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1
00:00:01,544 --> 00:00:03,110
Hi.
Welcome to tiny town.
2
00:00:03,112 --> 00:00:04,778
- Micro village.
- Little place.
3
00:00:04,780 --> 00:00:06,446
And that's a tiny microhouse.
4
00:00:06,448 --> 00:00:07,547
Yeah.
5
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,716
It's very, very efficient.
6
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:10,717
Everything is thought out.
7
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,053
No waste of space anywhere.
8
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,555
This is a bathroom
and a home office.
9
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,491
Can you hand me
the shower gel, please?
10
00:00:17,493 --> 00:00:18,792
Yes. Coming up.
11
00:00:18,794 --> 00:00:20,293
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
12
00:00:20,295 --> 00:00:21,628
How's your novel coming along?
13
00:00:21,630 --> 00:00:22,729
Really great.
14
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,097
I'm on page 1 1/2.
15
00:00:24,099 --> 00:00:26,399
See this kitty litter box?
16
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:27,734
Out of sight.
17
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:28,902
We have a library.
18
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:31,138
Oh, hi!
How's that book?
19
00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:33,273
It's great; I just, you know,
wanted a little alone time.
20
00:00:33,275 --> 00:00:34,841
I'm just hanging out,
watching TV.
21
00:00:34,843 --> 00:00:36,276
I'm just taking a bath.
22
00:00:36,278 --> 00:00:37,844
Uh, I'm ready to wash my hair.
23
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,749
Uh, I can't see the TV now.
24
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,017
- What?
- Can I-- can I shut it off?
25
00:00:44,019 --> 00:00:45,318
- I can't see the TV.
- Sure.
26
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:46,653
Kendall!
27
00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:47,821
Hey.
28
00:00:47,823 --> 00:00:49,156
I forgot the code to the door.
29
00:00:49,158 --> 00:00:50,624
Can you just come down
and let me in?
30
00:00:50,626 --> 00:00:52,025
I'm upstairs.
31
00:00:52,027 --> 00:00:53,193
Every little closet,
every little space,
32
00:00:53,195 --> 00:00:54,194
ever little cubby hole.
33
00:00:54,196 --> 00:00:55,796
Microliving.
34
00:00:55,798 --> 00:00:57,164
Thanks for making the bed.
That was very nice.
35
00:00:57,166 --> 00:00:58,498
- What did you want? Cream?
- Yeah.
36
00:01:00,803 --> 00:01:02,435
Okay.
37
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,271
You're always breathing
down the back of my neck.
38
00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:06,173
It's like I can feel your hot
breath on me all the time.
39
00:01:06,175 --> 00:01:08,108
Mmm!
40
00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,943
Some French toast.
41
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:10,944
There you go.
42
00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:12,045
Bon appetit.
43
00:01:12,047 --> 00:01:13,780
Just hold still. Okay.
44
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,215
Move into a microhouse...
45
00:01:15,217 --> 00:01:16,650
In a microcommunity.
46
00:01:16,652 --> 00:01:18,718
Come on. Move in.
47
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,220
It'll take you five minutes.
48
00:01:20,222 --> 00:01:22,322
Oh, microhouse, babe.
49
00:01:22,324 --> 00:01:23,790
I've always wanted to do that.
50
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,158
We could live like that.
51
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,693
We're free spirits!
Who cares?
52
00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:27,894
Yes!
53
00:01:27,896 --> 00:01:29,029
I'm down with it.
54
00:01:29,031 --> 00:01:30,697
- I love you.
- All right.
55
00:01:30,699 --> 00:01:32,165
We're coming!
56
00:02:02,354 --> 00:02:06,806
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
57
00:02:14,543 --> 00:02:16,710
Look at that workmanship.
58
00:02:16,712 --> 00:02:19,012
Oh, Dave, it looks so good.
59
00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:20,680
Look at this.
This is perfection.
60
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,082
This is a kitchen.
61
00:02:22,084 --> 00:02:23,583
How can we-- how can we
keep fixing it?
62
00:02:23,585 --> 00:02:24,718
We've done the bathroom.
63
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,086
- Our bedroom.
- Hallways.
64
00:02:26,088 --> 00:02:27,454
- Backyard.
- Windows.
65
00:02:27,456 --> 00:02:28,455
Wainscoting.
66
00:02:28,457 --> 00:02:30,457
And now-- now what?
67
00:02:31,793 --> 00:02:33,226
I have an idea.
68
00:02:33,228 --> 00:02:35,028
We get a fixer-upper.
69
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,696
You mean like another property?
70
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,465
- Yeah.
- That's falling apart.
71
00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:39,733
Dave, we need activities.
72
00:02:39,735 --> 00:02:41,067
We need projects.
73
00:02:41,069 --> 00:02:42,135
You're a genius.
74
00:02:42,137 --> 00:02:43,270
That's exactly it.
75
00:02:43,272 --> 00:02:44,871
Let's get on Zillow.
76
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:47,540
- Okay.
- Right.
77
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:48,975
Oh-- too nice, too nice.
78
00:02:48,977 --> 00:02:50,210
- Too nice.
- Too nice.
79
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:51,878
I want something
that makes me scared
80
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,946
when I look at it.
81
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,715
- What about that?
- That's the one.
82
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,217
It says "fixer-upper"
right on it.
83
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,454
It's inexcusable
that that outfit exists.
84
00:03:01,456 --> 00:03:02,956
I think if you wear overalls,
85
00:03:02,958 --> 00:03:04,991
you should be a train conductor
or under three.
86
00:03:04,993 --> 00:03:06,059
Totally.
87
00:03:07,496 --> 00:03:08,495
Did you order something?
88
00:03:08,497 --> 00:03:10,664
No. Oh, it's Milt.
89
00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:13,433
I always forget you have a key.
90
00:03:13,435 --> 00:03:14,434
- Hey.
- Hi.
91
00:03:14,436 --> 00:03:15,502
- Hi.
- How are you?
92
00:03:15,504 --> 00:03:16,569
- Good.
- How are you, Milt?
93
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:17,971
Good. Nice to see you, Fred.
94
00:03:17,973 --> 00:03:19,806
- You got the rent check, right?
- Of course.
95
00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:21,741
Do we need anything fixed
or anything?
96
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,077
Are you dropping stuff off
in your storage space, or...
97
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:26,479
- Um...
- Milton.
98
00:03:26,481 --> 00:03:28,281
What's going on?
99
00:03:29,685 --> 00:03:31,084
Milton?
100
00:03:33,855 --> 00:03:35,855
My girlfriend kicked me out
of the house.
101
00:03:35,857 --> 00:03:38,124
- Lana?
- Oh, that-- I'm so sorry.
102
00:03:38,126 --> 00:03:39,125
I couldn't believe it.
103
00:03:39,127 --> 00:03:40,860
She just said, just,
104
00:03:40,862 --> 00:03:42,095
"Get out, Milton!
105
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,697
You-- you idiot."
106
00:03:43,699 --> 00:03:44,965
Oh...
107
00:03:44,967 --> 00:03:46,466
That's her own pain.
108
00:03:46,468 --> 00:03:48,168
I don't really have a lot
of options now,
109
00:03:48,170 --> 00:03:51,304
and I just, um-- I'm gonna
stay here for a while.
110
00:03:51,306 --> 00:03:52,639
- You're gonna stay here?
- Yeah.
111
00:03:52,641 --> 00:03:54,274
You know, I grew up
in this house,
112
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:57,811
and when my mother died,
she bequeathed me this home,
113
00:03:57,813 --> 00:04:02,382
and now I just need
your support right now.
114
00:04:02,384 --> 00:04:04,017
During this difficult time,
I hate to bring up
115
00:04:04,019 --> 00:04:06,619
something as crass
as tenants' rights, but--
116
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,688
I mean, are you-- are you--
Do you want to ask us
117
00:04:08,690 --> 00:04:10,123
if you can stay here?
118
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:12,892
Oh, I thought you saw me
more as a friend
119
00:04:12,894 --> 00:04:15,028
than as a landlord,
but if I'm wrong...
120
00:04:15,030 --> 00:04:16,029
- No, I--
- I just didn't know.
121
00:04:16,031 --> 00:04:17,397
I just thought we were...
122
00:04:17,399 --> 00:04:18,531
- That's all right.
- Right. Yeah.
123
00:04:18,533 --> 00:04:20,233
It's-- it's-- it's blurry.
124
00:04:20,235 --> 00:04:21,835
- This stuff is always blurry.
- It doesn't matter.
125
00:04:21,837 --> 00:04:23,636
That's fine.
Milton.
126
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,171
He's-- he's going through
a rough time.
127
00:04:25,173 --> 00:04:26,806
Okay. One night.
128
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,843
Milton, what if you just stayed
for one or two nights?
129
00:04:29,845 --> 00:04:31,578
You'll get back on your feet
again, and--
130
00:04:31,580 --> 00:04:34,647
Can you help me
with the other stuff in the car?
131
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:35,982
Thanks.
132
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,585
Ooh, yeah!
Pound it in, baby!
133
00:04:38,587 --> 00:04:39,686
That's it.
134
00:04:39,688 --> 00:04:42,055
Think anybody's gonna come?
135
00:04:42,057 --> 00:04:43,189
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
136
00:04:43,191 --> 00:04:44,424
Sure, honey. Yeah.
137
00:04:44,426 --> 00:04:45,425
Somebody's gonna show up.
138
00:04:45,427 --> 00:04:46,526
Mm-hmm.
139
00:04:46,528 --> 00:04:48,061
- I am hungry, though.
- Yeah.
140
00:04:48,063 --> 00:04:49,729
Oh, here comes somebody!
141
00:04:49,731 --> 00:04:51,164
All: Hello!
142
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,767
- Hi. Whoo-hoo!
- Come on in. Welcome home.
143
00:04:53,769 --> 00:04:55,035
There's a little one sheet
144
00:04:55,037 --> 00:04:57,437
with all the details
about the house.
145
00:04:57,439 --> 00:04:59,606
- Take a look. Take a look.
- Yeah, take a look around.
146
00:04:59,608 --> 00:05:02,542
Our casa's su casa. Huh?
147
00:05:02,544 --> 00:05:05,045
Oh, damn, do you think I can
put an indoor pool in here?
148
00:05:05,047 --> 00:05:07,847
Uh, may-- maybe
in the basement.
149
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,215
Sure.
150
00:05:09,217 --> 00:05:11,051
How many men would it hold?
151
00:05:11,053 --> 00:05:12,252
Oh, the basement?
152
00:05:12,254 --> 00:05:13,920
You mean people?
153
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:16,856
Men-- I'm looking for how many
men can go in there.
154
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,425
- Oh. Men.
- 16.
155
00:05:18,427 --> 00:05:20,226
- 16, 17 men.
- 18.
156
00:05:20,228 --> 00:05:22,629
Do you think I can do
an Airbnb here?
157
00:05:22,631 --> 00:05:24,464
- I don't know why not.
- Sure.
158
00:05:24,466 --> 00:05:26,099
What is an Airbnb?
159
00:05:26,101 --> 00:05:29,235
Oh, it's like one of those
rental things
160
00:05:29,237 --> 00:05:31,604
where, like, people come
from out of town
161
00:05:31,606 --> 00:05:33,106
and then they stay
in your house.
162
00:05:33,108 --> 00:05:34,707
It's like they use your house
as a hotel.
163
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,543
Damn.
That's a good idea, you know?
164
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,378
It is. Yeah.
165
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,613
So how long have you
been looking for a place to buy?
166
00:05:40,615 --> 00:05:42,749
Oh, I'm not looking
for a place to buy.
167
00:05:42,751 --> 00:05:45,218
I have a beautiful home, and I'm
perfectly satisfied with it.
168
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:46,619
I'm just a looky-loo.
169
00:05:46,621 --> 00:05:48,321
Oh.
170
00:05:48,323 --> 00:05:50,223
I just go around looking
at places
171
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,758
to see what they look like.
172
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,226
Oh.
173
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,962
That's why I'm called
a looky-loo.
174
00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:58,164
We've never met
a looky-loo before.
175
00:05:58,166 --> 00:06:00,233
I'm the best looky-loo
in this neighborhood.
176
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,102
I'm the best you're gonna find.
177
00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:03,670
- Uh, great.
- Welcome.
178
00:06:03,672 --> 00:06:04,704
Okay.
179
00:06:04,706 --> 00:06:06,072
Is that a walk-in pantry?
180
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,141
Yeah, actually. It is. Yeah.
181
00:06:08,143 --> 00:06:09,509
Mind if I take a look?
182
00:06:09,511 --> 00:06:11,311
- No. Go right ahead.
- Be our guest.
183
00:06:14,116 --> 00:06:15,448
A looky-loo?
184
00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:17,117
I don't know, babe.
185
00:06:17,119 --> 00:06:19,085
I think we're gonna have to get
a real estate agent.
186
00:06:21,123 --> 00:06:23,022
Okay, it should be
right up here.
187
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,125
This is it! Dave, this is it!
188
00:06:25,127 --> 00:06:26,359
Uh-huh.
189
00:06:28,630 --> 00:06:31,030
Uh-huh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
190
00:06:31,032 --> 00:06:32,632
- I want to redo the foundation.
- Uh-huh.
191
00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:34,167
- New beams.
- I like that.
192
00:06:34,169 --> 00:06:35,635
I'd like to push up
at least one story.
193
00:06:35,637 --> 00:06:37,103
- I'm with you on that.
- Wrecking ball...
194
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,438
- Ah!
- Right through the center.
195
00:06:39,875 --> 00:06:41,508
Oh! Hi, there.
196
00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:43,343
Hi! Are you the owner?
197
00:06:43,345 --> 00:06:44,344
I-- I'm Kath.
198
00:06:44,346 --> 00:06:45,478
I'm Dave. How are you?
199
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,479
Beautiful property.
200
00:06:46,481 --> 00:06:47,981
Real nice bones on this thing.
201
00:06:47,983 --> 00:06:50,016
Yeah, um.
202
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,618
Huh.
203
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,854
Um, I wonder if the house
is not even for sale.
204
00:06:54,856 --> 00:06:56,956
Well, that says "4sal."
205
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,525
Uh, let's go up there?
206
00:06:58,527 --> 00:06:59,692
- Uh...
- Check it out.
207
00:06:59,694 --> 00:07:01,060
Yeah.
208
00:07:01,062 --> 00:07:02,862
Ooh!
209
00:07:02,864 --> 00:07:04,364
Wow.
210
00:07:04,366 --> 00:07:06,132
Jeez. Uh.
211
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,802
Well, I guess we're gonna need
two dumpsters.
212
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,004
There's people in here.
213
00:07:11,006 --> 00:07:12,539
You know-- you guys are flippers?
214
00:07:12,541 --> 00:07:14,007
You guys are flipping
things around?
215
00:07:15,844 --> 00:07:17,410
You know, I didn't realize
there were so many people
216
00:07:17,412 --> 00:07:18,878
interested in fixer-uppers.
217
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,547
You say you're looking
for some uppers?
218
00:07:20,549 --> 00:07:22,248
You looking for a fix?
219
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:24,250
Uh, actually,
we're looking to buy.
220
00:07:24,252 --> 00:07:25,251
Oh. Right on.
221
00:07:25,253 --> 00:07:26,319
What are you looking to buy?
222
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:27,387
I got coke, crack,
223
00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:29,088
I got some dope, some Zoloft.
224
00:07:29,090 --> 00:07:30,423
Maybe you looking
for molly, huh?
225
00:07:30,425 --> 00:07:32,091
Oh-- is that the owner?
226
00:07:32,093 --> 00:07:33,760
Owner?
227
00:07:35,263 --> 00:07:36,262
Are you a cop?
228
00:07:36,264 --> 00:07:39,032
Uh...
No.
229
00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:40,833
But uh...
You know what?
230
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,069
I would like to buy
231
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,371
two ounces of meth.
232
00:07:45,373 --> 00:07:48,541
And, uh, I'll have a box
of peyote.
233
00:07:48,543 --> 00:07:49,776
And a can of crack.
234
00:07:49,778 --> 00:07:51,344
Yeah.
We can hook you up.
235
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,879
I just hope I can find
some money here somewhere.
236
00:07:52,881 --> 00:07:54,414
Do we-- should we go to a--
a cash machine?
237
00:07:54,416 --> 00:07:56,749
- Yeah. Find something.
- A-o river!
238
00:07:56,751 --> 00:07:58,017
- Excuse me!
- What the--
239
00:08:03,666 --> 00:08:04,932
- Oh, Lana!
240
00:08:04,934 --> 00:08:06,667
- Ugh...
- Jesus.
241
00:08:08,604 --> 00:08:09,603
Good morning.
242
00:08:09,605 --> 00:08:10,738
Hey, Milt.
243
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,740
I hope we didn't wake you up.
244
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,575
Did Lana call?
245
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,243
Did Lana call your cell phone?
246
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:17,344
I have no idea.
247
00:08:19,015 --> 00:08:20,448
Sorry we're in your bedroom.
248
00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:22,450
How was your date last night?
249
00:08:22,452 --> 00:08:24,652
Uh, well, it wasn't
so much a date
250
00:08:24,654 --> 00:08:27,488
as it was a disaster.
251
00:08:27,490 --> 00:08:28,923
Oh, no.
252
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,791
- Oh, that's better.
- What happened?
253
00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:32,359
I can't tell-- I think she
was embarrassed to be with me.
254
00:08:32,361 --> 00:08:34,361
- No. Come on.
- I think she-- Yeah, yeah.
255
00:08:34,363 --> 00:08:36,464
She was, like,
looking at other guys,
256
00:08:36,466 --> 00:08:39,733
and then she'd look at me
and she'd go...
257
00:08:39,735 --> 00:08:41,502
you know, like that.
258
00:08:41,504 --> 00:08:43,704
You just go on another date.
Find someone else, you know.
259
00:08:43,706 --> 00:08:45,606
It's been a while
since I've put myself out there.
260
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,341
The whole landscape
has changed.
261
00:08:47,343 --> 00:08:48,609
I got to do some work on myself.
262
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:49,977
I mean, I know that now.
263
00:08:49,979 --> 00:08:51,846
I'm gonna get some veneers.
Right?
264
00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:54,148
And I'm thinking of doing,
like, a little plastic surgery.
265
00:08:54,150 --> 00:08:55,483
Like if I just did--
266
00:08:55,485 --> 00:08:57,017
Don't do that.
That looks strange.
267
00:08:57,019 --> 00:08:59,720
If you are having problems,
go to therapy.
268
00:08:59,722 --> 00:09:01,956
Yeah. Go to a gym.
Talk to some friends.
269
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,491
Yeah, you're right.
270
00:09:03,493 --> 00:09:05,159
There's some spiritual roads
to go down.
271
00:09:05,161 --> 00:09:06,527
Breakups are hard, Milton.
272
00:09:06,529 --> 00:09:08,462
- All that is expensive...
- Mm-hmm.
273
00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:11,732
So I'm gonna have to,
you know, raise the rent.
274
00:09:11,734 --> 00:09:13,033
- What?
- By how much?
275
00:09:14,036 --> 00:09:15,135
TBD.
276
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:17,004
You can't just raise the rent
277
00:09:17,006 --> 00:09:18,172
without giving us notice.
278
00:09:18,174 --> 00:09:19,540
This is the notice.
279
00:09:19,542 --> 00:09:20,508
It doesn't work that way,
280
00:09:20,510 --> 00:09:21,809
where we have to finance
281
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,210
everything that you need
in your life.
282
00:09:23,212 --> 00:09:24,345
Do you have any pancakes?
283
00:09:24,347 --> 00:09:25,846
No. We made eggs.
284
00:09:25,848 --> 00:09:27,248
Fine.
I'll make my own pancakes.
285
00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:29,383
There's no pancake mix.
286
00:09:29,385 --> 00:09:30,818
Jeez.
287
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,019
I'm sorry to say this.
288
00:09:32,021 --> 00:09:33,420
I think we should move.
289
00:09:33,422 --> 00:09:34,822
I can't live like this.
290
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,223
He has no plans of leaving,
291
00:09:36,225 --> 00:09:38,325
and it's stressing me out.
292
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:40,361
I kind of think we should
look into buying a house.
293
00:09:40,363 --> 00:09:42,229
Carrie, absolutely.
294
00:09:42,231 --> 00:09:43,931
We could go in on
the down payment together.
295
00:09:43,933 --> 00:09:45,432
How awesome would that be,
if we just, like,
296
00:09:45,434 --> 00:09:46,433
bought a house?
297
00:09:46,435 --> 00:09:47,935
Homeowners together.
298
00:09:50,273 --> 00:09:51,272
Okay.
299
00:09:51,274 --> 00:09:52,706
I'm gonna take a moment
300
00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:55,876
just to hear your house.
301
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,381
Well, that's just a playroom
in there.
302
00:10:00,383 --> 00:10:01,916
Oh, it's your playroom?
Okay.
303
00:10:01,918 --> 00:10:04,351
- We play.
- Yeah. We like to play.
304
00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,053
Hmm. Intriguing.
305
00:10:06,055 --> 00:10:07,421
Watch out, he bites!
306
00:10:07,423 --> 00:10:09,056
Just kidding.
307
00:10:11,928 --> 00:10:14,094
Ooh!
That trunk is not bad, actually.
308
00:10:14,096 --> 00:10:16,263
That should go downstairs
in the front hallway.
309
00:10:16,265 --> 00:10:17,865
What-- what is, um--
what is in it?
310
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:19,466
Uh, that's our
butt plug collection.
311
00:10:19,468 --> 00:10:21,735
All right.
312
00:10:21,737 --> 00:10:24,471
This is the sanctuary.
313
00:10:24,473 --> 00:10:25,706
Right.
314
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:26,774
Okay.
315
00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:28,375
Um, well, this all has to go.
316
00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:29,376
All of it?
317
00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:30,377
If you are serious
318
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:31,779
about selling your house,
319
00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:34,315
you are going to need
a staging company.
320
00:10:34,317 --> 00:10:35,716
What's that?
321
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,384
Oh, well, they replace
all of your things
322
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:42,456
with the illusion
of an ideal lifestyle.
323
00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:43,891
Pinot Gri?
324
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:47,328
Um, that
is such a generous offer,
325
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:48,929
but I am fine, thank you.
326
00:10:48,931 --> 00:10:51,632
I'd love to see you
with my husband.
327
00:10:56,505 --> 00:10:58,672
Well, all of it has to go.
328
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,813
This is, very simply,
"I'm a writer,
329
00:11:05,815 --> 00:11:07,381
but I don't use a computer."
330
00:11:07,383 --> 00:11:09,783
Well, you want something
that says, "I like rock."
331
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:12,987
So I've placed
some random piles
332
00:11:12,989 --> 00:11:14,588
of weather wood up here.
333
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:17,424
Yeah, just little piles
of wood for no reason.
334
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:19,259
It's always nice
to have a little mixology bar
335
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,427
in the corner of the room.
336
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,363
We got some nice local liquors.
337
00:11:22,365 --> 00:11:25,132
And this vodka is handmade
in an airplane hangar.
338
00:11:26,869 --> 00:11:27,968
Antlers. Antlers. Antlers.
339
00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:28,969
I can't say it enough.
340
00:11:28,971 --> 00:11:30,504
Antlers say, "Where are we?
341
00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:32,006
A hunting lodge?"
342
00:11:32,008 --> 00:11:33,207
I don't want it in the corner.
343
00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:34,441
I want it front and center.
344
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:37,211
Ready? One, two, three.
345
00:11:39,515 --> 00:11:40,948
Ready?
Let's get it from down here.
346
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,316
Ready? From the bottom.
347
00:11:42,318 --> 00:11:44,618
One, two, three.
348
00:11:47,657 --> 00:11:50,658
Ready? One, two.
349
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,997
Okay, so that back there.
350
00:11:56,999 --> 00:11:58,532
Ta-da!
351
00:11:58,534 --> 00:12:00,300
All right.
Let's get it out there, okay?
352
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:01,301
Gorgeous.
353
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:04,672
Hey, Dave.
354
00:12:04,674 --> 00:12:05,806
Yeah.
355
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,675
Check this out.
356
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:09,410
Ooh!
357
00:12:09,412 --> 00:12:11,512
- This could be our house, Dave.
- Definitely. This looks great.
358
00:12:11,514 --> 00:12:12,513
Okay. I found one.
359
00:12:12,515 --> 00:12:14,381
Four bedroom, two bath.
360
00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:15,549
I'm gonna send you this one.
361
00:12:15,551 --> 00:12:17,084
Ooh, nice pictures.
362
00:12:17,086 --> 00:12:18,552
Right?
Let's go to this open house.
363
00:12:18,554 --> 00:12:20,220
- That is a beautiful house.
- Yeah.
364
00:12:20,222 --> 00:12:21,455
We should check this out.
365
00:12:22,758 --> 00:12:24,558
Who the hell
are all these people?
366
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:25,959
We are looking at this house.
367
00:12:25,961 --> 00:12:28,262
Serious inquiries only
is what we heard.
368
00:12:28,264 --> 00:12:29,897
Plenty of other neighborhoods
in town, people.
369
00:12:29,899 --> 00:12:31,665
This is about raising
the value of the neighborhood.
370
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:32,866
If you're not here to do that,
get out.
371
00:12:32,868 --> 00:12:34,535
What is she so happy about?
372
00:12:34,537 --> 00:12:36,170
Wow, you got a piece of paper
with a picture on it.
373
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,005
- Celebrate.
- That lady, she's a flipper.
374
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,773
She doesn't have any emotional
connection to this house.
375
00:12:39,775 --> 00:12:41,008
Look at her. Let's go. Let's go.
376
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,376
Coming through!
377
00:12:42,378 --> 00:12:43,844
Wait. Wait.
There's a line here.
378
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,179
Not for us.
379
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,947
I mean, it's such
a popular house.
380
00:12:46,949 --> 00:12:47,948
Yeah, I guess so.
381
00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:49,750
I mean, do we want that?
382
00:12:49,752 --> 00:12:51,552
Do we want to be in this, like,
popular, up-and-coming place?
383
00:12:51,554 --> 00:12:53,053
Like, I don't know.
384
00:12:53,055 --> 00:12:54,755
It's a nice house,
you have to admit.
385
00:12:54,757 --> 00:12:56,256
- It's a really nice house.
- And we can have it!
386
00:12:56,258 --> 00:12:58,058
Imagine we had a house.
387
00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,960
I mean, this is our chance to,
like, really change our lives.
388
00:12:59,962 --> 00:13:01,361
This is, like, a big step.
389
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:02,796
- Dave, I want this house.
- I want it.
390
00:13:02,798 --> 00:13:04,965
I want this banister,
these stairs.
391
00:13:04,967 --> 00:13:05,933
Gimme. Gimme, gimme.
392
00:13:05,935 --> 00:13:07,134
You know, I suppose you could
393
00:13:07,136 --> 00:13:08,936
turn that pantry
into a guest room.
394
00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:10,237
You'd have to get
very small furniture.
395
00:13:10,239 --> 00:13:13,807
I love it. It's perfect.
396
00:13:13,809 --> 00:13:15,909
Look, it's the flipper.
397
00:13:15,911 --> 00:13:18,378
Is there anything I can do
to have an advantage
398
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,481
over the other potential buyers?
399
00:13:20,483 --> 00:13:22,483
Um, because it's you,
400
00:13:22,485 --> 00:13:24,218
I'll tell you
a little secret, okay?
401
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,888
A nice, handwritten letter
to the sellers
402
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,224
is a great advantage,
because this house
403
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,492
means everything to them.
404
00:13:31,494 --> 00:13:32,726
Wait, did you hear
what she said?
405
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:33,727
- Yeah.
- We have to do that.
406
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:34,928
- Now!
- Yes!
407
00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:36,463
- Let me show you.
- Thank you.
408
00:13:36,465 --> 00:13:37,965
What about the Whole Foods?
409
00:13:37,967 --> 00:13:39,299
Hi. How are you?
410
00:13:39,301 --> 00:13:41,401
- Should we?
- A handwritten letter.
411
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:43,137
We have to decide.
Do we want to go for this?
412
00:13:43,139 --> 00:13:44,838
Yes, we should go for it.
It's a nice house.
413
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:50,879
Okay. Let's write a letter.
414
00:13:50,881 --> 00:13:52,614
We have recently...
415
00:13:52,616 --> 00:13:54,483
Have recently...
416
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,719
I'm getting ink
all over my palm.
417
00:13:59,790 --> 00:14:01,423
Your...
418
00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:03,425
Dave, I can't read
what you're writing.
419
00:14:03,427 --> 00:14:05,294
It seems clear to me.
420
00:14:05,296 --> 00:14:07,763
I like the flowers
on the outside.
421
00:14:07,765 --> 00:14:09,665
Let me take what you've
written and do it here.
422
00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:11,600
- All right.
- A capital "D" is, um...
423
00:14:11,602 --> 00:14:13,068
Do you not know how to write?
424
00:14:13,070 --> 00:14:14,937
This is a letter.
It has to be perfect.
425
00:14:14,939 --> 00:14:17,473
If I was typing it,
I could hit "Erase."
426
00:14:17,475 --> 00:14:19,341
- There's erasers right there.
- Fine. You know what?
427
00:14:19,343 --> 00:14:21,477
Let's bring in someone
that can help us write.
428
00:14:21,479 --> 00:14:26,782
You go down, loop,
go around, and loop.
429
00:14:26,784 --> 00:14:28,917
- Right there.
- All right. That's an eight.
430
00:14:28,919 --> 00:14:30,586
Why are you starting
your letter with an eight?
431
00:14:30,588 --> 00:14:32,254
That looks like an eight,
does it not?
432
00:14:32,256 --> 00:14:33,255
- Where?
- No.
433
00:14:33,257 --> 00:14:34,256
Listen, Matthew.
434
00:14:34,258 --> 00:14:35,758
What if you write the letter
435
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:36,825
and I dictate it to you?
436
00:14:36,827 --> 00:14:38,160
That'd be very dishonest.
437
00:14:38,162 --> 00:14:39,328
But it would be our ideas.
438
00:14:40,431 --> 00:14:41,430
You know what?
439
00:14:41,432 --> 00:14:42,798
In the classroom,
440
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,533
I think I'm a daydreamer.
441
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:48,370
What is wrong with you?
442
00:14:52,666 --> 00:14:55,267
These are letters
443
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,769
that were submitted
by potential buyers.
444
00:14:57,771 --> 00:15:01,106
They are invaluable tools
to inform your decision.
445
00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:03,842
Now, you start with those,
and if you need to see more,
446
00:15:03,844 --> 00:15:04,843
the rest will be on my desk.
447
00:15:04,845 --> 00:15:06,011
Enjoy.
448
00:15:06,013 --> 00:15:07,612
- Will do.
- Thanks, Glynis.
449
00:15:07,614 --> 00:15:09,448
You are very welcome.
450
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:12,017
"I promise you
we will turn this house
451
00:15:12,019 --> 00:15:14,019
into a glorious wonderland
452
00:15:14,021 --> 00:15:16,188
for a huge extended family
453
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:20,092
enjoying perfect,
languid holidays together."
454
00:15:20,094 --> 00:15:21,293
God, that's a bit much.
455
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,861
- Languid...
- No thank you.
456
00:15:22,863 --> 00:15:24,663
Is a heavy-handed word.
Here's one, babe.
457
00:15:24,665 --> 00:15:26,798
"We are rich family in Russia.
458
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,434
Have not seen house,
but buy house now.
459
00:15:29,436 --> 00:15:30,635
Yes."
460
00:15:30,637 --> 00:15:33,338
- Me buy house now?
- Cavemen.
461
00:15:33,340 --> 00:15:38,143
Look. "I am simply
submitting a photo of myself."
462
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,012
- Well, where's the picture?
- There's no photo.
463
00:15:40,014 --> 00:15:41,480
I just want to know
if he's hot or not.
464
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,714
Okay. All right. All right.
465
00:15:42,716 --> 00:15:43,982
That's enough. That's enough.
466
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,150
This is not a laughing matter.
467
00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:46,385
This is serious.
468
00:15:46,387 --> 00:15:48,653
Now, please just choose
a letter.
469
00:15:48,655 --> 00:15:50,455
Thank you.
470
00:15:50,457 --> 00:15:53,158
Guess it's time
for the old spin-a-roo.
471
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,893
- The what?
- The spin-a-roo.
472
00:15:54,895 --> 00:15:56,528
It's how we make
all of our big decisions.
473
00:15:56,530 --> 00:15:58,330
Terrific. Let's--
I can't wait.
474
00:15:58,332 --> 00:15:59,631
All right, baby. I got it.
475
00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:00,632
Give me a high five!
476
00:16:00,634 --> 00:16:02,134
Boom! Spread these out.
477
00:16:02,136 --> 00:16:03,201
I'm spreading them out.
478
00:16:03,203 --> 00:16:04,803
Spin-a-roo!
479
00:16:07,641 --> 00:16:08,673
Ugh!
480
00:16:08,675 --> 00:16:09,674
Oh!
481
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:12,911
Oh!
482
00:16:12,913 --> 00:16:14,413
You okay, babe?
483
00:16:14,415 --> 00:16:16,181
I'm putting a stop to this,
all right?
484
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,582
I'm going to choose the letter.
485
00:16:17,584 --> 00:16:19,184
Oh, I see the winners.
486
00:16:21,321 --> 00:16:23,789
- Hello?
- Hi. It's Glynis.
487
00:16:23,791 --> 00:16:25,057
I have wonderful news.
488
00:16:25,059 --> 00:16:27,025
The owners responded
to your letter,
489
00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:28,393
and the house is yours.
490
00:16:28,395 --> 00:16:29,594
Congratulations.
491
00:16:29,596 --> 00:16:30,662
Thank you so much.
492
00:16:30,664 --> 00:16:32,597
Uh-- uh, we are really excited.
493
00:16:32,599 --> 00:16:34,066
Can I hear? Can I hear?
494
00:16:34,068 --> 00:16:35,567
You are very welcome.
495
00:16:35,569 --> 00:16:37,402
Now, as we go through
the appropriate steps
496
00:16:37,404 --> 00:16:39,204
with your bank
and your lending company,
497
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:40,872
everything will be in escrow.
498
00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:42,340
Right. Escrow.
499
00:16:42,342 --> 00:16:44,242
So escrow. Okay.
So it's in escrow.
500
00:16:44,244 --> 00:16:45,243
Okay.
501
00:16:45,245 --> 00:16:46,511
Nice talking to you.
502
00:16:46,513 --> 00:16:47,779
Congratulations again.
503
00:16:47,781 --> 00:16:49,948
Hey, thank you.
504
00:16:49,950 --> 00:16:52,350
- Um, what is escrow?
- What do you mean?
505
00:16:52,352 --> 00:16:54,519
I thought you knew and that's
why you weren't listening.
506
00:16:54,521 --> 00:16:55,887
No.
507
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,389
I mean, I've heard
the word a lot,
508
00:16:57,391 --> 00:17:00,192
but I-- I don't really know
what it is.
509
00:17:00,194 --> 00:17:02,761
So you're going into escrow.
510
00:17:02,763 --> 00:17:03,929
Congratulations.
511
00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:06,131
But what exactly is escrow?
512
00:17:06,133 --> 00:17:08,066
To explain that,
we'll have to go back
513
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,768
to the beginning of time.
514
00:17:11,371 --> 00:17:14,873
We all know the Ancient Egyptian
gods Thoth, god of time,
515
00:17:14,875 --> 00:17:17,976
and Khensu, the Moon god,
but they had a forgotten brother
516
00:17:17,978 --> 00:17:19,744
by the name of Eye-Scroh,
517
00:17:19,746 --> 00:17:22,414
the Egyptian god
of waiting 30 days,
518
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,850
who could be identified
by his many shoes.
519
00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:27,085
So escrow was a--
was a God?
520
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:29,754
Meanwhile, across the pond,
the Escrow Indians
521
00:17:29,756 --> 00:17:31,590
of South America
believed that human life
522
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:33,492
was nothing more
than a period of escrow
523
00:17:33,494 --> 00:17:36,094
in a celestial transaction
between the creators.
524
00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:37,829
It's making me tired.
525
00:17:37,831 --> 00:17:39,397
What's this?
526
00:17:39,399 --> 00:17:40,432
A crow?
527
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,100
I'm the S-Crow.
528
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,735
Great, cartoons.
529
00:17:43,737 --> 00:17:45,871
Well, I guess this could
make it easier to understand.
530
00:17:45,873 --> 00:17:47,806
Dante wrote of escrow
in the Inferno.
531
00:17:47,808 --> 00:17:49,341
I don't need to know
the history of escrow
532
00:17:49,343 --> 00:17:51,776
when I don't know the history
of the US.
533
00:17:51,778 --> 00:17:53,245
Wait.
I just missed that whole thing.
534
00:17:53,247 --> 00:17:54,646
This egg is in escrow,
535
00:17:54,648 --> 00:17:56,681
though no one can explain
precisely why.
536
00:17:56,683 --> 00:17:59,518
It's making me, um,
very stressed.
537
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,586
There's got to be, like,
a simple version of this.
538
00:18:01,588 --> 00:18:03,088
Wh-- what? What?
539
00:18:03,090 --> 00:18:04,456
Doesn't make any sense.
What?
540
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:05,857
Are we even seeing this right?
541
00:18:05,859 --> 00:18:07,359
We should never have done this.
542
00:18:07,361 --> 00:18:10,195
What's happening?
What-- what is this?
543
00:18:10,197 --> 00:18:12,998
Fred, let's just not do it.
Let's not get the house.
544
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,633
I-- I don't want a house.
I don't want anything.
545
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,034
Oh, no.
How can we get out of this?
546
00:18:16,036 --> 00:18:17,335
Oh!
547
00:18:19,773 --> 00:18:21,706
Hey, Fred.
Hey, Carrie.
548
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:22,974
Whoa.
549
00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:24,309
Wow.
550
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:25,477
I know, right?
551
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:26,444
Did you get a tan?
552
00:18:26,446 --> 00:18:27,679
What happened is
553
00:18:27,681 --> 00:18:29,948
I met a wonderful woman
named Rene.
554
00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:32,050
She's a dental surgeon.
555
00:18:32,052 --> 00:18:36,988
Kind of amateur, but, um,
she's working on my teeth.
556
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,356
They're almost straight.
557
00:18:38,358 --> 00:18:40,058
It's getting there.
Contact lenses.
558
00:18:40,060 --> 00:18:41,459
So now my eyes are blue.
559
00:18:41,461 --> 00:18:42,961
Weren't they blue before?
560
00:18:44,464 --> 00:18:45,797
Yeah, they were.
561
00:18:45,799 --> 00:18:47,532
But I guess
they're even bluer now.
562
00:18:47,534 --> 00:18:48,733
- I don't know.
- You seem great.
563
00:18:48,735 --> 00:18:50,035
- You're dressing great.
- Yeah.
564
00:18:50,037 --> 00:18:51,703
Look, I mean,
I have a whole makeover.
565
00:18:51,705 --> 00:18:53,505
Rene says I'm her fixer-upper.
566
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,741
- She says she's gonna flip me.
- Wow.
567
00:18:56,743 --> 00:18:58,910
- I'm gonna move in with her.
- That's great.
568
00:18:58,912 --> 00:19:00,378
So you guys don't have to move.
569
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:02,180
- Wait. Really?
- I'm serious.
570
00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:04,049
Milton, I can't tell you
what great news this is.
571
00:19:04,051 --> 00:19:05,317
I love you.
572
00:19:06,653 --> 00:19:08,320
Well, those
are the plugs talking.
573
00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,556
But I-- I-- I love you, too, Milt.
Sorry.
574
00:19:11,558 --> 00:19:13,225
That means a lot to me.
575
00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:19,397
It means a lot to us too.
576
00:19:19,399 --> 00:19:20,432
Thanks a lot, Milton.
577
00:19:20,434 --> 00:19:21,566
I'm gonna make some--
578
00:19:21,568 --> 00:19:22,867
some chamomile tea.
579
00:19:22,869 --> 00:19:23,868
Would you like some?
580
00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:24,903
I'm okay right now.
581
00:19:24,905 --> 00:19:26,071
I'll make it.
582
00:19:26,073 --> 00:19:28,240
You know what? Sure.
583
00:19:28,242 --> 00:19:29,407
All right.
584
00:19:29,409 --> 00:19:30,609
- I'm just--
- Oh, careful!
585
00:19:30,611 --> 00:19:32,410
- Watch the table there.
- Yeah.
586
00:19:32,412 --> 00:19:34,212
Yeah. Wow.
587
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:35,213
Kind of a relief.
588
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:36,448
Yeah.
589
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,000
And this is Glynis.
590
00:19:45,002 --> 00:19:46,735
Hi, Glynis. How are you?
591
00:19:46,737 --> 00:19:48,570
This is Fred-- Fr-- uh,
I'm here with Carrie,
592
00:19:48,572 --> 00:19:49,571
so it's Fred and Carrie.
593
00:19:49,573 --> 00:19:50,706
Hey, Glynis.
594
00:19:50,708 --> 00:19:52,674
Um, how can I help you?
595
00:19:52,676 --> 00:19:55,510
Unfortunately, uh,
due to circumstances
596
00:19:55,512 --> 00:19:59,348
that are Carrie, we're gonna,
unfortunately, have to cancel.
597
00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:01,183
Why are you throwing me
under the bus?
598
00:20:01,185 --> 00:20:02,584
You are backing out.
599
00:20:02,586 --> 00:20:04,019
Carrie just got cold feet,
600
00:20:04,021 --> 00:20:06,221
and she, uh-- and it
was a literal thing.
601
00:20:06,223 --> 00:20:09,024
She just had cold feet
near the front entrance.
602
00:20:09,026 --> 00:20:11,226
We need to find a warmer house.
603
00:20:11,228 --> 00:20:13,528
What's the matter, Glynis?
604
00:20:16,433 --> 00:20:17,866
Spin-a-roo.
605
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:20,068
Your turn, babe.
606
00:20:26,669 --> 00:20:28,917
Really, that's great.
607
00:20:28,918 --> 00:20:31,275
Yes. I really appreciate the call.
608
00:20:31,276 --> 00:20:32,701
Yes. You have a great day too.
609
00:20:49,069 --> 00:20:53,036
Now... it's a home.
610
00:20:53,037 --> 00:20:55,970
- Let's break it in.
- Come to papa.
611
00:21:07,257 --> 00:21:11,520
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612
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:16,120
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