Original subtitles

[telephone rings]

[telephone rings]

[telephone rings] >> deputy wiegel, liza minelli

>> deputy wiegel, liza minelli

>> deputy wiegel, liza minelli is here to see you.

Is here to see you.

Is here to see you. >> ok, if anybody asks, I have

>> ok, if anybody asks, I have

>> ok, if anybody asks, I have cancer, ok? I have cancer,

Cancer, ok? I have cancer,

Cancer, ok? I have cancer, I have cancer, I have cancer.

I have cancer, I have cancer.

I have cancer, I have cancer. [chair squeaks]

[chair squeaks]

[chair squeaks] [telephone rings]

[blows]

Get back in the building!

No loitering !

[siren wails]

[siren wails]

[siren wails] [captioning made possible by

[captioning made possible by

[captioning made possible by mtv networks]

Mtv networks]

Mtv networks] >> has everybody seen the new

>> has everybody seen the new

>> has everybody seen the new list of things that we're not

List of things that we're not

List of things that we're not allowed to shoot at on the

Allowed to shoot at on the

Allowed to shoot at on the website?

Website?

Website? >> yes. And I'm sorry, I take

>> yes. And I'm sorry, I take

>> yes. And I'm sorry, I take issue--

Issue--

Issue-- >> anytime you wanna jump in.

>> anytime you wanna jump in.

>> anytime you wanna jump in. >> well, I'm very mad.

>> well, I'm very mad.

>> well, I'm very mad. >> can't shoot this. Can't shoot

>> can't shoot this. Can't shoot

>> can't shoot this. Can't shoot that guy.

That guy.

That guy. >> don't shoot a car if it's

>> don't shoot a car if it's

>> don't shoot a car if it's moving forwards or backwards.

Moving forwards or backwards.

Moving forwards or backwards. >> can't shoot a guy, even if he

>> can't shoot a guy, even if he

>> can't shoot a guy, even if he has a gun unless he's already

Has a gun unless he's already

Has a gun unless he's already hit you once.

Hit you once.

Hit you once. >> are you allowed to shoot at

>> are you allowed to shoot at

>> are you allowed to shoot at things that wander into your

Things that wander into your

Things that wander into your backyard at night, like chickens

Backyard at night, like chickens

Backyard at night, like chickens or people?

Or people?

Or people? >> which one do you mean?

>> which one do you mean?

>> which one do you mean? >> do you have chickens

>> do you have chickens

>> do you have chickens wandering into your yard?

Wandering into your yard?

Wandering into your yard? >> let's talk about the second

>> let's talk about the second

>> let's talk about the second one.

One.

One. >> what did I say? People?

>> what did I say? People?

>> what did I say? People? >> mm-hmm.

>> mm-hmm.

>> mm-hmm. >> I don't know. That's not

>> I don't know. That's not

>> I don't know. That's not good, right? You can't do that.

Good, right? You can't do that.

Good, right? You can't do that. >> if they wander into your yard

>> if they wander into your yard

>> if they wander into your yard to kill you, then you--

To kill you, then you--

To kill you, then you-- >> yes, any chickens or people

>> yes, any chickens or people

>> yes, any chickens or people that wander into your yard to

That wander into your yard to

That wander into your yard to kill you...

Kill you...

Kill you... >> then you can shoot 'em.

>> then you can shoot 'em.

>> then you can shoot 'em. >> can I have tomorrow off?

>> can I have tomorrow off?

>> can I have tomorrow off? >> what fer?

>> what fer?

>> what fer? >> my brothers are in town.

>> my brothers are in town.

>> my brothers are in town. All: Ohh!

All: Ohh!

All: Ohh! >> there's gonna be a full set

>> there's gonna be a full set

>> there's gonna be a full set of teeth in the junior

Of teeth in the junior

Of teeth in the junior household.

Household.

Household. >> we're workin' overtime, then.

>> we're workin' overtime, then.

>> we're workin' overtime, then. >> my god, when was the last

>> my god, when was the last

>> my god, when was the last time you saw all of them?

Time you saw all of them?

Time you saw all of them? >> we hadn't all 4 been together

>> we hadn't all 4 been together

>> we hadn't all 4 been together in 7 years.

In 7 years.

In 7 years. >> wow, 7 years.

>> wow, 7 years.

>> wow, 7 years. >> rooster just got back from

>> rooster just got back from

>> rooster just got back from tikrit. So I'm gonna be partyin'

Tikrit. So I'm gonna be partyin'

Tikrit. So I'm gonna be partyin' pretty hard, 'cause those boys

Pretty hard, 'cause those boys

Pretty hard, 'cause those boys can be pretty wild.

Can be pretty wild.

Can be pretty wild. >> is all the stuff I heard

>> is all the stuff I heard

>> is all the stuff I heard about y'all urban legend?

About y'all urban legend?

About y'all urban legend? >> am I the one here on trial?

>> am I the one here on trial?

>> am I the one here on trial? No, no, I ain't on trial.

No, no, I ain't on trial.

No, no, I ain't on trial. >> there ain't nothin' urban

>> there ain't nothin' urban

>> there ain't nothin' urban about the junior brothers.

About the junior brothers.

About the junior brothers. >> is it true how rooster got

>> is it true how rooster got

>> is it true how rooster got his name?

His name?

His name? >> it is.

>> it is.

>> it is. >> don't go tellin' that.

>> don't go tellin' that.

>> don't go tellin' that. >> do it, say it, tell it.

>> do it, say it, tell it.

>> do it, say it, tell it. >> he fucked a chicken.

>> he fucked a chicken.

>> he fucked a chicken. [laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs] >> was it dead or alive?

>> was it dead or alive?

>> was it dead or alive? >> but he did it in the

>> but he did it in the

>> but he did it in the cafeteria at high school. It was

Cafeteria at high school. It was

Cafeteria at high school. It was real funny.

Real funny.

Real funny. >> people don't joke like that

>> people don't joke like that

>> people don't joke like that anymore, you know?

Anymore, you know?

Anymore, you know? [siren wailing]

[siren wailing]

[siren wailing] >> ok, everybody, settle down.

>> ok, everybody, settle down.

>> ok, everybody, settle down. >> settle down.

>> settle down.

>> settle down. >> thank you.

>> thank you.

>> thank you. >> ok, this is a song about not

>> ok, this is a song about not

>> ok, this is a song about not using dirty words, because

Using dirty words, because

Using dirty words, because there's a whole dictionary full

There's a whole dictionary full

There's a whole dictionary full of words out there that you can

Of words out there that you can

Of words out there that you can use that aren't dirty.

Use that aren't dirty.

Use that aren't dirty. ♪ there's a whole wide world

♪ there's a whole wide world

♪ there's a whole wide world outside your school,

Outside your school,

Outside your school, and it isn't very nice

And it isn't very nice

And it isn't very nice it's called reno,

It's called reno,

It's called reno, and it's full of potty mouths,

And it's full of potty mouths,

And it's full of potty mouths, so I'll give you some advice ♪

So I'll give you some advice ♪

So I'll give you some advice ♪ >> let the "c" word

>> let the "c" word

>> let the "c" word stand for courtesy

Stand for courtesy

Stand for courtesy the "f" word--

The "f" word--

The "f" word-- fine to meet you

Fine to meet you

Fine to meet you >> the "b" word

>> the "b" word

>> the "b" word means be friendly

Means be friendly

Means be friendly the "n" word--

The "n" word--

The "n" word-- nice to greet you

Nice to greet you

Nice to greet you >> the only crack I like

>> the only crack I like

>> the only crack I like is in the liberty bell

Is in the liberty bell

Is in the liberty bell >> and tea-bagging's for tea

>> and tea-bagging's for tea

>> and tea-bagging's for tea b.S.--Boy, that's swell

B.S.--Boy, that's swell

B.S.--Boy, that's swell >> if you cuss like a sailor,

>> if you cuss like a sailor,

>> if you cuss like a sailor, I may take you to the jailer,

I may take you to the jailer,

I may take you to the jailer, 'cause filthy mouths

'cause filthy mouths

'cause filthy mouths lead to filthy lives,

Lead to filthy lives,

Lead to filthy lives, and filthy homes with...

And filthy homes with...

And filthy homes with... All: Filthy wives

All: Filthy wives

All: Filthy wives >> and friends don't use

>> and friends don't use

>> and friends don't use swear words,

Swear words,

Swear words, and if they do,

And if they do,

And if they do, they're just a - holes

They're just a - holes

They're just a - holes >> and that means holes ♪

>> and that means holes ♪

>> and that means holes ♪ >> shit, lady.

>> shit, lady.

>> shit, lady. >> ok, we kinda fucked that up.

The hiring of undocumented

The hiring of undocumented

The hiring of undocumented workers is a pretty serious

Workers is a pretty serious

Workers is a pretty serious problem here in reno, so we have

Problem here in reno, so we have

Problem here in reno, so we have set up a sting operation. We

Set up a sting operation. We

Set up a sting operation. We have our very own latino deputy,

Have our very own latino deputy,

Have our very own latino deputy, james garcia, over here,

James garcia, over here,

James garcia, over here, undercover asbracero.

Undercover asbracero.

Undercover asbracero. Hopefully we'll get somebody to

Hopefully we'll get somebody to

Hopefully we'll get somebody to pick him up, try and hire him as

Pick him up, try and hire him as

Pick him up, try and hire him as an undocumented worker, and then

An undocumented worker, and then

An undocumented worker, and then we will spring the net and bring

We will spring the net and bring

We will spring the net and bring them to justice. Here we go. Ho

Them to justice. Here we go. Ho

Them to justice. Here we go. Ho ho ho.

Ho ho.

Ho ho. >> hey, hey, we work, we work.

>> hey, hey, we work, we work.

>> hey, hey, we work, we work. [speaks spanish]

[speaks spanish]

[speaks spanish] >> we need to have money before

>> we need to have money before

>> we need to have money before we get in the car.

We get in the car.

We get in the car. >> get the money, good.

>> get the money, good.

>> get the money, good. >> mi casa.

>> mi casa.

>> mi casa. >> get the money.

>> get the money.

>> get the money. >> get down. That's kind of

>> get down. That's kind of

>> get down. That's kind of illegal.

Illegal.

Illegal. >> what did he do? He's just

>> what did he do? He's just

>> what did he do? He's just going.

Going.

Going. >> he just going, on the

>> he just going, on the

>> he just going, on the promise of lunch and beer.

Promise of lunch and beer.

Promise of lunch and beer. >> he got no money, did he?

>> he got no money, did he?

>> he got no money, did he? >> nope.

>> you think I'm crazy, damn,

>> you think I'm crazy, damn,

>> you think I'm crazy, damn, you gotta meet my brothers.

You gotta meet my brothers.

You gotta meet my brothers. I'm the sane one. I'm the normal

I'm the sane one. I'm the normal

I'm the sane one. I'm the normal one of the bunch. Like, I'm like

One of the bunch. Like, I'm like

One of the bunch. Like, I'm like a librarian compared to my 3

A librarian compared to my 3

A librarian compared to my 3 brothers, man. Whoo! You know,

Brothers, man. Whoo! You know,

Brothers, man. Whoo! You know, we kind of turn each other on

We kind of turn each other on

We kind of turn each other on and jab each other forward, and

And jab each other forward, and

And jab each other forward, and everybody gets wilder and wilder

Everybody gets wilder and wilder

Everybody gets wilder and wilder and wilder. It's like a bunch of

And wilder. It's like a bunch of

And wilder. It's like a bunch of damn nazis on shore leave.

Damn nazis on shore leave.

Damn nazis on shore leave. Shit

Travis junior, reno sheriff's

Travis junior, reno sheriff's

Travis junior, reno sheriff's department.

Department.

Department. >> henry junior junior, panama

>> henry junior junior, panama

>> henry junior junior, panama city, florida.

City, florida.

City, florida. >> lance corporal junior,

>> lance corporal junior,

>> lance corporal junior, tikrit, iraq.

Tikrit, iraq.

Tikrit, iraq. >> yeah. Tater junior, sparks,

>> yeah. Tater junior, sparks,

>> yeah. Tater junior, sparks, nevada.

>> what happened to yo' head?

>> what happened to yo' head?

>> what happened to yo' head? How did you and your pimp get in

How did you and your pimp get in

How did you and your pimp get in this fight?

This fight?

This fight? >> well, he brought in some new

>> well, he brought in some new

>> well, he brought in some new bottom bitch, you know, and

Bottom bitch, you know, and

Bottom bitch, you know, and think she gonna take my spot.

Think she gonna take my spot.

Think she gonna take my spot. I got a little upset.

I got a little upset.

I got a little upset. Hit me in the head with a

Hit me in the head with a

Hit me in the head with a mother fucking bottle.

Mother fucking bottle.

Mother fucking bottle. >> where do you think he is now?

>> where do you think he is now?

>> where do you think he is now? >> oh, well, what we gonna do is

>> oh, well, what we gonna do is

>> oh, well, what we gonna do is we gonna go around here. You

We gonna go around here. You

We gonna go around here. You just drive. I'm gonna show you

Just drive. I'm gonna show you

Just drive. I'm gonna show you where he is. Right in here.

Where he is. Right in here.

Where he is. Right in here. We gonna get him this

We gonna get him this

We gonna get him this time, for real this time.

Time, for real this time.

Time, for real this time. >> ok, look, if you go in there,

>> ok, look, if you go in there,

>> ok, look, if you go in there, if you see him, do this--do not

If you see him, do this--do not

If you see him, do this--do not make a scene. Come back out,

Make a scene. Come back out,

Make a scene. Come back out, come get me, and I'm 'a handle

Come get me, and I'm 'a handle

Come get me, and I'm 'a handle it, ok?

It, ok?

It, ok? Was he in there?

Was he in there?

Was he in there? >> no, no, he wasn't in there.

>> no, no, he wasn't in there.

>> no, no, he wasn't in there. I looked around like you told

I looked around like you told

I looked around like you told me. I was all low-key, but he

Me. I was all low-key, but he

Me. I was all low-key, but he wasn't in there, so I just ran

Wasn't in there, so I just ran

Wasn't in there, so I just ran to get some groceries. He at

To get some groceries. He at

To get some groceries. He at that taco place. He at that taco

That taco place. He at that taco

That taco place. He at that taco place, that's where he is.

Place, that's where he is.

Place, that's where he is. >> tacos, tacos, tacos.

>> tacos, tacos, tacos.

>> tacos, tacos, tacos. >> tacos, tacos, tacos. You

>> tacos, tacos, tacos. You

>> tacos, tacos, tacos. You know what? That's the last thing

Know what? That's the last thing

Know what? That's the last thing he said.

He said.

He said. >> I was gonna ask you, where

>> I was gonna ask you, where

>> I was gonna ask you, where you get your hair from?

You get your hair from?

You get your hair from? >> what do you mean, where I get

>> what do you mean, where I get

>> what do you mean, where I get my hair from? On top of my

My hair from? On top of my

My hair from? On top of my scalp, that's where I get my

Scalp, that's where I get my

Scalp, that's where I get my hair from.

Hair from.

Hair from. >> hey, stop playin'. That is

>> hey, stop playin'. That is

>> hey, stop playin'. That is a weave.

A weave.

A weave. >> girl, you crazy. Officer

>> girl, you crazy. Officer

>> girl, you crazy. Officer williams, you trippin'. This the

Williams, you trippin'. This the

Williams, you trippin'. This the same hair that's on my...

Same hair that's on my...

Same hair that's on my... Look, look, on my...

Look, look, on my...

Look, look, on my... >> no, no. You know what? Hey,

>> no, no. You know what? Hey,

>> no, no. You know what? Hey, boom, tacos, tacos, tacos.

Boom, tacos, tacos, tacos.

Boom, tacos, tacos, tacos. Handle it, handle it.

Handle it, handle it.

Handle it, handle it. >> can you be a little less

>> can you be a little less

>> can you be a little less noticeable? You pullin' all up

Noticeable? You pullin' all up

Noticeable? You pullin' all up on the place.

On the place.

On the place. >> let me back up. I'm not...

>> let me back up. I'm not...

>> let me back up. I'm not... Was he in there?

Was he in there?

Was he in there? >> hmm? Uh-uh. He wasn't there.

>> hmm? Uh-uh. He wasn't there.

>> hmm? Uh-uh. He wasn't there. I bought you a taco.

I bought you a taco.

I bought you a taco. >> thank you.

>> thank you.

>> thank you. >> williams, you got a 20 on

>> williams, you got a 20 on

>> williams, you got a 20 on that pimp? How's the search

That pimp? How's the search

That pimp? How's the search goin'?

Goin'?

Goin'? >> you know you like that meat

>> you know you like that meat

>> you know you like that meat in your mouth. Ha ha ha.

In your mouth. Ha ha ha.

In your mouth. Ha ha ha. >> you so nasty.

[siren wails]

[siren wails]

[siren wails] >> I don't know what the junior

>> I don't know what the junior

>> I don't know what the junior brothers are up to right now,

Brothers are up to right now,

Brothers are up to right now, but, I mean, junior comes to

But, I mean, junior comes to

But, I mean, junior comes to work most days smelling of--I

Work most days smelling of--I

Work most days smelling of--I guess it's moonshine.

Guess it's moonshine.

Guess it's moonshine. >> yeah.

>> yeah.

>> yeah. >> is that what they call it?

>> is that what they call it?

>> is that what they call it? So I can only imagine that he

So I can only imagine that he

So I can only imagine that he must be really tying one on

Must be really tying one on

Must be really tying one on on his day off.

On his day off.

On his day off. >> yeah. Junior makes his own

>> yeah. Junior makes his own

>> yeah. Junior makes his own goldschlager. He can't afford,

Goldschlager. He can't afford,

Goldschlager. He can't afford, I guess, regular goldschlager

I guess, regular goldschlager

I guess, regular goldschlager at the liquor store, so he makes

At the liquor store, so he makes

At the liquor store, so he makes his own, and what he puts it in

His own, and what he puts it in

His own, and what he puts it in is just regular aluminum foil.

Is just regular aluminum foil.

Is just regular aluminum foil. Have you seen that?

Have you seen that?

Have you seen that? >> oh, that can't be good.

>> oh, that can't be good.

>> oh, that can't be good. >> yeah, for, like, parties.

>> yeah, for, like, parties.

>> yeah, for, like, parties. He'll make his own and he just

He'll make his own and he just

He'll make his own and he just calls it--he calls it tinshlager

Calls it--he calls it tinshlager

Calls it--he calls it tinshlager or something.

Or something.

Or something. >> and you can always tell when

>> and you can always tell when

>> and you can always tell when he's got a batch going, 'cause

He's got a batch going, 'cause

He's got a batch going, 'cause he smells--not because he's been

He smells--not because he's been

He smells--not because he's been working so hard but because

Working so hard but because

Working so hard but because his bathtub is full.

His bathtub is full.

His bathtub is full. >> yeah. So he can't wash.

>> yeah. So he can't wash.

>> yeah. So he can't wash. >> right.

>> right.

>> right. >> yeah. We'll know what the

>> yeah. We'll know what the

>> yeah. We'll know what the junior brothers are up to

Junior brothers are up to

Junior brothers are up to when we hear it on the police

When we hear it on the police

When we hear it on the police band.

Band.

Band. >> right.

>> there's one more place.

>> there's one more place.

>> there's one more place. >> where?

>> where?

>> where? >> I mean, I ain't really

>> I mean, I ain't really

>> I mean, I ain't really bustin'. I ain't trying to be

Bustin'. I ain't trying to be

Bustin'. I ain't trying to be no snitch, but they do a little

No snitch, but they do a little

No snitch, but they do a little gambling in the back.

Gambling in the back.

Gambling in the back. >> of where?

>> of where?

>> of where? >> at the cleaners.

>> at the cleaners.

>> at the cleaners. And I know that's where silky

And I know that's where silky

And I know that's where silky is. I'm gonna get him this time.

Is. I'm gonna get him this time.

Is. I'm gonna get him this time. No. He goin' down. I'm gonna

No. He goin' down. I'm gonna

No. He goin' down. I'm gonna change my life. I'm changin'

Change my life. I'm changin'

Change my life. I'm changin' everything.

Everything.

Everything. >> ok. But who did your, um...

>> ok. But who did your, um...

>> ok. But who did your, um... Well, it's just me and you in

Well, it's just me and you in

Well, it's just me and you in here. Who did your boob job?

Here. Who did your boob job?

Here. Who did your boob job? I mean, because a lot of the

I mean, because a lot of the

I mean, because a lot of the girls out there, I see 'em and

Girls out there, I see 'em and

Girls out there, I see 'em and they look so fake, but yours

They look so fake, but yours

They look so fake, but yours look so natural.

Look so natural.

Look so natural. >> jesus.

>> jesus.

>> jesus. >> kay-kay, will you please

>> kay-kay, will you please

>> kay-kay, will you please stop? "ooh, this is not my

Stop? "ooh, this is not my

Stop? "ooh, this is not my weave. Ooh, these are my real

Weave. Ooh, these are my real

Weave. Ooh, these are my real boobs." kay-kay, this is me!

Boobs." kay-kay, this is me!

Boobs." kay-kay, this is me! >> these are real titties!

>> these are real titties!

>> these are real titties! Can't you--these are real--

Can't you--these are real--

Can't you--these are real-- >> kay-kay.

>> kay-kay.

>> kay-kay. >> look at this. That is all

>> look at this. That is all

>> look at this. That is all real titty right there.

Real titty right there.

Real titty right there. You see that? This is real

You see that? This is real

You see that? This is real titty. Touch it, touch it.

Titty. Touch it, touch it.

Titty. Touch it, touch it. Touch the titty. Touch the ti--

Touch the titty. Touch the ti--

Touch the titty. Touch the ti-- look at that. Get me some--

Look at that. Get me some--

Look at that. Get me some-- some--some--this is how a fake

Some--some--this is how a fake

Some--some--this is how a fake titty look. Look at that.

Titty look. Look at that.

Titty look. Look at that. Just--mmm! See, it don't move?

Just--mmm! See, it don't move?

Just--mmm! See, it don't move? You touch it. See? Mmm! Now

You touch it. See? Mmm! Now

You touch it. See? Mmm! Now touch that one. See, this is--

Touch that one. See, this is--

Touch that one. See, this is-- >> kay-kay...

>> kay-kay...

>> kay-kay... >> what?

>> what?

>> what? >> ha ha! That's my girl.

>> ha ha! That's my girl.

>> ha ha! That's my girl. >> ha ha ha!

>> ha ha ha!

>> ha ha ha! >> don't touch my hair, though.

>> don't touch my hair, though.

>> don't touch my hair, though. Don't touch that.

Don't touch that.

Don't touch that. >> ooh!

>> ooh!

>> ooh! >> williams, did you find that

>> williams, did you find that

>> williams, did you find that pimp yet?

Pimp yet?

Pimp yet? Williams come back.

Williams ?

Williams ?

Williams ? >> ooh, girl, he wasn't in

>> ooh, girl, he wasn't in

>> ooh, girl, he wasn't in there. Uhh! Man!

There. Uhh! Man!

There. Uhh! Man! Ooh, he wasn't in there.

Ooh, he wasn't in there.

Ooh, he wasn't in there. [radio dispatcher indistinct]

[radio dispatcher indistinct]

[radio dispatcher indistinct] >> let's go. There's one more.

>> let's go. There's one more.

>> let's go. There's one more. At that liquor store. I forgot

At that liquor store. I forgot

At that liquor store. I forgot about the liquor store.

About the liquor store.

About the liquor store. [siren wailing]

[siren wailing]

[siren wailing] >> qual es su nombre again?

>> qual es su nombre again?

>> qual es su nombre again? >> ome llamo garc--

>> ome llamo garc--

>> ome llamo garc-- gartierrez.

Gartierrez.

Gartierrez. >> gartierrez. Ha ha ha!

>> gartierrez. Ha ha ha!

>> gartierrez. Ha ha ha! A pleasure to meet you.

A pleasure to meet you.

A pleasure to meet you. >> I don't understand why we

>> I don't understand why we

>> I don't understand why we can't just go in there right

Can't just go in there right

Can't just go in there right now. I mean, it's obvious

Now. I mean, it's obvious

Now. I mean, it's obvious what's--

What's--

What's-- >> she didn't pay him. No

>> she didn't pay him. No

>> she didn't pay him. No crime's been committed.

Crime's been committed.

Crime's been committed. >> what pueblo are you from?

>> what pueblo are you from?

>> what pueblo are you from? >> yo soyi'm from guatemala.

>> yo soyi'm from guatemala.

>> yo soyi'm from guatemala. I was from a baby there.

I was from a baby there.

I was from a baby there. >> guatemala.

>> guatemala.

>> guatemala. >> in mexico.

>> in mexico.

>> in mexico. >> mejico.

>> mejico.

>> mejico. >> mejico.

>> mejico.

>> mejico. >> oh, maybe that's why you have

>> oh, maybe that's why you have

>> oh, maybe that's why you have the strange accent. You're

The strange accent. You're

The strange accent. You're mayan.

Mayan.

Mayan. >> oh, yeah.

>> oh, yeah.

>> oh, yeah. >> 'cause you got the funny

>> 'cause you got the funny

>> 'cause you got the funny accent. Mayan, no mayan,

Accent. Mayan, no mayan,

Accent. Mayan, no mayan, and then meji-mejicano.

And then meji-mejicano.

And then meji-mejicano. >> yeah. Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

>> yeah. Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

>> yeah. Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh! >> no. No, hombre, es...

>> no. No, hombre, es...

>> no. No, hombre, es... Es differente.

Es differente.

Es differente. Esta loco.

Esta loco.

Esta loco. >> una tardadretarded in the

>> una tardadretarded in the

>> una tardadretarded in the head.

Head.

Head. >> ha ha ha ha! Let me tell you,

>> ha ha ha ha! Let me tell you,

>> ha ha ha ha! Let me tell you, I heard that junior's brothers

I heard that junior's brothers

I heard that junior's brothers were so off the chain, the last

Were so off the chain, the last

Were so off the chain, the last time they was all together,

Time they was all together,

Time they was all together, they got arrested and even

They got arrested and even

They got arrested and even showed out so bad in the jail,

Showed out so bad in the jail,

Showed out so bad in the jail, they just wanted to let them

They just wanted to let them

They just wanted to let them out because they was too

Out because they was too

Out because they was too stressed out. They couldn't even

Stressed out. They couldn't even

Stressed out. They couldn't even handle 'em being locked up.

Handle 'em being locked up.

Handle 'em being locked up. >> what does "off the chain"

>> what does "off the chain"

>> what does "off the chain" mean ?

>> quien, quien el hombre?

>> quien, quien el hombre?

>> quien, quien el hombre? Quien, quien hacer! Ha ha ha!

Quien, quien hacer! Ha ha ha!

Quien, quien hacer! Ha ha ha! I have roast tenderloin with

I have roast tenderloin with

I have roast tenderloin with tri-color red peppers in a

Tri-color red peppers in a

Tri-color red peppers in a balsamic reduction.

Balsamic reduction.

Balsamic reduction. >> uhh!

>> uhh!

>> uhh! >> esposa.

>> esposa.

>> esposa. >> esposa?

>> esposa?

>> esposa? >> wife.

>> wife.

>> wife. >> no, no, no.

>> no, no, no.

>> no, no, no. >> tengo tambien.

>> tengo tambien.

>> tengo tambien. >> oh, ho ho! Muy guapa.

>> oh, ho ho! Muy guapa.

>> oh, ho ho! Muy guapa. And I can't believe you don't

And I can't believe you don't

And I can't believe you don't have a husband.

Have a husband.

Have a husband. >> he does the most awful

>> he does the most awful

>> he does the most awful mexican I've ever heard.

Mexican I've ever heard.

Mexican I've ever heard. >> yeah, it sounds like, uh--

>> yeah, it sounds like, uh--

>> yeah, it sounds like, uh-- sounds kind of polack, doesn't

Sounds kind of polack, doesn't

Sounds kind of polack, doesn't it?

It?

It? >> you don't have to pay us

>> you don't have to pay us

>> you don't have to pay us right away? You can--we can wait

Right away? You can--we can wait

Right away? You can--we can wait a little bit.

A little bit.

A little bit. >> no!

>> no!

>> no! >> we can come back.

>> we can come back.

>> we can come back. >> we can come back.

>> we can come back.

>> we can come back. >> we'll come back every day.

>> we'll come back every day.

>> we'll come back every day. >> stay for dinner.

>> stay for dinner.

>> stay for dinner. Si.

Si.

Si. >> si. Well, gartierrez will

>> si. Well, gartierrez will

>> si. Well, gartierrez will stay, you know.

Stay, you know.

Stay, you know. >> yeah?

>> yeah?

>> yeah? >> I'll come back for you.

>> I'll come back for you.

>> I'll come back for you. >> you'll stay?

>> you'll stay?

>> you'll stay? >> si. Maybe I can cook for you

>> si. Maybe I can cook for you

>> si. Maybe I can cook for you dinner.

Dinner.

Dinner. >> oh, yeah.

>> oh, yeah.

>> oh, yeah. [conversation continues faintly]

[conversation continues faintly]

[conversation continues faintly] >> you ever been to mexico?

>> you ever been to mexico?

>> you ever been to mexico? >> no, I have not.

>> no, I have not.

>> no, I have not. >> no?

>> no?

>> no? >> I would love to go, but I

>> I would love to go, but I

>> I would love to go, but I hear they're--

Hear they're--

Hear they're-- >> it's beautiful.

>> it's beautiful.

>> it's beautiful. >> horrible to american women,

>> horrible to american women,

>> horrible to american women, that they're just constantly--

That they're just constantly--

That they're just constantly-- >> oh, they'll rape you in a

>> oh, they'll rape you in a

>> oh, they'll rape you in a heartbeat, yeah, but it's a

Heartbeat, yeah, but it's a

Heartbeat, yeah, but it's a beautiful country, other than

Beautiful country, other than

Beautiful country, other than that, you know.

[siren wailing]

[siren wailing]

[siren wailing] >> no matter what, I think you

>> no matter what, I think you

>> no matter what, I think you will do all right if you

Will do all right if you

Will do all right if you remember to feed the child

Remember to feed the child

Remember to feed the child every day, trudy.

Every day, trudy.

Every day, trudy. And spank. Those are the 2

And spank. Those are the 2

And spank. Those are the 2 things that'll get you far

Things that'll get you far

Things that'll get you far as a parent.

As a parent.

As a parent. >> hold on. Did you say every

>> hold on. Did you say every

>> hold on. Did you say every day? Because with my cats, I

Day? Because with my cats, I

Day? Because with my cats, I just leave food out and they

Just leave food out and they

Just leave food out and they take it when they're hungry.

Take it when they're hungry.

Take it when they're hungry. It's different with a baby,

It's different with a baby,

It's different with a baby, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it? >> uhh!

>> uhh!

>> uhh! >> I don't--god! Don't judge

>> I don't--god! Don't judge

>> I don't--god! Don't judge me. If I knew you were gonna

Me. If I knew you were gonna

Me. If I knew you were gonna judge me on my parenting skills,

Judge me on my parenting skills,

Judge me on my parenting skills, I would never have introduced

I would never have introduced

I would never have introduced you to my unborn child.

You to my unborn child.

You to my unborn child. >> hey, I was just trying to

>> hey, I was just trying to

>> hey, I was just trying to help.

>> good afternoon, ladies.

>> good afternoon, ladies.

>> good afternoon, ladies. >> ha ha ha!

>> ha ha ha!

>> ha ha ha! >> welcome! Welcome to the

>> welcome! Welcome to the

>> welcome! Welcome to the single "lamoms" class. I call it

Single "lamoms" class. I call it

Single "lamoms" class. I call it that. Of course, it's lamaze

That. Of course, it's lamaze

That. Of course, it's lamaze method. How's everyone doing

Method. How's everyone doing

Method. How's everyone doing today?

Today?

Today? >> hey, guy, how you doing?

>> hey, guy, how you doing?

>> hey, guy, how you doing? >> how are you?

>> how are you?

>> how are you? >> good to see you.

>> good to see you.

>> good to see you. >> so good to see you!

>> so good to see you!

>> so good to see you! >> I'm trudy.

>> I'm trudy.

>> I'm trudy. >> hi, trudy. Yeah, you didn't

>> hi, trudy. Yeah, you didn't

>> hi, trudy. Yeah, you didn't look too familiar to me.

Look too familiar to me.

Look too familiar to me. I see some familiar faces and

I see some familiar faces and

I see some familiar faces and a couple of virgins. Hmm?

A couple of virgins. Hmm?

A couple of virgins. Hmm? >> ha ha ha ha!

>> ha ha ha ha!

>> ha ha ha ha! >> huh? What are you virgins

>> huh? What are you virgins

>> huh? What are you virgins doing here?

Doing here?

Doing here? >> I'm not a virgin. I had sex

>> I'm not a virgin. I had sex

>> I'm not a virgin. I had sex to have a baby.

To have a baby.

To have a baby. >> oh, no, no. I know that.

>> oh, no, no. I know that.

>> oh, no, no. I know that. No, I mean virgin to the class.

No, I mean virgin to the class.

No, I mean virgin to the class. >> oh. I'm new to the class.

>> oh. I'm new to the class.

>> oh. I'm new to the class. >> so happy you're here, trudy.

>> so happy you're here, trudy.

>> so happy you're here, trudy. >> me, too.

>> me, too.

>> me, too. >> I'm guy.

>> I'm guy.

>> I'm guy. >> hi, guy.

>> hi, guy.

>> hi, guy. >> welcome. My name is guy

>> welcome. My name is guy

>> welcome. My name is guy gerricault. I'll spell that for

Gerricault. I'll spell that for

Gerricault. I'll spell that for you because it is not the common

You because it is not the common

You because it is not the common spelling, although it does have

Spelling, although it does have

Spelling, although it does have a bit of a french pronunciation.

A bit of a french pronunciation.

A bit of a french pronunciation. Guy gerricault.

Guy gerricault.

Guy gerricault. Why lamaze? Is it about

Why lamaze? Is it about

Why lamaze? Is it about breathing? I think I know

Breathing? I think I know

Breathing? I think I know something about it, but it's

Something about it, but it's

Something about it, but it's more than that. It's to help

More than that. It's to help

More than that. It's to help provide you with confidence

Provide you with confidence

Provide you with confidence about giving birth to a child.

About giving birth to a child.

About giving birth to a child. To help you feel relaxed.

To help you feel relaxed.

To help you feel relaxed. It's through movement, breathing

It's through movement, breathing

It's through movement, breathing techniques, massage, and

Techniques, massage, and

Techniques, massage, and positive emotional support.

Positive emotional support.

Positive emotional support. And you're gonna need that,

And you're gonna need that,

And you're gonna need that, because your vagina will be

Because your vagina will be

Because your vagina will be ripped in half.

>> junior. Here's to junior and

>> junior. Here's to junior and

>> junior. Here's to junior and his family out on the porch.

His family out on the porch.

His family out on the porch. [imitates fiddle music]

[imitates fiddle music]

[imitates fiddle music] [both imitating the fiddle]

[both imitating the fiddle]

[both imitating the fiddle] >> [imitates jug music]

>> [imitates jug music]

>> [imitates jug music] [imitates the banjo]

[imitates the banjo]

[imitates the banjo] >> [whistling]

>> [whistling]

>> [whistling] honey, that's my saw!

Honey, that's my saw!

Honey, that's my saw! Give me my saw! You's playing

Give me my saw! You's playing

Give me my saw! You's playing my jug.

My jug.

My jug. [imitates jug music]

[imitates jug music]

[imitates jug music] [nascar plays on tv]

[nascar plays on tv]

[nascar plays on tv] >> thanks again. Thank you so

>> thanks again. Thank you so

>> thanks again. Thank you so for being with us. How does it

For being with us. How does it

For being with us. How does it feel to win your third cup

Feel to win your third cup

Feel to win your third cup national final?

National final?

National final? >> uhh!

>> uhh!

>> uhh! >> feels good, man.

>> feels good, man.

>> feels good, man. It got a little rough out there

It got a little rough out there

It got a little rough out there on the second turn, but it feels

On the second turn, but it feels

On the second turn, but it feels good.

Good.

Good. >> when something like that

>> when something like that

>> when something like that happens in the last quarter of

Happens in the last quarter of

Happens in the last quarter of the race, what goes through your

The race, what goes through your

The race, what goes through your mind as you're making that final

Mind as you're making that final

Mind as you're making that final turn?

Turn?

Turn? >> I kept my rubber to the

>> I kept my rubber to the

>> I kept my rubber to the ground and kept it rollin'.

Ground and kept it rollin'.

Ground and kept it rollin'. >> all right, then. Ahem!

>> all right, then. Ahem!

>> all right, then. Ahem! >> I want to thank my pit crew.

>> I want to thank my pit crew.

>> I want to thank my pit crew. I couldn't have done it without

I couldn't have done it without

I couldn't have done it without 'em. And I want to thank all my

'em. And I want to thank all my

'em. And I want to thank all my sponsors.

Sponsors.

Sponsors. >> see ya.

>> see ya.

>> see ya. >> thank you so much. Have a

>> thank you so much. Have a

>> thank you so much. Have a great day and once again,

Great day and once again,

Great day and once again, congratulations on winning

Congratulations on winning

Congratulations on winning your third national cup final.

Your third national cup final.

Your third national cup final. Oh by the way,

Oh by the way,

Oh by the way, dad's dead.

Dad's dead.

Dad's dead. [changes the channel]

[changes the channel]

[changes the channel] >> ♪ I'll have a nervous

>> ♪ I'll have a nervous

>> ♪ I'll have a nervous breakdown ♪

Breakdown ♪

Breakdown ♪ [changes the channel]

[changes the channel]

[changes the channel] [gunfire on tv]

[gunfire on tv]

[gunfire on tv] [changes the channel]

[changes the channel]

[changes the channel] kyle south park: Oh, my god!

Kyle south park: Oh, my god!

Kyle south park: Oh, my god! They killed kenny!

They killed kenny!

They killed kenny! Hell yeah.

>> morning. Hey...

>> morning. Hey...

>> morning. Hey... >> morning.

>> morning.

>> morning. >> do you know why I pulled you

>> do you know why I pulled you

>> do you know why I pulled you over today?

Over today?

Over today? >> oh, no way.

>> oh, no way.

>> oh, no way. >> you were going 7 miles an

>> you were going 7 miles an

>> you were going 7 miles an hour in a 40 mile an hour zone.

Hour in a 40 mile an hour zone.

Hour in a 40 mile an hour zone. >> aw! We thought it--our

>> aw! We thought it--our

>> aw! We thought it--our speedometer's not working,

Speedometer's not working,

Speedometer's not working, officer.

Officer.

Officer. >> yeah, it's weird.

>> yeah, it's weird.

>> yeah, it's weird. >> yeah.

>> yeah.

>> yeah. >> it's weird.

>> it's weird.

>> it's weird. >> a little smoky in there,

>> a little smoky in there,

>> a little smoky in there, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Isn't it? >> is it?

>> is it?

>> is it? >> would you say that?

>> would you say that?

>> would you say that? >> smokin' some ham?

>> smokin' some ham?

>> smokin' some ham? >> it's your shades. You're

>> it's your shades. You're

>> it's your shades. You're wearing glasses.

Wearing glasses.

Wearing glasses. >> oh, really? It's my shades?

>> oh, really? It's my shades?

>> oh, really? It's my shades? >> yeah, you're probably--

>> yeah, you're probably--

>> yeah, you're probably-- >> no, really?

>> no, really?

>> no, really? >> smell that. Go ahead.

>> smell that. Go ahead.

>> smell that. Go ahead. >> there's nothing in here.

>> there's nothing in here.

>> there's nothing in here. >> [coughs]

>> [coughs]

>> [coughs] >> that's smoke.

>> that's smoke.

>> that's smoke. >> yeah, but my hair caught on

>> yeah, but my hair caught on

>> yeah, but my hair caught on fire.

Fire.

Fire. >> anyone else back here I

>> anyone else back here I

>> anyone else back here I should know about?

Should know about?

Should know about? >> oh, dude!

>> oh, dude!

>> oh, dude! >> she's pissed.

>> she's pissed.

>> she's pissed. >> she doesn't smell anything.

>> she doesn't smell anything.

>> she doesn't smell anything. Smell it.

Smell it.

Smell it. >> she's really cool.

>> she's really cool.

>> she's really cool. She's really cool.

She's really cool.

She's really cool. >> ha ha ha ha ha ha!

>> ha ha ha ha ha ha!

>> ha ha ha ha ha ha! >> you can smell it?

>> you can smell it?

>> you can smell it? >> I want snacks.

>> I want snacks.

>> I want snacks. >> you want a snack?

>> you want a snack?

>> you want a snack? >> oh, dude.

>> oh, dude.

>> oh, dude. >> I want a snack. What's up?

>> I want a snack. What's up?

>> I want a snack. What's up? >> don't eat the top ones,

>> don't eat the top ones,

>> don't eat the top ones, 'cause we got lysol on them.

'cause we got lysol on them.

'cause we got lysol on them. >> just--if you go below the

>> just--if you go below the

>> just--if you go below the top layer--

Top layer--

Top layer-- >> I'll go down to the bottom.

>> I'll go down to the bottom.

>> I'll go down to the bottom. >> yeah. That's what she said,

>> yeah. That's what she said,

>> yeah. That's what she said, dude.

Dude.

Dude. >> let's listen to some music.

>> let's listen to some music.

>> let's listen to some music. >> oh, cool. Hey, check this

>> oh, cool. Hey, check this

>> oh, cool. Hey, check this out. Check it out.

Out. Check it out.

Out. Check it out. >> this is weird.

>> this is weird.

>> this is weird. >> check it out.

>> check it out.

>> check it out. >> oh, gravity. Hold that.

>> oh, gravity. Hold that.

>> oh, gravity. Hold that. Gravity. I checked your license

Gravity. I checked your license

Gravity. I checked your license and you got no priors.

And you got no priors.

And you got no priors. >> cool, cool.

>> cool, cool.

>> cool, cool. >> I would have heard back by

>> I would have heard back by

>> I would have heard back by now if you did.

Now if you did.

Now if you did. >> cool.

>> cool.

>> cool. >> dude, richard pryor's

>> dude, richard pryor's

>> dude, richard pryor's awesome.

[siren wailing]

[siren wailing]

[siren wailing] >> amigo...

>> amigo...

>> amigo... >> buen trabajo, gartierrez.

>> buen trabajo, gartierrez.

>> buen trabajo, gartierrez. >> buen trabajo.

>> buen trabajo.

>> buen trabajo. Si.

Si.

Si. >> it's nice to know at the end

>> it's nice to know at the end

>> it's nice to know at the end of the day that we accomplish

Of the day that we accomplish

Of the day that we accomplish something. We make work good for

Something. We make work good for

Something. We make work good for the home.

The home.

The home. Es la verdad, es la verdad.

Es la verdad, es la verdad.

Es la verdad, es la verdad. It's also nice to know that

It's also nice to know that

It's also nice to know that you're gonna get some tail

You're gonna get some tail

You're gonna get some tail tonight from la gringa.

Tonight from la gringa.

Tonight from la gringa. >> oh! Esposa! No esposa!

>> oh! Esposa! No esposa!

>> oh! Esposa! No esposa! >> esposa. Esposo.

>> esposa. Esposo.

>> esposa. Esposo. >> no esposa, no esposo.

>> no esposa, no esposo.

>> no esposa, no esposo. >> esposo, esposo.

>> esposo, esposo.

>> esposo, esposo. >> hold it right there! Hands on

>> hold it right there! Hands on

>> hold it right there! Hands on your head! Hands on your head!

Your head! Hands on your head!

Your head! Hands on your head! >> oh, hey, hey! I'm a cop!

>> oh, hey, hey! I'm a cop!

>> oh, hey, hey! I'm a cop! Hey, hey! Reno sheriff's

Hey, hey! Reno sheriff's

Hey, hey! Reno sheriff's department.

Department.

Department. >> I'm a cop, too! I'm a cop,

>> I'm a cop, too! I'm a cop,

>> I'm a cop, too! I'm a cop, too!

Too!

Too! >> no, no, no! My van's right

>> no, no, no! My van's right

>> no, no, no! My van's right over there! Hey!

Over there! Hey!

Over there! Hey! >> I'm a cop.

>> I'm a cop.

>> I'm a cop. >> aah!

>> aah!

>> aah! [tires squeal]

[tires squeal]

[tires squeal] [indistinct police radio

>> I was having the weirdest

>> I was having the weirdest

>> I was having the weirdest dream.

Dream.

Dream. >> well, what was it?

>> well, what was it?

>> well, what was it? >> you were dressed up like one

>> you were dressed up like one

>> you were dressed up like one of those fellas from the

Of those fellas from the

Of those fellas from the lollipop guild. Remember the

Lollipop guild. Remember the

Lollipop guild. Remember the lollipop guild?

Lollipop guild?

Lollipop guild? >> I do, and that is really

>> I do, and that is really

>> I do, and that is really weird. Was it sexual and all,

Weird. Was it sexual and all,

Weird. Was it sexual and all, do you think?

Do you think?

Do you think? >> kinda. It was kinda.

>> kinda. It was kinda.

>> kinda. It was kinda. >> do you think, like, a little

>> do you think, like, a little

>> do you think, like, a little bit? Like just a little bit?

Bit? Like just a little bit?

Bit? Like just a little bit? >> maybe.

>> maybe.

>> maybe. [captioning made possible by

[captioning made possible by

[captioning made possible by mtv networks]

Mtv networks]

Mtv networks] [captioned by the national

[captioned by the national

[captioned by the national captioning institute

>> I think it's important to

>> I think it's important to

>> I think it's important to sing when you're working, no?

Sing when you're working, no?

Sing when you're working, no? >> oh.

>> oh.

>> oh. ¿te gustas cantar?

¿te gustas cantar?

¿te gustas cantar? >> oh, yeah. Me gusto, uh,

>> oh, yeah. Me gusto, uh,

>> oh, yeah. Me gusto, uh, cantar.

Cantar.

Cantar. >> ¿cual canciones de tu

>> ¿cual canciones de tu

>> ¿cual canciones de tu pueblo?

Pueblo?

Pueblo? >> uh, they ain't, uh, then...

>> uh, they ain't, uh, then...

>> uh, they ain't, uh, then... Well, ♪ el pueblo, el pueblo,

Well, ♪ el pueblo, el pueblo,

Well, ♪ el pueblo, el pueblo, que linda el pueblo ♪

Que linda el pueblo ♪

Que linda el pueblo ♪ >> ahhhh ha hiii!

>> ahhhh ha hiii!

>> ahhhh ha hiii! >> ahhhh ha hiii!

>> ahhhh ha hiii!

>> ahhhh ha hiii! Ah, hey!

Ah, hey!

Ah, hey! >> ah, you're good!

>> ah, you're good!

>> ah, you're good! >> ah, cinco arriba. High-five.

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