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1
00:00:04,436 --> 00:00:06,003
We're out here
in the parking lot,
2
00:00:06,004 --> 00:00:07,773
Myself and deputy travis junior,
3
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:11,375
To demonstrate the latest in
lower body protection wear.
4
00:00:11,376 --> 00:00:14,145
Of course, we're covered up here
with our kevlar vest.
5
00:00:14,146 --> 00:00:16,581
And instead of the traditional
plastic cup,
6
00:00:16,582 --> 00:00:18,149
This year, the department
has issued
7
00:00:18,150 --> 00:00:22,521
A brand-new state-of-the-art
alloy-framed cup
8
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,555
With a kevlar coating.
9
00:00:24,556 --> 00:00:27,191
You're wearin' this thing.
And it could stop a bullet,
10
00:00:27,192 --> 00:00:29,294
It could stop a train,
human bite, a dog bite.
11
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,095
I mean, it is--watch this.
12
00:00:31,096 --> 00:00:34,031
- Aah! Aah!
13
00:00:34,032 --> 00:00:36,334
I'm not wearin' it, jackass!
14
00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:37,902
- I thought you...
15
00:00:37,903 --> 00:00:39,237
- It's in my hand!
16
00:00:39,238 --> 00:00:40,638
- But didn't you have...
17
00:00:40,639 --> 00:00:41,839
[junior coughs]
18
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,309
Captioning made possible
by mtv networks
19
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:46,311
Captioned by the national
captioning institute
20
00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:48,246
--Www.Ncicap.Org--
21
00:00:55,621 --> 00:00:57,422
- Go, go, go!
22
00:00:57,423 --> 00:00:59,724
[electric current hums]
23
00:01:09,902 --> 00:01:12,070
- Ha ha ha ha!
24
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,607
Hey, where's the guy?
25
00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:24,549
[siren]
26
00:01:26,151 --> 00:01:29,954
- Finally, last
order of business today,
27
00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:36,394
The answer is jalapeno poppers,
mescal shots,
28
00:01:36,395 --> 00:01:39,964
And the no frijoles
barred taco bar
29
00:01:39,965 --> 00:01:42,533
At tacos, tacos, tacos tonight.
30
00:01:42,534 --> 00:01:44,436
What's the question?
31
00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:50,308
- What?
32
00:01:50,309 --> 00:01:52,276
- Happy birthday, garcia!
33
00:01:52,277 --> 00:01:54,078
- It's your birthday!
34
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:56,915
- Thank you, thank you.
35
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:59,084
- Big 7-5, huh?
36
00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:00,251
- Gettin' old. No, no, no.
37
00:02:00,252 --> 00:02:01,719
- Save a dance for me, now.
38
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,055
- I would save
a dance for you,
39
00:02:04,056 --> 00:02:05,857
And that sounds like fun,
40
00:02:05,858 --> 00:02:10,628
But I have, uh, some plans
of my own for my birthday.
41
00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:11,830
[laughter]
42
00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:14,231
- No, you don't!
43
00:02:14,232 --> 00:02:16,400
- Ok, so we'll get there-- get
there a little bit early,
44
00:02:16,401 --> 00:02:18,669
'cause they gotta get
the jalapeno poppers up.
45
00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:20,271
- Uh, you know,
I appreciate it,
46
00:02:20,272 --> 00:02:23,941
But, uh, just seriously,
this year,
47
00:02:23,942 --> 00:02:26,578
I got...Hey, rain check.
48
00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:28,380
- We not gonna beg you.
49
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:30,549
- Oh, no, no.
50
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:32,783
We'll, uh, we'll do it,
uh, my next one.
51
00:02:32,784 --> 00:02:34,952
Only thank you.
52
00:02:34,953 --> 00:02:36,421
- Yeah. Yeah.
53
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:37,956
- I'm gonna. Ok.
54
00:02:40,092 --> 00:02:41,992
- He's got plans? What?
55
00:02:41,993 --> 00:02:43,929
- Uh, yeah, he's
got a date with brittany murphy.
56
00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:45,530
What? No, no.
He doesn't have plans.
57
00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:46,731
He's gonna jack off,
and he's gonna watch
58
00:02:46,732 --> 00:02:48,199
Old "hill street blues"
episodes.
59
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,700
- And then
he's gonna cry.
60
00:02:49,701 --> 00:02:51,036
- That's what he does,
and he's gonna sob.
61
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:52,470
- He wrote
something on this paper.
62
00:02:52,471 --> 00:02:54,205
- He wrote
"happy birthday to me"
63
00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:56,274
With kind of a picture
of a little octoroon.
64
00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:59,076
- That's supposed to be me...
65
00:02:59,077 --> 00:03:00,711
- I drew a picture
of a hamburger
66
00:03:00,712 --> 00:03:03,448
With a sad face, and no one saw
it as me crying for help.
67
00:03:08,086 --> 00:03:12,323
[dogs bark]
68
00:03:12,324 --> 00:03:13,657
- Sheriff's
department!
69
00:03:13,658 --> 00:03:15,693
- Sheriff's department! Frisbee!
70
00:03:15,694 --> 00:03:19,430
- Chandler, ross, joey, oliver,
greg, get in the house!
71
00:03:19,431 --> 00:03:21,465
Get in the house!
72
00:03:21,466 --> 00:03:22,968
- How are we doin' today?
73
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:24,168
- We're doing.
74
00:03:24,169 --> 00:03:26,371
- We got a call down there
at the department.
75
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:30,741
Some, aircraft takin' off from
reno airport's been receivin'
76
00:03:30,742 --> 00:03:33,578
Some fire, some bullet rounds.
77
00:03:33,579 --> 00:03:35,747
- What airline was it?
78
00:03:35,748 --> 00:03:36,848
- Uh...
79
00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:40,952
- Doesn't really matter,
frisbee, honestly...
80
00:03:40,953 --> 00:03:43,154
- I don't shoot at airlines.
Alien aircraft.
81
00:03:43,155 --> 00:03:44,455
- You only shoot
at alien aircraft?
82
00:03:44,456 --> 00:03:47,091
- What I think is
alien aircraft, e.T. Stuff.
83
00:03:47,092 --> 00:03:48,693
- Uh-huh, and how would
you distinguish that
84
00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:50,061
From regular aircraft?
85
00:03:50,062 --> 00:03:53,264
- It's got aliens in it.
86
00:03:53,265 --> 00:03:56,201
- What if you start some shit
with alien spirits--aircraft?
87
00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,202
What if they were just,
you know, doin',
88
00:03:58,203 --> 00:03:59,604
A little drive-by
89
00:03:59,605 --> 00:04:01,573
And you start takin'
shots at 'em,
90
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:05,009
And suddenly, holy shit,
we just took a first shot
91
00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:06,210
At an alien spacecraft.
92
00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:07,479
- That's a good question.
What's your name?
93
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,913
- Travis, travis junior.
94
00:04:08,914 --> 00:04:10,915
- Travis, that's
a good question.
95
00:04:10,916 --> 00:04:12,183
- Thank you.
96
00:04:12,184 --> 00:04:13,617
- I like your look.
97
00:04:13,618 --> 00:04:14,919
- I like your lifestyle.
98
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,321
- Thanks a lot.
99
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:20,458
Got a nice house, got
a good wife/second cousin.
100
00:04:20,459 --> 00:04:21,826
- How you doin', ma'am?
101
00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:23,160
- Hi. I'm good, thanks.
102
00:04:23,161 --> 00:04:25,329
- If we were to look,
say, for example,
103
00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:26,831
In that bunker that
you covered with tarp
104
00:04:26,832 --> 00:04:28,099
Right before we came over...
105
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:29,467
- I ain't been over there
in so long.
106
00:04:29,468 --> 00:04:31,102
I have not been over--
107
00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:33,438
- You never make it
to this corner of the yard.
108
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,973
- That's not even ours.
109
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,173
- This is not yours?
110
00:04:36,174 --> 00:04:37,341
- Uh--honey, is that ours?
111
00:04:37,342 --> 00:04:38,510
- Shut up!
112
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:40,245
- I'm sorry.
113
00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:42,080
- Oh, ho ho ho ho!
114
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,949
- Oh, my lord.
115
00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:47,185
- Holy...
- Wow! Damn!
116
00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:48,420
- Frisbee!
117
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:50,021
- Yeah, I got this
at a yard sale.
118
00:04:50,022 --> 00:04:51,189
- What?
119
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:52,523
Shit. I never find shit
at yard sales.
120
00:04:52,524 --> 00:04:54,191
- You got a bargain, too.
121
00:04:54,192 --> 00:04:55,593
- So you're just shootin'
at these cans right there?
122
00:04:55,594 --> 00:04:56,761
- That and the oranges.
123
00:04:56,762 --> 00:04:58,162
- All right, so just cock
her up and let her go.
124
00:04:58,163 --> 00:04:59,364
- Just hug up to it.
125
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:01,032
All right, put the hand
underneath. Here we go.
126
00:05:01,033 --> 00:05:03,400
- Feed and bleed!
Let it feed and bleed!
127
00:05:06,538 --> 00:05:08,072
- Shit! Shit!
128
00:05:17,049 --> 00:05:19,284
- That was pretty fucking cool.
129
00:05:22,554 --> 00:05:23,821
- Can I do it next?
130
00:05:23,822 --> 00:05:24,989
- Sure. Go ahead.
131
00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:32,363
[siren]
132
00:05:32,364 --> 00:05:33,531
- So I'm 90% sure
133
00:05:33,532 --> 00:05:34,699
My house
is haunted.
134
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:35,867
- Hey, there,
kimball!
135
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,334
- Hey, how
ya doin'?
136
00:05:37,335 --> 00:05:38,503
- Turns out
a guy killed himself
137
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:39,671
In the back of my
garage.
138
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,073
And his name was timmy.
139
00:05:42,074 --> 00:05:43,441
- Hey, papi!
- Good to see you.
140
00:05:43,442 --> 00:05:46,010
- Oh, my gosh!
Look at you!
141
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:47,846
- Get out here.
Let me look at you.
142
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:50,181
Let me just turn you around.
143
00:05:50,182 --> 00:05:53,151
- Oh, lookit!
- Whoo!
144
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:55,419
- You like them?!
I just got them.
145
00:05:55,420 --> 00:05:58,456
- Ohh! Put out the fire! Uh-oh!
Put out the fire.
146
00:05:58,457 --> 00:06:00,892
- He has a secret girlfriend.
147
00:06:00,893 --> 00:06:02,293
- Oh, you like that.
148
00:06:02,294 --> 00:06:04,462
- I like when you like that.
You look beautiful.
149
00:06:04,463 --> 00:06:05,630
- I made arroz con pollo.
150
00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:06,797
- Chicken and rice?
- I did, I did.
151
00:06:06,798 --> 00:06:07,999
- Oh, good!
152
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,901
- Who is that lady,
and why is he hiding her?
153
00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:11,135
- He blew us off.
154
00:06:11,136 --> 00:06:12,870
- Why does he have
a secret lady?
155
00:06:12,871 --> 00:06:14,472
Who's the secret lady?
156
00:06:14,473 --> 00:06:15,939
- There's something
wrong with her. Obviously.
157
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,242
- Obviously.
158
00:06:18,243 --> 00:06:20,445
- That's a dude.
- Think it's a dude?
159
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:22,714
- Let's find out what can.
- I'm dumbfounded.
160
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,615
[tires screech]
161
00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:30,622
- I haven't met
garcia's girlfriend.
162
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:32,223
I don't think
anybody has,
163
00:06:32,224 --> 00:06:35,560
But my feeling
is anyone
164
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:37,362
That keeps him busy
165
00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,464
And keeps him from jerking off
in the evidence locker
166
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:41,633
Is a good thing.
167
00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:45,103
- That little f-er.
168
00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:47,238
- Mexican.
169
00:06:47,239 --> 00:06:52,510
- That little mexican
jumping bean.
170
00:06:52,511 --> 00:06:58,749
To be hiding, like, this
seemingly normal-looking woman,
171
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,851
That is weird.
172
00:07:00,852 --> 00:07:03,621
That is weird, 'cause remember
that fat chick he was dating?
173
00:07:03,622 --> 00:07:06,557
He strutted her around
like his prize piglet.
174
00:07:08,326 --> 00:07:09,527
- 222 virginia.
175
00:07:09,528 --> 00:07:10,695
Right here.
176
00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:11,862
There they are.
177
00:07:11,863 --> 00:07:13,131
Let's go.
178
00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:14,298
- Stealth mode
179
00:07:14,299 --> 00:07:15,466
Stealth mode.
180
00:07:15,467 --> 00:07:16,634
- What's that mean,
181
00:07:16,635 --> 00:07:17,802
Like ducking?
182
00:07:17,803 --> 00:07:19,403
- Yes. Duck.
Stealth mode means duck.
183
00:07:19,404 --> 00:07:21,238
Ok. Ok, gang.
184
00:07:21,239 --> 00:07:22,474
- My god. Look,
look, look, look.
185
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:23,841
Look what they doin'.
186
00:07:23,842 --> 00:07:26,044
- Aw, come on!
- Look at that!
187
00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:27,311
- That's a wedding cake?
188
00:07:27,312 --> 00:07:28,646
- Wedding cake.
That's a wedding cake.
189
00:07:28,647 --> 00:07:30,848
2 tiers, 2 tiers,
motherfucker.
190
00:07:30,849 --> 00:07:32,450
- He's marryin' that woman?
191
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:35,153
- She marryin' him?
That's the question.
192
00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:37,188
We've been runnin' stats
on this skank all morning.
193
00:07:37,189 --> 00:07:41,391
Nothin'. Not escaped from
a mental institution,
194
00:07:41,392 --> 00:07:44,262
No prior arrests,
clean credit.
195
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:45,496
- Good morning, people! Wow!
196
00:07:45,497 --> 00:07:48,933
What a surprise to see
you all here where I am!
197
00:07:48,934 --> 00:07:51,536
How did that happen, dangle?!
198
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:55,339
Huh? "let's go see what garcia's
doin' today on his day off
199
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:57,709
"because we don't have
work to do!
200
00:07:57,710 --> 00:08:01,746
No! We gotta follow
garcia around!"
201
00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:03,881
- Oh, my goodness!
202
00:08:03,882 --> 00:08:06,384
- This is maria.
- Is this a surprise?!
203
00:08:06,385 --> 00:08:08,219
- Surprise.
204
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:09,887
- Oh, ho ho! Oh, my god!
205
00:08:09,888 --> 00:08:11,221
- Yes, honey.
206
00:08:11,222 --> 00:08:14,258
- Hello! Oh, my goodness!
207
00:08:14,259 --> 00:08:17,828
Welcome to the family!
- Thank you.
208
00:08:17,829 --> 00:08:19,129
- This is maria. A fun surprise.
209
00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:21,232
- Please, please tell me you all
are coming to the wedding.
210
00:08:21,233 --> 00:08:23,134
Please tell me yes.
I won't take no...
211
00:08:23,135 --> 00:08:26,103
- Wedding, huh?
- We didn't get an invitation.
212
00:08:26,104 --> 00:08:27,906
- We don't have a date yet.
We don't have a date. So...
213
00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:29,474
- Yeah. There's
no date, pero...
214
00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:30,641
- No need to send out
invitations
215
00:08:30,642 --> 00:08:31,809
Or let anybody know yet.
216
00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:33,310
- I picked out the cake.
I already picked it out.
217
00:08:33,311 --> 00:08:34,812
- You did? You did it
without me. Good for you.
218
00:08:34,813 --> 00:08:36,147
- We're gonna go get
the invitations
219
00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:39,049
And all you guys,
please be there, ok?
220
00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:41,218
I love you guys! I love you.
221
00:08:41,219 --> 00:08:42,654
I'll go get the car, ok?
222
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:46,023
- Hey, she's wonderful.
Why are you embarrassed of her?
223
00:08:46,024 --> 00:08:48,692
- I'm not embarrassed of her.
I'm embarrassed of you.
224
00:08:48,693 --> 00:08:50,794
I work with 7 trolls!
225
00:08:50,795 --> 00:08:52,930
Snow white and the 7 idiots!
Look at y'all!
226
00:08:52,931 --> 00:08:54,498
- Well, you would think that--
227
00:08:54,499 --> 00:08:56,867
- Well, you would think that you
would just shut up right now!
228
00:08:56,868 --> 00:08:59,536
I'm sick of it!
229
00:08:59,537 --> 00:09:02,173
Have a good day spyin'!
230
00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:04,208
- Come on, papi!
231
00:09:04,209 --> 00:09:06,210
Bye!
232
00:09:06,211 --> 00:09:07,912
- Bye.
233
00:09:07,913 --> 00:09:09,380
- Nice finally meetin' ya.
234
00:09:14,253 --> 00:09:16,054
- I feel like shit.
- Yeah.
235
00:09:18,323 --> 00:09:19,791
- We should still
follow him, right?
236
00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,326
- I got one of her hairs.
237
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:22,893
I got one of hairs
when she hugged me.
238
00:09:22,894 --> 00:09:24,628
- Wait, wait, you guys.
Go in there,
239
00:09:24,629 --> 00:09:25,796
Find out where they're
deliverin' the cake.
240
00:09:25,797 --> 00:09:27,131
- Find that out!
241
00:09:27,132 --> 00:09:28,532
- Buy some hats if you got to!
- Come on, let's go
242
00:09:28,533 --> 00:09:30,368
Go, go, go, go, move!
- I'll page every 3 minutes!
243
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,370
[siren]
244
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,942
[siren]
245
00:09:37,943 --> 00:09:39,810
- We take you now live
for a statement
246
00:09:39,811 --> 00:09:42,179
From a representative for
the reno sheriff's department.
247
00:09:43,782 --> 00:09:45,549
- I'm nervous. I never
248
00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:46,918
Done one of these before.
249
00:09:49,254 --> 00:09:51,555
I mean, they tell
you when,
250
00:09:51,556 --> 00:09:54,158
Like, they say action
or something, right?
251
00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:55,927
- What?
252
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,796
- Do they say action
when you're on?
253
00:09:58,797 --> 00:10:00,798
- Yeah, you're
supposed to hear somethin'.
254
00:10:00,799 --> 00:10:03,434
Do I have a booger?
255
00:10:03,435 --> 00:10:05,036
- A little bit of one.
256
00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:16,580
- Hey. Can you do me a favor?
257
00:10:16,581 --> 00:10:19,016
Can you see--can you
see my pad?
258
00:10:19,017 --> 00:10:21,585
- I can totally see
your pad.
259
00:10:21,586 --> 00:10:22,786
You can see it?
260
00:10:22,787 --> 00:10:26,390
It's like way--it's
like way up here.
261
00:10:26,391 --> 00:10:27,658
You're supposed to
put it in the front.
262
00:10:27,659 --> 00:10:28,993
- Hey! You're on the air!
263
00:10:28,994 --> 00:10:30,294
- It looks like...
264
00:10:30,295 --> 00:10:31,461
- You're on the air!
265
00:10:31,462 --> 00:10:32,964
- Wait. I can't tell
if that's your pad
266
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,465
Or the seam of your pants.
267
00:10:34,466 --> 00:10:35,566
- Hello.
268
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,938
- Got a call that
somebody's been givin',
269
00:10:40,939 --> 00:10:42,773
Tongue jobs
270
00:10:42,774 --> 00:10:44,141
Here in the restroom
271
00:10:44,142 --> 00:10:48,478
Of tacos, tacos,
tacos, tacos.
272
00:10:48,479 --> 00:10:49,647
- Sheriff's department!
273
00:10:49,648 --> 00:10:50,948
- Sheriff's department!
274
00:10:50,949 --> 00:10:53,818
- What? Hello?
275
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:54,985
- Is that you, terry?
276
00:10:54,986 --> 00:10:56,153
- Terry?
277
00:10:56,154 --> 00:10:57,821
- Yes, it's me! I have diarrhea!
It's bad!
278
00:10:57,822 --> 00:10:59,424
- Get out of the bathroom,
terry! Get on out of here!
279
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:01,192
- I have bad diarrhea.
280
00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:02,660
- You alone in there, terry?
281
00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:05,763
- All right. It's stuck.
282
00:11:05,764 --> 00:11:07,698
Shh!
283
00:11:07,699 --> 00:11:09,099
- Who were you shooshing?
284
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:10,534
- What?
- Who were you shooshing?
285
00:11:10,535 --> 00:11:12,103
- Nobody.
- I didn't shoosh.
286
00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:13,270
- Have you been giving
tongue jobs in the bathroom?
287
00:11:13,271 --> 00:11:14,672
- No! Why would I do that?!
288
00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:15,940
I would never do
something like that.
289
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:18,609
First of all, I have a
girlfriend who I love very much.
290
00:11:18,610 --> 00:11:20,444
- Her name is...
291
00:11:20,445 --> 00:11:22,279
- Michelle.
292
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,747
- Michelle?
293
00:11:23,748 --> 00:11:25,116
- What's she look like?
294
00:11:25,117 --> 00:11:27,317
- She's, us, super-tall,
and she's got...
295
00:11:27,318 --> 00:11:28,553
- How tall?
296
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:29,787
- Sweet boobs.
297
00:11:29,788 --> 00:11:31,122
- Uh-huh.
298
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:33,123
I always knew you were
a sweet booby man, terry.
299
00:11:33,124 --> 00:11:34,559
- I put my weiner on 'em.
- Yeah?
300
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:35,759
- Yep.
- You did?
301
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,294
- That's true.
302
00:11:37,295 --> 00:11:40,464
- Terry, the good people here at
tacos, tacos, tacos, tacos
303
00:11:40,465 --> 00:11:43,301
Have agreed to...
- Shut.
304
00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:44,468
- Ok, sir...
305
00:11:44,469 --> 00:11:45,870
- Don't--who's that?!
Who is that?!
306
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,338
- Come on, come here.
307
00:11:47,339 --> 00:11:48,806
- Who are you?
- Stay where you are.
308
00:11:48,807 --> 00:11:49,973
- Oh, my god! -
- Stay where you are...
309
00:11:49,974 --> 00:11:51,842
- Oh, my god. He's a killer.
Who is that guy?
310
00:11:51,843 --> 00:11:53,577
- Keep talking to him.
Come on. In you go.
311
00:11:53,578 --> 00:11:55,078
- Who is that guy?
- You never seen him before?
312
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:56,347
- I've never seen him before.
313
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:58,149
- What the fuck, terry.
- What?
314
00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:01,218
- These are good people
at tacos, tacos, tacos, tacos!
315
00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:02,820
- I know!
316
00:12:02,821 --> 00:12:04,821
- They did not have
to take a felon!
317
00:12:04,822 --> 00:12:06,157
- That's what I said.
318
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,491
- I'm not--stop yelling at me.
319
00:12:07,492 --> 00:12:09,493
- Oh, the drama,
the fucking drama.
320
00:12:09,494 --> 00:12:12,296
[terry sobbing softly]
321
00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:14,331
- We're not goin'
with the waterworks.
322
00:12:14,332 --> 00:12:15,499
- Stay where you are.
- Stay where you are.
323
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,667
- I'm gonna go talk
to this son of a bitch.
324
00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:18,335
- Talk to that little
son of a bitch.
325
00:12:18,336 --> 00:12:21,605
- Terry...Terry, you had
a chance to start over.
326
00:12:21,606 --> 00:12:25,676
Not a lot of people get a chance
to start over, but you got...
327
00:12:25,677 --> 00:12:27,945
- What?
328
00:12:27,946 --> 00:12:29,179
- What?
329
00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:30,681
- $2.00 a tongue job.
330
00:12:30,682 --> 00:12:31,849
- Jesus, terry, $2.00?!
331
00:12:31,850 --> 00:12:33,083
- $2.00.
332
00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:35,085
Terry, I'd like to direct
your attention.
333
00:12:35,086 --> 00:12:38,088
The burger special, the tacos,
tacos, tacos burger special:
334
00:12:38,089 --> 00:12:39,890
$4.09!
335
00:12:39,891 --> 00:12:43,427
- First of all,
a tongue job doesn't come
336
00:12:43,428 --> 00:12:45,129
With fries or a soda.
337
00:12:48,099 --> 00:12:49,433
[laughter
and yelling]
338
00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:50,635
- Open up, ladies!
339
00:12:53,471 --> 00:12:54,838
- I ordered a male.
340
00:12:54,839 --> 00:12:58,209
- You got me, huh?
Back up, blondie.
341
00:12:58,210 --> 00:13:02,713
Ladies, you bein' way
too loud, all right?
342
00:13:02,714 --> 00:13:05,483
All this hollerin' and screami''
and carryin' on.
343
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:09,920
You the bride,
'cause you gettin' married.
344
00:13:09,921 --> 00:13:11,789
That's nothin' to celebrate.
345
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:14,959
Let me tell you somethin',
honey, I been where you at.
346
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,895
I been where you at:
All wantin' to get married,
347
00:13:17,896 --> 00:13:19,830
All tryin' to have a man.
Skinny!
348
00:13:19,831 --> 00:13:22,766
Girl, I used to could
hula hoop with a cheerio!
349
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:25,770
One husband and 4 babies
later, what?
350
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:30,674
Bam! Look at it!
This is your destiny!
351
00:13:30,675 --> 00:13:33,944
I sit on your destiny every day.
352
00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:36,547
Y'all don't even want me
to unbutton my shirt
353
00:13:36,548 --> 00:13:37,948
And show you my stomach,
354
00:13:37,949 --> 00:13:40,217
Where them stretch marks
all ran across there
355
00:13:40,218 --> 00:13:42,153
So they look
like railroad tracks!
356
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:46,157
Congratulations, girl!
Whoo whoo whoo.
357
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:48,925
Come on, joe.
Have a good time, ladies!
358
00:13:48,926 --> 00:13:51,028
Don't drink too much!
359
00:13:54,032 --> 00:13:55,833
Somebody had to do it.
360
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:57,234
[bride sobs]
361
00:13:57,235 --> 00:13:58,569
I walk in the truth.
362
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:03,440
- I love roller skating.
We gotta do it again.
363
00:14:03,441 --> 00:14:05,976
- Let's do it again. - Ok!
364
00:14:05,977 --> 00:14:07,144
- I love you.
365
00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:08,980
- I love you. Be
careful, ok?
366
00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:10,147
Have a good
night's sleep, ok?
367
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:11,315
- I will.
368
00:14:11,316 --> 00:14:12,616
- Tomorrow, breakfast?
- You be good, now.
369
00:14:12,617 --> 00:14:14,151
Tomorrow, breakfast.
370
00:14:14,152 --> 00:14:15,586
[motorcycle]
371
00:14:18,856 --> 00:14:22,726
- Damn, girl!
You lookin' fine!
372
00:14:22,727 --> 00:14:24,461
I brought you something.
373
00:14:24,462 --> 00:14:25,829
- Oh, my god. They're so
beautiful.
374
00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:27,498
Ohh, I missed you.
375
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:28,966
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
376
00:14:28,967 --> 00:14:31,168
- My gosh, I've been thinking
about you all night.
377
00:14:31,169 --> 00:14:32,670
- Where do you want
to go tonight?
378
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:34,872
- Wherever you want
to take me, papi.
379
00:14:34,873 --> 00:14:36,741
- "wherever you want
to take me, papi"?
380
00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:38,008
You hear that?
381
00:14:38,009 --> 00:14:39,676
- Shit. Let's follow them.
- Tail them, tail them.
382
00:14:39,677 --> 00:14:42,013
[siren]
383
00:14:47,752 --> 00:14:50,120
- Fancy running into you, ron.
384
00:14:50,121 --> 00:14:51,688
You must be out shopping,
385
00:14:51,689 --> 00:14:54,024
Getting ready to celebrate
new year's eve, I'll bet.
386
00:14:54,025 --> 00:14:55,792
- I've been running
around like crazy
387
00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:59,329
Buying champagne,
caviar, and lots
388
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:04,168
And lots of ammunition
to shoot my guns in the air
389
00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:06,137
When that clock hits midnight.
390
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:08,405
- Sounds like fun.
391
00:15:08,406 --> 00:15:10,708
But why don't you do like me
and wayne
392
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:17,781
And switch to police tek 2000
blanks instead of bullets?
393
00:15:17,782 --> 00:15:19,150
- Blanks, huh?
394
00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:23,520
Well, last year, one of...The
guys at my party did get killed.
395
00:15:23,521 --> 00:15:25,522
Maybe you're right.
396
00:15:25,523 --> 00:15:28,892
I think I will switch
to police tek 2000.
397
00:15:28,893 --> 00:15:31,595
New year's eve blanks.
398
00:15:31,596 --> 00:15:33,831
- Happy new year, ron!
399
00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:36,834
[siren]
400
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:38,001
- Easy, easy.
401
00:15:38,002 --> 00:15:39,169
Stay back,
stay back.
402
00:15:39,170 --> 00:15:41,172
Stay back.
403
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:42,639
She's getting off.
404
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:46,243
- I'm so sore! Ohh!
405
00:15:46,244 --> 00:15:48,846
You wear me out.
406
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:50,013
- I'll bet you he does.
407
00:15:50,014 --> 00:15:51,448
- Yeah, well...
408
00:15:51,449 --> 00:15:53,851
- I love to ride with you,
do you know that?
409
00:15:53,852 --> 00:15:56,953
- Look at them.
- Man, this will kill garcia.
410
00:15:56,954 --> 00:15:58,255
- Let's just shoot
him right now.
411
00:15:58,256 --> 00:15:59,523
- No, no, no, no.
We can't shoot him right now.
412
00:15:59,524 --> 00:16:00,958
We can't shoot him right here.
413
00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:03,960
- What did she just get?
414
00:16:03,961 --> 00:16:05,796
- She's movin'.
415
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:08,098
- Move, son of a bitch.
416
00:16:08,099 --> 00:16:09,466
- Let's go.
- You ready?
417
00:16:09,467 --> 00:16:10,634
- Hit it.
418
00:16:10,635 --> 00:16:11,802
[siren]
419
00:16:11,803 --> 00:16:12,970
- There we go.
- All right.
420
00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:16,106
- Yep.
- Pull into the alley.
421
00:16:16,107 --> 00:16:17,708
Yeah, you on the bike.
422
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:19,376
I need you to make that
turn into this alley,
423
00:16:19,377 --> 00:16:20,710
Then I need you to pull over.
424
00:16:23,181 --> 00:16:24,514
How you doin' tonight, sir?
425
00:16:24,515 --> 00:16:25,683
- Ok.
426
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:27,117
- Where's the fire, casanova?
427
00:16:27,118 --> 00:16:29,186
- I don't do nothing--
I driving.
428
00:16:29,187 --> 00:16:31,122
- Who's the girl?! The girl!
429
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,623
- Maria! That's my girlfriend.
430
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:33,823
- Oh!
- Your girlfriend?!
431
00:16:33,824 --> 00:16:34,992
- Yes!
- Wrong!
432
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:37,761
Maria's already
got a man, bucko!
433
00:16:37,762 --> 00:16:38,996
- No, she doesn't.
- Yes, she do!
434
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:40,764
And he is one of our
very best friends!
435
00:16:40,765 --> 00:16:42,566
- Are you sure?
- You got a driver's license?
436
00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:45,535
- Of course.
- Double time.
437
00:16:45,536 --> 00:16:47,004
- I have license.
438
00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:48,172
- Double time, julio iglesias!
439
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,540
- Who said you could put your
hands down?
440
00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:51,174
- Hands up!
- Sorry.
441
00:16:51,175 --> 00:16:53,210
- Huh.
- Legal, see?
442
00:16:53,211 --> 00:16:56,012
- Maybe you didn't hear me,
but I asked, uh...
443
00:16:56,013 --> 00:16:57,381
For your driver's license.
444
00:16:57,382 --> 00:16:59,283
- Where's your driver's license?
- Yeah, you have it.
445
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:02,419
- Oh! 2 points!
446
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:05,089
Oh, my--why you hit
my bike, man?!
447
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:06,790
- Missin' your tail light
back there.
448
00:17:06,791 --> 00:17:09,793
- You stay away from maria! I
don't want to see you in reno!
449
00:17:09,794 --> 00:17:11,328
I don't even want to see you
in nevada, you hear me?!
450
00:17:11,329 --> 00:17:12,963
- Ok!
- Huh?!
451
00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:14,131
- Yeah, yeah! I hear you...
- You hear now, don't ya?!
452
00:17:14,132 --> 00:17:15,666
- California's that way!
- Get goin'!
453
00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:18,068
- Amigo! Go!
- Get goin'!
454
00:17:18,069 --> 00:17:19,303
- Get goin'!
- áandele! áandele!
455
00:17:19,304 --> 00:17:20,771
- Get goin'! Get goin'!
[gunshot]
456
00:17:20,772 --> 00:17:24,140
- We're gonna fill your pendejo
ass with lead!
457
00:17:24,141 --> 00:17:25,476
[laughter]
458
00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:26,877
- That was really good!
459
00:17:26,878 --> 00:17:28,312
Really good, guys. Really good.
Some scary sons of bitches!
460
00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:30,147
- Good work, good work.
461
00:17:30,148 --> 00:17:31,648
- Like, my adrenaline was all
going and everything.
462
00:17:31,649 --> 00:17:33,149
- That was good.
- It was great.
463
00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:34,318
- Oh, wow. Oh, man.
464
00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:36,286
I feel good that we did
that for garcia.
465
00:17:36,287 --> 00:17:38,489
- I still missed.
466
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:41,625
- We'll never tell him.
Never tell garcia, ok?
467
00:17:41,626 --> 00:17:43,193
- No, no, it's better if
he just doesn't know.
468
00:17:43,194 --> 00:17:44,761
- Better if he doesn't know.
469
00:17:44,762 --> 00:17:46,162
- Yeah, it'll break his heart.
470
00:17:46,163 --> 00:17:47,331
- I feel wonderful.
- Good work. Good work.
471
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:48,832
- We did a good thing
for a change.
472
00:17:48,833 --> 00:17:50,166
- That was so good.
473
00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:51,535
- She is the best thing
that ever happened to him,
474
00:17:51,536 --> 00:17:53,270
And she's still happenin'.
475
00:17:53,271 --> 00:17:54,672
- Nice work, fellas.
476
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:57,941
I feel like, uh, I feel like
mary poppins or somethin'.
477
00:18:03,815 --> 00:18:05,883
- Oh, craig,
478
00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:07,451
These conjugal visits
479
00:18:07,452 --> 00:18:08,852
Are so wonderful.
480
00:18:08,853 --> 00:18:12,088
- This hurt?
- Yeah, a little bit.
481
00:18:12,089 --> 00:18:13,790
Ow.
482
00:18:13,791 --> 00:18:16,426
- You seem--you seem a little
uptight today.
483
00:18:16,427 --> 00:18:18,562
Are you nervous about something?
484
00:18:18,563 --> 00:18:21,765
- I just feel a little bit
awkward with him here.
485
00:18:21,766 --> 00:18:25,301
- Oh, no, don't worry
about--no--this is carwash.
486
00:18:25,302 --> 00:18:26,870
Everyone calls him carwash.
487
00:18:26,871 --> 00:18:28,672
I'm not sure what
his real name is,
488
00:18:28,673 --> 00:18:32,475
But, uh, he's
totally cool with this.
489
00:18:32,476 --> 00:18:33,711
- I understand.
490
00:18:33,712 --> 00:18:35,612
- I mean, this...
- No, it's fine.
491
00:18:35,613 --> 00:18:37,247
I mean, it's...
492
00:18:37,248 --> 00:18:40,016
- Let me talk to him.
- O.K.
493
00:18:40,017 --> 00:18:43,853
- Listen, the old
ball and chain here is--
494
00:18:43,854 --> 00:18:46,156
She's a little uncomfortable
with this.
495
00:18:46,157 --> 00:18:48,592
Maybe if you just sort of,
you know,
496
00:18:48,593 --> 00:18:50,494
Just look in that direction
a little bit.
497
00:18:50,495 --> 00:18:52,529
Just don't make it too obvious.
498
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:54,498
- Hey, I can hear you.
499
00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:57,300
Well, just so you know,
just to warn you in advance,
500
00:18:57,301 --> 00:19:00,437
I have a rash,
so it's gonna look weird,
501
00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:03,674
But it's not anything to be
alarmed about.
502
00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:05,075
- All right?
503
00:19:05,076 --> 00:19:06,843
- I'm cool.
- Could you point that at us?
504
00:19:06,844 --> 00:19:08,278
- No, I'm not gonna do that.
That's, uh...
505
00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:09,613
- Ok, just, ya know, checking
to see if that was something.
506
00:19:09,614 --> 00:19:10,914
- That's not professional.
507
00:19:10,915 --> 00:19:14,284
- That's all.
Add a little spice to it.
508
00:19:14,285 --> 00:19:17,220
- We can't hit you with this,
right, 'cause that would be...
509
00:19:17,221 --> 00:19:18,455
- Absolutely not.
510
00:19:18,456 --> 00:19:20,524
- Ok, that's cool.
That's understandable.
511
00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:21,959
[siren]
512
00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:28,899
[siren]
513
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:33,770
- So try to print a little
neater on the evidence bags, ok?
514
00:19:33,771 --> 00:19:36,607
It was 3 hours, 3 hours
I spent trying to figure out
515
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:40,144
What "public dander" would be.
516
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:41,645
"pubic dander" is what it was.
517
00:19:41,646 --> 00:19:43,113
Write legibly on the envelopes.
518
00:19:43,114 --> 00:19:44,481
- Pubic hair has dander?
519
00:19:44,482 --> 00:19:47,017
- It saves me a lot of time, ok?
520
00:19:47,018 --> 00:19:48,418
- No wonder my
allergies are so bad.
521
00:19:48,419 --> 00:19:51,055
- Hey, good morning.
You're late.
522
00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:52,556
- What's the matter?
523
00:19:52,557 --> 00:19:54,525
- Oh, it's just been
a long night.
524
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:58,928
Uh, the reason why
I'm late, uh...Is
525
00:19:58,929 --> 00:20:01,698
I have been up all night.
526
00:20:01,699 --> 00:20:06,703
My sister maria,
whom you all met yesterday,
527
00:20:06,704 --> 00:20:12,642
Is no longer going
to be getting married.
528
00:20:12,643 --> 00:20:16,580
Her fiance suddenly
decided to leave town
529
00:20:16,581 --> 00:20:24,221
Without notice or a phone call.
He's gone.
530
00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:28,492
She is completely devastated,
as am I,
531
00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:32,596
And, listen, if it's ok,
532
00:20:32,597 --> 00:20:34,931
I would like to request a little
time to go and spend with her.
533
00:20:34,932 --> 00:20:36,766
I'm a little worried,
'cause she's--yeah.
534
00:20:36,767 --> 00:20:38,234
- Yeah, go ahead.
535
00:20:39,804 --> 00:20:41,271
- I'll call in.
536
00:20:41,272 --> 00:20:42,873
- Don't worry about it.
537
00:20:49,446 --> 00:20:53,550
- I kind of feel like this
is a little bit our fault.
538
00:20:53,551 --> 00:20:55,752
- No.
539
00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:57,988
- Actually, I don't blame
myself. I blame you.
540
00:20:57,989 --> 00:21:00,290
- You blame me?
- Yeah.
541
00:21:00,291 --> 00:21:03,494
Captioning made possible by
mtv networks
542
00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:04,694
Stop jerking off in
543
00:21:04,695 --> 00:21:06,663
The back men's room.
544
00:21:06,664 --> 00:21:08,198
They can hear you in
545
00:21:08,199 --> 00:21:10,200
The detective
division upstairs.
546
00:21:10,201 --> 00:21:12,669
Only if you do it
loud.
547
00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:14,371
- Loud.
- And angry.
548
00:21:14,372 --> 00:21:16,273
- I'm sorry.
549
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:19,142
The people who heard
and have a guess
550
00:21:19,143 --> 00:21:20,511
As to who it is
551
00:21:20,512 --> 00:21:22,012
Is the detective
division.
552
00:21:22,013 --> 00:21:23,313
Do they have hard
evidence?
553
00:21:23,314 --> 00:21:24,615
I don't think so.
554
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:25,849
- No. I think it's
soft evidence.
555
00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:27,117
- I think it's only
about an inch
556
00:21:27,118 --> 00:21:28,284
Of evidence.
557
00:21:28,285 --> 00:21:29,720
- Yeah.
It's uncircum--
558
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:30,887
Fuck it--stantial.
Never mind.
559
00:21:30,888 --> 00:21:32,089
Stop jacking off in
the men's room.
560
00:21:32,090 --> 00:21:33,190
- It ain't me.
561
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:37,790
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