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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
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yeah, i know
nobody's been working.
3
00:00:54,769 --> 00:00:56,767
this sounds real good.
4
00:00:56,802 --> 00:00:58,834
- boing.
- well, n-
5
00:00:58,869 --> 00:01:02,734
thanks, yeah.
no, i'm here all day.
6
00:01:02,769 --> 00:01:05,400
give me a call as soon as you
find out something for sure.
7
00:01:05,435 --> 00:01:07,968
okay, man, thanks a lot.
bye-bye. whoo!
8
00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:10,334
all right, your old man's
going back to work.
9
00:01:10,369 --> 00:01:12,801
- did dwight get a job for you?
- maybe.
10
00:01:12,836 --> 00:01:15,534
he's pretty sure he's got something
lined up for the stanford buil'.
11
00:01:15,569 --> 00:01:18,300
some guy wants his kitchen
remodeled. be a couple weeks work.
12
00:01:18,335 --> 00:01:20,634
he's going to call me back
as soon as it's definite.
13
00:01:20,669 --> 00:01:24,934
great, maybe i can finally
get you out of this house.
14
00:01:29,569 --> 00:01:31,100
so's that sofa.
15
00:01:31,135 --> 00:01:33,834
the only thing you've been
doing for the last two weeks
16
00:01:33,869 --> 00:01:36,033
is just layin' there,
watching tv
17
00:01:36,068 --> 00:01:37,634
and buffin' out your nails.
18
00:01:38,634 --> 00:01:40,634
how do they look?
19
00:01:48,836 --> 00:01:50,801
get off!
20
00:01:50,836 --> 00:01:54,033
quit bothering me!
21
00:01:54,068 --> 00:01:57,200
get back in there and fix
your four-star chili.
22
00:01:57,235 --> 00:01:59,767
you only married me
for my cooking.
23
00:01:59,802 --> 00:02:01,567
huh-uh.
24
00:02:01,602 --> 00:02:04,367
i married you 'cause you
needed a date for your wedding.
25
00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:11,234
so when is this chili
masterpiece gonna be done?
26
00:02:11,269 --> 00:02:13,734
hey, you don't rush great art.
27
00:02:13,769 --> 00:02:16,167
make sure you
make enough for jackie.
28
00:02:18,567 --> 00:02:20,734
she's coming over?
29
00:02:20,769 --> 00:02:23,868
honey, doesn't she come over
every single saturday?
30
00:02:23,903 --> 00:02:26,701
i was just thinking
maybe she'd miss a day.
31
00:02:26,736 --> 00:02:30,133
you knew when you married me
that i had a sister.
32
00:02:30,168 --> 00:02:31,634
i didn't think she'd
be here every weekend.
33
00:02:31,669 --> 00:02:35,434
hell, i didn't think
i'd be here every weekend.
34
00:02:36,934 --> 00:02:40,100
if she had a life of her own,
she wouldn't have to ruin mine.
35
00:02:40,135 --> 00:02:41,501
i'm telling you, honey,
36
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:44,968
two minutes after she walks in
- put those down.
37
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,000
put those down.
38
00:02:57,435 --> 00:03:00,267
- drop 'em.
- okay.
39
00:03:00,302 --> 00:03:02,767
okay, anyway,
where was i?
40
00:03:02,802 --> 00:03:05,501
a few minutes after
she walks through that door,
41
00:03:05,536 --> 00:03:07,667
she's gonna say, "dan,
you know what your problem is?"
42
00:03:12,269 --> 00:03:16,033
i'll tie her to that chair and make
her watch 15 years of our home movies.
43
00:03:16,068 --> 00:03:20,000
well, now, that is the cruelest
thing you've ever said, you beast.
44
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:25,067
- jACKIE: anybody home?
- whew! no, we moved.
45
00:03:25,102 --> 00:03:26,968
kIDS:
hi, jackie!
46
00:03:27,003 --> 00:03:29,601
dan, what's wrong?
47
00:03:29,636 --> 00:03:31,434
my sister-in-law's here.
48
00:03:34,234 --> 00:03:37,100
the world-famous chef
is dicing onions
49
00:03:37,135 --> 00:03:40,834
- for his four-star chili.
- i love chili.
50
00:03:40,869 --> 00:03:43,367
- let me have a taste.
- i can give you some to go.
51
00:03:43,402 --> 00:03:44,934
mmm.
52
00:03:44,969 --> 00:03:49,033
well, i don't want to spoil
my appetite for dinner.
53
00:03:51,467 --> 00:03:53,901
you invited her to dinner?
54
00:03:53,936 --> 00:03:57,534
not yet. jackie, honey,
why don't you stay for dinner?
55
00:03:57,569 --> 00:04:01,667
that'll be convenient
since i'm spending the night.
56
00:04:04,701 --> 00:04:06,267
spending the night?
57
00:04:06,302 --> 00:04:09,200
yeah, the pipes in
my apartment froze again.
58
00:04:09,235 --> 00:04:10,334
i don't have any water.
59
00:04:10,369 --> 00:04:13,801
i can get you
some water to go.
60
00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:17,000
dan, you know
what your problem is?
61
00:04:18,234 --> 00:04:21,567
you want me to set up
the projector now?
62
00:04:22,934 --> 00:04:26,000
you don't put enough pepper
in the chili.
63
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:32,133
i happen to put the perfect
amount of peppers in my chili.
64
00:04:32,168 --> 00:04:34,067
it's too bland.
65
00:04:34,102 --> 00:04:35,767
rosie, is my chili too bland?
66
00:04:35,802 --> 00:04:37,167
absolutely not!
67
00:04:37,202 --> 00:04:40,801
your chili is just like you,
hot and spicy.
68
00:04:42,968 --> 00:04:44,367
hey, aunt jackie.
69
00:04:44,402 --> 00:04:46,567
hi, sweetheart.
what are you looking at?
70
00:04:46,602 --> 00:04:48,834
- "teenage life."
- oh, my god, roseanne.
71
00:04:48,869 --> 00:04:50,501
- you remember that?
- oh, yeah.
72
00:04:50,536 --> 00:04:52,200
we used to read
all those articles
73
00:04:52,235 --> 00:04:54,334
about how to be
the perfect woman.
74
00:04:54,369 --> 00:04:55,634
yeah, those were great.
75
00:04:55,669 --> 00:04:58,601
my favorite one was
"50 ways to say i love you
76
00:04:58,636 --> 00:05:01,801
using only your eyes."
77
00:05:01,836 --> 00:05:03,400
there's this great article
in here
78
00:05:03,435 --> 00:05:05,834
about how to read your
boyfriend's body language.
79
00:05:05,869 --> 00:05:08,000
if your boyfriend's body
starts talking
80
00:05:08,035 --> 00:05:09,601
i want to know about it.
81
00:05:09,636 --> 00:05:12,567
i happen to know quite a bit
about body language.
82
00:05:12,602 --> 00:05:15,100
yeah? tell your body
to go home?
83
00:05:18,502 --> 00:05:22,968
rebecca, your father's words
are saying "go home."
84
00:05:23,003 --> 00:05:25,501
but his body is saying
85
00:05:25,536 --> 00:05:29,501
that he loves and adores
his sister-in-law.
86
00:05:29,536 --> 00:05:32,334
hey, jackie, read this.
87
00:05:38,801 --> 00:05:41,000
dAN: all right...
88
00:05:41,035 --> 00:05:43,334
i had a sodie on the counter.
who took it?
89
00:05:43,369 --> 00:05:45,300
- d.j.: not me.
- soda phantom.
90
00:05:45,335 --> 00:05:46,667
you mean this?
91
00:05:46,702 --> 00:05:48,567
what are you doing?
92
00:05:48,602 --> 00:05:50,901
- i was drinking that.
- i'm sorry. here.
93
00:05:50,936 --> 00:05:53,167
i ain't gonna drink it
if you slobbered all over it.
94
00:05:53,202 --> 00:05:55,033
careful, dad.
you'll get cooties.
95
00:05:55,068 --> 00:05:57,100
hey,
i don't have cooties.
96
00:05:57,135 --> 00:05:59,234
oh, yeah?
what's this?
97
00:06:00,802 --> 00:06:03,801
cut it out! dan!
98
00:06:03,836 --> 00:06:06,267
it's getting bigger!
it's getting bigger!
99
00:06:06,302 --> 00:06:07,934
cut it out.
100
00:06:07,969 --> 00:06:11,367
get back in the kitchen and spice
up that bland chili of yours.
101
00:06:11,402 --> 00:06:15,000
hey, you can insult my wife
and you can insult my children
102
00:06:15,035 --> 00:06:17,667
but don't badmouth my chili.
103
00:06:18,569 --> 00:06:21,534
can you hand me the glue?
104
00:06:22,834 --> 00:06:24,767
you guys
are doing really good.
105
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,100
i know, i'm in charge
of the glue.
106
00:06:27,135 --> 00:06:29,267
- you know what you need though?
- dARLENE: huh?
107
00:06:29,302 --> 00:06:32,367
look in the picture.
you need a drawbridge.
108
00:06:32,402 --> 00:06:35,834
yeah, that's cool.
109
00:06:35,869 --> 00:06:39,000
go out in the garage and get me
a piece of wood that big.
110
00:06:39,035 --> 00:06:43,367
don't move your fingers.
it's gotta be exactly that size.
111
00:06:46,133 --> 00:06:48,367
greetings, alien.
112
00:06:48,402 --> 00:06:51,033
not now, mom.
113
00:06:51,068 --> 00:06:53,400
hey, jackie,
the washing machine's free.
114
00:06:53,435 --> 00:06:55,901
okay, thanks.
115
00:06:55,936 --> 00:06:59,167
boy, you're really putting in
some time on this.
116
00:06:59,202 --> 00:07:01,767
- yeah, i know.
- it must be important.
117
00:07:01,802 --> 00:07:04,767
no, not really.
118
00:07:04,802 --> 00:07:06,200
it's just for fun.
119
00:07:06,235 --> 00:07:09,734
well, let me tell you
a story just for fun.
120
00:07:09,769 --> 00:07:12,200
no, not a story!
121
00:07:12,235 --> 00:07:14,701
once upon a time,
there was a...
122
00:07:14,736 --> 00:07:16,801
once upon a time,
there was this little girl
123
00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:21,200
who ran away from home 'cause her
mother told her long, boring stories.
124
00:07:21,235 --> 00:07:23,033
shut up, you.
125
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:26,000
once upon a time,
there was a beautiful queen
126
00:07:26,035 --> 00:07:28,801
and she lived in
a beautiful palace.
127
00:07:28,836 --> 00:07:32,467
and she had a beautiful
and lovely little daughter.
128
00:07:32,502 --> 00:07:35,000
- her name was-
- let me guess, mom.
129
00:07:35,035 --> 00:07:36,567
darlene.
130
00:07:36,602 --> 00:07:39,434
no, smartmouth,
it was darlena.
131
00:07:41,767 --> 00:07:44,200
anyway, the beautiful queen
was puzzled,
132
00:07:44,235 --> 00:07:50,000
and she asked darlena "why
art thou building this thing?"
133
00:07:50,035 --> 00:07:53,000
and darlena replied,
134
00:07:53,035 --> 00:07:55,767
"don't try and figure it out.
just live with it."
135
00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:59,334
what is this
all about, darlene?
136
00:07:59,369 --> 00:08:00,801
what?
137
00:08:00,836 --> 00:08:03,200
level with me.
138
00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:09,601
mom...
139
00:08:09,636 --> 00:08:10,901
i'm flunking history.
140
00:08:10,936 --> 00:08:13,467
uh-huh...
141
00:08:13,502 --> 00:08:17,968
well, crane said if i did
this castle for extra credit
142
00:08:18,003 --> 00:08:20,267
and did okay
on the next test,
143
00:08:20,302 --> 00:08:22,267
i might pass.
144
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,000
uh-huh.
145
00:08:24,035 --> 00:08:27,601
so that's why i gotta
get this in by monday.
146
00:08:27,636 --> 00:08:31,901
oh. then i'm gonna
let you get back to work.
147
00:08:31,936 --> 00:08:34,133
- wait, aren't you gonna yell at me?
- no.
148
00:08:34,168 --> 00:08:36,968
aren't you gonna tell me
how bright i am,
149
00:08:37,003 --> 00:08:39,868
but i never apply myself and
always wait till the last minute?
150
00:08:39,903 --> 00:08:42,300
you don't need to hear
that again, do you?
151
00:08:51,267 --> 00:08:53,601
yeah, i went out
with him on friday.
152
00:08:53,636 --> 00:08:55,567
i hadn't told you that.
right.
153
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,634
so, i was gonna go out
with him again on saturday
154
00:08:57,669 --> 00:08:59,167
and then i found out
he went to chicago.
155
00:08:59,202 --> 00:09:01,033
i found out from billy.
156
00:09:01,068 --> 00:09:03,367
right. i have no way
to get in touch with him.
157
00:09:03,402 --> 00:09:05,834
i call his apartment and
leave a message on the machine.
158
00:09:05,869 --> 00:09:08,801
i had nothing to say,
i'm like "hi, how are you?"
159
00:09:08,836 --> 00:09:11,367
- jackie, you going to stay on that phone all day?
- hold on, just a second.
160
00:09:11,402 --> 00:09:13,033
i'm gonna be off
in just a second.
161
00:09:13,068 --> 00:09:15,434
so i leave the message,
you know, and then,
162
00:09:15,469 --> 00:09:17,234
how am i supposed
to get in touch with him?
163
00:09:17,269 --> 00:09:20,667
would you please hurry up? i'm
expecting a very important phone call.
164
00:09:20,702 --> 00:09:24,033
you know what
your problem is, dan?
165
00:09:24,068 --> 00:09:26,801
you don't have call waiting.
166
00:09:26,836 --> 00:09:28,667
you know what
your problem is, jackie?
167
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,601
you don't pay my phone bill.
168
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:34,100
i'll call you later. okay.
phone's all yours.
169
00:09:34,135 --> 00:09:36,434
thank you for allowing me
to use my telephone.
170
00:09:36,469 --> 00:09:38,167
you're welcome.
171
00:09:40,135 --> 00:09:43,200
- i don't want to complain...
- but you're gonna.
172
00:09:43,235 --> 00:09:45,234
when you were growing up,
how did you live with her?
173
00:09:45,269 --> 00:09:46,834
we just locked her up
in the closet,
174
00:09:46,869 --> 00:09:50,734
and stuffed some dog food
under the door.
175
00:09:50,769 --> 00:09:53,667
she is a major-league
pain in the butt.
176
00:09:53,702 --> 00:09:55,434
yeah, but you know
you're really spoiled
177
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:58,534
because you live with me,
you're used to perfection.
178
00:09:59,769 --> 00:10:01,901
here it is.
come on, dwight.
179
00:10:01,936 --> 00:10:04,601
hello? hey, dwight,
what's the word?
180
00:10:05,534 --> 00:10:06,667
yeah.
181
00:10:06,702 --> 00:10:09,901
thanks anyway.
yeah, maybe next week.
182
00:10:09,936 --> 00:10:12,200
right, bye bye.
183
00:10:15,367 --> 00:10:17,934
damn.
184
00:10:17,969 --> 00:10:20,400
you are going to get
the very next job that comes.
185
00:10:20,435 --> 00:10:22,033
i hope so.
i'm going nuts,
186
00:10:22,068 --> 00:10:24,033
sitting around here
for two weeks.
187
00:10:24,068 --> 00:10:26,767
yeah, but i kind of like
having you around.
188
00:10:26,802 --> 00:10:28,334
i kind of like being around,
189
00:10:28,369 --> 00:10:31,000
but i feel terrible
when i ain't working.
190
00:10:31,035 --> 00:10:33,901
well, you want work? 'cause
over at the blue flamingo
191
00:10:33,936 --> 00:10:36,400
they're hiring
topless dancers.
192
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,667
nah, i couldn't do that,
my bad knee.
193
00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:45,000
well, i'd put a dollar
in your g-string.
194
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:48,100
go get your purse.
195
00:10:52,601 --> 00:10:54,667
mom, dad, come on.
you gotta try this.
196
00:10:54,702 --> 00:10:57,567
there's a test in the back
of this "teenage life."
197
00:10:57,602 --> 00:11:01,133
and you guys are gonna be
our lovebird guinea pigs.
198
00:11:01,168 --> 00:11:03,067
i don't feel like
playing no game.
199
00:11:03,102 --> 00:11:05,601
- come on, dad. please?
- do i gotta do anything weird?
200
00:11:05,636 --> 00:11:06,868
you wish.
201
00:11:06,903 --> 00:11:08,100
just do it, all right?
202
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,968
- come on, come on...
- all right.
203
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,934
sit. you sit, you sit.
204
00:11:12,969 --> 00:11:15,667
- now...
- lay this game on us.
205
00:11:15,702 --> 00:11:19,634
"exercise one:
tantalizing with touch."
206
00:11:19,669 --> 00:11:21,467
ooh, i think i'm going
to like this.
207
00:11:21,502 --> 00:11:23,634
"the object of this exercise
208
00:11:23,669 --> 00:11:25,901
is to transmit
a deeply felt emotion
209
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,601
with your hands."
210
00:11:27,636 --> 00:11:31,200
- jackie, this is corny.
- roseanne.
211
00:11:31,235 --> 00:11:34,200
oh, all right.
okay, i can do it.
212
00:11:37,701 --> 00:11:39,434
come on, you guys.
213
00:11:39,469 --> 00:11:42,200
this really could help
your relationship.
214
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,534
- be serious.
- okay, i'm serious.
215
00:11:44,569 --> 00:11:46,901
- are you serious?
- i'm serious.
216
00:11:46,936 --> 00:11:48,868
okay, we're serious.
217
00:11:48,903 --> 00:11:51,267
all right, face...
let's see.
218
00:11:51,302 --> 00:11:54,133
face your boyfriend
and touch hands.
219
00:11:54,168 --> 00:11:55,968
yeah, but my boyfriend's
not here.
220
00:11:56,003 --> 00:11:57,601
will my husband do?
221
00:11:57,636 --> 00:11:58,934
he'll have to do.
222
00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,200
"try to communicate
an emotion
223
00:12:01,235 --> 00:12:04,334
without speaking."
224
00:12:04,369 --> 00:12:08,167
okay, he'll be wrong.
i just know it.
225
00:12:08,202 --> 00:12:11,501
okay, dad.
what's mom thinking?
226
00:12:13,334 --> 00:12:15,834
she's thinking
i'll be wrong.
227
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,033
this is great.
228
00:12:17,068 --> 00:12:20,901
dan, we never have to
talk to each other again.
229
00:12:20,936 --> 00:12:24,234
- bOTH: yay!
- bECKY: come on, you two!
230
00:12:24,269 --> 00:12:26,834
come on, try it again.
231
00:12:26,869 --> 00:12:30,434
okay. okay.
okay, i got it, okay.
232
00:12:30,469 --> 00:12:33,834
i'm transmitting
a very important message.
233
00:12:33,869 --> 00:12:35,934
tune in, loverboy.
234
00:12:35,969 --> 00:12:38,467
oh, i'm picking something up.
235
00:12:38,502 --> 00:12:40,634
all right, dan.
what's she trying to tell you?
236
00:12:40,669 --> 00:12:45,067
she's telling me something i've
wanted to hear for a real long time.
237
00:12:45,102 --> 00:12:47,467
my sister-in-law's
moving to north dakota.
238
00:12:50,868 --> 00:12:52,267
dad!
239
00:12:52,302 --> 00:12:53,567
sorry, jackie,
that was a joke.
240
00:12:53,602 --> 00:12:56,033
south dakota.
241
00:12:57,234 --> 00:13:00,400
sometimes there's a lot
of truth in kidding.
242
00:13:00,435 --> 00:13:03,334
hell, don't psycho-analyze
everything i say.
243
00:13:03,369 --> 00:13:05,467
believe me,
it's not worth it.
244
00:13:05,502 --> 00:13:07,934
no, dan, i want to know.
do i irritate you?
245
00:13:07,969 --> 00:13:09,734
i don't want to
get into this.
246
00:13:09,769 --> 00:13:12,501
- no, really.
- where do i begin?
247
00:13:12,536 --> 00:13:14,200
you don't.
248
00:13:14,235 --> 00:13:16,567
- at the beginning.
- okay.
249
00:13:16,602 --> 00:13:18,200
one thing,
you pick all of the nuts
250
00:13:18,235 --> 00:13:20,033
out of the rocky road
ice cream.
251
00:13:20,068 --> 00:13:23,167
well, put me in front
of a firing squad.
252
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:25,734
i'm gonna put you both
in front of a firing squad.
253
00:13:25,769 --> 00:13:27,601
you could knock when you
walk in the door.
254
00:13:27,636 --> 00:13:29,968
you want me to knock when
i come over? i can knock.
255
00:13:30,003 --> 00:13:32,067
i'd love for you to knock when
you walk in the door. please.
256
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:34,067
fine, fine.
257
00:13:34,102 --> 00:13:36,767
chili's ready.
258
00:13:36,802 --> 00:13:38,934
dan, spit it out.
what's really bothering you?
259
00:13:38,969 --> 00:13:42,534
what's bothering me is that
you're over here all the time.
260
00:13:42,569 --> 00:13:46,200
if you had a job you wouldn't
even notice so much.
261
00:14:03,501 --> 00:14:08,968
gosh, you simply must
come over more often, sis!
262
00:14:18,234 --> 00:14:20,167
well, dan really
went off the deep end.
263
00:14:20,202 --> 00:14:21,767
oh, you think so?
264
00:14:21,802 --> 00:14:25,534
he just lost a job. that was the
phone call he was waiting for.
265
00:14:25,569 --> 00:14:27,801
- oh.
- i don't know how you do it.
266
00:14:27,836 --> 00:14:31,400
you always manage to say the
most perfectly wrongest thing,
267
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:34,067
at the most
perfectly wrongest time.
268
00:14:34,102 --> 00:14:35,434
just like mom.
269
00:14:35,469 --> 00:14:38,133
well, okay,
take his side.
270
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,400
oh...
there you go, that's two.
271
00:14:40,435 --> 00:14:42,367
that's the most
perfectly wrongest thing
272
00:14:42,402 --> 00:14:44,033
you could have said to me.
273
00:14:44,068 --> 00:14:46,367
why don't you think
before you talk?
274
00:14:46,402 --> 00:14:48,200
you expect me to
apologize to him?
275
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,067
no, i don't expect you
to do nothing.
276
00:14:50,102 --> 00:14:52,934
- that's what you want.
- i'm not gonna tell you what to do.
277
00:14:52,969 --> 00:14:54,968
why not? you're gonna
tell me what to do anyway,
278
00:14:55,003 --> 00:14:58,100
- just like mom.
- that's three!
279
00:14:58,135 --> 00:15:01,767
he has been on my case ever
since i came in the door.
280
00:15:01,802 --> 00:15:05,467
i'm not apologizing to him
until he apologizes to me.
281
00:15:12,234 --> 00:15:14,200
- mom?
- what?
282
00:15:14,235 --> 00:15:17,400
are dad and aunt jackie
really mad at each other?
283
00:15:17,435 --> 00:15:18,868
no...
284
00:15:18,903 --> 00:15:21,534
they just fight for the same
reason you fight with darlene.
285
00:15:21,569 --> 00:15:23,868
to torture me.
286
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:30,234
dARLENE:
d.j., look what you did. mom!
287
00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:32,534
look what you did.
you ruined it!
288
00:15:32,569 --> 00:15:33,968
i didn't mean to!
289
00:15:34,003 --> 00:15:35,534
you're so stupid!
290
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:40,000
what happened?
291
00:15:40,035 --> 00:15:42,501
d.j. fell on my castle
and crushed it.
292
00:15:42,536 --> 00:15:45,033
- we can fix it.
- no, we can't.
293
00:15:45,068 --> 00:15:47,901
i'm gonna flunk history
and it's all d.j.'s fault.
294
00:15:47,936 --> 00:15:51,200
- oh, it's d.j.'s fault.
- yes, look what he did.
295
00:15:51,235 --> 00:15:53,133
oh, yeah,
it's definitely his fault
296
00:15:53,168 --> 00:15:55,767
that you didn't study
all semester.
297
00:15:55,802 --> 00:15:57,734
but mom,
he was just here-
298
00:15:57,769 --> 00:16:00,701
and it's his fault that you
put this off to the last minute.
299
00:16:00,736 --> 00:16:03,400
- you always take his side.
- i'm not taking his side.
300
00:16:03,435 --> 00:16:05,801
yes, you are. you're
strict with me and becky,
301
00:16:05,836 --> 00:16:08,000
but you let d.j.
get away with murder.
302
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,901
darlene, who are you
really mad at?
303
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:11,434
d.j.
304
00:16:11,469 --> 00:16:13,334
yeah, well that
makes a lot of sense.
305
00:16:13,369 --> 00:16:16,467
if i'd screwed around all
semester and was flunking history,
306
00:16:16,502 --> 00:16:19,601
i'd be looking for somebody
else to blame it on too.
307
00:16:19,636 --> 00:16:21,133
that's not what i'm doing.
308
00:16:21,168 --> 00:16:23,567
that's exactly
what you're doing, darlene.
309
00:16:23,602 --> 00:16:26,133
it's not fair!
310
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,734
d.j.
311
00:16:34,769 --> 00:16:38,200
- come on down here, honey.
- d.j.: is darlene there?
312
00:16:38,235 --> 00:16:41,100
no, she's gone. it's safe.
come on down.
313
00:16:44,567 --> 00:16:48,100
looks like you really
re-decorated darlene's castle.
314
00:16:48,135 --> 00:16:49,934
i didn't mean to.
315
00:16:49,969 --> 00:16:52,567
i know, it was an accident.
316
00:16:52,602 --> 00:16:54,367
darlene hates me.
317
00:16:54,402 --> 00:16:56,868
she doesn't hate you, honey,
she hates history.
318
00:16:56,903 --> 00:16:59,267
she said i was stupid.
319
00:16:59,302 --> 00:17:02,767
you're not stupid, you're just
clumsy like your daddy.
320
00:17:02,802 --> 00:17:05,200
yeah, right.
321
00:17:05,235 --> 00:17:07,200
do you want
to go in the kitchen
322
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,133
and be my official
chili taster?
323
00:17:09,168 --> 00:17:10,901
no.
324
00:17:10,936 --> 00:17:14,467
you're just gonna sit here on the
steps for the rest of your life?
325
00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:16,701
- yep.
- and let people walk on you
326
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,934
and pile books on you
and junk?
327
00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:20,100
yep.
328
00:17:20,135 --> 00:17:22,801
well, that ain't much
of a life.
329
00:17:22,836 --> 00:17:25,000
but i'll help you
get started.
330
00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:28,934
come here.
331
00:17:32,667 --> 00:17:35,100
i'll give you a hat.
332
00:17:42,734 --> 00:17:45,701
mom, should i put this
other load in the dryer?
333
00:17:45,736 --> 00:17:47,400
rOSEANNE:
no, i'll do it in a minute.
334
00:17:47,435 --> 00:17:50,067
giddyup, giddyup, giddyup...
335
00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:54,467
okay, horsy.
get up here.
336
00:17:54,502 --> 00:17:58,267
whoo! ahh!
337
00:17:58,302 --> 00:18:00,567
mom, i finished
folding the laundry.
338
00:18:00,602 --> 00:18:04,434
thank you, honey. you're one
of my three favorite kids.
339
00:18:04,469 --> 00:18:05,801
what about me?
340
00:18:05,836 --> 00:18:07,634
no.
341
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:17,300
are you ready for
some delicious chili?
342
00:18:17,335 --> 00:18:18,334
yep.
343
00:18:18,369 --> 00:18:21,334
okay, you ready
for the greatest chili
344
00:18:21,369 --> 00:18:23,200
- in the entire world?
- yep.
345
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:24,834
all right, here you go.
346
00:18:31,267 --> 00:18:34,667
just a little bit bland.
347
00:18:41,968 --> 00:18:46,100
man, this garage is a mess.
i gotta get organized.
348
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,100
dad, can i use this?
349
00:18:49,135 --> 00:18:51,767
no, i need that,
me, myself and i,
350
00:18:51,802 --> 00:18:53,801
manny m. man.
351
00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:01,367
- what are you doing?
- cutting some more wood.
352
00:19:01,402 --> 00:19:03,434
so you're going to
fix that castle?
353
00:19:03,469 --> 00:19:05,534
yeah, but it's still
d.j.'s fault.
354
00:19:07,634 --> 00:19:11,667
gosh, darlene's
so doggone stubborn.
355
00:19:11,702 --> 00:19:14,801
i wonder where
she gets it from.
356
00:19:14,836 --> 00:19:16,634
not from me.
357
00:19:16,669 --> 00:19:19,400
no, it couldn't be
from you.
358
00:19:19,435 --> 00:19:22,033
roseanne, i know
what you're doing.
359
00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:24,300
there's no way
i'm gonna go in there
360
00:19:24,335 --> 00:19:25,934
and apologize
to your sister.
361
00:19:25,969 --> 00:19:27,868
i just thought
i'd let you know
362
00:19:27,903 --> 00:19:29,868
that i'm gonna go
check into a motel.
363
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:33,100
anybody we know?
364
00:19:33,135 --> 00:19:36,033
i think it'd be better
if i stayed somewhere else.
365
00:19:36,068 --> 00:19:38,000
how about the phillipines?
366
00:19:38,035 --> 00:19:40,100
- you know what your problem is, dan?
- yeah, you.
367
00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:42,167
see i come in here
and try to make things easy,
368
00:19:42,202 --> 00:19:44,100
and he's acting like
a big baby.
369
00:19:44,135 --> 00:19:47,100
would you tell your sister
it takes one to know one.
370
00:19:47,135 --> 00:19:49,000
i don't know how you
get along with this guy.
371
00:19:49,035 --> 00:19:51,100
tell your sister
to hit the bricks.
372
00:19:51,135 --> 00:19:53,167
i know this game.
i really know this game.
373
00:19:53,202 --> 00:19:55,501
it's called
"let's tear roseanne apart."
374
00:19:55,536 --> 00:19:57,501
you take this arm,
and you take this arm,
375
00:19:57,536 --> 00:20:02,634
and then you just both pull
until i splatter into a puddle.
376
00:20:04,335 --> 00:20:07,267
she's over here all the time
because she's my sister.
377
00:20:07,302 --> 00:20:11,367
he don't mean nothing,
he's just blowing off steam.
378
00:20:11,402 --> 00:20:14,767
you two are worse than all three
of the kids put together.
379
00:20:14,802 --> 00:20:16,601
you're driving me nuts.
380
00:20:16,636 --> 00:20:18,734
you've got
to get it together.
381
00:20:29,667 --> 00:20:31,200
well...
382
00:20:31,235 --> 00:20:34,834
you don't have to stay
in no motel. that's silly.
383
00:20:34,869 --> 00:20:37,200
you can sleep out here.
384
00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:44,901
she's really something.
385
00:20:44,936 --> 00:20:46,634
she does get
carried away sometimes.
386
00:20:46,669 --> 00:20:49,367
she loves to tell everybody
exactly how to lead their lives.
387
00:20:49,402 --> 00:20:51,234
that's 'cause she thinks
she knows everything.
388
00:20:51,269 --> 00:20:53,534
rOSEANNE: well, i do!
389
00:21:05,534 --> 00:21:07,634
dan...
390
00:21:07,669 --> 00:21:09,100
isn't that movie over yet?
391
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:10,567
no.
392
00:21:12,234 --> 00:21:13,801
i want to go to sleep.
393
00:21:13,836 --> 00:21:16,901
please. this is
the best part of the movie.
394
00:21:16,936 --> 00:21:18,534
come on, you're on my bed.
395
00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:21,400
jackie, your bed is my sofa.
396
00:21:21,435 --> 00:21:23,100
here you go, sis.
397
00:21:23,135 --> 00:21:26,601
- dan won't get off the couch.
- honey, get off the couch.
398
00:21:26,636 --> 00:21:28,200
shhh!
399
00:21:28,235 --> 00:21:30,367
getting ready
for the showdown.
400
00:21:31,367 --> 00:21:41,367
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401
00:21:41,417 --> 00:21:45,967
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