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1
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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
2
00:00:52,634 --> 00:00:54,534
all right, who stole the
batteries out of my flashlight?
3
00:00:54,569 --> 00:00:55,667
it wasn't me.
4
00:00:55,702 --> 00:00:57,434
why don't
you ask darlene?
5
00:00:57,469 --> 00:00:59,934
darlene?
6
00:00:59,969 --> 00:01:02,200
carry the six.
7
00:01:02,235 --> 00:01:04,501
she put the batteries
in her radio.
8
00:01:04,536 --> 00:01:07,334
i did not!
you toilet breath!
9
00:01:07,369 --> 00:01:09,634
darlene,
get in here.
10
00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:12,200
- you gonna hit her?
- nobody's gonna hit nobody.
11
00:01:12,235 --> 00:01:14,868
- i'd hit her.
- pipe down, bub.
12
00:01:14,903 --> 00:01:17,000
look me in the eye,
darlene.
13
00:01:19,367 --> 00:01:21,901
you did it,
didn't you?
14
00:01:21,936 --> 00:01:24,300
well, you only caught me
'cause becky ratted.
15
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:26,434
i caught you
'cause you were lying.
16
00:01:26,469 --> 00:01:28,434
- she lies all the time.
- that's enough.
17
00:01:28,469 --> 00:01:30,267
darlene: yeah, right.
18
00:01:30,302 --> 00:01:31,901
why did you lie,
darlene?
19
00:01:31,936 --> 00:01:34,400
well, i thought
i could get away with it.
20
00:01:34,435 --> 00:01:36,901
well, you're never gonna
get away with it, darlene,
21
00:01:36,936 --> 00:01:40,701
'cause i am the all-knowing,
all-seeing mother.
22
00:01:40,736 --> 00:01:42,801
one lie leads to
another, darlene.
23
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:44,801
before you know it,
you're lying all the time.
24
00:01:44,836 --> 00:01:46,801
you're lying
to cover up your lies.
25
00:01:46,836 --> 00:01:48,801
you start cheating
and stealing,
26
00:01:48,836 --> 00:01:50,801
and pretty soon
nobody likes you.
27
00:01:50,836 --> 00:01:52,801
you'll be living all alone
in some alley,
28
00:01:52,836 --> 00:01:55,868
fighting stray dogs
for cold french fries.
29
00:01:59,267 --> 00:02:00,934
carry the six.
30
00:02:02,569 --> 00:02:05,501
- becky: i'll get it!
- hello?
31
00:02:05,536 --> 00:02:07,801
darlene's in
big trouble, isn't she?
32
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:11,634
- you'd love that, wouldn't you?
- absolutely.
33
00:02:11,669 --> 00:02:14,000
it's for you,
mother.
34
00:02:14,035 --> 00:02:16,601
- who is it?
- it's mrs. mackelroy.
35
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,968
oh, god.
tell her i ain't home.
36
00:02:19,003 --> 00:02:22,167
oh, you want me to lie.
37
00:02:22,202 --> 00:02:24,634
yeah.
38
00:02:24,669 --> 00:02:26,434
mrs. mackelroy,
39
00:02:26,469 --> 00:02:29,367
my mom says to tell you
she's not home.
40
00:02:29,402 --> 00:02:32,534
i oughta bust your neck.
41
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:36,567
just once, once i'd like
to use the batteries i buy.
42
00:02:44,168 --> 00:02:46,367
dan,
43
00:02:46,402 --> 00:02:48,734
i am a woman
on the edge.
44
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:55,200
don't even start about the batteries,
'cause after the batteries comes the radio,
45
00:02:55,235 --> 00:02:59,534
and then after the radio goes the
stereo speakers, and i ain't in the mood.
46
00:03:02,334 --> 00:03:05,100
so don't even start with me
about the batteries.
47
00:03:05,135 --> 00:03:07,367
yeah, yeah, yeah.
48
00:03:07,402 --> 00:03:09,767
should've bought that battery
charger like i wanted to.
49
00:03:09,802 --> 00:03:13,734
it'd be out in the garage collecting dust
with all the other junk you got out there.
50
00:03:13,769 --> 00:03:15,834
hey, i dust
every one of those.
51
00:03:19,102 --> 00:03:21,334
if i get that job tomorrow,
i can buy myself one.
52
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:23,601
- what job?
- over at spikeman construction.
53
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:27,067
putting in a bid on a drywall
job. great money if i get it.
54
00:03:27,102 --> 00:03:29,033
you're not gonna get it.
55
00:03:31,968 --> 00:03:33,467
be a lot of guys
bidding.
56
00:03:33,502 --> 00:03:36,667
and they're all better
than you, i bet.
57
00:03:36,702 --> 00:03:38,868
hey, i'm pretty good.
58
00:03:38,903 --> 00:03:40,367
- you are not.
- yes, i am.
59
00:03:40,402 --> 00:03:42,000
- you're not either.
- i am the best.
60
00:03:42,035 --> 00:03:44,601
- you're the worst.
- i am the drywall master of the universe!
61
00:03:44,636 --> 00:03:48,667
ahh!
62
00:04:06,968 --> 00:04:08,901
hey, d.j.,
63
00:04:10,534 --> 00:04:12,567
you stand on
the end of the board.
64
00:04:12,602 --> 00:04:15,100
i'll jump on it and shoot
you in the air, okay?
65
00:04:15,135 --> 00:04:17,567
okay.
66
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:21,133
- ready?
- ready.
67
00:04:22,267 --> 00:04:24,667
freeze right there!
68
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:29,868
what'd i tell you about killing
your brother in the living room?
69
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:35,300
well, we're just playing.
70
00:04:35,335 --> 00:04:38,801
well, i'm not playing. you pick
all these pillows and junk up.
71
00:04:38,836 --> 00:04:41,200
- go clean up your room.
- it's clean.
72
00:04:41,235 --> 00:04:43,267
then go clean
my room.
73
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:52,767
pork rinds!
you got the job!
74
00:04:52,802 --> 00:04:55,200
drywall master
of the universe!
75
00:04:55,235 --> 00:04:57,133
whoo!
76
00:04:58,267 --> 00:05:00,334
whoo!
77
00:05:00,369 --> 00:05:03,000
i figure this calls for
some hard-core festivities.
78
00:05:03,035 --> 00:05:05,534
- i'd say so.
- hey, dad.
79
00:05:05,569 --> 00:05:07,767
hey, sugarplum.
rosie, you should've seen it.
80
00:05:07,802 --> 00:05:10,033
old man spikeman
calls me into his office,
81
00:05:10,068 --> 00:05:13,367
sits me down to tell me
that i've got the job.
82
00:05:13,402 --> 00:05:16,300
and why? because he wants
the job done right.
83
00:05:16,335 --> 00:05:18,901
and when you want the job
done right, you go to the best.
84
00:05:18,936 --> 00:05:22,167
you go to
dan dan the drywall man.
85
00:05:25,767 --> 00:05:27,934
the man
behind the woman.
86
00:05:29,501 --> 00:05:31,868
and look what that man
brought his woman.
87
00:05:31,903 --> 00:05:33,968
- an advance.
- give me that!
88
00:05:34,003 --> 00:05:36,734
- dad, how much is that?
- five hundred smackaroonies.
89
00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:38,434
five hundred dollars?
90
00:05:38,469 --> 00:05:41,367
you deserve a kiss.
becky, kiss your dad.
91
00:05:44,734 --> 00:05:47,534
- we're rich!
- what's wrong?
92
00:05:47,569 --> 00:05:49,701
we're rich! look!
93
00:05:49,736 --> 00:05:52,267
- can i get some high-tops?
- can i get a puppy?
94
00:05:52,302 --> 00:05:54,767
- can i get some designer jeans?
- you don't need designer jeans.
95
00:05:54,802 --> 00:05:57,133
you just want to show off
your hiney to all the boys.
96
00:05:57,168 --> 00:05:59,234
at least i have a hiney.
97
00:05:59,269 --> 00:06:01,234
well, the first thing,
98
00:06:01,269 --> 00:06:04,400
your mother and me have to make
a few fiduciary decisions.
99
00:06:04,435 --> 00:06:07,167
- you gonna let us get anything?
- maybe.
100
00:06:07,202 --> 00:06:10,167
on a scale of ten maybes,
how many?
101
00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:11,801
five, maybe six.
102
00:06:11,836 --> 00:06:14,501
six! it's more than half.
it's almost a yes.
103
00:06:14,536 --> 00:06:15,801
- yay!
- yeah!
104
00:06:15,836 --> 00:06:17,801
whoa, whoa! hold on now. now listen.
105
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:20,067
your mother and i have
to pay a few bills first.
106
00:06:21,936 --> 00:06:25,968
well, if there is any money left over
- oh, i shouldn't tell 'em.
107
00:06:26,003 --> 00:06:28,200
- what? what is it?
- oh, come on. what?
108
00:06:28,235 --> 00:06:31,767
well, if there is any left over, we're
gonna build you a great big swimming pool!
109
00:06:31,802 --> 00:06:34,033
all: yay!
110
00:06:34,068 --> 00:06:37,434
- with a 50-foot slide!
- all: yes! all right!
111
00:06:37,469 --> 00:06:41,067
- and a pet shark!
- yeah!
112
00:06:48,934 --> 00:06:50,701
- honey.
- what?
113
00:06:50,736 --> 00:06:54,501
if you had an extra 50 bucks,
what would you blow it on?
114
00:06:54,536 --> 00:06:56,300
buy new kids.
115
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,601
- i know what you'd buy.
- no, you don't.
116
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:01,100
- yes, i do.
- you do not.
117
00:07:01,135 --> 00:07:03,100
roseanne, i know you
better than you do.
118
00:07:03,135 --> 00:07:06,701
dan, you may
share my bed,
119
00:07:06,736 --> 00:07:08,634
but you do not
know me.
120
00:07:11,567 --> 00:07:13,767
be that as it may,
i know what you would buy.
121
00:07:13,802 --> 00:07:15,434
- hm-mmm.
- yes, i do.
122
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,868
- no, you do not.
- you'd buy some of that perfume you like.
123
00:07:18,903 --> 00:07:20,934
what's it called?
subscription?
124
00:07:23,701 --> 00:07:25,634
submission.
125
00:07:27,434 --> 00:07:29,801
- same thing.
- is not.
126
00:07:29,836 --> 00:07:33,100
you know you wanna
buy it, admit it.
127
00:07:33,135 --> 00:07:35,534
- you know you want it, admit it.
- no.
128
00:07:35,569 --> 00:07:37,067
- you do too.
- i do not.
129
00:07:37,102 --> 00:07:39,667
you'd put a little dab here,
and a little dab here,
130
00:07:39,702 --> 00:07:42,367
and a little dab here,
and a little dab here.
131
00:07:43,834 --> 00:07:46,300
get away.
you're making me puke.
132
00:07:53,502 --> 00:07:56,000
- know what i'd buy?
- who cares?
133
00:07:57,467 --> 00:08:00,000
- come on, guess.
- no, i'm not guessing.
134
00:08:00,035 --> 00:08:04,734
it wouldn't, by any chance,
be a battery charger, would it?
135
00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:07,167
- come on, guess.
- no, i don't want to guess.
136
00:08:07,202 --> 00:08:10,567
all right, i'll tell you anyway.
brass captain's bell.
137
00:08:10,602 --> 00:08:13,801
i saw a real beauty down
at fulton avenue boat store.
138
00:08:13,836 --> 00:08:17,367
well, don't you have to
have a boat to put it on?
139
00:08:17,402 --> 00:08:20,234
what do you think i'm making
out in the garage?
140
00:08:20,269 --> 00:08:22,167
a hideous mess.
141
00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:30,267
you know, if we're real
careful with this $500...
142
00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:31,767
yeah?
143
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:34,234
...we can just about
pay everything up,
144
00:08:34,269 --> 00:08:36,968
and that'll leave us
with $11.87.
145
00:08:37,003 --> 00:08:40,868
- you're kidding.
- read it and weep. 11.87.
146
00:08:40,903 --> 00:08:43,234
well, at least
i can go out to dinner.
147
00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:51,334
damn, i was hoping we'd have a little
extra money to play around with.
148
00:08:51,369 --> 00:08:53,334
well, do you want
extra money?
149
00:08:53,369 --> 00:08:55,934
'cause you know, i have
my own system for extra money.
150
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,701
all right.
151
00:08:57,736 --> 00:08:59,501
okay...
152
00:08:59,536 --> 00:09:02,934
first we send in the phone bill
and we forget to sign the check.
153
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,133
there you go!
154
00:09:06,168 --> 00:09:09,334
then we send the water bill
to the electric company,
155
00:09:09,369 --> 00:09:12,133
and the electric bill
to the water company.
156
00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:14,334
- now you're cooking.
- and you know that charge card bill?
157
00:09:14,369 --> 00:09:16,267
it never even
showed up.
158
00:09:18,434 --> 00:09:20,167
that's illegal.
159
00:09:20,202 --> 00:09:23,901
well, we could call them up and tell
them that the card got ripped off.
160
00:09:23,936 --> 00:09:26,534
roseanne, we gotta
get back to reality here.
161
00:09:26,569 --> 00:09:28,534
these bills
aren't gonna go away.
162
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:31,467
- we gotta be responsible.
- why?
163
00:09:31,502 --> 00:09:34,567
because for once, we finally
get a chance to get caught up.
164
00:09:34,602 --> 00:09:37,100
well, you never cared
about catching up before,
165
00:09:37,135 --> 00:09:40,934
mr. 1-800-rush-me-my-
amazing-new-handy-wrench.
166
00:09:43,467 --> 00:09:47,434
for 19.95, that was
a great investment.
167
00:09:47,469 --> 00:09:49,767
yeah, that's why
it's out in the garage
168
00:09:49,802 --> 00:09:53,000
underneath that
electric fish-scaler.
169
00:09:53,035 --> 00:09:56,734
hey, pal, you've blown your
share of the family fortune.
170
00:09:56,769 --> 00:09:58,534
on what?
171
00:09:58,569 --> 00:10:00,868
well, that's irrelevant.
172
00:10:00,903 --> 00:10:03,667
i just think we should handle
this money like adults.
173
00:10:03,702 --> 00:10:05,901
fine,
we'll be adults.
174
00:10:05,936 --> 00:10:08,801
- but i don't want to.
- you will act like an adult.
175
00:10:08,836 --> 00:10:12,434
- you can't make me.
- roseanne.
176
00:10:12,469 --> 00:10:14,501
roseanne, you will
act responsible!
177
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:20,234
all right,
i'll act responsible.
178
00:10:20,269 --> 00:10:22,234
- no perfume.
- right.
179
00:10:22,269 --> 00:10:24,167
no captain's bell.
180
00:10:25,434 --> 00:10:27,300
hey, dan...
181
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:29,968
do you think sometime soon you'll
ever be standing out in the driveway
182
00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:32,901
in front of the truck
when the brakes don't work?
183
00:10:45,834 --> 00:10:48,634
well, if you ask me,
you oughta buy the perfume.
184
00:10:48,669 --> 00:10:51,300
well, i didn't ask you,
so just drop it.
185
00:10:51,335 --> 00:10:54,033
- you know what your problem is?
- besides you?
186
00:10:54,068 --> 00:10:57,000
your problem is that you and dan
don't know how to manage your money,
187
00:10:57,035 --> 00:10:59,000
and that's why
you're always broke.
188
00:10:59,035 --> 00:11:01,934
we're always broke 'cause we
live with three little moochers
189
00:11:01,969 --> 00:11:04,868
that are suckin' us dry.
190
00:11:06,267 --> 00:11:08,467
crystal, did they get
that damn machine fixed yet?
191
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,467
- no, they're still working on it.
- good.
192
00:11:11,502 --> 00:11:14,968
you gotta learn to treat yourself
once in a while, roseanne.
193
00:11:15,003 --> 00:11:17,434
buy yourself something.
take a vacation.
194
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:20,501
spoken like
a true single woman.
195
00:11:20,536 --> 00:11:23,734
it's a shame you and dan can't
take a little bit of that money
196
00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:26,534
and go down to that
theme motel in aurora.
197
00:11:26,569 --> 00:11:28,467
crystal, please.
198
00:11:29,834 --> 00:11:32,601
have you seen
their ads on tv?
199
00:11:32,636 --> 00:11:34,734
it's so romantic.
200
00:11:34,769 --> 00:11:36,734
every room
is a different theme.
201
00:11:36,769 --> 00:11:39,501
they have a roaring '20s room,
a wild west room,
202
00:11:39,536 --> 00:11:41,501
a roman empire room.
203
00:11:41,536 --> 00:11:44,033
yeah, i can see dan
gettin' in his chariot,
204
00:11:44,068 --> 00:11:46,367
goin' out and buy
a six-pack.
205
00:11:46,402 --> 00:11:49,734
oh, get out.
you know what i mean.
206
00:11:49,769 --> 00:11:52,667
come on, let's go see what
they're doing in there.
207
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,067
how much longer?
208
00:11:57,102 --> 00:11:59,033
man:
five more minutes.
209
00:12:00,934 --> 00:12:03,000
- here.
- what's this?
210
00:12:03,035 --> 00:12:05,467
you remember that 25 bucks
i borrowed? that's ten back.
211
00:12:05,502 --> 00:12:06,968
- keep it.
- i don't need it.
212
00:12:07,003 --> 00:12:08,467
- take it.
- i don't want it.
213
00:12:08,502 --> 00:12:10,400
put a down payment
on that perfume.
214
00:12:10,435 --> 00:12:12,968
would you stop
with the perfume?
215
00:12:13,003 --> 00:12:16,601
i told you, me and dan decided we're not
gonna spend the money on nothing frivolous.
216
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:19,667
oh, right. and you do everything
your husband tells you to do.
217
00:12:19,702 --> 00:12:22,767
- don't start.
- you do, roseanne. you're just like mom.
218
00:12:22,802 --> 00:12:24,767
i am nothing
like that woman.
219
00:12:24,802 --> 00:12:27,234
but you are
exactly like her.
220
00:12:27,269 --> 00:12:29,300
whatever
hubby says, goes.
221
00:12:29,335 --> 00:12:31,934
well, if i really wanted that
perfume, i would go get it.
222
00:12:31,969 --> 00:12:33,467
right, mom.
223
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:36,000
well, i'll tell you something
you don't know about mom.
224
00:12:36,035 --> 00:12:39,267
- what?
- she used to pay your friends to play with you.
225
00:12:39,302 --> 00:12:41,501
shut up!
226
00:12:50,434 --> 00:12:51,934
ah.
227
00:12:51,969 --> 00:12:53,434
can i help you?
228
00:12:53,469 --> 00:12:55,868
oh, no, thank you.
i was just looking.
229
00:12:55,903 --> 00:12:57,701
any particular
fragrance?
230
00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:01,567
well, i was kind of interested
in that one, "submission."
231
00:13:01,602 --> 00:13:05,200
we carry the complete
"submission" line.
232
00:13:05,235 --> 00:13:08,267
were you interested in
the body lotion,
233
00:13:08,302 --> 00:13:10,601
the eau de toilet,
the dusting powder,
234
00:13:10,636 --> 00:13:12,534
the after-bath splash?
235
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,701
well, i just kind of wanted
to buy the regular perfume.
236
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,367
oh, yes, of course,
237
00:13:25,402 --> 00:13:29,501
but perfume is really the final
step in fragrance layering.
238
00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:37,367
well, i wasn't that
into getting layered, i just...
239
00:13:40,334 --> 00:13:42,334
...wanted to get
the perfume.
240
00:13:42,369 --> 00:13:44,701
all righty.
241
00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:47,667
- will this be cash or charge?
- charge.
242
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,667
never mind, i'm not getting it. i'm sorry.
243
00:13:49,702 --> 00:13:51,167
i'm changing my-
i'm sorry.
244
00:13:51,202 --> 00:13:53,267
oh... why don't you
just try some on?
245
00:13:53,302 --> 00:13:55,167
i know what it
smells like.
246
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:58,634
it really is a fabulous fragrance
- alluring, sensual.
247
00:13:58,669 --> 00:14:01,033
men love it.
are you married?
248
00:14:01,068 --> 00:14:03,467
no.
249
00:14:03,502 --> 00:14:06,934
well, i bet
you have a boyfriend.
250
00:14:06,969 --> 00:14:11,100
well, i am kind of shacking up
with this one guy.
251
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:16,334
trust me, a few drops of this
will really excite him.
252
00:14:16,369 --> 00:14:20,434
well, that's what i live for,
to excite that man.
253
00:14:22,534 --> 00:14:25,334
don't we all?
what's your boyfriend's name?
254
00:14:25,369 --> 00:14:27,901
- lance.
- sexy.
255
00:14:27,936 --> 00:14:30,734
- he's a race car driver.
- oh.
256
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:32,334
a man who likes danger.
257
00:14:32,369 --> 00:14:35,133
well, i just know a little of
this will really turn him on.
258
00:14:35,168 --> 00:14:39,133
let's face it, deep down we
women all want the same thing,
259
00:14:39,168 --> 00:14:42,234
so why not use a little help
when we can get it?
260
00:14:43,434 --> 00:14:46,868
well, you do have
a pretty good point there.
261
00:14:46,903 --> 00:14:48,834
you know what the fastest way
to a man's heart is?
262
00:14:48,869 --> 00:14:51,234
yeah,
through his chest.
263
00:15:03,267 --> 00:15:05,467
- freeze!
- don't even think about it.
264
00:15:09,736 --> 00:15:11,868
you better run.
you better run!
265
00:15:23,168 --> 00:15:24,734
hey, dad!
266
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,734
darlene,
you shouldn't do that.
267
00:15:28,769 --> 00:15:30,767
you'll scare
the animals.
268
00:15:30,802 --> 00:15:32,701
oh, sorry.
269
00:15:33,801 --> 00:15:36,801
- hey, what's that?
- it's a rag.
270
00:15:38,033 --> 00:15:39,734
no, that.
271
00:15:39,769 --> 00:15:42,567
- nothing.
- well, it's a bell.
272
00:15:42,602 --> 00:15:45,234
right, it's a bell.
now scamper along.
273
00:15:46,534 --> 00:15:48,701
- well, can i ring it?
- no.
274
00:15:48,736 --> 00:15:51,133
- why not?
- because it's a surprise.
275
00:15:51,168 --> 00:15:53,667
- for who?
- it doesn't matter for who.
276
00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:57,033
now... run along
into the house.
277
00:15:57,068 --> 00:15:59,267
- for mom?
- yeah, sort of.
278
00:15:59,302 --> 00:16:02,167
- but what if she finds out?
- she's not gonna find out.
279
00:16:02,202 --> 00:16:05,501
but what if she does? i mean,
what if she asks me about it?
280
00:16:05,536 --> 00:16:09,734
i'd have to tell her
the truth, wouldn't i?
281
00:16:10,868 --> 00:16:12,367
darlene,
282
00:16:12,402 --> 00:16:15,234
she's not going
to ask you about it.
283
00:16:17,536 --> 00:16:20,767
there's your mother now.
now remember.
284
00:16:21,834 --> 00:16:24,634
no, i won't
say anything...
285
00:16:24,669 --> 00:16:26,767
unless she asks me.
286
00:16:26,802 --> 00:16:29,334
darlene,
you are my favorite.
287
00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:51,033
- dan: you home, roseanne?
- yes.
288
00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:57,968
- hi, darling.
- hi. i got you some corn.
289
00:16:58,003 --> 00:16:59,567
oh, cool!
290
00:17:00,701 --> 00:17:03,767
let me help you put
some of this stuff away.
291
00:17:03,802 --> 00:17:05,868
how was your day, sugar?
292
00:17:05,903 --> 00:17:07,868
just fine, snookums.
293
00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:15,934
what are you
so cheery about?
294
00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:20,901
i just ordered 400 pieces of sheetrock for
that spikeman job, biggest order i ever made.
295
00:17:20,936 --> 00:17:23,501
- pretty neat, huh?
- yeah, cool.
296
00:17:23,536 --> 00:17:26,200
- how was your day?
- oh, the usual.
297
00:17:26,235 --> 00:17:28,033
all the machines
broke down-
298
00:17:28,068 --> 00:17:30,567
- what are you doing?
- putting the dish soap away.
299
00:17:30,602 --> 00:17:34,534
- it don't go there now.
- sure it does.
300
00:17:34,569 --> 00:17:36,634
no, it doesn't
go there anymore now.
301
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,067
we've always
kept it there.
302
00:17:39,102 --> 00:17:41,467
yeah, but remember when
i started to, you know,
303
00:17:41,502 --> 00:17:43,601
reorganize and fix things up
and everything.
304
00:17:43,636 --> 00:17:45,734
- oh, really?
- yeah, really.
305
00:17:46,934 --> 00:17:48,601
where do you
want it?
306
00:17:48,636 --> 00:17:51,167
- it goes in the laundry
room now. - okey-dokey.
307
00:17:57,467 --> 00:18:00,234
ah-ha!
308
00:18:00,269 --> 00:18:02,067
- what is that?
- nothing.
309
00:18:02,102 --> 00:18:04,200
yes, it is.
310
00:18:04,235 --> 00:18:07,834
okay, i bought that perfume.
kill me.
311
00:18:09,534 --> 00:18:11,734
you bought the perfume.
312
00:18:11,769 --> 00:18:14,767
yes, sherlock,
i bought the perfume.
313
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:18,133
- what about last night?
- what about it?
314
00:18:18,168 --> 00:18:21,400
our little discussion. didn't
that mean anything to you?
315
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:23,400
well, i started
talking to jackie.
316
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,767
oh, jackie.
well, what about our talk?
317
00:18:25,802 --> 00:18:27,767
about no perfume,
no bell.
318
00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:30,434
were those just empty
words blowing in the wind?
319
00:18:30,469 --> 00:18:32,167
i shouldn't have
bought it.
320
00:18:32,202 --> 00:18:34,734
well, you did buy it,
and that's the undeniable fact.
321
00:18:34,769 --> 00:18:37,968
- well, i'm taking it back.
- now, just hold on a minute.
322
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:40,734
i'm taking it back.
323
00:18:40,769 --> 00:18:44,267
roseanne, taking it back is not gonna
make either of us feel any better.
324
00:18:44,302 --> 00:18:45,601
well, i'm not keeping it.
325
00:18:45,636 --> 00:18:47,734
i mean, every time i put it on
i just feel guilty.
326
00:18:47,769 --> 00:18:49,834
look...
327
00:18:49,869 --> 00:18:54,200
would it help if i went out right
now and bought that stupid bell?
328
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,701
'cause i'd be willing
to do that for you.
329
00:18:59,736 --> 00:19:02,467
you already bought
that bell, didn't you?
330
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,601
roseanne!
331
00:19:07,636 --> 00:19:09,067
- you did!
- i didn't.
332
00:19:09,102 --> 00:19:11,534
- you liar.
- did not.
333
00:19:11,569 --> 00:19:13,701
- you bought that bell.
- i did not.
334
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:17,067
look me in the eye and tell me
you didn't buy that bell.
335
00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:22,534
i didn't buy
that bell.
336
00:19:32,167 --> 00:19:34,567
ask not for whom
the bell tolls.
337
00:19:38,434 --> 00:19:40,868
it tolls for thee,
butt head.
338
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,200
ooh, that
feels great.
339
00:19:56,235 --> 00:19:58,834
you could do this
for a living.
340
00:19:58,869 --> 00:20:01,067
that's what
old man spikeman said.
341
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:04,534
oh, you're sick!
342
00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:06,834
so, how do
they look?
343
00:20:06,869 --> 00:20:09,400
snug.
344
00:20:09,435 --> 00:20:12,968
i gotta wash 'em again before i wear
'em to school so they'll be even tighter.
345
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,400
how popular
do you want to be?
346
00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:20,801
thanks, mom.
347
00:20:20,836 --> 00:20:23,334
okay, my turn.
348
00:20:23,369 --> 00:20:25,667
- for what?
- i did you, now you gotta do me.
349
00:20:25,702 --> 00:20:27,634
says who?
350
00:20:27,669 --> 00:20:29,601
- that's the deal, roseanne.
- what deal?
351
00:20:29,636 --> 00:20:32,234
i thought you were doing it
out of pure love.
352
00:20:32,269 --> 00:20:34,033
no way!
353
00:20:34,068 --> 00:20:36,501
i bear you
three beautiful children,
354
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,968
i labor to make
a warm and loving home...
355
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,501
and i've dedicated
my whole life to you,
356
00:20:43,536 --> 00:20:46,934
and all i get is a lousy
five-minute foot massage?
357
00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:51,100
all right,
three more minutes.
358
00:20:51,135 --> 00:20:53,434
deal.
359
00:20:54,434 --> 00:21:04,434
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