All language subtitles for Reno 911 s05e02 Bounty Hunter Tommy Hawk.eng

Release the shark!

[cheering and applause]

Woman: All right!

We have worked out
the kinks,

And today we are jumping
the shark for autism!

[cheering]

Woman:
"f" you, autism!

To fight not in favor of autism.
To fight autism.

And we've raised
how much?

67 dollars!

67 dollars!

Minus the signs--
or with the signs.

So we're doing pretty good!
Yeah. Here we go.

Ready?

Yeah.

Set.

Yeah.

[gunshot]

[screaming]

Oh fuck!
Fuck! Fuck it!

Fuck! Somebody grab it!
Somebody grab it!

Get down.
Get down, jim.

Oh, it's fine.

Fuck!

Captioning made possible by
mtv networks

Sheriff's department!
Freeze! Get on the ground!

[gunshots]

Ahh!

Oh!

What? What?

Aah!
Aah!

All right.

There's a tornado!

Chanting: Hell, no!
We won't blow!

[gunshots]

Yeah!

He's my friend.

Now!

Right on the ground.
Put it right on the ground.

Aah!

Good morning, gang.

Good morning.
Good morning.

Anybody who has been enjoying
any of the nautical activities

At all at the ghost shaft
water park...

Needs to get a checkup.

What?
Oh...

They will pay for any ointment
that you need,

And you get a complimentary pass
for all of next year.

- That's a good.
- The whole y?

Yeah.

But do get the ointment
for real this time.

Do you have to show
them your receipt?

Uh, no. Just show them
your genitals

And say, "I'm here
for the ointment."

So, trudy, you know
you're up, right?

You've got "neighbors
and friends" today.

- Oh fuck.
- Ha ha.

No no, don't make fun
of "neighbors and friends."

"neighbors and friends"
is a good program.

Yeah, it's
a good program

If you like
taking care of...

Homebound people
who can't help themselves

And the elderly
and the physically challenged.

That's one way
of putting it.

I was going to say, like
fat vegetable retards

That you've
got to wash.

6 and 1...Either way,
it's a good program.

Junior:
Ha ha

- You might be one of
those one day. - In a very serious news...

This is not
a laughing matter, people.

The rodriguez brothers,

Javier and jaime...

Uh...Have jumped bail.

You kid?

They have jumped
on $250,000 bail.

We caught them once.
We can catch them again.

- We can catch them again.
- Mmhmm, mmhmm.

Let's do it.

They may then...
Jump bail again.

[all]:
Not our problem.

Catching them...
Our problem.

Serving a warrant
on the rodriguez brothers.

Bringing them
to justice.

What are we doing
if there's trouble?

Uh, shoot first.

Shoot first.

It's the reno
sheriff's depar.

Whispers:
It's tommy hawk.

Alright, if you guys ar,
they're probably not he.

Maybe we can use
some of this.

Lieutenant jim dangle,
reno sheriff's department.

- Big fan.
- Uh huh.

Ok. Yeah. We're not
doing intros now.

Not doing
no intros, now.

Just go back to one,
and come out and say,

"hawk,
how can I help you?

We are the reno
sheriff's department."

Try it one time.

Hawk, here to help you.
How can we?

Hawk, here we are.
How can we help you?

We're big fans.
We're really big fans.

Just keep rolling.
Keep rolling.

- Go back to o.
- Go back, go b!

Come back peopl!

- [junior reh.
- Y.

Uh, haw.

All right. We reconnoitered
last night, team hawk.

You remember. So this is
the rodriguez brothers--

High-value target,
high-value target, 250.

Why are we doing
what he says?

He must be trying
to catch our bounty, right?

- Is he trying to get
the rodriguez brothers? - That's what he does.

Hawk: Come on.
Come back in.

Our bounty--

Wait. Shit!
We're late for the cue.

We've missed our cue.
Hawk!

Hey!

Oh, hey. It's the reno
sheriff's department.

Good to see you guys.

Now's the time.
Say it. Never mind. Cut.

How you guys doing?

Hawk! We're the reno
sheriff's department, we're--

It's late.
It's too late.

We've already cut.

Oh, that was pretty good.
You can't use that?

No. Listen, if you
guys are here--

What are you doing
in reno?

We're after
the rodriguez brothers.

It's 250.

No, no, no. We're after
the rodriguez brothers.

No, I'm sorry.
It's 250--

No I got a warrant.

Hey, do you really hang out
with sammy hagar?

Yeah. We're good
friends. Yeah.

How did you
know that?

- What's sammy hagar like?
- What is sammy hagar like?

He's cool. He loves
to party, man.

We love to party and
shoot off firearms.

- That's what w.
- Does he drive?

Thanks kelly.

No, he says specifically
that he can't drive 55.

That's the one thing
we all know about sammy hagar.

His creed is that
he can't do it.

He actually
took 55 off his speedometer.

Ah. It's not
even there?

- No, it's not there.
- So you can't even see it?

- No, you can't.
- What did he pe white-out or so?

No. He just...U-

Just taped?

No, he just scrt
right off.

It's still the same
speedometer, but you can't actually--

Doesn't have a 55 on it.

[shouting]
you'll never take us alive!

[gunshots]

[hawk]:
That's a lot of.

I wouldn't worr.

[policemen returning fire]

Alright, we'll catch 'em next t.

Officer, good job
not firing your gun.

Oh, yeah. It's stuck.

I got peanut butter
in there or something.

Jeez! Jeez! Aah!

[shouting]

[announcer:]
this has been your tommk

Red bull moment.

You're watching
tommy hawk.

E-bay this.

I love you, baby.

Kids, this is what
it's all about.

Whoo!

Oh, yeah. The hawk
loves the hunt.

Guys, we were just
on the tommy hawk show!

[cheering]

I really don't know
what I'm in for.

Hope I don't have to change
any adult diapers or anything.

But, you know,
if I have to,

You know,
I'll make lemonade.

Not literally, of course.
I just mean, like, you know,

When life gives you...
You know what I mean.

Hi!
Hi.

How are you?

Yes? Can I help you?

My name is officer
trudy wiegel,

And I am here today
to help you--

To cook for you
and clean for you...

Wash you, you know,
whatever you need.

I'm here to help.

Ok. Sounds good.

Ooh, here's
the chips.

I'll start with maybe
a medium-sized one.

Oh, you want me
to hand them to you.

If it's not
a problem,

Or else maybe I'll call
the sheriff's department.

No, no, no.
It's not a problem.

That's what
I'm here to do.

Thank you.

Medium-sized one.
Ok. Here's one.

Not that one.

Bbbb...

One more time.

Ok. Bbbb....

Ok. Oh,
that's messy.

[chewing loudly]

You always chew
like that?

Oh.

Your hands work?

No.

We recently found a woman

Stuffed in a samsonite
suitcase

With a bunch
of exotic birds.

I guess they were
smuggling her in

As part of a sex slave
trade ring.

It was either ship her back
to where she came from,

And frankly, we didn't
have the ship fare.

So what we did is
we gave her a job here,

A chance at a slightly
better life.

Put her in charge
of dispatch.

- Hey, cindy.
- Hi there.

You're doing a real
good job out here.

Thank you so much.

You're a real
good intern.

Glad you're not
a sex slave anymore.

But I hate
to bring this up.

Processing.

Process
the prisoners?

Process the prisoners.

Yeah, you know
what you're doing?

You're adding a little bit
to the process

That we'd like you not to be
adding to the process.

What part?

- Uh...Fingerprinting, good.
- Ok. I fingerprint.

Taking their
information, good.

Taking their
information.

Then what have you
been doing next?

This one.

Yeah. This one.
Yeah. No.

No, you're not a sex
slave anymore.

Thumb prints--

That guy like it.

Yeah, they all
like it.

The complaints ain't coming
from the guys getting--

They love it.
I'll be honest with you.

They like it a lot.

Not what we're
supposed to be doing.

I don't take
any money.

I don't charge
any money.

Yeah, that doesn't make
them not like it less.

That makes them
like it more.

You understand
that, right?

So you don't want
them to be happy?

No, we don't want them
to be happy.

Ohh!

Crime and punishment.
Crime and punishment.

I don't understand.
Ok.

Yeah-- what you're doing
is you're helping

Their self-esteem.

We don't want to help it.

People are committing
minor crimes out there

Just to get in
just for your processing.

- Oh.
- We don't want that.

Now, tommy hawk
looks slick

Because whenever
he fucks up,

He goes back,
and he re-does it again.

Now, if we were able
to re--nigger--rig

Everything we said
to sound smart,

We would sound
smart, too.

Can we do that again
without saying "re-nigger"?

Did I say "re-nigger"?

Yeah.

Oh, can we go back
and do that again?

Ok. Mtv. Mtv2.

- Up, up, u.
- Keep goin.

- 74 or 77?
- It's way up there.

- I thought it was 72.
- I think it's like 900...

That's it! That's it!
That's it!

Caw!

God don't make no junk,
except you!

Caw!

[cheering]

The tommy hawk show
is brought to you by

Boost mobile!

Where are you at?

We're just outside
the rodriguez trailer.

Remember,
the rodriguez brothers--

High-value target. 250.

These guys are trouble,
nothing but trouble,

And we're going to get them.
Don't worry.

Now's the--

It's the reno
sheriff's department.

These guys aren't here.

If the sheriff
department's here,

The trail's obviously
totally cold.

[stammering]

No, he's good.
He's good. He's good.

You're covered.
You're covered. Don't worry.

No, you're
out of the shot.

Okay.

So stand by you?

Yeah, stand by me.
2-shot. Nice 2, right? You clean? Good.

Tell me...

You forgot what you
were talking about, didn't you? Yeah.

Ok. Uh...

I didn't think k
any stupider onv

Than we already do.

Good to meet you.
Good to meet you.

Ok, good luck
with everything.

He's being sarcastic.
Was that sarcastic?

[sarcastically]
no. Ha ha!

[laughing] ok.
We'll see you all later.

Ha ha ha!

Remember, kids, if you
want to get something done,

Don't call the cops.
Call a bounty hunter!

[cocks gun]

No. No. Hey--
garcia! Garcia!

[gunshots]

Stay tuned for more
of the tommy hawk show!

Caw!

Were you aiming
at the tv?

Hi, cindy.

Hi there.

How you doing?

Hi there, captain.

Lieutenant. We've been
over this. Remember?

Oh, lieutenant.

I know....
I'm not the captain.

Hi there,
lieutenant handsome.

I know. We've been
over and over...

Hey, could you
do me a solid

And just fax that
for me?

Sure, no problem!

You remember how
we went over the fax machine?

Ok. You want me
to fuck for you.

No, that's
the thing.

I don't want you
to fuck this.

- Okay.
- No fuck this.

Don't fuck--

But you just told me
you want me to fuck it.

No.

They only taught you
sex, didn't they?

They did.

They taught you
nothing else?

Yeah, I taught myself
some, though.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

What else you l?

You learned
english good.

Yeah.

"fax." that word
looks like this.

Okay.
F-a-x. Fack.

Say it.

Fax.

The thing that
we don't say?

Uh...Oh, that one?

- Yeah.
- Oh! Fuck!

No, we don't
do that anymore.

We just...
We send the fax.

Ok.

I will fax it
really good for you.

Don't fuck it.

- Don't fuck it.
- Don't fuck the paper

Okay.

What's the word?
Let's say it together.

Fax.
Fax.

Fax..we don't have a fuck e
anywhere in the buildin.

[sniffs]

Ok, sam...

I finished cleaning
your bathroom.

Oh, good. Thank you.

I finished cleaning
the kitchen.

I did your laundry.
I did your sheets.

That took a couple
of times in the cycle

To get those real...
Real clean.

A lot of those stains
were not made by me.

They were made
by my friend craig.

I'm ready
for another bite.

Ok. This time,
when you take a bite,

Could you just sort of
do it just like regular

And then just chew it--

Regular bite, okay.

Yeah, with your mouth cd
and swallow?

Got it.

Ok. See, that's
what I'm talking about.

Trudy, I have to go
to the bathroom now.

I'm going to go
to the bathroom,

But you might need
to come and help me

When I go in there.

Listen, for reals.

Revenge.

Hmm.

We're going to get
ours, all right?

And so are you,
tommy.

He's going to get
his revenge, too?

No. Uh...

That would be horrible.
But we'll get ours.

We'll get ours.

And you'll get yours.

Now I just said
the same exact thing.

See, now you just
did it, too.

We got a hot tip that
the rodriguez brothers

Are at this residence.
It's go time.

[whispers]
go. Go. Go.

[whispering]
get out. Get out. Get out.

[whispering]
go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

It's locked.

Bust it!

[all shouting]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Put it down! Put it down!
Put it down! Put it down!

Where's the old lady?

The old lady.
Where's the old lady?

She's the ringleader.
Where's the old lady?

She wasn't here?

All right. Well, you guys
get out of here.

We're going to do
a second take.

Guillaume, you all right
to set up the door again?

Deux minutes.

Yeah. Ok. Deux minutes.
We're good.

That's just french
for "two."

Wow. That's ok that
that take didn't go,

Because I was
a little shiny on that.

Ok, tommy.

There's a fire.

They were just here.

What are you guys...

What are you guys
still doing here?

You're eating
the pickles?

We found
some pickles.

We found
some pickles.

Hey, you want to
hear a secret?

What?

I'm kind of
downplaying this.

What?

I actually love
the tommy hawk show.

I always think--
the weird thing is I always

Picture myself
sort of more like tk

Than like myself.

Do you really?

I know, and I think
I might be wrong.

I think you might
be right--you are wrong.

Although, I mean,
you know, I tried

To get some
sponsorship deals.

Who'd you try
to go to?

Nair.
I tried nair.

Wait, look--

Good old tamara
and sabrina.

Shawn's retirement
party, huh?

Oh. Oh.

Wow.

Wow. That's
some party.

Boy, he's too young
to retire, that guy.

But he's big
and black and hot.

Is this officially
a "train"?

Is that
what they call it?

I think so.

And it looks like
tamara's wearing

An engagement ring.

Ooh, she is wearing
an engagement ring.

I wonder who she's
engaged to.

What's weird is
she's wearing it in this picture,

But she's not wearing it
in this picture,

Which makes me worry
that maybe it went in there.

Oh, my god.
Call the gaffe squad.

[ahem]

Can you do it
harder?

Just like really
get in there.

You're being shy,

And it's making me
not clean.

What are you doing?
Sam, stop it.

Sam! Stop it.

Sam, stop it.
What are you doing?

Sam!

Ok, sam.
Well, this is good-bye.

Thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.

You're so welcome.

Ok.
Ok.

Will you come back?

I...Ya know what--

Come back tomorrow.

Unfortunately, I can't.

But I'm glad
that I could help.

Well, I would love
it if you came back tomorrow.

Because that's
what I do, I help.

But I only help once,

Because that's all
I'm obligated to do.

I'm still not really sure
what actually is wrong with him.

Man: Officer.

Could I have some help
with my groceries?

And a little air.

I'm having some trouble
getting a breath.

Jesus fucki.

What do I fucking
look like-- mother teresa?

Get your own
god damn groceries.

Good lord.

Hey, do you
think tommy hawk is his real name?

I think
that's bogus.

You know what
they say, that--

I should have
a bogus show-biz name.

When you get these
fancy tv shows,

They give you
a made-up name.

You're supposed to take

The street you lived on
when you was little

Mmhmm.

And the name of your pet

And put it together,
and that's your made-up name.

Go for it. What street
did you live on?

The pet
that I had?

Yeah, what was
the pet's name?

Cat montgomery.

No, not the name
of the pet--

The pet-- what kind of pet.
The pet's name.

What was
your cat's name?

Crinkles.

Ok. And you lived
on montgomery street?

Yeah.

That's your name.

Crinkles montgomery
at your service.

Boom.

Looks like a case for
crinkles montgomery.

Let's move! Let's move!

The rodriguez brothers
were spotted

Not 2 miles from here!

Let's move, people! Move!

Remember, they're dangerous.
They're extremely...

Hawk: Remember,
the rodriguez brothers are 250.

200 just for the mom.

All right, add that up.

Teaching you more
than "sesame street."

Tommy hawk! Caw!

God don't make no junk...
Except you!

All right.

All right, johnny law,
take them away.

But next week,
we're going to san diego,

Turning the tables
on a sexual predator.

And I'm burning my beard!

Here you go,
baby.

Remember, god don't make
no junk...Except you!

Amen.

Whoo! Thanks, baby.

Do you want to do
another one of those

That I'm not standing
right by your shoulder--

You were in?

I was standing right
half in the thing.

Let me get--
I'm a little shiny.

You want to go?
Let's do it again.

Here. Take
some of that.

Some medicine
for you.

Remember...

Ah...

Whoo. That one really hit.
Give me another one of those.

Remember, god don't
make no junk...Except you!

Whoo!
Whoo!

Yeah. Get on, baby.
Come on.

All right.
Well, ride safe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, and one
last thing.

What's that?

You blow in this
breathalyzer for me?

[blowing]

[beep]

.9-0

Tommy hawk, you're
under arrest for d.U.I.

Get on the ground
right now.

You know hawk
loves to party.

Get on the grou.

Step away from the vehicle
and the lady right now!

If you give up the right
to remain silent,

Anything you say
can and will--

Ow.
You know what?

Joe, can I go back,
actually?

Do it again.

Can I go back
to where...

You're a little
shiny, too.

Can I get a little...

Makeup lady,
could I get a little...

Oh, you gota
be kidding .

Tommy hawk, you have
the right to remain silent.

You have the right
to an attorney.

You have the right to have
an attorney present

During any questioning.

If you give up
the right to an attorney,

Anything you say can

And will be used
against you in a court of law.

And...Cut.

If I get raped, put it
on youtube, all right?

[siren]

The mayor's here!
The mayor's here!

The mayor's here!
The mayor is--the mayor! Mayor!

Right now!

Mr. Mayor.

Hey. Good morning...
Afternoon.

Those pinche
pendejo cock suckers!

Hijo de su
puta madre!

They can have all
their court commissions

And pinche subpoenas
and god damn setups

With the fake chi-chis
and the thongs.

There's a light
at the end of the tunnel,

And those cock suckers
cannot prove anything.

Captioning made possible by
mtv networks

Captioned by national
captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--

[chattering]

Hey, hey. Enough
chatter. Go. Turn.

[mumbling]

Here we go.

Hawk, want to hear
our catch phrase?

Yes.

[cocks shotgun]

I was trying to
help you out there.

Sheriff's department.

That's how you
answer the phone, r?

Yeah, it's how we
answer the phones, too.

Also how we answer
the phone.

It's both-- it's convenient thas
both our catch phrase

And the manner in which
we answer the phone.

Because them people know
we're the sheriff's department.

And then they know who
they got on the line.

Ok, we really
can cut now.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0