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1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:03,221
- ? (Humming) ?
- Honey.
2
00:00:03,222 --> 00:00:03,942
Honey, honey,
3
00:00:03,967 --> 00:00:04,642
honey, honey.
4
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:06,837
Yeah?
5
00:00:06,891 --> 00:00:09,700
I'm missing five people's emails
from Miranda's birthday party
6
00:00:09,724 --> 00:00:10,755
and they're all your friends.
7
00:00:10,780 --> 00:00:11,787
Do you have them?
8
00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:13,712
Oh, those first two people are dead
9
00:00:13,753 --> 00:00:16,380
and the last three don't have emails yet.
10
00:00:16,420 --> 00:00:18,380
? (Humming) ?
11
00:00:18,422 --> 00:00:20,382
Patricia: Don't have email?
12
00:00:20,422 --> 00:00:22,385
Who doesn't have email?
13
00:00:22,409 --> 00:00:23,674
What's the matter with you?
14
00:00:23,716 --> 00:00:25,967
Just give me a second to
recover. Recover from what?
15
00:00:26,007 --> 00:00:29,047
I was chasing Miranda around.
16
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,781
Yeah, for five seconds.
17
00:00:31,176 --> 00:00:33,597
- Are you checking your pulse?
- No!
18
00:00:33,621 --> 00:00:36,373
- Are you having a heart attack?
- I'm fine!
19
00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:40,041
I gotta get in better shape.
20
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:41,625
"Better shape?"
21
00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:43,293
What about getting in any kind of shape?
22
00:00:43,333 --> 00:00:44,709
"Better shape" suggests that
23
00:00:44,751 --> 00:00:46,461
there's a shape that exists already,
24
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:48,461
and you wish to improve on it.
25
00:00:48,502 --> 00:00:50,004
I'm not that bad.
26
00:00:50,046 --> 00:00:52,599
You get winded after chasing
Miranda for ten seconds.
27
00:00:52,622 --> 00:00:54,673
She's pretty fast for a 12 month old...
28
00:00:54,713 --> 00:00:56,715
and she was wearing tennis shoes.
29
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,843
If you haven't noticed,
I'm wearing my slippers.
30
00:00:58,883 --> 00:01:02,220
I think it's a great idea,
getting into any kind of shape.
31
00:01:02,260 --> 00:01:03,761
Do you want to work out with Udo?
32
00:01:06,552 --> 00:01:08,429
No thank you.
33
00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:10,556
I don't want gay guys hitting on me.
34
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,553
I don't think you have to worry about that.
35
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:15,683
What are you sayin'?
36
00:01:16,890 --> 00:01:18,859
You don't think gay guys would hit on me?
37
00:01:18,883 --> 00:01:20,600
I mean, I'm just saying that
38
00:01:20,643 --> 00:01:22,745
you're pretty safe in that area.
39
00:01:22,768 --> 00:01:25,355
Udo...
40
00:01:25,394 --> 00:01:26,729
Would you hit on me?
41
00:01:26,770 --> 00:01:28,396
But I'm not gay.
42
00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:31,982
Let's say you had a "friend" that was gay.
43
00:01:32,981 --> 00:01:34,524
Would he hit on me?
44
00:01:35,523 --> 00:01:37,692
No offense, it's not just your look.
45
00:01:37,733 --> 00:01:39,443
It's also your personality.
46
00:01:40,484 --> 00:01:42,444
What if I just grabbed your dick?
47
00:01:43,889 --> 00:01:45,349
Would you make me stop?
48
00:01:45,945 --> 00:01:48,008
Where is this conversation going?
49
00:01:48,263 --> 00:01:50,137
You wouldn't want to suck my dick, ever?
50
00:01:51,489 --> 00:01:52,866
Interesting.
51
00:01:52,906 --> 00:01:56,028
Why don't you just grab one of those
workout DVDs that we have?
52
00:01:56,052 --> 00:01:57,409
Maybe I will.
53
00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:00,912
This isn't over, Udo.
54
00:02:03,745 --> 00:02:05,587
?
55
00:02:05,610 --> 00:02:09,014
Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
56
00:02:09,037 --> 00:02:11,166
??
57
00:02:11,207 --> 00:02:14,710
?
58
00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,919
- Hey, Jamie.
- Hey, what's up?
59
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,461
What are you doing?
60
00:02:18,502 --> 00:02:20,462
Rob texted me and asked
me to bring him a snack.
61
00:02:20,502 --> 00:02:22,901
- A snack?
- Yeah.
62
00:02:22,926 --> 00:02:24,464
Is he done with his workout?
63
00:02:24,504 --> 00:02:26,464
I dunno. That's the only text I got.
64
00:02:26,505 --> 00:02:28,948
Hm. Let me take that for him.
65
00:02:28,972 --> 00:02:30,182
Oh, okay.
66
00:02:30,223 --> 00:02:32,892
Thanks, I've got a lot of
stuff to do for rob anyway.
67
00:02:33,974 --> 00:02:36,227
Patricia: Of course, as usual...
68
00:02:37,226 --> 00:02:40,229
? (Godfather theme) ?
69
00:02:40,269 --> 00:02:42,229
Are you watching "The Godfather?"
70
00:02:42,269 --> 00:02:44,647
(Gunfire on TV)
Yeah!
71
00:02:45,646 --> 00:02:48,148
I found the DVD with the workout DVDs...
72
00:02:48,189 --> 00:02:50,624
which were all horrible, by the way.
73
00:02:50,648 --> 00:02:52,752
Good. I'm turning it off.
74
00:02:53,150 --> 00:02:54,861
That's a great scene!
75
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:56,360
Did you know that they made Marlon Brando
76
00:02:56,401 --> 00:02:57,861
audition for that movie?
77
00:02:57,901 --> 00:02:59,111
Can you imagine?
78
00:02:59,152 --> 00:03:00,987
One of the greatest performances ever,
79
00:03:01,028 --> 00:03:02,196
they made him audition.
80
00:03:02,236 --> 00:03:03,946
How disrespectful is that?
How crazy is this bus...
81
00:03:03,988 --> 00:03:05,073
You're working out!
82
00:03:06,865 --> 00:03:07,907
Alright.
83
00:03:09,239 --> 00:03:10,949
Zumba for beginners.
84
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,411
Bring that shit on. Let's do it!
85
00:03:13,451 --> 00:03:15,411
?
86
00:03:15,451 --> 00:03:17,953
Zumba the shit out of that stuff.
87
00:03:17,994 --> 00:03:22,957
? (Merengue) ?
88
00:03:22,997 --> 00:03:27,960
? (Merengue) ?
89
00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:32,961
? (Merengue) ?
90
00:03:33,001 --> 00:03:37,964
? (Merengue) ?
91
00:03:38,004 --> 00:03:42,967
? (Merengue) ?
92
00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:47,927
? (Merengue) ?
93
00:03:50,008 --> 00:03:53,970
- (Alarm beeping)
- (Gasping and groaning)
94
00:03:54,010 --> 00:03:55,970
- What's happening?
- My back!
95
00:03:56,011 --> 00:03:57,611
(Gasp)
96
00:03:57,636 --> 00:03:59,557
- What's the matter?
- My legs!
97
00:03:59,596 --> 00:04:01,556
- What happened?
- (Gasp)
98
00:04:01,598 --> 00:04:03,558
Did you use the wrong pillow again?
99
00:04:03,598 --> 00:04:04,982
No!
100
00:04:05,006 --> 00:04:06,433
Normally, it's the pillow.
101
00:04:06,475 --> 00:04:08,393
It's not the pillow.
102
00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:10,662
It's that stupid video of yours.
103
00:04:10,686 --> 00:04:12,395
You mean "Zumba for Beginners?"
104
00:04:12,435 --> 00:04:14,979
Yeah. That one.
105
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:16,814
Ugh. Fuck!
106
00:04:16,855 --> 00:04:18,899
(Gasp)
107
00:04:18,938 --> 00:04:20,475
You're trying to kill me through Merengue!
108
00:04:20,499 --> 00:04:22,983
Honey, being sore is good.
109
00:04:23,024 --> 00:04:25,235
It means that you got a good workout
110
00:04:25,274 --> 00:04:27,568
and that you're really out of shape.
111
00:04:27,609 --> 00:04:29,611
Thank you. I appreciate that.
112
00:04:29,652 --> 00:04:31,236
Ow.
113
00:04:31,277 --> 00:04:32,821
Piss. Fuck.
114
00:04:34,222 --> 00:04:37,675
Jamie, did you find those party
places that I asked you for?
115
00:04:37,699 --> 00:04:39,059
Yeah, I have them right here.
116
00:04:39,099 --> 00:04:40,309
Wow!
117
00:04:40,350 --> 00:04:42,685
So, some of these do face painting.
118
00:04:42,725 --> 00:04:45,297
This is a list of all the ones
available on the day you want.
119
00:04:45,321 --> 00:04:46,788
Here are some brochures.
120
00:04:46,812 --> 00:04:47,686
Check out all this stuff.
121
00:04:47,728 --> 00:04:50,064
This stack, this all is the
different decoration themes.
122
00:04:50,104 --> 00:04:51,688
- Thank you!
- Yeah, of course.
123
00:04:51,730 --> 00:04:54,179
- That's awesome.
- Yeah, you can't go wrong.
124
00:04:54,202 --> 00:04:55,860
Did you print out the Tarantino script
125
00:04:55,884 --> 00:04:57,145
that I asked you to do?
126
00:04:57,169 --> 00:04:58,733
Oh, man, I forgot.
127
00:04:58,775 --> 00:05:01,231
The reading's in two hours. I need that!
128
00:05:01,254 --> 00:05:02,483
Okay, I'll do it right now.
129
00:05:02,508 --> 00:05:04,259
One of these is "Dora the Explorer."
130
00:05:04,301 --> 00:05:06,805
It's in English and
Spanish. How awesome is that?
131
00:05:06,829 --> 00:05:09,165
- Now!
- Okay, sorry.
132
00:05:15,765 --> 00:05:18,601
- The princess one is unbelievab...
- Jesus Christ!
133
00:05:24,351 --> 00:05:26,771
- There's ponies...
- You motherfucker!
134
00:05:26,812 --> 00:05:30,106
?
135
00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:33,525
??
136
00:05:33,564 --> 00:05:35,483
So, over here is our party area
137
00:05:35,523 --> 00:05:37,400
where the kids will come and play.
138
00:05:37,441 --> 00:05:39,401
Over there we have our
table set up for food.
139
00:05:39,441 --> 00:05:41,686
We actually include pizza.
140
00:05:42,192 --> 00:05:43,611
Is the pizza organic?
141
00:05:43,653 --> 00:05:46,489
No one's ever asked me
that question before.
142
00:05:46,527 --> 00:05:48,947
Does it have GMOs in the pizza, or what?
143
00:05:49,862 --> 00:05:51,773
Well, I know the pizza comes frozen
144
00:05:51,798 --> 00:05:53,376
and then we thaw it out,
145
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:54,992
if that helps any.
146
00:05:55,032 --> 00:05:57,116
How often do you clean the play area?
147
00:05:57,158 --> 00:05:59,118
I think we clean it whenever
148
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,077
a kid spills something in it.
149
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,954
What kind of cleaning solvents do you use?
150
00:06:03,995 --> 00:06:05,898
I mean, do you use biodegradable products
151
00:06:05,922 --> 00:06:07,204
or harsh solvents?
152
00:06:07,246 --> 00:06:08,748
You know, benzene, hydrochlorides,
153
00:06:08,789 --> 00:06:10,540
endocrine disruptors...
154
00:06:12,141 --> 00:06:14,143
Am I getting fired?
155
00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:19,919
Honey, it's just for a couple hours.
156
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,377
It's a birthday party.
157
00:06:21,418 --> 00:06:23,128
It's not safe for Miranda.
158
00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:24,756
All the kids will be fine!
159
00:06:24,795 --> 00:06:26,714
I don't care about other people's kids.
160
00:06:26,755 --> 00:06:28,423
I only care about our kid, alright?
161
00:06:28,463 --> 00:06:30,354
I don't want her around
those toxic chemicals
162
00:06:30,379 --> 00:06:32,061
and eating poison pizza.
163
00:06:32,085 --> 00:06:34,175
Why don't we create a gigantic bubble
164
00:06:34,216 --> 00:06:35,551
and put Miranda in it
165
00:06:35,592 --> 00:06:38,553
so she'll never be in touch
with any chemicals ever.
166
00:06:38,593 --> 00:06:40,344
That's too complicated.
167
00:06:41,595 --> 00:06:43,806
I know... why don't we
just have the party here?
168
00:06:43,846 --> 00:06:44,976
It's too much work!
169
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,139
And I'm the one that is going
to be stuck doing everything.
170
00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:48,862
- I'll do it!
- No, you won't.
171
00:06:48,887 --> 00:06:50,017
Yes, I will.
172
00:06:50,057 --> 00:06:53,018
We have to decorate, baby-proof the house,
173
00:06:53,058 --> 00:06:54,726
cook, clean...
174
00:06:54,768 --> 00:06:56,979
I don't have the time. I have rehearsals.
175
00:06:57,019 --> 00:06:58,682
I'm telling you I will do it!
176
00:06:58,706 --> 00:07:00,228
Are you going to hire a party planner?
177
00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:01,730
I'll have Jamie help.
178
00:07:01,771 --> 00:07:06,150
(Juicer buzzing loudly)
179
00:07:06,189 --> 00:07:10,235
(Juicer buzzing loudly)
180
00:07:10,274 --> 00:07:11,734
I'll do it myself.
181
00:07:11,775 --> 00:07:14,527
I'll make a gluten-free, organic cake.
182
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:17,319
Have you ever made a
gluten-free, organic anything?
183
00:07:17,361 --> 00:07:18,613
No.
184
00:07:18,654 --> 00:07:20,405
Have you ever made a cake before?
185
00:07:20,445 --> 00:07:22,405
- No.
- Perfect!
186
00:07:22,446 --> 00:07:24,991
I'll go online, find the
perfect recipe, and make it.
187
00:07:25,032 --> 00:07:27,450
Yes, just like the time you went online
188
00:07:27,491 --> 00:07:29,201
and found the perfect time to pull out,
189
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,867
and now we're having a birthday party.
190
00:07:32,284 --> 00:07:33,744
That was my mistake.
191
00:07:33,785 --> 00:07:37,266
Honey, Gymboree has
this Diggle Biggle theme.
192
00:07:37,289 --> 00:07:39,413
You know how much Miranda
loves that bear, right?
193
00:07:39,454 --> 00:07:40,479
I'll do one better...
194
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:43,165
I'll get Diggle Biggle himself,
and get him to the party.
195
00:07:43,206 --> 00:07:44,750
- You can do that?
- Why not?
196
00:07:44,790 --> 00:07:46,249
I'll just call his agent.
197
00:07:46,290 --> 00:07:47,750
That would be nice.
198
00:07:47,792 --> 00:07:50,505
Okay, I have rehearsals.
I'll see you later.
199
00:07:50,528 --> 00:07:52,252
Don't go crazy spending money.
200
00:07:52,293 --> 00:07:53,628
Love you.
201
00:07:55,503 --> 00:07:57,380
Are you gonna wash that or what?
202
00:07:57,420 --> 00:08:00,172
I don't know which ones fell on the floor.
203
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:03,174
?
204
00:08:03,215 --> 00:08:06,260
??
205
00:08:07,384 --> 00:08:09,804
- You know what Patty said?
- What's that?
206
00:08:09,844 --> 00:08:12,656
Patty said she didn't think
gay guys would hit on me.
207
00:08:12,678 --> 00:08:14,344
(Chuckle) Really?
208
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,305
- Crazy, huh?
- Yeah.
209
00:08:17,304 --> 00:08:19,098
What do you think?
210
00:08:19,305 --> 00:08:22,350
I dunno.
211
00:08:22,391 --> 00:08:24,184
Come on, if you were gay,
212
00:08:24,225 --> 00:08:26,190
you'd hit on me...
213
00:08:26,213 --> 00:08:28,109
Wouldn't ya?
214
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,269
Honestly, I don't know.
215
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:34,188
Alright, let's say you were gay.
216
00:08:34,229 --> 00:08:36,189
What would you look for in a guy?
217
00:08:36,229 --> 00:08:38,231
Oh, okay. That's a good question.
218
00:08:38,272 --> 00:08:40,232
Um, sense of humor...
219
00:08:40,272 --> 00:08:42,004
romantic...
220
00:08:42,029 --> 00:08:43,989
someone that likes musicals.
221
00:08:44,029 --> 00:08:45,948
Someone that enjoys the outdoors.
222
00:08:47,031 --> 00:08:48,658
We could ride bikes
together down to the beach.
223
00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:51,660
I've been outdoors, I like
bikes, I like musicals!
224
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,451
Someone who's athletic,
225
00:08:53,492 --> 00:08:55,202
likes to play sports,
226
00:08:55,242 --> 00:08:56,993
is in good physical shape.
227
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,538
Fuck!
228
00:09:00,037 --> 00:09:01,414
What else?
229
00:09:01,454 --> 00:09:03,205
Jamie: Someone who likes to travel,
230
00:09:03,246 --> 00:09:05,281
drive up the coast highway.
231
00:09:05,305 --> 00:09:07,902
Maybe we get out, stop at all
those little espresso shops,
232
00:09:07,925 --> 00:09:09,041
those coffee places.
233
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:11,335
We run... maybe we still hold hands,
234
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,085
even though we've been
together for a long time.
235
00:09:13,125 --> 00:09:15,879
We still like each other
that much that we do that.
236
00:09:15,919 --> 00:09:17,503
We put our toes into the water.
237
00:09:17,545 --> 00:09:19,255
You know, I hope he can sing.
238
00:09:19,295 --> 00:09:20,714
Like, sing good.
239
00:09:20,754 --> 00:09:22,714
I'd like a tough guy, you know?
240
00:09:22,756 --> 00:09:24,257
Not tough like mean,
241
00:09:24,298 --> 00:09:26,258
where I would end up maybe getting hurt.
242
00:09:26,298 --> 00:09:28,175
But it would be nice to have a tough guy,
243
00:09:28,216 --> 00:09:30,928
someone who has your back, you know?
244
00:09:30,967 --> 00:09:32,427
That would be awesome.
245
00:09:32,468 --> 00:09:34,721
And not too feminine.
246
00:09:34,761 --> 00:09:36,930
And definitely not too masculine, either.
247
00:09:36,969 --> 00:09:39,222
I mean, that's not sexy!
248
00:09:39,262 --> 00:09:41,973
And well-endowed, you know?
249
00:09:43,056 --> 00:09:46,602
Not, like, too well-endowed,
you know, for obvious reasons...
250
00:09:46,641 --> 00:09:48,142
Right?
251
00:09:54,311 --> 00:09:57,272
?
252
00:09:57,312 --> 00:10:00,315
??
253
00:10:01,909 --> 00:10:03,577
Morning!
254
00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:06,109
- What are you doing?
- I'm gonna give you a ride to the gym.
255
00:10:06,149 --> 00:10:08,026
I don't need a ride, thanks.
256
00:10:08,068 --> 00:10:09,320
I'm going with you!
257
00:10:09,924 --> 00:10:11,884
Are you just going to watch?
258
00:10:11,907 --> 00:10:13,742
No...
259
00:10:13,766 --> 00:10:15,768
I'm gonna work out!
260
00:10:17,697 --> 00:10:19,448
I'm gonna start exercising.
261
00:10:20,789 --> 00:10:23,374
Did something happen? Did you lose a bet?
262
00:10:23,882 --> 00:10:25,143
Why is everybody making such a big deal
263
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:26,722
about me working out?
264
00:10:26,746 --> 00:10:28,713
Do you have a phone number I should call,
265
00:10:28,737 --> 00:10:30,045
in case of emergency?
266
00:10:30,069 --> 00:10:33,030
Man, is that an extra, extra,
ladies small or something?
267
00:10:33,053 --> 00:10:34,305
God, you're ripped!
268
00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:36,391
You don't get a body like this overnight.
269
00:10:36,415 --> 00:10:37,834
Takes years of neglect.
270
00:10:37,859 --> 00:10:39,402
Is that your gym bag?
271
00:10:40,123 --> 00:10:42,436
Yeah, that's my gym bag.
272
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:44,404
And I've got a hundred
more where this came from.
273
00:10:44,427 --> 00:10:47,336
?
274
00:10:47,377 --> 00:10:50,631
??
275
00:10:50,670 --> 00:10:52,129
Udo: Hey, buddy.
276
00:10:52,170 --> 00:10:53,672
Hey, gentlemen.
277
00:10:55,129 --> 00:10:57,048
Hey, welcome back, Udo.
278
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,826
It's been eight hours
since your last workout.
279
00:11:00,508 --> 00:11:02,051
Thank you.
280
00:11:04,259 --> 00:11:06,052
Welcome back, Mr. Schneider.
281
00:11:06,094 --> 00:11:09,610
It's been 684 days since your last workout.
282
00:11:10,512 --> 00:11:12,138
Wow. (Chuckle)
283
00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:14,057
I swear I was just here, like,
284
00:11:14,097 --> 00:11:15,516
a year and a half ago.
285
00:11:15,557 --> 00:11:17,141
Attendant: Yeah...
286
00:11:17,181 --> 00:11:21,101
?
287
00:11:21,141 --> 00:11:25,145
??
288
00:11:31,897 --> 00:11:33,314
How you doin'?
289
00:11:33,356 --> 00:11:35,567
Um, good.
290
00:11:36,566 --> 00:11:38,359
Good...
291
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,990
So, you like working out here?
292
00:11:41,014 --> 00:11:43,902
Yeah, um, can a guy work
out without getting hit on?
293
00:11:45,044 --> 00:11:46,587
I'm not hitting on you!
294
00:11:47,571 --> 00:11:49,114
Wow!
295
00:11:50,572 --> 00:11:55,493
(Machine beeping and winding)
296
00:11:55,532 --> 00:11:58,577
?
297
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:01,621
??
298
00:12:04,621 --> 00:12:08,124
(Grunting and breathing)
299
00:12:08,163 --> 00:12:11,584
(Grunting and breathing)
300
00:12:11,624 --> 00:12:14,669
(Grunting and breathing)
301
00:12:14,709 --> 00:12:16,711
Um, could I ask you a question?
302
00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:19,169
You touch me again,
303
00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:20,712
and you're going to be
picking up your teeth
304
00:12:20,753 --> 00:12:22,296
out of the Pilates equipment.
305
00:12:24,629 --> 00:12:29,133
?
306
00:12:29,172 --> 00:12:30,883
Rob: Hey, guys.
307
00:12:30,925 --> 00:12:32,175
Mind making a little room?
308
00:12:33,174 --> 00:12:34,927
Squeeze in there?
309
00:12:34,969 --> 00:12:36,303
Um, alright.
310
00:12:37,302 --> 00:12:39,053
Thank you.
311
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,391
- I think it's clean.
- Okay.
312
00:12:48,432 --> 00:12:49,976
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
313
00:13:02,146 --> 00:13:04,106
(Coughing)
314
00:13:04,147 --> 00:13:06,859
(Deep breathing)
315
00:13:08,149 --> 00:13:10,360
Anyway, are you guys members here?
316
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,111
No, we just walked in here and
decided to sit in the sauna.
317
00:13:13,151 --> 00:13:14,110
Of course we're members here.
318
00:13:14,152 --> 00:13:16,112
Rob: Okay, cool.
319
00:13:16,152 --> 00:13:18,321
Oh, man. Pretty nice gym.
320
00:13:18,361 --> 00:13:20,321
Some crazy pussy out there, huh?
321
00:13:22,530 --> 00:13:24,156
I mean dick... dick.
322
00:13:24,197 --> 00:13:26,116
Gotcha.
323
00:13:26,158 --> 00:13:30,078
? (Humming) ?
324
00:13:32,410 --> 00:13:34,120
Do you shave those things, or...
325
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,287
Please, don't touch his nipples.
326
00:13:36,328 --> 00:13:37,997
I know, I know. I'm just asking.
327
00:13:38,038 --> 00:13:39,372
Because that looks like it's been shaved.
328
00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:42,407
We don't touch. There's no touching here.
329
00:13:42,456 --> 00:13:44,036
I was just... I thought...
330
00:13:44,060 --> 00:13:46,001
No. He's with me.
331
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,002
I was just curious, because I don't shave.
332
00:13:48,042 --> 00:13:50,293
- I was thinking about it.
- We...
333
00:13:50,335 --> 00:13:52,755
We gotta go. It's been really nice and fun.
334
00:13:52,795 --> 00:13:54,588
Well, see you next time, then.
335
00:13:54,629 --> 00:13:56,255
No, I don't think so.
336
00:14:03,382 --> 00:14:05,802
Ahem... Uh, sir?
337
00:14:05,842 --> 00:14:07,510
Hey, excuse me.
338
00:14:07,550 --> 00:14:08,509
Can we talk for a second?
339
00:14:08,551 --> 00:14:11,136
Yeah, sure. What's up?
340
00:14:11,178 --> 00:14:14,139
Some of them members here have
mentioned to me that, ah,
341
00:14:14,179 --> 00:14:16,390
you're making them feel a little...
342
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:18,567
Uncomfortable.
343
00:14:19,889 --> 00:14:21,390
Uncomfortable?
344
00:14:21,432 --> 00:14:23,100
- Yeah.
- How?
345
00:14:24,183 --> 00:14:26,143
This is a gym...
346
00:14:26,461 --> 00:14:28,380
not a bathhouse.
347
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,146
Oh, but hey,
348
00:14:32,170 --> 00:14:35,313
you're welcome back here any time...
349
00:14:36,806 --> 00:14:38,808
but you're not allowed in the locker room.
350
00:14:43,775 --> 00:14:45,568
Um...
351
00:14:45,609 --> 00:14:47,569
How much for the protein cookies?
352
00:14:47,611 --> 00:14:49,154
On the house.
353
00:14:50,195 --> 00:14:51,363
Thanks.
354
00:14:51,403 --> 00:14:54,406
?
355
00:14:54,446 --> 00:14:57,407
??
356
00:14:57,448 --> 00:14:59,158
Rob: Patricia's right!
357
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,201
I'm like an anti-gay magnet.
358
00:15:03,051 --> 00:15:05,762
I'm like a walking vagina.
359
00:15:07,203 --> 00:15:10,415
I'm like a huge, walking vagina.
360
00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:14,581
Some kind of, like, perfect twat of some...
361
00:15:14,605 --> 00:15:15,541
(phone vibrates) Excuse me.
362
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,541
(Phone vibrating)
363
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:19,911
Hey baby, what's up?
364
00:15:19,935 --> 00:15:20,593
Patricia: Hi, baby.
365
00:15:20,618 --> 00:15:22,839
Just checking to see
if everything is going okay.
366
00:15:22,863 --> 00:15:24,457
I just have to make the cake
and then that's it.
367
00:15:24,481 --> 00:15:26,273
It's going to be a great
birthday party, you'll see.
368
00:15:26,298 --> 00:15:27,993
I'm so excited to see Miranda's face
369
00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:30,143
when she meets Diggle Biggle the bear.
370
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:32,837
Yeah, me too.
371
00:15:32,862 --> 00:15:34,413
Okay, honey. I gotta go.
372
00:15:34,453 --> 00:15:37,255
- I'll see you later.
- See you tonight.
373
00:15:37,885 --> 00:15:39,262
Damn!
374
00:15:39,303 --> 00:15:41,472
I forgot to get Diggle Biggle. Fuck!
375
00:15:41,513 --> 00:15:43,764
Look him up. "Diggle Biggle."
376
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,640
There he is. Bring it up.
377
00:15:47,682 --> 00:15:49,642
Jamie: The guy wants 15,000 for a day.
378
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,227
15,000? For a guy in a bear suit?
379
00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:53,893
That's ridiculous!
380
00:15:53,934 --> 00:15:55,443
Jamie: Whoa, wait a second.
Dude, check it out.
381
00:15:55,467 --> 00:15:58,104
There's this moron that looks
just like Diggle Biggle
382
00:15:58,145 --> 00:15:59,938
with a slightly different name...
383
00:15:59,979 --> 00:16:01,814
"Wiggle Giggle."
384
00:16:01,854 --> 00:16:04,274
He's only 80 bucks!
385
00:16:04,314 --> 00:16:06,941
You can save $14,000 with this guy.
386
00:16:06,982 --> 00:16:08,692
Now you're helping.
387
00:16:08,732 --> 00:16:11,152
?
388
00:16:11,193 --> 00:16:13,653
Okay, I'll get the cleaning supplies
389
00:16:13,693 --> 00:16:15,737
and something to help hold up the pi�ata.
390
00:16:15,777 --> 00:16:17,612
You get the rest of the stuff.
391
00:16:18,736 --> 00:16:20,655
Hi, do you have one of those
things that'll make it
392
00:16:20,696 --> 00:16:22,656
so a kid can't get out of a door?
393
00:16:24,504 --> 00:16:26,159
Uh...
394
00:16:26,199 --> 00:16:28,771
This'll childproof your door.
395
00:16:28,795 --> 00:16:29,577
That's perfect.
396
00:16:29,617 --> 00:16:31,286
Can I get ten bags of candy?
397
00:16:31,326 --> 00:16:33,661
Whatever candy a kid can't say no to.
398
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,664
How old are your kids?
399
00:16:38,704 --> 00:16:39,956
I don't have any kids.
400
00:16:40,955 --> 00:16:43,666
Alright, I got the duct
tape and the garbage bags.
401
00:16:43,707 --> 00:16:44,666
I think we're all set.
402
00:16:44,708 --> 00:16:45,667
Do we need anything else?
403
00:16:45,707 --> 00:16:47,042
Yes.
404
00:16:47,083 --> 00:16:49,433
Do you have anything to help
blindfold little kids?
405
00:16:49,792 --> 00:16:51,294
You know?
406
00:16:52,294 --> 00:16:53,962
(Choking sound, chuckle)
407
00:16:55,212 --> 00:16:58,757
?
408
00:16:58,797 --> 00:17:02,843
??
409
00:17:02,882 --> 00:17:05,176
That's beautiful. What
part of the cake is that?
410
00:17:05,217 --> 00:17:07,052
Oh, these are egg rolls.
411
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:09,677
The recipe was on the same
webpage as the cake.
412
00:17:09,719 --> 00:17:11,679
Huh. What is all that?
413
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,389
It's stuff for the kids!
414
00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:15,680
Cabbage, carrots, cucumbers,
415
00:17:15,721 --> 00:17:17,515
bean and rice chips...
416
00:17:17,556 --> 00:17:19,516
The kids are going to hate that.
417
00:17:19,557 --> 00:17:22,393
The kids are gonna love it! It's fiber!
418
00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:24,265
The party's not 'til tomorrow.
419
00:17:24,289 --> 00:17:25,727
Are you sure you still want to do it here?
420
00:17:25,767 --> 00:17:27,520
I can do this.
421
00:17:27,561 --> 00:17:30,166
And Jamie's actually
been a big help, surprisingly.
422
00:17:30,189 --> 00:17:32,855
(Jamie pumping air)
423
00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:34,523
He's good at this kid stuff...
424
00:17:34,564 --> 00:17:35,940
which is kind of creepy.
425
00:17:35,980 --> 00:17:39,942
?
426
00:17:39,982 --> 00:17:44,695
??
427
00:17:44,735 --> 00:17:48,948
?
428
00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:52,948
??
429
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:56,700
?
430
00:17:56,723 --> 00:17:58,835
Where is Diggle Biggle?
431
00:17:58,859 --> 00:18:00,167
He's on his way.
432
00:18:00,191 --> 00:18:01,921
The kids are already here.
433
00:18:03,034 --> 00:18:04,494
That's the cake?
434
00:18:04,535 --> 00:18:06,703
Um, this cake may lack
435
00:18:06,744 --> 00:18:08,913
the traditional structure of a normal cake,
436
00:18:08,953 --> 00:18:12,340
- due to its lack of sugar, and flour, and eggs...
- And shape, and cake!
437
00:18:13,415 --> 00:18:14,916
Trust me.
438
00:18:14,956 --> 00:18:17,750
These kids aren't going to be
able to taste the difference.
439
00:18:17,790 --> 00:18:22,753
?
440
00:18:22,793 --> 00:18:25,004
(Doorbell)
441
00:18:27,753 --> 00:18:29,547
I brought a cake for the birthday.
442
00:18:29,588 --> 00:18:31,798
- Thank you!
- It's my mother's recipe.
443
00:18:31,839 --> 00:18:33,716
That's all I have left from her.
444
00:18:33,757 --> 00:18:34,925
She died, huh?
445
00:18:34,965 --> 00:18:37,426
No, she's in a mental institution.
446
00:18:37,467 --> 00:18:39,636
I snuck out the recipe, though,
447
00:18:39,676 --> 00:18:40,886
in my shoe,
448
00:18:40,926 --> 00:18:42,719
so I could make a cake for you.
449
00:18:44,470 --> 00:18:46,972
Well, thank you. It's beautiful.
450
00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:50,641
I would love to see
the kid blow the candle.
451
00:18:50,681 --> 00:18:51,641
(Laugh)
452
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,766
I bet you would, you sick fuck!
453
00:18:53,806 --> 00:18:58,936
(Both laughing)
454
00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:08,065
(Phone vibrating)
455
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,942
Rob: "Bear emergency?"
456
00:19:10,981 --> 00:19:11,940
What the hell's going on?
457
00:19:11,982 --> 00:19:13,442
He was awake a minute ago,
458
00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:15,734
then he drank a half bottle
of vodka and started crying.
459
00:19:17,026 --> 00:19:19,529
- What the fuck?
- First I thought it was one of your actor buddies.
460
00:19:19,569 --> 00:19:21,112
Then he put the bear suit
on and just passed out.
461
00:19:21,152 --> 00:19:23,737
Hey, Diggle Biggle! Hey, buddy!
462
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:25,782
Wake up! God, he's out cold.
463
00:19:28,031 --> 00:19:29,824
What are we gonna do?
464
00:19:32,491 --> 00:19:34,451
- Come on!
- No!
465
00:19:34,493 --> 00:19:35,619
I need you to put this on!
466
00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:38,162
Why can't you do it?
467
00:19:38,203 --> 00:19:39,787
If I'm not at the party,
468
00:19:39,827 --> 00:19:41,746
Patty will be suspicious.
469
00:19:41,788 --> 00:19:44,124
If you're not there, nobody'll give a shit.
470
00:19:44,163 --> 00:19:45,747
Thanks a lot!
471
00:19:45,789 --> 00:19:47,166
Come on, let's go.
472
00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:50,291
- Put on the head!
- No!
473
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:55,836
There's a party going on downstairs.
474
00:19:57,057 --> 00:20:00,060
Children are crying. People are upset.
475
00:20:01,004 --> 00:20:02,755
And you can fix all that.
476
00:20:03,145 --> 00:20:04,856
You like birthday parties, right?
477
00:20:05,506 --> 00:20:07,466
You're a good person.
478
00:20:07,816 --> 00:20:10,151
Come on... please.
479
00:20:11,092 --> 00:20:13,052
- I can't do it.
- Motherfucker!
480
00:20:13,094 --> 00:20:14,554
Why not?!
481
00:20:14,595 --> 00:20:16,054
I'm claustrophobic.
482
00:20:17,053 --> 00:20:18,680
You're what?
483
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,264
I'm claustrophobic.
484
00:20:23,276 --> 00:20:25,278
Oh my god...
485
00:20:26,341 --> 00:20:28,343
Claustrophobia.
486
00:20:30,059 --> 00:20:32,061
The gayest of all phobias.
487
00:20:32,102 --> 00:20:34,396
- What?
- There's no snakes...
488
00:20:35,395 --> 00:20:38,482
No spiders, no foreigners...
489
00:20:38,522 --> 00:20:41,441
Just you by yourself...
490
00:20:41,727 --> 00:20:43,228
being a pussy.
491
00:20:43,252 --> 00:20:45,922
It's not gay. It's a real phobia.
492
00:20:46,692 --> 00:20:47,901
I'm gonna help you.
493
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,768
We're gonna get over this whole
claustrophobia thing right now.
494
00:20:51,791 --> 00:20:53,487
Put this on, just for one second.
495
00:20:53,528 --> 00:20:54,820
No.
496
00:20:54,861 --> 00:20:56,697
- One second, that's it.
- No way.
497
00:20:57,594 --> 00:20:59,887
I don't want my friend, my best friend,
498
00:21:00,031 --> 00:21:01,824
to be claustrophobic.
499
00:21:02,824 --> 00:21:03,950
Okay.
500
00:21:04,167 --> 00:21:06,211
For one second!
501
00:21:06,235 --> 00:21:08,244
That's all I'm asking, just one second.
502
00:21:08,285 --> 00:21:10,245
If you don't like it, right off, okay?
503
00:21:10,286 --> 00:21:12,037
It's going to be good for you now.
504
00:21:12,078 --> 00:21:13,664
One second. Just take it easy now.
505
00:21:13,704 --> 00:21:16,624
Take a breath. I'm gonna help you, okay?
506
00:21:16,664 --> 00:21:18,790
Still breathing, now zipping.
507
00:21:18,831 --> 00:21:20,791
It's almost on. Let's go party.
508
00:21:20,832 --> 00:21:22,292
- (Jamie screaming)
- It's already on!
509
00:21:22,334 --> 00:21:25,212
Jamie: Help! I can't breathe!
510
00:21:27,835 --> 00:21:29,795
I can't breathe! Help!
511
00:21:35,339 --> 00:21:38,758
(Kids cheering)
512
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:44,262
(Kids cheering)
513
00:21:44,301 --> 00:21:46,803
Hey, it's Diggle Biggle!
514
00:21:46,844 --> 00:21:48,763
(Kids cheering)
515
00:21:49,761 --> 00:21:50,971
This is true.
516
00:21:51,012 --> 00:21:53,806
My wife wants me to get in better shape.
517
00:21:53,847 --> 00:21:56,016
And I said this... I said to her,
518
00:21:56,056 --> 00:21:58,267
"I don't want to go to the gym here
519
00:21:58,307 --> 00:22:00,809
because I don't want
gay guys hitting on me."
520
00:22:00,850 --> 00:22:02,852
(Laughter) And then she said,
521
00:22:02,892 --> 00:22:05,812
"I think you're pretty safe in that area."
522
00:22:05,853 --> 00:22:08,523
(Laughter)
523
00:22:08,562 --> 00:22:11,022
And so, like, listen - I'm not gay at all.
524
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:13,023
I'm not bi-curious.
525
00:22:13,063 --> 00:22:14,898
I could care less.
526
00:22:14,939 --> 00:22:17,817
But part of my ego went, like, "What?"
527
00:22:17,858 --> 00:22:18,984
(Laughter)
528
00:22:19,026 --> 00:22:21,404
What do you mean, gay guys won't hit on me?
529
00:22:21,443 --> 00:22:23,320
So, I think... I'm not gay,
530
00:22:23,361 --> 00:22:25,746
but I think my ego is transgender.
531
00:22:25,770 --> 00:22:27,313
I think it is.
532
00:22:27,862 --> 00:22:31,241
?
533
00:22:31,281 --> 00:22:34,826
??
534
00:22:40,785 --> 00:22:42,412
Lookin' pretty good over there.
535
00:22:42,452 --> 00:22:43,911
Thanks!
536
00:22:43,952 --> 00:22:45,454
I've been coming in three times a week
537
00:22:45,495 --> 00:22:47,038
for almost a week now.
538
00:22:48,498 --> 00:22:51,472
Listen, if you're not doing
anything after your workout,
539
00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:54,206
maybe... we could grab a drink?
540
00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:56,668
I thought you'd never ask.
541
00:22:57,668 --> 00:23:01,921
?
542
00:23:01,961 --> 00:23:06,717
??
543
00:23:06,755 --> 00:23:08,923
You did such a great job
with the party tonight, honey.
544
00:23:08,964 --> 00:23:11,217
The decorations were amazing.
545
00:23:11,256 --> 00:23:12,840
The food was good, too.
546
00:23:12,883 --> 00:23:14,843
And even though your cake tasted like shit,
547
00:23:14,884 --> 00:23:16,720
Miranda had a great time.
548
00:23:16,759 --> 00:23:19,975
- And that's all that matters.
- Thanks.
549
00:23:19,999 --> 00:23:22,960
Also, I'm proud of you
for working out every day
550
00:23:22,983 --> 00:23:24,847
to make your body less lumpy.
551
00:23:24,888 --> 00:23:27,349
I think there's a compliment
in there somewhere.
552
00:23:27,390 --> 00:23:29,850
So how are the workouts going?
553
00:23:29,891 --> 00:23:32,352
- That's it. I'm done.
- What do you mean?
554
00:23:32,392 --> 00:23:34,561
I thought you wanted to get
in shape for Miranda?
555
00:23:34,601 --> 00:23:37,312
No, I just wanted to prove my point...
556
00:23:37,352 --> 00:23:39,854
that gay guys would find me attractive,
557
00:23:39,895 --> 00:23:41,855
and they obviously do.
558
00:23:41,896 --> 00:23:43,398
He gave me his number.
559
00:23:44,397 --> 00:23:46,566
- Are you gonna call him?
- Of course not!
560
00:23:46,606 --> 00:23:48,399
Then why did you save it in your phone?
561
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,026
It's just nice to know it's there.
562
00:23:51,067 --> 00:23:52,778
By the way...
563
00:23:52,817 --> 00:23:56,071
can you just stop shaving
all of your body hair, please?
564
00:23:56,110 --> 00:23:57,861
All the gay guys do it.
565
00:23:57,903 --> 00:23:59,530
What, you don't like it?
566
00:23:59,572 --> 00:24:02,985
At first, but then it's like having
sex with a pineapple.
567
00:24:05,907 --> 00:24:07,825
Now you know what it's like.
568
00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:14,663
- Cop: License and registration.
- Yes, sir.
569
00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:16,162
Have you been drinking?
570
00:24:16,203 --> 00:24:17,496
No, not me.
571
00:24:17,537 --> 00:24:18,954
It smells like alcohol.
572
00:24:18,995 --> 00:24:20,748
Yes, yes, it does.
573
00:24:20,789 --> 00:24:21,956
But it is not mine.
574
00:24:21,997 --> 00:24:23,874
That other smell is vomit.
575
00:24:23,915 --> 00:24:26,209
But that's not mine, either.
This isn't my costume!
576
00:24:27,751 --> 00:24:29,835
Candy, duct tape...
577
00:24:31,254 --> 00:24:32,506
Garbage bags.
578
00:24:33,002 --> 00:24:34,755
Where were you tonight?
579
00:24:34,795 --> 00:24:36,501
I was at a kid's party.
580
00:24:36,525 --> 00:24:38,798
Sir, step out of the vehicle!
581
00:24:39,425 --> 00:24:40,508
I was just at a kid's party...
582
00:24:40,532 --> 00:24:42,967
Turn around, close the door!
583
00:24:43,006 --> 00:24:45,884
Spread your legs. Spread 'em!
584
00:24:45,925 --> 00:24:47,885
- Do you have any weapons?
- No.
585
00:24:47,926 --> 00:24:49,052
Needles?
586
00:24:49,093 --> 00:24:51,094
Rob Schneider made me do it.
587
00:24:53,120 --> 00:25:01,120
Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
588
00:25:01,170 --> 00:25:05,720
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