All language subtitles for All the Right Noises 1971

Mister.

-Mister, give us a bit.-And me, mister.

Sod off, you'll be late for school, go on.

Put a five up in the corner, Len.

Right.

Five minutes and then a break.

Gordon! He wants a five in the corner.

l wonder ifshe's interestedin the colour programme.

l'll ask her.

-Oh, she's a fair-looking bird, you know.-Yeah.

-l'll tell her you fancy her. lt'll make her day.-Thank you.

-Where do you want it, Ted?-Hold it out, full spread.

(CREW CHATTERlNG)

Uh, cut!

-Now print these last two.-Great.

Hello? Hello?

(BELL RlNGlNG)

Nick, Joe.

-Night.-Night, Bill.

Gonna be long, love?

Nearly ready.

-Do any good?-No, l didn't have a bet.

-New lead?-No, didn't fancy them.

(CHUCKLES)

-Well, how was l?-Huh? Great, great.

-Look, get a move on. l'll go buy you a drink.-Oh, good, l could do with one.

-Lovely. There you are, love.-Oh, thank you.

Nothing stronger after all those takes?

Goes down a treat.

-Was l really all right?-Ofcourse.

Must be funny watching your wifegoing through it.

She can take care of herself.She's been doing it long enough.

Oh, don't say that.He'll think l'm older than God.

Do you know this is the first time

we've worked on the same set togethersince we've been married?

-Do you get much work now?-Not really.

-Children take up most of my time.-Show him your press cuttings.

Look, l remember.She's done some lovely things.

You were the one that wanteda house full of kids.

-How many have you got?-Three.

Jenny's five, lan's 18 monthsand Len here is 32.

Well, l'd sort out the photographs,but l gotta be moving.

Uh, Ted'll give you a lift to Victoria, love.

l'm fine. What time's the curtain?

Halfseven. They're gonna show me the ropes.

-Anotherjob?-Just for a couple weeks.

The show's closingand l'm taking over for a mate of mine.

Straight home, yeah?

Ooh, l say, lovey. Here's Melcham's top hat.

Now look here, me girl.What do you think you're doing all day?

Hold on, Lilly. How's this for a start?Quite the little lady, aren't we?

# lmagine you're a coquette and l'm your beau

# There isn't any limit to the placeswe could go

# ln clothes like these we float... #

What's happened to Dickie?ls he ill or something?

-He's got a newjob.-Oh. We'll miss him.

# ...and swap it with the queen

# With a house and a hansomWe're worth a king's ransom

# A day at the races in velvet and lace

# The belle ofthe dance at my villa in France

# ln bustles and staysWe'd attend all the plays

# And be showered with praiselfthey gave us a chance

# lmagine we're great ladies ofthe court

# We'd dance about displayingall the finery we bought #

What's going on here?

You, girl, stop it!Take that off, at once! Do you hear me?

You heard what Mr Melcham said.Take it offthis instant.

l'll have you sacked, the lot ofyou!

Stop it!

Stop it or l'll call the police!

(APPLAUSE)

-Hello. Been stood up?-Think so.

We usually meet here, but l wasmucking about in the dressing room.

-l expect he'll show.-l don't know.

l think l'm being punished.

Well, we can't have that, can we?

-Come and have a drink.-No thanks.

But can l go with you as far as the Tube?l hate it round here when it's late.

Hmm, it's the wrong way for the pub.

-Do you need a drink that badly?-Oh, yeah.

All right. But thenwill you take me to the Tube?

The Tube? l'll see you all the way home.Where do you live?

-Uxbridge.-Uxbridge? Certainly, l'll take you to the Tube.

You find us a place and l'll get us a drink.What would you like?

-Um, look, l won't have anything...-Come on, you must have something.

Rum and Coke, please.

lt's all part ofthe game,you got to help it along a bit.

-Here you are, cheers.-Cheers.

You, uh, didn't tell me your name.l should have bought a programme.

You'd need glasses to find it.My name's Val. And yours?

Len.

-You coming on the tour?-What tour?

The show, we're going out.Manchester, Liverpool, Windsor.

Ah, what a pity, we were doing so well.

No. No, l don't think so. l'm only filling in.

l'm looking forward to it.l've never been on tour before.

Yeah? Well, l used to do films.

This time ofthe year, try and skiveon a location. That's more my game.

l wish l could get some film work.So far l've only done an egg commercial.

A mate of mine does commercials.Plenty of loot.

l know, but it's not like the real thing, is it?

Oh, you're one ofthose dedicated birds, are you?

Mmm. Dedicated to getting on.

How about that then, eh? 3,333.

Sheer skill, that is.

lt's all in the wrist.

Tell me about being on location.l bet you had some great times.

-Been abroad?-Only once with Laura, my friend.

We went to ltaly.

-Have you been there?-l was at Lake Como one time.

lt's a fair spot. All that sun, red vino.

-The signorinas?-Eh? Not me.

How did you cope?

Yeah, they got some form.Try anything, wouldn't they?

What about the fellas? Chat you up?

They never stop. Notjust chat...

(CONTlNUES CHATTlNG)

Come on, love, l'd better see you home.

Oh, no, not if it's miles out ofyour way.

You'd think Uxbridgeis out ofeverybody's way.

What are you doingstuck out there in the wild?

lt's my home. And besides, it's not that far.

-Dad has to be near his job.-Well, what is he, a frontier guard?

(LAUGHlNG)

-Where do you live?-Just near Battersea Bridge.

l feel very guilty taking you all this way.

A bit of hardship? Do me good.

What's the matter?

l'm scrutinising you.

Lovely. How so?

l stare at people, you know.

Sometimes they get cross,unless it's a boy, they stare back.

l can't help it, l like looking at people.

lmagine what they like, what they do. l'm nosy.

All right.

Tell me about me.

-Now l'm trapped.-No, come on, feel free.

Sometimes you look sad.

-You mean l'm a moody merchant?-No.

But you look as ifthings have happened.

-You've got lines.-Leave off.

-Tell me about your first girl.-You tell me about your first boy.

Oh, him. l used to call him Fred Groper.

-He must have loved that.-Oh, not to his face, just to the girls.

-To his face?-Cyril, that was his name.

-Where'd you meet Cyril?-At school.

He sat behind meand used to tickle me with his ruler.

A devil, eh?

Didn't you have girlfriendswhen you were at school?

My first girlfriend was an actress,the leading light in the Cosmo Kids.

-The what?-Kids' concert party.

She used to black up and sing,

# l wouldn't leave our little... #

Yeah, it's true.

One night she got burnt cork all over me shirt.The old man gave me a right good hiding.

You took up with actresses at an early age.

Not the ordinary kind.

Ordinary? What are we, freaks or something?

Well, you are a bit of a freak, aren't you?

-l'm a terrible blusher.-Suits you.

You're not really a freak,just that your ears stick out.

They don't. Well...

They do a bit.

l've finished scrutinising you.

-Good. Did l pass?-More or less.

lf l'd seen you in a train,l'd have deduced that you were...

Let's see now.

That you were an electrician.

-Brilliant, how did you guess?-lt was easy.

You've got a pair of plierssticking out ofyour top pocket.

Oh, tumbled! Drat the girl!And me posing as a vicar!

-What time's the last train back?-You've had that.

-What, already?-lt's not a 24-hour service, you know.

Oh, dry your eyes.

-How will you get back, then?-Get a cab, thumb a lift. Don't worry.

-Are you sure this is a shortcut?-Yes, l've done it thousands oftimes.

Bit eerie. Thought you were scaredof prowlers and all that.

They're more likely to be scared of me.l'd show them my big ears and my fangs.

(lN EERlE VOlCE) He can't stand the crucifix!

(VAL GlGGLlNG)

-You're not scared, are you?-No, no. Just thinking about you.

Oh, don't. You know,one night l was walking across here

and there was a man sitting over thereon the swings,

not doing anything, just sitting there,and l knew he was watching me.

So l started to sing. You know what l mean,to give myself a bit ofcompany.

And there l was, walking along,rigid and humming away.

(HUMMlNG)

And suddenly this voice came out,"No singing in the park!"

And my heart was going bang bang bang,and l started to run!

Oh, God!

Run for your life!

And it got me!

(COUGHlNG)

(VAL GlGGLlNG)

-l can't breathe.-You can make it, it's only a flesh wound.

Loosen me collar.

l need air, love.

-Oh, stop messing about.-l'm not.

l should have told you.

Weak heart.

Look, baby.

(MOANlNG)

Oh, no, don't.

Are you all right?

Kiss.

(lN RASPY VOlCE) Kiss of life.

Rose...

Rosebud.

Again. Say it again.

Rosebud.

What?

-Orson Welles.-What?

You mean you never saw Citizen Kane?

The Classic, Baker Street,they're always playing it.

-What are you doing?-Huh?

-Oh, a bit too much to drink.-Oh.

Well, you'd better take something.

-Where have you been?-l met some ofthe lads.

Hadn't seen them for ages.Ended up in Hampstead.

Oh.

-The kids all right?-Oh, yeah.

l wish Mum wouldn'tgive them so many sweets.

Well, tell her.

Well, you know what she's like.

Yeah.

Get home all right?

That director gave me a lift. Right to the door.

l think he fancied you.

Got a funny way ofshowing it.

Couldn't wait to get away.

l think his old lady gives him a hard time.

Do you want anything?Cup oftea or something?

No, love. Go back to bed.

-Sure you don't want anything?-No, love.

l do.

You're kidding.

Why?

Come off it, mate.

You've just done two days' work in oneand you're after me body.

What?

Go back to bed, love.lt's nice when you're asleep.

l mightjust do that

next time that little light glints in your eye.

Mightjust turn right overand go straight to sleep.

How's that grab you?

l'll grab you in a minute.

Promises, promises. That's all l ever get.

Oh, my, that feels good.

What do you mean?

l'm not there yet.

(MOANS) No.

Oh, so you can't get to sleep either, then?

Oh, you're freezing.

-l think you're putting on weight.-Rubbish.

Too much drinking with the boys.

Don't know what to do with the girls any more.

Give me time, lady.

You forgot to turn the bathroom light out.

Oh.

(VAL LAUGHlNG)

As much as l love you,

ifyou don't move soon,you're gonna crush my ribs.

Dad. Dad, can l get into your bed?

-Hey, come on, none ofthat.-Dad.

-We gotta get you ready for school.-Just a few minutes, Mum.

No, no. No minutes.

Gotta get you ready.

(EXCLAlMS)

Tea's there, love.

LEN: (MOANlNG) Uh.JOY: Uh.

How long you going to be?l gotta put this washing in the machine.

You can't rush these jobs, lady.

Here. Your husband been messing aboutwith this lot?

Him? Lazy devil. Getting roundto the betting shop's more in his line.

One ofthem, is he? l know the type.

-Keeps you on your own all day, does he?-Yes.

-Bringing up the kids, no money.-That's right.

-l bet you got a part-time job as well.-Yes, l have.

Well, ain't it a bleeding shame, eh?

You're very lively this morning.

Oh, yeah.

(DOORBELL BUZZlNG)

Len, here's your dad.

Hello, Len. Oh, she's got it at it, has she?

Hello, young 'un.

Shooting up, isn't he?

Smile for your grandpa.Say granddad. Come on.

-ls he speaking yet?-Oh, just the odd word.

-Want a cup ofcoffee, Dad?-Oh, no, no. Don't trouble about me.

-He'll have a cup.-Okay.

-Come on, Dad.-l'll take him.

JOY: (TO BABY) Yes.

(BABY CHATTERlNG)

l know.

Well, l was just down this wayand l thought l'd drop in, you know.

-Sit down.-Oh, ta.

How's your luck?

Had any winners lately?

Oh, uh, ticking over. So-so.

-What are you doing?-Getting by, this and that. You know.

You don't look very flush.

l suppose you've done the moneyfrom the house.

Well, you can't say that, son.l mean, it was a little house.

By the time l paid for the funeraland the lawyers...

You didn't pay for the sodding funeral.They couldn't find you.

They should have tried Epsomor Royal bloody Ascot.

Well, l paid the down payment.

l mean, it couldn't have comeat a worse time. l owed all round.

Now you're here on the borrow, is that it, eh?

You do take two, don't you, Dad?

-Ta.-lAN: Mommy!

-Where's Jen?-She's at school.

What, already?She'll be going out with boys next.

Well, you can't stop 'em growing up.

Yeah, it's true.

Look, son, l'm having it a bit rough.

-Could you lend me 50?-Lend?

That's very funny, that is.

-Well, if l could get some capital...-Dad, l'm not gonna stake.

You've only got yourselfto keep.

Yeah, but you know l don't get no dole.You know l never went in for it.

l mean, l'm in trouble, lad.

l've got a wife and two kids.

But you're both earning.

But if Joy does bring in a few bob,she can put it to good use.

You do all right. Goodbye, then.

(DOOR CLOSlNG)

(MUTTERlNG)

How much did you give him?

Fiver.

Well, he looked so frail.

Yeah.

Yeah, he couldn't even go and see hertoward the end.

Len, he couldn't face seeing her in pain.

He was there when she died.

-She forgave him.-That's right. She forgave him.

l had to go raking round the boozersto find him.

Bloody dragged him there.

(WOMAN ON PA GlVlNG RAClNG ODDS)

(WHlSTLlNG)

lnvest in good works, you make a profit.

(HUMMlNG)

So that's where you've been.

(APPLAUSE)

(MUSlC PLAYlNG)

-Hello.-Oh, hello.

Hey, do you fancy a return match?All in the wrist?

l can't. l can't stop tonight.

-Got something on?-No.

-l promised Laura l'd go with her to...-Bring her along.

l can't. Not tonight.

You coming, Val?

Yes, in a minute.

How about tomorrow night? There's a party.

A couple of boys in the chorus are giving it.Do you wanna come?

-Sure, yeah.-Oh, good.

-Well, bye.-Bye.

(CHATTERlNG ON TV)

MAN: (ON TV) As far as the eye can see.It's aII mine!

You're early.

Well, l can't do it on you every night, can l?

MAN: ...hard, grinding work.

What the hell are you watchingthis rubbish for?

Sports report's on the other side.

ANNOUNCER: ...it's a corner to Chelsea.HoIIins to Cook...

ANNOUNCER: To Osgood.Across the goaImouth... it's a goaI!

(EXCLAlMlNG)

ANNOUNCER 1 : It's greatgoaI!It's a goaI to CheIsea!

ANNOUNCER 2:But CheIsea had Ieft ittoo Iate.

Though they piIed on the pressure...

Would you believe it, eh?Getting done by a load ofslags.

-Do you think l could go on watching it now?-Huh?

Oh, yeah, sorry, love. You were watching it.

ANNOUNCER: LiverpooI, with a win today,goes to the top...

Well, that's me for one day.

-l'll leave it to you, love.-Right.

-Oh, Len?-Mmm?

Ted phoned. You're gonna be workingon Thursday and Friday.

But l'm doing this theatre bit. He knows that.

Yeah, but you'll be through by 6:00.

lt's all right. lt's all on the pad by the phone.

What time is it?

Just after 12:00.

Did l wake you?

Not to worry.

Len?

-What?-Thanks for the tenner.

lt's only money.

-Hey!-Oh, hello.

l didn't see you.

-What's that you're wearing?-This?

lt's a school outfit.

Matinees we come straight from class.

There's four of us from there.

-How old are you?-16.

Well, almost. 15 and 1 1 months.

-15 and 1 1 ...-l'm sorry.

-l should've told you, l know...-Not much, you should have told me!

l'm sorry.

l'm sorry. Really, l am. l was going to tell you.

l'm sorry.

Don't get upset. lt's my fault.

Don't you want to see me again?

lt's not that l don't want to, love. l can't.

Come to the party.

-You don't understand, love.-Please.

You're not going like that, are you?

No, l've got my dress with me.l can get it on in the wardrobe.

You've got it all sorted out, haven't you?

(LOUD MUSlC PLAYlNG)

-Oh, hello, darling.-Hello, how are you?

Nice to see you. They're all in there. Hello.

HOST: Oh, bless you now. That's sweet.

WOMAN: Hello.

(CHATTERlNG)

-LEN: What did you say?-Nothing.

LEN: Come on, no secret stuff.

Ah, none ofthat. None for you.

You know the other nightwhen you thought l'd been stood up?

-Yes.-l wasn't really.

That was Mrs Bird, our chaperone.She'd gone on with the others.

Well, how'd you manage to dodge herifshe's your chaperone?

l said l'm going with Laura. She's 18.

Do you know, l'm old enough to be your dad.

No, you're not. You'd have had to gotmarried in the infants' class.

l am married.

l know.

How did you know?

Laura told me.

This afternoon.

Well, how the hell did she know?

She asked one ofthe men.

Your Laura's a very busy little lady.

She likes you.

Good.

Do you want some nosh? There's loads of it.

VAL: Terry can do marvellous dishes.

-They're enormous.-l want something to eat.

-Soak it up.-Yeah, l'll join you. Hey!

Those look nice.

ls she pretty?

She's very pretty.

She'd have to be, somehow.

l could be married to some terrible dragon.

l wish you were.

That's not very nice.

Here, the party's dying on its feet. Come on.

A bit ofthe hard stuff, is it?

Why not? That's what parties are for.

As long as you can hold your liquor.

l'm of age, you know.

Not like someone l could mention.

Tell me what to do.

About what?

l think about you all the time.

Last night l cried myselfto sleep.

l wanted to be with you.

-You played a lousy trick on me.-No, l didn't.

But what about the girl on the trainwho scrutinises people, hmm?

You didn't do it too well that time, did you?

l think l knew all along.

But l didn't want to know.

Funny, l've always thoughtit would be someone like you.

Someone l could love.

Let's go somewhere.

l love you.

You just think you do.

-Can't we go on for a little while? Just to...-Oh.

You think you might get tired of me?

No, l don't.

Another week, you'll be offon the grand tour.

You'll soon forget you ever knew me.

(PREPARlNG KETTLE)

(LlGHTlNG STOVE)

Are we going to the park, Dad?

lt's a bit early. They won't be open yet.

-Yes, they will.-No, they won't.

But we'll go later. Go and put your slippers on.

Hey!

Do you want to go to the seaside?

Come on.

Come on!

Right, stand by your beds.

Why? What happened?

Big plans afoot.

Well, ifyou're so full of buzz,you can give the kids their breakfast.

That's all in hand, love.

Come on, love.We should be on the road by 9:00.

JOY: What are we doing?

l nipped out and hired a Mini.We're going to the seaside.

-You said we'd go to Mum's.-Oh, we can do that anytime.

LEN: Hey!

Put your shoe on, Jen. Come on.

There.

They've asked me to do the tour.

Well, you can give that a miss, can't you?

Well, l don't know, love.Things are a bit quietjust now.

-How long is it?-Three weeks.

Manchester, Liverpool, Windsor.

Well, two, really.Windsor's only down the road.

l'd be home every night.

Well, ifthere's nothing else.

-Will you be all right?-Yeah, course.

You know, l might give that director a call.

He said he was makinga couple ofcommercials in Majorca.

So he did give you the old voodoo, then.

Oh, come on.

-What about the kids?-Well, Mum'll have 'em.

She's only too ready to get her hands on 'em.

Up, Jen.

-Hope it's not too late.-What, love?

Thatjob in Majorca.

-l just didn't push it.-You're barmy!

Chance to get your knees brown.

Just the job this time ofyear.

LEN: Jenny, come here! Come here.

# Keep the place# That's finished

# According to work

# That way you banish the worry

# And lighten the burden

# And lessen the trouble and strife

# What do they say?What will they do?

# Will they sack the lot of usOr will they let us stay?

# Look at their facesWe haven't a chance

# lfwe raise our voicesThey'll kill us with a glance #

You! You, girl!

-And you. And you.-You're sacked! You hear me? Sacked!

-Time for a drink afterwards?-Buy you a coffee.

You're deserting me,l may as well take to drink.

Hey, l'm coming with you.

WOMEN: # Don't let them go

WOMAN 1 : # Get your ironsWOMAN 2: # Point your scissors

# Throw them on the ground!

# Cover their headsGive them a scare

# lfwe stick together, girlsWe don't have a care #

lt's not fair. Me offto the sunshine,and you offto rainy old Manchester.

-Have to take it as it comes, love.-Yeah.

Here, this'll do.

No, love, they'll have a special compartmentfor you. Come on.

Will you be able to remember your lines, love?

-"Delicious, hot or cold."-"Easy!"

"Mmm, Choco Milk."

-"And drink!"-"And drink!"

Oh, look, this is your lot.

Oh, hello, heart.

Come on, angel,before that old poof blows his whistle.

-She had to phone her mother, dear.-LEN: They're in the show.

Well, be careful. l don't want youcoming home with lace on your trousers.

LEN: Watch out for that director.

JOY: Don't worry.He's bringing his wife with him.

l've heard that one before. Bye, love

Bye.

LEN: Val.

l thought it was the wrong place.l thought you wouldn't wait.

Alone in Manchester.What are we going to do?

Are you a stranger in these parts?

l am that. From t' country.Yon side ofWakefield.

Well, tha' best take care.Tha' might find tha' sen in bad company.

-What shall l do?-Best stick with me, lass.

-LEN: How are the dates?-Nice. Very nice.

-The rest are yours.-Mmm-mmm.

lt's me lot. lt's down to you, love.

What are your digs like?

Oh, they're all right.The landlady's a bit of an old busybody,

but, um, you know, the usual grotty rules.

Ours is marvellous. Thank you.

Very regal, she is. She gave usan enormous tea. Ginger cake, Bakewell tart,

-ham and pickle...-ls that why you're offyour grub?

-Do you think l'm a bit of a pig?-No.

Laura and l are sharinga great big feather bed.

-You could get lost in it.-Really?

(VAL GlGGLES)

Oh, let's go in.You said yourself l'd pass for 20.

-No.-But l know you want a drink.

No.

End ofthe line.The dreaded Mrs Bird might be about.

l don't want to go in yet.

lt's time you were in bed.

-Stop treating me like a kid.-Now, don't get stroppy

-or l'll tan you backside.-What if l liked it?

l think you're a bit of a raver on the quiet.

No, l'm not. Don't make me go in yet.

# Have you seen her?

# She's with a man!

# l say, Minnie,

# ls she with some duke?What on earth is she doing?

# Behind her back

# l said, "Honey

# "Think ofthose working girls"

# l wish they could see us

# Before they spoil

# lsn't it lovely, dears,to be beside the seaside?

# lt's a bloody sight better thanhuddling round the fire

# l say, darling,Look at that nice young man

# Don't turn round too quickly

# l saw him first! #

-Cod and chips, please, love.-Right.

-Oh, and two slices.-Right.

What about that little contretemps?At the end ofAct 3 just after the big number.

She does it for the laugh.

She does it every time!

-lt's terrible.-Ah, well, l told her...

-Mmm.-Excuse me.

-LEN: 8-3-double 2.-Wow, is Val in trouble!

Mrs Bird said you had to go back to the digs.

Yeah, l know. Look, love,l'm trying to make a call.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Hello?

-LEN: HeIIo, Iove.-Oh, you're just in time.

-The car's due any minute.-You all packed?

Yeah, packed enough for a siege.

l knew you fancied that Nigel.

No. l've had to take a load ofstuff.

They don't tell you anything.lt could be indoors, outdoors, anything.

How are the kids?

Fine. Theythink it's a hoIiday.

No tears?

No. Bar ofchocolate and they're anybody's.

(BUZZER SOUNDlNG)

Oh, there's the car, love. l must rush.

Bye, darling. Be good.

Well, have a nice time, love.

Love you.

Yeah, me too.

Bye.

Do you want anything else?Apple pie, cherry surprise?

No.

(BOTH LAUGHlNG)

(STRONG RAlNFALL)

Eh!

Go on. Go on.

l'd like to get hold ofthat weatherman and tellhim what to do with his long, sunny intervals.

Argh! Locked up!

A fine mess you've got us intothis time, Leonard.

There you are, pull yourself up. Ooh.

(SHlVERlNG)

JACK: See you, Len

-Ta-ra, Jack, see you.-See you.

Easy with that, now, lad, it's falling to bits.

-Telegram for one ofyour lot, Lowin or Lewin.-Oh, he's just gone.

-Nearly through, then?-Yeah, be about another half hour.

Oh, it's nothing serious.Be a nice surprise.

(MAN ANNOUNClNG TRAlNS)

-Hello.-l thought you were going to miss it.

l like to cut things fine.

Adds a bit ofspice.

We made it.Sneaked away and nobody knows.

-Nobody?-No, l did not tell Laura.

l don't tell her everything, you know.

-What did you say to Mrs Bird?-Said l was homesick.

What ifshe phoned my mother?

-Why should she?-l don't know. What ifshe did?

l'm going to buy you a smashing lighter.

Oh, lovely. How do l explain that away?

Say you bought it out ofyour winnings.

l've got a drawer full ofthe bloody things.

Well, l'll think ofsomething.

What if Laura rings Mum?

Well, why should she?You'll be in Liverpool with her tomorrow night.

Now, look,you're going to pop home for lunch anyway.

Tell them you're fed up with Bakewell tartAnd you fancied a bit ofdecent grub.

l'll meet you at the station tomorrow night.

-Do you think she'll believe it?-Well, why not?

Only child, very spoilt,on the stage, big future.

Do you think l have?

-l think you have a big tokhes.-What's that?

lt's Yiddish for bottom.

-l haven't. Say l haven't!-All right. All right. You haven't. You haven't.

You can still change your mind.

l can put you in a caband we'll meet again tonight.

No harm done.

Tell me what to do.

Just by Battersea Bridge.

Stop by the pub, please.

Thanks, mate.

First floor. On and offthree times.

-What kept you?-The light. You didn't do it for ages.

Rubbish.

l had to dump the cases.

There were newspapers on the floor.Do you want to...

Now, come on.

Come in, it's all right, love.

Come on.

You get offto bed.l'll make us a nice hot drink, yeah?

Hey. Hey, that was quick.

Washed behind your ears?

Sure you'll be warm enough?

l shan't sleep.

l daren't!

And ifyou do,l'll sit up and watch you all night.

We'll see.

(SlGHS)

You snore.

That's a lie. l didn't sleep a wink.

You did.

Not a snore exactly, more of a rumble.

Do l?

-No, not a peep.-Oh, good.

l've often wondered.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Permission to turn around?

Okay, l'll turn.

What an old thing you are!

-How are you this morning?-All right.

What do you mean, "all right"?

VAL: Just all right.

LEN: Considering.

(VAL GlGGLES)

lt was all so short.

Yes, it's so fast. lt's breathtaking.

No, l mean the whole thing.

l mean the time just flew by.l hardly saw you at all,

-except on the set.-l know. Well, they kept you very busy.

Val? Val?

Val. lt's all right, love. lt's only me.

l must have been dreaming.

ls that better?

Oh, l wanted to do that.

You want to get up in the mornings, then.Here you go.

(BUZZER SOUNDlNG)

Don't panic, love.

Might be the woman next door,just needing a bottle of milk. You stay there.

Hello, Len.

Dad...

Oh, you are up. l didn't wake you?

No, no, l'm about.

Only, well, l was...l was round here about an hour ago, you see.

-What?-Well, l didn't ring your bell.

l know you like your lay-in on a Sunday,but, well, in our place,

they like you up and about and out, you know.

Well, it's understandable,there's lot's to do, you know.

l've been for a walk on the Embankment.lt's a nice day.

A bit fresh.

Well, what place are you talking about?

l got this, uh, this lodging house.

You mean digs?

Well, it's not digs exactly.

Christ, you mean a doss-house?

Yeah, in a sort ofway, lad.But it's very clean, you know.

l mean, they don't take no roughs.

You see, l was staying with your Uncle Jack,

and well, Becky wanted me out, you know.

l didn't want to cause any trouble.l just can't be doing with that sort ofthing.

Look, l'd ask you in, Dad, but they'reall asleep. lt's the only chance she gets.

Yeah, l know, son.l know l should have come later,

but, well,when you're out on the streets at eight,

well, you don't know what to dowith yourself, do you?

Hang on, Dad. Won't be a tick.

Uh, listen, Dad, l'm sorry about that other time.l didn't know things were so bad.

-Here's a fiver.-Oh, look, no, Len.

No, go on, make it seven,

When l've finished the job,l can let you have a bit more.

lt's...lt's the Sundays, you know.

You don't notice it in the week,but, well, Sundays, it's...

Yeah, yeah, l know, l know.

l'd like to meet you for a drink, Dad,but l've got to go to Liverpool with the show.

But the week after thatwe'll sort something out, right?

So, pop round and we'll sort something out.Okay?

-Yeah, right. Look, l didn't come here for the...-No, l know you didn't. l know.

Right. Well, give my love to Joy and the kids.

Yeah.

-See you then, eh?-Yeah. Look after yourself.

Yeah, and you.

The trouble with those bloodyadvertising people

is that they think they own you body and soul.

-Poor you.-And when you're not working,

they expect you to sit up halfthe nightwithout getting stoned.

-l enjoyed myself.-Did you?

l hope you weren't bored.

l don't know why that fool put youin the other hotel.

Oh, l didn't mind. lt was a nice little place.

-Here you are.-Oh, thanks.

lt's nice.

lt's a nice home.

lt's not too bad.

Rent's a bit steep. What can you do?

-Actually, why don't you come with me?-Well, l was going with Ron.

Oh, it'll take agesand l go right past your place.

Well, if it's not out ofyour way.

Oh, the sheer reliefof it,to put that lot behind me.

Up, up, and away!

You mean it flies?

-You all packed?-Almost.

You'd better get a move on,you might miss your Sunday dinner.

l think you think food'sthe only thing l think about.

Well, isn't it?

-ls Len still away?-Yes.

Back to an empty place. Ooh, that's a bit grim.

Not for long. l'll pick up the kids this afternoon.

-All set?-Mmm-hmm.

Okay.

You know, l don't have to go.

They don't know l'm coming.l could just as easily not go home at all.

We said we'd do it this way.

You're fed up with me.

-lfyou are...-Don't be silly, love.

-You pop over to see your folks.-What ifsomebody sees me?

Don't worry.

Once you're on the front,you could have come from 50 other flats.

Just one minute.

Turn left, and a 137 to Knightsbridge. All right?

(CHlLDREN CHATTERlNG)

What a lovely ride.

Oh, you've been a pleasure.

Take this out.

-l really enjoyed it.-Oh, you are kind.

lt's no trouble.

As a matter offact,l'm at a bit of a loose end myself.

Charlotte's down in the country.

-Oh.-Yes, she spends quite a lot

of her time down there.

-We sort of lead separate lives.-Do you?

Yes.

Does that sound a bit like"my wife doesn't understand me"?

-Yes.-lsn't it awful. Sounds so corny.

(LAUGHlNG) Yes.

(JOY AND NlGEL CHATTlNG OUTSlDE)

Joy.

Oh, Len's here.Hello, love, you got the telegram, then?

l thought it'd be too late.We never thought we'd finish this soon.

Oh, you know each other, don't you?Ofcourse you do.

Yes, how are you?

Fine.

No, l didn't get a telegram, love.l got fed up, so l came home for a few hours.

Oh, poor love, was it that bad?

Well, uh, l'll be getting along.

Oh, won't you stay for a cup ofcoffeeor something?

No, thank you, l really ought to get home.

JOY: Well, thanks for everything.l really enjoyed myself.

-l hope it comes out all right.-l expect it will.

-Good bye.-Thanks, Nigel.

(LEN CHUCKLlNG)

-What was all that about, then?-Oh, nothing.

l think he was about to make his little pitch.

Charlotte doesn't understand.

Thanks, love.

Hey, looking great.

l was just doing the washing up, love.

You are very domesticated all of a sudden.

Nothing else to do!

Well, you'd be a bit choked ifyou camehome to a pile ofdirty dishes, wouldn't you?

There is one thing you've forgotten.

What's that?

Don't l get a kiss,coming home loaded with gifts?

There you are, darling.

Gifts, eh? Well, come on, let's have a look.

There was a marvellous man at customs.

-Eh?-He wouldn't listen. l tried to come clean.

-Twenty-five Havana cigars.-Oh...

Some for you and some for me dad.

Four Cricket lighters.

One bottle of Fundador.

One bottle Christian Dior.

Three hundred cigarettes. All duty-free.

Also,

numerous trinkets for the urchins.

-How's that, then?-Ah, that's really great, love.

(SlGHlNG)

What's the second thing you want to do?

Fetch the kids.

Aren't you a nice bloke.

Come here, nice bloke.

Fancy seeing you here.

-lt's a small world. How'd it go?-Drama.

Nothing but drama since l left you.lt seems like a week ago.

Everything was fine. l got the bus,got off at the right stop, caught the Tube,

got off at Uxbridge,got all the way home when l realised

-l'd only left my case on the train.-Oh, no. What happened?

Dad got the car outand we raced back to the station.

lt was in the station master's office.

-So no harm done.-No harm? You should have heard my mother.

What was l doing travelling on my own?What was Mrs Bird doing to let me?

-l thought the roof would fall in.-And?

She was going to make Dad drive meto Liverpool,

but he's got a conference tomorrow,so he couldn't.

Then she was going to come up with me,so l threw a fit.

l said l was not an idiot and l wasperfectly capable of looking after myself.

Well, that's true. You're not an idiot.

And l haven't got big ears, or a big whatever you call it. Here.

No, thanks.

l'll have one ofthese.

ls it a good one?

-lt's only your old Havana.-Get you. Where did you get it?

Joy gave it to me.

Joy?

When?

Today.

She came back today?

Did you know she was coming?

No, l told you, um,she didn't expect to get back till Wednesday.

-What ifshe'd found us?-Well, she didn't, did she?

Weren't you... Didn't it scare you?

l mean, what did you say?

l told her l got fed upand popped home for the day.

l don't know how you can be so calm about it.

Why not?

l don't make a mountain out ofeverything.

Aren't you even afraid you'll get found out?

You've had a lot of practice, haven't you?

No.

Doesn't she guess?She must have some idea.

-She must have a feeling that...-She's got too much on.

Too much to do with the kids and everything.

Women don't, as long as you jolly them along a bit.

Pick up your cues, make the right noises.

Would you do it to me?

l wouldn't do it to Joy,l wouldn't do it to anyone.

But you are.

You're on a big subject, Val.

We shouldn't be on this train, but we are.

Play 21s.

MAN: All right, gentlemen.

There we go!

Oh, my God. Thirty-five landladiesand the critic at the Echo. Oh, well.

How many does that make, Mrs B?

Oh, and another one for him.

l'm using this one becausel think he needs something a bit lighter.

Last one l made him was navy.

Roland's ever so conservative, you know.

Mind you, he's gotta be.His father's a parson.

How was your mother, Val?

-Fine. She sends her love.-Aw, bless her.

l hope you gave her mine.

-Yes, l did.-Good girl.

# When this world was born there was order

# On the seventh day the plan was complete

# Meek and poor were given their station

# And the rich were the champs and the elite

# So every bird and beastthat creeps on the Earth

# Please gather round and heedthis lesson of life... #

-What'll we do when we get there?-Turn around and come back.

Lovely. Can we do it all day?

lfyou like.

-You'll be as fat as a pig.-lt's the sea air.

-What did you have for breakfast?-Haddock and a poached egg on top.

-Eeurgh!-Delicious.

Actually, l felt rotten this morning.

l threw up.

-No wonder, the stuffyou get down.-l don't.

l've just got a healthy appetite, that's all.

You don't eat much, 'cause you've alwaysgot a fag stuck in your mouth.

-Or is it cigars now, m'lord?-Now, now.

You remember Sunday morning?

l was sick then a bit.

l think it was nerves, you know.Staying there and everything.

Do you think l'm all right?

l mean, l feel fine now.

l don't know.

You know what they say aboutbeing sick in the mornings.

Yeah.

l know exactly what they say.

(BANGlNG)

There's none for you, love.Were you expecting one?

No, just thought l'd answer the door.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Hello?

Hang on a minute. lt's for Mrs Bird.

l'll get her.

Mrs Bird! Telephone!

-Who'd be calling me?-lt's a man.

Oh, l say. l hope there's nothing wrong.

l wonder if it's about my sister.Did they say anything about her?

Did they say what it's about or anything?

-No.-Oh, dear.

MRS BlRD: Hello?

(MRS BlRD CHATTERlNG ON PHONE)

Are you going to stay in there all day?Do you hear me?

(DOOR HANDLE JlGGLlNG)

(LAURA OVER PHONE) She reeks of gin.

Can you get her out ofthe house?

What good wouId that do?

l don't know. At least it'll keep herout ofthe way for a while.

I'II borrow Frank's car.

All right, l'll have a go.

But she can hardIy stand.

Len!

Hello, love. How do you feel?

Better.

How long have we been here?

Couple of hours. You were as sick as a dog.

That bit l remember.What have you been doing?

Having a bit of a think.

Do you know what l'd like now?Something to eat.

Bakewell tart and the works.

Take a breath or you'll choke yourself.

-How about some jellied eels?-Eeurgh!

This is lovely. l was so miserable.

Well, gin's a depressant.

Depressed? That's not the word.l'll never touch another drop.

Where did you get that silly bloody notionabout gin and hot baths?

At school.

Ofcourse, where else?

Listen, love, you've got to see a doctor firstto find out ifyou really are pregnant.

ln the club? Knocked up?

That's a great school you go to.

ANNOUNCER: They're off

VAL: Have they started?LEN: What?

Who's winning? ls ours?

No, they've gotta go around twice, love.

What if l had the baby?

-Look, Val, don't be so silly.-l think l'd like to.

Now listen, Sarah Bernhardt,we've got enough drama.

l don't have to say who the father is.

Well?

l'm sorry.

What did he say?

That it would have green eyesand long sideburns.

Boy or a girl?

-l'm sorry, Len.-No, it's my bloody fault.

l feel such a...l mean, actress, been around, pill?

l'll be 16 next week.

Then it won't seem so bad.

Do you wanna bet?

-(BABY CRYlNG)-Daddy, you're on fire!

That's right, love, put me out.

-Couldn't you sleep?-Oh, come on, with this lot going on?

-Daddy!-Come on.

Here l come to put you out.

lsn't there something wrong with that, love?Shouldn't she be playing mums and dads?

What's wrong with being a lady fireman?

-Pineapple yog?-Yeah.

-Boiled egg?-Yeah.

-Strychnine?-Yeah.

What's in the paper?

Come on, love, isn't it timeshe went to school, eh?

Look at that.Chelsea's buying a new winger.

About time they spent a few bob.

-ls that it?-What?

The news.

The government's announced a new era.

Fiona Lawson Howard's opened a boutique.

Says it's all above board and legal.l don't know.

What's Lord Luck got to say?

"Not a cloud in the skyduring the next 12 months.

"Everything goes well for you.

"Enterprising efforts will bring spectacular results."

That's the birthday bit. What's Sagittarius?

Um, um, um. "ldealistic principlescan be adhered to

"and worldly ambitions extended today."

-Pig's foot.-Hmm.

l don't have any worldly ambitions.

-Get some.-What's yours?

"Good day for handling family businessor asking rich relatives for help."

Oh, that'll be the day, won't it?

"Luck with property,

domestic bliss increased."

Our cup runneth over.

That's a fine pair of anklesyou've got, darling.

Who's taking you home tonight?

-My father.-God, you can be cruel.

-How are you?-Fine.

-Nice birthday?-Got loads ofcards.

A record player, new transistor,money from all the aunts.

Thanks for the telegram.l thought you might have forgotten it.

Close your eyes, put your hand out.

Oh, Len! A necklace!

-lt's a belt.-Oh.

-Oh, it is a belt.-Yeah, l've never bought one like that.

Thank you.

-Do you like it?-l love it.

l've been sounding out a few people.

And?

Do you think you could get awayfor a few days after the show closes?

How? They'd want to know where l was.

Got any friends you could stay with?What about Laura?

She only lives round the corner.

Anybody else?

They're all on the phone.Mum'd be bound to ring up.

Well, we've got to find a way.

There's a girl who lives down in the country.They're not on the phone.

She's asked me there a few times.But l don't like her that much.

You won't be staying with her, though.

What would happen?

Tell them you're going away for the weekend.

As quick as that?

Well, it doesn't take long.

You'll be laid up for a couple days, that's all.

lf l did... l mean, supposing we do do it,

would that be it?

Would we be finished then?

No, l don't think l'd ever be finishedwith you, love.

Look, we've got to fix a date.

This weekend in the country,it's an old standby. All the nobs use it.

Welbeck Street's like a debs' ballat the weekend.

Won't it cost a lot?

You leave that part to me.

But how will you get the money?

Sell a few premium bonds.

Haven't had a tickle since we bought 'em.

-Joy'll know.-No, she won't.

lfshe does, l'll do a big sceneabout losing it on the horses.

Are you sure you'll want to go on seeing me afterwards?

You might not want to see me.

lt won't hurt, love.

lt might put you off men for a bit.

l can feel you're pulling away from me.

l don't want to be on my own again.

What are you talking about?You won't be on your own for a minute.

You've got your parents, friends, your career.

Boys will be flocking round you.

You'll have to brush them off like flies.

l don't want that.

Val?

A couple of hours from now,you'll be in your bed, l'll be in mine.

And down the hall there's a couple of kids.They're mine, too.

l feel so safe with you.

You weren't so bloody safe.

l haven't complained.

-Still up?-Yeah, l've got started on this thing.

This is what it'll look like.

-Think it's too short?-No, it's fine.

-Want a drink?-No, thanks.

What, you've been knocking this backon the quiet, have you?

No. Your father's been round.l gave him a cuppa.

-When, tonight?-Yes.

Said you told him to come round.

He thought the show finished last weekinstead ofthis.

-All right, was he?-Yes.

Bit quiet, not like his old self.

-l think he misses your mother, you know.-Come off it. Don't start on that.

Yeah, l really think so.

He's lonely now.

Yeah, so was she when he was on the missing list.

Well, he told me about the lodging house.

Hmm.

Not very clever, is it?

He said he came round the other Sunday.

He said you told him we were all asleep.

Did you tell him you were away?

Ofcourse l didn't. l knew.l knew what happened.

Not very nice, turning him away.

You mean l'm a hard bastard?

-No, l don't. He said you helped him.-So what's wrong, then?

-Nothing. Who said anything was wrong?-You did.

You said l turned me father away,out in the cold, cold snow.

Well, Len, what are yougoing to do about him?

Oh, come on. What can l do about him?l'm not the Prince ofWales.

l hope he comes over.

Not exactly loaded ourselves, are we?

Can't you help him get ajob?

Who's going to give him ajob? lt's all unions.l'm bloody lucky to have a ticket meself.

Well, you can'tjust leave himin a place like that.

Well, fine, fine, l'll call up the Dorchester.l'll get him a suite.

Well, we could cash those certificates.

They're not doing any goodlying in the bank, are they?

That put the cat among the pigeons.

What did you say?

l didn't say anything.

l went over to me Uncle Jack's placethis morning,

l thought maybe between uswe could find a few quid for him.

The old sod didn't have to leave there at all.He's got some bird in tow.

Jack's wife got a bit close to the mark.

She's a nosy cow at the best oftimes,so the old man moved out.

Oh, he's living in a lodging house, all right.But he's angling for this bird to take him in.

You don't hate him, do you? Your own father?

l wouldn't waste me time.

No, he's a wangler, that's all.

Been doing it all his life.

And ifthat old bird's got a few bob,he'll have it.

Unless she puts a strangle on it.

Perhaps he's lonely. You can't blame himfor wanting to settle down.

Look, Val, l left school when l was 15and l went to work.

And l've gone on working when there's been work about ever since.

You know what the old man says?"Work's for workmen."

He thinks it's clever.

So everything's all right.

ls it?

l mean, money-wise, we're okay again.

Did he treat her badly? Your mother.

He was never there long enoughto treat her one way or the other.

Perhaps if he'd had a good win,he'd be around for a while,

But if he was skint,

and thought she might have a few bob tucked away, he'd be back for that.

No, no, he should never have been married.lt's not for men like that.

Do you ever think you shouldn't be married?

Sometimes, l don't know.

l know Joy stands for the three-card trick.

But you love her and you love the kids.

That's right. l love her, l love them.

l love you.

lfyou were free,l wouldn't want you to marry me.

l think it would be nice ifwe just went about,perhaps not even living together.

Then l think you'd come back to me.

You'd go offon your own,but you'd come back.

Why didn't l meet you before?

Because l was in the infants' class at the time.

Hey, don't rub it in.

l wish l could have met you later.

l mean, l know there'll be boys.

But you'll always be what l wanted, for later.

What happened to the little mother routine?

-l haven't said that...-But you have, love, and l'm glad.

For you, not for me.

Buy me a cup oftea.

You two go and get yourself a lemonadeand a sandwich, over there.

-Here you are, Mrs B.-Ooh, what a big one.

Tonic?

Hey, don't drown it.Oh, you are a good girl. lsn't she good?

Oh, yes, she's very good.

Mind you, l'm glad it wasn't a long tour,'cause that's when the trouble starts.

Ooh, l've had my fill oftheatrical digs.

Hey, do you know that old bitch in Liverpoolpinched my gin?

Yeah, notjust a drop, best part of a bottle.

-No. How mean.-Yeah.

And butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Oh, don't be too sure about that.l know that type.

l must go and say some goodbyes.Will you be all right, Mrs B?

Yes, don't worry about me, dear.Run along, enjoy yourself.

Oh, you won't be wanting that one, then.

Oh, yes, l will. Come on. lt's only a small one.

They're all small tonight, duckie.Management's treat. Cheers.

Hello. How's it feel to be out ofwork?

Great now, but by Monday l'll be convincedl'm never going to work again.

You'll never stop. Your friends'll get tohate you, they'll be so jealous.

Can we talk somewhere?

The place is big enough. Must be somewhere.

Oh, come on.

l've got the most marvellous news.

-Ta-da, you've won the pools!-Better than that.

Ah, l've won the pools.

-You'll be ever so glad.-Yeah?

At least l think you will be. You might be mad.

l'm not going to have the baby.

-Yeah, we know that.-No, no, l mean l've got the...

-The what?-The curse.

That's impossible, you went to the doctor...

No, l didn't.

But you told me you did. You said that...

l know, but l was frightened.l talked to Laura and she said l was...

What's the bloody good oftalking to Laura?What does she know about it?

She's a woman.

You get sick in the morning,you practically feel it kicking,

now you tell me you've got...

No, l've been to the doctor.

-Oh, you have been to the doctor?-Yes.

-Then why did you leave it till now?-Well, l wanted to know.

l just said l'd missed a month,and why was that?

l mean, that's what he's there for.

Oh, quite. What did he say?

He said it was nothing.

Oh.

You ought to be glad.

What will you do now?

You mean, job-wise?

Every-wise.

l don't know. What will you do?

l don't know. l know it's over.

Not just one banana, but a whoIe bunch.

-A beautifuI girI...-Oh, look, there's my commercial.

-An evening out.-Look, Jen, it's your mum.

Don't she look smashing?

MiIIiset, the revoIutionary new idea...

-You look good, Mum.-Thank you, darling.

Oh, they would use that bit.

-What's wrong with it?-Oh, there's a better bit.

You look nice with long hair.

Maybe you should let it grow again.

-You think so?-Yeah.

Oh, whoops!

(LAUGHlNG)

Ta-da!

l'm going to put the kettle on.Fancy a cup oftea?

lfyou're making some.

You know, you never used to like itwhen l had long hair.

Rubbish.

What's that?

lt's a hair ribbon.

Where'd you get it?

-Found it.-Let me see that.

(BABY CRYlNG)

Hey, time you were in bed.

Come on, darling, we're going to bed.

Oh, l know, l'm just a mean, mean old mum.

Hey? Come on.

Yeah, l know, time to go bye-byes. Hmm?

-How long should l grow it?-Hmm? As long as you like.

-lt'll take forever.-So?

Plenty oftime.