All language subtitles for MSW s06e22 The Sicilian Encounter.eng

What exactly was he into?

Cash.

(EXCLAIMING)

FEMALE NARRATOR:
Tonight on Murder, She Wrote.

He cut his throat shaving.
Nobody saw nothing.

And my poor sister,
she becomes a widow before she's married.

(COUGHING)

But this family of yours,

I mean, I'm just not sure
I'm gonna fit in, that's all.

Okay, Padre,
let's you and me talk turkey.

I could marry you, quietly.

(GRUNTS)

Thanks for the use
of the hall, Father.

Oh, hello. After a week
of publishers' meetings and book interviews in New York,

I can hardly wait
to kick off my shoes and relax,

I don't know about you,
but I could use a cup of tea.

Isn't it amazing
the amount of mail that accumulates in one week?

Most of it is unsolicited.
It's frightening to think of how many junk mail lists

your name must be on.

Uh-huh.

"Your pre-approved
credit card." One that I didn't apply for.

Oh, my goodness,
can the property taxes be due again?

Hmm. It's postmarked Paris.

Michael Haggarty of
Her Majesty's Service.

Up to some derring-do,
no doubt.

Michael, you certainly do
get around.

"Dear Jessica"...

Oh, dear.

Do you know what I like most
about Italy, Claudia?

The wine?

The music?

The tradition of retiring
after lunch for a little nap.

Awfully civilized,
don't you think?

Helps digest those big meals.

You know, the thought of you
for dessert is driving me absolutely wild.

(MAN CLEARING THROAT)
But, but, but, but...

You wouldn't happen to have
any knockout drops in that purse of yours, would you?

Fresh out.

I mean,
it's all very considerate of your late husband's family

to supply us with a car
and a chauffeur, but we don't need a nanny.

Especially one as ugly
as that one.

Be patient, darling.
The wedding is only a week away.

And then we're off
to Switzerland.

Really? Not Boston?

I mean, I assumed since the
Carboni business interests were in Boston that...

Peter, I know so little about
the business. We were just married for six months.

Yes, I'm a little hazy
about this business of his.

What exactly was he into?

I never really knew.

Except that he dealt
mostly in cash.

Well, how very wise of him.

You know, to arrange
his affairs so prudently.

By the way, you never
did mention how he died.

Suddenly.

Darling, why don't you
pay the bill while I go freshen up?

Okay.

(SNAPS FINGERS)

I trust everything was
satisfactory, Signore Baines.

Just excellent.

And you can tell the chef
that he's outdone himself.

Oh, and add 20% for yourself.

(THANKING IN ITALIAN)
My pleasure.

Call me
a silly romantic, but...

You're a silly romantic.

When I think of the way we met
on that plane from Boston...

Well, that was destiny,
Claudia. Fate. Kismet.

Well, almost.
I had the stewardess change my seat next to yours.

You didn't.
Mmm-hmm.

Well, the moment I saw you,
I sensed the tragic grief you tried so hard to conceal.

I knew then that fate
had thrown us together so I could console you.

Right. Right.

And who'd ever believe
that in that short time

we'd have fallen in love
and decided to get married.

Yeah, it's remarkable,
considering we've scarcely spent a moment alone

since we got off the plane.
Now, Claudia, darling, seriously...

Sweetheart,
I know exactly how you feel.

But in Italy, a widow,

especially a young widow,
is considered a threat to the family

until she takes
another husband.

In church. Legally.

In front of a priest.

Yes, Claudia,
this family of yours,

I'm glad you brought them up.
There is something about them that I...

They're my ex-husband's
family.

And the only reason
that I am here at all is just to pay my respects.

And to settle some details
of the estate.

Don't you worry.
They like you.

They're in favor
of the marriage.

Oh, well, that's good
because so am I.

So am I.

(CAR HORN HONKING)

(MAN YELLING IN ITALIAN)

Darling, it's only a week
until the wedding.

I say, old man,
you've got the wrong room.

Scusi, Signora.

Yes?

Do you know what happened?

Somebody died.
Some Englishman.

Died? How?

He cut his throat shaving.
Nobody saw nothing.

This is Mr. Green
speaking.

HAGGARTY: There's been
a complication.

The business associate
that was supposed to meet caught a cold

before I could connect
with him.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Does this mean
the order's been canceled?

Negative.

The consignment is urgently
expected in London,

and you are expected
to deliver it at all costs

regardless of any flu
that may be going around.

Bloody marvelous.

But what if the package
doesn't wanna be delivered?

It seems a wedding present
has gotten into the shipment.

Well, listen carefully.
This has top priority.

Especially since our
competitors in America are also interested in the goods.

You are authorized to use
the express shipment channel.

Damn it, man,
use your ingenuity.

(DIAL TONE)

PETER: Now how do
the shoulders look, darling?

Wonderful.
Yes, I thought so, too.

You know, I was thinking,
after the honeymoon in Switzerland,

how about taking a cruise
around the world? Can we afford that?

We can afford
anything you like.

Oh, how nice.

Oh, signore, the white suit
will be perfetto for a cruise.

Oh, Peter, did you order
another suit?

I ordered half a dozen,
actually.

Well, I thought it would be
nice to have something suitable

for all occasions, you know.

(SPEAKING IN ITALIAN)

Everything will be ready
in time for the wedding, Signora.

Fine. Fine. Sofia.

Per favore,
show Signore Luca a fare.

Che fare.
Sí.

Cheerio.
Ciao.

Peter,
they're going to see us.

Oh, frankly, my dear,
I don't give a damn.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Does it hurt much, darling?
Poor girl.

You know, she turned her ankle
on the carpet just walking across the floor.

Would you believe that?
Let's have a look at it.

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

Sorry.

You know, it doesn't seem
too bad, not much swelling yet, anyway.

Better keep the weight off it
for a while, huh?

Was there something
you wanted, Mario?

You have a visitor, Signora.

Claudia,
Monsignor O'Shaughnessey just arrived

from your parish in Boston.

Well, not your parish,
Mrs. Carboni. Actually, we've never met,

and this is indeed a pleasure.

Father Flynn, your pastor,
poor man,

he was stricken
with an attack of the gall bladder

and he couldn't make it
for the ceremony.

But I was
an acquaintance of your dearly departed husband.

We played golf several times
together. A fine man.

Very generous to the church.
So His Eminence, the cardinal,

sent me, O'Shaughnessey.
Monsignor O'Shaughnessey,

as his official emissary
from the Boston diocese.

It's a pleasure to meet you,
Monsignor O'Shaughnessey.

And when might I meet
your intended?

Is it possible that he's
from your parish in Boston?

No, no.
Actually, he's from England.

Oh, well.

Darling, come here, please.

There's someone
I'd like you to meet.

Say hello to
Monsignor O'Shaughnessey.

He's all the way from Boston.

This is my fiancé,
Peter Baines.

How do you do.

Baines, you say? Really?

Yeah. Have we met, Father?

No, I don't think so.

But I once knew a gentleman
named Harold Baines.

Harold? No, no, no,
Harold's my brother.

Oh.
Where on earth did you meet Harold?

Well, I can't remember
the exact circumstances. I do an awful lot of traveling.

Scusi Claudia,
I got a telephone call this afternoon.

You gonna have
another guest arriving.

Your brother-in-law, Gino,
is coming from Boston for the wedding.

Gino is coming?

Wow!

Did he say when he's arriving?

He no say. But certainly
before the wedding.

Did you know Gino, Monsignor?

Oh, yes, yes, of course.
We played together several times.

He had a terrible slice.

Slice?

(LAUGHING) Oh, that's
a golfing term, Signore Carboni.

Perhaps
Monsignor O'Shaughnessey

would like to freshen up
after his long journey?

Well, thank you very much,
that's very kind, very thoughtful.

But first, I have some
spiritual duties to perform.

Oh?

Yes, I promised Father Flynn
that the first thing I'd do

when I got here was
to hear Claudia's confession.

Oh, well, that's just...

That's so nice
of Father Flynn, but I don't...

Now, now, now. We can
do this rather informally.

Perhaps out in the garden?
Come along, now, my dear.

This won't take long.

A passionate woman who has
just lost her husband always has something to confess.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

Listen, I assure you
she's got nothing to confess that concerns me.

Nothing at all.
Absolutely not.

Really.

You see, my child,
I am concerned

about your departed husband's
soul,

considering the business
he was in and the violence of his death.

Look, father,
I had nothing to do with the business or his death.

I hope everybody
understands that.

Oh, yes, I'm sure they do.

Now, about this chap
that you're going to marry... This...

Peter.

Oh, actually, Peter and I
have known each other a very short while.

But he's so... So...

Yes, I'm sure he is.

Now I do hope, my child,
that this is a true union of the souls,

not merely an attraction
of the flesh.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Peter has...
Peter has many, many admirable qualities.

And your late husband's
Italian cousins?

How well do you know them?

Oh, they're very attentive.

Very hospitable.
Very family-oriented.

So I gathered.

In fact, they're giving us
a week's vacation at a luxury resort in Switzerland

as a wedding present.
Is that so?

Now isn't that thoughtful?

To be honest, Father.
I can't wait to get away.

I mean, they're very sweet
and all that,

but the atmosphere
here at the villa is a little bit stifling.

Oh, well, it's only natural
that you two love birds

should want to get on
with the honeymoon.

Well, you can rely on me
to help you in any way I can.

Well, thank you, Father.
Thank you.

I better get back inside.

Ah, well now,

I can see you've got an eye
for fine tailoring, Mr. Baines.

Oh.

Is that what they call
the Italian cut?

No, actually, I had this made
in Savile Row. Do you like it?

Splendid. Splendid.

I have a friend who says that

you can tell
a man's line of work by the clothes he wears.

Really? Really? Well,
what an interesting notion.

Yes, I've never understood
that myself.

You wouldn't be in the banking
business, now would you?

Never had the opportunity.

But I always thought it would
be a fascinating challenge.

No, I've mostly just
knocked about. A bit of this, a bit of that.

Tell me, son, what kind
of thing have you lent your hand to, exactly?

Well, let me see.

I was a cruise director
for a while.

And then there was a stint
selling securities. I rather enjoyed that.

Then the company collapsed.

What a shame.
Yes.

And then I was a yacht broker
in Monaco for the season.

The trouble there was
I got sea sick.

And then once in Paris, when
I was a bit down on my luck,

I gave dancing lessons.

I would imagine a man would
meet a number of wealthy women in that line of work.

Father, you never did tell me
how you met my brother, Harold.

Ah, yes.

Well, the exact circumstances
have slipped my mind.

Well, we were never
that close, actually.

Harold was always a bit too...
Too proper for my taste.

Odd, though. I got a letter
last Christmas from one of my dotty aunties.

And she said something about
Harold being in Greece. In jail.

Oh, my.
Yeah, strange.

Harold was always such a
straight laces sort of fellow.

Well, I suppose
you can never tell about some people, you know.

Beneath the façade,
there's somebody totally unexpected.

(HONKING)

Hey. This is some kind
of place here.

Gino, benvenuto.

Welcome to the land
of your grandfathers.

Our home is your home.

Grazie.

I'm your cousin Antonio.

So sorry about
your brother's death.

(SPEAKING IN ITALIAN)

Thank you.
It was a lousy way to go.

Hey, come sta?
I am your cousin Vito.

Che fa, Gino?

This is not necessary.

We are cousins.

Hey, guys, it's a habit.
I feel naked without it.

We have heard wonderful things
about you, cousin,

that you killed your first man
when you was 15.

Thirteen. But who's counting.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Grazie.

Is Claudia here?
VITO: Sí, sí.

We give her
all our attenzione.

That cheap bimbo left Boston
in a hurry,

maybe with something
that didn't belong to her.

I thought you said
Gino was here.

But, Claudia, this is Gino.

That man is not Gino.
I've never seen him before in my life.

Now wait a minute. This broad
ain't my brother's wife.

I don't know who this man is,

but I know the brother
of the poor husband who died in my arms.

She's lying.

Hey, look at my passport.

Did I hear somebody
say that Gino Carboni had arrived?

Monsignor,
do you know Gino Carboni?

Oh, yes, of course.
He was the one who introduced me to Claudia's husband.

He was the best golfer
of the lot.

And this man, Monsignor?

How do you do,
Monsignor O'Shaughnessey. And you are?

Gino Carboni.

Oh, well, if he says
he's Gino Carboni,

then he'd better
go to confession.

What, are you all crazy?
Look at my passport!

Yes, it's a very good job.
Just like the real thing.

Only who ever forged it,
gave the wrong zip code for Boston.

Now wait a minute!

Silenzio!

You will please excuse us
while we send this imbroglione back where he came from.

(GRUNTING)

(SPEAKING IN ITALIAN)

Signora!

Oh, it's all right, Theresa.

Peter, you look terrible.
What's the matter?

Get rid of her.

It's okay.
She doesn't speak English.

Now what's the matter?

They just murdered him.
Who?

Who? Who? The chap claiming
to be your brother-in-law, that's who.

Poor sod.

Oh, Claudia, darling,
you know I worship the ground you walk on,

but this family of yours,

I'm just not sure
I'm gonna fit in, that's all.

I thought you loved me.

I do love you,
you know, I love you.

It's just that,
well, deep down, I think they resent me.

I don't want to cause
any family dissention.

Peter, darling, listen.
They're not really my family.

Oh, sweetheart,
I promise,

once we're married,

we never have to
come back to Italy again.

You may not have
much to say about it.

Oh, darling, I need you.

I just can't bear the thought
of all that money

and no one to share it with.

Yes, well, I...
Well, I suppose, on the other hand, I could...

I've gotta tell you something.

What?

The reason
we're going to Switzerland...

Yeah?

...is because

there's so much money

in my safe deposit box.

Well, you know, I suppose
we don't have to see that much of them, do we?

I mean, socially.

Exactly how much money
are we talking about here?

Well, I think it might
help you to understand

exactly the nature of my
ex-husband's business.

No! Claudia, no.
Really, I don't care to know.

But I want to be
honest with you.

Yes, I know you do. I know,
I know, it's just that I just don't want to know.

I mean, supposing somebody
someday puts me in the witness box.

Your relatives,
think about it. They might take offense.

CLAUDIA: I think you'd better
go before they see you.

(SPEAKING IN ITALIAN)

Speak English.

Sometimes the hired help
have big ears.

It's been confirmed.

The private bank account
is in Switzerland.

Our American cousins
have been cheating us.

But what bank?

As soon as we get
the widow married off,

she goes off to Switzerland
and she leads me right to the money.

But why is it you who
follows them to Switzerland?

Because you know the risks
if we leave the safety of Palermo.

However, no one know exactly

what's in this bank box, yes?

Or how much money it contains.

I will find out,
I will bring it back.

Mario,

Vito and I no cannot let you
take this risk alone.

We all go to Switzerland.

If you insist.

We insist.

That way, we can all deliver

the final wedding present
for Claudia

and her gigolo.

Ah, Signore Baines.

Un poco brandy
before bed? Va bene.

You're a man who has a taste
for the best things money can buy.

Oh, living well has always
been a bit of a hobby of mine.

Perhaps you'll join me
in a cigar?

A cigar?
Oh, thank you very much. Yes, yes, I don't mind if I do.

I have these sent from Cuba.

Cuba? Oh, how nice.

Hmm? Oh.

Thank you.

Calms the nerves.

A bridegroom
is always nervous, no?

Yes, I expect
it's all this waiting around.

In Sicilia, a man
must learn to be patient. Pazienza.

Oh, yes, yes,
by all means, yes.

You remember
when you first arrived here,

you and I, we talk about
the honor of a famiglia?

Yes, I remember. Absolutely.

I'm not sure you understood.

There was a man from Napoli
I once knew.

He was engaged to my sister.
A very impatient man.

He ran off with her to Rome
before the wedding.

Oh, dear.
He showed no respect.

He could not wait until
she was properly married.

So my brothers and me,
we followed them.

And we find them in a hotel
in Rome.

And my poor sister,
she becomes a widow before she's married.

(COUGHING)

But that was another man,
another time.

You are a man
of understanding.

It will be an honor
to have you in our famiglia.

That's very nice of you
to say so.

Buana notte, Pietro.

Yes.

Monsignor, it is an honor
you come all the way from Boston for the ceremony.

You will of course assist
at the nuptial mass?

Of course.

PRIEST: Benissimo.

Now if you will excuse me,
I must speak to the sexton about the flowers.

Certainly.
Signorina.

Mmm-hmm.

Will you look at these guys.

They won't let me
out of their sight.

Well, they're just guarding
your virtue, my child.

Well, I would sooner
give them the slip and get on to Switzerland right now.

Now? Darling,
we really ought to respect the local traditions.

And your cousins would be
awfully, awfully offended

if we didn't wait
for the ceremony.

We're practically
prisoners here.

What do you think, Monsignor?

Frankly, I don't think
you're gonna get any peace

until you are in Switzerland.

Then let's do it.
No, darling. I'm sorry...

I don't want to sound stuffy,

but the family have made it
very clear.

And I for one am not going to
leave Sicily,

at least not until you and I
are properly married.

Oh, well, if that's
your only problem, son,

I could marry you, quietly.

When?

Here and now.

Then you could be off
to Switzerland man and wife.

Great idea!

Works for me.

Andiamo.

To love honor and obey,
for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

till death you do part.

I do.

Then by the power vested in me
by the Holy Mother of the Church,

I now pronounce you
man and wife.

Don't believe I've ever heard
that version before, Father.

Well, there have been
quite a few changes since the Vatican Council.

You may now kiss the bride.

Hey, hey, hey! Che fanno?

No, no, no.
Practice, practice.

Pratico, practico.

You go out
and wait by the car.

I'll take care of this.
I'll be there in a tick.

Monsignor O'Shaughnessey,
what's going on?

Nothing. We were just saying
a few prayers

and the lads got
the wrong idea.

(GRUNTS)

Thanks for the use
of the hall, Father.

(MEN SPEAKING IN ITALIAN)

Have him drive me!

Get in and drive!

Whoa!

(EXCLAIMING)

(GUN FIRING)

(SPEAKING IN ITALIAN)

(MAN YELLING IN ITALIAN)

CLAUDIA: What happened
back there?

HAGGARTY:
Just a little misunderstanding with one of the hired help.

Where in the name of all
that is holy did you learn to drive like this?

Daytona.

You must be joking.

I spent a season
on the racing circuit. Where are we going?

About five kilometers
down the road. Make the first right turn.

There's a small airstrip.
I've got a chartered plane waiting.

You're mighty well prepared,
Father.

It's a wedding gift
from His Eminence.

Just take bloody care
that you don't get us killed before we get there!

PETER: I'll do my best.

(HONKING)

(SHOUTING IN ITALIAN)

Let's get cracking.
We're in a bit of a hurry!

Scusi, Padre.
I cannot take you.

What the hell
are you talking about?

The charter, she is canceled.
The Carboni brothers just phoned me.

No flights must leave!
Now listen, you, get in that plane and crank it up, now!

Padre, forgive me.
I cannot do it.

They threatened my life.
I have a wife and four children.

(ENGINE REVVING)

PETER: By the way,
I know I keep asking you this, where are we going?

CLAUDIA: Geneva.

Charming.

Well, it's probably
not as plush as the suite

that your cousins
planned to reserve for you,

but under the circumstances,
much cozier.

Right. Now what we're gonna
need is a bottle of your best champagne,

two glasses,
and a tin of beluga caviar.

Oh, and let us know
when the luggage arrives from the airport, would you?

Yes, monsieur.
Got any Swiss francs, Father? I seem to be fresh out.

Merci, Monsignor.

Yes, well, thanks
for all your help, Father.

And now, Mrs. Baines and I
really mustn't detain you a moment longer.

Peter, darling.
My love?

As long as there really
is no luggage,

would you be a dear
and run to the lobby and pick up some toothbrushes

and anything else
you think we might need?

What a good idea.

Well, I won't be a moment.

Goodbye, Father.

If we're ever in Boston,
we'll give you a ring.

Okay, Padre,
let's you and me talk turkey.

Why, Mrs. Baines,
whatever do you mean?

If I thought
I were really Mrs. Baines, I'd be out that door.

My guess is
you're my contact from Ml6.

Michael Haggarty,
Mrs. Carboni. At your service.

You'll have to forgive me.
I'm a very cautious man.

I would have revealed myself
to you a long time ago

except that one of our lads
got his throat cut by your cousins.

Then there is the little
matter of your fiancé.

Where'd you pick him up?
And more to the point, why?

Peter's attractive.
We're in love.

And a girl has to make plans
for the future.

Try again.

A girl can always
use some muscle.

Peter looks like he could
take care of himself, and me,

if things got rough.

He also looks like
a pretty good beard for a honeymoon trip

to look at a certain bank box
in Switzerland.

Now look
who's being perceptive.

Look, Haggarty,

I agreed to go along
with British Intelligence on two conditions.

One, that I got protection
and asylum in England.

And two, that I get to keep
all the money in the safe deposit box.

That is our deal, isn't it?

Hmm.
If we get what we want.

Namely, the little black book.

Look, I don't know
what's in that book, and I don't want to know.

All I want is a brand new life
and a lot of financial security.

Not to mention a new husband.

It seems to me that Baines
is the kind of chap that would go through a fortune

like a dose of salts.

Why don't you let me
worry about Baines.

Fine. What I'm worried about
is your in-laws.

They must be aware
of the goodies in your safe deposit box.

But what they don't know
is which city and which bank.

Success!

Oh, are you still here,
Father?

Haven't you got a flock
to shear somewhere else?

Now, now, now, I was just
talking to your bride

about her marriage
obligations.

Ah, well, maybe
you could write her a letter.

Darling, while you talk to
Monsignor O'Shaughnessey,

I'm going to slip into
a hot bath.

That's a splendid idea.
Take that with you. I'll join you in a minute.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

This preoccupation you have
with the pleasures of the flesh,

it's highly overrated, my son.

The true joy of marriage
lies in... Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

You can drop the priestly
platitudes, friend.

I've impersonated a priest
myself once or twice.

Let me guess. Was it when you
were a fundraiser?

Who are you?

Well, the name on my passport
says Michael Haggarty.

At least, that's the name
on one of my passports.

I see. Well, Mr. Haggerty,
I'm not sure what your game is and I don't really care.

Now if you don't mind.
I'd rather like to start my honeymoon.

But since
I'm not really a priest, you're not really married.

Yes, I know that, but I see
no need to break that news to Claudia.

At least not tonight.

Too late for that, I'm afraid.

What? You mean
she already knows? Mmm.

Listen, boyo, I'll tell you
one thing and one thing only.

I'm with British Intelligence,
and the lady and I are here in Geneva

to transact some business.

Ml6. That's how you know
Harold. He's Ml6, too.

Was.

That jail term in Athens is
all too real, and I'm the one who put him there.

With a little help
from a writer friend.

The charge is murder.

Murder? Harold?

(SCOFFS)

That's unbelievable.

Yeah, I always figured Harold
for a stuffed-shirt bureaucrat.

His weakness was money.

Apparently,
it runs in the family.

Now listen you, Claudia and I
happen to be in love

and we are gonna get married.

Sorry, boyo, but your
wedding night's on hold.

I can't let Claudia out of
my sight until we've concluded our business in the morning.

Security reasons.
You're sleeping alone tonight.

Right here.

(RINGING)

Pronto.

(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Bonjour.
I would like to speak to Mrs. Claudia Carboni,

s'il vous plaît.

She's not here
at the moment. Who's speaking, please?

This is the Swiss Federal Bank
in Geneva.

We would like to confirm
her appointment at 10:00 in the morning.

Call the airport.
We leave subito.

I can get a message to her.

What bank was that?

Swiss Federal Bank, Geneva.

10:00 in the morning. Grazie.

Merci.

Oh, hello.

Hello. How did you sleep?

Oh, hardly a wink. Ow!

What about you?

Well, I wasn't very
comfortable sleeping in there all by myself.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Now listen, Claudia,
I'm sorry, but I'm afraid

I'm really going to have to
put my foot down.

Just as soon as this bank
business is finished,

you and I are going to find
a magistrate and we're gonna get properly married.

Okay.

Really?

Peter.
What's the matter?

There's something
I should have told you... Your family? Forget about it.

No, it's not the family.
It's something else... It's that I'm...

It's that I...

I really am attracted to you.

(MOANS)

The bank opens in
half an hour. I've got a car waiting downstairs.

Sent your dog collar
to the cleaners, have you, Padre?

You can get anything
at a good Swiss hotel

if you tip the concierge
enough.

Let's go.
Oh, hold it, hold it. I'm coming, too.

Sorry.

Listen, Haggarty. Now, Claudia
and I are practically married.

And I'm coming with you
just to make sure you don't pull any tricks on her.

You make an interesting point,
darling.

What's the matter,
doesn't he trust you?

The questions is,
do I trust you?

You better get dressed.

Right. Ha!

Won't be long.

Peter, why didn't you tell me
you'd smudged my lipstick?

Sorry, darling. Are we sure
this is gonna be big enough?

How much money do you think
one of those safe deposit boxes holds?

Well, I had a dream last night
and, well, it was a jolly big box.

This is as far as you go,
Mr. Baines.

Oh.

I'd like to visit
my safe deposit box, please.

May I have the key, madam?

Thank you.

Allow me.

(EXCLAIMS)

Let's pray my dear departed
husband wasn't lying to me.

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh.

Well, it seems he was as
greedy as he was dishonest.

I'll just count this later.

Huh, and I thought
only the little money slipped through your fingers.

Color me overeager.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, the black book
goes to you

and the money stays with me.

Thank you, Mrs. Carboni.

It's a pleasure
doing business with you.

Everything all right?
Perfectly fine.

That looks heavy. Let me
give you a hand with that. I can manage.

Listen, while I was waiting,
I looked in the phone book.

Now, there's a magistrate
in the next street. City hall is just around the corner.

We can go in,
get the license, Bob's your uncle.

Bob's your uncle?
Yes, it's just a figure of speech, Claudia.

English figure of speech.
Means everything's copasetic. Terrific.

Well, Mr. Haggerty,
it's been extremely interesting meeting you.

We won't trouble you
for a lift. We'll just take a cab, be on our way.

(SPEAKING IN ITALIAN)

You no think we could let
you slip out of town without a wedding reception?

Unless you wish to shed
your life's blood here on the street.

Give us the suitcase.

Freeze!
Stand very still, gentlemen.

Brian, get his gun.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

What is the meaning
of this outrage?

We have rights
as citizen of Italia!

Yeah, yeah, let's go,
let's go! Move it!

Get in and drive!

(EXCLAIMS)

(CLAUDIA EXCLAIMING)

(SHOUTING IN FRENCH)

What the hell
was that all about?

Peter, you could have gotten
us killed driving like that.

Don't worry, Claudia,
your fiancé is an expert car driver.

Does anybody
got a clue who those other guys were back there?

Oh, yes. Yes, I think
I've got it sorted out.

CIA?

You're CIA. Darling?
Why on earth didn't you tell me?

It was my cover, Peter.
I couldn't tell you.

Yeah. Sure, but...

Just think of it as a healthy
competition, old chap.

British Ml6 and the yanks' CIA
are both interested in the same family business.

Particularly
a little black record book

that's been hidden away
in a secret numbered Swiss bank box.

Names, contacts, payoffs,
the lot.

Only the widow of one of
the Boston dons knew the location and the numbers.

But we, considering that
our turf, had a better plan.

We thought we'd just nab
those thugs from Palermo.

So we came up with a scheme
to lure them out of Sicily,

where we couldn't touch them.

The honeymoon in Switzerland
fit in perfectly.

Actually, that was her idea.

Then you weren't really
married to that chap in Boston?

The real Claudia Carboni
must have gone to the U.S. Authorities,

asked for protection,
offered to co-operate.

Isn't that true, Miss...

Or is it missus?

Jennifer Page.

I'm a miss.

Jennifer.

We grabbed her out of
a clerical job in Denver

because she was a dead ringer
for the real Claudia Carboni.

A risk since she had
no field experience.

My, you learn fast.

It's been a pleasure,
Haggarty. Anything I admire, it's a good loser.

By the way, where is the book,
Agent Page?

Right over here.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Is this what
you're looking for?

Oh, yes.

It fell out of your purse
in the car.

Oh.

Thank you.

There you go.

Get this in the pouch
to Washington immediately.

All right.
Take the suitcase with you.

What? Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Claudia... I'm sorry,
Jennifer, what are they doing?

Guess that about wraps it up.
Where's he going with the case?

Better luck next time,
Haggarty.

I'll catch up with you later.

Right.

You skunk! You took that
out of my purse!

I don't get any of this.
Excuse me.

True, but at least I was
gentleman enough to give it back to you.

The same way you gave it to me
in the bank vault.

Don't worry, Miss Page,

I'll send the real thing
along after we've had a good long look at it.

What... Peter, what is it?

Well, I'm just
a little confused here.

Does all this mean you
don't get to keep the money?

No, I don't, darling.
I'm sorry.

Regulations.

So, can I give you two
a lift to the magistrates?

What? Oh, well...

I don't know that
we have to rush into this.

I mean, there are a number
of things we've got to discuss. Such as...

Well, do you know
that I haven't even had the opportunity

of telling my own
family about this engagement?

Funny, that's the first time
that came up.

Oh, darling, come on.
No, I love you deeply, you know I do, I always will.

It's just that at the moment,
well, I don't even have a job.

Actually, I'm a bit flat,

and marriage is a very big
financial responsibility.

Terrific.

When you thought I was
a rich mafia widow,

you couldn't wait to get me
in the sack.

Oh, darling, no, no,
on that score, I was totally sincere.

You know I find you
devastatingly attractive, but,

well, you've got to admit
that I've had a shock. Several.

On the other hand, I don't see
why we can't have a...

Well, a really meaningful
relationship.

Relationship?
Yeah.

That's like a commitment
with no rings attached, right?

Right?

No.

Right?

Well, sort of.

Yes, I've crossed trails
with our American competitors.

I warned you
they were in the game.

They've packed the three items
from Palermo off to Boston.

And what about
our merchandise?

Well, there was almost
a mix-up.

But the authentic volume
is on it's way to London in today's pouch.

Oh, splendid, Michael.
Congratulations.

But now, now,
I've got something rather interesting for you.

Oh, no, no, no.
I've got leave coming.

We've had a tip

about the Alpine Grand Prix
Auto Race which starts in Vienna and winds up in Paris.

Of course, I could always
take it later.

Well, it seems that they're
gonna use the race as a cover

to smuggle some counterfeit
currency plates into France,

and we'd like you to
look into it.

Sounds like a bit of fun.
So happens that I bumped into a civilian

who's one hell of a driver.
He used to race.

And he's out of a job
at the moment. He might be useful.

Use your best judgment.
Oh, and call me in the morning on a secure line

and I'll give you the details.

Whatever you do, don't let
the Americans get wind of it.

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