Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,070 --> 00:00:06,671
( dangle )
how's it feel, gar-wood ?
2
00:00:06,772 --> 00:00:07,872
It's breathable ?
3
00:00:07,973 --> 00:00:09,541
Can you breathe from
your diaphragm in it ?
4
00:00:09,641 --> 00:00:11,042
Yeah ?
They're cool.
5
00:00:11,143 --> 00:00:12,644
Very exciting day
for us.
6
00:00:12,745 --> 00:00:14,145
We got our brand-new
bulletproof vests in,
7
00:00:14,246 --> 00:00:17,315
And they are 33% more
bullet-resistant.
8
00:00:17,416 --> 00:00:19,484
They'll also stop
a hollow-point bullet,
9
00:00:19,585 --> 00:00:21,786
So, thank you
for your tax dollars.
10
00:00:21,887 --> 00:00:23,421
Fire in the hole !
11
00:00:23,522 --> 00:00:25,022
( gunshots )
12
00:00:33,265 --> 00:00:34,866
( sighs )
13
00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:36,401
That was a little off.
14
00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:38,169
Nice shooting, tex.
15
00:00:38,270 --> 00:00:39,371
I was a little
off-balance.
16
00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:41,106
Well, it's
beaner-proof.
17
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,875
I cannot believe you fellas
beat us at the alamo.
18
00:00:44,810 --> 00:00:46,445
Whoo !
Come here !
19
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,746
( tires screeching )
20
00:00:48,847 --> 00:00:52,583
Oh... Ah !
21
00:00:53,719 --> 00:00:56,187
Whoa !
22
00:00:59,191 --> 00:01:01,293
( growling )
23
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:11,235
( sirens blaring )
24
00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:24,749
( siren wailing )
25
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:28,286
( dangle )
who put the, uh,
26
00:01:28,387 --> 00:01:29,720
Osama bin laden
toilet paper
27
00:01:29,822 --> 00:01:32,724
In the men's
water closet ?
28
00:01:32,825 --> 00:01:33,758
Yeah ?
Yeah.
29
00:01:33,859 --> 00:01:35,359
It's a little itchy, but...
30
00:01:35,461 --> 00:01:37,662
Yeah, it is itchy,
but it is pretty funny.
31
00:01:37,763 --> 00:01:40,131
We got a letter here
from the state supreme court.
32
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:42,300
You know that,
that giant 10 commandments
33
00:01:42,401 --> 00:01:45,036
Somebody put on the
front lawn out there ?
34
00:01:45,137 --> 00:01:46,437
Yeah, it's nice.
35
00:01:46,538 --> 00:01:48,439
Well, we gotta get it out
of here, like, immediately.
36
00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:51,342
State supreme court said it's
a violation of church and state,
37
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,612
Bah-bah-bah, we're open to
class-action lawsuits,
38
00:01:53,712 --> 00:01:54,746
Boo, boo, boo...
39
00:01:54,847 --> 00:01:59,217
Anyway, remove it,
immediately, so let's do it.
40
00:01:59,318 --> 00:02:01,252
( jones )
we have to do it ?
41
00:02:01,353 --> 00:02:03,655
Yes, and by "we,"
I of course mean...
42
00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:07,559
You.
43
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,060
( man over pa )
attention, lt. Jim dangle,
44
00:02:09,161 --> 00:02:10,328
Please report
to the front desk.
45
00:02:10,429 --> 00:02:13,164
Your wife is here
to see you.
46
00:02:26,545 --> 00:02:28,747
I heard that and
thought it was a rumor.
47
00:02:28,847 --> 00:02:30,515
Ha !
48
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,319
Sheriff's department.
49
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:38,056
Oh, no,
hell, no.
50
00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:40,858
You ain't got-- you ain't got
no business here !
51
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,894
You ain't go no business
here-- yeah, yeah.
52
00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:44,395
Actually we do.
What, what ?
53
00:02:44,496 --> 00:02:45,730
We saw an ad
in the paper...
54
00:02:45,831 --> 00:02:46,931
Yeah, so what,
so what ?
55
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:49,267
My ad-- I give people
pleasure, all right ?
56
00:02:49,368 --> 00:02:50,201
You.
57
00:02:50,302 --> 00:02:51,702
Yeah, I see it,
I see it.
58
00:02:51,804 --> 00:02:53,137
I put it in there,
I paid for it.
59
00:02:53,238 --> 00:02:54,472
You need to have
a permit.
60
00:02:54,573 --> 00:02:56,074
Ahh, see ?
What else am I--
61
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:58,142
God, that's,
that's classic.
62
00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:00,744
"$10,000 pyramid."
things cops always say.
63
00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:03,014
"do you have a permit ?"
ah !
64
00:03:03,115 --> 00:03:04,682
You don't even know
if there's a bordello.
65
00:03:04,783 --> 00:03:06,551
This is my pleasure palace,
you don't know what that means.
66
00:03:06,652 --> 00:03:08,552
No, let me tell you something,
"pleasure" means whatever.
67
00:03:08,654 --> 00:03:09,754
I'm giving pleasure.
68
00:03:09,855 --> 00:03:11,489
If someone comes up to me
and says, "hey,
69
00:03:11,590 --> 00:03:12,724
Would you like to sew
something with me ?"
70
00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:14,492
Sure, if that gives you
pleasure, come on by.
71
00:03:14,593 --> 00:03:15,826
If I happen to be nude
while we're doing it,
72
00:03:15,927 --> 00:03:17,062
That's my prerogative,
'cause you don't know me.
73
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:18,496
You don't know me.
74
00:03:18,597 --> 00:03:19,998
You want to plant a tree
for arbor day ?
75
00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,265
Come on over,
that's a pleasure.
76
00:03:21,366 --> 00:03:22,500
Whatever it is,
it doesn't matter.
77
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,634
It's a pleasure palace,
and that's it,
78
00:03:23,735 --> 00:03:24,935
I'm giving out pleasure.
79
00:03:25,036 --> 00:03:26,604
Is there any chance
that by "pleasure"
80
00:03:26,705 --> 00:03:28,739
You mean having sex
with people for money ?
81
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:29,674
Well, of course !
82
00:03:29,775 --> 00:03:30,908
Okay, thank you.
83
00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:32,510
Oh, no, wait.
84
00:03:32,611 --> 00:03:34,078
No, look, look, look, look,
look, look, look, look.
85
00:03:34,179 --> 00:03:36,481
Oh, reverse the psychol--
86
00:03:36,582 --> 00:03:38,983
Look, at least let me
put on my own cuffs.
87
00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:40,284
I've done this before.
88
00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:42,654
I get it.
I get it.
89
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:43,921
I've done this before.
90
00:03:44,022 --> 00:03:44,889
Aha !
91
00:03:44,990 --> 00:03:47,558
Ha ha haaa !
Ho ho !
92
00:03:47,659 --> 00:03:49,627
Ha, ha !
93
00:03:49,728 --> 00:03:52,130
Small businessman: 1,
reno cops: 0.
94
00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:53,464
What are you
gonna do now ?
95
00:03:53,565 --> 00:03:55,066
This is justice.
96
00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:56,534
Oh, look, look...
97
00:03:56,635 --> 00:04:00,271
Hey, the "keystone cops" called,
they want their bit back.
98
00:04:05,377 --> 00:04:06,444
Hi.
99
00:04:06,545 --> 00:04:07,912
Hi, deb.
100
00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:10,315
Hi... Hi.
101
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:12,950
Wow, long time, no see.
102
00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:14,085
I know.
103
00:04:14,186 --> 00:04:15,586
Long time, no see.
104
00:04:15,687 --> 00:04:16,755
Look at you.
105
00:04:16,855 --> 00:04:18,456
Yeah...
Look at you.
106
00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:20,858
I know,
look at not me.
107
00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:22,693
Yeah, did you get that
gastric bypass surgery ?
108
00:04:22,794 --> 00:04:24,328
I did, I had
the gastric bypass.
109
00:04:24,429 --> 00:04:25,363
My god.
110
00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:26,898
I know,
like 240 pounds.
111
00:04:26,999 --> 00:04:28,499
I didn't even
recognize you.
112
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,635
You look like something
the old deb would've eaten.
113
00:04:31,736 --> 00:04:33,638
( half-hearted laugh )
114
00:04:33,739 --> 00:04:34,839
I'm jokin'.
115
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:36,474
You're right.
116
00:04:36,575 --> 00:04:37,975
What brings you about ?
117
00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:39,543
Well, you know...
118
00:04:39,644 --> 00:04:44,082
This might be hard
for you, jim...
119
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:46,351
But I met someone.
120
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,420
Oh, you met a...
Fella.
121
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:53,424
Mm-hmm, and we'd like
to make it official.
122
00:04:53,525 --> 00:04:54,792
So...
123
00:04:54,893 --> 00:04:56,994
So we need to get
a divorce.
124
00:04:57,096 --> 00:04:58,295
From me, okay.
125
00:04:58,397 --> 00:04:59,764
So when did you have
in mind ?
126
00:04:59,865 --> 00:05:01,565
I was thinking maybe you could
meet us tonight for dinner.
127
00:05:01,666 --> 00:05:03,768
Tonight ? Oh, okay,
so really jump on it.
128
00:05:03,869 --> 00:05:06,938
But if you're upset
about this,
129
00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:10,074
Or you need to think it
through a little bit more,
130
00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:13,377
Because I certainly could
think it through with you,
131
00:05:13,478 --> 00:05:14,612
Or not, you know ?
132
00:05:14,713 --> 00:05:16,380
It's probably for the best,
wouldn't you say ?
133
00:05:16,481 --> 00:05:17,582
Yeah, yeah.
134
00:05:17,683 --> 00:05:19,016
Yeah ? Okay.
135
00:05:19,117 --> 00:05:21,952
Okay.
Okay.
136
00:05:22,053 --> 00:05:24,355
You might wanna wear pants
tonight, to the restaurant.
137
00:05:24,456 --> 00:05:26,691
Do you have to wear pants
at chez leno ?
138
00:05:26,792 --> 00:05:27,825
You might want to.
139
00:05:27,926 --> 00:05:29,227
You don't have
to wear a jacket, but--
140
00:05:29,327 --> 00:05:30,728
I know you love
your shorts.
141
00:05:30,829 --> 00:05:33,330
( walkie-talkie
blaring )
142
00:05:33,431 --> 00:05:36,367
I'm not your little
dapper dan doll, okay ?
143
00:05:36,468 --> 00:05:38,403
I'm not your dapper
dan doll, deb.
144
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:39,203
I'll see you there.
145
00:05:39,304 --> 00:05:40,438
Your dapper ?
146
00:05:40,539 --> 00:05:42,473
Come on,
don't end like this.
147
00:05:42,574 --> 00:05:44,008
Damn it, deb,
let's not fight !
148
00:05:44,109 --> 00:05:45,410
Here we are again !
149
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,445
Boom !
150
00:05:48,914 --> 00:05:50,381
I'll see you
at the divorce, okay ?
151
00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:52,350
Okay.
152
00:05:56,755 --> 00:05:57,755
It's kind of
ironic though,
153
00:05:57,856 --> 00:06:00,058
How you and jones
never got married,
154
00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:04,195
And here's a gay guy getting
married to a straight woman.
155
00:06:04,296 --> 00:06:08,833
That's gotta take
the piss out of ya.
156
00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:12,469
Hmm.
157
00:06:12,571 --> 00:06:14,572
1, 2, 3 !
158
00:06:14,673 --> 00:06:16,674
( all grunting )
159
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,945
I can feel it moving--
aah !
160
00:06:21,847 --> 00:06:23,614
Aaaaah !
161
00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:26,918
Go !
Gah !
162
00:06:27,018 --> 00:06:29,620
Can we make, like,
a pushing chain ?
163
00:06:29,721 --> 00:06:31,389
Aah !
Ow !
164
00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:34,025
Owww !!
165
00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:36,961
( johnson )
my boob !
166
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,363
( thwack )
167
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:40,965
Okay, okay !
168
00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:44,201
Aaah !!
169
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:48,339
Why don't I kick with my legs,
and you guys push ?
170
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,007
( wiegel )
you're just trying to show off your vagina,
171
00:06:50,108 --> 00:06:53,411
And that's not
gonna help anything.
172
00:06:53,512 --> 00:06:55,446
I wasn't talking to you,
I was talking to her.
173
00:06:55,547 --> 00:06:56,848
I know who you were
talking to.
174
00:06:56,948 --> 00:06:58,349
Yeah, it is kind of...
175
00:06:58,450 --> 00:06:59,617
Who's showing off
their vagina ?
176
00:06:59,718 --> 00:07:00,785
Hold on-- okay.
177
00:07:00,886 --> 00:07:01,819
( thump )
178
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,855
Ow ! Ow !
Oww !
179
00:07:04,956 --> 00:07:06,123
( screaming )
180
00:07:06,224 --> 00:07:07,492
Ow !
181
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:08,859
Ouch !
182
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:10,194
Here, try it,
see if you can,
183
00:07:10,295 --> 00:07:12,697
If can peel the word of god
off the goddamn thing,
184
00:07:12,798 --> 00:07:15,533
Then we might be able to just
get away with it sitting here.
185
00:07:15,634 --> 00:07:19,336
Little baby !
Motherfuckin' !
186
00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:21,071
Yeah, do it, jones,
do it, jones !
187
00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:22,273
You're gettin' it.
188
00:07:25,644 --> 00:07:27,445
( williams )
take it as a sign.
189
00:07:27,546 --> 00:07:31,616
The public is here now,
the press is sure to follow.
190
00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:34,819
( wiegel )
oh, hell.
191
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:39,090
I don't go to your job and
tell you you're goin' to hell.
192
00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:45,263
It is hard to imagine dangle
married since he's been,
193
00:07:45,364 --> 00:07:48,666
You know, so after me
for so long.
194
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:51,769
It's sort of-- I feel sorry
for the poor woman.
195
00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:55,139
You know, she has
no idea how much...
196
00:07:55,240 --> 00:08:00,044
Flirting he's been doing
and how just blatantly...
197
00:08:00,145 --> 00:08:03,447
After my...
198
00:08:03,548 --> 00:08:05,116
After your what ?
199
00:08:05,217 --> 00:08:08,886
My vagina, he's been
for so many years.
200
00:08:08,987 --> 00:08:10,554
Right.
201
00:08:10,655 --> 00:08:11,956
Alright-- hold on.
202
00:08:12,057 --> 00:08:13,358
Yo, yo, yo, yo !
Sheriff's department.
203
00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:15,193
Sheriff's department.
204
00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:16,694
Calm down,
everybody calm down.
205
00:08:16,795 --> 00:08:18,129
Whoa !
206
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:19,964
I'll be right back,
and I'll take your statement.
207
00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:21,498
Yeah, that's what
we're here for.
208
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,334
We'll look out for you.
209
00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:25,402
How you doing ?
Congratulations.
210
00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:26,837
Hold up, hold up.
211
00:08:26,938 --> 00:08:29,173
You go take his statement,
and I'll go talk to the girls.
212
00:08:29,274 --> 00:08:30,608
I got a great idea.
213
00:08:30,709 --> 00:08:32,110
Why don't you take
their statement,
214
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:33,511
And I'll go over here
215
00:08:33,612 --> 00:08:34,878
And I'll get one of these
girls into the car.
216
00:08:34,980 --> 00:08:36,680
I do that,
that's what I do.
217
00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:39,517
I'm a lonely, lonely man,
just give me one shot.
218
00:08:39,618 --> 00:08:41,352
Go ahead...
219
00:08:41,453 --> 00:08:42,686
Go ahead, do it.
220
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:45,722
All right, all right,
all right, all right !
221
00:08:45,824 --> 00:08:47,925
Come on, come on, let me
'rassle you into the car here.
222
00:08:48,026 --> 00:08:50,528
Hey-- aaah !!
223
00:08:50,629 --> 00:08:52,430
Goddamn !
224
00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:53,564
Hold on !
225
00:08:53,665 --> 00:08:56,133
He came in-- it was broke
when he came in !
226
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:01,205
Looks like
we got a lady here
227
00:09:01,306 --> 00:09:02,840
Who seems to be dragging
some sort of appliance
228
00:09:02,941 --> 00:09:04,408
Down the street.
229
00:09:04,509 --> 00:09:07,311
Sweetheart, you're gonna have to
get some pants on, miss, okay ?
230
00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:09,347
I got on--
right here.
231
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:10,982
No, those aren't
pants.
232
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:14,018
Those are on my body.
233
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:16,487
Stop !
234
00:09:16,588 --> 00:09:18,456
Stop it !
Right now !
235
00:09:18,557 --> 00:09:20,291
Right now, goddamn it !
236
00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:21,692
How about--
where do you live ?
237
00:09:21,793 --> 00:09:23,060
Do you want us
to drive you home ?
238
00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:25,363
I ain't never comin' out.
239
00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:27,398
Well, you're gonna have--
I ain't never coming out !
240
00:09:27,499 --> 00:09:29,767
You're gonna have to
come out, ma'am.
241
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:30,834
I'm not !
242
00:09:30,936 --> 00:09:34,638
You're in the middle
of the street, ma'am.
243
00:09:34,739 --> 00:09:37,875
She's a kicker !
She's a kicker !
244
00:09:42,314 --> 00:09:43,547
You gonna behave ?
245
00:09:43,648 --> 00:09:45,249
Owww !
246
00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:47,518
Come on, lady.
247
00:09:47,619 --> 00:09:49,153
Do not spit.
248
00:09:49,254 --> 00:09:52,089
Oh, goddamn it !
249
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:53,324
You hurt--
250
00:09:53,425 --> 00:09:55,526
( groaning )
251
00:09:55,627 --> 00:09:56,727
Oww !
252
00:09:56,828 --> 00:09:58,829
I'll bite you !
I'll bite you back !
253
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,297
I'll bite
your tits off.
254
00:10:00,398 --> 00:10:01,532
I'll bite your
tits off.
255
00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:03,267
You're getting
in the car !
256
00:10:03,368 --> 00:10:04,635
You're getting
in the car !
257
00:10:04,736 --> 00:10:05,803
I don't want to.
258
00:10:05,904 --> 00:10:07,838
Fine !
259
00:10:07,939 --> 00:10:09,506
If she won't get in...
260
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:10,775
We'll take
her water heater.
261
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:12,276
What ?!
262
00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:13,511
Now we keep it.
263
00:10:13,612 --> 00:10:14,878
Yep, now you lose.
You like that ?
264
00:10:14,979 --> 00:10:16,713
You won't come with us,
we take your water heater.
265
00:10:16,814 --> 00:10:18,615
I wanna take it
with me !
266
00:10:18,717 --> 00:10:20,584
Nope, no room.
267
00:10:20,685 --> 00:10:21,986
Sorry, all full up.
268
00:10:22,087 --> 00:10:23,220
I want to go.
269
00:10:23,321 --> 00:10:24,421
( jones )
you gonna get in ?
270
00:10:24,522 --> 00:10:25,423
You wanna get in ?
271
00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:26,524
No !
No ?
272
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:27,958
I wanna take it
with me !
273
00:10:28,059 --> 00:10:29,260
What ?
You wanna come ?
274
00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:32,062
( wiegel )
come on, we'll let you in.
275
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,465
Aaaah !
276
00:10:34,566 --> 00:10:37,234
Ah ! Ah ! Ah !
277
00:10:37,335 --> 00:10:39,369
Come on,
we'll let you in.
278
00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:40,838
Come on, let's go,
hurry up.
279
00:10:40,939 --> 00:10:42,573
I wanna go !
280
00:10:42,674 --> 00:10:44,242
( both laughing )
281
00:10:47,379 --> 00:10:49,647
( helicopter whirring )
282
00:10:49,748 --> 00:10:52,316
Go, go, go, go !
283
00:10:58,223 --> 00:11:00,291
( crunch )
284
00:11:00,392 --> 00:11:02,426
Oh, shit !
285
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,636
Oh, man.
286
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:14,571
How the hell's
he gonna land ?
287
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:21,612
I met my wife, debbie,
back in my swing choir days.
288
00:11:21,713 --> 00:11:23,647
We were in the swing choir,
it was a real good time.
289
00:11:23,748 --> 00:11:26,918
We did... Maybe it's
called outside-type numbers.
290
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,553
And, you know,
we were young,
291
00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:31,421
I had just been booted
from the coast guard,
292
00:11:31,523 --> 00:11:34,258
She was the heiress
to a vacuum-cleaner fortune...
293
00:11:34,359 --> 00:11:38,662
It... Worked out good
for everybody.
294
00:11:38,763 --> 00:11:40,231
She was morbidly obese
at the time, you know ?
295
00:11:40,331 --> 00:11:45,169
She was not long for this world
certainly, it seemed like,
296
00:11:45,270 --> 00:11:47,704
The way she could throw
them hoagies back.
297
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:51,842
Saw your mama last week.
298
00:11:51,943 --> 00:11:53,744
Mm-hmm,
that's what she said.
299
00:11:53,845 --> 00:11:56,046
Stopped by the home there.
300
00:11:56,147 --> 00:11:58,282
She thinks the black nurses
are stealing from her.
301
00:11:58,383 --> 00:12:00,050
Okay.
302
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:01,585
Gave her a sponge bath.
303
00:12:01,686 --> 00:12:04,288
I don't know why you insist on
giving my mother a sponge bath.
304
00:12:04,389 --> 00:12:06,456
Who else
would do it, deb ?
305
00:12:06,557 --> 00:12:08,492
The staff, jim.
306
00:12:08,593 --> 00:12:10,995
Yeah, but they
steal from her.
307
00:12:11,096 --> 00:12:13,830
That's not a fact.
308
00:12:13,931 --> 00:12:15,565
I brought these papers,
let's just get it over with.
309
00:12:15,666 --> 00:12:17,435
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
310
00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:20,070
I just want you to know
the door is still open
311
00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:23,040
If you have
a change of heart.
312
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:27,377
And it's just--
it's for the best, honey.
313
00:12:27,479 --> 00:12:28,712
I know, I know.
314
00:12:28,813 --> 00:12:30,647
And you know what ?
I love leslie.
315
00:12:30,748 --> 00:12:31,816
Life goes on.
316
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:32,950
I love leslie.
317
00:12:33,051 --> 00:12:35,119
Life goes on...
318
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:37,788
Who's leslie ?
319
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:40,124
My fiancรยรยฉ, jim,
I told you that.
320
00:12:40,225 --> 00:12:41,758
Oh, right, right.
321
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:42,960
Right.
322
00:12:43,061 --> 00:12:44,094
Hi !
323
00:12:44,195 --> 00:12:45,229
How are you ?
324
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:47,264
Okay, okay, okay.
325
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:48,699
So you must be jim.
326
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:51,201
I've heard so much about you.
I'm leslie frost.
327
00:12:51,302 --> 00:12:53,137
How do you do ?
328
00:12:53,238 --> 00:12:55,138
Do I know you ?
You own that little store.
329
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,175
The bi-curios,
the collectibles store.
330
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,777
That place is
wonderful.
331
00:12:59,878 --> 00:13:00,945
Thank you.
332
00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:02,412
I should come by,
I'll come by and check it out.
333
00:13:02,513 --> 00:13:05,549
In the division of property
section here, deb ?
334
00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:06,717
Yes ?
335
00:13:06,818 --> 00:13:09,686
Okay, here's me.
Uh-huh.
336
00:13:09,787 --> 00:13:11,789
And there's deborah.
337
00:13:11,890 --> 00:13:12,957
Right.
338
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:14,959
There's all these things
in your column here.
339
00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:16,661
Right, because I came into
the marriage with those.
340
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:18,562
Yeah, there's nothing
in my column whatsoever.
341
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:21,799
That's because you came into
the marriage with nothing, jim.
342
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:26,770
Why don't you stick
a burning stick in my eye ?
343
00:13:26,871 --> 00:13:31,775
Honey, um... Your lips.
It's not as vibrant.
344
00:13:31,876 --> 00:13:33,210
They are disappearing
into your face.
345
00:13:33,311 --> 00:13:34,712
They're doing
that thing they do.
346
00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:37,614
They do disappear
into her face
347
00:13:37,715 --> 00:13:40,451
When she doesn't outline them
a little bit.
348
00:13:40,552 --> 00:13:42,453
She is a pistol.
349
00:13:42,554 --> 00:13:43,854
Oh, she's
a wonderful woman.
350
00:13:43,955 --> 00:13:45,389
Especially now that she's--
( clears throat )--
351
00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:47,825
Not morbidly obese.
352
00:13:47,926 --> 00:13:50,460
Right, right.
353
00:13:50,561 --> 00:13:52,195
I can't wait
for our wedding night,
354
00:13:52,296 --> 00:13:56,967
Let me tell you that,
to have sex with her vagina.
355
00:13:57,068 --> 00:13:59,203
She's a firecracker.
356
00:14:07,879 --> 00:14:08,946
Okay, I'll pin him down,
yeah, that's him.
357
00:14:09,047 --> 00:14:11,682
That's him right there.
358
00:14:11,783 --> 00:14:13,517
Put your hands up, sir.
359
00:14:13,618 --> 00:14:15,419
Up against the car.
Up against the car.
360
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,221
Get up against the car !
361
00:14:17,322 --> 00:14:18,522
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
362
00:14:18,623 --> 00:14:20,924
Ladies, ma'am, I don't mean
to be disrespectful.
363
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,159
I think we have
a misunderstanding.
364
00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:23,628
We got a call
about a hate crime.
365
00:14:23,728 --> 00:14:26,129
Right, I called you,
I placed the call.
366
00:14:26,231 --> 00:14:27,297
Yeah, right,
you called us
367
00:14:27,398 --> 00:14:28,966
So you could brag on
what you did ?
368
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:31,201
No, no,
look, look, lookee.
369
00:14:31,302 --> 00:14:34,071
See what they did ?
They put a giant "s".
370
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:36,207
They completely changed
the look of it.
371
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:39,276
And it's--
it's disrespecting myself.
372
00:14:39,377 --> 00:14:41,345
It's disrespecting people
of my beliefs.
373
00:14:41,446 --> 00:14:42,746
I can't believe
someone would
374
00:14:42,847 --> 00:14:44,247
Actually come into
this neighborhood
375
00:14:44,348 --> 00:14:45,949
And try and disrespect
the culture.
376
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:47,284
You called us ?
377
00:14:47,385 --> 00:14:48,719
I absolutely did
378
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:51,022
Because someone in this
neighborhood is a hate monger.
379
00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,957
Someone in this neighborhood
is selecting out individuals
380
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:56,627
Based on, I don't know,
perhaps the color my skin,
381
00:14:56,728 --> 00:15:00,297
Perhaps my personal beliefs,
and that's not right.
382
00:15:00,398 --> 00:15:01,999
Let me talk to her
for a second.
383
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,133
You hold on.
384
00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:05,102
I'm not taking any statement
from this idiot.
385
00:15:05,203 --> 00:15:06,503
I think we should find
who did it
386
00:15:06,604 --> 00:15:09,874
And buy them a gift certificate
for something pretty
387
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:12,376
Just to say "thank you."
388
00:15:13,411 --> 00:15:14,545
Oh !
389
00:15:14,646 --> 00:15:16,113
Whoa !
390
00:15:16,214 --> 00:15:18,081
This is 1-adam,
charlie-35.
391
00:15:18,182 --> 00:15:19,783
We need an ambulance here
392
00:15:19,884 --> 00:15:22,319
At the "ku sux klan"
headquarters.
393
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:23,654
( laughs )
394
00:15:23,755 --> 00:15:25,622
I'm sorry,
I'm just reading the sign.
395
00:15:32,296 --> 00:15:36,033
This is gonna sound
cold-hearted,
396
00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:40,037
But I don't mean it
like that.
397
00:15:40,138 --> 00:15:45,642
All I really want...
To have happen...
398
00:15:45,743 --> 00:15:52,049
Is... For deb to be as happy
as she could possibly be,
399
00:15:52,150 --> 00:15:54,251
Not divorce me,
400
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:56,120
And get hit
by a train or something--
401
00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:58,588
Something in which
she wouldn't feel any pain
402
00:15:58,690 --> 00:16:01,325
Because part of me,
still, is her friend,
403
00:16:01,426 --> 00:16:04,895
But I also don't have
a 401-k plan of any kind.
404
00:16:04,996 --> 00:16:08,632
Did I see you at a Halloween
party last year,
405
00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:10,233
And were you dressed
like truman capote ?
406
00:16:10,335 --> 00:16:12,503
And were you talking
to a mountie ?
407
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:14,271
Yes.
408
00:16:14,372 --> 00:16:17,007
A mountie in shorts ?
409
00:16:17,108 --> 00:16:19,810
Not a big jump,
but a great costume.
410
00:16:19,911 --> 00:16:21,077
Jim,
mountie in shorts.
411
00:16:21,179 --> 00:16:23,881
People thought I was
tom wolfe that year.
412
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,683
Oh my god, no, you were so
obviously truman capote.
413
00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:26,984
I know.
414
00:16:27,085 --> 00:16:29,753
Tom wolfe is
much stripier. It's a white suit.
415
00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:31,222
Of course, it's a white suit
and stripier.
416
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,491
Sure, there's "neckerchiefery"
involved sometimes.
417
00:16:34,592 --> 00:16:36,727
Haberdashery.
Right.
418
00:16:37,528 --> 00:16:39,529
Hi.
419
00:16:39,630 --> 00:16:43,533
Come on in, sit down.
420
00:16:43,634 --> 00:16:45,068
So, we should look
that over very quickly
421
00:16:45,169 --> 00:16:46,670
And then be on our way.
422
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:49,907
What's that, deb--
that right there ?
423
00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:54,211
The trailer,
the mobile home.
424
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:55,779
That's where I live, deb.
425
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:57,348
Right, I bought it.
426
00:16:57,449 --> 00:16:59,750
I put sweat equity
into it, deb.
427
00:16:59,851 --> 00:17:01,352
I put sweat equity
into it, deb.
428
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:02,820
That's a made-up word.
429
00:17:02,921 --> 00:17:04,188
I don't even know
what that means.
430
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:07,057
That's a made-up concept.
431
00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:09,726
I am gonna go
live...
432
00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:11,895
Under a bridge...
433
00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:14,965
With frogs and toads.
434
00:17:15,066 --> 00:17:17,768
Well, take
a sleeping bag.
435
00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:19,269
And occasionally,
I will, once in a while,
436
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,939
Go wash your mother.
437
00:17:22,039 --> 00:17:24,207
Thank you.
438
00:17:24,308 --> 00:17:26,076
No, thank you, deb.
439
00:17:26,177 --> 00:17:28,011
You break my heart.
440
00:17:28,112 --> 00:17:29,313
It was very nice
meeting you.
441
00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:30,681
It was so nice meeting you.
Come by the store.
442
00:17:30,782 --> 00:17:32,783
I'm there tuesdays
and thursdays.
443
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,318
You're right on
the access road.
444
00:17:34,419 --> 00:17:36,820
( deb )
leslie !!
445
00:17:36,921 --> 00:17:39,857
Stop by and see me under
the bridge sometime, deb !!
446
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:40,824
( leslie )
I will.
447
00:17:40,925 --> 00:17:44,295
No, I meant her.
Leslie, I'll see you.
448
00:17:47,999 --> 00:17:49,333
Sir, we got
the e.M.T. Coming.
449
00:17:49,434 --> 00:17:51,268
Just hang tight,
eat some cheetos,
450
00:17:51,369 --> 00:17:52,936
And we'll be
right back, okay ?
451
00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:55,839
My name is corgameth, the
demonic god of conquest--
452
00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:57,641
What is your real name ?
453
00:17:57,742 --> 00:17:59,276
Well, on this
plane of exis--
454
00:17:59,377 --> 00:18:00,444
Guys, you don't see this,
455
00:18:00,545 --> 00:18:01,879
You're still in
the sphere of darkness.
456
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:03,079
You don't see
this happening.
457
00:18:03,181 --> 00:18:04,415
Talk to me.
458
00:18:04,516 --> 00:18:05,983
On this plane of existence,
459
00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:07,518
I'm represented
as the wizard golgath.
460
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,119
That's the form he takes.
461
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:11,856
Sir, why'd you hit your buddy
with the-- with the ax ?
462
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:13,958
The ax was possessed
by a demon
463
00:18:14,058 --> 00:18:16,459
Because someone was trying
to use a wizard spell
464
00:18:16,561 --> 00:18:19,163
Two levels above his experience,
and he knew that.
465
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:21,965
Yes, and that will cost you
experience points.
466
00:18:22,066 --> 00:18:24,167
And, so the demon--
sir, sir, sir.
467
00:18:24,268 --> 00:18:25,769
Everybody over here said
that you were the one
468
00:18:25,870 --> 00:18:27,537
Who hit your friend
with the ax.
469
00:18:27,638 --> 00:18:30,340
Because they're chaotic evil,
they would say that.
470
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,376
This is why I don't let
you guys roll up nubians.
471
00:18:33,478 --> 00:18:35,412
Because-- and you people
are great.
472
00:18:35,513 --> 00:18:37,714
You have some wonderful
attributes
473
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:39,783
'cause you see in the dark
and you detect ghosts.
474
00:18:39,884 --> 00:18:40,984
Is you mother
around here ?
475
00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:42,753
She left when I was 3.
476
00:18:42,854 --> 00:18:44,254
Listen, I'm immune
to edge weapons.
477
00:18:44,355 --> 00:18:45,855
I'm immune to any kind
of missile attack.
478
00:18:45,956 --> 00:18:48,425
I'm immune to any kind of
wizard prismatic spray.
479
00:18:48,526 --> 00:18:50,260
What about mace ?
480
00:18:50,361 --> 00:18:51,228
Ohh, ohh !
481
00:18:51,329 --> 00:18:52,930
Are you immune to that ?!
482
00:18:53,031 --> 00:18:54,732
Oh, crumb !!
We got him.
483
00:18:54,832 --> 00:18:55,999
Call it in.
484
00:18:56,101 --> 00:18:59,703
Tell them to get a cell ready
for a demigod.
485
00:19:06,411 --> 00:19:07,644
( dangle )
number four--
486
00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:09,780
( johnson )
"we have really big busts."
487
00:19:09,881 --> 00:19:11,048
Number three--
488
00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:13,016
"free donuts."
489
00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:14,250
( all )
whoo !
490
00:19:14,352 --> 00:19:15,519
Number two--
491
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:18,221
"pepper spray makes
a good taco taste great."
492
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:21,158
And the number-one reason
it's great to be a cop--
493
00:19:21,259 --> 00:19:23,793
( all )
"getting to drive around
494
00:19:23,895 --> 00:19:25,862
With a trunk full of drugs
495
00:19:25,963 --> 00:19:28,932
And a backseat
full of hookers !!!"
496
00:19:29,033 --> 00:19:30,300
Whoo !
497
00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:32,636
( cheers and applause )
498
00:19:32,737 --> 00:19:33,938
Good job, gang.
499
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:35,606
Oh, man.
County's okay with this ?
500
00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:36,840
County's cool,
the county's cool.
501
00:19:36,941 --> 00:19:38,041
The supreme court's cool.
502
00:19:38,142 --> 00:19:40,310
Not even god can mess
with us now !
503
00:19:40,411 --> 00:19:44,180
You hear that ?!
( laughs )
504
00:19:46,417 --> 00:19:48,151
We're being sued
by worldwide pants--
505
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:49,619
David letterman's company.
506
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,054
( junior )
too many lawyers, man.
507
00:19:51,155 --> 00:19:52,289
Too many lawyers.
508
00:19:52,390 --> 00:19:54,191
This is a grade "a"
example.
509
00:19:54,292 --> 00:19:55,692
( weigel )
too many lawyers and not enough chefs.
510
00:19:55,793 --> 00:19:57,361
My car was stolen.
What happened, sir ?
511
00:19:57,462 --> 00:19:59,964
I parked the car,
I went in to get a slushee,
512
00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:02,599
And I got a pack of cigarettes
and I came back out.
513
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:05,502
I went in very quickly,
like 10, 15 minutes tops.
514
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,371
It doesn't take--
two minutes tops.
515
00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:10,040
Two minutes tops ?
25 seconds tops.
516
00:20:10,141 --> 00:20:11,308
Time me.
Go !
517
00:20:11,409 --> 00:20:13,676
Come on, clemmy !
518
00:20:13,778 --> 00:20:16,213
I know this machine
like the back of my hand.
519
00:20:16,314 --> 00:20:18,315
Come on, baby !
Come on, slushee !
520
00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:20,083
Keep the change.
521
00:20:20,184 --> 00:20:21,785
Time !
522
00:20:21,886 --> 00:20:23,253
I left the keys
in the car.
523
00:20:23,354 --> 00:20:24,521
Yeah !
524
00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:26,423
Yeah.
525
00:20:26,524 --> 00:20:28,858
Hey, roomie ?
Hmm ?
526
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,629
Why were these
in the sink ?
527
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:35,065
Why are you asking me ?
They're not mine.
528
00:20:53,217 --> 00:20:55,252
You're never really the same
after a celine show.
529
00:20:55,353 --> 00:20:56,419
No, my god, no.
530
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,856
Specifically with the
influence of dragone.
531
00:20:59,957 --> 00:21:04,528
The thing is, the video wall
that goes behind her,
532
00:21:04,629 --> 00:21:06,162
Had not yet been installed
533
00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:10,066
So dragone was on
a microphone explaining
534
00:21:10,168 --> 00:21:12,636
What was going to
eventually be behind her.
535
00:21:12,737 --> 00:21:13,970
Sir, stop, stop.
536
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:16,507
Stop, the sheriff's department
is ordering you
537
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:18,108
To stop blowing my mind.
538
00:21:18,209 --> 00:21:19,376
Do you work for the--
539
00:21:19,477 --> 00:21:20,543
Yeah, sure, look.
540
00:21:20,645 --> 00:21:22,679
Oh, my gosh !
541
00:21:22,729 --> 00:21:27,279
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37519
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof