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1
00:00:04,603 --> 00:00:07,739
- Sheriff's academy cadets,
at ease!
2
00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:10,141
Sound off!
3
00:00:10,142 --> 00:00:11,943
Reese!
- Sir, yes, sir!
4
00:00:11,944 --> 00:00:13,412
- Kimball!
- Sir, yes, sir!
5
00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:15,213
- Manderson!
- Sir, yes, sir!
6
00:00:15,214 --> 00:00:16,981
- Jackson!
- Sir, yes, sir!
7
00:00:16,982 --> 00:00:18,983
- Dupree!
- Sir, yes, sir!
8
00:00:18,984 --> 00:00:20,652
- Each of you
9
00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:24,588
Has completed 18 weeks of
sheriff's academy training.
10
00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:28,960
But real cop school
starts today!
11
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,864
Here's where you
start paying, people.
12
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:36,568
In sweat.
13
00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:40,271
Only one of you will be
the best of the best!
14
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:45,643
And only one is what our
current budget situation allows.
15
00:00:45,644 --> 00:00:47,779
So, I apologize for that.
16
00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:49,848
I wish I could take you all,
but I can't.
17
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:51,015
Manderson?!
18
00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:51,950
- Sir, yes, sir!
19
00:00:54,153 --> 00:00:55,153
- How tall are you?
20
00:00:55,154 --> 00:00:56,153
- 6'2 1/2", sir.
21
00:00:56,154 --> 00:00:57,422
- Get out of here.
22
00:01:00,359 --> 00:01:02,460
Double time, double time,
double time, boy!
23
00:01:05,797 --> 00:01:06,798
Dupree.
24
00:01:06,799 --> 00:01:07,965
- Sir, yes, sir!
25
00:01:07,966 --> 00:01:09,333
- Top of your class.
26
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:11,636
- Yes, sir!
27
00:01:11,637 --> 00:01:13,004
- Speak 3 languages.
28
00:01:13,005 --> 00:01:15,339
- Sir, yes, sir!
29
00:01:15,340 --> 00:01:17,475
- Ji kun do master.
30
00:01:17,476 --> 00:01:19,778
- Yes, sir.
31
00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:22,313
- Wow.
32
00:01:22,314 --> 00:01:25,116
He's the one to beat, people.
33
00:01:25,117 --> 00:01:27,519
Eyes on dupree.
34
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,087
All right, dupree,
go get the gun belts.
35
00:01:30,088 --> 00:01:31,189
- Sir, yes, sir!
36
00:01:37,329 --> 00:01:38,897
- Medic!
37
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:41,533
- Whoo!
- Come here!
38
00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:45,737
- What? I'm--
39
00:01:45,738 --> 00:01:46,671
- Oh!
40
00:01:52,778 --> 00:01:54,612
- [shouting]
41
00:01:54,613 --> 00:01:57,549
[captioning made possible by
mtv networks]
42
00:02:06,492 --> 00:02:08,426
[machine gun fire]
43
00:02:10,662 --> 00:02:11,663
- Hey, where's you--
44
00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:13,198
- Hoh, hoh, hoh!
45
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:17,168
[siren]
46
00:02:17,169 --> 00:02:19,103
[tires screech]
47
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:25,010
- The idea of adding
a new deputy
48
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:26,010
Goes like this.
49
00:02:26,011 --> 00:02:29,079
Uh, what we have
in the officers
50
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,248
We have now are
a lot of ingredients.
51
00:02:31,249 --> 00:02:35,787
Uh, pepperoni, uh, raw egg,
52
00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:38,656
Uh, strong gouda cheese.
53
00:02:38,657 --> 00:02:40,558
The thing is that
we have ingredients
54
00:02:40,559 --> 00:02:42,593
That are a recipe
for nothing,
55
00:02:42,594 --> 00:02:46,464
And we're missing one
of those things
56
00:02:46,465 --> 00:02:48,900
That turns something,
57
00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:50,802
Uh, that's just
a bunch of stuff
58
00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:53,538
Into something useful.
59
00:02:53,539 --> 00:02:55,172
I didn't--don't that
in a personal way.
60
00:02:55,173 --> 00:02:56,675
- The reno sheriff's department
61
00:02:56,676 --> 00:03:00,611
Is a perfect law
enforcement engine,
62
00:03:00,612 --> 00:03:02,480
And you do not make
an engine faster
63
00:03:02,481 --> 00:03:04,115
By adding another part.
64
00:03:04,116 --> 00:03:07,552
You make an engine faster
by putting nitrous in it.
65
00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:08,953
And I don't mean an analogy.
66
00:03:08,954 --> 00:03:11,922
I mean we should get
nitrous in our cars.
67
00:03:11,923 --> 00:03:12,924
[siren]
68
00:03:12,925 --> 00:03:14,225
- Pull over!
69
00:03:14,226 --> 00:03:15,560
- The squad car's
following you, ok?
70
00:03:15,561 --> 00:03:16,561
You're gonna have to give up.
71
00:03:16,562 --> 00:03:18,062
- Get off the bike, sir!
72
00:03:18,063 --> 00:03:19,064
- Fuck you.
73
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,232
- Oh, is that how
you're gonna be?
74
00:03:21,233 --> 00:03:22,267
Ok, we're fine.
75
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:24,602
- Freeze, sir!
76
00:03:24,603 --> 00:03:25,603
- Hey! Hey!
77
00:03:25,604 --> 00:03:27,171
- I got him!
- Get off that bike!
78
00:03:27,172 --> 00:03:28,173
- I got him!
79
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:29,407
- Freeze!
- I got him!
80
00:03:29,408 --> 00:03:31,542
- Son of a bitch!
81
00:03:31,543 --> 00:03:32,677
- Get off!
82
00:03:32,678 --> 00:03:35,012
- Damn!
- Oh!
83
00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:37,115
- Oh!
84
00:03:39,985 --> 00:03:40,985
Yeah!
85
00:03:40,986 --> 00:03:41,919
Ha ha.
86
00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:46,391
Whoo!
87
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,193
- Shut up.
88
00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:49,827
- Oh, man.
89
00:03:49,828 --> 00:03:51,061
- Got him!
90
00:03:51,062 --> 00:03:52,097
- Yes, you did.
91
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:53,130
- Good for you.
92
00:03:53,131 --> 00:03:56,234
You get to do the paperwork,
hot dog girl.
93
00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:59,170
- Great job! Fantastic!
94
00:03:59,171 --> 00:04:00,504
Hey, james garcia.
95
00:04:00,505 --> 00:04:01,539
- Hi, james.
96
00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:03,174
- Nice to meet you.
Welcome to the force.
97
00:04:03,175 --> 00:04:04,242
- Thank you.
98
00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:05,776
- Wow, where'd you
learn that stuff?
99
00:04:05,777 --> 00:04:07,078
- In the marine corps.
100
00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:08,780
- Well, ten-hut.
101
00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:09,580
- Got him.
102
00:04:09,581 --> 00:04:10,581
- Nice.
103
00:04:10,582 --> 00:04:12,216
- "I got him."
- beginner's luck.
104
00:04:12,217 --> 00:04:14,385
- "I got him."
105
00:04:14,386 --> 00:04:16,220
- That was
a good grab there.
106
00:04:16,221 --> 00:04:18,123
- "I learned it in
the marine corps."
107
00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:19,557
- If I wasn't on my period,
108
00:04:19,558 --> 00:04:20,758
I could have did that.
109
00:04:20,759 --> 00:04:22,693
[siren]
110
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,401
- Aah!
111
00:04:30,402 --> 00:04:31,436
Sorry.
112
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,405
My brakes are getting
squirrelly on me.
113
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:34,405
Hoh.
114
00:04:34,406 --> 00:04:35,873
I've had some
boots on layaway
115
00:04:35,874 --> 00:04:38,176
Here at zapateria
la ballerina.
116
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:39,977
For western fashions
here in reno,
117
00:04:39,978 --> 00:04:42,246
You really can't beat
zapateria la ballerina.
118
00:04:42,247 --> 00:04:44,615
Well, you can, but not
at these prices, really.
119
00:04:44,616 --> 00:04:45,850
Let's do it.
120
00:04:47,052 --> 00:04:49,020
It's go time.
121
00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:51,656
[mariachi music plays]
122
00:04:51,657 --> 00:04:53,524
Genuine ostrich.
123
00:04:53,525 --> 00:04:55,827
3 payments.
124
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:57,761
Oh!
125
00:04:57,762 --> 00:04:58,963
Wait, what?
126
00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:02,099
I'm just goofin'.
New boot goofin'.
127
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,034
Oh!
128
00:05:31,596 --> 00:05:33,864
- Cleanliness is next
to godliness.
129
00:05:33,865 --> 00:05:34,866
It's important to me.
130
00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:36,301
- Ha ha. Boom!
131
00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:38,403
- Oh, the god squad.
132
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:39,737
Hey! How's god doin' today?
133
00:05:39,738 --> 00:05:41,072
- Yeah!
134
00:05:41,073 --> 00:05:42,073
- Fine. Jehovah's good.
135
00:05:42,074 --> 00:05:43,074
- Yeah?
136
00:05:43,075 --> 00:05:44,575
Hey, does, uh,
jehovah have a permit
137
00:05:44,576 --> 00:05:46,577
To be in the neighborhood
today?
138
00:05:46,578 --> 00:05:48,546
- I think brother thor
might have the permit.
139
00:05:48,547 --> 00:05:49,880
- Is that brother thor?
140
00:05:49,881 --> 00:05:51,215
- That's brother thor.
141
00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:52,750
- Sir...
- Jones?
142
00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:53,817
- That's brother thor.
143
00:05:53,818 --> 00:05:54,819
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
144
00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:55,953
- I got him!
145
00:05:55,954 --> 00:05:56,988
- [shouting]
146
00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:59,090
- Sir, relax.
147
00:05:59,091 --> 00:06:04,829
Sir, 144,000 people
make it into heaven.
148
00:06:04,830 --> 00:06:05,697
Would you like to be one?
149
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:06,897
- Yes, sir.
150
00:06:06,898 --> 00:06:09,200
- Would you like to hear
the good news about jehovah?
151
00:06:09,201 --> 00:06:10,200
- Yes, I would.
152
00:06:10,201 --> 00:06:11,235
- We need your home address.
153
00:06:11,236 --> 00:06:13,171
[siren]
154
00:06:17,509 --> 00:06:19,110
[siren]
155
00:06:19,111 --> 00:06:22,180
- I tell you, I'd love to get...
156
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:26,284
One new dep...
157
00:06:26,285 --> 00:06:29,854
Who was a little bit...
158
00:06:29,855 --> 00:06:34,892
Less of a complete fudge-up.
159
00:06:34,893 --> 00:06:37,328
- I can follow.
160
00:06:37,329 --> 00:06:38,429
- Fudge-up.
161
00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:40,765
I feel like we got
a lot of fudge-ups.
162
00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:41,766
- For sure.
163
00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:43,868
- We're like--so many fudge-ups
164
00:06:43,869 --> 00:06:46,604
At our station
165
00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:49,974
That they ought to put a...
166
00:06:49,975 --> 00:06:51,709
- They ought to slap a sign
on the front itself
167
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:54,879
And call it a fudge factory.
168
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:58,016
It's like a fudge-packing
district.
169
00:06:58,017 --> 00:06:59,050
- Pretty much.
170
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,423
- Reno 12-charlie-7,
we got a jumper!
171
00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:06,925
We got a jumper!
172
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,492
Hoh, hoh, hoh, hoh, hoh!
173
00:07:08,493 --> 00:07:12,263
- Hey! Kiki!
Calm down, now.
174
00:07:12,264 --> 00:07:13,764
- Hey!
- Don't come up here!
175
00:07:13,765 --> 00:07:15,232
I'm gonna kill myself!
176
00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:18,035
- No, no, no, no, no!
- Kill myself!
177
00:07:18,036 --> 00:07:20,371
- No, no, no, no!
Don't do that!
178
00:07:20,372 --> 00:07:21,706
- Come on, pretty girl!
179
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:22,907
- No, you don't
want to do that.
180
00:07:22,908 --> 00:07:23,942
- Aw, son of a--
181
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,176
I do not want to call
the fire department
182
00:07:25,177 --> 00:07:26,176
And the emts.
183
00:07:26,177 --> 00:07:27,178
It's a whole
goddamn production.
184
00:07:27,179 --> 00:07:28,512
- Give me a shot at this one.
185
00:07:28,513 --> 00:07:30,147
One shot.
- You want this?
186
00:07:30,148 --> 00:07:31,382
- You want to go, reese?
- I want this.
187
00:07:31,383 --> 00:07:32,783
- Ok. You better take this.
188
00:07:32,784 --> 00:07:33,984
She likes this.
189
00:07:33,985 --> 00:07:34,986
- All right.
190
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:37,454
- Now!
- Let's rock this joint.
191
00:07:38,657 --> 00:07:40,091
- Fine. Let the rookie take it.
192
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:41,225
- Rock it, asshole.
193
00:07:41,226 --> 00:07:42,427
- And he's gonna do
the paperwork, too.
194
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:43,594
- Hell, yeah.
195
00:07:43,595 --> 00:07:47,531
- No, no, no! No.
I'm right here.
196
00:07:47,532 --> 00:07:48,799
Nobody's gonna die today.
197
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,301
Nobody's gonna
die today.
198
00:07:50,302 --> 00:07:51,703
Look it. Look, look.
- You stay back!
199
00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:52,970
- Look, I'm putting
down my gun.
200
00:07:52,971 --> 00:07:54,305
- Stay back!
- Look at that!
201
00:07:54,306 --> 00:07:56,741
I don't need my gun.
Nobody's gonna die today.
202
00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:57,741
- Stay back.
203
00:07:57,742 --> 00:07:59,043
- Nobody's gonna
die today, kiki.
204
00:07:59,044 --> 00:08:01,178
Not on my watch.
Not on my watch.
205
00:08:01,179 --> 00:08:02,480
Come here. Come here!
206
00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:03,681
- Oh!
- Hoh, hoh!
207
00:08:05,116 --> 00:08:06,117
Reese?
208
00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:07,117
[thump]
209
00:08:07,118 --> 00:08:08,786
- Oh, my god. Come on!
210
00:08:08,787 --> 00:08:10,688
- Reese! Reese!
- Reese!
211
00:08:13,091 --> 00:08:14,158
- ...Believe in you.
212
00:08:14,159 --> 00:08:16,327
And you have to
believe in yourself.
213
00:08:16,328 --> 00:08:19,364
Because sometimes,
you're all you got,
214
00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:20,598
You know that?
- Yeah.
215
00:08:20,599 --> 00:08:23,067
Boy, you make a lot
of sense for a white fella.
216
00:08:23,068 --> 00:08:25,103
See, the only person
who saw deep inside
217
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:26,103
Was my daddy,
218
00:08:26,104 --> 00:08:27,571
And that's the reason why
219
00:08:27,572 --> 00:08:28,873
I take these sticks,
220
00:08:28,874 --> 00:08:32,943
'cause, see, my daddy was
real skinny and real black.
221
00:08:32,944 --> 00:08:34,746
Black like a hundred
midnights black.
222
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,980
You understand?
- Like, almost purple.
223
00:08:36,981 --> 00:08:38,316
- Black. Blue-black.
224
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:39,817
- Like blue-black.
Purple-black. Yeah.
225
00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:41,686
- Yeah. And skinny!
226
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:42,787
- Oh, yeah.
- You know?
227
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:44,989
So when I see the stick...
228
00:08:44,990 --> 00:08:47,191
Why, that remind me
of my daddy.
229
00:08:47,192 --> 00:08:48,292
I get choked up.
230
00:08:48,293 --> 00:08:49,294
- Let's go.
231
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:50,294
- Oh! Get away from me!
232
00:08:50,295 --> 00:08:52,196
Get away from me! Get back!
233
00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:53,197
- It's all right. Please,
234
00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:54,198
Don't invade our space.
235
00:08:54,199 --> 00:08:56,300
Honestly. Ok? Please.
236
00:08:56,301 --> 00:08:58,102
You're dismissed. Thank you.
237
00:08:58,103 --> 00:08:59,102
Ok, where were we?
238
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:00,438
- Yeah, ok.
239
00:09:00,439 --> 00:09:01,439
- Fuckin' dick.
240
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,573
- Good luck getting
back, asshole.
241
00:09:02,574 --> 00:09:04,142
- I like you.
242
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:07,545
Way, way better than
that great big nigger
243
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:08,645
And that little bitty mexican
244
00:09:08,646 --> 00:09:09,914
They send out here
all the time.
245
00:09:09,915 --> 00:09:10,982
They got to go.
246
00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:17,121
- What do I think
of rookie jackson?
247
00:09:17,122 --> 00:09:19,657
Well, I think she's
good breeding stock.
248
00:09:19,658 --> 00:09:21,259
Not to be too forward.
249
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:24,762
But, she's got the right
parts--up here, down here.
250
00:09:24,763 --> 00:09:26,264
She's put together well.
251
00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:30,468
She'd be an asset to our force
and I'd be happy to school her.
252
00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:33,838
- I'd say she puts "ass"
in asset to the force.
253
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,339
- That she does,
my friend.
254
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:37,675
- We're in pursuit
of a purse-snatcher.
255
00:09:37,676 --> 00:09:39,277
Requesting backup!
256
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:40,711
Whoa!
257
00:09:40,712 --> 00:09:42,580
Uh-uh. All right.
258
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:43,580
- Ok, come on.
259
00:09:43,581 --> 00:09:45,282
- Wait--no, grab it
on the other--
260
00:09:45,283 --> 00:09:46,751
There's a lot
of dirt over here.
261
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:47,684
Jackson!
262
00:09:51,556 --> 00:09:53,024
Uh...
263
00:09:55,827 --> 00:09:57,561
She's like a little cat.
264
00:09:57,562 --> 00:09:59,497
[sound of punching]
265
00:10:00,899 --> 00:10:03,434
Oh--uh...
266
00:10:03,435 --> 00:10:05,303
Oh! Ho ho!
267
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:06,804
[crash]
268
00:10:06,805 --> 00:10:07,905
- Got it!
269
00:10:07,906 --> 00:10:09,540
- That was cool.
270
00:10:09,541 --> 00:10:11,809
We need more white,
cool, david lee roth
271
00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:13,544
White people shit
like that in the world.
272
00:10:13,545 --> 00:10:14,812
That was cool.
273
00:10:14,813 --> 00:10:16,681
- I could have done that.
274
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:19,050
For real. I could
have done that.
275
00:10:24,555 --> 00:10:25,690
- Sheriff's department!
276
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:26,690
Stay where you are!
277
00:10:26,691 --> 00:10:27,692
- Hands where we can seem 'em!
278
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,060
Hands where we can see 'em!
279
00:10:30,228 --> 00:10:31,362
- You know why we're here,
don't you?
280
00:10:31,363 --> 00:10:32,362
- You know.
281
00:10:32,363 --> 00:10:33,464
- I don't know.
- Yeah, you do.
282
00:10:33,465 --> 00:10:35,933
- You don't know?
- No, I don't know.
283
00:10:35,934 --> 00:10:37,068
- So you wouldn't know anything
284
00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:38,502
About the first western bank
285
00:10:38,503 --> 00:10:40,137
Being robbed this morning
286
00:10:40,138 --> 00:10:44,375
By a gentleman--
a gentleman with...
287
00:10:44,376 --> 00:10:46,010
A crossbow, frisbee!
288
00:10:46,011 --> 00:10:47,678
A man with a crossbow.
289
00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:50,914
- I don't--I don't know what
you're talking about.
290
00:10:50,915 --> 00:10:52,150
- You don't know what
we're talking about.
291
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,518
- Frisbee, guess how
many people in this area
292
00:10:54,519 --> 00:10:56,754
Subscribe to
"crossbow enthusiast."
293
00:10:56,755 --> 00:10:57,922
- I don't know. 2,000.
294
00:10:57,923 --> 00:10:59,223
- One!
295
00:10:59,224 --> 00:11:00,457
- You want to hear
the description
296
00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:01,459
Of the fella we're
looking for?
297
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,460
- Let's hear it, travis.
298
00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:03,460
- Put that in the truck.
299
00:11:03,461 --> 00:11:04,629
- Let's see if it
reminds us any--
300
00:11:04,630 --> 00:11:06,297
- Quieten down!
301
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,998
- Wearing a ski mask,
302
00:11:07,999 --> 00:11:10,635
Beard sticking out
under the ski mask...
303
00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:13,270
- Yep.
- Strawberryish.
304
00:11:13,271 --> 00:11:15,305
- Woman driving
the getaway car,
305
00:11:15,306 --> 00:11:16,807
Also in ski mask.
306
00:11:16,808 --> 00:11:20,678
Very pregnant. Underage.
307
00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:22,713
6 kids in the back
of the pickup truck.
308
00:11:22,714 --> 00:11:24,048
- Yeah. Well...
309
00:11:24,049 --> 00:11:26,216
- Remind you of
anybody, frisbee?
310
00:11:26,217 --> 00:11:30,588
- Don't sound--does not
ring a specific bell.
311
00:11:30,589 --> 00:11:32,323
- Don't sound familiar?
- No.
312
00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:33,824
- Wouldn't know anything about
that, would you, frisbee?
313
00:11:33,825 --> 00:11:35,692
- No, I don't know
anything about it.
314
00:11:35,693 --> 00:11:37,528
- You wouldn't, perhaps,
315
00:11:37,529 --> 00:11:39,797
Have a alibi for yourself
this morning, would you?
316
00:11:39,798 --> 00:11:40,931
- Where were you, frisbee?
317
00:11:40,932 --> 00:11:42,166
- Around 8:32?
318
00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:43,167
- Making a hammock.
319
00:11:43,168 --> 00:11:45,069
I was making a hammock
out of weeds.
320
00:11:45,070 --> 00:11:46,170
- Can I see that?
321
00:11:46,171 --> 00:11:47,171
- It didn't go very well.
322
00:11:47,172 --> 00:11:49,307
I don't know--
no, it frayed up.
323
00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:50,841
- It frayed up on you.
- Yeah.
324
00:11:50,842 --> 00:11:53,010
- So if we were to take
a look at your hands,
325
00:11:53,011 --> 00:11:55,679
We wouldn't see any
of the blue paint
326
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,950
That the bomb let off,
that the bank put in--
327
00:11:58,951 --> 00:12:00,351
- Dye bomb in the bag, frisbee.
328
00:12:00,352 --> 00:12:02,486
Blue dye bomb.
No hiding it.
329
00:12:02,487 --> 00:12:04,188
- No.
330
00:12:04,189 --> 00:12:05,289
- Let's see the hands.
331
00:12:05,290 --> 00:12:06,757
Huh?
332
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,894
[cracks knuckles]
333
00:12:10,895 --> 00:12:12,096
- You want to talk to it?
334
00:12:13,765 --> 00:12:15,399
- No, we don't want
to talk to the hands.
335
00:12:17,369 --> 00:12:18,369
- Shit.
336
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,370
- Sorry to do that to you.
337
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:20,404
- Stay out of trouble.
338
00:12:20,405 --> 00:12:22,773
You know anybody else
that has a crossbow?
339
00:12:22,774 --> 00:12:23,774
- Get in the house!
340
00:12:23,775 --> 00:12:24,775
- On the ground!
341
00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:26,377
- On the ground, frisbee!
On the ground!
342
00:12:26,378 --> 00:12:27,811
- Set the beer down,
get on the ground.
343
00:12:27,812 --> 00:12:29,279
Don't drink the beer, set it--
344
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,415
Goddamn it, frisbee,
get on the ground.
345
00:12:31,416 --> 00:12:32,816
- No, don't--don't do it.
346
00:12:32,817 --> 00:12:34,484
Frisbee, no!
Frisbee, no!
347
00:12:34,485 --> 00:12:35,853
- [slurp]
348
00:12:35,854 --> 00:12:37,788
[siren]
349
00:12:41,326 --> 00:12:43,461
[siren]
350
00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:44,795
- We don't need reese,
you know?
351
00:12:44,796 --> 00:12:46,597
No.
352
00:12:46,598 --> 00:12:47,832
And for an italian--
353
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,667
I don't think reese
is an italian name.
354
00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:50,667
I mean--
355
00:12:50,668 --> 00:12:51,669
- I bet he changed it.
356
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:52,670
- I bet he did, too.
357
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:53,770
- Them italians change it.
358
00:12:53,771 --> 00:12:55,306
- Yeah. Probably, uh--
359
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:56,474
- Reesatoni.
360
00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:59,342
- Or corleone,
or something like that.
361
00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:02,346
- Giovanni corleone
reesatoni.
362
00:13:02,347 --> 00:13:03,781
- Reesatoni. Yeah.
363
00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:05,015
- I'm surprised
they let italians
364
00:13:05,016 --> 00:13:06,884
Be police officers.
365
00:13:06,885 --> 00:13:09,987
I mean, that's--
to me that seems like...
366
00:13:09,988 --> 00:13:12,489
Letting pedophiles
be teachers.
367
00:13:12,490 --> 00:13:14,025
You know? It just don't--
368
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:16,393
It seems like the opposite
of what we should be doing,
369
00:13:16,394 --> 00:13:18,796
If we're giving italians guns
370
00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:21,465
And putting them in
charge of crime--
371
00:13:21,466 --> 00:13:22,433
That's already what they do.
372
00:13:31,442 --> 00:13:33,610
- [snickering]
373
00:13:33,611 --> 00:13:35,245
- What do you call
that, reese?
374
00:13:35,246 --> 00:13:38,015
- It's tai chi.
375
00:13:38,016 --> 00:13:39,417
- Tai what?
- Gesundheit!
376
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:40,951
- [laughter]
377
00:13:40,952 --> 00:13:42,887
- [coughing]
378
00:13:44,455 --> 00:13:47,858
- An ancient form of
chinese meditation,
379
00:13:47,859 --> 00:13:51,695
Exercise, and becoming one
with the universe and nature.
380
00:13:51,696 --> 00:13:52,930
- Tai chi?
381
00:13:52,931 --> 00:13:54,498
Wasn't that the monkey on
that "speed racer" show?
382
00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:55,966
- Uh, yeah, right.
383
00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:59,136
- It helps you fight ancient
criminals that move real slow.
384
00:13:59,137 --> 00:14:01,205
- Ha ha!
385
00:14:01,206 --> 00:14:03,106
- Now he's, like,
pushing a file cabinet.
386
00:14:03,107 --> 00:14:04,207
Push the file cabinet.
387
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:05,910
- Get ready to punch
the file cabinet.
388
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,244
- Punch the file cabinet.
389
00:14:07,245 --> 00:14:08,445
- He's pulling the...
390
00:14:08,446 --> 00:14:10,848
Ah, hey, looks,
it's, uh, you know,
391
00:14:10,849 --> 00:14:13,917
It's that girl.
What's-her-face. Uh...
392
00:14:13,918 --> 00:14:15,353
- What's up, fellas?
393
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,054
- Yeah.
394
00:14:17,055 --> 00:14:18,288
- Something.
395
00:14:18,289 --> 00:14:19,389
- Something.
396
00:14:19,390 --> 00:14:20,691
- Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.
397
00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:24,561
Wax on. Wax off.
398
00:14:24,562 --> 00:14:25,562
- [laughter]
399
00:14:25,563 --> 00:14:26,497
- Hai!
400
00:14:27,832 --> 00:14:29,099
- Travis?
- Oh, shit!
401
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,101
- Jones!
- Holy shit!
402
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:31,602
- Hey, that was not cool.
403
00:14:37,608 --> 00:14:41,778
- The new rookie reese is...
404
00:14:41,779 --> 00:14:46,016
I mean, I don't want to be,
you know, inappropriate or...
405
00:14:46,017 --> 00:14:49,253
Unprofessional,
but if he was a grape,
406
00:14:49,254 --> 00:14:52,823
I would suck the love juice
right out of his body.
407
00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:58,862
- So what do y'all think
about the karate kid?
408
00:14:58,863 --> 00:15:00,797
- Mmm!
- [laughing]
409
00:15:00,798 --> 00:15:02,165
- I had to stop
myself from writing
410
00:15:02,166 --> 00:15:08,105
"mrs. Clementine reese"
on all my reports. Hello.
411
00:15:08,106 --> 00:15:11,042
- I'm like, "hi.
How you doing?
412
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:13,777
What's your name?" ha ha!
413
00:15:13,778 --> 00:15:15,913
Love him! Who do I hate?
414
00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:18,082
The little--the little-- -
blonde girl!
415
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,984
- "hi. I'm gonna go
crochet my own kevlar."
416
00:15:20,985 --> 00:15:22,153
Whoops!
417
00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:25,256
"I gotta go do cartwheels
over to tampon machine.
418
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,358
- "hi! Hi! Nice to meet you.
419
00:15:27,359 --> 00:15:29,560
I hope I get to work
with you one day."
420
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,028
- [laughter]
421
00:15:31,029 --> 00:15:33,630
- Hey. How you doin', wiegel?
422
00:15:33,631 --> 00:15:35,398
Williams? What's up, clemmy?
423
00:15:35,399 --> 00:15:38,168
- What's up, you?
- Hi, lady.
424
00:15:38,169 --> 00:15:39,302
- How's it goin'?
425
00:15:39,303 --> 00:15:40,571
- Got your sweat suit on.
- Yeah.
426
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:43,774
- Booking is that way.
427
00:15:43,775 --> 00:15:46,877
You gotta take him
all the way back.
428
00:15:46,878 --> 00:15:49,213
- All right. Ok.
429
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,814
Well, I'll see you
later, then.
430
00:15:50,815 --> 00:15:51,816
- Ok.
- Ok.
431
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:52,816
- Ok. Come on.
432
00:15:52,817 --> 00:15:53,818
- Take care.
433
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:55,286
- Nice to talk to you.
- See you later.
434
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,854
- Ok.
435
00:15:56,855 --> 00:15:58,388
- Who's that?
- I don't remember.
436
00:15:58,389 --> 00:16:01,091
- I don't like when people
know you that you don't know.
437
00:16:01,092 --> 00:16:02,526
- Yeah, it's very suspicious.
438
00:16:02,527 --> 00:16:05,462
- "oh, hi." like,
"I know your name."
439
00:16:05,463 --> 00:16:06,464
- I don't know who she is,
440
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:07,698
But that was a big perp
she brought in.
441
00:16:07,699 --> 00:16:09,299
- That was a big guy.
442
00:16:14,472 --> 00:16:16,073
- Oh, craig.
443
00:16:16,074 --> 00:16:19,276
These conjugal visits
are so wonderful.
444
00:16:19,277 --> 00:16:20,911
So romantic.
445
00:16:20,912 --> 00:16:23,414
- I could just stare
at you all day long.
446
00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:24,448
- Ohh...
447
00:16:24,449 --> 00:16:25,815
I wish we had all day.
448
00:16:25,816 --> 00:16:28,586
- Hold on.
Give me a second here.
449
00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:30,521
[toilet flushes]
450
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:34,791
- You really have it
pretty good in here.
451
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:36,360
- Yeah.
452
00:16:36,361 --> 00:16:38,728
It's a lot more spacious
than I thought they'd give us.
453
00:16:38,729 --> 00:16:40,864
- Yeah.
- It's pretty sweet.
454
00:16:40,865 --> 00:16:43,133
I like the pink walls,
you know?
455
00:16:43,134 --> 00:16:46,002
- Pink is a good color
for intimacy.
456
00:16:46,003 --> 00:16:47,904
- Yeah. Pink and yellows.
457
00:16:49,374 --> 00:16:51,175
Oh, I see what
you're getting at.
458
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:53,510
- What? I wasn't, no,
I wasn't getting at anything.
459
00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:54,778
- Oh, I thought
you were being...
460
00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:59,215
So, anyways, I guess
we should maybe
461
00:16:59,216 --> 00:17:01,351
Do a scenario or something.
462
00:17:01,352 --> 00:17:05,155
- How about, um, we're
both work at, um...
463
00:17:05,156 --> 00:17:06,790
A corporation.
464
00:17:06,791 --> 00:17:08,426
- Ok.
- Ok.
465
00:17:13,097 --> 00:17:16,400
- Mmm, I think I'm gonna
have lunch now.
466
00:17:16,401 --> 00:17:17,701
- All right.
467
00:17:17,702 --> 00:17:19,136
- Do you want
some of my lunch?
468
00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:21,005
- No, thanks.
I'm not hungry right now.
469
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,708
Would you like to take
a look at what I'm typing?
470
00:17:26,144 --> 00:17:28,012
- Oh.
471
00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:30,847
I see you're writing
a love letter to somebody.
472
00:17:30,848 --> 00:17:33,417
- No, it's not a love letter.
473
00:17:33,418 --> 00:17:34,618
It's just a...
474
00:17:34,619 --> 00:17:36,453
No, I'm not writing
a love letter.
475
00:17:36,454 --> 00:17:39,657
It's just a--a memo
to the boss.
476
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,459
This isn't working, right?
477
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:44,561
- I think we have, like,
4 minutes left.
478
00:17:44,562 --> 00:17:46,964
I feel like we
haven't used this...
479
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,031
- Wisely.
480
00:17:48,032 --> 00:17:49,900
- Yeah. I'm not--
481
00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:52,236
I'm not feeling
sexual right now.
482
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,472
- I'm not either,
and that's ok, isn't it?
483
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:55,572
- Yeah.
484
00:17:55,573 --> 00:17:56,840
- That doesn't mean
that our relationship
485
00:17:56,841 --> 00:17:58,641
Is odd in any way.
486
00:17:58,642 --> 00:17:59,643
- No.
487
00:17:59,644 --> 00:18:01,078
- I think things
are going well.
488
00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:02,612
- I think they're going
very well,
489
00:18:02,613 --> 00:18:04,614
And I think it's weird
when someone says,
490
00:18:04,615 --> 00:18:06,850
"hey, go have sex
in that room right now."
491
00:18:06,851 --> 00:18:07,852
- Right.
492
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:09,286
We're gonna wait
outside the door
493
00:18:09,287 --> 00:18:11,421
With shotguns while
you have sex in that room.
494
00:18:11,422 --> 00:18:12,656
- Right. Don't
feel sexy, mister.
495
00:18:12,657 --> 00:18:13,657
- Right.
496
00:18:13,658 --> 00:18:15,592
[scoffs]
497
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:20,631
- So, uh, it's
been a long week,
498
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:23,400
But the moment
of truth is here.
499
00:18:23,401 --> 00:18:27,638
Last night I decided who
our new deputy would be.
500
00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:29,072
- I vote for reese.
501
00:18:29,073 --> 00:18:30,607
- You don't get a vote.
502
00:18:30,608 --> 00:18:32,175
- I--
503
00:18:32,176 --> 00:18:33,511
I do, too.
504
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:35,346
- You also get no vote.
505
00:18:37,415 --> 00:18:40,050
- On behalf of all the women,
we all vote for reese.
506
00:18:40,051 --> 00:18:41,718
- All right,
so that's 3 votes...
507
00:18:41,719 --> 00:18:45,155
Equal--equaling zero
because it's my decision.
508
00:18:45,156 --> 00:18:47,023
Anyway, uh...
509
00:18:47,024 --> 00:18:48,692
- Do we get a vote?
510
00:18:48,693 --> 00:18:51,261
- The fellas?
- Yeah.
511
00:18:51,262 --> 00:18:52,463
- Do you think you do?
512
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:58,101
I'm sorry,
you also get no vote.
513
00:18:58,102 --> 00:19:00,236
Uh, it was a very
hard decision.
514
00:19:00,237 --> 00:19:03,040
Uh, I took a lot
of things into account,
515
00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:05,875
And, uh, I decided on reese.
516
00:19:05,876 --> 00:19:06,877
- [cheering]
517
00:19:06,878 --> 00:19:08,512
- Yes!
- Gimme 5!
518
00:19:08,513 --> 00:19:11,882
- Uh, buh--buh--buh--
and then, uh,
519
00:19:11,883 --> 00:19:13,483
Apparently last night
his national guard unit
520
00:19:13,484 --> 00:19:16,353
Got called up, so he's
going to tikrit and, uh,
521
00:19:16,354 --> 00:19:17,354
Took himself out
of the running.
522
00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:19,423
And, uh, the girl--jackson--
523
00:19:19,424 --> 00:19:21,491
- Yes, yes.
524
00:19:21,492 --> 00:19:24,027
- ...Is, uh, going on to
do ultimate fighting
525
00:19:24,028 --> 00:19:25,195
Or something, I heard.
526
00:19:25,196 --> 00:19:27,097
So we're going with kimball.
527
00:19:27,098 --> 00:19:28,098
- Who?
528
00:19:28,099 --> 00:19:29,099
- Kimball.
529
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:30,634
- Who's that?
- Again, who?
530
00:19:30,635 --> 00:19:32,937
- Well, she
looks like, uh...
531
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:33,937
[knock on door]
532
00:19:33,938 --> 00:19:35,839
Oh, kimball.
533
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,108
- Hey, could you all
maybe give me a hand here?
534
00:19:38,109 --> 00:19:39,242
I collared these few guys.
535
00:19:39,243 --> 00:19:41,444
I just need to book 'em.
536
00:19:41,445 --> 00:19:43,146
- Just--just book 'em.
537
00:19:43,147 --> 00:19:44,381
The forms are right there.
538
00:19:44,382 --> 00:19:45,682
Help her out.
539
00:19:45,683 --> 00:19:49,086
- We put the guys who did
bad things in the jail.
540
00:19:49,087 --> 00:19:50,086
- Oh, all right.
541
00:19:50,087 --> 00:19:51,555
- It's very self-explanatory.
542
00:19:51,556 --> 00:19:52,556
You'll figure it out.
543
00:19:52,557 --> 00:19:53,724
- All right,
move it, come on!
544
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,225
- Rookie.
545
00:19:55,226 --> 00:19:58,295
- That one.
That's the one. Kimball.
546
00:19:58,296 --> 00:20:00,597
She had, like, 17 arrests.
547
00:20:00,598 --> 00:20:01,731
- I don't mean to be sexist,
548
00:20:01,732 --> 00:20:03,867
But she doesn't really
fill out a sweat suit.
549
00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:07,070
- No, she doesn't, really.
550
00:20:07,071 --> 00:20:09,005
[siren]
551
00:20:14,545 --> 00:20:16,146
[siren]
552
00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:19,516
- Ok, gang, so let's
give a very warm welcome
553
00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:21,485
To the newest member
of our family,
554
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:24,187
Deputy kimball.
Come on up.
555
00:20:24,188 --> 00:20:25,489
- Wow. Ha ha.
556
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:28,892
Hey, everybody.
557
00:20:28,893 --> 00:20:33,496
Uh, my name is deputy--
I like saying that--
558
00:20:33,497 --> 00:20:35,398
Deputy kimball.
559
00:20:35,399 --> 00:20:37,467
I just--I did want
to say that
560
00:20:37,468 --> 00:20:39,102
I don't want anybody
to feel threatened
561
00:20:39,103 --> 00:20:40,837
Or like I'm replacing anybody,
562
00:20:40,838 --> 00:20:42,573
'cause that is not the case...
563
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:43,707
From what I've been told.
564
00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:45,509
- [muttering]
565
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:48,177
- I know I can be
intimidating at times,
566
00:20:48,178 --> 00:20:50,380
You know, it's like,
I'm wooden on the outside--
567
00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:52,182
On the inside it's
more like pudding.
568
00:20:56,354 --> 00:20:57,487
- Ok.
569
00:20:57,488 --> 00:20:58,889
- Ok, all right, ok.
570
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:00,257
- Ok. Pudding on
the inside, wonderful.
571
00:21:00,258 --> 00:21:01,758
Captioning made possible by
mtv networks
572
00:21:01,759 --> 00:21:03,293
Captioned by the national
captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--
573
00:21:03,294 --> 00:21:04,461
- I'm sort of like--
574
00:21:04,462 --> 00:21:06,063
You remember when
they added oliver
575
00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:08,699
To "the brady bunch"?
576
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:10,633
You remember that little boy
with the blond hair?
577
00:21:10,634 --> 00:21:12,802
- Yeah, that's sort of when
it all went downhill.
578
00:21:12,803 --> 00:21:14,371
- Well, but my point is,
579
00:21:14,372 --> 00:21:16,940
I wasn't jan, you know
what I'm saying,
580
00:21:16,941 --> 00:21:18,608
When they switched jan.
581
00:21:18,609 --> 00:21:19,976
- Kind of like on
"the cosby show"
582
00:21:19,977 --> 00:21:22,011
When they brought in the little
cute little girl thing.
583
00:21:22,012 --> 00:21:23,147
- Right, yeah.
584
00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:25,815
- You're basically
like a spare tire...
585
00:21:25,816 --> 00:21:28,118
In case one of us goes flat.
586
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,087
- Kind of like frasier
on "cheers," kind of.
587
00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:31,321
- Very much so.
588
00:21:31,322 --> 00:21:33,523
- I enjoy that program,
I'll tell you that.
589
00:21:33,573 --> 00:21:38,123
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