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1
00:00:35,100 --> 00:00:36,901
Ugh!
2
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:53,501
David!
3
00:00:53,567 --> 00:00:55,934
Mrs. Conner.
I know, it's late.
4
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,167
I was just down in Darlene's
room... playing Monopoly.
5
00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:04,968
Yeah, right, and I
was up here doing sit-ups.
6
00:01:05,033 --> 00:01:08,100
I'm not lying, Mrs. Conner.
7
00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:09,968
Darlene and I haven't
had sex all summer.
8
00:01:10,033 --> 00:01:12,000
Well, I wouldn't know
anything about that,
9
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:15,567
what with being
born yesterday.
10
00:01:15,634 --> 00:01:17,467
Mrs. Conner, there's
something I have to tell you.
11
00:01:22,334 --> 00:01:23,868
I love your daughter,
12
00:01:23,934 --> 00:01:28,133
but I don't wanna hurt her
relationship with you and Mr. Conner.
13
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,934
And I plan to marry Darlene
someday, so if we have to wait
14
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,501
for a little while now,
15
00:01:32,567 --> 00:01:34,801
it's a small price to pay
to be with her forever.
16
00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:41,100
You can't use lines like that and
expect me to think you're not having sex.
17
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,234
Well, we're not.
I swear.
18
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:45,200
I mean,
we still... pet-
19
00:01:45,267 --> 00:01:47,567
Stop it!
20
00:01:47,634 --> 00:01:49,801
Right now,
you are grounded for two weeks.
21
00:01:49,868 --> 00:01:51,467
One week for
having sex with my daughter,
22
00:01:51,534 --> 00:01:54,234
and another week
for using the word "pet. "
23
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:57,567
D.J.
24
00:01:57,634 --> 00:01:59,667
What the hell
are you doing up so late?
25
00:01:59,734 --> 00:02:01,534
They made me play Monopoly.
26
00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:04,534
I wanted to go to bed
and get my rest for school.
27
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:10,534
You haven't been feeding me
a load of the truth, have you?
28
00:02:10,601 --> 00:02:12,901
Yeah, I thought
that's what you'd like.
29
00:02:12,968 --> 00:02:18,067
David, obviously you know
very little about this family.
30
00:02:18,133 --> 00:02:20,534
We have raised three children
without the truth,
31
00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:22,467
and we've managed to do
very well, thank you,
32
00:02:22,534 --> 00:02:25,567
without your consarned,
newfangled ways.
33
00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:28,100
Hey, honey.
34
00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:29,834
David, what are you doing up?
35
00:02:33,234 --> 00:02:35,300
Well, uh...
36
00:02:35,367 --> 00:02:37,467
I heard this noise.
37
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:42,100
So I came downstairs
to see what it was,
38
00:02:42,167 --> 00:02:45,868
and it was
this huge bird...
39
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,501
that was caught
in the screen door there.
40
00:02:49,567 --> 00:02:51,901
And I got it out,
and then...
41
00:02:51,968 --> 00:02:53,000
he left.
42
00:03:57,834 --> 00:04:00,067
Gross, oatmeal!
43
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,234
I want a bear claw.
44
00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:04,501
Well, tough,
we don't have any.
45
00:04:04,567 --> 00:04:06,701
We're eatin' healthy now,
and oatmeal's good for ya.
46
00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:09,100
There's your brown sugar
and your syrup.
47
00:04:10,734 --> 00:04:12,934
Since when did this family
start eating oatmeal?
48
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,834
Well, I'm not having any junk
food in the house at all
49
00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:16,501
when I'm pregnant this time,
'cause I'm hoping
50
00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:19,701
that this one will turn out
to be smarter than the other
51
00:04:19,767 --> 00:04:22,701
K- I-D-S.
52
00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:24,501
Is it too much to ask
that there be a washcloth
53
00:04:24,567 --> 00:04:26,000
in the bathroom
in the morning?
54
00:04:26,067 --> 00:04:29,901
No, it's not too much to ask.
It's too much to do.
55
00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:31,834
D.J., why aren't you
in the car? We're late.
56
00:04:31,901 --> 00:04:33,434
I haven't eaten
my breakfast yet.
57
00:04:33,501 --> 00:04:36,601
There's Tic Tacs
in the armrest. Move!
58
00:04:40,334 --> 00:04:41,567
What's with him?
59
00:04:41,634 --> 00:04:44,334
Oh, he's a great,
big, old sugar addict,
60
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:45,834
going through withdrawal.
61
00:04:45,901 --> 00:04:49,567
So desperate, I caught him out
licking a beehive in the yard.
62
00:04:49,634 --> 00:04:53,234
Good grief. Why didn't
he just ask for some sugar?
63
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,734
Well, he doesn't know that
that's what's bothering him.
64
00:04:55,801 --> 00:04:57,367
He doesn't?
No. He's a man.
65
00:04:57,434 --> 00:04:59,234
He has no insight into
why he acts the way he acts.
66
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,200
He just
knows he's mad.
67
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,767
You gonna explain
it to him?
68
00:05:02,834 --> 00:05:06,267
Why should I? He's still
taking most of it out on D.J.
69
00:05:06,334 --> 00:05:09,734
Hey.
Where you two going?
70
00:05:09,801 --> 00:05:12,400
I don't have to tell you what
I'm doing. I'm in college now.
71
00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:15,501
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I don't own you anymore.
72
00:05:15,567 --> 00:05:18,400
Where're you two
going, David?
73
00:05:18,467 --> 00:05:20,334
We're gonna go study
in the basement.
74
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,567
Thank you, there'll be a little something
extra in your paycheck this week.
75
00:05:26,133 --> 00:05:28,334
I thought they weren't allowed
alone together in the basement.
76
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,734
Well, they weren't,
77
00:05:29,801 --> 00:05:31,934
but that was before I found out
that they're not having sex.
78
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,400
And it's not like when Mom found
out that we weren't having sex.
79
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,667
It's really true.
Roseanne, it is like
80
00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:38,534
when Mom found out.
What?
81
00:05:38,601 --> 00:05:41,934
I saw their car parked outside
the Green Lantern Motel yesterday.
82
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,567
I saw Darlene going
into one of the rooms.
83
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:47,434
Was D.J. there
with a Monopoly board?
84
00:05:47,501 --> 00:05:49,667
No.
85
00:05:49,734 --> 00:05:51,934
Damn them!
86
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,868
Why did you have
to tell me this?
87
00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:58,734
Don't get mad at me!
I'm just the messenger.
88
00:05:58,801 --> 00:06:00,634
Yeah, you're right.
89
00:06:00,701 --> 00:06:02,567
I'm sorry.
90
00:06:02,634 --> 00:06:04,467
You like some milk
in your coffee?
91
00:06:13,601 --> 00:06:16,167
You two are having sex.
92
00:06:16,234 --> 00:06:18,100
We are? David,
why didn't you tell me?
93
00:06:18,167 --> 00:06:20,968
I'd have put my book down.
94
00:06:21,033 --> 00:06:24,767
Well, I would expect to be
lied to by you, young lady.
95
00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:27,367
But you! I never
even saw it coming,
96
00:06:27,434 --> 00:06:31,267
with those puppy-dog eyes
and that sad clown hair.
97
00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:34,801
What, did D.J. tell you?
98
00:06:34,868 --> 00:06:36,801
I don't plan
to reveal my source,
99
00:06:36,868 --> 00:06:38,501
but suffice it to say,
100
00:06:38,567 --> 00:06:41,267
that your car was seen
yesterday parked outside
101
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,701
of the Green Lantern Motel.
102
00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:47,334
It was not.
Are you calling Jackie a liar?
103
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,834
I was at a movie
yesterday afternoon.
104
00:06:50,901 --> 00:06:53,334
Don't even start with me.
We take you into this house
105
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,167
and treat you
like one of our own kids,
106
00:06:55,234 --> 00:07:00,133
and then you turn around and treat
us like you're one of our own kids!
107
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,133
Mom, leave him alone.
108
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,834
I was at the motel,
but not with David.
109
00:07:10,234 --> 00:07:12,501
Well, did you save
your ticket stub, you know,
110
00:07:12,567 --> 00:07:14,334
'cause they're good for free
fries at the Dairy Queen.
111
00:07:20,334 --> 00:07:23,033
What are you doing,
meeting strange men at motels?
112
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,601
No, you have it all wrong.
113
00:07:24,667 --> 00:07:28,667
I meet them at the truck stops,
I take them to the motels.
114
00:07:28,734 --> 00:07:30,400
So who're you meeting?
115
00:07:30,467 --> 00:07:32,267
Just this guy
from school, Jimmy.
116
00:07:32,334 --> 00:07:35,868
He came down for a few days and I
met him in his room so we could talk.
117
00:07:35,934 --> 00:07:39,267
Right. Yeah, the advantage
of talking in a motel
118
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:42,133
is that, what,
you can shower afterwards?
119
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,267
Look, I didn't want David
to find out I was meeting Jimmy.
120
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:46,968
I was trying
to be considerate.
121
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:50,100
God, you are just
such a wonderful gal, Darlene.
122
00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:52,400
David is such a lucky fella.
123
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:56,300
There's nothing wrong
with what I'm doing.
124
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:57,701
David knows
about Jimmy.
125
00:07:58,801 --> 00:07:59,801
What?
126
00:07:59,868 --> 00:08:01,701
He's known about it
all summer.
127
00:08:01,767 --> 00:08:03,033
And he's fine with it.
128
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,100
Oh, he's fine
with his girlfriend
129
00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:06,968
meeting another guy
in a motel?
130
00:08:07,033 --> 00:08:09,801
Yeah. Cool for me, huh?
131
00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:13,434
No, Darlene,
it isn't cool at all.
132
00:08:13,501 --> 00:08:15,968
It's cruel and heartless.
133
00:08:16,033 --> 00:08:18,033
How can you
be so insensitive
134
00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:20,667
to a tiny, little
wuss like David?
135
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:23,834
Hey, I'm okay with it,
136
00:08:23,901 --> 00:08:25,701
and so are David and Jimmy.
137
00:08:25,767 --> 00:08:28,667
So why do you have to try
and control my life?
138
00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:31,901
Because, Darlene, I cannot shift
the entire balance of nature
139
00:08:31,968 --> 00:08:33,901
just to please you.
140
00:08:33,968 --> 00:08:35,767
Well, there's nothing
you can do about it.
141
00:08:35,834 --> 00:08:37,367
Oh, there's plenty
I can do about it.
142
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,267
Like what?
Like, no matter what happens,
143
00:08:40,334 --> 00:08:42,667
that Jimmy kid's
not moving in here.
144
00:08:48,501 --> 00:08:51,100
I thought you told me you'd have
that truck finished before noon.
145
00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:53,033
Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan.
146
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,734
I don't think you've quite got the
hang of this civil service thing.
147
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:59,033
Finish the truck,
then you go to lunch.
148
00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:00,801
But Jackie's coming.
149
00:09:00,868 --> 00:09:03,901
Since the baby, it's hard
for us to have... lunch
150
00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:05,434
as often as we used to.
151
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:07,667
And if I don't
have... lunch now,
152
00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:11,501
I'm gonna have to wait
till Sunday for lunch.
153
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:13,868
I tell you what, for once, why
don't you just act like an employee
154
00:09:13,934 --> 00:09:15,834
and do what
the boss tells you.
155
00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:20,634
Guess we won't
be having lunch.
156
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,467
Now now, Jackie.
Dan?
157
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:28,868
Not now, Jackie.
Dan.
158
00:09:28,934 --> 00:09:30,067
Not now, Jackie.
Dan!
159
00:09:30,133 --> 00:09:32,167
Not now, Jackie.
I know what's bothering you.
160
00:09:32,234 --> 00:09:36,300
Not now, Jackie. Dan,
eat a Ho Ho, would you?
161
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:39,701
What?
162
00:09:39,767 --> 00:09:41,601
Roseanne won't tell you,
but I will.
163
00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:45,100
You're all testy because you don't
have any sugar in your system.
164
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:48,033
What are you talking about? I had three
donuts when I come in this morning.
165
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:50,534
You did? So why are you
being so short with everybody?
166
00:09:50,601 --> 00:09:52,067
I got stuff
on my mind.
167
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,267
Dan, I am your sister-in-law,
168
00:09:55,334 --> 00:09:58,000
and I would like to think
that if I ever had a problem,
169
00:09:58,067 --> 00:09:59,767
that I could come to you.
170
00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:02,133
You can't.
171
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,901
Dan, I just get the feeling
that you wanna talk about it.
172
00:10:08,968 --> 00:10:11,501
Jackie, if I tell you anything,
you're gonna run to Roseanne.
173
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,467
No, that's not true!
No, not if you tell me not to.
174
00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:21,901
I'm gonna
tell you something.
175
00:10:21,968 --> 00:10:24,868
And you're gonna think I'm the worst
person on the face of the planet.
176
00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:28,100
Oh, my God,
you're having an affair.
177
00:10:30,334 --> 00:10:32,801
No, I'm not
having an affair.
178
00:10:32,868 --> 00:10:35,734
Would I be in my office during
lunch if I were having an affair?
179
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,534
You have thought about having
an affair long enough to know
180
00:10:38,601 --> 00:10:41,000
that you would
have to do it during lunch?
181
00:10:41,067 --> 00:10:43,200
I'm not having an affair.
182
00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,267
I'm not thinking
about having an affair!
183
00:10:45,334 --> 00:10:47,968
I just...
184
00:10:48,033 --> 00:10:49,801
I'm not- I'm not...
185
00:10:49,868 --> 00:10:52,067
feeling good
about having this baby.
186
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:53,667
That's it?
187
00:10:53,734 --> 00:10:55,567
Yeah.
188
00:10:55,634 --> 00:10:57,634
My wife is pregnant
with my child,
189
00:10:57,701 --> 00:11:00,534
and I'm having all these doubts.
That's pretty terrible.
190
00:11:00,601 --> 00:11:03,100
Dan, no, it isn't terrible.
191
00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:05,501
Dan, it's perfectly natural
to have doubts.
192
00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:08,501
Not for me.
I've never felt this way before.
193
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:11,968
Dan! You always
feel this way.
194
00:11:12,033 --> 00:11:13,767
No, I don't.
Yes, you do!
195
00:11:13,834 --> 00:11:15,534
During every single one
of Roseanne's pregnancies,
196
00:11:15,601 --> 00:11:18,767
you always freak out
just like this.
197
00:11:18,834 --> 00:11:20,601
I do?
198
00:11:20,667 --> 00:11:23,133
Yes!
199
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,534
You couldn't sleep
when she was expecting Becky,
200
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:28,300
you had the chronic
flop-sweat over Darlene,
201
00:11:28,367 --> 00:11:30,701
and you were convinced
that D.J. was a bad idea.
202
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:34,467
Yeah, well,
that's when he was six.
203
00:11:34,534 --> 00:11:36,968
You're always a wreck
about the pregnancy thing,
204
00:11:37,033 --> 00:11:39,567
and then Roseanne calms you
down, she rubs your head,
205
00:11:39,634 --> 00:11:41,534
and she tells you that
everything's gonna be all right.
206
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:46,467
Yeah, she does do that,
doesn't she?
207
00:11:46,534 --> 00:11:49,734
So now don't you feel
like everything's gonna be okay?
208
00:11:49,801 --> 00:11:52,701
Yeah.
209
00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:55,567
Hey, thanks, Jackie. You've
actually helped me with my problem.
210
00:11:55,634 --> 00:11:57,200
Did I really?
211
00:11:57,267 --> 00:11:59,868
Did I help you?
212
00:12:01,901 --> 00:12:02,834
So, what helped
you the most?
213
00:12:02,901 --> 00:12:04,501
The part where
I was really forceful,
214
00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:06,200
or the part where I told you
how you always are
215
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:07,300
when Roseanne is pregnant?
216
00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:08,868
Fred, lunch!
217
00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:17,834
Hey, don't eat
all of that.
218
00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:20,801
I'm saving half
of it for Jimmy.
219
00:12:20,868 --> 00:12:22,667
Okay.
220
00:12:22,734 --> 00:12:26,167
Oh, God, David,
you're so pathetic.
221
00:12:26,234 --> 00:12:28,734
Sit down.
222
00:12:28,801 --> 00:12:31,033
Mrs. Conner, this whole
Darlene and Jimmy thing,
223
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:33,033
I really am cool with it.
224
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:36,234
You know, you might not think
that you deserve to have Darlene
225
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:38,334
all to yourself,
but you do, David.
226
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,067
You're a really great kid.
227
00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:43,734
Mrs. Conner...
228
00:12:43,801 --> 00:12:47,367
I'm willing to do whatever
it takes to hold onto Darlene.
229
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,467
Even if that means
230
00:12:49,534 --> 00:12:51,501
sacrificing my self-respect
231
00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:53,334
and every shred
of manhood I ever had.
232
00:12:55,434 --> 00:12:56,701
Wow.
233
00:12:56,767 --> 00:13:00,300
Does this Jimmy kid
know what he's up against?
234
00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:03,334
Honey, I got all kinds
of good food for the baby.
235
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,634
I got oranges,
I got grapes,
236
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,534
I got raspberries.
237
00:13:07,601 --> 00:13:09,400
You've seen some
of this stuff before,
238
00:13:09,467 --> 00:13:12,234
on the Trix box.
239
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:13,634
Why are you
in such a good mood?
240
00:13:13,701 --> 00:13:16,868
You're not allowed to have
sugar, so you better be drunk.
241
00:13:16,934 --> 00:13:18,300
Listen.
242
00:13:18,367 --> 00:13:20,200
I've been beating myself up
about something all week,
243
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:21,767
and I finally realized
that what I need to do
244
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:22,901
is talk to you.
245
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,801
Yeah? All right.
Well, I'm listening.
246
00:13:25,868 --> 00:13:29,400
Well...
247
00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:31,968
I been real
scared all week.
248
00:13:32,033 --> 00:13:35,067
You know?
About the baby.
249
00:13:35,133 --> 00:13:38,334
I just can't get it out of my head
that what if it's a huge mistake.
250
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,467
And I thought we should...
251
00:13:41,534 --> 00:13:43,167
you know, talk.
252
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:48,334
Well...
253
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,501
maybe we should have,
you know, talked
254
00:13:51,567 --> 00:13:54,634
before we had,
you know, sex.
255
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,868
No, see, you're getting mad,
256
00:13:56,934 --> 00:13:59,634
and I'm just having my usual
doubts about having a baby.
257
00:13:59,701 --> 00:14:01,734
You know what I'm like.
258
00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:05,400
What do you want me to do about it,
Dan? You want me to get rid of it?
259
00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:07,968
I didn't say that. Oh, man,
this is going all wrong.
260
00:14:08,033 --> 00:14:09,601
Of course it's
going all wrong, Dan.
261
00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:10,801
You're not sure
you wanna have the baby.
262
00:14:10,868 --> 00:14:13,934
I'm not completely sure,
263
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,734
I'm- I'm pretty
sure I want it.
264
00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:18,834
Well, I'm pretty sure
that I'm completely pregnant.
265
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:22,067
So you better get completely
sure pretty damn quick.
266
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:29,434
Thanks, hon,
I feel a lot better.
267
00:14:37,567 --> 00:14:40,634
Don't they have an adult
section here or something?
268
00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:43,033
This stuff is for 12-year-olds
that get knocked up.
269
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,033
What are you in such
a bad mood about?
270
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:48,467
Well, if you
really must know,
271
00:14:48,534 --> 00:14:52,601
Mike Douglas
is no longer on the air...
272
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:55,000
Dan hates the baby,
273
00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:58,901
and I suddenly realized
I'll never be a ballerina.
274
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,968
What? Dan said
he hates the baby?
275
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:04,467
He didn't exactly say that,
but he might as well have.
276
00:15:04,534 --> 00:15:06,667
He comes home yesterday
and starts griping to me
277
00:15:06,734 --> 00:15:08,701
about all these fears
and doubts he's having.
278
00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:12,501
I don't get it. You didn't mind
comforting him every other time.
279
00:15:12,567 --> 00:15:13,834
Well, this time's different.
280
00:15:13,901 --> 00:15:16,634
Why?
I don't know, it just is.
281
00:15:16,701 --> 00:15:18,400
Look at this crap.
282
00:15:18,467 --> 00:15:20,501
I'm gonna wind up
wearing Dan's clothes again.
283
00:15:20,567 --> 00:15:21,667
I don't get it!
284
00:15:21,734 --> 00:15:24,267
What is so horrible
about Dan having a few doubts?
285
00:15:24,334 --> 00:15:27,367
Because, Jackie,
286
00:15:27,434 --> 00:15:30,701
the jerk knew for a whole year
that we were trying to have a baby.
287
00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:32,634
Okay, it's just
a little bit too late
288
00:15:32,701 --> 00:15:34,734
for him to be having
doubts now, isn't it?
289
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,100
And besides,
I'm having them too.
290
00:15:40,167 --> 00:15:42,634
Really? Why?
291
00:15:42,701 --> 00:15:45,901
I'm 42 years old.
I'm already tired.
292
00:15:45,968 --> 00:15:49,267
What if I don't have the energy
to raise this baby right?
293
00:15:49,334 --> 00:15:52,667
Well, you never worried
about raising them right before.
294
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,534
Well, yeah, but I mean,
295
00:15:57,601 --> 00:15:58,801
what if something's
wrong with it?
296
00:15:58,868 --> 00:16:01,667
I mean, 'cause my eggs
are so old.
297
00:16:01,734 --> 00:16:04,868
And then it ends up
with a lifetime of problems
298
00:16:04,934 --> 00:16:06,300
and it's all my fault.
299
00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:09,000
That's just silly. You had
the same worry about D.J.
300
00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:11,467
He is a perfectly
normal 12-year-old.
301
00:16:11,534 --> 00:16:13,968
He's 17, Jackie.
We just say he's 12,
302
00:16:14,033 --> 00:16:16,133
'cause we're
so damn embarrassed.
303
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,801
Why don't you just
tell Dan that you're worried.
304
00:16:17,868 --> 00:16:21,267
No! I can't be upset
if he's upset too.
305
00:16:21,334 --> 00:16:23,868
He needs me to be all sure,
like I was the other three times.
306
00:16:23,934 --> 00:16:27,400
So I can rub his stupid head and tell
him everything's gonna be all right.
307
00:16:27,467 --> 00:16:29,634
Well, so what if you've
always been the strong one?
308
00:16:29,701 --> 00:16:30,901
You have a right
to have some doubts.
309
00:16:30,968 --> 00:16:32,934
I'm sure Dan
would be very supportive
310
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,534
if you just
give him a chance.
311
00:16:34,601 --> 00:16:36,801
You think so?
312
00:16:36,868 --> 00:16:39,701
Yes! Look how good he was
when your back went out.
313
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,434
And when Dad died.
314
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,434
When you got that
really bad haircut.
315
00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:47,868
Yeah, that was hard
on the whole family.
316
00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:53,267
Yeah. All right.
317
00:16:53,334 --> 00:16:55,200
Maybe I'll
give him a chance.
318
00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:56,968
Thattagirl. Yeah.
319
00:16:57,033 --> 00:16:59,501
And you know,
Roseanne,
320
00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:01,901
one of the magical things
about relationships
321
00:17:01,968 --> 00:17:04,701
is the way that
two people can find strength
322
00:17:04,767 --> 00:17:06,601
in being scared together.
323
00:17:10,467 --> 00:17:13,234
Where did you come up
with that crap?
324
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:17,200
You said that to me
when I was scared to marry Fred.
325
00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:20,067
Come on, Jackie,
this is serious!
326
00:17:29,734 --> 00:17:32,100
Darlene, there's something
I wanna get off my chest here.
327
00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:36,801
Oh, David, a lot of guys have a third
nipple. That doesn't make you a freak.
328
00:17:36,868 --> 00:17:39,834
It's Jimmy, Darlene.
I wanna talk about Jimmy.
329
00:17:43,734 --> 00:17:45,334
So talk.
330
00:17:49,968 --> 00:17:52,634
What's he look like?
331
00:17:52,701 --> 00:17:56,133
David, come on.
Is he tall?
332
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,968
I don't know.
Average.
333
00:17:58,033 --> 00:17:59,267
Is he taller than me?
334
00:17:59,334 --> 00:18:03,901
Average would be
taller than you, yes.
335
00:18:03,968 --> 00:18:06,601
Are you sleeping with him?
336
00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:07,601
No.
337
00:18:09,767 --> 00:18:11,434
Are you gonna
sleep with him?
338
00:18:11,501 --> 00:18:14,067
I don't-
I don't know, maybe.
339
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:16,400
When?
340
00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:19,167
David, don't do this.
341
00:18:19,234 --> 00:18:21,501
This is killing me, Darlene.
342
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,133
You need to choose.
343
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,267
Oh, come on.
344
00:18:25,334 --> 00:18:28,400
No, I'm serious. I mean, I do
have an ounce of dignity left.
345
00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:30,267
Who's it gonna be,
me or the other guy?
346
00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:35,834
The other guy.
347
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,501
Or me, that's right, choose.
348
00:18:43,434 --> 00:18:44,601
I did.
349
00:18:47,868 --> 00:18:52,000
David, you're so
important to me.
350
00:18:52,067 --> 00:18:54,367
I mean, were were
each other's first love.
351
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,567
But people who don't explore
other relationships
352
00:18:56,634 --> 00:18:59,100
end up becoming my parents.
353
00:18:59,167 --> 00:19:01,601
He can't love you
more than I do.
354
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:05,701
David, stop.
You know,
355
00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:08,200
if you sleep with him and you
don't like it, I'll take you back.
356
00:19:08,267 --> 00:19:12,334
David, please don't
say anything else nice to me.
357
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,167
You know, this is
hard for me too.
358
00:19:14,234 --> 00:19:16,534
Fine.
359
00:19:16,601 --> 00:19:19,200
I can't believe I wasted
three years of my life with you,
360
00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:21,667
you coldhearted bitch.
361
00:19:21,734 --> 00:19:23,334
Did that make it easier?
362
00:19:30,801 --> 00:19:32,300
Oh, hey.
Hey.
363
00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:34,467
How you doing?
Mmm...
364
00:19:34,534 --> 00:19:37,567
Well, I'm okay, but...
365
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:40,467
I thought maybe
we should talk.
366
00:19:40,534 --> 00:19:42,834
Good, good.
I think we should too.
367
00:19:42,901 --> 00:19:44,801
Yeah, 'cause there's a lot of
stuff I didn't get to say yesterday.
368
00:19:44,868 --> 00:19:47,300
Honey, we don't
have to argue anymore.
369
00:19:47,367 --> 00:19:50,367
I said a lot of stupid stuff
I didn't mean yesterday.
370
00:19:50,434 --> 00:19:52,934
Of course I'm not
scared about the baby.
371
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,234
Really?
Of course not.
372
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:56,968
I was completely
out of line.
373
00:19:57,033 --> 00:19:59,334
I mean, we're having a baby.
This is great news.
374
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,601
Oh, that's so sweet, Dan.
375
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:04,834
I'm so glad
that I'm having your kid,
376
00:20:04,901 --> 00:20:07,334
and not one of them
other guys I'm sleeping with.
377
00:20:08,868 --> 00:20:11,601
Yeah, we're gonna raise
this kid just fine.
378
00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:15,100
Oh, man, you just have no idea
how much this means to me.
379
00:20:15,167 --> 00:20:17,634
Sometimes I need
some support too.
380
00:20:17,701 --> 00:20:20,200
Really? Well, you got it.
I'm there 100 percent.
381
00:20:20,267 --> 00:20:22,167
I'm 100 percent
behind this.
382
00:20:22,234 --> 00:20:23,968
This is gonna be
the best kid yet.
383
00:20:24,033 --> 00:20:26,400
Well, so, what was it
that changed your mind?
384
00:20:26,467 --> 00:20:29,367
Well, you know,
385
00:20:29,434 --> 00:20:32,400
your mind... has thoughts,
386
00:20:32,467 --> 00:20:35,100
and that...
387
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,067
leads to other thoughts
and then you're thinking.
388
00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:39,133
And pretty soon,
you're there and it's great!
389
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,000
You're lying to me.
390
00:20:45,067 --> 00:20:46,968
What do you want me to do?
391
00:20:47,033 --> 00:20:48,400
I'm trying to say
the right thing here.
392
00:20:48,467 --> 00:20:50,400
Well, saying the right thing
doesn't mean anything
393
00:20:50,467 --> 00:20:51,767
if you don't mean it.
394
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:55,167
Well, I am gonna mean it.
I'm here to support ya.
395
00:20:55,234 --> 00:20:57,934
When you have stuff
to talk about,
396
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,200
we should talk about it.
397
00:20:59,267 --> 00:21:02,334
I mean, especially
if you have doubts.
398
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,267
Do you...
399
00:21:04,334 --> 00:21:06,701
have any,
you know, doubts?
400
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,367
Come here.
401
00:21:17,767 --> 00:21:19,501
Everything's gonna
be fine, Dan.
402
00:21:19,567 --> 00:21:21,267
You really think so?
403
00:21:21,334 --> 00:21:22,701
Yeah, sure.
404
00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:28,100
Yeah, you and me
can handle anything,
405
00:21:28,167 --> 00:21:30,067
as long as we just
talk these things through.
406
00:21:30,133 --> 00:21:33,400
Yeah. Yeah, makes
everybody feel better.
407
00:22:56,467 --> 00:22:59,400
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408
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