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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,201 --> 00:00:03,002 - Hi, I'm Bryce Shivers. - And I'm Lisa Eversman. 2 00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:04,348 Have you ever been invited to something 3 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:05,638 you don't want to go to? 4 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:06,750 But you made the commitment anyway 5 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,507 because you felt obligated. 6 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:09,820 What you do is you wait till the very last second 7 00:00:09,844 --> 00:00:11,277 - and then you... both: Cancel it! 8 00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:12,712 [quietly] Ow. 9 00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:14,447 Events like your boss's barbecue. 10 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,581 Cancel it! 11 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,016 Your niece's birthday. 12 00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,517 [party blower squawks] Cancel it. 13 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,619 Allen's open mic. 14 00:00:19,654 --> 00:00:20,864 Just wait until the very last second, 15 00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,855 and then just cancel it. 16 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,557 You don't have to cancel everything. 17 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,826 It's weird--I was never invited to Allen's open mic. 18 00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,395 - Yeah, that is weird. - Hm. 19 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,963 - Reminder: client dinner. - Cancel it. 20 00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:32,632 - Dentist appointment. - Cancel it. 21 00:00:32,667 --> 00:00:35,368 - Couple's counseling. - Cancel it! 22 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,003 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 23 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,882 Do you have plans to see a play with your parents, 24 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,306 but you don't wanna go? 25 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,107 But you feel guilty 26 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,942 because you barely ever see them? 27 00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:44,844 - You don't have to go. - But they're old. 28 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:45,922 Cancelling is the fastest way 29 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,013 to teach the elderly 30 00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:48,581 about the uses of technology. 31 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:49,926 [keys clacking] [text message whoosh] 32 00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,584 This is why texting was invented: 33 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,019 so you could cancel last-minute. 34 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,021 - Theater with parents. - Cancel it. 35 00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,756 - Breakfast with Diane. - Cancel it! 36 00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:58,524 [buzzer sounding wildly] 37 00:00:58,559 --> 00:00:59,825 Even if you love your family, 38 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,394 we all dread the holidays. 39 00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:03,329 Why not exchange presents in January, 40 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,598 when the flights are cheap and the malls are empty? 41 00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:06,699 That's right. You can... 42 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:07,833 both: Cancel Christmas! 43 00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,568 Cancel it! Hey, uh, 44 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:10,970 what are we doing for Christmas? 45 00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:12,738 You know, I might be out of town. 46 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,407 Aww. 47 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,342 What's Allen doing here? 48 00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:17,743 [camera shutter clicks] 49 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,056 [Wagner's "Bridal Chorus" playing] 50 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,746 Yes, I am aware. 51 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,782 It sounds so boring! 52 00:01:22,817 --> 00:01:24,417 [soft laugh] 53 00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,419 Cancel it! [buzzer sounding wildly] 54 00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:29,422 [Washed Out's "Feel It All Around" playing] 55 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:32,425 [dreamy chillwave music] 56 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:38,465 == Sync & corrections by Alice == == www.addic7ed.com == 57 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,607 ...potato pancakes have been burnt, like a... 58 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:49,608 Did they give you a stomachache? 59 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,010 [laughing] Yeah. 60 00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:52,945 It was like a smashed hockey puck. 61 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,380 What are you looking at? 62 00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,781 Oh, you know, 63 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,950 eh, Tinder, Bumble, the usual. 64 00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,852 - Ooh. - Blah, blah, blah. 65 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:00,986 Looking for a date? 66 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,455 Yeah, you know, single. 67 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,090 It's... been a while, so. 68 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:06,459 I don't know, what do you think of this guy? 69 00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,627 Um, I think it's weird that he has blurred out 70 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,029 someone in the picture. 71 00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:11,697 What if it's just someone random 72 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,043 and he, like, didn't get their permission? 73 00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:14,144 Well, I have a feeling that's his ex 74 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,368 and I think it's aggressive 75 00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:16,535 that he blurred her out. 76 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:17,670 Okay. What about this? 77 00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:18,771 I think this is so funny. 78 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:19,839 You wanna date a dog? 79 00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:20,673 No, I don't wanna date a dog. 80 00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:21,819 He just has a picture of the dog. 81 00:02:21,843 --> 00:02:23,754 He's kind of, like, commenting on the whole culture-- 82 00:02:23,778 --> 00:02:25,978 You don't want that. At least he should show 83 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,023 - his own face, don't you think? - Yeah. 84 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,148 Oh, what's the goofy one? 85 00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,983 That's his whole thing, is he's being funny. 86 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,785 - Do you like funny? - I don't know 87 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,531 - what I like anymore. - You just deserve better. 88 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,489 Whatever you show me, you deserve better. 89 00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:38,124 - What about this guy? - Nope. 90 00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:39,792 No. 91 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:40,893 - No. - No. 92 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:41,894 - Ugh. - Garbage. 93 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,062 Garbage. 94 00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,430 - Garbage. - Garbage. 95 00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,598 - Garbage. - Garbage. 96 00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:46,665 - Garbage. - Garbage. 97 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,700 - Garbage. - Trash. 98 00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,034 - No. - Ugh. 99 00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:51,537 - Garbage. [together] Garbage. 100 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,539 - I think that's a red flag. - Yeah, good point. 101 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,441 - That's fair. - These people are all trash 102 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:56,742 compared to what you deserve. 103 00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,811 - Oh, she's discouraged. - Oh, I'm sorry. 104 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,513 You know, me and Carrie are gonna go get 105 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:01,747 some low-key plastic surgery, 106 00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:02,959 but I think we're gonna cancel 107 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,683 so we can help you get a date. 108 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,485 You guys don't have to cancel your plans. 109 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,964 Like, it's just--it's a string of terrible options. 110 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,455 That's what it is. I'll be fine. 111 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:10,801 I'm worried you're not gonna find someone 112 00:03:10,825 --> 00:03:12,591 if we're not here to help. 113 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,593 Okay, describe your perfect guy. 114 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,195 Okay, um... 115 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:19,899 I guess, like, kind of a squarish-shaped face, 116 00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:21,500 dark features in general. 117 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,079 He's Jewish, but, like, wants to be Italian. 118 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,203 Thin-ish... 119 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,772 You like a tight shirt, right? 120 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,141 - Tighten up that shirt. - Yeah, that's great. 121 00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,010 You're not drawing yourself, are you? 122 00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:32,511 [smooth musical flourish] 123 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,747 Do you wanna date this guy? 124 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:37,417 Ohh... 125 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:45,724 [upbeat percussive music] 126 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,727 ? ? 127 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,095 - Hey! - Hi. 128 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,630 - Hello. - Uh, we're Steve and Anne. 129 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,632 - We have a reservation. - Okay. 130 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,634 [mouse clicks] Um, little complication... 131 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,509 We were supposed to meet a couple people here 132 00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:59,216 and they literally just texted that they can't make it. 133 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,707 Could the two of us just go in by ourselves? 134 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,119 Unfortunately, the room you've got booked 135 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,211 has a four-person minimum requirement. 136 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,079 Um, we do have a couple here looking for 137 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,747 a few extra players themselves. 138 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,583 [thrilling fanfare] Escape room! 139 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:11,917 We're gonna set a record! 140 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,586 We're gonna beat you guys. 141 00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,488 I thought we were all on the same team. 142 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,967 - Yeah, it's one team. - That's right, one team. 143 00:04:16,991 --> 00:04:19,625 And we're gonna win. Well, follow me. 144 00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,093 'Scuse us. 145 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,596 [chanting] Escape, escape, escape, escape. 146 00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:26,165 I'm about to lead you into Dr. Mondego's study. 147 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,968 The doctor was found murdered of mysterious causes. 148 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:31,537 - [gasps] - When the detectives arrived, 149 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,539 they found no visible wounds on the body. 150 00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,674 - Dummies. - They did, however, 151 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,510 find a note in his typewriter 152 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,645 addressed to his wife and two sons, 153 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,614 and it said that if he were to be found dead, 154 00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,660 that they should not believe that it was by his own hand. 155 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,784 If, for any reason, you need to get out of the room, 156 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,130 we have a panic button. [snorts] 157 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,921 But know that if you do press it, 158 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,190 the game will be over and you will not receive a refund. 159 00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:52,669 Yeah, and you're a bunch of little babies. 160 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,927 All right. Well, good luck. 161 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,962 [suspenseful music] 162 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,031 Escape! 163 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:02,001 Clues, escape, escape. Clues, clues. 164 00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,713 - Look around, guys. - Look at how cool this is. 165 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,638 - Wow. - Shut up, shut up! 166 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,172 You shut your mouths-- the two of you! 167 00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:09,208 We're the leaders, okay? You're the followers. 168 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:10,876 - It's fine. I got this. - Oh, my God. 169 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:11,988 First of all, we do not need these cameras. 170 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,579 [gasps] 171 00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,215 And we do not need the panic button! 172 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:18,117 - Oh, my God. - Let's go! 173 00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:19,829 Look around, look around. Look, look, look, look! 174 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,153 - We're looking! - Look hard! 175 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:23,055 All right? Get your pupils focused. 176 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,790 You guys, here! It's on the desk. 177 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,069 Help me count. One, two, three, four, five-- 178 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,259 wait, how does this work? 179 00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:28,627 Anyone know how to do an abacus? 180 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,062 I got it. 181 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,031 Why would there be a laminate on a postcard? 182 00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:34,333 Who does that? [grunts mockingly] 183 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:35,879 - Key! Time! - Wait, we found something. 184 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,314 "Ideas are light bulbs. Turn it on." 185 00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,138 - That seems like a clue, right? - No! 186 00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,773 [stammering] That's a fake-out. 187 00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:43,142 - Okay. - You're wasting time! 188 00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:45,144 "Ideas are light bulbs. Turn it on." 189 00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,946 Let's go... [Kath and Dave shouting] 190 00:05:46,981 --> 00:05:48,224 - Check out the lights? Mm-hmm. - The light bulbs, yeah. 191 00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,682 "Caacgdka." 192 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:50,994 - "Fo-gid-ubra." - "De-cudge-u-gah." 193 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,095 "Fo-gid-u-wah." "Fo-gid-uh-wah nee." 194 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,752 Guys, do you wanna help us? 195 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:54,864 - Think we found... - We found some clues. 196 00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,957 [both chanting gibberish] 197 00:05:57,992 --> 00:05:59,625 - They're in their own world. - Okay. 198 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,327 - Unlock it. - Why is there a switch? 199 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,062 Put your key in. Put your key in! 200 00:06:03,097 --> 00:06:04,730 Think you can outsmart me? [cackles] 201 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,599 - Put your key in! - Good luck! Yeah! 202 00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,067 Put your key in the hole! 203 00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:09,613 [electricity crackling] [gibbering loudly] 204 00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:10,903 - Holy crap. - Oh, my God. 205 00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,805 [spluttering] 206 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,773 [gasps] Is he okay? 207 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,909 [coughs] There's blood in my mouth. 208 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,210 [coughing] 209 00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,756 Let's just-- let's just keep looking. 210 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:23,115 [soft laugh] 211 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,184 Outsmart us, huh? 212 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,819 - Zero-one-zero... - What was, um... 213 00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,198 - Computer talk. - The computer talk? 214 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,332 - Binary code. - Binary... mm-hmm. 215 00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:30,756 Will you hold it? 216 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,758 Read every book! [gibberish] 217 00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,860 - It's in here! - [gibberish] 218 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:35,995 - Ooh! - You got it! 219 00:06:36,030 --> 00:06:37,296 Look at that. 220 00:06:37,331 --> 00:06:38,297 [distant] What's this? What's this? 221 00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:39,665 both: "Stay safe." 222 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,667 Dave! I wanna get out! 223 00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,380 - I wanna get out! - [distant]We got the door! 224 00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:44,970 [both screaming] I want to get out! 225 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,772 You can't do this to us! 226 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,642 - [distant] We found the clue. - We're not lab rats! 227 00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,276 [screaming] Panic! Panic! 228 00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,045 - Oh, look--okay. - 52, 52. 229 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,813 - Let's see what we got here. - [screaming] 230 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,783 You have no right to do this to my brain! 231 00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,118 - It's my brain! - Got it? 232 00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:01,020 - Yes! - Oh, my God! 233 00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:02,855 - Please! Please! - Where's my clues, 234 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,390 you son of a bitch? 235 00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,125 - I'm gonna go through. - Do it! 236 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,660 [dramatic music pounds] 237 00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,995 Kill it! Yes! 238 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,930 - [screaming] - Yeah! Yes! 239 00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,667 Yeah! [gasping] We did it! 240 00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,836 - We won! - [panting] 241 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,338 Lookit, there's our time: 41:13. 242 00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:21,073 - 41:13! - Yes! Whoo. 243 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,841 - Whoo. - All right. 244 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,377 When do you guys wanna do this again? 245 00:07:25,346 --> 00:07:26,946 ? What about men? ? 246 00:07:26,981 --> 00:07:28,314 Hey, I'm Drew. 247 00:07:28,349 --> 00:07:29,983 And you know it, I'm Andy. 248 00:07:30,018 --> 00:07:31,084 About three months ago, 249 00:07:31,119 --> 00:07:32,952 we swore off of women. 250 00:07:32,987 --> 00:07:34,287 No dating them, 251 00:07:34,322 --> 00:07:36,055 no falling in love with them, nothing. 252 00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:37,490 Not even thinking about them. 253 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:38,903 Now, we weren't getting a lot of feedback 254 00:07:38,927 --> 00:07:40,037 on this new lifestyle choice, 255 00:07:40,061 --> 00:07:41,361 and it occurred to us 256 00:07:41,396 --> 00:07:42,862 that people didn't know 257 00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:43,974 that we were swearing off women. 258 00:07:43,998 --> 00:07:45,398 So, this is sort of our, 259 00:07:45,433 --> 00:07:47,467 uh, coming out video. 260 00:07:47,502 --> 00:07:49,435 I wonder if, uh, we clarify that 261 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:50,537 in, uh, you know... 262 00:07:50,572 --> 00:07:52,105 Ah, right-right-right-right. 263 00:07:52,140 --> 00:07:54,507 This is our heterosexual coming out video. 264 00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,910 Not... "coming out." 265 00:07:56,945 --> 00:07:58,578 It's more that we are announcing. 266 00:07:58,613 --> 00:08:00,480 A straight guy coming out. 267 00:08:00,515 --> 00:08:01,981 - I'm Drew. - I'm Andy. 268 00:08:02,016 --> 00:08:03,583 This is our heterosexual video 269 00:08:03,618 --> 00:08:05,251 about swearing off women. 270 00:08:05,286 --> 00:08:06,486 As it were. 271 00:08:06,521 --> 00:08:08,488 As it were. 272 00:08:08,523 --> 00:08:11,391 Yeah. Uh, anyway, uh... 273 00:08:11,426 --> 00:08:13,459 we tried everything. We really tried our best. 274 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,161 You know, going out on dates. 275 00:08:15,196 --> 00:08:17,864 You know, I did a lot of, uh, spaghetti dinners 276 00:08:17,899 --> 00:08:20,400 and steak dinners and, uh, hamburger dinners. 277 00:08:20,435 --> 00:08:22,268 Uh, for my part, I was sending a lot of DMs, 278 00:08:22,303 --> 00:08:23,603 asking women on dates. 279 00:08:23,638 --> 00:08:25,338 And these were funny DMs, you know? 280 00:08:25,373 --> 00:08:26,606 We have a sense of humor. 281 00:08:26,641 --> 00:08:29,609 You know, 50 jokes, 150 jokes in a row! 282 00:08:29,644 --> 00:08:32,245 I--I did some research about what women find funny, 283 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:33,457 and then, of course, I was also sending 284 00:08:33,481 --> 00:08:35,481 some heartfelt compliments. 285 00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:38,318 I mean, you know, women... [sighs] 286 00:08:38,353 --> 00:08:41,421 Feminis-- the problem is that... that-- 287 00:08:41,456 --> 00:08:44,057 It's--it's impossible. Why even try? 288 00:08:44,092 --> 00:08:46,059 That's why we decided to opt out. 289 00:08:46,094 --> 00:08:48,361 Okay, if a straight man can't win at the game, 290 00:08:48,396 --> 00:08:50,163 don't play the game you can't win at, boys. 291 00:08:50,198 --> 00:08:53,299 If the game's fixed, why play? 292 00:08:53,334 --> 00:08:55,435 Don't you, like... wouldn't you say that 293 00:08:55,470 --> 00:08:57,237 if you can't win at the game... 294 00:08:57,272 --> 00:08:58,582 [clears throat] We should do, like-- 295 00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,406 this whole thing should be a silhouette. 296 00:09:00,441 --> 00:09:01,875 Oh, yes. 297 00:09:01,910 --> 00:09:03,020 [distorted] That's when things 298 00:09:03,044 --> 00:09:04,644 got out of hand, you know? 299 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:06,579 I was taking this girl out, 300 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,459 and I sat with her at dinner and she didn't say a word. 301 00:09:08,483 --> 00:09:10,261 [distorted] I don't really know the exact moment 302 00:09:10,285 --> 00:09:12,051 when things changed. 303 00:09:12,086 --> 00:09:14,320 All I know is that she stopped calling me back. 304 00:09:14,355 --> 00:09:15,989 Uh, pretend to cry a little? 305 00:09:16,024 --> 00:09:18,491 [sobs softly, sniffs] 306 00:09:18,526 --> 00:09:20,426 I don't know, it's like if someone was-- 307 00:09:20,461 --> 00:09:22,172 I don't know, if someone was watching the video-- 308 00:09:22,196 --> 00:09:24,230 I don't know, like if-if a woman was actually-- 309 00:09:24,265 --> 00:09:25,431 A woman? No, man. 310 00:09:25,466 --> 00:09:27,533 [sighs] Be strong. Just... 311 00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,369 I-I know, but, like, if... 312 00:09:29,404 --> 00:09:30,547 like, if someone could love me... 313 00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:33,172 Oh--[stammers]-- don't do that. 314 00:09:33,207 --> 00:09:35,074 - She's beautiful. - Who? 315 00:09:35,109 --> 00:09:36,643 - Who's beautiful? - I don't know. 316 00:09:36,678 --> 00:09:38,611 Some women are beautiful. [sighs] 317 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,046 [knocking] Hey! 318 00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:41,381 Hey, it's Sofiya, your neighbor. 319 00:09:41,416 --> 00:09:42,682 - Uh-- - We're making a video. 320 00:09:42,717 --> 00:09:44,250 I just need some help with a couch. 321 00:09:44,285 --> 00:09:45,518 Would you mind? 322 00:09:45,553 --> 00:09:47,487 - Um... - We're busy. 323 00:09:47,522 --> 00:09:48,922 Oh, it'll just take a second. 324 00:09:48,957 --> 00:09:50,456 I'll make you guys some lemonade. 325 00:09:50,491 --> 00:09:53,092 Uh, maybe when we're done. I'd prefer not to. 326 00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:54,672 Yeah, what are guys good for, their muscles? 327 00:09:54,696 --> 00:09:57,630 Yeah. Hire us first. 328 00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,198 Okay. Thanks. 329 00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:01,200 [blows raspberry] That's right, man. 330 00:10:01,235 --> 00:10:02,702 [whip snaps] 331 00:10:02,737 --> 00:10:04,404 Uh, I'm gonna go get a glass of water. 332 00:10:04,439 --> 00:10:08,007 All right. [sniffs, exhales] 333 00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:10,143 [soft patriotic fanfare] 334 00:10:11,646 --> 00:10:14,013 [sniffs] [quietly] Um, if anything, 335 00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:16,616 I feel like I'm, like, too romantic. 336 00:10:16,651 --> 00:10:19,452 Uh... there's part of me that just would love to 337 00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:20,965 like, settle down and, like, have kids-- 338 00:10:20,989 --> 00:10:22,388 - What are you-- - What? Sorry. 339 00:10:22,423 --> 00:10:24,223 Were you talking into the camera? 340 00:10:24,258 --> 00:10:25,536 No, no, no, no, no, I was just fixing the mic, man. 341 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:28,061 [upbeat percussive music] 342 00:10:28,096 --> 00:10:29,462 ? ? 343 00:10:29,497 --> 00:10:31,664 [knocking] [phones continuously chiming] 344 00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,566 - Hi. - Thank God you guys are here. 345 00:10:33,601 --> 00:10:35,145 - We came as soon as we could. - Okay, so I got two phones. 346 00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:36,970 I've been texting with eight different people, 347 00:10:37,005 --> 00:10:38,615 and I-I-I--I'm losing track! Okay, there's one guy. 348 00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:39,683 We're just communicating via "Family Guy" quotes. 349 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,074 Whoa-whoa-- whoa-whoa-whoa. 350 00:10:41,109 --> 00:10:42,419 And I'm out of things Stewie said! 351 00:10:42,443 --> 00:10:43,754 - Slow down. - We can handle this. 352 00:10:43,778 --> 00:10:44,744 Okay. 353 00:10:44,779 --> 00:10:46,679 I--what's that? Okay. 354 00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,414 Oh, but... 355 00:10:48,449 --> 00:10:50,116 Um... I... 356 00:10:50,151 --> 00:10:53,386 [phones continue chiming] 357 00:10:53,421 --> 00:10:55,521 [futuristic music] 358 00:10:55,556 --> 00:10:57,323 Rachel, welcome to the command center. 359 00:10:57,358 --> 00:10:59,036 So, I'm gonna handle the deep-thinking guys 360 00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:00,504 that are looking for something intellectual. 361 00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:01,995 I'm gonna handle all the jokey guys 362 00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:03,429 don't wanna come off too serious. 363 00:11:03,464 --> 00:11:05,298 Okay. Uh, what should I do? 364 00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:07,177 Uh, you should handle the guys that immediately 365 00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:09,079 send pictures of their dicks or are just here for sex. 366 00:11:09,103 --> 00:11:11,270 - Got it, okay. - Oh, and this is Trevor. 367 00:11:11,305 --> 00:11:13,473 [electric guitar chords] - Super great to meet you. 368 00:11:13,508 --> 00:11:15,341 - Hey. - Due to the heavy text volume, 369 00:11:15,376 --> 00:11:17,143 Trevor has your phone hooked up to a machine 370 00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:19,379 so he can patch us in to our own group of guys. 371 00:11:19,414 --> 00:11:20,791 I just like to help out. And don't worry. 372 00:11:20,815 --> 00:11:22,682 I won't, uh, look at the content. 373 00:11:22,717 --> 00:11:24,317 - Just the name. - Oh. 374 00:11:24,352 --> 00:11:25,763 You can look at the content. I mean, I'm not-- 375 00:11:25,787 --> 00:11:27,520 - there's nothing to hide. - Okay, uh, cool. 376 00:11:27,555 --> 00:11:29,756 I'd love to look. [music halts] 377 00:11:29,791 --> 00:11:32,225 Oh. [laughs] 378 00:11:32,260 --> 00:11:34,260 - Okay, okay, yeah. - Let's get to work. 379 00:11:34,295 --> 00:11:35,672 We are patched in. All lines are open. 380 00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:38,431 "Gross," send. "Gross," send. 381 00:11:38,466 --> 00:11:40,566 "Oh, come on, you know I wasn't being serious. 382 00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:42,279 "Sometimes it's hard to say things over text, 383 00:11:42,303 --> 00:11:44,037 but you know exactly what I mean," send. 384 00:11:44,072 --> 00:11:45,171 Ohh. No. 385 00:11:45,206 --> 00:11:46,572 Ooh, that sounds interesting. 386 00:11:46,607 --> 00:11:48,374 Oh, you're very interesting. "Gross," send. 387 00:11:48,409 --> 00:11:49,486 Yes, I do believe in true love. 388 00:11:49,510 --> 00:11:51,077 "That's your finger." Send. 389 00:11:51,112 --> 00:11:52,623 Trevor, dick pics go to Rachel, not me. 390 00:11:52,647 --> 00:11:54,547 - Ugh. - Hey. 391 00:11:54,582 --> 00:11:57,083 - Hmm? - Uh. 392 00:11:57,118 --> 00:11:59,318 Hope this isn't too weird, but, 393 00:11:59,353 --> 00:12:00,631 I'd love to take you out sometime, 394 00:12:00,655 --> 00:12:02,755 that is, if you're interested. 395 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:05,758 Uh... yeah, uh, do you have an online profile? 396 00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:07,293 I don't. 397 00:12:07,328 --> 00:12:09,529 Oh, but--no, but then how would I find you 398 00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:12,498 or... or get to know you? 399 00:12:12,533 --> 00:12:14,700 "Yes, what was the last book you read?" 400 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,335 - Rachel, hand me the stats. - Oh-- 401 00:12:16,370 --> 00:12:17,781 Stats on Brett. Fred, here's the graph. 402 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,645 Rachel, someone says they already know you... 403 00:12:19,674 --> 00:12:20,640 - Oh, God. - And dated you before. 404 00:12:20,675 --> 00:12:21,641 What does that mean? 405 00:12:21,676 --> 00:12:23,209 Why are they asking me? 406 00:12:23,244 --> 00:12:24,688 If we've dated before, I already rejected them. 407 00:12:24,712 --> 00:12:26,646 - "LOL." - "LOL-OL-OL-OL." 408 00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,114 [laughing tonelessly] 409 00:12:28,149 --> 00:12:29,849 "Ha-a-a-ah-hah!" Send. 410 00:12:29,884 --> 00:12:31,595 Sure, that's-that's a non-threatening fetish. 411 00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:32,830 [fanfare sound effect plays] Got a date. 412 00:12:32,854 --> 00:12:34,487 Hmm? 413 00:12:34,522 --> 00:12:36,189 Dinner at the Slide Inn tomorrow night. 414 00:12:36,224 --> 00:12:37,568 - W-w-which guy? - Uh, I don't know. 415 00:12:37,592 --> 00:12:39,625 David, Peter, I can't tell which. 416 00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:41,394 - Is it me? - No! 417 00:12:41,429 --> 00:12:43,096 "Is it me?" 418 00:12:43,131 --> 00:12:44,851 - Why would it be you, buddy? - Sorry, Trevor. 419 00:12:52,574 --> 00:12:54,808 So, Joey, what brings you in today? 420 00:12:54,843 --> 00:12:56,743 Um, I live pretty close. 421 00:12:56,778 --> 00:12:58,323 I live right there. That's--that's my house. 422 00:12:58,347 --> 00:12:59,613 Oh. 423 00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:01,415 So I saw your sign, and it says 424 00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:03,884 to make an appointment, and then I did. 425 00:13:03,919 --> 00:13:05,586 I'm not crazy. I know there's a lot of 426 00:13:05,621 --> 00:13:07,521 crazy people out there, and, they--you know-- 427 00:13:07,556 --> 00:13:08,866 Oh, I don't like to make judgments 428 00:13:08,890 --> 00:13:10,457 - on people's mental health. - Good. 429 00:13:10,492 --> 00:13:11,792 I'm here to help people. 430 00:13:11,827 --> 00:13:13,327 You know, someone's crazy enough, 431 00:13:13,362 --> 00:13:14,828 you put 'em in a straitjacket, right? 432 00:13:14,863 --> 00:13:16,496 Then you put 'em in a rubber room? 433 00:13:16,531 --> 00:13:18,432 - I don't. - You--you call a paddy wagon? 434 00:13:18,467 --> 00:13:19,967 - I don't, no. - You don't do that? 435 00:13:20,002 --> 00:13:21,602 - Nope. - Why-why do they do that? 436 00:13:21,637 --> 00:13:24,338 What is that? Well, sometimes, um... 437 00:13:24,373 --> 00:13:25,917 You must get serial killers in here, right? 438 00:13:25,941 --> 00:13:27,652 God, I hope I haven't seen any killers, but-- 439 00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,543 They-they chop people up, you know? 440 00:13:29,578 --> 00:13:31,345 Because they're so sick. Well, I think- 441 00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:32,946 They don't understand that, like, 442 00:13:32,981 --> 00:13:34,359 once you kill someone, that's enough. 443 00:13:34,383 --> 00:13:35,716 You don't have to keep going 444 00:13:35,751 --> 00:13:37,262 and keep chopping 'em up like they're in, 445 00:13:37,286 --> 00:13:38,752 you know, the deli. 446 00:13:38,787 --> 00:13:40,454 Hmm, okay. 447 00:13:40,489 --> 00:13:42,289 - Joey, can I be honest with you? - Yeah. 448 00:13:42,324 --> 00:13:44,258 You're doing a lot of shifting of subjects. 449 00:13:44,293 --> 00:13:46,360 I'd really like to know why you're here. 450 00:13:46,395 --> 00:13:48,262 What's, uh-- what's kleptomania? 451 00:13:48,297 --> 00:13:50,030 - That's stealing, right? - It is. 452 00:13:50,065 --> 00:13:51,932 Yeah, what is that? 453 00:13:51,967 --> 00:13:53,544 - Stealing. - What about color blindness? 454 00:13:53,568 --> 00:13:55,802 That's, that's... that's a lie, right? 455 00:13:55,837 --> 00:13:57,371 - No, nope. - What about amnesia? 456 00:13:57,406 --> 00:13:59,039 - I think it's not true. - It is. 457 00:13:59,074 --> 00:14:00,774 Isn't that convenient, though? 458 00:14:00,809 --> 00:14:02,487 Couldn't they say, "I don't wanna pay the bill. 459 00:14:02,511 --> 00:14:03,888 "Uh, I have amnesia. I don't know what happened." 460 00:14:03,912 --> 00:14:05,456 I don't think it really works like that. 461 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,581 - You believe stuttering? - I--yeah. 462 00:14:07,616 --> 00:14:09,416 I do too. 463 00:14:09,451 --> 00:14:11,385 When people stutter, I go, "I think that's real." 464 00:14:11,420 --> 00:14:13,754 [sighs] Okay. Um... 465 00:14:13,789 --> 00:14:15,856 You know what necrophilia is? 466 00:14:15,891 --> 00:14:17,991 [whispering] Some people are so sick, 467 00:14:18,026 --> 00:14:20,394 that they--you know, they climb on top of a body... 468 00:14:20,429 --> 00:14:21,762 Okay. Yeah, I know-- 469 00:14:21,797 --> 00:14:22,929 I know what it is. 470 00:14:22,964 --> 00:14:25,032 You could hump two rocks 471 00:14:25,067 --> 00:14:27,367 and it'd feel better than a corpse. 472 00:14:27,402 --> 00:14:28,869 And what do you do when you're done? 473 00:14:28,904 --> 00:14:32,472 "Nice to meet you-- oh, sorry, you're dead"? 474 00:14:32,507 --> 00:14:34,007 I do like nymphomania, though. 475 00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:37,010 That's a... wow, nymphomania. 476 00:14:37,045 --> 00:14:39,012 "Hi, nice to meet you. You wanna get married?" 477 00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:41,615 I mean, that's a good disease to have. 478 00:14:41,650 --> 00:14:43,684 - Say more about that, please. - No. I will not. 479 00:14:43,719 --> 00:14:45,663 I don't have to answer any questions at this time. 480 00:14:45,687 --> 00:14:46,720 Okay. 481 00:14:50,792 --> 00:14:52,904 Freud said you wanted to do it with your mom, right? 482 00:14:52,928 --> 00:14:55,429 Freud did talk about the Oedipal complex. 483 00:14:55,464 --> 00:14:56,908 Sit with your mom and go, "Hey, Mom, you know, 484 00:14:56,932 --> 00:14:58,332 "I know we're having a good time 485 00:14:58,367 --> 00:15:00,467 "looking through old family photos. 486 00:15:00,502 --> 00:15:02,569 "You wanna go up to the bedroom for a minute? 487 00:15:02,604 --> 00:15:05,772 Let me take off your blouse, give you a massage." 488 00:15:05,807 --> 00:15:07,574 You know, kissing the necks? - You can-- 489 00:15:07,609 --> 00:15:08,953 I mean, that's my mom you're talking about. 490 00:15:08,977 --> 00:15:10,711 - Mm-hmm. - No thank you. 491 00:15:10,746 --> 00:15:11,878 Okay, uh, Joey, 492 00:15:11,913 --> 00:15:15,115 our time is actually... up. 493 00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:16,883 - Uh, what? - Got about five minutes 494 00:15:16,918 --> 00:15:19,619 before we've gotta, um, wrap up here, so... 495 00:15:19,654 --> 00:15:21,855 - This is the session? - Yeah--oh, yeah. 496 00:15:21,890 --> 00:15:24,358 I thought I had to, you know, put on, like, a butt-gown, 497 00:15:24,393 --> 00:15:26,827 - and, like, sit up and... - Oh, no. 498 00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:34,134 Hey, you--you going in here, the therapist? 499 00:15:34,169 --> 00:15:35,769 It's a rip off. 500 00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,471 You never get past the waiting room. 501 00:15:37,506 --> 00:15:39,373 Oh, no, no, I have to see her. 502 00:15:39,408 --> 00:15:41,041 I'm a nymphomaniac. 503 00:15:45,547 --> 00:15:47,047 Wanna get married? 504 00:15:47,082 --> 00:15:50,384 [upbeat percussive music] 505 00:15:50,419 --> 00:15:51,419 ? ? 506 00:15:51,787 --> 00:15:53,453 Claire. 507 00:15:53,488 --> 00:15:55,922 Claire! Doug, I'm working. 508 00:15:55,957 --> 00:15:57,023 Why are you still here? 509 00:15:57,058 --> 00:15:58,770 I know you're sad about your drums getting stolen, 510 00:15:58,794 --> 00:16:00,138 but you can't just sit around moping all day. 511 00:16:00,162 --> 00:16:01,928 Yeah, but it's just not cool, you know? 512 00:16:01,963 --> 00:16:03,797 Like, stupid van and stupid windows 513 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,399 being open and unlocked doors. 514 00:16:05,434 --> 00:16:07,601 It's not an invitation to take my drums. 515 00:16:07,636 --> 00:16:09,080 Okay, remember when Kim broke her leg 516 00:16:09,104 --> 00:16:10,115 and she didn't have health insurance? 517 00:16:10,139 --> 00:16:12,706 - Yeah, that sucked. - And she had that benefit 518 00:16:12,741 --> 00:16:14,452 and everyone turned out, and she made enough money 519 00:16:14,476 --> 00:16:15,842 - to pay her bills. - Yeah. 520 00:16:15,877 --> 00:16:17,477 - That was a lot of fun, right? - Right. 521 00:16:17,512 --> 00:16:18,756 So what if you threw a benefit for Doug? 522 00:16:18,780 --> 00:16:19,980 - Yeah, for my drums. - Right. 523 00:16:20,015 --> 00:16:21,159 That gives you something to do. 524 00:16:21,183 --> 00:16:23,550 - Do you wanna help me with it? - I don't. Good talk. 525 00:16:23,585 --> 00:16:25,552 [band playing rock music] 526 00:16:25,587 --> 00:16:27,921 ? ? 527 00:16:27,956 --> 00:16:30,090 [cheers and applause] 528 00:16:30,125 --> 00:16:31,858 Yeah! Wow. 529 00:16:31,893 --> 00:16:33,504 Let's give it up for Construction and the Zones. 530 00:16:33,528 --> 00:16:36,062 - Yeah! - Incredible band. 531 00:16:36,097 --> 00:16:37,831 Thank you all for coming together 532 00:16:37,866 --> 00:16:42,135 for this... very serious and important issue. 533 00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:43,737 Now, you know me as a tough guy. 534 00:16:43,772 --> 00:16:45,839 You think I didn't cry my eyes out? 535 00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,151 - I had tears that were this big. - I love you, Doug! 536 00:16:47,175 --> 00:16:48,108 You think I'm kidding around? 537 00:16:48,143 --> 00:16:50,811 - We got you, dude. - Yeah, you do got me. 538 00:16:50,846 --> 00:16:53,146 I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 539 00:16:53,181 --> 00:16:55,615 And the band thanks you, and have a great time! 540 00:16:55,650 --> 00:16:58,452 [cheers and applause] Yeah, Doug! 541 00:16:58,487 --> 00:17:00,454 Doug, Doug! Oh, my gosh. 542 00:17:00,489 --> 00:17:02,055 It's such a success! You've already made 543 00:17:02,090 --> 00:17:03,924 enough money to cover the drum kit! 544 00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:05,102 It's incredible. I can't believe it. 545 00:17:05,126 --> 00:17:07,561 Look at this! Brand new! 546 00:17:07,596 --> 00:17:08,929 Um, I'm gonna go to work, okay? 547 00:17:08,964 --> 00:17:10,630 - Bye, hon. - Bye. 548 00:17:10,665 --> 00:17:12,032 [snare taps] 549 00:17:12,067 --> 00:17:14,201 [fabric ripping] Ah, man! 550 00:17:14,236 --> 00:17:17,237 My favorite jeans. [groans] 551 00:17:17,272 --> 00:17:21,575 ? ? 552 00:17:21,610 --> 00:17:23,643 [cheers and applause] 553 00:17:23,678 --> 00:17:26,112 Incredible, as always. Uh... 554 00:17:26,147 --> 00:17:28,782 what are we talking about? Basic human essentials. 555 00:17:28,817 --> 00:17:30,584 Water, shelter, jeans. 556 00:17:30,619 --> 00:17:32,085 I don't take any of it for granted. 557 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,753 Enjoy the music. 558 00:17:33,788 --> 00:17:36,056 ? ? 559 00:17:36,091 --> 00:17:37,924 [printer slams] What's wrong, cutie? 560 00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:39,893 Well, I--I think it's just out of ink. 561 00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,995 [sighs] Well, I guess I'm gonna go to the store. 562 00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:43,830 Um-- Hey, shh. 563 00:17:43,865 --> 00:17:45,532 Come on. What's wrong? 564 00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:48,668 It's okay. I have a job now. 565 00:17:48,703 --> 00:17:51,505 ? Why, why, why, why ? 566 00:17:51,540 --> 00:17:55,609 ? The street lamp is blinking on and off ? 567 00:17:55,644 --> 00:17:57,844 Don't worry about giving a little more. 568 00:17:57,879 --> 00:18:00,881 There's always more ink in the sea. 569 00:18:00,916 --> 00:18:03,984 You know that you spent... $3,000 on beer last month? 570 00:18:04,019 --> 00:18:05,752 - I did? - Yeah. 571 00:18:05,787 --> 00:18:06,797 You have the beer gut to prove it. 572 00:18:06,821 --> 00:18:08,255 I do? 573 00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:09,823 All right, well, I'm just, like, 574 00:18:09,858 --> 00:18:11,825 not making as much money anymore. 575 00:18:11,860 --> 00:18:13,905 I know, 'cause you've given people benefit fatigue. 576 00:18:13,929 --> 00:18:15,562 Well, how am I gonna pay you back 577 00:18:15,597 --> 00:18:17,108 for that beer I bought on your credit card? 578 00:18:17,132 --> 00:18:18,798 I think I know. 579 00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:21,801 [band plays bluesy rock music] 580 00:18:21,836 --> 00:18:24,838 ? ? 581 00:18:24,873 --> 00:18:27,841 [cheers and applause] 582 00:18:27,876 --> 00:18:29,576 All right, wow. Wow. 583 00:18:29,611 --> 00:18:31,322 - We support you, Claire! - Thanks, everyone. 584 00:18:31,346 --> 00:18:34,848 Um, anyway, Doug's parents are gonna make a statement. 585 00:18:34,883 --> 00:18:36,883 Without further ado, Doug's mom. 586 00:18:36,918 --> 00:18:39,953 [speaking Korean] 587 00:18:54,202 --> 00:18:56,903 [cheers and applause] 588 00:18:56,938 --> 00:18:59,973 ? ? 589 00:19:01,744 --> 00:19:04,244 So, uh, where--where you from? 590 00:19:04,279 --> 00:19:06,547 Um--well, it's a town outside of Boston, 591 00:19:06,582 --> 00:19:10,084 but you wouldn't know the town, so I--I just say Boston. 592 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:11,719 - Great, great, yeah. - Yeah. 593 00:19:11,754 --> 00:19:13,654 - Oh, good. - Oh, thank you. 594 00:19:13,689 --> 00:19:15,689 - Oh, wow. - Oh, that's great. 595 00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:17,591 - Okay. - Thank you. 596 00:19:17,626 --> 00:19:19,460 [sighs] 597 00:19:19,495 --> 00:19:21,428 [crunching loudly] 598 00:19:21,463 --> 00:19:23,041 Hey, Dan, I don't-- I don't mean for this 599 00:19:23,065 --> 00:19:24,565 to sound too forward, but, um... 600 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,334 you seem perfect... 601 00:19:27,369 --> 00:19:28,569 ...ly fine. 602 00:19:28,604 --> 00:19:30,204 [exhales] 603 00:19:30,239 --> 00:19:32,150 I was just about to say the same thing about you. 604 00:19:32,174 --> 00:19:33,618 You know what, I'm just gonna cut to the chase. 605 00:19:33,642 --> 00:19:35,709 Dan, whose middle name I don't know-- 606 00:19:35,744 --> 00:19:37,611 It's French and really hard to pronounce. 607 00:19:37,646 --> 00:19:39,124 Will you get off dating apps with me? 608 00:19:39,148 --> 00:19:40,414 Yes. Yes, I will! 609 00:19:40,449 --> 00:19:41,715 Oh, my God, I hate dating! 610 00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:43,650 I hate dating! [both laughing] 611 00:19:43,685 --> 00:19:46,787 Oh, yes. [both sigh] 612 00:19:46,822 --> 00:19:48,789 Oh! I am gonna relax now. 613 00:19:48,824 --> 00:19:50,758 Me too. This is it. 614 00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:52,393 - This is it. - It's just over now. 615 00:19:52,428 --> 00:19:53,538 Oh, this is it. This is our life. 616 00:19:53,562 --> 00:19:55,429 Yeah, yeah. Wow. 617 00:19:55,464 --> 00:19:57,075 - This is disgusting, by the way. - Would someone mind 618 00:19:57,099 --> 00:19:58,476 getting me, um, like, some real dinner? 619 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,140 - Can I get some nachos? - [sighs happily] 620 00:20:00,169 --> 00:20:01,702 I am on a gluten-only diet from now on. 621 00:20:01,737 --> 00:20:03,604 [chewing noisily] 622 00:20:03,639 --> 00:20:05,116 - Mmm. [wine swishes] - I'm gonna take my belt off. 623 00:20:05,140 --> 00:20:07,441 One second. 624 00:20:07,476 --> 00:20:09,643 - Here you go. - Do you mind if I go bald? 625 00:20:09,678 --> 00:20:11,723 - I'm gonna stop dying my hair. - [sighs] This is me. 626 00:20:11,747 --> 00:20:14,615 - [exhales loudly] Oh. - [soft laugh] 627 00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:16,183 [both sigh] 628 00:20:16,218 --> 00:20:17,651 Hey, um... I'm gonna start 629 00:20:17,686 --> 00:20:19,353 an emotional affair with someone else, 630 00:20:19,388 --> 00:20:21,066 but it'll just--it'll be some light texting. 631 00:20:21,090 --> 00:20:22,723 Of course. I'll do that too. 632 00:20:22,758 --> 00:20:24,398 Great--oh, also, can we stop having sex? 633 00:20:24,426 --> 00:20:27,294 - I would really love that. - Aw. 634 00:20:27,329 --> 00:20:28,796 Hey! 635 00:20:28,831 --> 00:20:30,275 Oh, hey. What are you guys doing here? 636 00:20:30,299 --> 00:20:32,299 - We're on a date. - Wait. 637 00:20:32,334 --> 00:20:34,145 Those are all the guys you said weren't good enough for me. 638 00:20:34,169 --> 00:20:35,713 Yeah, well, they're good enough for us. 639 00:20:35,737 --> 00:20:37,471 That's the guy with the blurred-face girl, 640 00:20:37,506 --> 00:20:40,574 and the red flag, and-- wait, you said 641 00:20:40,609 --> 00:20:42,587 don't date a guy who had a dog in his profile picture, 642 00:20:42,611 --> 00:20:44,244 but he's the hottest guy here! 643 00:20:44,279 --> 00:20:46,080 We didn't know. Well, uh, it looks like 644 00:20:46,115 --> 00:20:48,749 you got off dating apps. Congrats, you found someone. 645 00:20:48,784 --> 00:20:50,517 Yeah, yeah. He's the love of my life. 646 00:20:50,552 --> 00:20:53,153 We have three kids. It's great. 647 00:20:53,188 --> 00:20:54,655 And I'm with Trevor now. 648 00:20:54,690 --> 00:20:56,290 I met him at your house. 649 00:20:56,325 --> 00:20:57,691 The comedy guy is so funny. 650 00:20:57,726 --> 00:20:59,293 [horn squeaking] 651 00:20:59,328 --> 00:21:01,295 [chuckling] 652 00:21:01,330 --> 00:21:03,397 ? Oh, there's a place we can go ? 653 00:21:03,432 --> 00:21:05,599 ? In the computer screen ? 654 00:21:05,634 --> 00:21:07,201 ? ? 655 00:21:07,236 --> 00:21:14,241 [wailing] 656 00:21:19,848 --> 00:21:21,648 Mommy! Mommy? 657 00:21:21,683 --> 00:21:23,384 Where are you? 658 00:21:23,752 --> 00:21:25,386 You've got mail. 659 00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:28,410 == Sync & corrections by Alice == == www.addic7ed.com == 660 00:21:28,460 --> 00:21:33,010 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 47852

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