All language subtitles for Portlandia s06e05 Breaking Up.eng

All right.

I'm on my way out.
How's it going?

I'm making a lot of headway
with the spring cleaning.

Look, this is every key
I've ever owned, Claire.

Seems like garbage pile
for that.

- All of these keys?
- Yeah.

No, no, no, this is gonna be
in the "maybe" pile.

What's the "maybe" pile?

That's the key
"maybe" pile.

That's the papers
"maybe" pile.

That's the pillow
"maybe" pile.

[gasps]
Claire!

- I have never seen that before.
- Misfits!

I've been looking everywhere
for this.

It's a collectors' item.
"Walk Among Us."

- You remember?
- I don't.

All I ask is that you pare down
by the time I get home.

Do you think
this is a good guitar?

No. It's a toy.

Remember what I looked like

when I was looking
at the screen?

Doug, enough.

Don't you see
this is important to me,

you getting rid of this stuff?

It's stressing me out.

Don't you see that this
is important to me?

This is, like,
a part of my life.

And the compromise is
for you to organize it

and put it away.

- Yes.
- Pare down. Organize.

- I will.
- All right, good luck.

- All right.
- Bye.

Bye.

[gasping]

Yes.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Thank you for driving.
- Yeah, you bet.

Oh, my God,
your car is so clean.

Yeah, Rob got it detailed
for me yesterday

when he got off of work.

- He's so nice.
- I know.

- Claire.
- Yeah?

- Hi.
- So glad you didn't leave yet.

What's up?

Um...

What is it?

I can't find the iPad
anywhere.

I was gonna bring it with me.

I want to watch "Vikings."

- Sure, Doug, yeah.
- Thanks.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Nice car.
- Yeah, thanks.

Yes. Whoa.

[thud]

[chuckles]

Okay. Bye, hon.

My knees are in dog shit.

[chuckles]
Oh, God.

- Good to see you.
- You should hose that off.

Please, before you get
in the house.

- Yeah.
- We're off.

Bye, Claire.

No, it was me.

I was just looking
at my notes the whole time.

No, you were great.

Your PowerPoint
was super tight.

Thanks.

Where is Rob?

I texted him hours ago
that we didn't

get the account,
and he's totally AWOL.

Well, Doug texted me once,
and it was to ask

whether or not he liked pizza.

[laughter]

It's like, how does he not know
whether he likes pizza?

So selfish, he can't
do anything without me.

- It is selfish.
- Yeah, I'm sick of it.

- These guys are clueless.
- Yeah.

Hi, are you ladies over 21?

Oh, my God.
Hi!

What are you doing here?

I thought
I'd surprise you.

[both cooing and smooching]

You want to have
a fun night?

- Oh, I need a fun night.
- Good.

Hey, Claire, fun night?

Um, you guys have
a fun night.

Yeah, go ahead.

- Oh.
- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Well, I'll see you
tomorrow, okay?

- All right, bye.
- Bye.

[sighs]

Claire, I'm so happy
you're home!

I burnt my hand.

[chuckles]

Yeah, I was trying
to use the oven,

and I didn't have a mitt.

Wait, you were cooking?

Yeah, I was warming up
a pot cookie

in the iron skillet.

Ah, this is so much better.

[chuckles]

What do you think?

The shirt's framed.
Baby shoes, framed.

Every toothbrush in the last
two years, framed.

Doug, I'm not up here at all.

It's just you.

I'm done with this.

You don't ask me about my day
or my job.

We never go to museums.

You don't talk to me
about books you're reading.

Claire, I'm sorry.

How was your day?
Do you want to go to the museum?

How's your job?

Did I tell you
about the book I read?

I need someone who can
take care of me.

Hey, I can take care of you.

[hisses]

Ah!

How, Doug?

Ah, I was gonna try
to rub your thigh.

I want you to move out, Doug.

[somber music]

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

_

_

[grunts]

- Hi.
- Morning.

- Hey, buddy.
- How you doing?

- Good. How'd you sleep?
- Really great.

That tent is really,
really well-made.

- So you like the tent.
- I love it.

You know, it's gonna be hard
getting over Claire.

Um, but the tent
is helping tremendously.

It's such a good tent.

Yeah, absolutely.
I mean--

But you don't
want something

that's a little more,
like, private and--

- Permanent, maybe?
- You know?

If I do anything,
you know,

maybe I'll just, like,
build a place.

You mean build
your own house?

Yeah.

You know, you need
load-bearing beams.

Yeah.

And then glue a, uh,
doorknob on there.

Have you ever done
anything like this,

like a birdhouse?

Have you ever done
anything like this at all?

Does not a chef
look at a recipe book

before he cooks?

Did you ever hear
that saying?

It's like, I can do it
if I learn as I go.

- Right, yeah.
- But--

I mean, you would need
a space.

Where would you even
build it at?

[electric whirring]

That's a good question.

I have an idea.

[women vocalizing]

[saw grinding]

-
hum

[panting]

Eh...

[whispering]
Sorry.

Agh!

Damn it.

Hi, can I help you
find something?

Oh, yes, I'm looking
for band T-shirts.

Band T-shirts--
yeah, right this way.

Um, are you looking
for a certain kind,

like a tank top
or a distressed look?

- It's, um, the Misfits.
- The Misfits.

They have this logo
that's, like, a skull.

A skull-- we have some skulls.

I don't-- Oh!

Here.

That's a skull, right?

No,
it's, like, black,

and then, like,
the skull is white.

- Oh.
- All their--

Their whole theme is, like,
scary things.

Cool. What's an album?
I'll check it out, actually.

Uh, "Walk Among Us."

"Walk Among Us."
Cool.

Uh, I don't think any
of these are the right ones.

Yeah, I'm so sorry.

I'm-- I don't think
we have that.

It's funny, I used to actually
listen to them on cassette.

I don't know this band,
The Cassettes.

- It's not a band.
- Oh.

This is a format of music.

- So--
- Like Pandora?

Even better than that.
It's even better.

- It's, like, for music nerds.
- Is it an app?

It's an app.

Yes and no.

You, like, know a lot
about music, huh?

Well, thank you very much.

I-- that's really nice of you.
I mean--

What's your name?

- Oh, it's Doug.
- Doug.

- Kendall.
- Okay. Kendall.

Oh. Hi.
[laughs]

Nice to meet you.

Um, can I have your number?

Oh, is it for the store or...

No, for me.

Yeah, great.

[applause]

His chief was so good.

- Right.
- Mm-hmm.

But I think it's a--
it's a lady, right?

- They're all ladies, so...
- Yeah.

- Is she transgender?
- I don't know.

Is it about religion?
Is it about what a god is?

Or is it about the horse?

Either way,
it's still effective

and pretty powerful,
as far as I'm concerned.

We'll see
what the ending is.

I thought it was interesting
that the horse was female

but she still had a penis,

so the phallus was kind
of representing woman.

I was curious,
what do you think

of them casting all women?

Is it the director
emptying out the contents

of the god complex?

Oh, interesting question.

Um, perhaps, or maybe they're
just reinforcing monotheism.

Yeah, I think
that's totally right.

Well, I like how you think.

- Thanks.
- I'll tell you a funny story.

I saw a production of "Equus"
in London in 1979,

and the entire cast
was horses.

I'm not kidding.

And it was beautiful.

Because these animals
were thrusting

and neighing.

[moaning]

And I was just writhing
right there in the theater.

I did not care.

That sounds incredible.

A lot more incredible
than the, uh, goat

they're using
in this production.

I'm sorry.

[bell chiming]

- Oh, okay.
- Oh, okay.

It was nice
to meet you.

It was really nice
to meet you.

- And what is your name?
- Oh, I'm Claire.

I'm Candace.

Maybe you've got a phone number
or something

if you'd like to come over
for dinner.

We can continue
our discussion then.

Oh, I'd love that, yeah.
I-I have a card.

Claire Jones.

Okay, well,
I'll give you a call.

Nice to meet you.

[sighs]

- Hey, it's Doug.
- Hi! Let's Facetime.

Oh, uh, yeah, okay.
Okay.

- Hi!
- How's it going?

You look really cute.

Thank you.
This is where I live.

Oh.

It's actually on the top
of a mansion.

- [laughs]
- Hello, Claire?

This is Candace Devereaux

from the play the other night.

- Hi.
- Did you think it was me?

I didn't know who it was.
I didn't recognize the number.

But something
made you want to answer.

[laughs]

Do you want to come out
with us?

Now?

- I'm kind of in already, so--
- Really?

How about maybe Friday
we do something?

Yeah!

I'm having a dinner
on Friday night.

Are you free, by any chance?

Yeah, I can make it.

I can't wait to see you.

I'll see you on Friday.

See you soon.

both: Bye!

[horn honks]

Hey!

[laughs]

- Hi.
- Hey.

- How's it going?
- Good. How are you?

Sorry about the car.
It's just like--

They make me put on that, like,
mustache on the front.

What? No, it's awesome.
I love it.

It's, like,
kind of embarrassing.

I don't even have
a license, dude.

- Do you know how to drive?
- Mm-mm.

Oh, well, it's pretty easy.
I'll teach you.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

It's park, reverse, drive,

left, right,
windshield wipers--

Doug?

You're amazing.

You're amazing.

No, but--
no, you're amazing.

[tires squealing]

Salad tonight-- So just--
you can-- Look, just toss it.

No, no, just--

If you gently just f--

It's-- you're fluffing it

without stomping all over it.

I want you to try something
really good.

This is Ch?teau du Ciel, 1992.
Here.

I don't want you
to open a special bottle.

It is so good.
I got it when I was in Bordeaux.

Okay.

Now try it.

- Mmm.
- What do you think?

Well, it sort of
has a warming effect.

There's something
very tingling, sparkly,

unexpected, a depth,

just illuminating
every fiber of my being.

"Awed by her splendor,
the stars near the lovely moon

cover their own bright faces."

Did you write that?

Claire, my dear--
Sappho.

[belches]

Toss the salad.

[laughter]

Back when I was a kid,

we had these things
called home phones--

it's like a landline--

and then buttons
that stick out.

So you just go
beep, boop, boop,

beep, beep, boop, boop,
beep, beep.

[laughter]

Hi, guys.

So what's everyone having?

- Um, vodka?
- Beer?

And for you?

Uh, I'm gonna do
a Laphroaig.

- What's a Laphroaig?
- It's a Scotch.

So what's, like,
the difference

between a Scotch
and a whiskey, then?

Oh, it's geographical.

So, you know, if, like,
this is Scotland here,

whiskey from Tennessee,
uh, Canada, who cares?

[laughter]

Good night!

- Just trying to clear some--
- Stop, no, no, leave it.

- I just-- I want to help.
- That's for me in the morning.

No, leave it, leave it,
leave it.

- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- This all stays.

I, uh-- I feel like
I should go.

No, you should stay
a little while.

I have some dessert,
some chocolate mousse

that's homemade.

Is there anything
that you can't do?

Hmm, well, I--

I can't stop staring at you.

Dougie, this is the most
amazing place I've ever seen.

It's perfect.

- Wow.
- You're perfect.

I hate to think that anyone
ever told you

you weren't perfect.

What?

I feel so not judged by you.

Aww.

Play me a song.

Okay.

[chords play]

Let me just--
I got to tune--

[guitar music]

You're a genius.

[humming]

I hope you're hungry.

Oh, you're so sweet.

Was I okay last night?
Did you--

Did I?
I'm still...

It was amazing.
I feel alive and confused

but-- but happy.

I've never said this before,
Claire, but it was too good.

I'm worried about my health.

I'm worried about
my emotional health.

My hair was shaking.

I went off instinct.

I don't know who taught you
or where you learned

to do what you do.

It's intimidating.

How do you look at that mouth?

Aren't you gonna
eat breakfast?

Yeah, I am.

[snoring]

[groans]
Hi.

- How'd you sleep?
- Good.

- Last night was so fun.
- It was so fun.

You fell asleep, though,
really fast.

Yeah, I was, like,
really zonked out.

Yeah.

I was thinking maybe today,
just me and you

could hang out and do something.

No, 'cause we have
a whole day planned.

We're gonna take mushrooms
and go to Sauvie Island.

All right.

I'm so hungry.

Want me to go out and get some
coffee and muffins and stuff?

Yeah.

Hey, Doug.

What's up, man?

I'm gonna go
get some coffee, Finn.

Can you grab me some coffee?

Yeah, that's what
I'm gonna do.

All right, man.

Just like that.
The end.

I wish I didn't
have to leave this bed.

Well, don't.
Just stay.

I can't.
I have work.

I have clients.

No, just stay.

I could take care of you,
Claire.

- No.
- Claire, I'm rich.

I invested in feminism
in the '70s.

Please, I would never
let that happen.

I've paid my way
through college.

I've paid for everything.

Claire, if money
was no object,

if you could do whatever
you wanted, what would you do?

Maybe I'd go to Alaska?

No, no, in a life way,
bigger than that.

Mm, I don't know.

I mean, maybe I would
go back to school

for literature
instead of business.

Okay, I'd pay for that.

Honestly, I've been
self-sufficient my whole life.

I would never let you do that.

Claire, you've never had
the opportunity

to find out who you are.

I see so much more for you

than just working
for somebody else.

And let me help you.
I could support you.

You're a gypsy, and I could be
your female Quasimodo--

just a hunchback but who
stands up straight for you.

I guess I never
thought of my life like that.

I mean, I have a head
for business--

Claire! You're a painter.

Get to painting.

I don't really know
how to begin.

Claire, you're
a natural artist.

What am I supposed to paint?

You know, I think in numbers.
I think in terms of--

Shh!
Stop.

Just start painting.

- You're so beautiful.
- I am so beautiful.

Now tell the world.

- I--
- Stop thinking.

Just paint.
Get the grapes.

Get the grapes!

Okay, I'm painting the grapes.

You're an artist.
Look at the canvas.

Now look at me.
Both at the same time.

Get the grapes.
Question yourself.

Fight with yourself.
You're an artist.

- Put the brush down!
- Okay.

And look at it.
You're Michelangela.

I'm painting; I'm painting
your knees and your legs and--

Don't forget the grapes.

Smile!

Whoo!
[laughter]

[camera shutter clicking]

You're bl--
you're blocking my view.

Whoo!

Say hi, Dougie!

- I'm trying to drive.
- Say, "Dougie loves Kendall."

- I'm trying--
- My body feels, like, so heavy.

Oh, no, are you okay?

- [retching]
- Oh, oh--

- What's going on?
- Oh, it's--

- Don't puke in the car, guys.
- It's okay. It's okay.

- It's okay. Let it out.
- It's not okay.

More paint, don't look down.
More paint.

The thighs, get to the thighs.

[paintbrush scribbling]

No.

[both panting]

Let's go again.

I should shower
and get out of here.

Let me bathe you.

Do you have a shower?

I think it'd be faster
if I just bathed myself.

Shh.

I don't know if this
is relaxing.

Let me hum to you.

[humming]

Can you grab me a towel?

[humming]

What?

Ready to hop
in the shower, Candace.

[shrieks]
Bubbles!

[laughing]

Whoo!

Hi, I'm just calling
to change

the gas bill information,

but I don't want to close
the original one.

- So I moved to--
- We found puppies.

Oh, my God.
The new address is, um...

- Look at the puppies.
- 291--

- Do you see it?
- It's so cute.

- It's so cute.
- One second.

She's still living there,
but I'm the one who's moving.

- Stalder, right.
- Superpuppy!

- Hi!
- Incoming.

Guys, we have to stop off
at the vet to make sure

they get all their shots,
especially that little one.

Also, when's the last time
that they were walked?

Does anyone know?

They're so soft.

Hello, softest puppy
in the world.

Oh, Doug, I think he peed
in your bed a little bit.

- Puppy pee!
- It's okay, right?

- Puppy pee.
- It's not okay.

What do you think
of just staying in

and watching some Netflix
tonight?

[gasps]
You know what we should do?

We should make our own movies
starring the puppies!

- Yeah!
- Oh, my God.

- An action movie.
- Superhero puppy.

[imitates gunfire]
Spider-pup.

You know what I might do?

I might go try to work tonight,
you know, drive around.

- Okay.
- Would you be mad?

No, of course not.

Well, um, I'll see you guys.

- I'm gonna miss you.
- I'm gonna miss you too.

I'm gonna miss you too!

Claire, it's really,
really perfect.

I think it looks silly, but--

You know what I'm gonna
do on Monday?

I'm gonna call my friend
at Reed,

get you enrolled,
and you're gonna get your MFA.

That was kind of just fantasy.

I'm not really gonna go
to grad school again.

But you could just
live out your fantasy.

- Here.
- I'll do it. Come on.

I can also set you up
in the extra room on the side,

and you can do your paintings,
and I can help sell them.

Candace, you have been
so nice to me.

You've done enough for me.

I've never felt
more taken care of.

But I like my life.

I want to go home.
I want to shower.

I want to go on a run.
I want to go to work tomorrow.

The car's coming
in about three minutes.

The car, are you sure?

Why don't I walk you
3/4 of the way?

I'll call you
in a couple days.

A couple of days?

What am I supposed to do,
sit here and look at my cup?

I'm gonna leave.
This has been great.

All right?

- Are we playing tug-of-war?
- You have a tight grip.

I'm trying to let go,
but we're both not letting go.

Isn't that weird?

No, I'm actually--
I've totally let go.

- You're still holding on.
- No, I'm not.

What are you trying to do to me?

- Stop pulling me to you.
- Okay.

Look at this lifeline
that leads right to my house.

Candace.
Bye.

[somber guitar music]

- Claire?
- Doug?

Um, I guess
I'm taking you home?

Yeah.

[light music]

[women singing]

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0