Original subtitles

[wind howls]

[wind howls]

[wind howls] > you're not gonna die.

> you're not gonna die.

> you're not gonna die. >> I don't wanna die on an

>> I don't wanna die on an

>> I don't wanna die on an alternate route.

Alternate route.

Alternate route. >we're offering you...

>we're offering you...

>we're offering you... Anything.

Anything.

Anything. >> anything.

>> anything.

>> anything. >> you're looking at 2

>> you're looking at 2

>> you're looking at 2 desperate, desperate people.

Desperate, desperate people.

Desperate, desperate people. > just need a phone call.

> just need a phone call.

> just need a phone call. Need a phone call made.

Need a phone call made.

Need a phone call made. >> that's all we need. That's

>> that's all we need. That's

>> that's all we need. That's all we need.

[telephone rings]

[telephone rings]

[telephone rings] >> officer moore.

>> officer moore.

>> officer moore. Ok.

[blows whistle]

>> get back in the building!

>> get back in the building!

>> get back in the building! No loitering !

[captioning made possible by

[telephone rings]

Officer moore

Ok.

Ok.

Ok. Yes.

Yes.

Yes. No, you gotta dial 9 to get out.

No, you gotta dial 9 to get out.

No, you gotta dial 9 to get out. Not a problem. 'bye.

Not a problem. 'bye.

Not a problem. 'bye. They got the wrong number.

They got the wrong number.

They got the wrong number. >> well,

>> well,

>> well, that's it from my end.

That's it from my end.

That's it from my end. Before I go, I'd like to

Before I go, I'd like to

Before I go, I'd like to make one last statement.

Make one last statement.

Make one last statement. [flatulence]

Seacrest out.

>oh, my god.

>oh, my god.

>oh, my god. >>oh! Ah! Oh! Oh! Ooh!

>>oh! Ah! Oh! Oh! Ooh!

>>oh! Ah! Oh! Oh! Ooh! >ooh! Ah! Hi, guys.

>ooh! Ah! Hi, guys.

>ooh! Ah! Hi, guys. >> gentlemen.

>> gentlemen.

>> gentlemen. >how's it going?

>how's it going?

>how's it going? >> chilly?

>> chilly?

>> chilly? >yeah--

>yeah--

>yeah-- >>been a brisk night.

>>been a brisk night.

>>been a brisk night. >> I bet.

>> I bet.

>> I bet. >> you know...

>> you know...

>> you know... >> why would you take your

>> why would you take your

>> why would you take your clothes off?

Clothes off?

Clothes off? > I thought I remembered

> I thought I remembered

> I thought I remembered something from scouting...

Something from scouting...

Something from scouting... >> body heat...

>> body heat...

>> body heat... Dangle: Yeah, you know.

Dangle: Yeah, you know.

Dangle: Yeah, you know. I'll take your word for it.

>> good morning, deputies.

>> good morning, deputies.

>> good morning, deputies. >> good morning, lieutenant.

>> good morning, lieutenant.

>> good morning, lieutenant. >> who did the new "what to do

>> who did the new "what to do

>> who did the new "what to do if your child is missing"

If your child is missing"

If your child is missing" brochure?

Brochure?

Brochure? That is top-notch work. My god,

That is top-notch work. My god,

That is top-notch work. My god, look at that. All good news.

Look at that. All good news.

Look at that. All good news. And we're automating our suicide

And we're automating our suicide

And we're automating our suicide hot line, by the way. We're

Hot line, by the way. We're

Hot line, by the way. We're going to an automated system.

Going to an automated system.

Going to an automated system. Garcia: Saving wear and tear.

Garcia: Saving wear and tear.

Garcia: Saving wear and tear. >> working that line was a real

>> working that line was a real

>> working that line was a real bummer. So depressing.

Bummer. So depressing.

Bummer. So depressing. Dangle: Automated system now.

Dangle: Automated system now.

Dangle: Automated system now. >> nice.

>> nice.

>> nice. >> oh, and other news,

>> oh, and other news,

>> oh, and other news, trudy's coming back today from

Trudy's coming back today from

Trudy's coming back today from her personal leave. That's 6

Her personal leave. That's 6

Her personal leave. That's 6 months of personal leave she

Months of personal leave she

Months of personal leave she took. She's coming back today.

Took. She's coming back today.

Took. She's coming back today. Junior: That's over already?

Junior: That's over already?

Junior: That's over already? Dangle: Yeah. God, that flew,

Dangle: Yeah. God, that flew,

Dangle: Yeah. God, that flew, didn't it?

Didn't it?

Didn't it? >> boy.

>> boy.

>> boy. >> anyway, good work, everyone.

>> anyway, good work, everyone.

>> anyway, good work, everyone. It's gonna be a red letter week,

It's gonna be a red letter week,

It's gonna be a red letter week, I think, here.

I think, here.

I think, here. >> ta da!

>> ta da!

>> ta da! >> okey-doke.

>> okey-doke.

>> okey-doke. >> hey, everybody!

>> hey, everybody!

>> hey, everybody! >> morning.

>> morning.

>> morning. >> morning.

>> morning.

>> morning. >> anything else we should, uh,

>> anything else we should, uh,

>> anything else we should, uh, we got for today?

We got for today?

We got for today? >> let's see,

>> let's see,

>> let's see, what else are we doing? We've

What else are we doing? We've

What else are we doing? We've got that big bus coming...

Got that big bus coming...

Got that big bus coming... ♪ buh, buh-buh-buh, buh ♪

♪ buh, buh-buh-buh, buh ♪

♪ buh, buh-buh-buh, buh ♪ >> I'm back!

>> I'm back!

>> I'm back! >> oh, the family crimes bureau

>> oh, the family crimes bureau

>> oh, the family crimes bureau is looking for some volunteers.

Is looking for some volunteers.

Is looking for some volunteers. >> I'm sorry. Excuse me one

>> I'm sorry. Excuse me one

>> I'm sorry. Excuse me one second, jim. This is the chair I

Second, jim. This is the chair I

Second, jim. This is the chair I usually sit in and, um, I, uh...

Usually sit in and, um, I, uh...

Usually sit in and, um, I, uh... Especially now would be

Especially now would be

Especially now would be a great time--

A great time--

A great time-- >> why don't you sit over there?

>> why don't you sit over there?

>> why don't you sit over there? >> there's an empty chair right

>> there's an empty chair right

>> there's an empty chair right there.

There.

There. >> no, no, no. My ankle's a

>> no, no, no. My ankle's a

>> no, no, no. My ankle's a little swollen, so I have to

Little swollen, so I have to

Little swollen, so I have to keep it propped up.

Keep it propped up.

Keep it propped up. >> if you wanna sit, sit down or

>> if you wanna sit, sit down or

>> if you wanna sit, sit down or something.

Something.

Something. >> speaking of swollen...

>> speaking of swollen...

>> speaking of swollen... >> that is...It. Let's be

>> that is...It. Let's be

>> that is...It. Let's be careful out there.

Careful out there.

Careful out there. >> all right.

>> all right.

>> all right. >> all right.

>> all right.

>> all right. >> whoo! Comin' out. Ha ha.

>> whoo! Comin' out. Ha ha.

>> whoo! Comin' out. Ha ha. Watch it.

Watch it.

Watch it. >> hey, I'm getting a day-time

>> hey, I'm getting a day-time

>> hey, I'm getting a day-time emmy poll sign-up sheets up.

Emmy poll sign-up sheets up.

Emmy poll sign-up sheets up. [cheering]

[cheering]

[cheering] >> yay!

>> yay!

>> yay! Junior: Finally, something new

Junior: Finally, something new

Junior: Finally, something new to talk about around here.

To talk about around here.

To talk about around here. [sobbing]

[sobbing]

[sobbing] wiegel's put on a few pounds.

Wiegel's put on a few pounds.

Wiegel's put on a few pounds. [someone snorting like pig]

[someone snorting like pig]

[someone snorting like pig] junior: Been drinkin', I guess.

Wiegel's big secret--big

Wiegel's big secret--big

Wiegel's big secret--big surprise--she's got something in

Surprise--she's got something in

Surprise--she's got something in the oven. I don't wanna say it's

The oven. I don't wanna say it's

The oven. I don't wanna say it's a bun.

A bun.

A bun. Might be one of those gargoyles

Might be one of those gargoyles

Might be one of those gargoyles that looks down on you from the

That looks down on you from the

That looks down on you from the buildings.

Buildings.

Buildings. >> some kind of a deal.

>> some kind of a deal.

>> some kind of a deal. >> something with hooves.

>> something with hooves.

>> something with hooves. [shudders]

[shudders]

[shudders] >> yeah, file that under "I do

>> yeah, file that under "I do

>> yeah, file that under "I do not want to know."

Not want to know."

Not want to know." >> let me just give you a little

>> let me just give you a little

>> let me just give you a little advice. I'm gonna walk you

Advice. I'm gonna walk you

Advice. I'm gonna walk you through the 101 of how to get it

Through the 101 of how to get it

Through the 101 of how to get it done bein' somebody's mama.

Done bein' somebody's mama.

Done bein' somebody's mama. >> I could use that.

>> I could use that.

>> I could use that. >> ok, follow me.

>> ok, follow me.

>> ok, follow me. >> ok.

>> ok.

>> ok. >> hey, cut that racket out in

>> hey, cut that racket out in

>> hey, cut that racket out in there!

There!

There! >> hey, cut that racket out in

>> hey, cut that racket out in

>> hey, cut that racket out in there!

There!

There! >> good. That was good. That was

>> good. That was good. That was

>> good. That was good. That was good. That was good. Now, this

Good. That was good. Now, this

Good. That was good. Now, this is--this is...This is one that I

Is--this is...This is one that I

Is--this is...This is one that I use often, ok? If the kids are

Use often, ok? If the kids are

Use often, ok? If the kids are cuttin' up, runnin' around,

Cuttin' up, runnin' around,

Cuttin' up, runnin' around, bein' bad, you call 'em in there

Bein' bad, you call 'em in there

Bein' bad, you call 'em in there with a very strong voice and you

With a very strong voice and you

With a very strong voice and you say, "don't you make me--I will

Say, "don't you make me--I will

Say, "don't you make me--I will knock all the black off-a you!"

Knock all the black off-a you!"

Knock all the black off-a you!" ok, how 'bout, uh...

Ok, how 'bout, uh...

Ok, how 'bout, uh... How 'bout...

How 'bout...

How 'bout... >> I'll knock your ass into

>> I'll knock your ass into

>> I'll knock your ass into tomorrow. You won't even know

>> this woman has 2 asses. Damn!

>> this woman has 2 asses. Damn!

>> this woman has 2 asses. Damn! >> yeah.

>> yeah.

>> yeah. >> blasian, you call that?

>> blasian, you call that?

>> blasian, you call that? Dangle: Fellas, fellas, fellas!

Dangle: Fellas, fellas, fellas!

Dangle: Fellas, fellas, fellas! >> the whole magazine, just

>> the whole magazine, just

>> the whole magazine, just blasians...

Blasians...

Blasians... >> fellas!

>> fellas!

>> fellas! >> yes, sir?

>> yes, sir?

>> yes, sir? What's up? Calm down.

What's up? Calm down.

What's up? Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

Calm down. Calm down.

Calm down. Calm down. >> this just came in on the fax

>> this just came in on the fax

>> this just came in on the fax machine. Baz lurman productions

Machine. Baz lurman productions

Machine. Baz lurman productions is looking for an officer krupke

Is looking for an officer krupke

Is looking for an officer krupke for his remake west side

For his remake west side

For his remake west side storand they want a real law

Storand they want a real law

Storand they want a real law enforcement officer. Please send

Enforcement officer. Please send

Enforcement officer. Please send in videotapes to baz lurman

In videotapes to baz lurman

In videotapes to baz lurman productions.

Productions.

Productions. >> baz lurman, is that some

>> baz lurman, is that some

>> baz lurman, is that some local, like, dinner theater guy,

Local, like, dinner theater guy,

Local, like, dinner theater guy, or--

Or--

Or-- >> I thought I don't have to

>> I thought I don't have to

>> I thought I don't have to explain who baz lurman is! We

Explain who baz lurman is! We

Explain who baz lurman is! We have to get a tape out tonight!

Have to get a tape out tonight!

Have to get a tape out tonight! They want strong movement and

They want strong movement and

They want strong movement and dance for officer krupke--

Dance for officer krupke--

Dance for officer krupke-- >> you want us to...

>> you want us to...

>> you want us to... >> yes. Come on, there's no time

>> yes. Come on, there's no time

>> yes. Come on, there's no time to explain. I'll explain on the

To explain. I'll explain on the

To explain. I'll explain on the way! [blows whistle]

Way! [blows whistle]

Way! [blows whistle] junior: Yeah! That's what I'm

Junior: Yeah! That's what I'm

Junior: Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about.

Talkin' about.

Talkin' about. Jones: Move it. Yeah.

Jones: Move it. Yeah.

Jones: Move it. Yeah. Junior: Look at that, look at

Junior: Look at that, look at

Junior: Look at that, look at that.

That.

That. Jones: Panache.

Jones: Panache.

Jones: Panache. Junior: Yeah. That's style. That

Junior: Yeah. That's style. That

Junior: Yeah. That's style. That is style, my friend. Yeah.

Is style, my friend. Yeah.

Is style, my friend. Yeah. Jones: Lotta flavor.

Jones: Lotta flavor.

Jones: Lotta flavor. [blows whistle]

[blows whistle]

[blows whistle] junior: Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

Junior: Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

Junior: Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Jones: [laughs] look out!

Jones: [laughs] look out!

Jones: [laughs] look out! Junior: Oh, it's real good.

Junior: Oh, it's real good.

Junior: Oh, it's real good. That's kind of a nancy kerrigan

That's kind of a nancy kerrigan

That's kind of a nancy kerrigan move there.

Move there.

Move there. [toot, toot, toot]

[toot, toot, toot]

[toot, toot, toot] nice, nice, nice, nice, nice.

Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice.

Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice. And then slap--

And then slap--

And then slap-- >> what do you think this is,

>> what do you think this is,

>> what do you think this is, the indianapolis 500? Knock it

The indianapolis 500? Knock it

The indianapolis 500? Knock it off!

Off!

Off! That was sort of my new yorky

That was sort of my new yorky

That was sort of my new yorky thing.

Thing.

Thing. Jones: Very--it's very new

Jones: Very--it's very new

Jones: Very--it's very new yorky. Very new yorky.

Yorky. Very new yorky.

Yorky. Very new yorky. >> was it too new yorky? Was it

>> was it too new yorky? Was it

>> was it too new yorky? Was it jewy new yorky or--

Jewy new yorky or--

Jewy new yorky or-- >> I think they're probably

>> I think they're probably

>> I think they're probably looking for very jewy new york.

Looking for very jewy new york.

Looking for very jewy new york. >> jewy new york. Yeah, that's

>> jewy new york. Yeah, that's

>> jewy new york. Yeah, that's where it takes place, right?

Where it takes place, right?

Where it takes place, right? >> yeah.

>> yeah.

>> yeah. >> oooyyyyeee.

>> oooyyyyeee.

>> oooyyyyeee. >> too much.

>> too much.

>> too much. >> too much.

>> too much.

>> too much. >> yeah.

>> yeah.

>> yeah. >> little less, but...

>> little less, but...

>> little less, but... >> ooooyyy.

>> ooooyyy.

>> ooooyyy. >> yeah!

>> yeah!

>> yeah! >> yeah. Real good. Real good.

>> yeah. Real good. Real good.

>> yeah. Real good. Real good. I think, uh...

I think, uh...

I think, uh... >> anything else--just general?

>> anything else--just general?

>> anything else--just general? >> you look like you want the

>> you look like you want the

>> you look like you want the part. You don't look like you

Part. You don't look like you

Part. You don't look like you need the part. You know the

Need the part. You know the

Need the part. You know the difference?

Difference?

Difference? >> no.

>> no.

>> no. >> the difference is that are

>> the difference is that are

>> the difference is that are you hungry or not? Are you

You hungry or not? Are you

You hungry or not? Are you hungry for the part?

Hungry for the part?

Hungry for the part? >> for--oh, for the part.

>> for--oh, for the part.

>> for--oh, for the part. >> no, for the part.

>> no, for the part.

>> no, for the part. >> so look like I need it

>> so look like I need it

>> so look like I need it and be hungry.

And be hungry.

And be hungry. >> yeah.

>> yeah.

>> yeah. >> ok.

>> ok.

>> ok. >> jazz hands aeye of the

>> jazz hands aeye of the

>> jazz hands aeye of the tiger.

Tiger.

Tiger. >> jazz hands. Eye of the tiger.

>> jazz hands. Eye of the tiger.

>> jazz hands. Eye of the tiger. Look like I'm hungry.

Look like I'm hungry.

Look like I'm hungry. >> you know how to do a

>> you know how to do a

>> you know how to do a grapevine? You know to do a

Grapevine? You know to do a

Grapevine? You know to do a grapevine? Yeah!

Grapevine? Yeah!

Grapevine? Yeah! >> yeah! That's what I'm talkin'

>> yeah! That's what I'm talkin'

>> yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about! That's what I'm talkin'

About! That's what I'm talkin'

About! That's what I'm talkin' about. Yeah.

About. Yeah.

About. Yeah. You know, I bet if we'd said

You know, I bet if we'd said

You know, I bet if we'd said something, he would have done

Something, he would have done

Something, he would have done this in the nude.

This in the nude.

This in the nude. >> maybe we should do that next.

>> maybe we should do that next.

>> maybe we should do that next. [blows whistle]

[blows whistle]

[blows whistle] we should send another fax.

Man: Hey!

Man: Hey!

Man: Hey! Garcia: Oh, hell's bells.

Garcia: Oh, hell's bells.

Garcia: Oh, hell's bells. Jones: No, keep going. Keep

Jones: No, keep going. Keep

Jones: No, keep going. Keep going.

Going.

Going. Man: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, man.

Man: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, man.

Man: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, man. >> hey, big mike.

>> hey, big mike.

>> hey, big mike. >> hell, man. I think brenda's

>> hell, man. I think brenda's

>> hell, man. I think brenda's dead, man.

Dead, man.

Dead, man. Garcia: What?

Garcia: What?

Garcia: What? >> I think brenda's dead, man.

>> I think brenda's dead, man.

>> I think brenda's dead, man. [sobbing]

[sobbing]

[sobbing] >> no, no, no. Sit down. Sit

>> no, no, no. Sit down. Sit

>> no, no, no. Sit down. Sit down. Sit down, sit down, sit

Down. Sit down, sit down, sit

Down. Sit down, sit down, sit down. Tell me what happened.

Down. Tell me what happened.

Down. Tell me what happened. What happened?

What happened?

What happened? >> we were hanging out--

>> we were hanging out--

>> we were hanging out-- >> sit down. I want you to sit

>> sit down. I want you to sit

>> sit down. I want you to sit down.

Down.

Down. >> now she's not--now she's not

>> now she's not--now she's not

>> now she's not--now she's not alive.

Alive.

Alive. What happ--what's goin' on?

What happ--what's goin' on?

What happ--what's goin' on? >> she's asleep, big mike.

>> she's asleep, big mike.

>> she's asleep, big mike. She's sleeping.

She's sleeping.

She's sleeping. >> oh...God!

>> oh...God!

>> oh...God! She looks so dead, though.

She looks so dead, though.

She looks so dead, though. Did you look at her?

Did you look at her?

Did you look at her? 'cause I poked her 4, maybe 5

'cause I poked her 4, maybe 5

'cause I poked her 4, maybe 5 times...Nothin'.

Times...Nothin'.

Times...Nothin'. >> nothin', huh?

>> nothin', huh?

>> nothin', huh? >> no.

>> no.

>> no. >> well, I opened the door, and

>> well, I opened the door, and

>> well, I opened the door, and she woke up.

She woke up.

She woke up. >> really?

>> really?

>> really? >> yeah.

>> yeah.

>> yeah. >> you know what we're looking

>> that must have been some

>> that must have been some

>> that must have been some great college fraternity party

Great college fraternity party

Great college fraternity party last night. I can't remember a

Last night. I can't remember a

Last night. I can't remember a thing. Wait! How did I get home?

Thing. Wait! How did I get home?

Thing. Wait! How did I get home? And why do my parts hurt?

And why do my parts hurt?

And why do my parts hurt? >> hold it right there.

>> hold it right there.

>> hold it right there. The reason you can't remember

The reason you can't remember

The reason you can't remember what happened to you last night

What happened to you last night

What happened to you last night is because somebody gave you

Is because somebody gave you

Is because somebody gave you roofies.

Roofies.

Roofies. >> are you saying I got raped

>> are you saying I got raped

>> are you saying I got raped last night?

Last night?

Last night? >> yes. That's exactly what I'm

>> yes. That's exactly what I'm

>> yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. You got raped.

Saying. You got raped.

Saying. You got raped. But it's like the saying goes:

But it's like the saying goes:

But it's like the saying goes: Rape me once, shame on you.

Rape me once, shame on you.

Rape me once, shame on you. Rape me twice...

Rape me twice...

Rape me twice... Both: Shame on me!

Both: Shame on me!

Both: Shame on me! >> next time, try wearing

>> next time, try wearing

>> next time, try wearing genuine police tek 2000 rape

Genuine police tek 2000 rape

Genuine police tek 2000 rape shield undergarments. Cannot be

Shield undergarments. Cannot be

Shield undergarments. Cannot be opened without their coded

Opened without their coded

Opened without their coded infrared controller.

Infrared controller.

Infrared controller. [beep, beep]

[beep, beep]

[beep, beep] >> wow, those look well-made.

>> wow, those look well-made.

>> wow, those look well-made. >> trust me...Once you've been

>> trust me...Once you've been

>> trust me...Once you've been not raped twice, police tek rape

Not raped twice, police tek rape

Not raped twice, police tek rape shield undergarments have paid

Shield undergarments have paid

Shield undergarments have paid for themselves.

For themselves.

For themselves. So remember...You don't have to

So remember...You don't have to

So remember...You don't have to be a super model to get raped.

Be a super model to get raped.

Be a super model to get raped. >> police tek 2000 rape shield

>> police tek 2000 rape shield

>> police tek 2000 rape shield undergarments sound just...Sound

Undergarments sound just...Sound

Undergarments sound just...Sound like just the ticket.

Like just the ticket.

Like just the ticket. Both: The ticket to rape safety.

>> is trudy gonna have a boy or

>> is trudy gonna have a boy or

>> is trudy gonna have a boy or a girl?

A girl?

A girl? I-is there another box I can

I-is there another box I can

I-is there another box I can check? Trudy's not having a

Check? Trudy's not having a

Check? Trudy's not having a baby. She's faking.

Baby. She's faking.

Baby. She's faking. >> you think she's totally

>> you think she's totally

>> you think she's totally faking?

Faking?

Faking? >> I don't think, I know she's

>> I don't think, I know she's

>> I don't think, I know she's faking. I know for a fact she's

Faking. I know for a fact she's

Faking. I know for a fact she's faking.

Faking.

Faking. >> well, maybe we should...

>> well, maybe we should...

>> well, maybe we should... What do you think is in there?

What do you think is in there?

What do you think is in there? >> a pillow! What do you think

>> a pillow! What do you think

>> a pillow! What do you think is in there?

Is in there?

Is in there? >> well, let's...

>> well, let's...

>> well, let's... >> punch her in the stomach real

>> punch her in the stomach real

>> punch her in the stomach real hard. I'm reluctant to do that

Hard. I'm reluctant to do that

Hard. I'm reluctant to do that on the off chance that she's not

On the off chance that she's not

On the off chance that she's not faking...And that would cause a

Faking...And that would cause a

Faking...And that would cause a horrible miscarriage.

Horrible miscarriage.

Horrible miscarriage. >> that could be a--a lawsuit.

>> that could be a--a lawsuit.

>> that could be a--a lawsuit. >> oh, believe me, if I didn't

>> oh, believe me, if I didn't

>> oh, believe me, if I didn't think she'd have a miscarriage,

Think she'd have a miscarriage,

Think she'd have a miscarriage, I would punch that bitch in

I would punch that bitch in

I would punch that bitch in the stomach so hard, you

The stomach so hard, you

The stomach so hard, you wouldn't believe it.

Johnson: Sheriff's department!

Johnson: Sheriff's department!

Johnson: Sheriff's department! Kimball: Sheriff's department!

Kimball: Sheriff's department!

Kimball: Sheriff's department! [glass shatters]

[glass shatters]

[glass shatters] man: You can't stop me!

Man: You can't stop me!

Man: You can't stop me! Man: Careful, careful!

Man: Careful, careful!

Man: Careful, careful! Look out! Careful--

Look out! Careful--

Look out! Careful-- hey, watch out! Watch out!

Hey, watch out! Watch out!

Hey, watch out! Watch out! Johnson: What's the matter?

Johnson: What's the matter?

Johnson: What's the matter? Garcia: Some nut ball--

Garcia: Some nut ball--

Garcia: Some nut ball-- man: No, it's carrot top, the

Man: No, it's carrot top, the

Man: No, it's carrot top, the comedian.

Comedian.

Comedian. Carrot top: Stupid sons of

Carrot top: Stupid sons of

Carrot top: Stupid sons of bitches!

Bitches!

Bitches! All: Oh, oh, oh!

All: Oh, oh, oh!

All: Oh, oh, oh! Johnson: Aah!

Johnson: Aah!

Johnson: Aah! Garcia: I'm gettin' a riot

Garcia: I'm gettin' a riot

Garcia: I'm gettin' a riot shield!

Shield!

Shield! Kimball: Go, go, go, go!

Kimball: Go, go, go, go!

Kimball: Go, go, go, go! Man: I have no idea...

Man: I have no idea...

Man: I have no idea... Kimball: All right, sir, is he

Kimball: All right, sir, is he

Kimball: All right, sir, is he on any kind of drugs or alcohol

On any kind of drugs or alcohol

On any kind of drugs or alcohol or anything of that kind?

Or anything of that kind?

Or anything of that kind? Man: No, he just said he was

Man: No, he just said he was

Man: No, he just said he was jacked up on red bull. Ok, can

Jacked up on red bull. Ok, can

Jacked up on red bull. Ok, can you get me top? Get me carrot

You get me top? Get me carrot

You get me top? Get me carrot top.

Top.

Top. Women: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Women: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Women: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Garcia: Hey!

Garcia: Hey!

Garcia: Hey! Johnson: That was too close!

Johnson: That was too close!

Johnson: That was too close! Carrot top--

Carrot top--

Carrot top-- all: Whoa!

All: Whoa!

All: Whoa! >> unnecessary. Unnecessary.

>> unnecessary. Unnecessary.

>> unnecessary. Unnecessary. >> shit

>> shit

>> shit man: That is expensive hotel

Man: That is expensive hotel

Man: That is expensive hotel property.

Property.

Property. Johnson: Please back away.

Johnson: Please back away.

Johnson: Please back away. >> ...To the presidential suite.

>> ...To the presidential suite.

>> ...To the presidential suite. It should be under carrot top.

It should be under carrot top.

It should be under carrot top. >> whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

>> whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

>> whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! >> this is jim manikan. I'm the

>> this is jim manikan. I'm the

>> this is jim manikan. I'm the manager of the hotel. I would

Manager of the hotel. I would

Manager of the hotel. I would like to offer you a free

Like to offer you a free

Like to offer you a free breakfast buffet if you come

Breakfast buffet if you come

Breakfast buffet if you come down now peacefully and stop

Down now peacefully and stop

Down now peacefully and stop throwing things, carrot--

Throwing things, carrot--

Throwing things, carrot-- garcia: Can you get him a

Garcia: Can you get him a

Garcia: Can you get him a hooker?

Hooker?

Hooker? >> he hung up. He hung up.

>> he hung up. He hung up.

>> he hung up. He hung up. Kimball: Is there anything left

Kimball: Is there anything left

Kimball: Is there anything left in there that's dangerous?

In there that's dangerous?

In there that's dangerous? >> no, that's pretty much...

>> no, that's pretty much...

>> no, that's pretty much... The last of it.

The last of it.

The last of it. All: No! No!

All: No! No!

All: No! No! Holy shit !

Man, quietly: Go, go, go!

Man, quietly: Go, go, go!

Man, quietly: Go, go, go! >> how you doin' today, sir?

>> how you doin' today, sir?

>> how you doin' today, sir? Man: I'm, uh...Sir, I didn't see

Man: I'm, uh...Sir, I didn't see

Man: I'm, uh...Sir, I didn't see you back there. I would have

You back there. I would have

You back there. I would have stopped, but I couldn't see or

Stopped, but I couldn't see or

Stopped, but I couldn't see or hear you at all.

Hear you at all.

Hear you at all. >> license and registration?

>> license and registration?

>> license and registration? >> yeah, let me, uh...Oh, there

>> yeah, let me, uh...Oh, there

>> yeah, let me, uh...Oh, there it is. Here ya go.

It is. Here ya go.

It is. Here ya go. Registration.

Registration.

Registration. >> sir, this is not your

>> sir, this is not your

>> sir, this is not your vehicle?

Vehicle?

Vehicle? >> no, sir!

>> no, sir!

>> no, sir! >> I ran your plates, and the

>> I ran your plates, and the

>> I ran your plates, and the owner of this vehicle, mr.

Owner of this vehicle, mr.

Owner of this vehicle, mr. Reggie fredburg, he's wanted in

Reggie fredburg, he's wanted in

Reggie fredburg, he's wanted in the state of nevada for reckless

The state of nevada for reckless

The state of nevada for reckless driving, reckless endangerment.

Driving, reckless endangerment.

Driving, reckless endangerment. >> really, he is?

>> really, he is?

>> really, he is? >> hit and run, felony evasion,

>> hit and run, felony evasion,

>> hit and run, felony evasion, leaving the scene of an

Leaving the scene of an

Leaving the scene of an accident, and trying to drive a

Accident, and trying to drive a

Accident, and trying to drive a motorcycle into a water park.

>> is that reggie there?

Kimball: Hey!

Kimball: Hey!

Kimball: Hey! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh, oh, oh! Jim: Great.

Jim: Great.

Jim: Great. Johnson: Thank you. Provisions.

Johnson: Thank you. Provisions.

Johnson: Thank you. Provisions. >> I can't drink while I'm

>> I can't drink while I'm

>> I can't drink while I'm working...

Working...

Working... >> I think it's ok.

>> I think it's ok.

>> I think it's ok. >> it's so wrong to me that...

>> it's so wrong to me that...

>> it's so wrong to me that... He gets all of this wonderful

He gets all of this wonderful

He gets all of this wonderful food and--

Food and--

Food and-- >> that's what makes him funny,

>> that's what makes him funny,

>> that's what makes him funny, though--

Though--

Though-- >> and then he just throws it

>> and then he just throws it

>> and then he just throws it out the window and doesn't even

Out the window and doesn't even

Out the window and doesn't even appreciate it, when there's

Appreciate it, when there's

Appreciate it, when there's people like us down here who

People like us down here who

People like us down here who don't ever get gift baskets.

Don't ever get gift baskets.

Don't ever get gift baskets. >> yeah, that's true. I never

>> yeah, that's true. I never

>> yeah, that's true. I never thought about it that way.

Thought about it that way.

Thought about it that way. That's so depressing to think

That's so depressing to think

That's so depressing to think about.

About.

About. >> if he had a spiritual

>> if he had a spiritual

>> if he had a spiritual center...From whence his comedy

Center...From whence his comedy

Center...From whence his comedy comes...None of this would be

Comes...None of this would be

Comes...None of this would be happening.

Happening.

Happening. He's got a god-sized hole.

He's got a god-sized hole.

He's got a god-sized hole. He's got a god-sized hole.

He's got a god-sized hole.

He's got a god-sized hole. And he's tryin' to fill it up

And he's tryin' to fill it up

And he's tryin' to fill it up with cheese and whiskey and--

With cheese and whiskey and--

With cheese and whiskey and-- >> I got a cheese and whiskey-

>> I got a cheese and whiskey-

>> I got a cheese and whiskey- sized hole in my heart

Sized hole in my heart

Sized hole in my heart sometimes [laughs] like now.

Sometimes [laughs] like now.

Sometimes [laughs] like now. Throw me out some more liquor.

>> the truth is, I have a

>> the truth is, I have a

>> the truth is, I have a secret, and the secret is that

Secret, and the secret is that

Secret, and the secret is that I have a cyst in my abdomen

I have a cyst in my abdomen

I have a cyst in my abdomen that's the size of a bowling

That's the size of a bowling

That's the size of a bowling ball...And there's a very good

Ball...And there's a very good

Ball...And there's a very good chance that I will only live for

Chance that I will only live for

Chance that I will only live for 3 more days.

3 more days.

3 more days. Just kidding! I'm just kidding.

Just kidding! I'm just kidding.

Just kidding! I'm just kidding. I'm pregnant! Ha ha ha!

I'm pregnant! Ha ha ha!

I'm pregnant! Ha ha ha! >> ha ha. That was a funny joke.

>> ha ha. That was a funny joke.

>> ha ha. That was a funny joke. >> it's what it looks like,

>> it's what it looks like,

>> it's what it looks like, though.

Though.

Though. >> well, technically, that's

>> well, technically, that's

>> well, technically, that's what it is. It's a growth

What it is. It's a growth

What it is. It's a growth with feet and hair...Only, uh...

With feet and hair...Only, uh...

With feet and hair...Only, uh... Eventually it'll resent you.

Eventually it'll resent you.

Eventually it'll resent you. >> that's true. That's sweet.

[muzak plays]

Jones: Whoa...

Jones: Whoa...

Jones: Whoa... Kimball: Everything's cool.

Kimball: Everything's cool.

Kimball: Everything's cool. Jones: Everything's good.

Jones: Everything's good.

Jones: Everything's good. Carrot: Sorry, guys.

Carrot: Sorry, guys.

Carrot: Sorry, guys. >> the top is cool.

>> the top is cool.

>> the top is cool. >> he's real sorry.

>> he's real sorry.

>> he's real sorry. >> yeah, walk on like little

>> yeah, walk on like little

>> yeah, walk on like little bird people. It's all good.

Bird people. It's all good.

Bird people. It's all good. >> I just had a bad show last

>> I just had a bad show last

>> I just had a bad show last night. I didn't mean to take it

Night. I didn't mean to take it

Night. I didn't mean to take it out on the hotel property.

Out on the hotel property.

Out on the hotel property. >> it's all right, man. No, it's

>> it's all right, man. No, it's

>> it's all right, man. No, it's understandable.

Understandable.

Understandable. >> I lost my luggage...

>> I lost my luggage...

>> I lost my luggage... >> that's very frustrating.

>> that's very frustrating.

>> that's very frustrating. >> I hate that.

>> I hate that.

>> I hate that. >> I don't think the crowd

>> I don't think the crowd

>> I don't think the crowd really appreciated--I'm sorry,

Really appreciated--I'm sorry,

Really appreciated--I'm sorry, danny. That was so

Danny. That was so

Danny. That was so unintentional, I--

Unintentional, I--

Unintentional, I-- >> he's calmed down now?

>> he's calmed down now?

>> he's calmed down now? >> everything's just fine.

>> everything's just fine.

>> everything's just fine. >> I'm really sorry. I know it's

>> I'm really sorry. I know it's

>> I'm really sorry. I know it's hard to apologize now for all

Hard to apologize now for all

Hard to apologize now for all that I've done, but...

That I've done, but...

That I've done, but... >> it's very, you know...

>> it's very, you know...

>> it's very, you know... It's one thing if you physically

It's one thing if you physically

It's one thing if you physically harm me, but when you do it to

Harm me, but when you do it to

Harm me, but when you do it to my foreign employees, it's a

My foreign employees, it's a

My foreign employees, it's a whole different thing. It's just

Whole different thing. It's just

Whole different thing. It's just unacceptable, very

Unacceptable, very

Unacceptable, very disconcerting.

Disconcerting.

Disconcerting. >> I'm really kinda embarrassed

>> I'm really kinda embarrassed

>> I'm really kinda embarrassed about this whole thing, too.

About this whole thing, too.

About this whole thing, too. I'm sorry. I do have a check in

I'm sorry. I do have a check in

I'm sorry. I do have a check in my robe. If it's possible, I can

My robe. If it's possible, I can

My robe. If it's possible, I can maybe cover the damages.

Maybe cover the damages.

Maybe cover the damages. >> I'm sure we can work out some

>> I'm sure we can work out some

>> I'm sure we can work out some sort of--

Sort of--

Sort of-- >> oh, that'd be great.

>> oh, that'd be great.

>> oh, that'd be great. Can I keep the robe?

Can I keep the robe?

Can I keep the robe? >> well, you can add that on.

>> well, you can add that on.

>> well, you can add that on. >> it's a good robe.

>> it's a good robe.

>> it's a good robe. >> that's like $100.

>> that's like $100.

>> that's like $100. >> 15...

>> 15...

>> 15... >> plus tax. That's fine.

>> plus tax. That's fine.

>> plus tax. That's fine. >> will $15,000 cover it?

>> will $15,000 cover it?

>> will $15,000 cover it? >> whoo! That's a lotta zeros,

>> whoo! That's a lotta zeros,

>> whoo! That's a lotta zeros, man.

Man.

Man. >> I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

>> I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

>> I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. >> how much you bench, man?

>> how much you bench, man?

>> how much you bench, man? >> I'm--

>> I'm--

>> I'm-- [everyone screams]

[everyone screams]

[everyone screams] >> you think you can stop me?

>> you think you can stop me?

>> you think you can stop me? I was acting,

I was acting,

I was acting, you dumb mother fuckers!

You dumb mother fuckers!

You dumb mother fuckers! >> down! Stay down!

>> down! Stay down!

>> down! Stay down! >> everybody ok?

>> everybody ok?

>> everybody ok? >> it's a rubber check.

>> it's a rubber check.

>> it's a rubber check. [gunshot]

[gunshot]

[gunshot] williams: He's stealing the car!

Williams: He's stealing the car!

Williams: He's stealing the car! Carrot: Back off!

Carrot: Back off!

Carrot: Back off! [tires screech]

[tires screech]

[tires screech] officers: Go, go, go, go, go!

Officers: Go, go, go, go, go!

Officers: Go, go, go, go, go! Dangle: Whoa, whoa, whoa! He's

Dangle: Whoa, whoa, whoa! He's

Dangle: Whoa, whoa, whoa! He's headed towards california.

>> well, we got a perp inside

>> well, we got a perp inside

>> well, we got a perp inside there that, uh, for a while's

There that, uh, for a while's

There that, uh, for a while's been giving us the old silent

Been giving us the old silent

Been giving us the old silent marcel marceau treatment.

Marcel marceau treatment.

Marcel marceau treatment. We're gonna do a little game we

We're gonna do a little game we

We're gonna do a little game we like to call good cop, black

Like to call good cop, black

Like to call good cop, black cop. I'm gonna go in there

Cop. I'm gonna go in there

Cop. I'm gonna go in there first, kinda soften him up,

First, kinda soften him up,

First, kinda soften him up, kind of work him--

Kind of work him--

Kind of work him-- >> good cop, black cop?

>> good cop, black cop?

>> good cop, black cop? >> yeah. Good cop, black cop.

>> yeah. Good cop, black cop.

>> yeah. Good cop, black cop. I go in first, you go in second.

I go in first, you go in second.

I go in first, you go in second. You know the deal. I soften him

You know the deal. I soften him

You know the deal. I soften him up, you finish the deal.

Up, you finish the deal.

Up, you finish the deal. >> that's not--that's not the

>> that's not--that's not the

>> that's not--that's not the deal. It's good cop, bad cop.

Deal. It's good cop, bad cop.

Deal. It's good cop, bad cop. >> well, whatever. I don't wanna

>> well, whatever. I don't wanna

>> well, whatever. I don't wanna argue over semantics, ok? Good

Argue over semantics, ok? Good

Argue over semantics, ok? Good cop, black cop, bad cop, black

Cop, black cop, bad cop, black

Cop, black cop, bad cop, black cop--same thing, ok?

Cop--same thing, ok?

Cop--same thing, ok? >> no. No, not the same thing.

>> no. No, not the same thing.

>> no. No, not the same thing. It's good cop, bad cop, and

It's good cop, bad cop, and

It's good cop, bad cop, and because I'm black doesn't mean

Because I'm black doesn't mean

Because I'm black doesn't mean I'm bad.

I'm bad.

I'm bad. >> you're gettin' all

>> you're gettin' all

>> you're gettin' all self-righteous on me--

Self-righteous on me--

Self-righteous on me-- >> it's not good cop, black cop!

>> it's not good cop, black cop!

>> it's not good cop, black cop! It's good cop, bad cop! Good

It's good cop, bad cop! Good

It's good cop, bad cop! Good cop, bad cop! Good cop, bad cop!

Cop, bad cop! Good cop, bad cop!

Cop, bad cop! Good cop, bad cop! >> I got it! You don't have to

>> I got it! You don't have to

>> I got it! You don't have to say--I'm not a puppet, ok?!

Say--I'm not a puppet, ok?!

Say--I'm not a puppet, ok?! >> no, you don't get it, because

>> no, you don't get it, because

>> no, you don't get it, because you've been on the force for I

You've been on the force for I

You've been on the force for I don't know how many years, and

Don't know how many years, and

Don't know how many years, and you don't know what good cop,

You don't know what good cop,

You don't know what good cop, bad cop means?

Bad cop means?

Bad cop means? >> don't tell me I don't get it!

>> don't tell me I don't get it!

>> don't tell me I don't get it! >> you don't get it!

>> you don't get it!

>> you don't get it! >> I do get it!

>> I do get it!

>> I do get it! >> how 'bout good cop,

>> how 'bout good cop,

>> how 'bout good cop, ridiculously short cop?

Ridiculously short cop?

Ridiculously short cop? >> oh, make fun of my size. How

>> oh, make fun of my size. How

>> oh, make fun of my size. How 'bout good cop, I'll fuck

'bout good cop, I'll fuck

'bout good cop, I'll fuck anything that moves cop?

Anything that moves cop?

Anything that moves cop? >> oh! How 'bout good cop and

>> oh! How 'bout good cop and

>> oh! How 'bout good cop and you can't get nothin' cop?

You can't get nothin' cop?

You can't get nothin' cop? >> oh, yeah?! I'll mess you up!

>> oh, yeah?! I'll mess you up!

>> oh, yeah?! I'll mess you up! Ah! Let loose!

Ah! Let loose!

Ah! Let loose! >> no. No. No. This is it!

>> no. No. No. This is it!

>> no. No. No. This is it! This is it. This is it.

This is it. This is it.

This is it. This is it. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [alarm rings]

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [alarm rings]

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [alarm rings] [coughing]

[coughing]

[coughing] want me to let go?

Want me to let go?

Want me to let go? Say it. Say good cop, bad cop.

Say it. Say good cop, bad cop.

Say it. Say good cop, bad cop. >> good cop--

>> good cop--

>> good cop-- >> say it. Say it.

>> so you don't know a lot about

>> so you don't know a lot about

>> so you don't know a lot about me. You haven't known me for

Me. You haven't known me for

Me. You haven't known me for very long, but I've always

Very long, but I've always

Very long, but I've always wanted to have a child.

Wanted to have a child.

Wanted to have a child. >> mmm.

>> mmm.

>> mmm. >> and so I feel kind of like,

>> and so I feel kind of like,

>> and so I feel kind of like, you know...

You know...

You know... I don't know if blessed is the

I don't know if blessed is the

I don't know if blessed is the word, but fucking lucky, for

Word, but fucking lucky, for

Word, but fucking lucky, for sure.

Sure.

Sure. >> well, I'll be honest. I

>> well, I'll be honest. I

>> well, I'll be honest. I didn't...

Didn't...

Didn't... Don't take this the wrong way,

Don't take this the wrong way,

Don't take this the wrong way, but I didn't think there was too

But I didn't think there was too

But I didn't think there was too many chances for you to...To get

Many chances for you to...To get

Many chances for you to...To get in the condition that you are,

In the condition that you are,

In the condition that you are, so I think you're right. I think

So I think you're right. I think

So I think you're right. I think you are fucking lucky.

You are fucking lucky.

You are fucking lucky. >> well, you don't have to be

>> well, you don't have to be

>> well, you don't have to be rude about it.

Rude about it.

Rude about it. >> remember that show years and

>> remember that show years and

>> remember that show years and years ago, it was a show

Years ago, it was a show

Years ago, it was a show years and years ago.

Years and years ago.

Years and years ago. >> oh, yeah, about them lizard

>> oh, yeah, about them lizard

>> oh, yeah, about them lizard people?

People?

People? >> them lizard people, man.

>> them lizard people, man.

>> them lizard people, man. What if...What if wiegel had a

What if...What if wiegel had a

What if...What if wiegel had a "v" baby?

"v" baby?

"v" baby? Dangle: Morning, gang.

Dangle: Morning, gang.

Dangle: Morning, gang. Officers: Morning.

Officers: Morning.

Officers: Morning. >> trudy, what was it you wanna

>> trudy, what was it you wanna

>> trudy, what was it you wanna say?

Say?

Say? >> yeah, I had an announcement.

>> yeah, I had an announcement.

>> yeah, I had an announcement. Um...

Um...

Um... >> you're pregnant.

>> you're pregnant.

>> you're pregnant. >> no, that--

>> no, that--

>> no, that-- jones: You're preggers.

Jones: You're preggers.

Jones: You're preggers. >> oh, I can't believe it! Wow!

>> oh, I can't believe it! Wow!

>> oh, I can't believe it! Wow! >> no, that's not my

>> no, that's not my

>> no, that's not my announcement but, you know,

Announcement but, you know,

Announcement but, you know, thank you for noticing. Um...

Thank you for noticing. Um...

Thank you for noticing. Um... Craig is not the father...If

Craig is not the father...If

Craig is not the father...If that's what people are thinking.

That's what people are thinking.

That's what people are thinking. Turns out he was shooting

Turns out he was shooting

Turns out he was shooting blanks.

Blanks.

Blanks. >> shut up, girl! Ooh! Who your

>> shut up, girl! Ooh! Who your

>> shut up, girl! Ooh! Who your baby daddy?

Baby daddy?

Baby daddy? >> if it's not--where did you

>> if it's not--where did you

>> if it's not--where did you get--

Get--

Get-- >> I went to the, um, sperm bank

>> I went to the, um, sperm bank

>> I went to the, um, sperm bank on fourth street.

On fourth street.

On fourth street. Williams: Did you, now?

Williams: Did you, now?

Williams: Did you, now? Wiegel: Great facility. Very

Wiegel: Great facility. Very

Wiegel: Great facility. Very clean. They have dixie cups that

Clean. They have dixie cups that

Clean. They have dixie cups that the gentlemen use, I guess.

The gentlemen use, I guess.

The gentlemen use, I guess. Williams: I heard there was

Williams: I heard there was

Williams: I heard there was a long waiting list.

A long waiting list.

A long waiting list. >> it's--it's not a dixie cup.

>> it's--it's not a dixie cup.

>> it's--it's not a dixie cup. Wiegel: No, no. You can just

Wiegel: No, no. You can just

Wiegel: No, no. You can just walk right in. But anyway, I was

Walk right in. But anyway, I was

Walk right in. But anyway, I was in there. It's very clean. I got

In there. It's very clean. I got

In there. It's very clean. I got a great deal.

A great deal.

A great deal. Williams: Ooh! Well, welcome to

Williams: Ooh! Well, welcome to

Williams: Ooh! Well, welcome to the sisterhood. I don't know

The sisterhood. I don't know

The sisterhood. I don't know some of my baby's daddies

Some of my baby's daddies

Some of my baby's daddies either. Ha! Go ahead on, trudy!

Either. Ha! Go ahead on, trudy!

Either. Ha! Go ahead on, trudy! Wiegel: It's a great program

Wiegel: It's a great program

Wiegel: It's a great program they have there, 'cause, guys,

They have there, 'cause, guys,

They have there, 'cause, guys, you don't make that much money

You don't make that much money

You don't make that much money if you work for the city or

If you work for the city or

If you work for the city or whatever it is. You can just go

Whatever it is. You can just go

Whatever it is. You can just go in and they pay you--I don't

In and they pay you--I don't

In and they pay you--I don't know what it is. 10 bucks, 20

Know what it is. 10 bucks, 20

Know what it is. 10 bucks, 20 bucks.

Bucks.

Bucks. >> $31.

>> $31.

>> $31. >> $31 to squirt off in--

>> $31 to squirt off in--

>> $31 to squirt off in-- >> that's what I've heard.

>> that's what I've heard.

>> that's what I've heard. >> plus orange juice and a

>> plus orange juice and a

>> plus orange juice and a cookie.

Cookie.

Cookie. [captioning made possible by

[captioning made possible by

[captioning made possible by mtv networks]

Mtv networks]

Mtv networks] [captioned by the national

[captioned by the national

[captioned by the national captioning institute

>> you can get a lot over this

>> you can get a lot over this

>> you can get a lot over this little, big ol' motocross ditch

Little, big ol' motocross ditch

Little, big ol' motocross ditch in your house.

In your house.

In your house. >> oh, good. Here goes the cops

>> oh, good. Here goes the cops

>> oh, good. Here goes the cops condescending to big mike.

Condescending to big mike.

Condescending to big mike. >> well, no, it's just that--

>> well, no, it's just that--

>> well, no, it's just that-- >> it's my moat.

>> it's my moat.

>> it's my moat. >> it's your moat?

>> it's your moat?

>> it's your moat? What do you--what do you have a

What do you--what do you have a

What do you--what do you have a moat for?

Moat for?

Moat for? >> for--why does anybody have a

>> for--why does anybody have a

>> for--why does anybody have a moat? To keep out the fucking

Moat? To keep out the fucking

Moat? To keep out the fucking frenchmen who try to come over.

Frenchmen who try to come over.

Frenchmen who try to come over. This is going all the way around

This is going all the way around

This is going all the way around the house.

The house.

The house. >> uh-huh.

>> uh-huh.

>> uh-huh. >> so anybody tries to cross

>> so anybody tries to cross

>> so anybody tries to cross that, they cross through the

That, they cross through the

That, they cross through the moat. You know what's living in

Moat. You know what's living in

Moat. You know what's living in the moat? Fucking badgers.

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