
just keep ringing.
93
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:26,135
Get out.
94
00:06:35,427 --> 00:06:36,436
Ah, Jen, good.
95
00:06:37,102 --> 00:06:38,159
There you are.
96
00:06:38,517 --> 00:06:39,941
I need you to tell me
the truth about something.
97
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,560
Yes, they're faking.
98
00:06:43,199 --> 00:06:44,825
Ha ha, and I don't care.
99
00:06:46,337 --> 00:06:49,117
I need you to look at me and tell me
if you would believe that I'm married.
100
00:06:53,537 --> 00:06:54,539
Does this wife need a green card?
101
00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:57,415
- Is she blind?
- No.
102
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:00,795
Mail order? Head injury?
Clinically insane?
103
00:07:02,071 --> 00:07:04,799
- No, no, no.
- Trying to get back at her parents? - Aren't they all?
104
00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:06,884
Look, no, I wouldn't
believe you're married.
105
00:07:07,306 --> 00:07:09,804
Oh, damn, I give out
such a single guy aura.
106
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,682
See, I met this chick, and
she's only into married guys.
107
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,225
Oh, she sounds well-adjusted.
108
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,300
So I need to get that beaten down,
109
00:07:16,467 --> 00:07:19,188
praying for sweet death, married guy vibe.
110
00:07:20,136 --> 00:07:21,691
Why don't you just lie
and say you're married?
111
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,777
Um, 'cause that's lazy and disrespectful.
112
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,435
And I've already tried that.
I don't think she's buying it.
113
00:07:28,602 --> 00:07:29,965
But I got us a date for coffee,
114
00:07:30,132 --> 00:07:32,342
and I'm already out of
miserable husband stories.
115
00:07:32,509 --> 00:07:34,328
That's where you come into the picture.
116
00:07:34,993 --> 00:07:38,326
Oh, no. I am not in the picture. Your
pictures are sleazy and disgusting.
117
00:07:38,493 --> 00:07:42,045
And in the case of that one you emailed me,
demeaning to both little people and clowns.
118
00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:46,507
I can see how the clowns were bummed out,
but the little people were having fun.
119
00:07:48,527 --> 00:07:50,428
You made it your screensaver? I gotta go.
120
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,076
No, no, no, wait. Listen, I need to
get into the mindset of a married guy.
121
00:07:53,243 --> 00:07:54,891
How they think, how they feel.
122
00:07:55,499 --> 00:07:57,921
I need you to do me a favor.
Talk to me like a wife would.
123
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:01,578
- No, I'm not doing that for you.
- That's good. That's very realistic.
124
00:08:02,912 --> 00:08:04,192
I'm gonna write some of this down.
125
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,609
- You're an idiot.
- Nice, more.
126
00:08:07,139 --> 00:08:09,030
I can't even look at your face right now.
127
00:08:10,528 --> 00:08:12,251
Slow down. You're going too fast.
128
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,577
You're disgusting. I gotta go.
129
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,038
I said talk to me like a wife,
130
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,071
not one of my dates.
131
00:08:29,562 --> 00:08:31,052
Job well done.
132
00:08:32,744 --> 00:08:33,805
Yeah. Whoo. That was nice.
133
00:08:34,663 --> 00:08:37,281
So would you describe
yourself as satisfied,
134
00:08:38,159 --> 00:08:39,727
extremely satisfied,
135
00:08:40,647 --> 00:08:42,188
or totally satisfied?
136
00:08:43,444 --> 00:08:44,598
Look at you.
137
00:08:45,102 --> 00:08:47,485
Still awake and caring how it went.
138
00:08:49,590 --> 00:08:51,614
Hey, I care. In fact, I could go again.
139
00:08:53,646 --> 00:08:55,024
Eventually.
140
00:08:55,613 --> 00:08:57,385
I'm kind of tired.
141
00:08:58,686 --> 00:09:00,289
Would you say spent?
142
00:09:01,527 --> 00:09:02,416
Yeah, sure.
143
00:09:07,417 --> 00:09:08,417
Spent.
144
00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,018
All right.
145
00:09:26,271 --> 00:09:27,775
I don't believe this.
146
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:35,741
Stop that right now!
147
00:09:35,991 --> 00:09:36,991
What?
148
00:09:39,874 --> 00:09:42,206
Over-brushing. That's a serious problem.
149
00:09:44,508 --> 00:09:47,213
- What are you talking about?
- Okay, look, I heard the buzzing...
150
00:09:48,358 --> 00:09:50,173
And I thought that you were, uh...
151
00:09:50,583 --> 00:09:51,382
I was what?
152
00:09:51,822 --> 00:09:54,505
Look, I found the little item that
you bought at the party earlier, so.
153
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,982
That? That wasn't mine.
154
00:09:58,149 --> 00:10:00,183
I grabbed Jen's bag by mistake.
155
00:10:00,616 --> 00:10:02,810
- Oh. So wait. That bag was Jennifer's?
- Yeah.
156
00:10:05,462 --> 00:10:06,462
Excellent.
157
00:10:08,081 --> 00:10:09,109
Carry on.
158
00:10:20,714 --> 00:10:22,497
Make a reservation for tonight.
159
00:10:24,714 --> 00:10:27,495
Then don't make a reservation for tonight.
160
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,087
I gotta go.
161
00:10:32,990 --> 00:10:34,717
Why
162
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,511
can't she make the decision?
163
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:40,556
What are you doing?
164
00:10:41,104 --> 00:10:42,909
I'm getting great married guy stuff here.
165
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,603
I want to learn everything
about you that says "I give up."
166
00:10:47,461 --> 00:10:48,648
Hey, losers.
167
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,693
So how was your lady's
little dirty soiree?
168
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:53,864
Yes, Adam, how was it?
169
00:10:54,031 --> 00:10:57,326
Did anyone buy anything last night
that we should know about?
170
00:10:57,980 --> 00:10:59,283
- Jen bought a sex toy.
- Just one?
171
00:11:01,140 --> 00:11:05,026
I thought she'd have one of those
big assassin briefcases full.
172
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:12,630
Stop it, no. She's never had one before.
173
00:11:13,315 --> 00:11:15,925
Who needs a sexual hearing aid now, huh?
174
00:11:16,990 --> 00:11:18,063
I win.
175
00:11:20,105 --> 00:11:23,820
He gets overly excited about
pathetic little victories.
176
00:11:24,837 --> 00:11:26,602
No, no, no. Look, I won, okay?
177
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,732
The item she got was an us thing
178
00:11:28,899 --> 00:11:31,190
which lead to the best sex we ever had.
179
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,853
Ooh, what'd you guys use?
Whips? Prosthetics?
180
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:37,194
Chains? Smackerdoodles?
181
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,844
Just some regular non-weird stuff.
182
00:11:43,459 --> 00:11:45,496
Oh, starter Kit. Cute.
183
00:11:46,052 --> 00:11:48,849
You know what? Last night, Audrey
and I had a solid little session.
184
00:11:49,016 --> 00:11:52,770
No bells and whistles. Just
a man, a woman, and a bed.
185
00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:56,675
Everybody's using sex toys
now. You gotta keep up.
186
00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:58,271
Doesn't keep up.
187
00:11:59,309 --> 00:12:02,480
Yeah, you gotta try new stuff. You become
like one of those lame nostalgia bands.
188
00:12:02,647 --> 00:12:05,224
You know, playing the same tired
old hitsyear after year.
189
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:08,655
Yeah, whenever those bands play new stuff,
that's when people get up to get a beer.
190
00:12:08,822 --> 00:12:11,897
Audrey never gets up to get a
beer in the middle of my set.
191
00:12:12,147 --> 00:12:14,599
Yeah, that's 'cause your
set's a tight four minutes.
192
00:12:15,598 --> 00:12:17,464
Ah, finishes really quickly.
193
00:12:23,318 --> 00:12:26,203
Sensitive about finishing.
194
00:12:26,926 --> 00:12:30,454
You know what? I asked Audrey last night
how it went, and she said it was fine.
195
00:12:32,031 --> 00:12:33,056
Fine, wow.
196
00:12:34,210 --> 00:12:35,958
That's... slightly better than okay.
197
00:12:36,763 --> 00:12:40,259
I'm just saying Audrey seems like someone
who likes to keep up with new stuff.
198
00:12:41,312 --> 00:12:45,014
She did just get a new cell phone
and download that new Coldplay cd.
199
00:12:48,409 --> 00:12:50,936
That doesn't sound like someone
who enjoys sweating to the oldies.
200
00:12:51,710 --> 00:12:53,629
Mm, or sweating under the oldie.
201
00:12:54,604 --> 00:12:56,108
That's for the pencil.
202
00:12:56,686 --> 00:12:58,444
No, that's my last one!
203
00:13:09,819 --> 00:13:11,201
Look at this place.
204
00:13:12,388 --> 00:13:13,721
Oh, cool, games!
205
00:13:15,502 --> 00:13:17,088
It says sex games.
206
00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:22,760
All right, I'm a married
guy in a sex shop.
207
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,303
How am I feeling?
208
00:13:24,884 --> 00:13:26,245
I'm feeling...
209
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,412
Constipated.
210
00:13:30,135 --> 00:13:32,144
- What am I doing here?
- Oh, confused.
211
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:34,145
You know that looks a lot like constipated.
212
00:13:35,332 --> 00:13:37,644
Hey, guys, check it out. "Par-sleazy."
213
00:13:39,169 --> 00:13:40,848
You know, instead of cheesi.
214
00:13:43,801 --> 00:13:46,538
- Hi, can I help you?
- Uh, just looking around.
215
00:13:46,705 --> 00:13:48,627
Oh, for something for you and your wife?
216
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,972
See, how does he know you're married?
You know, I'm looking for something too.
217
00:13:52,139 --> 00:13:53,791
Yeah, the fetish stuff's
in the back, Buddy.
218
00:13:56,397 --> 00:13:58,212
No, the wife and I are...
219
00:13:58,462 --> 00:13:59,781
Yeah, it's in the back, okay?
220
00:14:03,948 --> 00:14:06,303
Okay, so what sort of
things is your wife into?
221
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,598
Eh, you know, new stuff
like texting and Coldplay.
222
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,644
I mean what is she into sexually?
223
00:14:14,225 --> 00:14:15,729
Watch it, Buddy.
224
00:14:16,761 --> 00:14:18,647
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you,
225
00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:21,110
mister... sex store customer.
226
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:24,533
I'm sorry. I'm new to this whole thing.
227
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:28,504
It's all right. Let's start with the
basics, shall we? How about some lingerie?
228
00:14:29,321 --> 00:14:30,327
$49?
229
00:14:30,865 --> 00:14:32,438
There's barely anything there.
230
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,457
Yeah, it's crotchless.
231
00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:37,008
It's like the old egg white scam.
232
00:14:37,175 --> 00:14:39,545
They take the yolk away,
but they charge you more.
233
00:14:40,081 --> 00:14:42,173
You're just taking the
yolk of the panties away
234
00:14:42,797 --> 00:14:44,288
and raising the price.
235
00:14:45,794 --> 00:14:47,887
Wow, you really are new
at this, aren't you?
236
00:14:48,428 --> 00:14:49,469
Let me show you something.
237
00:14:51,518 --> 00:14:52,518
Hmm, got it.
238
00:14:53,355 --> 00:14:54,355
Got it.
239
00:14:55,420 --> 00:14:56,451
Had it.
240
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,128
Broke it.
241
00:15:00,582 --> 00:15:03,360
"New and improved." Hmm, we'll see.
242
00:15:06,069 --> 00:15:07,081
Hey, beads.
243
00:15:07,248 --> 00:15:09,492
Audrey likes this crafty stuff.
What is this, a necklace?
244
00:15:14,809 --> 00:15:16,916
Yes, that's exactly what
it is. It's a necklace.
245
00:15:17,394 --> 00:15:19,329
Here, let me show you some
of our more popular items.
246
00:15:19,496 --> 00:15:21,329
This area...
247
00:15:21,496 --> 00:15:23,172
- this is... this is good stuff.
- Really?
248
00:15:24,158 --> 00:15:25,633
I love this woman.
249
00:15:34,623 --> 00:15:36,834
- Doing some shopping?
- Some.
250
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,687
Oh, hold the elevator!
251
00:15:40,622 --> 00:15:43,516
- Whatcha got in there?
- Uh, you know, just picked up a few things.
252
00:15:44,140 --> 00:15:45,142
Otis,
253
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,906
leave the man's groceries alone.
254
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,607
You bought groceries?
255
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,304
Oh, do you have some chips
or something? I am so hungry.
256
00:15:53,471 --> 00:15:55,624
You're always hungry. Back off.
257
00:15:56,264 --> 00:15:58,343
- You're acting weird.
- You're acting weird.
258
00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:02,461
- Why are you being so sneaky?
Let me see what's in there. - What is this, red China?
259
00:16:03,507 --> 00:16:04,755
Is it a present?
260
00:16:06,759 --> 00:16:08,092
- Hmm... uh? Oh, no, bad dog
- Otis, what do you have there?
261
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,054
Oh, my God. Is that what I think it is?
262
00:16:16,836 --> 00:16:17,768
It's hers.
263
00:16:21,624 --> 00:16:24,144
What would posses you
to buy all this stuff?
264
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:27,800
I didn't want us to become
a nostalgia band, okay?
265
00:16:29,169 --> 00:16:31,374
I... I have no idea what that means,
266
00:16:31,541 --> 00:16:34,707
or what it has to do with
remote-controlled underwear.
267
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,831
Look, I didn't want you
to get tired of, you know,
268
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,792
always hearing the same
old songs in the bedroom.
269
00:16:43,844 --> 00:16:47,010
Honey, no, those are great
songs. I love those songs.
270
00:16:47,177 --> 00:16:48,424
They are great.
271
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,914
You know I'm not talking
about actual songs, right?
272
00:16:52,638 --> 00:16:53,804
Yeah, yeah, I got that.
273
00:16:54,182 --> 00:16:57,683
Just that we've been married for 13
years. And our sex life is, uh...
274
00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,435
Oh, our sex life is fine.
275
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:02,521
I thought I could give you
something more than fine.
276
00:17:02,998 --> 00:17:05,356
So you bought me a whole sex shop?
277
00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:10,362
Actually there was another bag
that spilled on the sidewalk.
278
00:17:11,738 --> 00:17:13,957
Was too embarrassed to
pick it all up, so...
279
00:17:14,864 --> 00:17:16,285
I just ran.
280
00:17:17,905 --> 00:17:18,905
Honey,
281
00:17:19,563 --> 00:17:21,874
it's so nice you were thinking of me,
282
00:17:22,263 --> 00:17:24,877
- but honestly, all I need is you.
- Really?
283
00:17:27,053 --> 00:17:29,131
Yes. You're my big sex toy.
284
00:17:31,492 --> 00:17:34,110
Thanks, but what are we
gonna do with all this stuff?
285
00:17:34,694 --> 00:17:38,474
You know, unfortunately the lust frontier
has a pretty strict return policy.
286
00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:43,816
Well, it'd be a waste if we throw it away.
287
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,298
I mean... I guess trying
some of this stuff wouldn't hurt.
288
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,936
Actually I think that one would.
289
00:17:52,568 --> 00:17:54,633
You know that one's for you, right?
290
00:17:55,974 --> 00:17:57,868
I'm positive that would hurt.
291
00:18:05,145 --> 00:18:07,670
So I'm like, "make the reservation.
292
00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:09,880
Okay, don't make the reservation."
293
00:18:10,852 --> 00:18:13,384
I mean, I love her, but
she can't make a decision.
294
00:18:13,911 --> 00:18:14,718
It's just so...
295
00:18:17,385 --> 00:18:18,347
Confusing?
296
00:18:18,751 --> 00:18:19,974
Yes! Thank you.
297
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,477
You know what? You don't need
to hear my married guy stuff.
298
00:18:23,946 --> 00:18:25,954
- It's a bore.
- Oh, I don't mind.
299
00:18:26,451 --> 00:18:28,649
You seem like you need someone to talk to.
300
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:29,858
I do!
301
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:31,902
I mean, Beth's great.
302
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,113
It's just sometimes I
don't think she hears me.
303
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:35,690
I understand.
304
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,130
You know, maybe we
should go somewhere...
305
00:18:38,297 --> 00:18:41,745
Quieter to talk.
306
00:18:43,058 --> 00:18:44,832
Well, I guess there's no harm in talking.
307
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,117
Check, please.
308
00:18:49,005 --> 00:18:50,587
God, this is so kinky.
309
00:18:51,070 --> 00:18:53,595
My wife Beth would never
do anything like this.
310
00:18:55,086 --> 00:18:57,850
Although this one's got a little play
in it.You might want to tighten it up.
311
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:01,809
Ooh, okay, okay. Got it.
312
00:19:04,866 --> 00:19:06,311
Oh, this is kinda hot.
313
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,440
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I'm robbing you.
314
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:11,734
Of my monogamy?
315
00:19:12,993 --> 00:19:14,903
Of your cash and credit cards.
316
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:17,114
And then my monogamy?
317
00:19:17,631 --> 00:19:19,033
You're not gonna tell anyone
318
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,211
because if you do, your wife'll find out,
319
00:19:21,378 --> 00:19:24,382
and then she'll divorce you
and take everything you've got.
320
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,124
Oh, that's why you like married guys.
321
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,473
Well, joke's on you, sweetheart.
I'm not really married. Ha ha!
322
00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:33,714
Who looks stupid now?
323
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:38,899
Oh, right, it's still me.
324
00:19:39,643 --> 00:19:41,346
Hey, can you turn the tv on?
325
00:19:43,025 --> 00:19:44,590
Marriage sucks.
326
00:19:51,701 --> 00:19:52,701
Mm, that's good.
327
00:19:53,489 --> 00:19:54,904
Mm, I want more of that.
328
00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:01,700
Not bad for sex food.
329
00:20:02,135 --> 00:20:03,869
It's fun. It's good to try new things.
330
00:20:04,067 --> 00:20:05,871
- How's the edible underwear?
- It's good.
331
00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:08,152
Says the flavor is passion fruit.
332
00:20:09,118 --> 00:20:10,125
Yeah, I get that.
333
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,670
- Wanna try a pair?
- Sure.
334
00:20:14,988 --> 00:20:16,673
How about I put it on first?
335
00:20:17,687 --> 00:20:21,470
Yes, Jeff, because that's what I
want my food touching before I eat it.
336
00:20:22,661 --> 00:20:23,686
I get that.
337
00:20:42,949 --> 00:20:45,202
I didn't know you got an
electric toothbrush.
338
00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:46,703
I didn't.
339
00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:51,676
Man, am I spent.
340
00:20:53,323 --> 00:20:54,211
Good night, honey.
341
00:20:54,261 --> 00:20:58,811
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