Original subtitles

Woman: Ok, well today we have a

Woman: Ok, well today we have a

Woman: Ok, well today we have a real special treat for you.

Real special treat for you.

Real special treat for you. [music playing]

>> wait, wait! Stop. Stop!

>> wait, wait! Stop. Stop!

>> wait, wait! Stop. Stop! [music stops]

[music stops]

[music stops] >> leslie?!

>> leslie?!

>> leslie?! >> james, you...Are my light.

>> james, you...Are my light.

>> james, you...Are my light. And I need to ask you something.

And I need to ask you something.

And I need to ask you something. Will you please make me the

Will you please make me the

Will you please make me the happiest man in the world?

Happiest man in the world?

Happiest man in the world? >> oh, my god! Fuck!

>> oh, my god! Fuck!

>> oh, my god! Fuck! Are you all right?

Are you all right?

Are you all right? Jesus christ help him!

Jesus christ help him!

Jesus christ help him! >> it's all right.

>> it's all right.

>> it's all right. >> are you all right?

>> are you all right?

>> are you all right? >> yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm

>> yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm

>> yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Fine.

Fine. >> he's ok.

>> he's ok.

>> he's ok. >> he's all right, everybody.

>> he's all right, everybody.

>> he's all right, everybody. >> will you be my life partner?

>> will you be my life partner?

>> will you be my life partner? >> aah!

>> aah!

>> aah! >> say yes.

>> say yes.

>> say yes. >> yes! Yes! Oh...Mmm. Mmm.

>> yes! Yes! Oh...Mmm. Mmm.

>> yes! Yes! Oh...Mmm. Mmm. [light applause]

[light applause]

[light applause] >> I love you.

>> I love you.

>> I love you. >> I love you, too.

>> I love you, too.

>> I love you, too. >> hey!

>> hey!

>> hey! >> aah!

>> aah!

>> aah! All: Hey! Who did that?

All: Hey! Who did that?

All: Hey! Who did that? >> it was that little fucking

>> it was that little fucking

>> it was that little fucking mexican kid!

>> she tricked me! It was a

>> she tricked me! It was a

>> she tricked me! It was a trick!

>> hyah!

>> I got it.

>> I got it.

>> I got it. >> whoa!

>> whoa!

>> whoa! >> oh! Oh!

[blows whistle]

[blows whistle]

[blows whistle] >> ok. All right. I got him by

>> ok. All right. I got him by

>> ok. All right. I got him by the belt.

>> get back in the building!

>> get back in the building!

>> get back in the building! No loitering!

>> aah!

>> aah!

>> aah! [siren]

[siren]

[siren] [captioning made possible by

[captioning made possible by

[captioning made possible by mtv networks]

Man: Give me a "hoo-ah!" hoo-ah!

Man: Give me a "hoo-ah!" hoo-ah!

Man: Give me a "hoo-ah!" hoo-ah! [game announcer droning on

[game announcer droning on

[game announcer droning on radio]

Radio]

Radio] dangle: Ok, let's do a fight

Dangle: Ok, let's do a fight

Dangle: Ok, let's do a fight line.

Line.

Line. >> fight line.

>> fight line.

>> fight line. Dangle: Make a fight line.

Dangle: Make a fight line.

Dangle: Make a fight line. Remember? Like we talked about.

Remember? Like we talked about.

Remember? Like we talked about. Look alive! Look alive!

Look alive! Look alive!

Look alive! Look alive! Williams: Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Williams: Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Williams: Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Announcer: You could cut the

Announcer: You could cut the

Announcer: You could cut the tension here tonight with a

Tension here tonight with a

Tension here tonight with a knife.

Knife.

Knife. Dangle: Tighten up your metal!

Dangle: Tighten up your metal!

Dangle: Tighten up your metal! Tighten up your metal!

Tighten up your metal!

Tighten up your metal! Announcer: ...And I gotta tell

Announcer: ...And I gotta tell

Announcer: ...And I gotta tell you, the last time they won,

You, the last time they won,

You, the last time they won, they ripped this town apart.

They ripped this town apart.

They ripped this town apart. Hoo, there was rioting, cars set

Hoo, there was rioting, cars set

Hoo, there was rioting, cars set on fire, dozens of law

On fire, dozens of law

On fire, dozens of law enforcement officers injured and

Enforcement officers injured and

Enforcement officers injured and hospitalized, and, of course,

Hospitalized, and, of course,

Hospitalized, and, of course, raping sprees. And here we go,

Raping sprees. And here we go,

Raping sprees. And here we go, coming out of the time out. Here

Coming out of the time out. Here

Coming out of the time out. Here it is. 20 seconds on the clock.

It is. 20 seconds on the clock.

It is. 20 seconds on the clock. And it's the wolf pack up by 2.

And it's the wolf pack up by 2.

And it's the wolf pack up by 2. Dangle: Shock and awe, people.

Dangle: Shock and awe, people.

Dangle: Shock and awe, people. Shock and awe.

Shock and awe.

Shock and awe. [officers grunting]

[officers grunting]

[officers grunting] announcer: 6 seconds left.

Announcer: 6 seconds left.

Announcer: 6 seconds left. Valdez left, he tries for the

Valdez left, he tries for the

Valdez left, he tries for the steal. 2 seconds left. Hoffman

Steal. 2 seconds left. Hoffman

Steal. 2 seconds left. Hoffman shoots. Livingston tries to

Shoots. Livingston tries to

Shoots. Livingston tries to block! It's good!

Block! It's good!

Block! It's good! All: Oh!

All: Oh!

All: Oh! Announcer: The poor wolf pack,

Announcer: The poor wolf pack,

Announcer: The poor wolf pack, they can't do it. They lose

They can't do it. They lose

They can't do it. They lose it...

It...

It... >> oh, thank god reno sucks.

>> oh, thank god reno sucks.

>> oh, thank god reno sucks. Dangle: Thank god we suck.

Dangle: Thank god we suck.

Dangle: Thank god we suck. ♪ sacramento's number one ♪

Williams: Here we ghola,

Williams: Here we ghola,

Williams: Here we ghola, senior. Nice.

Senior. Nice.

Senior. Nice. Man: Crap!

Man: Crap!

Man: Crap! >> ok...

>> ok...

>> ok... >> crap. You guys! I'm so glad

>> crap. You guys! I'm so glad

>> crap. You guys! I'm so glad you're here.

You're here.

You're here. >> what's up?

>> what's up?

>> what's up? >> somebody stole all of the

>> somebody stole all of the

>> somebody stole all of the mild salsa.

Mild salsa.

Mild salsa. >> that's why you called us out

>> that's why you called us out

>> that's why you called us out here?

Here?

Here? >> yes. It's usually on the

>> yes. It's usually on the

>> yes. It's usually on the counter next to the hot. You

Counter next to the hot. You

Counter next to the hot. You know, it goes mild and then hot?

Know, it goes mild and then hot?

Know, it goes mild and then hot? >> right.

>> right.

>> right. >> and it was gone. The mild is

>> and it was gone. The mild is

>> and it was gone. The mild is gone. Wait. Hold on. Sorry. Your

Gone. Wait. Hold on. Sorry. Your

Gone. Wait. Hold on. Sorry. Your order's up. Oh, jeez. Here we

Order's up. Oh, jeez. Here we

Order's up. Oh, jeez. Here we go. Ow! Ouch!

Go. Ow! Ouch!

Go. Ow! Ouch! >> you know, terry.

>> you know, terry.

>> you know, terry. >> sorry.

>> sorry.

>> sorry. >> terry.

>> terry.

>> terry. >> what?

>> what?

>> what? >> you bring that on yourself,

>> you bring that on yourself,

>> you bring that on yourself, all right?

All right?

All right? >> what do you mean?

>> what do you mean?

>> what do you mean? >> no one told you you had to

>> no one told you you had to

>> no one told you you had to wear those skates.

Wear those skates.

Wear those skates. >> or those shorts.

>> or those shorts.

>> or those shorts. >> they probably prefer that you

>> they probably prefer that you

>> they probably prefer that you don't wear the skates.

Don't wear the skates.

Don't wear the skates. >> why?

>> why?

>> why? >> why?

>> why?

>> why? >> these skates--

>> these skates--

>> these skates-- >> um, I don't know.

>> um, I don't know.

>> um, I don't know. >> these skates were given to me

>> these skates were given to me

>> these skates were given to me by my great, great grandmother.

By my great, great grandmother.

By my great, great grandmother. >> mm-hmm.

>> mm-hmm.

>> mm-hmm. >> she was from china.

>> she was from china.

>> she was from china. >> I know what this is about. I

>> I know what this is about. I

>> I know what this is about. I know what this is about.

Know what this is about.

Know what this is about. >> what is it about?

>> what is it about?

>> what is it about? >> what is it about?

>> what is it about?

>> what is it about? >> terry...You are an attention

>> terry...You are an attention

>> terry...You are an attention whore.

Whore.

Whore. >> what does that mean?

>> what does that mean?

>> what does that mean? >> what does it mean?

>> what does it mean?

>> what does it mean? >> what doesn't it mean, terry?

>> what doesn't it mean, terry?

>> what doesn't it mean, terry? >> I don't think I am.

>> I don't think I am.

>> I don't think I am. >> you don't?

>> you don't?

>> you don't? >> here's your food. See,

>> here's your food. See,

>> here's your food. See, I got it. Oh! Ouch.

[easy music playing]

[easy music playing]

[easy music playing] >> I feel very braveheart.

>> I feel very braveheart.

>> I feel very braveheart. Don't you guys?

Don't you guys?

Don't you guys? [knock knock knock]

[knock knock knock]

[knock knock knock] I feel like a very good

I feel like a very good

I feel like a very good combination braveheart and

Combination braveheart and

Combination braveheart and debbie does dallain the best

Debbie does dallain the best

Debbie does dallain the best way.

Way.

Way. Garcia: Hey, dangle...

Garcia: Hey, dangle...

Garcia: Hey, dangle... >> it couldn't be more macho to

>> it couldn't be more macho to

>> it couldn't be more macho to wear a kilt.

Wear a kilt.

Wear a kilt. >> he got fucking killed in the

>> he got fucking killed in the

>> he got fucking killed in the end of that movie, didn't he?

End of that movie, didn't he?

End of that movie, didn't he? >> hell. Hell, look at. I feel

>> hell. Hell, look at. I feel

>> hell. Hell, look at. I feel like a fucking lawn jockey.

Like a fucking lawn jockey.

Like a fucking lawn jockey. >> you look wonderful. What sort

>> you look wonderful. What sort

>> you look wonderful. What sort of a lawn jockey would dress

Of a lawn jockey would dress

Of a lawn jockey would dress like that? A highland warrior

Like that? A highland warrior

Like that? A highland warrior jockey. It's perfect. You look

Jockey. It's perfect. You look

Jockey. It's perfect. You look perfect for a gay

Perfect for a gay

Perfect for a gay commitment ceremony.

Commitment ceremony.

Commitment ceremony. >> yeah, I look like a gay

>> yeah, I look like a gay

>> yeah, I look like a gay leprechaun, if that's what you

Leprechaun, if that's what you

Leprechaun, if that's what you mean.

Mean.

Mean. >> leprechauns don't wear kilts.

>> leprechauns don't wear kilts.

>> leprechauns don't wear kilts. >> well, whatever. It's just

>> well, whatever. It's just

>> well, whatever. It's just foolish. I mean--

Foolish. I mean--

Foolish. I mean-- >> and I don't appreciate the

>> and I don't appreciate the

>> and I don't appreciate the gay aspect of that.

Gay aspect of that.

Gay aspect of that. >> well, I don't appreciate you

>> well, I don't appreciate you

>> well, I don't appreciate you trying to make us dress like

Trying to make us dress like

Trying to make us dress like fools. I mean, why couldn't we

Fools. I mean, why couldn't we

Fools. I mean, why couldn't we just wear our formals?

Just wear our formals?

Just wear our formals? >> this is formal! What about

>> this is formal! What about

>> this is formal! What about this is informal?!

This is informal?!

This is informal?! >> it's stupid.

>> it's stupid.

>> it's stupid. >> it's a skirt.

>> it's a skirt.

>> it's a skirt. >> it's not a skirt! It's a

>> it's not a skirt! It's a

>> it's not a skirt! It's a kilt! Stop saying it's a skirt!

Kilt! Stop saying it's a skirt!

Kilt! Stop saying it's a skirt! Jones: What about the purse,

Jones: What about the purse,

Jones: What about the purse, though? The purse is--

Though? The purse is--

Though? The purse is-- >> sporran! It's a sporran!

>> sporran! It's a sporran!

>> sporran! It's a sporran! >> we look like women, dangle. I

>> we look like women, dangle. I

>> we look like women, dangle. I think you're trying to recruit--

Think you're trying to recruit--

Think you're trying to recruit-- >> we look like highland

>> we look like highland

>> we look like highland warriors!

Warriors!

Warriors! >> I think you're trying to

>> I think you're trying to

>> I think you're trying to recruit us is what you're trying

Recruit us is what you're trying

Recruit us is what you're trying to do. It's bad enough--

To do. It's bad enough--

To do. It's bad enough-- >> what?! Say it again.

>> what?! Say it again.

>> what?! Say it again. What'd you just say?! What did

What'd you just say?! What did

What'd you just say?! What did you just say?!

You just say?!

You just say?! >> I said fag ceremony.

>> I said fag ceremony.

>> I said fag ceremony. >> come on! Come on!

>> come on! Come on!

>> come on! Come on! >> let go!

>> let go!

>> let go! >> say it again.

>> say it again.

>> say it again. Junior: Garcia...

Junior: Garcia...

Junior: Garcia... Dangle: Say it again. Say it

Dangle: Say it again. Say it

Dangle: Say it again. Say it again.

Again.

Again. >> garcia...James, you look

>> garcia...James, you look

>> garcia...James, you look gayer when you're wrestling.

Gayer when you're wrestling.

Gayer when you're wrestling. Dangle: Unh! Say it again.

Dangle: Unh! Say it again.

Dangle: Unh! Say it again. Garcia: I'm not going.

Garcia: I'm not going.

Garcia: I'm not going. Dangle: Get him off.

Dangle: Get him off.

Dangle: Get him off. >> I hope you have a happy week

>> I hope you have a happy week

>> I hope you have a happy week together. Bullshit.

Together. Bullshit.

Together. Bullshit. >> what do the bridesmaids wear

>> what do the bridesmaids wear

>> what do the bridesmaids wear if we're wearing skirts?

If we're wearing skirts?

If we're wearing skirts? >> you are the bridesmaids.

Wiegel: Sheriff's department.

Wiegel: Sheriff's department.

Wiegel: Sheriff's department. Kimball: I've got a report about

Kimball: I've got a report about

Kimball: I've got a report about a stolen car.

A stolen car.

A stolen car. Man: Her majesty's guard.

Man: Her majesty's guard.

Man: Her majesty's guard. Woman: Her majesty's guard! What

Woman: Her majesty's guard! What

Woman: Her majesty's guard! What news does thou bringeth from her

News does thou bringeth from her

News does thou bringeth from her majesty the queen?

Majesty the queen?

Majesty the queen? >> well, I'll tell you. We are

>> well, I'll tell you. We are

>> well, I'll tell you. We are looking for--apparently there

Looking for--apparently there

Looking for--apparently there was a report of a stolen car,

Was a report of a stolen car,

Was a report of a stolen car, and someone called it in, and we

And someone called it in, and we

And someone called it in, and we were wondering if somebody saw

Were wondering if somebody saw

Were wondering if somebody saw something.

Something.

Something. >> aye. Aye. Aye. We did just

>> aye. Aye. Aye. We did just

>> aye. Aye. Aye. We did just this morrow see a rapscallion

This morrow see a rapscallion

This morrow see a rapscallion abscond with a horseless

Abscond with a horseless

Abscond with a horseless carriage not 2 leagues hence.

Carriage not 2 leagues hence.

Carriage not 2 leagues hence. >> aye, this be a brutal act of

>> aye, this be a brutal act of

>> aye, this be a brutal act of skullduggery. Thank goodness

Skullduggery. Thank goodness

Skullduggery. Thank goodness thou hast been called upon to

Thou hast been called upon to

Thou hast been called upon to save--

Save--

Save-- kimball: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Kimball: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Kimball: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wiegel: Hey, excuse me, wench.

Wiegel: Hey, excuse me, wench.

Wiegel: Hey, excuse me, wench. Quiet down for a second.

Quiet down for a second.

Quiet down for a second. >> when the car was stolen, what

>> when the car was stolen, what

>> when the car was stolen, what did it look like? Who was

Did it look like? Who was

Did it look like? Who was driving it?

Driving it?

Driving it? >> we did see a tall, moorish...

>> we did see a tall, moorish...

>> we did see a tall, moorish... >> a tawny moor.

>> a tawny moor.

>> a tawny moor. >> ...Tawny...

>> ...Tawny...

>> ...Tawny... Kimball: A tawny moor?

Kimball: A tawny moor?

Kimball: A tawny moor? Man: A tawny moor. 16 stone,

Man: A tawny moor. 16 stone,

Man: A tawny moor. 16 stone, 13 hand.

13 hand.

13 hand. Wiegel: Old-timey talk for black

Wiegel: Old-timey talk for black

Wiegel: Old-timey talk for black guy.

Guy.

Guy. >> aye! Black guy! Sir black guy

>> aye! Black guy! Sir black guy

>> aye! Black guy! Sir black guy did come hither and--

Did come hither and--

Did come hither and-- >> moor. Moor. Moor. Tawny moor.

>> moor. Moor. Moor. Tawny moor.

>> moor. Moor. Moor. Tawny moor. >> a moor. Sir moor did come...

>> a moor. Sir moor did come...

>> a moor. Sir moor did come... >> and abscond with the

>> and abscond with the

>> and abscond with the horseless carriage 2 leagues

Horseless carriage 2 leagues

Horseless carriage 2 leagues hence.

Hence.

Hence. Wiegel: And how tall was he,

Wiegel: And how tall was he,

Wiegel: And how tall was he, do you know?

Do you know?

Do you know? >> 13 hand.

>> 13 hand.

>> 13 hand. >> 13 hand? How 'bout in

>> 13 hand? How 'bout in

>> 13 hand? How 'bout in english? How many...5...

English? How many...5...

English? How many...5... About 5'6".

About 5'6".

About 5'6". >> well, you know what? That's

>> well, you know what? That's

>> well, you know what? That's taller. He's giving you--

Taller. He's giving you--

Taller. He's giving you-- >> ok. Now, do you know the make

>> ok. Now, do you know the make

>> ok. Now, do you know the make of the car. It would be very

Of the car. It would be very

Of the car. It would be very helpful.

Helpful.

Helpful. >> t'was from a faraway land.

>> t'was from a faraway land.

>> t'was from a faraway land. >> in english! The make of the

>> in english! The make of the

>> in english! The make of the car was a...

Car was a...

Car was a... >> faraway...

>> faraway...

>> faraway... >> a ford?

>> a ford?

>> a ford? >> it was a mitsubishi gallant.

>> it was a mitsubishi gallant.

>> it was a mitsubishi gallant. >> a mitsubishi gallant! Thank

>> a mitsubishi gallant! Thank

>> a mitsubishi gallant! Thank you.

You.

You. >> rachel, we're gonna have a

>> rachel, we're gonna have a

>> rachel, we're gonna have a problem. Some of us are taking

Problem. Some of us are taking

Problem. Some of us are taking this job seriously.

This job seriously.

This job seriously. >> good day.

>> good day.

>> good day. >> good day!

>> good day!

>> good day! >> god save the queen!

>> god save the queen!

>> god save the queen! Man: You are a wacko!

Man: You are a wacko!

Man: You are a wacko! >> what the fuck is your

>> what the fuck is your

>> what the fuck is your problem?!

Problem?!

Problem?! [siren]

>> this whole dangle/leslie

>> this whole dangle/leslie

>> this whole dangle/leslie commitment ceremony thing is

Commitment ceremony thing is

Commitment ceremony thing is really getting under my skin.

Really getting under my skin.

Really getting under my skin. I...I have, you know, a past

I...I have, you know, a past

I...I have, you know, a past with jim, and I assume that

With jim, and I assume that

With jim, and I assume that what's happening here is I've

What's happening here is I've

What's happening here is I've gotten knocked up. Clearly, I'm

Gotten knocked up. Clearly, I'm

Gotten knocked up. Clearly, I'm taken, in a way, and he suddenly

Taken, in a way, and he suddenly

Taken, in a way, and he suddenly has to pretend like he's gay.

Has to pretend like he's gay.

Has to pretend like he's gay. >> I'm happy for him. Actually,

>> I'm happy for him. Actually,

>> I'm happy for him. Actually, I'm very happy for him. If it

I'm very happy for him. If it

I'm very happy for him. If it makes him happier, I'm happy for

Makes him happier, I'm happy for

Makes him happier, I'm happy for him.

Him.

Him. >> I'm happy for him. I'm sad

>> I'm happy for him. I'm sad

>> I'm happy for him. I'm sad for leslie, though. He could do

For leslie, though. He could do

For leslie, though. He could do better.

>> ♪ hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm ♪

>> ♪ hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm ♪

>> ♪ hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm ♪ how's my sporran look, joe?

How's my sporran look, joe?

How's my sporran look, joe? >> looks great.

>> looks great.

>> looks great. [knock on door]

[knock on door]

[knock on door] >> surprise!

>> surprise!

>> surprise! [dance music playing]

Jim.

Jim.

Jim. >> hi, trudy.

>> hi, trudy.

>> hi, trudy. >> I was gonna get out and do

>> I was gonna get out and do

>> I was gonna get out and do a--

A--

A-- >> yeah, uh...

>> yeah, uh...

>> yeah, uh... >> hold on. I have a dance. Hold

>> hold on. I have a dance. Hold

>> hold on. I have a dance. Hold on. This isn't--

On. This isn't--

On. This isn't-- >> oh, god.

>> oh, god.

>> oh, god. >> I had envisioned this so much

>> I had envisioned this so much

>> I had envisioned this so much sexier.

>> ungh!

>> ungh!

>> ungh! >> hold on, jim. That's the best

>> hold on, jim. That's the best

>> hold on, jim. That's the best part. I did a sexy robot.

Part. I did a sexy robot.

Part. I did a sexy robot. [jim vomits, toilet flushes]

[jim vomits, toilet flushes]

[jim vomits, toilet flushes] >> really.

>> really.

>> really. >> oh, you look beautiful.

>> oh, you look beautiful.

>> oh, you look beautiful. >> I do?

>> I do?

>> I do? >> yeah, you look so beautiful.

>> yeah, you look so beautiful.

>> yeah, you look so beautiful. >> thanks, jim.

>> thanks, jim.

>> thanks, jim. >> let's get you out of here

>> let's get you out of here

>> let's get you out of here now.

Now.

Now. >> I thought, you know, you and

>> I thought, you know, you and

>> I thought, you know, you and I might have one last chance

I might have one last chance

I might have one last chance 'cause, you know, you're gonna

'cause, you know, you're gonna

'cause, you know, you're gonna tie the knot.

Tie the knot.

Tie the knot. >> yup.

>> yup.

>> yup. >> it's not too late.

>> it's not too late.

>> it's not too late. >> ha ha! Yeah, it is.

>> ha ha! Yeah, it is.

>> ha ha! Yeah, it is. >> if you can get me out of this

>> if you can get me out of this

>> if you can get me out of this thing.

Thing.

Thing. >> oh. Ah. You're really stuck,

>> oh. Ah. You're really stuck,

>> oh. Ah. You're really stuck, huh?

Huh?

Huh? >> yeah, I really am. I think

>> yeah, I really am. I think

>> yeah, I really am. I think these are not made for pregnant

These are not made for pregnant

These are not made for pregnant women. Jim, I'm caught. I'm

Women. Jim, I'm caught. I'm

Women. Jim, I'm caught. I'm really caught.

Really caught.

Really caught. [jim groans loudly]

[jim groans loudly]

[jim groans loudly] >> I'm gonna--suck it in. Suck

>> I'm gonna--suck it in. Suck

>> I'm gonna--suck it in. Suck in for a second.

In for a second.

In for a second. >> there's no sucking in when--

>> there's no sucking in when--

>> there's no sucking in when-- >> suck in! Suck in! Still, suck

>> suck in! Suck in! Still, suck

>> suck in! Suck in! Still, suck in for a second! Ya!

In for a second! Ya!

In for a second! Ya! >> I'm not moving at all. Oh,

>> I'm not moving at all. Oh,

>> I'm not moving at all. Oh, no! I ruined everything.

No! I ruined everything.

No! I ruined everything. >> no, you didn't ruin

>> no, you didn't ruin

>> no, you didn't ruin everything. You didn't ruin

Everything. You didn't ruin

Everything. You didn't ruin everything. You're just naked

Everything. You're just naked

Everything. You're just naked and stuck.

And stuck.

And stuck. >> yeah. And lactating.

>> yeah. And lactating.

>> yeah. And lactating. [jim vomits]

[jim vomits]

[jim vomits] >> are you ok? I'm worried about

>> are you ok? I'm worried about

>> are you ok? I'm worried about you. It's probably just nerves,

You. It's probably just nerves,

You. It's probably just nerves, jim. It happens.

>> hey, brisbee.

>> hey, brisbee.

>> hey, brisbee. >> brisbee! Well, the end times

>> brisbee! Well, the end times

>> brisbee! Well, the end times are near. The truths of

Are near. The truths of

Are near. The truths of revelations have manifested

Revelations have manifested

Revelations have manifested themselves.

Themselves.

Themselves. >> the day has come?

>> the day has come?

>> the day has come? >> mm-hmm.

>> mm-hmm.

>> mm-hmm. Williams: It's happening.

Williams: It's happening.

Williams: It's happening. >> the jews?

>> the jews?

>> the jews? >> the jews have taken over.

>> the jews have taken over.

>> the jews have taken over. >> and now we gotta come around,

>> and now we gotta come around,

>> and now we gotta come around, and give every head of household

And give every head of household

And give every head of household the mark.

The mark.

The mark. >> the mark of the beast.

>> the mark of the beast.

>> the mark of the beast. >> oh, what are they gonna do?

>> oh, what are they gonna do?

>> oh, what are they gonna do? Are they gonna come take my

Are they gonna come take my

Are they gonna come take my home?

Home?

Home? >> yes.

>> yes.

>> yes. >> they gonna come, take my

>> they gonna come, take my

>> they gonna come, take my land?

Land?

Land? >> yes.

>> yes.

>> yes. >> they gonna come, take my

>> they gonna come, take my

>> they gonna come, take my babies?

Babies?

Babies? >> yes.

>> yes.

>> yes. >> yes. Yes to all of those.

>> yes. Yes to all of those.

>> yes. Yes to all of those. >> what, are they gonna make 'em

>> what, are they gonna make 'em

>> what, are they gonna make 'em the jew-bees?

The jew-bees?

The jew-bees? >> yes.

>> yes.

>> yes. >> yes. Some of the ones who

>> yes. Some of the ones who

>> yes. Some of the ones who have a little somethin' going

Have a little somethin' going

Have a little somethin' going on upstairs are taking for new

On upstairs are taking for new

On upstairs are taking for new ground. Mexico. That's what I

Ground. Mexico. That's what I

Ground. Mexico. That's what I heard.

Heard.

Heard. >> where is it?

>> where is it?

>> where is it? >> it's south. Leave under the

>> it's south. Leave under the

>> it's south. Leave under the cover of darkness, sleep during

Cover of darkness, sleep during

Cover of darkness, sleep during the day. Take to the trees and

The day. Take to the trees and

The day. Take to the trees and the riverbeds. You'll be safe.

The riverbeds. You'll be safe.

The riverbeds. You'll be safe. >> kids!

>> kids!

>> kids! >> the mayor's son owns all this

>> the mayor's son owns all this

>> the mayor's son owns all this property, and wants them off.

Property, and wants them off.

Property, and wants them off. Ok, they been squattin' just a

Ok, they been squattin' just a

Ok, they been squattin' just a little bit too long.

Little bit too long.

Little bit too long. >> dear jesus, we know you

>> dear jesus, we know you

>> dear jesus, we know you really weren't jewish.

>> grab around here. I'm very

>> grab around here. I'm very

>> grab around here. I'm very sweaty under my boobs, so I'm

Sweaty under my boobs, so I'm

Sweaty under my boobs, so I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. >> ok, we're gonna corkscrew...

>> ok, we're gonna corkscrew...

>> ok, we're gonna corkscrew... >> towards you.

>> towards you.

>> towards you. >> towards me.

>> towards me.

>> towards me. >> lefty loosie.

>> lefty loosie.

>> lefty loosie. >> lefty loosie. You ready? Aah!

>> lefty loosie. You ready? Aah!

>> lefty loosie. You ready? Aah! >> this can't be great for the

>> this can't be great for the

>> this can't be great for the baby.

Baby.

Baby. >> I don't think it's a good

>> I don't think it's a good

>> I don't think it's a good idea.

Idea.

Idea. >> ok. Ok. Ok. All right, what

>> ok. Ok. Ok. All right, what

>> ok. Ok. Ok. All right, what if we get some soap?

If we get some soap?

If we get some soap? >> soap!

>> soap!

>> soap! Williams: Trudy? What did you

Williams: Trudy? What did you

Williams: Trudy? What did you do? What did you do?

Do? What did you do?

Do? What did you do? >> the whole thing I was gonna

>> the whole thing I was gonna

>> the whole thing I was gonna do. I was doing--I was the sexy

Do. I was doing--I was the sexy

Do. I was doing--I was the sexy robot, and then I had a ping

Robot, and then I had a ping

Robot, and then I had a ping pong ball that was gonna come

Pong ball that was gonna come

Pong ball that was gonna come out of my vagina, and now my

Out of my vagina, and now my

Out of my vagina, and now my edible panties--

Edible panties--

Edible panties-- >> ok. Ok. All right.

>> ok. Ok. All right.

>> ok. Ok. All right. >> let's just get her out.

>> let's just get her out.

>> let's just get her out. >> well, I got a bunch of lube

>> well, I got a bunch of lube

>> well, I got a bunch of lube in my car.

In my car.

In my car. Junior: Go get it.

Junior: Go get it.

Junior: Go get it. Dangle: Go get it.

Dangle: Go get it.

Dangle: Go get it. >> I don't want lube on my back.

>> I don't want lube on my back.

>> I don't want lube on my back. I don't want lube on my back.

I don't want lube on my back.

I don't want lube on my back. >> well, we'll just put it on

>> well, we'll just put it on

>> well, we'll just put it on your--

Your--

Your-- junior: We'll lube the cake!

Junior: We'll lube the cake!

Junior: We'll lube the cake! >> lube washes off your back!

>> lube washes off your back!

>> lube washes off your back! Lube washes off your back! Trust

Lube washes off your back! Trust

Lube washes off your back! Trust me.

Me.

Me. >> ok. Just, my baby's gonna be

>> ok. Just, my baby's gonna be

>> ok. Just, my baby's gonna be traumatized enough as it is.

Traumatized enough as it is.

Traumatized enough as it is. >> he's not gonna know that you

>> he's not gonna know that you

>> he's not gonna know that you were in a cake full of lube.

Were in a cake full of lube.

Were in a cake full of lube. >> and up!

>> and up!

>> and up! >> maybe we should call the fire

>> maybe we should call the fire

>> maybe we should call the fire department.

Department.

Department. >> not from her head.

>> not from her head.

>> not from her head. >> I'm not going to.

>> I'm not going to.

>> I'm not going to. >> go!

>> go!

>> go! >> anybody? Anything?

>> anybody? Anything?

>> anybody? Anything? >> her backs really sweaty in

>> her backs really sweaty in

>> her backs really sweaty in this cake. It's got cake and

This cake. It's got cake and

This cake. It's got cake and sweat and icing.

Sweat and icing.

Sweat and icing. >> oh, hey, guys.

>> oh, hey, guys.

>> oh, hey, guys. >> how are ya?

>> how are ya?

>> how are ya? >> we got one of these here.

>> we got one of these here.

>> we got one of these here. >> how's it going, guys?

>> how's it going, guys?

>> how's it going, guys? >> hey, well, congratulations.

>> hey, well, congratulations.

>> hey, well, congratulations. >> oh, thanks very much. Thanks.

>> oh, thanks very much. Thanks.

>> oh, thanks very much. Thanks. >> and thanks for inviting us to

>> and thanks for inviting us to

>> and thanks for inviting us to the ceremony.

The ceremony.

The ceremony. >> hey, look. It's been crazy.

>> hey, look. It's been crazy.

>> hey, look. It's been crazy. >> totally understand.

>> totally understand.

>> totally understand. >> well, you had limited space.

>> well, you had limited space.

>> well, you had limited space. >> limited seating. I

>> limited seating. I

>> limited seating. I understand.

Understand.

Understand. >> we did take some time to get

>> we did take some time to get

>> we did take some time to get you a little gift. It's the

You a little gift. It's the

You a little gift. It's the sound plates. Feel free to

Sound plates. Feel free to

Sound plates. Feel free to re-gift if you need to.

Re-gift if you need to.

Re-gift if you need to. >> sound plates?

>> sound plates?

>> sound plates? >> saw it where you were

>> saw it where you were

>> saw it where you were registered.

Registered.

Registered. >> I didn't even know he was

>> I didn't even know he was

>> I didn't even know he was registered.

Registered.

Registered. >> princess di commemorative

>> princess di commemorative

>> princess di commemorative plates.

Plates.

Plates. >> can you get me out of this

>> can you get me out of this

>> can you get me out of this fucking cake?!

Fucking cake?!

Fucking cake?! >> today is not about you! Today

>> today is not about you! Today

>> today is not about you! Today is not about you! Today is

Is not about you! Today is

Is not about you! Today is dangle's day.

Dangle's day.

Dangle's day. >> don't upset her.

>> don't upset her.

>> don't upset her. >> what about--I'm just gonna go

>> what about--I'm just gonna go

>> what about--I'm just gonna go in right here.

In right here.

In right here. >> hold on. Hold on! Hold on!

>> hold on. Hold on! Hold on!

>> hold on. Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! Either my edible

Hold on! Either my edible

Hold on! Either my edible panties just disintegrated or

Panties just disintegrated or

Panties just disintegrated or my water just broke.

My water just broke.

My water just broke. >> oh, my god. Oh, my god.

>> oh, my god. Oh, my god.

>> oh, my god. Oh, my god. >> there's a slimy ping pong

>> there's a slimy ping pong

>> there's a slimy ping pong ball. Holy shit

Ball. Holy shit

Ball. Holy shit >> breath. You're gonna be fine.

>> hey, enrique, this toy gun I

>> hey, enrique, this toy gun I

>> hey, enrique, this toy gun I got from the regular toy store

Got from the regular toy store

Got from the regular toy store looks so real. I bet it could

Looks so real. I bet it could

Looks so real. I bet it could fool anybody.

Fool anybody.

Fool anybody. >> you're exactly right. I bet

>> you're exactly right. I bet

>> you're exactly right. I bet it would even fool a cop.

It would even fool a cop.

It would even fool a cop. [siren]

[siren]

[siren] >> hold it right there.

>> hold it right there.

>> hold it right there. People, on behalf of law

People, on behalf of law

People, on behalf of law enforcement, we think it's real.

Enforcement, we think it's real.

Enforcement, we think it's real. Trust me. If people try to

Trust me. If people try to

Trust me. If people try to shoot at you on your job all day

Shoot at you on your job all day

Shoot at you on your job all day long, just about anything would

Long, just about anything would

Long, just about anything would start to look like a gun.

Start to look like a gun.

Start to look like a gun. Staplers, a candy bar, even g.I.

Staplers, a candy bar, even g.I.

Staplers, a candy bar, even g.I. Joe's black brave friends, the

Joe's black brave friends, the

Joe's black brave friends, the tuskegee airmen.

Tuskegee airmen.

Tuskegee airmen. >> so it sounds like when I see

>> so it sounds like when I see

>> so it sounds like when I see a police officer, I shouldn't

A police officer, I shouldn't

A police officer, I shouldn't point anything at him.

Point anything at him.

Point anything at him. >> or maybe thank him or her for

>> or maybe thank him or her for

>> or maybe thank him or her for making our community safer.

Making our community safer.

Making our community safer. >> but even better, don't look

>> but even better, don't look

>> but even better, don't look at us at all.

At us at all.

At us at all. [all laugh]

>> breathe. Breathe.

>> breathe. Breathe.

>> breathe. Breathe. >> keep going. Almost in. Ok,

>> keep going. Almost in. Ok,

>> keep going. Almost in. Ok, lift the legs. Lift the legs.

Lift the legs. Lift the legs.

Lift the legs. Lift the legs. >> on 3. One, 2...

>> on 3. One, 2...

>> on 3. One, 2... >> breathe.

>> breathe.

>> breathe. >> aah!

>> aah!

>> aah! >> somebody's not lifting.

>> somebody's not lifting.

>> somebody's not lifting. That's not fair.

That's not fair.

That's not fair. >> the baby's coming.

>> the baby's coming.

>> the baby's coming. >> listen up. Listen up. This is

>> listen up. Listen up. This is

>> listen up. Listen up. This is not gonna fit. This cake is not

Not gonna fit. This cake is not

Not gonna fit. This cake is not going in this.

Going in this.

Going in this. >> what?

>> what?

>> what? >> the hospital's only 25

>> the hospital's only 25

>> the hospital's only 25 blocks, southeast.

Blocks, southeast.

Blocks, southeast. >> we can do this.

>> we can do this.

>> we can do this. >> no.

>> no.

>> no. >> block off some streets.

>> block off some streets.

>> block off some streets. >> listen to me, all right? I

>> listen to me, all right? I

>> listen to me, all right? I want you to take your vagina and

Want you to take your vagina and

Want you to take your vagina and I want you to do this.

I want you to do this.

I want you to do this. With your vagina.

With your vagina.

With your vagina. >> fuck you! Waaahh!

>> fuck you! Waaahh!

>> fuck you! Waaahh! >> which way?

>> which way?

>> which way? >> former avenue. Former avenue.

>> former avenue. Former avenue.

>> former avenue. Former avenue. Is there a hospital that is

Is there a hospital that is

Is there a hospital that is downhill? Oh, fuck.

>> help! Help! Help!

>> help! Help! Help!

>> help! Help! Help! Help! Over! Over! Over!

Help! Over! Over! Over!

Help! Over! Over! Over! [siren, horn honks]

[siren, horn honks]

[siren, horn honks] >> aah! Hurry! I can't--

>> aah! Hurry! I can't--

>> aah! Hurry! I can't-- >> breathe!

>> breathe!

>> breathe! >> nothing to see here.

>> nothing to see here.

>> nothing to see here. Nothing to see here, folks.

Nothing to see here, folks.

Nothing to see here, folks. Come on, nothing to see here.

Come on, nothing to see here.

Come on, nothing to see here. Nothing to see here. 18 more

Nothing to see here. 18 more

Nothing to see here. 18 more blocks to go. Only 18 more

Blocks to go. Only 18 more

Blocks to go. Only 18 more blocks. Just hold that little

Blocks. Just hold that little

Blocks. Just hold that little sucker in there.

Sucker in there.

Sucker in there. >> aah!

>> aah!

>> aah! Mother fucking cock sucker!

Mother fucking cock sucker!

Mother fucking cock sucker! >> nothing to see here.

>> nothing to see here.

>> nothing to see here. >> breathe!

>> breathe!

>> breathe! >> go back. We got a wrong turn.

>> go back. We got a wrong turn.

>> go back. We got a wrong turn. >> double back, everybody.

>> double back, everybody.

>> double back, everybody. Double back.

Double back.

Double back. >> what holiday is it?

>> what holiday is it?

>> what holiday is it? >> I can't hold it.

[bagpipes play]

[bagpipes play]

[bagpipes play] >> sorry.

>> well, first we'd like to

>> well, first we'd like to

>> well, first we'd like to share our flame with you.

Share our flame with you.

Share our flame with you. >> oh, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm

>> oh, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm

>> oh, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. There's oxygen

Sorry. There's oxygen

Sorry. There's oxygen everywhere. That's absolutely

Everywhere. That's absolutely

Everywhere. That's absolutely not allowed. I'm sorry.

Not allowed. I'm sorry.

Not allowed. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. >> ok, everybody mime it. Mime

>> ok, everybody mime it. Mime

>> ok, everybody mime it. Mime the flaming circle.

The flaming circle.

The flaming circle. >> pretend it.

>> do you have to pretend

>> do you have to pretend

>> do you have to pretend there's wind in here, too?

There's wind in here, too?

There's wind in here, too? >> there's a tape player?

>> there's a tape player?

>> there's a tape player? >> there was a tape player at

>> there was a tape player at

>> there was a tape player at the hall.

The hall.

The hall. >> is there a tape player?

>> is there a tape player?

>> is there a tape player? >> no.

>> no.

>> no. >> at the nurse's station?

>> at the nurse's station?

>> at the nurse's station? >> a boom box or a ghetto

>> a boom box or a ghetto

>> a boom box or a ghetto blaster?

Blaster?

Blaster? >> no. I'm sorry.

>> no. I'm sorry.

>> no. I'm sorry. [harmonica note]

[harmonica note]

[harmonica note] >> ♪ mm ♪

>> ♪ mm ♪

>> ♪ mm ♪ >> ♪ someone to hold you

>> ♪ someone to hold you

>> ♪ someone to hold you too close,

Too close,

Too close, up here with me, james,

Up here with me, james,

Up here with me, james, someone to hurt you

Someone to hurt you

Someone to hurt you too deep ♪

Too deep ♪

Too deep ♪ dangle: I'm flat. I'm sorry.

Dangle: I'm flat. I'm sorry.

Dangle: I'm flat. I'm sorry. >> ♪ being alive,

>> ♪ being alive,

>> ♪ being alive, being alive,

Being alive,

Being alive, being alive,

Being alive,

Being alive, being alive ♪

Being alive ♪

Being alive ♪ dangle: ♪ come on ♪

Dangle: ♪ come on ♪

Dangle: ♪ come on ♪ >> I can't hold it that long.

>> I can't hold it that long.

>> I can't hold it that long. >> wow.

>> wow.

>> wow. >> it would've been better with

>> it would've been better with

>> it would've been better with the tape. Yeah.

The tape. Yeah.

The tape. Yeah. That's why we have the tape.

That's why we have the tape.

That's why we have the tape. I was flat.

I was flat.

I was flat. >> I was flat.

>> I was flat.

>> I was flat. >> no. No. I was flat.

>> no. No. I was flat.

>> no. No. I was flat. Both: I was flat.

Both: I was flat.

Both: I was flat. >> you were both a little flat.

>> you were both a little flat.

>> you were both a little flat. >> ok.

>> if anyone here objects to

>> if anyone here objects to

>> if anyone here objects to this same sex partnership union,

This same sex partnership union,

This same sex partnership union, you may speak now or forever

You may speak now or forever

You may speak now or forever hold your peace.

Hold your peace.

Hold your peace. >> object--she doesn't mean, you

>> object--she doesn't mean, you

>> object--she doesn't mean, you know, ok? Not a theoretical.

Know, ok? Not a theoretical.

Know, ok? Not a theoretical. We're not taking theoreticals.

We're not taking theoreticals.

We're not taking theoreticals. Ok.

Ok.

Ok. >> your love that started out as

>> your love that started out as

>> your love that started out as a burning ember has now--

A burning ember has now--

A burning ember has now-- [footsteps approach]

[footsteps approach]

[footsteps approach] >> hold! Hold! Hold!

>> hold! Hold! Hold!

>> hold! Hold! Hold! Uh, I, uh...

Uh, I, uh...

Uh, I, uh... I got something to say.

I got something to say.

I got something to say. Far too long the lord has been

Far too long the lord has been

Far too long the lord has been playing 3-card monte with my

Playing 3-card monte with my

Playing 3-card monte with my soul--my soul mate.

Soul--my soul mate.

Soul--my soul mate. I've been looking high and far

I've been looking high and far

I've been looking high and far for the person I wanna share my

For the person I wanna share my

For the person I wanna share my life with and goddamn I thought

Life with and goddamn I thought

Life with and goddamn I thought it would come in the shape and

It would come in the shape and

It would come in the shape and form of a woman. But lately, I--

Form of a woman. But lately, I--

Form of a woman. But lately, I-- I've addressed feelings that

I've addressed feelings that

I've addressed feelings that I've had for a man. Feelings

I've had for a man. Feelings

I've had for a man. Feelings that are strong and rock my

That are strong and rock my

That are strong and rock my foundation. And this is a man

Foundation. And this is a man

Foundation. And this is a man that I've always admired his

That I've always admired his

That I've always admired his leadership, and I've always

Leadership, and I've always

Leadership, and I've always secretly laughed at his jokes

Secretly laughed at his jokes

Secretly laughed at his jokes inside and, uh, I never wanted

Inside and, uh, I never wanted

Inside and, uh, I never wanted to show it until today and...

To show it until today and...

To show it until today and... All I know is what my father

All I know is what my father

All I know is what my father told me.

Told me.

Told me. When love asks you to dance,

When love asks you to dance,

When love asks you to dance, you take it by the hand, and you

You take it by the hand, and you

You take it by the hand, and you head to the floor.

Head to the floor.

Head to the floor. >> I love you as a friend, ok,

>> I love you as a friend, ok,

>> I love you as a friend, ok, but you're so not my type. I'm

But you're so not my type. I'm

But you're so not my type. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Sorry. I'm really sorry.

Sorry. I'm really sorry. >> shut up, jim.

>> shut up, jim.

>> shut up, jim. >> oh!

>> oh!

>> oh! >> oh, god.

>> oh, god.

>> oh, god. >> avert your eyes.

>> avert your eyes.

>> avert your eyes. >> leslie, will you dance with

>> leslie, will you dance with

>> leslie, will you dance with me?

Me?

Me? >> until the last dance...

>> until the last dance...

>> until the last dance... In heaven.

In heaven.

In heaven. >> I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Oh!

>> what the fuck was that?

>> what the fuck was that?

>> what the fuck was that? >> jim, I have something to tell

>> jim, I have something to tell

>> jim, I have something to tell you.

You.

You. I know who the father is.

I know who the father is.

I know who the father is. [captioning made possible by

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Mtv networks]

Mtv networks] [captioned by the national

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Captioning institute

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