Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:05,634
I'll have the chocolate
chip pancakes. Extra butter.
2
00:00:05,669 --> 00:00:07,701
Meat lover's scramble.
Side o' bacon.
3
00:00:07,736 --> 00:00:09,734
Wow. Is it a race to see
4
00:00:09,769 --> 00:00:12,567
who's heart explodes first?
5
00:00:12,602 --> 00:00:14,033
It is now.
6
00:00:15,167 --> 00:00:17,233
Nothing for me.
That's a good call.
7
00:00:17,268 --> 00:00:18,984
You were looking
at bronze anyway.
8
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,666
I have to go
to the office early
9
00:00:20,701 --> 00:00:23,200
so I can do a bunch of stuff
for freakin' Deirdre.
10
00:00:23,235 --> 00:00:24,634
Who's freakin' Deirdre?
11
00:00:24,669 --> 00:00:25,998
This woman I work with.
12
00:00:26,033 --> 00:00:27,965
She's pregnant
and totally annoying.
13
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,400
It is annoying when people
create other people.
14
00:00:32,435 --> 00:00:34,132
No, she was always
annoying.
15
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,283
"Oh, I'm pregnant.
16
00:00:36,318 --> 00:00:38,365
"I've never felt
like such a woman.
17
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,501
Who wants to guess
if it's a boy or girl?"
18
00:00:40,536 --> 00:00:42,534
Girl, I guess girl.
19
00:00:43,868 --> 00:00:45,466
The worst part is,
our boss Laura
20
00:00:45,501 --> 00:00:48,100
is just falling all over herself
to make Deirdre's life easy.
21
00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:50,133
Including having me
do all of her work.
22
00:00:50,168 --> 00:00:51,899
And I'm sure it doesn't help
23
00:00:51,934 --> 00:00:53,901
that you and Jeff have
been trying for a while.
24
00:00:53,936 --> 00:00:55,918
Pretty casually, though.
I mean, whatever.
25
00:00:55,953 --> 00:00:57,866
If it happens, great.
But we don't wanna put
26
00:00:57,901 --> 00:01:00,167
any pressure on ourselves.
Except for the pressure
27
00:01:00,202 --> 00:01:01,868
of you on me.
28
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,000
Come on. Where's that handsome
dummy of yours?
29
00:01:07,035 --> 00:01:08,484
He would have liked that.
30
00:01:08,519 --> 00:01:09,899
Adam's at the bus station.
31
00:01:09,934 --> 00:01:11,834
Why? Does he like it
when the wheels on the bus
32
00:01:11,869 --> 00:01:13,866
go round and round?
33
00:01:13,901 --> 00:01:16,667
Well, he's picking up
our latest house guest.
34
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,499
You guys have a lot
of those.
35
00:01:18,534 --> 00:01:20,283
Yeah, thanks to Adam's
hippie parents.
36
00:01:20,318 --> 00:01:21,998
They travel the country
and meet these
37
00:01:22,033 --> 00:01:24,234
interesting people and then
tell them to look us up
38
00:01:24,269 --> 00:01:25,466
if they're ever in New York.
39
00:01:25,501 --> 00:01:27,432
Well, if they're
from some place really cool
40
00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:29,667
you guys can go on a great
vacation and stay for free.
41
00:01:29,702 --> 00:01:30,899
And here they are.
42
00:01:30,934 --> 00:01:33,601
Oh, please be from Maui.
Please be from Maui.
43
00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:35,501
Hey, everybody.
This is Toby.
44
00:01:35,536 --> 00:01:36,499
Hey, Toby.
Hi.
45
00:01:36,534 --> 00:01:38,550
Hey, Toby.
Where you from?
46
00:01:38,585 --> 00:01:40,567
Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
47
00:01:40,602 --> 00:01:42,998
Great.
48
00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:45,434
Toby's Amish.
Jackpot.
49
00:01:49,685 --> 00:01:52,033
♪ How many ways
To say, "I love you?" ♪
50
00:01:53,834 --> 00:01:58,300
♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? ♪
51
00:01:58,335 --> 00:02:01,101
♪ With you by my side ♪
52
00:02:01,136 --> 00:02:03,833
♪ There is no denyin' ♪
53
00:02:03,868 --> 00:02:06,634
♪ I can't wait
For me and you ♪
54
00:02:12,701 --> 00:02:14,499
I swear, every day
55
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:16,334
it's another miracle
inside me.
56
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:19,599
Today's natal nuggets:
57
00:02:19,634 --> 00:02:23,317
He can now hear me
because he's got little ears.
58
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:26,276
And hopefully little fingers
to stick in them.
59
00:02:26,311 --> 00:02:29,200
So where do you all wanna
go to lunch today?
60
00:02:29,235 --> 00:02:30,866
Oh, how about that
new Japanese place?
61
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,000
It's supposed to be great.
Oh. I can't do sushi.
62
00:02:33,035 --> 00:02:34,466
You know...
Got it.
63
00:02:34,501 --> 00:02:37,200
See, the, uh, mercury
and the potential parasites
64
00:02:37,235 --> 00:02:39,033
could be harmful
to the little one.
65
00:02:39,068 --> 00:02:42,300
Oh, a bonus natal nugget.
66
00:02:42,335 --> 00:02:44,032
Oh. Guys,
67
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:46,701
I would love to keep looking
at layouts with you,
68
00:02:46,736 --> 00:02:48,033
but I am spent.
69
00:02:49,119 --> 00:02:50,065
I tell you,
70
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,868
being a vessel
for a life is exhausting.
71
00:02:52,903 --> 00:02:54,766
Hmm, it must be.
72
00:02:54,801 --> 00:02:57,467
It is exhausting
just hearing about it.
73
00:02:57,502 --> 00:03:00,133
Sweetie, you should go
put your feet up.
74
00:03:00,168 --> 00:03:01,400
Audrey can finish
your work.
75
00:03:01,435 --> 00:03:02,365
Right, Audrey?
76
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,566
Yeah. I'd be happy to.
77
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,467
Audrey, you should
let her use your office.
78
00:03:07,502 --> 00:03:08,934
You've got the couch.
79
00:03:08,969 --> 00:03:10,566
Oh, Come on.
80
00:03:10,601 --> 00:03:12,234
She is not the only woman
in the world
81
00:03:12,269 --> 00:03:13,301
who's having a baby.
82
00:03:13,336 --> 00:03:14,299
What do you mean?
83
00:03:14,334 --> 00:03:16,501
I mean there are other--
You--
84
00:03:16,536 --> 00:03:17,466
Never mind.
85
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:19,284
No, what?
I'm just saying,
86
00:03:19,319 --> 00:03:21,032
some women go
about their day
87
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:23,367
without making such a big deal
that they're pregnant.
88
00:03:23,402 --> 00:03:26,734
Oh, my God! Audrey,
are you pregnant?
89
00:03:26,769 --> 00:03:29,098
What? Audrey's pregnant?
90
00:03:29,133 --> 00:03:31,166
Oh, my God, why didn't
you tell us?
91
00:03:31,201 --> 00:03:33,200
No, no, I'm not--
This is so exciting.
92
00:03:33,235 --> 00:03:34,667
Audrey, you have
to take it easy.
93
00:03:34,702 --> 00:03:35,799
Sit down.
No, really, I--
94
00:03:35,834 --> 00:03:37,199
If I'd known
you were pregnant,
95
00:03:37,234 --> 00:03:39,133
I never would have given
you Deirdre's work.
96
00:03:39,168 --> 00:03:41,098
Huh? Never what?
97
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:45,033
You just sit down. Here,
Tracy can finish all this.
98
00:03:45,068 --> 00:03:47,634
Oh, no, guys.
99
00:03:48,601 --> 00:03:50,267
Okay.
100
00:03:56,934 --> 00:03:58,466
As a gift of appreciation
101
00:03:58,501 --> 00:04:00,167
for opening
your home to me this week,
102
00:04:00,202 --> 00:04:02,551
I'd like to give you this.
103
00:04:02,586 --> 00:04:04,866
Oh. Well, thanks, Toby.
104
00:04:04,901 --> 00:04:08,833
Look, Jen,
we have this now.
105
00:04:08,868 --> 00:04:11,901
It's a hand carved
Pennsylvania Spotted Sparrow.
106
00:04:11,936 --> 00:04:14,567
This is a poor use
of my lunch hour.
107
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,466
Why all the birds, Toby?
108
00:04:16,501 --> 00:04:19,033
I hope to sell them
to pay for my Rumspringa.
109
00:04:19,068 --> 00:04:22,866
Rumspringa?
I wish I spoke Amish.
110
00:04:22,901 --> 00:04:25,517
Rumspringa is when
a young Amish person
111
00:04:25,552 --> 00:04:27,726
leaves home to experience
modern life.
112
00:04:27,761 --> 00:04:30,781
Even after seeing
how the rest of us live,
113
00:04:30,816 --> 00:04:33,801
90 percent return home.
Lord knows why.
114
00:04:33,836 --> 00:04:36,185
But the Lord does know why.
115
00:04:36,220 --> 00:04:38,499
Home is where the heart is.
116
00:04:38,534 --> 00:04:41,767
Your heart's never been
in a truly filthy strip club.
117
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,899
Well, Toby, I gotta
get back to work,
118
00:04:44,934 --> 00:04:47,267
but Jennifer's gonna show you
around this afternoon.
119
00:04:47,302 --> 00:04:49,601
That's right, Toby,
because rock smashes scissors.
120
00:04:50,601 --> 00:04:52,701
So where are you guys
gonna go?
121
00:04:52,736 --> 00:04:54,334
I don't know. A museum?
122
00:04:54,369 --> 00:04:56,232
Mm. Snoring.
123
00:04:56,267 --> 00:04:57,917
Maybe Central Park.
124
00:04:57,952 --> 00:04:59,276
Oh, an open field.
125
00:04:59,311 --> 00:05:00,601
I bet he's never seen
126
00:05:00,636 --> 00:05:02,299
that before.
127
00:05:02,334 --> 00:05:06,100
Sucks for you, dude.
Worst Rumspringa ever.
128
00:05:06,135 --> 00:05:07,484
If you think
you can do better,
129
00:05:07,519 --> 00:05:09,526
why don't you
show Toby around?
130
00:05:09,561 --> 00:05:11,499
Sorry, Witness,
I roll solo.
131
00:05:11,534 --> 00:05:13,601
Come on. Nobody knows
a young man's New York City
132
00:05:13,636 --> 00:05:14,566
better than you do.
133
00:05:14,601 --> 00:05:17,200
Except maybe
a young man.
134
00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:20,899
I'll do the jokes,
Dimpleton.
135
00:05:20,934 --> 00:05:23,599
Ah, I have you know
that a rolling with me
136
00:05:23,634 --> 00:05:25,601
for a few days would be
the thrill of a lifetime
137
00:05:25,636 --> 00:05:26,766
for this kid.
138
00:05:26,801 --> 00:05:29,984
Well, actually, farm life
is very exciting.
139
00:05:30,019 --> 00:05:33,167
Last year, Uncle Caleb
lost his spectacles
140
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:34,599
in the wheat field.
141
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:37,501
Oh, classic Uncle Caleb.
142
00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:41,417
Come on, help me.
143
00:05:41,452 --> 00:05:43,532
Well,
144
00:05:43,567 --> 00:05:46,067
I've been on a 20 year
Rumspringa me self.
145
00:05:46,102 --> 00:05:47,632
I guess it's time
to give back.
146
00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:50,667
All right, Quaker Oats,
you're with me now. Come on.
147
00:05:50,702 --> 00:05:52,000
Here we go.
148
00:05:55,701 --> 00:06:00,167
Oh, beer cold. Chili hot.
Chair comfy.
149
00:06:01,253 --> 00:06:02,260
And playoffs.
150
00:06:03,332 --> 00:06:04,300
Wanna do it?
151
00:06:04,335 --> 00:06:05,234
Yeah.
152
00:06:09,033 --> 00:06:11,667
That was a pleasant surprise.
153
00:06:11,702 --> 00:06:13,534
I thought you'd like that.
154
00:06:13,569 --> 00:06:15,018
Where are you going?
155
00:06:15,053 --> 00:06:16,467
To re-heat my chili.
156
00:06:17,734 --> 00:06:20,067
You're right,
it's probably still hot.
157
00:06:23,434 --> 00:06:25,400
What are you doing,
we cuddled last time.
158
00:06:25,435 --> 00:06:27,801
Who said anything
about cuddling?
159
00:06:27,836 --> 00:06:29,918
Really? Again?
160
00:06:29,953 --> 00:06:32,010
What do you say?
161
00:06:32,045 --> 00:06:34,067
I think I can rally.
162
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,701
Mm-hm.
163
00:06:37,033 --> 00:06:40,133
Twice is gonna be
enough though, right?
164
00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:47,467
Russell and Toby
aren't back?
165
00:06:47,502 --> 00:06:48,632
Not yet.
166
00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:50,284
Oh, I feel terrible.
My mom called
167
00:06:50,319 --> 00:06:51,901
to see how Toby's
visit's going,
168
00:06:51,936 --> 00:06:52,866
and I had to lie to her.
169
00:06:52,901 --> 00:06:54,432
You told her
we didn't leave him
170
00:06:54,467 --> 00:06:57,232
in the custody
of a perverted little troll?
171
00:06:57,267 --> 00:07:00,667
This isn't a joke. I mean,
Toby's our responsibility.
172
00:07:00,702 --> 00:07:02,666
Okay, why don't you
do us a favor.
173
00:07:02,701 --> 00:07:04,817
And tell your parents
to retire the VW bus
174
00:07:04,852 --> 00:07:06,934
and stop sending us
America's rejects.
175
00:07:08,467 --> 00:07:10,666
Oh, here they are.
Hey, how was your day?
176
00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:14,701
It was wonderful. Mr. Russell
knows so many things.
177
00:07:14,736 --> 00:07:17,367
Well, in fairness,
I didn't build the elevator
178
00:07:17,402 --> 00:07:20,532
but I do know
how to make her go.
179
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:22,934
A-And then he took me
to play video games.
180
00:07:22,969 --> 00:07:24,032
And then out to lunch.
181
00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:26,700
Guess whose heart
now has seen
182
00:07:26,735 --> 00:07:29,334
the inside
of a filthy strip club?
183
00:07:29,369 --> 00:07:30,899
One lady was so silly.
184
00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:33,901
She sat upon my lap
upside down.
185
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,867
I'm sorry
about that, Toby.
186
00:07:36,902 --> 00:07:38,734
Oh, I wasn't complaining.
187
00:07:40,968 --> 00:07:42,599
Well, uh, tonight
Adam and I
188
00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:44,434
thought we'd take you
to the planetarium.
189
00:07:44,469 --> 00:07:45,566
Yeah, it's really cool.
190
00:07:45,601 --> 00:07:47,167
It's just like looking
at the stars,
191
00:07:47,202 --> 00:07:49,901
except it's the ceiling.
192
00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:51,965
Yeah.
193
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,434
That sounds fun.
194
00:07:54,701 --> 00:07:56,967
Um, but Mr. Russell
had mentioned
195
00:07:57,002 --> 00:07:59,234
something about
female oil wrestling.
196
00:08:00,934 --> 00:08:03,167
Russell, I--
What? He's a sports fan.
197
00:08:04,667 --> 00:08:06,534
All right, great. Well,
then I am gonna meet
198
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,235
my girlfriends downtown
for dinner.
199
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,901
See you.
What about the planetarium?
200
00:08:09,936 --> 00:08:12,067
We were supposed
to get wasted.
201
00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:16,167
Russell. Adam. Amish.
202
00:08:16,202 --> 00:08:18,399
Hello.
203
00:08:18,434 --> 00:08:20,934
So I just completed a command
performance with the missus,
204
00:08:20,969 --> 00:08:24,133
who then demanded an encore.
205
00:08:24,168 --> 00:08:25,599
Really?
206
00:08:25,634 --> 00:08:26,834
I'm not one
to kiss and tell,
207
00:08:26,869 --> 00:08:28,801
but let's just say twice.
208
00:08:30,601 --> 00:08:32,067
I don't understand.
209
00:08:32,102 --> 00:08:33,499
What's going on?
210
00:08:33,534 --> 00:08:34,632
Uh, how do I put this?
211
00:08:34,667 --> 00:08:38,968
Ah, two times
he banged upon Miss Audrey.
212
00:08:39,003 --> 00:08:40,334
Oh!
213
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,300
I say we use three shots
of the living room,
214
00:08:48,335 --> 00:08:50,151
it's just so spectac--
215
00:08:50,186 --> 00:08:51,933
Excuse me.
216
00:08:51,968 --> 00:08:53,599
Oh, that's okay,
you should be tired.
217
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,601
Your body's going through
some big changes.
218
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:56,933
Hm?
219
00:08:56,968 --> 00:08:58,834
Yeah. Well, yeah.
220
00:08:58,869 --> 00:09:00,766
Sure is.
221
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,866
Audrey, easy.
222
00:09:02,901 --> 00:09:04,801
Oh, it's all right.
He's a tough little guy.
223
00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:06,767
Little guy?
Does that mean it's a boy?
224
00:09:06,802 --> 00:09:09,299
Sure.
225
00:09:09,334 --> 00:09:11,299
Do you guys have your name
picked out?
226
00:09:11,334 --> 00:09:15,868
Um, you know we're
somewhere between Jared and...
227
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:18,468
We're really
leaning toward Jared.
228
00:09:18,503 --> 00:09:21,033
Oh, w-we were thinking
of Jared.
229
00:09:21,068 --> 00:09:23,534
Mm. I kind of said it first.
230
00:09:25,367 --> 00:09:27,484
Oh, gosh. Can my ankles
be swollen already?
231
00:09:27,519 --> 00:09:29,601
Oh, I think I need
to go put my feet up.
232
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:32,368
Oh, absolutely.
I got it from here.
233
00:09:32,403 --> 00:09:35,100
We were also thinking
of Steven.
234
00:09:35,135 --> 00:09:37,334
Our middle name.
235
00:09:42,601 --> 00:09:44,034
Hi, Laura.
Is Audrey around?
236
00:09:44,069 --> 00:09:45,467
Sure, I'll tell her
you're here.
237
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:46,566
I'll tell her myself.
238
00:09:46,601 --> 00:09:48,300
I wanna surprise her,
take her to lunch.
239
00:09:48,335 --> 00:09:49,432
That's so sweet of you.
240
00:09:49,467 --> 00:09:51,332
Congratulations,
by the way.
241
00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:53,000
On what?
You don't have to be coy.
242
00:09:53,035 --> 00:09:54,334
Audrey told us the big news.
243
00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:55,799
Not that she had to.
244
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:59,033
It was obvious, she was
so exhausted this morning.
245
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:01,766
She told you?
246
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:03,766
Wow. I-- I didn't know
247
00:10:03,801 --> 00:10:06,201
she was going wide
with this information.
248
00:10:06,236 --> 00:10:08,601
Well, when something
like this happens,
249
00:10:08,636 --> 00:10:10,001
you just have
to tell somebody.
250
00:10:10,036 --> 00:10:11,385
Mm-hm.
I couldn't agree more.
251
00:10:11,420 --> 00:10:12,699
I like to tell everybody but...
252
00:10:12,734 --> 00:10:15,150
Audrey's usually a little
more private about this.
253
00:10:15,185 --> 00:10:17,567
Oh, well, we dragged
all the details out of her.
254
00:10:17,602 --> 00:10:20,234
Um, including the name.
255
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,467
Well, uh, boy,
I-- I didn't know women
256
00:10:23,502 --> 00:10:25,232
were so interested
in this kind of stuff.
257
00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:28,683
Are you kidding? Sometimes
it's all we think about.
258
00:10:28,718 --> 00:10:32,100
You know, it's pretty much
all I think about too.
259
00:10:32,135 --> 00:10:34,834
There he is, you did it.
You're the man.
260
00:10:39,501 --> 00:10:40,799
Surprise.
261
00:10:40,834 --> 00:10:42,767
Hey, what are you doing here?
262
00:10:42,802 --> 00:10:44,965
Taking you to lunch.
263
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,100
You told everyone
we had sex two times last night?
264
00:10:48,135 --> 00:10:49,899
What?
265
00:10:49,934 --> 00:10:51,867
They're all
congratulating me.
266
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,801
I am a rock star out there.
267
00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:55,766
Yes. Yes.
268
00:10:55,801 --> 00:10:57,165
They are congratulating you
269
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,032
because we had sex twice
last night.
270
00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:02,701
Mm. Sorry, I just couldn't
keep it to myself.
271
00:11:02,736 --> 00:11:04,334
Because it was that good.
272
00:11:05,868 --> 00:11:07,833
Because it was that good.
273
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,567
Uh, y-you told them
the name?
274
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:12,033
What?
Little Jeff.
275
00:11:14,501 --> 00:11:16,300
Yeah, I must have
let that slip.
276
00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:23,883
Listen, I just heard
the news,
277
00:11:23,918 --> 00:11:25,365
and I know this is personal,
278
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,067
but my husband and I
have been trying.
279
00:11:27,102 --> 00:11:29,018
How long did it take
you guys?
280
00:11:29,053 --> 00:11:30,934
Counting the time
in between?
281
00:11:30,969 --> 00:11:32,365
Uh, l-let's go.
282
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,334
You have him call me.
283
00:11:43,167 --> 00:11:44,599
Turkey burger for you.
284
00:11:44,634 --> 00:11:47,100
And here's
your cheeseburger.
285
00:11:47,135 --> 00:11:48,332
I made it a double
286
00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:50,634
because I know how you like
everything twice.
287
00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:57,267
You are not wrong.
288
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,767
Did you have
to tell everybody?
289
00:12:00,802 --> 00:12:01,967
You told everybody at work.
290
00:12:02,002 --> 00:12:03,098
Besides, I didn't tell her.
291
00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:05,250
It just came up
in conversation.
292
00:12:05,285 --> 00:12:07,332
That came up
in conversation?
293
00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:10,567
She said she put
in a double shift last night.
294
00:12:11,901 --> 00:12:14,534
How do I not say my thing?
295
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:18,701
Ah, El Doble.
296
00:12:20,534 --> 00:12:22,968
That one's a little harder
to explain.
297
00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:24,199
Ugh, hey, guys.
298
00:12:24,234 --> 00:12:27,000
Audrey, I just got a message
from Laura at your work.
299
00:12:27,035 --> 00:12:29,684
Something about
a shower for you?
300
00:12:29,719 --> 00:12:32,299
Y-Yeah, that-- Its--
Funny story.
301
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:35,133
I once went to work
straight from the gym
302
00:12:35,168 --> 00:12:37,117
without showering. Ha!
303
00:12:37,152 --> 00:12:39,067
It was a bit of an issue.
304
00:12:39,102 --> 00:12:41,933
I remember that day.
305
00:12:41,968 --> 00:12:45,984
Yeah, I think I remember
that day too.
306
00:12:46,019 --> 00:12:49,965
Well, it's under control,
now, so...
307
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,750
Um, hey, where's that little
farmer friend of yours?
308
00:12:52,785 --> 00:12:55,659
I feel kind of bad. We pawned
him off on Russell again.
309
00:12:55,694 --> 00:12:58,534
He wanted to go. You know,
and it's not that big of a deal.
310
00:12:58,569 --> 00:12:59,968
He's only gone out
with him twice.
311
00:13:00,003 --> 00:13:01,701
Twice. Like the number
of times
312
00:13:01,736 --> 00:13:03,400
Audrey and I did it
last night.
313
00:13:04,834 --> 00:13:05,833
Jeff!
314
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,601
What? She brought it up.
315
00:13:09,033 --> 00:13:10,834
Oh, boy.
316
00:13:10,869 --> 00:13:12,234
Mm.
317
00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:15,834
Russell.
318
00:13:17,901 --> 00:13:19,868
Amish Russell.
319
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,501
Mr. Russell helped me
to pick out
320
00:13:22,536 --> 00:13:23,833
some more modern garb.
321
00:13:23,868 --> 00:13:25,265
Modern?
322
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:29,234
It looks more like 1970's
porno wardrobe.
323
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,634
You're right. It is.
324
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:35,998
He knows what porno is?
325
00:13:36,033 --> 00:13:38,467
Grumpy. Somebody only
got it once today.
326
00:13:38,502 --> 00:13:39,400
Hey, listen.
327
00:13:40,634 --> 00:13:42,265
Check this out.
328
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:44,199
Tonight I'm gonna take
my man Toby
329
00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:47,167
and we're gonna hit-eth
a secret party downtown.
330
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:49,567
I am told it will not
be on the chain.
331
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:52,466
How do you not love
this kid?
332
00:13:52,501 --> 00:13:54,884
You should hear him swear,
it's hysterical.
333
00:13:54,919 --> 00:13:57,232
Well, Jen and I
are responsible for him,
334
00:13:57,267 --> 00:14:00,067
so just make sure he's still
Amish when you're done.
335
00:14:00,102 --> 00:14:01,299
Yeah, don't worry about it.
336
00:14:01,334 --> 00:14:03,300
You should be thanking me.
If it wasn't for me,
337
00:14:03,335 --> 00:14:05,267
he'd be spending
his Rumspringa on your couch
338
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,666
whittling his wood.
339
00:14:07,701 --> 00:14:10,000
I'm not even kidding
he would literally
340
00:14:10,035 --> 00:14:11,934
be whittling his wood.
341
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:20,200
So you lied to your husband,
342
00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:22,334
your co-workers,
and your boss.
343
00:14:22,369 --> 00:14:25,499
That's one way to put it.
344
00:14:25,534 --> 00:14:27,065
And your plan
is to keep having sex,
345
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,000
hoping to get pregnant so that
no one knows that you lied.
346
00:14:32,467 --> 00:14:34,267
Crazier things
have happened.
347
00:14:34,302 --> 00:14:36,833
I'm not sure they have.
348
00:14:36,868 --> 00:14:38,767
It was my only shot.
All right?
349
00:14:38,802 --> 00:14:39,766
Because I am screwed
350
00:14:39,801 --> 00:14:41,200
if I don't have
something in here
351
00:14:41,235 --> 00:14:43,100
by the 15th of next month.
352
00:14:43,135 --> 00:14:44,799
Why then?
353
00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:47,100
I promised sonogram
pictures of Jared.
354
00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:50,265
You named him Jared?
355
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:52,617
I wasn't gonna
let Deirdre have it.
356
00:14:52,652 --> 00:14:54,899
You're not actually
having a baby.
357
00:14:54,934 --> 00:14:57,067
Look, if you're not part
of the solution,
358
00:14:57,102 --> 00:14:58,267
you're part of the problem.
359
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,067
Took some work, but I managed
to get through the whole day
360
00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:05,651
without finding out who won
361
00:15:05,686 --> 00:15:07,277
that playoff game last night.
362
00:15:07,312 --> 00:15:08,868
Wanna have sex?
Yes, I do.
363
00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:12,432
Don't mention the game.
364
00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:15,367
Oh, there goes our foreplay.
365
00:15:17,419 --> 00:15:19,367
Hold that thought.
366
00:15:22,968 --> 00:15:24,101
Oh, thanks.
367
00:15:24,136 --> 00:15:25,199
Oh, wow.
368
00:15:25,234 --> 00:15:27,167
Ha-ha. Don't mind that.
That's for me.
369
00:15:27,202 --> 00:15:29,434
I'll just get
rid of that.
370
00:15:29,469 --> 00:15:31,667
What were all
those balloons?
371
00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:38,065
What balloons?
372
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:40,167
I didn't see any balloons.
It's from your work.
373
00:15:40,202 --> 00:15:41,934
What's, uh, with the bird
on this card?
374
00:15:41,969 --> 00:15:43,132
Is this a stork?
375
00:15:43,167 --> 00:15:44,367
That's a bird.
376
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:45,532
That's just a regular,
377
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:48,400
"Congratulations
on all your sex" bird.
378
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:51,900
Audrey, are you pregnant?
379
00:15:51,935 --> 00:15:54,098
No, I'm not. But, uh,
380
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:55,934
everyone at work
kind of thinks I am.
381
00:15:55,969 --> 00:15:57,334
Well, I told you
to stop hitting
382
00:15:57,369 --> 00:15:59,267
those muffins so hard.
383
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,733
No. It was
a misunderstanding,
384
00:16:02,768 --> 00:16:05,098
and I didn't
correct it and...
385
00:16:05,133 --> 00:16:08,200
And now I get to take naps
in the afternoon.
386
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:09,667
Oh, so you're not pregnant.
387
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,501
You're insane.
388
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,501
Look, I know it was
a stupid thing to do.
389
00:16:14,536 --> 00:16:15,868
I'm sorry I dragged
you into it.
390
00:16:15,903 --> 00:16:16,866
I can't believe this.
391
00:16:16,901 --> 00:16:18,400
That's why everyone
at your office
392
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:19,499
was so happy for me.
393
00:16:19,534 --> 00:16:21,884
Jeff, I wasn't trying
to trick you--
394
00:16:21,919 --> 00:16:24,234
So nobody there knows
we did it twice.
395
00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:27,300
That's why you're upset?
396
00:16:27,335 --> 00:16:28,868
Yeah.
397
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:35,501
You really think I would tell
everyone at my work
398
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:36,766
that we had sex twice?
399
00:16:36,801 --> 00:16:39,900
The people at the diner
were pretty fired up.
400
00:16:39,935 --> 00:16:43,000
Yeah, we may have to find
some place new to eat.
401
00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:44,467
So I guess twice
had nothing to do
402
00:16:44,502 --> 00:16:46,901
with me being that good.
403
00:16:46,936 --> 00:16:49,418
No, you were good.
404
00:16:49,453 --> 00:16:51,866
Yeah, once good.
405
00:16:51,901 --> 00:16:53,767
Honey, I didn't mean
to hurt your feelings.
406
00:16:53,802 --> 00:16:55,032
I was just embarrassed.
407
00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:58,167
Tomorrow I will tell everybody
at work the truth.
408
00:16:58,202 --> 00:17:00,100
That we did it twice?
409
00:17:01,267 --> 00:17:04,432
No, that I lied
about being pregnant.
410
00:17:04,467 --> 00:17:06,834
But th-that doesn't mean
that we can't still do it.
411
00:17:06,869 --> 00:17:08,168
Come on.
412
00:17:08,203 --> 00:17:09,432
How about right now.
413
00:17:09,467 --> 00:17:11,767
You're only offering
because you feel guilty.
414
00:17:11,802 --> 00:17:13,534
Jeff.
No, no, I'll take it.
415
00:17:13,569 --> 00:17:16,132
I'm--
416
00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:17,901
I just wanna go on record
as saying
417
00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:19,334
it's because
you feel guilty.
418
00:17:20,934 --> 00:17:24,067
You know what?
You are that good.
419
00:17:24,102 --> 00:17:25,699
Ah, thanks.
420
00:17:25,734 --> 00:17:28,801
But only once.
I almost died last night.
421
00:17:36,601 --> 00:17:38,998
Oh, hey, hey, where's Toby?
422
00:17:39,033 --> 00:17:40,365
He didn't come home
last night.
423
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,467
Oh, yeah. He's sleeping
it off at my house.
424
00:17:42,502 --> 00:17:45,499
Oh, that party was bananas.
425
00:17:45,534 --> 00:17:48,367
I put the spring
in his Rumspringa.
426
00:17:49,634 --> 00:17:50,934
Ooh, and the rum.
427
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:52,599
You let him drink?
428
00:17:52,634 --> 00:17:54,734
Well, those shots weren't
gonna suck themselves
429
00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:56,934
out of the cheerleaders'
belly buttons.
430
00:17:56,969 --> 00:18:00,133
Oh, nice. Yeah.
431
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:03,632
What, you have
an outie.
432
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,332
You know, maybe this
is my calling.
433
00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:07,801
Maybe every Amish kid
should hang out with me
434
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,365
for a while and see
what he's missing.
435
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,300
What if he doesn't wanna
go back to his family
436
00:18:11,335 --> 00:18:12,899
and Amish lifestyle?
437
00:18:12,934 --> 00:18:15,167
You know, his parents
are gonna call us and scream.
438
00:18:15,202 --> 00:18:18,232
Duh, they don't have phones.
439
00:18:18,267 --> 00:18:21,467
I mean, the worst we'll get is
a quilt with a few angry panels.
440
00:18:21,502 --> 00:18:24,767
Hey, there he
is. Two days with me,
441
00:18:24,802 --> 00:18:26,234
and he went from
a-plowing a field
442
00:18:26,269 --> 00:18:28,200
to a-plowing a field.
443
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,800
I hear you had
a crazy night last night.
444
00:18:32,835 --> 00:18:35,200
Yeah, uh, I can't do
belly shots with her,
445
00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:37,566
just spills everywhere.
446
00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:39,367
I like the old school
outfit, dude.
447
00:18:39,402 --> 00:18:41,051
There better
be a zipper on there,
448
00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:42,666
because we're going
to Chinatown,
449
00:18:42,701 --> 00:18:45,467
there's a massage place toward--
There's no need, Mr. Russell.
450
00:18:45,502 --> 00:18:48,332
Your plan worked.
I'm going home.
451
00:18:48,367 --> 00:18:50,998
Ah, yeah, my plan.
What plan was that?
452
00:18:51,033 --> 00:18:54,067
Your plan to teach me
what's really important in life
453
00:18:54,102 --> 00:18:55,199
by showing me an existence
454
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:58,332
so empty
and devoid of meaning.
455
00:18:58,367 --> 00:19:01,200
Yeah. You figured
that one out, did you?
456
00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:04,098
How could I not?
457
00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:06,367
I mean, obviously no one
lives a life that shallow.
458
00:19:07,986 --> 00:19:09,466
Obviously.
459
00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,165
Thank you again
for showing me
460
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,901
the depths of depravity--
Yeah, yeah. No, no, we got it.
461
00:19:13,936 --> 00:19:15,432
All right, so you gotta
get running.
462
00:19:15,467 --> 00:19:17,850
So you gotta scram.
He's gotta hayride, I think so--
463
00:19:17,885 --> 00:19:20,234
Come on, Toby. We'll take you
to the bus station.
464
00:19:20,269 --> 00:19:21,532
Okay.
465
00:19:21,567 --> 00:19:23,732
Bye, Mr. Russell.
Yeah.
466
00:19:23,767 --> 00:19:26,234
Now that I'm leaving you can
resume living your real life.
467
00:19:26,269 --> 00:19:28,634
Yeah, oh, yeah.
468
00:19:30,434 --> 00:19:33,767
Oh, yeah. Can't wait
to get back to that.
469
00:19:38,901 --> 00:19:40,500
Hey, mama,
how you feeling?
470
00:19:40,535 --> 00:19:42,065
Oh, good,
you got the basket.
471
00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:45,717
Uh, yeah, listen, guys.
I have to tell you something.
472
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:49,334
See, the-- The truth is,
I should return that to you
473
00:19:49,369 --> 00:19:53,033
because, uh, I'm not pregnant.
474
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:54,432
See what happened was--
475
00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:56,500
Oh, you don't have
to say it.
476
00:19:56,535 --> 00:19:58,201
And you know
it's totally normal.
477
00:19:58,236 --> 00:19:59,868
You just need
to keep trying.
478
00:19:59,903 --> 00:20:01,933
Oh, no. No, no, no, see--
479
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:04,267
No, look. Just take a couple
of days off.
480
00:20:04,302 --> 00:20:05,232
Okay?
481
00:20:05,267 --> 00:20:09,098
Oh, I don't...
482
00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:10,934
Maybe that would be best.
483
00:20:15,767 --> 00:20:17,200
Oh.
484
00:20:25,801 --> 00:20:28,834
Oh, my God, your outfit
is so cute.
485
00:20:28,869 --> 00:20:31,868
Mm, I've never met
an Amish guy before.
486
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:36,700
Yes, I am innocent
to your big city ways,
487
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:40,367
and I have only
my Rumspringa to experience
488
00:20:40,402 --> 00:20:43,634
the carnal joys of modern life.
489
00:20:43,669 --> 00:20:45,466
Wait, Rumspringa?
490
00:20:45,501 --> 00:20:46,968
Isn't that for,
like, teenagers?
491
00:20:47,003 --> 00:20:49,065
Yes, it is.
492
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:52,100
Wow, you look
much older than that.
493
00:20:52,135 --> 00:20:55,065
Yes, it's a hard life
on the farm.
494
00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:58,601
Hey, can I get a vodka tonic,
no ice? Thank you.
495
00:20:58,636 --> 00:21:01,566
Tell me, thy belly button,
496
00:21:01,601 --> 00:21:04,701
wouldst they be
an innie or outie?
497
00:21:04,751 --> 00:21:09,301
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35291
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
