All language subtitles for MSW s12e16 Friends.eng

FEMALE NARRATOR: Tonight on Murder, She Wrote.

Young people sitting around all day long discussing their sexuality.

I know! You've heard horror stories about working in TV.

They're gonna dump some people in the cast.

Show biz!

You and Ricki are not going to spoil my big chance.

Oh, what happened to my McGuffin?

Are we gonna be playing games here, Mrs. Fletcher?

Now Ricki is not the easiest person in the world to deal with.

I decide who lives and dies around here.

Do they give an Emmy for Outstanding Wimp of the Year?

No! This does not give you the right to treat people like dirt!

I think Mr. Hitchcock just gave me an idea.

RICKl: Oh, the network's driving me crazy, Vince.

We're the number one series on TV.

And just to save a few pennies

they're bugging me to eliminate some of the series regulars.

I told them, forget it.

So I shouldn't start looking for another job?

Oh.

Not to worry, honey.

(LAUGHS) You've got no problem.

Not if you keep up the good work.

(CHUCKLES)

(CAMERA CLICKING)

(BELL RINGING)

JESSICA: Now the term "McGuffin" was coined by Alfred Hitchcock.

The McGuffin can be secret plans,

the photographs, the Maltese Falcon.

Whatever it is that everyone else in the story is after.

Let's see how Mr. Hitchcock used the McGuffin

in one of his most celebrated films, Notorious,

that was written by Ben Hecht,

starring Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman,

and Claude Rains.

ROSEMARY: Okay.

(BELL RINGING) That'll complete this segment, Jessica.

Oh, what happened to my McGuffin?

We'll have to matte in the clip in post-production.

If we get it.

Look, Rosemary, if we don't get it,

I will have to re-write this entire sequence.

Leo told me that he had it cleared.

Promises, promises!

He probably got hung up on the big show.

Listen, maybe I better pop over and see him.

Okay. One cappuccino and two lattes.

That dynamite blonde from Copenhagen? You took her out?

And all evening long all I could think of was

she's got thick ankles.

Ah, you wouldn't even mention that if she was a guy.

If she was a guy, he wouldn't have gone out with her.

Ooh, who we slamming?

JOY: Okay, everybody, take a break.

Excuse me, have you seen Leo Vardian around?

(STUTTERING) Oh, he was up in the office a few minutes ago.

How is your PBS lecture series going?

(LAUGHS) Ask me tomorrow.

(LAUGHS) I'm Gene Gains.

I took your writing class at Manhattan University two years ago...

Oh, I'm so sorry, Gene.

Oh, don't feel bad.

Uh, people tend not to remember me.

You gave me a C+ and told me

that my plot lines were almost laughable.

Did I say that?

Oh, the best advice I ever got.

I decided to write comedy instead.

(STUTTERING) I'm a staff writer here on Buds.

Well, that's wonderful.

Guess I was a better talent scout than I realized.

Gene! Gene, do me a favor and watch what I'm doing in this scene.

I'm trying a new attitude for my character.

Yeah. Yeah, sure, Carly.

So, what's the mood around here today? Leo breathing fire?

Oh, come on, Leo likes you... You heard the rumor.

The six Buds are shortly to be fewer.

Question being, who gets the ax?

Hey, I work right near Ricki. I'd know if anything like that was going on.

So just chill.

FLINT: Oh, come on, Leo. Fair is fair.

And I'm not just saying this because he's my son.

But Timothy did publicize your show while he was in New York.

So be a sport. Pick up the tab for the limo...

He was back there seeing some broad

and he only did two interviews for us.

You paid for Vince's limo when he was in Chicago.

Don't talk to me about Vince!

Timothy should have cleared it with us before he left.

Read it, Leo!

"We're here for you." Now you and Ricki are always talkin'

about these kids being family, so don't throw them away.

Roy, I'm really late.

We're talking 900
lousy bucks here!

Maybe it's just me, but I always feel one down

negotiating with a man wearing a gun.

It goes with my day job.

(BELL RINGING)

So are we okay here, Leo?

Have Timothy submit the bill. We'll pay 500.

Perry, 30 million people like the show exactly the way it is

and yes, I know the network has fiscal approvals, but...

PERRY: (ON PHONE) Ricki, just think about it.

Okay, okay. I'll at least think about it.

Talk to you later.

Maybe it'd work.

We'd save a truckload of money each week.

Dropping two of our six cast regulars is ridiculous!

It's like trying to do The Three Musketeers with only one swordsman!

We're gonna destroy all the chemistry.

They're not equally funny, you know.

(SIGHING)

Take Vince, for instance, he's a lox.

(LAUGHS) A lox who draws 27,000
fan letters per week.

Come on, Leo, you're supposed to be on my side.

Ricki, you gotta understand the network's under new management.

They're under pressure to tighten purse-strings...

Well, maybe we could save some money by firing you.

How come you talk nice to everybody but me?

Because you're my husband.

My all-trusting pillar of strength.

Did I even ask you what time you got home last night?

But you were thinking it.

So, just for the record, I was right here, burning the midnight oil,

making us both richer.

(PHONE RINGING)

This is Ricki.

WOMAN: (ON PHONE) Ricki, they need you on the set now.

Yeah, uh, I'll be right there.

(SIGHING) Gotta go down to the set.

Madame Director doesn't understand some of the jokes.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Alex, she said she worked late.

Uh, that's a coincidence, 'cause so did I.

TIMOTHY: Dad, I wish you'd stay out of these things, you know.

I've got an agent.

FLINT: And who stays on top of him?

Look, Timmy, you're the good cop and I'm the bad cop.

When there's unpleasant stuff to be said, that's my job.

Just like it's always been. Am I right?

Yeah, I guess. But I feel kinda funny taking any money for the limo.

It was totally personal stuff.

Don't you get it? The more you get the studio to spend on you,

the more they think you're worth it.

Leo's always been fair with me.

Hey, wake up! If the nasty rumor I've been picking up

is true about their cutting some of the Buds,

then we'd better be lookin' for some leverage to use

on your so-called pal, Leo.

That is not my style.

Well, maybe it oughta be.

I've gotta get back to work.

Timmy.

Dad, don't do anything that's gonna cause hard feelings. Okay?

Hey, I can be diplomatic.

You go be creative.

(BELL RINGING)

(PHONE RINGING)

MAN: (ON PHONE) Hello? Records Division, please.

One moment.

WOMAN: Records. Yeah. Records?

This is Lieutenant Flint, do we have a file on a Leo Vardian?

That's "V" as in vermin,

"A" as in armpit, "R" as in rat.

Leo! There you are! Ah, Jessica. I was just coming over to see you.

Leo, I realize how busy you've become,

graduating from our little PBS show to running

a top five network comedy series, but...

I know, I've heard the clip from Notorious fell out,

but we have permission to use Strangers on a Train instead. I forgot to tell Rosie...

Well, that's fine. I mean, Strangers on a Train will work just as well.

Jessica, you've been very patient and I've been very distracted.

Is there anything else you need?

Well, uh, the PBS air-date for this episode is coming up very fast...

Don't worry, I'll tell Rosie

to take whatever overtime she needs to make the air date.

Dyan. I'll come and see you later.

Dyan! You wanted to see me?

Yeah! I have to talk to you!

Show biz! (CLICKS TONGUE)

Uh, well, it's not totally official yet, Leo.

But I've been offered a starring role in a feature film.

Rob Reiner's directing. Isn't that incredible?

When's all this happening?

Uh, well, that's a teensy problem.

Um, it starts shooting right away. Two months in New Delhi...

You're not going anywhere, Dyan.

You're under contract to us for the run of the series.

But that's four more years!

A year ago when nobody ever heard of you,

you were thrilled to sign up.

Look, Dyan, be patient, there'll be other features.

This show's making you a superstar.

Girls all over America are copying your hairdo...

You and Ricki are not going to spoil my big chance.

I'm just worried that you and Ricki are gonna get caught.

And Leo can't afford to blame her, so that leaves you.

Leo is so desperate, he's capable of anything.

How'd I get tangled up in this mess?

Look, I can't afford to offend Ricki.

Don't you see? That's what she's counting on.

She's just using you...

I know, I know, but what can I do, Carly?

I mean, you're a real actress,

Shakespeare in the Park and all that, but me,

I'm just a guy they found posing for a Jockey shorts ad.

If Ricki kicks me off the show,

no one else'll hire me as an actor.

No, that's not true.

You're better than you give yourself credit for.

You think so? Mmm-hmm.

RICKl: Hi, Carly dear!

Vince, I wrote some new lines for you that we need to go over.

Excuse us?

(SIGHING)

You know what black widow spiders do with their discarded mates?

Yeah. They kill them.

Timmy, it really is a phenomenon.

I mean, who would have thought a group of 20-something

young people sitting around all day long discussing their sexuality

would turn out to be a top TV show?

(CHUCKLING)

Come on! There's a whole lot more to it than that.

There's, you know, the way we... And the whole...

Ugh, I guess you're right.

But that's what 20-something people really do! Uh-huh.

Um, Jessica,

the hot word on the set is that

they're gonna dump some people in the cast.

Well, I heard that rumor, too.

What makes you think you're gonna be dumped?

Just something in my gut.

Listen, Timmy, I've watched your growth as an actor

way back from the early days at Manhattan University.

You have a natural talent

and it doesn't begin or end with some television comedy,

believe me.

Thanks, Jessica.

I just... I just wish I could convince my old man of that.

Hi, Mrs. Fletcher.

Hello, Carly. Timmy, did you get the message?

We've got a 6:00 a.m. Call.

On a Wednesday? To do what?

Ricki's thrown out the entire script.

We'll be reading a total rewrite.

(SCOFFS) See you in the morning.

All right, Perry, I'll give you one body.

We can reduce our deficits by that much.

I'll kill off one Bud.

PERRY: (ON PHONE) Who will it be?

Hmm? Which character?

Which one? That'll be my secret for now.

But don't worry, babe, if I'm gonna do this, I'll do it right.

It'll be the biggest stunt since "Who Killed JR?" Trust me.

(SIGHING)

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Do I get a vote?

Nope. I decide who lives and dies around here.

We'll distribute the new scripts in the morning.

With the final scene missing.

Which I'll write tonight

and put in here, for safekeeping.

From everyone, including me?

Mmm-hmm.

(SCOFFS)

Our six little monsters,

plus their agents and their managers and their families

are all gonna be bugging me.

Tell them the truth for once. That you don't know.

That's so embarrassing, Ricki.

I am supposed to be co-executive producer.

Then act like one! Field the flak, don't pass it on to me.

How about I pass this on to you, instead?

RICKl: Mmm!

Ooh! That's not my good side.

(SIGHING) Why put your little slave Alex to all this trouble, hmm?

If you'd asked me directly, I would have told you.

It has got to stop, Ricki.

Before I become a laughing stock in front of everyone.

Getting laughs is what we're paid for, love.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a very important scene to write.

(COMPUTER BEEPING)

Damn, this thing is slow as molasses!

Doin' okay, Leo?

Yeah. Terrific. But someone else may not be.

I want you to take care of the situation for me.

Keep closer tabs on Ricki and Vince?

No, we already did that. It doesn't work!

What are you saying?

We've got to do more.

Make it go away!

Larry love, you promised to deliver my new SX-1300
laptop two days ago.

I'm making do with this
10-year-old clunker.

LARRY: (ON PHONE) You'll get it. I promise.

Mmm-hmm. Yeah, okay.

If this was wartime,

I could have you shot for dereliction of duty.

(LAUGHING)

You'll get it today.

Okay. 5:00 today the latest, hmm?

Want some, Jessica?

Oh. No, thanks.

Working on a series just devours your life.

I am chained to this desk from morning to night.

Well, I can imagine that the rewards of a hit TV show

are commensurate with its problems.

(LAUGHING) That's what I want to talk to you about.

There are several characters in your books

that I think could combine to make a riveting TV show.

Would you be interested in working with me on a new series?

(LAUGHS) Ricki, I've been through that...

I've noodled a few pages. Just to give you an idea what I'm talking about.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) I think... What?

I got the rewrite on the video store scene, Ricki.

You said to bring it in soon as I finish. Hi, Mrs. Fletcher.

Hi, Gene.

(SOFTLY) When does this, uh, episode tape?

(SOFTLY) Tomorrow night. Lord willing.

Boy!

I'm used to working to deadlines, but, uh...

No. Not only isn't this funny enough or truthful enough,

but what's this gobbledygook,

"Angling at" this and "Angling at" that?

(STUTTERING) It's just, you know, camera directions.

Well, it's not my style.

And all the scripts should read as if I wrote every word, hmm?

Right.

(SIGHING) Now where were we, Jessica?

Oh, yes. Why don't you look at this?

We can go over it later.

Ricki, I really don't think...

I know! You've heard horror stories about working in TV.

Not to worry. You'll have me to protect you!

(LAUGHS)

Sally, get me Todd in telecine.

SALLY: (ON PHONE) Okay, Ricki.

(POLICE SIRENS WAILING)

So, I understand that ex-jock who plays the hunk on Buds,

Vince DeNisco,

got into a few scrapes when he was a kid.

And you want me to pull DeNisco's jacket for you?

Leo'd be grateful.

Come on, Bower, you used to be a cop.

All juvenile records are sealed.

Yeah. But, Roy, this is you and me.

I know what the official line is...

Then you also know what Internal Affairs could do to me

for using official files for personal gain.

Now, why should I risk my badge for you or for Leo?

Leo could be a good friend.

(LAUGHING) I seriously doubt that.

So, these are the kinds of errands

you're running these days?

You kept better company when you were working Vice.

Yeah, I gotta hustle.

But, you know, Roy, I don't have a big daddy like you

kicking over Hollywood doors for me,

getting me cushy gigs.

Hey, pal, Timothy got where he is today on his own talent.

Well, that's what I'm trying to do.

(DOOR SLAMMING)

(DIALING NUMBER)

(PHONE RINGING)

WOMAN: (ON PHONE) Ricki Vardian's office. Yeah. Roy Flint for Ricki.

RICKl: (ON PHONE) Hello? Hey, Ricki, how you doing?

Swamped. What do you want?

So, are you knocking Timmy off the show or what?

The network forbids me to say anything at this point, Roy.

They think it's good business to keep everybody in the business

wondering and talking about the show because...

Yadda-yadda-yadda-yadda. I guess in order to get

a straight answer at this point, you gotta be a safecracker!

(LAUGHS) Don't even think it, Roy.

How do you know about my safe?

Don't mess with us, Ricki.

"Watch out! This chick's into the three C's."

DYAN: The three C's? Let me see, character, commitment and...

CARLY: Communication.

None of which you're interested in.

Uh, what is going on here? Where's the energy, huh?

Carly, you're supposed to be snide and sarcastic!

It's dead!

Dy, those glasses belong on your nose, not in your mouth.

In rehearsals?

Wear them, they help you get into character!

Joy.

That is the sloppiest rehearsal I've ever seen.

Well, it can't be a reflection on my directing

because you haven't backed off long enough to let me do any.

Better get started, baby, because we tape tomorrow. In case you forgot.

Oh, don't put it on me, Ricki.

You toss a whole new script at us at dawn this morning.

With the final scene under lock and key somewhere.

Those kids are scared stiff

that some of them are gonna be filing for unemployment next week.

Well, they might have you for company, joyful.

This sounds like the kiss-off, Ricki, am I right?

(SIGHING) I'll always be fond of you, Vince,

but maybe it's better for everybody if we just stop

our extracurricular activities,

at least for now, hmm?

Whatever.

Does that mean...

(SHUSHING) Let's not talk business at an emotional moment like this.

Vince.

Vince, did Ricki say anything about who's getting the ax?

No, Carly. She didn't say anything.

But after decades of hard-boiled male detectives,

we then began to see the emerging of female sleuths

created by such writers as Sue Grafton, Sara Paretsky,

Gillian Roberts, and, of course, (CHUCKLING) yours truly.

Okay. That's a keeper.

(BELL RINGING) Let's move in, boys.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(SIGHING)

TIMOTHY: You got a minute, Jessica?

Oh, of course, Tim, what's up?

Uh, it's my dad. I just got off the phone with him.

He's trying to dig up some dirt to use on our producers...

In case they try to fire you?

Yes! I told him to stop, but he just won't.

(STUTTERING) And I don't know what to do.

Tim, do you know what makes Alfred Hitchcock movies so special?

'Cause they're so scary?

(LAUGHS) Well, that's part of it.

They're about ordinary people trapped in terrible situations

who take charge of their own lives.

I hear you. Okay.

I'm gonna handle this situation myself, in a business-like way.

I'll just make an appointment to see Ricki after rehearsals

and just let her know what my dad's up to.

Good.

Now, Ricki is not the easiest person in the world to deal with

but you're up to it.

Yeah.

(BELL RINGING)

Okay, Jessica. We're ready to go.

Good.

Can you just tell me if Carly's out?

Uh, you see, she's got this offer to be in the new Valerie Harper pilot.

Uh, of course, she'd much rather stay here,

but if she's gonna be dropped anyway, then...

What, is this your business? Are you making it with her?

No. No, she's just a friend.

You know, a nice kid, I wanted to help out if I could.

Maybe if I explain to Ricki that, uh...

You wanna lose your head?

Just get back to your computer and think up more jokes.

Thanks, Gene. It was sweet of you to try.

What are you gonna do?

(SIGHING) Well, I'm a big girl.

I can take care of myself.

(STUTTERING) Milton, I know you're trying

to make the best deal possible,

(SOFTLY) but this is Rob Reiner.

Okay. Let me tell you the news, all right.

It's all over the studio,

they're making changes here in the cast.

Isn't that totally perfect timing for us?

MILTON: (ON PHONE) That might explain the threat of a lawsuit.

What? Who's threatening a lawsuit?

RICKl: Mmm, thank you, dear.

That's one of the best things about working on this show,

free cappuccino.

You're trying to kill my movie deal with Rob Reiner,

aren't you?

Me? What are you talking about?

My agent told me that someone is pulling strings.

They're pouring on legal pressure.

Oh, that's Leo's department, sweetie.

He's business. I'm creative.

And I'm hurt that you think I would ever do anything

to stand in the way of what's good for you.

So it's Leo?

(SIGHING)

What am I supposed to say when she catches up with me?

Take the rap. Play the heavy.

That's what I pay you for.

So people will hate you instead of me.

Uh-huh. Gary, love, wait up!

Punish me and not him, okay?

Please, don't fire Vince because you think that...

In case you forgot, missy, I'm in charge here.

I'll hire and fire anyone I please.

No! This does not give you the right to treat people like dirt!

That woman is a monster!

(DOOR CLOSING)

Uh, Ricki.

Would you believe?

Uh, I finally get my new SX-1300

and it doesn't paginate properly.

Oh, let me see it, sometimes if you... If you futz with it.

Hope you didn't come here to find out

what the final scene in the script is.

(LAUGHS) Well, now that you mention it...

LEO: Looking for me, Jessica?

Leo?

(CHUCKLES) What are you doing sitting here in the dark?

Thinking dark thoughts. About what?

Ricki and Leo.

Decided there's no such thing.

Ricki's for Ricki. Period.

Sounds to me as if you're having one of those days.

Too many of them.

Can't go on fooling myself anymore.

"Leo, I want a pre-nuptial agreement,

"but that doesn't mean I don't love you."

"Sure, Ricki."

"Leo, work with me,

"I'll give you a big title but it won't mean anything."

"Sure, Ricki."

"We're married, Leo, we're partners,

"but I keep all kinds of secrets from you."

"Sure, Ricki."

Do they give an Emmy for Outstanding Wimp of the Year?

I think you're telling all this to the wrong person.

You're absolutely right. I should be telling it to Ricki.

And then a divorce lawyer.

Do you need anything?

(CHUCKLING) lt'll keep.

(BELL RINGING)

Well, that's the rest of the audio.

One more session and we'll be finished.

Mmm-hmm. Another project?

I don't think so, Rosie.

As a matter of fact, I'd like to get it off my hands.

Ricki? Leo?

(GASPING) Ricki!

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Mrs. Fletcher. I'm Lieutenant Flint.

Oh, of course! Yes! You're Timothy's father.

Lieutenant Caceras over at Hollywood Division

says that you've gotten involved

with a couple of cases there, is that right?

Lieutenant Caceras and I are friends. I see.

Well, uh, would you mind telling me

what you were doing in Ricki's office here tonight?

Well, I was just returning a treatment that she wanted me to read.

I'm working on the lot.

Uh, Lieutenant, did you notice any signs

of forced entry on that safe?

Nope. Nope.

Either the killer knew the combination,

or more likely surprised Ricki when the lid was open.

Hmm. And Ricki got clobbered.

Excuse me.

Brand, I want you personally to catalog the contents of the safe.

Uh, you're assuming that that is the murder weapon, right?

One might assume.

Then you're eliminating robbery as a motive?

At least in the usual sense.

Are we gonna be playing games here, Mrs. Fletcher?

(STUTTERING) What's that supposed to mean, "In the usual sense"?

Well, it's just a guess.

I mean, it's possible that there was something in that safe

that was worth killing for.

For instance?

Well, rumor has it that the only copy of the scene

revealing who was going to be fired from the show

was locked away in Ricki's safe.

But perhaps you already knew that through Timothy.

Excuse me, Lieutenant, we've been checking like you asked.

Almost all the victim's co-workers were floating around the lot

at the time of the murder.

I got preliminary statements from most of them,

including all the Buds except for Timothy.

He was with me.

Forgive me for saying this, Lieutenant,

but isn't there a certain conflict of interest

for you working this case?

Mrs. Fletcher, are we gonna have a problem here?

Because if we are...

LEO: I'm her husband, you've gotta let me in.

OFFICER: Hey, hold on now!

Ricki...

I don't believe this.

Leo...

I'm sorry, Leo. I really am.

Now, look, I've gotta ask you a couple of questions.

This is the pre-nuptial agreement that you and Ricki signed.

What has that got to do with...

According to which, you get bupkis in the event of divorce.

You have any idea why Ricki took it out of the safe tonight?

Maybe she was reminiscing.

Ricki had a big sentimental streak.

Where were you about an hour ago, Leo?

I was walking around the lot.

I was getting some air.

Waiting for Ricki to finish work.

Okay. Did Ricki carry much life insurance?

Excuse me. Uh, Lieutenant...

I think this is the famous scene

everyone's been wondering and worrying about.

What's it say?

LEO: "As they hear the sound of footsteps

"coming down the stairs,

"from the front door of the cafe, they all turn.

"The camera is angling at the paramedic as he enters.

"The paramedic says,

"'I've got some bad news, there's been an accident.'

"The Buds all hold their breath,

"until the paramedic drops the dreaded bomb.

"'Lt is your friend Dyan,

"'I'm afraid she may not make it.'

"Freeze on reactions and fade out." Dyan, I'm sorry.

Ricki killed you?

I'm the one.

LEO: In light of what's happened, some changes are necessary.

This ending will not, I repeat, not be used.

Gene will rewrite it at once

and none of the characters will be eliminated.

(ALL CHEERING)

If that's all right with you, Dyan?

Absolutely.

I wouldn't wanna be anywhere at a time like this,

except with my buds.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Besides, um, Rob Reiner changed his mind and gave the part to Meg Ryan.

(ALL LAUGH)

Dyan? Are you okay?

Oh, yeah. Sure. Everything's terrific.

You should've heard it inside.

All the pep-rally spirit for the show.

I mean, Ricki's dead. Nobody really seems to care.

I mean, I know she was a pill sometimes, but...

She was real good to me.

You know, Carly told me

that you were her favorite character. (LAUGHS)

In fact, she patterned your character after herself.

Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Glasses and all.

(LAUGHING) Yes.

My eyesight's 20-20

but Ricki said I was funnier with the glasses.

(SIGHING) Now, no more Ricki in the office

tapping out the jokes on her new laptop.

Oh, Jessica, she just saw the whole world from a different angle.

I mean, she saw humor where...

A different angle.

Something wrong?

Excuse me, Dyan. I have to get over to the office.

Did you forget something?

No, I think I just remembered something.

Gene, I know you're busy.

I'm never too busy for you, Mrs. Fletcher.

Ah, is this your new office?

Uh, just for today.

Leo wants me where he can look over my shoulder

till these pages are revised.

With Ricki gone, it looks like Leo is gonna be leaning

much more heavily on me.

I've only got one question.

What did the original scene say,

before you changed it?

(STUTTERING) I don't know what you're talking about.

I know that the scene the police found in the safe

wasn't the version that Ricki wrote.

I mean, she had criticized your use of the camera direction,

"Angling at" as not being her style.

But, it is yours, Gene.

It is not what you think, Mrs. Fletcher.

(STUTTERING) I was working late

and I came by Ricki's office and found her body.

And the safe was open, so I took a peek inside and saw the scene.

And you saw that it wasn't Dyan who was being written out.

No. It was my friend Carly.

But with Ricki dead, you figured, who would know?

So you rewrote the scene.

After all, Dyan wanted out in the worst way, everybody knew that.

So maybe I could do a favor for her and for Carly.

I figured, what's the harm?

The harm was that you were tampering with evidence

at a crime scene.

Now, if that's all you did.

(STUTTERING) I swear. I didn't touch anything else, Lieutenant.

All right. We'll leave it at that, for now.

You're free to go.

It'd be nice if you'd share with me your next brainstorm, Mrs. Fletcher,

like in advance.

Are you saying that you're interested in my thoughts, Lieutenant?

Only the good ones.

And you'll be the judge?

Who else? It's my case.

(PHONE RINGING) One moment, please.

Flint here.

MAN: (ON PHONE) Ricki and Leo took out some life insurance.

Yeah. Three months ago.

Uh-huh. For five million dollars.

Double indemnity in case of a violent death.

Uh-huh. Thanks.

Leo and Ricki Vardian just took out five million dollar life insurance policies

three months ago, with the following clause,

"Double indemnity in the event of death by violent crime."

Ooh!

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Hey, how you doing?

I heard you had a meeting with Ricki last night, how'd it go?

Does it matter?

Where did you go after you left her?

I went for a... What, are you asking me officially or something?

Just tell me where you were.

I was kind of upset at the time.

You know, getting the run-around and all.

So, I went for a run, by myself, up around the reservoir.

If anyone asks, you were with me,

at my place the whole time.

Look, Dad, I...

Just do what I tell you.

LEO: Alex!

Where you been? I've been leaving messages for you all night!

I turned off my machine last night and I slept like a baby.

You know what I'm thinking?

With everything that's happened here, I should get a promotion.

A big one.

What for?

Whoa, no details, Leo. That's the way you like it.

I'm thinking the title of supervising producer fits me pretty good.

Let me know how much it pays.

I'm just really scared.

Why? Are you afraid that the police will focus

on Vince being thrown over by Ricki?

No. I'm afraid for myself, Jessica.

Everybody's saying that the murder weapon was Ricki's Emmy

and the police are gonna find my fingerprints on it,

but I didn't kill her.

Well, then you've got nothing to worry about.

But I think you ought to tell the Lieutenant here.

Mrs. Fletcher, kids.

Uh, Dad, I think Carly has something to tell you.

The reason my fingerprints are on Ricki's Emmy was...

FLINT: I'm not really concerned with that, Carly.

Our lab has just established

that the blunt object that Ricki was killed with

was the laptop computer on her desk.

Well, what are you getting at, Lieutenant?

FLINT: We're here because of something

Sergeant Brand picked up from Vince.

Now, Vince didn't want to point a finger, of course,

but last night, Vince was comparing notes with someone

and it came out that despite Leo and Ricki Vardian's assurances,

that all six of you Buds were being paid exactly the same,

in fact, one of you...

Was being low-balled. Namely me.

Vince said you went ballistic when he told you that,

and you took off looking for Ricki.

Yeah. But I didn't find her. I swear I didn't.

Dad?

Timmy,

the only prints found on the laptop were the salesman's

who delivered it yesterday, Ricki's and yours.

That's from before...

Don't say anything else, Timmy.

OFFICER: Let's go.

You never listen to me, Dad.

You have the right to remain silent,

if you give up that right, anything you say

can and will be used against you in a court of law.

You have the right to an attorney...

FLINT: It's just for the record.

It's a statement of how you found the body.

I know it's a bit after the fact

now that we've booked a suspect,

but, please just sign at the bottom.

I stopped by to see Timmy on the way in.

Yeah, I know.

Thanks.

I'm having a little difficulty talking to him just now.

Under the circumstances,

I've decided to take a back seat in the case.

Just handling the paperwork,

letting the captain do the rest.

You know, I don't believe for one moment

that Timmy was capable of murder.

Neither do I, as a father.

But as a cop, I gotta admit it adds up.

He had motive.

Apart from getting slightly crazed about maybe being fired,

he then finds out that Ricki was

short-changing him all last year

and he had opportunity.

The laptop came in brand new and spotless from the computer store

just a little while before she got clobbered with it.

And his prints are the only clear ones on it.

But he said that he touched the computer

when he was in the office earlier

and he admits that he came back,

but the door to Ricki's office was closed.

He knocked, there was no answer and so he left.

And you don't believe him?

(SIGHING) What I'm beginning to believe, Mrs. Fletcher,

is that it's all my fault.

All these years,

maybe I pushed him too hard to succeed.

Forgive me for saying this,

but a violent response to feeling hurt or anger

is probably more your way than Timothy's.

Maybe he's more like me than I thought.

Lieutenant,

would you tell me what happened that night

when you came to see Ricki in her office?

Who says I did?

Well, Timothy told me that you had

tried to fabricate an alibi for him.

But it was really the other way around, wasn't it?

I was just tryin' to protect us both.

But you're right, I... I did go back to the office

to make one last plea for Timothy's job,

but Ricki, she...

Ricki was meaner than a sewer rat.

And you argued.

Oh, yes, we argued. And I have to admit, I got pretty angry.

To the point where I could've gotten physical.

So I got out of there fast.

And she was alive when I left.

I believe you.

And I also believe Timothy.

Don't you think I want to?

MAN: Action, Mrs. Fletcher.

JESSICA: And in one of Alfred Hitchcock's

famous scenes from Strangers on a Train,

the audience witnesses a murder,

but in a most unusual way,

as it is reflected in the lenses

of the victim's eyeglasses that have...

Cut! Cut! Stop tape.

(BELL RINGING) Anything wrong, Jess?

No. Forgive me,

but I think Mr. Hitchcock just gave me an idea.

Come back to get your glasses?

Oh, no, and actually, um, I've got mine.

At least I think these are mine.

I know, they look the same

(LAUGHS) except for the magnifying power.

These are Ricki's prescription glasses.

Last night, after the murder, I noticed Ricki's glasses.

It wasn't until later that I realized

that they were not prescription lenses.

These are yours.
20-20, plain glass.

You accidentally left them here when you killed Ricki.

Ricki was my friend.

Why would I want to kill her?

Because you felt she was out to ruin your career

by keeping you from leaving the show to do that big movie.

Oh! That was all over way before.

My agent phoned me that Meg Ryan got the gig.

So, I had no reason to...

Dyan, I talked to your agent.

What he told you that night was, that it was Ricki,

not Leo, who was threatening the movie company

with a huge Breach of Contract suit if they hired you.

Oh, Milton's getting it all mixed up.

No, your agent didn't receive word

about the other actress being signed until the next morning.

So when you killed Ricki

you still thought you had the part.

If Ricki was out of the way.

Oh, okay, so maybe I'm a little confused on the timing,

but that doesn't mean I did it.

Ricki and I probably got the glasses mixed up on the set.

She brought them here by mistake.

I was never here that night.

Well, then how do you explain the question

of Ricki's new laptop computer?

What does that have to do with me?

I mean, I heard that that was the murder weapon but...

She'd never used it until the night of her murder.

But you told me the morning after the murder.

Now, no more Ricki in the office

tapping out the jokes on her new laptop.

The salesman delivered the laptop that evening.

The only way you could have known it was here was if you were here.

Give me those glasses!

Nice and easy, Dyan.

All right, I did it.

But Ricki deserved what she got.

See, when you're an actress,

you constantly hear a clock ticking.

Guys like Eastwood and Jack Nicholson get to be stars forever.

But for an actress, it's like being a ballplayer.

When the legs go, the career's over.

But you're only, what, 29?

(SCOFFS) That's what I tell People magazine.

Try 36.

When I got this big movie offer,

I felt like it was my last chance.

I couldn't wait four years for the series to end.

I told Ricki that.

I pleaded with her.

Ricki, please, just write me out for a couple of months.

That's all I need!

Sweetie, you signed a contract and I own you.

No!

Afterwards, I was sorry.

Ricki had done so much for me in the past,

but this movie, well, I thought I had it.

It was a part any actress would...

Kill for.

(BELL RINGING)

Rehearsal. Action!

But who sends a Valentine's Day card without signing it?

A practical joker.

Or a mystery admirer.

MAN: Or one of your girlfriends

who hasn't learned to write her own name yet.

Well, there were three "X's" on the bottom of the card.

CARLY: Ah, you see?

I don't know anybody with a middle name.

Now!

(ALL CHEERING)

(BELL RINGING)

(ALL HOOTING)

Oh, I, uh, thought you might like to know,

I'm making my New Year's resolutions a little early this year.

Oh? I decided to concentrate on what I do best.

Being a good cop and to stop being a bad stage-door mommy.

Ah, well, I guess that's the thing about kids, Lieutenant.

You have to let go sometime.

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

CARLY: Okay! Excuse me! Excuse me, everybody.

VINCE: Silenzio, you guys, Carly's got a proclamation.

I think this is for you to read, Timmy.

(LAUGHS)

"Whereas, Jessica Fletcher has proven herself a friend extraordinaire,

"be it herewith resolved that she is officially designated

"an honorary Bud."

(LAUGHING) Oh!

(ALL CHEERING)

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