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1
00:00:00,716 --> 00:00:03,164
- Hi. Tammy, alcoholic.
- Hi, Tammy.
2
00:00:03,195 --> 00:00:05,335
Whew. I'm still
a little rattled.
3
00:00:05,523 --> 00:00:08,171
I'm standing in line
at the salad bar today,
4
00:00:08,265 --> 00:00:10,486
and there's this cop behind me.
5
00:00:10,648 --> 00:00:13,228
So, of course, fresh out
of jail, I get paranoid.
6
00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:17,667
My hands start shaking,
chickpeas rolling off the plate.
7
00:00:18,468 --> 00:00:20,523
Freaked me out so much,
I left without getting
8
00:00:20,609 --> 00:00:22,304
any of those
itty-bitty corncobs,
9
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,761
which is
the whole reason I went.
10
00:00:23,846 --> 00:00:27,373
I mean, am I gonna spend
the rest of my life
11
00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:30,609
looking over my shoulder, afraid
they're gonna lock me up again?
12
00:00:30,913 --> 00:00:32,857
I can't go back to jail.
13
00:00:33,046 --> 00:00:35,429
There's no tiny corn there.
14
00:00:36,032 --> 00:00:38,101
And people stab you.
15
00:00:39,788 --> 00:00:41,390
Anyway, thanks.
16
00:00:44,015 --> 00:00:45,405
Would anyone else
like to share?
17
00:00:45,577 --> 00:00:47,421
Hi. Christy, alcoholic.
18
00:00:47,507 --> 00:00:48,698
Hi, Christy.
19
00:00:48,850 --> 00:00:51,757
I was so not planning on
coming to the meeting today.
20
00:00:51,984 --> 00:00:55,023
I mean, I had no school,
no work,
21
00:00:55,109 --> 00:00:57,077
and all I wanted to do
was lie on the couch
22
00:00:57,163 --> 00:00:58,866
and binge-watch Chopped.
23
00:00:59,402 --> 00:01:01,734
P.S. I would be great
on that show.
24
00:01:01,971 --> 00:01:04,540
I can't tell you how many times
I've opened up the fridge
25
00:01:04,625 --> 00:01:07,468
and all I had was gummy bears,
tortillas and mustard.
26
00:01:08,148 --> 00:01:10,808
That was a challenging
Thanksgiving.
27
00:01:11,234 --> 00:01:14,937
But next thing I knew,
I was putting my shoes on,
28
00:01:15,023 --> 00:01:17,374
getting in the car
and driving here.
29
00:01:17,769 --> 00:01:20,945
I can't believe it;
I have sober feet.
30
00:01:21,947 --> 00:01:23,460
They know where
I'm supposed to be,
31
00:01:23,546 --> 00:01:25,265
even when I don't
want to be there.
32
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,280
Sober feet.
33
00:01:30,202 --> 00:01:31,741
Anyway, that's all.
34
00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:33,793
Really glad to be here.
35
00:01:35,961 --> 00:01:37,421
- Anyone else?
- I'll go.
36
00:01:37,507 --> 00:01:39,702
- Hi. Bonnie, alcoholic.
- Hi, Bonnie.
37
00:01:39,878 --> 00:01:43,382
Well, my fiancé's bar has
finally turned a corner.
38
00:01:43,741 --> 00:01:46,085
So, with Adam busy,
I have a lot of time to myself,
39
00:01:46,171 --> 00:01:47,516
which, when I drank,
could be dangerous,
40
00:01:47,601 --> 00:01:48,827
but now is kind of nice.
41
00:01:48,929 --> 00:01:52,023
I can eat what I want,
see any movie I want.
42
00:01:52,257 --> 00:01:54,905
By golly, for the first time
in my life,
43
00:01:54,991 --> 00:01:56,905
I get to be a little selfish.
44
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:58,965
Too easy.
45
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,241
Come on.
"Sober feet."
46
00:02:03,327 --> 00:02:05,640
That's recovery
gold right there.
47
00:02:05,991 --> 00:02:08,213
But I look over at
Nora, I get nothing.
48
00:02:08,298 --> 00:02:11,515
Not a smile, not a wink,
not even a finger gun.
49
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:16,054
You know, sweetie,
needy's not a good color on you.
50
00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,687
It's not needy to
want an "attaboy"
51
00:02:18,773 --> 00:02:20,382
from my sponsor
once in a while.
52
00:02:20,476 --> 00:02:23,194
I always give my sponsees
my full attention.
53
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,624
Oh, please. You slept through
my entire share last week.
54
00:02:26,874 --> 00:02:28,507
I was meditating.
55
00:02:28,678 --> 00:02:31,640
Is your secret mantra,
"I'm awake"?
56
00:02:33,017 --> 00:02:35,140
Spot-on, Big Sauce.
She does the same thing
57
00:02:35,226 --> 00:02:36,796
when we're at home
watching Blue Bloods.
58
00:02:36,882 --> 00:02:39,234
Well, it's the only way
I can get you to stop talking.
59
00:02:39,445 --> 00:02:42,359
I do get chatty when
Donnie Wahlberg's on camera.
60
00:02:42,768 --> 00:02:45,771
I just have a feeling
he's a fascinating person.
61
00:02:48,497 --> 00:02:51,458
All right, coffee pot is clean.
I'm out of here.
62
00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:53,577
Hey, Nora!
63
00:02:55,654 --> 00:02:57,382
Awesome share.
64
00:02:57,476 --> 00:03:00,343
I always get so much out
of what you have to say.
65
00:03:00,437 --> 00:03:01,796
Thanks.
66
00:03:03,570 --> 00:03:05,398
Well, that was hard to watch.
67
00:03:05,773 --> 00:03:07,335
She knows how it works.
68
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,843
"Hey, I liked your share."
69
00:03:08,929 --> 00:03:10,585
"Thanks.
I liked your share, too."
70
00:03:10,671 --> 00:03:12,484
Well, I liked
your share today.
71
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,714
Thank you, Wendy.
I liked your share, too.
72
00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:15,802
I didn't share.
73
00:03:15,887 --> 00:03:17,208
Oh.
74
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:19,968
Attaboy.
75
00:03:33,276 --> 00:03:35,432
*MOM*
Season 06 Episode 14
76
00:03:35,518 --> 00:03:38,518
Episode Title :
"Kalamazoo And a Bad Wedge of Brie"
77
00:03:42,028 --> 00:03:44,107
Oh!
78
00:03:44,334 --> 00:03:46,131
What's the body
count so far?
79
00:03:46,217 --> 00:03:48,502
Well, assuming that cheerleader
can't sew her head back on,
80
00:03:48,587 --> 00:03:50,385
we're up to five.: Yeah.
81
00:03:50,789 --> 00:03:54,158
Her head's on the floor, but her
hands still think she's alive.
82
00:03:54,244 --> 00:03:55,908
Is it safe to look now?
83
00:03:55,994 --> 00:03:57,283
Hang on.
84
00:03:58,370 --> 00:03:59,627
All clear.
85
00:04:03,022 --> 00:04:04,479
You guys suck!
86
00:04:04,565 --> 00:04:07,456
The-the jock gets
it in the jockstrap.
87
00:04:07,794 --> 00:04:09,180
Now, that's good writing.
88
00:04:09,266 --> 00:04:10,289
Mm.
89
00:04:10,390 --> 00:04:12,011
- Unbelievable.
- What?
90
00:04:12,104 --> 00:04:15,034
I texted Nora an hour ago,
and she still hasn't responded.
91
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,229
So I paused the movie
92
00:04:16,315 --> 00:04:17,955
for something that
didn't actually happen?
93
00:04:18,041 --> 00:04:19,120
Yeah.
94
00:04:19,206 --> 00:04:21,253
Why are you so obsessed
with Nora's approval?
95
00:04:21,339 --> 00:04:22,902
I mean, is it 'cause
she's famous or something?
96
00:04:22,987 --> 00:04:25,556
She's not famous; she does
the weather for the local news.
97
00:04:25,663 --> 00:04:29,018
And cohosts the Napa Valley
Thanksgiving Day Parade.
98
00:04:30,010 --> 00:04:31,535
It's on two channels.
99
00:04:31,621 --> 00:04:33,573
Christy's always been
an approval junkie.
100
00:04:33,659 --> 00:04:35,699
In high school, if there was
one person in her class
101
00:04:35,784 --> 00:04:38,092
that didn't like her,
that's who she'd have sex with.
102
00:04:38,336 --> 00:04:39,870
Hey, it worked.
103
00:04:39,956 --> 00:04:41,940
You should take a page
from the Book of Bonnie.
104
00:04:42,026 --> 00:04:43,393
She never cares
what people think.
105
00:04:43,479 --> 00:04:44,542
She should.
106
00:04:44,628 --> 00:04:47,631
See, you say that;
don't care.
107
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:52,225
Oh, look, it's Nora.
108
00:04:52,311 --> 00:04:53,261
She called you?
109
00:04:53,347 --> 00:04:54,964
Relax. It's Jill.
110
00:04:55,589 --> 00:04:56,800
What's up?
111
00:04:56,886 --> 00:04:59,011
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down.
112
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:01,292
Are you okay?
113
00:05:01,378 --> 00:05:03,245
What happened?
Someone broke into her house.
114
00:05:03,331 --> 00:05:04,943
Uh, we're on our way.
115
00:05:05,106 --> 00:05:07,839
Okay, listen, if the
police ask any questions,
116
00:05:07,925 --> 00:05:10,261
I was here with you all night
watching movies.
117
00:05:10,347 --> 00:05:12,134
You werewatching
a movie with us.
118
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:15,026
Oh, good, say it
just like that.
119
00:05:17,241 --> 00:05:19,753
I just keep thinking, if I'd
gotten home ten minutes earlier,
120
00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:21,451
maybe they still
would've been in here.
121
00:05:21,623 --> 00:05:23,671
I could be lying
on the floor dead.
122
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:27,284
But your hands don't know it
yet, so they're still twitching.
123
00:05:27,930 --> 00:05:29,105
Quit it.
124
00:05:30,271 --> 00:05:33,886
We're just glad you're okay.
What'd they get?
125
00:05:33,972 --> 00:05:35,807
Oh, all the jewelry
that wasn't in the safe
126
00:05:35,893 --> 00:05:37,956
and everything from
the loose cash bowl.
127
00:05:38,057 --> 00:05:39,800
- The what?
- You know how you have
128
00:05:39,886 --> 00:05:41,535
a bowl with loose pennies
and buttons in it?
129
00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:43,362
Jill does that with 20s and 50s.
130
00:05:43,448 --> 00:05:47,409
It's for tips, trick-or-treaters
or Mormons.
131
00:05:49,181 --> 00:05:50,706
How much was in there?
132
00:05:50,971 --> 00:05:53,798
I don't know,
couple of inches?
133
00:05:54,327 --> 00:05:55,360
I can't find the milk.
134
00:05:55,446 --> 00:05:58,251
Oh, my God,
those bastards took the milk.
135
00:05:58,673 --> 00:05:59,806
Ms. Kendall?
136
00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:01,095
In the kitchen!
137
00:06:01,181 --> 00:06:02,579
Big house. Doesn't help.
138
00:06:02,671 --> 00:06:06,374
Follow my voice, follow
my voice, follow my voice!
139
00:06:07,686 --> 00:06:10,483
All right, checked
the whole property. It's clear.
140
00:06:10,569 --> 00:06:11,746
Thank you, Officer.
141
00:06:11,832 --> 00:06:13,314
No problem.
142
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,108
Sir, just so you know,
I'm on parole.
143
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,199
But I have an alibi;
I was with them
144
00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:18,988
watching slasher movies
all night.
145
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:21,383
Oh. Yeah, those are fun,
146
00:06:21,883 --> 00:06:24,584
till you walk in on
a real crime scene.
147
00:06:24,669 --> 00:06:26,803
I bet you've seen
some messed-up stuff.
148
00:06:26,888 --> 00:06:30,200
I don't like to talk
about it, but no.
149
00:06:30,286 --> 00:06:31,364
This is Napa Valley.
150
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:34,411
People call 911 when they
get a bad wedge of brie.
151
00:06:34,547 --> 00:06:36,029
Oh, I love brie.
152
00:06:36,724 --> 00:06:37,950
All right, here's my card.
153
00:06:38,048 --> 00:06:39,966
Give me a call tomorrow with
a list of what's gone missing,
154
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,239
you know, for your insurance.
155
00:06:41,325 --> 00:06:42,415
Thank you.
156
00:06:42,501 --> 00:06:46,290
Oh, and, uh, I, uh...
157
00:06:46,499 --> 00:06:47,639
I just got
one more question for you.
158
00:06:47,724 --> 00:06:50,520
Um, is that a Kalamazoo grill
in the backyard?
159
00:06:50,817 --> 00:06:52,575
I don't know.
My ex-husband put it in.
160
00:06:52,661 --> 00:06:54,012
I don't touch the thing.
161
00:06:55,450 --> 00:06:56,599
How can...
162
00:06:58,529 --> 00:07:00,446
How can you not...
163
00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:02,998
I'm sorry. It's just,
when I buy a lottery ticket,
164
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:05,087
that grill is
what I'm dreaming of.
165
00:07:05,173 --> 00:07:08,047
You can burn wood,
charcoal, gas, or-or...
166
00:07:08,309 --> 00:07:10,185
you can go infrared.
167
00:07:12,855 --> 00:07:14,458
Infrared.
168
00:07:15,382 --> 00:07:16,883
You're getting a little
worked up here, Officer.
169
00:07:16,968 --> 00:07:18,609
It's just sitting there!
170
00:07:18,854 --> 00:07:20,945
Well, good thing they
didn't steal that.
171
00:07:21,421 --> 00:07:22,453
Okay.
172
00:07:22,539 --> 00:07:24,460
You can't steal it;
it's built-in.
173
00:07:24,546 --> 00:07:27,187
I'm sorry. You ladies,
have a, have a good night.
174
00:07:30,003 --> 00:07:31,773
It's a left,
two rights and a left.
175
00:07:31,859 --> 00:07:33,140
Copy that.
176
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:38,101
Well, thanks again for coming,
but I think I'm okay now.
177
00:07:38,187 --> 00:07:39,601
Yeah. Unless they
come back.
178
00:07:39,733 --> 00:07:40,898
What?
179
00:07:41,109 --> 00:07:42,343
Why would you say that?
180
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,546
It happens all the time.
181
00:07:43,632 --> 00:07:44,891
I mean, now that the guy
knows the layout,
182
00:07:44,976 --> 00:07:46,251
he could get a couple buddies,
come back,
183
00:07:46,336 --> 00:07:48,035
toss this place
like a Caesar salad.
184
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:51,200
Tammy! I'm sorry! You're right.
It could be a chick.
185
00:07:54,164 --> 00:07:57,254
I really appreciate
you guys spending the night.
186
00:07:59,534 --> 00:08:02,114
I still think you could've
made room for me up there.
187
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,560
I still think, while you're
down there, you can rub my feet.
188
00:08:06,579 --> 00:08:09,286
Bonnie, would you please
check the windows again?
189
00:08:09,403 --> 00:08:10,703
Sure.
190
00:08:13,583 --> 00:08:16,239
Back.
Damn it.
191
00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:18,013
You know, we can't
sleep here every night.
192
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,348
Speak for yourself.
193
00:08:19,461 --> 00:08:22,770
This mattress is taking on
the shape of my ass.
194
00:08:23,785 --> 00:08:24,786
It's memory foam.
195
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,833
Well, I want to marry it.
196
00:08:27,442 --> 00:08:29,490
Maybe you should hire
some security, you know,
197
00:08:29,576 --> 00:08:31,465
someone to stay here
till you get over the yips.
198
00:08:31,551 --> 00:08:32,685
How 'bout that cop?
199
00:08:32,771 --> 00:08:34,427
A lot of those guys
do off-duty work.
200
00:08:34,604 --> 00:08:35,926
Mm, I don't know.
201
00:08:36,012 --> 00:08:38,231
He wouldn't shut up
about my barbecue.
202
00:08:38,512 --> 00:08:41,131
I mean, what man
notices that and not me?
203
00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:43,863
You're right, don't call a cop.
Call a Hells Angel.
204
00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:47,942
They know how to crack heads and
appreciate a pretty lady.
205
00:08:48,558 --> 00:08:51,629
Shh, shh, shh!
Did you just hear that?
206
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:54,207
Jill, the alarm's on,
you're surrounded by us,
207
00:08:54,339 --> 00:08:56,927
and Christy's closest to the
door... they'll get her first.
208
00:08:58,137 --> 00:09:00,139
The hell they will!
209
00:09:02,895 --> 00:09:05,898
Geez, shave your legs
once in a while!
210
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,747
Okay, if this
is gonna work,
211
00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:11,835
everybody has to
sleep on their side.
212
00:09:19,683 --> 00:09:21,685
- Flip the dolphin, Tam.
- Oh, sure, sure.
213
00:09:26,831 --> 00:09:28,270
What's this?
214
00:09:29,419 --> 00:09:31,325
Warm brown food?
215
00:09:31,984 --> 00:09:33,676
I'm in.
216
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:37,747
Appears to be
some sort of chili.
217
00:09:40,111 --> 00:09:41,981
Yep, chili.
218
00:09:42,493 --> 00:09:45,731
Hey! What are you
doing, you big moose?!
219
00:09:46,122 --> 00:09:47,308
You just walk in
220
00:09:47,394 --> 00:09:49,115
and eat anything
that's cooking on the stove?
221
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,864
It's kept me
alive so far.
222
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,340
Well, it's not for you.
It's for Nora.
223
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:55,540
I did a little snooping around
on Instagram;
224
00:09:55,673 --> 00:09:56,994
found out
it's her favorite thing.
225
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,538
Oh, my God, you're
making chili for Nora
226
00:09:59,673 --> 00:10:00,783
just so she'll like you.
227
00:10:00,869 --> 00:10:02,978
Hey, I used to
make you screwdrivers
228
00:10:03,064 --> 00:10:04,665
to get you to like me.
229
00:10:05,134 --> 00:10:08,220
You did have a good firm
pour for an eight-year-old.
230
00:10:08,844 --> 00:10:10,595
I really think
this is gonna work.
231
00:10:10,898 --> 00:10:13,076
I can almost feel her
loving me already.
232
00:10:13,271 --> 00:10:15,406
You're really quite
pathetic, do you know that?
233
00:10:15,759 --> 00:10:17,728
I've never denied it.
234
00:10:23,075 --> 00:10:25,204
Excuse me.
235
00:10:25,602 --> 00:10:28,369
I'm paying you to protect
me, not to sit here watching
236
00:10:28,455 --> 00:10:31,658
six tiny black-and-white
movies at the same time.
237
00:10:33,656 --> 00:10:36,183
You figured out those are the
security cameras I set up, yeah?
238
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,244
Halfway through.
239
00:10:39,837 --> 00:10:42,431
What's going on there?
Those squirrels fighting?
240
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,038
Oh. Oh.
241
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,501
Yeah, they've been
going at it hot and heavy.
242
00:10:49,587 --> 00:10:50,892
Definitely not married.
243
00:10:54,526 --> 00:10:56,573
You know, you don't have to
keep bringing your own food.
244
00:10:56,658 --> 00:10:58,298
You're welcome to anything
in the fridge.
245
00:10:58,384 --> 00:10:59,212
Oh.
246
00:10:59,423 --> 00:11:01,486
Thanks, but years
of police work tell me
247
00:11:01,572 --> 00:11:03,221
there's probably less
than a thousand calories
248
00:11:03,306 --> 00:11:04,681
in this entire house.
249
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,853
Oh, really?
250
00:11:12,275 --> 00:11:14,087
I got to ask you a
question, Ms. Kendall.
251
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:17,308
Oh, you've seen me
without makeup; call me Jill.
252
00:11:17,605 --> 00:11:20,400
You've seen me without makeup;
call me Andy.
253
00:11:20,617 --> 00:11:22,838
Great, Andy.
Ask away.
254
00:11:23,673 --> 00:11:26,603
This is a huge house,
and you're just one person.
255
00:11:26,689 --> 00:11:29,298
Don't you think you'd feel safer
in a smaller place?
256
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,134
Maybe.
257
00:11:32,411 --> 00:11:36,197
But I've just been here so long,
I guess I'm kind of used to it.
258
00:11:37,204 --> 00:11:38,908
And my ex wanted it
in the divorce,
259
00:11:38,994 --> 00:11:41,197
so I cried until the judge
said I could have it.
260
00:11:41,345 --> 00:11:42,892
Mm.
261
00:11:43,223 --> 00:11:46,329
Yeah, my ex did the same thing
with my Raiders tickets.
262
00:11:47,182 --> 00:11:49,228
And she doesn't even go.
263
00:11:49,907 --> 00:11:52,548
It's painful enough
trying to watch a Raiders game.
264
00:11:52,634 --> 00:11:53,931
Now I got to turn it on
and see
265
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:56,239
those two empty seats
in the end zone.
266
00:11:57,486 --> 00:11:59,814
Oh, that's nothing.
267
00:11:59,907 --> 00:12:02,259
Does your ex have
a beautiful young wife
268
00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:04,704
and an okay-looking child?
269
00:12:04,970 --> 00:12:07,126
No. She's dating
another bald cop
270
00:12:07,212 --> 00:12:09,236
who could stand
to lose 20 pounds.
271
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,892
What was wrong with me?
272
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:16,173
I'm done being on Team Sad.
273
00:12:16,259 --> 00:12:18,697
I been through
all four stages of grief:
274
00:12:18,957 --> 00:12:21,931
eating, crying,
drinking, snorting.
275
00:12:22,330 --> 00:12:24,283
I been down that path.
276
00:12:25,122 --> 00:12:27,001
Got stuck on eating.
277
00:12:29,033 --> 00:12:30,515
Want a bite?
278
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,142
Nah.
279
00:12:32,228 --> 00:12:35,015
I'm not eating bread,
cheese or meat right now.
280
00:12:35,226 --> 00:12:36,923
- Watch your fingers.
- Oh.
281
00:12:43,569 --> 00:12:44,834
Hey, what are you doing?
282
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,654
- I was watching...
- whatever that was.
283
00:12:48,107 --> 00:12:49,451
I want to watch
the weather.
284
00:12:49,625 --> 00:12:50,755
We live in California.
285
00:12:50,841 --> 00:12:53,310
Here's your five-day
forecast: Nice.
286
00:12:54,487 --> 00:12:57,263
Oh, wait. You want to watch
Nora so you can tell her
287
00:12:57,349 --> 00:13:00,021
how much you love the way
she points at things.
288
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,216
Suck-up.
289
00:13:02,691 --> 00:13:03,927
Am not.
290
00:13:04,246 --> 00:13:07,029
Did I get a text saying
how much she loved my chili?
291
00:13:07,115 --> 00:13:08,380
Yes, I did.
292
00:13:08,477 --> 00:13:10,068
She even asked
how my day was going.
293
00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:12,028
Is that the sound
of the ice queen cracking?
294
00:13:12,114 --> 00:13:13,769
I think so.
295
00:13:14,469 --> 00:13:16,701
Are you gonna ask questions
and also answer them?
296
00:13:16,787 --> 00:13:18,138
Is that your new thing?
297
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,584
Is it? I don't know.
298
00:13:21,006 --> 00:13:22,704
Shh, shh!
My new bestie's on.
299
00:13:22,790 --> 00:13:23,706
Ah, thanks, Rob!
300
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:25,794
And I agree, that is some tie.
301
00:13:27,205 --> 00:13:28,552
Well, looks like we might need
302
00:13:28,638 --> 00:13:30,033
to break out the sweaters,
folks.
303
00:13:30,181 --> 00:13:31,838
Temperatures will be
cooling down this week
304
00:13:31,923 --> 00:13:34,123
thanks to winds coming in
from the west.
305
00:13:40,644 --> 00:13:43,998
Hey, you and your chili
just got a shout-out.
306
00:13:46,997 --> 00:13:48,732
♪ Winds coming in
from the west ♪
307
00:13:49,294 --> 00:13:51,025
♪ Winds coming in from
the west ♪
308
00:13:51,532 --> 00:13:53,334
♪ Winds coming in
from the west... ♪
309
00:13:53,849 --> 00:13:55,818
600,000 views!
310
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,832
The minute I saw this, I said,
"Let's make a YouTube video."
311
00:13:58,926 --> 00:14:02,293
And Christy's all, "No, we
can't humiliate my sponsor."
312
00:14:02,478 --> 00:14:05,207
Once again, my daughter
holds me back from greatness!
313
00:14:05,621 --> 00:14:07,004
I feel sorry for her.
314
00:14:07,091 --> 00:14:08,834
Okay, when did
you let one rip?
315
00:14:08,919 --> 00:14:10,314
High school talent show.
316
00:14:10,399 --> 00:14:13,418
I was playing the flute,
but not nearly loud enough.
317
00:14:14,577 --> 00:14:15,798
Move over, sex
with Abe Lincoln.
318
00:14:15,883 --> 00:14:18,153
That is now number one
on my time machine list.
319
00:14:18,801 --> 00:14:20,106
Man, poor Nora.
320
00:14:20,418 --> 00:14:21,759
Let's watch it again.
321
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:27,026
Seriously, there's a 5% chance
they're laughing at Wendy.
322
00:14:27,111 --> 00:14:29,121
We both know who
they're laughing at.
323
00:14:29,549 --> 00:14:30,856
Here's your Tupperware.
324
00:14:30,941 --> 00:14:32,035
I'm so sorry.
325
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,098
Well, don't be.
326
00:14:33,184 --> 00:14:35,676
Am I feeling a little
embarrassed? Absolutely.
327
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,783
I'm human and I frickin'
farted on TV.
328
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:40,962
And do you want
to talk about that?
329
00:14:41,056 --> 00:14:42,128
Not with you.
330
00:14:42,213 --> 00:14:44,130
I'll bring it to my sponsor,
who, by the way,
331
00:14:44,215 --> 00:14:45,962
I'm also not buddies with.
332
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:48,328
Thank you for the coffee.
I got to go.
333
00:14:48,548 --> 00:14:50,441
Right. Well,
maybe we should...
334
00:14:50,526 --> 00:14:52,965
Okay. All right. Bye!
335
00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:56,099
Marjorie, give me
my phone back.
336
00:14:56,184 --> 00:14:58,623
How did you get from
farts to cat videos?
337
00:15:00,155 --> 00:15:01,155
How's Nora?
338
00:15:01,316 --> 00:15:03,886
Our friendship is dead,
and here's the murder weapon.
339
00:15:04,225 --> 00:15:05,633
I just don't get
what the big deal is.
340
00:15:05,718 --> 00:15:08,507
We all do it. We burp,
we fart, we pee when we laugh,
341
00:15:08,593 --> 00:15:10,766
which only makes us laugh more,
which makes us pee more.
342
00:15:10,851 --> 00:15:12,218
Circle of life.
343
00:15:12,422 --> 00:15:14,460
Ooh, motion sensor alert.
344
00:15:14,759 --> 00:15:17,938
Aw, look.
Andy's bringing in my mail.
345
00:15:18,336 --> 00:15:20,171
How long you gonna
keep him around?
346
00:15:20,257 --> 00:15:22,783
I don't know.
He makes me feel safe.
347
00:15:23,024 --> 00:15:24,405
And he's a lot of fun.
348
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,264
We stayed up all night
just gabbing.
349
00:15:26,413 --> 00:15:28,461
He told me stories
about being a Marine.
350
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,514
He really knows
how to take care of business.
351
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,257
Yeah? Did he take care
of your business?
352
00:15:33,569 --> 00:15:34,920
While you were
gabbing all night?
353
00:15:35,005 --> 00:15:36,356
Uh-huh.
354
00:15:36,441 --> 00:15:37,842
Girl!
355
00:15:39,107 --> 00:15:41,740
He's a great guy, but
you met him; he's not my type.
356
00:15:41,910 --> 00:15:43,990
I don't know.
He brought in your mail.
357
00:15:44,076 --> 00:15:45,452
Yeah, he did.
358
00:15:45,537 --> 00:15:47,193
Girl!
359
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:49,248
Wendy, it's not working.
360
00:15:49,394 --> 00:15:50,482
I know.
361
00:15:52,459 --> 00:15:54,941
Okay, here are the keys
to your new locks.
362
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,073
Motion detectors are up,
cameras are working,
363
00:15:57,158 --> 00:15:58,896
and I think
the squirrels got married.
364
00:15:59,475 --> 00:16:00,598
How can you tell?
365
00:16:00,683 --> 00:16:03,077
They're just eating in silence
next to each other.
366
00:16:05,253 --> 00:16:08,123
You sure you can't stay
one more night?
367
00:16:08,209 --> 00:16:11,400
At this point, I'd just be
taking your money. You're safe.
368
00:16:11,563 --> 00:16:12,958
I don't know how to thank you.
369
00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:14,193
Promise me one thing.
370
00:16:14,279 --> 00:16:16,762
I know, I know. I got to use
that big fancy grill.
371
00:16:16,921 --> 00:16:19,926
I was gonna say please be sure
to set your alarm, but, yeah,
372
00:16:20,026 --> 00:16:21,943
I will sleep better at night
knowing you finally
373
00:16:22,029 --> 00:16:24,882
tossed a rib eye
on that magnificent bastard.
374
00:16:27,288 --> 00:16:29,185
Bye.Bye.
375
00:16:30,844 --> 00:16:33,544
- Girl!
- Girl!
376
00:16:33,734 --> 00:16:35,570
Oh, stop.
377
00:16:35,686 --> 00:16:37,211
Let's just start
watching the movie.
378
00:16:37,415 --> 00:16:38,897
I think we just
watched one.Mm-hmm.
379
00:16:38,982 --> 00:16:40,420
A little
romantic comedy
380
00:16:40,505 --> 00:16:42,731
about the lonely rich
girl and her bodyguard.
381
00:16:43,854 --> 00:16:47,947
♪ And I-ee-I...
382
00:16:48,064 --> 00:16:52,509
- ♪ Will always love you-ooh-ooh... ♪
- ♪ Will always love you-ooh-ooh... ♪
383
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,506
All right, knock it off.
384
00:16:56,086 --> 00:16:57,710
I told you, he's not my type.
385
00:16:57,796 --> 00:16:59,819
You're right.
You only date super handsome,
386
00:16:59,905 --> 00:17:01,735
emotionally
unavailable jerks.
387
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:05,319
Mmm. Just hearing that
turns me on.
388
00:17:05,710 --> 00:17:07,845
Maybe it's time
for a change.
389
00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:09,186
No one's gonna judge you.
390
00:17:09,272 --> 00:17:11,170
And if they do, who
cares? You're happy.
391
00:17:11,256 --> 00:17:12,409
Yeah. Hey, I had
a type, too,
392
00:17:12,494 --> 00:17:13,991
and it wasn't
a guy in a wheelchair.
393
00:17:14,077 --> 00:17:15,030
Yeah, but Adam's hot.
394
00:17:15,124 --> 00:17:15,897
So hot.
395
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,631
And taken. Taken.
396
00:17:18,418 --> 00:17:20,030
We'll see.
397
00:17:24,814 --> 00:17:28,506
The point is
that cop made you smile
398
00:17:28,597 --> 00:17:30,842
like I haven't seen
in a long time.
399
00:17:31,004 --> 00:17:32,600
You guys are
really underestimating
400
00:17:32,686 --> 00:17:34,385
how shallow I am.
401
00:17:40,499 --> 00:17:41,569
Knockity-knock.
402
00:17:41,655 --> 00:17:43,335
Hey. What are you doing here?
403
00:17:43,444 --> 00:17:47,366
I just came by to bring you
this tiny cactus for luck.
404
00:17:48,585 --> 00:17:53,725
I know it's your first day back
since the... incident.
405
00:17:53,936 --> 00:17:55,944
"Incident." I like that.
406
00:17:56,171 --> 00:18:00,037
Around here, they just call it
"that time I farted on TV."
407
00:18:00,417 --> 00:18:02,682
I hope you're not mad at me
over all of this.
408
00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:05,665
Okay, we got to nip this
in the bud.
409
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,470
Remember when I first
started sponsoring you
410
00:18:07,555 --> 00:18:09,646
and I asked you to do
a fear inventory?
411
00:18:09,744 --> 00:18:11,474
Yeah. Maybe it's time for you to do
412
00:18:11,559 --> 00:18:13,476
another one, because I don't
remember you writing down,
413
00:18:13,561 --> 00:18:15,565
"I'm terrified
that people won't like me."
414
00:18:15,919 --> 00:18:17,697
- I didn't write that down.
- Why not?
415
00:18:17,849 --> 00:18:20,483
I was afraid it would
make you not like me.
416
00:18:21,466 --> 00:18:22,921
Do you see
what you're doing here?
417
00:18:23,007 --> 00:18:24,879
Yeah, yeah.
418
00:18:26,309 --> 00:18:27,734
No.
419
00:18:28,623 --> 00:18:31,581
If you always seek
the validation of other people,
420
00:18:31,666 --> 00:18:33,147
you will never be content,
421
00:18:33,232 --> 00:18:35,323
because you're making them
your higher power.
422
00:18:35,662 --> 00:18:36,890
You're doing
it with me.
423
00:18:37,138 --> 00:18:40,021
And at the end of the day,
I'm just another drunk.
424
00:18:40,224 --> 00:18:43,375
Oh. One who is 60 seconds away
from doing the weather.
425
00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:44,388
Walk with me.
426
00:18:44,474 --> 00:18:46,427
Ooh, we're gonna do the weather?
427
00:18:46,513 --> 00:18:47,986
Mm-hmm.
428
00:18:49,646 --> 00:18:51,912
Nora, I just want to...
watch the cables.
429
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:56,841
Oh, my God,
that's Sports with Kane Stevens!
430
00:18:57,828 --> 00:18:59,638
And you don't need him
to like you either.
431
00:18:59,724 --> 00:19:01,013
- Yes, I do.
- No, you don't.
432
00:19:01,115 --> 00:19:03,498
Look, I didn't have
a lot going for me growing up,
433
00:19:03,584 --> 00:19:05,959
but winning people over
was one of my strong suits.
434
00:19:06,052 --> 00:19:09,490
And I'm sure it served you,
but you don't need it anymore.
435
00:19:09,646 --> 00:19:12,099
Let me ask you something.
Do you like yourself?
436
00:19:12,255 --> 00:19:14,630
'Cause that's the only person
you should be concerned about.
437
00:19:14,802 --> 00:19:16,013
Now, off my set.
438
00:19:16,161 --> 00:19:21,418
All right.
In five, four, three, two...
439
00:19:21,504 --> 00:19:22,958
Look who's back.
440
00:19:23,161 --> 00:19:25,668
All right, before I get
to the five-day,
441
00:19:25,754 --> 00:19:28,372
let me acknowledge something
that got away from me last week.
442
00:19:29,458 --> 00:19:30,450
Laugh it up, Rob.
443
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,958
We all know you're not wearing
pants behind that desk.
444
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:36,278
Point is, we're
all human.
445
00:19:36,457 --> 00:19:39,458
We have our sunny
days and rainy days.
446
00:19:39,630 --> 00:19:41,684
It's how you dust yourself off
447
00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:44,372
to get to the next day
that matters.
448
00:19:44,708 --> 00:19:45,739
So, looking ahead at...
449
00:19:45,825 --> 00:19:48,106
Oh, my God, she winked at me.
450
00:19:48,746 --> 00:19:52,054
Which is not a big deal...
beginning now.
451
00:20:22,193 --> 00:20:24,778
Andy! I was sleeping,
and the alarm started going off.
452
00:20:24,864 --> 00:20:26,505
I think somebody's breaking in.
453
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,019
You will?
454
00:20:28,105 --> 00:20:30,684
You're the best.
See you soon.
455
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:44,261
Girl.
456
00:20:44,464 --> 00:20:46,698
Captioned by Media Access Group
at WGBH access.wgbh.org
457
00:20:46,784 --> 00:20:48,565
Sync corrections by srjanapala
33935
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