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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 2 00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:52,634 - mom. - what? 3 00:00:52,669 --> 00:00:56,033 - i got a knot in my shoe. - wear loafers. 4 00:00:58,467 --> 00:01:01,567 - come on, mom. - all right.give it here. 5 00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:05,100 can i have pie for breakfast? 6 00:01:05,135 --> 00:01:07,334 no, that's contaminated. 7 00:01:07,369 --> 00:01:09,434 go sit down and eat your breakfast now, 8 00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,734 and don't spill your milk today neither. 9 00:01:11,769 --> 00:01:14,267 here you go. 10 00:01:14,302 --> 00:01:16,067 is there coffee? 11 00:01:16,102 --> 00:01:18,801 - dan...? - yeah? 12 00:01:18,836 --> 00:01:21,601 isn't there coffee every morning? 13 00:01:21,636 --> 00:01:23,834 yes. 14 00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:28,100 in the 15 years we've been married, 15 00:01:28,135 --> 00:01:31,033 has there ever been one morning where there wasn't any coffee? 16 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:34,834 no. 17 00:01:34,869 --> 00:01:37,834 then why do you have to ask me every morning if there's coffee? 18 00:01:38,934 --> 00:01:41,434 is there toast? 19 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:52,100 - what's going on with you? - mother, this is very important. 20 00:01:52,135 --> 00:01:54,634 our school's having a food drive for poor people. 21 00:01:54,669 --> 00:01:58,367 well, tell them to drive some of that food over here. 22 00:01:58,402 --> 00:02:01,267 - mother! - two cans.that's it. 23 00:02:01,302 --> 00:02:03,467 don't touch that creamed corn. 24 00:02:03,502 --> 00:02:06,300 i'll get it. 25 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,434 - hello? - mom! 26 00:02:08,469 --> 00:02:10,434 - he started it. - did not. 27 00:02:10,469 --> 00:02:12,801 knock it off, you two. stop it.get away. 28 00:02:12,836 --> 00:02:15,934 - listen to your mother. - you heard your father. 29 00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:20,501 - don't tell him that. - get off the phone. 30 00:02:20,536 --> 00:02:23,534 - mom... - now. 31 00:02:23,569 --> 00:02:26,968 i got to go. bye. 32 00:02:27,003 --> 00:02:28,901 dad, you know what would be really good for breakfast? 33 00:02:28,936 --> 00:02:31,133 - what? - pie. 34 00:02:31,168 --> 00:02:34,267 - tell him no. - no. 35 00:02:38,602 --> 00:02:42,868 oh, hi. i looked in the mirror and i'm getting boobs. 36 00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:47,667 becky can't talk now. 37 00:02:49,767 --> 00:02:52,334 oh, my gosh. i was supposed to give you this. 38 00:02:52,369 --> 00:02:55,167 - what is it? - it's a note from my history teacher, miss crane. 39 00:02:55,202 --> 00:02:57,167 - you got to meet with her at 3:15. - today? 40 00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:58,634 uh-huh. 41 00:02:58,669 --> 00:03:02,400 why do you wait till the last minute to tell me these things? 42 00:03:08,569 --> 00:03:11,901 yeah, and take your brother and sister with you. 43 00:03:14,502 --> 00:03:16,467 you guys didn't even brush your teeth. 44 00:03:16,502 --> 00:03:18,467 we don't have time. 45 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,868 we'll miss the bus. 46 00:03:20,903 --> 00:03:23,067 - bye. - dan: bye. 47 00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:26,868 quick, they're gone. change the locks. 48 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,434 what is it? 49 00:03:31,469 --> 00:03:34,367 - i really don't wanna pick... - what? 50 00:03:34,402 --> 00:03:37,634 i can't stand it when people leave toast crumbs on the butter. 51 00:03:37,669 --> 00:03:40,167 what difference does it make? you're gonna smear it on your toast. 52 00:03:40,202 --> 00:03:42,067 it ain't right. 53 00:03:42,102 --> 00:03:44,567 you don't like it when people leave jelly in the peanut butter jar. 54 00:03:44,602 --> 00:03:46,701 well, that's sickening. 55 00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:50,667 - same thing. - is not. 56 00:03:50,702 --> 00:03:53,267 - afraid so. - all right, here. 57 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,901 nice, fresh butter. knock yourself out. 58 00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:02,934 i love you, darlin'. 59 00:04:02,969 --> 00:04:05,200 i love you, too. 60 00:04:06,736 --> 00:04:08,701 save me that detergent coupon. 61 00:04:08,736 --> 00:04:10,634 becky! 62 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,334 - dan. - what? 63 00:04:13,369 --> 00:04:15,334 the sink's all backed up again. 64 00:04:15,369 --> 00:04:17,334 i'll plunge it right after breakfast. 65 00:04:17,369 --> 00:04:20,100 i don't want you to plunge it. i want you to fix it. 66 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,834 - you got it, babe. - this is the third time this week. 67 00:04:22,869 --> 00:04:25,434 - you got to fix it today. - absolutely. 68 00:04:25,469 --> 00:04:27,534 mom, my bookbag just fell apart. 69 00:04:27,569 --> 00:04:29,534 i just bought it yesterday. 70 00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:32,033 - mom, please, you gotta take it back. 71 00:04:32,068 --> 00:04:35,167 - all right. i'll do it after work. - thanks. 72 00:04:35,202 --> 00:04:37,634 - bye. - goodbye. 73 00:04:39,667 --> 00:04:41,934 could you meet with darlene's teacher today? 74 00:04:41,969 --> 00:04:44,534 i can't do it today. i'm putting in a bid on a job. 75 00:04:44,569 --> 00:04:47,901 if i get it, me and freddy start construction this afternoon. 76 00:04:47,936 --> 00:04:50,100 how about this bookbag? can you exchange that? 77 00:04:50,135 --> 00:04:53,968 could you fit that into your tight schedule there? 78 00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:56,234 it's either that or fix the sink. 79 00:04:56,269 --> 00:04:58,300 okay, fix the sink. 80 00:04:58,335 --> 00:05:01,968 i'll do everything else- like i always do. 81 00:05:02,003 --> 00:05:05,501 i'll have to get off work an hour early, lose an hour's pay, 82 00:05:05,536 --> 00:05:08,167 totally rearrange my whole schedule. 83 00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:12,100 but i don't mind. 84 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:20,067 are you ever sorry we got married? 85 00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:22,801 every second of my life. 86 00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:27,133 - me, too. - you are really? 87 00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:32,567 - nah. - okay, me neither, then. 88 00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,968 hey... 89 00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:40,033 who would you have married if you didn't marry me? 90 00:05:40,068 --> 00:05:42,901 - rosie-! - come on, who? 91 00:05:42,936 --> 00:05:44,767 no one. 92 00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:48,234 oh, i'm sure you wouldn't- who? 93 00:05:48,269 --> 00:05:50,234 this time i swear i won't get mad. 94 00:05:50,269 --> 00:05:53,033 - i know, beth winchester. - are you kidding? 95 00:05:53,068 --> 00:05:56,033 i'm not gonna get mad. i just want you tell me the truth. 96 00:05:56,068 --> 00:05:59,033 i swear i'm not getting mad. just tell. 97 00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:01,067 josephine carter. 98 00:06:01,102 --> 00:06:04,200 josephine carter, that old slut? 99 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,501 she had great toes. 100 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:11,033 - toes? - yeah. 101 00:06:11,068 --> 00:06:13,200 she used to sit there and cross her legs 102 00:06:13,235 --> 00:06:17,534 and dangle her shoe off the end of her toe. 103 00:06:17,569 --> 00:06:20,133 drove me crazy. 104 00:06:20,168 --> 00:06:22,501 - so you were gonna marry her for that? - yes, ma'am. 105 00:06:22,536 --> 00:06:24,033 well, why didn't ya? 106 00:06:24,068 --> 00:06:27,901 well, the morning i was gonna propose, 107 00:06:27,936 --> 00:06:30,501 i took her over to this little coffee shop, 108 00:06:30,536 --> 00:06:33,734 a real quiet out-of-the-way place. 109 00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:36,767 and just as i was about to pop the question, 110 00:06:36,802 --> 00:06:39,300 she smeared toast crumbs all over her butter. 111 00:06:39,335 --> 00:06:41,367 that was it. i got up, i left. 112 00:06:41,402 --> 00:06:43,734 i didn't even pay the check. 113 00:06:44,934 --> 00:06:47,567 you think you're pretty cute, don't ya? 114 00:06:47,602 --> 00:06:49,601 pretty much. 115 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,334 booker, i got to get off an hour early today. 116 00:06:59,369 --> 00:07:03,133 i can't do it. we're 200 cases behind on that gillman order. 117 00:07:03,168 --> 00:07:05,801 but i gotta, booker. it's really, really important. 118 00:07:05,836 --> 00:07:07,801 you have to understand my position. 119 00:07:07,836 --> 00:07:09,934 well, you have to understand my position. 120 00:07:09,969 --> 00:07:12,801 i got to go to school and talk to my kid's teacher. 121 00:07:12,836 --> 00:07:16,434 roseanne, here at wellman plastics, 122 00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:18,434 we are a team. 123 00:07:18,469 --> 00:07:20,234 i'd like to make us a winning team. 124 00:07:20,269 --> 00:07:22,234 all the players are equally as important. 125 00:07:22,269 --> 00:07:25,634 the running backs are no more important than the pulling guards. 126 00:07:25,669 --> 00:07:27,801 - pulling guards are no more- - yeah, i got it. 127 00:07:27,836 --> 00:07:30,701 it's like a big ol' quilting bee. 128 00:07:30,736 --> 00:07:32,934 a what? 129 00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:35,567 where all the barefoot women on the prairie get together 130 00:07:35,602 --> 00:07:39,000 and they all stitch this one really incredible quilt, 131 00:07:39,035 --> 00:07:41,033 and no one patch is any more important 132 00:07:41,068 --> 00:07:43,501 than any other patch kind of thing. 133 00:07:43,536 --> 00:07:45,133 uh-huh. 134 00:07:45,168 --> 00:07:49,801 the woman sewing this patch has to get off an hour early today. 135 00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,334 - look, roseanne- - i'm looking, booker. 136 00:07:52,369 --> 00:07:55,534 - give me a break. - all right. 137 00:07:55,569 --> 00:07:59,167 i'll give you a half an hour, and it's coming out of your check. 138 00:07:59,202 --> 00:08:01,200 well, there goes the porsche. 139 00:08:01,235 --> 00:08:04,100 i just love it when a guy talks sports. 140 00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:07,234 it does something to me. 141 00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:09,234 the only thing that's more exciting 142 00:08:09,269 --> 00:08:12,901 is when dan talks about hydraulic jacks and snow tires. 143 00:08:12,936 --> 00:08:16,100 you can joke all you want. you got yourself the ideal man. 144 00:08:16,135 --> 00:08:18,200 - oh, "ideal," huh? - sure. 145 00:08:18,235 --> 00:08:20,234 i'd give anything to have a man like dan. 146 00:08:20,269 --> 00:08:22,567 he stays home. he never runs around on you. 147 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,534 he's good to the kids, and he's hygienic. 148 00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:30,133 well, crystal, you think he came that way? 149 00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:35,567 it's 15 years of fighting that made him like that. 150 00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,234 you're so full of it. 151 00:08:37,269 --> 00:08:40,467 i'm serious. a good man don't just happen. 152 00:08:40,502 --> 00:08:43,400 they have to be created by us women. 153 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,100 you think you know everything. 154 00:08:48,135 --> 00:08:50,534 well, i do know everything, crystal. 155 00:08:50,569 --> 00:08:54,467 a guy is a lump like this doughnut. 156 00:08:54,502 --> 00:08:57,167 so first, you got to get rid of all the stuff 157 00:08:57,202 --> 00:08:59,167 his mom did to him. 158 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,734 then you got to get rid of all that macho crap 159 00:09:04,769 --> 00:09:08,067 that they pick up from the beer commercials. 160 00:09:08,102 --> 00:09:12,434 and then there's my personal favorite, the male ego. 161 00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:24,100 hi, sis. 162 00:09:24,135 --> 00:09:26,400 - hi.roseanne. - what? 163 00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:28,400 you realize that most people 164 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:31,534 use only two percent of their mind's potential? 165 00:09:31,569 --> 00:09:34,133 - that much, huh? - last night... 166 00:09:34,168 --> 00:09:36,267 i went to this incredible seminar. 167 00:09:36,302 --> 00:09:39,234 what was it this time, "dare to be a millionaire"? 168 00:09:39,269 --> 00:09:43,200 - "see it and be it." - be what? 169 00:09:47,934 --> 00:09:49,934 - hi, jackie. - hey, crystal. 170 00:09:49,969 --> 00:09:52,400 roseanne, this guy, dr. jerry macklett, 171 00:09:52,435 --> 00:09:55,067 he teaches you how to tap into the hidden treasures 172 00:09:55,102 --> 00:09:57,067 of your unconscious mind. 173 00:09:57,102 --> 00:09:59,067 - he does, huh? - yeah, it's so simple. 174 00:09:59,102 --> 00:10:01,067 he goes, "if your mind can conceive it 175 00:10:01,102 --> 00:10:03,100 and your heart can believe it, then you can achieve it." 176 00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:04,834 achieve what? 177 00:10:04,869 --> 00:10:07,167 sis here went to another one of her incredible seminars. 178 00:10:07,202 --> 00:10:09,167 it's great. it's great. 179 00:10:09,202 --> 00:10:11,667 - maybe i should go with you to one of your seminars. - "see it and be it." 180 00:10:11,702 --> 00:10:14,334 that's the one you should go to, crystal. this will change your life. 181 00:10:14,369 --> 00:10:17,200 - i've love to change my life. - jackie: well, you can. 182 00:10:17,235 --> 00:10:20,334 for only $30- it's a one-night course, 183 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,934 what you get are the basics of visualization. 184 00:10:22,969 --> 00:10:27,300 - visualization? - you use your mind's potential to get anything you want. 185 00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:30,133 you want a brand-new car? all you do is visualize it. 186 00:10:30,168 --> 00:10:31,667 that sounds easy enough. 187 00:10:31,702 --> 00:10:33,868 maybe you're on to something here, sis. 188 00:10:33,903 --> 00:10:36,801 - yeah, you- get out of here. - i'm serious. 189 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:40,868 i'm visualizing a clean house... 190 00:10:40,903 --> 00:10:43,534 and kids who don't talk back 191 00:10:43,569 --> 00:10:45,968 and a husband who waits on me hand and foot. 192 00:10:46,003 --> 00:10:48,067 you can have that. 193 00:10:48,102 --> 00:10:50,834 and we're all getting in crystal's brand-new car... 194 00:10:52,834 --> 00:10:55,300 and we're driving up this beautiful mountain road 195 00:10:55,335 --> 00:10:57,300 to go to the countryside 196 00:10:57,335 --> 00:10:59,667 to visit my sister in the nut barn. 197 00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:12,300 hi.are you the history teacher? 198 00:11:12,335 --> 00:11:14,400 yes. i'm ms. crane. 199 00:11:14,435 --> 00:11:16,400 hi. i'm darlene's mom. 200 00:11:16,435 --> 00:11:19,601 oh, i'd given up on you. you're 15 minutes late. 201 00:11:19,636 --> 00:11:21,934 i'm really sorry. i got here as soon as i could. 202 00:11:21,969 --> 00:11:24,067 i don't think we can do this today. 203 00:11:24,102 --> 00:11:26,868 - what? - i have another engagement. 204 00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:29,167 what, you're gonna go play tennis? 205 00:11:29,202 --> 00:11:31,200 squash. 206 00:11:31,235 --> 00:11:33,434 could we do this another day? 207 00:11:33,469 --> 00:11:35,934 no. 208 00:11:35,969 --> 00:11:39,100 i had to get off from work an hour early and lose pay, 209 00:11:39,135 --> 00:11:41,100 then i got caught in traffic. 210 00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,200 all right, we'll do it today. have a seat. 211 00:11:55,734 --> 00:12:00,033 darlene has been demonstrating behavioral problems. 212 00:12:00,068 --> 00:12:01,634 what does that mean? 213 00:12:01,669 --> 00:12:05,300 she's been barking in class. 214 00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:09,100 - barking? - like a dog. 215 00:12:09,135 --> 00:12:11,234 well, did you tell her to stop it? 216 00:12:11,269 --> 00:12:13,801 - ms. crane: i did. - did she stop it? 217 00:12:13,836 --> 00:12:17,968 - she stopped. - what's the problem? 218 00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:21,834 i feel this barking is an aggressive manifestation 219 00:12:21,869 --> 00:12:23,801 of a deeper internal problem. 220 00:12:28,634 --> 00:12:30,734 huh? 221 00:12:30,769 --> 00:12:33,367 now, let me explain. 222 00:12:33,402 --> 00:12:35,501 we have found 223 00:12:35,536 --> 00:12:37,634 that when behavioral problems arise in the classroom, 224 00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:40,667 it usually indicates a problem at home. 225 00:12:40,702 --> 00:12:43,000 uh-huh... 226 00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,901 how would you describe your relationship with your daughter? 227 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,701 i'd say it's typical. 228 00:12:51,736 --> 00:12:54,734 "typical"? not special? 229 00:12:54,769 --> 00:12:56,234 typical. 230 00:12:56,269 --> 00:12:59,901 do you feel you spend enough time with your daughter? 231 00:12:59,936 --> 00:13:03,200 you mean like "quality time"? 232 00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:08,200 yes. do you spend any free time with darlene? 233 00:13:08,235 --> 00:13:10,634 well, i have three kids and i work, 234 00:13:10,669 --> 00:13:12,968 so i don't have any free time. 235 00:13:13,003 --> 00:13:15,167 see, now, that may be the problem. 236 00:13:15,202 --> 00:13:17,000 mm-hmm... 237 00:13:17,035 --> 00:13:19,868 i think the problem is is that there is no problem. 238 00:13:19,903 --> 00:13:21,701 your daughter barks. 239 00:13:21,736 --> 00:13:24,267 our whole family barks. 240 00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:36,801 i talked to your history teacher today. 241 00:13:36,836 --> 00:13:39,200 oh, ms. crane the pain? 242 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,801 yeah, you're a real jokester, all right. 243 00:13:41,836 --> 00:13:44,300 turn that down. 244 00:13:47,968 --> 00:13:50,467 she says you've been barking in class. 245 00:13:51,534 --> 00:13:53,501 yeah. 246 00:13:53,536 --> 00:13:56,334 well, what do you wanna do that for? 247 00:13:58,067 --> 00:14:00,467 mom, she is so boring. 248 00:14:00,502 --> 00:14:02,467 if i don't bark, i'll fall asleep. 249 00:14:02,502 --> 00:14:05,200 mom, did you get my bookbag? 250 00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:07,200 - yeah, it's over there. - okay, thanks. 251 00:14:07,235 --> 00:14:09,200 i mean it, darlene. you need to knock it off. 252 00:14:09,235 --> 00:14:11,234 i'm serious. no more barking. 253 00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:13,567 but everyone makes fun of ms. crane. 254 00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,300 mom, this is blue. 255 00:14:15,335 --> 00:14:17,868 - hey, i'm talking to mom. - well, so am i. 256 00:14:17,903 --> 00:14:21,334 - shut up. - don't tell me to shut up. you are so immature. 257 00:14:21,369 --> 00:14:25,067 stop it, you two. knock it off. 258 00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:30,734 you're gonna use that bag until you're 30. 259 00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:33,834 oh, great. i'm just gonna look like a freak. 260 00:14:33,869 --> 00:14:36,534 - what else is new? - shut up. 261 00:14:36,569 --> 00:14:40,434 this is why some animals eat their young. 262 00:14:46,934 --> 00:14:50,234 i want you to take all of your stuff o your room right now. 263 00:14:50,269 --> 00:14:52,567 - hi, babe. - hi. 264 00:14:54,467 --> 00:14:57,667 dad, i struck out mark winstead six times. 265 00:14:57,702 --> 00:15:00,267 - yeah, i saw that in the sports page. - dad- 266 00:15:00,302 --> 00:15:04,067 and something about him being your boyfriend? 267 00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:06,133 what? he is not my boyfriend. 268 00:15:06,168 --> 00:15:08,400 you always strike out the one you love... 269 00:15:08,435 --> 00:15:10,400 mrs. winstead. 270 00:15:10,435 --> 00:15:13,434 he is not my boyfriend. i can't stand him. 271 00:15:18,969 --> 00:15:21,501 - did you get any beer? - it's on the counter. 272 00:15:21,536 --> 00:15:23,767 thanks, honey. you're a peach. 273 00:15:27,502 --> 00:15:30,000 hey, this is warm. 274 00:15:30,035 --> 00:15:31,934 that's all right. 275 00:15:33,634 --> 00:15:35,634 dan...? 276 00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:37,634 yes? 277 00:15:37,669 --> 00:15:39,734 how come that sink ain't fixed yet? 278 00:15:39,769 --> 00:15:42,300 i'm gonna get right on it. aw, check this out. 279 00:15:42,335 --> 00:15:46,000 a genuine hand-carved figurehead. 280 00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:51,100 uh-huh, yeah. 281 00:15:51,135 --> 00:15:54,367 when i get the boat finished, i'm gonna slap this baby right on the front. 282 00:15:54,402 --> 00:15:56,868 - oh, you are, huh? - yeah, ain't it a beaut? 283 00:15:56,903 --> 00:15:59,934 i can't believe dwight was gonna throw this out. 284 00:15:59,969 --> 00:16:02,534 what were you doing over at dwight's? 285 00:16:02,569 --> 00:16:04,834 me and freddy went over there to help him work on this truck. 286 00:16:04,869 --> 00:16:06,968 you said you were gonna start a job today. 287 00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:10,200 well, i didn't get it. somebody put in a lower bid. 288 00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:12,734 so you had, like, the whole day off? 289 00:16:12,769 --> 00:16:15,467 no, i didn't have the whole day off. 290 00:16:15,502 --> 00:16:17,400 i was busy... 291 00:16:18,601 --> 00:16:20,534 making contacts. 292 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,868 with what, dwight's truck and a six-pack? 293 00:16:24,903 --> 00:16:28,567 - oh, come on, roseanne. - oh, come on, dan. 294 00:16:28,602 --> 00:16:31,000 i was hoping to kick a little work my way. 295 00:16:31,035 --> 00:16:33,000 i got my last two jobs from dwight. 296 00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:35,534 well, maybe he can get you your next wife. 297 00:16:35,569 --> 00:16:37,534 - maybe. - ooh! 298 00:16:37,569 --> 00:16:39,534 what would i ever do without you? 299 00:16:39,569 --> 00:16:43,100 just sit there and drink your beer, hubby. i'll fix the sink myself. 300 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:45,367 the hell you will. i'll fix the sink. 301 00:16:45,402 --> 00:16:48,167 oh, talk is cheap, mr. fix-it. 302 00:16:48,202 --> 00:16:51,267 fixing a sink is a husband's job. i am the husband. 303 00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:54,334 and i'm the wife, so it's my job to do everything else, right? 304 00:16:54,369 --> 00:16:57,400 - oh, don't give me that. - oh, well, it must be true. 305 00:16:57,435 --> 00:16:59,434 i put in eight hours a day at the factory, 306 00:16:59,469 --> 00:17:01,467 then come home and put in another eight hours. 307 00:17:01,502 --> 00:17:04,434 i'm running around like a maniac, taking back- 308 00:17:04,469 --> 00:17:06,567 - mom, where's the tape? - in the bathroom, third drawer- 309 00:17:06,602 --> 00:17:09,133 ...bookbags, talking to teachers and everything else, 310 00:17:09,168 --> 00:17:11,334 - and you don't do nothing! - whoa! 311 00:17:11,369 --> 00:17:14,033 hey, i do plenty around here. 312 00:17:14,068 --> 00:17:16,033 like what? 313 00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:18,033 clean the gutters. 314 00:17:18,068 --> 00:17:19,567 and...? 315 00:17:19,602 --> 00:17:23,100 what's the point here, roseanne? 316 00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,634 there is no point, okay? 317 00:17:26,669 --> 00:17:28,601 no point. 318 00:17:33,467 --> 00:17:35,767 the point is... 319 00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:39,334 you think this is a magic kingdom 320 00:17:39,369 --> 00:17:41,601 where you just sit up here on your throne. 321 00:17:41,636 --> 00:17:43,100 - oh, yeah? - yeah. 322 00:17:43,135 --> 00:17:45,300 and you think everything gets done by some wonderful wizard. 323 00:17:45,335 --> 00:17:47,300 poof! the laundry's folded. 324 00:17:47,335 --> 00:17:49,300 poof! dinner's on the table. 325 00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:51,434 you want me to fix dinner? i'll fix dinner. 326 00:17:51,469 --> 00:17:53,501 i'm fixing dinner. 327 00:17:53,536 --> 00:17:58,334 oh, but, honey, you just fixed dinner three years ago. 328 00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:04,067 think i can't cook? i can cook.i'm cooking. 329 00:18:04,102 --> 00:18:06,400 and i'll spend the rest of the night washing up the dishes. 330 00:18:06,435 --> 00:18:08,934 - hey, i do the dishes. - when? 331 00:18:08,969 --> 00:18:11,434 thursday, 6:45 p.m. 332 00:18:11,469 --> 00:18:13,968 1970-what? 333 00:18:16,934 --> 00:18:20,734 we can't have a big can of corn for dinner. 334 00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:26,133 i'll do it. oh, let me do it. it's easier. 335 00:18:26,168 --> 00:18:28,367 see? i try to help. 336 00:18:28,402 --> 00:18:31,834 well, you better try a little bit harder. you know why? 337 00:18:31,869 --> 00:18:35,067 you better come down off of your throne right now 338 00:18:35,102 --> 00:18:37,667 and start helping me out 'cause i'm getting fed up. 339 00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:40,467 well, i got a royal news flash for you- 340 00:18:40,502 --> 00:18:43,467 mom, dad! darlene cut her finger off! 341 00:18:43,502 --> 00:18:46,267 - roseanne: what happened? - she cut herself with the scissors. 342 00:18:46,302 --> 00:18:50,367 let's see.okay. come on, let's go. 343 00:18:50,402 --> 00:18:52,501 take her to the emergency room! 344 00:18:52,536 --> 00:18:54,501 she needs a tourniquet! 345 00:18:54,536 --> 00:18:56,834 shut up, honey. 346 00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:59,667 i'm just gonna rinse this off first, okay? 347 00:18:59,702 --> 00:19:02,200 - darlene: ow... - dan: it's okay. it's gonna be all right. 348 00:19:02,235 --> 00:19:05,167 we just got to keep your finger above your head. 349 00:19:05,202 --> 00:19:06,801 - but it hurts. - yeah, honey. 350 00:19:06,836 --> 00:19:09,467 try not to think about your finger. think about something else. 351 00:19:09,502 --> 00:19:11,467 - i can't. - yeah, you can. 352 00:19:11,502 --> 00:19:13,734 - think about a flower. - flower? 353 00:19:13,769 --> 00:19:16,200 yeah, close your eyes. go ahead, close 'em. 354 00:19:16,235 --> 00:19:19,300 okay. now, think about a real pretty flower. 355 00:19:19,335 --> 00:19:21,300 it's out in the middle of the field, 356 00:19:21,335 --> 00:19:23,934 and the sun's shining on it. 357 00:19:23,969 --> 00:19:26,067 - can you see it? - no! 358 00:19:26,102 --> 00:19:29,801 forget about the flower - think about the demolition derby. 359 00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:34,100 - what about it? - remember how that yellow station wagon got clobbered? 360 00:19:34,135 --> 00:19:36,601 yeah, that was neat. 361 00:19:36,636 --> 00:19:38,601 and then two guys sandwiched him 362 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,667 and slammed him into a wall. 363 00:19:40,702 --> 00:19:43,767 - yeah? - dan: and then ricky tornado come full speed 364 00:19:43,802 --> 00:19:47,067 and tore the guy's rear end off and flipped him over. 365 00:19:47,102 --> 00:19:50,000 yeah, that was a blast. 366 00:19:50,035 --> 00:19:52,234 okay, bub, you're all finished. 367 00:19:52,269 --> 00:19:54,167 - i am? - yep. 368 00:19:54,202 --> 00:19:56,334 i didn't even feel it. 369 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:58,801 - roseanne: pretty cool, huh? - yeah.thanks. 370 00:20:07,701 --> 00:20:10,968 - are you hungry? - not really. 371 00:20:11,003 --> 00:20:13,300 - great, i'll fix dinner. - great. 372 00:20:32,068 --> 00:20:34,334 here you go. 373 00:20:34,369 --> 00:20:36,334 oh, thanks, babe. 374 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,000 thank you. 375 00:20:38,035 --> 00:20:39,501 honey, feel that board. 376 00:20:39,536 --> 00:20:41,234 you won't believe how smooth it is. 377 00:20:41,269 --> 00:20:43,234 run your hand along it. feels good, huh? 378 00:20:43,269 --> 00:20:46,434 yeah, i'm trembling with excitement. 379 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,200 just think... 380 00:20:50,235 --> 00:20:53,868 when you and i are retired, we're gonna be cruising the caribbean on this baby. 381 00:20:53,903 --> 00:20:55,868 i'm not getting on this thing. 382 00:20:55,903 --> 00:20:57,868 it'll be great. 383 00:20:57,903 --> 00:21:00,701 we'll spend our last years together sailing through paradise. 384 00:21:00,736 --> 00:21:03,801 this sailor stuff really turns you on, huh? 385 00:21:03,836 --> 00:21:05,567 absolutely. 386 00:21:05,602 --> 00:21:09,167 there's nothing more romantic than drifting on the open sea. 387 00:21:09,202 --> 00:21:11,167 - yeah? - yeah. 388 00:21:11,202 --> 00:21:13,634 be all alone together every night, 389 00:21:13,669 --> 00:21:15,801 cuddle up in bed... 390 00:21:15,836 --> 00:21:18,601 moonlight dancing on the water. 391 00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:24,067 every night will be a voyage to ecstasy. 392 00:21:24,102 --> 00:21:27,300 you're turning me on. 393 00:21:27,335 --> 00:21:30,234 - i am? - yeah.let's do it. 394 00:21:30,269 --> 00:21:32,601 what about the sink? 395 00:21:32,636 --> 00:21:35,767 anywhere you want. 396 00:21:36,767 --> 00:21:46,767 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 397 00:21:46,817 --> 00:21:51,367 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 30109

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