Original subtitles

Raven's Home was filmed

in front of a live studio audience.

(women chattering)

Good morning, Mother, Auntie Rae.

Oh, hello, Levi, Steve Harvey.

Why are you two so dressed up?

We'd like to take a moment of your time to discuss

the greatest educational opportunity

of this or any generation.

Virtual reality goggles. The future is now.

This amazing technology will allow us to travel

to bold new worlds and have awesome adventures.

All without triggering my hay fever.

And for just $600.

Wow! They're just $600.

I think "just" stops at 19.99.

But what if we paid for them ourselves with the money you owe us?

Owe you for what?

I'm glad you asked.

We figured if you pay us for all the stuff we do around the house,

we'd have more than enough money to buy the goggles.

- (both laugh) - Wow! That's That's amazing!

Chels, get this. We owe them!

- (Chelsea laughing) - I mean, we carried those two around

for nine months, and what did we charge?

Oh, for womb rental? Nada!

We fed and clothed them their entire lives?

What did we get for that, Rae?

I'm still waitin' on my check.

We keep a roof over their head. Now, how often do we do this, Chels?

Er'y day, er'y day.

So come to think about it, you owe us.

Now, do you still wanna have this conversation?

Both: We're good.

? Ahhh ?

-? Hey ? -? Yo ?

? Let me tell you somethin' ?

? Had my vision all worked out ?

? But then life had other plans ?

? Tell 'em, Rae ?

? It's crazy when things turn upside down ?

? But you gotta get up and take that chance ?

-? Maybe I'm just finding my way now ? -? Learning how to fly ?

-? And we're gonna be okay ? -? You know I got you, right? ?

? We might be wild, but you know that we make it work ?

? We're just kids caught up in a crazy world ?

? Come on! ? ?It's Raven's Home ?

? - Yep! We get loud! ? ? - It's Raven's Home ?

-? It's our crowd! ? -? Might be tough ?

? But together we make it look good ?

? Down for each other like family should ?

-? It's Raven's Home ? -? When it's tough ?

-? It's Raven's Home ? -? We got love ?

? Cause no matter the weather, you know we gon' shine ?

? There for each other, you know it's our time ?

(laughs) Yep! That's us.

(laughing)

I still can't believe you wouldn't get us

virtual reality goggles, Mom.

(scoffs) Really? I can.

One time I asked her for regular goggles,

and she told me, "Swim with your eyes closed."

That was great advice. You're welcome.

And it saved me about $25.

If my dad were here,

he would totally buy us those goggles.

He used to buy me stuff all the time.

He's an amazing businessman.

He sure is, honey.

He's the best.

Uh, Chels, can I talk to you for a second? Come here.

Are we talkin' about, uh,

your thievin' ex-husband,

or does Levi have another dad I don't know about?

Oh, Rae! You're crazy!

Tess' dad's abouttime to pick you up in his 18-wheeler.

Yes! His rig's got a toilet in it!

I was gonna pee here,

but I'm gonna hold it for the truck.

All right, be safe.

- Have a good day. Bye-bye. - Nia: Bye, Mom.

(mutters)

Uh, Chels? (clears throat)

Why are you saying nice things about Garret?

Oh, I just really wanna remind Levi that's his dad's still a good guy, you know?

But he's-- he's not a good guy.

Oh, sure he made some poor choices--

No-- No, Chels. Cutting your bangs

without a mirror,that's-- you know, that's a poor choice.

Um, Garret is a criminal.

What do you tell people when they ask where he is?

Oh, I-- I say he's outta state.

He's in prison.

Yeah! Outta state.

Chels! You had an invention that made you rich!

- You had infomercials, girl! - Mm-hm.

And then Garret took it all away.

Why do you keep sugarcoating everything he does?

I don't know, Rae.I guess it's 'cause I like to see the glass half full.

You don't have a glass to see half full! He stole it!

Seriously, this is not good for you.

You cannot keep bottling up your emotions like this.

It is not good for you or Levi.

Raven Lydia Baxter,I am not holding in any anger, okay?

Wow, now I know you're mad, 'cause you're usin' my government name.

I don't like it.

Man, by the time we save up enough to buy virtual reality goggles,

everyone will be living in virtual reality...

except us, 'cause we won't have the goggles!

I can't believe the new vending machine's already broken.

How am I supposed to get through Math without a snack?

But you always sleep through Math.

I can't do it on an empty stomach.

I think I have an extra granola bar.

Sorry, Tess. This granola bar is $3.

But they only cost a dollar at the store.

Unfortunately for you, we're not at the store.

Levi, what are you doing?

We need money for VR goggles, and the vending machine is broken.

It's classic supply and demand. My dad taught me all about it.

But I don't have $3.

- Let's just say you owe me one. - I'm not saying that.

Sweet. We just made two bucks.

Exactly.And if we bring more snacks from home and sell them,

we can make the money in no time.

Guys, selling stuff at school for profit is against the rules.

So keep your voices down, we don't want anybody to know what we're doing.

What do you mean "we"?

Oh, we're getting in on this.

Nia and I have been eyeing some limited edition best friend sneakers.

They glow when they're next to each other.

All right, you're in.

But I'm in charge.

You know the one in charge takes all the blame if we get in trouble.

Levi's in charge.

I still don't understand

why we had to get our camping backpacks out of storage.

'Cause they match. My dad says it doesn't matterwhat you're selling

if people don't know where to buy it.

Oh, no! The vending machine's working!

Look at those fools over there buying all those overpriced snacks.

They should be here buying our overpriced snacks!

Machine won't take my bill.

This is some nonsense right here.

I'm goin' to my car to get some change... nobody touch my Honey Yums.

Great! What do we do now?

My dad says you have to crush the competition.

Well, our competition's that vending machine.

You want me to throw a rock through it?

Where'd you get a rock?

I carry it with me.

You think I'm gonna be the girl who shows up without a rock?

(school bell rings)

Well, looks like we're not gonna get those sneakers.

Both: I guess we'll have to think of another way

to show people we're best friends.

We need to shut this machine down.

I know! I'll unplug it and put the "out of order" sign back on it.

Nobody will fall for that.

They fall for it! Do it, Levi!

Unplug our competi--

Oh. You already did it! (laughs)

Good for you!

Book, get ready to be rich.

Where'd you get those sunglasses?

The vending machine. You want me to plug it back in, I can get you some.

We totally sold out of snacks.

Almost. Levi still has one granola bar left.

I don't care if it's 75 cents in the machine.

In these halls, it's three bucks.

I've gotta give it to you, Levi.

Selling healthy snacks at a moderate markup

is straight baller, yo.

I'm all about that snack life.

Should we tell them how ridiculous they sound?

Nah, it's cute.

I know you didn't get this from the vending machine.

Did somebody sell it to you?

Mm-hm.

An illegal snack ring, huh?

If I bust this, they might make me a full-time teacher.

I can stop cuttin' hair on the weekends.

Come on.

Hey, Rae, whatcha doin'?

Chels... (clears throat)

You can't keep ignoring your feelings about Garret, all right?

So today, I'm gonna help you let 'em out.

This is the prison visitation window.

You're gonna play you, and I'm gonna play your no-good ex-husband.

Oh! Ooh, you know I love a good role play.

You know, I was a "thea-tah" minor in college.

Let me just do a little vocal warm-up. (clear throat)

- Unique New York, Unique... - Chelsea?

Sit down.

...New York. Okay, got it.

So, what's first?

Wow.

(imitating Garret) Chelsea, darling, you look stupendous.

It's incredible, you sound just like him!

Um, thank you, Garret. I'm very well, you know I'm living with Raven now.

(imitating Garret) Ughh...

I don't like that Raven friend of yours, she talks too much.

Yeah, I hear that.

(mouths)

I'm just kidding.

So how are you?

(imitating Garret) Well, sweetheart I'm in prison

so it's abysmal. (chuckling)

I shouldn't be here in the first place.

Well, Garret, you did break the law.

(as herself) Good job, Chels. Good job.

(clearing throat, imitating Garret) Sweetie, they say

that since I had a quarter of a million dollars

and a ticket to the Cayman Islands, I was running away.

I wasn't running away! No! I was building

a school for the children!

What? Is that what you were doing? Rae, is that true?

(high-pitched) No!

Okay. Garret, no, I know that's not true,

you were going to meet the woman you were gonna run away with.

Good job, Chels. Get him! Get him!

- Unless she was gonna be a teacher at the school...? - Oh, Chels!

Chels, you had him! You had him!

I'm sorry, Rae, I don't know, I-- I've been making excuses

for Garret for so long, I forgot how to get mad at him!

It's okay, we'll find something else.

Okay. What about interpretive dance?

You know, that was my major.

Guys, Spitz is onto us! He knows about the snacks!

If Mom finds out about this, we're dead.

Relax! As long as he doesn't find us

with this backpack full of cash,

we'll be fine.

Booker: There's Spitz!

Here Tess, you take it!

I don't want it! Booker, you take it!

Not me. I'm too pretty for detention.

Don't give it to me!

Hey!

I wanna talk to you kids!

Run!

(yelps, grunting)

(panting)

I need to check your backpack.

No... y-- you don't wanna look in there.

Why not?

'Cause my mom packs me a banana every day.

I don't eat a banana every day.

So this is yours?

Yes. Yes, this is my most favorite flowery head thingy.

Good day to you.

Hey, you! Red backpack!

It's a rock. I don't know why.

- Whoa! - Tess, get back here!

Give me that!

I suppose there's a good explanation for this?

Go ahead. I'm listening.

Hey! Where's your backpack?

I seem to have misplaced it, sir.

Ha! The garbage can!

I got you! You thought you could outsmart me!

But you can't. 'Cause my brain's my biggest muscle.

Coach Spitz, please don't open it.

Probably should have told you I had 540 super balls in there.

I thought there was money in here.

Looks like I owe you an apology.

Where's my apology?

I said I owe you.

Whoa!

That was way too close.

Levi, where's the money?

Let's just say I got it on me.

You glued the money to your body?

I didn't have a lot of time!

All I had was a glue stick or a stapler.

Coward!

Come on, let's get it off.

It's like a band-aid. You gotta take it off real slow.

Ow!

Or was it fast? I can ne--

No, no, no! Cotton candy, that stings!

- Hey, I wanna try! - No! You'll enjoy it!

Remember, buddy. You're doin' it for the goggles.

Right. For the goggles.

(screaming) Hatchi-Matchi!

Crab cake combo!

Founding fathers, that stings!

Wait! But how is my wedding china supposed to help me

get in touch with my anger?

- You're gonna smash it. - What? Why would I do that?

Because, Chels, there's only two things that survived your relationship with Garret,

Levi and these plates, and I'm not gonna let you smash Levi...

unless he uses my good conditioner again.

No, Rae, these plates are beautiful.

How am I supposed to get mad at a modern chinoiserie

with a French country flair?

Maybe this'll help.

Oh, no. Not the Schmop.

Oh yes, Chels, the Schmop.

Your invention. The thing that made you rich

until Garret stole all your money!

- Put it away! - No!

- Raven! - Chelsea!

You worked so hard for so long.

And then Garret came in and took your money.

Now look at it, Chelsea.

Does it make you mad?

-Yeah. -Yeah, it does, show me how mad it makes you, girl.

- (screams) - There you go!

- (laughs) How do you feel? - I feel good, Rae, I feel really good.

- You ready? You ready? - Yeah! Woo!

Oh my god, I can't even believe this!

I'm not even mad that these plates are like $300 each!

Whoa!

Excuse me, did you just say I could resell these plates for about $300 apiece?

Well, probably more, they discontinued this pattern.

Wh-- Noooo!

No, no, Chelsea, stop!

- Stop it! Stop it! - Rae, come on! I'm finally feeling my anger!

Well, girl, I'm feelin' about $3,000 worth of plates underneath this arm right now.

Well, this was your idea.

And it was a bad idea.

Rae, just give me the plates, huh?

- No! No! - Raven! What? Give me the plates!

No, Chelsea, no!

Aaah!

Listen here, we're gonna walk down these stairs,

and you're gonna break my plates, why?

'Cause they're worth nothing.

- We'll break those plates, too! - No! No!

Rae? Come on!

I need to break those dishes.

Okay, all right-- Oh-- Here, look, break this tacky vase.

But I gave you that vase.

You did! And I am willing

to sacrifice it for our friendship.

Levi: Whoopi Goldberg, that stings!

-What are they doing? - I don't know.

Almost done.Let me know when you're ready.

I think I just need a minute or two-- French bread pizza!

I keep thinkin' it'll stop bein' funny, but it doesn't!

It's making me uncomfortable. He looks like a baby owl with no feathers.

Last one. Hold still, Levi.

Technically, it's not the last one, but I prefer to remove the rest in private.

One... two...

(screams)

Who is makin' it rain in here?

Where did all this money come from?

My torso mostly.

Okay, I want everyone in the living room right now!

- Come on. - Right now!

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

No-no-no-no-no, no-no. You stay.

Put some clothes on. You look like one of them hairless cats.

So you're really not gonna tell us where the money came from?

We believe it's in our best interest to keep quiet.

I'm sorry, do you think that you're in a police station?

You don't have any rights. This is the United States of Raven!

Where'd you get the money, you little punks, huh?

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, Chelsea! Chelsea, come on now,

I'm the bad cop, you're the good cop.

You're supposed to offer them, like, a cold beverage and a way out.

Sorry, I guess getting in touch with my anger's opened up the floodgates.

Yeah. Close them floodgates, you're scarin' me.

Okay, you guys are not gonna get away with this.

You better start talkin, huh, or I'm gonna get those hair clippers,

and I'm not gonna stop shaving

until every single one of you is bald.

No. No-no-no, not my hair.

That's how people tell the difference between me and Booker.

Mom... I'm scared.

Yeah, I don't live here. I'm gone.

Wait, no. Wait, please don't tell your mama.

Please don't tell her.

Chels, you gotta calm down.

Come on, Rae, they're about to break.

I can see it in their beady little eyes.

(shouting) Where'd you get the money, huh?

I will go out, and I will get that pool noodle.

(shouting) I will whack a kid with a pool noodle!

Chelsea!

Mom! What's the big deal?

All we did was shut down the vending machine,

so we could sell snacks at school.

You did what?

We bent the rules to get ahead.

Dad did stuff like that all the time.

You're right! Your father did do stuff like that all the time, Levi,

that's why he's in jail.

And now you're acting just like him.

You don't know what you're talking about!

- Levi. Levi! - Chels, Chels! Give him a minute.

- (door slams) - No, Rae, you were right.

I wasn't honest about Garret and...

now Levi thinks what he did was okay.

Woo. (sighs)

Wow.

So it was Levi all along?

You think you know a guy.

- Go to your room. - For how long?

Until your kids let you out.

Hey. Can I come in?

You know I-- I didn't mean to yell at you out there, honey,

I-- I got really scared when I saw you actin' like your father.

Why? I don't get it.

You always say Dad's a good guy.

Yeah, well, it's complicated.

Your father isn't a bad guy, but he did do some very bad things.

And I should've talked to you about it.

- Hmm? - Why didn't you?

I was tryin' to protect you,

but I think in the end I just confused you.

The truth is... your father broke the law,

and he hurt our family, honey.

He's in prison because he deserves to be.

So do you hate him?

No. No, I couldn't hate him.

If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have you.

I'm mad at him.

And you have every right to be.

But, we're gonna figure this out together.

You know? Just you and me,

and if you ever wanna talk about it,

I'm here.

I love you.

I love you, too.

- (groans) Mom, not so tight. - (gasps)

Still got a bad case of money burn.

Oh!

You know, what you did at school was very bad.

I'm gonna have to ground you for two weeks.

Any chance of time off for good behavior?

Well, I'll put in a good word with the judge.

Oh. No, wait, I am the judge, so, um, no.

Hi, I'm Chelsea Grayson, inventor of the revolutionary new cleaning tool,

the Schmop. It makes housework... shmousework.

(laughs)

I didn't know they had mops in the olden days.

The olden days? Boy, that was like seven years ago.

How have we not seen this?

Well, Nia, for a while there, I just wanted to forget

about that part of my life.

I'd wanna forget that hairstyle.

All right, all right now.

Even though her hair is awful, you don't say it to her face. It's rude.

I can say it, though, 'cause I'm your bestie.

I'd be careful what you say

about my hair, Rae,

I think you're in this, too.

(gasps) Turn it off! Turn it off!

No! No! No! No! No!

- We gotta see this. - (Chelsea laughing)

Now listen up, guys.

If you order now, we'll send you a second Schmop

for no extra charge, right?

That's a Schmop for you,

and a Schmop for your best friend. (laughs)

Yep! That's me!

(both laughing)

(laughter continues on computer)

Okay, okay, okay, first one

of you to laugh is grounded.

We're already grounded!

(laughter)

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