All language subtitles for Roseanne s01e06 Lovers Lane.eng

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well, this is called "lover's
lane" and it's the bowling show.

that was the first
show, i think,

where i really started
to be having fun

and you know, doing more than
just delivering a flat line-

you know,
a flat punchline.

i got to act funny.
i got to do funny things.

i got to like,
kinda...

blow my character out
a little bit and have fun.

- pETE: hey, girls.
- jACKIE: pete, please...

we're trying to eat.

jackie, you ought
to be in a better mood.

it's friday. what are
you girls doing tonight?

well, we were gonna go out and try
to find some dim-witted bald guys.

was that supposed
to mean me?

what are you
gonna do, pete?

i'm gonna go out and redefine
the word "manhood"

for some woman.

well, you know, you've
already redefined it for me.

you wish.

i could use
some manhood myself.

- sylvia.
- well, what am i, dead?

there's still some tread
in these old tires.

well, it would be fun
to go out tonight.

fun? hell,
it's a necessity.

we should go dancing. let's
drive out to the night monkey.

ooh, i've never been there. is it nice?

oh, it's a real
class joint.

you can meet men there
from the finest prisons.

and you have
a better idea?

- don't i always?
- let's hear it.

- well, it's kind of wild.
- what?

it's something you'd never
think about in a million years.

- what?
- bowling.

- no. no way.
- come on, it'd be a blast.

- for who?
- for me.

yeah, for you. every time we
go bowling, it's the same thing.

you screw around and you
mess up everybody's game.

she's right. you have
no respect for the sport.

come on, i love bowling.
it's the perfect workout.

six seconds of exercise,
drink beer a half an hour.

i really need an excuse to
get dan out of the house.

otherwise, he's gonna make me sit with
him and watch "big-time wrestling."

oh, i forgot
that was on tonight.

sonny boy crusher
takes on mike the mangler.

there's no way
i'm gonna miss that.

what about you, booker?
you wanna go bowling?

- are you kidding?
- no, for reals. you wanna go?

- who else is going?
- i am.

oh, yeah. jackie's been begging
me all day to go with her.

you gonna beg me?

it's friday night, booker.
i thought you'd have plans.

yeah, i do, actually.
i'm going bowling with you.

great. see, crystal, we're all going.

what are you gonna do,

sit home and check the expiration
dates on all your dairy products?

all right, i'll go.

but, roseanne, you got to
promise to behave yourself.

i promise to be on my best
friday night behavior, crystal.

bowler's honor.

come on, everybody!
let's go!

shake a leg!

- get it?
- yeah.

it's gonna work out fine, babe.
we're gonna get home just in time

to see snakeman
take on the human clamp.

oh, that reminds me
of our honeymoon.

- we need money.
- yeah, give us our money.

your money?

i don't care whose money
it is, just give it to us.

well, not till we hear
the magic word.

now.

ooh.
no, the magic word.

- please!
- please!

what beautiful,
obedient children.

pay 'em off.

- how much?
- five bucks a hit.

okay, here you go,
five smackeroonies apiece.

and that's it for tonight.
don't come crying for more.

and, d.j., don't
draw on it this time.

- i get the front seat.
- no, you don't.

- yes, i do. ah-ha!
- no, you don't.

five bucks apiece for them little
beggars. that's a lot of money.

yeah, but look at it this way. for five
bucks, they're out of our hair all night.

hell, let's give 'em
each a hundred,

maybe they'll move
to cleveland.

becky, come on!

yeah, get a move on
before my hand cools down.

your what?

feel this, baby.

there's a 200-point game
pulsating through these fingers.

let's not waste it
on bowling.

mom, d.j. took the front seat
and it's not his turn.

all right, that's it. in
the trunk with both of you.

what's taking becky so long?

puberty.

she's getting dressed up
for her boyfriend.

what boyfriend?

- chip.
- chip who?

you know, $5.00 really
doesn't go that far.

well, neither does the little
girl with two broken legs.

pumpkin, i'd hate to see
you hobbling around

for the rest of your life.

now, who's this chip guy? give.

all right, he works
at the bowling alley.

he's not that tattooed guy that
sweeps up the parking lot, is he?

no, he goes to school
with becky on the weekdays

and only works at the
bowling alley on the weekends.

she's got the major
hots for him.

oh, she does, does she?

whoa! whoa!
look at you.

oh, are we gonna be working
the lounge tonight?

what are you all dressed
up for just to go bowling?

any particular reason?

no.

well, what about chip?
chip, chip, chip, chip.

shut up.
darlene, i'm gonna kill you

and burn
everything you own.

- come here, you. come here.
- what?

tell us about this stud

we're gonna be
meeting tonight.

mother, you're not
going to meet him.

well, we're gonna be
at the bowling alley, and...

chip's gonna be
at the bowling alley.

we're bound to run
into one another.

please don't embarrass me. please.

oh, honey, there's no
way we'd embarrass you.

please, if you
really loved me,

you'd pretend
you're not my parents.

all right, get out of
our house, little girl.

thank you.

so, little becky has got
her first boyfriend, huh?

oh, i wonder
what this guy is like.

rosie, you know
girls always go

for guys who remind them
of their fathers.

not if they listen
to their mothers.

come here, baby.

give snakeman
a little kiss.

all right, becky,
where is this romeo?

you promised.
you're not my parents.

you don't know me,
you've never seen me.

that's right, rosie charm.

we swore a oath.

just give me my money,
and i'll go.

we don't give money
to strangers.

mother.

- all right, now here. don't elope with this.
- thanks.

- what size shoe you wear, dan?
- eleven.

eleven,
a very common size.

i bet five different men wear
those bowling shoes every day.

five men
who bowl and sweat

and have who knows what
kind of hygiene health.

crystal, would you stop
flirting with my old man?

she's right, rosie. these are
kind of grungy. check 'em out.

it's some kind
of fungus in there.

get away.
you're making me sick.

you can't see fungus.

i think that's that good-luck
mold they stick in 'em.

this looks like
the party lane.

i'm here, dan.
you can start having fun.

they didn't tell me
it was scag night.

you got
your own shoes, huh?

yeah, i don't use
those rented things.

dan, they're loaded
with germs.

roseanne, you're supposed to
put your shoes under the bench.

says who?

it's just part
of good bowling.

see, all the league bowlers place
their shoes neatly under the bench.

you could never be
in a league.

come on, baby, let's go
pick out a couple of balls.

- you pick me one out.
- no, roseanne,

pick out your own ball
so you get the proper fit.

- come on, i'll help you.
- rOSEANNE: oh, this is work.

you any good
at this game?

yeah, i'm pretty good.

i haven't played
in a long time,

but i used to be
a high scorer.

we're talking
about bowling, booker.

that, too.

so you care to make
a friendly wager?

- yeah.
- all right, if i win,

then you have to spend
the night at my place.

that's pretty friendly.

if the stakes are
too high, just say so.

well, it sounds
like a one-sided bet.

actually, no. see, 'cause if
you lose, then we both win.

i've got
a 160 average, booker.

there's no way
you're gonna beat me.

what if you win?

then you spend the night
at my place.

sounds good.

scrubbing my bathroom.

whatever gets you
in the mood.

is that a bet?

yeah. yeah.

oh, i love
you guys' shirts.

didn't you have a hit record
out the year i was born?

come on, you guys.
warm-up frame.

bOOKER:
come on, danny!

hey! all right.

all right. all right.

hey, everybody, quiet,
would ya?

can't you see somebody's
trying to bowl here?

dan, you're up. let's go,
show 'em how it's done.

show us that
special gutter ball.

this is it.
history in the making.

dan conner is on
his way to a 200 game.

- check the score lately?
- i know the score, booker.

what am i up,
10, 20 pins?

it's very early
in the game.

but i am bowling better than i
ever have. why do you think that is?

- yeah!
- danny!

- danny!
- hey!

you are sizzling.

sss...
book, you're up.

hey, what's going on
with you and booker?

nothing.

oh, that's why he's
drooling all over himself.

we made a bet.

what kind of bet?

a friendly bet.

how friendly?

extremely friendly.

where was i

when mom and dad were
dropping you on your head?

it's fine.

he's been lucky so far, but
his game's about to fall apart.

ooh!

now he's crumbling.

he only
knocked down, uh...

he only knocked down, what,
ten pins on that one.

dAN: roseanne...

it's your turn.

- i just bowled 20 minutes ago.
- get up there.

- honey?
- what?

if you manage
to knock down one pin,

i'll be your
love slave for life.

yeah, but what do i win?

honey, that was sensational.

you managed to keep it
in our lane.

hey, darlene,
what you doing?

what are you doing here?

oh, i'm looking
for chip.

i got to go
to the ladies room.

okay, darlene,
where is he?

i promised becky
i wouldn't tell.

well, you'd better
tell me, darlene,

or i'm gonna have
to start dancing.

mom, no.

right here in front
of all your friends.

hear that music.

mom, please!

oh, i can't
stop myself.

i must dance.

okay, okay. you win.

chip's the guy
behind the counter.

rOSEANNE:
the blond?

- yes.
- oh, he's cute.

don't tell becky
i told you.

oh, honey, you know
i'm smarter than that.

i'll just hold it over your
head for the rest of your life.

so, how's this bet between
you and booker going?

booker is beating
the pants off of me.

literally.

hurry up. hurry up.

- ( PINS CLATTERING ]
- ss-so close.

come on, danny, hit the spare. you got it.

oh, booker's really
on a roll, roseanne.

all we got to do is, like,
break his concentration.

yeah, we break his concentration. right.

yeah,
you can handle that.

yes, and once again, i will
save you from your pitiful self.

yes!

the ruler!

iceman dan conner has picked
up that difficult spare.

and let's see it again
in slow motion.

the ruler.

- hey, can i be your bowling groupie?
- take a number.

jackie, watch carefully

as i put the game
out of reach.

booker, did you get
that infection cleared up?

i have got to go over there and talk to him.

then go.

darlene, you
don't understand.

you don't just walk up to a
guy and start talking to him.

no, you hide behind a video game
all night drooling like a geek.

i have to figure out
exactly what to say.

well, go buy
some popcorn.

all right, this is it.

here i go.

- hi.
- hi.

how are you doing?

oh, fine.

- how are you doing?
- fine.

so, you're
working tonight?

yeah, i was supposed to go
to the steel vipers concert.

my mom said i couldn't go
unless she came with me.

- i told her to forget it.
- parents are so uncool.

they won't let you
go anywhere alone.

yeah. your parents
here tonight?

no way.
they just dropped me off.

i'm here by myself.

you sell pretzels here?

yes, ma'am.

pretzels, popcorn,
peanut, whatever you want.

- i got to go.
- no, wait, you don't have to leave.

i'll just be a second.
come on, sit down.

- okay.
- oh, why don't you finish waiting

on this beautiful
young woman.

no, that's okay.
you can wait on her.

oh, you're so kind.

listen. uh...

give me two pretzels
and two beef jerkys.

okay, coming up.

nice weather
we're having, huh?

- you want any sodas to go with that?
- no.

the snacks are
just fineroony.

so, you like
working here, chip?

yes, it's okay,
i guess.

- what do they pay you?
- enough.

- you gonna be working here forever?
- nope, i get off at nine.

that's 3.50.

four bucks.
keep the change, honey.

thanks.

she gave me a tip, and all
she bought was pretzels.

- that was real cool.
- yeah, real cool.

hey, look at what i found.

- where did you find it?
- stuck to a video machine.

what have you got
in your pocket?

- ice cream sandwich.
- smart move.

i was saving it
for later.

booker, you're up.
last frame.

game's already in the bag.
this is just a formality.

shut up and bowl.

what's the matter
with you, honey?

she bowled a 97.

well, they just ought to
take you outside and shoot ya.

i'm never gonna play
this game again.

yes, you are, honey. you'll
do it again next week,

and you'll be just as
annoying as you were tonight.

oh, yeah. good one,
booker. roseanne, you're up.

that's it.
read 'em and weep.

- did you really think i was gonna pay up?
- yes.

would you really want me
there against my will?

absolutely.

- all right, booker, a bet's a bet.
- that's right.

what, it would be so bad?

what?

spending the night with me. would
that be such a horrible thing?

it might be nice.

yeah, just nice.

it would be incredible.

yeah, it would be incredible. not tonight.

what?

not on a bet.

not tonight
and not on a bet.

you welcher!

come on, roseanne, would you get
up there? it's the last frame.

- ah!
- cRYSTAL: get it over with.

dAN: come on.

all right,
what's my score?

uh, let's see.

seven.

what inning is it?

get up there and bowl.

come on, roseanne.
come on, roseanne.

come on!

well, you can
razz me all you like,

but i am unshakable.

oh, yeah?

i can get a strike
any time i want.

how's that?

i pretend like
the pins are the kids

and this is your head.

have at it.

la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

come on, roseanne!

la-la-la-la!

aND IT'S A BODY BLAST,
AND THE hUMAN cLAMP GOES DOWN.

oh, it's all over now.

snakeman's got it
wrapped up.

- tHE hUMAN cLAMP IS UNDEFEATED IN 47 CONSECUTIVE
MATCHES... - this is like all-male porno,

except for they're
wearing bathing suits.

i was a pretty good wrestler
in junior high school.

coach used to call me
damaging dan conner.

god, don't make me listen
to that boring story again.

whoa! whoa! look out,
ladies and gentlemen!

it's a crunch suplex!

no! he got her over!
he's going for it!

he's going
for the finger four!

he's bouncing
off the ropes!

ladies and gentlemen,
look out!

holy cow! he's setting
her up for a heart punch!

oh!
it's illegal in 30 states!

holy cow,
ladies and gentlemen!

iceman dan conner
has gone berserk!

he's setting her up!
he's got her!

one, two, three.

- do you quit?
- one more.

four.

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