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1
00:01:25,717 --> 00:01:27,685
Right.
2
00:01:46,905 --> 00:01:50,341
Twelve minutes to midnight?
3
00:01:50,442 --> 00:01:54,276
Twelve minutes to midnight.
4
00:01:58,283 --> 00:02:00,251
One if by land.
5
00:02:02,554 --> 00:02:04,522
I see.
6
00:02:09,427 --> 00:02:11,759
Midtown Park.
7
00:02:11,863 --> 00:02:13,831
Midtown Park?
8
00:02:37,489 --> 00:02:39,389
416 Commerce Street.
9
00:02:39,491 --> 00:02:41,721
I'm beginning to wonder, is this gonna
be a case or a scavenger hunt?
10
00:02:41,826 --> 00:02:44,226
You promised Mr. "X"
we'd meet with him.
11
00:02:44,329 --> 00:02:48,288
Yes. Well, any man who calls himself
Mr. "X" deserves to be stood up.
12
00:03:09,554 --> 00:03:12,079
All very mysterious.
13
00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:15,682
My stock in trade, Miss Holt.
14
00:03:15,794 --> 00:03:18,592
Mr. "X", I presume?
15
00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:21,131
Well, yes.
16
00:03:21,233 --> 00:03:26,034
I was certain, once I had made those credit card
commercials, everyone would recognize me.
17
00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:29,730
Of course!
Richard Laidlaw.
18
00:03:29,841 --> 00:03:32,810
Three-inch mystery novels
with three-word titles.
19
00:03:32,911 --> 00:03:35,573
The Laidlaw logo.
20
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,046
Once around the slum,
Mr. Steele?
21
00:03:44,489 --> 00:03:48,050
I'm the president of
the American Mystery Writers Guild.
22
00:03:48,159 --> 00:03:50,320
I don't mean to spoil
your ending, Mr. Laidlaw...
23
00:03:50,428 --> 00:03:52,328
but why all
the mystery tonight?
24
00:03:52,430 --> 00:03:55,490
Someone's embezzled
our guild treasury.
25
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,500
Nearly a million dollars!
26
00:03:57,602 --> 00:04:00,935
- Have you called the police?
- No police.
27
00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:04,031
- Laidlaw's law.
- Embarrassed?
28
00:04:04,142 --> 00:04:06,702
A group of mystery writers,
and they can't solve the crime.
29
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:11,248
Scratch "embarrassed. "
Try "discouraged. "
30
00:04:13,351 --> 00:04:18,687
A million dollars is quite a treasury
for a guild of mystery writers.
31
00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:23,853
- Last year it was 312 dollars and 43 cents.
- Mmm.
32
00:04:23,962 --> 00:04:27,864
A few months ago,
an old-timer, Gil Fox-
33
00:04:27,966 --> 00:04:30,230
hadn't sold a book in years-
34
00:04:30,335 --> 00:04:33,862
suddenly got a seven-figure
offer for film rights...
35
00:04:33,972 --> 00:04:36,702
to a series of sci-fi novels...
36
00:04:36,808 --> 00:04:40,209
about a Martian who works
for a small-town police force.
37
00:04:40,312 --> 00:04:42,041
Mmm, the stuff of epics,
isn't it?
38
00:04:42,147 --> 00:04:46,277
The night Gil Fox
signed his contract, he died.
39
00:04:46,384 --> 00:04:50,252
- How?
- A heart attack.
40
00:04:51,556 --> 00:04:54,787
Fox willed his money
to the guild...
41
00:04:54,893 --> 00:04:58,590
to tear down our old Victorian,
buy the lot next door...
42
00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:03,464
and build a proper headquarters
for our organization.
43
00:05:03,568 --> 00:05:07,766
Now, the will was probated,
the money paid into the treasury.
44
00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:11,808
A day later,
it was taken out again.
45
00:05:11,910 --> 00:05:14,538
Six separate checks...
46
00:05:14,646 --> 00:05:20,209
each one signed by one of the members
of the board of directors.
47
00:05:20,318 --> 00:05:22,946
Forgeries? No, I mean...
48
00:05:23,054 --> 00:05:26,080
if you were all in on the embezzlement,
you wouldn't be hiring us, would you?
49
00:05:26,191 --> 00:05:29,058
Good point, Mr. Steele.
50
00:05:31,663 --> 00:05:35,463
The checks were all made out to cash
and deposited in a Swiss bank account.
51
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,500
- Untraceable?
- What else?
52
00:05:37,602 --> 00:05:39,866
- Imaginative.
- You know...
53
00:05:39,971 --> 00:05:43,031
all the board members
are best-selling authors.
54
00:05:43,141 --> 00:05:45,041
You'd think they'd be
too well-heeled to embezzle.
55
00:05:45,143 --> 00:05:48,010
They're the only ones who
knew about the million dollars.
56
00:05:48,113 --> 00:05:50,013
It hadn't been announced
to the general membership yet.
57
00:05:50,115 --> 00:05:52,640
So, if we're going
to catch the forger...
58
00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:54,981
we have to get samples
of each one's handwriting.
59
00:05:55,086 --> 00:05:57,577
Mm-hmm. And we have to do it
in a cunning, imaginative way.
60
00:05:57,689 --> 00:06:00,658
Oh, yes, this is our chance
for immortality.
61
00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:04,695
We solve the case by a bold, brilliant
ploy, and they all write books about us.
62
00:06:04,796 --> 00:06:07,264
There's only one problem,
Mr. Steele.
63
00:06:07,365 --> 00:06:09,526
We don't have a bold,
brilliant ploy.
64
00:06:10,635 --> 00:06:12,660
You've got 30 minutes, Laura.
65
00:06:18,276 --> 00:06:20,767
The Remington Steele Agency,
fully conscious...
66
00:06:20,879 --> 00:06:23,473
of the unique honor
you've bestowed upon us...
67
00:06:23,581 --> 00:06:27,142
will devote its fullest energies
to your every need.
68
00:06:27,252 --> 00:06:30,881
Thank you very much.
Oh, and finally...
69
00:06:30,989 --> 00:06:34,720
we at the Steele Agency
are your avid fans.
70
00:06:34,826 --> 00:06:37,158
So, if you don't mind,
during the social hour...
71
00:06:37,262 --> 00:06:40,390
my staff will pass among you
with copies of your books.
72
00:06:40,498 --> 00:06:41,795
Thank you very much.
73
00:06:43,768 --> 00:06:49,035
Most people say I look
much younger than this picture.
74
00:06:51,576 --> 00:06:54,204
Yes, yes, yes.
Ages, ages.
75
00:06:57,749 --> 00:07:02,049
- What do you call that?
- Do-it-yourself orthodontia?
76
00:07:02,153 --> 00:07:05,645
That's Butch Bemis.
The Chip Sledge series?
77
00:07:05,757 --> 00:07:10,023
Trash! Illiterate,
chauvinist trash!
78
00:07:10,128 --> 00:07:13,859
Degrading to women,
degrading to the human race.
79
00:07:13,965 --> 00:07:19,528
- Eighteen million copies, worldwide.
- That's a lot of degradation.
80
00:07:19,637 --> 00:07:22,868
But some time ago,
before the embezzlement...
81
00:07:22,974 --> 00:07:26,068
he was trying to float
a loan on his bull ranch.
82
00:07:26,177 --> 00:07:29,374
- Ah, raises bulls, does he?
- Wrestles them.
83
00:07:32,383 --> 00:07:35,147
All right.
Walk me through this again.
84
00:07:35,253 --> 00:07:38,051
You used to be
an F.B.I. agent, Mr. Grimm?
85
00:07:38,156 --> 00:07:42,217
Thank you. And he put you
in Leavenworth, Mr. Nussman?
86
00:07:42,327 --> 00:07:45,626
Call me Alfie.
Call him plagiarist.
87
00:07:46,831 --> 00:07:49,061
- Frankly, Miss Crabs, your agency-
- Krebs!
88
00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:53,126
Thank goodness. Your agency's
going about this all wrong, Miss Krebs.
89
00:07:53,238 --> 00:07:56,730
- There's your culprit. That man has a history of theft.
- Ooh!
90
00:07:56,841 --> 00:08:00,106
I stole money.
He steals ideas, usually mine...
91
00:08:00,211 --> 00:08:04,272
but he writes them up so badly,
he probably needs to steal money too.
92
00:08:04,382 --> 00:08:08,716
- How are sales, Grimm?
- Don't worry about me, Miss Crabs- Krebs.
93
00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:12,278
But the only top-10 list
Nussman ever made was labeled "Wanted. "
94
00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:19,094
Had I but known, Mr. Steele,
that on this fair autumn morn...
95
00:08:19,197 --> 00:08:21,165
destiny would
bring us together.
96
00:08:21,266 --> 00:08:23,564
I was very distressed to hear,
Miss Cooper, that-
97
00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:26,330
Columbine.
98
00:08:26,437 --> 00:08:29,565
I was very distressed to hear about
your problems with the tax people.
99
00:08:29,674 --> 00:08:31,665
How much do they claim
you owe them?
100
00:08:31,776 --> 00:08:35,610
- You're going about this all wrong, Mr. Steele.
- Oh, really?
101
00:08:35,713 --> 00:08:38,181
If you suspect me
of nefarious deeds...
102
00:08:38,283 --> 00:08:41,810
I suggest you take a leaf
from Rodney Van Dyke.
103
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,480
- Rodney Van Dyke?
- The dark, brooding...
104
00:08:44,589 --> 00:08:47,717
but, beneath it all,
tender hero of my latest gothic...
105
00:08:47,825 --> 00:08:50,885
Lust's Lovely Lassitude.
106
00:08:50,995 --> 00:08:54,260
You must pull me
to your manly chest...
107
00:08:54,365 --> 00:08:57,562
stare deeply
into my lambent eyes...
108
00:08:57,669 --> 00:09:00,934
and then probe me
and probe me...
109
00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:04,998
and probe me relentlessly.
110
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:08,738
Ah, uh, very busy,
Miss Cooper.
111
00:09:08,846 --> 00:09:12,282
You know, hours to go
before one sleeps and all that.
112
00:09:12,383 --> 00:09:14,681
Had I but known.
113
00:09:18,022 --> 00:09:21,719
If I were you,
I'd question Pamela Johns.
114
00:09:21,826 --> 00:09:24,886
She may write those
dry English mysteries...
115
00:09:24,996 --> 00:09:30,093
but they do say that, for years,
she had a secret affair with Gil Fox.
116
00:09:35,239 --> 00:09:38,538
- Butch Bemis.
- Kiss Me to a Pulp.
117
00:09:42,814 --> 00:09:45,078
Sounds right. Trade?
118
00:09:45,183 --> 00:09:47,151
You bet.
119
00:09:52,991 --> 00:09:56,483
Myself and Gil Fox.
120
00:09:56,594 --> 00:09:58,619
Not that I can remember.
121
00:09:58,730 --> 00:10:02,427
- And I do try to remember all my lovers.
- Mmm.
122
00:10:02,533 --> 00:10:05,764
Gives a bit more meaning
to the experience, does it?
123
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:09,499
I was frightfully sorry to read about you
in the Crime of the Month Club.
124
00:10:09,607 --> 00:10:13,373
- What was that?
- They turned down your latest novel...
125
00:10:13,478 --> 00:10:17,744
in favor of the memoirs
of that Hollywood mogul.
126
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:21,182
If you're trying
to find the embezzler...
127
00:10:21,285 --> 00:10:25,847
and I assume you are,
you're going about it all wrong.
128
00:10:25,957 --> 00:10:28,653
I am?
129
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,888
You should be questioning
the other beneficiary of Fox's will.
130
00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:34,726
I didn't know there was
another beneficiary.
131
00:10:34,832 --> 00:10:37,300
Oh, sloppy work, Steele.
132
00:10:37,402 --> 00:10:40,894
I'd never let one of my detectives
overlook something like that.
133
00:10:41,005 --> 00:10:43,200
Reality can be
a dreadful letdown.
134
00:10:43,307 --> 00:10:45,366
Who is the other beneficiary?
135
00:10:45,476 --> 00:10:48,001
A neighbor of Fox's,
Maxie Delano.
136
00:10:48,112 --> 00:10:51,639
He was meant to get 100,000,
the guild the other nine.
137
00:10:51,749 --> 00:10:54,582
I suspect he felt shortchanged.
138
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:27,410
If I let my private eye do what you're
doing, my readers would barf.
139
00:11:27,518 --> 00:11:29,509
I beg your pardon?
140
00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:33,488
Eavesdropping on the extension?
Amateur night, baby.
141
00:11:33,591 --> 00:11:35,821
Might I remind you, Mr. Bemis...
142
00:11:35,927 --> 00:11:38,953
that you people
are under scrutiny, not I.
143
00:11:39,063 --> 00:11:41,190
And I got the distinct impression
from that phone call...
144
00:11:41,299 --> 00:11:45,463
that you've lost a lot of money financing
a television series based on your books.
145
00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:47,504
Well?
146
00:11:47,605 --> 00:11:49,505
You wouldn't be such
a bad-looking broad...
147
00:11:49,607 --> 00:11:52,599
if you did something with
your hair, a little makeup.
148
00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:55,907
Why don't you stick to
what broads are good for?
149
00:11:57,014 --> 00:11:59,608
You not only look
like a Neanderthal...
150
00:11:59,717 --> 00:12:01,617
you think like one.
151
00:12:01,719 --> 00:12:04,051
Right.
152
00:12:12,697 --> 00:12:14,665
Well?
153
00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,367
May I have your autograph?
154
00:12:21,639 --> 00:12:23,607
- Chief?
- Yep.
155
00:12:23,708 --> 00:12:25,869
I finally got an answer
from the coroner's office.
156
00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:28,172
They never did
an autopsy on Gil Fox.
157
00:12:28,279 --> 00:12:31,271
I wanna talk to that doctor
who signed the death certificate.
158
00:12:33,351 --> 00:12:36,752
- What time's our appointment with the handwriting experts?
- Oh, not till 2:30.
159
00:12:41,692 --> 00:12:45,287
Laura, you can drop me off
at Fox's old building.
160
00:12:45,396 --> 00:12:47,387
I wanna talk
to his neighbors.
161
00:12:48,432 --> 00:12:50,696
Laura?
162
00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:03,245
I'll grab a cab
back to the office.
163
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,288
Laura, have you just
discovered you have hair?
164
00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:36,470
- Yeah?
- I'm looking for Maxie Delano.
165
00:13:36,581 --> 00:13:38,947
- Not anymore, you're not.
- Maxine?
166
00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:41,018
Good for you, handsome.
167
00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:48,386
The name's Steele.
I'm a private investigator.
168
00:13:50,561 --> 00:13:53,394
I believe you and Gilbert Fox
were neighbors.
169
00:13:53,497 --> 00:13:56,295
Yeah, he lived right over there
when he didn't live here.
170
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,892
Mmm. And you inherited a hundred
thousand dollars from his estate.
171
00:14:00,004 --> 00:14:02,768
- Supposed to inherit it.
- What happened?
172
00:14:02,874 --> 00:14:06,241
My money was lumped in with what
he gave the Mystery Writers.
173
00:14:06,344 --> 00:14:10,337
He made those birdbrains
trustees of my legacy.
174
00:14:10,448 --> 00:14:12,780
- May I ask why?
- You could ask.
175
00:14:12,884 --> 00:14:15,944
I can't tell you.
Writers are odd ducks.
176
00:14:16,053 --> 00:14:18,021
You don't trust me,
do you, Maxie?
177
00:14:18,122 --> 00:14:21,319
Why should I? You shamuses
keep knocking at my door...
178
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,450
like you're gonna
make everything all right.
179
00:14:23,561 --> 00:14:27,156
- We do?
- There was one here last week.
180
00:14:27,265 --> 00:14:29,529
Oh, he was gonna get
to the bottom of things.
181
00:14:29,634 --> 00:14:33,536
- Never heard from him again.
- What's the name of this, uh, shamus?
182
00:14:33,638 --> 00:14:37,472
I got his card
around here somewhere. Uh-
183
00:14:37,575 --> 00:14:39,941
Excuse me.
184
00:14:40,044 --> 00:14:41,978
Hmm.
185
00:15:07,672 --> 00:15:09,640
"Melvin Gamble. "
186
00:15:15,046 --> 00:15:19,005
- Hmm?
- The shamus's name. Melvin Gamble.
187
00:15:25,957 --> 00:15:28,391
You've got a hundred thousand
dollars coming to you, Maxie.
188
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:32,053
- You will be hearing from me.
- That's what they all say, handsome.
189
00:15:34,832 --> 00:15:37,665
Why didn't you perform
an autopsy on Gil Fox?
190
00:15:37,768 --> 00:15:39,702
- Who?
- Gil Fox, the writer?
191
00:15:39,804 --> 00:15:41,931
He'd just signed
a million-dollar movie contract.
192
00:15:42,039 --> 00:15:44,803
Oh, yeah.
Nobody asked for an autopsy.
193
00:15:44,909 --> 00:15:47,173
There was no family,
as I recall, no survivors...
194
00:15:47,278 --> 00:15:49,212
and there was nothing
suspicious about his death.
195
00:15:49,313 --> 00:15:51,975
A man with no history of heart trouble
suddenly drops dead?
196
00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:56,383
Look, it's a tense world.
A couple of bombs and we're all gone.
197
00:15:58,622 --> 00:16:01,147
Could Fox's heart attack
have been induced intentionally?
198
00:16:01,258 --> 00:16:03,590
You can induce a lot of things
if you know the right recipe.
199
00:16:03,694 --> 00:16:05,958
Don't those recipes leave traces?
Why didn't you check?
200
00:16:06,063 --> 00:16:07,530
- Look, Miss-
- Holt.
201
00:16:07,631 --> 00:16:10,725
Miss Holt,
the man was 58 years old...
202
00:16:10,835 --> 00:16:13,201
and 30 pounds overweight.
203
00:16:13,304 --> 00:16:15,295
He had a heart attack.
204
00:16:15,406 --> 00:16:18,204
In my judgment,
that is hardly suspicious.
205
00:16:30,888 --> 00:16:34,984
In yourjudgment,
what would you call that, Doctor?
206
00:16:57,014 --> 00:17:00,177
This will identify the forger,
hmm, without question?
207
00:17:00,284 --> 00:17:03,412
The results are indisputable.
208
00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:07,013
- I have never been wrong.
- It is, after all, a science.
209
00:17:07,124 --> 00:17:08,989
Good heavens, Laura.
210
00:17:09,093 --> 00:17:11,755
I thought you went to the hospital
for information, not surgery.
211
00:17:11,862 --> 00:17:13,989
We must be getting close.
212
00:17:14,098 --> 00:17:16,896
Somebody tried to kill me in
a highly melodramatic fashion.
213
00:17:17,001 --> 00:17:21,768
- Are you all right?
- Except for a few bruises in some embarrassing places.
214
00:17:21,872 --> 00:17:23,772
Our handwriting experts?
215
00:17:23,874 --> 00:17:25,865
Dr. Mikhail Chernikoff...
216
00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:30,037
professor of graphology
at the Toledo Museum of Criminology.
217
00:17:30,147 --> 00:17:32,945
He's here on a lecture tour.
Miss Alma Torrance...
218
00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:36,713
paleographer and author of
Your Handwriting and Your Soul.
219
00:17:36,821 --> 00:17:39,619
And Mr. Victor Beldown...
220
00:17:39,723 --> 00:17:43,489
associate dean of the Graduate School
of Criminal Investigation...
221
00:17:43,594 --> 00:17:45,494
at the University of Landsdowne.
222
00:17:45,596 --> 00:17:47,496
Impressive group.
223
00:17:47,598 --> 00:17:50,795
Laura, I'm afraid I've come
upon some disturbing news.
224
00:17:50,901 --> 00:17:53,267
Someone else
has been assigned to this case-
225
00:17:53,370 --> 00:17:55,634
an investigator
named Melvin Gamble.
226
00:17:55,739 --> 00:17:58,936
- Why weren't we told?
- Exactly the question I'm gonna put to Laidlaw.
227
00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:02,945
The matter is resolved.
228
00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:05,675
- Unquestionably.
- There's no room for doubt.
229
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:09,514
Excellent! And who is our culprit,
our master forger?
230
00:18:10,955 --> 00:18:13,048
Richard Laidlaw.
231
00:18:13,157 --> 00:18:15,717
Ridiculous!
It's Alf Nussman.
232
00:18:15,826 --> 00:18:18,852
Absurd!
It's Columbine Cooper.
233
00:18:18,963 --> 00:18:21,090
Why did we
get three experts?
234
00:18:21,198 --> 00:18:23,098
- So there'd be no doubt.
- Mmm.
235
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,601
Pay them off, Mildred,
with our heartfelt thanks.
236
00:18:26,704 --> 00:18:28,638
Yeah.
237
00:18:41,585 --> 00:18:43,553
Hello?
238
00:18:45,456 --> 00:18:47,947
Out to lunch?
239
00:18:48,058 --> 00:18:51,118
- Anyone?
- Take that.!
240
00:18:51,228 --> 00:18:54,789
And that,
degenerate hooligan.!
241
00:18:54,899 --> 00:18:57,060
Unfeeling thug.!
242
00:18:58,402 --> 00:19:01,530
Intellectual mendicant.!
243
00:19:01,639 --> 00:19:03,971
Deranged dilettante.!
244
00:19:04,074 --> 00:19:06,440
Take that.!
245
00:19:06,544 --> 00:19:10,139
And that, you fascist swine.!
246
00:19:10,247 --> 00:19:14,707
How does it feel to be on
the receiving end, you illiterate thug?
247
00:19:17,421 --> 00:19:19,685
Oh, Steele!
248
00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:22,884
You ever see such viciousness?
249
00:19:22,993 --> 00:19:25,484
A few darts, Mr. Laidlaw?
250
00:19:25,596 --> 00:19:29,726
Oh, not me.
That alleged critic.
251
00:19:29,833 --> 00:19:32,233
Syndicated in 200 papers.
252
00:19:32,336 --> 00:19:35,134
Every other critic in the country
loved my new book.
253
00:19:35,239 --> 00:19:39,573
He gave it four yawns.
Four yawns!
254
00:19:39,677 --> 00:19:43,738
Mr. Laidlaw, why didn't you tell me that
there's another detective on this case?
255
00:19:43,847 --> 00:19:46,179
- Another detective?
- Melvin Gamble.
256
00:19:46,283 --> 00:19:48,843
Oh! Uh-
257
00:19:48,953 --> 00:19:52,116
Well, we were afraid
your ego might be bruised.
258
00:19:52,223 --> 00:19:55,488
- Second choice and all that.
- Did Gamble quit?
259
00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:58,960
- After a fashion.
- Well, perhaps he and I should compare notes.
260
00:19:59,063 --> 00:20:01,156
Well, that might be difficult.
261
00:20:01,265 --> 00:20:03,756
- Temperamental?
- Not exactly. Uh-
262
00:20:03,867 --> 00:20:07,064
Hard to get hold of?
Bit of a loner?
263
00:20:07,171 --> 00:20:10,163
These days. He's dead.
264
00:20:10,274 --> 00:20:12,708
- Dead? How?
- Poisoned.
265
00:20:12,810 --> 00:20:15,005
Well, why didn't you tell me?
266
00:20:15,112 --> 00:20:18,047
And alarm you unnecessarily?
267
00:20:27,124 --> 00:20:30,616
You know, for private tin,
you got lousy hardware on the door.
268
00:20:30,728 --> 00:20:33,720
Finding everything you need?
269
00:20:33,831 --> 00:20:35,890
It's not my brand,
but it'll do.
270
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,400
So will you,
if you get my drift.
271
00:20:40,771 --> 00:20:45,640
- Don't you ever think of anything but sex?
- Not if I can help it.
272
00:20:45,743 --> 00:20:49,474
Give me one good reason why I
shouldn't throw you out of here.
273
00:20:49,580 --> 00:20:52,378
You're arrogant,
crude, retrogressive.
274
00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:55,748
You're everything
I hold in contempt about men!
275
00:20:55,853 --> 00:20:58,913
I'd never let
my sister marry you!
276
00:21:08,332 --> 00:21:10,300
I'll get it.
277
00:21:18,342 --> 00:21:20,936
- Mr. Bemis.
- Call me Butch.
278
00:21:21,045 --> 00:21:22,945
Do I have to?
279
00:21:25,949 --> 00:21:28,144
Ah.
280
00:21:28,252 --> 00:21:31,119
- Freshened up, I see.
- Hoist one?
281
00:21:31,221 --> 00:21:34,384
A beer? No, thanks. Do you mind
if I speak with my associate?
282
00:21:34,491 --> 00:21:38,018
- Hey, be my guest.
- Apparently I am.
283
00:21:41,065 --> 00:21:44,967
- No explanation required, Miss Holt.
- None offered, Mr. Steele.
284
00:21:45,069 --> 00:21:46,969
Well, I hate to tear you
away from Jaws IV...
285
00:21:47,071 --> 00:21:50,336
but I think we should take a look
at the late Melvin Gamble's office.
286
00:21:50,441 --> 00:21:53,342
- The late Melvin Gamble?
- Mmm, murdered.
287
00:21:53,444 --> 00:21:56,743
- Was he onto something?
- If he was, he kept it to himself.
288
00:21:56,847 --> 00:21:58,747
Laidlaw said he hadn't
filed a single report.
289
00:21:58,849 --> 00:22:02,945
Gamble wasn't smart enough to
find an elephant in an outhouse.
290
00:22:03,053 --> 00:22:06,022
- Air between the ears.
- Yes, well, I'm sure we can...
291
00:22:06,123 --> 00:22:08,785
stumble along on our
own instincts, you know.
292
00:22:10,327 --> 00:22:12,318
I know.
Be your guest.
293
00:22:12,429 --> 00:22:15,830
- Sorry, Butch. Work calls, you know.
- Hmm.
294
00:22:19,737 --> 00:22:23,195
- You're awfully silent, Mr. Steele.
- Mmm.
295
00:22:23,307 --> 00:22:25,741
We're bound to run out
of conversation from time to time.
296
00:22:25,843 --> 00:22:28,403
I mean,
we're together so much.
297
00:22:28,512 --> 00:22:31,379
And I've never thought
of myself as work, Laura.
298
00:22:31,482 --> 00:22:34,007
Not you! This!
299
00:22:34,118 --> 00:22:37,053
Going to Gamble's office
when the day is almost over.
300
00:22:37,154 --> 00:22:40,146
Yes, but no need
to put it so bluntly.
301
00:22:40,257 --> 00:22:42,521
Plain speaking.
I've learned that.
302
00:22:42,626 --> 00:22:46,323
From Butch? Quick study.
303
00:22:46,430 --> 00:22:48,830
Really, Laura. I mean,
if anybody ever told me...
304
00:22:48,932 --> 00:22:51,765
that you were gonna be attracted
to a man like Butch Bemis-
305
00:22:51,869 --> 00:22:54,804
Oh, I'm rather
surprised myself.
306
00:22:54,905 --> 00:23:00,104
Yes, but you're so cultivated,
so refined, so- so rational.
307
00:23:00,210 --> 00:23:02,940
And he's so crude...
308
00:23:03,046 --> 00:23:07,380
so demanding, so visceral.
309
00:23:09,286 --> 00:23:13,154
- Is that the attraction?
- I don't know.
310
00:23:15,592 --> 00:23:17,526
I really don't know.
311
00:23:30,174 --> 00:23:32,301
Has it occurred to you
that Butch's interest in you...
312
00:23:32,409 --> 00:23:35,276
may have to do with his possible
complicity in this case?
313
00:23:35,379 --> 00:23:38,815
Has it occurred to you that he
just might be interested in me?
314
00:23:39,850 --> 00:23:41,818
Mm-hmm.
315
00:24:00,037 --> 00:24:02,972
New hardware in a building
that's up for sale?
316
00:24:03,073 --> 00:24:04,973
Good thinking, Laura.
317
00:24:05,075 --> 00:24:06,975
I must
have been preoccupied.
318
00:24:07,077 --> 00:24:09,045
I can't imagine with what.
319
00:24:25,062 --> 00:24:27,997
Laura, do you get the feeling
someone's one chapter ahead of us?
320
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,132
Have you thoroughly
lost your objectivity?
321
00:24:32,236 --> 00:24:34,136
Who else but Butch
knew we were coming here?
322
00:24:34,238 --> 00:24:36,138
He found out
a fast 20 minutes ago.
323
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,765
Any one of the Writers could have
anticipated we'd end up here.
324
00:24:38,876 --> 00:24:42,539
Come on! If we're gonna toss the joint, let's toss it.
325
00:24:42,646 --> 00:24:46,514
What has that man done
to your vocabulary?
326
00:24:48,719 --> 00:24:53,122
You know, that particular
booby trap's familiar.
327
00:24:53,223 --> 00:24:55,123
- I'm sure I've read it somewhere.
- Yes.
328
00:24:55,225 --> 00:24:57,125
I'd feel a lot more comfortable
working on this case...
329
00:24:57,227 --> 00:24:59,354
if our suspects
wrote children's books.
330
00:24:59,463 --> 00:25:03,490
You and Mildred and I have our fair share
of a crash course of reading tonight.
331
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,467
Oh, can you find the time?
332
00:25:06,570 --> 00:25:09,164
I'll do my best.
333
00:25:11,608 --> 00:25:15,908
Mr. Steele, you think
you might forego fantasyland...
334
00:25:16,013 --> 00:25:17,913
long enough to pursue our case?
335
00:25:18,015 --> 00:25:20,040
I am pursuing it, Laura.
336
00:25:20,150 --> 00:25:22,050
These are the only
orderly things in the room.
337
00:25:22,152 --> 00:25:24,279
Ergo, our killer
didn't go through them.
338
00:25:26,456 --> 00:25:29,755
Oh, and look what he missed.
339
00:25:29,860 --> 00:25:31,794
I'm sure he's
seen it all before.
340
00:25:31,895 --> 00:25:34,090
Not that.
341
00:25:34,197 --> 00:25:36,597
This.
342
00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:40,966
It's a letter from Gil Fox to his agent
describing his next novel.
343
00:25:42,439 --> 00:25:45,465
"A veteran writer teaches
a newcomer how to write.
344
00:25:45,576 --> 00:25:48,511
Once the job is done,
the prot�g� kills the mentor. "
345
00:25:48,612 --> 00:25:51,547
You think Fox may have been
writing about his own future?
346
00:25:51,648 --> 00:25:55,482
And somebody stole his plot?
Well, possibly.
347
00:25:55,586 --> 00:25:59,113
Melvin Gamble was hired by
the Board of Mystery Writers...
348
00:25:59,222 --> 00:26:02,783
to investigate the embezzlement
of Gil Fox's bequest.
349
00:26:02,893 --> 00:26:05,020
He finds this letter...
350
00:26:05,128 --> 00:26:08,188
and soon after,
he unexpectedly dies.
351
00:26:08,298 --> 00:26:10,858
Perhaps Gamble discovered
who killed Fox.
352
00:26:10,968 --> 00:26:15,667
And instead of reporting it, he tries
to blackmail the embezzler/murderer.
353
00:26:15,772 --> 00:26:19,401
- Gamble definitely wasn't a credit to his profession.
- He paid for it with his life.
354
00:26:22,479 --> 00:26:27,314
- Midnight oil?
- I stayed up reading the collected works of Alf Nussman.
355
00:26:27,417 --> 00:26:30,682
What prison does
to the human mind.
356
00:26:30,787 --> 00:26:34,484
- Oh, but I did find a wheelchair attack.
- You did?
357
00:26:34,591 --> 00:26:38,391
In the very last one-
Hell on a Two-Wheeler.
358
00:26:39,663 --> 00:26:41,631
What's wrong?
359
00:26:41,732 --> 00:26:44,565
I found the idea of the booby-trapped
office in one ofJackson Grimm's books.
360
00:26:44,668 --> 00:26:46,568
Save-the-World Bureau.
361
00:26:46,670 --> 00:26:49,366
What about Melvin Gamble?
How did he go?
362
00:26:49,473 --> 00:26:51,668
Poison.
363
00:26:51,775 --> 00:26:53,675
Pamela Johns devoted
a whole book on the subject.
364
00:26:53,777 --> 00:26:55,677
The Case of
the Poisonous Parson.
365
00:26:55,779 --> 00:26:58,873
- That doesn't exactly narrow down the suspects.
- No.
366
00:26:58,982 --> 00:27:00,882
- Oh, you too, boss?
- Mm-hmm.
367
00:27:00,984 --> 00:27:06,183
I spent a long, steamy night
with the complete oeuvre of Butch Bemis.
368
00:27:06,289 --> 00:27:08,519
- Find anything?
- I certainly did.
369
00:27:08,625 --> 00:27:12,959
- Oh?
- The man makes the Marquis de Sade look like Captain Kangaroo.
370
00:27:13,063 --> 00:27:15,293
Really?
371
00:27:17,134 --> 00:27:19,034
Remington Steele Investigations.
372
00:27:19,136 --> 00:27:21,969
Find anything to confirm
your suspicions of Butch?
373
00:27:22,072 --> 00:27:25,041
Well, actually, Laura,
if you read between the lines...
374
00:27:25,142 --> 00:27:30,136
look at the work analytically
and contemplate the nuances, no.
375
00:27:30,247 --> 00:27:33,410
Well, then I suggest we try to find out
who Gil Fox's prot�g� was.
376
00:27:33,517 --> 00:27:36,884
- Ah, yes, his prot�g�.
- Thank you. I'll take care of it.
377
00:27:36,987 --> 00:27:39,455
That was Gourmet Galley, boss.
They weren't able to deliver...
378
00:27:39,556 --> 00:27:41,888
that basket of goodies
to Maxie Delano yesterday.
379
00:27:41,992 --> 00:27:44,654
- Why not?
- They tried three times. No one answered the door.
380
00:27:44,761 --> 00:27:47,286
Call the paramedics and tell them
to get over there right away.
381
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,284
- What happened?
- She passed out.
382
00:28:13,390 --> 00:28:16,154
She's not in the best of health
to begin with, and she's undernourished.
383
00:28:16,259 --> 00:28:18,284
What's all the fuss, Steele?
384
00:28:18,395 --> 00:28:20,295
I didn't feel like
answering the door.
385
00:28:20,397 --> 00:28:22,365
Mmm. I know the feeling.
386
00:28:22,466 --> 00:28:24,434
You'll be fine, Maxie.
You'll be just fine.
387
00:28:24,534 --> 00:28:27,697
Is this why Gil Fox put your money
in trust with the Writers?
388
00:28:27,804 --> 00:28:31,797
Because he thought you, uh, might
not feel like answering the door?
389
00:28:33,376 --> 00:28:38,177
My daughter and her husband
wanna put me in an old folks' home.
390
00:28:38,281 --> 00:28:42,718
- Do you see me in one of those places?
- No, not really.
391
00:28:42,819 --> 00:28:47,119
Gil didn't want the little darlings
to get their hands on the money.
392
00:28:47,224 --> 00:28:49,658
Maxie, I need your help
with something.
393
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,354
As long as it don't require
heavy lifting.
394
00:28:53,997 --> 00:28:58,058
Did Gil Fox have a prot�g�,
I mean, someone he helped get started?
395
00:28:58,168 --> 00:29:01,160
Yeah, that he did.
Broad never let go.
396
00:29:01,271 --> 00:29:04,206
- Who was she?
- Some English dame.
397
00:29:04,307 --> 00:29:08,437
After Gil made
that big movie sale...
398
00:29:08,545 --> 00:29:10,979
suddenly she's back.
399
00:29:11,081 --> 00:29:15,484
I heard 'em every day across the courtyard
hollerin' about money.
400
00:29:15,585 --> 00:29:17,485
She did most of the hollerin'.
401
00:29:17,587 --> 00:29:19,851
Fortunately,
Gil was deaf in one ear.
402
00:29:56,393 --> 00:29:59,089
Miss Holt.
What a nice surprise.
403
00:29:59,196 --> 00:30:01,164
Come in.
404
00:30:09,472 --> 00:30:15,411
I, uh, love what you've...
done with the place.
405
00:30:19,416 --> 00:30:21,748
Probably seems a little weird,
doesn't it?
406
00:30:21,852 --> 00:30:24,218
No.
No.
407
00:30:24,321 --> 00:30:26,551
You see, I learned to write
in the slammer.
408
00:30:26,656 --> 00:30:29,853
When I got out, I bought this place
with the take from my novels.
409
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,123
Big mistake.
Couldn't write word one.
410
00:30:33,263 --> 00:30:37,757
Almost had to knock off a bank just to,
uh, get back into the right atmosphere.
411
00:30:37,868 --> 00:30:42,168
So, instead,
you brought prison here.
412
00:30:42,272 --> 00:30:44,502
Yeah, it cost me a bundle,
but it was worth it.
413
00:30:44,608 --> 00:30:47,941
I look at those bars,
I do almost 5,000 words a day.
414
00:30:48,044 --> 00:30:50,137
Tell me,
who taught you how to write?
415
00:30:50,247 --> 00:30:54,240
- Gladys A. Shutke.
- Gladys A. Shutke?
416
00:30:54,351 --> 00:30:56,945
Creative writing teacher
up at the joint.
417
00:30:57,053 --> 00:30:59,920
Wonderful woman, Gladys.
Big talent.
418
00:31:00,023 --> 00:31:04,517
She'd be publishing today
if she had more... raunch in her work.
419
00:31:04,628 --> 00:31:07,688
Now, my work- lots of raunch.
420
00:31:07,797 --> 00:31:10,129
So I hear.
421
00:31:10,233 --> 00:31:15,728
Mr. Nussman, while I was investigating
the death of Gil Fox yesterday...
422
00:31:15,839 --> 00:31:19,741
I was almost killed
by a flying wheelchair.
423
00:31:19,843 --> 00:31:21,743
Ring any bells?
424
00:31:21,845 --> 00:31:23,836
Can't say that it does.
425
00:31:23,947 --> 00:31:25,972
The same thing happened
in one of your books.
426
00:31:26,082 --> 00:31:29,245
Lots of things happen
in my books.
427
00:31:29,352 --> 00:31:31,547
Apparently not enough.
428
00:31:31,655 --> 00:31:34,818
You've had four different publishers
since you were paroled.
429
00:31:34,925 --> 00:31:38,884
That's either a sign that a writer
is on his way up or on his way down.
430
00:31:41,698 --> 00:31:44,428
Visiting hours are over, Miss Holt.
431
00:31:44,534 --> 00:31:47,196
I got another
2,000 words to do.
432
00:31:49,406 --> 00:31:52,273
If there are any more attempts
on my life, Mr. Nussman...
433
00:31:52,375 --> 00:31:55,435
I hope for your sake
they're completely original.
434
00:32:19,803 --> 00:32:22,704
This area is filled
with poisonous plants.
435
00:32:22,806 --> 00:32:26,105
The physic nut, the castor plant,
the common tree nettle.
436
00:32:26,209 --> 00:32:29,667
Mmm. You're quite an expert
with poisons, Miss Johns.
437
00:32:29,779 --> 00:32:31,974
I base my novels
on research.
438
00:32:32,082 --> 00:32:36,542
My murders and my love scenes.
439
00:32:36,653 --> 00:32:41,386
Gil Fox's neighbor tells me that you
visited him frequently prior to his death.
440
00:32:41,491 --> 00:32:43,686
Still at it, Steele?
441
00:32:43,793 --> 00:32:47,194
Why did you deny that you'd been lovers, eh?
442
00:32:47,297 --> 00:32:49,788
You know the English.
443
00:32:49,899 --> 00:32:53,130
If one can talk publicly about what
one does, why bother doing it at all?
444
00:32:53,236 --> 00:32:56,205
I'm told you and Fox
argued about money.
445
00:32:57,674 --> 00:33:00,108
Were you angry that he willed
his fortunes to the Writers?
446
00:33:00,210 --> 00:33:03,907
That came as a complete shock
to the entire board.
447
00:33:04,014 --> 00:33:06,608
Then why the bone of contention
between you and Fox?
448
00:33:08,018 --> 00:33:10,612
Look, I may be going about this
all the wrong way...
449
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:12,620
but I'm gonna get to it
in the end, okay?
450
00:33:13,957 --> 00:33:16,653
I was trying to collect a debt.
451
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:20,161
I supported Gil Fox
through his long, lean years.
452
00:33:20,263 --> 00:33:22,231
I paid his rent.
I paid for his car.
453
00:33:22,332 --> 00:33:24,596
I paid for his whiskey.
454
00:33:24,701 --> 00:33:28,330
He'd made a movie sale.
I wanted the money back.
455
00:33:30,573 --> 00:33:33,371
If you're trying to find the woman
in the case, Mr. Steele...
456
00:33:33,476 --> 00:33:37,344
I suggest you look under
a big, romantic picture hat.
457
00:34:18,621 --> 00:34:20,782
Plagiarist!
458
00:34:22,192 --> 00:34:24,160
- Felon!
- No-talent!
459
00:34:24,260 --> 00:34:26,854
Undesirable.!
460
00:34:26,963 --> 00:34:29,727
You've always stolen
my best ideas for your books!
461
00:34:29,833 --> 00:34:32,563
Now you're trying to steal them
from the Holt dame!
462
00:34:32,669 --> 00:34:36,696
If I wanted to kill somebody, I wouldn't
have to stoop to borrowing from you!
463
00:34:36,806 --> 00:34:38,774
I have ideas of my own.!
464
00:34:38,875 --> 00:34:41,639
Like booby-trapping an office,
Mr. Grimm?
465
00:34:43,246 --> 00:34:47,376
Mr. Steele and I were almost
blown to kingdom come yesterday...
466
00:34:47,484 --> 00:34:51,113
like the detectives
in your Save-the-World Bureau.
467
00:34:51,221 --> 00:34:55,021
She's gotcha, Grimm.
You're gonna like the slammer.
468
00:34:55,125 --> 00:34:58,390
I might even give you letters
for the right people.
469
00:34:58,495 --> 00:35:00,395
I want my lawyer.
I want my lawyer.
470
00:35:00,497 --> 00:35:02,397
Somebody's plagiarizing me!
471
00:35:02,499 --> 00:35:05,297
If you're so successful,
Mr. Grimm...
472
00:35:05,401 --> 00:35:08,336
why are you writing
in a bookstore window?
473
00:35:08,438 --> 00:35:11,532
If you must know,
it inspires me.
474
00:35:11,641 --> 00:35:16,203
Or is it a desperate attempt to drum up
interest in a flagging career?
475
00:35:21,317 --> 00:35:26,812
"Now is the time for all good men
to come to the aid of their country. "
476
00:35:26,923 --> 00:35:28,891
Writer's block?
477
00:35:37,233 --> 00:35:41,363
Mr. Steele!
Had I but known.
478
00:35:41,471 --> 00:35:43,803
Do you have a moment,
uh, Miss Cooper?
479
00:35:43,940 --> 00:35:48,138
Oh, I hope my, uh, working clothes
don't offend you.
480
00:35:48,244 --> 00:35:51,236
Ah. Gets you in
the proper mood, does it?
481
00:35:51,347 --> 00:35:53,679
Atmosphere is everything.
482
00:35:53,783 --> 00:35:56,581
If I wrote war novels,
I'd wear a uniform.
483
00:35:56,686 --> 00:35:59,246
This is the uniform
of... love.
484
00:35:59,355 --> 00:36:03,951
Yes, and this is the uniform
of a private investigator.
485
00:36:04,060 --> 00:36:09,464
Oh, a business call.
How disappointing.
486
00:36:09,566 --> 00:36:12,592
Uh- Um-
487
00:36:12,702 --> 00:36:15,796
Tell me, Miss Cooper,
who taught you to write?
488
00:36:17,407 --> 00:36:19,307
I taught myself.
489
00:36:19,409 --> 00:36:22,606
Your first book was a worldwide
best seller, wasn't it?
490
00:36:22,712 --> 00:36:25,272
I immersed myself
in the greats-
491
00:36:25,381 --> 00:36:29,613
Barbara Cartland,
Rosemary Rogers, Helen Gurley Brown.
492
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:34,349
I learned the potent power
of printed passion, and then I pounced.
493
00:36:34,457 --> 00:36:38,416
I understand the late Gil Fox
had more than a casual interest in you.
494
00:36:38,528 --> 00:36:42,430
Why not?
I am but a blossom...
495
00:36:42,532 --> 00:36:45,592
only now coming to full flower.
496
00:36:45,702 --> 00:36:48,933
Yes, I know,
but what about Gil Fox?
497
00:36:49,038 --> 00:36:50,938
Disgusting old man.
498
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,134
Always watching me
with those rheumy eyes...
499
00:36:54,244 --> 00:36:57,179
stalking me
with those spindly legs.
500
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:01,649
Heaven knows what he imagined
in that gin-soaked mind.
501
00:37:01,751 --> 00:37:04,618
That's quite good.
Let me write that down.
502
00:37:04,721 --> 00:37:08,282
I, uh- I trust you
and Gil Fox weren't...
503
00:37:09,626 --> 00:37:15,064
"ensnared in rapturous
tentacles of molten desire"?
504
00:37:15,164 --> 00:37:17,132
Mr. Steele...
505
00:37:18,301 --> 00:37:23,830
what do you think I am, easy?
506
00:37:28,745 --> 00:37:31,839
They all needed money.
Nussman's had four publishers.
507
00:37:31,948 --> 00:37:34,712
Pamela Johns badgered Fox
so he'd pay her.
508
00:37:34,817 --> 00:37:37,615
- Jackson has writer's block.
- Laidlaw's book's on the critical list.
509
00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:39,950
Miss Cooper has tax problems,
among other problems.
510
00:37:40,056 --> 00:37:41,956
- And Butch?
- You told me yourself.
511
00:37:42,058 --> 00:37:44,390
He lost a whole bundle on
that television series based on his books.
512
00:37:44,494 --> 00:37:47,088
- Notice I didn't call them novels. Hoh.
- Hoh.
513
00:37:50,933 --> 00:37:54,334
Ah, Mr. Laidlaw, we were just
narrowing down the suspects.
514
00:37:54,437 --> 00:37:57,702
I think we can say that we're a mere
tad away from closing this case.
515
00:37:57,807 --> 00:37:59,707
Oh, it is closed, Mr. Steele.
516
00:38:01,110 --> 00:38:03,078
The money's been returned.
517
00:38:14,057 --> 00:38:16,685
It doesn't make any sense.
518
00:38:16,793 --> 00:38:20,991
The embezzler tries to kill us,
then he returns the money?
519
00:38:21,097 --> 00:38:25,033
Mmm. Well, perhaps it's
simply, uh, our charisma.
520
00:38:25,134 --> 00:38:29,571
The Steele Agency enters a case,
and the cunning felon quakes in terror.
521
00:38:29,672 --> 00:38:32,197
Oh, please.
522
00:38:34,944 --> 00:38:37,139
Remington Steele Investigations.
523
00:38:37,246 --> 00:38:39,146
Just a minute.
It's for you, Miss Holt.
524
00:38:39,248 --> 00:38:42,877
Thanks. Hello?
525
00:38:42,985 --> 00:38:46,113
Yes, Doctor.
526
00:38:46,222 --> 00:38:49,282
I appreciate
your follow-through.
527
00:38:49,392 --> 00:38:52,054
Well, if we ever had any doubts,
they've been removed.
528
00:38:52,161 --> 00:38:56,063
- Gil Fox's heart attack was induced.
- Why?
529
00:38:56,165 --> 00:38:58,827
There must be something about Fox
we've been overlooking.
530
00:38:58,935 --> 00:39:02,427
Fox willed his personal papers
to the Mystery Writers.
531
00:39:02,538 --> 00:39:05,098
Care to do a little
midnight reading, hmm?
532
00:39:14,617 --> 00:39:18,485
Fox's will specifies that
this building be torn down...
533
00:39:18,588 --> 00:39:22,183
that the new headquarters be built
on this lot and the one next door.
534
00:39:22,291 --> 00:39:27,627
"In memory of my dear departed friend,
B. Craven. "
535
00:39:27,730 --> 00:39:30,164
Miss Holt, come here.
536
00:39:32,402 --> 00:39:35,803
The option on that lot next door
expired at noon today.
537
00:39:37,006 --> 00:39:39,338
And the money was returned
a few hours later.
538
00:39:39,442 --> 00:39:41,342
Maybe somebody doesn't want
the new building built.
539
00:39:41,444 --> 00:39:45,210
- Or the old building torn down.
- Why not?
540
00:39:45,314 --> 00:39:47,509
Arsenic and Old Lace.
541
00:39:47,617 --> 00:39:50,552
Cary Grant, Raymond Massey.
Warner Bros., 1944.
542
00:39:50,653 --> 00:39:52,985
Huh. A couple
of lovable old biddies...
543
00:39:53,089 --> 00:39:55,785
poison homeless gentlemen
and then bury them in the basement.
544
00:39:55,892 --> 00:39:58,952
Are you suggesting there's a dead body
somewhere in this building?
545
00:39:59,061 --> 00:40:01,359
Well, it appears the only reason
the money was embezzled...
546
00:40:01,464 --> 00:40:03,398
was to stop this building
from being torn down.
547
00:40:03,499 --> 00:40:06,525
But we don't have any unaccounted corpses.
Whose body?
548
00:40:06,636 --> 00:40:09,867
Laura, I can only
lead you so far.
549
00:40:15,878 --> 00:40:17,846
I'm going to have to get
a new set of locks.
550
00:40:17,947 --> 00:40:22,077
- Forced entry is my specialty.
- Mm-hmm.
551
00:40:23,252 --> 00:40:25,379
Well, now that you're here...
552
00:40:25,488 --> 00:40:27,854
what do you know about
someone named B. Craven?
553
00:40:27,957 --> 00:40:31,552
What's to know? He was nobody,
he disappeared, then he was somebody.
554
00:40:31,661 --> 00:40:33,686
Disappeared?
555
00:40:33,796 --> 00:40:35,821
Not dead?
556
00:40:35,932 --> 00:40:38,162
Listen, why don't you...
557
00:40:38,267 --> 00:40:41,259
slip into something a little
more comfortable, like your skin?
558
00:40:42,572 --> 00:40:45,234
What do you mean,
"nobody, somebody"?
559
00:40:46,476 --> 00:40:48,376
Craven was
an old-time pulp writer.
560
00:40:48,478 --> 00:40:50,503
Sold a few thousand
copies a year.
561
00:40:50,613 --> 00:40:54,572
One day, he disappeared without a trace.
Suddenly, he was a cult figure.
562
00:40:54,684 --> 00:40:56,584
Best career move
he ever made.
563
00:40:56,686 --> 00:40:58,916
- Disappeared?
- Mm-hmm.
564
00:40:59,021 --> 00:41:00,921
- Without a trace?
- Mm-hmm.
565
00:41:01,023 --> 00:41:02,991
Mmm.
566
00:41:06,496 --> 00:41:08,828
What are you doing?
567
00:41:10,500 --> 00:41:12,832
Mr. Steele, I have a funny
feeling we've been looking...
568
00:41:12,935 --> 00:41:15,733
for the prot�g�
of the wrong writer.
569
00:41:15,838 --> 00:41:18,534
I may hate myself for days,
but Arsenic and Old Lace...
570
00:41:18,641 --> 00:41:20,609
is beginning to look
better and better.
571
00:41:24,146 --> 00:41:28,446
- What are you doing?
- I didn't come over here to watch you make phone calls.
572
00:41:28,551 --> 00:41:32,749
- I'm working!
- My broads don't work on anything but me.
573
00:41:32,855 --> 00:41:37,121
- Really?
- You don't understand. I'm Butch.
574
00:41:37,226 --> 00:41:40,423
You don't understand.
I'm Laura.
575
00:41:46,536 --> 00:41:50,336
- Come on, Steele.
- You can't be serious.
576
00:41:50,439 --> 00:41:52,805
Gathering the suspects?
577
00:41:52,909 --> 00:41:55,241
Trite. Frightfully old hat.
578
00:41:55,344 --> 00:41:59,110
It does lack a certain...
je ne sais quoi.
579
00:41:59,215 --> 00:42:04,278
- I've written this scene.
- Bear with us.
580
00:42:04,387 --> 00:42:09,654
At first, Mr. Steele suspected that
Gil Fox was murdered by his prot�g�.
581
00:42:09,792 --> 00:42:13,694
But after painstaking
detective work on his part...
582
00:42:13,796 --> 00:42:17,027
he realized that Fox was killed
because he was about to write a book...
583
00:42:17,133 --> 00:42:19,829
exposing the murder
of his friend, B. Craven...
584
00:42:19,936 --> 00:42:22,803
the murderer being
Craven's prot�g�.
585
00:42:22,905 --> 00:42:26,807
Little did the killer know that
by committing this second crime...
586
00:42:26,909 --> 00:42:29,901
Fox's murder, he or she...
587
00:42:30,012 --> 00:42:32,845
was triggering
his or her own undoing.
588
00:42:32,949 --> 00:42:35,543
By activating Fox's will...
589
00:42:35,651 --> 00:42:38,620
which mandated the tearing down
of this building.
590
00:42:38,721 --> 00:42:42,657
And the inevitable discovery
of Craven's buried remains.
591
00:42:42,758 --> 00:42:45,659
Bodies buried
in buildings?
592
00:42:45,761 --> 00:42:50,289
That went out with secret passages
and baying hounds.
593
00:42:50,399 --> 00:42:53,163
So where's the body?
594
00:42:55,371 --> 00:42:58,169
Perhaps the attic?
595
00:43:06,582 --> 00:43:08,641
- No one's cracking.
- Forge ahead.
596
00:43:08,751 --> 00:43:12,653
At the time of Craven's disappearance,
seven years ago...
597
00:43:12,755 --> 00:43:16,088
any one of you could have
been Craven's prot�g�.
598
00:43:17,259 --> 00:43:20,092
I was in maximum security
at Leavenworth.
599
00:43:20,196 --> 00:43:22,255
Put a pin in Nussman.
600
00:43:22,365 --> 00:43:25,027
I was with the bureau.
We never killed people.
601
00:43:25,134 --> 00:43:28,763
- You had nights off, didn't you?
- I was in the marines.
602
00:43:28,871 --> 00:43:31,772
Stationed a scant
50 miles from here.
603
00:43:31,874 --> 00:43:35,674
And you, Miss Cooper-
You were Craven's typist.
604
00:43:35,778 --> 00:43:37,803
Well, I cannot but admit it.
605
00:43:37,913 --> 00:43:41,508
I typed my fingers
to the bone for him.
606
00:43:41,617 --> 00:43:43,517
That's why I use a pen.
607
00:43:43,619 --> 00:43:47,715
And you, Mr. Laidlaw,
collaborated on a book with Craven-
608
00:43:47,823 --> 00:43:52,123
a book to which your favorite
critic gave six yawns.
609
00:43:52,228 --> 00:43:54,253
He'd give this one a 12.
610
00:43:54,363 --> 00:43:57,662
And you, Miss Johns,
you were the star pupil...
611
00:43:57,767 --> 00:44:00,736
of Craven's writing class
at UCLA.
612
00:44:00,836 --> 00:44:02,736
So where's the body?
613
00:44:04,473 --> 00:44:07,738
Somewhere in the walls?
614
00:44:07,843 --> 00:44:10,311
Really.
615
00:44:12,848 --> 00:44:15,510
Maybe we should forget
about the body and try something else.
616
00:44:15,618 --> 00:44:18,553
Yes, well, too late to
change course now, isn't it?
617
00:44:18,654 --> 00:44:21,646
What we have here
is a killer-
618
00:44:21,757 --> 00:44:27,127
a killer who will stop at nothing
to conceal his or her original crime...
619
00:44:27,229 --> 00:44:31,131
a killer who has already snuffed out
two additional lives...
620
00:44:31,233 --> 00:44:34,430
Gil Fox and Melvin Gamble...
621
00:44:34,537 --> 00:44:39,804
in order to keep buried
the secret of B. Craven's disappearance.
622
00:44:39,909 --> 00:44:42,377
So where's the body?
623
00:44:45,414 --> 00:44:48,747
The cellar?
Hack city.
624
00:44:48,851 --> 00:44:51,945
Really, Steele,
you are going about it all wrong.
625
00:44:56,092 --> 00:44:59,584
- Nervous, Miss Cooper?
- I?
626
00:44:59,695 --> 00:45:03,825
Tell me again, Miss Cooper,
why Gil Fox was so obsessed with you.
627
00:45:03,933 --> 00:45:08,199
Why did he watch you,
stalk you so relentlessly?
628
00:45:08,304 --> 00:45:12,638
Was it because he discovered that you were
the late B. Craven- his friend's prot�g�?
629
00:45:12,742 --> 00:45:16,371
Heavens, no!
I told Mr. Steele.
630
00:45:16,479 --> 00:45:21,542
Fox coveted my person.
631
00:45:21,650 --> 00:45:25,814
Does that powerful jackhammer
bother you, Miss Cooper?
632
00:45:25,921 --> 00:45:31,587
Shall we tell the husky man with
the powerful jackhammer to stop digging?
633
00:45:31,694 --> 00:45:35,152
Have you no shame?
Have you no scruples?
634
00:45:35,264 --> 00:45:40,201
Deep dark secrets
are meant to be deep and dark!
635
00:45:40,302 --> 00:45:44,466
- Good Lord, there is a body!
- When will you learn to trust me, Laura?
636
00:45:55,751 --> 00:45:59,016
Where are you?
Where the hell are you?
637
00:45:59,121 --> 00:46:01,248
I think we can call that
a confession.
638
00:46:01,357 --> 00:46:03,257
Yes, a little over the top,
but never mind.
639
00:46:04,927 --> 00:46:06,895
Oh, thank goodness!
640
00:46:06,996 --> 00:46:10,056
It's stifling in here,
and the tape's running out.
641
00:46:15,404 --> 00:46:17,872
Had I but known.
642
00:46:21,677 --> 00:46:25,272
- Dig in, Maxie. Dig in. Please, be my guest.
- Thank you.
643
00:46:25,381 --> 00:46:29,374
Craven was giving Miss Cooper writing
lessons in exchange for her typing.
644
00:46:29,485 --> 00:46:31,385
But she liked what
she was typing so much...
645
00:46:31,487 --> 00:46:35,184
that she decided to steal it
and publish it as her first novel.
646
00:46:35,291 --> 00:46:39,022
The only way she could have managed that
was to, uh, kill him.
647
00:46:39,128 --> 00:46:42,029
Oh, writers.
648
00:46:43,732 --> 00:46:46,895
- You expecting anyone?
- Maybe it's the paramedics again.
649
00:46:47,002 --> 00:46:49,163
Maybe. Let me get it.
650
00:46:52,908 --> 00:46:54,876
Laura.
651
00:46:54,977 --> 00:46:58,105
Room for one more?
How are you feeling?
652
00:46:58,214 --> 00:47:01,274
Oh, a hundred G's
is terrific medicine.
653
00:47:01,383 --> 00:47:04,375
Excuse me just a moment,
Maxie, please.
654
00:47:04,486 --> 00:47:08,081
Come here. Uh, I thought you
were out with our Butch.
655
00:47:09,124 --> 00:47:11,558
- That's over.
- Over?
656
00:47:11,660 --> 00:47:13,560
- Just like that?
- Just like that.
657
00:47:13,662 --> 00:47:15,630
- A momentary aberration.
- Oh, I see.
658
00:47:15,731 --> 00:47:17,995
I'm glad to see you've returned
to the world of the sane.
659
00:47:18,100 --> 00:47:20,000
Not a moment too soon,
I can say.
660
00:47:20,102 --> 00:47:22,332
- Is this going to be a lecture?
- No.
661
00:47:22,438 --> 00:47:26,772
Hey, you guys, stop sparring.
Go into a clinch.
662
00:47:26,876 --> 00:47:29,811
Oh, you don't understand,
Maxie.
663
00:47:29,912 --> 00:47:32,403
I like a moving target.
Come here.
664
00:47:32,514 --> 00:47:34,414
Mmm! See?
665
00:47:34,464 --> 00:47:39,014
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