Original subtitles

[camera shutter clicks]

Do I just pour the broth into the noodles?

No!

Don't mess with this noodle.

[thunder rumbles]

Only dip.

[eerie music]

Ooh, chopsticks.

- I know how to use these. - Me too.

We have one order of tsukemen.

- Oh. - Tsukemen?

These are our cold Japanese dipping noodles.

More garnishes will be coming out.

I don't think this is what we ordered.

We don't work here. A-are you asking

- us to make it? Oh, - Yeah. We're not chefs.

I think what we ordered "Sookie-man."

- It's pronounced tsukemen. - Tsukemen?

- Enjoy. - What... but... do you want to

send this back to the kitchen so you guys can make it and then bring it back?

- Why do I have a blank soup? Okay. - Well, I don't even have a soup.

- Why are there n-naked noodles? - I'm gonna start with the salad.

But I think there's a-a proper way to do it that...

- It's all edible. - Nance, this is, like, Asian food.

This is... you've got to do it like they do it

- [stammering] in the... actual country. - Well, hon, I'm hungry.

No. No! That's the dressing?

- I... - I think that's the soup.

- It's not a soup. - Le... let's do this

the right way. What... what... what...

- Mmm. - [sharp sting]

Peter, now my favorite dress has a stain on it.

What's that?

Th... Th... this is not a soup.

Help! Hel... p-p... please, can... can someone help?

So w... we don't know how to do any of this.

There's a proper way to do it.

You simply take your noodles and dip them into your broth.

- What are you doing? Tying a knot? - Yeah, I'm making a dumpling.

It's really important that you don't let your noodles soak in the broth.

And... and the eggs are for breakfast for tomorrow?

For a little bit more richness. Gives it more mouth feel.

It's kinda like a tea ceremony for food.

These flavors have been around for centuries, so we're honoring them today.

And what century wh... wh... wh... does the flavor come from?

Peter, while you're talking, I'm about to eat food.

I'm just gonna put all this in here.

No! Only dip!

You've been warned.

Wow. Hot-headed.

Could we get this to go, please?

Oh, Peter, there's so many containers.

I'm not gonna be able to fit it all in here, hon.

Sure. You just move that bottle right over there.

Actually, why don't you throw this milk out?

I'm not gonna throw it out. I don't want to waste it. Just drink it.

Oh.

It's like cottage cheese.

Look, I just combined everything so it should fit.

No, no, no, no. I-I-I...

- I don't think you sup... - Yep.

I don't think that's the right thing to do.

- I think you keep them separate. - All good.

Nance, I-I don't... I don't...

[mysterious music]

[crackling]

[washer beeps and water runs]

- Aah! - You didn't dip, Nance!

- [gasps] - What happened?

It was just... just a bad dream, I guess.

Oh, no.

[growling]

- [spooky Japanese music] - Initial sync & corrections by robtor

This sync & corrections by PetaG www.addic7ed.com

- Good morning. As you know, - _

the Nokia Corporation is gonna be visiting today,

and they're looking to potentially open a plant here,

which would mean thousands of new local jobs.

We really want everything to be especially polished today.

Spick-and-span. The mayor wants this to go really, really well.

OPP Radio, I'm Gregory Gonzalez Gomez.

And I am Brianne Maxwell Jones,

and we are right in the middle of our spring pledge drive.

We've got a goal of $50,000

Think of it as an investment in your own entertainment and education.

The other day, we ha... we had a driveway moment.

There was a wonderful story on teenagers in Papua, New Guinea wh-who sell sand.

Here in public radio, a driveway moment is something that defines who we are.

You're in your car, listening to a show, and you're almost at your house.

You pull up, and you don't want to spend that time

going from your car to your house

and missing the very important part of the story.

So you stay in your car until the story is over.

And what we're asking for today is for you to donate

to keep this community of public radio listeners going.

Through your pledges, we brought in the new Beck album and we played it f...

- Oh, damn it. - What?

[groans]

I left my phone at home.

- Let's go back. - I can't believe I did that!

It was right on the counter. Just... it was... I looked at it,

and I just kept walking. Damn it!

Ugh. We'll just leave it.

Okay. [sighs]

[inhales erratically]

[gasps] Ahem.

I bet you someone's texting me right now.

Like right now, they're, like, "Hey, how are you doing?"

honestly, it's often one of those things where you get back,

and you think there's been an emergency, and there's literally nothing.

The texts that I want to return, they're not the important ones,

but the ones where someone's like, "Hey, what's up?"

And it just seems like I'm mad at them.

And I don't want anyone to think that.

- [exhales deeply] - Ugh.

I miss the heat of it in my pocket.

Asia-phile.

Konichiwa. Today on "Asia-phile,"

we're going to talk about the various ways you can bow.

And in dealing with, uh, business colleagues,

you should know the difference between the formal and informal bows,

and know when to use the very, very formal.

Let's bow, shall we?

Here's me doing the formal bow. Look at my back.

Here's me doing the informal.

- Nokia's here, sir. - Hmm?

- Konichiwa. - Good.

Where are the Nokia people?

Apparently that's them.

I thought it was a Japanese company.

Actually, Mr. Mayor, we are a Finnish company.

- Tracy Bing, Nokia. - Nokia.

Jim and I, here, are heads of Nokia North America.

- Hi. Jim Riggins. - Wow.

You are not exactly what I was expecting at all.

So it's not a Japanese company?

No, sir. It's a Finnish company.

- Finnish? - Finnish.

- Finland. - So wouldn't it be,

- like, "Nu-kea"? - Nokia.

Well, I prepared an elaborate Japanese

- welcoming bow ceremony. - [chuckles]

I really, really, really did a lot of work on it, but...

Go ahead. Do it anyway.

[gong chiming]

[descending moan]

[low moan]

Tracy, Jim, welcome.

I'm so excited to show you the bright, eager,

young workforce that we have here.

I have no doubt you will choose Portland as your home.

Kind of curious, who else are you considering?

- Seattle. - [scoffs]

No contest. Bunch of dum-dums up there.

[chuckles]

Nance? The fridge is wide open.

- What? - Want anything for lunch?

Oh, I could go for some of those leftovers, hon.

Y-n-n... the noodles are gone.

No, hon, they're on the shelf.

No, they're not. They're... they're not here.

Well, Peter, they didn't just get up and walk away.

I-I-I-I think they did.

There's little noodle footprints that go out the... the...

the front of the fridge and they... they make a left

and go down the hall and there's broth

- everywhere. - You didn't dip.

[growling]

Ah!

[dog barking]

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ah, damn it. Right on my shirt.

It's gonna be there all day. Oh, well.

Oh, God. Now I have to get this shirt dry-cleaned.

What you're going to see here is a potential workforce

the likes of which doesn't exist anywhere else. Only in Portland.

You see all the busy little bees working away on projects,

All personal projects.

Why shouldn't they be working for you? Hmm?

Let's talk to one of them, shall we?

Excuse me? Hi.

- Hi. Oh, hi. Nice to meet you. - I'm the mayor. I see

you're working hard there on a... uh,

- you've got a little spill. - Oh, yeah.

We couldn't have a spill like that around the office.

- [chuckles] Um, well, you keep working. - Oh,

- okay. - There you go. Thank you.

- Sir, hi. I'm the mayor. - Oh, hi.

- (both) Ugh. - [grunts] A stain.

[chuckles] Um...

Ugh!

- Oh. - These people are slobs.

We can't have that in the office.

I don't think Portland's gonna work for us.

- Mm-mm. - Uh, well,

let's, uh, let's continue, uh...

now, uh, I know Nokia is in need of... of... of a strong workforce.

I don't know what to do with my hands. Just... like this.

Reach in my pocket... back pocket.

Wish I had a...

You know, I wish I had rings

I could play with on my fingers. That's what I should do

- is try to get... - Whoa, a lot of people are tweeting

about this wet noodle that's on a

- rampage. - I'm that out of it already?

Yeah. Sightings downtown. Sightings like...

- [roaring] - Ahh!

[All screaming]

Okay, we're getting breaking news on a noodle monster of some kind.

We will try, if we can, my finger is on the button

to switch over to that story.

Just waiting for that $50,000.

Brianne's finger is on the button, and we're almost gonna do the switch,

but we just need... need that $50,000.

And in fact, this in itself can be a driveway moment, but we need your funds.

Donate anything. $5, $10, 20, 50, anything you can.

And if you're like Scrooge McDuck, and you're, like, swimming in money

in, like, a real pool full of, like,

very bright yellow gold coins, please contribute.

_

- It... it is our fault. - _

- We take responsibility. - _

- We birthed this monster - _

- with our ignorance. - Excuse me, do you plan to apologize

to the chefs of this city whom you've just embarrassed

- by your faux pas? - Y-yes.

We're... we're... we... we have a statement

to a... all chefs in... in our wonderful city,

we apologize with... with our full heart and body...

Are you going to apologize to homeowners

whose homes have been ruined by this noodle monster?

To ho... homeowners out there, if you're watching,

- we're... we're so sorry. - Are you going to apologize

to the apartment dwellers who you just left out?

Apartment dwellers, we are so sorry.

And if you're in 10A or in 15K...

Are you going to apologize for the rise in rent?

We're sorry.

Thank you, Sam.

Please just have a seat right here,

- and I'll be right back. - Everything's okay?

Yes. Just a minor hiccup. Sam, could you, uh...

So...

we got some crazy monster movie on our hands here.

Chef, what exactly are we dealing with?

Mr. Mayor, this is tsukemen.

It's a cold Japanese wheat noodle for dipping in ramen broth.

I... I'm sorry. I didn't have a chance to look any of this...

I don't have my phone with me, so why would a noodle increase in size

and then attack a city?

So the thing is, if it's dipped, it's a delicious dish.

But if it's soaked in the broth, it turns into a monster.

What does it want?

- What does this noodle want? - It just wants to be dipped.

But it's gotten dunked. It's gotten dunked and soaked.

So the noodle wanted a shower, but someone gave it a bath.

As if the noodle has been baptized against its will.

Why isn't it rice? Why didn't rice happen?

- Why is it... - It's... it's a wheat noodle

from wheat. Not a rice noodle from rice.

Oh!

- You need to get your phone. - I don't have a phone.

You guys all have your phones with you. I don't have mine, okay?

So the... my little brain is trying to come up with solutions...

- I don't... chopstick guns. - We tried that.

How... how are we gonna deal with this? I mean, I want it

dealt with humanely, of course. No one gets hurt, including the noodle,

but we have to deal with it. Any ideas?

Maybe we could take one of our city pools and fill it with ramen broth.

Then we get the noodle and we dip it, turns it back into a delicious dish.

- That's a great idea. - A quick dip.

- Quick dip. - Quick dip.

We've got to forcibly get it into this pool of broth.

I think I know people that are good at pushing things into pools.

- Frat guys. - (All) Yeah?

We need you to push the noodle monster into the water.

- We could do that. Okay. - Yeah.

- Don't you guys want to be heroes? - Do you guys want to be heroes?

- You guys hear that? - (All) Yeah.

Do we agree on that?

- So, perfect! - Ahh!

[laughter]

My socks are on, buddy.

Guys, I have my phone in my pocket.

So this... this pool thing's not going to work.

[exhales deeply]

Mayor, ah, could we have a word with you?

Yeah. Excuse me. One second.

We're just about through with our little hiccup.

Can I get you anything else? Some magazines or a board game?

Actually, I think we're just gonna head to the airport.

- No! - We feel like we have a good take

on what Portland is, how it, um, operates,

so thanks very much for showing us everything.

You really haven't had a chance to experience all of Portland.

Well, it seems like you got something pretty big going on here, so...

Well, we're busy, but not too busy for you.

Take care.

[echoing] Allen.

[exhales deeply]

Well,

the Nokia people didn't say it directly,

but I think it would please them

if we destroyed this noodle once and for all.

Well, I-I just have an apology hangover right now. I feel awful.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, Nance.

Well, I'm not sorry 'cause I'm sick of being sorry.

Hey, wh... wh... wh... wh... where's the fridge?

[growling]

The stairs are all wet.

- Watch your step. - What's going on? Ahh!

- Ah! - [gasps] We're sorry. We're sorry!

What... what else do you want from us? You... you want a written apology?

I'm done apologizing. I don't even know what we did wrong.

Can you hear us? Maybe he understands gestures of apology.

I'm not gonna bow to a noodle.

We're... we're sorry. We apologize. Can... can you...

Listen, we've had enough of you. Just get out of here! Scram!

- Ah! Peter... Peter. - Ahh!

- Get it! Come on! - [grunting]

Ahh! No! Ahh! No!

Oh, ah.

Ahh!

Peter!

Uh, we are closing in on the noodle monster.

It'll be in range in three minutes.

Great, great. It was last seen, uh, near Sandy and 33rd.

I think it's heading back to my restaurant to suck down some more broth.

Copy that. I have located the target. I am prepared to lock in and fire.

Excellent. Terminate with extreme prejudice.

Engaging termination. I will be firing in 15 seconds.

- Hey! - Whoa, whoa, hold on, pilot.

Ma'am, what are you doing there? What is your beef?

- We need to exterminate this noodle. - My husband's in there.

He got slurped up. I need to get him out.

No ma'am, I can't. The folks from Nokia are on their way to Seattle,

and they've just seen us with lots of stains on our shirts.

No, no, no, listen. I can neutralize the situation.

I can do it humanely. Please. Please.

You've got two minutes.

Get me NPR.

We are a go for Operation Driveway Moment.

That's why in this, uh, pledge drive, we need you...

Out of the chair! Out of the chair! Move, move, move!

- Get up, get up, get up! - Oh, geez.

Okay, okay.

I'm Kai Ryssdal, this is "Marketplace."

So let me tell you actually a little story.

When I lived in Beijing, there was a place I went to,

a little noodle shop that I went to

every single day for lunch we had dondonya,

which if you've never had dondonya, I cannot recommend it highly enough.

It's a bowl of noodles steaming hot,

there's some spicy broth on the bottom, a little pork on top,

some scallions, maybe a little garlic. If you've never tried it, try it.

Anyway, what happens is I go back to China

a couple of years ago and I go to try to find

my little noodle shop. My little dondonya shop, right?

I mean, it was about a five tables, little thing,

over in the corner somewhere, and I'm walking all around Beijing.

Can't find it, can't find it. Finally I turn a corner, 'cause as you know,

China has changed a lot in the past 20 years.

Turn a corner and there's the spot.

It's a huge glass building, but here's the deal.

This is not a joke.

He's engaged in the story. We have a driveway moment.

Repeat, we have a driveway moment. Go for broth!

It was empty, China is changing.

Remember I said up at the top,

44 billion individual portions of noodles

and that's even after somebody has come in

and knocked down my Volkswagen dealership.

So the conclusion to draw here, I think,

if I can sum it up, which I really hope I can...

"Asia-phile." Hey, everybody.

We're going to have a ramen eating lesson today.

Um, it's a very specific kind of ramen.

Tsukemenen ramen. It's the dipping kind of ramen.

Hold on, hon. I just have to watch this video.

We use the noodles, dip into the broth and eat.

These are standard chopsticks that you can find

- in markets across America. - Come on!

I was in, uh, I was in Shanghai not too long ago,

went to the Night Noodle Market, actually in a corner of Shanghai,

extraordinary experience, here's what they did:

took a little ball of dough, whapped it on the counter, and

boom, stretched it out into a noodle.

Whapped it on the counter again, stretched it out into four noodles.

Whapped it, eight noodles. You whap it one more time, 16...

No, wait, let... let's hear the end.

- 64. 3 1/2 minutes later, - Oh, okay.

bang, bowl of noodles.

Now, here's the moral of the story: Noodles matter.

Noodles matter to people. They matter to local economies...

And speaking of the economy, we are still doing our pledge drive.

- [roaring] - We're losing him.

Driveway Moment, disengage.

- No, no! - No, no.

I think they're going to take an economic downturn here...

I don't know, actually, how much time

we're going to have to stretch out the pledge drive, so let's get back to

the Asian food market worldwide, which, ah,

- I-I'm sure people are interested in. - Oh, God!

I'm sorry, Peter.

So essentially, you want to get a big bite of this.

Dip it into your broth, and then slurp it down in one shot.

[slurping]

[slurping]

- Wow. - Wow.

[slurping continues]

[more slurping]

- Still not working. - Oh, just let go.

- It's not gonna work. - Okay.

Peter? Peter!

- Yes! - [cheers and applause]

Yes! Amazing!

- [cheers and applause] - Oh, yeah!

All right, and, uh, and there we are. That is Marketplace, uh, for today,

and I'm Kai Ryssdal, thanks very much.

- [cheers and applause] - Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor,

excuse me, excuse me, everybody.

The way you worked with your citizens to neutralize this monstrosity

and bring it to a peaceful conclusion

was impressive.

We've decided to offer you a job in our headquarters in Finland.

- Whoa. - Whoa.

Um, I have to decline.

I'm the mayor of Portland, Oregon, and this is my dream job, so thank you,

but no.

- Yay! - [cheers and applause]

- Ahh! Ahh! - Peter! Peter!

- Oh, look at you. - Who is that?

Oh, it's like you just came out of a womb.

- It's Nance. - Oh, N-Nance.

Uh, oh, the... there was noodles all around me.

I-I know. I just ate the entire noodle.

The-the-the-the-the... the tsukemen?

Just like the waiter had told us to do. Just like you told me to do.

I-I put it all in order. I watched a video and then... [slurps]

I just slurped up that big noodle.

A-are you in the Army?

No, hon, I'm not in the Army.

Oh, look at all the troo... look at all the troops.

- Yeah. - I-I salute you.

Private Nance reporting for duty.

Uh, N... Nance, any way that you eat noodles is fine with me.

I don't care, as long as I get to be with you.

Can you see me?

- You're my cute smudge. - You're my cute smudge.

[both smacking lips]

[cheers and applause]

- Victory - Sync/corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com

It took the very best to win

Victory

The celebrations can begin

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