Original subtitles

[brakes squeak]

Bike helmets-- still optional in nevada.

Ok. This is operation eye in the sky.

I have a tiny homing beacon right here...

Linked up...

To a g.P.S. System.

Now... If my bike is stolen,

I can track it...

[zips]

Anywhere in the world.

All right. We have laid the bait.

[panting] [beeping]

Still working, check.

Check. Check.

I can see exactly where my bike...

Oh--fuck.

Wow, that was really fast. Ok. We go. We go.

The hunt's afoot.

East.

Oh, you did it now.

He's coming. Here he comes. Gotcha!

Sheriff's department! Freeze! Get on the ground!

Freeze!

[machine gun]

Oh!

Ahh!

What? What?

[screaming]

All right.

[indistinct chanting]

Hell no we won't blow!

Yeah!

He's my friend.

[siren blaring]

Captioning made possible by mtv networks

Lt. Dangle: Good morning, gang.

Deputy williams: Good morning.

Uh...

That little crackhead who's in the jail right now

Is a dwarf. He's not a midget.

Please don't refer to him as a midget anymore, ok?

Kimball.

Thank you.

Johnson.

What's this?

Lady officer filed a grievance.

She said the bulletproof body armor

Was constricting and did not allow her

To perform her duties as a sheriff's deputy

To her utmost abilities.

And we now have to issue you

Special ladies' bulletproof body armor.

So men aren't allowed to say that their tits get in the way,

But if they say--

Their tits get in the way--it's fine.

They get a brand-new uniform. Yes.

Hey, jim, do we get special penis guards?

Special schlong protectors?

Don't you?

Dangle: It's called a cup.

Dep. Junior: It's called a cup.

Dep. Wiegel: What do you think?

Pretty good. Really hugs you in good.

Yeah. I mean-- yeah. Feels solid.

Sorry. So sorry.

Excuse me.

Dep. Kimball: That looks real--

That looks real good on you.

Thanks. I filed a grievance

'cause I felt like I couldn't do my work around my tits, you know.

Mm-hmm.

I guess we could try it.

Dep. Johnson: It's not a bad color.

We might as well, I mean, now that

They're out of the boxes and whatnot.

I mean, I don't know if mine even fits,

But I'll try.

They're not mandatory. No one said they're mandatory.

No.

They took the trouble to buy 'em.

We'll try 'em on.

Williams: They're here now.

Dangle: They're not mandatory!

Ya getting this joe?

Johnson: That's fine. That's fine.

Junior: Jim? Sir?

I'm sure evlar-kay ests-vay

Go on the inside-ay.

Of a shirt ay-vay?

Of a shirt?

What are you saying?

Why do you wear yours on the outside?

I've been wanting to know that for...

I was hung over when I got dressed this morning

And I forgot. I always remember,

Kevlar first, but then, I already got my shirt on.

So, wait a second. Yes, sir.

So, you said you were hung over this morning.

And that's why you put your kevlar on

On the outside of the shirt.

Yes, sir.

You've been doing that for 11 years.

[slurps]

Ok. Moving right along.

Got a 911 call, 1433...

[siren blares]

Dangle: Am I crazy? There's no house here.

No. You're not crazy.

'cause that's-- ok, that's 1432,

That's 1434.

1430--

[both scream]

Remember me? Guess what?

I'm out. 10 years, man.

I'm out. I'm on your block.

Hello.

Have we met before?

Kyle overstreet, man.

Kyle overstreet. Um...

From... Putting me in jail,

From me doing a dime,

From you testifying against me, man.

I'm back, and I'm getting revenge.

Yeah. Ooh, ok.

Oh, oh, oh! God! All of a sudden,

They start remembering.

For what, again? What'd you do, corey?

No, we didn't start remembering. What did you do?

Robbery, my neighbor.

Robbery. You rob your neighbor?

Elderly man.

Chopped him up into little pieces?

No. Oh, that's somebody else.

Stole his record collection.

You're not the guy who used to fuck feet.

Did you fuck feet, corey?

No. My name is kyle overstreet.

Kyle overstreet. You guys--

3 strikested me.

Famous robber. Ok...

[vocalizes]

Oh, that's the radio. Oh.

Oh, yikes. We gotta go.

We gotta take care of this.

Yeah. Uh, yeah. It went--

It's very quiet sometimes these days.

Next time-- next time--

You're gonna revenge somebody

And, like, 10 years has passed,

And they're in the stir,

And all you're thinking is, every day,

You're carving-- "oh, my blueprint for their demise!"

And the ultimate revenge--

In between, send a card or a letter.

A letter or something.

Or a threatening email. Something like that.

You're freaking. You're freaking.

You're freaking, dude.

Revenge isn't always best served cold.

You're freaking. You're both freaking!

Sometimes it's best served at least lukewarm.

A little lukewarm. Or something, yeah.

You're--I can see you're shaking, man.

You're shaking.

No, no. I am. I'm totally shaking. You are.

Craig, I'm totally shaking, man. I totally am.

Kyle, dude! Right.

Dangle: What do you got? Talk to me.

Talk to me, talk to me.

I have mixed-- mixed news.

Hey, a catcher's mitt!

Catcher's mitt!

Catcher's mitt!

Catcher's mitt!

Oh, sweet. You gotta break that in.

You get some linseed oil

And put a ball in there and then tape it up--

Put a bandage around it at night--

Ok. Now, to the mixed news--

[coughing]

Um, I think we figured out--

Figured out what the smell was.

We figured out the smell.

So, that's good. We-- and whenever we--

Oh!

Whenever we unravel a mystery--whenever we unravel a mystery,

That's in the plus column.

Found a present!

[all exclaim]

That's in the plus column.

Whenever you unravel a mystery.

So, we've unraveled a mystery today, which is wonderful news. And now--

Hey, big one! Big one!

Oh! Big one!

Hey, hey, hey! [sputters]

[all exclaim]

All: Xbox!

Boy, that's a big one! Look at that!

Xbox 360, great!

Ohh. Full of socks.

Oh. Got him. [spits]

Got it? Yeah.

Ugh! [spits]

Oh!

No, just the boot.

Uh! Aah! Foot in it!

[indistinct screaming]

Ok.

Today...

Is the first day...

For the rest of your life.

And I'm gonna fish

The rest of your dad's corpse

Out of the chimney, ok? And then...

[whispering] we're going for an ice cream.

Good morning!

Wiegel: Good morning, mr. Marmella.

It is a good morning. It's a--[sputters]

Ahem. Mr. Marmella, we're here to put

The sex offender sign

In your front yard. I'm sorry.

The hessima who? What is--

Uh, the sex offender sign.

Yes, that's me.

Since--remember, you're under house arrest.

And you're a sex offender.

How can I forget? Yeah.

We need to, um,

Put this sign in your front yard to, uh--

So, yeah, why don't you come help us pick out a spot?

"megan's law. Danger."

Yeah. Well, that's silly.

I'm not a--

What is-- what are these you're wearing?

Uh, they're kevlar vests. Up here.

So, like, if a bullet just came--

[buzzes]

And just-- don't.

I'm holding a mallet, steve.

Ok, I'll just be over here.

Kimball: And she'll use it.

Yeah.

You wanna-- you wanna do the--

Yeah.

Oh! Oh! Ladies getting physical.

All right. That's...

Oh! Yes!

Please don't make that sound

Every time I hit the thing.

Mmm!

Just go ahead and bang that thing.

Ok. Mmm! Two women banging!

Again, please don't--with the sounds.

'cause it sounds sexual.

Sorry. Sorry.

Unh! Mmm! Mmm!

Harder! Harder! Harder!

Ahh!

Ok, give it a good slam.

I don't want you to get my fingers.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Auden, you know what? You're doing it again.

What am I-- I'm just making sure

She hits the gosh-darned thing right in the--

You're looking at her boobies!

Oh, god damn it!

Hey, you know, I'm sorry.

I won't help the police anymore.

"megan's law. Sex offender.

"dangerous."

Dangerous man!

[laughing] here.

So, watch out you!

Watch out, everybody.

All right. You know what?

I think maybe you should go on back in your house now

'cause the--yeah.

You've got your underpants on and it's--

Mr. Marmella, back in your house.

No, I--I live across the street.

So, good day.

Well, you know what?

This neighborhood is filled with sex offenders.

I mean, there's a very good chance--

That whoever lives here is--

That somebody here has done something.

I enjoy this kevlar.

One thing that's great about it for me is

I can-- never knew--

I've found talents that I never knew I had.

[in child's voice]

nice to meet you. 1, 2, 3

I'm a booby, look at me

how do you do? This is booby number 2

nice to meet you

[indistinct]

nice to meet you--

Stop that! Stop that!

Now, if the hump in her back

Could join in and play the banjo,

You'd have a whole short film.

I could work on that.

We just got a 911 call.

A neighbor is assaulting another neighbor.

Here we are.

Aw, d-- jones: No!

Mike.

What? Put it down, mike.

Put it down.

Not today. I was apologizing.

No. Not today. Put it down!

Not putting it down. Watch out there.

[all yelling at once]

Go! Go! Mike!

All right. All right, joe.

Calm down mike.

I am the last samurai on this block.

Put it down! Grr!

1--we will count.

1, 2! 2.

We're counting!

We're starting-- starting over. 1, 2--

Ack! I screwed it up.

No! 1-- hey!

Get your ass in the car.

Come on. Right this way.

Right this way. Right into the car.

There you go. Right in.

[women laugh]

Williams: I love it! I love it!

Man: Oh, jesus!

[laughs]

[both hum]

Oh! Wow! Heh heh!

Clean up on aisle 5!

[door closes]

See you at the courthouse.

And there's a camera right over there.

Gotta watch what you say about the jews.

[thunk] unh!

You can't sell it on the street, sister.

You can't sell it on the street.

What are you doing?

Dude! Dude!

What the fuck are you doing?

It's called a body harness.

And you're--

You're body harnessing yourself to our vehicle?

Yeah.

Oh--oh, god! Will he go to those lengths?

Is he that crazy?

Yeah! I am!

Oh, my god! You guys are freakin' out all of a sudden.

This guy's gonna body harness himself?

It's overstreet! Kyle overstreet.

Oh, that's the--

[all talking at once]

The guy who's gonna-- you were gonna get your revenge on us.

Gonna get your revenge on us.

Yeah. Ohh!

No. Actually, no.

I mean, you--yeah.

I mean, I remember the time

When you said before

You were going to get your revenge from--later.

[both talking at once]

From the dime that you spent.

Now, when you thought about this plan in jail

And getting your revenge,

Were you aware that we--

We drive the police interceptor here?

That doesn't have that much clearance.

I thought it was a bigger car.

You thought it was some sort of sport utility vehicle,

Yeah. Maybe a tahoe, something like that.

No, we're out driving the regular interceptor.

I--I don't think you could even fit under there.

Yeah, you're kind of a biggish guy.

Uh, you know what?

Uh, gee. Should I be taking advice from you?

Yeah, guess what? No.

I don't give a crap what you guys have to say.

Can I--can I say something right now?

The surprise of you--of us going somewhere

And then you leaping out from beneath our vehicle

And saying, "revenge!"

Is kind of blown now.

'cause now we know-- we know you're here.

Totally different surprise now.

That I thought it was a bigger car,

Found out it was smaller,

But still-still did it.

Fine. Fine.

We'll act surprised

When you jump out and get your revenge.

I swear to god.

You're getting the first pothole. You're...

Get out! Get out from under there!

We're going and we're not going to be surprised.

[engine starts]

[fasten seat belts]

[sighs] [knocking]

Kyle: Aah! Officer: Nope.

Aah! I told him.

Si. Argh!

You tried to tell him.

I tried to tell him. Argh!

[shouting] are you happy now?

Ken, are you alive?

Kyle!

By the way, thanks for the invite

To go water skiing alone with you this weekend?

It sounds like a lot of fun.

Yeah, I'll teach you how to get up pretty quick.

If you need help--

Are we still on for lunch this afternoon?

Definitely. Ok. Thank you!

Um, I'm sorry.

I think all of this sounds great.

All this lip service you're paying

Miss nitwit over here.

All right? Sorry.

There are some new gazoombas in town, sweetie. Eat it.

Yeah. Mine are still better.

[all talking at once]

Men: Eat it. Eat it. Eat it.

Oh, stop it.

I'm sick of these uniforms, ok?

I feel objectified.

I see you guys getting objectified

And you're not used to it and I'm sick.

Jealous judy here.

I've got bubs but I've got balls

And I'm gonna go show 'em.

To the captain.

I'm gonna get these things outlawed.

It's not right.

Oh, come on. Ok? It's not right.

Come on, yeah. I'm gonna do it right now.

Can't we be friends?

What did tigger do today?

Oh, my god. You won't believe this.

Ok. So, this morning, I wake up to this.

[childish voice] mama.

Oh, that's so cute.

[all talking at once]

No, no, no, no, no. It was a rat.

What?

I just got promoted.

You know what?

I'm gonna hoist these puppies up

And see if I can't get us a popcorn machine.

[all cheer]

Wanna swing by the place? See my new fridge?

No, I don't.

It won't take very long. It's a mini-fridge.

Yo!

What the fuck? What is this guy's name again?

Carl.

What now, carl?

How about this?

What's he doing? I don't know.

No! No!

[indistinct yelling]

Put down the lighter. Put the lighter down.

Put the lighter down. Lighter down.

Lighter down. Put the lighter down.

Dangle: What the fuck?

Hey, man. I decided--

What the fuck? What do you want from us, carl?

Jones: What do you want?

I want revenge, man!

Y-it's gonna be gasoline. It's gonna be something, my man.

You're gonna be in your bed some night.

Whatever, dude.

Cobra. You open a box. There's a cobra.

You know, whatever.

Carl! We don't remember you.

It's kyle!

Ok? It's kyle!

Jones: Stop it.

You know, when you walked me past blind justice in that courtyard,

And I looked at that thing

And I said, "you know what?

I'm never going to see freedom for 10 years, blind justice."

You did this.

Statue of blind justice?

Yes. Statue of blind justice.

Carson city.

You're thinking of carson city sheriff's department.

Blind justice.

They got a big statue of blind justice.

Carson city.

[laughs]

45 minutes due south.

It's carson city! It's carson city!

[jones laughs]

Couldn't--gee--gee, I guess I know why you guys don't remember me.

[all laugh]

We'll remember you now.

Now, we'll remember you

'cause you tried to set us on fire

And take your revenge.

Yeah. Oh, kyle!

You guys are cool.

Kyle! Kyle! Kyle!

Kyle overstreet.

Yes! Kyle overstreet, now, who's going to carson city p.D.

And he's gonna kick some ass.

[all laugh]

Ok.

Now, you guys--you guys gonna have to tell them or?

No. No.

Fuck those guys.

Carson city? Nah.

Uh-uh.

395 straight south.

Carson city.

You'll see signs. Can't miss it.

All right, then.

Unbelievable. [laughs]

It was weird, but I would feel--I was--

I know, 'cause you have a--

You're--you're mind is-- it's like a trap.

Everything in here is like a trap.

Hey, bud. What's up, jun?

What's up, man?

How are ya?

What you doing tonight, travis?

Sure, hangin' out with the boys.

Popping back some cold ones with the, uh--

Ha ha!

Hey! Hey, junior, they got heard it in a love soon.

Oh.

Well. Ahem.

[sniffs] ahem.

Sheriff's department. Sheriff's department.

Woman: Oh! Um...

[bang]

Um. Jesus.

Hi. Come in. Come in.

Oh, hello. Mm-hmm.

Ok, let me tell you what was going on, ok?

I had a client-- a professional--come in.

Ok.

I go to settle up payment,

Everything like that.

And he is all of a sudden walks out!

Sounds like he was skipping out on the tab.

Dip and split.

Dip and split.

Or whip and split.

Whip and split. Mm-hmm.

Or the dip and whip and split.

Dip and whip and split. Mm-hmm.

The dip and whip with nuts.

Well, I am sorry about that.

With whipped cream on top.

[slurping]

I'm just imagining. Mm-hmm.

Can I ask you something? Sure.

Where you all get these, um, vests?

That's nice. Kevlar for her.

That's really nice. 'cause you know why?

'cause if you wanna, like, tighten it, pull it up on you--

Can I--let me see?

Like that. You know what I'm saying?

It fits you nicely and the color is nice.

Thank you. I'm getting uncomfortable.

I'd like to leave now.

Ok, let me pull yours.

Ok--oop! Ok.

Ooh.

Ahh. I'm so tired.

Makes me want to stretch out. Oh.

Oh! Hit the curb. Sorry.

Don't know what I was thinking about there.

Just, uh--look, I'm just--I'm just all kerfuffled today.

Jim. Yeah?

Just stop the car for a second.

Um...

I know that, for years, I've been trying to get you to notice me

And I've been trying to get you to--

I don't have to recap for you.

You're you. Yeah.

We've--you know, we've been--each other's friend for many years.

I feel like-- and maybe it's just--

[muffled talking]

[sighs]

Let's never talk about it again, ok?

Ok. That's fine. Ok?

Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah. We'll never speak about it again.

Definitely not.

[all talking at once]

Williams: They should make shorts to go with these.

Kimball: I agree with you. I'll drink to that.

[all exclaim]

Good evening, everybody.

I've got clem-tastic news.

Hey clem.

Thank you very much.

Uh, can we have a toast?

To objectifying the tetons.

Whoa! Whoo!

These are here to stay.

[all exclaim]

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Reno! Reno!

Now, everybody,

We've got to break these things in, huh?

Come on, junior. Take a shot at me.

Come on! I ain't chicken. You ready?

Come on chicken!

Hold your ears!

[all gasp]

It didn't do shit.

Uh, we should probably call...

[all talking at once]

Dangle: Anybody got a--

Wiegel: Kimball you still look great.

Johnson: Yes. You look--you look great.

Don't ruin it for the rest of us.

Captioning made possible by mtv networks

Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--

And now it's finally happening.

Uhhh...I don't know...

Honestly, I swear to god

There's something just much more appealing

About you now.

Ok? Ok.

I feel like I'm gonna cry!

Ok, I shouldn't cry.

Ok. Ok.

I'm not sure what a lady does

When she's being motor boated.

B-b-b-b-b-b

Oh my god!

Wow!

[breathing heavy]

I'm going back in.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0