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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,150 We're gonna need a killer band. 2 00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:04,357 And that starts with a serious musical director. 3 00:00:04,382 --> 00:00:05,835 Hired someone already! 4 00:00:05,867 --> 00:00:08,206 Hey Uncle Joe! What's up, buddy? 5 00:00:08,750 --> 00:00:12,414 I want serious work like the detective novels I optioned. 6 00:00:14,398 --> 00:00:15,530 She's obviously on the verge 7 00:00:15,565 --> 00:00:16,531 of another break down. 8 00:00:16,566 --> 00:00:17,666 You think? 9 00:00:17,901 --> 00:00:19,918 Lookin' good, Joseph! 10 00:00:20,842 --> 00:00:23,009 Oh, what jail did you break out of? 11 00:00:23,573 --> 00:00:25,615 Yes sir, I am aware of the situation 12 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,479 and I am fully prepared to take over 13 00:00:27,504 --> 00:00:28,960 all of Sam's duties. 14 00:00:30,539 --> 00:00:33,242 It's the middle of the night! 15 00:00:34,039 --> 00:00:36,593 And you're feeling all right! 16 00:00:37,421 --> 00:00:39,421 Hello! 17 00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:44,576 It's the Joey Show! 18 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,328 Come on! 19 00:00:46,363 --> 00:00:47,996 Then the guitars come in and I say, 20 00:00:48,032 --> 00:00:50,115 "Ladies and gentlemen, Joey McIntyre!" 21 00:00:50,167 --> 00:00:52,734 And my musical director, Chris Kirkpatrick! 22 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:53,618 I love it, man. 23 00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:55,048 We're like a two-man super group, bro. 24 00:00:55,072 --> 00:00:56,004 It's unbelievable! 25 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,693 Let's not print out the T-shirts yet, 26 00:00:57,718 --> 00:01:00,029 but man, they picked the right guy for the job! 27 00:01:00,054 --> 00:01:01,576 Yeah, I really owe you a big thanks, dude. 28 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:02,744 I need this, bro. 29 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,889 I mean, I lost everything investing 30 00:01:04,914 --> 00:01:07,279 in a professional hacky sack franchise. 31 00:01:07,304 --> 00:01:09,779 - Who does that? - Don't beat yourself up, dude. 32 00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:11,449 Orlando Sacks were a good team! 33 00:01:11,474 --> 00:01:13,234 They were oh and 63. 34 00:01:14,091 --> 00:01:15,724 Thanks for trying to cheer me up, but no. 35 00:01:15,759 --> 00:01:17,350 Hey, it's all in the past, bro. 36 00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:19,061 Let's concentrate on making a great show! 37 00:01:19,096 --> 00:01:20,779 And take care of my tax debt. 38 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,864 So here's to the first day of the rest of my life! 39 00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:23,565 Bam! 40 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:24,421 Thanks, man. 41 00:01:24,539 --> 00:01:27,552 It's the middle of the night 42 00:01:27,604 --> 00:01:28,887 And you're feeling all right 43 00:01:28,939 --> 00:01:30,304 Fired?! 44 00:01:31,731 --> 00:01:33,013 I'm fired! 45 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:35,237 I'm Joey McIntyre. 46 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,140 You know, the little guy from New Kids on the Block. 47 00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:39,171 Since then, I've had my ups. 48 00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:41,516 And I've had my downs. 49 00:01:41,552 --> 00:01:43,268 But I know I can make it with the love of 50 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,387 my family, hard work, 51 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,522 and maybe better management. 52 00:01:48,125 --> 00:01:50,327 synced and corrected by susinz 53 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,186 Please don't. 54 00:01:52,221 --> 00:01:53,741 Because Sam really wouldn't want that, 55 00:01:53,772 --> 00:01:55,906 and you know, that's not feng shui actually. 56 00:01:56,570 --> 00:01:57,859 Soozie! 57 00:01:58,570 --> 00:02:00,640 You know, I was looking through Sam's files last night 58 00:02:00,664 --> 00:02:02,713 and I realized you have not taken a vacation day 59 00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,250 in quite a while! 60 00:02:04,402 --> 00:02:06,155 You need some R&R, girl! 61 00:02:06,180 --> 00:02:08,146 Oh no, I get all my rest and relaxation 62 00:02:08,182 --> 00:02:10,476 on the weekends when I clean Sam's pool. 63 00:02:10,929 --> 00:02:13,140 Wow. As your interim boss, 64 00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:16,804 I insist that you start using your-woo... 65 00:02:16,824 --> 00:02:20,192 278 vacation days immediately! 66 00:02:20,244 --> 00:02:21,660 But I don't want to go on vacation. 67 00:02:21,695 --> 00:02:22,810 Who's gonna water Sam's cactus? 68 00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:23,811 It's plastic. 69 00:02:23,831 --> 00:02:24,579 Who's gonna pretend to water Sam's cactus? 70 00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:25,615 Soozie! 71 00:02:25,867 --> 00:02:27,282 I'm booking you on a cruise. 72 00:02:27,317 --> 00:02:28,583 Maybe you'll meet a guy! 73 00:02:28,619 --> 00:02:30,007 - Ouch. - Or whatever. 74 00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:33,781 Oh, hey Joe, can't talk right now. 75 00:02:33,938 --> 00:02:35,531 I have to go on vacation. 76 00:02:35,867 --> 00:02:37,189 You fired Chris?! 77 00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:39,242 Joe, I can see you're upset. 78 00:02:39,277 --> 00:02:41,560 But we're pivoting the network in a new direction. 79 00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:43,395 And Chris no longer fit the vision for the show. 80 00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:45,564 You guys said I was the vision for the show. 81 00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:46,616 You are. 82 00:02:46,668 --> 00:02:49,368 But think of me as the vision behind the vision. 83 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:50,963 And I have some exciting new initiatives 84 00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:53,320 that I can't wait to implement. 85 00:02:53,492 --> 00:02:55,812 You're acting like Sam's not coming back. 86 00:02:56,078 --> 00:02:58,379 Sam showed up to work buck naked, Joe. 87 00:02:58,414 --> 00:02:59,775 She's gonna be in treatment for awhile. 88 00:02:59,799 --> 00:03:00,998 Well then why fire Chris? 89 00:03:01,033 --> 00:03:02,277 I mean, we had a great rehearsal. 90 00:03:02,301 --> 00:03:03,350 We sound amazing together! 91 00:03:03,386 --> 00:03:05,002 I'm sure you did but we have to 92 00:03:05,021 --> 00:03:05,836 make some changes now. 93 00:03:05,855 --> 00:03:06,971 The sponsor dropped out... 94 00:03:07,006 --> 00:03:08,222 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 95 00:03:08,274 --> 00:03:09,339 We lost the sponsor? 96 00:03:09,358 --> 00:03:10,774 I wore the diaper for nothing? 97 00:03:10,828 --> 00:03:11,990 Well not for nothing. 98 00:03:12,015 --> 00:03:13,517 Shrimpy got a three picture deal off 99 00:03:13,542 --> 00:03:15,185 that Vine of you falling on your face. 100 00:03:15,210 --> 00:03:16,937 Yeah, my kids watched that about 300 times. 101 00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:19,016 Hey, listen, Joe. 102 00:03:19,125 --> 00:03:20,662 I hate to say this, but Sam really did us 103 00:03:20,686 --> 00:03:22,156 prison style on this one. 104 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:23,867 But luckily you have me! 105 00:03:24,173 --> 00:03:26,340 And I'm gonna give your a show a facelift. 106 00:03:26,492 --> 00:03:28,175 Speaking of which, meet your new producer, 107 00:03:28,210 --> 00:03:30,177 Tiffany Kerwinburn. 108 00:03:30,212 --> 00:03:32,346 This must be Joey McKid on the block! 109 00:03:32,381 --> 00:03:34,131 This is my husband, Howard by the way. 110 00:03:34,166 --> 00:03:35,640 Don't encourage him. 111 00:03:35,801 --> 00:03:37,051 Oh, good! 112 00:03:37,103 --> 00:03:39,031 You have an enormous head, 113 00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:40,888 you need a large head for daytime. 114 00:03:40,940 --> 00:03:41,722 Spoiler alert! 115 00:03:41,757 --> 00:03:43,190 We're moving the show to daytime! 116 00:03:43,225 --> 00:03:44,725 - Daytime? - Yeah, daytime. 117 00:03:44,777 --> 00:03:46,343 - Yeah, daytime. - Daytime? 118 00:03:46,362 --> 00:03:48,289 - Yes. - What's confusing, it's daytime? 119 00:03:50,093 --> 00:03:52,843 Daytime? They can't do that, Joe. 120 00:03:53,169 --> 00:03:54,668 Yeah, I'm walking in right now. 121 00:03:54,704 --> 00:03:56,170 I'll take care of it, all right. 122 00:03:56,756 --> 00:03:59,131 Hi, I'm Alex Pike, Joey McIntyre's manager. 123 00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,240 They're expecting me. 124 00:04:00,276 --> 00:04:02,926 And may I say that blouse looks lovely on you. 125 00:04:02,962 --> 00:04:04,296 - A word. - Whoa! 126 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,475 You're in violation of article fourteen, 127 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,832 section twelve of the employee rules of conduct. 128 00:04:08,851 --> 00:04:10,365 Um... I'm not an employee. 129 00:04:10,390 --> 00:04:12,303 - Do you have a Comfy pass? - Duh. 130 00:04:12,338 --> 00:04:13,365 Well by excepting said pass, 131 00:04:13,389 --> 00:04:15,272 you've entered into a defacto employee contract. 132 00:04:15,308 --> 00:04:17,867 And at Comfy, we have a zero tolerance policy for... 133 00:04:18,093 --> 00:04:19,367 sexual harassment. 134 00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:22,240 I didn't harass her, I just complimented her blouse. 135 00:04:22,265 --> 00:04:23,920 Let's refrain from using the b-word any 136 00:04:23,945 --> 00:04:25,835 further in this conversation, okay? 137 00:04:26,187 --> 00:04:28,018 - Blouse? - [sighs] 138 00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:30,648 You'll have to come with me for gender sensitivity training. 139 00:04:31,328 --> 00:04:32,456 Okay. 140 00:04:32,491 --> 00:04:34,358 I have a meeting with Joey McIntyre. 141 00:04:34,377 --> 00:04:35,718 Ever heard of him? Big deal. 142 00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:36,860 Is it gonna take very long? 143 00:04:36,879 --> 00:04:38,468 It's gonna take as long as it takes. 144 00:04:40,607 --> 00:04:41,906 Will there be snacks? 145 00:04:42,702 --> 00:04:44,953 Listen Joey, there's an entire world 146 00:04:44,978 --> 00:04:46,773 of lonely women sitting at home, 147 00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:48,505 desperate for something pretty to look at 148 00:04:48,524 --> 00:04:49,973 while they do their laundry. 149 00:04:50,179 --> 00:04:51,906 And that is you. 150 00:04:52,344 --> 00:04:54,445 - Just look at those baby blues. - Ooh! 151 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,013 I signed up for late night, not daytime! 152 00:04:57,041 --> 00:04:59,708 Joe, late night was never the right fit for your brand. 153 00:04:59,735 --> 00:05:02,319 You're bright and happy like ray of sunshine! 154 00:05:02,354 --> 00:05:03,186 Not right now. 155 00:05:03,205 --> 00:05:04,843 Well, maybe this will help. 156 00:05:05,541 --> 00:05:07,240 We focus grouped this and people just 157 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,875 loved the logo. 158 00:05:10,671 --> 00:05:12,346 I look sixty-five in that thing. 159 00:05:12,507 --> 00:05:14,264 Well you have been around for awhile. 160 00:05:14,343 --> 00:05:15,576 Not that long! 161 00:05:15,601 --> 00:05:18,490 Joe, I think the gray makes you look distinguished! 162 00:05:18,515 --> 00:05:21,796 Look, daytime viewers need a father figure to look up to! 163 00:05:21,945 --> 00:05:22,977 Like Ellen. 164 00:05:23,351 --> 00:05:25,012 You know, when Maury went gray 165 00:05:25,031 --> 00:05:26,687 we knew we had ratings gold. 166 00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:27,978 Maury Povich? 167 00:05:28,007 --> 00:05:30,384 Tiffany has done over three thousand hours 168 00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:31,719 of tabloid TV. 169 00:05:31,755 --> 00:05:34,172 Maury, Montel, Sally Jessy Raphael. 170 00:05:34,224 --> 00:05:35,556 I've worked with all the greats! 171 00:05:35,592 --> 00:05:37,458 So what do you want me to do? DNA tests now? 172 00:05:37,477 --> 00:05:40,294 No, of course not. 173 00:05:40,313 --> 00:05:42,230 No, DNA is Maury's thing! 174 00:05:42,265 --> 00:05:44,148 Nobody does DNA like Maury. 175 00:05:44,184 --> 00:05:45,803 No, you'll be doing things like talking 176 00:05:45,828 --> 00:05:48,757 to sister wives or women who marry inanimate objects. 177 00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:51,251 Sounds like water cooler TV to me! 178 00:05:51,286 --> 00:05:52,647 This is the worst idea you guys have 179 00:05:52,671 --> 00:05:55,472 come up with yet, and that's saying a lot! 180 00:05:55,507 --> 00:05:57,390 Oh, trust me, we could come up with 181 00:05:57,426 --> 00:05:59,559 ideas way crazier than this. 182 00:05:59,595 --> 00:06:01,094 Oh I have one! 183 00:06:02,130 --> 00:06:03,312 Oh it went away. 184 00:06:03,632 --> 00:06:05,164 Oh there it is again! 185 00:06:05,189 --> 00:06:06,250 Look at me. 186 00:06:07,081 --> 00:06:08,187 And look mad. 187 00:06:09,137 --> 00:06:10,103 Yeah, that'll work. 188 00:06:10,138 --> 00:06:11,734 That's good, that's good stuff. 189 00:06:16,261 --> 00:06:17,335 Oh! 190 00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:20,820 Come on, I need that phone, that's Joe. 191 00:06:22,551 --> 00:06:25,418 As VP of finance, head of human resources 192 00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:28,287 and senior office supply manager; 193 00:06:28,307 --> 00:06:30,223 It is advisable that you follow my instructions 194 00:06:30,258 --> 00:06:31,524 to the letter. 195 00:06:31,835 --> 00:06:35,117 If you're in this room it means you've done something unacceptable. 196 00:06:37,747 --> 00:06:40,664 I photocopied my Mrs. Beasley. 197 00:06:41,586 --> 00:06:42,586 Great. 198 00:06:42,638 --> 00:06:43,804 What did you do? 199 00:06:44,523 --> 00:06:46,585 - I honestly don't know. - No talking! 200 00:06:46,953 --> 00:06:48,608 I am now going to show you a film 201 00:06:48,644 --> 00:06:50,977 on inappropriate office behavior. 202 00:06:51,012 --> 00:06:53,513 It's approximately 147 minutes in length. 203 00:06:53,532 --> 00:06:54,481 Oh what? 204 00:06:54,516 --> 00:06:56,882 And yes, there will be a quiz. 205 00:06:58,286 --> 00:07:02,328 Hey... It's for you. 206 00:07:03,539 --> 00:07:04,578 Oh! 207 00:07:06,109 --> 00:07:07,773 Mrs. Beasley, I presume? 208 00:07:08,269 --> 00:07:09,552 Pleased to meet you. 209 00:07:10,232 --> 00:07:12,015 Alex, where the hell are you? Call me back! 210 00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:14,097 Buddy, wait up. Chris! Come on. 211 00:07:14,122 --> 00:07:15,330 We're gonna straighten this out. 212 00:07:15,354 --> 00:07:17,187 Yeah? Tell that to the IRS. 213 00:07:17,239 --> 00:07:19,239 I trusted you, McIntyre! 214 00:07:19,274 --> 00:07:20,323 Come on, Chris. 215 00:07:20,921 --> 00:07:23,159 - Boy band code. - Screw the code! 216 00:07:23,195 --> 00:07:24,507 Screw you! 217 00:07:25,015 --> 00:07:27,037 And by the way, you were pitchy. 218 00:07:27,062 --> 00:07:29,271 Hey! Hey, don't be like that! 219 00:07:29,296 --> 00:07:30,750 Hey, we're gonna fix this. 220 00:07:30,786 --> 00:07:32,002 I am gonna fix this. 221 00:07:32,037 --> 00:07:32,985 Joe. 222 00:07:33,005 --> 00:07:34,005 It's me, Soozie. 223 00:07:34,271 --> 00:07:35,460 Yeah, hey. 224 00:07:35,835 --> 00:07:37,323 Have you seen Alex? 225 00:07:37,342 --> 00:07:39,592 No, I've been too busy packing for this vacation. 226 00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,875 Sam would never let me go on vacation. 227 00:07:43,585 --> 00:07:44,585 I miss her. 228 00:07:45,062 --> 00:07:47,289 I never thought I'd say this but I miss Sam too. 229 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,507 Watch out for Paige, Joe. 230 00:07:49,617 --> 00:07:51,187 She can't be trusted. 231 00:07:52,343 --> 00:07:53,440 Watch out for her. 232 00:07:53,475 --> 00:07:54,937 Watch out. 233 00:07:55,193 --> 00:07:56,414 Watch out. 234 00:07:56,595 --> 00:07:59,132 Watch out for this couch, it comes out of nowhere. 235 00:07:59,314 --> 00:08:02,875 I was never here, oh! 236 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:06,286 Unbelievable. 237 00:08:06,321 --> 00:08:09,570 Honey, you will not believe I am... 238 00:08:10,852 --> 00:08:13,554 Honey, look who I ran into at spin class! 239 00:08:18,283 --> 00:08:19,382 [upbeat tune] 240 00:08:21,820 --> 00:08:23,632 Have a cupcake, Joe! I got coconut. 241 00:08:23,657 --> 00:08:25,739 A little birdy told me it was your favorite. 242 00:08:25,791 --> 00:08:26,689 Yeah, I'll pass. 243 00:08:26,708 --> 00:08:28,691 So you guys just randomly met up at a 244 00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:29,876 spin class, huh? 245 00:08:29,911 --> 00:08:31,327 I know, so weird right? 246 00:08:31,362 --> 00:08:33,218 Joe, your wife, totally kicked my ass 247 00:08:33,243 --> 00:08:34,312 on the spin bike. 248 00:08:34,695 --> 00:08:36,694 Do you remember that guy in the second to last row? 249 00:08:36,718 --> 00:08:37,929 Spikey shoe! 250 00:08:38,781 --> 00:08:40,648 Hmm, inside joke huh? 251 00:08:41,031 --> 00:08:43,005 Oh that's that annoyed Joe face you 252 00:08:43,024 --> 00:08:44,107 were telling me about! 253 00:08:44,142 --> 00:08:45,775 - Like hmm. - What are you? 254 00:08:46,296 --> 00:08:47,359 Eh. 255 00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:49,457 He doesn't even know he's doing it. 256 00:08:49,481 --> 00:08:51,842 - That's it, right there! - So good, God! 257 00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:53,625 Honey, we're just messing with you. 258 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,885 Paige told me about the move to daytime, 259 00:08:55,921 --> 00:08:57,257 what a great idea. 260 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,139 She told you about that, huh? 261 00:08:59,174 --> 00:09:01,046 Yeah, I can totally see you in daytime. 262 00:09:01,078 --> 00:09:02,792 I said the same thing! 263 00:09:02,827 --> 00:09:04,761 Your husband is exactly the kind of thing 264 00:09:04,796 --> 00:09:06,676 people want to have on in the middle of the day. 265 00:09:06,992 --> 00:09:09,539 Just behind them, all the time in the house, 266 00:09:09,623 --> 00:09:10,843 doing stuff. 267 00:09:12,102 --> 00:09:13,570 Can I talk to you for a second? 268 00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:16,190 Just... 269 00:09:18,027 --> 00:09:19,640 Go ahead, I'll be right here. 270 00:09:21,265 --> 00:09:22,914 Thanks, thanks for that. 271 00:09:24,257 --> 00:09:25,715 Do you see what's happening here? 272 00:09:25,750 --> 00:09:27,517 I'm hanging with someone from spin class. 273 00:09:27,536 --> 00:09:29,736 You're a pawn in Paige's sick little game! 274 00:09:29,788 --> 00:09:30,820 I invited her! 275 00:09:30,855 --> 00:09:33,790 She wanted you to that's how good she is. 276 00:09:34,109 --> 00:09:37,375 Okay, I'm going back in the kitchen now 277 00:09:37,726 --> 00:09:39,296 with the evil one. 278 00:09:39,827 --> 00:09:41,335 Yeah, she is evil. 279 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,485 In this exercise, you're working 280 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,421 on a very exciting accounting project. 281 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:50,655 Please keep in mind the handout we completed 282 00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:53,593 in the eyes up here workbook. 283 00:09:53,703 --> 00:09:56,812 This will account for one fifth of your final grade. 284 00:09:57,539 --> 00:09:58,617 Begin. 285 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,599 Okay... 286 00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:01,643 Um... 287 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,952 Good morning, Miss Lundquist... 288 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,004 [air horn] 289 00:10:05,507 --> 00:10:06,788 Stop! What is that? 290 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,929 No gender specific pronouns. 291 00:10:08,954 --> 00:10:11,601 Just say that, you don't need to... horn it. 292 00:10:13,783 --> 00:10:17,531 Good morning random person who works at Comfy. 293 00:10:17,863 --> 00:10:22,796 Hi... Dick from accounting. 294 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,765 This accounting it really hard, Dick. 295 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,671 Please, just call me Richard. 296 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,415 So about that exciting accounting project 297 00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,875 we've been working on... 298 00:10:35,495 --> 00:10:38,109 I'm gonna need you to... 299 00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,440 - Boink me? - [air horn] 300 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,158 Oh son of a Beasley! 301 00:10:43,193 --> 00:10:46,234 God what are you... Ow! 302 00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:49,069 We'll have to start from the beginning. 303 00:10:49,093 --> 00:10:50,093 Yeah. 304 00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:53,485 And he was like 305 00:10:53,504 --> 00:10:55,871 "Oh my God my butt too big for the seat!" 306 00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,233 And what's wrong with doing daytime? 307 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,091 I do not want to do daytime, Donnie. 308 00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:00,542 And I can't get a hold of Alex. 309 00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:02,390 If you don't like the way things are going, 310 00:11:02,671 --> 00:11:04,296 you just got to take control! 311 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,497 How am I gonna take control when 312 00:11:05,516 --> 00:11:07,766 everyone's against me, even my own wife. 313 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:10,318 Maybe you should listen to her once in awhile. 314 00:11:10,354 --> 00:11:12,604 In this business, Joe, the only person you can 315 00:11:12,623 --> 00:11:14,322 count on to get things done is yourself! 316 00:11:14,375 --> 00:11:15,273 You know this. 317 00:11:15,292 --> 00:11:17,442 Oh babe you've got like five minutes before Bachelor's starting. 318 00:11:17,461 --> 00:11:18,742 Will you stop it? 319 00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:21,546 - Joey's in a real pickle. - Oh I want your pickle. 320 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,415 Joe, it's like I always say, 321 00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:25,265 "When things are starting to slip, 322 00:11:25,421 --> 00:11:27,519 you have to be the one to steer the ship." 323 00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:30,022 I'm sure you can find somebody to help you out. 324 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,148 There is one person. 325 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,055 Welcome to Soozie's car. 326 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,615 Please fasten your seatbelt. 327 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,506 Travel time today is approximately one hour 328 00:11:42,531 --> 00:11:44,264 and forty-seven minutes. 329 00:11:44,306 --> 00:11:46,046 We are experiencing some mild traffic 330 00:11:46,071 --> 00:11:48,218 but hope to get you to your destination on time. 331 00:11:48,243 --> 00:11:50,415 You know, Soozie, you could have just told me where Sam is. 332 00:11:50,439 --> 00:11:51,634 You didn't have to drive me yourself. 333 00:11:51,658 --> 00:11:53,231 Well actually I can't tell you where 334 00:11:53,243 --> 00:11:54,828 Sam is, she made me pinky promise. 335 00:11:54,853 --> 00:11:56,736 So when we get to Pleasantries Rehab Center, 336 00:11:56,771 --> 00:11:57,854 I'll just point. 337 00:11:57,873 --> 00:11:58,822 Oh she's at Pleasantries? 338 00:11:58,857 --> 00:11:59,937 Oh you're good! 339 00:11:59,962 --> 00:12:01,658 You could be a TV detective! 340 00:12:01,693 --> 00:12:03,101 Hmm, tell me about it. 341 00:12:03,126 --> 00:12:04,292 Some music for the drive? 342 00:12:04,496 --> 00:12:07,163 Eh, oh. 343 00:12:07,182 --> 00:12:08,331 All New Kids, huh? 344 00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:09,968 Oh of course not! 345 00:12:10,179 --> 00:12:11,937 I have all your solo albums too. 346 00:12:12,048 --> 00:12:13,609 Meet Joe Mac is my favorite. 347 00:12:14,564 --> 00:12:17,890 Why don't we just have a little silence for the first. 348 00:12:20,233 --> 00:12:21,382 No thank you! 349 00:12:24,399 --> 00:12:27,167 Here we go Joe! 350 00:12:34,141 --> 00:12:35,453 [crying] 351 00:12:37,145 --> 00:12:38,820 And he never really loved me. 352 00:12:39,722 --> 00:12:43,789 And then he said he wasn't my real father. 353 00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:47,168 That's what you sound like, Nancy. 354 00:12:47,204 --> 00:12:49,921 Blah, blah, blah, blah, I cut myself. 355 00:12:50,192 --> 00:12:52,742 Wahh! I eat pesticides. 356 00:12:52,777 --> 00:12:55,778 My grandmother and I are in a sexual relationship. 357 00:12:55,813 --> 00:12:57,313 I talk to fruit. 358 00:12:57,332 --> 00:12:59,482 I have a hand that I'm married to, 359 00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:01,117 my literal hand! 360 00:13:01,152 --> 00:13:03,601 Good God, I'm surrounded by crazy people! 361 00:13:07,388 --> 00:13:08,500 Nancy, love. 362 00:13:08,812 --> 00:13:11,201 Tell me you see a boy band-er and a garden gnome 363 00:13:11,226 --> 00:13:12,398 walking this way. 364 00:13:13,258 --> 00:13:14,328 Is that her? 365 00:13:14,816 --> 00:13:16,065 So... 366 00:13:16,101 --> 00:13:18,084 This place seems to be treating you well. 367 00:13:18,359 --> 00:13:21,475 Joseph, Pleasantries Montecito 368 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,164 has truly been an awakening. 369 00:13:23,189 --> 00:13:24,779 I feel fantastic! 370 00:13:24,992 --> 00:13:27,085 And I've met so many interesting people 371 00:13:27,427 --> 00:13:28,676 You see that woman over there? 372 00:13:29,578 --> 00:13:31,992 She used to eat nothing but sand paper. 373 00:13:32,017 --> 00:13:34,483 Huh, now that's a hit show. 374 00:13:34,502 --> 00:13:36,669 Speaking of the show, I just really... 375 00:13:36,705 --> 00:13:38,838 And I've really learned to listen to people. 376 00:13:38,873 --> 00:13:41,641 You know, just really, really hear them. 377 00:13:42,179 --> 00:13:45,445 Most importantly, I've just learned to be present. 378 00:13:46,164 --> 00:13:49,789 Soozie, this is very difficult for me to admit. 379 00:13:49,814 --> 00:13:50,945 But uh... 380 00:13:51,084 --> 00:13:53,882 I've been informed apparently you have feelings. 381 00:13:54,273 --> 00:13:55,179 Oh my God. 382 00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:58,459 And I need to recognize that. 383 00:13:58,484 --> 00:14:00,317 I've been waiting for this day my whole... 384 00:14:00,441 --> 00:14:02,601 Fantastic, we are equals! 385 00:14:03,953 --> 00:14:06,416 Chop, chop, go get mama her scream pillow, huh? 386 00:14:06,451 --> 00:14:08,179 - Okay. - Hey-ya! 387 00:14:09,087 --> 00:14:10,873 So Sam, about the show... 388 00:14:10,898 --> 00:14:12,672 Oh b-b-b-b-Joseph. 389 00:14:13,414 --> 00:14:16,376 I really need to concentrate on me and my healing, 390 00:14:16,428 --> 00:14:17,961 not you and your little show. 391 00:14:17,996 --> 00:14:21,148 Mm. I understand, and I hate to ask you to 392 00:14:21,173 --> 00:14:25,184 step away from whatever this is. 393 00:14:25,228 --> 00:14:27,361 But we need you back at the Comfy Channel. 394 00:14:27,389 --> 00:14:28,195 Oomph. 395 00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:30,034 With Paige in charge, it's going down in flames, 396 00:14:30,058 --> 00:14:31,808 the whole network, down in flames. 397 00:14:31,843 --> 00:14:33,578 They cancelled, "I Sued My Cat" by the way. 398 00:14:33,603 --> 00:14:35,111 Well really the cats were never gonna 399 00:14:35,146 --> 00:14:36,531 be found guilty so. 400 00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,593 She can't do what you do. 401 00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:40,992 Well you got that right. 402 00:14:41,453 --> 00:14:43,732 She certainly doesn't have the savoir faire 403 00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:45,523 to pull off this caftan. 404 00:14:45,548 --> 00:14:47,290 She's taking the show to daytime. 405 00:14:47,325 --> 00:14:48,492 Daytime? 406 00:14:49,424 --> 00:14:50,554 Daytime! 407 00:14:52,818 --> 00:14:53,851 Soozie! 408 00:14:54,063 --> 00:14:54,779 Soozie! 409 00:14:54,859 --> 00:14:55,960 Yeah. Where's my pillow? 410 00:14:55,985 --> 00:14:57,023 Coming! 411 00:14:59,352 --> 00:15:00,640 [muffled screams] 412 00:15:15,094 --> 00:15:16,094 Okay... 413 00:15:16,554 --> 00:15:18,888 Meet me in the laundry room in ten minutes. 414 00:15:18,923 --> 00:15:20,914 I found a way out through the septic system. 415 00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:25,127 We can just go through the front door. 416 00:15:25,146 --> 00:15:26,146 Sure. Yup. 417 00:15:27,941 --> 00:15:30,101 - [whispers] Good work, Soozie. - [whispers] Thank you. 418 00:15:31,982 --> 00:15:33,195 [graduation music] 419 00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,265 Bernice Lundquist. 420 00:15:40,862 --> 00:15:43,429 Um does this mean I'm allowed to use the copier again? 421 00:15:43,591 --> 00:15:44,976 No, it does not. 422 00:15:46,483 --> 00:15:47,898 Alex Pike. 423 00:15:49,103 --> 00:15:50,103 [clapping] 424 00:15:53,324 --> 00:15:54,440 Congratulations, graduates. 425 00:15:54,459 --> 00:15:56,137 You have successfully completed six and a half hours 426 00:15:56,161 --> 00:15:57,531 of sensitivity training. 427 00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:59,289 Your certificate is valid for one year 428 00:15:59,314 --> 00:16:01,062 - pending good behavior. - Yeah! 429 00:16:02,116 --> 00:16:03,367 I'm a graduate! 430 00:16:03,976 --> 00:16:05,296 Me too! 431 00:16:05,805 --> 00:16:07,984 Oh I wish my mom could see me right now. 432 00:16:09,648 --> 00:16:11,724 Bernice, would you and Mrs. Beasley 433 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,453 care to have a little celebratory drinky-poo? 434 00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:16,548 - Oh [bleep]... - [bullhorn] 435 00:16:16,573 --> 00:16:17,573 Okay. 436 00:16:19,035 --> 00:16:22,078 Do you think I could fit this entire thing in my mouth? 437 00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:34,031 My Teen Choice Awards surfboard?! 438 00:16:34,504 --> 00:16:37,071 I haven't even had a chance to ride that yet! 439 00:16:37,145 --> 00:16:38,460 Come on! 440 00:16:41,339 --> 00:16:42,476 [upbeat tune] 441 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,304 Everyone stop what you're doing this instant! 442 00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:48,172 [bleep] 443 00:16:48,191 --> 00:16:49,690 What have you done to my network. 444 00:16:49,725 --> 00:16:51,809 And what are you doing to my office? 445 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,311 Sam, they let you out early! 446 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,980 How did that happen? 447 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,076 Apparently they let me out just in time, Paige. 448 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:02,467 Joseph is not and never will be daytime, 449 00:17:02,492 --> 00:17:03,498 not on my watch. 450 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,765 Thank you, Sam. 451 00:17:05,851 --> 00:17:08,281 Well, it's too bad you feel that way. 452 00:17:08,765 --> 00:17:12,281 Because corporate is totally gushing over this idea. 453 00:17:13,609 --> 00:17:14,498 They are? 454 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,967 As a matter of fact, I just finished telling them 455 00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:19,220 about how this whole daytime thing originated with you. 456 00:17:19,851 --> 00:17:21,382 Yeah, huh. 457 00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:22,756 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 458 00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:24,842 After all, you were the one who championed Joe 459 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,645 as the perfect antidote to Kathie Lee and Hoda. 460 00:17:28,085 --> 00:17:30,731 That definitely sounds like me saying that. 461 00:17:31,187 --> 00:17:33,498 Paige, I know what you're trying to do, 462 00:17:33,523 --> 00:17:35,069 and it's not gonna work! 463 00:17:35,104 --> 00:17:37,238 They are so impressed by the way we re-org'd 464 00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:39,521 the show they're thinking about bringing you back 465 00:17:39,546 --> 00:17:40,859 to the New York office! 466 00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:43,577 - The Parent Network? - Yes! 467 00:17:44,237 --> 00:17:46,976 Oh, Soozie, it's all happening. 468 00:17:47,289 --> 00:17:50,273 They're calling us back to the mothership! 469 00:17:50,531 --> 00:17:51,418 Yay! 470 00:17:51,454 --> 00:17:53,632 - Beam us up! - [screeching] 471 00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:56,539 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 472 00:17:56,647 --> 00:17:58,039 No, no, no, no wait a second. 473 00:17:58,064 --> 00:18:01,023 I'm sorry Joseph. But we have to stay the course. 474 00:18:01,048 --> 00:18:03,078 However, if we hit an iceberg, 475 00:18:03,103 --> 00:18:05,492 then Paige will go down with the ship. 476 00:18:05,527 --> 00:18:06,527 Sam! 477 00:18:06,609 --> 00:18:09,959 I just spent two hours with you in Soozie's New Kids car 478 00:18:09,994 --> 00:18:12,218 of you going on and on about how the 479 00:18:12,243 --> 00:18:14,460 Joey Mac Show belongs at late night! 480 00:18:14,485 --> 00:18:16,632 That was before I heard my brilliant idea 481 00:18:16,667 --> 00:18:18,467 to move it to daytime! 482 00:18:18,502 --> 00:18:20,386 Daytime is my middle name! 483 00:18:20,562 --> 00:18:22,882 Thank me later, I found our first guest. 484 00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:26,203 Allan lives his life as a dog. 485 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:27,538 Don't you, Allan? 486 00:18:27,563 --> 00:18:28,895 It's true, I do. 487 00:18:29,129 --> 00:18:31,463 I should like to go for a walk please. 488 00:18:31,482 --> 00:18:33,773 - [chuckles] - Amazing! 489 00:18:33,798 --> 00:18:35,184 I don't know who this woman is 490 00:18:35,236 --> 00:18:36,648 but she speaks my language. 491 00:18:36,673 --> 00:18:39,039 Tiffany, you are a daytime genius! 492 00:18:39,087 --> 00:18:40,087 Walkies. 493 00:18:40,968 --> 00:18:42,015 [baby talk] 494 00:18:42,696 --> 00:18:44,140 Stop! Would you stop! 495 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,585 Are you kidding me? 496 00:18:46,953 --> 00:18:47,882 I'm done! 497 00:18:47,907 --> 00:18:49,498 Yes, we are done here. 498 00:18:49,533 --> 00:18:51,917 Moving to daytime, I'm glad we all agree. 499 00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:53,453 No we don't all agree. 500 00:18:53,718 --> 00:18:57,122 It's sad that it took a man living his life 501 00:18:57,157 --> 00:18:59,195 as a dog for me to get to this point. 502 00:18:59,762 --> 00:19:01,382 - I quit. - No. 503 00:19:01,510 --> 00:19:02,214 No! 504 00:19:02,239 --> 00:19:03,572 He's allergic to ratings? 505 00:19:03,597 --> 00:19:04,601 Paige! 506 00:19:04,891 --> 00:19:07,984 If he doesn't come back, you don't come back either. 507 00:19:08,085 --> 00:19:10,296 Joe, let's talk about this! 508 00:19:11,113 --> 00:19:12,171 Joe! 509 00:19:12,558 --> 00:19:14,725 I'm sorry I think I just blanked out 510 00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:16,200 there for a moment. 511 00:19:16,444 --> 00:19:18,648 Did Joey just say he quit? 512 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,156 [sniffs] 513 00:19:21,958 --> 00:19:24,804 Oh now that's unpleasant. 514 00:19:25,479 --> 00:19:26,479 Oops. 515 00:19:26,572 --> 00:19:28,255 Howard, get the pooper scooper. 516 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,078 In my defense, I did say I had to go walkies. 517 00:19:32,476 --> 00:19:34,046 - Bad dog. - [whimpers] 518 00:19:40,427 --> 00:19:41,710 I won! 519 00:19:41,735 --> 00:19:44,552 I won! I won! 520 00:19:44,722 --> 00:19:45,789 Thanks, loser! 521 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:47,406 Oh come on! 522 00:20:05,159 --> 00:20:06,224 [guitar plays] 523 00:20:06,243 --> 00:20:08,945 It's the middle of the night 524 00:20:09,472 --> 00:20:12,031 And I'm feeling all right 525 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:14,953 Hello 526 00:20:16,287 --> 00:20:19,671 It's The Joey Show 527 00:20:22,366 --> 00:20:25,078 synced and corrected by susinz *www.addic7ed.com* 528 00:20:25,128 --> 00:20:29,678 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36630

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