Original subtitles

I have things to do too, you know.

I have all these parents on my back now.

Oh, and my freshman's potions class? Let's see, I ordered 500 dried toads.

What did I get? Five hundred wet ones.

It's hard for me to get on board with this

when Piper, the mother, is against doing the wiccaning.

Grams is here to convince her.

Look at Wyatt.

He didn't have one until he was six months old, and he almost turned evil.

Look at that sweet face, you want a repeat of that?

No, of course I don't.

Hear me now, hear my cries Spirit from the other side

Cross now the great divide

You mean she is still lying about her age?

What? What?

Not a good time, girls. I'm busy.

- You're dead. - It doesn't mean I can't have a life.

Oh, well. All right.

- Hi. - Hello, darlings.

Oh, sweetie.

Oh, so, what brings me down here?

- A wiccaning for your great-grandson. - Providing Piper doesn't kill us.

A wiccaning? I thought we already did that.

Not for baby Chris.

Help me out here. Last time I knew, he was a six-foot Whitelighter?

Yeah, that was Chris from the future. This is baby Chris, now.

Piper and Leo had this night...

Do you really need us to explain this to you or can you be happy to see him?

Good gracious.

Wyatt has a little baby brother!

Oh, he is sweet.

So when does Piper want to do this?

Well, technically, never.

You can't deny this child his ancestral blessings,

It's a witch's compass for good.

I mean, who knows what terrible evils could befall him otherwise.

That's the kind of stuff Piper needs to hear.

Wyatt, don't pick on your little brother like that. Now give it back!

What was that all about?

He's fine, probably orbed himself up to his room.

He's having a hard time.

His dad's never around, his little brother gets the attention,

he's chased by the Underworld.

He's gonna have to get used to it.

He's two.

Right. Oh, here. Okay.

I'll go up and apologise.

Still think this was a good idea?

Girls!

Shelf!

Looks like I didn't get here a minute too soon.

Oh, no, that's okay, Gerry. Just get here whenever you can.

Okay, thanks. Bye.

You okay, Piper?

Yeah, why?

Well, a beer shipment delay so close to the weekend,

I expected there'd be more fireworks.

Oh, no, it's no big deal. We'll just charge more for the ginger ale.

I'm kidding!

There you go. I don't know what, but something's going on.

No. You know how people just leave things up to a higher power?

Well, I'm trying to live my life without any powers.

Makes for a lot less stress.

Piper!

Until now.

What's that face for?

Your sister can't come by without there being something wrong?

- What's up? - Nothing.

Nothing's up, you know. Why would you think anything is up?

I just came by to tell my sister

that I won a Reader's Choice Award.

- Congratulations. - Thanks.

Maybe there's one more thing.

Something happened today after we summoned Grams.

What? What? Why did you summon Grams?

For Chris's wiccaning. It was Paige's idea, not mine, don't blame me.

What did I say? I don't want any magic.

My kids can't have a completely normal life, but I've gotta give it a shot.

Yes. I think we should start tomorrow.

Because a...

A demon attacked Wyatt.

And you wait till now to tell me?!

I didn't want to worry you, and he's okay, Piper.

Leo!

Oh, hi, sweetie. How are you?

Don't "sweetie" me. Where are the boys?

They're fine. Paige took them to Magic School.

Leo, now!

Leo!

Honey, are you sure you want him down here?

Considering that he can't even tell good from evil any more.

Well, you know, lost soul and all.

Oh, Paige filled me in.

Okay, first of all, our children's safety is Leo's number one priority,

no matter how lost he may be.

Leo!

What's the matter? What happened?

A demon attacked Wyatt. He's okay. He's at school.

- What kind of demon? - No idea.

It had some sort of creepy mask.

Oh, and it struck me down with a lightning bolt.

I can't believe this is happening. I can't do this again.

I'm gonna go down, find out who it was.

Down there? As in the Underworld? Hang out there a lot, do you?

Best place to vanquish demons.

Listen, Piper, far be it for me to meddle...

Then don't!

You're pressing your luck being here in the first place.

Yeah, I know about the wiccaning.

I don't know why you're being so stubborn about it.

I mean, what better way to ward off demon attacks?

The demon went after Wyatt, not his brother.

More reason to protect Chris.

Except for the fact that Wyatt's wiccaning didn't really protect him.

It almost destroyed you,

or do you not remember your friend the Necromancer?

I just need to find out who the hell is after my son.

I saw that, Wyatt. Give that back to your brother

while I find out who's trying to kill you!

Whoever it is can't get to him here. These guys are protected.

Wyatt is. His brother is not protected from him.

It's gotta be tough. He's a new kid on the block.

Suddenly he's yesterday's news. I mean...

Spoken like a true older brother.

Progress reports? The year hasn't gone on long enough to be any progress.

Afraid I can't help you with that, Miss Matthews.

But I did find something on masked demons.

- Paige. What have you got? - A couple of possibilities.

Could be an Aztec demon, Chinese false face demon.

- Any of those look familiar? - No, Ben, sorry. They don't.

When I took this job, I had no idea how much work it would be.

Who knows what I'm letting slip through the cracks.

- I think I found the first thing. - What?

Your nephew.

Wyatt, where did you orb your little brother?

No, Paige, he's not here. Where the hell is he?

I hope this is yours 'cause it sure isn't mine.

Thank God. I got him.

- Hi there, you. And you. - Oh, man. Hi.

I stepped on the porch and all of a sudden

the little guy flies into my arms.

Yeah, his brother orbed him from Magic School.

- Oh, is that normal? - Has been lately.

Victor, what are you doing here?

And a big hello to you too, Penny. I was invited for a wiccaning.

Oh, sorry.

Wiccanings are only for magical family members.

That's not what Paige says.

Paige doesn't know all the rules.

I can see this is gonna go well, but it doesn't matter who was invited

cos there isn't going to be a wiccaning.

Paige thinks if she crams enough family members

down my throat, I'm gonna give in.

It's not gonna work because nothing is working.

There is some creepy-ass demon after my son,

and now Wyatt wants to orb his brother all over creation

for God only knows what reason.

Isn't that boys being boys? There's always gonna be sibling rivalry.

No, actually, it's not. This is not them fighting over toys.

They nearly kill each other in the future.

You know, there's an easy way to nip this thing in the bud.

What would that be exactly?

Snakes and Ladders,

a very unfortunate halter top,

but I don't see a little black book.

- I do. - Oh, thank you.

- Don't want me looking up boyfriends? - They were in a much bigger book.

These contain spells I used on the girls when they were younger.

You used spells on my daughters?

Every now and then. Hey, you try raising three girls

by yourself, keeping them in line.

How else to stop them from misbehaving?

Gee, I don't know, by talking to them?

Talking?

- How's about we find that damn spell? - That's your answer for everything.

I was essentially a single parent.

Patty was dead and it's not as if you were around.

You wouldn't allow me to be!

Okay! Do I need to find something to separate you?

Your daughters only ended up saving the world every other week.

It might have had something to do with the way I raised them.

Found it: "Spell to Resolve Sibling Rivalry".

Oh, good, good. I'll get the boys and you call your sisters.

We'll get rid of the rivalry,

then use the Power of Three to vanquish the demon.

Great, more magic.

- Do you have any other suggestions? - I have a suggestion.

The next time Ask Phoebe wins an award,

you should probably try calling Phoebe.

Let me get back to you, Diane.

Sorry, research. So, what's going on?

Did you just hear what I said?

Yeah, I wasn't trying to snake the award from you.

I was gonna accept it on your behalf.

I was under the now very mistaken impression you were taking time off.

Just one second. Yeah, this is Leslie.

- Hey, Rachel! - Research?

Oh, no, this is personal.

Yeah, can I call you back? Great.

Now where was I?

You were making an excuse about how you're about to accept an award

- for something you didn't write. - Actually, I did write it.

Congratulations.

Phoebe, when I write these columns, I'm really trying to channel you,

and your, you know, your vibe.

- Spare me the false humility. - It was pretty false.

Why don't we go to this thing together?

You can go and accept the award yourself.

No, I think that you should go accept it

and maybe bring one of your phone pals with you.

Let's make this quick. I have four angry parents waiting for me in the office.

Well, there's my other grandson.

Come along, darling.

I need you to stand by your little brother, right there.

You do know what you're doing?

Paige, dear, we're getting our wiccaning.

I said maybe.

We have a few more pressing issues to deal with at the moment.

What changed your mind?

Nothing, although it's getting harder and harder to say no

with the arrival of a new family member every five minutes.

Are you two ready to finally get along?

Pass your petty jealousies to darkest night

Let these feuding siblings no longer fight

Okay, shouldn't those stop now?

Grams, are you sure this is the right spell?

Remind me never to go on sabbatical again.

'Cause that Leslie is such a jerkface!

- Oh, please, you so like him. - I do not!

- You do too. - I do not, Piper.

- I do not! - Do too!

- Why don't you marry him? - Why don't you just marry Leo?

Cos I already did.

Leo, I wanna get married.

Girls, he's here! Piper, blast him!

Girls...

Any more great ideas?

I am so outta here!

Phoebe, do not go out that front door!

- Try and stop me! - Phoebe!

Blow my head off, why don't you!

Come on, it was an accident!

No one leaves until I reverse that spell.

- Phoebe, don't. - I mean it.

- Sayonara. - Paige.

- Phoebe, don't leave this house! - Why not? Paige did!

She probably went to Magic School.

I'm going to the Reader's Choice Awards.

You've got more important things to worry about.

Way to go, Grams.

Piper, don't be rude!

It's not my fault, it's the stupidest book.

You said the stupid spell would work. It didn't! So...

Let this girl quick as a sneeze

Stop this snit and quickly freeze

That's better.

Why is my daughter a statue?

She's fine. She'll thaw out in a minute.

Yeah. How do I know she won't be this way forever?

That it won't backfire like your last brilliant spell?

Have you heard a peep out of those boys?

No, because the spell worked.

Pulled the rivalry out of them.

Unfortunately, it went into the nearest set of siblings:

In this case, the girls.

They know everything that's going on in their adult lives.

The difference is, they're not adults.

Yeah, well, tell me how to get 'em back to normal.

Easy, I have to figure out a reversal spell,

hopefully before the demon returns.

We gotta get the boys to Magic School. They'll be safe.

- Fine, tell me how to get there. - You don't.

Magic School is not for mortals.

They'll have to make an exception, won't they?

Forget it, Victor. Call Leo. He'll take them.

Leo!

Kind of an odd place for an Elder to visit.

Then again, the word is, you can't get enough of the dark side these days.

Someone from the Underworld is after my son. I want to know who.

You mean a demon? Nah! I don't think so. They know better by now.

Obviously, somebody doesn't.

Tell me, what makes you so sure it's not an Elder?

Someone who thinks that maybe your friend Gideon was right.

No more Elders are gonna die by my hands.

I can't say the same thing for demons.

Can you even tell the difference any more?

You know, I'm kinda liking this new side of you. It's not as goopy.

Who's trying to kill my son?

You want an answer? You'll find it in there.

Looks like the only threat to your son is you.

No! It's a lie!

The Pool never lies!

Okay, try this.

Words that cast a sibling glow...

Piper!

What? I told you, I'm not doing this.

I'm not writing anything down. I'm not doing magic.

Do you remember the first time you were this age?

When I sat you and your sisters down and we had "the talk"?

Grams, I already know all about sex.

No offence, I don't want to talk about it with you, cos that's really gross!

No, not the sex talk, silly. The witch talk.

So, what did you tell us?

My being a witch was such an important part of my life

and what it meant to me and what it might mean to you someday.

Did you tell us that Prue and Mom were gonna die?

Or that Leo was gonna lose his marbles?

Or that demons were gonna be chasing after us all the time everywhere?

Piper, I didn't know any of those things were going to happen.

But if I did,

I would have done everything in my power to stop it.

Baby.

I'd like to think that being a witch gave you the inner strength you needed

to deal with all those sadnesses in your life.

- Did you ever think about that? - No.

You called?

No, but hi!

Victor called you, he's in the other room. Piper, where are you going?

- What's up? - Hey, Leo.

Hey, you don't look so good.

Dad, you could try maybe being a little nice to Leo. What do you think, huh?

- You okay? You don't seem... - She's fine. We're fixing it.

Leo, we need you to take the boys to Magic School for their safety.

Do you have a problem with that?

Never mind, we'll just keep them here.

I can take 'em.

- You don't look like you can. - What are you saying?

- I don't know what's wrong with you. - Nothing is wrong with me!

- Where are you going? - To protect my children.

You know, I don't understand why you guys have to be so mean to Leo!

You know, in case you haven't heard,

he's kind of going through a hard time right about now! I mean, geez!

We've gotta turn these girls back fast.

I'm gonna finish the spell and get Paige.

Make yourself useful, okay? Get Phoebe.

I'll take one of those.

This is so cool, they didn't even card me!

Didn't expect to see you here.

I changed my mind cos it's my award

and I'm not gonna share it with anybody, so there!

Phoebe, are you drunk?

If I could please have everyone's attention.

This year's winner of the San Francisco Readers' Choice Award

for single best column

is the Bay Mirror's Phoebe Halliwell.

Hey, it's not too late. If you still want me to go up there for you, I can.

Yeah, nice try.

Thank you. I mean, this is so awesome.

This is so, like, totally, amazingly awesome!

Really totally awesome! Thanks.

In your column...

Yeah, you mean the bestest column in all the world?

Yes. You gave great advice to that woman.

I'm curious, was it based on something that happened to you?

Yeah, actually, it did happen to me. It was very sad. Okay, next question.

Wait, would you mind telling me what that thing was?

You mean... You mean what happened to me?

It was actually something that happened to me.

- If I can answer the question? - Oh, yeah.

I'm lucky enough to work with Phoebe at the paper.

A few years back, this girl,

she dumped me and I was really broken up about it

cos I thought she was the one, you know.

And the whole thing made me gun-shy about relationships.

Anyway, Phoebe takes me aside one day and she says...

She says, "Let me tell you about the one.

The one is the person who sees you for the idiot you are

but they still want you in their life. That's the one."

I said, "Phoebe, that's great advice, and not just for me."

And I guess that's really how it got in her column.

Thank you, yeah, that's what happened.

Thank you.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

I was so scared and so nervous that I thought I was going to hurl.

You're welcome. Are you all right? You still seem a little...

Yeah, I'm fine. I can't believe I just hugged you.

I have to go.

Ben?

Miss Matthews.

Stop calling me Miss Matthews. Paige.

Okay, Paige, is there something that I can help you with?

I would like to talk to you for a bit, if I could?

Paige, what's going on? What'd you call me out here for?

That.

- My God, how old are you anyway? - Twenty-one.

Okay, big mistake.

No. One kiss, okay?

That's it. We're not going to second base.

- Oh, come on. - She said no.

Robbing the cradle, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Come along, dear. Time to grow up.

I'll dream about you.

Wyatt!

What?

This is Leslie. Hello? Hello?

Give it to me, I'm calling him myself.

No, don't you dare.

Do you want to know if he likes you or not?

Yeah, but wait! If he asks, I'm not here, OK?

- I'm not even in the house anywhere. - Okay, already.

Okay.

Phoebe and Leslie sitting in a tree K-l-S-S-l-N-G

No! Hey!

Stay here. Protect the boys.

You, come with me.

Close the door.

I found the demon who's after Wyatt.

You did? When? Where?

- There he is! - No, you're making a huge mistake.

- Get out of here! I'm warning you! - Penny, what are you talking about?

I saw this monster attack Wyatt at Magic School.

- That wasn't me. - It sure looked like you!

I know it did. I can explain! It must have been some kind of shape shifter.

I don't know any shape shifters who can get into Magic School

or any who have Elders' powers!

What are you saying?

He attacked me. I was trying to protect Wyatt.

Yes, from yourself!

- I hate when they fight. - The stupid magic is ruining our lives.

It's already ruined mine because now Leslie knows I like him

and I can never leave the house again.

This is my son. I would never hurt him.

Just like you would never hurt an Elder? Or kill one?

- Who are you talking about? - You know who I'm talking about.

Gideon.

I don't care what you say, he would never hurt his son.

- How would you know? - Because I'm a father!

Victor, you have absolutely no idea what the magical world is capable of.

He may not have an idea, but I do. I am not capable of that.

No?

Even after all you've been through?

Look at yourself.

Is it so hard to believe

that maybe some dark alter ego of yours might be acting on your true feelings?

What true feelings?

That maybe deep down inside, you think Gideon was right.

Your son doesn't belong in this world.

- That's ridiculous. - Is it?

Then how else do you explain what happened?

Where else could that demon have come from?

Change of plans.

We're not reversing the rivalry spell. Or at least not yet.

Why not? I thought...

No, listen, if adult Piper were to find out that Leo was trying to harm Wyatt,

it would devastate her. She wouldn't be able to fight him off.

We're talking about my daughter. I get a say in this.

No, with birthdays and holidays you get a say.

With magic and demons, what I say goes.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I told the girls to stay downstairs until we settle this.

There's nothing to settle.

If you don't mind, I'm demon-proofing the attic.

I want to keep the children safe.

Wait. Believe it or not,

I really appreciate what you've done for my daughters.

Buttering me up won't do you any good. I'm not reversing the spell.

I don't expect you to.

But I do expect you to understand that even though I couldn't be there

when they were growing up, I'm here now.

And I want to do what's best for them.

- We already are. - No, we're not.

And since I want to reverse the spell and you don't,

I think we should bring in a third party

to break the tie, so to speak.

A third party?

Who'd you have in mind, their mother?

Yes. That's exactly who I had in mind.

Do it!

Oh, all right.

But she's not going to side with you, you know.

Mom!

- Victor. - Wow.

Patty, you look great.

Oh, stop trying to sweet-talk her.

What's going on?

There's nothing more I can tell you about the demon.

You can tell me where it came from.

I have to know, did it come from me?

Tell me.

Oh, what's the matter?

Are you in pain?

Please, I...

I have a problem. You kind of have a temper.

And if I don't tell you, then, well, you'll probably choke me to death.

And if I do tell you and you don't like the answer,

well, then you'll probably choke me to death.

I won't hurt you.

Yeah, that's not much of a guarantee.

But you could swear on the head of your precious son.

Leave him out of this.

There's that temper thing.

I'm not leaving until I get an answer.

I'm telling you, she would never get over it,

her own husband trying to kill their child?

- We don't even know it's Leo! - Mom...

What if it is? You trust Leo to look after those boys?

- Better than keeping them locked... - OK, guys!

- Can I just say? - No.

- Victor's right. No, Mom. - Patty!

We have to reverse the sibling spell and get the girls back to being adults

so that they can vanquish this thing, whoever it is.

- The danger to Piper... - She's in more danger if we don't.

Listen, Patty, I know these girls.

I've been with them every step of the way.

We're their parents.

- Oh, well, then fine. - Mom!

I can see I'm not needed here.

No, come on, come on. I...

She always was a bad loser.

Well, she'll get over it.

By the way, Victor, I have a question.

Why'd you call on me to settle this?

Girls were in trouble and...

...you were the only person I could think of, dead or alive.

Still, it was teenage trouble. That's kind of unfamiliar territory for us.

Look, I know we had our troubles,

but I think that if we'd been given the chance,

we'd have done a really good job raising those girls.

- You want to see 'em? - Are you kidding?

Wait, wait.

When you said the girls reverted, what exactly did you mean?

You'll see.

- Mommy! Hi, Mommy! - Hi, Mommy!

- Mommy, let's sing a song, okay? - I see the problem.

There's another. Your mother took the reversal spell.

That's okay, I've got one of my own. Calm down!

Mommy, I met this boy and he's really, really cute.

We'll talk about the boy later. And everything else.

We've got so much to catch up on. Right now, stand over there.

- Is Leo a demon? - Now!

- OK. - Please.

- She said now, Phoebe. - I heard her, Piper!

- OK, OK. - Today, Phoebe!

You're so bossy!

Reverse the spell from the Book and please restore what was... took

I made it up when I was nine.

How does this work? You remember everything?

Oh, my God. Yes. Leslie.

Oh, my goodness. I tongued a student.

Piper, there's something I've gotta tell you about Wyatt and Leo.

No, Dad, I already know. You're right. Leo would never hurt Wyatt.

We overheard everything you guys were talking about.

OK, let's go. We've got a demon to kill and a child to save.

That's our girl.

Are you sure this is gonna work?

How many times are you gonna ask me that?

Sorry, just nervous.

I just wish we knew what the hell was going on.

Whatever's going on,

I'm pretty sure the demon has something to do with Leo.

What? I'm just saying.

Do you ever wonder what it would have been like

if Mom and Dad both raised us?

All the time.

- Oh, my God. - Piper, it's not Leo. Throw the potion.

- OK, that should have worked. - Piper!

You promised that the potion would work.

It was supposed to! I couldn't have made it any stronger.

Well, why didn't it? We can't stop someone from stealing my son?

Okay, you need to calm down and just try to focus on how to find them.

Girls, I think your mother may be on to something here.

This seems somehow vaguely familiar to me, that's all.

Familiar how?

I'm not sure. You said you saw the demon appear at Magic School.

Do you know what Wyatt was doing before?

Sleeping?

Or maybe... dreaming.

He appeared in the attic when everyone was arguing.

In front of Wyatt.

The demon showed up after Grams snapped at Wyatt.

Tell me what's going on.

When you were a little girl, right after your father and I split up...

You started having bad dreams. Doctor called 'em night terrors.

He said it was your subconscious way of blaming yourself.

Piper is the cause of your divorce?

No, no. No, of course not. It was...

Other things.

All this family history stuff is really interesting,

but how is this gonna help us find Wyatt?

I think what they're saying is it's the same thing.

Wyatt is blaming himself just like you blamed yourself.

Except because Wyatt is powerful,

he made his night terrors come to life when he felt conflict.

Why would he make something up to hurt himself? And why Leo?

Because... I'm the bad guy.

As far as he's concerned, if I hadn't killed Gideon and saved him,

I wouldn't be so lost. I'd be around here, I'd be home.

- He thinks it's his fault. - That's ridiculous.

No, it's not. I can relate.

How did you figure this all out?

Let's just say somebody helped me look in the mirror.

So how do we find him?

We go to where he thinks it all started.

Where I killed Gideon.

This is gonna get your Mommy and Daddy back together... one way or the other.

That's what you want most of all, isn't it?

It's not your fault, Wyatt.

None of this is. You didn't do anything wrong.

I'm the reason things are all messed up.

Not you.

You and Chris and Mommy mean everything to me.

You're the things that keep me from falling apart.

Come on, baby, come home.

Daddy's not going anywhere, I promise.

I'm so sorry.

It's not your fault, it's not anybody's fault.

Still, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to find my way again.

Yes, you do. You just have to try.

Can I come in?

Sure, it's your office.

- May I sit down? - Please, please.

I just came by to thank you for what you did yesterday.

Are you kidding me?

After that nice long hug, I figured I came out ahead on the deal.

Yeah, that was the three martinis talking.

Well, you had wine, and just one glass, but anyway.

Well, I hugged you because I was just, you know, grateful for what you did.

- You squeezed me pretty tight. - I was pretty grateful.

There was nothing else besides gratitude?

What would you like there to be?

Just admit it, you like me.

How can you be so sure of that?

Oh, I don't know, the 28 phone calls in two hours.

Caller ID.

Yeah, well, that was because my redial button was broken.

So it just kept redialing you.

You were the last number I called. So it just...

Right.

Well, thank you.

If she turns around, it means she likes me.

Come on, Phoebe, don't let me down.

You can do it. Turn around.

Thattagirl.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

It's just... leaving's always the hardest part.

I shouldn't have...

No, no, no. I'm glad you did.

I wanted to be here for this, for them.

It's just... hard,

you know, the price I pay for being dead, I guess.

We missed a lot.

Not being able to raise them together.

I know.

But we made up for it a little bit today, didn't we?

Yeah.

All right, already. Break it up, kids entering.

Grams? You coming down?

Oh, she's being a martyr.

Grams, please!

Last call, woman!

Oh, very well.

Just so we're clear,

my way would have worked too. Nevertheless, you're all forgiven.

- Except Leo. - Why not me?

Because I owe you the apology.

I'm sorry I thought you were evil.

Not that you could blame me.

- That's an apology? - I'd take it if I were you.

Let's do this before I change my mind.

I call forth from space and time

Matriarchs from the Halliwell line

Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends

Our family spirit without end