Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,000
TV: I'm Shannon Doherty.
2
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,753
Every celebrity has their
own thing, except for me.
3
00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:04,962
What do you mean?
4
00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:07,881
Jessica Simpson has her own clothing line.
5
00:00:07,923 --> 00:00:10,176
Justin Timberlake's restarting Myspace.
6
00:00:10,217 --> 00:00:12,804
Oprah Winfrey has her own network.
7
00:00:12,845 --> 00:00:14,888
Even Shannon Doherty has her own college.
8
00:00:14,930 --> 00:00:16,890
Yeah, for losers.
9
00:00:16,932 --> 00:00:19,336
You know what else celebrities are good at?
10
00:00:19,337 --> 00:00:20,186
What?
11
00:00:20,227 --> 00:00:21,979
Blowing their money on dumb ideas.
12
00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:25,309
You know 50 Cent makes more money
13
00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:26,685
from his vitamin water
14
00:00:26,799 --> 00:00:28,343
than he does from his rap music.
15
00:00:28,344 --> 00:00:31,430
I'm sorry honey. I'm Katy Perry and after.
16
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:33,338
Even you have your own thing.
17
00:00:33,339 --> 00:00:34,184
What's that?
18
00:00:34,721 --> 00:00:35,918
The male revue.
19
00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:38,912
I want my own thing.
20
00:00:40,075 --> 00:00:41,453
Maybe your thing
21
00:00:41,454 --> 00:00:44,654
is worrying about what
other people's things are.
22
00:00:45,196 --> 00:00:46,713
I'm serious.
23
00:00:46,754 --> 00:00:48,297
We could even make money at it.
24
00:00:49,198 --> 00:00:51,718
You're about to star in a new sitcom.
25
00:00:51,759 --> 00:00:54,178
Shouldn't you just concentrate on that?
26
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:57,257
Look, if other celebrities
can do both, I can too.
27
00:00:57,940 --> 00:01:00,601
Okay, what would your own thing be?
28
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:01,935
What are you good at?
29
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:05,235
Okay, what am I good at?
30
00:01:05,735 --> 00:01:06,982
I'm good at surrounding myself
31
00:01:07,024 --> 00:01:08,818
with people who pretend to like me.
32
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,194
Is there a business in that?
33
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:12,988
Yeah, show business.
34
00:01:13,030 --> 00:01:14,990
Okay, what else.
35
00:01:15,032 --> 00:01:16,253
I know.
36
00:01:16,292 --> 00:01:18,160
I like flying in private jets.
37
00:01:18,202 --> 00:01:20,120
I drive an electric car.
38
00:01:20,162 --> 00:01:21,763
Not because I care about the environment,
39
00:01:21,789 --> 00:01:23,957
but because I like to be
in carpool lanes by myself.
40
00:01:23,999 --> 00:01:25,209
Any business in that?
41
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,044
The rich asshole business.
42
00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:28,962
You're already in that one, too.
43
00:01:29,679 --> 00:01:33,083
Honey, I don't think anyone's
going to pay you to do that.
44
00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:36,470
I like cutting in front
of people in restaurants
45
00:01:36,512 --> 00:01:38,139
who have been waiting a long time,
46
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,678
because I'm famous and they're not.
47
00:01:40,106 --> 00:01:41,691
Maybe your thing
48
00:01:41,745 --> 00:01:43,713
should be helping me with this thing.
49
00:01:44,435 --> 00:01:47,231
I like it, but it's just not my thing.
50
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:48,900
You should've thought about that
51
00:01:48,941 --> 00:01:51,224
before putting your thing in my thing.
52
00:01:51,573 --> 00:01:53,987
This thing has a mind of its own.
53
00:01:54,029 --> 00:01:55,529
(Giggles)
54
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,240
[???]
55
00:02:07,303 --> 00:02:08,803
[???]
56
00:02:09,783 --> 00:02:11,536
We love the show.
57
00:02:11,839 --> 00:02:13,908
- We're all big fans.
- Awesome.
58
00:02:13,909 --> 00:02:15,995
We see you on our network
for a very long time.
59
00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:18,390
That's terrific, thank you.
60
00:02:18,516 --> 00:02:20,422
We'd like to go ahead and shoot the pilot.
61
00:02:20,490 --> 00:02:22,852
And if all goes well, we'll
go to series in the fall.
62
00:02:23,016 --> 00:02:24,042
That's amazing!
63
00:02:24,091 --> 00:02:25,891
There's just a couple thoughts we had
64
00:02:25,944 --> 00:02:28,867
on how we can broaden the
potential audience of the show
65
00:02:28,906 --> 00:02:31,191
both domestically and internationally.
66
00:02:31,233 --> 00:02:33,026
Let's broaden that shit.
67
00:02:33,068 --> 00:02:34,821
What really makes the show work
68
00:02:34,862 --> 00:02:36,739
is that it's based on your life.
69
00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:39,450
However, we feel we can expand its appeal
70
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:42,286
by bringing in some other elements.
71
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,359
Other elements like...
72
00:02:44,843 --> 00:02:47,104
water, fire, earth and sky?
73
00:02:47,239 --> 00:02:48,793
(Chuckles)
74
00:02:50,521 --> 00:02:52,287
I'm sorry, what elements?
75
00:02:52,802 --> 00:02:54,089
We love the conflict
76
00:02:54,131 --> 00:02:56,091
you have with your wife's Mexican family.
77
00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:58,051
The language barrier, the culture war
78
00:02:58,093 --> 00:03:00,137
the fact that they don't really accept you.
79
00:03:00,592 --> 00:03:04,550
But, what we think can really
take this show over the top
80
00:03:05,130 --> 00:03:06,463
are you ready for this?
81
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:07,788
I'm ready.
82
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:11,391
We want it to be set in a
post-apocalyptic nightmare.
83
00:03:14,318 --> 00:03:15,399
What?
84
00:03:15,508 --> 00:03:17,114
It still plays out like a regular sitcom.
85
00:03:17,154 --> 00:03:18,790
You have your job, she has hers.
86
00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:20,527
All the same conflicts with the family.
87
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,170
But here's the twist.
88
00:03:22,894 --> 00:03:25,314
You're being chased by
zombies and vampires.
89
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,541
(Laughs)
90
00:03:33,459 --> 00:03:34,497
Are you serious?
91
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,340
It's campy and fun.
92
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,814
Vampires and zombies are hot right now.
93
00:03:38,896 --> 00:03:41,578
But no one has done it in a
multi-camera sitcom before.
94
00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:43,877
We already got approval
from the man upstairs.
95
00:03:44,402 --> 00:03:47,354
God approved me getting
attacked by zombies and vampires?
96
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:48,456
Our God.
97
00:03:49,456 --> 00:03:51,504
Hal Moocher.
98
00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:54,902
Why don't you just throw in
some mutants and lesbians?
99
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,273
They're hot too.
100
00:03:56,908 --> 00:03:58,571
We all want a hit, right?
101
00:03:59,082 --> 00:04:01,908
That's the game. The network feels...
102
00:04:01,949 --> 00:04:03,409
The network feels?
103
00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:05,619
We feel like this direction,
104
00:04:05,661 --> 00:04:07,413
it's going to be a major hit.
105
00:04:07,454 --> 00:04:09,373
All of our research indicates
106
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:10,917
that this is going to be a monster.
107
00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:14,336
This is just not really
what I signed on for.
108
00:04:14,918 --> 00:04:17,688
I mean, this show is really different
109
00:04:17,736 --> 00:04:21,134
than the show that I was pitching.
110
00:04:21,176 --> 00:04:22,135
Mm-hmm.
111
00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:25,375
Can I think about it?
112
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,985
This new version is already
approved to go to pilot.
113
00:04:29,038 --> 00:04:31,006
I just thought we were
gonna do a show more like -
114
00:04:31,027 --> 00:04:32,113
Everybody Loves Raymond.
115
00:04:32,229 --> 00:04:34,147
You know, with the little Mexican thing.
116
00:04:34,189 --> 00:04:36,149
This show sounds more like
117
00:04:36,529 --> 00:04:39,466
every undead person's
trying to eat Raymond.
118
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,808
(Chuckles)
119
00:04:40,855 --> 00:04:42,149
Don't you...
120
00:04:42,457 --> 00:04:43,682
don't you think?
121
00:04:48,412 --> 00:04:49,412
(Phone rings)
122
00:04:49,681 --> 00:04:50,473
MAN: Hey.
123
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,018
What happened to my show?
124
00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:54,784
Robby, give it a chance.
This is gonna be good for you.
125
00:04:54,785 --> 00:04:56,745
You knew about this, didn't you, you prick.
126
00:04:56,847 --> 00:04:58,466
You have to admit, it's different.
127
00:04:58,505 --> 00:04:59,799
Different is good.
128
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,976
Different and insane.
People will laugh at us.
129
00:05:03,018 --> 00:05:03,986
Isn't that what we want?
130
00:05:04,028 --> 00:05:05,655
This is humiliating.
131
00:05:05,697 --> 00:05:07,998
It's humiliating, yes.
But that's network TV.
132
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:09,744
Of course it's humiliating.
133
00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:11,494
Buddy, do you know how many people
134
00:05:11,536 --> 00:05:12,906
would die to be in your position?
135
00:05:12,950 --> 00:05:15,267
Even if it's shitty, which
most likely it will be
136
00:05:15,331 --> 00:05:16,946
millions of people are gonna watch it.
137
00:05:17,069 --> 00:05:18,400
And you have to admit
138
00:05:18,442 --> 00:05:19,902
you haven't exactly been very visible
139
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,361
in the last couple years.
140
00:05:21,403 --> 00:05:23,597
I can't just do stuff, just to do stuff.
141
00:05:23,639 --> 00:05:25,282
Hold your nose buddy. Pick up that check.
142
00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:27,284
They are going to pay
you a shitload of money.
143
00:05:27,326 --> 00:05:29,202
And you get a piece of the show, right?
144
00:05:29,244 --> 00:05:30,412
Well, I packaged it.
145
00:05:30,454 --> 00:05:31,998
The writer's mine and you're mine.
146
00:05:32,039 --> 00:05:33,799
So you know what man,
I'm not letting you quit.
147
00:05:33,822 --> 00:05:36,108
Yeah, I wouldn't want you
to fuck up your package!
148
00:05:36,143 --> 00:05:37,207
Alright, we'll talk later.
149
00:05:37,252 --> 00:05:38,295
I love you.
150
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:43,710
Why are you stopping?
151
00:05:58,732 --> 00:06:01,027
When you're done massaging that man's ass
152
00:06:01,068 --> 00:06:02,444
can I talk to you for a second?
153
00:06:02,486 --> 00:06:04,237
Francois strained his hamstring
154
00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:06,448
and we're saving money
on hiring a masseuse.
155
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:08,058
Oh, we're saving money.
156
00:06:08,161 --> 00:06:09,462
Okay, you're good.
157
00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:10,425
Merci.
158
00:06:11,453 --> 00:06:13,039
As long as there's no happy endings
159
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,665
I guess I'm alright with it.
160
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,501
So, how's the show coming?
161
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:20,295
Hopefully we'll be ready in
time for next week's opening.
162
00:06:20,337 --> 00:06:22,422
Oh yeah, sure you will.
163
00:06:23,130 --> 00:06:24,881
Look at this.
164
00:06:25,446 --> 00:06:26,390
It's nice.
165
00:06:26,599 --> 00:06:28,408
Glad you're getting
your dicks in a row here.
166
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:30,240
Andrea's doing the poster.
167
00:06:31,306 --> 00:06:32,349
Andrea?
168
00:06:32,391 --> 00:06:34,727
Andrea my friend, the photographer?
169
00:06:34,768 --> 00:06:37,563
Oh, no. I don't know who that is.
170
00:06:38,175 --> 00:06:39,270
Are you okay?
171
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,693
My stupid sitcom.
172
00:06:42,195 --> 00:06:43,518
What's wrong?
173
00:06:43,701 --> 00:06:45,870
Nah, I don't want to burden you with it.
174
00:06:45,924 --> 00:06:47,425
Hey, it's looking really good in here.
175
00:06:47,998 --> 00:06:48,900
Thank you.
176
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,110
All you're missing now,
177
00:06:50,137 --> 00:06:52,317
is like a room filled with crazed women.
178
00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:53,336
You know, like...
179
00:06:53,378 --> 00:06:54,878
(Fake screams)
180
00:06:55,372 --> 00:06:56,372
(Laughs)
181
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:58,582
(Fake screams)
182
00:06:59,835 --> 00:07:00,835
(Spits)
183
00:07:04,548 --> 00:07:05,799
Sorry.
184
00:07:05,841 --> 00:07:07,885
Anyways, I was telling you
185
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,469
that I wish we had something
186
00:07:09,511 --> 00:07:11,388
that could take this show over the top.
187
00:07:12,013 --> 00:07:13,655
Okay, let me help.
188
00:07:14,639 --> 00:07:15,475
Tell me, what?
189
00:07:15,517 --> 00:07:16,936
How do we take it over the top?
190
00:07:16,977 --> 00:07:18,520
Like a real surprise
191
00:07:18,562 --> 00:07:20,564
something that people can be talking about.
192
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:23,316
Talking about, okay,
alright. I'm with you there.
193
00:07:23,358 --> 00:07:24,777
Create some real buzz.
194
00:07:24,818 --> 00:07:26,779
Buzz, I like it, buzz.
195
00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:28,614
If I just had a big celebrity
196
00:07:28,655 --> 00:07:30,944
that every woman loves.
197
00:07:30,999 --> 00:07:32,359
I'll be there.
198
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,587
Aw.
199
00:07:34,536 --> 00:07:36,705
It's not that people don't love you.
200
00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:39,862
But I want someone that
women actually love.
201
00:07:40,966 --> 00:07:42,635
What the fuck?
202
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,337
Did I say that out loud?
203
00:07:44,379 --> 00:07:45,631
Yes, you said that out loud.
204
00:07:46,156 --> 00:07:47,382
Come on.
205
00:07:47,424 --> 00:07:48,863
I know a lot of celebrities.
206
00:07:48,919 --> 00:07:49,642
Who do you want?
207
00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:50,908
Name it, and I'll get him here.
208
00:07:50,944 --> 00:07:52,596
Just say, who, who do you want?
209
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,640
Well, Ryan Gosling of course.
210
00:07:54,681 --> 00:07:56,149
Done and done.
211
00:07:56,191 --> 00:07:57,944
Ryan Gosling, you got him.
212
00:07:57,985 --> 00:08:00,071
Don't promise something you can't deliver.
213
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:02,002
When do I promise things
that I don't deliver?
214
00:08:02,027 --> 00:08:02,820
When?
215
00:08:03,013 --> 00:08:05,842
PATRICIA: I'm serious, just be careful.
216
00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:07,611
ROB: I won't cum in you.
217
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,653
(Groans)
218
00:08:11,315 --> 00:08:13,315
(Screams)
219
00:08:16,279 --> 00:08:18,842
Okay, besides those times. When?
220
00:08:19,623 --> 00:08:21,541
Come on. We're at the same agency.
221
00:08:21,583 --> 00:08:24,177
It's a favour. I never ask for favours.
222
00:08:24,219 --> 00:08:25,178
They owe me one.
223
00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:26,459
Are you serious?
224
00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:29,039
- I'll call over there right now.
- That would be amazing.
225
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,612
But don't go crazy spending money.
226
00:08:30,666 --> 00:08:31,341
I won't.
227
00:08:31,426 --> 00:08:32,845
Who knows, maybe if he's a fan
228
00:08:32,886 --> 00:08:34,054
he'll even do it for nothing.
229
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:36,098
Hey, I'm gonna be here for a couple hours.
230
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:38,384
Can you cook something nice for Miranda?
231
00:08:38,425 --> 00:08:40,111
Oh yeah, I'll cook something nice for her.
232
00:08:40,152 --> 00:08:41,812
And I'll call my agent right now
233
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,214
about Ryan Gosling.
234
00:08:43,255 --> 00:08:43,897
Okay?
235
00:08:44,439 --> 00:08:46,566
- Thank you.
- Alright, babe.
236
00:08:46,608 --> 00:08:48,235
What's the matter?
237
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:51,071
I think I pulled my groin.
238
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:53,890
No fucking way.
239
00:08:54,753 --> 00:08:55,730
No!
240
00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:01,385
Sweetie.
241
00:09:08,547 --> 00:09:09,882
(Phone vibrates)
242
00:09:09,923 --> 00:09:11,967
Whoops, hang on.
243
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:14,780
Yeah, hello.
244
00:09:14,827 --> 00:09:16,079
MAN: Rob, it's Andy.
245
00:09:16,302 --> 00:09:18,555
It's gonna cost you $300,000 for Gosling.
246
00:09:18,605 --> 00:09:21,023
$300,000 are you fucking kidding me?
247
00:09:21,518 --> 00:09:23,012
How much for just an hour?
248
00:09:23,054 --> 00:09:25,480
That is for an hour,
and it's gotta be cash.
249
00:09:25,522 --> 00:09:27,340
And trust me, this is a favour.
250
00:09:27,382 --> 00:09:29,242
Normally he's half a million.
251
00:09:29,284 --> 00:09:30,403
That's highway robbery.
252
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:33,046
If you want Ryan Gosling,
that's what it's gonna cost you.
253
00:09:33,088 --> 00:09:34,807
Remind me not to ask for any more favours.
254
00:09:34,848 --> 00:09:36,349
ANDY: You're lucky he's in town.
255
00:09:36,391 --> 00:09:38,744
He is the hottest male actor working.
256
00:09:38,785 --> 00:09:39,828
Yeah, don't remind me.
257
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,121
Do you want him or not?
258
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,748
- Yeah, I want him.
- Perfect.
259
00:09:42,789 --> 00:09:44,624
Give me the cash on Tuesday,
we'll lock up the deal.
260
00:09:44,666 --> 00:09:46,501
How much do you get? That's funny, man.
261
00:09:46,543 --> 00:09:48,087
Dude, it's 150 down
262
00:09:48,128 --> 00:09:49,880
and then 150 day of and he'll be there.
263
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,590
He's the hottest actor and a criminal.
264
00:09:55,221 --> 00:09:56,930
It's a lot of money getting Ryan Gosling.
265
00:09:57,170 --> 00:09:58,338
But it's worth it.
266
00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:00,007
Patricia never asks for anything.
267
00:10:00,311 --> 00:10:01,803
I'm gonna make this happen for her.
268
00:10:01,954 --> 00:10:03,281
She's the greatest.
269
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,606
Dirty chocolate chai.
270
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,867
I love your death jewelry.
271
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,521
I like the holes in your face, too.
272
00:10:14,586 --> 00:10:16,014
That's hot...
273
00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,141
Not really.
274
00:10:18,990 --> 00:10:20,633
I think you're my soulmate.
275
00:10:21,609 --> 00:10:22,955
You just said that
276
00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:24,497
to that girl over there an hour ago.
277
00:10:24,539 --> 00:10:27,339
You say that like somebody can't
have more than one soulmate.
278
00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:28,410
Next.
279
00:10:28,473 --> 00:10:30,807
We don't have to be like sexual soulmates
280
00:10:30,871 --> 00:10:33,109
you know, we could just be regular mates.
281
00:10:33,347 --> 00:10:35,389
I could help you find your soulmate.
282
00:10:36,039 --> 00:10:38,916
Why don't you have a date
over there by yourself.
283
00:10:38,917 --> 00:10:40,002
And your coffee.
284
00:10:43,735 --> 00:10:45,946
Watch out for that guy, freak.
285
00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:48,154
JAMIE: I heard that.
286
00:10:48,563 --> 00:10:50,732
Jamie emotionally overcommits too early
287
00:10:50,774 --> 00:10:51,984
in every relationship
288
00:10:52,025 --> 00:10:55,028
which makes women realize
that he's desperate and needy
289
00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:56,613
and not in love with them
290
00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:58,531
but is just afraid of dying alone
291
00:10:58,573 --> 00:11:00,293
in that shithole
apartment that he lives in.
292
00:11:01,576 --> 00:11:02,577
JAMIE: This is the store?
293
00:11:02,619 --> 00:11:04,537
ROB: Yeah, come on. Let's check it out.
294
00:11:04,928 --> 00:11:06,457
I need a multi-vitamin.
295
00:11:07,007 --> 00:11:08,541
But I'm not happy with any of these.
296
00:11:08,583 --> 00:11:10,225
Really? There's so many different ones.
297
00:11:10,265 --> 00:11:11,023
Yeah.
298
00:11:11,602 --> 00:11:12,796
Excuse me.
299
00:11:13,187 --> 00:11:13,747
Yeah.
300
00:11:14,032 --> 00:11:15,306
Do you have a multi-vitamin.
301
00:11:15,348 --> 00:11:18,056
Where it's B-12 is not
made from cyanocobalamin?
302
00:11:18,103 --> 00:11:20,320
Oh, um, I dunno.
303
00:11:20,562 --> 00:11:24,157
Yeah, a more natural form
of B-12 is methylcobalamin.
304
00:11:24,202 --> 00:11:27,080
Or, actually 50% methylcobalamin,
305
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,979
50% hydroxocobalamin.
306
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:33,275
Yeah, sorry, but I've only
been here like two years.
307
00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:37,488
Well, cyanocobalamin is a
slightly toxic form of B-12.
308
00:11:37,528 --> 00:11:39,490
It's cheaper, that's why
all the companies use it.
309
00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:42,201
Wow, I had no idea.
310
00:11:42,242 --> 00:11:44,412
And why do all these
companies use magnesium steroid
311
00:11:44,452 --> 00:11:45,429
as a stabilizer.
312
00:11:45,751 --> 00:11:48,507
I mean, carnauba wax is
less irritating to the bowel.
313
00:11:48,587 --> 00:11:50,444
You know what irritates my bowels?
314
00:11:50,992 --> 00:11:52,085
You.
315
00:11:52,727 --> 00:11:53,728
And you.
316
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:56,107
Uh...
317
00:11:56,284 --> 00:11:58,752
What are you like, in the
vitamin or health food business
318
00:11:58,791 --> 00:11:59,559
or something?
319
00:11:59,601 --> 00:12:01,713
No, it's just something I've
always been interested in.
320
00:12:01,745 --> 00:12:02,888
WOMAN: Excuse me.
321
00:12:02,929 --> 00:12:03,929
Yeah?
322
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:06,975
Where are the apples?
323
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:08,601
They're toward the front of the store
324
00:12:08,643 --> 00:12:10,020
where you came in.
325
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:10,862
Ugh.
326
00:12:11,019 --> 00:12:13,090
Um, actually they're...
327
00:12:13,279 --> 00:12:14,041
at the front left.
328
00:12:14,089 --> 00:12:15,557
Between the avocados and the oranges.
329
00:12:15,581 --> 00:12:16,986
Oh, okay thanks.
330
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:18,985
Oh, but make sure to get organic, you know.
331
00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:20,447
Because of the baby.
332
00:12:20,552 --> 00:12:21,552
Really?
333
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:25,178
Apples have the highest
pesticide residuals of any fruit.
334
00:12:25,249 --> 00:12:26,896
Glyphosates in lab studies
335
00:12:26,958 --> 00:12:30,424
have shown to shrink the rat's
testicles and tits down to nothing.
336
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:31,833
Nothing.
337
00:12:32,496 --> 00:12:34,377
You don't want that to happen to your baby.
338
00:12:34,568 --> 00:12:37,381
Wow, you're really creepy.
339
00:12:39,281 --> 00:12:40,674
That's a nice ass.
340
00:12:40,809 --> 00:12:43,237
Wow, you know more about
vitamins and organic foods
341
00:12:43,269 --> 00:12:44,856
than the people that work here.
342
00:12:45,062 --> 00:12:46,112
Wait a minute,
343
00:12:46,291 --> 00:12:47,877
maybe that's my thing.
344
00:12:48,574 --> 00:12:50,685
I've been looking for
my thing this whole time
345
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:52,345
but it's been right in front of my face.
346
00:12:52,583 --> 00:12:55,753
I've always been interested
in vitamins and not dying.
347
00:12:56,081 --> 00:12:58,751
I like buying vegetables that
are four times more expensive
348
00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:00,229
than what everybody else eats.
349
00:13:00,307 --> 00:13:02,092
- That's my thing.
- You're right.
350
00:13:02,217 --> 00:13:04,227
I go on the websites
all the time for health.
351
00:13:04,294 --> 00:13:06,743
I read all the books about it.
I've become an expert in it.
352
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,462
Hey, should I be taking a multi-vitamin?
353
00:13:09,504 --> 00:13:11,464
Absolutely, here.
354
00:13:11,706 --> 00:13:13,292
This one's good enough.
355
00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:14,960
Good enough?
356
00:13:15,001 --> 00:13:16,753
You don't want to put premium gas
357
00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,671
in a car that's a piece of shit.
358
00:13:18,713 --> 00:13:20,631
Okay, come on.
359
00:13:22,032 --> 00:13:24,230
Taking vitamins and eating organic foods
360
00:13:24,289 --> 00:13:26,500
is different than running
a health food store.
361
00:13:27,297 --> 00:13:28,932
Just because I watch porn everyday
362
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,517
doesn't make me a porn star.
363
00:13:31,604 --> 00:13:32,647
You watch porn every day?
364
00:13:32,769 --> 00:13:33,604
Yeah.
365
00:13:33,661 --> 00:13:35,525
You know what I'm trying to say, right?
366
00:13:36,731 --> 00:13:38,042
What kind of porn?
367
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,993
I'm trying to figure out
whether I should be angry
368
00:13:41,035 --> 00:13:42,571
or super hard right now.
369
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,781
What did you know about male strippers
370
00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:46,838
before you started your
whole male revue show?
371
00:13:46,870 --> 00:13:48,579
More than I'm willing to admit to you.
372
00:13:49,782 --> 00:13:51,938
Who are you right now?
373
00:13:52,642 --> 00:13:54,512
I'm serious, this could be my thing.
374
00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:56,325
I thought you liked Whole Foods.
375
00:13:56,364 --> 00:13:57,895
This could be better than Whole Foods.
376
00:13:58,101 --> 00:13:59,583
Everything will be organic.
377
00:13:59,609 --> 00:14:01,037
Including the shopping carts.
378
00:14:01,105 --> 00:14:04,093
You think you'll have time
for this and your TV show?
379
00:14:04,359 --> 00:14:06,925
My TV show's turning into a piece of crap.
380
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:08,184
What do you mean?
381
00:14:08,467 --> 00:14:10,660
The network's trying to ruin it.
382
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,547
They've changed it completely.
383
00:14:14,268 --> 00:14:16,474
Why didn't you say anything to me?
384
00:14:17,470 --> 00:14:19,716
Well, I didn't want to bother you with it.
385
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:22,572
You have your whole show
that you're doing and...
386
00:14:22,819 --> 00:14:25,656
Do you really want to open
your own health food store?
387
00:14:25,697 --> 00:14:26,990
Yes, I do.
388
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,451
If I'm gonna do this TV
show just for the money
389
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:31,411
at least let me put it towards something
390
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,664
that I'm genuinely passionate about.
391
00:14:33,705 --> 00:14:35,948
If it's something you really wanna do
392
00:14:35,990 --> 00:14:37,334
I'll support you.
393
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,378
- You will?
- Of course.
394
00:14:40,795 --> 00:14:42,445
Do you think it's a good idea?
395
00:14:43,134 --> 00:14:44,135
I do.
396
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,186
I actually think it's a great idea.
397
00:14:47,260 --> 00:14:48,595
Me too.
398
00:14:51,519 --> 00:14:52,410
I love it.
399
00:14:52,436 --> 00:14:53,404
(Chuckles)
400
00:14:53,545 --> 00:14:54,671
- I love it.
- Awesome.
401
00:14:54,714 --> 00:14:55,491
Alright.
402
00:14:55,537 --> 00:14:57,708
I already ordered all the
refrigerators and freezers.
403
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,965
Now, if I sign a really long lease
404
00:15:00,023 --> 00:15:01,441
can you lock me in at a lower price?
405
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:02,942
Let me work on the numbers.
406
00:15:02,984 --> 00:15:04,777
What if I pay cash?
407
00:15:04,819 --> 00:15:06,446
Cash, we like cash.
408
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,823
You like cash. He likes cash.
409
00:15:15,683 --> 00:15:16,684
Hi.
410
00:15:17,916 --> 00:15:19,792
Hi, how can I help you?
411
00:15:19,834 --> 00:15:21,836
I need to get a cashiers cheque
412
00:15:21,878 --> 00:15:23,372
and then I need to cash it.
413
00:15:23,414 --> 00:15:24,097
Okay.
414
00:15:24,322 --> 00:15:26,082
You might need to talk
to your bank manager.
415
00:15:26,095 --> 00:15:27,688
It's for $150,000.
416
00:15:27,741 --> 00:15:28,533
No problem.
417
00:15:28,662 --> 00:15:30,214
I need you to make a little notation
418
00:15:30,256 --> 00:15:31,465
on the cashier's check.
419
00:15:31,707 --> 00:15:33,009
It's for Ryan Gosling.
420
00:15:35,642 --> 00:15:36,518
What?
421
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:39,979
Just in case I can write it off.
422
00:15:40,021 --> 00:15:42,774
I need a notation that
says 'For Ryan Gosling'.
423
00:15:44,317 --> 00:15:48,071
You know Ryan Gosling?
424
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,873
We're at the same agency.
425
00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:52,158
I mean, I'm kind of
hiring him for an event.
426
00:15:53,748 --> 00:15:55,542
- There's the card.
- Hold on a second.
427
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:56,852
(Gasps)
428
00:15:57,572 --> 00:16:00,033
Ryan Gosling.
429
00:16:00,779 --> 00:16:01,279
(Moans)
430
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:08,379
(Moaning intensifies)
431
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,653
(Moaning gets louder)
432
00:16:16,493 --> 00:16:18,374
(Very intense moaning)
433
00:16:23,362 --> 00:16:24,672
(Screams)
434
00:16:29,435 --> 00:16:30,555
(Laughs)
435
00:16:34,591 --> 00:16:36,551
Would you like that in fifties or hundreds?
436
00:16:37,220 --> 00:16:39,361
Whatever you have that's still dry.
437
00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:41,027
Thank you.
438
00:16:41,299 --> 00:16:42,675
There we go.
439
00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:47,322
Great.
440
00:16:49,215 --> 00:16:50,492
Okay.
441
00:16:50,684 --> 00:16:51,478
Well,
442
00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:53,511
easy come, easy go.
443
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:54,663
Easy come.
444
00:16:54,717 --> 00:16:55,667
(Laughs)
445
00:16:56,097 --> 00:16:58,300
Ryan Gosling.
446
00:16:58,475 --> 00:16:59,643
Ryan.
447
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:01,028
Gosling.
448
00:17:01,436 --> 00:17:02,270
(Pants)
449
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:03,730
Okay. Okay.
450
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,148
Ryan Gosling.
451
00:17:12,739 --> 00:17:13,740
Thanks.
452
00:17:17,975 --> 00:17:19,054
Hey, Jamie.
453
00:17:19,103 --> 00:17:20,276
Yo.
454
00:17:20,955 --> 00:17:21,970
What's up?
455
00:17:22,014 --> 00:17:23,765
You've gotta hang on to this for me.
456
00:17:24,201 --> 00:17:25,377
That's a lot of money.
457
00:17:25,418 --> 00:17:26,712
Why don't you hang on to it?
458
00:17:26,753 --> 00:17:28,171
Because I can't let Patricia know
459
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,798
how much I'm spending on Ryan Gosling.
460
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,216
I can't have this at the house.
461
00:17:31,257 --> 00:17:34,177
You must really trust me.
462
00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:37,371
Well, you've worked for me for a long time.
463
00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:38,566
Just don't open it.
464
00:17:38,587 --> 00:17:39,643
No, of course not.
465
00:17:39,669 --> 00:17:40,489
I'm serious.
466
00:17:40,528 --> 00:17:42,099
This would be a life salary for me.
467
00:17:42,143 --> 00:17:43,281
I don't give a fuck.
468
00:17:43,307 --> 00:17:44,020
Me neither.
469
00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:46,276
Seriously, don't open it.
470
00:17:46,342 --> 00:17:47,244
Can I squeeze it?
471
00:17:47,297 --> 00:17:48,715
No, you can't squeeze it.
472
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,674
How much money do you make?
473
00:17:50,723 --> 00:17:53,892
No touching, no looking, no squeezing.
474
00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:57,022
What's the most amount
of money you've ever seen?
475
00:18:04,457 --> 00:18:05,751
I don't trust anybody.
476
00:18:05,792 --> 00:18:07,627
Especially Jamie.
477
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:10,129
He's not a bad person, he's just...
478
00:18:10,171 --> 00:18:11,834
an idiot.
479
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,969
I got a really good feeling about my thing.
480
00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:19,765
Well, you're going to have
to take care of it yourself
481
00:18:19,806 --> 00:18:21,182
because I'm exhausted.
482
00:18:22,058 --> 00:18:24,185
I'm talking about my health food store.
483
00:18:24,607 --> 00:18:26,835
I got a really good feeling about it.
484
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:28,147
Oh, good.
485
00:18:29,158 --> 00:18:31,745
Look, I'm glad you're doing your own thing
486
00:18:31,792 --> 00:18:33,278
and that it makes you happy.
487
00:18:33,319 --> 00:18:34,747
I want you to be successful.
488
00:18:34,787 --> 00:18:37,240
Wow, where's all this coming from?
489
00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:39,200
Maybe doing my thing
490
00:18:39,242 --> 00:18:41,135
has helped open up my eyes a little bit.
491
00:18:41,635 --> 00:18:43,914
I get what you're really
trying to do with your thing.
492
00:18:43,955 --> 00:18:46,291
- You do?
- Yeah.
493
00:18:46,332 --> 00:18:48,209
I mean, at first I thought
494
00:18:48,251 --> 00:18:50,462
you were some bored unhappy housewife,
495
00:18:50,503 --> 00:18:52,881
looking for any excuse to surround yourself
496
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:54,257
with a bunch of dicks.
497
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,259
Now...
498
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:59,053
I know it's that, but it's more than that.
499
00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,140
You're trying to make something.
500
00:19:03,780 --> 00:19:05,115
And I want you to know,
501
00:19:05,847 --> 00:19:06,898
I get it.
502
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:10,506
Hmm.
503
00:19:15,285 --> 00:19:18,622
Really helps those to communicate.
504
00:19:18,672 --> 00:19:20,830
And to understand what the other person
505
00:19:20,894 --> 00:19:22,327
is going through.
506
00:19:22,368 --> 00:19:23,654
What they need, what they want.
507
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:25,872
Because words are a terrible
way to really understand
508
00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:28,026
what the other person wants.
509
00:19:28,082 --> 00:19:29,576
It's a code, basically.
510
00:19:29,618 --> 00:19:31,685
You have to decipher that
code to figure it out.
511
00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:34,070
When my wife says to me late at night:
512
00:19:34,326 --> 00:19:36,006
(Spanish accent) I'm
going to go downstairs,
513
00:19:36,064 --> 00:19:37,000
and get some water.
514
00:19:37,699 --> 00:19:39,051
What she's really saying is:
515
00:19:39,093 --> 00:19:40,512
(Spanish accent) Go downstairs
516
00:19:40,553 --> 00:19:42,305
and get me some water.
517
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:43,365
(Laughs)
518
00:19:44,307 --> 00:19:46,134
And then when I say back:
519
00:19:46,182 --> 00:19:47,933
Do you want me to get it for you?
520
00:19:48,269 --> 00:19:50,062
What I'm really saying is:
521
00:19:50,104 --> 00:19:52,023
Please don't make me get it for you.
522
00:19:53,551 --> 00:19:55,429
I don't have any pants on right now.
523
00:19:56,027 --> 00:19:57,946
It's cold as shit down there.
524
00:19:58,313 --> 00:20:01,191
I got my pillow between my
knees perfectly right now.
525
00:20:01,224 --> 00:20:02,224
(Laughter)
526
00:20:02,281 --> 00:20:04,773
I'd have to get
recomfortable all over again.
527
00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:16,840
I think you're my soulmate.
528
00:20:20,974 --> 00:20:22,910
I barely know you.
529
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,514
I'm serious.
530
00:20:24,793 --> 00:20:25,877
Um...
531
00:20:26,404 --> 00:20:27,522
You know.
532
00:20:28,142 --> 00:20:31,312
The only reason I came
back to your apartment
533
00:20:31,354 --> 00:20:35,107
is because I'm trying to
save money on the motel.
534
00:20:35,149 --> 00:20:37,360
Yeah, it's a great idea.
535
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,695
That's why I stay here.
536
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:40,713
Save money from the hotel.
537
00:20:40,955 --> 00:20:42,977
Stay around a while.
538
00:20:43,010 --> 00:20:44,683
You're creeping me out a little bit.
539
00:20:44,715 --> 00:20:46,342
- No.
- Yes.
540
00:20:46,686 --> 00:20:47,853
(Glass breaks)
541
00:20:49,077 --> 00:20:50,640
Where are you going?
542
00:20:50,926 --> 00:20:53,805
You told me you're going to
give me money for my taxi?
543
00:20:53,949 --> 00:20:55,045
No, don't.
544
00:20:55,169 --> 00:20:56,525
We could have a life together.
545
00:20:56,568 --> 00:20:57,192
I'm okay.
546
00:20:57,242 --> 00:20:58,194
Or maybe just another
547
00:20:58,244 --> 00:20:59,790
- 20 minutes, please?
- No.
548
00:21:00,174 --> 00:21:02,134
- Five minutes?
- No.
549
00:21:02,176 --> 00:21:03,836
Just... can I touch you again?
550
00:21:03,878 --> 00:21:05,589
God, no. Okay.
551
00:21:09,296 --> 00:21:11,296
(sighs)
552
00:21:18,830 --> 00:21:20,365
Hold on a second.
553
00:21:30,778 --> 00:21:32,046
(Screams)
554
00:21:55,337 --> 00:21:56,837
Thanks.
555
00:22:04,074 --> 00:22:09,074
- synced by terrible / corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
556
00:22:09,124 --> 00:22:13,674
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37872
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.