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1
00:00:03,936 --> 00:00:06,070
- The white zone is
for immediate loading
2
00:00:06,071 --> 00:00:08,606
And unloading of
passengers only.
3
00:00:08,607 --> 00:00:09,674
- Got a fellow in
the hospital here waiting
4
00:00:09,675 --> 00:00:12,777
For a liver transplant.
5
00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:15,446
Organs should be
arriving at any moment.
6
00:00:15,447 --> 00:00:16,915
Come on, come on.
7
00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:21,219
Ah! Whoa! Here we go.
Ho! Ho. Ho.
8
00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:22,587
Ok, I got it.
9
00:00:22,588 --> 00:00:24,322
Trudy, you stay and
fill out the paperwork.
10
00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:27,125
- No, jim...
I'd like to handle this.
11
00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:28,793
I know exactly
what to do, jim.
12
00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:30,227
Go to st. Mary's hospital--
- check.
13
00:00:30,228 --> 00:00:33,098
- Go to the fourth floor,
icu, ask for dr.Peterson,
14
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,933
Tell him we have an o-positive
liver and we need to
15
00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:36,768
Get it there stat.
16
00:00:36,769 --> 00:00:38,203
- My god.
That was great.
17
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,804
Go! Go with god. Go!
18
00:00:39,805 --> 00:00:41,206
I'll do the paperwork.
19
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,875
Ok, she's on it, guys.
20
00:00:43,876 --> 00:00:46,845
Well done, gentlemen.
21
00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:48,679
- The white zone is
for immediate loading
22
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,583
And unloading of passengers.
23
00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:52,951
- Oh, fuck.
24
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:57,155
- Jim, I'm sorry.
25
00:00:57,156 --> 00:01:00,091
I forgot everything
I just said.
26
00:01:00,092 --> 00:01:03,028
Captioning made possible
by mtv networks
27
00:01:05,831 --> 00:01:07,799
- What?
- Come on.
28
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:15,807
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
29
00:01:15,808 --> 00:01:17,175
[electric sizzle]
30
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:35,426
- Whoa, whoa, oh!
31
00:01:36,862 --> 00:01:38,797
[siren]
32
00:01:45,237 --> 00:01:46,104
- Morning, gang.
- Ho.
33
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:47,606
- Morning.
34
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,907
- Everybody sounds fit as
a fiddle this morning.
35
00:01:49,908 --> 00:01:51,076
Travis, you had
an announcement you had
36
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:52,777
To make or something?
- I did.
37
00:01:52,778 --> 00:01:56,214
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls...
38
00:01:59,885 --> 00:02:02,220
Monkey jiz.
39
00:02:02,221 --> 00:02:04,189
Straight from the orient.
40
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:05,757
- Oh, I heard about that.
41
00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:07,859
- What are we supposed
to do with that?
42
00:02:07,860 --> 00:02:11,863
- Where'd you get that?
- Start the biddin' at $35.
43
00:02:11,864 --> 00:02:13,665
- What am I gonna do
with monkey jiz?
44
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:15,433
- 37.
- 37.
45
00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:17,168
- Uh, the end of the table seems
to know what it does.
46
00:02:17,169 --> 00:02:20,138
- What are the applications
of monkey jiz?
47
00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:21,806
- 38.
- 38.
48
00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:22,807
- They must be good.
49
00:02:22,808 --> 00:02:24,008
- 41.
- Oh, hell. 42.
50
00:02:24,009 --> 00:02:25,043
What does it do?
51
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:26,778
- 44.
- 50. What does it do?
52
00:02:26,779 --> 00:02:28,212
- Is it like for wrinkles?
53
00:02:28,213 --> 00:02:29,981
- 60.
- 61. What does it do?
54
00:02:29,982 --> 00:02:31,950
- No. No.
- 75.
55
00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:34,419
- Do not just stick
things in your mouth.
56
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:35,787
- What are we at?
And what does it do?
57
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:37,455
- We're at 75.
- We're at 75?
58
00:02:37,456 --> 00:02:38,756
- It's still warm.
59
00:02:38,757 --> 00:02:40,124
- That was from my pocket.
60
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,659
No, I got it mail order.
61
00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:44,395
- How do you know that's
authentic and not fake
62
00:02:44,396 --> 00:02:45,497
Monkey jiz?
- Oh, that's authentic.
63
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,497
You know that.
64
00:02:46,498 --> 00:02:48,032
- $200!
- 200.
65
00:02:48,033 --> 00:02:49,467
- 225.
- 225.
66
00:02:49,468 --> 00:02:50,535
- 250. What does it do?
67
00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:52,503
- 300.
- 301.
68
00:02:52,504 --> 00:02:54,539
- 301.
- 325.
69
00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:56,274
- 350.
- 350.
70
00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:58,843
- Where'd you get it?
- 375.
71
00:02:58,844 --> 00:03:00,644
- Big korean section manager.
72
00:03:00,645 --> 00:03:02,614
- 385.
- 382.
73
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,215
- 382 goin' once--
74
00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:06,217
- 385.
- 387.
75
00:03:06,218 --> 00:03:08,286
What is it?
- 401.99.
76
00:03:08,287 --> 00:03:09,354
- 402.
77
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,989
- The price is right
for the jiz.
78
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,456
- 402. Goin' once.
79
00:03:12,457 --> 00:03:14,125
- That's a week and a half--
that's 2 week's--
80
00:03:14,126 --> 00:03:16,294
- That's 3 weeks' pay.
- Sold!
81
00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:20,031
Kimball. You can just
write me a check.
82
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:21,666
- Okey-doke.
83
00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:24,102
Everybody knows that the new
liberace box set's coming
84
00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,004
Out, right?
85
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,238
- Who?
86
00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:31,710
- Anyhoo, his piano,
liberace's piano--on tour.
87
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,911
Comin' to the washoe mall.
88
00:03:33,912 --> 00:03:35,780
- Just the piano?
- Yeah!
89
00:03:35,781 --> 00:03:37,382
Whoa, go back.
Just the piano?
90
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,117
- Why isn't he...With it?
91
00:03:40,118 --> 00:03:42,687
- He died, like, 150 years ago.
92
00:03:42,688 --> 00:03:44,188
- He'd be a little
stiff at the keyboard.
93
00:03:44,189 --> 00:03:45,923
- He's dead?
- Oh, me.
94
00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:47,091
- You're already on it.
95
00:03:47,092 --> 00:03:48,293
It's you and garcia.
96
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,393
- That's inside the mall.
97
00:03:49,394 --> 00:03:50,595
It's climate-controlled,
right?
98
00:03:50,596 --> 00:03:52,197
I'll do it.
99
00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:53,965
- Anyhoo, moving right along.
100
00:03:53,966 --> 00:03:57,535
- I hear that monkey jiz,
it's very assertive.
101
00:03:57,536 --> 00:04:00,338
- You want to tell her?
- Seriously, what does it do?
102
00:04:00,339 --> 00:04:01,573
- Welcome to the force.
He's goofin' you.
103
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,542
It's his.
- Yeah, it's mine.
104
00:04:04,543 --> 00:04:05,676
- Whoo!
105
00:04:05,677 --> 00:04:07,745
- You've been jizzed
by junior, honey.
106
00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,147
- Rookie, rookie!
107
00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:11,983
- You just paid $402
for junior jiz.
108
00:04:11,984 --> 00:04:14,051
- April jiz.
109
00:04:20,025 --> 00:04:21,960
[classical music plays on piano]
110
00:04:30,535 --> 00:04:32,336
- Hey, not too close.
111
00:04:32,337 --> 00:04:34,071
- Keep movin', now.
112
00:04:38,977 --> 00:04:40,511
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
113
00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:43,848
- Don't touch
the piano, sir! Sir?
114
00:04:43,849 --> 00:04:45,082
You can look, but just
don't lean over
115
00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:46,484
The rail, ok?
116
00:04:46,485 --> 00:04:49,454
It's funny how something...
With lights on it
117
00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:51,055
Will attract these people.
118
00:05:06,872 --> 00:05:09,573
- You know you're
solids, right?
119
00:05:09,574 --> 00:05:10,941
- It's made of glass?
120
00:05:10,942 --> 00:05:13,077
- No, it is made of genuine
121
00:05:13,078 --> 00:05:18,716
Diamonds, 2.75 karats,
14-karat gold, and you know
122
00:05:18,717 --> 00:05:19,851
Why he gave it to me?
123
00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,185
'cause it's Monday.
124
00:05:21,186 --> 00:05:22,453
Or that's what he said.
125
00:05:22,454 --> 00:05:24,255
He goes, "happy Monday."
126
00:05:24,256 --> 00:05:25,623
- And you got this
from that hot tub guy?
127
00:05:25,624 --> 00:05:29,027
- The hot tub guy.
The hot tub king.
128
00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,195
With 4 stores in nevada.
129
00:05:31,196 --> 00:05:33,197
- Oh, yeah.
I've seen his picture.
130
00:05:33,198 --> 00:05:35,099
- He makes so much money,
I cannot even tell you.
131
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:37,902
And this is someone I
haven't even slept with.
132
00:05:37,903 --> 00:05:38,936
- Why don't you
sleep with him?
133
00:05:38,937 --> 00:05:40,105
- He's 74!
134
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:41,739
- Oh, he doesn't have a penis?
135
00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:45,142
- We have a message
for clementine johnson.
136
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,583
- ââ¢Âª oh, my darling,
oh, my darling ââ¢Âª
137
00:05:52,584 --> 00:05:57,154
ââ¢Âª oh, my darling clementine ââ¢Âª
138
00:05:57,155 --> 00:06:02,327
ââ¢Âª will you please
be mine forever ââ¢Âª
139
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:06,364
ââ¢Âª marry me, my clementine ââ¢Âª
140
00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:09,534
[giggling]
141
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,235
[gasps]
142
00:06:11,236 --> 00:06:12,903
- Hello! Barry?!
143
00:06:12,904 --> 00:06:14,238
- Uh.
144
00:06:14,239 --> 00:06:16,040
- Uh, fuck yeah!
145
00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:20,344
Fuck, yeah, I'll marry
your 74-year-old ass!
146
00:06:20,345 --> 00:06:21,578
Oh, my gosh!
147
00:06:21,579 --> 00:06:22,580
[horn honks]
148
00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:23,681
Oh, that's got to be him.
149
00:06:23,682 --> 00:06:25,549
[honking]
150
00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:28,085
Hang on.
151
00:06:28,086 --> 00:06:30,522
Barry!
152
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,490
- Here we go again with
her and the weddings.
153
00:06:32,491 --> 00:06:33,624
[horn honking]
154
00:06:33,625 --> 00:06:36,627
- Aah!
155
00:06:36,628 --> 00:06:39,097
Aah!
156
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:41,199
- Clem?
- Clemmy!
157
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,868
[clementine sobs]
158
00:06:43,869 --> 00:06:45,270
[cop gasps]
159
00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:46,337
- Barry, don't be dead!
160
00:06:46,338 --> 00:06:48,439
Don't be dead, barry!
161
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,341
- I got no pulse.
Oh, man.
162
00:06:50,342 --> 00:06:51,776
- Barry, go away
from the light!
163
00:06:51,777 --> 00:06:52,877
Come back!
164
00:06:52,878 --> 00:06:54,145
- He's dead.
- I command you!
165
00:06:54,146 --> 00:06:56,481
- Well, you came real close.
- Yeah.
166
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:59,684
- Why don't we, um...Call
the coroner, get him to bring
167
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:01,385
The meat wagon around here?
168
00:07:01,386 --> 00:07:03,488
- Don't. No,
don't, don't, don't.
169
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,757
Not yet. Not yet.
170
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,158
- Not yet?
We got to.
171
00:07:07,159 --> 00:07:08,425
- What are you thinkin' about?
172
00:07:08,426 --> 00:07:11,829
- If I stay a fiancee,
this is what I keep.
173
00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:15,866
I've always wanted
to be a widow.
174
00:07:15,867 --> 00:07:17,434
You help me, I help you.
175
00:07:17,435 --> 00:07:20,605
- We scratch your back...Well,
what are we talking about?
176
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,507
- Hot tubs all around...
177
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:24,041
- Yes!
178
00:07:24,042 --> 00:07:26,410
- Well, what are
we talking for?
179
00:07:26,411 --> 00:07:28,345
[jazzy tune plays]
180
00:07:31,116 --> 00:07:33,384
- Ok, you know what?
181
00:07:33,385 --> 00:07:35,820
Ok, let me tell you something.
182
00:07:35,821 --> 00:07:41,825
Ok, 3 times I wished in my
head that the piano would
183
00:07:41,826 --> 00:07:44,028
Play something different,
and it played it.
184
00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:46,664
- Ye-ah. It's on a loop.
185
00:07:46,665 --> 00:07:49,567
- I wish this
beautiful piano would
186
00:07:49,568 --> 00:07:52,136
Play something romantic.
187
00:07:52,137 --> 00:07:54,304
[song ends]
188
00:07:54,305 --> 00:07:57,575
[pretty song begins]
189
00:07:57,576 --> 00:07:58,910
Did you see that?!
190
00:07:58,911 --> 00:08:00,144
- Uh...Yeah...
191
00:08:00,145 --> 00:08:03,080
- That piano is magic.
- Ok.
192
00:08:03,081 --> 00:08:06,083
- It's magic!
3 ti--no, 4 times now!
193
00:08:06,084 --> 00:08:08,887
- Hey, you know what?
I got a weird thought.
194
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:11,055
I wish I was wayne newton
sittin' in the pool by
195
00:08:11,056 --> 00:08:13,624
The mirage and a beautiful
woman dropped out of the sky
196
00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:16,027
And brought me food
on a big old platter.
197
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:17,094
- You know what?
198
00:08:17,095 --> 00:08:19,864
Be careful what you wish for.
199
00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:21,900
You know what I'm saying?
Because this pian--
200
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,635
- Hi. Complimentary hot wings?
201
00:08:25,070 --> 00:08:28,005
I'm tammy from hotties.
202
00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:29,574
- Hey.
203
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,675
- Open now on level 2.
204
00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:32,977
- Ok.
205
00:08:37,248 --> 00:08:38,950
- 1, 2. Go.
206
00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:41,185
They asked you
to leave 3 times.
207
00:08:41,186 --> 00:08:42,387
3 times, they
asked you to leave.
208
00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:43,955
- Ok, but I have to tell you--
209
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:46,057
- I'm sorry. Come on.
Jail time.
210
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:48,592
- Here we go.
- No, no, no.
211
00:08:48,593 --> 00:08:49,661
We're goin' to jail.
212
00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:51,062
- I just have to
do something, ok?
213
00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:52,095
- What do you have to do?!
214
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,731
- I have to change my boots!
215
00:08:53,732 --> 00:08:55,333
- Don't change--they're
dangerous.
216
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,468
They are dangerous.
- I have to take off my shoes.
217
00:08:57,469 --> 00:08:58,736
- These shoes are real pretty.
218
00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:00,438
- Ok. I'm putting these in here.
219
00:09:00,439 --> 00:09:02,340
- Wait. Hold up--
I just want to put--
220
00:09:02,341 --> 00:09:04,008
- Come on, come on, come on!
221
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:08,145
- Get up! Missy! Missy!
- What?
222
00:09:08,146 --> 00:09:09,446
- You are not
wearing any pants.
223
00:09:09,447 --> 00:09:10,547
Now, you--
224
00:09:10,548 --> 00:09:12,083
- Can I put my pants on?
225
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:13,618
- Yes, yes.
You can put pants on. Yes.
226
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:14,985
- I want to pick
out which one.
227
00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:16,954
- How 'bout this?
- I don't want to wear those!
228
00:09:16,955 --> 00:09:18,155
- Which ones do you want?
229
00:09:18,156 --> 00:09:20,591
- I want to wear the ones...
The ones there...
230
00:09:20,592 --> 00:09:22,727
- How 'bout these?
- These are--these--
231
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,562
- Noooo!! They're
my fucking boyfriend's!
232
00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:26,430
- Hey! Hey! Hey! These.
233
00:09:26,431 --> 00:09:29,100
- I don't want to wear those.
234
00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:30,167
- That's real pretty.
235
00:09:30,168 --> 00:09:31,802
- I don't think this is mine!
236
00:09:31,803 --> 00:09:33,404
This is fucking charity's!
237
00:09:33,405 --> 00:09:35,506
I don't want to wear
her stupid skirt.
238
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:36,974
- Panties.
Wait a second.
239
00:09:36,975 --> 00:09:38,709
- This is on backwards.
240
00:09:38,710 --> 00:09:39,744
- Oh, no.
There you go.
241
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,445
- Aah!
242
00:09:41,446 --> 00:09:42,980
- Now, come on.
243
00:09:42,981 --> 00:09:45,082
- Wait, wait, wait.
I forgot something.
244
00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:47,685
I forgot something!
- What did you forget?
245
00:09:47,686 --> 00:09:49,320
What did you forget?
246
00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:50,488
- My cell phone.
247
00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:51,521
- Where is it?
248
00:09:51,522 --> 00:09:52,523
- It's in the bar.
249
00:09:52,524 --> 00:09:53,724
- In the bar?
250
00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:56,227
Are you lying to me?
251
00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:58,896
- Oh! No, you did not!
252
00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:00,431
You come back here!
253
00:10:00,432 --> 00:10:01,766
- Can I smoke a cigarette?
254
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,133
- In the car you can.
255
00:10:03,134 --> 00:10:05,236
- But can I smoke one first,
'cause I just have to wait
256
00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:07,571
For--I'm waiting for
a phone call inside.
257
00:10:07,572 --> 00:10:08,572
Do you have a light?
258
00:10:08,573 --> 00:10:09,740
- Yes. Of course I do.
259
00:10:09,741 --> 00:10:11,209
Now, are we gonna be good?
Are we gonna be friends?
260
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,844
We're not gonna run and
we're not gonna puke, right?
261
00:10:13,845 --> 00:10:16,981
[chatter over police radio]
262
00:10:16,982 --> 00:10:18,883
- No, no, I--
no! Son of a bitch!
263
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:21,485
She tricked me!
It was a trick!
264
00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:23,220
She's a little
fucking genius!
265
00:10:27,993 --> 00:10:30,194
- Boy, that sure was
a good opera.
266
00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:31,628
- I'll say.
But it doesn't take
267
00:10:31,629 --> 00:10:33,664
A m-mozart to figure out that
268
00:10:33,665 --> 00:10:37,468
Getting...Back to our limo in
this bad neighborhood might be
269
00:10:37,469 --> 00:10:39,570
A little dangerous.
270
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:43,074
- Good thing we wore our...
- Police tek 2000
271
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,810
Bulletproof vests.
272
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,379
- Stick 'em up, you two.
- Oh, my god.
273
00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:53,251
- Go ahead.
Shoot away.
274
00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:56,587
- [groans]
fuck!
275
00:10:56,588 --> 00:10:57,922
- I didn't feel a th--
276
00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:00,758
[gags]
277
00:11:00,759 --> 00:11:02,826
- I didn't feel a thing.
278
00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:07,932
- Always wear a police
tek 2000 bulletproof vest.
279
00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:10,300
- Now in a slenderizing
girdle cut.
280
00:11:16,641 --> 00:11:18,776
- Oh! Perfect.
281
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:22,213
- Sorry.
- That was gorgeous.
282
00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:24,148
- Shh!
283
00:11:24,149 --> 00:11:27,718
- Can't even...Stand up
in his own yard.
284
00:11:27,719 --> 00:11:29,720
Lay him down gently.
285
00:11:29,721 --> 00:11:31,322
Oh! Ha ha!
286
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:32,556
- Hoo hoo hoo!
287
00:11:32,557 --> 00:11:33,991
This is what I'm
talkin' about.
288
00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:35,426
- That's what I'm talkin' about.
289
00:11:35,427 --> 00:11:36,627
- Oh, my god!
290
00:11:36,628 --> 00:11:38,529
This is like
the garden of fucking eden.
291
00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,163
- I know. So this is
what we need to do.
292
00:11:40,164 --> 00:11:41,299
We need a judge.
293
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,902
- Uh...Judge peterson,
down circuit court.
294
00:11:44,903 --> 00:11:47,238
Two cataracts.
- He's blind. Yes!
295
00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:48,506
You'll pick him up?
- I'll get him.
296
00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,107
- Ok, you get him.
- You have a wedding dress?
297
00:11:50,108 --> 00:11:51,909
- I do.
- Where is it?
298
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,510
- It's in the back
of the squad car.
299
00:11:53,511 --> 00:11:54,845
- What?
300
00:11:54,846 --> 00:11:56,347
- You have a wedding dress
in the back of the squad car?
301
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:57,748
- Oh, always.
302
00:11:57,749 --> 00:11:58,749
Always.
303
00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:00,317
You know, I'm always prepared.
304
00:12:00,318 --> 00:12:02,352
I also have a saddle and
a bee-keeper's hat and a couple
305
00:12:02,353 --> 00:12:05,056
Of, uh, flower leis.
- Huh...
306
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,558
- 'cause you just
never know, right?
307
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:10,261
- Half the time, I get
stuck without a tampon.
308
00:12:13,431 --> 00:12:15,365
- Watch this.
309
00:12:15,366 --> 00:12:18,169
I'm wishing that
the piano...
310
00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:22,672
Would play something...Mexican.
311
00:12:22,673 --> 00:12:23,808
[song ends]
312
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,209
[begins playing tango music]
313
00:12:25,210 --> 00:12:27,878
Ha ha!
314
00:12:27,879 --> 00:12:29,313
I didn't even know if it was
really gonna do that,
315
00:12:29,314 --> 00:12:30,314
And it did it!
316
00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:31,816
- Yeah.
317
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:33,184
- That's crazy!
318
00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:35,019
- Yeah, well, let's drop
the balloons.
319
00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:37,155
It played something mexican.
Wow! Start the fountain.
320
00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:38,522
- It started as soon
as I said it!
321
00:12:38,523 --> 00:12:39,990
- Son, would you get
down off that
322
00:12:39,991 --> 00:12:41,324
Railing, please?
323
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:44,395
- See what I'm saying?
As soon as I said it, boom!
324
00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:45,462
What?
325
00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:46,664
- That's just
called coincidence.
326
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:50,201
Man! God, I wish that kid would
get off the railing.
327
00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,602
- Oh...Oh!
328
00:12:51,603 --> 00:12:52,636
[thud]
329
00:12:52,637 --> 00:12:53,838
- Holy shit!
330
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,105
- What did you do?!
331
00:12:55,106 --> 00:12:56,974
- I got an 11-charlie!
332
00:12:56,975 --> 00:12:58,876
Washoe mall.
We need a paramedic!
333
00:12:58,877 --> 00:13:00,511
Ma'am, keep your kids away!
334
00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:08,886
- I just wanted to remind
you that Friday night is
335
00:13:08,887 --> 00:13:12,756
The candlelight vigil
for melissa curvie,
336
00:13:12,757 --> 00:13:15,826
Who's been missing now
for 6 days.
337
00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:18,796
So just, um, you know,
come on down.
338
00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:21,866
There'll be snacks,
and it'll be a good time.
339
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:24,401
- Thank you--um...
Thank you very much.
340
00:13:24,402 --> 00:13:27,471
I do want to talk to y'all
about drugs, but I think one
341
00:13:27,472 --> 00:13:30,374
Thing that sniffy and I know
that a lot of people won't
342
00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:34,879
Tell y'all is that when
you first do drugs...
343
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,981
It's real nice.
344
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:41,786
But here's the thing, kids--it
doesn't stay that way.
345
00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:48,125
Imagine that sniffy is drugs,
uh, and...I first, uh...
346
00:13:48,126 --> 00:13:50,193
I first meet him--
347
00:13:50,194 --> 00:13:52,396
Hi, how you doing, sniffy?
348
00:13:52,397 --> 00:13:54,631
And we are just sweet
on each other.
349
00:13:54,632 --> 00:13:56,667
And we're walking down
the street, and then all
350
00:13:56,668 --> 00:14:02,840
Of a sudden...He gives
me a good night kiss.
351
00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:04,775
Well, that's just wonderful!
352
00:14:04,776 --> 00:14:08,412
And I'm feelin' great now and
I want a little more of that
353
00:14:08,413 --> 00:14:10,981
Is what I want
'cause that just felt so nice.
354
00:14:10,982 --> 00:14:15,052
So we kiss...
A little more...
355
00:14:15,053 --> 00:14:17,355
And that just feels great, too.
356
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:22,326
I feel so pretty and smart,
and so we kiss a little more...
357
00:14:22,327 --> 00:14:26,530
And, uh...And he starts acting
a little angry at me and,
358
00:14:26,531 --> 00:14:28,933
Um, and that's when it
starts to turn real bad.
359
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,434
And that's when you--
360
00:14:30,435 --> 00:14:32,369
Should--get off of me--
361
00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:34,639
But he just doesn't seem
to be cooperating.
362
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,606
And that's when you know
that drugs just really aren't
363
00:14:36,607 --> 00:14:40,044
Worth, uh...The...What--
364
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:41,779
We didn't--no, it's over.
365
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,280
No, the thing is--
366
00:14:43,281 --> 00:14:45,316
- Oh, my god!
- Stop! Help! Help!
367
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,084
Get him off of me!
Get him off of me!
368
00:14:47,085 --> 00:14:48,719
Get him off!
- Ramon, get off!
369
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,523
- Get him the fuck
off of me!
370
00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:53,657
- I am really sorry--
371
00:14:53,658 --> 00:14:55,659
- Do you do a background
check on these people?!
372
00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:57,895
I want you to get
backstage right now!
373
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,807
- Man has 5 tuxedos. 5.
374
00:15:10,808 --> 00:15:13,143
- 5?
- 5 tuxedos.
375
00:15:13,144 --> 00:15:14,745
What'd you do if you
had 2 million?
376
00:15:14,746 --> 00:15:16,346
- 2 million?
- Yeah, 2 million bucks.
377
00:15:16,347 --> 00:15:17,881
Boom. Here's your check.
378
00:15:17,882 --> 00:15:19,116
Ed mcmahon drives up.
379
00:15:19,117 --> 00:15:21,686
- First tell my
family to fuck off.
380
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:23,421
Then I would, uh...
381
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:25,322
- You can do that right now.
382
00:15:25,323 --> 00:15:26,724
- Well, they're kind
of helping me out.
383
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:28,025
- Oh.
384
00:15:28,026 --> 00:15:31,395
- Then I'd, uh...I don't know.
385
00:15:31,396 --> 00:15:33,831
Maybe get some plugs.
386
00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:36,133
Always wanted cornrows.
387
00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:40,637
Maybe go to...France.
388
00:15:40,638 --> 00:15:42,906
- France?
- Yeah.
389
00:15:42,907 --> 00:15:45,709
- Get cornrow hair
plugs and go to France?
390
00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,311
- Yeah.
391
00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:49,613
- God, sometimes I don't
even know you.
392
00:15:49,614 --> 00:15:53,683
You know, if I had $2 million,
I would get me one of them
393
00:15:53,684 --> 00:15:56,454
Pontoon boats
on lake havasu...
394
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,888
- Yeah?
395
00:15:57,889 --> 00:16:00,624
- Eddie money'd play
at my birthday party.
396
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:01,659
Lake havasu.
397
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:03,226
Can you imagine the tail
you would get
398
00:16:03,227 --> 00:16:05,663
If you had eddie money
play at your birthday
399
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:06,930
Party on lake havasu?
400
00:16:06,931 --> 00:16:09,633
- ââ¢Âª here comes the bride ââ¢Âª
401
00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:11,335
- Oh, wait!
He ain't supposed to see ya.
402
00:16:11,336 --> 00:16:12,402
He ain't supposed
to see ya!
403
00:16:12,403 --> 00:16:13,604
- Ha ha ha ha!
404
00:16:16,374 --> 00:16:18,308
[somber classical music plays]
405
00:16:26,884 --> 00:16:29,653
- Uh, tango, uh...
11-charlie-12.
406
00:16:29,654 --> 00:16:31,689
This is, uh...
Garcia and williams.
407
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,891
We wanted to check on
the status of our faller here
408
00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:35,259
At the mall.
409
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:36,460
- Oh, yeah, that kid.
410
00:16:36,461 --> 00:16:39,029
Uh, critical but stable,
they're saying.
411
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:40,998
- Garcia was the one
that wished it to happen!
412
00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,399
- No, I did--I did not.
413
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,566
That is not true.
414
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:45,102
Dangle, I made an aside.
415
00:16:45,103 --> 00:16:47,738
I said I wish he would get
down off the railing safely,
416
00:16:47,739 --> 00:16:49,907
And the child fell.
417
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:51,575
- Did you say that
by liberace's piano?
418
00:16:51,576 --> 00:16:52,643
- I just said--
419
00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:53,911
- Yes, he said it right
by the piano.
420
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:55,379
We're standing right by it.
421
00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:56,913
- That's not true! Ok?
422
00:16:56,914 --> 00:16:59,216
I didn't say anything and I
didn't talk about anything.
423
00:16:59,217 --> 00:17:01,318
- Well, you know they say
it's cursed, right?
424
00:17:01,319 --> 00:17:02,419
There's whole web
sites about it.
425
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:04,855
There's
liberacescursedpiano.Org.
426
00:17:04,856 --> 00:17:05,956
There's cursedpiano--
427
00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:08,358
- You see that?
- How do you know--
428
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:10,694
- Do you see that?
Do you see that?
429
00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:11,462
- You're gonna blame it on me?
430
00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:13,296
- No, I'm just saying--he said
431
00:17:13,297 --> 00:17:16,200
There's web sites, and people
don't lie on the internet!
432
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,902
- Ok, you know what?
You're makin' weird wishes.
433
00:17:18,903 --> 00:17:22,039
He's saying there's things
on the web about liberace
434
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,041
And stupid people doing--
well, you know what?
435
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,609
I'm tired of it, ok, williams?
436
00:17:25,610 --> 00:17:30,147
I don't believe in this whole
stupid queer-ass gay liberace
437
00:17:30,148 --> 00:17:31,882
Piano bullshit!
438
00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:33,817
[somber music continues]
439
00:17:36,988 --> 00:17:38,455
- That was for you!
440
00:17:38,456 --> 00:17:41,024
Oh, my god!
We are so...We are--
441
00:17:41,025 --> 00:17:43,660
He is sorry!
He is sorry.
442
00:17:43,661 --> 00:17:44,728
We love you.
443
00:17:47,933 --> 00:17:49,767
- Here we come!
444
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,602
- Oh, good. Good!
445
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:53,070
Thank you.
- Look who I found!
446
00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:54,805
- Look, honey, our
life can start.
447
00:17:54,806 --> 00:17:55,939
Our life can start.
448
00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:58,308
- How you doing,
judge peterson?
449
00:17:58,309 --> 00:17:59,909
- Good. Good.
It's good to be here.
450
00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:02,512
I know the hour is late,
but we'll rush through this.
451
00:18:02,513 --> 00:18:03,813
- We appreciate it!
452
00:18:03,814 --> 00:18:05,816
- Oh, good, 'cause we can't
wait to get married.
453
00:18:05,817 --> 00:18:07,150
Isn't that right?
454
00:18:07,151 --> 00:18:09,586
- We're gathered here this
evening to bring together
455
00:18:09,587 --> 00:18:14,224
These two kids to embrace
the bonds of holy matrimony.
456
00:18:14,225 --> 00:18:16,960
Uh...You have rings?
457
00:18:16,961 --> 00:18:19,463
- Uh...
- Rings, please.
458
00:18:19,464 --> 00:18:21,699
[whispering]
459
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,968
- Oh, w-got them right here!
- There they are!
460
00:18:24,969 --> 00:18:28,272
- Oh, barry, that is such
a beautiful ring!
461
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,173
- As you exchange them,
please, if you have any vows
462
00:18:30,174 --> 00:18:32,376
You would like to say,
anything you would like to
463
00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:35,612
Address to each other,
please do it.
464
00:18:35,613 --> 00:18:39,583
- Um...Clementine, you're--
465
00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:40,817
[deepens voice]
466
00:18:40,818 --> 00:18:44,321
Clementine, you're,
um...Beautiful.
467
00:18:44,322 --> 00:18:48,358
You always...Smell great.
468
00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:51,094
And I can't wait to spend
the rest of my life with you
469
00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:54,464
And give a lot
of money to you.
470
00:18:54,465 --> 00:18:58,435
- Barry...We've got
a bond, you know?
471
00:18:58,436 --> 00:19:02,606
And you were not the first by
any means and...I mean, I'd be
472
00:19:02,607 --> 00:19:05,509
A liar to say you are gonna
be the last, you know?
473
00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:08,412
But, um, you're here now.
474
00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:11,381
And so let's just make
the best of that now.
475
00:19:11,382 --> 00:19:14,251
- Then by the power vested
in me by the state of nevada,
476
00:19:14,252 --> 00:19:15,653
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
477
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:16,854
- Yeah!
- Yes!
478
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:18,155
Thank you!
479
00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:21,292
- Clemmy, you look heavy
when you're--turn sideways.
480
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:23,360
You look--no, you look heavy.
481
00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:24,595
Straight on you look heavy.
482
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,863
Sideways like this.
Silhouette.
483
00:19:26,864 --> 00:19:28,398
Exactly.
484
00:19:28,399 --> 00:19:29,666
No, get in there, junior!
485
00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:32,769
- No, I'm--where?
That don't make sense.
486
00:19:32,770 --> 00:19:33,904
- You look shell-shocked.
487
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:35,338
- Will you take the
fucking picture?
488
00:19:35,339 --> 00:19:36,973
- Take it!!
489
00:19:36,974 --> 00:19:38,108
- Happy wedding!
490
00:19:38,109 --> 00:19:39,176
- Yay!
491
00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,277
Whoo!
492
00:19:43,047 --> 00:19:44,981
[piano plays somber music]
493
00:19:50,221 --> 00:19:53,524
- Ok, I don't know.
It's just...You know what?
494
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:54,791
I just want it to end.
495
00:19:54,792 --> 00:19:57,160
I wish somebody would just
come by and just take that
496
00:19:57,161 --> 00:19:58,996
Damn piano out of here!
497
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:03,900
- Hey. We're here for the piano.
498
00:20:03,901 --> 00:20:08,973
- Oh--d--he--eh--uhh!
499
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:10,007
- It's been a strange day.
500
00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:11,742
This thing has been playin'...
501
00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:14,545
Everything that we've
asked it to.
502
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:15,712
- Who was playing it?
503
00:20:15,713 --> 00:20:17,080
- Well, the piano was
playing by itself
504
00:20:17,081 --> 00:20:18,381
And then he just wished
for you to come
505
00:20:18,382 --> 00:20:20,216
And then you came, but--
506
00:20:20,217 --> 00:20:23,053
- That's not a player piano.
507
00:20:23,054 --> 00:20:24,221
- Say what?
508
00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:26,323
- It's not a player piano!
509
00:20:26,324 --> 00:20:28,191
It's liberace's piano.
510
00:20:28,192 --> 00:20:30,394
Think he'd have
a player piano?
511
00:20:35,066 --> 00:20:37,167
[men chuckling]
512
00:20:37,168 --> 00:20:39,302
Of course it's a player piano.
513
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:46,609
- Once again...
Miss fortune has humped my leg.
514
00:20:46,610 --> 00:20:48,045
Guess who's not a widow?
515
00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:49,580
- He's still alive?
- He's--no.
516
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:54,251
He was married already.
Had never gotten a divorce.
517
00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:57,621
Yeah. His wife lives
on a houseboat
518
00:20:57,622 --> 00:21:00,524
On the colorado river 6 months
out of the year, so...
519
00:21:03,527 --> 00:21:04,661
- Hey, remember when I said that
520
00:21:04,662 --> 00:21:06,063
Rapes were down
in the holding tank?
521
00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:09,566
- Yeah.
- Typo. Not. Are not down.
522
00:21:09,567 --> 00:21:12,068
- Oh, I thought that
was missin' a 1.
523
00:21:12,069 --> 00:21:15,038
117. Not 17.
524
00:21:15,039 --> 00:21:16,773
- 17 seemed real light.
- Seemed real low.
525
00:21:16,774 --> 00:21:19,376
- 'cause every time
you walk by...
526
00:21:19,377 --> 00:21:21,978
- "help! Please don't rape me!
Please don't rape me!"
527
00:21:21,979 --> 00:21:23,147
- Yep.
528
00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:24,648
Captioning made possible
by mtv networks
529
00:21:24,649 --> 00:21:25,982
Captioned by the national
captioning institute
530
00:21:25,983 --> 00:21:27,183
--Www.Ncicap.Org--
531
00:21:27,184 --> 00:21:28,251
- Seems like you practice
saying that sometimes.
532
00:21:28,252 --> 00:21:29,319
Do you?
533
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,487
- No, it's just
something that I--I
534
00:21:30,488 --> 00:21:32,155
Wake up saying it out of
my--sometimes out of my--
535
00:21:32,156 --> 00:21:33,156
- Your night terrors.
536
00:21:33,206 --> 00:21:37,756
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