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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,936 --> 00:00:06,070 - The white zone is for immediate loading 2 00:00:06,071 --> 00:00:08,606 And unloading of passengers only. 3 00:00:08,607 --> 00:00:09,674 - Got a fellow in the hospital here waiting 4 00:00:09,675 --> 00:00:12,777 For a liver transplant. 5 00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:15,446 Organs should be arriving at any moment. 6 00:00:15,447 --> 00:00:16,915 Come on, come on. 7 00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:21,219 Ah! Whoa! Here we go. Ho! Ho. Ho. 8 00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:22,587 Ok, I got it. 9 00:00:22,588 --> 00:00:24,322 Trudy, you stay and fill out the paperwork. 10 00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:27,125 - No, jim... I'd like to handle this. 11 00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:28,793 I know exactly what to do, jim. 12 00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:30,227 Go to st. Mary's hospital-- - check. 13 00:00:30,228 --> 00:00:33,098 - Go to the fourth floor, icu, ask for dr.Peterson, 14 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,933 Tell him we have an o-positive liver and we need to 15 00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:36,768 Get it there stat. 16 00:00:36,769 --> 00:00:38,203 - My god. That was great. 17 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,804 Go! Go with god. Go! 18 00:00:39,805 --> 00:00:41,206 I'll do the paperwork. 19 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,875 Ok, she's on it, guys. 20 00:00:43,876 --> 00:00:46,845 Well done, gentlemen. 21 00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:48,679 - The white zone is for immediate loading 22 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,583 And unloading of passengers. 23 00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:52,951 - Oh, fuck. 24 00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:57,155 - Jim, I'm sorry. 25 00:00:57,156 --> 00:01:00,091 I forgot everything I just said. 26 00:01:00,092 --> 00:01:03,028 Captioning made possible by mtv networks 27 00:01:05,831 --> 00:01:07,799 - What? - Come on. 28 00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:15,807 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 29 00:01:15,808 --> 00:01:17,175 [electric sizzle] 30 00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:35,426 - Whoa, whoa, oh! 31 00:01:36,862 --> 00:01:38,797 [siren] 32 00:01:45,237 --> 00:01:46,104 - Morning, gang. - Ho. 33 00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:47,606 - Morning. 34 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,907 - Everybody sounds fit as a fiddle this morning. 35 00:01:49,908 --> 00:01:51,076 Travis, you had an announcement you had 36 00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:52,777 To make or something? - I did. 37 00:01:52,778 --> 00:01:56,214 Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... 38 00:01:59,885 --> 00:02:02,220 Monkey jiz. 39 00:02:02,221 --> 00:02:04,189 Straight from the orient. 40 00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:05,757 - Oh, I heard about that. 41 00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:07,859 - What are we supposed to do with that? 42 00:02:07,860 --> 00:02:11,863 - Where'd you get that? - Start the biddin' at $35. 43 00:02:11,864 --> 00:02:13,665 - What am I gonna do with monkey jiz? 44 00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:15,433 - 37. - 37. 45 00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:17,168 - Uh, the end of the table seems to know what it does. 46 00:02:17,169 --> 00:02:20,138 - What are the applications of monkey jiz? 47 00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:21,806 - 38. - 38. 48 00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:22,807 - They must be good. 49 00:02:22,808 --> 00:02:24,008 - 41. - Oh, hell. 42. 50 00:02:24,009 --> 00:02:25,043 What does it do? 51 00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:26,778 - 44. - 50. What does it do? 52 00:02:26,779 --> 00:02:28,212 - Is it like for wrinkles? 53 00:02:28,213 --> 00:02:29,981 - 60. - 61. What does it do? 54 00:02:29,982 --> 00:02:31,950 - No. No. - 75. 55 00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:34,419 - Do not just stick things in your mouth. 56 00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:35,787 - What are we at? And what does it do? 57 00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:37,455 - We're at 75. - We're at 75? 58 00:02:37,456 --> 00:02:38,756 - It's still warm. 59 00:02:38,757 --> 00:02:40,124 - That was from my pocket. 60 00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:41,659 No, I got it mail order. 61 00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:44,395 - How do you know that's authentic and not fake 62 00:02:44,396 --> 00:02:45,497 Monkey jiz? - Oh, that's authentic. 63 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,497 You know that. 64 00:02:46,498 --> 00:02:48,032 - $200! - 200. 65 00:02:48,033 --> 00:02:49,467 - 225. - 225. 66 00:02:49,468 --> 00:02:50,535 - 250. What does it do? 67 00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:52,503 - 300. - 301. 68 00:02:52,504 --> 00:02:54,539 - 301. - 325. 69 00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:56,274 - 350. - 350. 70 00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:58,843 - Where'd you get it? - 375. 71 00:02:58,844 --> 00:03:00,644 - Big korean section manager. 72 00:03:00,645 --> 00:03:02,614 - 385. - 382. 73 00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,215 - 382 goin' once-- 74 00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:06,217 - 385. - 387. 75 00:03:06,218 --> 00:03:08,286 What is it? - 401.99. 76 00:03:08,287 --> 00:03:09,354 - 402. 77 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,989 - The price is right for the jiz. 78 00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,456 - 402. Goin' once. 79 00:03:12,457 --> 00:03:14,125 - That's a week and a half-- that's 2 week's-- 80 00:03:14,126 --> 00:03:16,294 - That's 3 weeks' pay. - Sold! 81 00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:20,031 Kimball. You can just write me a check. 82 00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:21,666 - Okey-doke. 83 00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:24,102 Everybody knows that the new liberace box set's coming 84 00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,004 Out, right? 85 00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,238 - Who? 86 00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:31,710 - Anyhoo, his piano, liberace's piano--on tour. 87 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,911 Comin' to the washoe mall. 88 00:03:33,912 --> 00:03:35,780 - Just the piano? - Yeah! 89 00:03:35,781 --> 00:03:37,382 Whoa, go back. Just the piano? 90 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,117 - Why isn't he...With it? 91 00:03:40,118 --> 00:03:42,687 - He died, like, 150 years ago. 92 00:03:42,688 --> 00:03:44,188 - He'd be a little stiff at the keyboard. 93 00:03:44,189 --> 00:03:45,923 - He's dead? - Oh, me. 94 00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:47,091 - You're already on it. 95 00:03:47,092 --> 00:03:48,293 It's you and garcia. 96 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,393 - That's inside the mall. 97 00:03:49,394 --> 00:03:50,595 It's climate-controlled, right? 98 00:03:50,596 --> 00:03:52,197 I'll do it. 99 00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:53,965 - Anyhoo, moving right along. 100 00:03:53,966 --> 00:03:57,535 - I hear that monkey jiz, it's very assertive. 101 00:03:57,536 --> 00:04:00,338 - You want to tell her? - Seriously, what does it do? 102 00:04:00,339 --> 00:04:01,573 - Welcome to the force. He's goofin' you. 103 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,542 It's his. - Yeah, it's mine. 104 00:04:04,543 --> 00:04:05,676 - Whoo! 105 00:04:05,677 --> 00:04:07,745 - You've been jizzed by junior, honey. 106 00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,147 - Rookie, rookie! 107 00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:11,983 - You just paid $402 for junior jiz. 108 00:04:11,984 --> 00:04:14,051 - April jiz. 109 00:04:20,025 --> 00:04:21,960 [classical music plays on piano] 110 00:04:30,535 --> 00:04:32,336 - Hey, not too close. 111 00:04:32,337 --> 00:04:34,071 - Keep movin', now. 112 00:04:38,977 --> 00:04:40,511 - Hey, hey, hey, hey! 113 00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:43,848 - Don't touch the piano, sir! Sir? 114 00:04:43,849 --> 00:04:45,082 You can look, but just don't lean over 115 00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:46,484 The rail, ok? 116 00:04:46,485 --> 00:04:49,454 It's funny how something... With lights on it 117 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:51,055 Will attract these people. 118 00:05:06,872 --> 00:05:09,573 - You know you're solids, right? 119 00:05:09,574 --> 00:05:10,941 - It's made of glass? 120 00:05:10,942 --> 00:05:13,077 - No, it is made of genuine 121 00:05:13,078 --> 00:05:18,716 Diamonds, 2.75 karats, 14-karat gold, and you know 122 00:05:18,717 --> 00:05:19,851 Why he gave it to me? 123 00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,185 'cause it's Monday. 124 00:05:21,186 --> 00:05:22,453 Or that's what he said. 125 00:05:22,454 --> 00:05:24,255 He goes, "happy Monday." 126 00:05:24,256 --> 00:05:25,623 - And you got this from that hot tub guy? 127 00:05:25,624 --> 00:05:29,027 - The hot tub guy. The hot tub king. 128 00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,195 With 4 stores in nevada. 129 00:05:31,196 --> 00:05:33,197 - Oh, yeah. I've seen his picture. 130 00:05:33,198 --> 00:05:35,099 - He makes so much money, I cannot even tell you. 131 00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:37,902 And this is someone I haven't even slept with. 132 00:05:37,903 --> 00:05:38,936 - Why don't you sleep with him? 133 00:05:38,937 --> 00:05:40,105 - He's 74! 134 00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:41,739 - Oh, he doesn't have a penis? 135 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:45,142 - We have a message for clementine johnson. 136 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,583 - ♪ oh, my darling, oh, my darling ♪ 137 00:05:52,584 --> 00:05:57,154 ♪ oh, my darling clementine ♪ 138 00:05:57,155 --> 00:06:02,327 ♪ will you please be mine forever ♪ 139 00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:06,364 ♪ marry me, my clementine ♪ 140 00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:09,534 [giggling] 141 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,235 [gasps] 142 00:06:11,236 --> 00:06:12,903 - Hello! Barry?! 143 00:06:12,904 --> 00:06:14,238 - Uh. 144 00:06:14,239 --> 00:06:16,040 - Uh, fuck yeah! 145 00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:20,344 Fuck, yeah, I'll marry your 74-year-old ass! 146 00:06:20,345 --> 00:06:21,578 Oh, my gosh! 147 00:06:21,579 --> 00:06:22,580 [horn honks] 148 00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:23,681 Oh, that's got to be him. 149 00:06:23,682 --> 00:06:25,549 [honking] 150 00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:28,085 Hang on. 151 00:06:28,086 --> 00:06:30,522 Barry! 152 00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,490 - Here we go again with her and the weddings. 153 00:06:32,491 --> 00:06:33,624 [horn honking] 154 00:06:33,625 --> 00:06:36,627 - Aah! 155 00:06:36,628 --> 00:06:39,097 Aah! 156 00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:41,199 - Clem? - Clemmy! 157 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,868 [clementine sobs] 158 00:06:43,869 --> 00:06:45,270 [cop gasps] 159 00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:46,337 - Barry, don't be dead! 160 00:06:46,338 --> 00:06:48,439 Don't be dead, barry! 161 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,341 - I got no pulse. Oh, man. 162 00:06:50,342 --> 00:06:51,776 - Barry, go away from the light! 163 00:06:51,777 --> 00:06:52,877 Come back! 164 00:06:52,878 --> 00:06:54,145 - He's dead. - I command you! 165 00:06:54,146 --> 00:06:56,481 - Well, you came real close. - Yeah. 166 00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:59,684 - Why don't we, um...Call the coroner, get him to bring 167 00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:01,385 The meat wagon around here? 168 00:07:01,386 --> 00:07:03,488 - Don't. No, don't, don't, don't. 169 00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,757 Not yet. Not yet. 170 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,158 - Not yet? We got to. 171 00:07:07,159 --> 00:07:08,425 - What are you thinkin' about? 172 00:07:08,426 --> 00:07:11,829 - If I stay a fiancee, this is what I keep. 173 00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:15,866 I've always wanted to be a widow. 174 00:07:15,867 --> 00:07:17,434 You help me, I help you. 175 00:07:17,435 --> 00:07:20,605 - We scratch your back...Well, what are we talking about? 176 00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,507 - Hot tubs all around... 177 00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:24,041 - Yes! 178 00:07:24,042 --> 00:07:26,410 - Well, what are we talking for? 179 00:07:26,411 --> 00:07:28,345 [jazzy tune plays] 180 00:07:31,116 --> 00:07:33,384 - Ok, you know what? 181 00:07:33,385 --> 00:07:35,820 Ok, let me tell you something. 182 00:07:35,821 --> 00:07:41,825 Ok, 3 times I wished in my head that the piano would 183 00:07:41,826 --> 00:07:44,028 Play something different, and it played it. 184 00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:46,664 - Ye-ah. It's on a loop. 185 00:07:46,665 --> 00:07:49,567 - I wish this beautiful piano would 186 00:07:49,568 --> 00:07:52,136 Play something romantic. 187 00:07:52,137 --> 00:07:54,304 [song ends] 188 00:07:54,305 --> 00:07:57,575 [pretty song begins] 189 00:07:57,576 --> 00:07:58,910 Did you see that?! 190 00:07:58,911 --> 00:08:00,144 - Uh...Yeah... 191 00:08:00,145 --> 00:08:03,080 - That piano is magic. - Ok. 192 00:08:03,081 --> 00:08:06,083 - It's magic! 3 ti--no, 4 times now! 193 00:08:06,084 --> 00:08:08,887 - Hey, you know what? I got a weird thought. 194 00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:11,055 I wish I was wayne newton sittin' in the pool by 195 00:08:11,056 --> 00:08:13,624 The mirage and a beautiful woman dropped out of the sky 196 00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:16,027 And brought me food on a big old platter. 197 00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:17,094 - You know what? 198 00:08:17,095 --> 00:08:19,864 Be careful what you wish for. 199 00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:21,900 You know what I'm saying? Because this pian-- 200 00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,635 - Hi. Complimentary hot wings? 201 00:08:25,070 --> 00:08:28,005 I'm tammy from hotties. 202 00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:29,574 - Hey. 203 00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,675 - Open now on level 2. 204 00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:32,977 - Ok. 205 00:08:37,248 --> 00:08:38,950 - 1, 2. Go. 206 00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:41,185 They asked you to leave 3 times. 207 00:08:41,186 --> 00:08:42,387 3 times, they asked you to leave. 208 00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:43,955 - Ok, but I have to tell you-- 209 00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:46,057 - I'm sorry. Come on. Jail time. 210 00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:48,592 - Here we go. - No, no, no. 211 00:08:48,593 --> 00:08:49,661 We're goin' to jail. 212 00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:51,062 - I just have to do something, ok? 213 00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:52,095 - What do you have to do?! 214 00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,731 - I have to change my boots! 215 00:08:53,732 --> 00:08:55,333 - Don't change--they're dangerous. 216 00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,468 They are dangerous. - I have to take off my shoes. 217 00:08:57,469 --> 00:08:58,736 - These shoes are real pretty. 218 00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:00,438 - Ok. I'm putting these in here. 219 00:09:00,439 --> 00:09:02,340 - Wait. Hold up-- I just want to put-- 220 00:09:02,341 --> 00:09:04,008 - Come on, come on, come on! 221 00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:08,145 - Get up! Missy! Missy! - What? 222 00:09:08,146 --> 00:09:09,446 - You are not wearing any pants. 223 00:09:09,447 --> 00:09:10,547 Now, you-- 224 00:09:10,548 --> 00:09:12,083 - Can I put my pants on? 225 00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:13,618 - Yes, yes. You can put pants on. Yes. 226 00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:14,985 - I want to pick out which one. 227 00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:16,954 - How 'bout this? - I don't want to wear those! 228 00:09:16,955 --> 00:09:18,155 - Which ones do you want? 229 00:09:18,156 --> 00:09:20,591 - I want to wear the ones... The ones there... 230 00:09:20,592 --> 00:09:22,727 - How 'bout these? - These are--these-- 231 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,562 - Noooo!! They're my fucking boyfriend's! 232 00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:26,430 - Hey! Hey! Hey! These. 233 00:09:26,431 --> 00:09:29,100 - I don't want to wear those. 234 00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:30,167 - That's real pretty. 235 00:09:30,168 --> 00:09:31,802 - I don't think this is mine! 236 00:09:31,803 --> 00:09:33,404 This is fucking charity's! 237 00:09:33,405 --> 00:09:35,506 I don't want to wear her stupid skirt. 238 00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:36,974 - Panties. Wait a second. 239 00:09:36,975 --> 00:09:38,709 - This is on backwards. 240 00:09:38,710 --> 00:09:39,744 - Oh, no. There you go. 241 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,445 - Aah! 242 00:09:41,446 --> 00:09:42,980 - Now, come on. 243 00:09:42,981 --> 00:09:45,082 - Wait, wait, wait. I forgot something. 244 00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:47,685 I forgot something! - What did you forget? 245 00:09:47,686 --> 00:09:49,320 What did you forget? 246 00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:50,488 - My cell phone. 247 00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:51,521 - Where is it? 248 00:09:51,522 --> 00:09:52,523 - It's in the bar. 249 00:09:52,524 --> 00:09:53,724 - In the bar? 250 00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:56,227 Are you lying to me? 251 00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:58,896 - Oh! No, you did not! 252 00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:00,431 You come back here! 253 00:10:00,432 --> 00:10:01,766 - Can I smoke a cigarette? 254 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,133 - In the car you can. 255 00:10:03,134 --> 00:10:05,236 - But can I smoke one first, 'cause I just have to wait 256 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:07,571 For--I'm waiting for a phone call inside. 257 00:10:07,572 --> 00:10:08,572 Do you have a light? 258 00:10:08,573 --> 00:10:09,740 - Yes. Of course I do. 259 00:10:09,741 --> 00:10:11,209 Now, are we gonna be good? Are we gonna be friends? 260 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,844 We're not gonna run and we're not gonna puke, right? 261 00:10:13,845 --> 00:10:16,981 [chatter over police radio] 262 00:10:16,982 --> 00:10:18,883 - No, no, I-- no! Son of a bitch! 263 00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:21,485 She tricked me! It was a trick! 264 00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:23,220 She's a little fucking genius! 265 00:10:27,993 --> 00:10:30,194 - Boy, that sure was a good opera. 266 00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:31,628 - I'll say. But it doesn't take 267 00:10:31,629 --> 00:10:33,664 A m-mozart to figure out that 268 00:10:33,665 --> 00:10:37,468 Getting...Back to our limo in this bad neighborhood might be 269 00:10:37,469 --> 00:10:39,570 A little dangerous. 270 00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:43,074 - Good thing we wore our... - Police tek 2000 271 00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,810 Bulletproof vests. 272 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,379 - Stick 'em up, you two. - Oh, my god. 273 00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:53,251 - Go ahead. Shoot away. 274 00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:56,587 - [groans] fuck! 275 00:10:56,588 --> 00:10:57,922 - I didn't feel a th-- 276 00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:00,758 [gags] 277 00:11:00,759 --> 00:11:02,826 - I didn't feel a thing. 278 00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:07,932 - Always wear a police tek 2000 bulletproof vest. 279 00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:10,300 - Now in a slenderizing girdle cut. 280 00:11:16,641 --> 00:11:18,776 - Oh! Perfect. 281 00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:22,213 - Sorry. - That was gorgeous. 282 00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:24,148 - Shh! 283 00:11:24,149 --> 00:11:27,718 - Can't even...Stand up in his own yard. 284 00:11:27,719 --> 00:11:29,720 Lay him down gently. 285 00:11:29,721 --> 00:11:31,322 Oh! Ha ha! 286 00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:32,556 - Hoo hoo hoo! 287 00:11:32,557 --> 00:11:33,991 This is what I'm talkin' about. 288 00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:35,426 - That's what I'm talkin' about. 289 00:11:35,427 --> 00:11:36,627 - Oh, my god! 290 00:11:36,628 --> 00:11:38,529 This is like the garden of fucking eden. 291 00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,163 - I know. So this is what we need to do. 292 00:11:40,164 --> 00:11:41,299 We need a judge. 293 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,902 - Uh...Judge peterson, down circuit court. 294 00:11:44,903 --> 00:11:47,238 Two cataracts. - He's blind. Yes! 295 00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:48,506 You'll pick him up? - I'll get him. 296 00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,107 - Ok, you get him. - You have a wedding dress? 297 00:11:50,108 --> 00:11:51,909 - I do. - Where is it? 298 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,510 - It's in the back of the squad car. 299 00:11:53,511 --> 00:11:54,845 - What? 300 00:11:54,846 --> 00:11:56,347 - You have a wedding dress in the back of the squad car? 301 00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:57,748 - Oh, always. 302 00:11:57,749 --> 00:11:58,749 Always. 303 00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:00,317 You know, I'm always prepared. 304 00:12:00,318 --> 00:12:02,352 I also have a saddle and a bee-keeper's hat and a couple 305 00:12:02,353 --> 00:12:05,056 Of, uh, flower leis. - Huh... 306 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,558 - 'cause you just never know, right? 307 00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:10,261 - Half the time, I get stuck without a tampon. 308 00:12:13,431 --> 00:12:15,365 - Watch this. 309 00:12:15,366 --> 00:12:18,169 I'm wishing that the piano... 310 00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:22,672 Would play something...Mexican. 311 00:12:22,673 --> 00:12:23,808 [song ends] 312 00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,209 [begins playing tango music] 313 00:12:25,210 --> 00:12:27,878 Ha ha! 314 00:12:27,879 --> 00:12:29,313 I didn't even know if it was really gonna do that, 315 00:12:29,314 --> 00:12:30,314 And it did it! 316 00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:31,816 - Yeah. 317 00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:33,184 - That's crazy! 318 00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:35,019 - Yeah, well, let's drop the balloons. 319 00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:37,155 It played something mexican. Wow! Start the fountain. 320 00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:38,522 - It started as soon as I said it! 321 00:12:38,523 --> 00:12:39,990 - Son, would you get down off that 322 00:12:39,991 --> 00:12:41,324 Railing, please? 323 00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:44,395 - See what I'm saying? As soon as I said it, boom! 324 00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:45,462 What? 325 00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:46,664 - That's just called coincidence. 326 00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:50,201 Man! God, I wish that kid would get off the railing. 327 00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,602 - Oh...Oh! 328 00:12:51,603 --> 00:12:52,636 [thud] 329 00:12:52,637 --> 00:12:53,838 - Holy shit! 330 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,105 - What did you do?! 331 00:12:55,106 --> 00:12:56,974 - I got an 11-charlie! 332 00:12:56,975 --> 00:12:58,876 Washoe mall. We need a paramedic! 333 00:12:58,877 --> 00:13:00,511 Ma'am, keep your kids away! 334 00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:08,886 - I just wanted to remind you that Friday night is 335 00:13:08,887 --> 00:13:12,756 The candlelight vigil for melissa curvie, 336 00:13:12,757 --> 00:13:15,826 Who's been missing now for 6 days. 337 00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:18,796 So just, um, you know, come on down. 338 00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:21,866 There'll be snacks, and it'll be a good time. 339 00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:24,401 - Thank you--um... Thank you very much. 340 00:13:24,402 --> 00:13:27,471 I do want to talk to y'all about drugs, but I think one 341 00:13:27,472 --> 00:13:30,374 Thing that sniffy and I know that a lot of people won't 342 00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:34,879 Tell y'all is that when you first do drugs... 343 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,981 It's real nice. 344 00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:41,786 But here's the thing, kids--it doesn't stay that way. 345 00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:48,125 Imagine that sniffy is drugs, uh, and...I first, uh... 346 00:13:48,126 --> 00:13:50,193 I first meet him-- 347 00:13:50,194 --> 00:13:52,396 Hi, how you doing, sniffy? 348 00:13:52,397 --> 00:13:54,631 And we are just sweet on each other. 349 00:13:54,632 --> 00:13:56,667 And we're walking down the street, and then all 350 00:13:56,668 --> 00:14:02,840 Of a sudden...He gives me a good night kiss. 351 00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:04,775 Well, that's just wonderful! 352 00:14:04,776 --> 00:14:08,412 And I'm feelin' great now and I want a little more of that 353 00:14:08,413 --> 00:14:10,981 Is what I want 'cause that just felt so nice. 354 00:14:10,982 --> 00:14:15,052 So we kiss... A little more... 355 00:14:15,053 --> 00:14:17,355 And that just feels great, too. 356 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:22,326 I feel so pretty and smart, and so we kiss a little more... 357 00:14:22,327 --> 00:14:26,530 And, uh...And he starts acting a little angry at me and, 358 00:14:26,531 --> 00:14:28,933 Um, and that's when it starts to turn real bad. 359 00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,434 And that's when you-- 360 00:14:30,435 --> 00:14:32,369 Should--get off of me-- 361 00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:34,639 But he just doesn't seem to be cooperating. 362 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,606 And that's when you know that drugs just really aren't 363 00:14:36,607 --> 00:14:40,044 Worth, uh...The...What-- 364 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:41,779 We didn't--no, it's over. 365 00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,280 No, the thing is-- 366 00:14:43,281 --> 00:14:45,316 - Oh, my god! - Stop! Help! Help! 367 00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,084 Get him off of me! Get him off of me! 368 00:14:47,085 --> 00:14:48,719 Get him off! - Ramon, get off! 369 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,523 - Get him the fuck off of me! 370 00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:53,657 - I am really sorry-- 371 00:14:53,658 --> 00:14:55,659 - Do you do a background check on these people?! 372 00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:57,895 I want you to get backstage right now! 373 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,807 - Man has 5 tuxedos. 5. 374 00:15:10,808 --> 00:15:13,143 - 5? - 5 tuxedos. 375 00:15:13,144 --> 00:15:14,745 What'd you do if you had 2 million? 376 00:15:14,746 --> 00:15:16,346 - 2 million? - Yeah, 2 million bucks. 377 00:15:16,347 --> 00:15:17,881 Boom. Here's your check. 378 00:15:17,882 --> 00:15:19,116 Ed mcmahon drives up. 379 00:15:19,117 --> 00:15:21,686 - First tell my family to fuck off. 380 00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:23,421 Then I would, uh... 381 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:25,322 - You can do that right now. 382 00:15:25,323 --> 00:15:26,724 - Well, they're kind of helping me out. 383 00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:28,025 - Oh. 384 00:15:28,026 --> 00:15:31,395 - Then I'd, uh...I don't know. 385 00:15:31,396 --> 00:15:33,831 Maybe get some plugs. 386 00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:36,133 Always wanted cornrows. 387 00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:40,637 Maybe go to...France. 388 00:15:40,638 --> 00:15:42,906 - France? - Yeah. 389 00:15:42,907 --> 00:15:45,709 - Get cornrow hair plugs and go to France? 390 00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,311 - Yeah. 391 00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:49,613 - God, sometimes I don't even know you. 392 00:15:49,614 --> 00:15:53,683 You know, if I had $2 million, I would get me one of them 393 00:15:53,684 --> 00:15:56,454 Pontoon boats on lake havasu... 394 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,888 - Yeah? 395 00:15:57,889 --> 00:16:00,624 - Eddie money'd play at my birthday party. 396 00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:01,659 Lake havasu. 397 00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:03,226 Can you imagine the tail you would get 398 00:16:03,227 --> 00:16:05,663 If you had eddie money play at your birthday 399 00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:06,930 Party on lake havasu? 400 00:16:06,931 --> 00:16:09,633 - ♪ here comes the bride ♪ 401 00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:11,335 - Oh, wait! He ain't supposed to see ya. 402 00:16:11,336 --> 00:16:12,402 He ain't supposed to see ya! 403 00:16:12,403 --> 00:16:13,604 - Ha ha ha ha! 404 00:16:16,374 --> 00:16:18,308 [somber classical music plays] 405 00:16:26,884 --> 00:16:29,653 - Uh, tango, uh... 11-charlie-12. 406 00:16:29,654 --> 00:16:31,689 This is, uh... Garcia and williams. 407 00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,891 We wanted to check on the status of our faller here 408 00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:35,259 At the mall. 409 00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:36,460 - Oh, yeah, that kid. 410 00:16:36,461 --> 00:16:39,029 Uh, critical but stable, they're saying. 411 00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:40,998 - Garcia was the one that wished it to happen! 412 00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,399 - No, I did--I did not. 413 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,566 That is not true. 414 00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:45,102 Dangle, I made an aside. 415 00:16:45,103 --> 00:16:47,738 I said I wish he would get down off the railing safely, 416 00:16:47,739 --> 00:16:49,907 And the child fell. 417 00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:51,575 - Did you say that by liberace's piano? 418 00:16:51,576 --> 00:16:52,643 - I just said-- 419 00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:53,911 - Yes, he said it right by the piano. 420 00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:55,379 We're standing right by it. 421 00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:56,913 - That's not true! Ok? 422 00:16:56,914 --> 00:16:59,216 I didn't say anything and I didn't talk about anything. 423 00:16:59,217 --> 00:17:01,318 - Well, you know they say it's cursed, right? 424 00:17:01,319 --> 00:17:02,419 There's whole web sites about it. 425 00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:04,855 There's liberacescursedpiano.Org. 426 00:17:04,856 --> 00:17:05,956 There's cursedpiano-- 427 00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:08,358 - You see that? - How do you know-- 428 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:10,694 - Do you see that? Do you see that? 429 00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:11,462 - You're gonna blame it on me? 430 00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:13,296 - No, I'm just saying--he said 431 00:17:13,297 --> 00:17:16,200 There's web sites, and people don't lie on the internet! 432 00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,902 - Ok, you know what? You're makin' weird wishes. 433 00:17:18,903 --> 00:17:22,039 He's saying there's things on the web about liberace 434 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,041 And stupid people doing-- well, you know what? 435 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,609 I'm tired of it, ok, williams? 436 00:17:25,610 --> 00:17:30,147 I don't believe in this whole stupid queer-ass gay liberace 437 00:17:30,148 --> 00:17:31,882 Piano bullshit! 438 00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:33,817 [somber music continues] 439 00:17:36,988 --> 00:17:38,455 - That was for you! 440 00:17:38,456 --> 00:17:41,024 Oh, my god! We are so...We are-- 441 00:17:41,025 --> 00:17:43,660 He is sorry! He is sorry. 442 00:17:43,661 --> 00:17:44,728 We love you. 443 00:17:47,933 --> 00:17:49,767 - Here we come! 444 00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,602 - Oh, good. Good! 445 00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:53,070 Thank you. - Look who I found! 446 00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:54,805 - Look, honey, our life can start. 447 00:17:54,806 --> 00:17:55,939 Our life can start. 448 00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:58,308 - How you doing, judge peterson? 449 00:17:58,309 --> 00:17:59,909 - Good. Good. It's good to be here. 450 00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:02,512 I know the hour is late, but we'll rush through this. 451 00:18:02,513 --> 00:18:03,813 - We appreciate it! 452 00:18:03,814 --> 00:18:05,816 - Oh, good, 'cause we can't wait to get married. 453 00:18:05,817 --> 00:18:07,150 Isn't that right? 454 00:18:07,151 --> 00:18:09,586 - We're gathered here this evening to bring together 455 00:18:09,587 --> 00:18:14,224 These two kids to embrace the bonds of holy matrimony. 456 00:18:14,225 --> 00:18:16,960 Uh...You have rings? 457 00:18:16,961 --> 00:18:19,463 - Uh... - Rings, please. 458 00:18:19,464 --> 00:18:21,699 [whispering] 459 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,968 - Oh, w-got them right here! - There they are! 460 00:18:24,969 --> 00:18:28,272 - Oh, barry, that is such a beautiful ring! 461 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,173 - As you exchange them, please, if you have any vows 462 00:18:30,174 --> 00:18:32,376 You would like to say, anything you would like to 463 00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:35,612 Address to each other, please do it. 464 00:18:35,613 --> 00:18:39,583 - Um...Clementine, you're-- 465 00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:40,817 [deepens voice] 466 00:18:40,818 --> 00:18:44,321 Clementine, you're, um...Beautiful. 467 00:18:44,322 --> 00:18:48,358 You always...Smell great. 468 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:51,094 And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you 469 00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:54,464 And give a lot of money to you. 470 00:18:54,465 --> 00:18:58,435 - Barry...We've got a bond, you know? 471 00:18:58,436 --> 00:19:02,606 And you were not the first by any means and...I mean, I'd be 472 00:19:02,607 --> 00:19:05,509 A liar to say you are gonna be the last, you know? 473 00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:08,412 But, um, you're here now. 474 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:11,381 And so let's just make the best of that now. 475 00:19:11,382 --> 00:19:14,251 - Then by the power vested in me by the state of nevada, 476 00:19:14,252 --> 00:19:15,653 I now pronounce you man and wife. 477 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:16,854 - Yeah! - Yes! 478 00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:18,155 Thank you! 479 00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:21,292 - Clemmy, you look heavy when you're--turn sideways. 480 00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:23,360 You look--no, you look heavy. 481 00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:24,595 Straight on you look heavy. 482 00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,863 Sideways like this. Silhouette. 483 00:19:26,864 --> 00:19:28,398 Exactly. 484 00:19:28,399 --> 00:19:29,666 No, get in there, junior! 485 00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:32,769 - No, I'm--where? That don't make sense. 486 00:19:32,770 --> 00:19:33,904 - You look shell-shocked. 487 00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:35,338 - Will you take the fucking picture? 488 00:19:35,339 --> 00:19:36,973 - Take it!! 489 00:19:36,974 --> 00:19:38,108 - Happy wedding! 490 00:19:38,109 --> 00:19:39,176 - Yay! 491 00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,277 Whoo! 492 00:19:43,047 --> 00:19:44,981 [piano plays somber music] 493 00:19:50,221 --> 00:19:53,524 - Ok, I don't know. It's just...You know what? 494 00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:54,791 I just want it to end. 495 00:19:54,792 --> 00:19:57,160 I wish somebody would just come by and just take that 496 00:19:57,161 --> 00:19:58,996 Damn piano out of here! 497 00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:03,900 - Hey. We're here for the piano. 498 00:20:03,901 --> 00:20:08,973 - Oh--d--he--eh--uhh! 499 00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:10,007 - It's been a strange day. 500 00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:11,742 This thing has been playin'... 501 00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:14,545 Everything that we've asked it to. 502 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:15,712 - Who was playing it? 503 00:20:15,713 --> 00:20:17,080 - Well, the piano was playing by itself 504 00:20:17,081 --> 00:20:18,381 And then he just wished for you to come 505 00:20:18,382 --> 00:20:20,216 And then you came, but-- 506 00:20:20,217 --> 00:20:23,053 - That's not a player piano. 507 00:20:23,054 --> 00:20:24,221 - Say what? 508 00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:26,323 - It's not a player piano! 509 00:20:26,324 --> 00:20:28,191 It's liberace's piano. 510 00:20:28,192 --> 00:20:30,394 Think he'd have a player piano? 511 00:20:35,066 --> 00:20:37,167 [men chuckling] 512 00:20:37,168 --> 00:20:39,302 Of course it's a player piano. 513 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:46,609 - Once again... Miss fortune has humped my leg. 514 00:20:46,610 --> 00:20:48,045 Guess who's not a widow? 515 00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:49,580 - He's still alive? - He's--no. 516 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:54,251 He was married already. Had never gotten a divorce. 517 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:57,621 Yeah. His wife lives on a houseboat 518 00:20:57,622 --> 00:21:00,524 On the colorado river 6 months out of the year, so... 519 00:21:03,527 --> 00:21:04,661 - Hey, remember when I said that 520 00:21:04,662 --> 00:21:06,063 Rapes were down in the holding tank? 521 00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:09,566 - Yeah. - Typo. Not. Are not down. 522 00:21:09,567 --> 00:21:12,068 - Oh, I thought that was missin' a 1. 523 00:21:12,069 --> 00:21:15,038 117. Not 17. 524 00:21:15,039 --> 00:21:16,773 - 17 seemed real light. - Seemed real low. 525 00:21:16,774 --> 00:21:19,376 - 'cause every time you walk by... 526 00:21:19,377 --> 00:21:21,978 - "help! Please don't rape me! Please don't rape me!" 527 00:21:21,979 --> 00:21:23,147 - Yep. 528 00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:24,648 Captioning made possible by mtv networks 529 00:21:24,649 --> 00:21:25,982 Captioned by the national captioning institute 530 00:21:25,983 --> 00:21:27,183 --Www.Ncicap.Org-- 531 00:21:27,184 --> 00:21:28,251 - Seems like you practice saying that sometimes. 532 00:21:28,252 --> 00:21:29,319 Do you? 533 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,487 - No, it's just something that I--I 534 00:21:30,488 --> 00:21:32,155 Wake up saying it out of my--sometimes out of my-- 535 00:21:32,156 --> 00:21:33,156 - Your night terrors. 536 00:21:33,206 --> 00:21:37,756 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37435

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