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1
00:00:00,201 --> 00:00:03,002
- Hi, I'm Bryce Shivers.
- And I'm Lisa Eversman.
2
00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:04,348
Have you ever been
invited to something
3
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:05,638
you don't want to go to?
4
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:06,750
But you made
the commitment anyway
5
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,507
because you
felt obligated.
6
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:09,820
What you do is you wait
till the very last second
7
00:00:09,844 --> 00:00:11,277
- and then you...
both: Cancel it!
8
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:12,712
[quietly] Ow.
9
00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:14,447
Events like
your boss's barbecue.
10
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,581
Cancel it!
11
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,016
Your niece's birthday.
12
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,517
[party blower squawks]
Cancel it.
13
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,619
Allen's open mic.
14
00:00:19,654 --> 00:00:20,864
Just wait until
the very last second,
15
00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:22,855
and then just cancel it.
16
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,557
You don't have
to cancel everything.
17
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,826
It's weird--I was never
invited to Allen's open mic.
18
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,395
- Yeah, that is weird.
- Hm.
19
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,963
- Reminder: client dinner.
- Cancel it.
20
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:32,632
- Dentist appointment.
- Cancel it.
21
00:00:32,667 --> 00:00:35,368
- Couple's counseling.
- Cancel it!
22
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,003
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
23
00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,882
Do you have plans to see
a play with your parents,
24
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,306
but you don't wanna go?
25
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,107
But you feel guilty
26
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,942
because you barely
ever see them?
27
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:44,844
- You don't have to go.
- But they're old.
28
00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:45,922
Cancelling is
the fastest way
29
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,013
to teach the elderly
30
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:48,581
about the uses
of technology.
31
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:49,926
[keys clacking]
[text message whoosh]
32
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,584
This is why texting
was invented:
33
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,019
so you could cancel
last-minute.
34
00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,021
- Theater with parents.
- Cancel it.
35
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,756
- Breakfast with Diane.
- Cancel it!
36
00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:58,524
[buzzer sounding wildly]
37
00:00:58,559 --> 00:00:59,825
Even if you
love your family,
38
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,394
we all dread
the holidays.
39
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:03,329
Why not exchange
presents in January,
40
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,598
when the flights are cheap
and the malls are empty?
41
00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:06,699
That's right.
You can...
42
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:07,833
both: Cancel Christmas!
43
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,568
Cancel it!
Hey, uh,
44
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:10,970
what are we doing
for Christmas?
45
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:12,738
You know, I might be
out of town.
46
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,407
Aww.
47
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,342
What's Allen doing here?
48
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:17,743
[camera shutter clicks]
49
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,056
[Wagner's "Bridal Chorus" playing]
50
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,746
Yes, I am aware.
51
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,782
It sounds so boring!
52
00:01:22,817 --> 00:01:24,417
[soft laugh]
53
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,419
Cancel it!
[buzzer sounding wildly]
54
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:29,422
[Washed Out's
"Feel It All Around" playing]
55
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:32,425
[dreamy chillwave music]
56
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:38,465
== Sync & corrections by Alice ==
== www.addic7ed.com ==
57
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,607
...potato pancakes have
been burnt, like a...
58
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:49,608
Did they give you
a stomachache?
59
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,010
[laughing] Yeah.
60
00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:52,945
It was like
a smashed hockey puck.
61
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,380
What are you looking at?
62
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,781
Oh, you know,
63
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,950
eh, Tinder, Bumble,
the usual.
64
00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,852
- Ooh.
- Blah, blah, blah.
65
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:00,986
Looking for a date?
66
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,455
Yeah, you know, single.
67
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,090
It's... been a while, so.
68
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:06,459
I don't know, what do
you think of this guy?
69
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,627
Um, I think it's weird
that he has blurred out
70
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,029
someone in the picture.
71
00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:11,697
What if it's just
someone random
72
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,043
and he, like, didn't get
their permission?
73
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:14,144
Well, I have a feeling
that's his ex
74
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,368
and I think
it's aggressive
75
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:16,535
that he blurred her out.
76
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:17,670
Okay.
What about this?
77
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:18,771
I think this is so funny.
78
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:19,839
You wanna date a dog?
79
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:20,673
No, I don't
wanna date a dog.
80
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:21,819
He just has a picture
of the dog.
81
00:02:21,843 --> 00:02:23,754
He's kind of, like, commenting
on the whole culture--
82
00:02:23,778 --> 00:02:25,978
You don't want that.
At least he should show
83
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,023
- his own face, don't
you think? - Yeah.
84
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,148
Oh, what's
the goofy one?
85
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,983
That's his whole thing,
is he's being funny.
86
00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,785
- Do you like funny?
- I don't know
87
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,531
- what I like anymore.
- You just deserve better.
88
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,489
Whatever you show me,
you deserve better.
89
00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:38,124
- What about this guy?
- Nope.
90
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:39,792
No.
91
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:40,893
- No.
- No.
92
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:41,894
- Ugh.
- Garbage.
93
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,062
Garbage.
94
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:44,430
- Garbage.
- Garbage.
95
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,598
- Garbage.
- Garbage.
96
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:46,665
- Garbage.
- Garbage.
97
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,700
- Garbage.
- Trash.
98
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,034
- No.
- Ugh.
99
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:51,537
- Garbage.
[together] Garbage.
100
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,539
- I think that's a red flag.
- Yeah, good point.
101
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,441
- That's fair.
- These people are all trash
102
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:56,742
compared to what
you deserve.
103
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,811
- Oh, she's discouraged.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
104
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,513
You know, me and Carrie
are gonna go get
105
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:01,747
some low-key
plastic surgery,
106
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:02,959
but I think we're
gonna cancel
107
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,683
so we can help
you get a date.
108
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,485
You guys don't have
to cancel your plans.
109
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,964
Like, it's just--it's a
string of terrible options.
110
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,455
That's what it is.
I'll be fine.
111
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:10,801
I'm worried you're not
gonna find someone
112
00:03:10,825 --> 00:03:12,591
if we're not
here to help.
113
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,593
Okay, describe
your perfect guy.
114
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,195
Okay, um...
115
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:19,899
I guess, like, kind of
a squarish-shaped face,
116
00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:21,500
dark features in general.
117
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,079
He's Jewish, but, like,
wants to be Italian.
118
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,203
Thin-ish...
119
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,772
You like a tight shirt,
right?
120
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,141
- Tighten up that shirt.
- Yeah, that's great.
121
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,010
You're not drawing
yourself, are you?
122
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:32,511
[smooth musical flourish]
123
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,747
Do you wanna
date this guy?
124
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:37,417
Ohh...
125
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:45,724
[upbeat percussive music]
126
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,727
? ?
127
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,095
- Hey!
- Hi.
128
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,630
- Hello.
- Uh, we're Steve and Anne.
129
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,632
- We have a reservation.
- Okay.
130
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,634
[mouse clicks]
Um, little complication...
131
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,509
We were supposed to
meet a couple people here
132
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:59,216
and they literally just texted
that they can't make it.
133
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,707
Could the two of us
just go in by ourselves?
134
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,119
Unfortunately, the
room you've got booked
135
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,211
has a four-person
minimum requirement.
136
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,079
Um, we do have
a couple here looking for
137
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,747
a few extra players
themselves.
138
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,583
[thrilling fanfare]
Escape room!
139
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:11,917
We're gonna
set a record!
140
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,586
We're gonna
beat you guys.
141
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,488
I thought we were all
on the same team.
142
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,967
- Yeah, it's one team.
- That's right, one team.
143
00:04:16,991 --> 00:04:19,625
And we're gonna win.
Well, follow me.
144
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,093
'Scuse us.
145
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,596
[chanting] Escape,
escape, escape, escape.
146
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:26,165
I'm about to lead you
into Dr. Mondego's study.
147
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,968
The doctor was found murdered
of mysterious causes.
148
00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:31,537
- [gasps]
- When the detectives arrived,
149
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,539
they found no visible
wounds on the body.
150
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,674
- Dummies.
- They did, however,
151
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,510
find a note in
his typewriter
152
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,645
addressed to his wife
and two sons,
153
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,614
and it said that if he
were to be found dead,
154
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,660
that they should not believe
that it was by his own hand.
155
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,784
If, for any reason, you need
to get out of the room,
156
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,130
we have a panic button.
[snorts]
157
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,921
But know that
if you do press it,
158
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,190
the game will be over and you
will not receive a refund.
159
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:52,669
Yeah, and you're a
bunch of little babies.
160
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,927
All right.
Well, good luck.
161
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,962
[suspenseful music]
162
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,031
Escape!
163
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:02,001
Clues, escape, escape.
Clues, clues.
164
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,713
- Look around, guys.
- Look at how cool this is.
165
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,638
- Wow.
- Shut up, shut up!
166
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,172
You shut your mouths--
the two of you!
167
00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:09,208
We're the leaders, okay?
You're the followers.
168
00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:10,876
- It's fine. I got this.
- Oh, my God.
169
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:11,988
First of all, we do
not need these cameras.
170
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,579
[gasps]
171
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,215
And we do not need
the panic button!
172
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:18,117
- Oh, my God.
- Let's go!
173
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:19,829
Look around, look around.
Look, look, look, look!
174
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,153
- We're looking!
- Look hard!
175
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:23,055
All right?
Get your pupils focused.
176
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,790
You guys, here!
It's on the desk.
177
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,069
Help me count. One,
two, three, four, five--
178
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,259
wait, how does this work?
179
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:28,627
Anyone know how
to do an abacus?
180
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,062
I got it.
181
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,031
Why would there be
a laminate on a postcard?
182
00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:34,333
Who does that?
[grunts mockingly]
183
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:35,879
- Key! Time!
- Wait, we found something.
184
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,314
"Ideas are light bulbs.
Turn it on."
185
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,138
- That seems like a clue, right?
- No!
186
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,773
[stammering]
That's a fake-out.
187
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:43,142
- Okay.
- You're wasting time!
188
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:45,144
"Ideas are light bulbs.
Turn it on."
189
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,946
Let's go...
[Kath and Dave shouting]
190
00:05:46,981 --> 00:05:48,224
- Check out the lights? Mm-hmm.
- The light bulbs, yeah.
191
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,682
"Caacgdka."
192
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:50,994
- "Fo-gid-ubra."
- "De-cudge-u-gah."
193
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,095
"Fo-gid-u-wah."
"Fo-gid-uh-wah nee."
194
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,752
Guys, do you
wanna help us?
195
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:54,864
- Think we found...
- We found some clues.
196
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,957
[both chanting gibberish]
197
00:05:57,992 --> 00:05:59,625
- They're in their own world.
- Okay.
198
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,327
- Unlock it.
- Why is there a switch?
199
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,062
Put your key in.
Put your key in!
200
00:06:03,097 --> 00:06:04,730
Think you can
outsmart me? [cackles]
201
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,599
- Put your key in!
- Good luck! Yeah!
202
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,067
Put your key
in the hole!
203
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:09,613
[electricity crackling]
[gibbering loudly]
204
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:10,903
- Holy crap.
- Oh, my God.
205
00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,805
[spluttering]
206
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,773
[gasps]
Is he okay?
207
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,909
[coughs] There's
blood in my mouth.
208
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,210
[coughing]
209
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,756
Let's just--
let's just keep looking.
210
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:23,115
[soft laugh]
211
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,184
Outsmart us, huh?
212
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,819
- Zero-one-zero...
- What was, um...
213
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,198
- Computer talk.
- The computer talk?
214
00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,332
- Binary code.
- Binary... mm-hmm.
215
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:30,756
Will you hold it?
216
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,758
Read every book!
[gibberish]
217
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,860
- It's in here!
- [gibberish]
218
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:35,995
- Ooh!
- You got it!
219
00:06:36,030 --> 00:06:37,296
Look at that.
220
00:06:37,331 --> 00:06:38,297
[distant] What's this?
What's this?
221
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:39,665
both: "Stay safe."
222
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,667
Dave!
I wanna get out!
223
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,380
- I wanna get out!
- [distant]We got the door!
224
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:44,970
[both screaming]
I want to get out!
225
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,772
You can't do this to us!
226
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,642
- [distant] We found the clue.
- We're not lab rats!
227
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,276
[screaming]
Panic! Panic!
228
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,045
- Oh, look--okay.
- 52, 52.
229
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,813
- Let's see what we got here.
- [screaming]
230
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,783
You have no right
to do this to my brain!
231
00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,118
- It's my brain!
- Got it?
232
00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:01,020
- Yes!
- Oh, my God!
233
00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:02,855
- Please! Please!
- Where's my clues,
234
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,390
you son of a bitch?
235
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,125
- I'm gonna go through.
- Do it!
236
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,660
[dramatic music pounds]
237
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,995
Kill it!
Yes!
238
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,930
- [screaming]
- Yeah! Yes!
239
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,667
Yeah!
[gasping] We did it!
240
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,836
- We won!
- [panting]
241
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,338
Lookit, there's our time:
41:13.
242
00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:21,073
- 41:13!
- Yes! Whoo.
243
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,841
- Whoo.
- All right.
244
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,377
When do you guys wanna
do this again?
245
00:07:25,346 --> 00:07:26,946
? What about men? ?
246
00:07:26,981 --> 00:07:28,314
Hey, I'm Drew.
247
00:07:28,349 --> 00:07:29,983
And you know it,
I'm Andy.
248
00:07:30,018 --> 00:07:31,084
About three months ago,
249
00:07:31,119 --> 00:07:32,952
we swore off of women.
250
00:07:32,987 --> 00:07:34,287
No dating them,
251
00:07:34,322 --> 00:07:36,055
no falling in love
with them, nothing.
252
00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:37,490
Not even thinking
about them.
253
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:38,903
Now, we weren't getting
a lot of feedback
254
00:07:38,927 --> 00:07:40,037
on this new
lifestyle choice,
255
00:07:40,061 --> 00:07:41,361
and it occurred to us
256
00:07:41,396 --> 00:07:42,862
that people didn't know
257
00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:43,974
that we were
swearing off women.
258
00:07:43,998 --> 00:07:45,398
So, this is sort of our,
259
00:07:45,433 --> 00:07:47,467
uh, coming out video.
260
00:07:47,502 --> 00:07:49,435
I wonder if, uh,
we clarify that
261
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:50,537
in, uh, you know...
262
00:07:50,572 --> 00:07:52,105
Ah,
right-right-right-right.
263
00:07:52,140 --> 00:07:54,507
This is our heterosexual
coming out video.
264
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,910
Not... "coming out."
265
00:07:56,945 --> 00:07:58,578
It's more that
we are announcing.
266
00:07:58,613 --> 00:08:00,480
A straight guy
coming out.
267
00:08:00,515 --> 00:08:01,981
- I'm Drew.
- I'm Andy.
268
00:08:02,016 --> 00:08:03,583
This is our
heterosexual video
269
00:08:03,618 --> 00:08:05,251
about swearing off women.
270
00:08:05,286 --> 00:08:06,486
As it were.
271
00:08:06,521 --> 00:08:08,488
As it were.
272
00:08:08,523 --> 00:08:11,391
Yeah.
Uh, anyway, uh...
273
00:08:11,426 --> 00:08:13,459
we tried everything.
We really tried our best.
274
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,161
You know, going
out on dates.
275
00:08:15,196 --> 00:08:17,864
You know, I did a lot of,
uh, spaghetti dinners
276
00:08:17,899 --> 00:08:20,400
and steak dinners and,
uh, hamburger dinners.
277
00:08:20,435 --> 00:08:22,268
Uh, for my part, I was
sending a lot of DMs,
278
00:08:22,303 --> 00:08:23,603
asking women on dates.
279
00:08:23,638 --> 00:08:25,338
And these were
funny DMs, you know?
280
00:08:25,373 --> 00:08:26,606
We have a sense of humor.
281
00:08:26,641 --> 00:08:29,609
You know, 50 jokes,
150 jokes in a row!
282
00:08:29,644 --> 00:08:32,245
I--I did some research about
what women find funny,
283
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:33,457
and then, of course,
I was also sending
284
00:08:33,481 --> 00:08:35,481
some heartfelt
compliments.
285
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:38,318
I mean, you know,
women... [sighs]
286
00:08:38,353 --> 00:08:41,421
Feminis-- the problem
is that... that--
287
00:08:41,456 --> 00:08:44,057
It's--it's impossible.
Why even try?
288
00:08:44,092 --> 00:08:46,059
That's why we decided
to opt out.
289
00:08:46,094 --> 00:08:48,361
Okay, if a straight man
can't win at the game,
290
00:08:48,396 --> 00:08:50,163
don't play the game
you can't win at, boys.
291
00:08:50,198 --> 00:08:53,299
If the game's fixed,
why play?
292
00:08:53,334 --> 00:08:55,435
Don't you, like...
wouldn't you say that
293
00:08:55,470 --> 00:08:57,237
if you can't win
at the game...
294
00:08:57,272 --> 00:08:58,582
[clears throat]
We should do, like--
295
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,406
this whole thing
should be a silhouette.
296
00:09:00,441 --> 00:09:01,875
Oh, yes.
297
00:09:01,910 --> 00:09:03,020
[distorted]
That's when things
298
00:09:03,044 --> 00:09:04,644
got out of hand,
you know?
299
00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:06,579
I was taking
this girl out,
300
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,459
and I sat with her at dinner
and she didn't say a word.
301
00:09:08,483 --> 00:09:10,261
[distorted] I don't really
know the exact moment
302
00:09:10,285 --> 00:09:12,051
when things changed.
303
00:09:12,086 --> 00:09:14,320
All I know is that she
stopped calling me back.
304
00:09:14,355 --> 00:09:15,989
Uh, pretend to
cry a little?
305
00:09:16,024 --> 00:09:18,491
[sobs softly, sniffs]
306
00:09:18,526 --> 00:09:20,426
I don't know, it's like
if someone was--
307
00:09:20,461 --> 00:09:22,172
I don't know, if someone
was watching the video--
308
00:09:22,196 --> 00:09:24,230
I don't know, like if-if
a woman was actually--
309
00:09:24,265 --> 00:09:25,431
A woman?
No, man.
310
00:09:25,466 --> 00:09:27,533
[sighs] Be strong.
Just...
311
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,369
I-I know, but,
like, if...
312
00:09:29,404 --> 00:09:30,547
like, if someone
could love me...
313
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:33,172
Oh--[stammers]--
don't do that.
314
00:09:33,207 --> 00:09:35,074
- She's beautiful.
- Who?
315
00:09:35,109 --> 00:09:36,643
- Who's beautiful?
- I don't know.
316
00:09:36,678 --> 00:09:38,611
Some women are beautiful.
[sighs]
317
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,046
[knocking]
Hey!
318
00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:41,381
Hey, it's Sofiya,
your neighbor.
319
00:09:41,416 --> 00:09:42,682
- Uh--
- We're making a video.
320
00:09:42,717 --> 00:09:44,250
I just need
some help with a couch.
321
00:09:44,285 --> 00:09:45,518
Would you mind?
322
00:09:45,553 --> 00:09:47,487
- Um...
- We're busy.
323
00:09:47,522 --> 00:09:48,922
Oh, it'll just
take a second.
324
00:09:48,957 --> 00:09:50,456
I'll make you guys
some lemonade.
325
00:09:50,491 --> 00:09:53,092
Uh, maybe when we're
done. I'd prefer not to.
326
00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:54,672
Yeah, what are guys
good for, their muscles?
327
00:09:54,696 --> 00:09:57,630
Yeah.
Hire us first.
328
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,198
Okay.
Thanks.
329
00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:01,200
[blows raspberry]
That's right, man.
330
00:10:01,235 --> 00:10:02,702
[whip snaps]
331
00:10:02,737 --> 00:10:04,404
Uh, I'm gonna go get
a glass of water.
332
00:10:04,439 --> 00:10:08,007
All right.
[sniffs, exhales]
333
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:10,143
[soft patriotic fanfare]
334
00:10:11,646 --> 00:10:14,013
[sniffs] [quietly]
Um, if anything,
335
00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:16,616
I feel like
I'm, like, too romantic.
336
00:10:16,651 --> 00:10:19,452
Uh... there's part of me
that just would love to
337
00:10:19,487 --> 00:10:20,965
like, settle down
and, like, have kids--
338
00:10:20,989 --> 00:10:22,388
- What are you--
- What? Sorry.
339
00:10:22,423 --> 00:10:24,223
Were you talking
into the camera?
340
00:10:24,258 --> 00:10:25,536
No, no, no, no, no, I was
just fixing the mic, man.
341
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:28,061
[upbeat percussive music]
342
00:10:28,096 --> 00:10:29,462
? ?
343
00:10:29,497 --> 00:10:31,664
[knocking]
[phones continuously chiming]
344
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,566
- Hi.
- Thank God you guys are here.
345
00:10:33,601 --> 00:10:35,145
- We came as soon as we could.
- Okay, so I got two phones.
346
00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:36,970
I've been texting with
eight different people,
347
00:10:37,005 --> 00:10:38,615
and I-I-I--I'm losing track!
Okay, there's one guy.
348
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:39,683
We're just communicating
via "Family Guy" quotes.
349
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,074
Whoa-whoa--
whoa-whoa-whoa.
350
00:10:41,109 --> 00:10:42,419
And I'm out of
things Stewie said!
351
00:10:42,443 --> 00:10:43,754
- Slow down.
- We can handle this.
352
00:10:43,778 --> 00:10:44,744
Okay.
353
00:10:44,779 --> 00:10:46,679
I--what's that?
Okay.
354
00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,414
Oh, but...
355
00:10:48,449 --> 00:10:50,116
Um... I...
356
00:10:50,151 --> 00:10:53,386
[phones continue chiming]
357
00:10:53,421 --> 00:10:55,521
[futuristic music]
358
00:10:55,556 --> 00:10:57,323
Rachel, welcome to
the command center.
359
00:10:57,358 --> 00:10:59,036
So, I'm gonna handle
the deep-thinking guys
360
00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:00,504
that are looking for
something intellectual.
361
00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:01,995
I'm gonna handle all
the jokey guys
362
00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:03,429
don't wanna come off
too serious.
363
00:11:03,464 --> 00:11:05,298
Okay.
Uh, what should I do?
364
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:07,177
Uh, you should handle
the guys that immediately
365
00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:09,079
send pictures of their dicks
or are just here for sex.
366
00:11:09,103 --> 00:11:11,270
- Got it, okay.
- Oh, and this is Trevor.
367
00:11:11,305 --> 00:11:13,473
[electric guitar chords] -
Super great to meet you.
368
00:11:13,508 --> 00:11:15,341
- Hey.
- Due to the heavy text volume,
369
00:11:15,376 --> 00:11:17,143
Trevor has your phone
hooked up to a machine
370
00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:19,379
so he can patch us in
to our own group of guys.
371
00:11:19,414 --> 00:11:20,791
I just like to help
out. And don't worry.
372
00:11:20,815 --> 00:11:22,682
I won't, uh,
look at the content.
373
00:11:22,717 --> 00:11:24,317
- Just the name.
- Oh.
374
00:11:24,352 --> 00:11:25,763
You can look at the
content. I mean, I'm not--
375
00:11:25,787 --> 00:11:27,520
- there's nothing to hide.
- Okay, uh, cool.
376
00:11:27,555 --> 00:11:29,756
I'd love to look.
[music halts]
377
00:11:29,791 --> 00:11:32,225
Oh.
[laughs]
378
00:11:32,260 --> 00:11:34,260
- Okay, okay, yeah.
- Let's get to work.
379
00:11:34,295 --> 00:11:35,672
We are patched in.
All lines are open.
380
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:38,431
"Gross," send.
"Gross," send.
381
00:11:38,466 --> 00:11:40,566
"Oh, come on, you know
I wasn't being serious.
382
00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:42,279
"Sometimes it's hard
to say things over text,
383
00:11:42,303 --> 00:11:44,037
but you know exactly
what I mean," send.
384
00:11:44,072 --> 00:11:45,171
Ohh.
No.
385
00:11:45,206 --> 00:11:46,572
Ooh, that sounds
interesting.
386
00:11:46,607 --> 00:11:48,374
Oh, you're very
interesting. "Gross," send.
387
00:11:48,409 --> 00:11:49,486
Yes, I do believe
in true love.
388
00:11:49,510 --> 00:11:51,077
"That's your
finger." Send.
389
00:11:51,112 --> 00:11:52,623
Trevor, dick pics go
to Rachel, not me.
390
00:11:52,647 --> 00:11:54,547
- Ugh.
- Hey.
391
00:11:54,582 --> 00:11:57,083
- Hmm?
- Uh.
392
00:11:57,118 --> 00:11:59,318
Hope this isn't
too weird, but,
393
00:11:59,353 --> 00:12:00,631
I'd love to
take you out sometime,
394
00:12:00,655 --> 00:12:02,755
that is, if you're
interested.
395
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:05,758
Uh... yeah, uh, do you
have an online profile?
396
00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:07,293
I don't.
397
00:12:07,328 --> 00:12:09,529
Oh, but--no, but then
how would I find you
398
00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:12,498
or... or get to know you?
399
00:12:12,533 --> 00:12:14,700
"Yes, what was
the last book you read?"
400
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,335
- Rachel, hand me the stats.
- Oh--
401
00:12:16,370 --> 00:12:17,781
Stats on Brett.
Fred, here's the graph.
402
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,645
Rachel, someone says
they already know you...
403
00:12:19,674 --> 00:12:20,640
- Oh, God.
- And dated you before.
404
00:12:20,675 --> 00:12:21,641
What does that mean?
405
00:12:21,676 --> 00:12:23,209
Why are they asking me?
406
00:12:23,244 --> 00:12:24,688
If we've dated before,
I already rejected them.
407
00:12:24,712 --> 00:12:26,646
- "LOL."
- "LOL-OL-OL-OL."
408
00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,114
[laughing tonelessly]
409
00:12:28,149 --> 00:12:29,849
"Ha-a-a-ah-hah!"
Send.
410
00:12:29,884 --> 00:12:31,595
Sure, that's-that's
a non-threatening fetish.
411
00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:32,830
[fanfare sound effect plays]
Got a date.
412
00:12:32,854 --> 00:12:34,487
Hmm?
413
00:12:34,522 --> 00:12:36,189
Dinner at the Slide Inn
tomorrow night.
414
00:12:36,224 --> 00:12:37,568
- W-w-which guy?
- Uh, I don't know.
415
00:12:37,592 --> 00:12:39,625
David, Peter,
I can't tell which.
416
00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:41,394
- Is it me?
- No!
417
00:12:41,429 --> 00:12:43,096
"Is it me?"
418
00:12:43,131 --> 00:12:44,851
- Why would it be you, buddy?
- Sorry, Trevor.
419
00:12:52,574 --> 00:12:54,808
So, Joey,
what brings you in today?
420
00:12:54,843 --> 00:12:56,743
Um, I live pretty close.
421
00:12:56,778 --> 00:12:58,323
I live right there.
That's--that's my house.
422
00:12:58,347 --> 00:12:59,613
Oh.
423
00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:01,415
So I saw your sign,
and it says
424
00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:03,884
to make an appointment,
and then I did.
425
00:13:03,919 --> 00:13:05,586
I'm not crazy.
I know there's a lot of
426
00:13:05,621 --> 00:13:07,521
crazy people out there,
and, they--you know--
427
00:13:07,556 --> 00:13:08,866
Oh, I don't like to
make judgments
428
00:13:08,890 --> 00:13:10,457
- on people's mental health.
- Good.
429
00:13:10,492 --> 00:13:11,792
I'm here to help people.
430
00:13:11,827 --> 00:13:13,327
You know,
someone's crazy enough,
431
00:13:13,362 --> 00:13:14,828
you put 'em in
a straitjacket, right?
432
00:13:14,863 --> 00:13:16,496
Then you put 'em
in a rubber room?
433
00:13:16,531 --> 00:13:18,432
- I don't.
- You--you call a paddy wagon?
434
00:13:18,467 --> 00:13:19,967
- I don't, no.
- You don't do that?
435
00:13:20,002 --> 00:13:21,602
- Nope.
- Why-why do they do that?
436
00:13:21,637 --> 00:13:24,338
What is that?
Well, sometimes, um...
437
00:13:24,373 --> 00:13:25,917
You must get serial
killers in here, right?
438
00:13:25,941 --> 00:13:27,652
God, I hope I haven't
seen any killers, but--
439
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,543
They-they chop
people up, you know?
440
00:13:29,578 --> 00:13:31,345
Because they're so sick.
Well, I think-
441
00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:32,946
They don't understand
that, like,
442
00:13:32,981 --> 00:13:34,359
once you kill someone,
that's enough.
443
00:13:34,383 --> 00:13:35,716
You don't have
to keep going
444
00:13:35,751 --> 00:13:37,262
and keep chopping 'em up
like they're in,
445
00:13:37,286 --> 00:13:38,752
you know, the deli.
446
00:13:38,787 --> 00:13:40,454
Hmm, okay.
447
00:13:40,489 --> 00:13:42,289
- Joey, can I be honest
with you? - Yeah.
448
00:13:42,324 --> 00:13:44,258
You're doing a lot of
shifting of subjects.
449
00:13:44,293 --> 00:13:46,360
I'd really like to know
why you're here.
450
00:13:46,395 --> 00:13:48,262
What's, uh--
what's kleptomania?
451
00:13:48,297 --> 00:13:50,030
- That's stealing, right?
- It is.
452
00:13:50,065 --> 00:13:51,932
Yeah, what is that?
453
00:13:51,967 --> 00:13:53,544
- Stealing.
- What about color blindness?
454
00:13:53,568 --> 00:13:55,802
That's, that's...
that's a lie, right?
455
00:13:55,837 --> 00:13:57,371
- No, nope.
- What about amnesia?
456
00:13:57,406 --> 00:13:59,039
- I think it's not true.
- It is.
457
00:13:59,074 --> 00:14:00,774
Isn't that convenient,
though?
458
00:14:00,809 --> 00:14:02,487
Couldn't they say, "I
don't wanna pay the bill.
459
00:14:02,511 --> 00:14:03,888
"Uh, I have amnesia. I
don't know what happened."
460
00:14:03,912 --> 00:14:05,456
I don't think it
really works like that.
461
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,581
- You believe stuttering?
- I--yeah.
462
00:14:07,616 --> 00:14:09,416
I do too.
463
00:14:09,451 --> 00:14:11,385
When people stutter, I go,
"I think that's real."
464
00:14:11,420 --> 00:14:13,754
[sighs] Okay.
Um...
465
00:14:13,789 --> 00:14:15,856
You know what
necrophilia is?
466
00:14:15,891 --> 00:14:17,991
[whispering]
Some people are so sick,
467
00:14:18,026 --> 00:14:20,394
that they--you know, they
climb on top of a body...
468
00:14:20,429 --> 00:14:21,762
Okay.
Yeah, I know--
469
00:14:21,797 --> 00:14:22,929
I know what it is.
470
00:14:22,964 --> 00:14:25,032
You could hump two rocks
471
00:14:25,067 --> 00:14:27,367
and it'd feel better
than a corpse.
472
00:14:27,402 --> 00:14:28,869
And what do you do
when you're done?
473
00:14:28,904 --> 00:14:32,472
"Nice to meet you--
oh, sorry, you're dead"?
474
00:14:32,507 --> 00:14:34,007
I do like
nymphomania, though.
475
00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:37,010
That's a...
wow, nymphomania.
476
00:14:37,045 --> 00:14:39,012
"Hi, nice to meet you.
You wanna get married?"
477
00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:41,615
I mean, that's
a good disease to have.
478
00:14:41,650 --> 00:14:43,684
- Say more about that, please.
- No. I will not.
479
00:14:43,719 --> 00:14:45,663
I don't have to answer any
questions at this time.
480
00:14:45,687 --> 00:14:46,720
Okay.
481
00:14:50,792 --> 00:14:52,904
Freud said you wanted to do
it with your mom, right?
482
00:14:52,928 --> 00:14:55,429
Freud did talk about
the Oedipal complex.
483
00:14:55,464 --> 00:14:56,908
Sit with your mom and
go, "Hey, Mom, you know,
484
00:14:56,932 --> 00:14:58,332
"I know we're
having a good time
485
00:14:58,367 --> 00:15:00,467
"looking through
old family photos.
486
00:15:00,502 --> 00:15:02,569
"You wanna go up to
the bedroom for a minute?
487
00:15:02,604 --> 00:15:05,772
Let me take off your blouse,
give you a massage."
488
00:15:05,807 --> 00:15:07,574
You know, kissing the
necks? - You can--
489
00:15:07,609 --> 00:15:08,953
I mean, that's my mom
you're talking about.
490
00:15:08,977 --> 00:15:10,711
- Mm-hmm.
- No thank you.
491
00:15:10,746 --> 00:15:11,878
Okay, uh, Joey,
492
00:15:11,913 --> 00:15:15,115
our time is actually...
up.
493
00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:16,883
- Uh, what?
- Got about five minutes
494
00:15:16,918 --> 00:15:19,619
before we've gotta,
um, wrap up here, so...
495
00:15:19,654 --> 00:15:21,855
- This is the session?
- Yeah--oh, yeah.
496
00:15:21,890 --> 00:15:24,358
I thought I had to, you know,
put on, like, a butt-gown,
497
00:15:24,393 --> 00:15:26,827
- and, like, sit up and...
- Oh, no.
498
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:34,134
Hey, you--you going
in here, the therapist?
499
00:15:34,169 --> 00:15:35,769
It's a rip off.
500
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,471
You never get past
the waiting room.
501
00:15:37,506 --> 00:15:39,373
Oh, no, no,
I have to see her.
502
00:15:39,408 --> 00:15:41,041
I'm a nymphomaniac.
503
00:15:45,547 --> 00:15:47,047
Wanna get married?
504
00:15:47,082 --> 00:15:50,384
[upbeat percussive music]
505
00:15:50,419 --> 00:15:51,419
? ?
506
00:15:51,787 --> 00:15:53,453
Claire.
507
00:15:53,488 --> 00:15:55,922
Claire!
Doug, I'm working.
508
00:15:55,957 --> 00:15:57,023
Why are you still here?
509
00:15:57,058 --> 00:15:58,770
I know you're sad about
your drums getting stolen,
510
00:15:58,794 --> 00:16:00,138
but you can't just sit
around moping all day.
511
00:16:00,162 --> 00:16:01,928
Yeah, but it's just
not cool, you know?
512
00:16:01,963 --> 00:16:03,797
Like, stupid van
and stupid windows
513
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,399
being open and
unlocked doors.
514
00:16:05,434 --> 00:16:07,601
It's not an invitation
to take my drums.
515
00:16:07,636 --> 00:16:09,080
Okay, remember
when Kim broke her leg
516
00:16:09,104 --> 00:16:10,115
and she didn't have
health insurance?
517
00:16:10,139 --> 00:16:12,706
- Yeah, that sucked.
- And she had that benefit
518
00:16:12,741 --> 00:16:14,452
and everyone turned out,
and she made enough money
519
00:16:14,476 --> 00:16:15,842
- to pay her bills.
- Yeah.
520
00:16:15,877 --> 00:16:17,477
- That was a lot of fun, right?
- Right.
521
00:16:17,512 --> 00:16:18,756
So what if you threw
a benefit for Doug?
522
00:16:18,780 --> 00:16:19,980
- Yeah, for my drums.
- Right.
523
00:16:20,015 --> 00:16:21,159
That gives you
something to do.
524
00:16:21,183 --> 00:16:23,550
- Do you wanna help me with it?
- I don't. Good talk.
525
00:16:23,585 --> 00:16:25,552
[band playing rock music]
526
00:16:25,587 --> 00:16:27,921
? ?
527
00:16:27,956 --> 00:16:30,090
[cheers and applause]
528
00:16:30,125 --> 00:16:31,858
Yeah!
Wow.
529
00:16:31,893 --> 00:16:33,504
Let's give it up for
Construction and the Zones.
530
00:16:33,528 --> 00:16:36,062
- Yeah!
- Incredible band.
531
00:16:36,097 --> 00:16:37,831
Thank you all
for coming together
532
00:16:37,866 --> 00:16:42,135
for this... very serious
and important issue.
533
00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:43,737
Now, you know me
as a tough guy.
534
00:16:43,772 --> 00:16:45,839
You think I didn't cry
my eyes out?
535
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,151
- I had tears that were this big.
- I love you, Doug!
536
00:16:47,175 --> 00:16:48,108
You think I'm
kidding around?
537
00:16:48,143 --> 00:16:50,811
- We got you, dude.
- Yeah, you do got me.
538
00:16:50,846 --> 00:16:53,146
I thank you from
the bottom of my heart.
539
00:16:53,181 --> 00:16:55,615
And the band thanks you,
and have a great time!
540
00:16:55,650 --> 00:16:58,452
[cheers and applause]
Yeah, Doug!
541
00:16:58,487 --> 00:17:00,454
Doug, Doug!
Oh, my gosh.
542
00:17:00,489 --> 00:17:02,055
It's such a success!
You've already made
543
00:17:02,090 --> 00:17:03,924
enough money
to cover the drum kit!
544
00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:05,102
It's incredible.
I can't believe it.
545
00:17:05,126 --> 00:17:07,561
Look at this!
Brand new!
546
00:17:07,596 --> 00:17:08,929
Um, I'm gonna
go to work, okay?
547
00:17:08,964 --> 00:17:10,630
- Bye, hon.
- Bye.
548
00:17:10,665 --> 00:17:12,032
[snare taps]
549
00:17:12,067 --> 00:17:14,201
[fabric ripping]
Ah, man!
550
00:17:14,236 --> 00:17:17,237
My favorite jeans.
[groans]
551
00:17:17,272 --> 00:17:21,575
? ?
552
00:17:21,610 --> 00:17:23,643
[cheers and applause]
553
00:17:23,678 --> 00:17:26,112
Incredible, as always.
Uh...
554
00:17:26,147 --> 00:17:28,782
what are we talking about?
Basic human essentials.
555
00:17:28,817 --> 00:17:30,584
Water, shelter, jeans.
556
00:17:30,619 --> 00:17:32,085
I don't take any of it
for granted.
557
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,753
Enjoy the music.
558
00:17:33,788 --> 00:17:36,056
? ?
559
00:17:36,091 --> 00:17:37,924
[printer slams]
What's wrong, cutie?
560
00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:39,893
Well, I--I think
it's just out of ink.
561
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,995
[sighs] Well, I guess I'm
gonna go to the store.
562
00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:43,830
Um-- Hey, shh.
563
00:17:43,865 --> 00:17:45,532
Come on.
What's wrong?
564
00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:48,668
It's okay.
I have a job now.
565
00:17:48,703 --> 00:17:51,505
? Why, why, why, why ?
566
00:17:51,540 --> 00:17:55,609
? The street lamp is
blinking on and off ?
567
00:17:55,644 --> 00:17:57,844
Don't worry about giving
a little more.
568
00:17:57,879 --> 00:18:00,881
There's always more ink
in the sea.
569
00:18:00,916 --> 00:18:03,984
You know that you spent...
$3,000 on beer last month?
570
00:18:04,019 --> 00:18:05,752
- I did?
- Yeah.
571
00:18:05,787 --> 00:18:06,797
You have the beer gut
to prove it.
572
00:18:06,821 --> 00:18:08,255
I do?
573
00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:09,823
All right, well,
I'm just, like,
574
00:18:09,858 --> 00:18:11,825
not making
as much money anymore.
575
00:18:11,860 --> 00:18:13,905
I know, 'cause you've given
people benefit fatigue.
576
00:18:13,929 --> 00:18:15,562
Well, how am I gonna
pay you back
577
00:18:15,597 --> 00:18:17,108
for that beer I bought
on your credit card?
578
00:18:17,132 --> 00:18:18,798
I think I know.
579
00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:21,801
[band plays bluesy
rock music]
580
00:18:21,836 --> 00:18:24,838
? ?
581
00:18:24,873 --> 00:18:27,841
[cheers and applause]
582
00:18:27,876 --> 00:18:29,576
All right, wow.
Wow.
583
00:18:29,611 --> 00:18:31,322
- We support you, Claire!
- Thanks, everyone.
584
00:18:31,346 --> 00:18:34,848
Um, anyway, Doug's parents
are gonna make a statement.
585
00:18:34,883 --> 00:18:36,883
Without further ado,
Doug's mom.
586
00:18:36,918 --> 00:18:39,953
[speaking Korean]
587
00:18:54,202 --> 00:18:56,903
[cheers and applause]
588
00:18:56,938 --> 00:18:59,973
? ?
589
00:19:01,744 --> 00:19:04,244
So, uh,
where--where you from?
590
00:19:04,279 --> 00:19:06,547
Um--well, it's a town
outside of Boston,
591
00:19:06,582 --> 00:19:10,084
but you wouldn't know the town,
so I--I just say Boston.
592
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:11,719
- Great, great, yeah.
- Yeah.
593
00:19:11,754 --> 00:19:13,654
- Oh, good.
- Oh, thank you.
594
00:19:13,689 --> 00:19:15,689
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, that's great.
595
00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:17,591
- Okay.
- Thank you.
596
00:19:17,626 --> 00:19:19,460
[sighs]
597
00:19:19,495 --> 00:19:21,428
[crunching loudly]
598
00:19:21,463 --> 00:19:23,041
Hey, Dan, I don't--
I don't mean for this
599
00:19:23,065 --> 00:19:24,565
to sound too forward,
but, um...
600
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,334
you seem perfect...
601
00:19:27,369 --> 00:19:28,569
...ly fine.
602
00:19:28,604 --> 00:19:30,204
[exhales]
603
00:19:30,239 --> 00:19:32,150
I was just about to say
the same thing about you.
604
00:19:32,174 --> 00:19:33,618
You know what, I'm just
gonna cut to the chase.
605
00:19:33,642 --> 00:19:35,709
Dan, whose middle name
I don't know--
606
00:19:35,744 --> 00:19:37,611
It's French and
really hard to pronounce.
607
00:19:37,646 --> 00:19:39,124
Will you get off
dating apps with me?
608
00:19:39,148 --> 00:19:40,414
Yes.
Yes, I will!
609
00:19:40,449 --> 00:19:41,715
Oh, my God, I
hate dating!
610
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:43,650
I hate dating!
[both laughing]
611
00:19:43,685 --> 00:19:46,787
Oh, yes.
[both sigh]
612
00:19:46,822 --> 00:19:48,789
Oh!
I am gonna relax now.
613
00:19:48,824 --> 00:19:50,758
Me too.
This is it.
614
00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:52,393
- This is it.
- It's just over now.
615
00:19:52,428 --> 00:19:53,538
Oh, this is it.
This is our life.
616
00:19:53,562 --> 00:19:55,429
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
617
00:19:55,464 --> 00:19:57,075
- This is disgusting, by the way.
- Would someone mind
618
00:19:57,099 --> 00:19:58,476
getting me, um, like,
some real dinner?
619
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,140
- Can I get some nachos?
- [sighs happily]
620
00:20:00,169 --> 00:20:01,702
I am on a gluten-only
diet from now on.
621
00:20:01,737 --> 00:20:03,604
[chewing noisily]
622
00:20:03,639 --> 00:20:05,116
- Mmm. [wine swishes]
- I'm gonna take my belt off.
623
00:20:05,140 --> 00:20:07,441
One second.
624
00:20:07,476 --> 00:20:09,643
- Here you go.
- Do you mind if I go bald?
625
00:20:09,678 --> 00:20:11,723
- I'm gonna stop dying my hair.
- [sighs] This is me.
626
00:20:11,747 --> 00:20:14,615
- [exhales loudly] Oh.
- [soft laugh]
627
00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:16,183
[both sigh]
628
00:20:16,218 --> 00:20:17,651
Hey, um...
I'm gonna start
629
00:20:17,686 --> 00:20:19,353
an emotional affair
with someone else,
630
00:20:19,388 --> 00:20:21,066
but it'll just--it'll be
some light texting.
631
00:20:21,090 --> 00:20:22,723
Of course.
I'll do that too.
632
00:20:22,758 --> 00:20:24,398
Great--oh, also,
can we stop having sex?
633
00:20:24,426 --> 00:20:27,294
- I would really love that.
- Aw.
634
00:20:27,329 --> 00:20:28,796
Hey!
635
00:20:28,831 --> 00:20:30,275
Oh, hey. What are
you guys doing here?
636
00:20:30,299 --> 00:20:32,299
- We're on a date.
- Wait.
637
00:20:32,334 --> 00:20:34,145
Those are all the guys you said
weren't good enough for me.
638
00:20:34,169 --> 00:20:35,713
Yeah, well, they're
good enough for us.
639
00:20:35,737 --> 00:20:37,471
That's the guy with
the blurred-face girl,
640
00:20:37,506 --> 00:20:40,574
and the red flag, and--
wait, you said
641
00:20:40,609 --> 00:20:42,587
don't date a guy who had a
dog in his profile picture,
642
00:20:42,611 --> 00:20:44,244
but he's the
hottest guy here!
643
00:20:44,279 --> 00:20:46,080
We didn't know.
Well, uh, it looks like
644
00:20:46,115 --> 00:20:48,749
you got off dating apps.
Congrats, you found someone.
645
00:20:48,784 --> 00:20:50,517
Yeah, yeah.
He's the love of my life.
646
00:20:50,552 --> 00:20:53,153
We have three kids.
It's great.
647
00:20:53,188 --> 00:20:54,655
And I'm with Trevor now.
648
00:20:54,690 --> 00:20:56,290
I met him at your house.
649
00:20:56,325 --> 00:20:57,691
The comedy guy
is so funny.
650
00:20:57,726 --> 00:20:59,293
[horn squeaking]
651
00:20:59,328 --> 00:21:01,295
[chuckling]
652
00:21:01,330 --> 00:21:03,397
? Oh, there's
a place we can go ?
653
00:21:03,432 --> 00:21:05,599
? In the computer
screen ?
654
00:21:05,634 --> 00:21:07,201
? ?
655
00:21:07,236 --> 00:21:14,241
[wailing]
656
00:21:19,848 --> 00:21:21,648
Mommy!
Mommy?
657
00:21:21,683 --> 00:21:23,384
Where are you?
658
00:21:23,752 --> 00:21:25,386
You've got mail.
659
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:28,410
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00:21:28,460 --> 00:21:33,010
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