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1
00:00:04,837 --> 00:00:07,339
[chainsaw]
2
00:00:07,373 --> 00:00:08,973
Uh, good morning, gang.
3
00:00:09,008 --> 00:00:09,974
All: Morning.
4
00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:10,976
Again, I, uh,
5
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,711
I apologize
for the aroma.
6
00:00:13,745 --> 00:00:15,213
Uh, we're going to get
to the bottom of it.
7
00:00:15,247 --> 00:00:16,681
Junior, what do you
think is stuck in there?
8
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:17,749
Smells like possum.
I'll find it.
9
00:00:17,783 --> 00:00:19,617
Oh, god.
10
00:00:20,919 --> 00:00:22,454
Those signs
we thought were a goof
11
00:00:22,488 --> 00:00:23,989
That said,
"many hand jobs,"
12
00:00:24,023 --> 00:00:25,857
The real estate thing,
it's not a goof.
13
00:00:25,891 --> 00:00:27,559
It's a Indian guy.
That's really his name.
14
00:00:27,593 --> 00:00:28,626
Manny hand jobs.
15
00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:29,694
Ok.
Oh.
16
00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:30,795
Uh, so, we gotta put
them all back up.
17
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,029
It was not a prank.
18
00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:35,666
I'm getting close,
I think.
19
00:00:35,701 --> 00:00:37,401
Uh, in other news, uh,
20
00:00:37,436 --> 00:00:39,204
Oh, hey,
it's Reno pride day.
21
00:00:39,238 --> 00:00:41,272
Jones and kimball,
you've been selected
22
00:00:41,306 --> 00:00:42,474
To escort
our oldest living
23
00:00:42,508 --> 00:00:43,942
World War II veteran.
24
00:00:43,976 --> 00:00:47,612
Uh, parade duty,
so, dress browns and look your best.
25
00:00:49,615 --> 00:00:51,449
Oh, god!
[yelling]
26
00:00:51,483 --> 00:00:54,485
[yelling]
27
00:00:54,519 --> 00:00:56,387
Jones: Oh, my god.
Found it.
28
00:00:57,756 --> 00:00:58,923
Sheriff's department!
Freeze! Freeze!
29
00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:00,759
Get on the ground!
Freeze!
30
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:09,233
[yelling]
31
00:01:09,267 --> 00:01:11,769
What? What?
32
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:13,972
All right.
33
00:01:16,108 --> 00:01:18,043
There's a tornado!
No, no, terry!
34
00:01:19,812 --> 00:01:22,079
Crowd:
Hell no, we won't blow.
35
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:24,749
Yeah!
36
00:01:24,783 --> 00:01:26,785
Oh, he's my friend!
37
00:01:26,819 --> 00:01:28,954
Hey, hey--
38
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:32,724
Right on the ground.
39
00:01:32,758 --> 00:01:34,593
Put it right on the ground.
40
00:01:36,562 --> 00:01:39,764
Captioning made possible by
mtv networks
41
00:01:40,566 --> 00:01:41,833
Dangle: Good morning, gang.
42
00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:42,867
All: Morning.
43
00:01:42,901 --> 00:01:45,403
Hey, the 10k fun run
for lupus is back on.
44
00:01:45,437 --> 00:01:47,171
Whoo-hoo.
Yay.
45
00:01:47,206 --> 00:01:49,040
Oh, sorry.
46
00:01:49,074 --> 00:01:52,410
[groaning]
[screaming]
47
00:01:52,444 --> 00:01:55,213
Why--why have you brought in
the carcass of a dead goat?
48
00:01:55,247 --> 00:01:59,850
Uh, this one was
just off the shoulder of route 395, uh--
49
00:01:59,885 --> 00:02:01,252
Don't need its life story.
50
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,088
Don't need its life story.
Skip ahead.
51
00:02:03,122 --> 00:02:05,156
- Fast forward--
- fast forward to...
52
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,425
I picked it up
and put it on the table.
53
00:02:07,459 --> 00:02:08,693
Ok, now, we gotta go back
54
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:09,994
A little ways
before that and explain
55
00:02:10,029 --> 00:02:10,995
Why you picked it up,
why you put it in a garbage bag,
56
00:02:11,029 --> 00:02:11,930
And now,
why you brought it in.
57
00:02:11,964 --> 00:02:13,498
So, let's--before--yeah--
58
00:02:13,532 --> 00:02:15,533
You know what? Let's go
scan through the middle part of the story.
59
00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:17,602
So, we took them
dead possums out of the wall.
60
00:02:17,636 --> 00:02:18,803
Yes, sir.
61
00:02:18,837 --> 00:02:20,471
I'm thinking, what do you
do with dead possum?
62
00:02:20,506 --> 00:02:22,640
Turns out,
there's a guy in town,
63
00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:25,009
The commissioner
of animal carcass removal,
64
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:27,379
He gets 8 grand per year,
65
00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:30,415
Part time, to get rid
of dead animals.
66
00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:33,051
Plus, he gets $1.22 a pound
67
00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:35,186
For every animal carcass
he destroys.
68
00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:36,488
Cha-ching.
69
00:02:36,522 --> 00:02:38,856
I'm going to run
for dead animal carcass commissioner.
70
00:02:38,890 --> 00:02:40,491
You can get voted in?
71
00:02:40,525 --> 00:02:42,327
Hell, yeah.
Every 2 years, coming up.
72
00:02:42,361 --> 00:02:44,628
It just pays for beer money
with dead goats.
73
00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:46,363
That seems like
a total no-brainer.
74
00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:48,299
I could do this.
I can nail this.
75
00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:50,201
Uh, congratulations?
76
00:02:50,235 --> 00:02:51,603
Wha--what are we saying.
77
00:02:51,637 --> 00:02:53,271
[crack]
all: Oh!
78
00:02:53,305 --> 00:02:54,505
Ok.
79
00:02:59,478 --> 00:03:02,747
Got another call out here
to the old junkyard.
80
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:04,616
What happens is...
81
00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:06,384
The kids treat it like
inspiration point.
82
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,620
They come up,
they "run out of gas."
83
00:03:08,654 --> 00:03:10,888
And then it's frenching
and fingerings all around.
84
00:03:10,923 --> 00:03:11,990
Doing it and fingering.
85
00:03:12,024 --> 00:03:14,492
Yep, and the
night watchman calls us.
86
00:03:14,526 --> 00:03:16,227
Sheriff's department.
87
00:03:16,261 --> 00:03:17,128
No, we, um--
88
00:03:17,162 --> 00:03:18,529
Oh, ho, what's going on?
89
00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:20,164
No, no, no, no, no, no,
don't you dare.
90
00:03:20,198 --> 00:03:22,567
Don't you dare!
No, no, hey, hey!
91
00:03:22,601 --> 00:03:24,602
No, wait!
Get back here!
92
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,937
Freeze!
Don't you dare run from us!
93
00:03:26,972 --> 00:03:28,840
Freeze! Hey, freeze!
94
00:03:28,874 --> 00:03:30,508
Jones: Freeze!
95
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,812
- Shit!
- Oh poop!
96
00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:35,613
Hello?
97
00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:37,148
Man: Private property,
mother fuckers!
98
00:03:37,182 --> 00:03:38,583
Ah, oh, fuck it!
99
00:03:38,617 --> 00:03:40,418
Aah! Aah!
Shit!
100
00:03:40,452 --> 00:03:42,319
[yelling]
101
00:03:42,354 --> 00:03:44,622
Aah!
Jones: Oh, my god.
102
00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:46,858
[panting]
103
00:03:49,261 --> 00:03:50,328
[screams]
104
00:03:50,362 --> 00:03:52,464
Man: What the hell
you doing on my land?
105
00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:54,766
Come on, get out!
Get out!
106
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,169
[all screaming]
107
00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:01,105
[panting]
108
00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:04,742
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
109
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:08,479
[cell phone rings]
110
00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:10,715
[all screaming]
111
00:04:13,185 --> 00:04:15,420
Oh, oh.
Dangle: Oh, my god.
112
00:04:15,454 --> 00:04:18,022
Oh, oh, oh...
113
00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:19,523
Oh, my god.
Ok.
114
00:04:19,558 --> 00:04:23,060
It's ok.
Oh, my god.
115
00:04:23,094 --> 00:04:26,030
[engine coughing]
116
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,805
We're out of gas.
117
00:04:42,047 --> 00:04:45,983
Out of gas, um, hmm.
118
00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:50,488
Guess we'll
just have to, uh,
119
00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:51,489
Wait it out, I guess.
120
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,524
[giggling]
121
00:04:57,362 --> 00:04:59,931
Don't, don't, don't.
122
00:05:03,768 --> 00:05:05,870
I'm going for gas.
123
00:05:12,411 --> 00:05:13,444
If they have a three way--
124
00:05:13,478 --> 00:05:15,045
If I go for gas
and they have a three way--
125
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,114
If you have
a three way with--
126
00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:19,083
Hey, hey!
Shut up.
127
00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:30,327
Sergeant Blake, it is
an honor to drive you, sir, an honor.
128
00:05:30,362 --> 00:05:33,164
What?
It's an honor to drive you, sir.
129
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:34,165
Who are you talking to?
130
00:05:34,199 --> 00:05:36,167
To you, sir--
to sergeant Blake.
131
00:05:36,201 --> 00:05:37,835
You, sir.
132
00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:38,937
Hey, hey!
133
00:05:38,971 --> 00:05:40,271
Freedom!
134
00:05:40,305 --> 00:05:42,073
Hey, look,
we got a black driver!
135
00:05:42,107 --> 00:05:44,875
Back like the old days.
136
00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:47,612
Who said
we couldn't go back?
137
00:05:47,646 --> 00:05:51,015
Oh, who are you?
138
00:05:51,049 --> 00:05:52,617
Miss teen Reno.
139
00:05:52,651 --> 00:05:54,051
Oh, yeah? How much?
140
00:05:54,085 --> 00:05:55,886
Oh...
141
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:56,988
What?
142
00:05:57,022 --> 00:05:58,956
How much? How much?
143
00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:00,658
I'm not for sale.
144
00:06:00,692 --> 00:06:02,093
No, no, no, not forever.
145
00:06:02,127 --> 00:06:04,095
Just for a couple
of minutes, you know?
146
00:06:09,701 --> 00:06:12,203
I think it's
very, uh, inspirational,
147
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:13,972
Travis' running for office.
148
00:06:14,006 --> 00:06:18,143
On paper, he doesn't look
like a good candidate.
149
00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:20,578
Uh, his record with
the sheriff's department
150
00:06:20,612 --> 00:06:23,047
Is...Sketchy.
151
00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:25,383
He, uh, you know,
152
00:06:25,417 --> 00:06:26,717
There was a couple
random drug tests
153
00:06:26,752 --> 00:06:28,219
That went kinda hinky.
154
00:06:28,253 --> 00:06:29,720
Um--
there's nothing random
155
00:06:29,754 --> 00:06:31,789
About me getting drug tested
156
00:06:31,823 --> 00:06:33,691
Once a week for 2 months.
157
00:06:33,725 --> 00:06:34,825
That's not random.
158
00:06:34,859 --> 00:06:36,927
That's you drug testing me.
159
00:06:36,962 --> 00:06:38,896
True, it
was specific testing.
160
00:06:38,930 --> 00:06:40,965
You were
acting really weird for a while there.
161
00:06:40,999 --> 00:06:43,401
Yeah, I got a bad batch
of something,
162
00:06:43,435 --> 00:06:44,935
And I just kept taking it
163
00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:47,405
'cause what was
I going to do? Sell it?
164
00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:49,340
Anyway, on paper,
165
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:52,243
Doesn't look like
that good a candidate.
166
00:06:52,277 --> 00:06:54,378
In person...
167
00:06:59,484 --> 00:07:01,018
Hey, how y'all doing?
168
00:07:01,052 --> 00:07:02,754
Look, I hate to interrupt
your lap dance,
169
00:07:02,788 --> 00:07:04,755
But I'm just working
through the neighborhood,
170
00:07:04,789 --> 00:07:06,457
Letting people know
that I think that
171
00:07:06,491 --> 00:07:08,325
There's finally a decent man
172
00:07:08,359 --> 00:07:11,462
Running for the department
of animal carcass removal commissioner.
173
00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:13,197
And that's me,
Travis Junior.
174
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:15,467
Now, I know
what you're thinking.
175
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:18,335
This is another slick,
professional politician
176
00:07:18,370 --> 00:07:19,737
Who doesn't care about you.
177
00:07:19,771 --> 00:07:21,438
He only cares
about your vote.
178
00:07:21,473 --> 00:07:24,375
Oh, god, can I
just dance back here?
179
00:07:24,409 --> 00:07:25,609
I'd rather you not,
180
00:07:25,644 --> 00:07:27,278
But I guess it's your call.
181
00:07:29,481 --> 00:07:30,914
You're going to have
to give me a second, joe.
182
00:07:30,949 --> 00:07:33,284
I can't stand up right now.
183
00:07:40,525 --> 00:07:41,726
Roll down your window.
184
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,961
How?
185
00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:46,964
No.
186
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,466
Roll down the other
window, please.
187
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,566
Um, I apologize.
188
00:07:49,601 --> 00:07:50,501
Mm-hmm.
189
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:52,337
Smells like you've had
190
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:55,039
A couple drinks tonight
after work, huh?
191
00:07:55,073 --> 00:07:57,642
No, no.
Yeah, yeah.
192
00:07:57,676 --> 00:07:59,410
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
193
00:07:59,444 --> 00:08:01,546
Can I see your license
and registration, please?
194
00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:02,880
Oh, man.
195
00:08:02,914 --> 00:08:04,682
I was going
to suggest that.
196
00:08:04,716 --> 00:08:06,784
I don't need
to run this license
197
00:08:06,818 --> 00:08:10,555
'cause I see you live
on 1234 happy face lane
198
00:08:10,589 --> 00:08:12,223
In Disneyland, USA.
199
00:08:12,257 --> 00:08:15,826
It's a very nice place
to live.
200
00:08:15,861 --> 00:08:16,861
Mm-hmm.
201
00:08:16,895 --> 00:08:19,263
Sir, I want you
to look me in the eye.
202
00:08:19,297 --> 00:08:21,465
Can you just look me
in the eye, please?
203
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,067
You have gorgeous eyes.
204
00:08:23,101 --> 00:08:24,369
Thank you.
205
00:08:24,403 --> 00:08:25,336
Thank your mother.
206
00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:26,336
Oh, I will.
207
00:08:26,371 --> 00:08:29,874
How many fingers
am I holding up?
208
00:08:29,908 --> 00:08:32,643
Uh, including thumbs?
209
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:34,011
Yes.
210
00:08:34,045 --> 00:08:35,446
Several.
Ok.
211
00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,348
Sir,
212
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:40,351
Are you legally blind?
213
00:08:40,385 --> 00:08:42,420
Technically,
214
00:08:42,454 --> 00:08:43,787
Yes.
215
00:08:43,822 --> 00:08:44,789
Ok.
216
00:08:44,823 --> 00:08:47,124
How--how did you know?
217
00:08:59,570 --> 00:09:01,504
Oh, hi.
218
00:09:01,538 --> 00:09:02,572
You know,
219
00:09:02,607 --> 00:09:04,374
Everybody loves animals,
220
00:09:04,409 --> 00:09:06,009
But those feelings change
221
00:09:06,043 --> 00:09:08,178
When that same animal
is dead
222
00:09:08,212 --> 00:09:10,780
And covered with
maggots in your carport.
223
00:09:10,814 --> 00:09:13,583
One dead beaver or marmot
in your crawlspace
224
00:09:13,618 --> 00:09:15,151
Can fuck up your life.
225
00:09:15,186 --> 00:09:17,721
Well, I'm Travis Junior,
226
00:09:17,755 --> 00:09:20,623
And I'm here to help.
227
00:09:22,259 --> 00:09:25,762
If you elect me commissioner
of the department of animal carcass removal,
228
00:09:25,796 --> 00:09:27,297
Then I'll become
commissioner
229
00:09:27,332 --> 00:09:30,867
Of the department of
animal carcass removal.
230
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:34,804
Don't let your animal
get caught dead without me.
231
00:09:46,851 --> 00:09:49,552
Yay, Reno's number one!
232
00:09:49,586 --> 00:09:51,087
Drunk Indian,
drunk Indian,
233
00:09:51,122 --> 00:09:52,722
Drunk Indian,
lazy Mexican,
234
00:09:52,757 --> 00:09:54,257
Dumb Polack,
drunk Indian.
235
00:09:54,292 --> 00:09:55,692
Wow, they all came out.
236
00:09:55,726 --> 00:09:57,727
Back in the day,
237
00:09:57,762 --> 00:10:00,664
We used
to get blow jobs at this church.
238
00:10:00,698 --> 00:10:01,698
Go in the back.
239
00:10:01,732 --> 00:10:02,865
I don't remember
his name.
240
00:10:02,900 --> 00:10:05,101
Father, uh,
started with a "t."
241
00:10:05,136 --> 00:10:07,671
I--I'm not--I'm not
lying when I say
242
00:10:07,705 --> 00:10:10,606
I'm very happy
to see a black boy driving a car.
243
00:10:10,641 --> 00:10:11,742
Ah.
244
00:10:11,776 --> 00:10:12,809
Sir, uh--
245
00:10:12,843 --> 00:10:14,444
'cause for a long time,
I didn't even think
246
00:10:14,478 --> 00:10:16,346
You guys were smart
enough to ride a car.
247
00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:17,346
Oh.
248
00:10:17,381 --> 00:10:20,149
See that house
over there?
249
00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,317
See that one
right there?
250
00:10:21,351 --> 00:10:23,185
Yeah.
Back in the day,
251
00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:27,490
Me and Sebi,
and Gene, and Tully,
252
00:10:27,524 --> 00:10:29,292
We'd go there.
253
00:10:29,326 --> 00:10:33,129
We'd get 2 fat Mexicans,
254
00:10:33,163 --> 00:10:35,298
2 skinny, skinny,
skinny orientals--
255
00:10:35,332 --> 00:10:36,299
Sure.
256
00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:37,901
And one Indian girl.
257
00:10:37,935 --> 00:10:39,002
Of course you did.
258
00:10:39,036 --> 00:10:40,937
We got her real drunk,
so she'd just pass out.
259
00:10:40,971 --> 00:10:42,405
Do 'em all.
260
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,708
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba,
ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
261
00:10:44,742 --> 00:10:45,909
And then, uh, Indian,
262
00:10:45,943 --> 00:10:47,177
We'd just
use her as a pillow.
263
00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:49,545
We'd sleep
on her afterwards.
264
00:10:56,987 --> 00:10:59,222
Williams:
Who called the cops?
265
00:11:01,325 --> 00:11:02,892
Hello?
266
00:11:02,927 --> 00:11:05,061
Sheriff's department.
267
00:11:06,764 --> 00:11:07,763
[Williams laughs]
268
00:11:07,798 --> 00:11:10,133
Wild and crazy guy.
I get it.
269
00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:11,501
He's the jerk.
270
00:11:11,535 --> 00:11:12,903
Baby, who called
the police?
271
00:11:12,937 --> 00:11:14,671
They said we got
a call that said somebody was hurt.
272
00:11:14,705 --> 00:11:16,473
911 call.
273
00:11:16,507 --> 00:11:17,740
Oh.
274
00:11:21,111 --> 00:11:22,478
Oh.
275
00:11:22,512 --> 00:11:24,347
Oh, no, no, hey!
276
00:11:24,382 --> 00:11:25,749
Whoa!
277
00:11:30,854 --> 00:11:32,756
I could not, personally,
278
00:11:32,790 --> 00:11:35,458
Be an animal
carcass-ist...
279
00:11:35,492 --> 00:11:37,294
Removaler.
280
00:11:37,328 --> 00:11:41,431
Uh, my cats brought in
a dead mouse the other day,
281
00:11:41,465 --> 00:11:44,334
And I could not handle it.
282
00:11:44,368 --> 00:11:46,503
I--I didn't want to dispose
of the poor thing.
283
00:11:46,537 --> 00:11:48,838
I put a little dress on it,
284
00:11:48,872 --> 00:11:51,975
Uh, and I stuck it up
in the curio cabinet.
285
00:11:52,009 --> 00:11:55,044
And I tell people
it's a figurine.
286
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:56,579
Dangle:
Oh, for crying out loud.
287
00:11:56,614 --> 00:11:59,616
We got another one
of these bungee marriages.
288
00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:00,917
Sheriff's department!
289
00:12:00,952 --> 00:12:01,884
These people
have a wedding--
290
00:12:01,919 --> 00:12:03,120
Excuse me, you weren't
invited to this.
291
00:12:03,154 --> 00:12:04,521
Dangle: Yeah, I'm aware
that we're not invited.
292
00:12:04,555 --> 00:12:05,955
We're invited anywhere
in Washoe county
293
00:12:05,989 --> 00:12:07,256
Where people are
doing something illegal.
294
00:12:07,290 --> 00:12:10,060
And if you're planning
to bungee jump off this bridge,
295
00:12:10,094 --> 00:12:11,160
Not going to happen.
That's illegal.
296
00:12:11,194 --> 00:12:12,195
Is that illegal?
297
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:13,262
Yes, it's
absolutely illegal.
298
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:14,797
It's absolutely illegal.
299
00:12:14,832 --> 00:12:17,133
...We're just
combining a wedding and a bungee jump.
300
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:19,703
I total--believe me,
I understand the concept,
301
00:12:19,737 --> 00:12:20,736
And god bless you,
what a wonderful day.
302
00:12:20,771 --> 00:12:22,205
And I also
understand the metaphor.
303
00:12:22,239 --> 00:12:24,340
You're taking a leap,
it's wonderful, don't play that card.
304
00:12:24,375 --> 00:12:26,910
But let me make something
abundantly clear to you.
305
00:12:26,944 --> 00:12:28,311
You cannot--
you cannot bungee jump
306
00:12:28,345 --> 00:12:29,546
Off this bridge.
We sure can.
307
00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:31,114
Do you want your daddy
to see your mug shot
308
00:12:31,148 --> 00:12:32,983
All over the Internet?
No.
309
00:12:33,017 --> 00:12:34,551
Your mug shot will be
all over the Internet.
310
00:12:34,585 --> 00:12:36,986
Have you seen what happens
with these Internet mug shots?
311
00:12:37,020 --> 00:12:38,288
Yeah.
312
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:39,756
Hey, jim, tell her
about the part where
313
00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:42,159
She'll get raped in jail
if we bring her back on her wedding day.
314
00:12:42,193 --> 00:12:43,226
It--it's bad.
315
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:44,827
Take the bungee cords off,
316
00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:46,195
And you can have
your wonderful day
317
00:12:46,229 --> 00:12:48,331
Right over here away from,
just away from the edge.
318
00:12:48,365 --> 00:12:50,299
All right?
I'm coming.
319
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:51,734
Ok.
320
00:12:51,768 --> 00:12:54,904
And by the power vested in
me by the state of nevada,
321
00:12:54,939 --> 00:12:57,540
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
322
00:12:57,574 --> 00:13:00,076
You may kiss the bride.
323
00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:01,244
Wiegel: Yay!
324
00:13:01,278 --> 00:13:03,179
[applause]
325
00:13:03,213 --> 00:13:05,615
I got it!
326
00:13:05,649 --> 00:13:07,817
[screaming]
327
00:13:07,852 --> 00:13:09,218
[thud]
328
00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:15,391
She's fine, she's fine.
329
00:13:15,426 --> 00:13:17,760
I'm sure she's fine.
330
00:13:17,794 --> 00:13:19,062
Do not look, do not look!
331
00:13:19,096 --> 00:13:20,396
She's fine.
332
00:13:20,431 --> 00:13:21,764
Let's move this way,
let's move this way,
333
00:13:21,798 --> 00:13:23,866
So there's no chance
any of us would ever look
334
00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:26,770
Down to see that
she is absolutely fine.
335
00:13:26,804 --> 00:13:28,538
[vomiting]
336
00:13:28,573 --> 00:13:29,873
She's fine.
337
00:13:29,907 --> 00:13:32,675
My associate is vomiting for
a totally unrelated reason.
338
00:13:41,917 --> 00:13:45,353
Yeah, I'm sorry
them windows don't roll down back there.
339
00:13:45,387 --> 00:13:47,889
Let me guess,
now, let me guess.
340
00:13:47,923 --> 00:13:49,591
Is that muskrat?
341
00:13:49,625 --> 00:13:50,925
Muskrat, is that--
342
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,261
Damn, you done this
before? That is muskrat.
343
00:13:53,295 --> 00:13:54,562
I think I might have--
344
00:13:54,596 --> 00:13:58,199
There might be
some subtle hints of elk.
345
00:13:58,233 --> 00:14:01,435
Uh, damn, you should
join the carnival, boy.
346
00:14:01,470 --> 00:14:03,270
You got elk in the trunk,
347
00:14:03,305 --> 00:14:04,572
You got 2 muskrat,
348
00:14:04,607 --> 00:14:06,141
2 muskrat? Ok.
You got a couple of beaver,
349
00:14:06,175 --> 00:14:07,442
And--I think
it used to be possum,
350
00:14:07,476 --> 00:14:09,577
But honestly,
I can't tell no more.
351
00:14:09,612 --> 00:14:11,145
There's a little bit
of possum in there.
352
00:14:11,179 --> 00:14:12,246
I can smell the possum.
353
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:13,882
Just a touch--
a touch of possum.
354
00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:15,016
Playful, but robust.
355
00:14:15,050 --> 00:14:15,949
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
356
00:14:15,984 --> 00:14:17,519
I'll get
the air conditioning.
357
00:14:17,553 --> 00:14:18,953
Oh, air
conditioning's busted.
358
00:14:18,987 --> 00:14:20,187
Don't put it on recycle.
359
00:14:20,222 --> 00:14:21,956
Put it on
the air that's coming in.
360
00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:24,325
Oh, it's busted anyway.
Sorry about that.
361
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,394
Well, maybe
that's for the better.
362
00:14:31,734 --> 00:14:33,468
[applause]
363
00:14:33,502 --> 00:14:35,203
And now,
364
00:14:35,237 --> 00:14:37,906
What better way to end
today's great celebration
365
00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:40,674
Of Reno's 116th year
as a city
366
00:14:40,709 --> 00:14:42,409
Than to hear
from our guest of honor?
367
00:14:42,444 --> 00:14:45,613
U.S. Marine sergeant,
retired, Andrew Blake.
368
00:14:45,647 --> 00:14:49,183
Let's hear what he has
to say about these great United States of America.
369
00:14:49,217 --> 00:14:50,852
Thank you, sir.
370
00:14:50,886 --> 00:14:52,220
Uh, thank you.
371
00:14:52,254 --> 00:14:55,222
Sergeant Blake has had
an awfully long and--and,
372
00:14:55,257 --> 00:14:57,325
Exhausting day.
I don't have any money!
373
00:14:57,359 --> 00:14:59,794
It's been very strenuous,
but he did ask me to relay
374
00:14:59,828 --> 00:15:02,296
To all of you
standing out here today
375
00:15:02,330 --> 00:15:06,400
How proud he is
to be a spokesperson and a representative
376
00:15:06,435 --> 00:15:07,868
Of the fine city of Reno,
377
00:15:07,902 --> 00:15:10,604
And I think--uh, uh...
378
00:15:10,639 --> 00:15:11,772
Thank you, lady officer.
379
00:15:11,806 --> 00:15:14,141
Um...
380
00:15:14,176 --> 00:15:17,611
I fought for this country,
381
00:15:17,646 --> 00:15:19,613
And I bled for this country,
382
00:15:19,648 --> 00:15:23,050
And god damn it,
I will die for this country
383
00:15:23,084 --> 00:15:25,286
Because this is
the best country around.
384
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,087
God bless America.
385
00:15:27,122 --> 00:15:29,991
[applause]
386
00:15:30,025 --> 00:15:33,294
And now, if we could
just get the faggots,
387
00:15:33,329 --> 00:15:34,762
And the Jews,
388
00:15:34,796 --> 00:15:36,330
And the spicks,
389
00:15:36,365 --> 00:15:37,765
And the Puerto Ricans,
390
00:15:37,799 --> 00:15:39,433
And the wetbacks,
391
00:15:39,467 --> 00:15:40,468
And the faggots,
392
00:15:40,502 --> 00:15:41,802
And put 'em on a rocket
393
00:15:41,836 --> 00:15:43,370
And send it up to the moon
and blow up the moon,
394
00:15:43,405 --> 00:15:44,372
Then we got
something, right?
395
00:15:44,406 --> 00:15:46,907
Fuck 'em all!
Fuck 'em all!
396
00:15:46,941 --> 00:15:50,545
Fuck 'em all!
397
00:15:50,579 --> 00:15:53,147
God bless America.
398
00:15:53,181 --> 00:15:55,550
[scattered applause]
399
00:16:09,464 --> 00:16:11,131
Mile marker 6,
400
00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:13,000
Farm route N14
401
00:16:13,034 --> 00:16:16,471
On a code 243.
402
00:16:16,505 --> 00:16:19,273
That is a animal
on the highway.
403
00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:20,741
Cha-ching.
404
00:16:21,577 --> 00:16:23,978
You can just go around.
405
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,281
Oh, man.
406
00:16:27,316 --> 00:16:30,151
Hey, how you doing?
407
00:16:30,185 --> 00:16:31,585
Hey.
What's going on?
408
00:16:31,619 --> 00:16:33,020
Something--
409
00:16:33,055 --> 00:16:34,188
Oh, look at that.
410
00:16:34,222 --> 00:16:35,422
Very unfortunate, huh?
411
00:16:35,457 --> 00:16:37,191
Oh, it's
a complete tragedy.
412
00:16:37,225 --> 00:16:38,125
Tragedy.
Yeah.
413
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,360
There's nothing
more upsetting
414
00:16:39,394 --> 00:16:41,462
Than to see an animal
dead on the roadside.
415
00:16:41,496 --> 00:16:42,830
I couldn't agree
with you more.
416
00:16:42,864 --> 00:16:44,365
Don't worry,
417
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,100
My job,
I'll take care of it.
418
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:49,537
This is your vocation?
419
00:16:49,571 --> 00:16:51,205
Well, yeah.
Animal carcass removal?
420
00:16:51,239 --> 00:16:52,973
Animal carcass removal.
Get rid of 'em.
421
00:16:53,008 --> 00:16:56,177
You know what the most
dangerous animal is?
422
00:16:56,211 --> 00:16:57,378
Injured?
423
00:16:57,413 --> 00:17:01,115
Dangerous, injured animal?
424
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:02,850
Oh, you don't--
it's a cat.
425
00:17:02,885 --> 00:17:04,885
I'm talking
about ferals.
426
00:17:04,919 --> 00:17:07,054
Ferals are
very, very dangerous.
427
00:17:07,088 --> 00:17:10,258
I have never seen
any other animal in my life
428
00:17:10,292 --> 00:17:12,492
Inflict so much injury
429
00:17:12,527 --> 00:17:15,797
No, ow!
As a fucking feral cat!
430
00:17:15,831 --> 00:17:17,565
You understand
how dangerous they are?
431
00:17:17,599 --> 00:17:18,799
I do, I do, sir.
432
00:17:18,834 --> 00:17:20,768
And guess what
you're talking to.
433
00:17:20,802 --> 00:17:24,338
Aah! Some sort
of feral cat enthusiast?
434
00:17:24,373 --> 00:17:25,639
Yes.
[screams]
435
00:17:25,674 --> 00:17:27,808
You are talking
to an injured party.
436
00:17:27,843 --> 00:17:31,679
Hello, I'm Jerry Salerno.
437
00:17:31,713 --> 00:17:33,280
Who's that?
438
00:17:33,314 --> 00:17:34,848
[screams]
439
00:17:34,883 --> 00:17:36,384
Oh, Jerry Salerno,
of course!
440
00:17:36,418 --> 00:17:37,451
We finally meet.
441
00:17:37,486 --> 00:17:41,155
I am an animal carcass
removal commissioner,
442
00:17:41,189 --> 00:17:44,391
And you've moved in
on my territory.
443
00:17:44,426 --> 00:17:45,960
Oh, god.
444
00:17:45,995 --> 00:17:46,961
Ohh.
445
00:17:46,995 --> 00:17:48,229
You understand now?
446
00:17:48,263 --> 00:17:49,897
Oh, yeah.
447
00:17:49,931 --> 00:17:51,465
[groans]
448
00:17:51,499 --> 00:17:54,101
Well, maybe there was
a little misunderstanding,
449
00:17:54,135 --> 00:17:57,037
So for your trouble
450
00:17:57,071 --> 00:18:01,308
And for picking
up my cat, here.
451
00:18:01,343 --> 00:18:04,745
Remember to spay
and neuter your pets!
452
00:18:04,779 --> 00:18:08,749
[screaming]
453
00:18:17,725 --> 00:18:19,560
Are you voting for Junior
454
00:18:19,594 --> 00:18:23,330
For, uh, carcass
removal commissioner
455
00:18:23,364 --> 00:18:24,597
Whatnot of it all?
456
00:18:24,632 --> 00:18:25,599
Hell, no!
457
00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:26,600
Why?
458
00:18:26,634 --> 00:18:31,038
Before there was
animal carcass removal,
459
00:18:31,072 --> 00:18:32,439
There was mother earth,
460
00:18:32,473 --> 00:18:34,140
And mother earth
took care of it.
461
00:18:34,175 --> 00:18:37,711
It--it--it--animals...
462
00:18:37,745 --> 00:18:38,878
The circle of life.
463
00:18:38,912 --> 00:18:40,581
Yes.
Hakuna matata.
464
00:18:40,615 --> 00:18:42,382
Other animals
would come in,
465
00:18:42,417 --> 00:18:44,184
Dinosaurs,
what have you,
466
00:18:44,219 --> 00:18:46,453
Would come in,
take 'em out, whatever.
467
00:18:46,487 --> 00:18:49,690
Ok, so, Junior
doesn't get your vote
468
00:18:49,724 --> 00:18:52,492
Because he owes you money
and used your cologne,
469
00:18:52,527 --> 00:18:55,795
And you're going to wait
for the dinosaurs to come in
470
00:18:55,829 --> 00:19:00,267
And nibble at
all the dead animals that are on the earth.
471
00:19:02,036 --> 00:19:03,036
You got a plan.
472
00:19:03,070 --> 00:19:04,504
Yeah.
473
00:19:04,539 --> 00:19:05,605
Now, are you with me?
474
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,708
Sheriff's department!
475
00:19:07,742 --> 00:19:08,708
Hello.
476
00:19:08,742 --> 00:19:11,077
Hello, officers,
how are you?
477
00:19:11,112 --> 00:19:13,714
I want to report
a violation of the law, ok?
478
00:19:13,748 --> 00:19:16,115
The law of design!
479
00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:17,984
Have you seen
the exterior paint color
480
00:19:18,018 --> 00:19:19,353
They're painting
their trailer?
481
00:19:19,387 --> 00:19:21,621
[laughs] come on.
482
00:19:21,655 --> 00:19:26,026
I mean,
their trailer is, uh, dutch colonial,
483
00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:27,661
And they're
painting it chartreuse?
484
00:19:27,695 --> 00:19:29,396
I mean, even I'm
not that daring.
485
00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:30,863
I'm going to help
you out right now.
486
00:19:30,898 --> 00:19:34,101
If you take off
your chartreuse glasses,
487
00:19:34,135 --> 00:19:36,203
I think the color
of that house might change,
488
00:19:36,237 --> 00:19:38,337
And we could go on
and fight some real crime.
489
00:19:38,372 --> 00:19:39,606
Go on, look over there now.
490
00:19:42,276 --> 00:19:43,410
You know,
it's not that bad.
491
00:19:43,444 --> 00:19:44,744
Wiegel: It's a great color.
492
00:19:49,217 --> 00:19:51,084
To Travis Junior!
493
00:19:51,118 --> 00:19:53,519
[cheering]
494
00:19:53,554 --> 00:19:55,121
May the road
rise to meet you,
495
00:19:55,155 --> 00:19:58,492
And may it be littered
with the corpses of flattened possums.
496
00:19:58,526 --> 00:20:00,893
Whoo!
Yeah. Hear, hear.
497
00:20:00,928 --> 00:20:02,129
Wiegel: Here it comes,
here it comes.
498
00:20:02,163 --> 00:20:03,230
Man on tv:
And the winner of the race
499
00:20:03,264 --> 00:20:06,233
For animal carcass
removal commissioner is...
500
00:20:06,267 --> 00:20:08,869
7-time incumbent,
Jerry Salerno.
501
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:11,572
What?
502
00:20:11,606 --> 00:20:14,374
I'm sorry, Travis.
503
00:20:14,408 --> 00:20:16,142
[laughs]
504
00:20:16,177 --> 00:20:17,810
I just gotta say,
505
00:20:17,845 --> 00:20:19,913
I have never, ever
felt any better
506
00:20:19,947 --> 00:20:21,815
Than I do right now.
507
00:20:21,849 --> 00:20:23,015
Why?
508
00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:24,284
Buddy,
you don't have to do the Lou Gehrig thing.
509
00:20:24,318 --> 00:20:25,652
No, no, no.
510
00:20:25,686 --> 00:20:27,554
I already took the
old commissioner's bribe.
511
00:20:27,588 --> 00:20:28,654
[laughing]
512
00:20:28,689 --> 00:20:30,023
Williams: What?
513
00:20:30,058 --> 00:20:32,259
I was all set to fail
the drug test tomorrow.
514
00:20:32,293 --> 00:20:33,794
You was going
to fail it? How?
515
00:20:33,828 --> 00:20:37,831
I ate 17 hash brownies
in the parking lot.
516
00:20:37,866 --> 00:20:38,865
Oh, boy.
517
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:40,667
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
518
00:20:40,701 --> 00:20:43,269
I'm good, stop freaking out.
519
00:20:43,303 --> 00:20:45,872
Everybody's all paranoid.
520
00:20:45,906 --> 00:20:47,407
Ok, ok.
Everybody's getting all paranoid.
521
00:20:47,441 --> 00:20:48,875
Everybody relax.
522
00:20:48,909 --> 00:20:50,377
I'm going to put
horse with no name on the jukebox, ok?
523
00:20:50,411 --> 00:20:53,046
Thank you, thank you.
524
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:54,247
Uh, bad news.
525
00:20:54,282 --> 00:20:56,482
The only America they have
is sister golden hair.
526
00:20:56,517 --> 00:20:59,953
Travis: No!
[yelling]
527
00:20:59,988 --> 00:21:01,588
Captioning made possible by
mtv networks
528
00:21:01,622 --> 00:21:02,889
Captioned by the national
captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--
529
00:21:03,925 --> 00:21:04,457
Let me just drop
530
00:21:04,491 --> 00:21:06,058
A hypothetical on
you right here.
531
00:21:06,093 --> 00:21:06,592
Yes sir.
532
00:21:06,627 --> 00:21:08,094
What if somebody...
533
00:21:08,128 --> 00:21:09,729
I don't know...Anybody at all,
534
00:21:09,763 --> 00:21:11,965
Happened to be traveling
in the police car
535
00:21:11,999 --> 00:21:12,933
At this time and
536
00:21:12,967 --> 00:21:15,201
Fortuitously had
a relationship
537
00:21:15,235 --> 00:21:16,870
With a police officer.
538
00:21:16,904 --> 00:21:17,670
Hmm.
539
00:21:17,705 --> 00:21:19,372
Would that police
officer find it,
540
00:21:19,406 --> 00:21:20,340
Um, I don't know...
541
00:21:20,374 --> 00:21:24,044
Falonious, if one were
to say that he knew
542
00:21:24,078 --> 00:21:25,846
Where you could find
543
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,449
About 2 acres of just
dead animals piled up.
544
00:21:29,483 --> 00:21:30,316
2 acres?
545
00:21:30,350 --> 00:21:32,285
2 acres of just nothing
but dead animals
546
00:21:32,319 --> 00:21:33,520
Who have been skinned.
547
00:21:33,570 --> 00:21:38,120
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