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Previously on Young Sheldon...
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00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:06,354
Sheldon Cooper.
3
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:08,008
What?
4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,053
I finished reading it.
My name's Sheldon Cooper.
5
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,620
What... You finished it?
6
00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:13,056
Yes.
7
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,058
Impressive.
8
00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:17,539
Wha-- You should major
in computer science.
9
00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:20,237
No, thanks. I'll stick
to real science.
10
00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:32,467
Excuse me, but
you're not Evan.
11
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:33,903
True.
12
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- Where's Evan?
- Elsewhere.
13
00:00:35,731 --> 00:00:36,906
So you don't know?
14
00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:38,125
True.
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00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,910
Oh, good. You met Joaquin.
16
00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:43,565
Proper introductions were not
made. What's he doing here?
17
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:45,654
Uh, he's helping me
write an algorithm
18
00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:47,395
so, uh, we can beat
the stock market.
19
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:49,136
Why?
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00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:52,835
Uh, well, so we can get rich,
buy cool cars and get girls.
21
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:55,098
But mostly the girls.
22
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:57,231
Isn't the search for knowledge
its own reward?
23
00:00:57,231 --> 00:01:00,799
Uh, yeah, sure, if the
knowledge helps you get girls.
24
00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,236
That seems like a lot
of unnecessary effort
25
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:03,672
just to meet females.
26
00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:05,630
Yeah, we've tried
talking to them.
27
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,241
Actual disaster.
28
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:08,633
You want to help us?
29
00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:10,157
I don't need to meet girls.
30
00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:12,594
In fact, I'd like
to know fewer people, not more.
31
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:15,466
You could use the money
to buy yourself something fun.
32
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:19,296
Ooh, like a particle accelerator
or 100 tanks of liquid nitrogen.
33
00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:22,604
I was thinking
of a hot tub, but okay.
34
00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:24,040
I can't get you
to take a shower,
35
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,694
and-and you want a hot tub?
36
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,478
Girls like hot tubs.
37
00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:30,046
How much would it cost to build
a particle accelerator?
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00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:32,135
Conservatively,
four to ten billion dollars.
39
00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:33,615
Then you need to help us.
40
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:35,269
Hmm. Well,
I haven't done much coding,
41
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:36,792
but I am good at everything.
42
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,272
Okay, I'm in charge.
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00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,143
Scoot.
44
00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:42,798
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
45
00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:45,279
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain
46
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♪ I bet I could be your hero
47
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♪ I am a mighty little man
48
00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:55,071
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
49
00:01:59,858 --> 00:02:01,817
- What are you watching?
- Travis Lemon.
50
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:03,645
The crazy church guy?
51
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:06,169
- He's not crazy.
- Well, his hair is.
52
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:08,345
Well, I got news for y'all.
53
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:11,783
Jesus wants you to prosper.
54
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:15,178
He wants you to have nice
things, a life of abundance.
55
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:16,832
Says so right here in the book.
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00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:21,880
"My God shall supply all your
needs according to His riches
57
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,840
in glory by Jesus Christ."
58
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,668
He's right. It does say that.
59
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,670
When's it's over?
I want to watch MTV.
60
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:30,498
Reverend Travis has a band.
61
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:32,021
They rock pretty hard.
62
00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:34,980
The same is true for you.
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00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:38,201
Jesus fed 5,000 people
with five loaves of bread,
64
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:40,203
but somebody had
to give him those loaves.
65
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,857
And that's what I need from you.
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00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:44,381
Every dollar you donate
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00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:47,341
to the Travis Lemon ministry
will be returned to you tenfold!
68
00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:49,691
Tenfold, my sweet patootie.
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00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:52,694
As ye sow, so shall ye reap.
70
00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:55,131
Daphne, get the address
on the screen?
71
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,352
So you get the checkbook out,
72
00:02:58,352 --> 00:03:00,484
and you show how much
you love the Lord,
73
00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:02,617
and the Lord will love you back.
74
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,314
And when your neighbor asks you,
75
00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:06,577
"Where'd you get that new
Cadillac?" you tell 'em,
76
00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:08,797
"On the corner
of Heaven and Saved."
77
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,233
Oh, what the heck.
78
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,235
All right, Steve-arooni,
let's hit it!
79
00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:21,244
- Hey, Missy.
- Hey. What are you doing?
80
00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:23,333
Just breaking in my new shoes
for school.
81
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:25,901
They're brown.
82
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:27,250
Cool.
83
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,643
Can I watch your TV?
84
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:30,210
Sure.
85
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,910
That squeaking you're hearing
is my new shoes.
86
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:37,956
♪ Getting edgy all the time...
87
00:03:37,956 --> 00:03:39,436
Where's your mom at?
88
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,786
She went to my Aunt Sylvia's
for a few days.
89
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,962
Aunt Sylvia has a big lump
on her neck.
90
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:45,181
So you're alone?
91
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:46,617
Just me and my chickens.
92
00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:48,271
Billy, we have
to throw a party.
93
00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:49,620
For the chickens?
94
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,622
No! For us!
Why?
95
00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:53,668
What do you mean "why"?
Your mom's not home.
96
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:56,323
What would we do? Play games?
97
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,976
Yeah, drinking games.
98
00:03:57,976 --> 00:04:00,762
Like when you paid me a dollar
to chug a gallon of milk?
99
00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:03,112
That was a different game,
and I'm sorry.
100
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:05,636
Boy, did I throw up.
101
00:04:05,636 --> 00:04:07,159
For this party,
I'm thinking beer.
102
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:09,640
We're not old enough
to drink beer.
103
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:10,989
That's why kids'll come.
104
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:12,817
Smart.
105
00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:14,863
Do you think they'll like eggs?
106
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:17,213
I have so many eggs.
107
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:19,694
What's that
A-sub-one-variable?
108
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,173
It's undefined.
109
00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:22,827
It's defined
in the previous subroutine.
110
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,351
Oh, my. That is elegant.
111
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,353
We don't use the word "elegant."
112
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,006
Why? What's wrong with it?
113
00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:31,183
Well, last semester,
I invited a girl to my room
114
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,795
to look at my elegant coding,
115
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:36,798
and... she called the police,
so...
116
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:39,235
Understood.
So what happens next?
117
00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:42,238
Uh, we just buy the stocks
the algorithm suggests.
118
00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:44,980
- With what?
- Our student loan money.
119
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,198
How much are you in for?
120
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:47,983
Oh, my mother's
always warned me
121
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,028
against the evils of gambling.
122
00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:53,815
Well, it's not gambling,
it-it's math.
123
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,512
Is your mother against math?
124
00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:57,427
Well, when you use it to prove
125
00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:59,037
the Earth wasn't made in seven
days, she gets a little touchy.
126
00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:00,778
It's your call.
127
00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:03,738
Particle accelerator,
or no particle accelerator?
128
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:07,263
Let me fetch my money sock.
129
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,532
You keep your money in a sock?
130
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,534
My meemaw keeps her
money in her bra.
131
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,667
Does she like hot tubs?
132
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:24,106
So how are you and Dale
getting along?
133
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:26,238
Well, I rode a bike seven miles
134
00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:28,937
to have coffee with you,
so that should tell you.
135
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:30,242
Not going well?
136
00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:31,940
Oh, it's fine.
137
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,202
It's just, after you've lived
138
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:35,204
by yourself for a long time,
139
00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:37,380
having a roommate takes
a little getting used to.
140
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,861
I'm sure Dale's doing his best.
141
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:42,254
That's my fear.
142
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:46,389
Mare, what's this $50
to an "R.T.L.M."?
143
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,217
Reverend Travis Lemon
Ministries.
144
00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:49,610
I made a donation.
145
00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:51,699
The goofy guy with the hair?
146
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:53,440
He's not goofy,
147
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,530
and he preaches the gospel
in a way that speaks to me.
148
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,575
Yeah, well, let me speak to you.
149
00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:00,272
We can't be throwing away
50 bucks.
150
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,318
We are not throwing it away.
151
00:06:02,318 --> 00:06:04,407
We are gonna get
that money back plus some.
152
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:05,843
Oh, honey, now, come on.
153
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:08,324
You can't possibly
believe that B.S.
154
00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:11,980
Maybe. Reverend Travis says
that Jesus wants us to prosper.
155
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,503
Is that why
156
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:15,244
he huffed and puffed
and blew my house down?
157
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:17,115
- I'm cancelling this check.
- Don't you dare.
158
00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,943
Mary, this is groceries
for a week.
159
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:21,903
We will get it back.
We just need to have faith.
160
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:24,340
Will you talk some sense
into your daughter?
161
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,907
If I could talk sense into her,
162
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,778
she would never
have married you.
163
00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:31,652
She had to marry me
because I got her pregnant. Ha!
164
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:33,828
Huh.
165
00:06:35,743 --> 00:06:38,006
He ain't wrong about the money.
166
00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:39,486
Thank you!
167
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:47,972
Well, gentlemen,
we've doubled our income
168
00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:49,670
in a little over eight hours.
169
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:51,454
I'm gonna need a bigger sock.
170
00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,848
The good news is,
our algorithm is working,
171
00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:56,111
and it's getting more efficient
with every trade.
172
00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:57,982
Which is why
we have to stay strong.
173
00:06:57,982 --> 00:06:59,941
We can't expect
to be millionaires overnight.
174
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:02,030
It'll take...
175
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,597
12 to 14 business days.
176
00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:05,729
It's actually
gonna happen.
177
00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:07,296
I'm gonna have sex.
178
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:09,472
Where are you going?
179
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:11,518
To take a shower.
180
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:16,174
Hey, can I talk to you?
181
00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:17,959
Yeah. What's up?
182
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,308
Actually, in there.
183
00:07:19,308 --> 00:07:20,875
You ain't pregnant, are you?
184
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:23,181
No. How could you say that?!
185
00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:24,618
Been known to happen.
186
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,014
Okay.
187
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:32,800
So, Billy's mom's away,
and we're throwing a party.
188
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,454
All right.
189
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,630
Do you think if I took some
of Dad's beer, he'd notice?
190
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:38,501
Do you think he'd notice?
191
00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:40,198
Okay, dumb question.
192
00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:43,506
Anyways, you're too young.
You shouldn't be drinking.
193
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,160
You just asked
if I was pregnant.
194
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,031
Well, don't do either.
195
00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:49,991
So you wouldn't buy us a case
of beer if I gave you the money?
196
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:52,210
Missy, I'm not old
enough to buy beer.
197
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:53,864
That's never stopped you before.
198
00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:55,562
And I'm ashamed of myself.
199
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,738
I'll tell you what I can do.
200
00:07:57,738 --> 00:08:00,480
I got something for a party
that's better than beer.
201
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,438
What?
202
00:08:03,439 --> 00:08:07,269
Bottle rockets, Roman candles,
M80s, the works.
203
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:10,359
Oh, sure. Thanks.
204
00:08:10,359 --> 00:08:12,187
You're not excited now,
but trust me,
205
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:14,885
you blow up one mailbox,
and you got yourself a party.
206
00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:21,544
Need a hand?
207
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:23,590
Yeah, sure.
208
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:31,032
Hey, so, when you were my age,
did you go any parties?
209
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,860
Oh, yeah.
210
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:36,559
The good ones I remember,
the great ones... gone.
211
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:38,126
That is so cool.
212
00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:39,910
Ah, I was pretty cool.
213
00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:41,912
You get invited to one?
214
00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:43,697
Kind of.
215
00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:44,959
Ooh, tell me.
216
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:48,440
I'm sort of helping
my friend throw it.
217
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,618
First party. That's a big deal.
218
00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:52,880
Any advice?
219
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,622
Hmm. Well, for starters,
220
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,406
music is key.
221
00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:58,842
You want it good,
you want it loud,
222
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,496
but not so loud the cops come.
223
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:02,803
Although, if they do,
you're a legend.
224
00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:03,978
Damn.
225
00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:05,588
And if you have make-out spots,
226
00:09:05,588 --> 00:09:07,982
you want to keep 'em private,
but not too private.
227
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:09,636
You know, closets, pantries.
228
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,899
You want to keep
- your guests standing.
- Makes sense.
229
00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:13,074
Mm-hmm.
230
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,076
And, um, I've heard
231
00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:17,992
at some of these parties
there's drinking?
232
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:22,170
Oh.
233
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,476
Well... yeah, sometimes,
234
00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:26,130
but, uh,
235
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:29,830
fun can be had without... it.
236
00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:33,747
Uh-huh,
but just in case,
237
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,052
would you buy it for us?
238
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:37,620
No.
Why not?
239
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,100
Because you're a kid.
240
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,318
You were a kid.
241
00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:42,320
- Yeah, but it was different.
- How?
242
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:46,455
The point is,
I'm a mom now.
243
00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:47,456
A cool mom.
244
00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:48,849
Not that cool.
245
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:50,633
Besides, the only
underage person
246
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:53,027
that I'm gonna buy alcohol for
is the father of my child.
247
00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:55,769
You really aren't cool.
248
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:01,992
Thanks for seeing me.
249
00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:03,994
Of course,
my door is always open.
250
00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:05,343
Smoke?
251
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,215
I'm good. I'll just
breathe in yours.
252
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:08,651
Suit yourself.
253
00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:15,005
Could we have
a little privacy?
254
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:17,225
I'll just be listening
at the door.
255
00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:20,358
She does.
256
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,664
So, what can
we do for you?
257
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:23,144
Well, I was thinking
maybe it was time
258
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:24,841
for Mary to come back
to the church.
259
00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:26,582
You know, be a part
of your herd again.
260
00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:27,844
We say flock.
261
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:30,630
Although, Texas--
herd works.
262
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,240
With all the beef
and whatnot.
263
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:35,678
Well, Mary's always welcome.
264
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,593
Great.
265
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:39,682
Oh. Maybe you could use her
back here in the office.
266
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:42,293
Nah, we got things covered.
267
00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:45,557
Do you need
to answer that?
268
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:46,820
No, they'll call back.
269
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,343
Peg, please.
270
00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:49,910
All right, bossy.
271
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,702
So, uh...
272
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:01,095
what do you think?
273
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:03,010
Mary said she wants
to come back?
274
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,751
Not in so many words.
275
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,013
But I know
if you asked her,
276
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:07,710
it would just mean
the world to me,
277
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:10,191
to her, to us...
278
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:11,540
To God.
279
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,063
I'll pray on it.
280
00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:14,325
Great.
281
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,243
I'll pray on it later.
282
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:21,115
Right. Sure.
283
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:28,862
Fascinating.
284
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:32,866
Why aren't you doing
what I tell you?
285
00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,650
We rich yet?
286
00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:35,869
Yeah, we better be.
287
00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:36,870
Evan went nuts.
288
00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:38,306
He got garlic sticks.
289
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:40,264
Did either of you
authorize the algorithm
290
00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:41,657
to make foreign trades?
291
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:43,746
No.
No.
292
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:45,269
Well, that's what it's doing.
293
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:47,968
We own 7,000 shares
of Chow Fat Enterprises
294
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,534
on the Hong Kong exchange.
295
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:51,754
Fascinating.
296
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:53,103
That's what I said.
297
00:11:55,497 --> 00:11:57,064
It's trading on its own?
298
00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:58,587
It would seem so.
299
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,763
Uh, we... need to
stop it, pull the plug.
300
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:02,504
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
301
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:03,505
Are we up or down?
302
00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:04,593
We're up.
303
00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:06,116
Then what's the problem?
304
00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:07,988
The problem is
we've lost control.
305
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:09,337
This is
Frankenstein's monster.
306
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:10,773
You say that
like it's a bad thing.
307
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:12,079
What?
308
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:13,515
To reanimate life was
309
00:12:13,515 --> 00:12:14,690
an incredible
scientific achievement.
310
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:15,647
The real bad guys
in the story are
311
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:16,997
the ignorant villagers.
312
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,651
You were on
the monster's side?
313
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:21,001
Unfairly hounded
for being different?
314
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,002
You betcha.
315
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:23,394
Guys, guys, guys.
316
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:24,656
Chow Fat stock just split.
317
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:26,397
We have 14,000 shares.
318
00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:29,966
So, we created an algorithm
that's evolving by itself
319
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,838
and becoming a new
form of intelligence?
320
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,492
And I, Sheldon Cooper,
321
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:36,538
wholeheartedly think
it's terrific.
322
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:38,714
It may be listening.
323
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,502
How do we do this?
324
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:45,982
We just got to wait
for someone
325
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:47,114
who's old enough to buy beer
326
00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:48,811
but young enough to be cool.
327
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:49,899
Got it.
328
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,815
- Try him.
- Excuse me, sir--
329
00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:54,295
Buy your own beer.
330
00:12:54,295 --> 00:12:55,383
Thank you.
331
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:57,994
I think he was onto us.
332
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:01,389
Let me try.
333
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:03,957
- Hey.
- Hey.
334
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:07,134
Would you buy me beer?
I forgot my ID at home.
335
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:08,526
How old are you?
336
00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:09,876
Um...
337
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:10,877
thirty.
338
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,010
Twenty-five?
339
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:16,360
This isn't working.
340
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,928
Maybe the party was
a bad idea.
341
00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:21,104
Hey, mister,
342
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,366
will you buy us some beer?
343
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,064
I'm not old enough.
344
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,156
Those guys thought
I was a grown-up.
345
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:30,592
Billy!
346
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:32,072
What?
347
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:34,335
- Here's your change.
- Thank you.
348
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:37,860
♪ I'm on my way to Italy
349
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,384
♪ From the Gulf of Mexico...
350
00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:41,516
You can go now.
351
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,431
Thank you.
352
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:49,393
Howdy, neighbor.
353
00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:51,874
Pastor Jeff,
how nice to see you.
354
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,354
Am I interrupting
anything?
355
00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:55,660
No, no, come on in.
356
00:13:57,662 --> 00:13:59,360
So, what brings you by?
357
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,015
Well, I've been
thinking, uh,
358
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:03,712
we really miss you
over at the church
359
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:06,454
and maybe you might
consider coming back.
360
00:14:06,454 --> 00:14:08,151
Well...
361
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:11,763
that's awful kind of you,
but I've joined a new church.
362
00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:13,809
Oh! The Methodists got you,
didn't they?
363
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,202
Oh, no.
364
00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:16,899
Reverend Travis Lemon.
365
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:19,380
Oh, not the fella
with the hair.
366
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:22,644
Mary, he's
a snake oil salesman,
367
00:14:22,644 --> 00:14:23,950
taking people's money
368
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,038
and promising 'em
all kinds of riches.
369
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:26,648
Well...
370
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:32,567
Then how do you explain
this check I got from the IRS?
371
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,395
$800.
372
00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:35,918
I sent Reverend Travis $50
373
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,615
and that came
the very next day.
374
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:40,009
Oh, come on.
375
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:42,925
It had to be in the mail
before you sent your money in.
376
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,361
Did it?
377
00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:47,408
Of course. I'm as patriotic
as the next guy,
378
00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:50,454
but our postal service
flat-out sucks.
379
00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:51,629
Excuse my French.
380
00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:54,284
Well, we disagree.
381
00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:56,591
Reverend Travis says
that the Lord wants me
382
00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:58,854
to be prosperous
and I believe him.
383
00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:01,248
This is nothing
but a coincidence.
384
00:15:01,248 --> 00:15:02,771
You overpaid your taxes,
385
00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:05,817
you got a refund,
Jesus has nothing to do with it.
386
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,384
You sound like Sheldon.
387
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,649
I believe I know my way out.
388
00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:12,912
Mm.
389
00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:16,785
♪ Like me care for you?
390
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:18,613
♪ Ah ♪ ♪ Why do I bother...
391
00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,093
Help me move this,
will you?
392
00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:21,094
What are you doing?
393
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,486
Making a dance floor.
394
00:15:22,486 --> 00:15:24,532
- I'm a very good dancer.
- Really?
395
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:26,621
My mom says so. Watch.
396
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:28,623
♪ I saw the sign
397
00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,625
♪ And it opened up my eyes...
398
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:31,974
I'll get it.
399
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,107
♪ Life is demanding...
400
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:36,022
- Sparks' residence.
- Hey, sweetie.
401
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,197
Oh. Hey, Mom.
402
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:38,633
You okay there
all by yourself?
403
00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:40,896
I'm not by myself,
Missy's here.
404
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,159
W-wait, she's not here.
405
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:44,552
Put her on.
406
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:45,770
Okay.
407
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:47,598
♪ But where do you belong?
408
00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:50,036
Hey, Mrs. Sparks.
409
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,298
What are y'all up to?
410
00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:52,473
Just hanging out.
411
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:53,778
Cut the crap.
412
00:15:53,778 --> 00:15:54,823
You throwing a party,
ain't you?
413
00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,651
What? No.
414
00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:58,653
Relax, I'm all for it.
415
00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:00,350
I want my son to have a life.
416
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:02,700
Wait, he's invited right?
417
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,659
'Course. We're just
making a dance floor.
418
00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:06,835
Oh, God, Missy,
do not let him dance.
419
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,750
♪ Bring me joy?
420
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,839
♪ Under the pale moon.
421
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:13,973
Lord, I know everyone thinks
I'm being foolish
422
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,713
giving money
to Reverend Travis,
423
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,586
but why wouldn't you want us
to be prosperous?
424
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,849
You love us, it makes sense.
425
00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:24,461
And I got that IRS check,
which feels like a sign.
426
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:27,160
And I think I know a sign
when I see one.
427
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,379
Ugh. Oh!
428
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:32,382
Oh!
429
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,862
Ew!
430
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:35,037
What's going on?
431
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,039
A bird did its business
in my eye.
432
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:39,172
Better than your mouth, right?
433
00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:40,608
You think you're funny?!
434
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,392
Yeah.
435
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:44,525
We may have a problem.
436
00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:45,874
Oh, what's wrong?
437
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,049
The program's running
really slow.
438
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,050
We're losing money.
439
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,312
Well, what's happening?
440
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:50,618
It was fine this morning.
441
00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:52,663
I don't know
if this is related,
442
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:54,187
but I did add
a new subroutine.
443
00:16:54,187 --> 00:16:55,971
To do what?
444
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:57,581
To resolve
the inconsistencies
445
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,453
between general relativity
and quantum mechanics.
446
00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:00,802
Why would you do that?
447
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,543
Because our algorithm's
so smart
448
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:04,066
and it's the biggest unanswered
question in the universe.
449
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,372
But it's messing
with the computer.
450
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:06,590
We're losing money.
451
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,723
What about my car?
What about girls?
452
00:17:08,723 --> 00:17:11,204
Rest assured,
you solve general relativity,
453
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:13,249
the girls will be lined up
around the block to kiss you.
454
00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:20,256
Someone's having a party
and we weren't invited.
455
00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:30,310
Gosh darn it.
456
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:36,316
Stupid car.
457
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,927
Oh!
458
00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:44,933
- Make it stop.
- I'm trying, it doesn't want to.
459
00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,413
I think it finds the question
too interesting.
460
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,067
Ooh, but it's messing
with the computer.
461
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,504
- We're losing everything.
- I don't know
what else to do.
462
00:17:58,425 --> 00:17:59,991
You could have just
unplugged it.
463
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:01,776
Or at least
opened the window.
464
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:04,257
I showered for nothing.
465
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,309
You know, honey,
nothing much you can do
466
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:15,050
about a broken toe.
467
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:17,052
Unless you think
Reverend Travis can fix it.
468
00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:18,706
Maybe I'll stick it
up your butt.
469
00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:20,664
Mary Cooper. Language.
470
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,406
I'm going to bed.
471
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,539
Ah!
472
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,023
I'm in.
473
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:34,374
My bottom is scorched,
don't look at it.
474
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:46,125
And as we're passing
the collection plate,
475
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,562
let's give a warm welcome
to the Coopers
476
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,172
who are back in the fold.
477
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,869
Our donation room
is looking
478
00:18:51,869 --> 00:18:53,219
a little empty
after the tornado.
479
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:55,221
So please bring in
your canned goods,
480
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,439
your used clothing--
481
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,531
- Is that beer?
- Oh, my--
482
00:19:03,577 --> 00:19:05,144
Anyway, welcome back Coopers.
483
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,842
Please turn to page 37
in your hymnals.
484
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,329
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
485
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:18,331
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
486
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:20,333
and TOYOTA.
487
00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:23,379
Captioned by
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