Original subtitles

Alright, come on, alright. Square up.

Square up. Square those massive shoulders.

Sam, she's not squaring up...

What are they doing?

They're arm wrestling. Sock's never beaten her.

This is what she does. watch her thumb.

Sock-- ooh, normal.

Wow.

A statement and a question.

You're gorgeous. can i buy you a drink?

She has a drink.

Well, when you change your mind,

I'll be at the bar.

[inhales deeply]

Do you believe that? like, who does that?

Weird.

You know what, ben? take the tie off,

You are so dramatic. sam, wrap it up.

Hi.

I'm xavier.

But you can call me x.

What's your name?

Nina.

And this is my boyfriend ben.

Nina. that's beautiful.

In the native american language of quechua,

Nina means "fire." are you fiery?

She is, and she's taken.

Really? does he own you?

I'm not interested.

You'll come with me to my table,

We'll share a bottle of pinot,

We'll go back to my loft.

We'll make love,

Slow and gentle...hard.

What? what? dude, you need to leave, like right now.

You hear me? like right now, dude.

What the hell was that?

I don't know. this place is full of creeps tonight.

It's like he wasn't even listening,

Like he's on drugs or something.

You know what? to be fair,

Nina is super-foxy and you're...you.

So people have a hard time believing you guys are dating.

Now let's do this thing!

You got no power, boss. on the count of 3.

Ready...

1...2...3.

Uhh!

I'm gonna blow through you like gas through a funnel.

It's fate, you know, 'cause i'm coming...

Over the top.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no--no-- not this time.

[both grunting and screaming]

Gaah! ah ha ha!

Ho ho! finally. you're just a weak little girl!

Did you see that? you want to see what defeat looks like,

Take a picture. oh, yeah, here's something for you.

Got a little something for you.

I choreographed this one. you should sit down

'cause it's gonna take about 10 minutes. do it!

M-a-m-a, we know how you got that way,

Your mama!

Uh! uh! your mama! uh! uh!

I'm gonna go get some more tunes.

[jukebox playing]

[music stops]

As you can see,

The clarity is stunning.

It's so pretty.

However, to be honest,

It's a bit pricey for what it is.

Oh.

Oh, diamonds are beautiful, but you have to ask yourself,

Who but an expert

Would really know that it's a diamond?

That's true.

You don't want to get a diamond?

Jake, you might want to check out

Those cubic zirconias over there,

See if anything strikes your fancy.

Ok.

I heard even j.lo has one.

Hmm. see, honey? j.lo.

Mm. [chuckles]

You know, not that it's any of my business,

But, uh, a man who won't buy you a diamond

Doesn't seem to be all that committed, does he?

[chuckles]

Having a good time?

Are you kiddin' me?

There's no better feeling in the world

Than bustin' up nuptials.

[arguing indistinctly]

[sing-song] loves it.

All right, soul or what?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[chuckles]

Anything you want to tell me about this one?

Hey, well, i'm working here. ok?

I don't look at every piece of paper that passes across my desk.

You know the drill. bad guy escaped,

He needs to be captured.

Is this mr. sprong?

What are you babbling about?

I know this guy. he was my biology teacher in high school.

Is that gonna be a problem for you, sammy?

No, not at all.

He was a complete ass.

It totally makes sense he's an evil soul.

I'll be happy to send him back to hell.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

P.a.: bert wysocki to the manager's office.

Bert wysocki to the manager's office.

What are you doing here, ted?

Cleansing, to get rid of the bad mojo.

Right.

Look at that.

Lovely bone structure.

I'm back.

Shut the door.

Yeah. really?

Store manager. well, interim store manager,

But those are just words, and...

Words cannot hurt me anymore.

Congrats, tedster!

Thank you.

Ahh. couldn't find anyone else to do it, huh?

Uh...

i called you into my office today

Because i learned something

Over my brief but painful hiatus.

I learned to cherish those who support me...

And shun those who sabotage me,

And you, sock, well, you've been a supporter.

Uh...i know.

I have.

You were the only one that was there for me during those dark days.

And i want to reward you.

Good. i'll take cash.

This is more than money, my friend. ok?

I am doing a flier for the sunday paper,

And you, mr. bert wysocki,

With your-- your beautiful face

And your sticky-uppy hair,

You would be the one that brings in the customers.

I want you to be the face... of the bench.

What do you think?

I'll do it for 25 bucks.

Sold!

Deal! hallelujah! it's raining pencils.

I'm rich!

You're not gonna believe this.

What?

My next soul.

Wait. is this mr. sprong?

Yep.

Oh, my god.

I hated this guy.

Was he an escaped soul all along?

I mean, he must have been.

No living person could be that evil.

Wow. do you know that he told me

That i was biologically dumber than a guy?

I mean, i believed that for years.

Yeah, he told me it was possible

That i was partially brain-damaged.

I still believe that.

Hmm.

What's with the vessel?

We'll check it out.

Ooh. nice.

Mm.

It's good weight.

When do we get him?

We?

You mean you want to participate?

I'm sorry. i just thought my job

Was too evil and terrible for you.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's just too evil for me to date you.

I'll still help you hunt souls.

All right. we'll go tomorrow after school's closed.

Mr. sprong always stayed late to grade papers.

Great. it's a date.

I mean, it's just-- it's...something we'll do.

[tv playing, nina laughing]

That was funny.

deer hunter isn't really a comedy.

Oh. are you sure?

[crashing and banging]

What the hell was that?

Oh, you know, just the wind.

[ripping]

Wind? wind? that's not the wind.

[crash, clang, clink]

Uh-huh? oh, ben.

I need to tell you something.

You know those guys that were hitting on me at the bar?

Those were demons. yeah?

[clanging, crashing] and they weren't hitting on me

Because they think i'm super hot.

They were hitting on me because i'm in heat

And they can't help themselves.

Yeah. you're in heat?

Female demons go through a mating season once a year,

Like--like cats or dogs or bears,

[scraping] and when i'm in heat

I give off these pheromones that attract male demons.

[banging]

You know what? cut it out!

[screeching]

[sighs] it's that cheesy x guy from the bar.

Persistent, isn't he?

He must have caught my scent bad.

You know what? that is not ok.

The only one that gets to mate with you is me.

[scraping and thudding]

[dogs barking in distance]

Hey! where are you?

[screeching]

Get your ass down here.

[growling]

I said get your ass down here!

Nina, what's up?

You're gonna have to back off, all right?

[roaring]

How about we, uh, go for a light dinner,

Maybe fly over to tahoe?

[screeching]

[hiss]

[screech]

Let's watch the rest of the movie.

If nina hadn't demoned up,

I would have totally whipped that guy's ass.

Next time, man, next time i'm gonna throw down and protect my woman.

Good morning, boys. good for you.

Oh. where are you off to so early?

Oh, nothing. just got a little work bench photo shoot, that's all.

Really? and you're going like that?

Mm-hmm. i look amazing.

Oh, you do,

What? but these?

They're not working, sock.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, the eyebrows are crucial.

They're the windows to your face.

My eyebrows are fine, ben.

Yeah. they're a hot mess.

Ben...

Yeah, sweetheart?

Sure. sure. can we talk.

Be right back, ok?

That was horrifying.

You look wet.

Look, honey, i'm gonna be in heat for another week.

Ok? and these guys are not going to leave me alone

With all of these crazy pheromones floating off of me.

So, i've decided that i'm going to lock myself away

In an undisclosed underground location

Just until this all blows over.

What? where?

It's safer if you don't know.

So i can't see you for a week?

No, nina, we shouldn't have to stop our life

Because of some jerk.

I guess i'm gonna have to make him stop.

Ben, no! ben, he's a demon.

He eats guys like you for breakfast

And sometimes lunch.

Mostly for dinner.

Hey, i can take care of myself.

And you.

All right. all right.

I'll tell you what.

If you promise me that you won't do anything

To get yourself killed,

Then i'll stay.

All right, i promise.

Oh, they're not lying right.

Ben, i'm telling you one last time,

On my eyebrows

Or anywhere on my face! ok?

Whatever. your funeral.

There's my model.

Looking very fly, bert.

Thank you. i know.

Oh, now... for your costume.

What?

Uhh!

What is that?

It's wrenchy bench. i invented it myself.

Store mascot. hey?

People will love him.

And because of that, they will love you.

No. uh-uh.

This is degrading, and this is not what we agreed on.

This will take sock to the highest heights of fame and fortune,

So zip it.

You won't even be able to see him.

Yeah? sock?

Don't. the fashion community

Will never take you seriously after this.

Walk away with your dignity.

Oh! 25 more bucks.

It's called negotiating, ben.

Look it up.

Ooh! welcome to the work bench,

Home of wrenchy bench!

Who's gonna join us, huh?

Well, hello, little ones and big ones.

Ha ha! bigs and littles, welcome alike.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, here we go.

Uhh!

Sock...

Yoo-hoo.

Where are you, sprongy?

Huh?

According to you, i should be doing

Soft-core porn by now, ain't that right, teacher man?

Well, guess what--

Face of the work bench.

Sock, shh. uhh!

Stop. what?

I'm gonna hit the can. i'll be right back.

Hurry up.

Wow, it is so weird to be back here.

That it is.

A lot of memories.

Oh, my god.

We went to that dance together, remember?

I do.

I secretly wanted you to kiss me that night.

Uh...i don't know why i just told you that.

Um...i--

Really? 'cause i thought you wanted to be friends?

Well, yeah.

I mean--i mean, if i would've known--

I had no clue.

Story of our lives, right?

Bad timing.

Yeah.

♪ k-i-s-s-i--

Shut up. oh!

Why?

Oh, that stings.

Ohh...

Excuse me.

The school is closed.

Mm-hmm. yeah, we know.

Here for a little "extra credit."

Thought of that in the john.

Is that...bert wysocki?

You know it, my man. in the flesh.

Surprised to see me?

Surprised you're not incarcerated.

Oh, ho ho! ho ho! ouch.

Oh, good one.

I'm surprised you're not, uh, livin' in a box on the--

Doing the--sam, a little help. you gotta...

I don't believe it.

Sam oliver.

What are you doing back here?

We found out about you, mr. sprong--

What you really are.

Son, i have a lot of work to do

And very little time to take a trip down memory lane

With a couple of technical college rejects.

Didn't even apply.

I hear you talking, but all i...

See is this.

Miss prendergast, i must say i'm disappointed

To see you here with these two.

Despite all your faults, and there were many,

You had at least a glimmer of potential.

But i see you're still rolling in the mud

With the other swine.

Oh, ho, whoa. she is not fat.

Sock: take a look.

You're evil,

And you're going back to hell.

What are you gonna do to me?

That's what! suck it!

Ha ha ha!

Uh, he-- he didn't vessel.

Uh...Are those supposed to bleed?

what happened? I don't know.

This has never happened before.

No! hit him again.

I don't know, maybe i did it wrong.

Maybe the vessel doesn't work.

Maybe... i don't know. maybe--

Maybe...he's not a soul.

What?

He's not the soul, sam.

He's the target of the soul.

Sock: what?

Oh.

Oh?

Ok, look. the real soul

Is a guy named jordy boone,

Who's a former student of mr. sprong's

And just wants to kill him.

You didn't even look at the file, did you?

What's wrong with you? well--

Yeah, sam, what's wrong with you?

Shut--i was-- i looked at the picture

And i made a snap judgment.

I--i'm a picture guy.

Ok, perfect. well, now you're an armed assault guy.

Do you know how much trouble we're in?

A lot. a lot.

[groaning]

Sprong, are you ok?

Hey, you're not dead.

Mr. sprong, do you know where you are?

Do you remember what happened?

You mean when you attacked me.

Yes, i remember that very well,

And i can describe it in great detail to the authorities.

You don't want to do that. oh, no, no!

You got a massive head wound.

You could really mess yourself up.

Get your hands off of me.

I'm really, really sorry that i hit you

With a mallet, ok?

It was a huge misunderstanding.

But you're in danger.

Someone is trying to kill you.

Yes. do you remember jordy boone?

Jordy? he's dead. that's...

I know it sounds crazy, but we just need to get you someplace safe

And then we'll explain everything.

You will get your hands off me this instant.

I am not going anywhere with you lunatics.

No, no, mr. sprong, please.

[crashing]

What was that?

Jordy, wait, wait, wait.

Oh!

What happened?

Whoa! whoa! there! back there!

Jordy: you're dead, sprong.

Get him out of here!

No, no, no, no! come on, sam!

No, no, no--

Ok, push him.

Sam.

Sam!

Shh! shh!

[thumping and banging]

Come out. where are you?

[door opens and closes]

Ok, do you believe us now?

That guy came back from the dead to kill you.

He's not gonna stop. so if you want to live,

You will come with us, ok?

I don't know how you pulled off

That mind freak business back there,

But you are all going to jail.

And i will take every delight in making sure--

Ok, let's go.

Ok. grab him.

Grab him! grab him!

Go.

Ok. yeah, that looks pretty good, right?

Yeah, this is pretty awesome.

I mean, we make really great kidnappers.

Uh, well, this isn't my fault.

Isn't your fault? yeah, i think it is, actually.

You didn't read the file.

You're the one who wanted to come with us.

Yeah, but i didn't want to become a felon, sam.

Andi...

What? give me a break.

You gonna be ok with this?

Yeah. i mean, he doesn't look as bad as i remember.

Nah.

I'm older now, so i can handle it.

You totally can. you know, all we gotta do

Is keep him tied up until we vessel the soul,

Then talk him out of going to the police, ok?

[groans] oh.

I have to go to the bathroom.

There.

Ben gonzalez.

I'd recognize that skinny frame anywhere.

You realize your lifelong dream of becoming a woman yet?

Hello, mr. sprong.

It's a pleasure to...see you.

Nice, ben. ironman.

You know what i always remember about you?

The time we dissected that cat.

Oh, snap. walk away. walk away, ben.

You started crying

Like a little 5-year-old girl.

Ha ha! now, that was hilarious.

What a cute, cute little kitty.

Shut up! i told you

That that was against my principles.

She was all frozen and stiff

And fuzzy and...

So, so helpless.

But i made you cut that kitty.

You cut it up good, didn't you?

Yes! ha ha ha ha!

All right, shut it, sprong!

Are you ok? you all right?

Come on, pull through.

Ok.

Ben, come here. come on.

Poor ben.

I know. it really messed him up.

I don't think he's gonna be down for sprong duty later.

It'll destroy him.

I know. andi's watching him now.

Maybe we can get nina to pitch in.

That's him!

Do you know that kid?

What? no.

Can i have your autograph, wrenchy?

Wrenchy?

Oh, the flier came out.

I look...

Amazing.

Yes, you may have my autograph.

Don't have to look when i do it.

That good.

Are you looking at this? are you?

I'm looking. yeah. it's good.

I am bringing joy into the lives

Of all these little orphans.

I--i think probably they're not orphans.

Why you gotta rain all over my orphan parade, sam?

Why? listen--

I am a light in this dark world.

I am sock no longer.

I am wrenchy bench forever.

♪ oh, when i say wrenchy

♪ y'all say bench ♪

Kids: bench! * wrenchy...

♪ wrenchy... bench!

Can i have your autograph, too?

Why, certainly you may.

Here, let me give you a special one right there.

Is that permanent marker?

Oh...maybe. yeah.

Oh, you'll thank me for it later. trust me.

Ha ha.

Bert wysocki?

Uh, no longer, my friend.

Wrenchy bench is the new identity.

What's your name, bro? i'll make it personal.

You've been served, jerkoff?

What? jerkoff?

What's your problem, dude? hey, guy!

Hey, what was that about?

What? i don't know.

Read that. what does it say?

Cease and desist.

What?

Yeah, it's a court order

From the bargain bench.

It says wrenchy infringes on their copyrighted character

Bargain brandon, the price-smashing hammer.

Pfbbbt!

You've been ordered to stop being wrenchy bench

Effective immediately

And to destroy the wrenchy bench costume.

Sorry, sock.

This will not stand.

Here we go.

That should be a little more comfy for you, right?

Or not. um...

You got a remote here. a lot of channels.

You can watch whatever you want.

Oh. i'm sorry.

And, uh, if you get thirsty...

We got diet soda on the left,

Spring water on the right.

I would just be careful, you know, how much water you drink during the day,

Unless you want to give the adult diaper a try.

I can only imagine your parents' profound disappointment in you.

Um...they're ok, actually, but thanks.

We got nina here to watch you

And she's promised not to eat you. right, nina?

I'm not gonna eat you.

[sighs] mr. sprong, you have to believe me.

We will let you go as soon as we find jordy.

There's a school dance coming up next week.

We're thinking he might show up there.

So you're gonna tape me to a chair for a week.

Uh...yeah.

Kinda.

I knew you were stupid, oliver,

I just didn't know you were criminally stupid.

You wasted space in my classroom,

You're wasting space here and now,

And you will waste space when they put you in jail.

Until another waste of space beats your skull to a bloody pulp

With a broom handle.

And that will be a good day.

Ok. so remember,

Soda on the left, water on the right.

Welcome to bargain bench, where bargains abound.

Hi. welcome to the bargain bench.

That's right. you the manager?

Explain.

Oh.

The work bench.

Mm.

I think the court order is self-explanatory.

You and your store are a bunch of copycats.

Your stupid wrench is a mockery of bargain brandon.

Wrenchy bench...

Is not stupid.

Heh.

Bargain brandon is a beloved icon.

He's been hammering prices since 2002.

Who's--what--

Oh, what?

That? ha ha ha!

That's your mascot?

A hammer.

That doesn't even make sense, dude.

Yeah. well, the judge thought it did.

Face it--

I just killed your wrench,

Work bench scum.

Not you,

Not some stupid piece of paper

Can stop me from being wrenchy bench, all right?

You're gonna have to pry that costume

From my dead, cold,

Slightly overweight body.

Ha ha ha!

Screw you, brandon.

Ha ha ha ha! look, everyone!

It's me--wrenchy bench.

Better than bargain brandon.

Way better!

Way better than bargain brandon.

He was born to wear that costume.

Yeah, i think he's starting to scare people, though.

Yeah, bargain brandon can suck it! ha ha ha!

Hey, how's nina's demon heat going?

Terrible. that demon tried to chew through my bedroom wall last night.

I'm going to have to end this once and for all.

I'm gonna fight xavier.

I'm gonna send a message to all these demons

Until they stop trying to have sex with my girl.

Be careful, buddy.

[grunting]

You--

Uhh!

Let go of me, wrench!

Uhh!

Ohh! ah...

Should we stop this?

It's terrible. we should.

I'm gonna make you eat this whole hammer, brandon.

Uhh!

Oh! oh, my god!

Ohh...

I'm so sorry i hit--

No!

Ohh!

Oh! oh! oh!

Oh! oh! oh, it is on now, old lady.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

This is not what wrenchy bench is about!

Wrenchy bench is about good service,

Competitive prices, not about violence.

It's not about...

Punching old ladies.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

And you can go back to the candy-ass outfit you came from

Before i call the police.

Yeah.

[telephone ringing in background]

I thought it might come in handy

For your little house guest.

pulp fiction style.

What?

How about a ball gag?

Or fur-lined cuffs?

Eww. no. it's not like that.

Now, sammy,

You have a grown man duct-taped to a chair

In your house. so don't you tell me

You don't have something freaky going on up in there.

We're just protecting him, ok? from jordy.

No, you're protecting yourself,

From arrest and prosecution.

That's not entirely untrue.

[laughs] hey, i'm not mad at you, man.

I'm a mighty proud papa bear.

Kidnapping and assault.

You're way more twisted than i had ever hoped.

I'm just a little bit stuck.

I don't have the first clue about how to find jordy.

And then once we do find him, i don't know how to catch him.

He keeps disappearing.

Oh, yeah. jordy always thought he was invisible.

Now he can actually become invisible.

You know, you could let sprong go.

Why would i do that? jordy will kill him.

Well, who cares?

I won't do that.

Sam, you have firsthand information and knowledge

That this sprong has been torturing kids for 25 years.

Although i admire that and i like his style a lot,

You'd be doing the world a favor.

I won't let him get killed. it's wrong.

Oh, brother, what's with the high road all the time?

Can you just give me a hint about how to find jordy?

I can't give you any hints, sammy,

But i can tell you this--

You won't have to worry about finding jordy.

He'll find you.

Soon.

Ok.

[inhales]

[exhales]

Eeeyah--

Oh...

Hey, baby.

Lunch time. what are you doing?

Uh, sweetie...

I'm getting ready for war.

I'm gonna fight xavier.

I...i thought we talked about this.

You promised you weren't going to do anything stupid.

Ah. stupid is letting demons try to steal my girl.

No one is stealing me, ben.

I'm not gonna stand by and watch you get yourself killed.

Why does everyone want to treat me like i'm a weak little girl?

I'm a man, nina.

I do man things.

Fighting a demon doesn't make you a man.

It makes you dead!

Well, then i'd rather be dead than be a coward.

Don't say that, benji.

Why are you so against this?

Because...

You are breakable.

Ben, you're mortal, and you could really die,

And i don't think i could handle that.

I promise that i won't die. ok?

This is why i'm training.

I'm training to be an ultimate champion.

Look, stand back here

And let me show you what i've been working on.

That's right. that's my girl.

[gasps]

You see that?

I'm totally gonna own this guy.

Fighting demons is more

Than punching through a silly piece of plywood, ben.

I'm aware of that.

Now.

Good.

Ghetto boxing gloves, huh?

Nice.

I intend to reclaim my manhood.

Xavier comes around sniffing for nina again,

He's gonna have to go through these guys.

Lilo and stitch.

You, ben gonzalez, and some demon hunk are gonna throw down?

Sure, it might get tough.

Oh, benzine, save yourself the pain, my man.

It's no use, all right,

To try and fight the natural order of things.

Next thing you know, you're getting punched in the face

By some old lady in a hammer suit.

Uh-uh. i'm not gonna roll over on this, sock.

I can't, ok?

I'm fully prepared

To take control and maintain--

Shh! shut up. shut up.

I just got an idea.

What if this little demon duel of yours

Doesn't have to end with you getting killed?

By me wearing that? sock--

We shall rebuild it, benjamin.

We have all the technology right here at our fingertips.

We shall make it better than it was before.

Faster, stronger,

And demoner-proofer.

You have no idea what you're talking about,

But you seem so excited. so i'm in, no matter how stupid.

I'm more in. very stupid.

♪ we're going to meet the enemy a mile away ♪

♪ thunder in the air and the sky turned gray ♪

♪ assembling the knights and their swords were sharp ♪

♪ we got pain in our aching heart ♪

♪ hear our triumph, hear our sound ♪

♪we don't stop until we have won this town ♪

♪too-rah, hoorah, hoorah, yay ♪

♪ over the hills with the swords of a thousand men ♪

♪too-rah, hoorah, hoorah, yay... ♪

Oh, benjamin.

I defy any horny demon to get past this.

Watch out, now.

[groans]

Ohh.

How'd that feel?

Feels good.

Ben: nina, we brought pizza!

Oh, my god.

Whoa. whoa. what happened?

Nina was supposed to watch sprong.

Well, and here's a note.

"ate the last of the meatloaf.

"went out for a moose. x-o-x-o nina."

All right. so where's sprong?

Oh, god.

Hey! hey!

Get back inside! you're going to get yourself killed.

Good! [panting]

It's better than dying by your hand.

We're trying help you.

You know what? screw this guy.

Let him go. i hope jordy kicks his ass.

Works for me.

Sock: go! go! go! go!

Andi: hurry! lock the door!

All right. ok.

[all scream]

Where'd he go?

Get me out of this chair!

You ruined my life!

[indistinct]

Aah! sam, watch it!

I don't know what to do! he's impossible to vessel!

Sam, where is he?

[both stammer]

[metal blade sings]

You know what he did to me?

He made me feel like i was nothing.

He said that i was worthless.

Forget it, jordy! you're not going to get sprong.

Ok.

[blade sings] whoa.

[gasps]

Jordy! whoa. let her go.

You really want her to die for him?

You think it's worth it? eh?

No.

Jordy: bring him out here and i'll let her go!

I'm not playing around anymore! [grunts]

[andi gasps]

Sam, we got to do it.

What? so you're just going to let him kill me?

[panting]

All right. there you go.

Kill away.

Sam. no.

I have to, andi.

You're right. he's an awful man.

If he hadn't put you down, maybe you'd still be alive.

Maybe you would've turned out different.

Maybe we all would have. yeah.

So, there you go. we won't stop you.

[grunts]

Sam, stop.

You blame me for your problems?

You think i'm the cause of your crappy life?

I just saw you for what you were, jordy--

A lunatic. a loser.

A nothing!

You're probably right, mr. sprong.

Yeah! all right!

Oh, like a charm!

Oh ho!

Well, well, well.

Look who just captured a soul.

Do you finally believe us, mr. sprong?

We're not evil.

Who's an idiot now?

[laughs]

Aah!

Mr. sprong! aah!

Sock! get him!

[grunts]

Aah!

[groans]

I was up all night.

Yeah. me, too.

I had very vivid dreams.

I keep thinking it over and over,

And i can't see any way out of this.

We're in trouble, you guys.

Ok? we don't have a believable defense

For anything that happened.

We're all complicit in a kidnapping

And holding someone hostage.

I know. you're right.

As soon as sprong goes to the cops...

We're going to be arrested.

Oh. no, no, we're not.

Or at least, you guys aren't. what?

I was thinking about it, too.

I decided to turn myself in.

I'll tell the cops it was my idea

And i forced you guys to do it.

No, sam, you can't.

Sam, i think you are really going to enjoy

The structure of prison. that is a great plan.

[indistinct] andi, it's the only way.

I got you into this. he did.

Ok, well, just--

At least see if sprong even goes to the cops, all right?

Maybe he'll change his mind.

Oh, i don't think he's going to change his mind.

Hey, guys. you are sam oliver,

Andi prendergast, and bert wysocki?

Yes. yes. yeah.

Yes, sir.

We're here on a complaint from elliott sprong.

Uh, yeah. but really, it's me you want to talk to.

No, no, no. we were all there.

We're basically just doing a welfare check,

Making sure you're not injured.

Are you all ok?

Are we ok?

We believe mr. sprong has had a psychological break

He's been having violent delusions.

Told us he may have assaulted one of you

With a magic mallet.

[both laugh]

Weird.

And we just wanted to make sure you're not hurt.

No. we're fine. not hurt at all.

Yeah, we're-- i feel good.

We're good. yep.

Of course, if anyone wants to press charges,

Just contact me.

No, you know what? that is totally unnecessary.

Ok.

Mmm. mmm! oh ho!

[laughs] [grunts]

Huh?

Wow, ben.

Just--wow.

It's a little tight in the crotch area.

But i live with the pain because i care.

You're ok with me doing this, right?

I'm still afraid.

But i can see now how important this is to you,

And i'm going to support you because i'm crazy about you.

You know, i've never dated a guy before

Who dressed up like a weird, semi-robot to protect me.

I'd do anything for you, baby.

What do you think of the gold color?

It's my idea-- figured silver was

A little too on the nose.

Oh, i like the gold.

Yeah? it's very manly.

Very sexy.

No stupid, muscular demon

Could ever compare to you.

Mmm.

You're damn right.

Come on, let's go put this jerk back in his place.

You're sure you can lure him here?

Oh, baby, of course i can lure a male demon here.

I've been going through heat for eons--

Mating with hundreds--

No, god. thousands of guys along the way.

Yeah, yeah. pretty sure i can lure him here.

Perfect. let's-- let's do this.

[screeching]

Honey. honey. i think he's coming.

Oh. ok. it's on.

Get inside, lock the doors.

I'm going to wreck shop.

[screeches]

Go get him, baby.

[screeches]

Oh, boy.

All right, chief.

Just you and me now. let's dance.

Hey, what's up?

Ben's defending my honor.

What, already? yeah.

Oh, hot diggity dog.

[growls]

[screeches]

That's a good-looking robot suit, isn't it?

Yeah. look at that.

Yeah, i still think he should have gone with the silver gloves.

The gold's a little tacky.

[grunting]

[indistinct] look at this.

Oh, the robot suit's going gangbusters.

[both grunting]

Come on, ben!

[grunts]

That--that-- [metal clanks]

Doesn't look like any fight i've ever seen.

This is--

What's happening?

Oh, no. when i hugged ben,

I think i might have rubbed pheromones off on him.

That demon is not trying to fight ben.

He's trying to mate with him.

Oh, god.

Oh, my god.

We have to stop him.

Ok. we make it out there,

You turn on the hose, and i'll blast him.

One...2...oh!

Oh, that was a terrible place for a ventilation hole.

3! go!

All right, benji. here you go.

You just need to relax.

Yeah. i don't understand why you're so upset, man.

"i got another demon after me

"that wants to make love to me.

Why am i so attractive?"

Sock, you don't know what it was like, ok?

It was terrible.

The robot suit protected you!

You know, that demon douche never even touched your actual body.

But it was the grinding...

The humping... ohh.

And the romantic words he was whispering in my ear hole.

I can't get it out of my head.

Mmm. your emotional trauma makes you so much more attractive to me.

Ohh. cheers. cheers to that. there we go.

Andi, you all right?

Yeah.

Yeah. i just hope that sprong wasn't right about us.

What do you mean?

Well, that we're losers.

Think about it. i mean,

We're still doing the same thing we did in high school.

Nobody's done anything with their lives.

That's a little messed up.

Uh-uh. no. andi, you know what?

I reject that, and i reject you.

Ok? yeah! don't you laugh.

None of us have done anything with our lives?

Excuse me?

Do you know who you're looking at?

I was, if only for a brief moment,

The face of the work bench, young lady.

I was a loveable foam wrench character

That was adored by children all over the country, ok?

I took a stand against tyranny

And alleged copyright infringement.

And not to mention,

I kicked an old lady's ass all over town.

I don't think i could fit any more life into myself

Without exploding all over this bar. all right?

And benjamin, right here, i mean, come one, let's all face it--

He is banging a super smoking hot demon named nina, all right?

And last night, he defended her honor,

And now, he's got a kickass robot suit.

That is true. that is very true. i know.

And you--look at you,

Little bellyacher, little sourpuss.

[imitates whimper] you were the manager

Of a major national chain home improvement store, were you not?

I got demoted.

So? who cares if you got demoted.

You hated the job, didn't you? right?

And you know what the best revenge is?

Happiness, andi. are you happy?

Right here, right now? are you happy?

Yeah. yeah. i guess i am.

You guess you're what? i'm happy!

You're happy. i know! shout it with me!

Happy! right?

And this guy right here--

Samuel,

I mean, what more can i say?

Heir to the throne of the underworld.

What's up.

All: yeah.

So, losers, andi?

Uh-uh. i think not.

Winners.

Winners. winners.

All: winners!

Sync by honeybunny @addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com Thx to YYeTs.net for the transcripts.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0